The Color of a Full Moon
by Luce-depp
Summary: Lupin and Tonks, ever wanted to know how they met and she fell in love? Will include all book situations they're involved in and the unwritten moments that got them there. RL&NT. POV of both characters. M for moments in the later chapters. Canon
1. The Painful Introduction

**My first ever upload.**

**This story will cover everything, and I mean everything! Ootp - DH - and Teddy briefly**

**Currently doing an edit of these first few chapters, I'm updating things a little bit, and filling some gaps.**

**Thanks for reading, reviews are _really_ appreciated!**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 1**

Nymphadora Tonks shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Surprisingly, it wasn't the dank, dark and mind numbing coldness of the kitchen of 12 Grimmauld Place that caused her to do so, nor was it the fact that she was sitting in the Black family home, a place she had heard scary stories about since she was a child. Rather, the cause was a pair of dark blue eyes that lingered for that for just that little bit longer than they should. She felt like they were staring deep down inside her, and analyzing her in a way that nobody ever had before.

* * *

It had all began a few weeks prior in the Auror office. Tonks was a very capable Auror, much more capable than she was on her own two feet. She'd been mentored by Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody, and was his final student before his forced retirement. She had excelled and in doing so, gained Moody's respect, which she felt was a big deal. Yet, despite her skills and commendable success, she was still the new girl in the department, and always handed paper work over fieldwork.

Given Fudge's displeasure at the stories Dumbledore had come out with, the Auror's were being leaned upon very heavily to do very little to show that something big was brewing on the horizon. But it was, and everyone could feel it, especially the Aurors. So effectively life these days was dull. Tonks had always had an appetite for the dangerous; she was fond of putting herself right in the middle of trouble and then attempting to work her way out of it. She always had been like that. And now, she would have sacrificed all the weird sisters records she owned, her broomstick, Merlin, even her wand, just for something interesting to happen.

Her friends weren't around anymore; some had gotten married and now had families, so friends were quickly replaced by other couples or families, and the few single friends were abroad, traveling or working. She'd made friends with Kingsley Shacklebolt from work who was much older, but very friendly and witty in that adult way, yet strangely cheeky. He'd been the first real Auror she'd met on her first day, which far from daunting, was the most exciting day she'd had to date, though admittedly a little bit of letdown given all the certificates and forms she'd had to sign. Kingsley had been the only fixture of fun since she began earlier this year.

The two of them, for weeks, had dropped hints about a belief in Dumbledore, before finally, Tonks had bitten the bullet and spoken out rightly to him about it. Her mother, Andromeda, had always been in contact with Dumbledore, and had distilled trust in him over anything in Tonks since she was young. It was then, on a lazy afternoon just before the summer, which felt like any other day, when it all began. Tonks sat in her tiny little cubicle, doodling on some parchment with her quill, ignoring a pile of Ministry Memo's on her desk that nearly screamed at her to begin.

"Life on the bottom rung of the Auror ladder a bugger?" A deep voice asked.

Tonks jumped from shock and instantly hastened to look as if she was doing work, before realizing it was Kingsley.

"Oh god, you scared me," Tonks gasped, and Kingsley laughed. "How do you think it is? I'm almost wishing someone would get into trouble just so we could have something to do."

Kinsley nodded at someone Tonks couldn't see and the turned back to her.

"Funny thing about wishes, they can sometimes come true," Kingsley said, winking before disappearing to his cubicle.

Tonks was about to stand up and chase him to ask what in the name of Merlin he was going on about, when Moody appeared over her cubicle wall. Which far from surprising now as it used to be, given his retirement, was now commonplace, as he'd been coming in every few days and seeking meetings with Kingsley.

"Nymphadora…"

"Don't call me Nymphadora!" Tonks snapped at him.

"I want you to come with me tonight for a meeting with some acquaintances of mine," Moody growled.

"Who? New Auror's? Am I getting an intern?" Tonks asked, and in her rising state of excitement, managed to knock a bottle of Butterbeer on her desk and all over the memos.

Moody moved closer to the desk siphoning the liquid back into the bottle with a flick of his wand and then, almost at a whisper, he spoke.

"It's the Order of the Phoenix, we're meeting again to–"

"THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX! You want me to join! I don't believe it! I heard it about it when I was young and I've always wanted…" Tonks yelled as other workers in the cubicles looked over at the strange pairing.

"Quiet," Moody cut across her fiercely. "Do you want everyone to hear? What would happen if Dawlish over there was imperiused and went straight to You-Know-Who? It's a secret organization Nymphadora, if you do indeed choose come; you'll have to learn!

Moody glared at her with both eyes, and Tonks looked up at him apologetically. Though her body was quickly filling with exhilaration that made it hard to seem meek enough to please him, or stand still.

"So, would you like to?" Moody growled after he seemed satisfied with the unspoken apology.

"You bet," Tonks whispered back with a wide grin and a grin.

* * *

Tonks stood in her flat that night, at seven, just as Moody had asked. She was dressed in her usual purple and green Weird Sisters T-shirt, and her most comfortable jeans, though they were slightly work through and ripped, but she loved them for that reason. She had her cloak in her hand and was filled to the brim with nervous energy, and that was preventing her from being still again. Every time she did, she would tap her feet, drum her fingers, or pick at her cuticles, until she couldn't stand it and would have to stand again.

Finally she heard a familiar clunking noise, and a knock at the door. After a long process of revealing who he was, and in turn revealing who she was, Moody finally entered. His eyes, normal and magical, instantly scanned the room. Most people perhaps would have felt self-conscious having their boss, well ex senior colleague, in their house, but Tonks had never been one for that.

"You need this," Moody growled, thrusting a tony piece of parchment at her. "Don't read it now. Before we go I have to tell you something. Albus makes sure everyone knows before they arrive. Sirius Black will be there."

"What!" Tonks gasped. "You know where he is? Why haven't you handed him in?"

"It's not like that Nymphadora. He is, and always has been according to Dumbledore, on our side. You have been told what you need to know, if you want more you have to ask him. We are late. Let's go."

Tonks and Moody had walked for block after block. Tonks was already bursting with question. Sirius Black? How was he innocent? Moody stopped her before every alleyway as he scanned it. Tonks rolled her eyes the first few times, laughing to herself; her head was still reeling at the news of Sirius. One of her evil cousins was now suddenly good? They approached a block of exactly the same houses when Moody stopped her. They where standing in a garden in the middle of the street, looking onto the identical houses. Tonks instantly noticed that something wasn't right. The houses were missing a number.

"Read the scroll," Mood growled

Tonks dug deep into her jeans pocket and pulled out the little scroll she'd been dying to read since given it.

_The headquarters of The Order of the Phoenix is located at Number 12, Grimmauld Place, London._

"12 Grimmauld Place," Tonks said out loud looking to Moody. "There is no 12, I looked up before and – oh."

12 Grimmauld had magically appeared between number 13 and number 11. Moody checked all around the area, and then the two crossed the street. Moody slid his wand down the door of the building and it opened after a series of loud clicks.

Tonks felt her body shiver as she stared inside. Moody took a few steps in, but Tonks stood in the doorway, her instincts screaming at her not to enter a building.

"What are you doing?" Moody growled, finally noticing she wasn't following.

"This doesn't feel right Mad-Eye," Tonks whispered, looking around the gloomy and narrow hallway.

"Just get inside or someone will see you," he snapped. "Trust me"

"It's those people skills of yours I miss at work," Tonks laughed, trying to shrug off her nerves.

Moody growled something about being serious, and she swallowed a line about being as serious as the mass murdering Sirius, as she remember he was not supposed to be that person apparently and the joke did not feel right. He ushered her forwards grumpily. Privately Tonks thought he should have been proud of her following her instincts. She followed Moody down the corridor that creaked as they walked.

Tonks was just admiring the walls, which were barely visible under the cobwebs, when suddenly she found herself flying through the air, only to land sorely, and squarely on her backside. She swore to herself, knowing this would always be her first impression with this group, when a pair of soft hands gripped hers and pulled her upright. She had not expected the soft skin; she had thought Moody's rough hands would help her up like always. Instead she was caught by a different man, and from her position on the floor, she stared up at him.

"Remus," Moody said roughly. "This is Nymphadora Tonks, Andromeda's daughter, the other Auror Kingsley and I were– "

Tonks wasn't listening; she was drinking in his appearance with curiosity. He looked aged but the more she looked into his eyes the younger he seemed. They were blue, a very dark blue, but they were kind. They didn't sparkle like hers did, but there was life and youth behind them, that juxtaposed his thin, tired looking face. There were scars across his face and a lot of premature gray within his light brown hair. His clothes were shabby but he did not have the air of unkemptness like Mundungus Fletcher, who stood on his right. It was as if he forced himself to look this way. It bore the markings of loss and some kind of punishment.

"What a very interesting entrance," he said to her, a very small, barely noticeable, smile on his lips.

Tonks attempted to stand, trying to shake off this strange need to keep staring at him, but lost her footing for a second time and stumbled a little, knocking over something else with a loud crash. A loud screaming suddenly broke out, followed by a selection of swear words from a black haired man who'd appeared at the top of the stairs screaming just as the loud as the original voice. Before long there was an ear ringing silence and everyone turned back to Tonks, who smiled apologetically, as she felt color flush into her cheeks and hair.

She realized that she hadn't let go of Lupin's hands. She dropped them quickly and pretended to scan the room searching for the object that she'd fallen over as she'd attempted to stand, which, upon spotting it, looked like the hollowed foot of a troll. As Moody continued his introductions, Tonks glanced upwards to find Remus still looking at her. His head was tilted slightly and he seemed to be quietly examining her, his hands behind his back. They locked eyes again, very briefly.

"Falling over as you arrive. Great impression. From all I've heard, it wouldn't be you if you didn't though," Sirius had said smiling around at the few people who'd gathered.

It took Tonks a moment to forget that she wasn't looking into the eyes of the psychopathic murderer anymore. He still had the same dark hair she'd seen in pictures, but his once handsome face was now gaunt and tired looking. He no longer had the haughty good looks, but they were still evident somewhere in his features. It was a struggle to forget the instincts that were telling her to attack him, but with a deep breath, they were gone.

"And it wouldn't be Moony, if he didn't come to the rescue of those he believed could not rescue themselves" Sirius laughed again as the man who'd caught her seemed to disappear.

Tonks could tell he was putting on some bravado, perhaps to smooth over the incredible awkwardness she was feeling at the sight of him.

"How have you been? How's your mother?"

Sirius had dropped the humor, looking awkward now, which did not suit his features at all. Tonks took a moment, looking around at the apprehensive faces staring at her. Moody nudged her lightly, and she remembered what he said, and strangely, words her mother had said about it She swallowed the uncomfortable feeling, the fear, the nerves, the instincts, and grinned.

"We're both fine. How's my psychotic murderous cousin?" Tonks asked, making sure it sounded very sarcastic.

Sirius looked at her for a moment, inspecting her as the Lupin man had, and then a wide grin broke over his face.

"I have a feeling you're going to fit in very well around here," Sirius said.

He held his hand out indicating the steps ahead of them and Tonks walked in that direction. She had her hand near the pocket of her robes that the wand was in, and her fingers were twitching. She couldn't lie and say walking with her back to a man, that up until five minutes ago had been the biggest villain she'd known, aside from Voldemort, made her feeling nothing less that edgy and vulnerable.

* * *

Tonks had spent the whole meeting listening intently, keeping an eye of Moody and Sirius. Dumbledore had arrived, Snape and McGongall coming soon after him. He had spoken at length about the dangers of the Order, what had happened the year previously with Harry, which seemed such a believable story when he told it, that she had no idea how people could believe otherwise. Then he told them of the first thing that was of complete importance to all of them. It involved the Department of Mysteries and they would all be sneaking around it to guard a prophecy. The meeting had drawn to a close after two hours, and Snape, Moody and Dumbledore all left instantly.

It left two people Tonks had just met, Hestia Jones and Deadulus Diggle, followed by one she knew very well, Bill Weasley who she'd known, and dated, at Hogwarts, and his parents Molly and Arthur. Sirius stayed, as it was his house, as did the Lupin man, who had said very little, but stepped in only to stop Sirius on the numerous occasions he tried to verbally abuse Snape during the meeting. All in all, Tonks thought it was a very eclectic group, but boy did she love them already.

"Can I offer you a drink Nymphadora?" Sirius asked after the meeting.

"It's Tonks. Don't ever call me that name," Tonks said to him, her lip curling.

Sirius laughed, sliding her a glass of mead. Diggle and Hestia had stayed, but were talking to each other. The Weasley's all left together. Lupin was behind Sirius, leaning against the kitchen counter, his arms folded, observing the whole situation from afar. The longer she talked to Sirius, the more she noticed he seemed to be watching Sirius very carefully, still with the same air as in the meeting, of a man ready to strike if Sirius stepped out of line. Tonks couldn't fight the building sense of unease and confusion that she'd had since staring down that corridor. She was staring at an escaped convict, and everyone just made jokes about it throughout the meeting.

"I don't wish to be rude or anything," Tonks said, looking up at Sirius. "But do you mind explaining what in the name of Merlin is going on? I mean I come here and all I get told is that you're innocent, no one bothers to explain why, and I'm meant to resist all urges that a telling me jump this table and hold you down at wand point."

Out of the corner of her eye, Tonks saw Lupin straighten up,

"I'm not entirely innocent. I did attempt to murder Peter Pettigrew," Sirius said, giving a very odd grin at Lupin, who didn't return it.

"Oh that does remind me," Lupin interjected quietly. "Kingsley wished me to inform you that you are in Bermuda this week."

Kingsley was in on it all? Tonks was even more confused.

"Must get to work on that tan then," Sirius laughed, sipping his mead.

More jokes. Didn't they understand how difficult this was for her? That both her resolve and sanity seemed to be teetering very much on the edge

"Could someone tell me what the bloody hell is going on already?" Tonks half yelled. "This is serious!"

The whole kitchen went silent. And everyone seemed to raise their eyebrows, except for Sirius.

"I thought I was Sirius?" Sirius said, grinning again.

"Not the time," Lupin said to him quietly, before resuming his place against the counter.

"Someone tell me," Tonks said emphasizing each syllable.

"Right. Well, er, you may want to get comfortable. This may take a while," Sirius said, looking back to Lupin, who nodded, and then looked up at Tonks.

"All we ask is that you listen, after that you are free to draw your own conclusions. An informed choice seems marginally better than the opposite," Lupin said and Tonks was very strangely reminded of being in a lesson being taught by a teacher.

"It begins the Voldemort going after the Potter's really …" Sirius started and Tonks shuffled in her seat, waiting for the story with a little bit of excitement amongst trepidation.

* * *

That night, the story had gone on for quite sometime, parts of it made no sense, parts seemed entirely ludicrous, but, strangely, possibly against better judgment, Tonks believed them. She put in down to the sincerity or genuine heartbreak that he radiated that she believed him. It was aided by Lupin who had added tiny snippets of information that tied things together. She was very much feeling like she was in the presence of a teacher correcting a student, which made a lot of sense when he explained that he was in fact a teacher, or had been. The matter of why they became Animagus was up in the air, perhaps Sirius and Peter were show offs, but she had a feeling they had left something out. Over the days that passed, Sirius was becoming like the older brother she had never had. This group was fast becoming her favorite place to be, aside from a little bar in High Holburn that played her favorite music.

If Tonks had complained of boredom before, she could now only complain of a lack of free time. Tonks love for the group grew with every meeting. Molly and Arthur were among the nicest two people she'd ever met. Molly had been very quick to accuse Tonks of being too thin and made sure she ate great helpings of dinner whenever she cooked. Which was on par with the delicious meals she got whenever she visited her own parents.

Tonks had a habit during the middle of each meeting when things had gotten dull, and not Order-related, to make things levitate behind Moody, which caused him to stop what he was doing and try to source the disturbance. The only person she had barely spoken to was Lupin, who had been absent from the second meeting. She spent meeting free nights at Grimmauld Place with Sirius and whoever else had stayed after. Getting know Sirius again was better than she expected, he reminded her so much of the boys at school she used to get up to mischief with.

* * *

It was the fourth meeting that the dark blue eyes flicked up at her, Lupin's eyes, that caused her to shift in her seat. Those beautifully kind eyes just pierced her, making her feel naked almost. Sitting next to Moody that night may have been a bad idea, he always had something to say, so everyone's gaze was constantly drawn to him, and then her. Something was entirely wrong, clumsy she may be, but shy or uneasy, that wasn't a part of herself she ever displayed, and he had a strange habit of causing exactly those feelings in her. She nearly felt the urge to giggle, and Tonks did _not_ giggle.

She tried hard to put this feeling down to her own private nerves. Her first guard duty was coming up and by the sounds of what Dumbledore had told them, this was dangerous, and she could come face-to-face with any number of Death eaters, even Voldemort. But she knew it wasn't true. Though she was nervous, it was that exhilarating kind of nervous. Lupin was something else she could not yet explain. So instead of concentrating in that fourth meeting, Tonks attempted to ignore it, by causing mischief for Moody, her favorite distraction. Yet, whenever Tonks would start to raise her wand the blue eyes would come back towards her and she'd feel herself tingle all over.

"My apologies Nymphadora. I'm aware this speech is a little long winded." Dumbledore's voice said

Tonks, who was not listening, suddenly found herself the center of attention, as all the eyes at the table snapped to her direction. Dumbledore was looking at her and she had the usual feeling like maybe she was being X-rayed by his electric blue eyes.

"Huh?" Tonks stuttered, looking at him stunned as he began to chuckle.

"Tonks dear, you're hair has been changing colors every five seconds," said Molly, with a soft smile.

"Oh, sorry, it does that when I'm…" Tonks paused.

What response could she give? She knew why it was doing it. It was those eyes flicking to her and lingering. She couldn't say that without admitting she was annoying Moody on purpose.

"…when I'm tired," she lied.

She quietly thanked Merlin that all her Auror training had made her quick on her feet when it came to lying. Either that or the fact she knew nobody at the table would know much about metamorphmagus's to question it. Dumbledore quickly continued on with the meeting. Tonks sat up straight and concentrated on her hair, the normal tingling feeling ran through her scalp and then, bright blue. She looked up and everyone had turned back to Dumbledore, but Tonks once again found herself the subject of those dark blue eyes. He smiled at her in a way he had not before, and raised his eyebrow, and she wondered if he was mocking her color choice. Tonks was quickly distracted as Moody asked her to reveal information she'd discovered at the Auror office about two suspected Death Eaters in the department. She showed the notes she'd made from their files.

Not too long later Tonks and most of the Order were standing around with glasses of any drink they desired, enjoying the now traditional time together after a meeting. Tonks and Bill Weasley were standing close together by the fire, catching up. Neither had found the time to talk much during the meetings and they hadn't seen each other since Hogwarts, Remus walked past mid conversation. She hadn't had an awful lot of interaction with him, but he intrigued her so much, everything about him seemed like mystery.

"Who is he, Bill?" Tonks asked trying to sound casual

"Remus Lupin? He was in the original Order, he was friends with Sirius and…" Bill dropped his voice "James and Lily."

"How come I've never heard of him then, or seen him?"

"Well he likes to keep a low profile dad told me. You have to have heard of him though. He taught at Hogwarts a few years ago. Snape told everyone that he was– "

Tonks phased Bill out briefly, watching Lupin talking to Hestia and Emmeline Vance. He had such strange habits and mannerisms that Tonks couldn't understand why he seemed to irk her. She interrupted him, not having really listened to what he'd said.

"Why is he so weird? Quiet and pensieve and all that?" Tonks asked.

"Lupin's just different I guess. He has his reasons I'm sure. Bit weird when you think about the fact that his best friend's Sirius" Bill said nodding toward Sirius, who was laughing loudly at Arthur Weasley's muggle card tricks asking if this was truly what they believed magic was.

Tonks stared off at the door Lupin had just passed through and as the room around her slowly emptied she found herself standing next to Sirius, who was making jokes about Snape and laughing with his usual bark like laugh. Lupin soon had joined the small circle of Kingsley, Sirius and Tonks. His hand brushed past hers accidently as he came to halt and instantly she felt her hair change, but had no idea to its color. The small circle turned to her with smiles of curiosity when Lupin finally spoke

"Ah red. A far better choice," Lupin said to her quietly, with a smile.

Tonks went to speak but found her voice caught in her throat.

"Far better than the foul green you've been sporting," Sirius added with a scowl. "Too much green around here for my liking."

Tonks smiled at Sirius, and after a moment, her eyes moved back to Lupin and found him looking at her still even though the attention had shifted to things Sirius was saying. His head was tilted at her, and quizzical look in his eye. Sirius went on with a long-winded re-telling of a story from his Hogwarts days that Tonks had already heard.

"He can tend to get carried away with his stories," Lupin murmured to her, as she was glancing around the room absent-mindedly

"Yes, I've noticed,' Tonks replied.

The conversation died down. Now she was causing conversations to die? What was this! Tonks was usually the one who struggled to stop talking, not start.

"If you don't mind me asking, how did you come across those papers on those two Aurors?" Lupin asked turning to her.

Tonks wondered whether he was questioning how she got them, because she may not have been very skilled. Then she remembered whom she was talking to. Unlike her work colleagues, Lupin didn't seem the type to doubt her skill level because of her age, looks or gender.

"Well, Kingsley told me Moody was keen to inspect these two guys and I just so happened to be morphed into a Dawlish look-a-like this afternoon. Totally by accident of course, and I made a wrong turn into the Records Department and they let me through. Strange coincidence huh?" Tonks said, grinning at her brilliance.

"That's illegal," Lupin said quickly, a somewhat stern look on his face

"I guess, for a good cause, that's the trouble I get into," Tonks shrugged, feeling something tick over at how odd he was behaving to her breaking the rules.

There was a moment of awkward silence.

"You mean aside from the falling over?" Lupin asked casually.

Tonks looked over at him, and he was looking at her, that small smile on his lips again. Was he actually making a joke? Was he even allowed to? Tonks narrowed her eyes for a moment, but couldn't squash the smile that broke through. The two returned back to the group's conversation, but after a few moments, Lupin announced his departure. He shook hands with the others and when he turned to Tonks with his hand out stretched, she grasped it and instantly felt her scalp tingle knowing her hair was probably deepening in colour. Lupin's eyes went to her hair and he smiled at her.

"Red again? Well now you're just showing off, Dora!" Sirius barked.

"Nice to chat to you Nymphadora. Excellent work with those papers," Lupin said softly to her, he edged closer to her. "Though perhaps we should investigate a new nickname for you. Trouble perhaps?"

He pulled back, smiling at her like he never had, before leaving the group. A dazed smile crept onto Tonks's face as she watched him walk out the door. She quickly turned back towards the conversation in front of her. He was impossible to understand, infuriatingly so. Yet, something about that smile made her want to keep her hair whatever color to keep it on his face directed toward her.

**To be continued**


	2. The Need to Stare

**First of all thank you for the response. It has been amazing and never expected it.**

**Yes there is a lot of Lily refrences in this chapter but there is a reason why later.**

**Not all chapters will be the exact same events, told through each point of view, eventually it will differ, but for now it's important**

**Reviews would be most appreciated!**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 2**

"So we have the Weasleys, including Bill, and Arthur has said another son Charlie will attempt to recruit people abroad. Diggle and Podmore are back, Snape– " Mad-Eye Moody was interrupted by a loud grunt from the opposite end of the table in the dark and cobweb infested kitchen of 12 Grimmauld Place.

"Snape," Sirius growled, "What good can Snivellus do? Bathe us all grease?" Sirius laughed, as he nudged Remus Lupin who was sitting to his left.

Lupin took a steadying breath out of Sirius's view; it was hard to slight Snape after all he had done for him at Hogwarts two years prior. Even more so now that Snape was making potions for him again. Dumbledore had ordered he do so. Sirius had his legs up on the table and was leaning back on his chair, a butterbeer in his hand, looking supremely at home in a house Lupin knew he hated.

It had only been a few days since the finish of the Hogwarts school term, and Lupin had been greeted by Sirius at the doorstep of his home with a huge story about Voldemort and Harry. Dumbledore had called them together only a day or so after that, those left from the original Order gathered in the Hogs Head, and Sirius had offered his house as new Headquarters. He also offered a place for Lupin to stay. It had all progressed in a matter of week, and now, they sat in the kitchen, trying to think of new members for a group that had lost far too many.

"Could we carry on?" Moody paused, glaring at Sirius "I have made contact with an old friend from the Auror department, Kingsley Shacklebolt. Incidentally he heads the task force entrusted with capturing you. He is, as always, behind Dumbledore."

Sirius laughed, and mumbled something about him possibly being incompetent, and Moody ignored him, which Lupin thought was wise.

We have Mundungus Fletcher and Dumbledore's request. There is also another old colleague of mine Nymphadora Tonks. She– "

"Andromeda's daughter?" Sirius interrupted once more, sitting up in his seat.

"Yes. You all remember Andromeda? Possibly some may remember her daughter, she was only very young. She studied under me in the Auror department just before I retired. I've been placed on good authority she is on board. "

Lupin scanned the room, sitting back in his seat trying to get comfortable. He'd never been into Grimmauld Place prior to moving in the day before. Sirius had never brought any of them back here during the summer while he still lived here; the only place they went was James's. It was eerie, dark, filled with cobwebs and there was constant creaking from the floorboards above, as if things were shuffling around. It was the most uncomfortable feeling he'd ever gotten from a house, and it was difficult to imagine that it had been a family home for so many centuries.

The group in front of him was just so small that it was hard not to miss who had gone. Aberforth wasn't coming back, Fenwick was dead, the Longbottom's were in St Mungo's, the McKinnon's were all murdered, the Prewett's too. Edgar Bones was missing and of course, James and Lily were gone. However long it had been, losing James and Lily was still something that weighed heavily on him. Finding out one of your best friends had been partly responsible had not helped either.

He missed Lily's green eyes; he missed James' grin, and the way they could both make him feel that much better when everything surrounding them was in peril. Lupin looked down the empty end of the big table they were sitting at. He would give anything to see James ruffle his hair absent-mindedly or Lily's all-forgiving smile. Why them, he thought, why is it always those who never deserve it? They were gone, everyone was. This tiny group of five was the new Order, however pathetic that sounded.

"Doge is more then willing to help and Hestia Jones, so I think that's all for the moment."

At that moment the whole kitchen was bathed in an emerald green light. Lupin stared around at the fire, and Saw Dumbledore stepping from it.

"Good evening all," Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling happily.

He busied himself with questions about everyone's days and Moody repeated the list of people who had been roped in to join. Then he was approached with a new topic.

"Any word on Potter?" Moody asked tentatively.

"Ah, yes, Harry." Dumbledore said, his beard twitching.

Lupin saw Sirius remove his feet from the table and sit up straight. Sirius opened his mouth to speak, and everyone know what he would say as they had already argued about Harry at the first meeting. This time however, Dumbledore held up a hand to silence.

"Sirius, I have heard your views on the situation, and still my mind has not changed. I cannot bring Harry out of the care of his Aunt and Uncle just yet. But I will get him out eventually as I explained."

"Care?" Sirius barked "You know , as well as I do, that they do the exact opposite of caring. What am I meant to do with a boy sending me letters begging for answers? He's terrified Dumbledore. You can't do this to him. He's 15!"

Lupin glanced at Sirius, he was correct, but the more bizarre thing was the hurt that shone from his eyes. Lupin had never seen Sirius care for someone so much.

"I'm aware how he must be feeling," Dumbledore said, and again had to hold up a hand to Sirius who was ready to bite back. "But I do not wish to divulge anything more to him than is completely necessary. I don't expect you to happily accept it, but you must respect my wishes."

Lupin could not understand any part of Dumbledore's new treatment of Harry, but he knew, given how much Albus cared for him, there was reason and logic behind his plan. Dumbledore folded his hands in front of him, closing the issue, and Sirius looked mutinous.

* * *

A week had passed, and the first meeting of the new Order was fast approaching. Lupin sat on the day of, with Molly and Arthur Weasley at the kitchen table, sharing a mug of tea, which had a funny taste, possibly from the old kettle.

"Not a homely sort of family were they," Molly said as she looked around at the stark stone walls

"Well when you're proud of having a son who's a Death Eater, I don't think you'll really mind much. Besides didn't you see all those heads on the wall? Is Sirius all right, Remus?" Arthur turned to face Lupin as he questioned him

Lupin nodded. The thought occurred to him that he hadn't really asked Sirius how he felt about being back home. He knew how much he hated it, because of how much he complained at school. Molly and Arthur had carried on talking in Lupin's mental absence and Molly decided to start on her way upstairs to look around. There was loud scream followed by an even louder scream and bellowing of words Lupin couldn't understand. His hand flew to his wand and the kitchen door burst open revealing a very shaken Molly.

"I saw a-a-a thing. I screamed and – and - I turned around and there was this grotesque picture where these curtains had been before and it started screaming at me," Molly croaked between breaths and sobs.

"Shut up you old hag!" was bellowed down the hall from a very agitated sounding Sirius.

Lupin stepped out the door and journeyed up the stairs. He reached the painting to find Sirius attempting to slam the curtains shut. Lupin raised his wand and cast _silencio_ just as the woman behind the painting was screaming, "_Filth__in__the__house__of__Black_" but it didn't work. Lupin stepped forwards and began attempting to shut the curtains like Sirius, and together they managed to get it done. An ear ringing silence followed. Sirius motioned to a nearby door and Lupin followed. They entered the dining room, the location of the meeting, and Sirius instantly began to pace.

"The miserable old bitch. I knew she'd have something, but that painting is just beyond belief," Sirius yelled.

"If you don't mind me asking, what was that?" Lupin asked, turning a chair from the table and sitting on it.

"That, Moony, was my dear old mother," Sirius said as he slowed his walking and kicked a near-by chair. "It's her portrait and it reacts to loud noises I discovered. It's some curse."

"We'll just have to be quieter and perhaps Dumbledore or Moody will know how to be rid of it," Lupin said hopefully.

"You're the smart one," Sirius nearly spat at him, his anger still evident, but Lupin knew he was just a causality for, not a cause. "Any ideas?"

"None at all. I've never seen or heard of anything like it."

There was a long silence, broken only as Sirius gave a loud sigh.

"What I wouldn't give to just be out of this place," Sirius said, dropping to a seat. "When I left this place, I swore I'd never come back, and now look at me, I'm trapped in here. It's nearly worse than Azkaban."

Lupin watched on in fear. Sirius sounded defeated, and he had never heard him speak in such a tone. He sat there feeling helpless; there was nothing he could do to fix the situation, Sirius needed to be here, away from prying eyes. He made his way to the door scowling still, and Lupin stayed seated on the chair long after he'd gone, thinking, until a voice spoke behind him.

"My god, the boy can whine can't he?"

Lupin turned slowly to see a person disappearing into its frame leaving behind a blank stretch of canvas.

* * *

The night came quickly and soon enough the meeting was about to start, Lupin sat with Sirius, Molly and Arthur down in the kitchen again. No one was speaking, the Weasley's were obviously nervous and Sirius had withdrawn back into himself since his outburst. Slowly everyone had arrived and finally the only person they were waiting on was Moody and whomever he was bringing. Lupin kept polite conversation with some, and introduced himself to others, but the looming meeting was the elephant in the room for all.

Tired of the tense atmosphere, he made his way upstairs after he heard the loud click from the front door. As he walked into the entrance hall whoever was in the room made him do a double take. It wasn't her pale youthful skin, the _different_choice of outfit, reminiscent of teenager she saw in London, or even her bright pink hair, but the fact that she was flying through the air that made him have to double take.

Lupin immediately felt his heart go out to her, so he bent down and placed his hands on hers to pick her up. Her eyes flew open at his touch and he nearly let go. Her eyes had the same sparkling quality in them that Lily's had.

"Remus," Moody said roughly "This is Nymphadora Tonks, Andromeda's daughter, the other Auror I was telling you all about who…"

Lupin had barely even noticed they were on the floor, frozen as they held hands; he was captivated, he never thought he'd see that sparkle again. Being well versed in picking those up who had fallen, thank to James and Sirius' obsession with the trip jinx, Lupin smiled in the most comforting way he could, trying to make her feel better.

"What a very interesting entrance," he said before he could stop himself.

As he began to raise her to her feet, she managed to stumble again, this time hitting an extremely ugly umbrella stand. As she fell he held her hands tighter to keep her upright. A loud shrill scream filled the house causing her to flinch. Mrs. Black had begun again and all that one could hear was the deep swearing voice of Sirius. Sirius had obviously gone to take care of it. Just as the strangled sound of "Half Breed" came it stopped and Lupin felt his hand drop as she let go of them quickly.

"Falling over as you arrive. Great impression. From all I've heard, it wouldn't be you if you didn't though," Sirius said, smiling at Lupin and the rest of the group, which Lupin hadn't noticed until.

Remus continued to stare at this girl in front of him; her hair had gone from bright bubblegum-pink to a deep violet in a matter of seconds. She glanced up at him and their eyes met just as he felt a confused look spread over his face. He moved aside as Sirius approached her. It was from politeness, as Sirius had been going on about her since he had found out she was coming. Feeling as if he had a seen ghost, Lupin felt the need for some mead or Fire-Whiskey to calm his nerves. With one more glance back at the girl with coloured hair, he carried on downstairs to the kitchen. He heard everyone behind him laugh as he walked, and he pushed open the door to see Dumbledore standing next to the fireplace wiping ash off his robes.

"I take it from the sounds of merriment, everyone has arrived?"

"Yes Albus, they're all upstairs, Moody's just arrived with his protégée."

Lupin averted Dumbledore's gaze as they both heard more laughter from upstairs.

"Are you alright Remus?" Dumbledore asked patiently

"What do you mean?" Lupin replied cautiously.

"I just would not have expected you down here alone. Any moment involving a cheerful Sirius I assumed would be one you wouldn't desire to miss," he told Lupin, smiling.

Lupin could only nod as the others had walked in for the meeting.

* * *

The meeting had involved a lot of the administrative things, an explanation of what Voldemort was probably up to and a new task that had to plan. Dumbledore had carefully explained about the Prophecy, and now he was sure Voldemort's mind would be focused on getting it. They were to guard it. The girl, Nymphadora, took a seat next to Moody. However every time Lupin would look at her, she'd look away only to look back when she thought he wasn't looking. Lupin found the general behavior of her to be slightly odd, and though he could not be certain, he had every inkling that it involved his infliction.

After the meeting, he found that most people stayed behind, including this girl, who had an outburst regarding Sirius and his freedom. Lupin had not questioned it, her job had been to hunt him down, and suddenly he was right in front of her, everyone smiling and laughed. He had not meant to do so, but the story seemed to steer away from him being a werewolf, and he had done it, even if it caused a strange look from Sirius. He did not know why. Perhaps she already knew. Yet she just seemed to look at him in such a way, that he continued to want her to do so.

* * *

A few days later, Lupin returned for his next meeting, having been absent from the last as he'd had to journey to his parents house to transform. Snape, who had arrived to relay some information from Dumbledore during the meeting, and cornered him immediately.

"Remus," he said with his silky tone of displeasure. "I wanted to have a word with you about the wolfsbane."

Remus nodded towards two seats at the very edge of the table, as far away from people as possible. With all the commotion from the radio and Nymphadora grabbing Molly to make her dance with her, it was easy to stay unnoticed.

"When school begins again, I will not be able to brew the potion Dumbledore has requested I do," he paused, as if enjoying the fact he had a power of over Lupin. "So you're going to have to go back to whoever was helping you last year, considering you are unable to master it yourself."

Lupin ignored the insults, and sat for a few moments. Last year he had never taken the potion, so he'd been left to transform as painfully as ever. It was not a choice, he did not know anyone who could make the potion, and his attempts had been just passable but never good enough to keep him at bay.

"That's fine Severus. Thank you anyway," he uttered, watching Nymphadora being twirled around by Sirius, who had taken up dancing with her when Molly could not.

Her laugh rang in his ears; it was the sound of youth he had sorely missed since Hogwarts. That unmistakable laugh, her laugh, that was so infectious it made him smile, even if the thought of future transformations without Wolfsbane were trying to invade his happy feeling.

* * *

By the next meeting Dumbledore was becoming more serious. So far they had been told of a prophecy they had to guard, and Lupin suspected Dumbledore was not saying nearly as much as he knew. His first guard duty was nearing; sneaking into the Ministry at night seemed far more intimidating this close to the event. He listened as Moody and Dumbledore took turns telling the group Death Eater information. Sirius decided instead of listening to loudly question the loyalty of Snape, as he did whether the man was here to defend himself or not.

As the meeting continued Moody, who was across from him, starting distracting him. His magical eye was spinning back into his head every few minutes. It wasn't until Lupin looked over and saw Nymphadora raising her wand and the cup on the fireplace drift above Moody's head, that he understood, and smiled briefly, reminded prank with the Great Hall candles Sirius and James had once masterminded.

The next meeting, Lupin found himself at one of the heads of the table. He was listening to Arthur about some interesting conversation he'd over heard in relation to the Department of Mysteries, when Tonks caught his eye. He saw her hands move below the table to her wand and his eyes snapped towards her, as no doubt she was going to pester Moody again. He had no real reason to watch her. Truthfully he worried what she may think of him, given how often to she caught him looking her over. But despite all of his logical thoughts, he seemed to always find himself watching her, like she was something to be studied. She reminded him of his friends at school. She was not jaded or broken, she was just as happy to be herself, something Lupin admired about her.

He watched her raise her wand slightly, and then, her eyes flicked to him. Suddenly her hair went from a pale purple to bright green in a second. Later in the meeting, when he saw her hands move again, and they met eyes as they had, it went from green to pink. She stopped glancing at him when he'd look up but her hair continued to change as if she were. Lupin was amazed albeit confused, he looked around and everyone's eyes were now on her, but it was Dumbledore who spoke.

"My apologies Nymphadora, I'm aware this speech is a little long winded."

"Huh?" Tonks said, looking at little stunned as Dumbledore began to chuckle.

"Tonks dear, you're hair has been changing colours every five seconds." Molly said with a soft smile.

"Oh, sorry, it does that when I'm…" Tonks paused and Lupin noticed her glance towards his end of table, "… when I'm tired."

With one final look towards her, Remus watched her sit up and then her hair was bright blue again. She caught his eye and Lupin felt himself smile at her, she glanced up at her hair, and Lupin raised an eyebrow at her, to which she smiled at.

"I come to another important duty for us. As many of you are aware, Harry lives in the Muggle world, well away from Ministry protection charms. We have Arabella Figg there, a squib who I have known for quite sometime, " Dumbledore added to the confused members. "After some deliberation, I think perhaps we begin a constant watch of him."

"Spying on him?" Sirius said, hi mouth agape.

"Spying denotes a bad air, I feel protective surveillance would be a better term," Dumbledore said.

"That sounds like a wonderful plan Albus," Molly said, looking extremely pleased.

"This is going to backfire," Sirius said darkly.

"My aim Sirius is to give Harry the most peaceful summer after what will soon become the most trying year so far," Dumbledore said tryingly.

"So no one had bothered to tell him about the whole Ministry thinking he's a liar then?" Sirius snapped, looking at everyone.

Nobody said a word.

"Sirius this is my decision. I know you care the boy, and as much as you may say otherwise, I do as well, but as you are not a parent – "

"I'm as good as," Sirius said, getting more heated.

Lupin's eyes shot to him. He would never speak to Dumbledore that way, and he tried all he could to, without words, tell Sirius to be quiet.

"Sirius, I applaud you sentiments, and I am glad he has more people in the world who care for him. This is not a decision you can make. Arabella has offered her house as a base to work from, and I merely wish to use this to be sure Harry is safe. As we do not the extent of Voldemort's plans, I want to make sure if he mind travel toward Surrey, we are prepared."

Dumbledore finished speaking and looked around. Sirius stared moodily at the table, muttering under his breath. Lupin found the plan to be a refreshing, and relieved part of his worry about Harry, however he saw a floor.

"Who could participate in this watch Albus? Most are extremely busy on our own, or unable to partake in such activity," Lupin said, his eyes sweeping over Sirius.

"I was hoping Mundungus, you could help?" Dumbledore said, casting a smile at the sleeping Mundungus to his left.

Hestia, very unceremoniously elbowed Mundungus, who woke with a start.

"Huh? What? I agree with Sirius," he grunted.

"Sirius will be delighted," Dumbledore said, and even Sirius smiled.

"Alastor, perhaps you could take Mundungus to Surrey and instruct him yourself," Dumbledore suggested, and Moody growled his agreement.

After the meeting Lupin excused himself, hoping to discuss his guard duty with Dumbledore, but found the man was gone as he arrived on the landing. When he returned to the kitchen, the smell of onion soup and fire whiskey filling his nostrils. He noticed Sirius, Tonks and Kingsley together, talking and laughing. As he walked to join the group his hands loosely by his side, he felt some familiar soft skin touch his own. He'd brushed her hand with his. As he looked up, about to apologise, he saw her hair go bright red.

"Ah red. A far better choice," Lupin said to her, a smile on his face.

He had never had a member of the Order he had felt uncomfortable with, but Tonks was fast becoming that. It was not in a negative way, she just made him feel rather strange in a way he could not explain. He had resolved that it was perhaps because he knew very little about her, and decided talking to her could fix that. Yet, she did not return his compliment, she opened her mouth to talk, but then closed it, nervously glancing away. Lupin creased her brow at her, tilting his head, trying to understand her.

"Much better than the foul green you've been sporting," Sirius added with a scowl, still obviously angry about his argument with Dumbledore. "Too much green around here for my liking."

When Sirius started on with another story, Lupin smiled remembering the first time he'd felt that skin on his. The first time he'd seen eyes like that in a long time. Sirius was getting further into his story, and Lupin chanced a glance at Tonks, finding her absent-mindedly glancing about the room.

"He can tend to get carried away with his stories," Lupin murmured to her through the side of his mouth, hoping to re-ignite a conversation.

"Yes, I've noticed," Tonks muttered, looking over at him once before looking away again.

Lupin gave a quiet sigh, creasing his brow. He had attempted humour, and flattery, but neither had worked. So, he was going to use something he knew they could definitely have a conversation about, The Order

"If you don't mind me asking, how did you come across those papers on those two Aurors?" Lupin asked turning to her.

"Well, Kingsley told me Moody was keen to inspect these two guys and I just so happened to be morphed into a Dawlish look-a-like. Totally by accident of course, and I made a wrong turn into the Records Department and they let me through. Strange coincidence huh?" Tonks said, turning to look at him, grinning like Sirius did upon causing mischief.

That's illegal you know?" Lupin said quickly, looking to her.

He had not meant it to sound so stern, but he was shocked to learn of the use of her morphing power, and shocked to discover that side of her.

"I guess, for a good cause, that's the trouble I get into," Tonks replied, sounding defensive.

Lupin looked away. He had not meant to scold her. He gave a small smile as he thought of something, but it drifted off his face as he put it into action.

"You mean aside from the falling over?" Lupin added casually.

Tonks snapped her head towards, looking serious for a moment, worrying Lupin for a fraction of a second that he'd over stepped the mark, but then her face split into a wide grin. He joined the other conversation, between Sirius, who was once more telling Hogwarts stories.

"I have to be off," Lupin interrupted during another one of the Marauder stories. "Dumbledore said to be there before ten."

He said his goodbyes to the group surrounding him and when he reached Tonks he didn't know what to do and meekly outstretched his hand. She grasped it and Lupin saw her hair flush a deeper red.

"Red again? Well now you're just showing off, Dora!" Sirius barked.

"Nice to chat to you Nymphadora. Excellent work with those papers," Lupin said softly to her, he edged closer to her. "Though perhaps we should investigate a new nickname for you. Trouble perhaps?"

* * *

Guard duty was nothing interesting. He stood outside the door to the Department for a long time, and toured inside the shelves upon shelves of the Hall of Prophecies every hour or so. She had seemed so keen to shake hands, to touch him, so much so that it seemed outrageous that a witch who behaved like that would know what his deepest darkest secret was. He felt slightly embarrassed by what he had said to her, but he couldn't seem to help himself. Perhaps she would find the humor. Or hopefully she would. Maybe she could like him enough that if, or when, she found out his terrible secret she might not recoil, that was if she did not already know.

**To be continued**


	3. The Fall for Someone New

**Okay,**

**Yeah its been a while, but exams, assignments, you know.  
**

**I need to set some things up for the next few chapters, so Lupin and Tonks need to have opinions about eachother first.**

**Yes Lupin is being grumpy for a reason, that you will soon find out. **

**Thanks for the reviews. I love them.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 3**

Nymphadora Tonks was watching the hours tick by extremely slowly as she sat in her cubicle. Kingsley was off on field work and the office was as boring as ever. Everytime she checked the clock, less time would have passed. She began to wonder if it had been bewitched to go backwards when she wasn't looking. Grimmauld Place loomed ahead of her the minute work was finished, and she couldn't wait to get there. That place was all she looked forward to now. In it were her favourite people. And tonight was the first night that the whole Weasley family were to be moving, and Tonks was more than excited to meet them all, especially Fred and George after all the stories she'd heard from Molly.

Tonks doodled on the edge of her parchment. She was imagining a horde of befreckled fire haired children each as entertaining as Bill and Charlie, both of whom she'd been with at Hogwarts. She knew of their younger brother Percy, but only from brief passing's at Hogwarts, and the rumors that flew around a few months earlier involving Barty Crouch. He had not seemed fun, but she'd be assured the rest were. Finally Tonks watched the clock tick over and she was up and out the door before the rest of her co-workers had put their quills down.

Tonks apparated right into the garden across from the hoise, and sprinted across the road, sliding her wand down the door, and shutting it quietly behind her. Straight away she could hear movements upstairs, and muffled voices, far more than she'd ever heard in this house. She grinned from ear to ear. With great care, concentrating more than ever on not tripping over, and she made it down to the kitchen. She opened the door and her eyes were drawn to feet on the table, and the Evening Prophet covering someone's upper half. She knew it was Sirius. He lowered the paper, and smiled at her.

"Good evening Tonks," he said sounding as joyful as she had ever heard.

He looked younger, and there was something mischievous about him that she hadn't quite seen until now.

"I take it you ran here from work ready to meet our many red-headed guests," Sirius said, still smiling.

"Naturally," Tonks said, sitting down on the seat next to Sirius, who was at the head.

"They're quite a treat," Sirius laughed. "I think the last time I was with this many teenagers, I was at Hogwarts."

"Somehow I think mothers around the world are entirely glad of that," came a voice.

Tonks spun in her seat and found Lupin leant up against the counter, a book in his hands. She couldn't believe she'd missed him, but he had been in the darker part of the kitchen, half obscured by a cabinent.

"Is this because of my infamous criminal status, or an attempt at Moony like wit commenting on my other infamous status," Sirius said, looking at Lupin.

"Well, I should have made myself more clear. The mother's of young daughters around the world are entirely glad of that," Lupin said, looking up form his book to Sirius, his eyebrows raised.

"Can't defend myself against that. They'd be well within their rights to be worried," Sirius grinned, winking at Tonks.

"Merlin, I've never been more glad to be your cousin and entirely off limits," Tonks said shaking her head.

Tonks heard Lupin let out a soft laugh. She looked up at him, and he met her glance. Sirius was glancing between the two, a strange look in his eye and a dawning apprehension on his face. Before he could speak, the door flew open. What looked like an army of children marched in, the voice of Molly behind them.

"And if any of you think that you can– Oh, hello Tonks," Molly said, seeing her once she walked inside.

Tonks looked at the kids in front of her, only they didn't quite look like children. There was a very tall one, though he looked younger than Fred and George, who Tonks knew instantly as they were the twins. There was a beautiful girl that stood behind one of the twins, giggling silently.

"Okay, Wealseys, this is Tonks. Days spent together have me taught me she has no first name," Sirius said loudly, and Ron looked at him his eyebrows creased. "No she actually has a first name Ron, but she doesn't want to be adressed by it. I'd tell you what it is, but she's an Auror and she has a wand."

Tonks laughed

"Tonks, here we have Fred and George, but I assume you figured that out already," Sirius said.

"Does our reputation precede us?" One of them asked Sirius.

"Of course," Tonks said, and they both grinned at her.

"The other is Ron, he is Harry's best friend," Sirius said. "Finally we have Ginny, who has the misfortune of being the youngest and only girl. She seems to take the title in her stride, having all ready dropped Dungbombs in the hallway this morning."

Molly made a noise of anger, but Tonks only grinned at her as well. Had she not heard the Dungbomb comment Tonks may have been quick to judge her, but she had the distinct feeling Ginny and her would get along very well.

"You all remember _Professor_ Lupin," Sirius said, stressing the word in mock disgust.

"Hi professor," they all said in their own ways.

"Now that's done, you lot set the table," Molly breathed.

They each got to work grabbing plates and cups. Lupin had struck up a conversation with Sirius, a private one by the looks of it, but Tonks was very busy watching the Wealseys. When the job was done, Tonks found herself between Fred and George and she knew it was not by accident.

"Tonks," one of them said in a smooth sounding voice, "would you happen to think witches and wizards of age are old enough, and mature enough, to accept extra responsibilities?"

"Depends on what they were," Tonks muttered caustiously.

"Say, joining some clubs?" the other twin said.

"What clubs?" Tonks asked, already knowing where this was heading.

"Oh I don't know, the Order of the Pheniox? Seems like a nice outside activity to be involved in, what say you Fred?"

"Absolutley," the first twin said.

Sirius laughed, and Tonks did the same.

"Nice try," Sirius said.

"But why can't we join?" George cried.

"Yeah, we're of age," Fred finished.

Tonks quickly had the impression with was a common question as Molly gave an exasperated sigh.

"I've told you why," Molly growled. "I don't see knives and forks boys."

Tonks laughed as they rolled their eyes and stood up again. Lupin excused himself and disappeared out the door, and she began a conversation with Sirius, which soon after the table had been set, the Weasley children joined in with.

* * *

"Yeah, and I can do a ducks bill too. Check it out!"

Tonks concentrated hard, and with a familiar tingling feeling around her nose, a duck's bill formed over her face.

"Whoa!" said an impressed looking Ginny. "When did you learn to do all that? Teach me, I could freak Ron out!"

Tonks laughed, everyone always wanted to know how. She loved having something that made her so unique.

"No, you have to be born with it. Mum said I changed my hair color a lot when I was young. But I didn't really learn to control it until I was about ten. They took me to St Mungo's just to find out what I was."

"Oh," Ginny said, her face falling slightly. "Still, that's so cool."

"Thanks. After dinner I'll show you this neat trick with dungbombs though," Tonks said as they opened the door to the kitchen again.

Tonks had followed Ginny to wash her hands in the upstairs bathroom, mostly because she'd been halfway through explaining something when Molly had asked Ginny to wash. They sat side by side at the table, and Tonks and the Wealseys, which now included Arthur ate dinner in a loud rambunctious way that she was yet to experience here in Grimmauld Place. She felt like she'd sat at that table for hours, having had courses of delicious food. Ginny got the attention of her brothers as Molly made cocoa for Arthur.

"You guys have to check out this thing Tonks does," Ginny said proudly.

The eyes of the whole kitchen were upon her, and she felt the tingling again. Everyone laughed, except for Ron, who locked stuck between fear and shock, much to Ginny's delight.

"Aw poor ickle Ronnie is afraid of a duck," George cried upon seeing his brother.

"Don't worry Ronnikins, duck wont harm you while Fred's here," Fred exclaimed, flexing some non-existent muscles.

By chance, Tonks had taken a mouthful of pumpkin juice, but upon seeing Fred making a fool of himself, she choked, and dribbled it down her front. The children and Sirius burst out laughing, yet over all the commotion, Tonks heard Molly very clearly.

"Ah, Remus, you're back. Did you want some dinner dear."

Tonks turned in her seat slowly, knowing exactly where it would be standing. It was just her luck. Lupin was directly behind her, surverying her with a very unamused expression, his eyebrows raised. Tonks had never been the kind to feel self conscious, but something in his stare made her feel absolutely self conscious, and embarrassed. She swallowed her feelings, and put on a voice that did not sound at all flustered.

"Hello again Remus."

He gave her a weak smile, and shuffled past, taking a seat next to Sirius. Seeing him up close for the first time that night, she couldn't help but notice how exhausted he looksed. Tonks, ready to shake her feelings, began to gather her dishes, but soon found her mug fall from her hand.

"I did forget to mention, Tonks has a slight problem staying on two feet, and can turn any innocent piece of china into a helpless victim," Sirius muttered with a laugh, and Tonks scowled at him.

* * *

Over the week, Tonks spent every single spare moment at Grimmauld Place. This had been an entirely fun experience except for one moment. Tonks had found a sweet on the kitchen table, it looked entirely appetizing , and she had a slight sweet tooth, and ate it. Instantly she started vomiting in a spectacular fashion, until Molly had screamed for the twins and they came running with a way to stop it. Sirius, who had been in the kitchen with her, had laughed harder than she'd ever seen him. Since that day, the twins, perhaps because they felt sorry for her, let her in on some secret business that had.

On the Sunday of that week, Tonks found herself in the company of Ginny, Fred and George again. The twins were in the process of explaining their latest invention, Extendable Ears. Something she had learned allowed you to listen to something that was happening far away, or through doors.

"So they work on any type of door or wall?" Tonks asked.

"Yeah, we've tried them out on all the doors here," said George proudly.

"We're waiting 'till we get back to Hogwarts to try them out there." Fred finished.

"Wow," Tonks couldn't help but say as she held what looked like a piece of fleshy string between her thumb and forefinger. "Can I try?"

"Go ahead," the twins replied in unison.

Tonks moved across the landing towards Sirius' bedroom door as George put it all in place for her. Tonks couldn't hear much but Sirius groaning in frustration and what sounded like paper being scrunched up and then landing on the floor. However, the brilliant part, it sounded like she was hearing it as if she was in the room.

"There are bloody brilliant guys! You reckon I could get some of these to listen in on people at work? I'd love to hear what Scrimgeour gets up to in his office," Tonks said, keeping her attention on the door.

She was perplexed not to hear any form of response.

"Fine then! Hog them all for yourself," Tonks sighed.

Still they didn't respond. She found it so odd for the twins to be silent, and Ginny too.

"Guys?" Tonks asked, still not turning around.

She turned after more silence. Lupin was standing between Ginny and Fred, in his traveling cloak, looking incredivly impatient and not the slightest bit amused.

"Excuse me," he muttered, giving Tonks a displeased stare as he made his way around her to the door.

The minute the door shut, Fred George and Ginny burst out laughing. Tonks looked stunned. She couldn't help but wonder why he always had to catch her looking like an idiot and why he was so harshly judging her these days?

"You should have seen your face," Ginny choked.

Tonks was just about to jokingly accost them for not helping her, when she heard a voice from the Extendable Ear she hadn't taken out yet.

"What was that about?" Sirius asked.

"Just Nymphadora, misbehaving with the Wealseys," Remus sighed frustratedly.

Tonks felt her stomach drop, _misbehaving_? She pulled the fleshy string piece out of her ear. She was faced with three laughing teenagers and had no choice but to pretend to laugh along with them instead of scowl like she desired to.

* * *

On Monday night, there was another long Order meeting. Dumbledore had spent most of it stressing to Mundungus the importance of his duties following Harry. Tonks was excited to soon be faced with her frist guard duty. Dumbledore was telling the Order a lot in regard to Voldemort and what it was they were guarding, and explaining its absolute importance.

On top of that she sometimes helped the Weasley's clean out Grimmauld place. They'd started in the kitchen and finished it without her help and it almost looked brand new, even though it was still cold, damp and grey. One day, Tonks, Sirius, and the Weasleys, were all cleaning the dining room, or at least making it inhabitable. She was hovering the long table in the air and because of its weight she needed help from Bill and Sirius.

Everyone else was frantically running underneath bashing the dust out of the rug. Tonks knew it was pointless. The rug had to have been charmed to retain dust, because no matter what Ron, Ginny, the twins and Molly were doing, dust would just keep flying out of it. A girl called Hermione, who Tonks had assumed was Ron's girlfriend, had arrived the day before and she had her nose buried in a book of Sirius', looking up different charms and curses for dust removal. It was pointless though, mainly because Molly had a commanding ability when it came to household charms. Tonks had just stepped away from Sirius and Bill, not remembering she was keeping the table up, to tell Molly that maybe the rug had been cursed, when she heard a hoarse voice yell.

"Nymphadora! Watch out."

She turned to see Lupin looking at her with concern, and an arm out towards her. It all seemed to happen in a second. Ron and Ginny were pushed out of the way by Molly. Tonks, after looking up to see the table falling, jumped to get out the way only to get her foot caught around the bottom of Lupin's robes, sending herself backwards towards the rug.

Tonks lay face down on the carpet for a little while; the fall had knocked the wind out of her. She heard the table crash to the floor just behind her. When she was about to push herself up, she heard a loud sneeze coming from her right. Lupin had fallen with her and the amount of dust in the carpet that had been shaken loose by their bodies, seemed to have gone straight up his nose

Everyone in the room was already laughing and at the sight of Lupin continually sneezing. Sirius was bent over double holding his stomach and through a strained and breathless voice was yelling things like

"The look on his face," he bellowed through a strained and breathless voice. "And she couldn't have fallen more if she tried."

Lupin's sneezing seemed to have settled slightly but after every random sneeze he made, people would snigger again. Lupin stood up and turned around holding a hand out for Tonks. When Tonks looked up at him she was surprised to see he was nearly scowling with very flushed cheeks. She hadn't thought about the fact that maybe she'd embarrassed him, but even so, she felt he needed to grow up if that was the case. Tonks stood up by herself, glaring at him as she did so.

"Well Moony, at least we can say you've fallen for a new girl," Sirius barked, still laughing to himself.

Tonks laughed as she felt herself, and obviously her hair, blush. Lupin turned quickly and exited the room with one last sneeze. Out of the corner of her eye Tonks saw George and Fred pocket some of the dust on the floor. Quietly she hoped that she wasn't the one to fall victim to whatever they'd turn it into.

* * *

Tonks woke up the following day in her bed, with excitment buzzing in her stomach. Tonight was her first guard duty at the Ministry. Dumbledore had said she was going to be perfectly fine and she was more than capable. She couldn't help but be excited at the prospect of guarding a glass orb that changed the course of the Wizarding world.

She floo-ed to work, like always, and spent most of the day inside her cubicle going through useless documents about the dangers of sneakoscopes, and memo's about Ministry cover-ups for incidents she personally knew were Voldemort related. When Scrimgeour had finally skulked out of the office late that night, Kingsley appeared over her cubicle.

"Don't be too worried Tonks," his deep calming voice said, "it's not difficult at all. The hardest bit I found, was staying awake the entire evening."

Tonks laughed and took the invisibility cloak he was holding out for her.

"I'm not nervous, this will be fun," Tonks half lied. "Who do I contact if there's trouble? Where do I send the talking patronus thing Dumbledore taught us?"

Tonks had tried hard to sound confident, truthfully she was, she was an Auror and she loved a challenge, but she couldn't help feel a few nervous butterflies flapping around in her stomach.

"Don't worry, I'm sure someone will explain it."

Kingsley flashed her an all-to-knowing smile and then turned and left, leaving Tonks more confused than she'd felt before. Who could explain something if she was by herself?

* * *

After slipping the cloak on, and resisting the urge to go and trash Scrimgeour's office just to pay him back for all the work he'd given her, she made her way down to the lower levels of the Ministry. It was colder than she'd expected and she had to walk extra quietly because of the echo she was making on the stone floor. As she turned the corner towards the Department of Mysteries the hair on the back of her neck stood up and she stopped moving instantly. She had the strangest feeling like she was being watched, even though she was invisible.

She took up her first post in front of the entrance door. She stood beside it, unsure what to do. Should she pace up and down in front of it? Now that she was here her nerves had gone, she was in her element really and when she really thought about it she wanted to run into some trouble, stun some death eaters, escape from the grasps of trouble. As time passed the only thing that bothered her was that she was alone. Kingsley had been right, it really was dead boring. After the first hour she decided to do a walk through the actual department, but when she turned to put her hand on the door handle, she heard a noise somewhere nearby. Instinctively Tonks grabbed her wand, spun around and came face to face with a man. Lupin to be exact.

* * *

Tonks couldn't help but blink to check if he really was there. Her heart was going a million miles an hour, and her hand was shaking as it gripped her wand.

"Uh, Nymphadora, could you lower your wand?" Lupin said, gulping.

Tonks hadn't even noticed that she was still holding her wand at his throat.

"Sorry I'm just– what are you doing here? Don't call me Nymphadora," demanded Tonks.

Holding someone hostage with her wand was giving her a bit of an adrenalin rush.

"Well Dumbledore and I just thought– well I suppose, I thought, that because you're new and– "Lupin stuttered

"You thought I couldn't fend for myself?" Tonks interrupted, feeling a tiny bit of resentment building in her chest

"No, it's not that, I just meant– " Lupin muttered

"Because it's not like I'm this defenseless little girl. I mean I'm an Auror aren't I? I do dangerous things all the time, and I haven't been knocked off yet have I?"

Tonks could feel the resentment turning outrage. What right did he have to think she was useless? She could feel the tingling on her head and knew that her hair was changing colors the more she yelled. His sudden appearance here had touched on a nerve with Tonks. She hated people thinking that just because she was a girl, or a little clumsy, that she was incompetent.

"Just because you think I'm an idiot doesn't mean I am, you know. You just happen to see me when I am actually being an idiot, but I'm not always like–" Tonks went to continue but Lupin spoke over the top of her.

"Nymphadora," he said, pausing after she glared at him, "my apologies, Tonks. I'm not here because I think you need to be assisted. I think quite the opposite actually. I just, well, Moody sends Kingsley or myself for the first hour to be with the people on patrol who are new to the Order, just in case. He didn't want to risk anyone. But we aren't meant to reveal ourselves or say anything to the person. I'm guessing your feelings towards me in this moment is why."

Tonks looked at him for a moment. He looked so remorseful, and guilty, that it was too difficult to stay mad at him.

"So, why did you reveal yourself?" Tonks asked, curiously after a long pause.

"I, er, I'm not - I don't know," Lupin finally added honestly.

He stood still for a moment, biting his lip and Tonks could see lines form on his forehead, as he was no doubt thinking. He went to speak a few times, but would open his mouth before closing it again.

"It just felt like it was very wrong to be near you and not talk to you," he finally said..

There was a long awkward silence as Tonks digested his words. How could he go from being so rude and grumpy with her when they'd been together over the last week, to saying things like that, which were so adorably honest?

"My sincerest apologies Tonks, truly," Lupin said, looking at her with guilt. "If it is not too much, would you mind if this stayed between us?"

Tonks looked at him, she hadn't been this close to him ever, and here he was, standing very near her in a small hallway, begging her to keep a secret. A smile spread across her face.

"I can do that, _if_, you stay the whole night with me and keep me company."

"I think I could do that. Deal?" Lupin said, holding out his hand for her to shake.

She grasped his hand, trying to ignore the tingling on her scalp. Lupin smiled at her and sat down on the floor, his smile inviting her to do the same. Tonks sat down as Lupin cast the _Silencio_ charm and another Tonks didn't know which allowed them to see each other through their invisibility cloaks.

"So, what's Harry like?" Tonks said after a silence, ready to hear about the famous boy everyone seemed to know so well.

**To be continued…**


	4. The Reveal of Sunrise

**Hello there!**

**I'm trying so hard to keep Lupin very Lupin like. Hope I'm achieving it.**

**If anyone has idea about how he should behave, please tell me. I'm just making him very serious and intelligent now. With a little bit of humour in him but I'm not sure if that's right.**

**Also sparks/romance will actually be coming soon for those who are worried.**

**Thank you for reading this far! Reviews all very appreciated**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 4**

Remus Lupin sat on the floor out the Department of Mysteries. Beside him, a much younger colleague, Nymphadora Tonks. She was staring up at him, a look in her eyes directed toward him that he hadn't seen since his time teaching at Hogwarts. He carefully answered her, mentioning all the facts about Harry he knew, adding even his own thoughts that Harry was always trying to live up to his parents.

"You really care for him don't you?" Tonks asked unflinchingly.

Lupin smiled awkwardly at her.

"Yes, I suppose I do."

"Do you miss them? James and Lily, I mean." Tonks said, with the same tone of care that made Lupin squirm.

"Yes, a lot more now being back at the Order without them." He paused for a moment, he'd never really spoken about this to anyone and it was strange that it was to a girl he'd really never spoken to before. "But as I said, there's Harry. He's more like both of them than he realizes."

"I still can't believe you were a Professor," Tonks said, smiling slightly.

"I don't know if that's a compliment or otherwise," Lupin said, smiling at her as well. "I have a feeling I was there for Harry as well as to each. Dumbledore does watch out for him more than any other student."

"I doubt that," Tonks said off handedly.

Lupin creased his brow, confused at her.

"You doubt what?"

"I doubt that you were there for Harry, I think you were there for more than that. If you hadn't noticed, you're pretty smart and you already make me feel like I'm back in my school days when you talk," Tonks said, half laughing.

"I'm still unsure of whether to take those comments as a compliment," Lupin said, a small smile on his face still.

"I guess it would entirely depend on my opinion of Professors," Tonks muttered, nudging Lupin slightly.

"And your opinion was? Or given that I am here, and the source of judgment; your opinion is?"

"You were Defence against the Dark Arts teacher right?"

Lupin nodded caustiously. Tonks made a mock deep in thought face.

"You're in luck," Tonks said after a long drawn out pause. "I loved Defence. Won't lie, may have topped my grade."

Lupin laughed, thinking Tonks was exactly like her own cousin, and his best friend.

"This may sound strange, but would you appreciate something to eat?"

"Oh that would be brilliant," Tonks exclaimed.

Lupin reached into his jacket, pulling out a bar of Honeydukes choclate.

"Should I find it weird that you just carry choclate with you?" Tonks asked, her eyebrows raised.

"You could, I would much prefer it to make me seem more endearing," Lupin said, grinning at her.

He broke off a piece and handed it to her. The conversation seemed to move in different directions, as progressively the chocolate bar seemed to disappear quicker than usual, this would possibly be a result of having someone to share it with for the first time in a long while.

"Well, I suppose, to liven things up anymore, we do have Buckbeak," Lupin said, as Tonks had complained sarcastically of having no problems at all.

"Well, I get the feeling from Sirius, having Buckbeak in the house is just the same as having Mrs Black," Tonks said.

"With or without the small dead animals Buckbeak leaves everywhere?"

Tonks laughed, and Lupin felt himself warm at her laugh.

"Well, I say, comparing those two, you deeply offended hippogriffs the world over," Lupin muttered at her, holding the last piece of chocolate in his hand.

"Oh god," Tonks muttered, sounding worried. "You're not apart of some hippogriff rights group are you?"

"No, but I feel the longer you continue to insult them, Hermione may expand S.P.E.W to include them," Lupin said, and Tonks laughed again.

"She's forceful on that isn't she? I'm surprised she hasn't roped you in yet."

"Well, If it weren't for the sickle it costs to join, I'd probably be the lead spokesperson," Lupin joked.

"Then I'll have to tell her that I can spot you next time," Tonks suggested.

"Please don't," Lupin said, faking a pained expression.

Tonks laughed loudly, her hand landing on his as she accidently hit it instead of her leg. She moved it quickly, but continued to laugh. Lupin smiled as he thought about the evening so far. Tonks was not someone he had assumed, upon first glance, that he would really get along with, at least not at a level higher than colleagues. Surprisingly, he was greatly enjoying her company. She was sincere, witty, and already he knew she was far more intelligent that she gave herself credit for. Lupin looked down and moved to eat the last piece of choclate.

"_Accio,__"_ Tonks cried and the chocolate flew from his hand and into hers.

"That doesn't seem entirely fair."

"You snooze your lose," Tonks said.

Lupin moved his hand slowly towards his wand, and before he could even move it.

"Not a chance champ," Tonks said, throwing the last piece in her mouth. "I win."

Lupin smiled, impressed with her child like enthusiasm.

"Perhaps we should actually begin to do our duties," Lupin said after a silence in the conversation. "Would you like to walk though the hall of prophecies?"

Tonks happily accepted, and Lupin watched her eyes light up at the suggestion. He rose to his feet and turned back, holding a hand out for her. After glaring at him for few seconds she accepted it as if it was against her better judgment. Lupin held the door open for her as they walked inside and Tonks glared at him again.

"Are we going to have to have the defenseless little girl argument again, Remus?" she asked.

Lupin stood stunned for a second, feeling himself tense up at the thought of her yelling at him again. He'd thought they'd had a wonderful evening, and he had no idea why she would suddenly get so mad at him for opening a door.

"I'm kidding Remus," Tonks laughed. "Wow, I didn't think you'd be so easy."

She walked underneath his arm through the door and Lupin's nostrils were filled with a beautiful, intoxicating flowery scent he'd never smelt before. The door shut behind him, and as the two stood together in darkness, he felt like he'd just transformed. It took every ounce of his energy to stay rooted on the spot and not give into an over-whelming desire and go over, place his hands

"Why do you thing You-Know-Who wants this thing so bad?" Tonks asked brightly.

Lupin was thankful it was dark because the internal struggle he was having, would definitely have shown on his face

"I'm not sure," was all Lupin managed to grunt.

They stood in more silence soon after and Lupin leant against the wall, his head buzzing with ideas and images he couldn't shake.

_She's __your __colleague. __She's __young __and __whole __and __untainted. __Never._ A voice said.

_What __if __part __of __her __is __thinking __the __same __thing __right __now?_ A second voice said.

_She __wouldn't.__You'd __just __be __taking __advantage __of __her, __tricking __her __into __something._ The first voice argued.

_Maybe __she'd __like __my __secret. __She __doesn't __seem __to __be __that __normal, __infact __she __seems __the __exact __opposite_. The second shot back

_No, __there's __no __chance, __she __is __still __a __witch __and __they __all __were __brought __up __with __the __same __opinion __of __us_. The first said.

Lupin was snapped out his thoughts when Tonks's voice came quietly from the dark.

"Not that I don't mind standing in the dark Remus, but what are we doing? I was going to give you the honors of getting the door," Tonks muttered. "If you want me to though, I can."

Lupin raised his wand and spoke the incantation that made the doors spin, with the correct one stopping in front of him.

"Oh that's just brilliant," Tonks said, sounding amazed.

As soon as it started, Lupin's feelings seemed to stop. His mind had wrestled with itself and settled on one point, it was not possible. More than that, it was not fair to her, she deserved better than him. Lupin couldn't help but watch her as they made their way through the Department of Mysteries. He loved watching her taking in her new surroundings. It was that youthful joy he'd lost so long ago that he could see in her energy, her face, and everything about her. Lupin had been forced to become mature early and all he wanted was to unlock that child like part of him, but he never could.

"So do you really reckon he's back?" Tonks asked, sounding distracted as they stopped at the prophecy with Harry and Voldemort's name on it.

"Yes. If Harry and Dumbledore say so, then I believe them. I'd trust Fudge as much as I'd trust Hinkypunk. Wherever they lead you, you're going to end up worse than when you started," said Lupin firmly.

"This could make me sound like an absolute child, but what was it like last time? When Voldemort was strong, did it feel like this?" Tonks asked and it struck Lupin as odd that she wasn't asking with fear, but with a type of subdued eagerness.

"It felt like this, yes. But I feel like we're more on top of things than we were before. A lot of us are older and some of us are wiser and we're already tracking Death Eaters. We're already a step above him right now, watching this prophecy." Lupin tried to speak with more confidence that he had.

Truthfully he felt uneasy, exactly like he did the last time. Except this time, he didn't have all his best friends with him every step of the way.

"It's strange, don't you think," Tonks said quietly, staring at the prophecy, "whatever the message is in that thing, changed everything."

"Yes that's true," Lupin mumbled, as he stared at it too.

"Hey! Lets go check if you or I have one!" Tonks yelled with excitement.

Once again Lupin smiled at her youthfulness as she grabbed his hand and they moved quickly in a different direction. He was obviously not only one to have felt the tingling feeling as they touched, because Tonks's hair went from purple to blue as they ran through the aisles. They finally stopped after searching what seemed like an endless amount of shelves, Tonks having tripped over numerous times and nearly knocking some prophecies off the shelves. Lupin had helped her initially but eventually couldn't help but laugh at her. Lupin looked at his watch, it was nearly 4 am and they had to be out in half an hour.

"Well this wasn't as bad as Kingsley said it would be. He made it sound dead boring," Tonks said, with an air of surprise.

"Well, you have the good fortune of having company, without it, . I was aimlessly walking through the shelves for 3 hours because I knew if I sat down I would fall asleep." Lupin remarked

"Good fortune? That would have required to be good company," Tonks said and Lupin raised his eyebrows at her, knowing she'd had just as good a time as him.. "Wait! You're who Kingsley was talking about. So you really were told to come here by Dumbledore then."

"Did you think I was lying?" Lupin asked.

"No. Well, kind of. I was thinking that you, er, came just because you wanted to talk to me or something." Tonks mumbled, her face blushing wildly as well as her hair.

Lupin smiled sincerely down at her as they stood face to face between two shelves

"Well, I guess I did un-cloak myself for that reason. So you would not be entirely incorrect."

Lupin thought back to a few days before sitting in the headquarters with Dumbledore, Sirius and Moody.

* * *

Lupin and Moody were sitting inside the dining room listening to Sirius, once again, arguing with Dumbledore about Harry. Dumbledore had called Lupin and Moody in about a job he needed them to do.

"…I just don't see why he has to rot away in the foul place Dumbledore. It's not right! Haven't heard how they treat him! Do you even bother to care about how it feels to be locked up in the most miserable place possible?" Sirius said loudly

Lupin thought he saw a flash of anger in Dumbledore's blue eyes, but he turned to Sirius calm as anything.

"I have told you what I want for Harry, Sirius. I know it is not the best thing for him, but I thought you more than anyone would want him safe above anything else. He is protected there, by more than just our guard. I am doing this with his best interests at heart I assure you–" Dumbledore was interrupted by a loud thud; Sirius had hit the table with his fist.

"Best interests! You don't understand how it feels Dumbledore, how miserable and angry he must be right now," growled Sirius.

"Enough!" Dumbledore had finally raised his voice, making Lupin feel very uncomfortable. "He cannot know. I don't want him doing something foolish. I do worry about his well-being, but this how it needs to be. I'm sorry, but that's my final word Sirius."

Sirius sat back and stared moodily into the corner. He had become far more aggressive these days.

"Moving on. We have another new guard this week and I need someone to watch her," Dumbledore said calmly, as if the argument had never happened.

"Nymphadora?" Moody asked and Dumbledore nodded. "Right, I'll do it. She should be fine though. She's not always good on her feet but she's an excellent witch Dumbledore."

Lupin's ears had pricked up at the sound of her name. She was an odd character but Lupin couldn't help but admire her. She was so young and yet she had the capabilities to be friends with everyone, older, younger, male or female. She was fun, yet Lupin had always managed to be with her when he needed to be serious and she was not.

"That's very kind of you Alastor, but I need you to help me with something at Hogwarts. Remus if it's not too much trouble, could you go?" Dumbledore asked politely.

Lupin looked at Dumbledore, who was smiling at him.

"Yes of course."

Dumbledore then said his goodbyes. Sirius got up and skulked out of the door straight to the attic to feed Buckbeak, Lupin assumed. Moody turned to him.

"Good luck with her Remus. She's a handful,"

He then marched straight out the door before Lupin could even ask, why?

* * *

After walking back through the Department of Mysteries, Lupin and Tonks slowly made their way to the Atrium, talking – well Tonks was talking. She was telling him all about her family and asking questions about his time at Hogwarts. She was talking so much she barely allowed him to answer anything. By the time they were outside the sky was turning pink.

"Want to watch the sunrise?" Tonks asked, "I haven't been awake to watch one since the raids we had to do last year."

They walked towards a bench nearby. Lupin could hardly believe the spectacle before them. It was possibly the most beautiful sunrise he'd ever seen. Pink and orange mixed in with blue sky as if it were liquid. Birds were chirping and the morning air was crisp and fresh. It was like the two of them had entered a world without sadness, the looming threat of war or Voldemort. Lupin couldn't lie, the time with Tonks had been more fun than he'd ever expected. She was so different to who he thought she was.

"So what are you doing next week?" Lupin asked casually.

"Why?" Tonks said, looking confused.

"I've got my guard duty. I wondered if you wanted to make mine as entertaining as this?" He said, smiling at her. "Hopefully it won't start with a wand at my throat."

"Oh" Tonks said, standing and flashing Lupin a cheeky smile "Where's the fun otherwise?"

Lupin stood up as well. Both were looking at each other for a moment, until finally Tonks moved towards him and wrapped her arms around him. Lupin hugged her back, her scent filling his nostrils all over again. They could have been holding each other for an eternity, or even a few seconds, Lupin couldn't tell, but eventually noise from a few people who'd been steadily filling the streets made them stop. Lupin and Tonks walked away from each other in different directions. He smiled. He didn't know how to feel. All he could do was walk through the streets of London smiling. If, just for a moment, she had made Lupin forget that transforming tomorrow night was going to be unbearable.

**To be continued…**


	5. The Wizard Waltz

**Morning (afternoon, evening, or whenever I'm catching you)**

**Thank you for the reviews and for reading this far. The response has been way bigger than I expected. Truthfully I kinda thought everyone would hate this story.**

**Lupin is gaining his confidence and losing it at the same time. Isn't life wonderful?**

**Did I mention I loved reviews?**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 5**

"I want all the information possible on that new sighting of Sirius Black in Wales." Scrimgeour growled at the Aurors sitting around the meeting table. "And someone take a look into the Ministry official, you know the one that's always in pink, who went to Azkaban without approval."

Nymphadora Tonks, who was sitting as far down the table as possible, attempted to stifle her laugh. Tonks had always tried being as serious as possible when it came to work, but sometimes she just couldn't help it. This week however, no matter how hard she tried to be serious, she just couldn't. She couldn't keep her mind away from the last Order of the Phoenix meeting.

* * *

Tonks had been excited for it since Kingsley had cornered her at work and told her about it the days beforehand. Of course she was excited for the normal reasons, talking about killing death eaters and battling Lord Voldemort, but there was something more. It was going to be the first time she would see Remus Lupin since spending an entire night talking to him in the depths of the Ministry of Magic.

Slowly the Order members trickled in and Tonks conveniently managed to sit next to Sirius, with an empty seat on her other side. A few others came in, but still no Lupin. Tonks got up to leave, mumbling something about the bathroom. She walked out into the hallway, hoping he'd be standing there maybe talking to Dumbledore privately like usual. But he wasn't.

Tonks glanced up after seeing some movement. Her hopes were once again dashed when she saw only the Weasley children and Hermione Granger standing on the staircase with Extendable Ears. She smiled at them all as they waved. When she returned, Professor McGonagall, or Minerva as Tonks had been instructed to call her now she was no longer a student, had taken up the empty seat next to Tonks'.

As the meeting started, Tonks couldn't help thinking that he wasn't there because of her. Because maybe he thought he'd divulged too much in her, or maybe he was embarrassed by it? All Tonks knew for sure; she was being avoided. Tonks tried to push the thoughts away; the more she was thinking about him, the more she started to feel like a pathetic little schoolgirl.

"I trust everything during your guard was all in order Nymphadora?" Dumbledore asked, catching her attention.

"Yes, sir," Tonks replied a lot less confidently than she wished

"Nothing to report?" He asked again

"Er, no. Should there be, sir?" Tonks said confused

Dumbledore merely smiled at her in a way that made her feel anxious. Did Dumbledore know about Lupin being there? Tonks felt panic rising even at the thought.

"Not at all Nymphadora. But you do need no longer call me sir. I, just like yourself, am also embarrassed by the names give by other people," Dumbledore chuckled in his own strange way.

The group returned to an animated discussion about Voldemort's movements. Tonks attempted to join but all discussion was stopped when Sirius and Molly had started yet another argument about Harry and what to tell the children. Sirius seemed far more irritable than Tonks had ever seen.

Harry had started the first proper conversation with Lupin that night. She thought that if Lupin had been here sitting at the table, his eyes burning into her, how difficult it would have been to suppress a grin when lying to Dumbledore about having an uneventful guard duty. She couldn't help but smile just thinking about it. Before quickly stopping, remembering that he had obviously meant nothing to him. When the discussion turned to Ministry and how to deal with Fudge, Tonks had to stop pitying herself and actually contribute.

* * *

Tonks had left Grimmauld place that night as soon as the meeting was done, not even staying for dinner like she normally did. Now, less than a week, she was still stuck in the Auror meeting wishing more than ever that Scrimgeour would just shut up. When she returned to her cubicle, after what felt like a lifetime inside that meeting room, Tonks was delighted to find a purple paper plane resting on her desk with some familiar writing inside.

_Phoenix 7:30 tomorrow GP_

Tonks knew straight away it was from Kingsley, but for the first time the eagerness and normal level of youthful excitement for another meeting, did not spread through her. This time it was dread and anxiety. She didn't want to come face to face with a very awkward Remus Lupin tomorrow. But she also didn't want to sit through another meeting without him, knowing he was avoiding her. The paper plane burst into flames and Tonks watched it burn to nothing. Either way she looked at it; tonight wouldn't be a good meeting.

* * *

She awoke the next morning in her flat. She had the morning off after Scrimgeour, in the end, had stopped her and Dawlish going to Azkaban to investigate the Ministry visitor there. She knew it'd been a while, so she set out for her parent's house. She apparated right into their front lawn, accidently falling into a gnome hole and rolling her ankle after taking her first step.

She walked through the wide-open front door, laughing to herself at how secure her home had always been.

"Mum? Dad?" Tonks yelled through the house.

Tonks had always loved her parents home. It was only a small cottage, about 2 hours out of London, but in the summer she was able to fly around on her broomstick because of the size of their block of land. Every time she visited, she was always tempted to grab her Comet Two-Sixty from the broom closet and play her normal one person Quidditch match. Sadly it was rarely as fun as the real thing.

"Dora?"

"Yeah," Tonks said, still staring at the broom closet.

"In the kitchen, sweetheart," Her mothers voice rang out.

Tonks walked towards the kitchen, finding her mother sitting back reading Witch Weekly, while some vegetables were washing, cutting and cooking themselves.

"What are you doing here, Dora?" Andromeda asked, looking up from behind the magazine "Oh I wish you'd just let your hair be natural! You look so pretty with it."

"No. I look dull and miserable with my brown hair," Tonks told her mother as she allowed her hair to flush a deeper violet.

Her mother scoffed.

"But I had the morning off so thought I'd come out here and visit my lovely parents," said Tonks sweetly

"What do you _really_ want?" Andromeda asked, raising an eyebrow

"_Maybe_ I wanted to go on my broom," Tonks said with a sly smile on her face.

Andromeda laughed and waved her wand, which cast a few more charms that cleaned up her cooking mess.

"You can take it with you if you want. How's the Order going?" She asked, folding up the Witch Weekly

"It's good. I had my first proper duty last week." Tonks said, marveling at her mothers charm-work.

"Who's in it this time?"

"Well, Dumbledore, Kingsley from work, Moody, Minerva McGonagall, Hagrid, the Weasleys, you remember Bill and Charlie from Hogwarts? Yeah, their whole family is involved. Then Diggle, Hestia, Mundungus Fletcher, Figgy, Doge. Podmore and Emmeline Vance came back, if you remember them and then Sirius of course," Tonks listed, counting them off on her fingers.

"How is Sirius? I wish he could come up here and visit. He used to, just after your father and I moved in." Andromeda replied

Tonks made her way to a stool near the sink and sat down as she explained about his moods and arguments. Andromeda frowned.

"Doesn't sound much like him. I suppose, I wouldn't know anymore. How's his other friend, Remus? He always visited with Sirius," Andromeda asked.

Tonks felt a lot like a little girl being asked what the teachers were like after her first day at school. She grinned sheepishly at the thought of being taught by Lupin at Hogwarts. Before shaking her head at the strange image and how much she liked it in a very different sense.

"He's okay, he seems a bit pompous though," Tonks half-lied.

"I don't remember him being like that at all. He was a lovely man when I knew him, and very intelligent. He seemed genuinely thrilled to be friends with everyone in the Order. I always wondered how he put up with Sirius and James. Perhaps you're catching him at the wrong moments, Dora." Andromeda told her, gaining that parental tone.

Tonks lent back onto the kitchen table accidently knocking a cup and saucer into the sink. She wanted to tell her mum all about the guard duty. About how she thought Lupin was now ignoring her and embarrassed by her company.

"Mum I–" Tonks started to say but before she could finish her sentence, a deeper voice came from a different direction, nearly making Tonks fall completely off the stool.

"Dora if you keep coming over we're going to run out of things to eat off. You dropped a plate last time and now look," Ted Tonks said with a grin to match his daughters.

Tonks saw the smashed cup in the sink, and turned back to her dad with a guilty smile as he laughed.

"What were you going to say, Dora?" Andromeda asked, surveying Tonks.

"Um– I was going to say– I'm going to take my broomstick," Tonks lied.

After lunch with her parents, Tonks grabbed her broomstick, threw on Moody's invisibility cloak and set flight for London.

* * *

Tonks could feel the wind rushing through her violet short hair and that familiar whooping sensation in her stomach that she got when she flew. An enormous grin spread across her face. As the joy of flying wore off slightly Tonks was able to think clearer than she had in days. Her Mum had a point; she had been catching Lupin at some weird times. But the longer she thought the less and less this reason seemed to make sense. Why was he so normal that night on guard duty then? Her mothers words seemed to echo in her ears, "he seemed genuinely thrilled to be friends with everyone," and that was true still today. Lupin made time to talk to everyone, even Mundungus.

Tonks shook her head, all these thoughts about Lupin and she didn't even understand why.

_We're__just__colleagues,__kind__of,_she mused_,__maybe__a__friendship__was__forming,__but__maybe__that__was__me__just__being__an__idiot,__like__he'd__expect__me__to__be._

With that final thought Tonks took a dive on her broom hoping the sudden change would shake her of her thoughts. She made the spectacular dive just over the M1, dodging signs and traffic lights. Flying really was the only way to travel.

* * *

Tonks walked into Grimmauld Place that night nowhere near as eager or jittery as normal. She stopped at the end of the hallway, leaning on the banister. Her head was yelling at her to turn around and leave the horrible feeling behind. She couldn't bear to walk through the door to the dining hall and see that Lupin wasn't there, _again_. Then she would know that he was definitely avoiding her and all the stupid thoughts she'd had were right. The confidence and the happiness about forming a friendship with him would have been one_big_naive mistake. But she also didn't think she could handle seeing that he actually was there tonight, staring at her in his own weird way.

"Tonks! Are you all right?" said a voice from the stairs beside her.

Tonks turned to see flaming red hair, and her face softened at the sight of Ginny, holding one end of an Extendable Ear.

"Oh yeah, fine," Tonks lied, feeling a forced smile come across her face. "You guys going to be spying again?"

"Well we wanted to but we can't hear anything!" Ginny sighed

"Molly's probably put a _Imperturbable_ charm on the door, she was talking about it in the last meeting," Tonks informed her, trying to sound bright and cheerful like normal.

"Damn! Oi Fred, George!" Ginny whispered up the stairs "It's not going work tonight."

Ginny threw the fleshy piece of string back up and turned to trudge up the stairs miserably

"Oi, Gin," Tonks said in a hushed voice. "I know what you can do."

Ginny turned around and Tonks noticed the child-like hopefulness in her face

"The way to check if she's done the charm; is to throw stuff at the door, if you can't see it hitting the actual door then it's been _Impertured._It was a trick we used to do at school to see if we could listen in on the staff room when they were sorting out punishments." said Tonks, grinning at her.

* * *

She opened the door and looked wildly around the room. Tonks gave a great sigh. He wasn't there. She dropped into a seat next to Molly and the strangest thing seemed to happen. Instead of being upset at the fact that Lupin was avoiding her, she was getting angry.

Just as the anger seemed to peak, Moody, who was blocking a few people from view while he was talking to Dumbledore, sat back down. There he was. Sitting next to Sirius looking more tired and shabbier than Tonks remembered. He gave a feeble smile in her direction. Her anger disappeared at the sight of him. She couldn't be angry with someone who looked so broken, not right now anyway.

Once again the meeting seemed to focus on tracking Death Eaters. Everyone had become concerned with Lucius Malfoy, who was on Fudge's good side purely by his own pocket. Kingsley and Arthur reported that they'd seen Malfoy hanging around the Department of Mysteries more than normal. Kingsley managed to get some plans of the Department of mysteries and Moody was taking the whole group through extra detailed new routes to take on duty.

Even though the meeting had fascinated her, she couldn't help but look at Lupin. He was acting so strangely. He looked as if he was concentrating but there was none of the usual focus and determination in his expression. He was hunched and looked completely exhausted. His strange behavior reminded Tonks of an animal licking its wounds. When the meeting culminated when Dumbledore asked for some time to talk with Lupin alone.

* * *

The rest of the Weasleys filed in, and a few of the Order members stayed for dinner. Tonks, on Ginny's request, was showing Hermione all about her 'gift.' Soon both of them were shouting animals for her to imitate and the table would laugh, as she obliged to their requests. Lupin had somehow managed to slip back into the room unnoticed and took a seat far away from the laughter, next to Moody. Tonks caught sight of him and saw that whatever color he had left in his face during the meeting, had now drained.

"Can you lot keep it down?" Moody growled from his end of the table

"Oh have some fun Mad Eye!" Tonks yelled back.

She flicked her wand and an explosion of confetti shot from her wand landing on Moody.

As the table started to giggle quietly as if afraid of his reaction, his face seemed to soften, which given his unusual facial features wasn't exactly a pretty sight. Tonks, who knew Moody too well, laughed louder at everyone's anxiety.

* * *

As the rest of the children made their way upstairs after dessert, the small group of Order members stayed around for warm drinks, or fire-whiskey in Sirius' case. Moody also managed to get a bottle to himself and as the night wore on and the numerous drinks had no doubt taken effect, Sirius turned on music and Tonks saw that he was happier than she'd seen him in a while. A wild grin was stuck on his face. He came past and pulled Tonks out of her seat, still smiling as he turned to Molly and Arthur.

"Come on Tonks, let's show them what our noble blood can do." He barked.

Molly had been trying to explain the Wizard Waltz to Hestia Jones and was using Arthur to demonstrate. Tonks had noticed that Arthur's ears were turning redder, as Molly made him twirl her around like a kneazel on show.

Sirius directed Tonks into the centre of the room and started throwing her around. Tonks couldn't help but feel like she was back on her broomstick. Her stomach was jumping about as Sirius got too enthusiastic with his twirls and dips. Tonks on the other hand was struggling to keep up, her feet weren't quite working at well as Sirius was forcing them too. Her clumsiness had never allowed her to dance. When Sirius seemed content with how much better he was that Molly and Arthur, he leapt on Hestia Jones bringing her up with him to dance.

Leaving Tonks standing to the side. She was attempting to hide in the small audience, just in case Hestia wasn't a good enough partner for Sirius. But it was difficult to walk straight, considering how dizzy she felt.

"Lupin! Take over for me," Sirius cried, nodding towards Tonks

Tonks glanced quickly over at Lupin. He and Moody had obviously been in the middle of a conversation involving the blueprints of the Ministry, as they were on the table in front of them. Lupin was now looking at Sirius dumbfounded and Tonks thought slightly incredulously as well. Knowing he wasn't going to at all, Tonks turned to have a conversation with someone, but found now Lupin standing beside her.

"Look, obviously you don't want to, so I'm not going to force you," said Tonks, taking a step away from him.

Lupin took another step in her direction. Tonks stared at him scornfully as she took another step away. Lupin stepped towards her once more, looking slightly nervous.

"Who said I didn't?" Lupin muttered

Tonks met his eyes. He was serious.

"Would you like to dance?" Lupin asked, holding his hand out.

"I, er– " Tonks started ready to tell him no way, but she found him suddenly giving her his polite smile, the one she saw every once in a while.

"I promise you, I am nothing like Sirius. I do however feel we could find a solution to that balance problem of yours," Lupin explained, sounding every bit the teacher.

"Let me guess, an equilibrium spell?" Tonks asked, but Lupin had already placed a hand on her waist, high on her waist, and without meaning to, she followed suit, placing her hand on his shoulder. Damn him.

"It's a different method to find a solution, but I assure you, it can work."

He grabbed her other hand and held it up, she ignored that fact she was holding hands with him. They were far softer than she'd expected. He put some pressure about her hips and they were dancing.

"And you chose to make me dance instead of doing it?"

"We are in fact doing it," Lupin said, in an annoyingly superior voice.

"What?"

"This. It's the Wizard Waltz. Dancing is a way to learn the proportions of the body, and to move it all together in perfect unison," Lupin explained.

"Dancing? Are you aware how bad I am at dancing? I've already trodden on your feet three times," Tonks exclaimed.

"Precisely the point," Lupin said, smiling at her annoyingly again. "Just trust me."

Tonks thought it was a bit rich, especially given how he'd been ignoring her, but something made her listen to him. She thought, as they danced, he really must have been a wonderful teacher. He seemed to have patience about him and a look that would make people do things without them realizing he had in fact wanted them to. They moved around in a box step with certain unique flourishes, and eventually, she started screwing up less, and after even longer, she was moving fluently, though still occasionaly standing on his toes, which he was ignoring.

"I'm not one to gloat, however I– "

"Careful," Tonks muttered, looking up at him with a cheeky smile. "My extent of clumsiness may surprise you."

He laughed and Tonks laughed as well. His eyes stayed locked on hers for longer than would have felt necessary. The rest of the world seemed to melt a way. She was close enough to see every scar on his prematurely lined face. She had never seen someone so damaged with so much life coming from their eyes. The side of Lupin's mouth twitched as if he was trying to suppress a smile.

She became aware that Lupin's hands had slipped slightly lower down her waist. Then, it was like the atmosphere changed, and things became tenser. Lupin inched closer to her as they moved and Tonks felt her body tingle slightly. They locked eyes, and did not move them. Neither had to look down to check their stepping, it was as if their bodies were in sync. Tonks felt as light as air when Lupin twirled her.

When she was brought back to Lupin's chest, closer than she was before. She could feel his heart beating quite quickly, matching her own. She couldn't see anything in the room but him, and judging by the look on his face, neither could he. This whole moment felt entirely out of character for him, yet he seemed to be behaving so effortlessly that she thought perhaps she did not really know his character.

Her stomach was jumping about again but for a completely different reason to dizziness. Tonks didn't even feel herself drop as Lupin dipped her. He was so smooth, and graceful in a way she had not expected. It was so calculated, well that she had expected, but she wondered why he had looked so annoyed at the prospect when Sirius at asked him.

They came back together, and Tonks feel his eyes on her before she even saw it. He was studying her again, it was that same look he'd caught her staring with a few times. Perhaps she confused him? Tonks was used to doing that. Yet, with Lupin, she had the strange feeling that he wasn't. Tonks wondered if maybe she was confused by himself.

She was spun around and then dipped again, but this time, Lupin held her above the ground for a moment. She felt her breath escape her. In one moment she had gone from anger to adoration. He looked as if something was trying to escape, but he was holding it back. She saw his eyes rake down her face, and rest upon her lips Her heart skipped a beat. Then it was like the whole world crashed down around them again. She became very aware that she was in a room full of people she was still getting to know. His eyes wdien in fear, and she knew he had come to the same halting realization.

He moved her back up, not meeting her eye.

"I er– "

"I'm sorry," he said in a hoarse voice, cutting her off. "I'm terribly sorry."

And he was gone, before she even realized he'd let her go. She could hear some congratulations, and mumurs of shock at her ability to dance.

"I could have done that! That's easy. Hestia, once more – Hestia?" Sirius said, looking around for her but after watching Tonks and Lupin, she seemed to have slipped out the door very quickly at the mention of a second dance with Sirius.

"Oh wasn't that wonderful. Remember when we used to be as good as that Arthur. I remember at our wedding–" Molly Weasley's voice faded away as she left the room with Arthur.

Tonks stood frozen for a long time, unaware of what exactly just happened. Did he apologise? Did he really just apologise? What was there to apologise for? Was he embarrassed for dancing with her? She found herself at the table without ever knowing how she'd got there. After a few moments, it seemed to only be her and Sirius left. He leant back in his chair, flicking his wand at bottle of fire whiskey, which poured two glasses and one slid down the table toward her.

"Well, safe to say I've never seen him look at, or even be that close to a girl like that before!" Sirius said with an amazed tone. "Strange to think it was with you."

Tonks, who was still somewhere else in her mind, was brought back to the room by the insult.

"What's that supposed to mean, my dear cousin?" Tonks snapped taking a sip and flexing her hand near her visible wand.

"I didn't mean it that way, Dora. Nice to see you could co-ordinate your hair changes with his dance moves however. Never seen it flush a red that deep before," Sirius noted, winking at Tonks before grinning broadly.

"It does that all the time," Tonks said very unconvincingly, blushing more if that was even possible.

There was a long silence. Sirius just continued to smile and drink his drink in the very annoying I-know-something-you-don't-know kind of way.

"If we weren't related I would find a way to wipe that smile off your face. In fact, being related shouldn't stop me. I'd get awards for it at work," Tonks muttered, flexing her hand near her wand again.

Sirius laughed, and before long, Tonks left Grimmmauld Place. She stood outside the front on the stoop, deciding to walk home. It was a cool night, and Tonks needed the time to think. Moody possibly would kill her for being so lax in her security. She arrived at her house and threw herself on her bed.

"What's his problem?" Tonks said out-loud, venting some frustration.

What had Sirius meant about Lupin not looking at a girl that way before? She didn't even notice her hair had been flicking colors. It hadn't done that since the first time she'd met him. Tonks knew how strange it would sound, but ever since talking to him after their first meeting, Tonks had this strange idea that her and Lupin would get along really well. It was just one of those feelings people get and can never explain. She had it with him, and they would get along and then they wouldn't. But he apologized? What did he think had happened? Was she completely off the page for thinking he had wanted to kiss her? She had to have been. Why on earth would he have left her so fast and apologized?

She wondered if he'd even want to see her again. What on earth had she done? Why did he make her feel so strange? She wanted to talk to him and hope that with his vast amount of knowledge he could help her. But after that night, Tonks didn't know if she'd ever see him again. It was then Tonks remembered that he'd invited her on his guard duty the next week. A mischievous grin spread across her face as she got under the bed covers and slowly drifted off to asleep.

**To be continued…**


	6. The New Happy Memory

**Long chapter is long.**

**This was supposed to include more, but I feel we need to cover a little bit more of Lupin to gain some more understanding.**

**I'm sure you won't mind? More Lupin the better I say!**

******If you're wondering why I called his father John? JKR had a habit of giving some boys thier fathers name as thier middle name. I followed this.**

**I'm loving the response as always. Reviews are the best part of my day. You are all my favourite people ever.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 6**

Remus Lupin stood at Kings Cross Station, smiling. For some people this may not have seemed like a strange thing to be doing, but for Lupin it was. This evening, by the time the full moon was shining high in the night sky, his entire body would elongate, mass amounts of hair would grow all over and he would loose all control of himself. He would become a werewolf.

It was this process, that made it difficult for Lupin to smile lately. There was little to be thankful for when the world you live in and yearn for acceptance from, despises you to the very core.

Today was a different day. He had managed to spend the entire night inside the Department of Mysteries, and it was not because he had his own guard duty, but because of Nymphadora Tonks. She had asked him to stay with her after she'd caught him following her. He spent all of this morning walking through London with happiness burning like a light inside him.

There was however, a small thought eating away at his warm glow. He knew the moment she found out his secret, as she seemed far to warm toward him to not know, she would desert him like all the others. For now, he ignored that thought as much as possible. The train he was waiting for came sliding onto the platform, and with an uncharacteristic spring in his step, he boarded it, finding a seat by the window.

He watched dreary London turn into beautiful countryside as he passed through the Lake District. Lupin marveled at the weather out here. It looked as good as he felt. The sun was shining down on green rolling hills and expansive lakes. Lupin took a deep breath, ever since a certain Metamorphagus wrapped her arms around him; a beautiful flowery scent had lingered on his clothes. He liked the smell, and though he had an inkling why he did, he refused to admit it to himself.

As he stared out the window watching beautiful green fields fly by, Lupin could hear the conversation with Tonks echoing in his ears. He'd already started liking the fact that she could be so caring and kind and at the same time so mischievous and fun. It was a balance his two best friends had never quite mastered. He had also managed to see the darker side of her as well. The thought of Tonks yelling at him still made him feel uncomfortable.

Lupin had told her more about his feelings than he'd ever told anyone, not because she was particularly special, but because he felt he could tell her. By the time Lupin got off at his desired station, the sun was close to setting. He made his way up some very familiar streets, turning into a driveway after about ten minutes of walking.

He was facing a very overgrown and abandoned looking house. His home, or his parents home at least. Lupin had spent his time here since leaving his job at Hogwarts. This was his place, the place where it all began. He surveyed his backyard, his eyes stopped on the shed. That was where Fenrir Greyback had ambushed him when he was only a young boy. He could still remember it clearly.

* * *

He had spent all day outside because his parents were arguing again. They had spent most of the week arguing. There was always an awkward silence whenever he'd walk into the house. He overheard his mother the night before, yelling at John, his father, about how maybe he could just talk to someone and undo it, they could move and sell the house and give them the money.

Lupin didn't have a clue what was happening but after the yelling stopped, his mother came into his room every night and hugged him for what felt like hours. Remus pretended to be asleep just so she would loosen her grip, but she just continued to sob. So that next day, he was going to be as far away from the yelling as possible. He, like every child, hated when his parents yelled.

He'd been trying to catch fish in the river near his house. He'd caught nothing and knew he'd have to give up now that it was dark. On his walk back he heard footsteps that weren't his own. All day Lupin had felt like someone was following him, he could have sworn he heard noises whenever he moved.

Just as he had passed his swing set, he heard an unfamiliar laugh, but it sounded more like a growl. Lupin turned and looked around, but no one was there. As he turned back to keep walking, he heard it again. He spun around quickly and thought he saw movement in the trees, which were bathed in the light of the full moon now rising in the sky.

He set off back to his house walking quicker than normal. He was just walking past the shed when he heard more footsteps that weren't his own and a howl of pain. He turned around and what he saw paralyzed him with fear.

It was a man, or at least it seemed like one. Lupin had thought he looked more like a wolf than a human. He was hunched, very hairy, bigger than any man and he'd grown claws on his hands and feet. He was running directly towards Remus, who was still frozen against the shed wall. The wolf-man was running at full pace but it looked as if being on two legs was so difficult for him.

As he got closer, Lupin could hear his panting breath and finally his great big hairy hands pushed Lupin harder into the wooden wall, splinters dug deep into his back painfully. Lupin could smell sweat, dirt and blood all mixed together. Up close this man looked even more like a wolf. He was baring his pointed teeth at Lupin.

He was making the growling sound again but now Lupin knew it had never been a laugh. As a realization dawned on him providing such fear that Lupin felt his eyes bulge and his heart stop. This thing was a werewolf. Lupin screamed for his parents, his legs unable to move quick enough, and his heart beating louder and faster than ever. The growling was at his ears, and before he could even brace himself, the werewolf rammed into him, and Lupin was tossed aside onto the hard ground like a doll. Feeling very dazed, he opened his eyes to see the werewolf making a dash towards his house. Lupin stood up groggily and chased after him.

He was afraid of it, terrified in fact, but he would do anything to protect his mother. The werewolf snarled at Lupin when it noticed him. It raised a giant hand and hit Lupin squarely in the jaw; a dull snap and rush of pain let Lupin know his jaw had broken. Lupin heard his mother screaming and his father was yelling something, but all Lupin could make out was "Not him! Please not my son!"

He felt the werewolf's hot breath on his skin again and the smell of blood was stronger now than before. Lupin felt a hard blow to his torso and the snapping of ribs as he landed roughly on the ground. Lupin's head was spinning, pain was building all over his body and he was starting to feel sleepy. He could feel a wet patch on his shirt just below where his ribs had broken.

He was bleeding, badly. The werewolf jumped back onto Lupin again. He suddenly felt a pain unlike any he'd ever experienced. He screamed and thrashed around but it didn't stop. As he opened his eyes he saw the werewolf ripping apart the flesh around Lupin's wound with its claws. It moved up and Lupin felt teeth sink into the flesh around his collarbone.

Lupin screamed and screamed for his parents, as the pain had reached an excruciating level. It was like a thousand white-hot knives cutting into his skin. His mother had broken down sobbing on the ground and his father was frozen in shock. There was a loud howling somewhere in the distance and the werewolf jumped off Lupin, and then he was gone.

Lupin's father rushed to his side picking him up, running with him inside the house. Lupin was barely conscious, his head was spinning and everything was blurry. All he could hear was the screaming and sobbing of himself, and his mother. The pain didn't leave when the biting had stopped either. All through his body it felt like his blood was on fire. It was becoming too much for Lupin to keep his eyes open. He could only see blood everywhere. On himself, the floor, the table he was on, his father and his mother were all dripping blood, his blood.

Unable to take the pain any longer, Lupin passed out. Only to wake up in St Mungo's sometime later.

* * *

Lupin shuddered as the memory passed through him. His body flinched as he touched the scars on his shoulder; it was still raw and pink, even this many years on. The healers at St Mungo's told him they never would. Lupin had later found out that his father owed a friend of Greybacks a lot of money because of a poker game gone wrong. Instead of giving the money to Greyback when he turned up to collect it, Lupin's father had insulted him, calling him a lapdog and a slave. Fenrir swore to return at full moon and punish him by attacking his child. Lupin had never truly blamed his father.

He did not know Greybacks absolute hatred of werewolf's who were slaves to humans, so had not said it armed with the knowledge that it would insult him to the point of blind rage. His mother had never been the same after. She had always loved her son, that had never changed. She seemed to wither away day by day ever since the attack. But from that day onwards Lupin had been a werewolf. Banished from the world because of his beastly condition.

Lupin had never been a mean or cruel boy before the attack and it didn't change after, his mother had always instilled those values in him. He did everything in his power to stay away from anyone or thing he could attack. He did not allow the condition to overtake his mind like it had to other werewolves. These days he spent tireless amounts of effort making his parents house a safe place for him to come and transform when he didn't have his potion. The doors to his old bedroom were barricaded and it was almost impossible for him to get out until morning when it would magically unlock. The darkness was rapidly approaching so Lupin made his way to the room.

The walls were covered in scratches, the empty shelves were smashed and feathers from his bed were strewn all over the floor. The smile on Lupin's face had faded now. He sat on the floor with his head in his hands. This part, above any other, was the worst of the transformation. He had little over an hour to wait and all he ever wanted to do . What had made him so happy this morning was now making him feel worse. Nymphadora, she was so young and so whole, nothing could damage her.

Worry weighed down on his heart even when he imagined being responsible for hurting her. To his own amazement, Lupin suddenly smiled. While thinking about her, he'd called her Nymphadora, she hated it more than anything and Lupin could imagine the insults he would have received. Lupin checked his watch; the hour had gone faster than normal. Did it have something to do with the fact that he was thinking about Tonks? Lupin's body started to burn and ache. It felt like bones were breaking all over. Just as he thought it couldn't get any worse, he blacked out.

* * *

Lupin blinked in the harsh sunlight. He couldn't make out his surroundings; everything was just a bright white blur and slowly the shapes around him came together. He was still in his old bedroom. Lupin tried moving but his body was aching all over, he felt completely exhausted. Before he could stop himself, his heavy eyelids closed and he drifted off into a very uncomfortable sleep.

* * *

Lupin awoke again, although this time it was much darker. He was not naïve enough anymore to believe he'd only slept for a few hours. In the past, Lupin discovered he would sleep for days after a bad transformation.

He didn't stand up straight away, he was still lying awkwardly on the floor and his body was still aching. He looked down at himself; there were fresh cuts and gashes all over. Lupin sighed, the big gashes were always the ones that left the scars, and judging by some of the ones he'd just spotted, he had 3 more scars to add to his collection.

Somehow he found the strength to sit up. He crawled slowly across the room to grab a torn piece of bed sheet to clean the blood up, ignoring the pain. He grabbed his wand, grunting _Aquamenti _to wet the fabric. Lupin moved himself across the room with even greater difficulty and finally came to rest leaning against the bed. He mopped up the blood with the wet fabric and added the dittany he'd summoned from his jacket pocket.

Feeling slightly better Lupin gently raised himself from the floor and searched for his trousers. They were ripped, so he stitched them together with wand before putting them on and walking out. Wincing with almost every step he made his way to the kitchen. He made himself some tea and took a bar of Honeydukes chocolate out on the deck before collapsing into a very old looking chair.

As the air got cooler and the chocolate seemed to warm him from the inside out, Lupin felt his eyelids getting heavy again. He was still aching and weak so he had no choice but to give into sleep. He heaved himself onto what used to be his parents bed and slept.

* * *

Over the next few days Lupin began fixing any damage he'd done in his old bedroom. He received an owl from Sirius telling him the next Order meeting was in a few days and that he'd missed another one. In his clean up, he'd found another letter telling him about a meeting. He'd obviously gotten it when he'd been sleeping. Lupin figured out, he'd slept for nearly three days straight. Knowing he had no energy to apparate, he caught the train back to Grimmauld Place and arrived about an hour before the meeting was to start.

He fell into a seat by the fire and was immediately given tea and biscuits by an overly concerned Molly Weasley. Sirius, who was used to seeing Lupin this way, joined him later, only to stare moodily at the fire and poke it far more aggressively than was necessary. Lupin assumed he'd just had another argument with Molly, considering she was glaring at him with narrowed eyes every time she got the chance. The journey had taken away the tiny amount of energy Lupin had left, so when the meeting started, he quietly sat down next to a very brooding Sirius.

Dumbledore, who'd just appeared in the fireplace, sat in the seat next to Lupin and immediately Moody leant across quietly relaying a message from Mrs Figg about Harry. Lupin took it as a sign of just how exhausted he was, when his brain couldn't seem to function even on the topic of Harry. Over the top of Moody's head Lupin saw a flash of violet hair.

He resisted the urge to let his forehead hit the desk. Tonks had been his happy thought and since his transformation he'd barely thought about her once. She'd kept him happy on the one day he was usually the most miserable. Lupin remembered back at Hogwarts when he used to think about the jokes, pranks and conversations with James, Sirius and Peter while he was recovering and how much better it made him feel. He wondered if she becoming that person to him now? If she, just like James and Sirius, would make him nearly forget all this?

Moody finally sat down and there, in plain view, was Nymphadora. Her mouth seemed to gape at the sight of him. Not wanting her pity, Lupin faked a smile, which wasn't returned. The meeting began and Lupin barely concentrated. He was still exhausted, and following what everyone seemed to be saying was too much for him right now. The meeting finished and Dumbledore turned to Lupin asking for a word. Together they walked up into the entrance hall.

"Remus, I'm aware that Severus can't make that potion for you any longer. Have you found anyone who could?"

Lupin was struck by the forwardness of his words. Normally there was a little joke or a story first.

"No. I can survive without it. I don't want to put that responsibility on anyone. I was okay last year." Lupin lied.

Truthfully, last year Lupin had been on his bedroom floor nearly the whole time. Only leaving to visit Sirius at Hogsmeade and in the Greek Islands when he was there. His transformations had got the better of him. Lupin had the distinct impression that Dumbledore somehow knew this, which didn't make him feel any better.

"Well, there are many gifted people within the Order. Some, I'd imagine, would jump at the chance to help you, Remus. I would, for now, recommend this" Dumbledore conjured up a bottle of fire-whiskey and an Acid pop with his wand. "I find in my darkest hours it can warm me up. Oh not that, that was for me."

Dumbledore smiled as he took the Acid Pop from Lupin and put it in his mouth before turning to leave. Lupin stood in the empty hallway confused.

* * *

He made his way back down the stairs he'd just come up. He stuffed the Fire-whiskey into his robes. As he opened the door, he was greeted with a variety of loud and different noises. Molly was yelling at Fred and George for, what Lupin guessed by the broken china on the table, was another case of them unnecessarily using magic. Arthur and Sirius were discussing muggle cars and motorbikes.

Lupin was happy to see that Sirius had started smiling again. Down the other end of the table the rest of the Weasley's and a few other Order members were gathered around Tonks. Lupin slipped, unnoticed, into the empty seat next to Moody.

Not wanting to look at Mad-Eye, he had taken his eye out of his socket again to clean it, Lupin had no choice but to stare out at everyone else. His eyes stopped at Tonks. He felt laughter build inside him at the sight of her with a duck's bill. Moody and Lupin ate dinner quickly, only stopping to discuss Order plans.

Gradually more people had turned to watch Tonks. Just as Moody was telling Lupin his suspicions of a spy within the Order, there was an explosion of clapping and laughter. Lupin watched Moody turn and growl at the rest of them and Tonks turned and stared down at the two of them.

"Oh, have some fun Moody!" She barked at him.

Bright coloured streamers were flying towards his end of the table. Lupin sat, mouth slightly agape, of all the people he would do that to, Moody would have been the last. Sirius and James used to do it all the time. It would have been an unusual night if you didn't see people leaving the Great Hall with confetti all over them. There was a collective holding of breath from everyone in the room, only Tonks was laughing. Finally Moody seemed to laugh, which was not exactly a pretty sight.

* * *

When the plates had been cleared away and the Weasley children had gone, Lupin brought out his bottle of Fire-whiskey and Moody poured glasses for the two of them. Sirius then bought out his own bottles for everyone else. Lupin grabbed his Fire-whiskey and took a huge gulp. Moody kept talking about the Order, using Dumbledore's blue-prints to show Lupin new shortcuts and side alleys to lose intruders, but Lupin wasn't concentrating anywhere near as hard as before.

The Fire-whiskey had spread warmth and comfort all through him, just like Dumbledore had promised, but Lupin was stuck wondering whether it had really been the fire-whiskey that made him feel better. Just as Moody had been pouring, Sirius had gotten up, yanking Tonks out of her seat. They started dancing around the room. Her infectious laugh had filled his ears as he drank and he watched her twirl around awkwardly, her feet getting in the way.

Lupin couldn't look away. If he didn't know otherwise, he'd have sworn she was part Veela. With all his might he turned his attention back to Moody, feeling much more awake than before. His name caught his attention again.

"Lupin," Sirius yelled over the music. "Take over for me."

He nodded towards Tonks. Lupin looked wildly around the room, everyone was staring at him and Tonks looked as if she just wanted to leave. He felt his face flush and quickly turned his head to hide it. Hestia Jones let out a muffled scream as she was dipped backwards. Sirius flashed a grin towards Lupin trying to edge him on. Lupin contemplated getting up and leaving, or kicking Sirius somewhere it would really hurt He knew she was embarrassed by her lack of co-ordination, he'd known that as he'd watched her dancing with Sirius. He understood embarrassment far more than anyone.

He also understood clumsiness, as his father was not the best man on two feet. Years of a Hard labor job had done that he always explained. But his mother had told him things he would pass onto to Tonks. Lupin glanced up again, but the look on Tonks's face stunned him. She was beginning to look hurt. Lupin stood up and nervously walked over. Why did his hands have to sweat now? Lupin was a few steps away from her when suddenly her pale face looked determinedly up into his.

"Look, obviously you don't want to. So I'm not going to force you," she said, taking a step away.

Lupin took another step in her direction. Tonks stared at him scornfully as she took another step away. Lupin noticed her look down at the ground. He was trying to be bold like Sirius but it wasn't working. She looked like she didn't want to and Lupin didn't want to push her. Without meaning too, he felt himself take another step forward. Words fell out of his mouth without his control.

"Who said I didn't?" He said softly.

"Would you like to dance?" Lupin asked, holding his hand out.

He almost wanted to sit down, she seemed angry with him. She glanced up again, and this time her face was softer. Lupin smiled, feeling more confident in his choice, and strangely in himself.

"I, er– " Tonks stuttered

"I promise you, I am nothing like Sirius. I do however feel we could find a solution to that balance problem of yours," Lupin explained, trying to make her believe this was more of an excerise than something else.

"Let me guess, an equilibrium spell?" Tonks asked

Lupin placed his hand on her waist, ignoring what she'd said. His hand was higher than would seem prudent, but he was worried enough to be more than cautious.

"It's a different method to find a solution, but I assure you, it can work."

He grabbed her other hand and held it up in the first position for the Waltz, and put some pressure against her. She moved backwards, and they were dancing.

"And you chose to make me dance instead of doing it?"

"We are in fact doing it," Lupin said, holding back a laugh.

"What?"

"This. It's the Wizard Waltz. Dancing is a way to learn the proportions of the body, and to move it all together in perfect unison," Lupin explained.

"Dancing? Are you aware how bad I am at dancing? I've already trodden on your feet three times," Tonks exclaimed, which was true, and they hurt.

"Precisely the point," Lupin said, smiling again. "Just trust me."

Lupin kept them focus on the box step, and slowly, Tonks only glanced down at her feet every now and again, and then, she was looking at him the whole time. She was doing it. Exactly as his father had after his mother had gotten him us.

"I'm not one to gloat, however I– "

"Careful," Tonks muttered, looking up at him with a cheeky smile. "My extent of clumsiness may surprise you."

Lupin couldn't hold back the laugh this time, and Tonks laughed with him. It was infectious as per usual, and the light was back inside him burning bright. There wasn't time to think about being exhausted, it made him feel as if he'd had a Pepper-Up potion. He no longer felt embarrassed by stading up with everyone's eyes upon him as he danced, instead, he barely noticed that anyone else was there.

Lupin spun her out, and she came back into his chest, far closer than before, and he noticed that his hand had slipped lower down her back, but he did not correct it. He dipped her, and brought her back and when he went to do it again, something changed. The air around him got tenser, and he held Tonks above the ground. Their eyes were locked, and Lupin did not quite know how to proceed. This moment felt like it was for something, but he knew it was not to happen.

She was younger than him, far younger, but, he was drawn to her. Something about her made him feel so warm and comfortable. She was like a breath of fresh air. A voice inside him was screaming at him to do something, and his eyes flicked to her lips. In a second, he saw her hair change from the violet to a deep red. He knew what that meant. It happened every time she was angry with him.

He became very aware that he was in a room full of Order people. He cheeks flushed a dull pink. What would they say? He brought her back up standing. And felt his body clench for the onslaught he would receive. She was possibly angry for having to be so close to him. But she'd been enjoying herself. She was laughing. Her hair flushed again, and Lupin flew into pre-epmtive action.

"I er– " Tonks started

"I'm sorry," Lupin interrupted. "I'm terribly sorry."

Lupin left before she could start on him. He was upstairs in his room before he noticed. It was nothing he tried to tell himself. These moments he thought he'd been feeling something were nothing, like when they'd been inside the Ministry together. Lupin knew it couldn't mean anything, or at least he tried to tell himself that. She was younger than him. Lupin moved to his bed, sitting on the edge.

He did not behave like this. He was not the man for feelings, though he had them. He had let his dreams of things like that go long ago. Why did she have to make him feel so different? Lupin heard a noise outside, and prepared imself for Tonks maybe appearing to yell at him like he deserved. The head that popped around the door was not Tonks'.

"All right there Moony?" Sirius asked, grinning like a fool. "Wanted to make sure you were alive after all that blushing."

"Out," Lupin said to him, and Sirius laughed loudly before doing as he was told.

Silence filled the room again. Silence Lupin could continue to think in, to worry it, to realize truly how wrong he was.

* * *

The following morning Lupin walked slowly downstairs, yawning all the way. He opened the kitchen door to see Molly and Tonks drinking tea and talking to each other. He made his own tea and sat down a few seats away from the pair.

"Come on Remus dear, you don't have to sit down there all by yourself," Molly said to him sincerely.

Lupin looked up, about to get up and move next to them, Molly was smiling at him invitingly, but for the first time he noticed there wasn't the same light and energy in Tonks' face. He'd seen her smiling and chatting to Molly, but that same energy wasn't directed at him. He smiled at her but she merely glanced down at her tea. Molly looked between the two of them, still smiling warmly.

"No it's okay Molly, I suppose I should get going. I have some Order business to attend to today," he told her.

He stood up and made his way to the door, abandoning his toast, and as he took one last look back, he saw Tonks return to her normal bubbly self with Molly.

* * *

He stood outside the front of the house on the doorstep for nearly ten minutes. He had intended to stay all day and help the Weasley's with more cleaning. He couldn't get the look on Tonks's face out of his head. Was the anger still continuing from the previous evening, or was it more? The bottom dropped out of Lupin's stomach. Had Molly accidentally let it slip that he was a werewolf before he had the chance to tell her?

He set off towards Diagon Alley, still having no idea what he was going to do with his day. His only comforting thought was that at least he'd have all tomorrow night by himself to think about what he could say to her and how stupid he'd been to think she could ignore the fact that he was a werewolf.

**To be continued…**


	7. The Dementor's Kiss

**Well I finally got to write the chapter that has been in my mind since I first wanted to write this fan fiction.**

**I'm so glad its out. I'm also finally able to go back to writing smaller chapters!**

**Thanks so much for reading this far! Reviews are always welcome. I'll perhpas loan you Lupin if you review.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 7**

Nymphadora Tonks stood in the kitchen of 12 Grimmauld Place trying as hard as possible to stop herself from blushing. She did not blush. Blushing was for girls, those really girly girl types that Tonks most definitely was not. Molly was to blame, and it had begun when she'd arrived at Grimmmauld place, the morning after the infamous dance debacle, to retrieve her overcoat, which she'd left behind that night before.

She entered the kitchen hoping to Merlin that Lupin wasn't in there as she still wasn't quite sure how to face him, and why he seemed to ruffle her feathers, so to speak, so much. He was after all just a man like any other. At least, that's the lie she fed herself. Thankfully, it was only Molly, which she expected given the early hour, but her relief was quickly taken over by confusion. Molly's face was blotchy and thick tears were streaming down her face.

She'd seen Molly far worse. The day she'd gone to visit Percy in his flat, which Tonks had found out was actually quite near her own, Molly had been a wreck. Percy had opened the door to Molly that day, and promptly shut it in her face. Molly had arrived at Grimmauld Place soon after, and Sirius, Tonks and Kingsley had been there to unknowingly receive her. She'd latched onto Tonks sobbing, and Sirius had sent an owl to Arthur. Today however, she was slightly better.

"Percy sent back his– " but Molly dissolved into tears, unable to finish her sentence.

She was brandishing a letter at Tonks, who took it. It was a letter to Percy from Molly, begging him to stop all the silliness, saying that she loved him and missed him. Tonks was confused for a moment as to why this was sad, until she realized the envelope was addressed to Molly. Percy had sent it back without a reply. This made Tonks' blood boil. She sat in the seat beside Molly, putting her arm around her instantly

"Molly, this is– "

"I don't know what to do! I've tried talking sensibly, Arthur tried yelling," Molly sobbed, and Tonks found it strange to picture Arthur yelling. "Now I tried love, and it just doesn't work. There's no part of my old p-p-perce in there."

"I'm sure it's– "

"I just want him back," Molly interrupted again, tears oozing out of her eyes. "I can't handle having him away like this."

"He's just blinded by his ambitions Molly. Deep down inside he's still Percy," Tonks said firmly, not wanting to be interrupted again. "I knew him at school, he'll come round. He'll realize what a fool he's been. Everyone will."

"I know that. I guess – I'm just – being silly. I just worry about everyone so much," Molly sobbed louder. After a few moments she stopped and took a deep breath before speaking again. "No. I've got to be strong. I'm just being silly."

She turned to Tonks, her face all blotchy, and smiled weakly. Tonks stood up to make some tea. Her mother always told her tea makes everyone feel better. Personally, Tonks preferred Butterbeer or Fire-Whiskey, but each to their own. Tonks wanted to tell Molly to stop worrying over a prat like Percy, but she chose not to. She was just stirring in the sugar when Molly spoke again, her voice no longer breaking with tears.

"So, you and Remus are getting quite friendly."

It was then Tonks started to blush. She concentrated on keeping her hair blonde and not allowing it to blush as well. She was still feeling a little angry about the previous night, but even talking about that made her blush. She had woken up with the same word on her lips that she had before she fell asleep. _Sorry_. The truth was at the forefront of her mind. She knew exactly why he bothered her and why it had hurt more than it should, but she would not admit it. It was ludicrous to even think about.

"I guess…" Tonks said trying very hard to sound casual.

"I was hoping someone would reach out to him. He's so lovely. No wonder all my children adored him," Molly said warmly.

Tonks took the mugs of tea back to the table and sat opposite Molly. She wanted more than anything to talk to Molly about the 'sorry' incident. Tonks couldn't fathom why he'd apologized and all she could do was take it as an insult. But even that's pressing issue couldn't make her face a Molly with that kind of smile people got when you explained that maybe you had feelings – no! Tonks wouldn't even think it. She did not. That was crazy.

"Ginny won't stop talking about you," Molly said, changing the subject whether on purpose or not.

"She's really great," Tonks said, smiling broadly.

"Well I'm glad she's taken a liking to someone like you. If only Fred and George would listen to someone responsible," and Tonks tried hard to suppress a laugh as Molly continued. "If I find one more of their little joke products I'm going to put it right up their– "

But Tonks never found out where Molly was going to put it. At that exact moment, Lupin had walked into the kitchen and stopped as soon as he spotted the two of them. She turned to look at who had just come in and Tonks' grin faltered. Molly invited him to sit with them and he declined before leaving awkwardly. It was like adding further insult to injury. Molly continued the conversation she'd stopped. She went on about how none of the other children were as bad as the twins. It only made Tonks laugh.

"At least you'll always be entertained Molly! I never had brothers and sisters, I had to shoulder that responsibility all myself." Tonks kept trying to suggest though Molly did not see the funny side.

The conversation shifted as Molly showed Tonks the Daily Prophet.

"He's been kicked out?" Tonks asked, feeling shock ripple through her.

Dumbledore had given a speech to the Wizengamot the day before, and it had been discussed in the meeting last night. Tonks had thought it would go down poorly, but she never imagine this. Snape, who had made one of his few visits last night, relayed that Dumbledore had known it may have been a lost cause, but he was doing it as a recruiting exercise, hoping some witches or wizards on the committee would believe him.

"He did say he thought he may be," Molly said, looking grim.

"But that just seems like a poor decision. That committee was part of our intelligence in the Minsitry," Tonks said alarmed.

"Dumbledore will still know what is going on," Molly said, and Tonks knew she was right. "Plus we do have you and Kingsley."

Tonks didn't quite have the heart to tell Molly she didn't know very much outside of her department. She was to new to the Ministry. Kingsley knew things, and usually told Tonks, which may have led Molly to believe she knew a lot when she relayed what he'd said.

"And there's the usual Harry comment," Tonks said, closing the paper, and she found Molly staring at it darkly.

As a few more people joined the table over the next hour, Molly stood, ready to clear the dishes. Tonks picked up all the plates herself. There was a quick look of apprehension on Molly's face.

"Don't worry, I got it. At my place, the deal is always if you cook you don't – oops – sorry."

The unmistakable sound of breaking china rang through in the kitchen. Tonks had gotten her foot caught around the table leg, yanking her backwards, causing the plates to launch forwards at the ground. The children all laughed and Sirius stuck his head out over his paper.

"Yes Dora, but at your house, your plates and cups are all plastic too remember."

Everyone at the table snorted into their juice.

* * *

Tonks went to work that morning with Arthur. It was a long and very boring day. The paper work for Tonks was tripling by the day, and her co-workers were not helping.

"Nymphadora," Dawlish said, dropping a tall stack of folders on her desk at about three that afternoon. "You need to take care of these while we're gone. Scrimgeour and I are heading to Azkaban."

Tonks stared at him through narrowed eyes. She would hate this under any circumstance, but she hated it more because Dawlish looked so smug and happy to be palming his work off onto her.

"I'm doing the Bandon Banshee. Can't Proudfoot do it? He's just sitting over there reading his prophet."

"No, Rufus gave him a specific job to do. Has to be you, sorry," Dawlish said, not sounding sorry at all.

Tonks examined the huge file, noting the title on the top folder.

"Hang on, that's Cantaur land restriction. That's for Law Enforcement not Aurors," Tonks said, glancing up at Dawlish.

"Scrimgeour said get it done," Dawlish snapped, and as he'd turned away to leave Tonks made a face at him.

"Careful," came a deep voice from near by. "It'll get frozen like that."

Tonks found Kingsley grinning at her, and she made a rude hand gesture at him.

* * *

Tonks rubbed her eyes and yawned loudly. She was beyond tired now; delirium would probably best accurately describe it. She wrote the last line of her paragraph and threw her quill down. She looked at her watch, it was nearly eleven. She'd been at work just over fifteen hours. Not a record, but very close. She eyed off the small stack of reports left, and decided to leave them for he following day.

She walked distractedly into the lift, and eventually, out into the Atrium. The Ministry was deserted, which she found a bit odd. Usually, there were still some wizards running around at this time, Department of Magical Creatures mostly, they rarely seemed to sleep. She took advantage of the quiet and sat on the edge of the fountain, looking up at the magnificent statures. She fumbled in the pocket of her robes for some coins to throw in. She started flicking the coins up trying to hit the wizard's nose. Tonks thought it was bizarre that only this time last night she'd been dancing with Lupin and her thoughts drifted off onto him.

"Nymphadora…" a slightly hoarse voice came from behind her.

Tonks jumped up, unsheathing her wand, and thrusting it out in front of her. It took Tonks a moment to realize what was happening. The head of Remus Lupin was floating in mid air, and Tonks' wand was pointed directly where his throat would have been. It was exactly the same situation as lat time, only in a different place.

"We have to stop meeting like this, Nymphadora," Remus said smiling at her, his eyes still cautiously watching the wand.

"_You_ have to stop sneaking up on me. And I thought I told you notto call me Nymphadora," Tonks snapped, her heart beating faster than it had in days.

He gave her a weak smile, uttering an apology.

"What are you doing here anyway? Aside from scaring the living daylights out of me," Tonks shot at him.

"I have my duty." Lupin said cautiously as he removed the rest of his invisibility cloak. "Any chance you could lower your wand, Tonks."

"Oh, sorry."

Tonks looked at him, and he creased his brow. She couldn't think of a conversation starter, and truthfully, she didn't know if she wished to have one with him.

"Well, have fun," she said flatly.

"Right. Goodbye then," said Lupin, looking taken aback.

Tonks took a few steps on the wet tiles, when suddenly her feet slipped underneath her and she felt herself falling. She saw Remus sliding over to her, and he grabbed her hand just in time. He pulled her back up standing.

"Quite the exit," Lupin said.

Tonks couldn't help but laugh.

"I've always been one for the dramatics," Tonks explained, and Lupin chuckled.

He dropped her hand, and Tonks fixed her eyes back on him.

"Any particular reason you enjoy sneaking up on me so much, Remus? Do you just like the surprise attack, that way people can't run away from you?" Tonks teased.

"You've discovered my secret," he admitted smiling. "No, I was sneaking past the person on the fountain and the closer I got, the more it looked like you, only very different."

"What?"

Tonks grew her hair a little longer so she could see it. It had gone her natural mousy brown color.

"Oh that. I've been writing heaps of reports and when I get really bored or when I'm asleep it can just change without me realising."

She let the tingles run through her scalp and made it go bubble-gum pink.

"Don't you like it this way?" Tonks said sweetly.

"No, I do. It looks er – nice however you have it," Lupin said, averting his gaze towards the fountain behind Tonks.

Tonks couldn't help but smile at him as she saw his cheeks flush lightly. This was why it was hard to be mad at Lupin. He had this annoying vulnerable, sweet, and honest side to him.

"I suppose I better go. You should probably head downstairs," Tonks announced, breaking the slightly awkward smile.

"Yes, I possibly should. Goodnight Tonks," Lupin said, turning away.

Tonks had just started to walk towards one of the fireplaces when Lupin called out to her.

"Wait. Didn't you promise you'd stay with me for my duty? I think you also promised to threaten me with your wand too. It could be rude for you to let me down now."

Tonks kept standing with her back to him, how on earth had she forgotten? A smile spread across her face, which she removed when she turned to face him. faking confusion.

"That's right. I nearly forgot. Well I guess if I made the promise," Tonks uttered in mock realization.

She walked back through the Atruim to Lupin, who was standing at the elevator, holding it open. They stood next to each other at the back of the elevator both smiling as it started to move.

"No, nobody ever did," Lupin stressed as they walked through the Hall of Prophecies.

"So no one minded that a convicted killer was just sitting in the room in front of them all?" Tonks asked, aghast.

"Moody certainly minded and still grumbles about him I'm told." Lupin said as the rounded a corner of shelves. "I was told Molly screamed. Most people were told by Dumbledore however. You were, weren't you?"

"No, Moody told me on the way to the first meeting. Had to mentally stop myself jumping on him and attacking him," Tonks replied

"Interesting image," Lupin chuckled.

"Well I am an Auror remember."

"Oh no, _believe_ me, I remember that. If I don't, the brusies on my neck from your wand will always serve as a reminder," Lupin said and Tonks laughed.

"Never sneak up on an Auror I suppose," Tonks shrugged, smiling apologetically at him.

"No, I think that just applies to you. Never speak up on you," Lupin said. "A few things I've learnt about you over time."

"What else?" Tonks asked, quite intrigued as to what he would pick up.

"The obvious would be that you detest your name, though I am still unsure why. Next would be a heavy dislike of Snape. Though Sirius would add quite rightly so and be proud of you for it. You have a strange habit of infecting mischief and smiles upon your companions, which again Sirius would be proud of you for. Then, something I only learnt this evening, when you're bored or tired your hair retreats from the violent colors you give it," Lupin explained, making Tonks laugh at each one.

"Well first of all, I hate my name purely because it's a terrible name. My mother is a fool and I was teased so badly at my school before Hogwarts for it, that I just hate it," Tonks said, remembering the black eye she gave the boy who'd teased her during spelling class once, and smiling. "And secondly, is that all you have on me?"

"No, most definitely not. That is all I wish to divulge however," Lupin said, winking at her.

Tonks felt herself fight to hide a giggle at his wink. She was giggling now. Another thing Tonks did not do. Yet, Lupin made her. He made her feel warm and fuzzy in a way she would have made fun of people for. Tonks could no longer deny it; she had a crush on him and a stupid crush at that. Tonks had had crushes before, but having a crush on Lupin felt like having a crush on a teacher, however ironic that was, because it was someone completely unattainable.

She wanted to kick herself for having some feelings, especially given how long she'd been denying them. He made her laugh, and he was witty in a way Tonks had never really known, plus he was more intelligent that anyone she knew. Now that she thought about it, it seemed impossible not to have a crush on him. He made her feel goofy and embarrassed. She was an adult; she wasn't supposed to feel this way. Adults didn't have crushes. Plus she was always busy. Busy adults had no times for crushes, she had to forget him and his stupid smile that made her stomach do a flip.

She had to ignore the way he would survey her with his deep dark blue eyes, making her feel so comfortable but entirely vulnerable at the same time. She certainly had to ignore his laugh, and how adorably nervous he could be when he worried he'd over stepped a line. And by Merlin she had to ignore his winks, because they were enough to make her stop having just a crush, and actually do something about it.

They wandered back out through the Department. This time there weren't two invisibility cloaks, only his, so they both had to walk very close together underneath it. It occurred to Tonks after some time, that they could have used a disillusionment charm. But something about being close to Lupin made her not want to suggest it. They stood outside the door and Tonks turned to face him, leaning against the wall, talking, like they had been all night.

"What did you do?" Tonks had been holding onto this question all night, ever since they'd started talking about Sirius

"When I found out he escaped?" Lupin said and Tonks nodded. "I don't know. I was angry at first I guess – "

Lupin continued but Tonks watched him instead of listening. She loved the way his mouth formed words. More than that, she loved how much of an enigma he was. He always gave her the feeling that he was hiding things. Not in the devious sense, just that he like to keep his card close to his chest. Tonks assumed it was a trust thing. She would have given anything to read his mind. He was the kind of person who spoke just enough, but you knew there was much more turning around in his mind.

"But he's back now, and that's that, isn't it?" Lupin finished as Tonks shook herself out of her goofy gaze noticing he'd glanced away.

Tonks looked up at him, his head was turned and she could see the scars up closer than she had before. Tonks had never figured out how he got them.

"So, I've been told you were a troublemaker at school," Lupin said, still looking away but definitely changing topic on purpose.

Tonks sighed, she knew they'd reach this point eventually.

"I wasn't that bad. Let me guess, Snape told you? Look no, it was just an accident, Michael was being a prat, but Snape happened to come out of his office and catch the spell full in the face," Tonks stammered.

"This is going to be a lot better than I was intending," Lupin said, looking thrilled. "Do tell."

"He didn't tell you– I thought– No, it was just a stupid little thing… you know," Tonks mumbled, looking away.

Lupin was staring at Tonks eagerly.

"Please," Lupin begged

"Okay, fine. It was the a – well you see – I didn't mean – it was just that Michael had this – it was the engorgio charm, and it got Snape right on his nose. He hated me after that," Tonks explained, glancing at Lupin biting her lip, wondering how he would react.

There was a moment of silence, and then, he shoulders shook as he succumbed to a fit of silent laughter. Tonks realized she'd never quite seen him laugh like this, and it caused her to laugh as well, especially when sound kicked in during his laugh. Slowly it died away, and Tonks found herself just staring at him, and he was doing the same back.

She wondered for a moment if she should say something to break the silence, but she found no words. She just stared into his eyes, noticing all the different flecks and lines she hadn't before. He was giving her the same intense stare that she was no doubt giving him.

Tonks didn't know if she was imagining it or not, but, was this a moment? It was answered when Lupin shuffled himself closer, turning so he could face her as she was leaning with her shoulder against the wall. Instantly she straightened up, and Lupin moved closer again, this time the fronts of their shoes were touching. He was only an inch, if that, from her. His eyes flicked down to her lips again, as they had done the night before, and this time, Tonks understood it, and then they met eyes again.

It was one of those moments were a single second contained an eternity. Was this really happening? Was she really about to do this? Lupin's hand reached out and he ran his finger lightly along her cheek, coming to rest behind her ear, and half in her hair. Then he pulled her head closer to his.

Their noses were touching and Tonks's heart was beating so fast she wondered if it was going to burst out of her chest. She'd been afraid before, she'd faced Banshees and all manner of scary creatures and people, but never had she felt afraid like this. She was going to kiss Remus Lupin; never did she think that would happen.

Tonks wanted more than anything to close the tiny gap between their lips, but she didn't, it felt wrong to rush this. His eyes searched deep into hers, and she knew he was searching for an answer, a reason, some sign to continue. Just as Tonks was about to breath a yes, a bright white light filled the hallway and their heads snapped towards it.

"Harry's been attacked by Dementors. Return to headquarters immediately."

As the bright white shaggy dog dissolved, and Sirius' voice disappeared, Tonks and Lupin turned back to each other. His hand was still holding her face, and her hand was on his chest. They seemed to stare at each other, both holding their breath, and Lupin swallowed. They had crossed a bridge that there was no going back from, and more than she would have liked to admit, she desired nothing more than to close the gap and kiss him.

**To be continued…**


	8. The Boggart in a Desk Drawer

**First of all, Merry Christmas. I hope this is a nice present for you all.**

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**Anymore reviews will be very happily recieved, criticism or not.  
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* * *

**Chapter 8**

It had been a very boring day. Remus Lupin sighed as he threw an invisibility cloak over his shoulders. All he'd done, all day, was sit in the Leaky Cauldron reading the prophet, picking up some of the second hand books from Flourish and Blotts. The price of leaving Grimmauld Place to avoid the awkwardness with Nymphadora Tonks, had been a day of nothing.

He was making his way towards the visitor's entrance of the Ministry of Magic. He stepped into the telephone box and did the usual routine. He tapped his throat with his wand and out came Rufus Scrimgeour's voice. He'd chosen him tonight, because Lupin knew he wasn't going to return. Lupin, now completely under the invisibility cloak, descended in the telephone box. Thankfully, no one was walking through the Atrium at that time.

Lupin walked swiftly towards the elevator, completely absorbed in his own thoughts. He'd just passed the final fireplace, when he spotted a woman sitting on the edge of the fountain. Instinctively he slowed his movements. He watched the woman for a while; she was flicking coins up into the air. Attempting to hit one of the statues by the look of it. He was still walking, but he couldn't stop watching the woman. She was pale, petite and she had short mousy brown hair.

Lupin had never seen her before, but something about her seemed so familiar. He was a few meters away when he heard she was humming a Weird Sisters song. Lupin took a step to the side to look at her face. He knew it was stupid, it would risk getting caught and the whole secret operation being exposed, but he couldn't help himself.

He noticed her heart shaped face and sparkling brown eyes; it looked like Tonks, but it couldn't be. Lupin knew she wasn't the type of girl to have mousy brown hair. More than that he knew she wouldn't be sitting around the Ministry by herself looking uncharacteristically down. He watched her a bit longer, he couldn't believe how much this girl looked like Tonks. He had to check. He had to know.

"Nymphadora…" he whispered pulling down the cloak the tiniest bit.

Lupin saw her jump up in fright and pull out her wand. Once again he was standing in the Ministry of Magic with a wand pressed against his throat. It was Tonks, thankfully and Lupin's face broke into a smile.

"We really have to stop meeting like this, Nymphadora," he whispered.

Lupin watched her face, waiting for a smile. Instead her eyes narrowed slightly and her voice became sharper.

"_You_ have to stop sneaking up on me. And I thought I told you not to call me Nymphadora." Tonks shot at him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize you would– " Lupin started to say, giving her an apologetic smile.

"What are you doing here anyway? Aside from scaring the living daylights out of me," Tonks barked at him.

"I have my duty." Lupin said cautiously as he removed the rest of his invisibility cloak. "Any chance you could lower your wand, Tonks."

"Oh, sorry."

Tonks turned back to him, and for the first time, he found to conversation to start with her. Quite frankly he knew even if he had something to say it would not be received well. He furrowed his brow, utterly confused as to where this change had come from.

"Well, have fun," Tonks said in a flat voice, turning away quickly

"Right. Goodbye then," Lupin said still wondering why she seemed so cold with him.

He wondered if she had found out about him being a werewolf. He thought they were becoming friendly and yet, suddenly, she seemed so keen to be away from him. Lupin was watching Tonks walk away, when he noticed her feet slip slightly in the puddle from the fountain that was yet to be cleaned it.

Lupin dashed forward, sliding over the tiles, more agile than he expected to be, and grabbed her hand just in time, pulling her back upright.

"Quite the exit," Lupin said, raising his eyebrows.

Then it came; a toothy grin spread across her face. It spread warmth through Lupin; she looked like a mischievous teenager when she smiled this time.

"I've always been one for the dramatics," Tonks said, and Lupin laughed.

"Any particular reason you enjoy sneaking up on me so much Remus? Do you just like the surprise attack, that way I can't run away from you?" Tonks asked, still grinning at him.

He was so relieved to be joking with her again. He went on to explain why he'd come up to her. Once again, after the conversation died away, she left him. Lupin stood confused. They had witty banter going on, just like last time, everything was like last time, but she still wanted to leave. Lupin watched her walk again and finally he put himself out there once more. Knowing that if she said no, he'd resign himself over to the fact that she was avoiding him.

"Wait. Didn't you promise you'd stay with me for my duty? I think you also promised to threaten me with your wand too. It could be rude for you to let me down now," he said, standing at the elevator holding the grill open.

* * *

They stood outside the Department of Mysteries talking. They hadn't stopped talking since he'd asked her to come with him. He'd spoken more in the last hour, he'd said more than he' expected, but she made him feel so comfortable he felt no issues telling her certain things. He wondered if he should tell her the werewolf secret, but she always move the topic when he felt the moment to do so. Lupin had suggested they share an invisibility cloak and Tonks had accepted. So they had been less than an inch apart all night. He found she would stare at him oddly every now and again. Rather than making him feel uncomfortable, it made him feel warm.

"So, I've been told you were a troublemaker at school?" Lupin asked

Tonks sighed loudly.

"I wasn't that bad. Let me guess, Snape told you? Look no, it was just an accident, Michael was being a prat, but Snape happened to come out of his office and catch the spell full in the face," Tonks stammered awkwardly.

"This is going to be a lot better than I was intending. Do tell."

"He didn't tell you– I thought– No, it was just a stupid little thing… you know," Tonks mumbled, looking away.

Lupin was staring at Tonks eagerly.

"Please," Lupin begged

"Okay, fine. It was the a – well you see – I didn't mean – it was just that Michael had this – it was the engorgio charm, and it got Snape right on his nose. He hated me after that," Tonks explained, glancing at Lupin biting her lip, wondering how he would react.

Lupin threw his head back and laughed. He heard Tonks' laugh ringing in his ears again. Lupin looked back to say something and their eyes met. The laughing subsided slowly and then in the silence. Before he could help himself, his eyes moved to her lips. He shifted the way he stood to face her, as she was leaning with her shoulder to the wall. He met her eyes again and searched them frantically, waiting for a refusal for what he was about to do.

He stretched his arm out slowly, none came. He knew it was bizarre, but he wanted to feel her skin against his. He moved his fingers along her cheek, softly and without nerves, which surprised even him. He slid his hand behind her ear, and moved closer to her, feeling her hands slide up his chest. There was barely half an inch between their lips, but Lupin couldn't close it.

Their eyes were locked together and Lupin waited for a sign. He was far to petrified of crossing a boundary, given that they had not known each other for long, plus he was to be working with her and did not desire to offend her at all. Lupin saw her eyes starting to close and he knew he had his signal. Just as he actually decided to throw the worry and the voice of reason and move toward her, the worried tones of Sirius filled the hall.

"Harry's been attacked by Dementors. Return to headquarters immeaditley."

At first Lupin felt his body jerked backwards in panic, and then the words seemed to wash over him slowly. Harry had been attacked. Lupin was looking at bright white dog until it dissolved, then he tured back to the situation before him. His hand was still , his hands were holding her around her ribs and hers were in his hair. Dread flooded through him. He hadn't been thinking clearly, his thoughts were still stuck on her lips, which were still barely an inch from his. Part of him wanted to ignore the message and kiss her. But he knew he couldn't.

"I think we need to go," Lupin muttered, retracting his hand, and hating himself for doing it to begin with and having to stop doing it.

Tonks swallowed as she looked up at him, dropping her hands from his chest slowly.

"Yeah, er, right, we should," she said.

Lupin could sense the drop in her voice and he hated that he was the cause of it. He wanted to tell her not to move, to stay so close to him, but he couldn't. He could easily have passed it off by saying he was worrid for Harry, but truthfully he was petrified about what he'd done. What had he been thinking? He smiled nervously back at her.

"Where can you apparate from in here?" Lupin asked, glancing anywhere but at her.

"I'll show you," Tonks said, walking down the corridor.

It felt _different_to be having such a normal conversation with Tonks when she was still so close to him. They moved apart. She looked directly at him and nodded. It was harder to leave with her sparkling eyes staring in his.

Lupin slid his wand down the door and it opened after a series of clicks. Lupin walked inside with Tonks following closely behind. Just as they reached the end of the hallway, Tonks walking slower than usual, obviously trying to avoid the troll umbrella stand and Mad-eye appeared in the dining room doorway. He heard angry voices behind Moody that died away. He stepped quickly towards Lupin, bailing him up against a wall.

"Are you Remus Lupin?" Moody growled, both eyes focused on him.

"Yes," Lupin stated calmly. He'd assumed this was coming, so he was prepared.

"What did you leave for the teacher follwing you at Hogwarts?" Moody said gruffly

"A boggart for the seventh years in a desk drawer, with a note addressed to the next teacher, and what each year had covered," Lupin explained calmly, wondering how Moody would even know the answer given he never recieved it as he was locked in a chest.

At this point he'd expected Moody to step aside but he took another step forwards.

"Were you followed?" barked Moody.

"No," Lupin replied firmly.

"Was anyone watching you?" Moody barked again.

"Not that I'm aware."

"Not that you're aware! Remus this is a dangerous time. Constant vigilance! You must always –"

"Give it a rest Moody. You know its him," Sirius' voice snapped from in the dining room.

"We are in dangerous times Sirius. It is not a laughing matter. Especially after all that has happened tonight. There is nothing wrong with being absolutely clearn" Moody growled, turning back to the dining room.

"Mad-Eye, we get it. We just can't say for sure no one followed us," Tonks said from behind him.

"Nymphadora, what are you doing here? We hadn't sent a patronus to you yet," Moody said, turning back to the dining. "Sirius had you sent hers yet?"

Lupin swallowed hard. He hadn't thought that they wouldn't have called every at the same time. Lupin was thinking fast, but he couldn't come up with a reason for the two of them to be together at that moment. He doubted honesty would suffice. Perhaps it was the fact that he was terrified of people finding out what he had done. The more he thought about it, the more embarrassed he got. He was almost ten years older than her. What had he done?

"Well I–" Lupin stood, mouth open, lost for words.

"He was walking through the Ministry when I was leaving. We were talking for a moment about something that had happened on my last duty. Then the patronus came and I assumed it was for all of us," Tonks lied brilliantly. "And don't call me Nymphadora, Moody."

Lupin suppressed an urge to beam at her. When he glanced at Moody to see if he believed her, Moody looked ready to speak, when Molly's voice came out of the room.

"Moody we have a pressing issue."

Lupin was ushered forwards, Tonks too, and they both sat at the dining room table. Instantly he felt the tension coming from Sirius, and glanced at Molly who had purced her lips and was looking away from Sirius vehemently.

"Does anyone care to explain to Remus and Dora what happened? Possibly the biggest cock up in history, that even I told you all would happen," Sirius spat, his voice loaded and itching to fight.

He'd obviously been yelling earlier and was now holding his tongue which was visibly taxing him

"Sirius," Molly started, sounding exasperated, but Lupin knew this was all Sirius needed.

"I said it. If he'd just come here in the first place this never would have happened," Sirius yelled. "It's not like we didn't know dark wizards were searching for him and we've left him completely defenceless. Excellent plan."

"He's not defenceless. You know he's not," Molly said back, looking affronted by his yelling.

"So you think it's been wonderful having Harry stuck in that house?" Sirius shot back at her.

"No of course I don't! I think it's vile. I've told Dumbledore this."

"Dumbledore. That's the problem. He's wrong. Keeping Harry there has brought us here. I knew this would happen, I knew, I just knew it. The poor boy is desperate for anything, and all we're told to do is owl him and tell him to be a good boy," Sirius spat, and Lupin placed a hand on his wand in his pocket, worried about what Sirius might do.

Molly made a noise of protest, but said nothing, and Lupin took an opportunity to work everything out.

"Can someone explain what happened?" Lupin asked

"An owl arrived from Mrs. Figg saying that Harry and his cousin had been attacked by Dementors but Harry fought them off. She said Mundungus left his watch, again. When I get my hands on him there will be no end to the–" Molly said through gritted teeth

"He fought them off?" Tonks asked "How did he manage that?"

"His patronus," Moody said.

"A patronus! He's what, fifteen? And he can do a patronus that can drive off two dementors?"

"Remus taught him in his third year," Sirius growled, and he very surly.

Lupin was too wrapped in the story to have the rush of pride he should have thinking about Harry's magical ability.

"So what happened?"

"Arthur appeared out of the fireplace just after the owl arrived and he told us that the Ministry had expelled Harry for improper use of magic. Arthur said that Dumbledore had just arrived at the Minsitry. That is all we know," Moody finished

"Why were they there? The Dementors," Lupin asked confused

"We don't know. I think, and Dumbledore does also, that this is another sign of Voldemort's– " Moody continued through Molly's flinch "–return to power. The Dementors must have stopped obeying the Ministry."

"When did all this happen?" Tonks asked, sounding as lost as Lupin felt. "How do we know?"

"Only about ten or twenty minutes ago. Mundungus arrived at Hestia's house, and told her. He refused to go to Dumbledore," Moody said, and Molly made a disapproving noise. "So Hestia sent a Patronus to Dumbledore, and then came to me. I floo-ed here, and Sirius alerted everyone else at once."

"What are we to do now?" Lupin asked carefully.

Before anyone could answer Arthur burst into the dining room, with the children following him.

"Dumbledore's trying to get Harry a hearing," Arthur said very quickly and Lupin noticed a piece of paper scrunched in his hand. "I sent Harry an owl once Dumbledore had arrived. Dumbledore told me the biggest concern now is stopping Harry doing anymore magic or leaving his Aunt or Uncles."

"So his biggest concern is Harry getting expelled and not being attacked by Dementors," Sirius asked sarcastically. "Does that make you feel Dumbledore really has Harry's best interests at heart Molly?"

"Sirius," Lupin said warningly but Sirius was on his feet.

Lupin removed his wand from his pocket.

"No, come on Molly. You've told me for weeks that– "

"Sirius that's enough!"

Lupin had to turn and actually look at Arthur just to be sure it was really him who had raised his voice at Sirius.

"That's my wife you're talking to," Arthur said firmly, and Sirius sat down in his chair looking mutinous.

There was a very awkward silence, as people looked amazed that Arthur had gotten angry, all but Molly, was looking at her husband adoringly.

"I can't do this anymore. I'm not leaving him there. We'll go now, and protect Harry ourselves," Sirius said, standing up.

"We can't just go running there. It will be what they want," Moody growled.

"So we really are going to leave him as bait? I'm not sacrificing Harry! He's my godson, Moody. Either you come with me or I'll go by myself. Isn't this what the Order is about?" Sirius yelled.

"Sirius, you can't. You'll risk getting caught and– " Lupin tried to reason.

"Shut up Remus," Sirius snapped at him

"Sirius this is riduclous, sit down and wait– "

"I don't care! I don't care if I get caught anymore. If Dumbledore, and the rest of you, don't care about Harry then so be it. I couldn't care where I go as long as he is safe," Sirius shouted a Lupin.

"I do care, Sirius." Dumbledore's voice filled the room.

Everyone spun around searching for him and Lupin spotted Dumbledore's head in the fireplace.

"They've allowed Harry to have a hearing, as Law dictates they must. The dementors as an excuse is something they refuse to believe. With that in mind, the case should not be very difficult, once we prove that. Which we can. Someone will need to alert Harry. I'm sure you, Sirius, would be glad to. Be sure to tell him to stay inside the house."

"Of course," Sirius spat acidly, looking away.

"Sirius, a moments consideration for an old man," Dumbledore said firmly.

Lupin watched Sirius turn to the fireplace. There was a fire in his eyes that had nothing to do with the fire reflected in them. Lupin knew part of this was about Harry and the other part was his frustration at himself and the situation he was in

"You know Harry is not defenseless, even without those stationed there" Dumbledore said, and he gave Sirius a knowing stare which Lupin assumed meant Sirius knew things the rest of the group did not.

Sirius, leant back into his chair again, crossing his arms and he scowled. Lupin was reminded sharply of Sirius back at Hogwarts when he got into trouble.

"Now, in the meantime, I have to send another important letter to someone. If Mundungus comes to the headquarters over the next few days, keep him there and alert me immediately."

With a pop, he was gone. Sirius was scowling at the fireplace muttering something about prison and being trapped. Arthur passed him the crumpled piece of parchment from his hand, and Sirius snatched it before writing a short note. Lupin kept his eyes of Sirius, and when he was satisfied that he was not going to yell, or worse, Lupin glanced away. His eyes fell on Tonks who was across from him. She was looking at him as well. With all that had gone on, Lupin felt like their almost kiss had happened days ago, not twenty minutes prior. Sirius stamped out of the kitchen and Arthur spoke up after he'd left.

"Forgive me Molly, but I think Sirius may have the correct measure on this. Harry should be brought here sooner rather than later."

The rest of the Weasley children started to agree but Molly, just noticing them, shooed them out of the room very quickly. Arthur told everyone he would be going back to the Ministry to see what he could do and Moody went with him. Tonks and Lupin were left alone.

"It's okay Remus. It doesn't have to be weird or uncomfortable. It was just an accident. Heat of the moment, you know," Tonks said earnestly. "We were talking and laughing and we just got carried away.

"Yes, I suppose you're correct."

"It's okay. I get it. With the Order and working together, maybe it's better this way." Tonks said, thrusting her hand forwards and smiling nervously up at him. "Friends?"

Lupin stood for a moment, thinking about things. Moments ago, he'd thought about how embarrassed he was at what had happened, but now, as she stood rejecting him before it had even begun, he wondered. He had only ever thought of her in the way he did other Order members. Yet, she did intrigue him more than most. She fascinated him because he couldn't quite understand her. Now, he didn't know if he thought of her as just another member of the Order anymore. Yet, the out-stretched hand seemed to say she was happy to go back to that.

"Friends," Lupin promised as he shook Tonks's hand.

For the briefest of seconds he thought he saw her hair flush a different color. But when he looked back, it was still blonde. The silence was broken only when the doorbell rang, which began Mrs Black's screams. Lupin gave an exhausted sigh, and Tonks smiled at him, before the two set off up the stairs closing the curtains on the portrait as Sirius arrived, yelling at Diggle exasperatedly for ringing the doorbell.

**To be continued…**


	9. The Confunded Choice

**Sorry about the delay, I've been away for the new year. Happy New Year by the way.**

**Yelling Dumbledore is difficult. Very Difficult. I will say this, he's stressed, poor guy. **

**Reviews have been great. I appreciate them more than anything and love getting all of them!**

**Enjoy.**

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**Chapter 9.**

From the moment the Patronus dissolved, Tonks knew what had just happened would not go down lightly. If anyone had told her that morning that by the end of the day she would have been standing nose to nose with Lupin, Tonks would have laughed them out of the room. But it had happened. They were millimeters away from the others' lips. There was now a bigger problem, aside from Harry and the dementor. What happened next?

Now, walking down the entrance hall of 12 Grimmauld Place, Tonks was sure one of them was going to have to make a choice. Given that Lupin had barely looked at her since she'd gotten off him, she knew what choice he was going to make. Moody assumed his usual paranoid routine with Lupin, yet to notice her, which she was more than okay with.

She leant against the wall eyeing off the umbrella stand. She heard Sirius yell from the dining room, his voice filled with contempt and bitter anger. It was another one of those meetings with him. Sirius in a mood was just a completely different person. Tonks moved further away from the umbrella stand, and caught Moody's eye, his face softened slightly at the sight of her.

"Nymphadora, what are you doing here? We hadn't sent a patronus to you yet," Moody said, turning back to the dining. "Sirius had you sent hers yet?"

Tonks glanced across at Lupin. He was frozen with his mouth open, lost for words, and he glanced furtively at her. Thankfully Tonks had always been able to think clearly under a lot of pressure. Lying to get out of trouble was one of her gifts, refined at Hogwarts of course. Lupin stuttered and Tonks cut him off with a quickly thought out excuse.

"He was walking through the Ministry when I was leaving. We were talking for a moment about something that had happened on my last duty. Then the patronus came and I assumed it was for all of us," Tonks lied. "And don't call me Nymphadora, Moody."

Moody looked ready to make another comment but the testy voice of Molly interrupted him.

"Alastor we have a pressing issue!"

Moody quickly ushered them forwards, and Tonks glanced up the staircase as she saw a flash of red. Ginny was at the top of the stairs, hidden, an apprehensive look on her face. Tonks entered the dining room as Moody cast charms on the door. Instantly She could feel the tension almost immediately, and it made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. She took the seat beside Molly, barely noticing that Remus was across from her. Molly and Sirius were shooting very irritated glances at each other.

"Does anyone care to explain to Remus and Dora what happened? Possibly the biggest cock up in history, that even I told you all would happen," Sirius said, sounding every bit like a man holding himself back from unleashing on someone.

"Sirius– " Molly started but Sirius cut her off instantly, as Tonks knew he would.

"I said it. If he'd just come here in the first place this never would have happened," Sirius yelled, causing her to flinsh at the sudden jump in noise level. "It's not like we didn't know dark wizards were searching for him and we've left him completely defenceless. Excellent plan."

Molly tried to argue back but there was no stopping him. Sirius was on a roll, and he was finally yelling like he'd been waiting to for weeks.

"So you think it's been wonderful having Harry stuck in that house?" Sirius shot back at her.

"No of course I don't! I think it's vile. I've told Dumbledore this."

"Dumbledore. That's the problem. He's wrong. Keeping Harry there has brought us here. I knew this would happen, I knew, I just knew it. The poor boy is desperate for anything, and all we're told to do is owl him and tell him to be a good boy," Sirius spat, jumping to his feet, looking like he was almost enjoying it.

Tonks saw Lupin reach under the table, presumably for his wand as Sirius had gotten to his feet. Tonks thought it was wise. Molly, seeing Sirius on his feet, heaving great deep breaths, a mad glint in his eye, backed down instantly, not without a disapproving tut at him.

"Can someone explain what happened?" Lupin asked before Tonks could.

Carefully Molly and Moody explained what had happened. Tonks felt her blood boil hearing Mundungus had left his duty. Molly looked particularly angry at this. Just as the conversation switched to a plan of action, Arthur burst into the room, two pieces of parchment crumpled in his hand. The rest of the Wealsey children were behind him, all look apprehensive, Hermione was there as well, looking close to panicked tears.

"Dumbledore's trying to get Harry a hearing," Arthur said very quickly, obviously not noticing Sirius staring daggers at his wife. "I sent Harry an owl once Dumbledore had arrived. Dumbledore told me the biggest concern now is stopping Harry doing anymore magic or leaving his Aunt and Uncles."

"So his biggest concern is Harry getting expelled and not being attacked by Dementors," Sirius asked sarcastically. "Does that make you feel Dumbledore really has Harry's best interests at heart Molly?"

"Sirius," Lupin said warningly as Sirius got to his feet again having sat down during the explanation of what had happened.

"No, come on Molly. You've told me for weeks that– "

"Sirius that's enough!"

Tonks turned instantly to make sure Arthur's voice had actually come out of Arthur. His voice was very uncharacteristically raised, and angry.

"That's my wife you're talking to," Arthur said firmly.

Sirius fell back into his seat, folding his arms, and looking every bit the toddler on the verge of a tantrum. There was a long tense silence. Tonks didn't know whether to feel more worried for Harry or about what Sirius might do. She couldn't; quite fathom how Dementor had ended up in Little Whinging.

"I can't do this anymore. I'm not leaving him there. We'll go now, and protect Harry ourselves," Sirius said, standing up.

"We can't just go running there. It will be what they want," Moody growled.

"So we really are going to leave him as bait? I'm not sacrificing Harry! He's my godson, Moody. Either you come with me or I'll go by myself. Isn't this what the Order is about?" Sirius yelled on his feet again.

"Sirius, you can't. You'll risk getting caught and– " Lupin started to say.

"Shut up Remus," Sirius snapped at him

Tonks was ever more alarmed at this exchange that Arthur yelling at Sirius. She'd heard Sirius tell Lupin to shut up before, but this was spoken like acid. She almost wanted to stand up for Lupin, but thought better of it when he spoke again.

"Sirius this is riduclous, sit down and wait– "

"No! I don't care! I don't care if I get caught anymore. If Dumbledore, and the rest of you, don't care about Harry then so be it. I couldn't care where I go as long as he is safe," Sirius shouted at Lupin.

"I do care, Sirius." Dumbledore's voice filled the room.

Tonks spun around in her chair, getting a fright again. Dumbledore's heard was in the fire behind her.

"They've allowed Harry to have a hearing, as Law dictates they must. The dementors as an excuse is something they refuse to believe. With that in mind, the case should not be very difficult, once we prove that. Which we can. Someone will need to alert Harry. I'm sure you, Sirius, would be glad to. Be sure to tell him to stay inside the house."

"Of course," Sirius spat coldly, looking away.

"Sirius, a moments consideration for an old man," Dumbledore said firmly." You know Harry is not defenseless, even without those stationed there"

Tonks had no idea what Dumbledore was talking about, but this was commonplace in the Order to have certain things people knew and others did not. Sirius fell back into his chair, throwing his legs on the table, and scowling again.

"Now, in the meantime, I have to send another important letter to someone. If Mundungus comes to the headquarters over the next few days, keep him there and alert me immediately."

With a pop, Dumbledore was gone. Tonks watched Arthur slowly pass Sirius the piece of parchment in his hand, as if he was a dragon ready to breath fire on him. Lupin still looked affronted a Sirius, and as he glanced away from him finally, his eyes searched for comfort, finding it within hers.

The silence was tense, as it had been from the momen Tonks entered the room. No one had noticed that the children were all in the room. They looked even more worried as they stared at Sirius.

Ginny and the rest of the Weasley clan followed Arthur and Moody as they disappeared out the door, all chirping things at him. Tonks could hardly believe what was happening. She half agreed with Sirius' rants about rescuing Harry right away, and in the same breath she had to believe Dumbledore had a reason to be doing what he was doing to Harry.

He was anything but cruel, in fact he was kind, kinder than most, he would never intentionally harm Harry in anyway. Everyone seemed to have left the room without Tonks realizing. She was with Lupin, alone for the first time since they arrived. The unsaid things, the moments they'd had, passed between.

Staring at Lupin in the Ministry of Magic, she wanted nothing more than to kiss him. Now, as she stared at him, all the reasons not to came crashing upon her. He was old, way older, he was in the Order, he was way smarter than her, and she knew very little about him. Lupin gave her a small smile, that one people give when they're in a completely awkward situation and cannot fathom a way to get out of it politely.

Tonks knew by the look on his face that Lupin was trying to think of a polite way to let her down. He was going to tell her that it was a mistake, though in a much more roundabout way that left her feeling very assured in her decisions, because Lupin was like that. Tonks knew she ought to say the same thing back. Everything she'd thought about was stacking up very quickly in the consequences column, but the problem was simple.

She knew she ought to say those things, but she didn't want to. The truth was he did give her butterflies in her stomach, he did make her blush, he did make her giggle like over-zealous schoolgirl, and she liked it. She'd tried her hardest to convince herself that she didn't like him, but she was discovering she did.

Lupin looked ready to speak, and Tonks just couldn't handle hearing the words come out his mouth, crushing her heart in the she took the initiative, even though every part of her body wanted to jump back on top of him and every thought in her head was screaming at her not to do what she was about to.

"It's okay Remus. It doesn't have to be weird or uncomfortable. It was just an accident. Heat of the moment, you know," said Tonks in a flat voice. "We were talking and laughing and we just got carried away."

Lupin stared at her mouth half open. A look of worry flashed across his face for a moment.

"Yes I er – suppose you're correct," Lupin stammered.

There it was. The proof of her rejection although not said as eloquently as she thought it would be. Tonks cut him off quickly.

"It's okay. I get it. With the Order and working together, maybe it's better this way." Tonks said, thrusting her hand forwards and smiling nervously up at him. "Friends?"

For a second Lupin didn't move. Tonks thought for a moment she'd been wrong, maybe he did want to be with her? But a very Lupin-like shy smile crept onto his face. She was correct, however depressing that was.

"Friends," Lupin said, firmly grasping her hand.

Tonks felt the familiar tingle she'd started to associate with his touch, all over her body. She concentrated all her energy on her hair. It was difficult to keep it from flicking with him. She felt her scalp tingle for a brief second and Lupin's mouth opened as if he was about to say something. Tonks was not going to let him know she didn't want this to be it, especially if he did.

Tonks felt her stomach sink when Lupin said nothing more. Tonks had thought perhaps there was more, that maybe considering he had initiated she could get her hopes up that he was thinking and dealing with what she was dealing with. Yet Lupin had just proven he wanted nothing more than the camaraderie and friendship.

The bitter pill to swallow was that he was off limits, and not for any reason other than how she knew him. Tonks shook her heard and reminded herself that she was getting herself worked up with her brain in overdrive. Thankfully a great distraction came from the doorbell, followed by the screaming of Mrs Black. Tonks, who was still looking at Lupin, saw him give an exhausted sigh, and she laughed, relieved she was still even able to joke given how many horrible feelings had just passed through her.

* * *

Over the next 2 days Tonks didn't seem to be anywhere else but Grimmauld Place. The morning after the Dementor attack, Tonks and Molly were busy fixing the injuries of Ron, Hermione and Sirius after Hedwig, Harry's owl Tonks was told, pecked their hands to pieces. Tonks had just finished putting Dittany on Hermione's fingers, when Lupin walked through the door. He was holding a piece of parchment in his hand.

"Dumbledore's just sent an owl. He wants us to start planning a rescue mission for Harry," said Lupin, putting the piece of paper on the table.

Ron snatched the letter up quickly and read it.

"So we finally get to go get him?" Ron said, mouth gaping and half smiling as he looked at his mother.

"_You_ will not be going to get anyone, Ronald Weasley." Molly said loudly

Sirius stepped out of the shadows of the doorway.

"It's appropriate to say _finally_," growled Sirius

"Sirius, you heard what Dumbledore said. It was to help Harry," said Molly.

"Right, everything is for the best. Doesn't matter how anyone feels, just as long as they're safe. I know exactly how Harry feels. You people keep him locked up, what do you expect?" Sirius snapped at Molly

"Sirius, I want Harry here as much as you do. Those people are despicable. You have no idea how I feel about –" Molly's face flushed red

"Yeah, I have no idea how you feel. But no one knows how I feel either, or him. I've known Harry long enough to know that this isn't what he wants. If it weren't for him none of us would be here. We wouldn't know everything we do. He deserves more than he's getting. You can't smother him Molly. He's not a child!" Sirius barked.

Tonks noticed a small smile on his face. Sirius had been as sour as ever over the past two days. He would erupt the minute anyone gave him the chance.

"I know what he's been through. It's why he shouldn't have to know all this. It's what Dumbledore says and I, for one, completely agree." Molly said calmly, trying to hold her nerve.

"So you're just going to hide him from the big bad world then? Well that sounds like a brilliant plan. That way when Voldemort comes for him, it'll be a surprise instead. He isn't your child, or Dumbledore's, to smother. You're all starting to sound just like Fudge, you know! We can't–" said Sirius, his voice growing louder and louder.

"No, he's not a child Sirius, but it's Dumbledore's orders," Lupin interrupted, speaking very firmly and adopting a voice that sounded like it could have been used by a teacher. "We didn't come here to argue about that, we came to start planning a pick up for Harry. Molly I know you care about Harry, but sometimes we all have to do things, or hear things, we don't want to."

Lupin glanced at Tonks, for the first time since they'd been alone in the dining room days ago, as he spoke that last few words. He sighed and sat down in his seat, Sirius did the same, staring moodily off into the fireplace. Molly was so pre-occupied glaring at Sirius; she poured the entire bottle of Dittany on Ron's, too small, faded, maroon jumper. Tonks didn't understand exactly what was happening. Was Lupin saying those things to her or was she imagining it?

* * *

Only an hour or so later members of the Order started to trickle, having cups of tea as htey waited for the meeting. Mrs Black rang out numerous times as people rang the doorbell, forgetting not to, as per usual. Tonks was greeted by McGonagall, which was always a strange experience. Surprisingly Mundungus arrived, which led to some interesting looks from people.

Tonks saw Sirius and Lupin exchange a glance, and Molly was glaring at him worse than she had ever glared at Fred or George. Arthur nodded at Lupin and Sirius, and quickly rushed out of the room, the two then glanced across at Tonks. She knew what they were trying to convey. Arthur was telling Dumbledore the Mudungus had finally arrived.

The Wealseys had noticed their mother's stare. The twins were excitedly whispering to each other, Ginny was glancing between her mum and Mundungus, Ron looked like he was shielding himself from Molly behind Hermione who was glaring at Mundungus herself. Mungundgus started a conversation with Sirius, and began smoking his pipe. Arthur returned quicker than Tonks expected and then the whole kitchen burned emerald green.

Everyone's heads snapped toward the fire, seeing Dumbledore stepping out of it. Tonks had not thought about how he would react to Mundungus leaving Harry, but the minute Tonks saw Dumbledore's face she knew. He looked furious, so much so that Tonks felt the hair on the back of her neck stand up. She had never in her life seen Dumbledore look this angry.

He'd raised his voice at Sirius, expressed dislike at the Ministry, even commented of Fudge low intelligence, but Dumbledore's face was twisted with rage. There was a choking sound, and Tonks, who still had her eyes locked on Dumbledore knew it Mundungus choking on his pipe.

"Ron, Fred, George, Ginny and Hermione," Dumbledore said in a very cool voice. "Would you be so kind as to leave the kitchen."

The children, who usually put up a big protest when asked to leave, did so very quickly and silently, but Tonks didn't blame them. Everyone at the able had stopped breathing, all eyes on Dumbledore.

"Mundungus, did I not stress to you how absolutely important this job was?" Dumbledore said his eyes boring into him, and his voice not raised which seemed scarier.

"yeh did yeah, but there was a deal yeh see– "

"And did you not leave the job I requested you stay on?" Dumbledore asked his temper rising.

"I did, bu' yeh don'– "

"DO YOU NOT UNDERSTADN WHAT YOU COULD HAVE DONE?" Dumbledore sdid, raising his voice, causing everyone at the table to jump in fright, and his face so far from its usual serene state Tonks wondered if this was some kind of parellel universe. "THE FATE OF EVERYTHING WE HAVE BEEN DISCUSSING FOR WEEKS AND IT RESTED ON YOU DOING A JOB GIVEN TO YOU THAT YOU IN TURN LEFT."

Mundungus was gaping like a fish, so shocked at what was happening. Tonks' eyes were glued to Dumbledore, no matter how much she wanted to look away.

"YOU HAVE RISKED THE ENTIRE FATE OF OUR WORLD BY LEAVING HARRY UNATTENDED. EXACTLY WHAT WE HAVE BEEN TRYING TO PREVENT THIS ENTIRE SUMMER BREAK HAS HAPPENED BECAUSE YOU LEFT AN ORDER DUTY," Dumbledore continued.

"Dumbldedore, I – I – I – I'm sorry," Mundungus stuttered. "It was only for a few minutes I didn't think that– "

"Exactly!" Dumbledore shot at him, his voice considerably lower but still as menacing as ever. "You did not think at all! You are lucky Mrs Figg was there, and you are even more lucky some in the Wizengamot still hold me in high regard.

Tonks was gob smacked. She had never heard Dumbledore talk this way, to anyone. She knew Dung had been in the wrong, but she never imagined Dumbledore was this angry at him for it.

"I'm sorry Albus, 'e was all righ' in the 'nd though. Sorry," Mundungus added, staring up at Dumbledore in pure terror.

"Never again," Dumbledore added his voice as close to normal but still stern, pointing a finger at Dung. "Never again. Do you understand?"

"'course Dumbledore, absolutely," Dung spluttered, looking so thankfully he was no longer yelling.

Dumbledore took a seat at the table, taking off his half moon spectacles and rubbing the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. There was a completely stunned silence, and the booming voice of Dumbledore was echoing in Tonks' ear. Everyone had the same stunned look, except for Molly, who looked pleased, thinking that Dung had got what he deserved.

"Er- well, I suppose we should carry on with meeting," Arthur said cautiously. "Bill you had a word from Charlie?"

Bill looked alarmed, but brought a piece of parchment out of his robes, and began to read a letter explaining that Charlie had found two new members, Dragon Tamers like he was. Tonks was not listening, she was staring at Dumbledore. He was still massaging the bridge of his nose and for the first time Tonks noticed just how exhausted he looked.

She kept staring at him for a long time. Realizing she had not thought about how difficult everything must be on him. She glanced up and found Lupin to be the only other person looking at Dumbledore. Everyone else seemed to afraid to even glance in his direction, as if he would yell at them too. She caught Lupin's eye, noting he looked as frightened at seeing a tired Dumbledore as she did.

The meeting was a long one. They had the Ministry building plans out, going over certain areas Death Eaters had been lurking, and divulging information's from guard duties, and things heard from office conversation. No one wanted to stay for dinner that night, Tonks included, and after everyone broke into smaller conversations, Dumbledore speaking to Mundungus again and Tonks thought he looked as he was apologizing, the meeting finished.

Arthur got up first, as Bill stowed away the plans and Molly got dinner ready, he opened the door and found all the Weasley children and Hermione standing by it listening. They'd forgetting the cast the charms on the door.

"What do you think you're doing? Haven't we told you all that– "

But Molly's roars were drowned out by the screams of Mrs Black.

* * *

Lupin disappeared again after that meeting, and returned the afternoon a week later, during the meeting they were left to brainstorm ideas for the Harry retrieveal. Tonks had come for dinner every night between both meetings, and found Lupin was never there. She had the distinct impression she might be being avoided again. As they all sat lazily around the fireplace after a very large meal, one night between the two meetings, Tonks offered to help Molly with the tea.

"No, no, it's okay dear. Just sit by the fire. I'll do it," Molly said very quickly as Tonks tried to grab a tray.

She sat back down and watched Crookshanks ripping apart what looked like an Extendable Ear.

"Oi, Gin. Is that what I think it is?" Tonks whispered to Ginny, who was on the ground in front of her, playing with Hermione's cat Crookshanks.

"What? Oh yeah. Mum caught Fred and George with them after Dumbledore was yelling at Mundungus, just after you left. She went berserk and made them bin them all," said Ginny quietly. "

"Shame. They really were brilliant." Tonks sighed.

"Don't worry, Fred and George still have some. They managed to hide some around the house when mum was running around binning all the others. Lupin told Fred he found a bunch in the wardrobe of the bedroom he stays in," Ginny said softly smiling at Tonks.

Tonks glanced away from her. Her body seemed to flinch a little bit at the mention of Lupin. He'd been here? Even though it had only been a few days, it felt like there had been a definite shift in their relationship. She wanted more than anything to see his shy smile beaming at her from across the room.

"You like him, don't you?" Ginny whispered

"What?" said Tonks, alarmed.

"Lupin. You two are friends and stuff right?" Ginny asked completely innocently.

"Oh, right. Yeah, course we are," said Tonks trying to sound casual.

"He seems a bit off lately." Ginny said.

"Yeah…" murmured Tonks, trying hard to listen and stop picturing the events of the night at the bottom of the Ministry with Lupin.

"Hey Tonks, is Harry going to be okay? I mean after what Sirius said about him and Voldemort, I–" Ginny asked seriously.

Tonks turned to face her and she stopped speaking immediately. She suddenly understood why Ginny looked just as concerned and worried as Sirius, Ron, Molly or Hermione.

"Yeah course he will. Don't listen to Sirius; he's just really worried about everything and getting worked up. We're going to go get Harry soon, don't worry," Tonks smiled at Ginny who sighed in relief. "Hey Gin, you don't happen to like Harry do you?"

Tonks tried hard not to laugh as Ginny fought against the tiny bit of red building in her cheeks.

"No. Well, not really. I mean, not anymore. Hermione talked me out of it, sort of. It was just a stupid crush. I was such an idiot too. I couldn't even speak to him. I'm seeing someone else anyway," Ginny said shrugging.

"Ron and Hermione…They're a couple right?" asked Tonks after a long silence, wondering how Molly was allowing Ron to have a girl over all summer and not be worried.

"Yeah. Everyone knows. Well, everyone except them." Ginny laughed.

Tonks smiled at her. Talking about couples and crushes made her miss a certain person, even though her pride would never allow her to admit it. She stared into the half-dying fire wondering what kind of Order business he could be up to, or whether she was actually being avoided.

**To be continued…**


	10. The Plant in the Transport Department

**This one, without sounding weird and creepy, was actually alot of fun to write. It's not as difficult as I thought it would be.**

**Just so it's not confusing, this chapter kind of works backwards. ****It's on purpose though.**

**Reviews are very appreciated and thank you all for the support**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 10**

Remus Lupin pushed open the door of his bedroom in Grimmauld Place. He moved quickly across the floor and dropped onto the double bed. His head fell into his hands and he sighed loudly. It was getting harder to deal with Sirius these days. Not only was he looking for a fight with anyone who gave him the chance, he took it out on Lupin if others he could attack were absent. The other problem was Nymphadora Tonks.

Ever since she'd told him they were just friends, she wouldn't leave Lupin's mind, no matter what he did. All he could think about, every time they were in the same room, was her lips. He didn't know if he'd be able to control himself anymore if they were ever alone together, so he'd avoided her, making sure no to stumble across her during guard duties.

And what if she had understood what Snape said about him to Sirius. Would she desert him like others had? He threw himself backwards and lay down on the bed, closing his eyes. Lupin heard his door open slowly, and when he sat up, Tonks was standing in his doorway. He instantly jumped to his feet.

"Remus, is that why you're worried– this is just– I can't believe you– I– I– " Tonks stuttered as she stepped inside.

Lupin stared at her. He couldn't stop the urge building inside him to grab her and ravage every inch of her. He wanted to run his fingers all over her soft, delicate skin. To tease every inch of her body, and make her hair turn the brightest shade of red possible.

He felt his hands starting to twitch; he couldn't stand being in a room with her anymore, not without being so close that he could breathe her in. He took a few strides across the room and stood right in front of her. She opened and closed her mouth, muttering things like "can't" and "shouldn't" under her breathe.

Lupin was looking down directly into her eyes. He kept shuffling towards her and she kept stepping back. She looked afraid, and somehow, Lupin knew she wasn't afraid of him, but afraid of what this would mean. He slowly brought a hand up close to her, lightly caressing her cheek, knowing she would probably push him away, laughing at him, or make a moment-killing joke in the way she always did, but she didn't.

He pulled his hands away and ran them manically through his hair as he sighed. He wanted to grab her but something was stopping him. Tonks looked up at him, sighing as well. Although her sigh was not from frustration like his, but it was a resignation. She was resigning herself over to what was about to happen, to _him_.

Their eyes locked, and after a pause, their lips met soft and tentatively. She tilted her head, giving Lupin all the invitation he need, and it deepened. They fell backwards, pushing Tonks up against the door. Lupin felt like his entire world had just shifted. His stomach lurched in the most uncomfortable, yet strangely pleasing, way.

Her fingers ran lightly through his hair and he placed his hand on her waist, pulling her closer to him. It felt like he'd never kissed anyone like this before. Lupin put both hands on her ribcage, lifting her off her feet slightly, but pulling her against him. It seemed like a wondrous accident that their bodies fit together so perfectly.

Their limbs wound around each other's and found the perfect niches to rest in, holding the other tightly. There was such speed and force in their movements, that it was easy to assume it was aggression, but it wasn't. There had been such a delay and such a building to this moment that neither was holding back. Nerve endings Lupin never knew existed were on fire from her touch. Exploding joyously each time her hands gripped him, desperate to hold on.

They paused for a second and looked at each other. He ran his fingertips lightly along her jaw, caressing her cheek again and staring deep into her sparkling brown eyes. Lupin slid the Weird Sisters T-shirt over her head and she undid the buttons of his shirt, leaving it gaping, his scarred skin on show.

"_Remus,_" Tonks moaned in his ear.

It almost took Lupin's breath away that she was whispering his name. She bit her lip and he stared at them, it felt like he was existing without air when they weren't touching his. He wanted to feel them again, to have her soft warm lips against his, breathing life back into him. He got his wish, and he felt her tongue slide over his, youthful and eager. Tonks' hands ran up Lupin's back, her fingernails lightly digging into his skin.

His body trembled with anticipation as he looked at her. He started tracing patterns on her collarbone with his lips and she shuddered with pleasure. Lupin couldn't contain himself any longer. His lips found hers again and his hands moved down to her hips, lightly touching her skin on the way, running over the goose bumps forming on her stomach and the small scar, just beside her bellybutton.

Tonks' hands moved eagerly towards Lupin's pants, removing the belt and then undoing the buttons. Lupin had just started tugging down the waistband of her jeans, when a large crash made him sit bolt upright from his bed.

"Did you listen to the way he was speaking to me? Snivellus. What a prick," Sirius's voice barked

Lupin blinked a few times, as disorientated qustions filled his mind. He was in bed. Where was Tonks? Why was he standing with her against the door? With a heavy groan, Lupin realized, he'd been dreaming about her, _again_.

"What right does that slimy git have telling me, I do nothing of use? Just because Dumbledore puts him in Voldemort's circle, doesn't mean he's a bloody god! And what are you doing? Were you asleep?" Sirius said, staring at Lupin looking annoyed and confused.

"No, I was just – Look he's just trying to provoke you Sirius," Lupin mumbled, closing his eyes and trying to relive his dream.

Lupin sighed, he must have fallen asleep as he lay on his bed. Sirius started on an angry rant about Snape and Lupin tried to stifle a yawn. He was so tired. Dumbledore had told him to start making contact with the werewolves and try to convince them to join his side. So he spent days in different locations around Britain, mostly in bars, and pubs, trying to find old friends.

"I'm doing things! Just because Dumbledore doesn't let me leave this place doesn't mean I haven't helped out. Snape didn't have anything of use when it came to how to rescue Harry. You and I knew exactly what to do, but somehow Snape still gets the praise because he's spying on Voldemort. It shouldn't really be counted as a job for him, he loves every second of it," Sirius sneered.

* * *

That night, Lupin had come directly from the Leaky Cauldron where he'd be wating for a werewolf he knew, and the entire Order was sitting in the dining room, the only place they could all fit. Kingsley, they'd decided the night Dumbledore had_spoken_ to Mundungus, was told to look into all the departments at the Ministry involved in magical transport. Initially, they all wanted new members there, as this would be the best place to have a pair of eyes and ears.

However Kinglsey was yet to find one person who would cross sides, and went there yesterday to see if any of these methods would work to transport Harry safely under the radar. He came today to report, that they were heavily watching all the channels from Privet Drive, especially after Harry's violation. When the idea of Muggle transport came up, Moody shot it down instantly. He went on a long-winded tirade about all the gaps in Muggle security that the Death Eaters were probably watching.

Lupin noticed half the people sitting around the table rolled their eyes. Tonks had suggested brooms and Lupin and Sirius were quick to mention how good a flier Harry was. Dumbledore, McGonagall and Snape came in an hour after everyone else. Dumbledore wanted more than one person to escort Harry. Lupin and Kingsley immediately volunteered.

Diggle, Doge, Podmore and Hestia Jones asked to go as well. Lupin assumed Dumbledore wouldn't want that many going because it would be too obvious, but Dumbledore didn't say a word. He merely folded his hands and smiled serenely as he surveyed the group.

"Right well, I'll go to then, of course." Moody growled.

Just when Lupin thought they would start the actual planning, Dumbledore said something else

"Nymphadora, would you like to join them? One more would make it even. I've found odd numbers have never worked well in my favor."

He looked across at Tonks. Her hair was a pale green today and she had one of her Weird Sister tops on. She grinned eagerly at Dumbledore. Lupin was trying hard not to focus his attention on her, given she had recently told him they were to be just friends. It wasn't the rejection that made him want to avoid her, but the fact that the more he was with her, the more he was beginning to like her, in a friendly way and maybe, in the tiniest, not just friendly way.

So his theory, the less he was around her, the less he'd think about her in the not just friendly way. The trouble was, every time he'd dozed off over the last week, he'd dreamt about her. Even in his usual dreamless sleep post transformation two days ago, he'd dreamt of her. Always in way that made him feel very uncomfortable when he saw her again in person.

"You bet your last galleon I do. I just assumed enough of us had volunteered," Tonks said.

The meeting progressed from there and Lupin's wish to separate himself from Tonks did not come true. When Sirius and Arthur were wondering aloud how they could actually extract Harry from the house under his Aunt and Uncle's nose, Tonks piped up again.

"Well, we make them leave and not take Harry. My dad would leave our house for a Swansea football game, even if it killed him. It's a muggle sports team," She clarified, as some dumbfounded expressions looked back at her "We just have to find out what they'd leave the house for."

This started a new round of discussions and it was nearly an hour before the meeting finished. Arthur and Dumbledore knew the most about the Dursleys, so they took the floor. Everyone left knowing they'd be returning later that night for another meeting, to revise and fine-tune the plan.

Lupin stayed in his seat as most people left the room, and even though he tried not to, he watched Tonks. She was talking and laughing with Ginny and Bill. Lupin wanted to join them; Tonks's laugh was so warm and inviting. It had only been a week or so, and he missed it already.

But he wouldn't impose his presence on her if she didn't want it. Lupin was so busy watching Tonks, he hadn't even noticed that Snape and Sirius were sitting across from the table from each other, both scowling.

"So, didn't fancy risking your precious little neck for the Order again?" muttered Snape, smirking.

"What?" Sirius snapped at him

"Well, I didn't see you offering your help. Given up already have you? Finally realized how utterly useless you are?" said Snape, enjoying every word.

"I didn't see you offering your abnormally large nose for Harry? It'd easily be big enough for him to hide under," Sirius spat.

"Feeling brave in your own little hidey hole aren't you, Black? Are you ever going to venture out into the world like a man, or are you happy revealing your cowardice to us all." Snape spat at him

"You slimy, greasy piece of –" barked Sirius, as he pulled out his wand threatening Snape.

"Sirius," Lupin said sternly, placing his hand in the pocket his wand was in.

"Shut up Remus. This doesn't involve you," snapped Sirius.

"Trouble in paradise I see. Still squabbling like an old married couple. Of course you're so content hiding away Black, you spent your life hiding behind others. Not game to fight anyone, unless you were with your precious Potter or your scruffy little werewolf here," said Snape, his lip curling slightly as he drew his wand out. "Just give me the chance, oh how I'd love it to be me."

Lupin hardly had time to react. Sirius launched himself at Snape and Lupin grabbed a handful of his robes, holding him back.

You're even more of a coward than I thought," Snape said maliciously, eyeing of Lupin as well.

"Let me go, Remus. LET ME GO!" Sirius bellowed, kicking and fighting Lupin's grip, trying to launch himself at Snape.

A loud ear-piercing scream told Lupin that Sirius's mother had awoken as well.

"Pathetic. Some of us have _real _Order business to attend too." Snape said loudly, as he straightened his robes.

He turned abruptly and left. Ginny, Bill, Tonks and Arthur were staring over at Sirius and Lupin in shock. Sirius yanked himself free of Lupin and spun round to face him.

"You don't have to protect me, Moony. I'm a big boy, I can't be trained like you," Sirius spat at him. "Just stay out of it."

Sirius stomped off up the stairs and his voice sounded just as loud as if he'd been yelling in the dining hall.

"SHUT UP! YOU MISERABLE FUCKING HAG!"

An ear ringing silence followed. Arthur turned to Ginny.

"Don't tell your mother you heard that."

Lupin stood up, feeling the eyes of everyone in the room on him. He walked out the door and headed straight for his bedroom, so exhausted, and it was then he had dreamt of Tonks.

* * *

Sirius was still glaring at Lupin, waiting for him to insult Snape. Lupin didn't have the energy or the tolerance to assist Sirius, he was still reeling from the comments earlier.

"You think he's fine then? You think he's great? That he's doing all this for the Order and should praised. Well you– "

"No I don't," Lupin snapped at him, Sirius's taunting voice finally getting at him.

Sirius looked taken aback for a moment, very clearly not used to be spoken to in such a way. Lupin had only really yelled at him once, many years ago at school. That incident involved Snape as well. This time, it was more the exhaustion talking, not the rage at his condition being used in foul play.

"What then?" Sirius said, still looking stunned.

Lupin took a long time gathering his thoughts, but Sirius stayed looking, waiting for his every word. A habit from Lupin always being viewed as the wiser of the two.

"I don't think what he says is fine but– "

"You think it applies? You think I'm coward?"

"Sirius, would you just allow someone to finish a sentence?" Lupin asked sternly.

Sirius glanced up, not looking the slightlest bit apologetic, but Lupin knew he was going to hold his tongue and wait.

"As I was saying," Lupin continued, fixing Sirius a stare. "There was a promise made for a lack in open hostility."

"But– "

"And I know you will say he is not following said promise," Lupin said over the top of him, and Sirius closed his mouth indicating Lupin had read his mind. "But, things can be said for the man who takes the first step. He is trying to get a rise out of you and every time you are biting back exactly as he wishes."

Sirius let out a sigh, letting his body relax slightly, which Lupin knew to mean he had dropped his rage.

"You don't understand what it's like," Sirius said darkly.

"To be bound by something you hate?" Lupin asked, his eyebrows raised.

Sirius went to say something, and then closed his mouth, grinning instead.

"You got me there," he added.

Lupin nodded.

"But I can't let Snape go like you'd want Moony," Sirius finished. "I don't trust the slimy git. How can you?"

Lupin thought for a moment. The answer was difficult. He found pros and cons each time.

"I trust Dumbledore. If Dumbledore trusts Snape, I trust his judgment," Lupin said carefully.

He seemed to have said the wrong thing. Instantly Sirius seemed to stiffen, and the fire in his eyes that had gone, was back.

"And you think Dumbledore is always right then?" Sirius asked, his voice rising and his tone severe again.

"Not always, but it would take a lot to fool a man like him," Lupin said steadfastly.

"But he's an expert at fooling people. We know all about his little mind reading gifs," Sirius said, his tone back to normal.

"I know you are never going to view Snape as anything less than an enemy, and I admit, it is difficult even for me to do the same, but for the sake of the current situation, don't you think it would be easier to let it go? For peace?" Lupin said, sounding like he was almost begging Sirius to be civil.

"I'm not like you Remus," Sirus muttered. "I don't do things just to be liked."

Lupin felt the sting of the insult hit him. He was finding it more and more difficult to shrug off the comments Sirius sent his way ever since the Dementor attack. He knew it was just him taking out his anger, but he did not want to be the target any longer.

"Then do as you wish," Lupin said exasperatedly, looking at Sirisu blankly.

"Oh Merlin Moony, I'm sorry okay, I just don't – "

"Your first apology. I was beginning to wonder if they were still part of your vocabularly," Lupin said bitterly.

After he said it, he regretted it, knowing it would probably stir Sirius up further. To his surprise, Sirius smiled.

"I didn't know you had a rude streak in you anymore. I'm almost proud," Sirius laughed.

"It wasn't so much rude as observational," Lupin added, but Sirius still smiled at him.

"I'm still proud," Sirius said.

Lupin said nothing, he just gave him a be-serious stare.

"Oh fine, I'll be a good boy. I won't yell at everyone," Sirius said after a while, rolling his eyes as he did. "There. Happy?"

Lupin thought about how exhausted he was, the uncertainty of the future of the werewolf mission he was given, and he thought about the precarious situation with Tonks and his dreams about her.

"Not particularly," he muttered, looking away

**To be continued…**


	11. The Advance Guard

**It was so much harder to write scenes from the book than I thought.**

**I cut one big scene for Tonks, only because it was really straight forward and also really long.**

**Reivews earn a reviewer a Lupin for their own to enjoy remember.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 11.**

Tonks spent almost the whole night with the Order. It was easily the longest meeting they had ever had. Moody had a million different he wanted sorted before he would divide up other jobs and let them be on their way. The previous end of the previous meeting had not gone well. Sirius had leapt across a table trying to punch Snape over a conversation Tonks had not heard, but he'd been yanked backwards by Lupin who'd grabbed his robes. Sirius had then berated him for doing so.

When Tonks arrived for tonight's meeting, with Kingsley, she found Sirius in a surprisingly different mood. He'd smiled at her, something he hadn't done since the Dementor attack. Tonks thought that someone must have spoken to him, and all ideas seemed to point to Lupin. She had not quite conquered her feeling at finally seeing him again either. He'd given her his smile

He could be frustrating. To disappear like that, and then re-appear without an explanation, and especially to be so friendly when he did so. She had no idea what he was doing in his absence. She was trying hard to ignore the feelings she'd come to realize.

"So we're settled on brooms then?" Moody said, and they all nodded. "And for extra precaution I want a back group in case something happens to the first group of volunteers from this morning."

Everyone was silent. Nearly all the available Order was coming. Tonks couldn't think of anyone. Everyone who was a possibility she'd recommended they join the Order.

"I've got some mates from school I could probably get a hold of," Bill said.

"I'd need to meet them before tomorrow. I have some ex Aurors I will get into contact with. We'll talk at the end of the meeting for a place for us to meet," Moody growled.

"Do we have a solution to get rid of the Dursley's?" Emmeline said.

"Not yet. As Tonks said we need something to lure them. So can I trust you to be in charge of that Nymphadora?"

"It's Tonks Mad-Eye," she said absent-mindedly before realizing what he'd asked her. "Oh yeah er- I can do that. Course."

"Have it drafted by tomorrow morning and we'll owl it to Arabella and she'll give it to them," Moody finished and Tonks nodded at him.

Moody continued the rest of his arrangements, most causing Tonks to roll her eyes. Lupin had said nothing so far, he looked engaged but slightly as if he was lost in his own thoughts.

"So with nothing else to add, and everyone clear on what they have to do, I think– "

Sirius loudly cleared his thoat.

"I'm coming," he announced bitterly.

"Dumbledore had given strict instructions that you're to stay behind, Sirius," growled Moody.

"It's just_my_ god son, who cares really," Sirius said quietly.

"You can see him when he gets here. What would happen if you got caught?" Molly asked.

"Exactly the same thing if I stay in here any longer. Besides, you're already doing something illegal you'll all get imprisoned, so it won't matter if I'm there or not," Sirius paused.

Tonks glanced around. Where atmosphere had been relaxed toward the end of the meeting, it was now very tense. Her eyes fell on Lupin. He was a few seats down from her, his were eyes intently boring into Sirius. She also noticed he had his hand on his wand again. Waiting for Sirius to cross the line and do something uncalled for. The anticipation either spoke of the intimate level of their friendship or of the affects of the years in Azkaban on Sirius's judgment that Lupin had noted.

"Sirius, I don't think it's–" Arthur said.

"Fine. It was just a suggestion anyway," muttered Sirius.

The meeting drew to a close and Arthur sidled up to Tonks.

"I have a muggle tape-typer thing," Arthur said, his smile wide and his eyes child-like.

"You mean a typewriter?" Tonks asked, creasing her brow, remembering the typewriter her father owned.

"Oh yes, that," Aruthur said, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"Arthur what are you doing?" Molly said, give him a disapproving stare as the the twins wandered in.

Bill was rolling up maps of London, and the greater districts, that Moody had been playing with, but not before the twins glanced at them and immediately started asking questions.

"I'm talking to Tonks dear," Arthur said back.

"About what?"

"Nothing dear," Arthur said, and Tonks laughed at Arthur's constant fear of Molly discovering his Muggle objects.

"I'll come in the morning to use it, that'd be great Arthur," Tonks said at a whisper.

He smiled at her happily and returned to the table, helping Bill clean up.

* * *

Tonks returned only a few hours later, after little rest, given how late the meeting ran. She was not tired though, she the opposite. She was wired for the evening ahead of them. She entered the kitchen to a rousing hello from everyone. She indulged in some conversation with Ginny and Hermione. Which again turned into the children asking her to pull faces. She got herself as close to Fudge as she could, and in a voice closed to his made outrageous statements causing everyone to laugh.

It was a long time before actually she got to work in the kitchen. Molly had sent the children to clean the top most bedrooms. After what Dumbledore had told the Order about the Dursleys, Tonks knew something allowing them to believe they were better than anyone else would do the trick. Arthur had also said something about how finicky they were. So, after hours of thinking and talking with Molly and Arthur, as well as a distraction cleaning with everyone, Tonks took an idea from her grandmother.

She was, in Tonks's eye, an old batty muggle woman who pottered around her garden, never allowing Tonks to play on the grass when she used visit as a child. She always went on about how much better her garden was compared to her neighbors and how she treasured her awards. One for her roses and the other for her lawn, the one Tonks was going to copy.

'_Best __Kept __Suburban __Lawn'_

She typed at the top of the page with an old muggle typewriter that Arthur had brought in for her. Arthur was standing behind her, on the verge of exploding with glee. Every time she pressed a key, he would make a noise of amazement. If it weren't so funny to see a grown man so excited over a typewriter he could wet himself, it would have been very irritating. Tonks was just starting to write the paragraph detailing the time and place of the ceremony, when the doorbell rang, and Mrs Black burst out screaming. Molly and Moody entered the kitchen after the noise stopped

"It's all sorted," Moody growled. "They're going to tail us on the way there and then keep going. I've got Montague stationed in Hestia's house to give the signal."

Tonks continued typing, half listening, and Arthur gave another squeak as she did so.

"Arthur! Could you leave Tonks alone? She's trying to concentrate," Molly barked at him.

"Oh. Yes, right Molly dear. Sorry, Tonks," Arthur said, his voice dropping a little.

Tonks, after stifling a giggle, went back to typing. She felt someone standing very close behind her. Whoever it was, took a deep breath, and Tonks thought it sounded like they were trying to smell her. She furrowed her brow; she had no idea who was behind her. Moody never hovered around her, so it couldn't be him.

Molly would not be this close to someone without saying something, and Arthur had sat on a chair, stealing glances at the typewriter when he thought Molly was not looking. Two, long-fingered, familiar, looking hands appeared on the table either side of her. Whoever it was, had both arms surrounding her on the table.

"Best kept suburban lawn. That's genius Nymphadora," Lupin's hoarse voice said breathlessly right next to her ear.

Tonks looked across and found Lupin's head hovering just near her shoulder. He was smiling at her, like he hadn't done in days. Even though he looked shabbier than she remembered, there was a playful aura emitting from him. Tonks looked at him, confused. Was this how Lupin behaved with his friends? Did he smell them like that? Did he hover so closely that he nearly touched them? Suddenly Tonks raised an eyebrow as she turned slowly to face him.

"Don't call me, Nymphadora," she added, smiling.

Lupin smiled back and they sat there, smiling at each other, daring the other to laugh. He winked at her, in a very un-Lupin like way. The way he was looking at her, was truning everything upside down.. He didn't want to be _just_ friends. He was looking at her in _that_ way. The way Tonks had seen other people, boyfriends, look at her. Had she been wrong? Was this actually able to happen? He had that same look he'd had in the depths of the Ministry on the infamous Dementor night.

"We should have another run through, Remus," growled Moody, ripping Tonks from her thoughts.

"What?" Lupin stuttered, looking away from Tonks and up at Moody, with a very dazed expression.

"Go back over the plan? I think we could all benefit from going over it again," Moody said

"Yeah right Moody, 'cause 25 times clearly won't have been enough," laughed Tonks.

Lupin snuck a smile at Tonks, as did Sirius.

* * *

Later that evening, everyone was gathered together at Moody's house in Hertfordshire. They stood in the backyard at the ready. Moody had gone on for an hour, ranting about exit strategies, emergency situations, safety percautions, and Tonks began to wonder if Moody had gotten worse, or if she had just been so long without having a mission with him. She was tucking the harness for Harry's trunk, which Moody had given her upon arrival, in her robes.

"Right. You all know the plan, but just in case– "

"Moody come on! We know what to do. We know who we're flying with," Tonks complained loudly.

"It's a matter of assurance Nymphadora," Moody growled at her. "I'm trying to make sure the group knows exactly who– "

"You're flying in front. Podmore and Diggle are together on the left flank. Emmeline and Hestia are behind. Kingsley is in the centre, and I'm on the right flank with– " Tonks faltered slightly.

She glanced across at Lupin. She was delighted to be flying beside him and she hoped he felt the same. He was smiling at her, and that had made her trip up on her own words. Why did he have to look at her? It made everything so much harder.

"With Remus," she finished.

"Well thank you Tonks, I was beginning to wonder if you were ignoring me on purpose," Lupin muttered, so no one else would hear.

Tonks gave a weak smile, trying to digest the stupidly girlish butterflies in her stomach.

"Though I could say I'm fearful to be flying beside you," Lupin added, with a serious stare.

"What? Why?" Tonks said, feeling alarm flood her veins.

"Well given the fall you had in the hallway leaving Grimmauld Place, I can only assume I will be catching you as you fall off your broom all evening," he chuckled.

Tonks flashed her eyes at him darkly, hiding the fact she was picturing flying with him on a broom, her in his arms.

"Is that a challenege?"

He laughed again.

"If you wish it to be," Lupin said, smiling playfully at her. "Though I should point out we are on a very serious mission."

"I thought you were meant to be brave? You know, being a Gryffindor and all."

"I didn't decline now did– "

Before Lupin could , Moody pointed out the red sparks. Tonks crouched slightly, to get a better push off the grass, and locked eyes with Remus. He was looking at her very innocently.

"You're on old man," Tonks shot at him.

He smiled at her mischievously, and pushed off the ground.

* * *

Tonks was flying through the frigid night air, feeling the wind ruffle her violet hair. Everything seemed so much better up on her broom. The stars seemed brighter, the beads of moisture from the couds they were flying through were far more refreshing that usual and the waning moon, still full looking made the area they were flying over look like a beautiful storybook-esque village. She knew, in truth, it was less about the flying and more the fact she was constantly in the gaze of Lupin.

Tonks had been diving and swerving, ready to prove him so wrong. She was far more brilliant on a broom than on her feet. He was giving her a look that admitted her had very clearly been wrong, and Tonks grinned at him. When they came to Surrey, they began their descent. Tonks noticed the rows and rows of identical houses, lawns and cars.

They landed in a very immaculate backyard. Moody crossed it, leaving the others in the darkness. He tapped the door handle with his wand and the door swung open and everyone followed Moody inside. As her eyes adjusted to the darkness, Tonks was struck by the cleanliness. It made her feel like a child covered in mud. Awkward, unwanted and completely out of place.

A lot of the group had split up, admiring some of the muggle appliances. Kingsley was glancing down, reading the muggle newspaper on the bench, Hestia Jones was poking the toaster, Doge was closely examining the fridge, but it was Diggle who caused the problem. He had been so impressed with the Dishwasher that when he'd opened it, his hat fell off. When he went to pick it up he bumped the microwave, accidently turning it on.

As it started, Diggle jumped backwards, wand pointing outwards shaking in his grip. Tonks tried hard not to laugh. She turned away, fighting the snigger building inside at the thought of a fully-grown wizard being afraid of a kitchen appliance. As she spun, she lost her footing, and as she reached for something to grab she happened to knock a plate off the table, which made a loud crashing nice.

Nymphadora! Be careful! Do you want to ruin the whole mission?" Moody half growled and half whispered.

"Sorry," Tonks muttered. "I didn't do it on purpose, I just–"

"Slipped?" said Lupin with a smug look on his face.

Tonks glared at him, but he only smiled.

"Shh! Everyone just be quiet," Moody paused as his eye swiveled into his head "He's in his bedroom."

They moved into the hall. Lupin, ahead with Moody as had been discussed to let Harry see someone the two people he was familiar with first.

"I'm going to open the door from down here, just in case," muttered Moody.

He flicked his wand and the door opened.

"They locked him in his room?" Tonks asked bewildered.

"Yes. I'd say they're up for parents of the year any day now," Lupin whispered back at her

Tonks saw some movement at the top of the stairs. The outline of a small thin boy stood of the landing pointing his wand out.

"Lower your wand boy. You'll take someone's eye out," Moody growled at the darkness.

"Professor Moody?" said a voice Tonks had never heard.

"I don't know much about Professor. Never got round too much teaching, did I? Get down here, we want to see you properly" replied Moody.

Tonks smiled. Even though she had been upset about what had happened to Moody; of all the people she knew to be captured, drugged and hidden in his own trunk, it had to happen to him.

"It's all right Harry, we've come to take you away." Lupin's voice said.

"Professor Lupin? Is that you?" said the voice again.

"Why are we all standing around in the darkness?" said Tonks.

She lit her wand and the room was bathed in a dim light. Tonks finally got her first look at Harry. Her eyes found Lupin as well. His face had softened at the sight of Harry. It was the same look she got from her dad whenever she came to visit. It was sickeningly sweet seeing Lupin care so much. Tonks returned her gaze back to Harry. He was tall and skinny and she certainly liked how scruffy he looked.

"Oooh, he looks just like I thought he would," said Tonks thinking about what Lupin had said one night. "Wotcher, Harry!"

Straight after saying that Tonks realized he wouldn't have a clue who she was. She felt like she'd known him for years, after speaking about him for weeks. She knew more about him than she did some of her friends. When Tonks turned back to the group, Moody had been performing his usual paranoid routine, until Lupin stepped in.

"Harry, what form does your patronus take?" Lupin asked still smiling.

"A stag," said Harry nervously.

Tonks smiled. It was one of those moments were Tonks literally had to bite her tongue to resist making fun of Moody and his obsession, or paranoia as it's best described.

"Don't put your wand there, boy!" Moody growled, when Harry was walking down the stairs "What if it ignited? Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know."

"Who do you know who's lost a buttock?" said Tonks fighting back the sarcasm.

Sometimes she couldn't help bugging him, not when it was that easy.

"Never _you_ mind, you just keep your wand out of your back pocket! Elementary wand safety, no body bothers about it any more." growled Mad-Eye as he turned to walk towards the kitchen by himself.

Tonks turned to Harry and rolled her eyes.

"And I saw that," came Moody's voice.

Tonks grinned.

"How are you?" said Lupin shaking Harry's hand.

"I'm – you're really lucky the Dursleys are out…" mumbled Harry

"Lucky, ha!" Tonks laughed, "It was me who lured them out of the way. Sent a letter by Muggle post telling them they'd been short-listed for the All England Best Kept Suburban Lawn Competition. They're heading off to the prize giving right now…or they think they are."

Tonks heard a few people behind her laugh quietly. She saw Lupin smile, but he was still watching Harry. Was it strange that she felt a tiny bit jealous of Harry? They walked into the kitchen after Harry asked a few more questions. Lupin and Harry walked side by side. Lupin started his introductions and his eyes met Tonks properly since Harry had arrived

"And this is Nymphadora…"

"Don't call me Nymphadora, _Remus_," she growled. "It's Tonks."

"Nymphadora Tonks, who prefers to be known by her surname only." Lupin finished.

"So would you if your fool of a mother had called you _Nymphadora_." Tonks complained.

Lupin smiled at her, raising his eyebrows as he did so. As the introductions continued, Tonks looked around the kitchen again. It was a big change from the one she grew up in.

"Very clean, aren't they, these Muggles? My dad's Muggle-born and he's a right slob. I suppose it varies just as it does with wizards," Tonks noted.

It wasn't very well received. Harry seemed confused but then turned to Lupin. She continued looking around when something Harry said brought her attention back. Harry had muttered the one name most wizards feared to speak. Tonks watched everyone twitch in their own way. She noticed that only she, Moody, Kingsley and Lupin did not flinch. Moody growled at him to stop speaking.

"We're not discussing anything here, it's too risky. Damn it!" Moody said angrily, making a few people jump as he hit the table with his hand. "It keeps getting stuck – ever since that scum wore it."

Tonks turned to see what was happening, just in time to see Moody pull his eyeball out of the socket. The disgusting noise, which Tonks had heard once before, followed.

"Mad-Eye, you do know that's disgusting, don't you?" asked Tonks her face screwed up in revulsion.

Harry got Mad Eye a glass of water on his request and she almost hypnotically watched as the eyeball whizzed around in the water.

"You'd better go a get packed, Harry, we want to be ready to go when the signal comes." Lupin said looking at his watch.

Tonks was happy to have an excuse to leave the room. Watching the eyeball was making her feel ill.

"I'll come and help you," said Tonks brightly.

She ran her hand through her hair as they both walked up the staircase. She was in the mood to show off.

* * *

By the time Harry and Tonks had come back downstairs, Harry's trunk floating eerily behind them, the Guard had returned to examining the kitchen and its appliances.

"Excellent," said Lupin, his eyes finding her hair and smiling before turning to Harry. "We've got about a minute, I think. We should probably get out into the garden so we're ready. Harry, I've left a letter telling your aunt and uncle not to worry…"

"They won't" said Harry.

"…That you're safe…"

"That'll just depress them."

"…And you'll see them next summer." Lupin finally finished.

"Do I have to?" groaned Harry.

Tonks laughed, as did a few of the others, and Harry smirked at her. She liked him already. She turned to repair her smashed plate from before, but found it was repairing itself. Tonks looked around to see what was going on. She saw a wand flick and looked up to see Lupin standing close by, wand out. Was he deliberately moving closer to her now?

"Someone was going to have to clean up after you," whispered Lupin, slyly smirking.

"I can look after myself," Tonks said calmly.

"The plate disagrees I think," Lupin said smugly.

Tonks creased her brows at him. How was he suddenly so playful again? When she turned back around, Harry's upper half was missing and the rest slowly doing the same.

"Nice one, Mad Eye," she said, pointing to the lone pair of legs in front of them all.

She was trying hard to ignore the tingling feeling building in her back because Lupin was standing right behind her. Moody called for everyone to head outside, Tonks waited as everyone moved towards the door. Lupin came up and stood right by her side.

Both of their hands were limply hanging by their sides, touching lightly. Tonks, whether because it was true or she wanted it to be, just knew this wasn't an accident; he was doing it on purpose. She was trying to keep her hair its new shade of bubblegum pink and was happy no one was paying attention to her as she did it.

As she stepped outside, the cool breeze hit her face. It awoke sense in her. She was flirting with Remus Lupin, or actually, he was flirting with her. He stood by her as she started strapping the harness that Moody had given her earlier, to her broom.

"…Don't break ranks even if one of us is killed." Moody growled, as everyone stared into the sky, waiting.

"Is that likely?" came Harry's voice apprehensively.

"…the others keep flying, don't stop, don't break ranks. If they take out all of us and you survive, harry, the rear guard are nearby to take over; keep flying east and they'll join you…"

"Stop being so cheerful Mad-Eye," Tonks interrupted. "He'll think we're not taking this seriously."

The first signal came and everyone mounted their brooms just as the second one came. Tonks kicked off the ground at Lupin's call, enjoying the feeling of the wind rushing through her short hair again. They flew up higher and higher on Moody's orders, higher than they'd been on the journey over. After a while, flying at such an altitude, Tonks started to shiver. She couldn't remember it being this cold before; and it wasn't until she spotted Lupin beneath her, she realized she'd been distracted the first time.

"Bear southwest and keep climbing," she heard Moody's voice over the freezing winds. "There's some low cloud ahead we can lose ourselves in!"

Tonks looked at the big clouds and as loud as she could muster, yelled at Moody in protest.

"We're not going through clouds! We'll get soaked, Mad-Eye."

They carried on flying, higher and higher. Tonks hands were numb with cold, and she was struggling to keep a grip on the broom. She would not have an accident, not with Lupin and the smug look on his face if she did.

"We ought to double back for a bit .Just to make sure we're not being followed," Moody growled, and Tonks nearly slipped off her broom in alarm.

"ARE YOU MAD MAD-EYE!" Tonks screamed. "We're all frozen to her brooms. If we keep going off course we're not going to get there until next week! We're nearly there now!"

"Time to start the descent," Lupin called to her great relief. "Follow Tonks, Harry."

Tonks had to resist the urge to jump onto his broom and kiss him all over for ending the misery. They landed in the small garden across from Grimmauld place. Everyone was eagerly watching Harry again, but Tonks had the unfortunate task of unhooking Harry's trunk from the harness. She had just started at it, when a soft but hoarse voice came from just behind her.

"Need some help?"

Tonks spun around to find Lupin smiling at her. She'd expected him to be following Harry, like the rest of the group. He dropped down, and began undoing it. As the finished, Tonks grabbed one side and put her other hand underneath it, just like Lupin had. They'd just stepped off gutter, following the group, when Tonks felt her feet fumble underneath her.

The trunk bounced as Tonks tried her hardest to stay upright and Lupin chuckled quietly. At that moment Tonks noticed his hand under the trunk was right beside hers. She stared forwards, trying to keep her hair pink which seemed to be getting harder and harder the longer she knew him.

She was more confused now. He was completely infuriating in that way, she never knew what he was thinking. One minute he was playful and flirtatious and the next he would disappear for days and not speak to her. Tonks was so busy thinking to herself and enjoying the feel of Lupin's touch that she hadn't noticed they were staring at the open front door.

Lupin was looking at her, no doubt wondering why she wasn't moving. Tonks wanted to savour the feeling of his hand so close to hers, but instead moved grabbig the handle and walking inside. After placing the suitcase down, they moved straight to the dining hall for a meeting, Tonks winked at Harry as she passed.

"Tonks," said Sirius loudly, obviously in a great mood. "Should I be surprised to find you here in one piece? Or did you destroy the

"Not quite. Just one victim. A very poor helpless piece of china." Lupin said, smiling at her.

Tonks spun around to face them both, her hands on her hips.

"Yeah, very funny. Tonks is clumsy. I'll bet you– "

Very suddenly she was shunted forwards, feeling something whack into her from behind. She was pushed towards Lupin, who was closest to the door. He caught her by the waist, keeping her upright. Sirius had exploded with laughter, and Lupin seemed as if he was trying very hard to keep it in.

"Good catch, Moony." Sirius said breathlessly through his laugh.

"Oh my! I'm so sorry Tonks dear! I didn't know you were standing behind the door!" said Molly standing in the open doorway.

Tonks stared up at Lupin as the rest of the table laughed along with Sirius. Lupin looked pleasantly surprised.

"You were saying?" Lupin said

Tonks noticed that he had not yet to let her go, even though she was very much upright with no chance of slipping anymore. She felt her scalp tingle, and she fought even harder than before to keep it from changing. Her skin was tingling where his hands were, and her heart rate was increasing.

"You know, you're not attractive when you're smug," Tonks remarked so only he heard her.

"That would infer that I'm attractive when– "

"I wouldn't infer, it leads to misunderstandings," Tonks said quickly, smirking at him.

He smiled at her like he had been all day and then it happened again, the same look in his eyes from this morning that told Tonks she'd made a mistake. This was not a friendship, it had to be more. Lupin slowly let her go, and Tonks broke their stare, turning to make a loud remark at Sirius, but she found him glaring at something behind her, all trace of humor gone from his face. Snape had walked in.

**To be continued…**


	12. The Chosen One

**************Might be long, but somehow I think you'll veiw it as worth it.**

**I really didn't think there was lots from the book, but damn the man can talk!**

**Reviews are always very appreciated**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 12.**

Nymphadora Tonks was glowering at him, worse than she ever had before. Remus Lupin didn't know what he'd done. He had the usual amount of anxiety he always had in this type of situation. Had she found out the truth about him? Her face was inches from his, she was yelling at him and all he could do was sigh deeply and run his hands through his hair. She was right, she had the wrong idea, but she was right. He could never explain the right idea; she would never speak to him again if he did. A wave of pity swept through his body. He hated confrontation with his friends. He hated that she had the wrong idea more, so he knew he had to do something, he had to stop her looking at him the way she was.

"Nymphadora– " he began

If it was possible, her look darkened more. Lupin found himself wondering how he got into this situation in the first place.

* * *

It was the day of the rescue mission and Moody had cornered him the second he stepped off the staircase. Just as Moody opened his mouth to speak, no doubt to go over the plan for the hundredth time, Molly Weasley brushed past them.

"Alastor, Arthur said something about a Ministry memo you needed to see," she said as she passed

Lupin followed them both down into the kitchen, he walked in and some purple hair caught his attention. He felt his body soften slightly at the sight of Tonks; he couldn't help but smile around her these days. She awoke something in him that he hadn't felt for fifteen years.

With Tonks he just wished to be around her, she was infectious in that way. He stared at her as he made his way across the room, stopping just behind her. She was facing away from him, typing the letter for the Dursleys. He waited for a smell to waft over him, knowing it would make him do something or think something he probably shouldn't.

Then it came, the flowery feminine scent he loved. It pulled him in, he wanted to press his nose against her neck and breathe her in. He pretended to be reading what she was typing as he bent down, placing his hands either side of her.

"Best kept suburban lawn. That's genius Nymphadora," Lupin said, his voice sounding more breathless than he thought.

Tonks turned her head slightly and her eyes found his. They widened slightly and then, when she smiled at him, they brightened even more.

"Don't call me Nymphadora," Tonks muttered.

Lupin couldn't help but notice how close they were, he tried desperately to stop thinking about kissing her, but to no avail. He was the type of man to imagine things like this, at least, not without his control, but she seemed to take him out of his depth without even meaning to.

"We should have another run through, Remus," growled Moody's voice

"What?" Lupin muttered, looking at him and feeling as if he'd stood up too quickly.

"Go back over the plan? I think we could all benefit from going over it again." Moody said

"Yeah right Mad Eye, 'cause 25 times clearly won't have been enough." Tonks said loudly.

Lupin glanced down at her and smiled. He cauhgt Sirius' eye as well, but far from looking amused at Tonks, he was staring at Lupin, an eyebrow raised and a troubling grin on his face.

* * *

By nightfall Lupin was sitting in the Dursleys kitchen staring Harry Potter in the face. It had been so long, he couldn't stop staring at him. Talking to him made him feel that much happier and alive, it was like James and Lily were back. Lupin could sense a difference in him, but he didn't know what it was.

Moody kept glancing at Lupin, waiting for him to announce, that it was time to go. Harry was instructed to pack his bag and a head of purple hair followed him. Lupin felt like he'd been doused with water. As bad as it sounded, he completely forgot that Tonks was even there.

When she finally came back it was difficult not to notice her. Tonks had changed her hair to a bright bubblegum pink. Now that Harry had started talking to Moody, Tonks moved back over to the bench, near her broken plate. Lupin cast the _reparo_ charm before she got the chance. Tonks glanced around wildly, Lupin laughed to himself, before moving over closer to her.

"Someone was going to have to clean up after you," whispered Lupin, slyly smirking.

"I can look after myself," Tonks said blankly.

"The plate disagrees I think," Lupin said smugly, smiling.

But she didn't smile back; she turned back to Moody and laughed at him instead. Lupin stood for a second, confused. Before he could do anything, his watch caught his eye, sparking a new memory. They only had a few minutes until they had to leave. Upon his word, the rest of the group filed outside. Lupin and Tonks stood side by side at the door.

Lupin tried telling himself that their hands touching, was merely an accident, but he knew he'd kept his hand by his side for that reason. She wasn't moving it either, which did not seem to help matters. He was too terrifed to do anything, terrifed he was wrong, and all he could do was continue to test the waters.

* * *

When they landed in Grimmauld place, Lupin had spent an entire broom ride staring up at Tonks, instead of the trunk he was supposed to be watching. He was quietly thankful for all of her outbursts along the way, but more than that, he loved the look she had when she flew. It was happiness, complete joy and blissfulness, something he never really got on a broom, and it made him fee happier just to see it. Moody gruffly pushed past him.

"I'll help Nymphadora, you take Harry," he growled at Lupin.

"No it's fine, both of us were told to show Harry to the door," Lupin said softly "It would be safer for you to be with him," he added after an unconvinced look from Moody.

Moody moved back, and pushed Harry away from the staring crowd. Lupin took a deep breath, knowing this would be another _testing__the__waters_ moment. He walked over to her and tried to ignore the beautiful scent filling his nostrils as he stood behind her.

"Need some help?" he whispered.

Tonks spun around quickly, looking confused. Without a yes, he moved beside Tonks and started untying the harness, staring at her in the process. He was trying to gage her reaction, but so far there was none, she looked afraid if anything. Lupin was just about to give up, when he saw her face break into a grin.

She snapped out of whatever had kept her rooted to the spot and picked up the handle. They took a few steps and as Lupin stepped off the gutter with ease, he saw Tonks fumble and nearly fall. Lupin laughed and she turned back to him with an apologetic smile.

When Tonks was trying to readjust her grip on the bottom of the trunk, Lupin did something without truly thinking. He slid his hand along the bottom until he reached hers. He stared forwards, knowing he could shake it off as an accident if she refused him. But she didn't, one of her fingers moved to over lap his, and they stood behind everyone else, hiding the fact they were half holding hands hidden underneath the trunk.

Her skin was soft and delicate. It made him feel as if a light was building bigger and bigger inside his chest. Lupin snuck a sideways glance at Tonks; she was staring forwards with a look of deepest concentration on her face. Lupin stared at the front door he had to open. He didn't want to drop the trunk, he didn't want to end what he knew was no longer testing the waters, but being thrown in.

Moody seemed to be getting impatient and when Lupin turned to Tonks, he felt her hand under the trunk give his another squeeze before pulling away. Harry was looking around confused; Lupin knew what the problem was, he couldn't see the house.

"Think about what you've just memorized," Lupin said quietly.

Harry's eyes suddenly went wide in amazement and Lupin knew he could finally see Number Twelve like the rest of them could. He slid his wand down the door. The rest filed through and Tonks looked at him sheepishly as she passed him. Lupin did not smile, even though he wanted to, he followed her, grabbing the trunk again and smiled at Harry instead.

"Get in quick, Harry," whispered Lupin, "but don't go far inside, and don't touch anything."

They placed the trunk down and Lupin moved quickly down the hall, and was shuffled into the kitchen, where the meeting was obviously happening tonight.

"I'm assuming Harry is all right?" Sirius asked

"Yes, he's fine. Did Molly beat you to him?" Lupin replied, noting the contempt in his voice as he asked about Harry.

"Obviously," said Sirius darkly.

In that moment Tonks entered the room and Lupin's attention was brought back to her. He didn't notice Sirius beside him, who was staring between the two of them with a small grin on his face.

"Dora," said Sirius loudly. "I'm surprised to see you made it back here in one piece, or is the Dursleys a broken wreck instead?"

Sirius laughed as he turned to Lupin.

"Not quite. Just one victim. A very poor helpless piece of china." Lupin said.

Tonks spun around in front of the closed her. Her hands on her hips, and her chest puffed out.

"Yeah, very funny. Tonks is clumsy. I'll bet you– "

In almost slow motion, Lupin watched the door behind her fly open and push her off her feet. Before Lupin could realize what was going on, he saw her flying towards him. He reached out just in time to grab her, getting her around the ribs.

"You were saying?" Lupin asked her, more to keep his mind from venturing to a place he thought might have crossed a line.

Sirius had started laughing, almost to the point of choking and Molly had gone bright red, stuttering out an apology. In all of the commotion nobody noticed that the two of them staring at each other, like never before. Had they not been in a room full of people, Lupin knew he would not have been able to stop himself kissing her.

Lupin realized just how comfortable it felt to hold her. A thought crossed his mind, which made him blush slightly. Tonks stared up at him and he bent down towards her. A goofy grin spread across her face as Lupin noticed the roots of her hair turning bright red.

She still looked completely shocked as Lupin let her go. She smiled back at him before turning and walking to a spare seat next to Molly, who was still apologizing. Lupin turned to Sirius who was smiling wildly at him, with a mischievous glint in his eye.

"What?" Lupin asked.

Sirius's smile quickly changed into that of a scowl and Lupin feeling alarmed, looked behind him and saw Snape walking through the door. Before Lupin could even mutter something to Sirius about ignoring him, Moody called for silence and started to inform the group about the mission.

Snape had been his usual self. Snide, pompous and but full of very useful information. Voldemort was only interested in the Prophecy. An Azkaban break in had not even been mentioned. Though it was coming, as Voldemort continually discussed his most loyal re-joining him. Only one this surprised them.

"On Dumbledore's request, I asked about the Dementor attack. They weren't sent by him. He has not extended his hand toward them yet," Snape said in his silky voice.

"But if not You-Know-Who, the who?"

"Million galleon question," Moody growled, his magical eye rest on Snape as it always was when he came to meetings.

"I have no certain theory, but – "

"Hang on," Tonks interrupted Snape, who stared at her coldly. "I know this is going to sound mad, but what if it was the Minsitry?"

There was a murmur of disagreement.

"No, what if they sent it so they could expel him? How much better would it look if they could say he was a liar, _and_ a reckless law-breaker? I really wouldn't put it past Fudge honestly," she said hastily.

Lupin furrowed his brow, thinking hard. He couldn't believe anyone in the Ministry would do something so low, but Tonks made a good point about it doing something to make Harry seem worse.

When the meeting had finished, Tonks, Moody and Mundungus opted to stay for dinner. More over Mundungus had fall asleep, so he didn't opt, but rather obliged. Lupin walked to the door to let everyone out and when he turned around after resealing it, he found Tonks talking to Molly and Harry.

Tonks caught Lupin's eye with a smile and she took a few steps to move toward him. Lupin had just opened his mouth to remind her about the umbrella stand, when she walked right into it and fell with a crash.

"Tonks!" cried Molly.

"I'm sorry! It's that stupid umbrella stand, that's the second time I've tripped over– " Tonks attempted to say but she was cut off by the noise Lupin had been prepared for since she'd tripped.

He hurried forwards to close the curtains, but they wouldn't shut and he couldn't reach his wand, while holding the curtains with Molly. Molly turned to stun the rest of the portraits and then a voice, louder than the scream came.

"Shut up, you horrible old hag, SHUT UP!" Sirius yelled.

The combined effort of the two seemed to be working, and just as Sirius roared for her to shut up again, they closed. Lupin spun around to help Tonks up, but she'd done it herself.

"Don't even," Tonks warned

"What?" Lupin said, feigning innocence, biting back the joking comment.

"I can read you like a book. I know exactly what you're thinking," Tonks explained, jabbing in him in his chest.

"I hope not," Lupin said and without thinking who he was talking to, he winked.

Her face faltered, and then she creased her eyebrows at him. She slowly smiled, but she looked entirely confused. He'd been around Sirius far too long, and it was starting to show. He turned very aprubtly and walked downstairs. Lupin sat beside Bill and Arthur, leaving Sirius to talk to Harry. Lupin watched as Tonks tried to burn the place down when she knocked a candle over.

Arthur eventually brought him back from watching her, by continuing the discussion from the meeting. Snape had mentioned that Dumbledore was interested in the goblins and Gringotts. He wanted to know what was in the vaults of the Death Eaters.

In between the conversation, Lupin glanced around. He was pleased to find Sirius looking happier with Harry in the house. A large group of them were laughing at Mundungus and Tonks was entertaining people with her gift as per usual. Then it came, the very quick change of atmosphere brought on by Sirius.

"You know I'm surprised at you," said Sirius to Harry. "The first thing I thought you'd do when you got here, was ask questions about Voldemort."

Then the argument that had happened many times over the summer ensued. Lupin was not against telling Harry or the others, but he understood Molly's objection. Harry and his friends had a knack for trouble. When Molly and Sirius started at each other, Lupin had to step in.

When the conversation started, Lupin was honest with Harry. He knew he was free to speak his mind with him, except for one big mistake.

"It's an occupational hazard being a werewolf," Lupin mumbled.

Immediately he felt the color drain from his face. He looked over at Tonks, but she was looking at Harry and didn't seem to have found any interest in what he'd said. When Molly shooed the children off to bed, Tonks, Arthur, Lupin and Sirius were left in the kitchen.

"Well, that went, er, better than expected," Arthur announced.

Lupin could feel his heart racing; he was waiting for Tonks to say soemthing, he had let it slip in the conversation without realizing. She turned to look at him for the first time since he'd said it, but she smiled at him. Lupin stared at her, mouth agape. How could she smile? Had she honestly not heard?

"It was interesting," Tonks said, sounding overwhelmed.

Lupin couldn't blame her. He should have been honest. Sirius looked reayd to speak but Molly burst in.

"That was foolish! And you know it was," she shot at Sirius.

"Foolish?" Sirius said, his voice rising.

"Molly what we told them was nothing they could not work out on their own if they connected the dots," Lupin said carefully.

"Yes but we didn't have to do it for them," Molly said turning to Lupin, looking annoyed.

"Molly, it will be fine," Arthur said soothingly.

"How do you know? No one knows anything..." Molly said, the rest of her words lost in mumblings before she burst into tears.

Lupin distinctly heard something about Percy, and she stormed out of the room, Arthur following. Lupin turned to Sirius, who looked beyond guilty.

"I guess no one could ever call you lot boring," Tonks laughed. "I need to be off. I'll just go see to Molly first."

She made her way around the table, hugging Sirius, and then she came to Lupin. His breath was caught in his throat, he wanted to apologize, but he just couldn't speak. He rose from his seat and bent down slightly as she came at him. She embraced him, whispering to him at the same time.

"See you."

She kissed him on the cheek, before hastily exiting without looking back. Lupin turned to Sirius as he sat back down, who was giving him a smug look.

"The last time I saw you rise to your feet that fast for a girl was Lily. Am I going to have to tell you keep your lechourous paws off my cousin?"

"You, lecturing someone on manners. That would be the cauldron calling the kettle black don't you think?"

"It's in the name mate. Black," Sirius laughed.

* * *

As he stared down the driveway at his broken down and damaged house, Lupin sighed. He hated being back here; he wanted to be at Grimmauld place. He wanted to talk to Sirius, whatever mood he was in. He wanted to be around Harry and he wanted to be able to talk and laugh with Tonks, to have her scent fill his nostrils or watch her trip over herself. But he had a date with a full moon.

By the time evening had come, Lupin was sitting up against the ruins of his old bed, his head in his hands. He thought of Tonks. He had tested the water with her, he wanted to be around her and he felt like he needed to be. He knew he couldn't and that was the struggle.

He knew the truth, even if things looked possible now, there was the nagging voice somewhere in his mind telling him that she would leave him once she knew everything. What hurt more, was knowing that she should leave him. He was not good enough and he never would his blood was on fire, he felt his skin ripping apart, his limbs were breaking and his mind clouded over just before it all became to unbearable.

* * *

Lupin blinked in the harsh sunlight. His vision slowly made the shapes around him sharpen in the blur, and from panic, he sat bolt upright quickly. His body ached all over almost instantly, but he was too focused on where he was to allow it to stop him. He was on the deck outside. He'd broken out of his bedroom.

Lupin finally gave into his body's screams of pain and lay back down. His mind was quickly weighed down with worry. He had been transformed and somehow broken out of the room. He'd only done this three times since returning from his teaching post. Lupin stood up, feeling that if he were in pain, it would be some kind of punishment for what he may have done.

He dragged himself to his parents bed and lay down, begging his mind to bring some kind of memory back, so he could know if he had to rescue someone he had hurt, or worse, killed. When it didn't, Lupin drifted into an uneasy sleep.

A stinging pain in his arm awoke him hours later, when he tried to move he heard the flutter of wings. His eyes opened and he saw a small owl sitting on his arms, it's talons digging into his skin. He slowly raised a hand and untied the letter; opening it and feeling his body ache as he did so.

_Morning Moony,_

_Meeting tomorrow night. You know where. You missed  
one, but nothing important._

_Padfoot._

Lupin, glanced at the owl on his arm.

"I suppose you want some water, then?"

With a loud groan, that nearly scared the owl off, Lupin stood up. He walked to the kitchen and found a small bowl and filled it with water. He placed it near the owl and turned to get some Honeydukes chocolate from the cupboard he stored it in.

Lupin nudged the bowl further towards the owl and slowly it lowered its beak to take a small sip. Lupin broke off a small piece of chocolate and placed it beside the bowl. He stroked it as it drank and then placed some more pieces down before moving off to his bedroom. The door was still up but there was a large hole in the wall next to the door, this explained the bruises and splinters all over his left shoulder, ribs and down his back.

With the help of his dad's tools and magic, he spent the rest of the day repairing the wall, reinforcing it with more steel and wood. During small breaks he went back to the kitchen to feed the owl, which had taken to following him everywhere he went. When night came, they both returned to Lupin's parent's bedroom and he fell asleep very quickly, the owl on the bed head above him

When Lupin woke up, feeling better, he noticed the owl had gone in the night. He gathered his things from the room, before having some more chocolate and setting off to the train. He was too weak to apparate, so he had half a day's journey on muggle transport ahead of him.

* * *

By the time evening came, he was sitting in the dining room of Grimmauld place. Sirius was laughing and joking with Hestia and Podmore, so Lupin was able to sit in silence. He was watching the door, waiting for a certain person to brighten the few dark days he'd had. Kingsley came in and as he stepped aside, there was Tonks.

Lupin smiled at her, feeling happiness spread through him, at even the sight of her. The smile he'd expected from her did not come; she glanced at him before turning away and sitting next to Kingsley. Lupin sat back and watched her; she was deliberately not looking in his direction.

When Moody arrived, announcing that Dumbledore was still unable to get a Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, Lupin had to bring his attention back to the meeting. Kingsley then spoke about the possibility of new members from the International Co-operation department; the group agreed this could be useful if Voldemort turned attentions abroad.

The biggest drawback was that Kingsley spoke more than anyone, so Lupin was forced to keep looking at Tonks. He couldn't understand her; they were fine days before, and now she was angry. There was nothing to do but confront her.

After dinner, and dessert, Tonks muttered something to Ginny and after she giggled they headed out the door together. Lupin excused himself and moved quickly through the same door. Tonks and Ginny were standing in front of the stairs, talking.

"Fred found them yesterday, he said he's going to make a sweet out of them. They'll make boils appear all over your– " Ginny was saying.

"Tonks, sorry to interrupt Ginny, I was wondering if I could have a word?" Lupin said politely.

Tonks stared darkly at him, but Ginny walked away leaving the two of them alone before Tonks could say no, like he assumed she desired to. Tonks was holding a small rucksack, foll of what looking Fred and George's products

"I – look –" Lupin paused.

Words rarely failed him, he had a torrent running through his head at all times, but when he looked at her, they seemed to disappear.

"Could we go somewhere more private?" Lupin asked

Tonks shrugged and walked off towards the dining room. She held the door behind her, and shut it after he walked in letting him walk in. He had a feeling she was trying to stay close to the exit.

"Have I upset you?" said Lupin, deciding that being direct may assit him.

Tonks folded her arms.

"No, _Remus_, you haven't upset me," she said absolutely.

Lupin could feel a lump rising in his throat at the use of his first name. She'd never said it with such resentment before and she'd never behaved like this. She was always bubbly and bright and even when she had yelled at him once before, it was never like this.

"Then why - I mean - you seem so upset with me. I just thought things were different," croaked Lupin.

He ran his hand through his hair, not knowing what to say next.

"Exactly," Tonks said loudly, the rucksack moving menacingly in her hand. "I made the same mistake, believing we were beginning to get along. Then suddenly, like all the other times, we begin to get close and you just run off. Is it me? Do you really dislike me that much?"

"No, it's nothing like that –" He tried to say as she took a few steps closer to him.

"Then what is it?" Tonks paused, waiting for a response.

Lupin could see the hurt in her eyes and it hurt him more than he thought it would, but he couldn't tell her.

"You know Remus, I thought you were a good man, and _clearly_ I was wrong. If you didn't want to get involved, you never had too. Do you know how stupid I feel? What about the night you apologized for dancing with me, or after the first night in the Ministry when you just disappeared, then after rescuing Harry, you disappear again. I'm sorry, were we getting to close for you or something?"

"I - " Lupin started, but words continued to fail him.

He felt worse than he had waking up after his latest transformation. His heart ached, knowing how much he'd hurt her. She took a few steps closer again, getting into her stride yelling at him.

"No, you just avoided me. I thought this was something, I thought you liked me and I was obviously an idiot. The person I liked would never behave like this. I can't do this Remus – whatever I thought this was," Tonks declared.

Her hair had gone bright red and she was glowering at him. Her face was inches from his, she was yelling at him and all he could do was sigh deeply and run his hands through his hair. She was right, she had the wrong idea, but she still was right. He could never explain the right idea; she would never speak to him again if he did. He couldn't even feel happy that she had admitted to liking him.

A wave of pity swept through his body. He hated confrontation with his friends more than anything in the world. He hated that she had the wrong idea, so he knew he had to do something. He had to stop her looking at him the way she was. She obviously hadn't heard him at the dinner. Maybe he had to tell her.

"Nymphadora…" Lupin started to say.

If it were possible, her look darkened more. She moved towards him again, she was so close he could see some tiny freckles on her nose.

"Don't call me Nymphadora!" she shouted at him.

A peculiar feeling swept through the room. He knew Tonks was in a fury, but her eyes said something different. They stared at each other for a second and then, without worrying what would happen, without thinking about consequences, Lupin lunged forwards, grabbing the back of her head and pulling her lips to meet his.

For a second afterwards, Lupin thought he'd done the wrong thing, but then he heard the rucksack hit the floor and her arms wrapped around his neck. It was by no means tentative, sweet, or any other adjective that one would associate with Lupin. It was raw and passionate. He had her pinned to the door behind her

He savored the feeling of her lips on his. Soft and warm, so unlike the feeling she must have been feeling second prior. Then she tilted her the tiniest bit and Lupin deepened his kiss.

The rest of the world around them didn't seem to exist; it was purely about the two of them and the ground they were standing on. His hand was curling into her hair, and his other was pulling her closer to him from her lower back. Her tongue slowly slid over his own, nervous perhaps, but eager and he responded in kind.

Never had kissing anyone been like this. The instincts he'd been suppressing for weeks had come rushing to the surface. He was pushing her against the wall and, had he been in a normal frame of mind, he would have worried he might have been hurting her. Her soft and delicate lips, even her tongue exploring his mouth, made his entire world rearrange.

How absurd it was that she believed he didn't want to be here, to know her, that he wanted to leave her once a month. He couldn't think of anywhere else in the world he wanted to be. As he held her in his arms he knew letting go would be impossible.

How she had managed to transfix him so much he would never know. Not that he minded. He could do unspeakable things to her for a long time, and feel content with himself. Lupin broke the kiss, stopping himself while he was able, any longer with her intoxicating smell and he feared it wouldn't have been possible. Their lips were still close, and their eyes were staring deep into the others.

Her eyes were sparkling as she gave him a very dazed smile. Lupin lifted her chin up with a curled finger and kissed her lips very lightly, in the sweet tentative way he usually would have, not the animalistic way he had been. Tonks dropped her head to his chest. There were no words, only goofy smiles; nothing needed to be said at that moment.

**To be continued…**


	13. The Color in his Cheeks

**You enjoyed the last chapter right?**

**Reviews are massively helpful and very kind. I love you guys!**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 13.**

Nymphadora Tonks stood in her apartment, staring at her reflection in the mirror. She couldn't get her hair right today. Well, she could, but she couldn't get the hair that made her look the best. She didn't know what she wanted; she hardly ever did these days. Tonks screwed up her eyes.

_Aqua_. No, she thought, I look foul.

She shook her head and concentrated.

_Violet_. Nah, she thought, still makes me look peaky.

She shook her head again.

_Red._ Nope, she laughed, I'll save that for later.

She concentrated again.

_Blonde__curls._No, I look like an old woman.

She concentrated one last time and when the color came up she smiled to herself.

_Bubblegum__Pink_. Perfect, he always smiles at that one.

Tonks stared at herself in the mirror again, puzzled by the last thing she'd thought. She never cared what anyone thought about her hair, it was always what she wanted. How strange that suddenly, she chose things she knew Remus Lupin would notice.

* * *

Tonks almost skipped to Grimmauld Place that evening, the looming promise of seeing Lupin spurring her on. She didn't know what it was about him. Perhaps it was the challenge, the constant battle she faced never knowing what he was thinking or doing which led to the strange things he did, that infuriated her some of the time, but intrigued her mostly or even the fact that he was completely different to anyone she'd ever met.

He had let her down a few times, but still it was hard to resist. So much about him lay under the surface, unnoticed and untouched. It was like Moody, only different, she _definitely_ liked Lupin in a way she never would have with Moody. He was smart, funny, and adorable. When he spoke to her, when he was around her, she felt different in ways she couldn't explain.

Tonks pulled out a small piece of parchment and stared down at Dumbledore's loopy scrawl. Where there had only been numbers 11 and 13, there was suddenly a 12. She ran her wand down the door and after the locks all clicked loudly, the door swung open.

"Tonks, dear," said Molly's voice. "Everyone is the dining room, I'm just grabbing some tea. Would you like some?"

"Sure. Want some help?" Tonks asked turning around and finding Molly at the stop of the stairs.

"Oh, no no no dear, it's fine." Molly added quickly, smiling, before she disappeared down the stairs to the kitchen.

Tonks laughed to herself before moving towards the door. It took a second for her to realize that she actually had butterflies in her stomach. The fact that Lupin and her were flirting was a new advancement that she adored. Above any of that, she was excited. The tug of war with him seemed to be over.

Now when she opened the door things would be better. She took a deep calming breath and turned the door handle. Some of the faces turned and smiled at her but her eyes searched the room hungrily for Lupin. She looked for the floppy graying brown hair, the dark blue eyes that made her grin and the shabby professor looking clothes, she'd grown to love. But he wasn't there.

Her eyes fell on Sirius, he was talking to Arthur, who was sitting on his right and Mundungus was on his left. It was at that moment Tonks knew, feeling her stomach drop through the floor in the process, that Lupin wasn't coming. If the seats beside Sirius were filled, he wasn't going to show.

Tonks sat down in an empty seat, she was thinking so hard she didn't even notice, or care, who she was next too. She had been looking forward to seeing him so much, that she hadn't thought that maybe he wasn't. The more she thought about it, the more the memories came back. It was just like every other time.

They would do something, hold hands or nearly kiss and he would avoid her for a few days. Tonks could feel the hurt coming on; it was like her insides were turning to ice. Before she let herself hurt anymore, the anger kicked in. He had no right to make her feel this way, not when he was the one who initiated it all.

She'd set down the friend's idea when he failed to act and now, he was doing the same thing. When the meeting finished, Tonks went straight home, not staying for dinner like usual. She walked into the park across the road and spun on the spot.

After the uncomfortable feeling of apparition, she was outside her flat. Tonks slammed her door behind her. She had never felt like this over a person before. She felt so foolish for believing him, for thinking he did want her. Foolish for liking him.

She hated him and his stupid button up sweaters, his graying hair and his pathetic smile. Tonks paused as the tingling on her scalp reached its peak. She'd been pacing around her kitchen listing the things she hated about him.

The more she listed, the more she thought about him and a smile, not of her control, was forming and no doubt her hair had flushed a deep color. Completely frustrated at herself, Tonks exhaled loudly and threw herself into bed.

* * *

Work over the next few days was not the useful escape from the anger and the hurt she was hoping for. How could someone she'd only met a little over two months ago, turn her into this kind of person? She enjoyed being happy and troublesome.

Lupin made her feel nervous, stupid, angry, upset and hurt. Tonks dropped her quill, closed her eyes and took a deep breath, hoping when she opened them she could concentrate on the paperwork in front of her. When she did, something else caught her attention; a tiny paper airplane perched on her desk.

_Meeting tonight 7:30 GP._

Tonks looked up to find Kingsley staring at her; she knew it was from him because she recognized his writing. It was funny, she'd been working with Kingsley for two years and never spoken to him, aside from work problems or the occasional joke, and now they were friends and spoke nearly everyday.

Why couldn't things with Lupin be as simple as they are with Kinglsey? Actually, Why couldn't things with Lupin be as simple as they are with any other human being? Tonks knew the answer to her question. It was difficult because for the first time she liked him in a way she had not liked someone before.

* * *

She made her way to Grimmauld Place after changing into muggle clothes at her flat. She'd decided to walk there as it was a nice cool night. When she finally reached the door, she realized how silly of an idea it was. The walk spurred her anger on, every step brought on more and more resentment for reasons unknown. As she walked down the hall, she spotted Kingsley having a whispered conversation with Molly.

"Hi dear, head on in, everyone's waiting. Don't worry Kingsley, I'll tell Arthur, it's probably not wise to bring up Harry's hearing in front of everyone," Molly said quietly before walking down to the kitchen.

Kingsley led the way into the dining. The pit of Tonks's stomach seemed to be bubbling with anxiety. Why did she have to get anxious now? Was it that part of her wanted Lupin to be there? Tonks didn't even know what she would do if she saw him, would it be like last time, when the anger just disappeared at the sight of him?

When she walked in and faces turned her way, she scanned the room very quickly. She caught sight of him slumped in his seat, looking completely exhausted. Tonks didn't know why she did it, but she ducked behind Kingsley and scrambled to a seat near by. She sat down and averted her eyes from him, pretending to be looking at the Ministry plans on the table

She could tell he was looking at her, and she wanted to turn her head and smile at him, but she couldn't feel sympathy for him and she knew she would if she looked at him. Tonks wanted to stay angry at him, to yell at him and find out what the hell was going on. The meeting passed by and Tonks concentrated on every word, getting involved in all discussions. It was easier to do that, than continue to stare at a painting.

Tonks sat beside Ginny at dinner and she noticed Lupin sit across from her but a few seats down, not next to Sirius like he always did. Tonks could feel his eyes on her all throughout the meal and she did not look his way. She kept up a stream of conversation with Ginny instead, which was easy to do. By the time Molly served dessert, refusing Tonks's help again, Ginny was telling her all about Fred and George's new products.

"They're working on more sweets," Ginny muttered softly. "Fever fudge is next but it's in really early stages."

"What happens?" asked Tonks expecting to hear the worst.

"So far, not really anything, but I think that's 'cause neither is really game to try." Ginny laughed.

There was a loud tutting noise and at the end of the table, and then Hermione excused herself. Closely followed by Ron and Harry.

"Anyone care to throw a guess what happened?" Fred said lazily after they'd gone.

"I'll give it a shot. Ron did something," Ginny said to him.

"I think we have a winner," George finished.

"Stop it you three," Molly snapped, though Tonks and Sirius were both grinning.

"They need to snog and be done," Ginny complained.

"If this year is a year of them bickering I may be forced to grab my wand and end it all," Fred said, miming_ avada kedarva_-ing himself.

"That's not a nice thing to say about your brother," Molly shot at him, before resuming a rather softer voice. "I always thought Hermione fancied Harry."

"You'd think that. Especially when the other choice is Ron," George said. "Even I know who I'd pick."

"Wasn't she with Victor Krum?" Tonks asked, remembering reading something to that effect.

The group turned to her with very surprised looks.

"When you're on a raid you'll read anything. Even Rita Skeeter," Tonks explained.

"She was. She went back to Ron after the tournament. And now they're back to bickering like always," Ginny said, rolling her eyes.

"I reckon they like the bickering," George said.

"Yeah, it would make his dull personality seem so much more interesting," Fred finished.

"That's your brother you're talking about!" Molly sound, outraged.

"Besides mum, Harry likes Cho," Ginny said.

Tonks couldn't help but notice the humour in her voice had disappeared when she said this. She also saw Sirius sit up straighter, and ask the kids questions about Cho. They all went back to their desserts, when Ginny interrupted Tonks.

"Do you want to see this new powder the twins found that they're going to work with? It attacks people or something."

Tonks grinned and turned to Ginny

"What do you think?"

Ginny giggled and the two of them stood up and left.

"So what is it?" Tonks asked as they stopped in the hallway.

"Just give me a minute," Ginny said, turning and running up the stairs.

She came back seconds later with a rucksack. She gave it to Tonks to hold as she rifled through it, carefully checking no one was around. Tonks could see the sweet she'd eaten once, extendable ears, and what looked like fireworks.

"Fred found them yesterday, he said he's going to make a sweet out of them. They'll make boils appear all over your - " Ginny started to say, still rummaging, when a hoarse voice from behind Tonks made her jump.

"Tonks, sorry to interrupt Ginny, I was wondering if I could have a word?"

Tonks turned around slowly and immediately she felt as if a wave had crashed over her. The emotions she'd forgotten about during dinner came back. He looked anxious and completely out of place.

Had Tonks not been angry, she would have found it endearing. Ginny looked at Tonks for a moment and as Tonks without words tried to tell her to say, she turned and left, leaving Tonks with the bag. Tonks wondered if it was wrong to call her a traitor.

"I – Look –" Lupin paused; rubbing the back of his neck. "Can we go somewhere more private?"

Tonks shrugged, deciding maybe she could finally get some answers from him. That maybe he was going to explain that he meant nothing by anything and was just messing around with her. When she thought that, her heart sank, and the anger burned through her veins. She entered the dining room, sure to stay as near to the door as possible so she could leave if it got too much.

"Have I upset you?" said Lupin frankly.

Tonks folded her arms, which was slightly difficult holding the rucksack, and stared him down.

"No, _Remus_, you haven't upset me," she said, as if his name was acid.

"Then why – I mean – you seem so upset with me. I just thought we were different, " croaked Lupin.

"Exactly," Tonks said loudly. "I made the same mistake, believing we were starting to get along. Then suddenly, like all the other times, we begin to get close and you just run off. Is it me? Do you really dislike me that much?

Even though she didn't want to admit it, she wanted to watch him squirm.

"No, it's nothing like that –" Lupin stuttered and Tonks took a few steps closer to him.

"Then what is it?" Tonks paused, waiting for a response that never came.

Then the anger clashed with the hurt. It didn't stop her, it gave her the bravery to say what she'd been thinking.

"You know Remus, I thought you were a good man, and _clearly_ I was wrong. If you didn't want to get involved, you never had too. Do you know how stupid I feel? What about the night you apologized for dancing with me, or after the first night in the Ministry when you just disappeared, then after rescuing Harry, you disappear again. I'm sorry, were we getting to close for you or something?"

"I – " Lupin muttered, not looking at her.

"No, you just avoided me. I thought this was something, I thought you liked me and I was obviously an idiot. The person I liked would never behave like this. I can't do this Remus – whatever I thought this was," Tonks said darkly.

Tonks could feel her scalp tingling again. She suddenly realized they were close, their feet only a step away from each other.

"Nymphadora –" Lupin started to say.

Tonks felt her stomach drop. Saying her real name was probably the worst thing he could have done, in her opinion. It was like throwing petrol on an already out of control fire.

"Don't call me Nymphadora!" Tonks shouted at him.

Tonks stared at him in a fury. Her breath was heavy and thick. She waited for the response she knew he didn't have. Before words could come, Lupin lunged forwards, grabbing the back of her head, pulling her to him and closing the gap between their lips. Tonks eyes were wide in shock. For a split second she thought He may have been doing it just to shut her up, but a second later, she stopped caring, about everything. She was kissing Remus Lupin.

She dropped the rucksack, and her hands moved around his neck instinctively. She closed her eyes and pushed herself against him. She felt herself fall against the door behind her, as Lupin moved against her, pushing her backwards.

It felt like fireworks, and all manner of terrible clichés. His lips were dry and chapped, but soft, far softer than she'd expected. They weren't puffed up like other boys she'd kissed, they seemed to have punctured with age. It felt like she could have kissed his lips forever, and it felt like she had.

He kissed her fervently back, his hands moving in her hair and across her back in a blur of blissful sensations that made tingles run through her body, right into her scalp. She was eager for what was next, and she surrendered herself to him. He eased open her mouth, and far more delicately than she'd expected, given the haste of his movements, Tonks felt his tongue meet hers.

She felt light headed, and like the whole world had disappeared, and she had never felt more alive in her life. It was more exhilarating than anything she'd ever done. He moved a hand down to her waist and pulled her closer to him, their legs intertwining.

He was nearly lifting her off the ground with his enthusiasm, holding her so close to him. He wasn't doing kissing her just to shut her up, Tonks just knew it. He wanted to be here. Never had kissing anyone been like this. Tonks didn't know if they'd been kissing for a few minutes or a few days, but with their tongues exploring the other's mouths, it was ecstasy.

It felt so natural to do this, and it felt like something they should have been doing all along. As the kiss drew to an end, Tonks pulled her head back and stared deeply into his eyes. They were brighter than she remembered. She could feel a very bewildered smile creeping onto her face. Lupin lifted her chin up and kissed her lips very lightly.

Tonks looked up at him, ready to say something. Yet no words came. Her brain was fuzzy, and her mouth seemed to struggle to say anything.

_It __doesn__'__t __have __to __be __poetry __Tonks, __just __a __word_, she thought.

Her brain was empty. Nothing. She didn't know whether to compliment him, or say something boring. What did you say to someone you'd just made out with in a room you usually have meetings in together with people including ex-professors, her cousin, an old mentor, and her old headmaster.

_Any __words. __Anything. __Just __words. __You __say __them __all __the __time_, Tonks pleaded with her brain. _ Seriously, just a word!_

She buried her head on his chest.

"Tonks," Lupin said, breaking the silence, making her insides explode in relief. "There's something I have to tell–"

"Are yours starting to get pus on them as well?" George's voice interrupted loudly from the hallway outside.

"No, they're burning more than usual though, going to the bathrooms going to be a right nightmare," Fred answered.

Tonks looked up at Lupin.

"Well, that moment's officially ruined," she laughed, surprised her brain worked.

She slowly let him go, savoring the smell of his skin and the feel of his _stupid_ professor clothes. They stood apart and Lupin slowly placed his hand on her cheek again and gently stroked it with his thumb, staring at her like he had the day she was typing the Dursleys letter. He seemed lost for words as well.

"Should we go back down?" Lupin finally said, smiling in a dazed way, and Tonks nodded.

He opened the door behind her and held it, smiling slyly as Tonks passed under his arm. Tonks seemed to have lost the ability to use her legs. She felt like she was walking in some kind of dream, in a bubble no one could burst. She could feel Lupin walking very closely behind her. They walked into the kitchen and sat either side of the table.

"Tonks, are you okay?" came Bill's voice, as if from miles away.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she mumbled stealing a glance at Lupin as her mind still tried to grasp what happened.

Butterflies were going mental inside her stomach each time her eyes passed over Lupin.

"You just seem a bit strange. You haven't had any of Fred and George's sweets again have you?" Bill asked, sounding worried.

"No, I think it's the Fire-Whiskey," Tonks lied lazily.

Tonks glanced around at the people at the table; she saw Sirius's eyes flicker towards her. It felt like she was hiding a big secret from the world. A secret that made her have to fight so hard not grin, or jump across the table and throw herself at Lupin again.

As everyone slowly trickled out of the room, it was left to Sirius, Lupin and Tonks. She was sure Sirius was purposely staying; not leaving the two alone. He was smiling smugly at them both, with his hands on the back of his head. She had a sneaking suspicion he'd caught on somehow.

"So Moony, how'd the full moon treat you?" Sirius said staring at Lupin.

Tonks looked at Sirius feeling very confused. She knew Moony was Lupin's nickname, but why would Lupin care about the moon? She looked across at him, his eyes were wide open and he was glancing between herself and Sirius. Tonks had the feeling that she was intruding on a private conversation.

"Well, I think I'm off," Tonks announced, faking a yawn, trying hard not to smirk when Lupin came into sight again.

"Are you sure? There's room. I'm sure there's people here who'd happily share a bed with you Dora," Sirius said slyly, his eyes moving to Lupin.

Tonks laughed, trying to act like she wasn't fantasizing about sharing a bed with him. She tried to stop the color creeping into her cheeks and the tingling on her scalp. As the dream like feeling seemed to slip away, Tonks wondered if maybe she needed to talk to Lupin. Work out what happened. And made a mental note to find him alone somehow soon. She waved goodbye to them both.

"I'll help you with the door," he said, standing up and Tonks saw him turn and mouth something at Sirius before turning and walking with her to the door.

"Don't worry, I'm fine here by my– " Sirius started to say before Lupin shut the door on him.

Tonks looked up at Lupin, he was smiling at her again but he looked nervous. In a way she could understand why he'd be nervous. But she hadn't really imagined him to be the type to worry so much. As much as it pained her to admit, it was just a kiss, not a marriage proposal.

Maybe he was worried she'd yell at him again. Tonks laughed and took a few steps forwards, but didn't hear Lupin follow. She spun round; he was still standing in front of the closed door looking anxious and not moving.

"Come on," Tonks said smiling at him.

She leant down and grabbed his hand and pulled him along. Touching him again sent the very childlike butterflies in her stomach crazy again. She could feel the now very familiar tingle in her hair, knowing it had changed of it's own will. They got to the top of the stairs and when Lupin caught up, he didn't drop her hand like she'd expected but would have wished he hadn't.

They walked up the corridor holding hands, glancing at each other. Tonks was smiling; she didn't have to hide it anymore. They reached the door and turned to look at each other. Lupin dropped her hand and looked at the floor for a moment. He took a deep breath and then met her eyes. Tonks could see the concern in his stare.

"Nymphadora I – " Tonks smiled as he said it. Was he making a joke and trying to kiss her again? "Sorry, Tonks, there's something I need to tell you. It's important and I'm so terribly sorry it took me so long to explain this. I could be kidding myself to believe that you don't already know. I – just – "

"It's okay, Remus." Tonks whispered, placing a hand on his arm to steady him, even though she liked it when he stuttered. "I don't think you need to explain yourself. That," she inclined her head towards the dining room, "said it all."

It was true. He didn't have to say anything more. He didn't have to apoligse for what had happened in the past. She'd forgiven him the moment she so enthusiastically accept his lips onto hers.

Lupin, after looking confused for a moment, returned her smiled in a troubled way, but she was far too happy to care. He bent down and she felt his lips press into her cheek.

"Goodnight," he whispered.

"Night," Tonks muttered back, grinning like an idiot again.

He opened the door, holding it for her. When she reached the bottom step she looked back, he was still standing in the doorframe, leaning against it. He waved at her, looking like a lost puppy, and she waved back before starting to walk along the sidewalk. She waited for the clicks of the door but they never came, Tonks knew he was watching her walk away.

She decided to walk home again, this time to savor her thoughts and memories. She couldn't wait to get home to blast The Weird Sisters and dance all through her flat like a crazy person, as she'd wanted to since they broke apart in the dining room. After all, she had just kissed Remus J Lupin.

**To be continued…**


	14. The Moment Set in Stone

**I really took some time with this. **

**Two things though: At the end of the last chapter, Tonks did not know what Lupin really wanted to say to her. She made an assumption. And at the end of this chapter I don't say where they are for a reason, so if you're reading and very confused, don't worry.**

**Reviews, good and bad, are very much appreciated! Thank you so much for reading this far**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 14.**

Remus Lupin lent against the open doorway of 12 Grimmauld place. He was staring out into the darkness, watching the small form of Nymphadora Tonks disappear slowly into it. When he could no longer see her very bright pink hair, Lupin sighed. He couldn't understand what had happened. One minute Tonks was yelling at him, for what he assumed was leaving her in the dark about his furry little problem and the next he realized she was angry because she wanted him around.

Her lips had become hypnotic. They had formed each word perfectly and he was driven mad by the tiny pout they made when they were still. Before he knew it, he couldn't control the urge in him that was screaming to have them on his. What had ensued after was magical, if only it hadn't been for the single thought nagging at the back of his mind.

She didn't know he was a werewolf. She didn't know the largest, darkest and most threatening secret he had and it was only a matter of time before she did. He knew he had to tell her soon and a very large part of him didn't want too. He liked her attention and he knew, as it should, that it would all disappear when he told her everyone.

It seemed that much harder to make this decision after discovering the wonders and beauty of kissing her. He slid his wand over the front door as he closed it and when he pushed open the door of the kitchen, a baffled looking Sirius greeted him.

"What was that all about?" Sirius asked as Lupin slumped into a chair a few seats down from him.

"What was what about?" Lupin said, praying Sirius knew nothing about the kissing.

"The weird looks before. All I did was ask about your transformation," Sirius stated, pouring some mead into the glass in front of Lupin.

"It was fine, painful, but fine. I broke out again."

"Great, but why did you glare at me? I mean come on Moony it's not exactly a secret," Sirius said smiling at him guilitly.

"I'm aware of that. I just haven't told Nympha– " Lupin started to say

"She doesn't know?" Sirius interrupted staring at him wide eyed and to Lupin's annoyance, he looked slightly amused. "How can she not know?"

"I haven't told her," Lupin mumbled into his mead.

It felt so much worse to actually admit this to someone.

"But, we've discussed it. I mean, Dumbledore has to have – " Sirius stopped when Lupin, still staring into his glass, shook his head. "Moony, you have to tell – "

"I know!" Lupin said uncharacteristically loudly, interrupting Sirius. "But I thought Moody would have told her, or she would have known from the Ministry, and that she, like all others, was happily in my company in spite of it. Then I found out that she didn't know. What do I do with that? This is not the first time things like this have happened. You, James and Peter weren't the general rule of how people respond to this, you were the exception."

Lupin tried in vain not to let the words he'd spoken affect him as much as they were. The last thing he'd said had always been how he'd felt in regard to his best friends, but he'd never allowed himself to say it out loud. Sirius knew some, but not all to the extent of which people had reacted to him. He'd been kicked out of places, had things thrown at him, fired, beaten, abused and even been refused entry into Hogwarts before Dumbledore had come along.

"Remus," Sirius said calmly, and Lupin noticed the stress Sirius was putting on his name. "How can you say that? Look at the Order; everyone in the room respects you, and your intelligence. James used to say this to you and you never listened; everyone looks past your problems. They know you well enough to see, that it is a furry little problem. It doesn't make you any less you. You have to stop believing you're such a monster, when you've done everything in your power to prevent it."

Lupin looked up at Sirius, it was strange to have such a conversation with him. He had become so withdrawn during the last year, yelling, brooding and throwing tantrums, but in the time of crisis he was reverting to the side of Sirius few knew. However good the speech was, one uneasy thought ruined it.

"Just tell her. Tell her before anyone else can. She'd be more hurt thatyou didn't tell her," Sirius declared. "Besides mate, even if she doesn't turn out to be an exception to the rule like we were, she isn't worth it, is she? She wouldn't be worthy of your time if she couldn't get past that."

Lupin drained his glass of mead. There it was, the uneasy thought, spoken aloud, as if Sirius was reading his mind. What if she wasn't the exception? The problem with getting close to her was that he couldn't imagine himself without her and here was a very real possibility that he would have to start having it that way. Lupin hung his head as Sirius patted him roughly on the back and poured more mead into his glass.

After a sufficient amount of mead, Lupin had gone to his room, helping Sirius to his own room in the process. He sat on the edge of his bed with a tiny smile on his face that had little to do with his intoxication. He'd kissed Tonks and no future discussion could rob him of that one memory.

It was better than any dream he'd ever had about it. The problem was going to be wrapping his head around the fact that, after everything to come in the future, he could never act on that impulse again.

* * *

Lupin awoke sometime later, to the sound of people walking loudly down the stairs. He yawned and rolled over, not quite ready to leave his bed. It was a moment or two before he remembered last night. A tiny smile crept onto his face and he lay there staring at the ceiling, savoring the memory, the feel of her lips upon his and how enthusiastically she had accepted him.

After a while, he sat up and dressed himself, before heading down to the kitchen. Lupin had a loud and very amusing breakfast in which the twins tried very hard to feed Kreacher a sweet they had promised would make him vomit until the end of time. Molly subsequently found out what the twins were attempting and was furious. When Harry and Ron joined the table, Molly had reduced herself to glaring at the twins furiously as she buttered toast for the new arrivals.

The rest of the day Lupin and the Weasley's fought off Black family heirlooms. Lupin had to step in when a grandfather clock started shooting bolts at passersby. One got very close to hitting Sirius in the face, and Lupin narrowly missed one that went shooting past and straight into a the glass door of a cabinet, shattering it.

Sirius and Lupin spent nearly two hours trying to work out how to fix it, resolving in the end to just use a freezing charm. An hour later the shattered cabinet was emptied and the entire contents was thrown out. Lupin saw Kreacher sneaking out with some of the items, the picture frames filled with members of the Black family and the a locket they'd all tried and failed to open.

After dinner, and when Harry, Hermione and the Weasley children had gone to bed, Bill, Sirius, Molly, Arthur and Lupin sat around the kitchen table talking. Lupin was sipping Fire-Whiskey, and trying hard to avoid looking at Sirius again. Bill sat himself down and poured his own glass before turning to Lupin.

"Hello, Remus," he said cheerfully.

Lupin had noticed that Bill seemed to be a lot happier in the last few days, yet only a few seemed to know why

"Bill. How's Gringotts? Any more luck with the Goblins?" Lupin said, smiling weakly at him.

"No, not yet. They still don't trust anyone, so I suppose that's a plus. Gringotts is good though. We have a new employee, she's French." Bill added, raising his eyebrows and smirking.

Lupin quickly understood his newfound happiness and laughed quietly with him. It almost seemed unfair, that Bill had met a girl nearly the same way Lupin had, and it was so far less complicated.

"You've been away a bit. Has Dumbledore sent you to see the werewolves?" Bill asked, looking at Lupin seriously.

"No, not yet. He asked me to attempt to make contact, but it's proving very difficult, as I don't know where they spend their time anymore. I suspect he'll tell me to join them once I find them," said Lupin, at once resolving to put more time and effort to the task he'd been handed.

"Well hopefully they'll join quickly and you won't need to be around them long. Goblins are hard enough, can't imagine…" Bill broke off and Lupin knew he thought he was insulting him. "Mum would miss you anyway. She thinks you're the only who can keep Sirius in line. Tonks seems to have taken a liking to you."

Lupin turned from his glass to look at Bill. He didn't have the trace of sarcasm, or smugness, Sirius had when he brought up Tonks in front of him. Lupin thought, that perhaps Bill was assuming they were friends, just he and Lupin had become.

"Ah, yes, I suppose so," he muttered.

"She's a good sort. We dated at Hogwarts for a while. She was never dull, I can say that much," Bill smirked.

Lupin suddenly felt a little strange. Somewhere deep inside him was a tiny bit of anger. He was actually jealous of Bill. Bill turned off and spoke to Molly when Lupin didn't reply. Before he realized it, he was alone with Sirius. They were sitting in almost exactly the same positions as they had been the night before.

Lupin had felt uncomfortable ever since his discussion with him; it wasn't the divulging of all his problems that bothered him, but the fact he had yelled at Sirius. Lupin could feel his stare burning into him, but he didn't dare glance in his direction.

"Take it easy, Moony," Sirius said loudly, finally catching Lupin's eye in the process.

"No, I – " Lupin started to say, not knowing how Sirius could read his mind.

"Moony, I know you. Trust me, it's fine. You have bigger problems to contend with anyway. We have that Order meeting in a few days, Dumbledore's supposed to be coming. Any luck with the werewolves yet?"

A stab of guilt passed through Lupin at these words. Everyone seemed to know about the job he'd been given. The job he hadn't applied his entire mind too. Knowing Dumbledore was coming meant he would ask about the progress. Lupin frowned slightly.

"No, I can't think where they are meeting anymore," he mumbled.

There was a silence, and Lupin could only think of a few things to say, and chose one to keep things happier.

"Bill told me something interesting tonight," Lupin said.

"The French girl from work?" Sirius asked, putting his feet on the table.

"That too, but it seems Tonks had a thing for him at Hogwarts," Lupin remarked, trying to sound very casual on the topic and not as if he had a real interest.

"Getting jealous? Or worried that you're not red enough for her?" Sirius laughed.

Lupin fixed him with a glare, and Sirius raised his hands up slightly in surrender, a wry grin on his face.

"My apologies, I forgot I'm not supposed to have noticed you've been mooning over her since you laid eyes on her."

Lupin continued to glare, and Sirius gave a huff and rolled his eyes.

"Well there's nothing all together shocking about it is there? He is a good looking boy and they were at school together," Sirius said, humoring Lupin.

Lupin's first thought was that he would hardly call Bill good looking and certainly not the type of person he'd imagine Tonks with, before realizing it was just the jealousy talking.

"I imagine lots of boys have been interested. I can't say I wouldn't have been captivated by a witch who could change her appearance at will," Sirius added, a smile on his face that angered Lupin.

"That would imply one would have to be captivated in you," Lupin said dryly, Sirius testing his patience.

"You'd be hard pressed to find someone who wasn't," Sirius said, grinning smugly.

"Julia McDonald, Antonia Sexton, Priya Nimeesh, Isobel Sheils, Aofie O'Callaghan, the blonde girl in Greece, and – "

"Well if you're going to name names," Sirius muttered, his tone entirely sour.

The conversation had carried on late into the evening. The pair of them laughing and joking about memories from school. Lupin delighting in recounting some of Sirius' spectacular failures with women, at which point Sirius turned the scope back on him, recounting his biggest fumbles, promptly removing the fun from the evening.

* * *

The following day Lupin meandered into the kitchen and his eyes were immediately drawn to a bright green head of hair in front of him. After the initial shock, he felt his face break into a small smile. No matter what he had to say to her, it still made him happy to see Tonks.

"Morning Remus. Tea and toast dear?" Molly said as she noticed him.

Lupin nodded and looked back to Tonks, who had turned around.

"Morning" she whispered, a huge grin spreading across her face.

He smiled back at her and felt a bit of color flush into his cheeks as sat opposite her. Molly passed down his toast and tea.

"Morning," Lupin muttered across to Tonks.

He gulped down some tea and looked up at everyone. Arthur had started speaking again, to Tonks, but she didn't appear to be really listening. Lupin could see her sneaking glances at him.

" – These duties are getting tougher, I struggled to stay awake last night. Are you ready for tonight Tonks?" Arthur asked.

"What? I mean, yeah course," Tonks said quickly. "Got a solid nights rest after a raid last night."

"Raid on what?" Arthur said instantly.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. Scrimgeour ordered a raid on some run down cottages in Ireland. All a bit strange. Even Kingsley couldn't understand it.

After finishing his toast Lupin looked across at the clock in the corner. He was hoping to spend the day catching up with people who would have to know where the werewolves go. First he had to find out where even those people were.

"I've got to go. Dumbledore's asked me to do him a favour," Lupin announced, pushing his plate forwards. "Thanks for the breakfast, Molly."

"Oh, right. Good luck then. Can't be easy, I mean how do you even find a pack of–"

"Yes," Lupin interrupted Molly quickly. "Have a good day everyone."

He left the kitchen hastily, and upon exiting the house, turned on the spot and found himself in the Leaky Cauldron. He sat at a table, reading a book, but staring intently at everyone. Gerard Cootes was the man he was hoping to see. Lupin had met him at some point on his wanderings after he left Hogwarts.

Gerard was fascinated by werewolves and always knew where they were hiding. If Gerard did not come in, perhaps one of the old werewolves would. He made a trip to _Flourish__and__Blotts_ and bought himself, _New __ideas __in _Lycanthropy and borrowed a copy of the Statute of Secrecy.

After nearly getting halfway through the first, the radio commentary of Harpies and Cannons Quidditch captivated him, even though he knew who would win. By midnight, he was sitting alone. He poured over the Statute, desperate to find laws and rules that would assist Harry's case. He'd hoped the Lycanthropy book would reveal the secret behind the wolfsbane potion he needed to make for himself, but it did not.

* * *

When the sun had risen that morning, Lupin retired to his rented room and collapsed onto the bed. The werewolves had obviously given up on The Leaky Cauldron. He awoke to the setting sun, the thought of finding the werewolves now even more difficult, and hastily made his way back to Grimmauld Place.

Lupin had slept so late that when he arrived; everyone who'd stayed for dinner was making their way to the dining room. Sirius had just entered the hallway and spotted Lupin creeping down it.

"No luck then, Moony?" he whispered at him.

Lupin shook his head and followed Sirius in. When he finally sat down, Molly walked in with Tonks. With a sinking feeling somewhere inside him, he was reminded again of what he had to do. Hoping not to seem rude, Lupin smiled at her. She did the same back, but very weakly.

He wondered suddenly, after not being able to speak to her, that nothing had gone wrong. A flash of green light took his attention away from her to its source, the fireplace. Dumbledore, stepped out of it, brushed some ash off his robes and smiled serenely at the Order in front of him.

"I apologize for my lateness. I was stuck in a discussion with Cornelius Fudge. It seems I have not been able to find a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Cornelius could not understand why I was so confused to learn that he could, by law, give the job to a teacher of his choice." Dumbledore paused and smiled at everyone. "Naturally, I said I'd never heard of such a law and he threw the Evening Prophet in my face. Educational Decree Number Five stated there was a law exactly similar to what he had just told me. I told Cornelius that I hadn't checked any new laws that had been put in place within the last few hours."

Lupin glanced at the people at the table, some seemed confused, but Dumbledore merely chuckled at his own joke and sat down.

"Who has been appointed, then?" said Sirius slowly.

"A witch that I'm sure you will know, Remus. Dolores Umbridge," Dumbledore replied.

Lupin felt like the wind had been knocked out him. He hadn't heard that name in a few years. He hated that woman more than words could explain. She had drafted anti-werewolf legislation that prohibited the employment of them in any Ministry related career and a registry that held his name on a list, so few people would ever hire him under the guise of him being normal.

"How did she –" Lupin managed to grunt through gritted teeth.

"Cornelius chose her I believe. She is his Under Secretary. I cannot say I am at all happy with his choice but the law dictates what must happen. Being warned you have thirty days to find a teacher on the thirtieth day is not as helpful as one would assume. But on to Order business –" Dumbledore answered and then continued on.

When the meeting had finished, Dumbledore made a quick exit, after informing Arthur he would be present at Harry's hearing. Lupin spotted Tonks standing by her self behind Arthur, yawning at regular intervals. She glanced at Lupin and then quickly stared away. Lupin furrowed his brow.

He wondered if she was feeling as strange about the situation as he was. After all they had kissed, and not really spoken about it after. Was she feeling awkward about it all? He decided it was time to bite the bullet and speak to her, so he sidled up to her.

"Hi, Tonks," said Lupin quietly.

"Hi," Tonks replied quickly.

Lupin looked at her, she wasn't turning in his direction.

"Are you all right?" He asked, attempting to smile at her.

"Yes, I'm fine," Tonks replied darkly.

"Right."

Lupin was just about to walk away, when Tonks rounded on him.

"Is there something you want to tell me?"

"What?"

Tonks looked around the room before she said anything. Lupin watched the last people, Molly and Arthur, leave.

"Is there anything you want to tell me?" demanded Tonks.

"I don't know what you mean," Lupin said, the panic rising from somewhere inside him.

This was the same way James, Peter and Sirius had come to him at school, when they suspected what he was. Unlike the three of them, Tonks sounded angry and hurt. She was also keeping a distance from him.

"Yes you do, Remus. I'm talking about the fact that you're a – that every time you disappear you're actually transforming into a – " Tonks blurted out, not looking at Lupin and unable to finish what she was trying to say.

He felt like the world had disappeared from underneath him. She knew. She knew and he hadn't even had the chance to tell her. He knew at once why she was hurt and why she was not getting close to him. Lupin looked around the room again; this wasn't the place to do this.

This was too important. He decided in a split second he did not want to have this conversation here. For starters, he knew she would want to yell at him, and a house full of sleeping occupants was probably not the best location. He opted to take her to one place he had never taken anyone before

"I can't explain this here. Come with me, Tonks. Please?" Lupin said, almost begging.

Tonks looked very wary.

"What? No! Why would I want to go anywhere with you," she spat, hurting Remus more than she knew.

This was what he'd been dreading, her rejection. Lupin saw that her eyes were filling with tears, but she was staring up at the ceiling, willing the tears not to fall.

"Please. Give me the opportunity to explain," Lupin begged again.

Tonks finally stared him in the eyes, and from that Lupin knew she had relented. He led her out of the room, straight to the front door and outside into the street.

"Can you hold my arm? We need to apparate," Lupin asked.

Tonks placed her hand on his forearm and they spun together on the spot. They hit the ground and the cold night air hit his face, as Tonks let go of him immediately. Lupin's mind was reeling. He glanced around to make sure they were alone; of course they would be, it was at least midnight.

It was only the two of them and half moon, which made everything glow eeriely. He had no idea what to do, except be honest. He had never wanted her to find out any other way but through him. Not only would it be the kind thing to do, but also he would be able to dictate when her opinion of him would change so drastically

"What are we doing here?" Tonks asked sharply.

"I wanted to explain myself. I didn't wish for you to discover this in this way. My deepest apoligies if I hurt–" Lupin started to say

"You haven't hurt me," interrupted Tonks.

It would have been easier to believe her, if tears were not forming in her eyes at that very moment. Lupin fought the urge to walk over and comfort her. He ran a hand through his hair, trying desperately to think of what he could do. The sight of her with tears threatening to spill over onto her cheeks was breaking his heart.

"Yes, I'm a werewolf," Lupin announced, looking up into her in eyes. "I know I should have told you but, I just couldn't. I thought you knew and then I was so surprised that you were actively taking steps to be with em. When I figured it out, it was too late, and I knew when I told you I would hurt you."

"So you couldn't even trust me enough to tell me?" Tonks muttered.

Lupin ran his hands manically through his air again, as he started to pace up and down on the grass in front of Tonks.

"I couldn't. Tonks you just don't know what it's like. People hate me because of this. When they learn of my affliction they run from me, they're disgusted by me. And I don't expect anything but that, it is the appropriate response. I didn't want that from you. I knew I was going to have to tell you eventually, but it was too difficult, you wouldn't understand."

She gave him a reproachful look.

"When you yelled at me a few days ago, it was so unconceivable to me that someone would be angry with me for not being around them enough," Lupin said softly.

He glanced across at Tonks. Her response was suddenly un-readable.

"I will hold no judgment if you chose to back out now," Lupin said, wanting to add that he would be entirely disappointed to lose her

Lupin collapsed onto the large piece of stone in front of him and dropped his head into his hands. There was a long silence that followed, and Lupin was waiting for the loud crack that would signify that she was gone. The slow realistion came that she would not be his in the way he'd been hoping she could be.

That no one anywhere in the world could ever be his, even though he yearned for it. That someone out there would be able to kiss Tonks, and hold her forever, and he would have to stand back and smile with everyone else, never telling her the truth, because she deserved someone better than him.

"Remus, I don't care. I don't care what you are. I'm hurt that you never told me. It would never have changed anything if you had. If being a werewolf is your only flaw, then you're a better man than you realize." said Tonks, very softly.

Lupin looked at the ground as the words washed over him. He couldn't quite understand what was going on, was she really accepting him? Was she completely blind to what he was and what it meant for her? Did she not understand? Lupin felt her small hand enclose on his upper arm.

He glanced up, and found her bent down beside him on his left. Her sparkling brown eyes were staring into his. It should have raised his spirits that there was one more person in the world who didn't care about his affliction, but it didn't.

He wanted to tell her that she was better off leaving him, but something about her, or the thought of the two of them, stopped him, even though he knew how selfish it was. Tonks brushed a piece of hair off his face, tucking it behind his ear in a very maternal way. Lupin could now see the tear tracks on her cheeks, but there was no sadness in her face anymore.

Her presence and her touch was the most soothing thing Lupin had ever felt. She was still staring at him, her eyes searching through his. He wondered what for. Belief perhaps? But he did believe her. He believed she would not dismiss him, even if that was foolish. Her hand moved from his hair to the side of his face.

His heart beat was nervous and jumpy, and he went to move his head from her hand, ashamed by himself and what he was. But she fought against him, keeping it there. She was still inspecting him and then she moved forwards. Delicately she pressed hers lips against his.

He couldn't help but feel like this was a reassurance on her part. Like she was trying to not only tell him, but show him. He was thankful. So thankful that he didn't know if he should say it aloud. She was recognizing him as human, something even he failed to do at times. Her lips gently moved across, her hand still upon his cheek, holding him there, though he had no thought of leaving.

The rocks of Stonehenge sat around them, framing them under the moonlight as she kissed him. He felt it was important that she was kissing him. He'd never been kissed after telling someone he was a werewolf, but he had feeling nothing with Tonks would ever go as it had with anyone else.

**To be continued…**


	15. The Forgotten Duty

**Happy Easter everyone!**

**Hope you enjoy this one. It's very much just Tonks POV of the previous one but it's important for this one I think.**

**My advice is, get excited for the next chapter! It's going to be brilliant! (well I think so)**

**Reivews of all type welcome, good bad, construstive, squees etc.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 15.**

Nymphadora Tonks sat on her chair, staring forwards in shock. It felt like the ground beneath her had fallen and everything around her was crashing down. It was quite a change from how she'd felt five minutes prior, when she'd watched Remus Lupin walk hastily from the kitchen, after giving her a small smile. Sirius arrived after seconds after Lupin left, as did the twins. Tonks had heard Molly Weasley say something to Bill, who was also sitting at the table eating some toast.

"Poor Remus. Such a shame for a man like him."

Tonks ears had pricked up at the sound of his name.

"What's such a shame?" asked Tonks, a little confused.

Tonks had knew he was just doing some Order business. why was that a shame? They all did it.

"That he has to go chasing after the werewolves." Molly replied, shaking her head as she buttered some more toast.

Tonks looked around, no one else looked worried. Chasing werewolves? That was dangerous even for a group of Auror's. Lupin was obviously a much more powerful wizard than he seemed.

"Well I suppose, he's just the right man for the job, isn't he?" Fred mumbled through his mouth full of food.

"Don't talk with your mouth full," Molly growled at him, before continuing on. "I know, that because he is one, it's the right job for him, but still, I thought Dumbledore would have more compassion."

"Why?" Bill asked, pausing as Sirius stepped into the kitchen. "He needed a spy in their camp, and there was Remus, a ready made werewolf."

Tonks felt like her heart had stopped.

"What?" was all she could gasp.

"Remus, dear. Dumbledore sent him to parlay with the werewolves. I suppose he'll have to wait until full-moon when he transforms though, wouldn't he?" Molly asked plainly at Sirius.

Tonks glanced wildly around the room and found Sirius. He was staring back at her, his eyes wide in terror.

"Sirius? Did Dumbledore send him last time? He was bitten as a child, wasn't he? I mean that's horrible enough as it is–" Molly continued speaking, but it was then Tonks had felt the world around her crashing down.

It was slowly dawning on her that the man she'd grown to like, the man she'd kissed, was a werewolf. Sirius still hadn't said anything; he was just staring at Tonks. She didn't know what hurt more, the fact that Lupin had never told her, or the fact that he was a werewolf.

Tonks was getting light-headed, she had never felt so deceived before in her life, and she never thought it would be from Remus. He had seemed like such a kind and honest man. How could he keep something like that from people? Was this some horrible joke?

Then another realization hit her, one that made her more hurt than any before it. He wasn't keeping it from everyone, just from her. Tonks stood up from the table very quickly. She needed to get out, she felt like everything was pressing in on her.

She moved to the door swiftly and up the stairs, trying not to look as troubled as she felt. She saw Sirius make movements after her, but by the time she'd gotten to the end of the hallway and opened the front door, all she heard him say in a very desperate sounding voice was:

"Dora– "

Then the door slammed shut. Tonks looked up at the overcast sky feeling completely helpless. How had he done this to her? Did he really not care for her at all? He stood at the door of Grimmauld Place two nights before, ready to express his love for her after he'd kissed her. _He'd_kissed her.

It was him, surely that meant he had feelings for her. Tonks thought back to that moment, was he really going to tell her that he liked her? She couldn't remember what he'd even said anymore, everything of the previous two days had been a blur. All she'd been thinking was 'I kissed Remus Lupin.'

Tonks shook her head; thoughts and feelings were rushing through her so quickly, and so painfully, that she felt like she might faint. She hadn't even noticed the muggles walking past her, who were staring at her hair with frightened expressions.

It had been changing colours every 5 seconds. Tonks, rather than obliterating the memories of every muggle on the journey home, turned down an alley and apparated straight into her flat.

* * *

The next day felt like it had passed in a haze of questions and emotions. Tonks couldn't wrap her head around the idea of Lupin being a werewolf. She felt disgusted and this was making her feel ashamed. Going to her friends from Hogwarts for advice wasn't going to cut it.

Slowly, as if the answer had been in front of her all along, she knew she had to go to her parents. She apparated right into their front lawn and knocked on the door, surprised that it was closed for once. Her mother swung the door open, and after noticing her daughter, a smile spread across her face.

"Dora!" Andromeda said, sounding slightly surprised, but her happy expression quickly changed into a look of concern. "What's wrong?"

It was the question Tonks hated when she was upset. Whenever someone asked it, she had no option but to think about everything that was wrong. Tonks launched herself into her mother's arms.

"Oh dear. Darling, what's wrong?" Andromeda asked again, as her hands gently stroked Tonks's hair.

Tonks could feel the burning behind her eyes again. It was a feeling she'd been ignoring all of the day before. She couldn't understand why she wanted to cry; because it wasn't something she did very often. Finally, a single tear broke free and slid down her cheek, landing on her mother's robes. Andromeda led Tonks straight into the living room and set her on the couch, before moving off to get tea. When she returned, she sat down beside her.

"Are you going to tell me what happened? Or did you just need a hug?" Andromeda asked, in a motherly tone.

Tonks took a sip of her tea and tried to think. Now that she was here, the task of telling her mum about Lupin seemed bigger, and a bit more embarrassing than before. Regardless of that, she had to get an opinion; she hoped naively that her mum wouldn't notice exactly why it had hurt her so much.

"You knew Remus Lupin, didn't you?" Tonks said, her voice cracking slightly.

"Yes," replied Andromeda.

"Did you know that – well that he is actually – that he's a–"

"A werewolf?" Andromeda paused after interrupting her daughter. Tonks nodded, completely ashamed of the fact that she couldn't even speak the word. "I knew that along time ago, I thought you would have remembered. Why is that upsetting?"

Tonks stared into the cup of tea she was holding.

"Because, it changes everything. He's a werewolf, mum! He's dangerous, I mean, he should have told people. We should know everything before we have company like that forced upon us." Tonks lied.

She resented every word coming out of her mouth. She hated herself for it, but she knew that was a reason her mother would believe.

"Nymphadora!" Andromeda exclaimed, as her face changed instantly to one of fury. "I thought I'd brought you up better than that! It doesn't matter at all what he is! I can't see why you, of all people, would discriminate against a man like him. What happened to the Dora I knew? The Dora who cared for everyone?"

Tonks knew her mother was right. She knew she would have wanted his company forced on her even if she did know. She knew all the thoughts, about how horrible it was that Lupin was a werewolf, were really her way of avoiding the real problem. So she opened her mouth and finally spoke aloud what was truly bothering her.

"It's not that – he just never told me. I thought we were friends and he hid something like that from me. I just feel so – so – betrayed." Tonks voice was cracking and she couldn't hide it anymore.

She could feel tears sliding down her cheeks. She didn't realise how much it had really hurt her. It felt like there was weight pressing against her chest and she was trying to fight the stinging sensation from her eyes, but losing. Andromeda moved closer Tonks. She wiped the tears off her cheeks, in the way only a mother can.

"Nymphadora, don't you understand what it's like to be something like this? The fact that he does everything in his power to prevent it, shows how utterly ashamed of it he is. Sirius and James once told me what he does every month. No doubt the Wolfsbane discoveries of the last decade have helped him tremendously but still Dora, don't you see? Wouldn't you hide that from everyone? When I was in the Order, Remus told us, but maybe this time he has decided not to. You cannot judge him for attempting to hide this. I will not let you hate him for what he is either. He is a great man." Andromeda finished and looked sternly at Tonks.

She wiped off the last tear falling onto her daughter's cheek, before speaking softly again.

"Now come into the kitchen dear, I just made some pumpkin scones."

Tonks left her parents house after numerous scones and found herself digesting not the food, but her mother's words. It had helped, ,bu possibly not the way her mother had hoped, as she'd realised that Lupin had told everyone, but her. He'd obviously even told all the Weasley children, given what Fred had said at the table the morning before.

Suddenly she found something that hurt a lot more than kissing a werewolf; kissing a man who didn't like you enough to tell you the truth. No one could have feelings for someone and lie to them like that, and that hurt more than anything. Tonks couldn't face eating dinner with everyone yet; especially not when she knew Lupin would be there. Tonks knew she did not care about him being a werewolf. Her mother was correct on that, she was not bigoted.

Instead she turned up late and joined Molly in the kitchen as everyone moved upstairs. She hadn't seen Lupin on the stairs and prayed that he wasn't sitting in the kitchen. Molly was thankfully alone, and loading up two trays of drinks. She reluctantly passed one tray onto Tonks and the two walked up too the dining room.

When they walked inside the room and Tonks placed the tray on a side table, she turned and there, smiling at her, was Lupin. Tonks stared at him for a moment and them quickly sat down next to Molly. Her mind was thinking wildly again, but a flash of green, which Albus Dumbledore stepped out of, quickly stopped it.

He started talking about the recent appointment of a Defence against the Dark Arts teacher and Tonks found her attention drawn to Lupin. In a few seconds, he'd gone from looking puzzled, to being in the midst of a fury. It was almost frightening. Tonks spent the meeting fighting the same thoughts that had plagued her for the last two days.

Before she'd even realised it, Dumbledore was stepping back into the fireplace and everyone was slowly walking out. Tonks stood to help Molly with the trays again, but was politely refused. Tonks looked back around and saw Lupin staring at her. In that instance she had made up her mind, maybe because she was tired, or maybe because he was looking as shabby and broken as ever, but she was suddenly angry.

What right did he have to do something like that to her? He should have told her and now she wanted to know why he hadn't. She could feel someone standing close by her, and even before she turned around, she knew who it was.

"Hi, Tonks." said Lupin's voice quietly.

"Hi," she replied quickly.

She didn't want to look at him. How could you look someone in the eyes when they were that dishonest.

"Are you okay?" Lupin asked.

"Yes, I'm fine," Tonks lied.

"Right."

After a few moments Tonks finally rounded on Lupin.

"Is there something you want to tell me?" She stated.

"What?" Lupin stuttered.

Tonks looked around the room before she said anything. She wanted to make sure everyone was gone before she said anything more. It was hard enough knowing she'd been lied too, no one else had to know.

"Is there anything you want to tell me?" demanded Tonks again.

"I don't know what you mean," Lupin said, and even then Tonks could see the panic in his face, but it didn't make her feel sorry for him, it did the opposite.

"Yes you do, Remus. I'm talking about the fact that you're a – that every time you disappear you're actually transforming into a – " Tonks blurted it all out, not looking at him and unable to finish what she was trying to say.

She didn't want to sound like she was mad him for being a werewolf, but old habits, as they say, die-hard. Lupin's head dropped and when he looked back up he looked completely ashamed of himself. His expression reminded Tonks of when someone tried to tolerate a bad smell.

She didn't feel the way she had assumed she would when she finally confronted him. It was catching up with her. Images of all the times they'd been together alone, times he could have told her, were flashing in her mind and Tonks could feel tears welling up from deep inside. Not again, please not here, Tonks thought desperately. Why, when she was angry with Lupin, did she suddenly want to cry?

"I can't explain this here. Come with me, Tonks. Please?" Lupin said.

Tonks could hear that he was begging.

"What? No! Why would I want to go anywhere with someone who could do this?" Tonks questioned, wondering why on earth he would think she'd accept.

"Please. Give me the opportunity to explain." Lupin begged again.

Tonks stared at the floor. She wanted to stay rooted to the spot; she wanted Lupin to hurt like she'd been doing for the past few days, but a tiny part of her wanted to hear his explanation. She wanted to hear that he had no choice but to hide from it her, or something that didn't make Tonks feel as deceived and rejected as she did.

Tonks finally met his eyes and they walked out of the room, and then Grimmauld place, together, in silence. Lupin was leading, and when they had moved into the garden across the road, he turned back and faced her.

"Can you hold my arm? We need to apparate," Lupin asked

Tonks placed her hand on his forearm and they spun together on the spot. The cold night air hit her face hard, and as she opened her eyes, she couldn't help but be amazed by the beauty in front of her.

Stonehenge was almost breathtaking at night. The stars were brighter than she'd seen them in a while, and the half moon was raised high in the sky, bathing everything in a mystical glow. Tonks looked back at Lupin and the beauty of the place was extinguished when she remembered why she was here.

"What are we doing here?" Tonks announced flatly

"I wanted to explain myself. I didn't wish for you to discover this in this way. My deepest apoligies if I hurt–" Lupin started to say but Tonks quickly cut him off.

"You haven't hurt me." Tonks lied again.

She stared at him and as the image of their last meeting, kissing inside the dining room, flashed in front of her eyes. He ran a shaky hand through his heard. Instantly she knew the stinging behind her eyes, was not going to subside this time.

She was trying hard to fight it; she was not going to cry because of a man who didn't even have the decency to be honest with her. He explained, everything. Tonks listened, but it wasn't eating away at the anger like it should. It didn't answer any of her questions, and it certainly didn't make her feel happier about the situation.

"So you couldn't even trust me enough to tell me?" Tonks shot at him

Lupin started to pace up and down in front of her; he looked completely troubled as he ran his hands quickly through his hair. He carried on explaining, but nothing was removing her anger. Nothing was helping her get over the fact that he'd not told her. Until he said one thing

"When you yelled at me a few days ago, it was so unconceivable that someone would be angry with me for not being around them enough."

Tonks felt her breath escape her. Everything her mother had said about how dfficult it must be for him hit her like a slap.

"I will hold no judgment if you choose to back out now," he breathed, not looking at her, and his voice sounding low and disappointed

Lupin collapsed onto the large piece of stone in front of him and dropped his head into his hands again. Tonks stood there completely baffled. She thought for a moment he was crying, but she couldn't be sure. She hated that in one moment he had managed to turn her from hating him, to liking him. She hated that he had caused this much hurt already.

That he had caused the tears that had been falling down her cheeks since leaving Grimmauld. She hated that he meant something to her now. She looked at him with a mixture of sympathy and regret. She had thought this would make her feel better, him finally paying for what he'd done, but it didn't. Her heart felt like it was breaking at the sight of him, so destroyed with his own shame.

She hated how much he hated himself and how worthless he thought he was. Wasn't Tonks standing here enough proof that he wasn't? Didn't he see that? She bent down slowly by his side.

"Remus, I don't care. I don't care what you are. I'm hurt that you never told me. It would never have changed anything if you had. If being a werewolf is your only flaw, then you're a better man than you realize."

Lupin didn't look up straight away, but Tonks hadn't expected him too. She had spoken those last words without realising what she was actually saying, like someone else had said the words, not her. The funny thing was, now that she'd said it, she actually agreed with it, completely.

She placed a hand on his forearm, willing him to look at her now, to understand that she was here. He did. His blue eyes rose to her slowly, filled with apprehension and fear. Tonks put her hand out; brushing the hair from his eyes so she could see them better. She waited for that to change. She kept staring at him waiting for the relief to break over his face, because true to her word she was still here.

Her hand came to rest on his cheek when the look did not come. She felt him move slightly into her hand. Then he tried to move away, but she kept him there He was not going to believe him. She had to show him. She slowly leant forward, giving him time to refuse if he wanted. Her lips pressed into his. He tasted like chocolate and fire-whiskey.

She felt his body respond to her lips, as he kissed back. It was not anything lke their first kiss. This was not passion, or desperation, this was acceptance. It was not a kiss to deepen, and with that knowledge, she pulled back, hoping he'd gotten the message. When she finally opened her eyes, there was the look she wanted. It was slightly more reluctant than she'd hoped, but there was a definite acceptance in there.

She couldn't believe that less than twenty-four hours ago, she'd thought she never wanted to see him again. Her head came to rest on his shoulder and he shifted her to his knee. She wondered for a moment if she was too heavy for him, but when she felt his nose in her hair, she couldn't have thought of anything.

"I'm sorry Nymphadora. Truly, I am," Lupin whispered into her ear

"Don't call me Nymphadora," said Tonks, smiling back at him.

She wasn't sure whether he was apologizing for being a werewolf or not telling her, but for once, she did not care. She heard Lupin laugh softly. Her thoughts trailed back to the first time she'd corrected him, deep inside the Ministry. Then, feeling as if she'd swallowed a brick, she remembered tonight was her duty.

"Oh!" Tonks cried, sitting up straight

"What?" asked Lupin, sounding alarmed, and loosening his grip.

"I'm meant to be at the Ministry, it's my duty." Tonks said, standing and feeling a bit panicked.

She'd never been late, what if something happened because she wasn't there? She looked at Lupin helplessly as he stood up in front of her.

"It's okay. We'll get you there now,"

He held out his hand for her, and she looked at it, hiding the school-girl urge to grin. She grabbed it and they spun on the spot, only to appear moments later in front of the Visitors Entrance.

"Oh mother of Merlin! I don't have my invisibility cloak," Tonks said, hitting herself on her forehead. "I hate disillusion charms."

She looked up at Remus who was smiling down at her.

"I can do the honors then, if you wish?" Lupin suggested, pulling his wand out of his robes.

Tonks moved a step closer, waiting for Lupin to cast the charm over her. Instead, he stared at her, the same look in his eye that she'd seen once before, but she couldn't remember when. When he raised his wand and tapped the top of her head, he suddenly look disappointed in himself.

The feeling as if an egg had been cracked on the top of her head, continued down her body and she looked back up at Lupin. He looked very conflicted, but smiled when he noticed her looking.

"Come to Grimmauld Place when you're finished. I'll be in the kitchen, waiting," he said to her breathlessly, and she felt her entire body tingle.

Tonks tossed up whether or not she should follow him and play a trick on him now that she was invisible. Instead, she turned back and walked to the Phone box ahead of her.

Tonks sat in her guard duty thinking about the few hours before. It felt like this was going to be the longest night of her life, not when all she could picture was Lupin sitting in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place, waiting for her. She stared at the watch on her wrist as it ticked over; it felt like it was going slower than ever before.

She wanted to run there and jump on him and hold onto him until she lost all feeling in her arms. A large grin spread across her face, as she imagined what it would be like to spend an eternity with the man who wore stupid professor clothes.

Tonks was almost skipping down the deserted London streets the following morning, fighting off waves of exhaustion. She'd built up seeing Lupin so much over the past few hours, that she didn't think she could stand it anymore. She moved quickly down the hall, avoiding the troll leg, into the kitchen. Tonks paused with her hand on the door handle.

She felt like the little schoolgirl again, nervous to see someone, heart going a million miles an hour and butterflies going wild. It seemed even stranger, given how much she'd avoided seeing Lupin the last time she was here. One thought struck her, what if he wasn't there?

What if like every other time he was gone when he said he'd be there? Tonks pushed the door open nervously. She scanned the room quickly and found, to the enormous relief, and 'told-you-so' to the nagging voice in her head, Lupin was sitting there. There were two teacups on the table, one for her and one for him.

Lupin looked up at Tonks and instantly she saw his face soften. To her amazement it didn't stay that way, she knew him well enough to know that something more was coming. That wasn't the smile she'd been expecting from him, it was the same conflicted one he had when he'd said goodbye. Tonks stood at the doorway, afraid to take the next step, because now she really had no idea where it was going to lead.

**To be continued…**


	16. The Hearing

**It's really really long I'm sorry! I started writing and then completely forgot how long the Lupin + Mrs Weasley Boggart scene was!**

**Hope you enjoy...I rather liked writing the end of this one!**

**Reviews, good and bad, always welcome!**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 16.**

Remus Lupin couldn't stop himself from pacing through the kitchen of 12 Grimmauld Place. How could he have been so foolish? What had he done to her? He had not quite accepted the extent of his actions until he had stood in front of the Minsitry of Magic moments before.

Once he told her he was a werewolf, he knew whatever was beginning to happen, wouldn't continue. Which was devastating enough to keep him from telling her, but now the truth was out, she wasn't supposed to want to stay. Part of him was so relieved when she said it. It still echoed in his ears.

"_Remus, __I __don't __care. __I __don't __care __what __you __are."_

It was true, she really did not care. She was all right with what he was, and what he could potentially do to her. The longer Lupin thought about it, the more he knew that she should have cared. He wasn't right for her and it didn't matter how much he wanted to be, it wasn't. For an hour he paced up and down in the cold kitchen.

He had nothing to compare it to, he had never told a girl bfore. He had found other reasons to end it, weaker reasons, all to hide the truth that he was so ashamed. Why did she have to make it different? Why couldn't she do what she was supposed to do? It was best for her. It wasn't like he wanted it to be like this.

Girls were only ever truly able to be his friends. With a pang of sadness he remembered Lily, she was his friend and she never made it complicated, no matter how he felt about her. He was just about to collapse into the chair in front of him when a loud voice came from his left.

"There you are!"

Lupin immediately turned around, instinctively putting his hand on his wand, before he realised it was only Sirius.

"It completely slipped my mind today, and I've been looking everywhere for you," Sirius said, sounding panicked

"Why? What happened?" Lupin asked.

"Molly was talking at breakfast and she was talking about your mission and Tonks was sitting there – " Sirius started to say.

"It's fine Sirius, she's already told – "

"Moony! You're not listening. You have to tell her. She knows. Molly told her this morning," said Sirius, not listening to what Lupin was trying to say.

He smiled at Sirius. It was strange to think that he had a friend who cared so much about his wellbeing.

"Sirius, it's okay. She's already spoken to me and we sorted it out. That's why you couldn't find me, I wasn't here."

"Oh. Right. Well, how'd it go?" Sirius asked, composing himself back into his usual casual demeanor as he sat down

"It was… interesting. Suffice to say, it wasn't how I expected it to go." Lupin mumbled, taking a seat at the table.

"Ah, well. She's family and all, but if she can't get past it, she's not worth a galleon is she." Sirius stated, with an air of disappointment.

"No, she doesn't care. I just didn't think she'd be so understanding," said Lupin, running a hand through his hair.

"Really? She didn't care at all?"

"Not at all," Lupin said, as unease passed through him.

He looked up at him, expecting to see the same amount of concern on Sirius' face, instead he was met with an astounded looking smile.

"What?" Lupin said instantly.

"You're worried now that she doesn't care?"

"Of course. Don't you see that – "

Lupin was quickly cut off as Sirius burst out laughed.

"Bloody hell mate, can you ever be happy?" Sirius choked.

Lupin fixed him with an icy stare. Sirius made movements to leave, and placed a hand on Lupin's shoulder.

"A word of advice. It's rare that a girl like that takes interest in someone like you. Don't ask questions, just go with it. You lucky sod," Sirius muttered.

He left the room still laughed leaving Lupin to dwell on why everything had to be so complicated with him. As much as he didn't want to admit it to himself, he did want her. The funny thing was, he didn't know why. He had never known why she had such an effect on him, when all they'd done was have a few conversations.

He hardly knew anything about her and they were completely different in almost every way, but, somehow she'd become something to him, without him even realising. She needed to know that they could not be together and she needed to understand that.

* * *

Lupin had been sitting at the table for an hour. He had a cup of tea for himself and an empty cup waiting for Tonks. It was nearly six in the morning; he knew it was too early to worry whether or not she was actually going to come. For some reason, he knew she would, she had never let him down like that before. With a stab of guilt he realised, he'd always been the one to do that.

He had no idea what he could say; he'd never had to work at what to say other than 'I'm a werewolf,' as he rarely got the chance to say much else. He sat back down with a fresh pot of tea, when he heard footsteps coming down the stairs. Excitement filled him, followed quickly by dread.

The door opened and there was Tonks, light blonde curly hair and standing in her own awkwardly cute way. Lupin couldn't help the smile on his face, but he knew Tonks had seen it falter. It was a much harder task to tell her everything, now that she was here, still standing in the doorway, looking uncharacteristically nervous. Lupin had opened his mouth but before he could say a word, Molly Weasley appeared behind Tonks.

"Tonks, dear. Why are you standing in the – Oh, hello Remus." Molly paused, as she suspiciously stared between the two of them. "Fancy a spot of breakfast?"

"That would be wonderful," Lupin said, smiling at her.

"Bacon Sandwiches, then?" Molly asked, pulling out her wand and looking at Tonks, who had shuffled out of the doorway and was leaning against the stove.

Tonks nodded before glancing over at Lupin. He knew it wasn't the time to start it. To his enormous relief, he could avoid the conversation and just be happy and friendly in her company. Lupin poured tea in the empty cup and gestured for Tonks to sit down. She moved slowly towards him, looking wary

"How was your duty?" Lupin asked, over the sound of cooking bacon.

"Long," Tonks replied quickly, stifiling a yawn.

She was watching him very closely, and all he was doing was waiting for her to elaborate. Half the time it was harder to make her stop talking, not make her start. She was only short with him when he'd done something wrong. Surely she hadn't sensed what he was going to do? Just when he was about to feel as if hope was lost, somewhat suddenly, Tonks's face brightened, not by much however, as she looked exhausted.

"It was boring. You know, no big, hairy, monstrous creatures to keep at bay."

Lupin smiled at her, as she grinned in a mischievous way. He loved that in a minute she had changed the entire atmosphere of the room with one comment, and that she had the cheek to make a joke about something so serious. It was like having a very attractive and feminine version of Sirius or James.

The way she was smiling at him was making him fight the urge to jump over the table and kiss her. The two of them were grinning at each other idiotically, when Arthur and Sirius came bustling into the room. Sirius took his seat at the head of the table, he seemed oddly nervous and Lupin had a feeling he should know why. Molly placed bacon sandwiches in front of all of them, as Arthur said something to Sirius.

"Oh that reminds me," Tonks interrupted. "Scrimgeour cornered me this morning."

Lupin was just about to open his mouth to say something, when the kitchen door opened. In walked Harry, looking just as bad as Sirius was.

"Breakfast?" Molly asked, standing up very quickly and moving over to the fire.

The air in the room suddenly became tense. Lupin finally remembered why Sirius was nervous; today was Harry's hearing.

"M – m – morning, Harry. Sleep alright?" Tonks asked, yawning again.

"Yeah," said Harry, standing awkwardly in the doorway, just like Tonks had earlier.

"I've b – b – been up all night. Come and sit down," said Tonks.

He watched her trying to move a chair out for him, but knocking over the one next to it instead. Lupin's attention was then drawn to Sirius; he was glaring into the fire gravely. Lupin watched Harry as he asked for toast and then, trying to find an innocent reason to talk to Tonks; he continued the previous conversation again.

"What were you saying about Scrimgeour?"

"He's been asking Kinglsey and I some funny questions. This morning he asked me why Kingsley would be seen outside the Department of Mysterious so often the last few weeks. I can't shake the feeling that he was asking me for a reason. He hasn't had much one on one time with me before. I think he's getting suspicious," Tonks said, fighting off another yawn, "and I'll have to tell Dumbledore I can't do my duty tomorrow, I'm just t – t – too tired."

"I'll cover for you. I'm ok, I've got a report to finish." Arthur offered, sipping tea in front of him before turning to Harry. "How're you feeling?"

Harry shrugged and Lupin thought he looked so nervous, that he was delibretly keeping his mouth closed. Fear of being sick maybe.

"It'll all be over soon. In a few hours time, you'll be cleared. The hearings on my floor, in Amelia Bones's office. She's head of the Magical Law Enforcement, and the one who'll be questioning you."

Lupin was trying to catch Sirius' eyes, to tell him without words to put on a front for Harry, but Sirius wasn't looking at anyone.

"Amelia Bones is okay Harry. She's fair, she'll hear you out." Tonks said, earnestly.

"Don't lose your temper," grunted Sirius. "Be polite and stick to the facts."

Lupin stared at Harry again, he looked lost, and terrified.

"The laws on your side. Even underage wizards are allowed to use magic in life-threatening situations." Lupin said quietly, reciting what he'd read, though he'd already known it.

The rest of the group stood to wish him goodbyes, Lupin doing the same

"Good luck," Lupin said. "I'm sure it will be fine."

"And if it's not. I'll see the that Amelia Bones for you…" Sirius threatened.

After a hug from Molly, Harry and Arthur left. It felt as if they'd just said a final goodbye to a dying relative.

"He's going to get off won't he?" Molly said, looking a lot more panicked than she had when Harry was around.

"You can never be certain, and most definitely not with how Fudge is changing the laws every few hours. He should do, if they listen to reason. Dumbledore said Figg would testify, so I can't see why not," Lupin replied, resuming his seat.

"Of course he's going to get off. Asked if he could come and live here if it didn't go his way, but we all know he'll be fine. Dumbledore said last night he was going," Sirius said, his voice dark.

He abruptly stood, the chair squeaking along the tiles, and he left. Lupin stared at the door for a moment. He finally understood why Sirius was so moody all of a sudden.

"He's just nervous," Tonks said, and Lupin realized she was watching him.

"No, he feels guilty," Lupin explained to Tonks, though he saw that Molly was listening too. "He wants Harry to be expelled so he can stay here."

Lupin, having taught Harry, knew where the line was with him. Sometimes, however much he didn't want to, he agreed with Molly, Sirius was starting to see Harry as James all over again. Molly gave Lupin a quizzical stare. In an effort to try and ignore the weird nervous tension in the air, that was still lingering even after Harry had left, Lupin reached for the prophet that Arthur had brought in.

"I hope he's okay. It's ridiculous. Dementors in Surrey and they expect him not to do anything." Molly's voice came, ten minutes later, interrupting Lupin's concentration.

"It proves that they're definitely out of Ministry control though, doesn't it? No Ministry record of them being sent, or there wouldn't even be a hearing." Tonks said and when Lupin looked over his prophet, she was staring right at him.

"Remember what Snape said though. Voldemort," Molly winced though Lupin kept speaking, "didn't order the attack. I would not put any of this past the ministry as you said Tonks."

There was a silent agreement in what Lupin had said as they all continued to eat. Tonks managed to knock tea all over Lupin's Prophet. Molly, looked deep in thought as she siphoned off all the mess with her wand. She looked at him, concerned, and Lupin sensed a conversation with him about Sirius was coming, but before Molly could open her mouth, Tonks stood.

"I guess I should be on my way home and get some sleep, before I have to head in to the office. Thanks for breakfast, Molly."

Lupin received a quick wink and then he was left alone with Molly. He instinctively reached for his newly dried prophet and stayed behind it, hoping he could avoid an interrogation about Sirius.

* * *

The rest of the day found Lupin locked away in the library of Twelve Grimmauld Place. He'd just opened _How__to__Cry__Wolf__and__other__Werewolf__Myths_, when Sirius walked in.

"He got off," he said darkly, sitting down on the moth eaten arm chair with a loud huffing noise.

"Yes, I heard. Fred and George's voice carry particularly well in this house," Lupin said, watching Sirius intently as he glared at the un-lit fireplace.

"As we knew he would," Sirius said bitterly.

"It is a good result," Lupin said carefully, wondering why he had to remind Sirius of this.

"I know that Remus," Sirius snapped.

Lupin stared at him for a while. He couldn't believe Sirius was actually bitter about this. Harry belonged at Hogwarts, just like he and Sirius had.

"Sirius –"

"It's not like Dumbledore would have allowed him to stay here anyway," Sirius mumbled. "Anyway, I need feed Buckbeak. Or find Kreacher. I could do with something to kick."

He left before Lupin could even say another word.

* * *

The next week seemed to pass in a haze of books, out of town bars, meetings and guard duties. Lupin had moved his werewolf search across the country, and up into the Irish moors. It was all to no avail. He could not find the werwolfs any longer. Not when he was this far out of the loop.

Usually Greyback was never out of the news, but it seemed that something had kept him quiet, and Lupin had a very large suspicion it was Voldemort. It was becoming hopeless, Lupin sat through his guard duties, going over more and more places he thought the werewolves would congregate. Tonks wove in and out of his thoughts.

He missed the little moments they shared, which led him to believe perhaps Sirius was correct. Perhaps he should just let what could happen, happen. Yet, it was that distinct difference between he and Sirius that stopped him. Sirius had never had to think about think about what his dark secrets would inflict upon the people he loved. He could not take Sirius' advice, even if he wanted to.

Lupin arrived at 12 Grimmauld Place the night before Harry was to return to Hogwarts, feeling cold and shaking the raindrops out of his hair. He made his way down to the kitchen and found Molly, Sirius and Kingsley standing around under a banner saying: _Congratulations __Ron __and __Hermione __Prefects. _Knowing that everyone was watching him Lupin smiled at the banner and then turned back to get a drink.

He had forgotten that it was Harry's fifth year, but he was always certain Harry was destined to get Prefect, out of all the boys in his House; he did deserve it, Lupin thought. Perhaps it was his own bias, but he had not expected Ron. He walked over to Sirius and congratulated Molly and Arthur in the process. Lupin was just in the middle of recounting the story of the day he received his badge, when the door burst open.

Ginny and Tonks came walking in, both with the look of guilt and in fits of giggles. It lifted Lupin's spirits more than he thought it would. She had gone with waist-length scarlet hair tonight, it was the first time he'd seen her with long hair. It was alarming how much she looked like Ginny and, in turn, Lily.

When he turned back around, Sirius was staring at him strangely. Not keen to be questioned, Lupin moved and started talking to Kingsley, with the distinct impression that both Sirius and Tonks were watching him. Arthur, Bill, Moody and Mundungus all arrived in the next few minutes and Molly, who was in particularly high spirits, loudly cleared her throat.

"Well I think a toast is in order," she announced, pausing as everyone raised their drinks into the air. "To Ron and Hermione, the new Gryffindor prefects."

Lupin took a sip of mead and then joined in the applause. His eyes found Harry; he was looking happy but somewhat diminished. When everyone moved towards the food, Lupin stood back and waited his turn. Tonks' voice came from behind him and both he and Harry turned around to her.

"I was never a prefect myself. My Head of House said I lacked the necessary qualities."

"Like what?" Ginny asked, appearing next to Tonks

"Like the ability to behave myself," Tonks announced, grinning at everyone.

Ginny laughed, and Lupin heard someone choke on their drink from behind him. Sirius moved forwards with a glass of Fire-Whiskey.

"What about you, Sirius?" Ginny asked.

Sirius laughed in his bark-like way.

"No one would have made me prefect. I spent too much time in detention with James," Sirius paused, smiling at Harry before placing his arm around Lupin's shoulders. "Lupin here was the good boy, he got the badge."

Suddenly, everyone turned to Lupin.

"I think Dumbledore might have hoped I would have been able to exercise some control over my best friends. I need scarcely say that I failed dismally," explained Lupin quietly.

The people around the food table left and everyone else moved towards it. When Lupin returned with his food, Hermione had made her way over to him.

"Congratulations Hermione," Lupin said at once, smiling at her.

"Oh, thank you Professor," she said, color flushing into her cheeks.

She took a sip of her butterbeer, and then looked up at him.

"Is Kreacher coming down to join us?" she asked, looking somewhat hopefully at the door.

"No, I wouldn't think so. Elves tend to steer clear of large groups of people. Wizards have allowed them to believe they belong in the background. I can't imagine he'd receive a good reception in here," Lupin said frankly.

"Do you think it's wrong?"

"Elf rights?" Lupin asked, almost feeling nervous under her intense stare, and she nodded. "I wouldn't say its wrong to assume – "

"It's just ridiculous, isn't it? I mean it's the same sort of thing as werewolf segregation, isn't it? It all stems from this horrible thing wizards have of thinking they're superior to other creatures. Look at the elves at Hogwarts, centuries of enslavement and there isn't even a mention in _Hogwarts, __a __History,_" Hermione finished, as if it was a rehearsed speech.

"They prefer it that way. That's the problem with teaching a creature where they belong, eventually they will believe it's their rightful place," Lupin explained carefully, as he stared at Tonks.

After a long-winded conversation about elf rights, Hermione moved on to join Ginny, and Lupin went over to Kingsley who was standing alone.

"Nymphadora told me Scrimgeour is asking funny questions about your constant absences?" Lupin asked.

"Yes, it was a little worrying but he's settled now, I think. I fed him a lie about trying to find a job in muggle society to better integrate. Tonks has told him she's coming down with something."

"Have you told Dumbledore?"

"I owled him after the first time he cornered me. He told me to continue with the lie," Kingsley muttered.

"Right," Lupin said, looking across at him.

Kinglsey was staring at the banner hanging up above them.

"I was actually just wondering why Dumbledore didn't make Potter a prefect?" Kingsley asked,

"He'll have had his reasons," Lupin replied.

"But it would have shown confidence in him, it's what I'd've done, 'specially with the _Daily__Prophet_ having a go at him every few days. Would have been a vote of confidence anyway. Dumbledore always talks about his moral fibre, he seems like a great candidate for the job." Kingsley persisted.

"I was thinking something similar, Dumbledore has always favoured him, much more than any previous student. He hired me, with Harry in mind, and that is a lot to do for a single student. However, he must know what he's doing," Lupin said, watching Harry walk towards the food with Mundungus.

Lupin eyed off Tonks, who was stuck in a discussion with Ron about his new racing broom. He didn't want to admit that he'd been avoiding her company throughout the party, but he had been. Being unable to rationalize why he was drawn to her was difficult enough, and he didn't want to deal with everyone knowing what was happening, not when he knew he had to stop it.

Mrs Weasley walked out of the kitchen and Lupin watched Moody show something to Harry. Before he'd even realised it, Kingsley had walked off, leaving Lupin alone. Sirius, who was talking to Mundungus, didn't miss this, he made a move over, only to stop suddenly and walk back.

Lupin looked at him confused, but he motioned with his head to his left, where Tonks was walking towards him. Suddenly Lupin felt his hands start to sweat. He had no idea how to get out of the situation when she was walking over to him. He grabbed his mead and took a large gulp.

"So, you were the good boy at school?" she asked, smiling at him.

"Of course, But I don't think I was truly right to be a prefect," Lupin remarked, taking another sip of mead.

Lupin glanced over at Sirius and looked nervously back down at his mead. He was just about to say 'excuse me,' when a loud voice carried down the hall. It was full of terror.

"Mrs Weasley, just get out of here! Let someone else–"

Everyone in the room had stopped. Before anyone else seemed too, Lupin realised it was Harry's voice. Terror flooded through his body and he made quick movements for the stairs. He made it to the second floor with Sirius at his heels. He turned into a room and past Harry at the door, only to see Harry's body again, glasses askew, blood dripping down his face and lying on the carpeted floor, dead.

"What's going on?" Lupin said.

It confused Lupin for a second, his heart stopping instantly, until he saw the desk drawer on the other side of the room. He looked from the dead Harry to Mrs Weasley, to the other Harry and understood in an instant. He pulled out his wand and aimed it at the dead Harry.

"_Riddikulus,"_ said Lupin, firmly and clearly.

Harry's body vanished and a full moon hung in the air for a moment, before disappearing with a puff of smoke. The loud sound of Mrs Weasley sobbing, broke the tense silence filling the room. Lupin watched her crying into her hands.

"Molly," he said bleakly, as he made his way over. "Molly don't…"

She launched herself into his arms sobbing onto his shoulder.

"Molly, It was just a Boggart," he said soothingly, patting her on the head. "Just a stupid Boggart."

"I see then d – d – dead all the time!" Molly cried into his shoulder. "All the t – t – time, I d – d – dream about it. D – d – don't tell Arthur. I d – d – don't want him to know…being silly."

Lupin, after Molly released her grip on him, reached into his pocket for a handkerchief and handed it to her as she apologised to Harry.

"I'm just s – s – so worried. Half the f – f – family's in the Order, it'll b – b – be a miracle if we all come through this…and P – P – Percy's not talking to us…what if something d – d – dreadful happens and we've never m – m – made up with him. And what's going to happen if Arthur and I get killed, who's g – g – going to look after Ron and Ginny?"

"Molly, that's enough," Lupin said firmly. "This isn't like last time, The Order are better prepared, we've got a head start, we know what Voldemort's up to – "

He heard her give a squeak at the sound of the name.

"Oh, Molly, come on, it's about time you got used to hearing his name – look, I can't promise no one's going to get hurt, no body can promise that, but we're much better off than we were last time. You weren't in the Order then, you don't understand, Last time we were outnumbered twenty to one by the Death Eaters and they were picking us off one by one. It's not like that this time Molly." Lupin finished, as Sirius stepped towards her as well, looking completely ashen-faced.

"Don't worry about Percy," Sirius said gruffly. "He'll come round. It's only a matter of time before Voldemort moves into the open; once he does, the whole Ministry's going to be begging us to forgive them. And I'm not sure I'll be accepting their apology."

"And as for who's going to look after Ron and Ginny if you and Arthur died," Lupin said, trying to smile at her tear stained face. "What do you think we'd do, let them starve?"

Mrs Weasley smiled at him, tremulously.

"Being silly," she muttered again, wiping her eyes again.

"You're not being silly. This isn't a great time to have a big family Molly. We understand how difficult it must be to have a family now," Lupin said straightening up; his eyes found Tonks, who was staring at him from the doorway behind Moody.

"Especially when we're all doing things we don't want to be doing, but we know we have to," Sirius said slowly.

Lupin was still staring at Tonks, Sirius' words flowing through him as if he'd said them. He wanted to say it to Tonks, and he had a feeling she understood. He glanced down at Molly, and when he looked up, Tonks wasn't in the doorway anymore. Lupin felt his heart sink.

"Let's get some tea," Lupin suggested and Molly gace a shaky nod.

When they reached the kitchen, Lupin noted that Tonks' cloak was gone from the coat rack. Shame prickled through him, he had been rude and short with her earlier, of course she would have stormed out. He sat with everyone for a few minutes and finally, when he was unable to stand the complete shame he was feeling, he got up and walked out of Grimmauld Place.

He stood in the garden across the road, knowing he had to go and apologise, but he had no idea where she was. Either with blind faith or complete stupidity, he turned on the spot thinking one thing:

_Take me to Tonks._

* * *

When he opened his eyes, he was standing in front of a small block of apartments. No one was around. He knew it had been foolish, but at this point he was happy not to have gotten splinched more than anything else. He sat on the stairs out the front of the building, wondering what on earth he would have said if she had been here.

His mind was all but empty, the images of Harry dead on the floor, were still flashing through it. In the distance he heard some footsteps. He looked over, and there, newly bubble-gum pinked hair, was Tonks. Lupin had no idea what he was going to do, or say.

So he sat there awkwardly staring forwards, waiting for her to spot him, hoping when he opened his mouth, the right words just came tumbling out. She stopped in her tracks and looked at him, shocked.

"Er, um, Hi." Tonks said, sounding very confused. "What are you doing here?"

Lupin looked at her for a second, half smiling, and then stared at his hands, not answering. Words would not come to him to explain soemthing he hadn't entirely worked out for himself yet.

"Right. How did you find out where I lived?" she asked.

Lupin didn't answer again, he still couldn't find the words, which was infuriating for him.

"Did, er, you want to come up?" She asked, sounding more and more confused with every word.

"No," he finally said, surprised he still had a voice, and fighting the urge to leave and apologise for disturbing her. "I don't think it would be appropriate."

"Right," Tonks muttered, still looking at him again.

Lupin stared at his hands; the overwhelming urge to leave was building stronger and stronger with every second. He opened his mouth to say the one thing he could think of, even though it explained nothing.

"You know, after the way you spoke to me tonight I think it would be better if you just– " Tonks started to say.

"I'm sorry," he said loudly, interrupting her.

Feeling more awkward than he ever had before, he waited, with baited breath, to hear what she was going to say. She looked him over again, appearing more baffled than he felt, at the strange turn of events. In a deliberately slow movement, she sat down next to him on the step. Lupin turned to her, but glanced away, looking down at his shoes instead

"You have no idea how difficult this has been," Lupin muttered running his hands through his hair. "I like you Tonks. Which I can't imagine isn't obvious at this point. I think you're beautiful and fun and kind, so kind, I just don't know if this is the smartest decision to make. I want to be with you, but I need to protect you. It's not your fault, it will never be your fault, it will always be my fault. I just – "

He lost his words again, and stared at his shoes for a while. Gathering smart, logical and reasonable things to say, as that was always his way, but he found none. She had undone him. So he said something without realising it.

"Sometimes I wait all day, just for another moment with you, and I hardly know you. I just – I mean – there's a part – "

Lupin gave a heavy sigh, scrunching up his face to rid himself of the indecision. He brought his hand over his eyes, internally swearing at himself for doing such a poor job at explaining himself. Naturally it was stupid to attempt to say what he was thinking. He could never articulate the poetic words that encompassed everything he was feeling.

She was going to think he was mad, she may even yell and scream at him. He felt some weight on his shoulder and when he turned his head, to his astonishment, he found Tonks' head leaning on his shoulder, her arm snaking through his, and her fingers not resting until they intertwined with his own

"I think you should come upstairs," she said, very quietly, but forcefully.

It wasn't a question and didn't require an answer. Tonks stood up and grabbed his hand gently. Lupin relented, standing up and following her through the door, suddenly noticing that her hair had turned the deepest shade of scarlet he'd ever seen it go.

**To be continued…**


	17. The Fire Whiskey Effect

**Well this one was fun! The enternal gentleman is alays entertaining to create.**

**Reviews are loved and always appreciated.**

**Enjoy!**

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**Chapter 17**

Nymphadora Tonks walked down her hallway, feeling very strange. She couldn't believe she was leading Remus Lupin to her flat. Five minutes ago she would have been happy not to go near him ever again. He always jumped between wanting to be with her or desired never to be near her again. Tonight had been no exception, he'd avoided her at the party and dismissed her very quickly when she finally went over to him. Then, in a very weird twist of events, she was now inviting him, or dragging him, into her home.

It started when she stormed out of Grimmauld Place an hour before, thinking about why on earth she had these strange feelings for such a horrible man. She rounded the corner and spotted him sitting on the stairs outside her apartment block. She stopped in her tracks and stared at him. How the hell does he know where I live? She thought.

Stepping aside the stalker issues, Tonks was more concerned about what he was going to say. This was how it always went, Lupin and Tonks would get close and then he'd purposely distance himself and then come up to her alone and apologise. But he did more than that. Finally he said thing, true things, and deep things.

He liked her. He liked her and he thought he had to protect her. And she'd known it was stupid. For someone so smart, he certainly tried hard to be an idiot. Then she'd invited him to her flat. Perhaps she was just as much of an idiot as he was.

They walked the flights of stairs and then the panic set in. Her flat was a mess. She never tidied up unless she had guests, and Lupin was not an intended guest. When they reached her flat, three floors up, Tonks spun round.

"Do you think it would be all right if you waited out here for a second?" she asked nervously.

Lupin gave a soft chuckle.

"It's okay Tonks, I've seen an untidy house before. You should see mine after a certain evening," he laughed. "Unless you have another problem? Another werewolf perhaps?"

Tonks laughed at him, as he smiled warmly at her.

"All right fine, but don't say I didn't warn you."

Tonks opened her door and raced inside very quickly. She flicked her wand at the lights, kicked the Weird Sisters records under her couch and swiftly picked up the plates and glasses on her table and moved them to the sink. Lupin hung in the doorway.

"It's not too bad," Lupin said, walking forwards and moving some of the clothes off the couch before taking a seat.

"It's usually better than this. I mean, it can be anyway," Tonks announced, nervously. "Do you want drink? I some Fire-Whiskey somewhere."

"Sounds promsing. The better question will be if you can find it," Lupin said, his eyebrow raised.

"Cheeky," she muttered, smiling.

Tonks flicked her wand and two goblets and a bottle of Fire-Whiskey came flying over, pouring themselves in mid-air. She didn't think she'd ever been this nervous about having someone at her house.

Tonks' flat was decorated with bright yellow walls and posters for Wizard Rock groups and Quidditch. Lupin looked awkwardly out of place, but in a good way. Tonks passed him the drink and sat down at the other end of the couch.

"You're a fan of the Holyhead Harpies I assume?" Lupin said, pointing to one of the posters on the wall.

"Yeah, they're my favourite," Tonks replied, sounding more nervous than she thought.

Lupin laughed quietly and turned to her smiling.

"Tonks there's no reason to be worried. I stayed with Sirius when he lived on his own. This is luxury by comparison."

"No it's not that. I mean it is, I just, well, never thought you'd ever be in my house. It's a bit strange isn't it?" She asked.

"Oh. I suppose it would be," Lupin replied looking slightly crestfallen.

"No. I mean it in a good way," Tonks said.

They stared at each other for the moment. That same feeling of things being unsaid passed through the room. Tonks knew he could sense it, just as she could.

"Did you – when you said –" Tonks nervously stammered.

"Yes?" Lupin asked, trying to entice her to continue speaking.

"Did you mean what you said before?"

"I, well, it's not–" Lupin mumbled looking away from Tonks.

Her face fell slightly; they were back to him avoiding her again. Lupin, obviously noticing her expression, met her gaze determinedly.

"Yes, of course I meant it."

Tonks couldn't help but blush a little, she saw colour rising in his cheeks as well. She stood up quickly and mumbled something about music. She moved over to the gramophone and placed down her favourite Weird Sisters album, keeping the volume low. When she sat back down, Lupin refilled her glass, which she hadn't even realized she'd finished. He had a look on his face that didn't bode well.

"Whats wrong?"

"Can I describe the noise we're being subjected to as a racquet without sounding incredibly old?"

Tonks laughed, getting up and moving to the gramaphone again.

"Not a fan?"

"I'm a fan of the classics," Lupin said, sipping his drink.

"As in classical music, or – "

"Exactly how old do you think I am?" Lupin laughed, raising an eyebrow again.

"Do you want me to answer that?"

"No I suppose not," Lupin muttered, smiling at her.

Tonks flicked the music over to Wizarding Wireless and resumed her seat. When she returned her eyes to him, she found his shirt was gaping and she could see scars marring the skin underneath.

"Does it hurt?" she asked tenderly.

"Transforming?" Lupin asked, his face becoming quite serious all of a sudden.

"Oh, sorry," Tonks said hastily. "I shouldn't have just blurted it out. You probably don't want to talk about it. I should have asked, you know, rather than just, well, saying it."

Lupin let out a small laugh.

"It's fine. I can't imagine it's an easy topic to breach. I don't mind talking about it."

"You sure?"

"It would entirely depend on the questions. But, as they say, do your worst," he said, a small smile on his lips.

"Does it hurt?" Tonks repeated.

"It used too. My transformations when I was a child were almost unbearable."

"How did it happen?" Tonks asked.

"My father. He insulted someone. That person in turn, called upon Fenrir Greyback and he found me in my yard and ambushed me," Lupin said mechanically.

Tonks couldn't believe what he'd just said and that he'd said it without the slightest bit of feeling in his voice.

"What does it feel like?"

"To be a werewolf?" Lupin aksed, and Tonks nodded. "I'm entirely sure. As a blessing, and a curse occasionally, I tend not to remember much of anything."

"Oh," Tonks said. "Books seem to say things differently."

"Yes. They're not always correct with werewolves. I don't imagine they've ever had the opportunity to ask them. They aren't as lucky as you," Lupin said, smiling at her.

Tonks smiled back, noticing that his hand on the couch between them was close to hers.

"So it doesn't feel different?"

"Well no, it does. I mean it's a very strange mind frame to be in. One moment you're human and the next you're not. It's not something I can explain, it's just a feeling. If you know what I mean," Lupin said frowning.

"No I get it. Must be weird," Tonks said hastily. "Anyway I'll stop. I don't want you to feel like you're a textbook or something."

She smiled at him and he smiled back.

"Well your questions were tame. I have been asked worse," Lupin remarked.

"I'd say Sirius was the culprit but that would be far too obvious."

"Very," Lupin laughed. "You were in Hufflepuff, weren't you?"

"Yeah. I may have been responsible for the now decade long losing streak they have with the house cup," Tonks laughed.

"Well I had Sirius and James, they cam very close to starting one for Gryffindor," Lupin said, with a smile.

Tonks sipped her mead, and met his eyes again. He was funny again, and she loved when he was like that. It felt like their conversation downstairs was a million lifetimes away.

"It's very bright, isn't it?" Lupin mumbled, looking around her flat after the dip in conversation.

"I like it that way," Tonks said defensively.

"No, I do enjoy it, don't get me wrong. I can't have imagined you having anything else."

He imagined things about her? Tonks felt her heart flutter.

"I'm noticing a distinctive lack of books," Lupin said, glancing around again.

"Feeling very out of place?" Tonks joked, and he smiled.

"I wondered more about textbooks. I know of your impressive defence against the dark arts record, but what else? Are you a master of potions? A Herbologist? A seer? A – "

"Could you go on all night?"

"No I think eventually I'd run out," Lupin laughed. "You stopped me before I got to Charms. I would have had nothing."

"I was fairly good at potions actually. Snape tried all he could to stop me. I used love it when I was right. The look on his face was priceless. After I spilt bile down his robes in first year he never seemed to take much of a liking to me."

"There is of course the charm you fired at him," Lupin chimed in.

"Curse you and your memory."

Lupin smiled before suddenly looking uncomfortable.

"What?"

"This is just quite an odd experience. Severus is my age, and you talk about him like a teacher. I feel older than I did when you put on that music," Lupin said sheepishly.

"And that matters because?

"I would be old enough to be your teacher wouldn't I?"

Tonks smiled, she had thought about that before. It just didn't give her the reaction Lupin was having.

"Well in all fairness, I was completely shocked to learn you two were the same age. He seems so much older than you and Sirius," Tonks mumbled. "And he's no where near as like-able or good looking."

"You think I'm good looking?" Lupin said instantly, and Tonks blushed.

Tonks desperately wanted to tell him that she liked him. That she didn't want him to protect her anymore, that she didn't care about any of the consequences and that they could move past it all if they just tried, but she couldn't. She exhaled loudly and Lupin furrowed his brow at her.

"What?"

"It's just – what are we doing?" Tonks asked, cursing herself for being so gutless.

"What do you mean?"

"Is this – are we – I just want to know if –" she started to say, but her words were interrupted by a pair of lips that were very suddenly pressed against hers, Lupin's lips to be exact.

He'd moved forwards very swiftly and placed his hand behind her head and kissed her while she'd been speaking. This kiss didn't deepen, but it was enough to send her knees weak. Tonks was quietly thankful that they weren't standing. She felt like she'd been petrified in shock, she didn't think she'd be able to breathe again, as it was sill caught in her throat. Lupin pulled back and, keeping his lips inches from hers, he spoke.

"I mean it Nymphadora. I don't think this is a wise decision. I just can't help myself sometimes."

"You don't have to," Tonks said, trying to sound like she wasn't pleading.

"I do, I just wish I didn't."

Tonks pushed him back slightly

"You don't. I don't care about any of it; if I did, I wouldn't be here. I would have left when you gave me the opportunity, but I didn't. And if you were so keen to stay away, you would," Tonks pointed out.

Lupin sighed and looked away from her. She moved forwards and met his lips again. She still hadn't gotten used to their softness, or the gentleness of his skin, it was always a surprise when they touched. Then he deepened the kiss, their tongues meeting in a passionate battle for dominance.

She savored the surprisingly sweet taste of his mouth and she couldn't help but marvel at why snogging Lupin was like no one she ever had before. Every instinct in her body was telling her how right this was, and that it couldn't just be a coincidence that it felt so good.

Lupin pulled her closer to him. His hands were gripping into her back with the enthusiasm. Tonks could feel his stubble burning her delicate skin, but it didn't hurt, it burnt in a wonderfully pleasurable way.

She kept her eyes shut tight; worried that if she opened them, it would all have been some painful dream she had to wake from. Lupin's hands found their way, under her shirt, to her ribs, and then, whether by accident or not, she could feel the tiniest amount of his touch against her breasts.

Her eyes flew open instantly, not on purpose, and she couldn't suppress a small giggle. It wasn't as if her mind had never ventured past kissing Lupin, but the fact that it was actually happening, was enough to make anyone's eyes fly open in shock.

Lupin, obviously noticing the lack of enthusiasm and the giggle into his mouth, opened his eyes as well. Immediately his face became etched with panic. Even Tonks knew what he was thinking. She wanted to tell him that nothing was wrong and he hadn't pushed her too far, that she was merely surprised, but before she could, he slid out from beneath her.

He was standing a distance away before Tonks had even thought about standing up. Tonks wanted to laugh again. In trying to separate himself from what just happened, he was now standing in front of her bedroom door.

Of course she knew he didn't mean to. Lupin was leaning against the wall, looking somewhat like a boy who'd just been caught stealing from the cookie jar. Tonks stood up quickly, still fighting the urge to laugh.

"Remus it's okay, Tonks choked, making her way in front of him.

"Do you want me to go? I can – "

She moved quickly across the room and jumped at Lupin, her lips reaching his hungrily. Tonks could feel his body tensing again, but moments later he responded with passionate enthusiasm. They were shuffling backwards and Tonks felt them hit something hard and one of Lupin's hands left her back and then whatever they were against gave way.

Tonks quickly glanced around; they were in her bedroom. She heard an indignant hoot, as her owl obviously flew out the window. Lupin gripped her intently around the waist as they moved quickly through the room, almost dancing in a very awkward manner, as neither really knew the steps.

Nothing had ever been less planned or thought out in the world, but Tonks wouldn't have it any other way. Finally they reached the bed, it bashing into both their calves. They fell onto it, their lips parting only when Tonks went to laugh. They landed beside each other, their legs partly intertwined. Lupin kissed her lightly again.

"The girls really would have fancied you when you were a teacher," Tonks said dreamily.

"Oh yes, the shabby werewolf is the perfect crush for a teenage girl," Lupin remarked, creasing his brow at her.

"Well I wouldn't have minded," Tonks said.

"If I didn't delight in it, I would question your taste."

Lupin kissed her again, and she pulled back.

"How can you do that and not think they wouldn't fancy you?" Tonks asked.

"Because I didn't do this with my students," Lupin said with a laugh.

"Would you have made an exception?"

"Is this a round-about way for you to ask for me to fulfill some kind of student/teacher fantasy?" Lupin asked, looking alarmed.

Tonks could only laugh.

"No. I just find the idea of you as my teacher interesting," Tonks explained.

"Do you mind if I don't dwell on that idea?"

Tonks laughed again, but this time, before she could speak, Lupin met her lips again. His lips then moved down to her neck, and as he pulled the collar of her t-shirt aside. She could feel his lips teeth, gently and softly, biting her neck and her shoulders. She managed to do away with his jumper and his shirt.

Tonks could feel heat spreading through her body as his lips moved along her collarbone. She opened her eyes and found Lupin looking at her. She knew what he was doing, trying silently to ask her whether to stop, but Tonks could hardly concentrate long enough to nod or smile. Her eyes were raking his body in the semi-darkness created by the darkness and streetlights outside.

Scars sat on his skin, but his physique had caught more of her attention. He was not small or scrawny, but slightly defined in the way an older man could be. She could see the concern in Lupin's eyes, as if she was supposed to be shying away from his damaged skin, but Tonks responded the same way she had all night; her lips met his mouth again.

She rolled over on top of him, grinning at him as their lips parted from each others. She didn't know why he hadn't attempted to take her shirt off, in fact, she seemed to be the driving force. She couldn't compare this to anything. She had only kissed boys. Which until she kissed Lupin she'd never noticed the difference in.

Kissing a boy was like fulfilling his fantasies of what a girl was. It felt innocent and fun, like they were conspiring together, doing something naughty. It couldn't have felt better. Hands had flown everywhere and they grinned at each other in the goofy way only teenagers could.

Lupin was different. He acted from experience, not fantasy. He didn't kiss with youth, he kissed as if she could save him from age. The boy's eyes would have stared at her, bright and wide, but Lupin's eyes stared almost through her with lust and envy. They were full of wisdom, but tinged with a sadness that broke her heart.

Lupin kissed her slowly and deeply, he kissed her to feel things about her she didn't know existed. He opened doors for her in her mind that she was yet to find. Tonks had never been kissed like this before. His tongue ran slowly and sweetly across hers. She wanted to save him from himself, to allow him to see himself as he was. Young boys did not do this. She was completely out of her depth now.

His touch was something that made her spine shiver and they moved together as if every moment had been choreographed, so perfect in every little detail. His graceful, long fingered hands, slid lightly back up her torso, making goosebumps appear all over her. His lips traced her collarbone and Tonks let out a noise she never had before, somewhere between a cry and a moan. It spurred Lupin on, and he rolled her over so she was underneath him.

Their mouths met once more, but it was different, it was urgent and needy. Tonks wrapped her legs around Lupin and her hands slid up to his neck. Arms, hands and legs were moving unknown to either person, and whether they had been kissing for a few seconds, hours or an eternity was completely irrelevant, it was their own blissful ignorance.

Lupin pulled back from her and his dark blue eyes were staring up into hers, his chest heaving. Tonks couldn't decipher what was coming, as she'd never seen someone look at her that way before. The burning desire for Lupin still tore through her body like wildfire.

"You're making this difficult," he said, tearing his lips away from hers.

"What?" she panted.

"I'm trying to be a gentleman and you aren't helping," Lupin said, still smiling.

"Would a gentlemen already be in bed with a girl without even a first date?"

"Bare in mind I did say trying," Lupin said and Tonks grinned.

He looked away, privately thinking apparently. Tonks brought her lips to his neck and he made a satisfied sounding noise.

"You really don't want to help do you?" Lupin grunted.

"I've never been the best at co-operating," Tonks said between kisses.

"No I have to stop now, otherwise I won't," Lupin said, untangling himself from her.

"Sounds promising," Tonks said, raising her eyebrows.

"Really not helping," Lupin sighed.

* * *

As the sky outside began to turn from dark blue to the palest orange, the two of them lay in a sleepy haze as neither wanted to sleep and miss a moment of the others company. It seemed like a wondrous and beautiful mistake that their bodies fit together so perfectly as they cuddled in the cool morning air. Her fingers began to trace the scars on his skin.

They didn't turn Tonks off, they fascinated her, they told stories. Tonks loved that his past was on his skin, considering how secretive he was with everything else. She wanted to study them, to know them as well as she wanted to know him.

She shifted her head slightly and saw Lupin with his eyes closed still, but a smile was spreading slowly across his face. She found a few little gashes that sat near the top of his shoulder and around his neck and as she touched them, she felt his body recoil the tiniest amount.

"That's it, isn't it? The original bite?" Tonks whispered.

"Mmmmm," Lupin murmured, keeping his eyes closed and still looking peaceful.

Tonks followed the scars all the way down his torso, tracing them very lightly with her fingertips. When she traced a long one that went all the way down his lower navel past his bellybutton and disappeared into the waistband of his underwear, she heard Lupin laugh and attempt to grab her hand.

"Stop, it tickles," he groaned.

Tonks laughed, she'd never imagined Lupin as being ticklish; he seemed far too mature and grown up for that. As she rolled further into him, Lupin started dancing his fingers over her back, making her spine shiver. They lay for a while holding each other, letting the rising sun slowly light up the room, before Tonks remembered something.

"Remus?" she muttered

"Mmmmm?" he sighed again, sleepily.

"Aren't we supposed to be escorting the kids to Kings Cross this morning? Mad-Eye said that in the last meeting didn't he?"

Lupin's eyes snapped open.

"Right. I suppose we should get out of bed then," Lupin announced.

He didn't move straight away and Tonks snuggled further into him, holding onto this final peaceful moment for as long as possible. Slowly she felt him move away from her and then watched him searching for his shirt and jumper, that she'd thrown after removing it off him.

He sat on the edge of his bed and put his shoes back on, which she'd never noticed him taking off. Tonks sat behind him, and pressed her lips against his stubbly cheek. Lupin eventually started to do up his shirt, and Tonks withdrew her arm that was around him. She followed him out of the bedroom and towards the front door. He shoved his wand in his back pocket and Tonks immediately laughed.

"Remember what Mad-Eye said," Tonks said "Because if you lose a buttock, I will be very disappointed."

Lupin laughed as he placed his hand under her chin, lifted her head, and kissed her lightly on the lips.

"See you shortly," he murmured.

When the door shut, Tonks leant against it, hugging herself. She couldn't believe that it had actually happened; the proof of it was all around the room. The empty goblets, mess shoved in strange places and a half-empty bottle of fire whiskey on the table. She stared off into her bedroom, suddenly realizing something, a sickening and troubling thought she hadn't seen coming. She knew, she just bloody knew, that at that moment everything had changed. She liked him, she really, really liked him

**To be continued…**


	18. The Breaking of a Barrier

**I like how Lupin behaves which is rare.**

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**Chapter 18**

Remus Lupin looked down at the body of Nymphadora Tonks, beside him. His body was attempting to pull his mind towards sleep, but he fought it, he didn't want to leave where he was. Why slip into your dreams when reality is so much better? As the cool morning air blew through the window, Lupin felt Tonks' fingertips on his own skin.

They were sliding delicately over his torso, as if they were tracing patterns. Lupin kept his eyes shut; feeling the goose bumps from her touch wash over his body in waves. Her fingers where making their way up his body, in a weird disjointed way.

Suddenly they made contact with the four very distinct markings on his shoulders, and Lupin unintentionally flinched at her touch. He realized why her hands were making their way up his body in such a strange way, they were tracing over his scars. Lupin had never set much in store by his appearance; it was his mind that caught the attention of people, so he always tried to hide his scars.

It wasn't that he was ashamed of scars in general, but _his_ scars did not bring back a memory of a ridiculously fun incident, instead they left him feeling ashamed and vulnerable, and the fact that he had no memory of their occurrence left him feeling very violated.

"That's it isn't it? The original bite?" Tonks's voice came, interrupting his sleepy haze

"Mmmmm," Lupin muttered.

He kept his eyes closed, but he couldn't stop the small smile on his face, this moment was too blissful for him to even remember things as horrible as werewolves existed. Tonks stayed on the scars at his shoulder for a while, gently stroking them and then she moved again.

It was such a contradiction to everything Lupin had thought about his body. Something as horrific and shameful as his scars could be treated with such care and gentleness, as Tonks had been doing. She started tracing his most recently made scar.

Gently she went down his lower navel, further and further, until she was getting closer to the waistband of his underwear, he'd forgotten where this scar ended. Goosebumps crashed over him and he instinctively reached to stop her, as her fingers were tickling him in an unbearable way. He started to laugh softly.

"Stop," Lupin groaned, grabbing her hand. "It tickles."

He heard Tonks laugh at him, before she stopped her fingers and then snuggled further into him. Lupin started to stroke her back with the arm that was around her. The completely comfortable silence returned and the two of them lay there, smiling. The rising sun lit the room in a pale orange glow and Lupin couldn't help but think about the last time the pair of them had been together for a sunrise. It was the night everything had changed for him.

The night of two of them had spent in the Ministry; it was the first time he had ever really spoken to Tonks. It was the first time he'd realized that deep in side the clumsy and mischievous front, was a kind, compassionate and very caring woman. Lupin could only smile more as he thought about how different things were now, in such a significant way.

"Remus?"

"Mmmmm?" he murmured.

His mind seemed to be incapable of forming words, everything felt fuzzy.

"Aren't we supposed to be escorting the kids to Kings Cross this morning? Mad-Eye said that in the last meeting didn't he?"

Lupin's eyes snapped open, reality crashed over him like a bucket of cold water.

"Right. I suppose we should get out of bed," Lupin announced.

Now that he finally had to leave the comfort and serenity of the bed and Tonks, Lupin was quickly realising how difficult it would be. He felt Tonks cuddle further into him, and her dizzying floral scent filled his nostrils. After closing his eyes and breathing her in for another moment, Lupin slowly moved away, knowing he'd never be able to if he stayed any longer.

He dressed himself and hastily snatched up his wand from the table once they were in the living room. Considering he'd left his traveling cloak back at Grimmauld Place and had no where to keep it, he put it in his back pocket. Almost immediately he heard Tonks snort with laughter.

"Remember what Mad-Eye said. Because if you lose a buttock, I could be a little angry."

Lupin let a laugh pass through him, but his concern stayed on her. He lifted his hand, placed it under her chin, stared into her nervous looking eyes and kissed her. He still found it so astonishing that he was able to do so without anyone stopping him; maybe that was why he felt the need to touch her so often, to check that it was still possible

"See you shortly," Lupin said, quietly.

He shut the door and forced himself to continue walking. All he wanted to do was go back into that room and stay there. He stood at the end of the hallway and closed his eyes before turning on the spot and after the uncomfortable feeling of apparition; he was in the garden across the street from Grimmauld Place.

* * *

Lupin knew it couldn't be very late in the morning, so after walking through the front door, he headed straight for the kitchen, knowing breakfast would be there.

"Oh, Remus! You're back! I wondered where you'd gone off to last night. You just disappeared," Molly Weasley said as he entered.

Lupin looked around and found Sirius with a pile of toast in front of him. Sirius acknowledged his presence with a very curious smile.

"Yes Remus, where did you go last night? You left your cloak here. You must have gone somewhere without planning it. You were quick to point that out weren't you, Molly?" Sirius asked very sarcastically, still smiling at Lupin arrogantly.

Lupin knew he didn't have to answer, something told him Sirius knew where he'd gone and probably why. He sat down and when Molly walked past with his breakfast, she looked at him expectantly. She obviously hadn't figured it out in the way Sirius had.

"I was out, sorry. Urgent Order business," Lupin lied.

"Yes, _business_ with a member of the– " Sirius started to say

"Do we have long until we have to be on our way to King's Cross?" Lupin said loudly, interrupting Sirius.

"Oh not long, about an hour or two I'd say," replied Molly.

To Lupin's relief she hadn't heard what Sirius had said. Lupin picked up the prophet and started to read an article about Dumbledore, as he knew Sirius was watching him, scrutinizing his behavior.

"Alastor!" Molly's voice came, breaking Lupin's concentration much later as he'd been reading the Prophet.

"Morning all," Moody growled. "Has anyone seen Sturgis? I was looking for him. We were supposed to meet this morning."

"I'm sure he'll turn up Mad-Eye," Sirius said loudly, hardly taking his eyes from Lupin.

"This is the second time he's missed a meeting with me," Moody said.

At this Lupin's concentration entirely left the Prophet.

"No one has heard from him?" Lupin asked.

"He missed the last few meetings," Molly said, sounding worried.

"He has my spare invisibility cloak," Moody grumbled.

"Does he have a family? Or a home?" Molly asked.

"No."

Lupin was about to say something when Ginny appeared, asking Molly to come upstairs a minute. Molly disappeared, but before long, a loud thud broke the silence, which was quickly followed by a scream. Mrs Black's portrait started up as well, deafening everyone. Though not even it could drown out Molly.

" –YOU COULD HAVE DONE HER SERIOUS INJURY, YOU IDOITS. YOU COULD HAVE JUST CARRIED THEM DOWN– "

Lupin waited to see who would go and close the curtains on Mrs Black, but no one stood. After a while silence came just as Molly returned with Ginny who had a large gash on her arm that was bleeding profusely. She began to dab at Ginny's arm with Dittany, while muttering things under hear breath.

"Fools…they just whip their wands out…don't think of anyone…idiots…they'll end up the same as Bilius…"

Sirius was laughing, but stopped immediately when Molly shot him a very dirty look. She finished with Ginny and then put her head out the kitchen door.

"WILL YOU LOT GET DOWN HERE NOW, PLEASE." She bellowed.

Mrs Black's portrait started up again, but once again, no one bothered to fix it. Lupin thought it would probably be a waste of time. Twenty minutes later, Harry, Hermione and the Weasley's, were all heading out the front door, Arthur had arrived about a minute beforehand, yawning furiously.

Lupin hung back to assist Moody with the luggage and as he bent down to pick up an owl cage, a loud bark startled him. He turned in time to see a big black dog barking happily as it disappeared out the front door.

"Dumbledore specifically said no." Moody grumbled, shaking his head.

"He is going to have to get past Molly first. I know which one I would rather take on," Lupin said, as he turned to walk out the door and catch up with the rest.

He knew the plan. His task was to walk at the back with Sturgis, but he wasn't coming and all Lupin wanted to do was be up the front, because he knew who was going to be there. Tonks and Molly were going to be leading the pack with Harry. Lupin stared ahead, trying to spot her.

He couldn't remember a time, in the last few weeks, when he'd felt more relaxed than when he was with her. She had this unique ability to relax him, even when she was causing trouble.

It felt like he'd found something he'd been missing for years, without even noticing. Lupin strained his neck looking for the familiar brightly coloured head of hair, but he couldn't find her. His heart nearly skipped a beat when he spotted something bright purple, but it turned out to only be the hat of a grey haired lady that was walking with Molly and Harry. Lupin sighed and stared longingly at the purple, as if hoping it would change into what he wanted.

He had no idea where this sudden desperation for Tonks had come from. He'd gone from wanting to end things, to wanting to see her more than anything. It made no sense, but then again nothing about Tonks ever did. Just as Lupin saw Sirius dive at a flock of pigeon's, the grey haired woman spun around and winked at him, only she wasn't an old woman, it was Tonks.

He could recognize that pale heart shaped face anywhere. Of course, he thought, she was disguising herself to be part of the guard so she could miss work. Warmth spread through his body as his eyes feasted on her. Twenty minutes later they arrived at Kings Cross. Lupin watched from a distance as, Molly, Sirius and Tonks moved quickly through the barrier. The rest waited for Moody, who told everyone who they were to cross through with.

"Remus, that leaves you with the twins and Ginny." Moody growled at him, fixing his bowler hat, which was slipping off his eye.

Lupin walked over to the three of them, watching George hastily hide something in his pocket. Quietly Lupin was grateful he had not been a test subject for their sweets. Sirius, last week, had jumped at the chance to try something that made his nose bleed uncontrollably and Tonks had accidently eaten one that made her vomit spectacularly. Lupin stayed away from it all, not really trusting the antidotes, given he'd had to step in when they didn't work for Sirius.

After Moody had gone through the barrier with the luggage, followed by Arthur with Ron and Hermione, Lupin lead the rest through. A familiar feeling swept through his body as he stared over the gleaming scarlet express in front of him. It was the same feeling he always got staring at it, like he had just come home. All four of them walked over and joined the rest of the group.

"No trouble?" Moody growled, when Lupin joined them.

"Nothing," Lupin replied, his eyes shifting over to Lucius Malfoy.

"I'll be reporting Sturgis to Dumbledore," said Moody. "That's the second time he's not turned up in a week. Getting as unreliable as Mundungus."

Every adult in the circle nodded, and the children looked around at everyone waiting for an explanation. Lupin decided it was best to change the topic very quickly.

"Well look after yourselves," Lupin said, interrupting the awkward silence.

He moved across and shook hands with them all, as everyone else did the same. He stopped just next to Harry after shaking his hand, and clapped him on the shoulder.

"You too, Harry. Be careful," Lupin added, knowing full well his request would be ignored.

Lupin stood back and allowed everyone else their chance to say goodbye. His eyes followed Tonks as she hugged Ginny and Hermione. A small smile spread across his face as he remembered how warm it felt to hug Tonks, how it made his skin shiver and his whole body slow down. Just as he was getting lost into a very happy memory, a loud whistle from the train startled him.

"Quick, quick," said Molly distractedly, as she hugged each of the children again at random, catching some twice. "Write…be good…if you've forgotten anything we'll send it on…on the train, now, hurry…"

Sirius barked loudly and jumped up at Harry to hug him. His front paws were resting on his shoulders and standing on his hind legs. Lupin was just about to stop him, as he was attracting funny looks from the people passing by and Lucius Malfoy, but Molly took over for him.

"For heaven's sake, act more like a dog, Sirius!" She scoffed, shoving him aside.

Everyone stood and watched the train off, while Sirius followed it until the end of the platform. Lupin smiled at him and then, quite suddenly, he realised he was standing next to Tonks. The side of him she was standing next to was burning with anticipation. Both their hands hung limply by their sides, touching each other the tiniest amount.

Their fingertips were almost inter-locking. A loud bark brought him out of the same daze he'd been in before. Lupin looked down to see Sirius in front of him, wagging his tail. Tonks laughed at him and bent down and scratched behind his ears. With a sickening lurch from somewhere inside, he spotted Lucius Malfoy glaring over at all of them again, although this time he was smirking. Peter would have told Voldemort that Sirius was an Animagi.

"Lets go," Moody growled, his eyes glancing over the whole platform. "Now."

As everyone turned to leave, Molly, who was looking like she was about to cry, sidled up next to Tonks and the two of them walked off together, Tonks cooing comforting words to Molly. Arthur and Moody walked behind them and Lupin was left at the back by himself. He watched Sirius run through puddles and bark at groups of muggles, who were on their way to work.

As Twelve Grimmauld Place magically popped into place when they all came round the corner, Sirius stopped barking and playing almost instantly. When they'd all walked inside, Sirius, newly transformed back into human form, stomped down the hallway not saying a word to anyone. Molly turned and looked at Lupin with sympathetic eyes, before turning to Arthur.

"Well Arthur dear, we should go upstairs and gather our things," Molly said

"Right, yes dear, of course we should," Arthur mumbled, still staring down the corridor Sirius had walked through.

"I'll be off. I'll owl Dumbledore on the way and let him know it all went ahead without a hitch. I'll tell him about Sturgis too," Moody growled and then clunked his way out the door.

Lupin's eyes found Tonks'. She flashed a mischievous grin his way, followed by another wink.

"I'll be off to the Ministry then," Tonks announced. "Don't fret Molly, the kids will be fine. Be happy they're not all around bothering you!"

Molly laughed nervously and then hugged her.

"You should come back tonight for dinner, Kingsley and Alastair said they would. It's the last before Arthur and I return to the Burrow," she said pulling back.

Tonks hugged Arthur and then moved and stood in front of Lupin. The world slowed down again, as it always did when she was near him. She wrapped her arms around him tightly and snuggled her head into his chest. She slowly started to let him go and a small amount of panic filled his chest, he'd forgotten that everyone was watching.

"Sounds great, Molly. I'll come straight after dinner," Tonks said, quietly. "See you later."

Then, she was gone. Arthur and Molly disappeared as well, leaving Lupin alone in the hallway. He stared at the kitchen door knowing he had to go down there and face reality, but more than anything he wanted to stay in the blissful ignorance he'd created with Tonks. With a loud sigh, he took the first step down the long and dark hallway.

* * *

Lupin took a seat in the armchair across from Sirius. The cold room was pressing in on him, and he flicked his wand at the fire, which came alive instantly. Sirius, who had said nothing to Lupin since he entered, grunted with thanks.

"He had to go back, Sirius," said Lupin slowly.

"I know that," Sirius snapped.

Silence fell on the pair. Lupin stared at Sirius but he was glaring into the fire, the reflections of it making his eyes glow red.

"It's just unbelievable what I've become," Sirius stated, whether to himself or not, Lupin didn't know.

"What have you become?" Lupin asked cautiously.

"A rat. A rat trapped in a little cage for the amusement of others–"

"I don't think it's to pleasure other people Sirius. It's about –" Lupin started to say, but Sirius hadn't even stopped speaking.

" –I can't even say goodbye to my own godson properly. Do you know how helpless I feel? I can't do anything, I can't help anyone, all I can do is give a house to people that isn't even mine!"

"Sirius, no one thinks you're useless. We understand the situation– "

"But there shouldn't be a situation!" Sirius shouted. "If it wasn't for that sniveling traitorous rat, I wouldn't be here. James and Lily could have wished Harry goodbye, not us!"

Lupin felt his chest tighten; finally they had reached a thought Lupin had been having. It had been hard to have Harry around the last month. He did like the boy, but it got harder to have a living reminder of what Lupin had lost. On top of that, there was the always-present thought of a boy who should have had loving parents, the best parents, but they were ripped from him by a cruel twist of fate.

"There is nothing we can do about Peter," Lupin said cooly. "There will come a time when something can be done, but for now we know he is with Voldemort at all times and completely untouchable."

Sirius grunted.

"Of all the times we were alone with him in the past. How easy would it have been to kill him? Think of how often we could have just punched him in the face." Sirius growled.

Lupin couldn't help but laugh. He glanced over at Sirius and saw him laughing as well.

"Well it's true. All that time you tutored him in the library, you could have just finished him with the flick of a wand," Sirius said defensively, still laughing.

"I don't think Dumbledore would have been thrilled if we had just killed a student for no reason. Besides, James would never have allowed it," Lupin replied.

The last few words fell out of his mouth before he could stop them. The smile faded from Sirius's face and a heavy silence filled the room again. Memories of James flooded through Lupin's mind. It was true; James would never have allowed it. He would have done, and did many times, anything for his friends. He trusted them wholeheartedly and how shocking it was that one of them became his downfall.

"Yeah, you're right," Sirius said with a sigh.

They lapsed into silence again.

"So spent the night at Dora's huh?" Sirius asked, abandoning his sullen mood and suddenly looking chipper.

"I told you. It was Order business," Lupin explained.

"Do you really think I'm that stupid?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?" Lupin asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Bastard," Sirius said with a grin. "Still, you may as well be honest. I know you like her."

"And who says that?"

"You do mate, every single time you look at her," Sirius said grinning wider if it were possible.

A loud crash followed by the deafening screams of Mrs Black interrupted their conversation, much to Lupin's relief.

"You blasted thing!" Molly Weasley's voice yelled.

"BLOOD TRAITORS…FILTHY HALF-BREEDS," screamed Mrs Black's portrait

"OH SHUT UP!" Molly roared.

Finally there was silence again. Lupin glanced over at Sirius who was staring at the fire.

"We should perhaps go help them," said Lupin. "Everyone is coming around for dinner tonight before Molly and Arthur leave, by the way."

Sirius seemed to lose his humor again, perhaps it was a reminder that everyone was leaving.

"I'm just going to feed Buckbeak first I think," Sirius muttered, slinking out of the room.

Lupin watched his best friend leave the room. It was difficult to watch him go through so much anguish and not be able to help. The day had hardly even begun and it already felt like a million years since he'd been lying in the very early morning light with Tonks.

It felt like he'd crashed landed back into reality very hard. The only comforting thought he had, as he walked up the stairs to help the Weasleys, was that Tonks would be here tonight.

His body tingled with anticipation and his mind ran wild with things he could say to her, things he wanted to say but never would. As far as the two of them were concerned, he had no idea what was in store for them under the influence of the vast amount of Fire-Whiskey, that no doubt awaited them that evening.

**To be continued...**


	19. The Sirius Intervention

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**Written and edited in 3 days, but then I had to get to Sydney for a TV audition. Bit of a delay.**

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* * *

**Chapter 19.**

"Mash Potato, Tonks?" Molly Weasley asked, holding up a big bowl of it.

Nymphadora Tonks was sitting in the dining room of 12 Grimmauld Place, being fed some of the best food from one of the best cooks she'd ever met. Tonight was the final night Arthur and Molly were going to be staying here, and they'd called almost everyone to come for dinner. Kinglsey, Mad-Eye, Bill and, to her own delight, Remus Lupin.

"I've got heaps, thanks Molly. It tastes brilliant," Tonks replied.

When Tonks had arrived, a bit later than everyone else, she was just walking down the hall when she saw them all making their way up to the dining room, begrudgingly carrying bowls and plates of food. Lupin came out into the hallway and straight into her line of vision. He was holding a bowl of Brussel Sprouts and noticed her standing there.

Tonks smiled instantly and he did the same. He was paying so much attention to her; he nearly walked straight into the open door ahead of him. The two weren't seated together, but almost opposite, Moody had pushed ahead of her and sat across from him. Tonks felt an explosion of butterflies when she noticed Lupin's face fall a little as Moody sat down in front of him. Sirius was directly opposite Tonks, which would usually have meant for a very fun night, but he wasn't in the best mood this evening.

"They'll just be arriving now I think," Moody growled, pulling out his pocket watch. "Dumbledore is probably addressing them all now."

"I hope they're all safe," said Molly, her face filling with worry.

"Oh Molly, they'll be right as rain. They're safer there than anywhere." Kingsley boomed with his deep voice.

"You sure do miss the place after you graduate," Bill mused. "There's a girl at Gringotts who was there for the Triwizard tournament, she was a Beauxbatons student, she swears her school was so much better."

"No finer school than Hogwarts throughout all of Europe, I think," Arthur added.

"What was the Gryffindor Common Room like?" Tonks asked.

It took a moment for Tonks to realise she didn't know what house anyone had been in.

"Oh that's right dear, you were in Hufflepuff. I always forget," Molly laughed.

"Were you all in Gryffindor?" Tonks said, dumbstruck.

Everyone around the table nodded.

"I was in Ravenclaw," Kinglsey said, though Tonks knew this. "You're the first Hufflepuff Auror in fifty years."

"I've always liked the Hufflepuffs myself," Lupin announced, smiling at Tonks.

Everyone at the table carried on talking, but Lupin was looking at Tonks, the subtext in his words and his stare causing her to bluch. It made her squirm a little in her seat, as she stared into his dark blue eyes. Tonks was using her energy to keep her hair from flicking colours. She glanced away when the tingling became too much.

"So, not even Dumbledore has heard from him?" Kinglsey asked.

"No," growled Moody. "He's just disappeared. I don't understand. The Order of the Phoenix is about responsibility. You can't just ignore things because they don't suit you! It's constant vigilance, not occasional–"

"I'm sure he'll turn up Alastor." Arthur reassured him. "Did anyone catch the final score of the Puddlemere and Harpies game? I dozed off this afternoon and didn't catch the end."

Tonks was just about to answer, when something made her voice catch in her throat. She'd just felt something brush past her foot. Her first reflex was to pull it back, which she did. She was just realising that it was probably Sirius stretching out his legs, when it brushed past her again, this time lingering just a little longer. She looked down the table and found no one was looking at her.

"–and they have that new reserve keeper Oliver Wood. He made that bloody brilliant save against Gwenog." Tonks heard Bill finish.

She then glanced at the other end of the table where Kingsley, Moody and Molly were locked in their own discussion.

" –well he's not making any movements so far," growled Moody.

"I think he's being intelligent enough to use this Ministry blind spot to his advantage. He can plan things without worrying about Aurors," said Kingsley.

Tonks returned back to her group and found Bill, Arthur and Lupin were now talking about Guard Duty. In the time she'd been listening to the others, Sirius had obviously given up on his mood and started talking again.

"I suppose anything is better than the job Hagrid's on though." Bill said, after swallowing a big mouthful of roast beef.

"Any news from him?" Lupin asked.

"None yet. Dumbledore doesn't seem too worried about him not having returned," replied Arthur.

"We heard from that Maxine woman though didn't we?" Sirius enquired.

"Yes, she said– " Arthur started to answer, but Tonks never heard the reply.

The same brushing of her foot had occurred. She glanced across the table and stopped on Lupin. He met her eyes and gave the smallest of smiles possible. It was him. Slowly his toes, which Tonks could feel were covered with a sock, began tracing around her ankle and the back of her leg.

Tonks had to fit giggles when she thought about what would have happened if he'd accidently touched Moody instead of her. She couldn't stop picturing Lupin playing footsie with Moody and being naive enough to think it was her. Tonks gently moved her foot on top of his, and he responded by using his big toe to tickle the bottom of her foot, sliding it up and back in the arch part.

Tonks had to try very hard to keep her her hair from exploding with colour. She almost wanted to leap across the table and grab Lupin, and kiss him until neither could move . She hated that he could look as if there was no internal struggle or pain going on inside him, as she was dying inside. He looked very calm and was even able to continue speaking.

"I don't think the Death Eaters are any wiser at the moment. Malfoy was completely oblivious to Hestia listening to him bribing Fudge," Lupin said, sounding completely normal.

"There's a mountain of things Lucius Malfoy is oblivious too," grumbled Arthur.

Just as Tonks was reaching for her goblet of mead, Lupin ran all his toenails down the bottom of her foot. Her hand jerked as a shiver ran through her spine, and she knocked over her mead. She looked up at Lupin who raised his eyebrows and smiled. Tonks siphoned the wine off the table and glared at Lupin again, after all, he had to have done it on purpose. Tonks pulled her foot back under her chair and he flashed a quick grin her way before turning to Arthur.

The dinner had finished with no disasters, only general Order conversation. Everyone carried all the empty bowls downstairs, except for Tonks. Molly had told her she didn't need to carry anything, as she was a guest. This made no sense, as the rest was guests too. Much to Molly's displeasure, Mundungus arrived in time for the drinks afterwards.

They all sat, spread about, in the kitchen, Sirius and Arthur sitting in the armchairs, Molly trying to cut Bill's hair again, Kinglsey and Moody at the table and Lupin standing by the fire near Sirius. Tonks went over to Molly and Bill.

"–but it's getting awfully long dear. I can cut it right here for you if you'd like," Molly asked, for the millionth time this summer.

"No mum, I like it as it is," Bill replied, sounding bored.

"It looks good on him, Molly," Tonks added, trying to help Bill.

"But you're such a handsome man, Bill. Don't you think it would look better if perhaps it were cleaner looking? Just like your fathers." Molly begged.

Tonks glanced across at Arthur, who was balding. She stifled a laugh. Soon Butterbeer, Mead and Fire-Whiskey were passed around very freely. Tonks, who'd stayed with Bill chatting, moved off towards Sirius after something sparked a memory.

"Nice article in the Quibbler Sirius, or should I say Stubby?" Tonks laughed.

Sirius's face cracked into a smile and he turned to Tonks.

"Ah well what can I say? It was difficult to keep my real identity from you all, but, I suppose now that it's out in the open." Sirius admitted, sarcastically.

"For the love of Merlin do not start singing," Lupin said, staring darkly at Sirius, who smirked.

Tonks looked around for Lupin, just noticing that she was yet to actually speak to him. She'd been so busy reminiscing with Bill, that she'd almost forgotten about him. Almost. She thought for most of the night she could feel his eyes on her. Moody had approached him and Arthur.

They looked like they were having a deep and very serious conversation. Tonks didn't stop the small smile that crept onto her face as she stared at him, as no one was going to see it. Lupin's eyes flickered to her and he smiled as well, before quickly returning back to his conversation.

Full of butterflies, Tonks turned back to Kingsley, Bill and Sirius, expecting to see them all still laughing and talking, but Sirius was staring at her. He was looking at her curiously and when he noticed her looking back, he quickly smirked again. Very unexpectedly, Sirius just turned away, still smiling in a very annoying way. Slowly people started to leave.

Kingsley had helped Moody out, swearing that Moody was never allowed to touch Fire-Whiskey again. Bill went home earlier than anyone, claiming he had an early start at Gringotts, and Molly and Arthur headed upstairs sometime after Moody was led away. Mundungus had disappeared without anyone noticing. Sirius stayed in the armchair he'd been in since they'd come into the kitchen after dinner. Lupin was sitting in the one opposite.

"Conjure yourself a chair Dora. Join us," yelled Sirius across the room.

Tonks flicked her wand and a chair from across the room came flying over.

"Who wants another?" Sirius asked, holding the last bottle of mead.

After pouring himself a _very _generous glass, he half filled Lupin and Tonks's.

"Well, that was successful. Not a single argument with Molly, I'm quite proud of myself," Sirius announced.

"There's not really much to argue anymore though, is there?" Tonks added, having a sip of wine. "Harry's gone."

"Fine, fine. Steal my great achievement then."

"Well you did make it to Kings Cross and back without being sent to Azkaban. That could always count Padfoot," Lupin said reassuringly

"Can I ask a stupid question?" Tonks said.

"Always" replied both Sirius and Lupin.

"What's with the nicknames? Moony and Padfoot."

"Lupin hasn't told you?" Sirius asked and Lupin averted his gaze. "Moony, you dog! I thought you would be the first to recount our days causing mayhem and havoc through the grounds of Hogwarts."

Lupin laughed feebly.

"It was not I, Sirius, but you and James who caused the mayhem."

"Yes, but you helped." Sirius laughed at Lupin, before turning back to Tonks. "Dora my dear, that is a very long and brilliant story for another day, as I'm getting very tired."

"By tired he means he's closing to passing out," Lupin said to her.

"I figured," Tonks laughed.

The three of them stood up. Facing the mess ahead of them, they all pulled out their wands, sending each and every empty bottle flying into the bin. Sirius downed the rest of his half full glass of mead and then with a flick of his wand, all the glasses landed in the sink.

"Just leave those for Molly. She's better at those cleaning spells than me," Sirius said with a wave of his hand. "Tonks are you staying the night?"

Tonks whipped around and looked at Sirius. There was a strange mischievous glint in his eye. He was definitely planning something.

"If there's room. I'm a little too drunk to head home."

Sirius grinned at her, and the three of them walked out of the kitchen together. She knew something was definitely up as they climbed the stairs; Sirius had deliberately got himself walking between Lupin and Tonks.

They crept past the first floor, where Arthur and Molly were sleeping and Sirius opened a door on the second floor. Inside were two beds, both unmade, and the rest of the room looked like a _reducto_ curse had recently been cast inside.

"Oh I forgot, no one would have cleaned these up yet," Sirius sighed, hitting himself on the forehead, very unconvincingly.

Tonks had a feeling she knew where this was going and she didn't mind at all.

"There's only my bed and Moony's. You don't mind sharing with him do you? I snore, he doesn't."

"Well– " Tonks started to say

"Great. See you in the morning."

With that, Sirius walked up the stairs and left Lupin and Tonks standing outside a door. They stared at each other for a second. Lupin laughed very and rubbed the back of his neck.

Tonks wanted to march up the stairs and kick Sirius very hard for making life so awkward and uncomfortable. Then, just as she was thinking where to kick him, Lupin opened the other door across the landing and walked in, grabbing her hand and yanking her into the dark room.

Tonks could hardly see anything; all she could feel was Lupin pulling her hand. Eventually she hit something, which turned out to be him. Very slowly he placed a hand on the side of her face. The door creaked and opened slightly, a silver of light illuminated Lupin's face

He moved his head, very slowly, down to her level, still staring at her, but now he was smiling. His thumb ran up and down the side of her cheek and then, his lips met hers. It was the same bliss it always was.

His bottom lip was in between hers and she could feel his other hand hugging her waist, pulling her closer to him. He was kissing her upper lip and she was doing the same to his lower one. Tonks had her arms around his neck, playing with a tiny tuft of hair. Lupin broke the kiss and rested his forehead on Tonks's.

"I've been waiting to do that all night," he breathed, his breath warm against her lips

He met her lips again. Part of Tonks was screaming at her to ravish him, to leave no part of him un-kissed, but she didn't dare stop what Lupin was doing. Not when it felt as amazing as it did. It had the air of something that was part of a much bigger plan, as everything did with him.

Slowly he parted her mouth with his tongue, and as softly as it could, his tongue slid over hers. Tonks could feel her scalp tingling; in fact her whole body tingled with anticipation. He was so frustratingly perfect sometimes. Suddenly Tonks found herself being laid down on her bed.

She felt her head hit the pillow, as Lupin's hand gently guided her down. He placed himself on top of her, their legs intertwining. Their mouths met again, passionately but still slow and soft. It was like it had never been, she had no idea what had changed in him, but she liked it. After a long time, that really hadn't seemed like anytime had passed at all. Lupin broke the kiss and moved onto his side, facing her.

Tonks rolled to face him and he put out his hand and gently played with her hair, entwining his fingers in it. His other arm reached across her and came to rest on her back. He lifted her the t-shirt she was wearing, her favourite purple Wierd Sisters one, just a fraction and moved his hand underneath, gently stroking her back allowing their bodies to slowly intertwine again.

Tonks closed her eyes, and then she felt something move and then, Lupin was kissing her again, spreading warmth through her body. She pushed her knee in between his, so their legs were locked together. The world drifted away, nothing was able to touch them anymore.

Tonks slowly opened her eyes which she couldn't feel his touch anymore, and found Lupin looking at her, a small smile on his lips. She tried to smile back, but yawned instead and Lupin laughed quietly.

"Tired are we?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"No, I'm not, I promise," Tonks pleaded, but even as she said it another yawn came.

Lupin laughed again, removing himself from her and standing.

"The yawns are giving you away," Lupin chuckled. "No harm in sleeping is there?"

Tonks looked up at him, pouting almost, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Yeah but we were just going to - "

"You have work in the morning. Into bed you get," Lupin said, kissing her on the forehead.

He took off his jumper and undid his shirt. Tonks hated her very sleep-heavy eyelids as she watched, knowing she could have been the one too unbutton his shirt had she not been so tired. It seemed almost strange that there was no air of disappointment about him as he walked around.

Most boys she'd been with would have been dying inside at that point, but it made Lupin that little bit more perfect that he was not. That he was leaving something unspoiled. If that was even what he had been intending in the first place. He kicked off his shoes and then started to hang his clothes.

"You're so old," Tonks laughed.

"What?"

"You hang your clothes up. No one hangs their clothes up," Tonks said.

"I do, and given the state of your flat I'd say you could do with learning to do the same," Lupin said, smiling back at her as he hung his sweater vest up.

He turned around and grabbed her feet, taking off her shoes for her, placing them neatly beside the bed, causing Tonks to laugh at him again. She had to keep her eyes from raking his body. Even though she'd seen him shirtless before, in fact she'd caused it before, it was still alarming in a very good way.

She slipped off her jacket and passed it to him before moving under the covers. Just as she heard Lupin walking around the bed, she took off her jeans, pulling them slowly out of the blankets and placing them on the floor. After blinking a few more times than necessary at her, he got into the other side of the bed.

The same buzzing of anticipation filled her body again. Lupin moved closer behind her.. He placed an arm around her stomach and the other underneath her neck. Tonks could feel his nose snuggled into the back of her head and knew he was on her pillow. She extended her arm upwards and met his, their fingers instantly intertwining.

His foot began stroking hers in the same way it had under the dinner table. She could feel his heart beating through her back and his breath was tickling her neck, but she had never felt more serene in all her life.

"Remus," Tonks said carefully.

"Yes," he replied.

"Have you realized we're in bed together?"

"Strangely enough I have. Some would say I'm quite perceptive," Lupin said.

Tonks grinned to herself.

"Aren't you lucky I'm a gentleman then," he breathed after a few moments.

"Lucky? I'd be lucky if you weren't," Tonks laughed, as did Lupin.

Waves of tiredness crashed over her as she struggled to stay in a reality that far outweighed anything she could dream of. Lupin pulled her the tiniest bit closer, until it was impossible to get any nearer and then, completely wrapped up in each other, the pair fell asleep.

* * *

Tonks blinked in the harsh sunlight that was filling the room. It took a few moments for her mind to wake up and when it did, she found herself face-to-face with Lupin. They were lying facing each other, their knees intertwined and Lupin's arm over her.

His mouth was in line with her forehead, nearly kissing it. Tonks moved her hand and swept the hair of his face. Lupin grunted and opened his eyes slowly. He blinked a few times and then looked down at Tonks, who was staring up at him. He smiled down at her and then as he exhaled pulled her a little closer.

"Remus?" Tonks asked quietly.

"Sleep Tonks," he grumbled, yawning widely.

Tonks laughed quietly and then put her head against his chest, listening to his heart beat. He put his chin over the top of her head and she disappeared into her thoughts. They'd slept in the same bed, all night, and been wrapped around her eachother. She felt so warm and comfortable in a way that had nothing to do the bed she was in.

"Are you going to tell me something?"

"I thought you wanted to sleep?" Tonks asked, confused.

"Yes, I did, though, it sounded important and now you have me worried," Lupin said.

"I just wanted to know if you wanted to do something tonight. Go somewhere, maybe?" Tonks said, feeling nervous.

There was a pause.

"I can't," said Lupin, pulling back from her slightly so he could look in her eyes. "I would love too Tonks, you have to know that by now, but I can't. I have to see Dumbledore tonight. Then I'm afraid I'll be absent for a few days after that."

"Why?" Tonks asked.

"Well if you haven't noticed yet, full moon is approaching. As you know, it's best I'm not around then." Lupin said, sounding far too casual.

Tonks felt her heart rate increase slightly. This would be the first time she'd ever known he was actually transforming and it was making her nervous. What if something happened to him? What if he wasn't the same when he came back? What if…

"Tonks." Lupin said firmly, breaking her thoughts. "I'm going to be fine. There's absolutley no need to worry."

"How did you–"

"Know what you were thinking?" Lupin paused and Tonks nodded. "You had that look in your eye."

With that, Lupin wrapped his arms around her a little tighter and pulled her closer into his chest. Tonks took a deep breath, she never wanted to leave this place, she never wanted to leave his arms, his presence or out of the sight of his eyes, his beautifully kind dark blue eyes.

Her legs were inter-twined with his, and she was just enoying the feeling of having her body completely against his, when suddenly she stopped. She felt something she hadn't felt last night, or even when they'd been together previously.

"Is that a wand in your pocket or are you just – "

"It's morning," Lupin groaned. "Don't even flatter yourself."

Tonks couldn't help but giggle, and Lupin groaned sleepily again.

* * *

Eventually, perhaps even hours later, Lupin rolled away, telling Tonks they had better start the day. As the two slowly got dressed and moved towards the door, Lupin took a hold of her wrist, stopping her. She spun around to face him, and he placed a hand under her chin, lifting it. He kissed her lightly on the lips.

"Thank you," he mumbled, just pulling his lips back a fraction. "Thank you for letting me wake up next to you."

If it hadn't been so sweet, Tonks would have laughed at the soppiness of it all, but she couldn't even find the words to say something back. The two of them exited the room and said goodbye at the top of the stairs to the kitchen. Lupin headed down tand Tonks headed for the front door and off to work.

She wondered how on earth she was supposed to stay worry free knowing the man she'd woken up next to, the man she now always wanted to wake up next to, would be transforming into a werewolf the following evening.

**To be continued…**


	20. The Pheonix and the Photograph

**Didn't expect to be hearing from me so soon did you?**

**A new 24hour rcord.**

**Happy reading! I hope you all enjoy the meeting with a certain character we've hardly heard from, it was so much fun to write dialogue for him!**

**Reviews appreciated, both good and bad.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 20.**

"Remus" came a sweet voice from no-where.

It took a moment for Remus Lupin to realise he was sleeping. He could feel that his arms were wrapped around something warm and petite. Slowly his mind started to register what had happened the night before, and whom he was holding very close to his chest.

He could feel foreign legs intertwining with his own, and his lips were very close to something. He opened his eyes, and looking down, he saw the youthful face of Nymphadora Tonks staring up at him. His whole mind was foggy with sleep, and it proved just how tired he was, that even she could not wake him.

"Sleep Tonks," he mumbled, yawning.

Instinctively, his arms cuddled her closer and he rested his head over the top of hers. His mind wandered slightly in his sleepy haze. All he could think about was the night before.

* * *

All he'd wanted to do from the moment he'd spotted her was kiss her, a disconcerting thought for him as he'd always been one to hold his urges. He had had to wait all night. She'd been ignoring him from the moment they left the dinner table, whether deliberate or not, he didn't know, but it was driving him mad. Finally, after everyone else had trickled out, or off to bed, the only person left to contend with was Sirius.

Without words he had been trying to tell him to leave, but Lupin knew it was hopeless. Sirius wouldn't leave until everyone else had, especially not with the chance to torture Lupin. When the topic of the Marauders came up, Lupin couldn't stop the small sigh that escaped his mouth, which prompted a strange glare from Sirius.

He quickly stopped the conversation, something Sirius never did on the topic of his Hogwarts days. Lupin stood with Sirius and Tonks, his body sagging as he realized he was never going to be alone with her tonight. Quite suddenly it had turned around, not only was Tonks staying the night, but in his room.

Sirius had walked off chuckling to himself and Lupin was too obsessed with the situation that was about to present itself, than going and hurting him for being irritating beyond belief. Feeling like he wasn't quite himself, he'd pulled Tonks into the room and kissed her, softly. It took every ounce of strength in his body to keep things slow; he wasn't going to startle her this time. Lupin

He'd had no intention of doing much more; kissing her was all he felt up to. She was the girl, and strangely the only girl of them all, he felt the need to take things slowly with. There was a level of trust he could not breach yet, one he was unsure if he felt comfortable with. Just as he'd moved her onto bed and paused for a brief moment to collect himself, she yawned.

"Tired are we?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"No, I'm not, I promise." Tonks said, sounding as if she was pleading.

Lupin laughed again. A smile formed on his face this time, as he realized she hadn't wanted to stop. He stood up from her, which took more control than it should have.

"The yawns are giving you away. There's no harm in sleeping is there?" Lupin asked.

In truth he was happy she had stopped him. His want to be the gentleman always became too hard with her. Something about her intoxicated him whenever they were together. He felt like they had all the time in the world. It didn't have to be rushed, and it never should have been.

Lupin was only just beginning to realize that this was, whatever was between them, felt a little different to anything he'd had previously. She was unlike any other girl he'd known. Tonks sat on the edge of the bed, looking up at him like a pouty teenager.

"Yeah but we were just going to - "

"You have work in the morning. Into bed you get," Lupin said, kissing her on the forehead.

* * *

After grumbles and clothing related insults, they had slept, wound around each other. Lupin, as he woke more and more, realised just how good he had slept. He usually tossed and turned all night, he had always been an uneasy sleeper, but Tonks calmed him, just with her presence. Now he had to concern himself with what she was going to say. The tone of her voice was ringing in his heads, his mind running off with it, and troubling him.

"Are you going to tell me something?" he asked, cautiously.

"I thought you wanted to sleep?" she said, sounding very confused, but he could hear the sarcasm in her voice.

"Yes, I did, though it sounded important and now you have me worried," grumbled Lupin.

"I just wanted to know if you wanted to do something tonight. Go somewhere, maybe?" Tonks said.

Lupin's body froze. He couldn't believe it. He had to say no to the best proposition he'd heard all week.

"I can't," said Lupin. "I would love to Tonks, you have to know that by now, but I can't. I have to see Dumbledore tonight. Then, I'm afraid, I'll be absent for a few days after that."

"Why?" Tonks asked.

"Well if you haven't noticed yet, the full moon is approaching. As you know, it's best I'm not around then."

He watched her for a second, wondering what she would do. Then came the look he'd seen many times before, the look that he received from certain people in the past, the ones who cared for him, Lily to be precise. He knew where her mind was racing off too and he had to stop it.

"Tonks," Lupin said firmly. "I'm going to be fine. There is absolutely no need to worry."

"How did you–" Tonks mumbled.

"Know what you were thinking?" Lupin paused and Tonks nodded. "You had that look in your eye."

He pulled her closer to his chest again and she cuddled further into him again. He felt the weight of the world disappear, as he held her in his arms. Tonks shuffled back into him, and then he felt her freeze, and he knew exactly why.

"Is that a wand in your pocket or are you – "

"It's morning. Don't even flatter yourself," Lupin said sharply, and he felt her giggle.

After about half an hour of hopeless attempts to go back to sleep, it was impossible when her dizzying floral smell was filling his nostrils, they both got out of the bed.

Tonks was on her way out the bedroom door, when Lupin grabbed her wrist and pulled her back to him. He placed a hand under her chin and lifted her head to his and then kissed her lightly on the lips.

"Thank you," he said, just pulling his lips back a fraction. "Thank you for letting me wake up next to you."

With that, they left. Tonks went to work and Lupin walked down for breakfast. He paused outside the door, knowing Sirius would be waiting, ready to pounce. Taking a deep breath, he pushed open the door. Sirius instantly appeared from behind his paper, his expression, which had been quite grim looking, instantly changed into his very annoying curious smile. Lupin froze just in front of the door.

"Good morning, Remus," he announced, his smile growing larger with every word. "Have a good sleep, did you?"

"Yes, it was fine," Lupin said, very cautiously, not giving him anything to work off.

"Well, that's nice," Sirius answered, retreating behind his paper.

Lupin stayed stuck where he was, he knew this couldn't be the end. There had to be more coming. For some reason Sirius knew about her and Tonks, Lupin had no idea how, but he did. They'd never spoken about it, he'd never told anyone, but somehow Sirius knew. Lupin finally took a step towards the table and sat down, still staring at Sirius.

"So, what's on the agenda for today?" Sirius asked, as he turned the page of his paper and looked up, smiling.

"I'm going to see Dumbledore," Lupin replied, slowly.

"No other plans with anyone else in particular?" Sirius said.

"No. Who else would I make plans with?" Lupin lied.

Sirius laughed quietly and then retreated behind his paper for the second time. It annoyed Lupin a lot more than he thought it would, so he got up, flicking his wand at the stove and made his breakfast, without looking, or speaking to Sirius.

"Full moon's nearly out," Sirius's voice came from behind the Prophet, just as Lupin sat down with his toast.

"Yes," Lupin said.

The bubble of panic filled his chest, he had no idea what was going on or why Sirius was acting so strangely. Sirius was usually the first to thump him on the back with congratulations when he found out about any of Lupin's interactions with women. What on earth was wrong with him now?

"You really like her don't you?" Sirius asked, not removing the paper.

Lupin felt his panic die away. Here it was.

"And what could give that away?"

"An idiot I may be, but deaf and blind I am most certainly not," Sirius explained, finally lowering the paper.

"That could be news to some people," Lupin said casually.

"You seem happier than I remember," Sirius said, cocking his head to side.

"Shall I take that as a compliment?"

"Well I suppose. You had tendencies toward being a morose and miserable bastard sometimes," Sirius explained.

"Something you've taken up very aptly taken up in my absence," Lupin replied, and Sirius gave a slight grin.

"You would be to stuck here all day."

"Some would pity me. Not only am I stuck here, but stuck here with you as company," Lupin said, with a dry laugh.

"Lets not forget your little girlfriend," Sirius smirked. "How far have you two – "

A welcome distraction came in the form of Molly Weasley came bustling in asking for help moving their belongings.

* * *

Hours, and many outbursts from Mrs. Black, later, the Weasleys had left. Their luggage bewitched and sent to their house as well. In between the whole process an owl had arrived for Lupin, the reply to the letter he'd sent last night before dinner.

_Remus,_

_Feel free to come to my office this evening_  
_around ten 'o' clock. I'd be delighted to_  
_help you with whatever problem is_  
_vexing you at this time._  
_  
I like Acid Pops._

_Albus Dumbledore._

At the time he stuffed it into his back pocket, but now, as he sat in his bedroom, he pulled it out and read over it, hoping more than ever that Dumbledore could help him with so many of the problems rushing through his mind. Sirius had not given up on his strange behavior, but now Lupin knew what he wanted.

Sirius wanted to hear that his intervention had worked, that both he and Tonks had shared _that_ moment, but nothing about the previous evening was going to escape his lips. After a very quiet meal of onion soup that Lupin made, he took his traveling cloak, said goodbye to Sirius, stepped out the door, turned on the spot and disappeared.

* * *

He landed just behind the Hogs Head, and as he stepped out into the very dark main street, he could see the Hogwarts Castle looming above him. He started the long journey towards it, the familiar smells and noises filling him with happy sentiment. He had a very uneventful journey through the castle, which he found far too strange, but he arrived in front of Dumbledore's office all the same.

"Acid Pops," he said to the gargoyle.

It jumped aside and after a few moments and stairs, he was knocking on Dumbledore's door.

"Come in," came a familiar voice.

Lupin pushed the door open and sitting behind his desk, hands' folded, looking calmer than ever, was Dumbledore, smiling.

"Good Evening, Remus," Dumbledore said, striding over and shaking hands with him.

"Evening, Albus," Remus replied.

"So how may I help you?" Dumbledore asked politely after taking a seat behind his desk.

"I–" Lupin paused and glanced around the room.

He didn't quite know how to tell Dumbledore what he wanted to say. It would mean explaining he had lied to him. His eyes lingered over the spindly objects on a small table to his left and then to the pensive, which stored some of his own memories. Dumbledore had requested a particularly private memory during his time teaching here, which Lupin had given him without hesitation.

"Remus, whatever it is you wish to tell me, I will be neither upset nor angry. I just wish to help find a solution to whatever is troubling you." Dumbledore said.

Lupin moved and sat in the seat across the desk from Dumbledore, knowing it was now or never.

"I need help making the wolfsbane potion. I'm not skilled enough; my previous attempts have been filled with disaster. I know Severus cannot help me now that the school year has begun, but I wondered if you could?" Lupin asked, trying not to sound like he was begging.

"I'm afraid that I would not be a reliable source of help at this time." Dumbledore said bluntly. "This year will be very difficult, but I wonder if perhaps you have looked within the ranks of The Order."

"No, I haven't," answered Remus. "None of them are as good at potions as Severus. The Prewetts would have been perhaps, but they are no longer with us."

"Yes, they were quite a devastating loss. Have you wondered about any of the new members?" Dumbledore asked.

Lupin had a feeling like he was being led to an answer he already knew. Like it was right in front of him, with him knowing

"Who?" said Lupin furrowing his brow. "I didn't think Arthur or Molly were potion masters."

"No, you're right, but I wonder if you have taken the time to get to know Nymphadora Tonks?" Dumbledore asked.

Lupin could feel Dumbledore's blue eyes x-raying him, going through every part of him. He tried very hard to pretend that the colour rising in his cheeks or the fact that his heart had stopped, was totally unrelated to the girl who had just been brought up in conversation. Dumbledore could not know, that was truly impossible.

"She was good at potions?" Lupin questioned.

"Taught by Severus herself. Even with his slightly noticeable disdain for anyone who is not in Slytherin, he spoke of her as a very capable student. She passed her N.E.W.T.S, so she has made Wolfsbane before. She would, no doubt, oblige I'm sure."

"She never said anything about it before," Lupin said, slightly ashamed of the fact that he had not thought of her.

"Did you express a desire for it? I doubt she has as much skill in Legilimency. Reading minds is not a gift given to all. Assuming you will now go and speak to her, what was the second problem?" Dumbledore asked.

"The werewolves, I can't track them down. They used to meet in taverns across the country, but I've been to all, and cannot find them anywhere," Lupin explained.

Dumbledore looked over Lupin again, staring down to what felt like his very core. He then got up and walked over to his phoenix and began stroking it.

"Marvelous thing a phoenix. Out of the ashes of death comes life, it is a very wonderful and beautiful thing to see." Dumbledore announced, leaving Lupin to wonder if he was talking to him or just to the air.

He stared back at Lupin again.

"Perhaps it is best for now to just concentrate on the Order. Spend more time with Sirius and you can return to your original guard duties." Dumbledore said sincerely

"Are you sure?" Remus asked, dumbstruck at the sudden change of plans.

"Yes, I would not say so if I thought otherwise. I think you will find a use for yourself returning to your old duties. Other things will, perhaps, need your attention."

Lupin knew the conversation was over, by the finality of his words, but they were strange enough to keep him staring at Dumbledore for a few moments longer. It was almost as if he knew where Lupin's attention had really been the last few days. Lupin stood slowly, feeling more confused then he had been when he walked in.

He shook hands with Dumbledore and made his way out of the Castle, wondering how on earth Dumbledore could know something that was so well hidden. Sirius was around all the time, so him knowing was at least understandable, but Dumbledore, that was impossible. He walked out of the Hogwarts gates and turned back to have one last glimpse of the castle before apparating into the darkness.

* * *

Lupin awoke the next morning, his head still buzzing with thoughts from his visit to Dumbledore. He dressed himself and went to the kitchen, finding Sirius, reading the Prophet beside the fire. After saying their good mornings, Lupin immediately told Sirius about Dumbledore stopping his werewolf mission.

"Maybe it's not as important anymore?" Sirius shrugged.

"Doesn't it seem strange that he asks me to do something, and then takes it back and puts m on my previous duty?" Lupin asked.

"No. Look, I know most people think he's off his rocker, but he knows what he's doing most of the time. Coming from me, with what I'm currently enduring, that's a lot. Just don't question it too much. You'll drive yourself mental. Did he at least tell _you_ why?" Sirius asked, allowing Lupin to sense the venom in his question.

"Something about other things perhaps needing my attention, more than the duties I think he meant. I can't think of what," explained Lupin, riasing an eyebrow in thought.

Sirius laughed.

"You really can't?"

Lupin shook his head and Sirius laughed harder.

"Well let's see Moony, what else has nearly all your attention these days?" said Sirius, very sarcastically.

Lupin didn't respond, but he felt the palms begin to sweat as he glared at Sirius, who was arrogantly smiling back.

"We won't talk about it then? Fine. Whenever you're ready to stop hiding, let me know," Sirius laughed.

He was steadily annoying Lupin, but he chose not to say anything about it.

"I should be getting on my way to my parents." Lupin announced, purposefully changing the topic.

"I've been thinking about this for a while. What do you say to me coming with you? How we used to do it at school. I mean I made it to King's Cross alright didn't I?" Sirius asked, a familiar looking glint in his eye.

"Sirius, I don't think it's the best idea, I mean it isn't–"

"It was just a suggestion. That way, I didn't have to be shut up in this house completely alone until the next Order meeting." Sirius said through gritted teeth.

Lupin looked at him, a wave of helplessness sweeping through him.

"When I get this Wolfsbane I'll be able to transform here," Lupin told him, trying to comfort him.

"Did Dumbledore tell you who to go to?" Sirius asked.

"Yes he gave me a few names. It's all under control," Lupin lied.

"Who?" asked Sirius.

"Tonks," Lupin said simply, deciding to give Sirius some happiness before he was left alone.

Sirius' mouth was agape for a moment, before it twisted into a very happy smirk.

"Well, seems even Dumbledore can see through you both," Sirius said, leaning back in his chair.

"Evidently enough to know the girl is good at potions," Lupin said dully.

"Of course. Couldn't possibly have anything to do with the smirking looks, blushing and kissing now could it?"

* * *

By that evening he was back sitting on his old bedroom floor. Waiting for the full moon to fill his windows. He couldn't stop his thoughts wandering to Tonks. They always did these days. He thought of her beautiful brown eyes and her perfect pale skin. The way his fingertips burned when he touched her.

How she relaxed his entire body. He didn't know how to ask her for Wolfsbane. Was it fair to ask that much of someone? Suddenly pain came. Pain beyond any other he'd ever endured. His body was being ripped apart, quite literally, and his blood was on fire and then, he fell into nothingness.

* * *

A week later, Lupin was still pottering around his old house. It had taken him a few days to stop continually falling in and out of sleep, but he was very relieved to wake up with no new gashes on his body. He had then spent the next few days reading werewolf books, hoping one would hold information on Wolfsbane.

After going through numerous shelves, he found some of his old school books and in his haste, knocked a few books onto the floor. One of his Defence Against the Dark Arts books landed open and out fell a small photograph. Lupin picked it up and, feeling as if the wind had been knocked out of him, he fell against the wall behind him and slid slowly to the ground, staring at the 5 inhabitants of the photo.

Smiling and waving at him happily were James, Sirius, Peter, Lily and himself. His chest filled with weight the longer he looked at it. He knew it was from their seventh year, given that Lily was standing behind James, her arms around his neck. Her green eyes were sparkling up at Lupin, looking deep into his soul and James's complete happiness exploded form his ear-to-ear grin. His eyes stared at them both hungrily. He knew somewhere, in the pit of his stomach that if they were here, he'd have the answer to his problems.

Lily could have made him Wolfsbane. He, James and Sirius together, would have discovered someway of finding the werewolves. He looked at the Sirius in the photograph, his elegant face etched with laughter at some long forgotten joke, and his arm around Lupin and James' shoulders. Over the past few months it had been easy to forget such a youthful, quick-witted and warm-hearted boy still existed inside Sirius.

Almost instantly he felt his stomach drop. Here he was walking around his house because he didn't feel he was up to traveling, but he was leaving his friend, who had always been there for him, completely alone in a house he hated. Lupin shoved the photo back in the book, with one last glance at the friends he'd lost.

* * *

He arrived back at Grimmauld Place that night and found Sirius walking down the staircase looking very sullen. His face brightened when he spotted Lupin.

"Moony! I wasn't expecting you for a few more days," he said, in alarm.

"I wanted to come back early. Did I miss a meeting?" Lupin asked.

"No, there's a late one tonight. Kingsley can't make it until eleven, so we won't start until then. Some of the others should be arriving any moment. I should get Kreacher to make us dinner. KREACHER," Sirius bellowed.

Lupin walked up the next flight of stairs and into his bedroom as Mrs. Black started up. He sat on his bed for a while staring out the window. Seeing the photograph had jolted him into his melancholy side. He wanted desperately to grab the books he'd brought with him and see the photo that he'd shoved into an entirely useless book, but he knew he shouldn't.

It was so much harder to stop looking at them. He had no idea how long he was staring out at the garden in the middle of the road, but a knock at the door brought him back to himself. He spun around and the door opened, revealing Tonks.

She had her purple weird sisters t-shirt and very silly ripped jeans on. Her hair flooded with blue the minute she set eyes on Lupin. He could see her face slowly switching from worry to complete relief. Lupin stood up the second he spotted her.

"Ton– "

But before he could even finish saying her name, she was running at him. She hit him hard around the ribs and wrapped her arms around him. Being slightly shorter than he was, her head fit perfectly on his chest, over his beating heart. His arms could wrap around her shoulders, which they were doing.

"What's wrong?" Lupin asked

She didn't respond, she just squeezed his ribs tighter.

"Hey, hey, hey, it's okay," he cooed.

She looked up at him, and he brushed some of the hair from her face, as she gave him a look that made him smile. She looked so concerned, and so terrified that it was nearly unnerving.

I'm fine Tonks, really," he finished.

She buried her head back into his chest and he kissed the top of her head. He engulfed her further into his arms, resting his chin over the top of her head. If he hadn't known Tonks any better, he'd have sworn he heard her let out a tiny sob.

**To be continued…**


	21. The Ancient Textbook

**Long delay, sorry folks! **

**To make up for it, this one is longer than it was meant to be! But the next chapter will be the real deal I think...get excited for it!**

**Their conversations are the greatest things ever!**

**The reveiws are incredible thank you so much! Reviews are always welcome good and bad!**

**Enjoy**

* * *

**Chapter 21**

Nymphadora Tonks stood in the middle of a very broken down house that she had never been inside before. Her insides were frozen in fear and panic. She had been petrified against the wall by Fenrir Greyback, and now she had to watch helplessly as he snuck up on an unsuspecting Remus Lupin. She wanted to scream and thrash but she couldn't.

Tears were filling her eyes in frustration and fear. Suddenly the clouds parted in the sky and the moon came out into full view. She watched Lupin transform into a werewolf hearing the screams of pain that she had no power to stop, and then Greyback jumped at him. He ripped fur and flesh off Lupin's frame, biting him, and she could her the snapping of ribs. Lupin was howling in pain, but there was nothing Tonks could do.

Her body flooded with terror and she knew, she just knew, she was going to watch Lupin die. She hadn't even had the chance to tell him how she felt, that she loved him, that she loved him more than she had anyone before him. Tears streamed down her face as she watched. Her body was frozen so she was unable to look away, it had no doubt been planned that way. Greyback tackled him to ground and his jaws were just about to clamp over Lupin's throat, when she woke with a start.

* * *

She looked frantically around her bedroom, her heart going a million miles an hour as cold sweat dripped down her body, making the sheets stick to her skin. Even slowly as the realisation that it was only a dream washed through her, she still couldn't stop the worry filling her. It was a very uncharacteristic quality in Tonks, but she had been worrying about Lupin and his transformation since she left him three days ago.

He had transformed the night before, but as the books she'd been reading said, they needed a few days of recovery. She had had this exact same dream every night. Every time she was powerless, she couldn't do anything to help him when Greyback attacked. Tonks stood up out of bed, still slightly shaken from the dream, and made her way to the kitchen. She grabbed a glass of water and sat down on her couch.

"He's going to be fine," she told herself out loud, hoping this time she'd actually believe it.

After an hour of trying to snap herself out of replaying the dream in her mind, she got back into bed, hoping that when she woke up it wouldn't bother her.

* * *

The next few days felt impossible. She was happy to have some demanding work to take her mind off things as the Auror office was gearing up to do some missions in the coming week. For now there was mass amounts of research and planning to be done. The mission Tonks had been assigned to was completely useless. It was all to do with Fudge's paranoia about Dumbledore taking over.

They were going to inspect Hogwarts for any Dark Magic and then going to the houses of suspected Order members. Tonks had to fight back laughter when she discovered that none of the suspected members were members at all, except for Doge. Tonks had been hoping to be attached to the latest bid to track down Sirius. Lucius Malfoy had reported seeing him at Kings Cross, and Fudge had gone into overdrive, leaning on both the prophet, and Auror Department.

"Are you going to the meeting tomorrow?" Kingsley asked in a hushed voice, on the second afternoon.

"Yeah, why?" Tonks replied.

"It's been changed to a late one. I'm in meetings with Rufus until eleven. This new Sirius sighting has got everyone him in an uproar," complained Kingsley. "I was told everyone could arrive whenever they felt like it, he's itching for company considering there's no one but him home."

Tonks looked up at him very confused.

"What about Remus?"

"He's been gone for the last week. Dumbledore said he came to see him and that was the last we've seen of him. Sirius might know where he is," Kinglsey shrugged.

Tonks felt the panic rising in her chest. A week was an awfully long time to be away. Her dream flashed in front of her eyes, stopping on the bit of the bloodied and bruised Lupin howling in pain.

"Anyway Nymphadora, your work was not up to scratch. I expect the full report by Monday," Kingsley said gruffly, winking at Tonks.

* * *

Tonks had hardly slept that night. Where was he? Where did he go to transform? Why wasn't he back yet? What was taking a week? Was he safe? What if he's hurt? Tonks couldn't stop the questions burning through her mind. When she arrived at Grimmauld Place the next even at around seven, she knew she was early, but she had a million questions for Sirius.

She knew more information would stop this incredible amount of worry she had. She hurried down into the kitchen hoping Sirius would be there. When she opened the door, it was empty. She turned around to go back upstairs, but just as she grabbed the door handle, the door flew open. Sirius, who was walking out of the door, spotted her right before he nearly collided with her and instantly, he jumped back in fright.

"Mother of Merlin, Dora! You scared the wits out of me!" he said, clutching his chest and exhaling loudly.

"Sorry," Tonks apologised.

"Why is everyone turning up earlier than they're meant to these days?" Sirius said loudly, walking around her.

He had just been making his way over to a seat, when he spun around quite quickly, a strange grin on his face.

"Oh, this is interesting," he laughed. "Now, why on earth would you be here so early?"

"I had nothing better to do."

"Oh wonderful," he said in a very strange voice. "Come, sit down. I was just about to make some tea."

Tonks looked at him as he continued smiling weirdly. She had no idea what was going on, but she knew what she wanted to ask and all of a sudden she was very embarrassed. She had speculated that Sirius had known what was going on with her and Lupin, and this current behaviour was making her really believe it.

"Sirius, do you know where Remus goes to transform?" she asked, trying to sound very casual. "Kingsley wanted me to owl him."

"Ask him yourself. He's upstairs," Sirius said.

Tonks felt all her breath leave her. She stupidly glanced up at the ceiling, hoping she could see through it.

"Ah, I think I'll just – " Tonks started to say.

"Though you might," Sirius interjected.

"Bathroom and – " Tonks tried to say

"Uh huh," Sirius said, grinning.

"It's not about – " Tonks mumbled.

"Of course not," Sirius said smugly.

She didn't care that she could hear Sirius laughing, or that it was completely obvious what she was doing, Tonks needed to see him. She needed her eyes to feast on him to believe that her dreams weren't real, that he was perfectly fine. She moved quickly up the stairs, until finally, she was standing in his open doorway. Tonks's heart, which had been getting faster and faster with every step she'd taken, felt like it had stopped dead when she saw him.

She didn't know if she was just imaging it or not, but he looked worse than ever. His clothes seemed to be hanging off him, gaping slightly at the neck, he had dark shadows under his eyes and he looked as tired and worn out as ever. He stood up and stuttered something Tonks didn't hear. She moved at him quickly, wrapping her arms around his ribs. She felt his body wrap around hers in reply.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his hoarse voice delighting her ears.

Tonks didn't speak; her dreams were flicking through her mind like old home movies. The gravity of the situation, the lack of the sleep and the magnitude of her worries were crashing over. She gripped him tighter, hiding her face in his chest.

"Hey, hey, hey, it's okay," he said warmly.

His voice was what caused her to look up at him. He smiled serenely at her, brashing the hair from her face.

I'm fine Tonks, really."

She felt him kiss the top of her head. Her eyes were burning with tears, and no matter how hard she fought them, they slipped down her cheeks one by one, landing on his shirt. She buried her head a little more into his chest, subtly wiping her eyes on his shirt.

"I missed you," Lupin said. "I could have used you and your clumsiness, it was quite boring without anyone to laugh at."

Tonks laughed into his chest, before looking up at him again. He smiled down at her sincerely, as he lifted his hand and, using his thumb, wiped away the tear tracks on her cheeks. Tonks pulled back from him after a while, and sat on the edge of his bed.

"So what were you staring at when I walked in?" she asked, happy her voice had returned to normal.

"Nothing. Just a spot of thinking," he replied, moving over to a stack of books that were on the nightstand.

"About what?" Tonks asked.

"Nothing in paticular," he said, smiling at her.

He walked past her, holding the books in his arms, and she saw something familiar on the top of the pile.

"Why do you have this?" Tonks asked, grabbing the topmost book. "I used this book in my seventh year. It can't be old enough for you to have used it as well."

She turned and smiled at him as he shook his head and laughed.

"I'm not ancient, Nymphadora," he laughed, stressing the use of her first name.

She glared him for a few moments before turning to the Defence Against the Dark Arts book she had in her hands. Lupin took the other books and began placing them neatly on the shelves. Without even doing anything, the book fell open on her lap to a random page. She noticed something, that wasn't part of the book, was marking the page, a photograph.

She picked it up and looked closely at it and clapped her hand to her mouth almost straight away. There in plain view was a very young looking Sirius laughing with his arm around a teenage Lupin. Tonks stared at the Lupin in the photograph. He was smiling in that feeling sorry for himself way he had only just done to her. He looked happier than she'd ever seen him before.

His hair was less grey, his skin less scarred and his eyes twinkled up at her as he waved. She just wanted to dive in and hug him. He was adorable, and for the first time, Tonks could fully see the youthfulness she now only noticed in him when he smiled.

"Is this from school?" Tonks asked, not taking her eyes from it.

"What?" Lupin said, turning around.

Tonks looked up at him and held up the photograph. He stopped dead, holding a book in mid air. She watched his smile falter as his eyes studied it, sadness growing in them with every passing second. He placed the book on the desk and sat down on the bed next to her.

"That was my seventh year, just after our final Transfiguration N.E.W.T. I believe. Sirius got Marlene to take the photo and James wouldn't do it unless Lily–"

"That's James and Lily?" Tonks exclaimed, grabbing back the photo and staring at the couple.

She looked down at the dark haired boy and the red headed girl standing behind him, her arms around his neck. They were the perfect picture of happiness, in fact, all five of them were. As she looked at James, she understood why everyone kept commenting on him when they looked at Harry, they were identical. His hair even stuck up at the back like James' was doing in this photo.

She looked over at Lily and was immediately captivated. She had beautiful red hair, oddly reminiscent of Ginny's, but what really caught Tonks' attention were her eyes. They were bright green, and the longer Tonks stared, the more she realised where she'd seen them before. They were Harry's exact eyes.

"Wow, she's beautiful," said Tonks.

Lupin blinked at the photo a few times.

"Yes, she is, well, was," Lupin corrected himself.

Tonks noticed that he was smiling at the photo as he did to her sometimes, the small smile and the softened expression.

"It looks like fun. What was my dearest cousin like at school?" Tonks asked, after giving him time to reminisce.

"He was beyond trouble. Sirius and James were the ringleaders of just about every prank that ever took place. Fred and George Weasley might not even have topped them," Lupin laughed. "They were particularly good at Jinxing Severus."

"Oh brilliant. What'd they do to him?"

"James and Sirius had a habit of hanging him upside down whenever they got the chance." Lupin added, grinning.

Tonks laughed at the thought of Snape and his bat like robes over his head as he hung upside down.

"Sirius always enjoyed this spell that forced his toenails to grow at an alarming rate, until he got hit with it himself. There was another that made the victim speak only in sonnets until it was undone, and the ever popular jelly-legs curse," Lupin explained, a strange smile on his face.

"Oh Merlin. When Jelly-Legs broke in our year no one walked properly for weeks," Tonks said, and Lupin gave her a warm smile.

She stared at the photo again. Her stomach dropped slightly as she spotted a blond haired boy who James was resting his elbow on.

"So that must be–"

"Peter Pettigrew," Lupin interrupted and even for him, there was a particular bite to his voice.

After a moment of silence, Tonks changed the topic again.

"Wait. Is this the Marauders thing that Sirius keeps talking about?" Tonks asked, wide eyed.

Lupin chuckled at her enthusiasm.

"Yes. I can't remember who came up with the title, I'd hazard a guess at Sirius, but that was what we were," said Lupin. "Except for Lily. She hardly wanted anything to do with us until our seventh year."

"How could she hate you guys? She would've had to see you all the time for James?"

Lupin laughed.

"Oh no. She hated James. I think she hated Sirius as well," Lupin smiled.

"She hated James?" Tonks asked, confusion clouding her thoughts.

"For a while yes. Until about our sixth year, then she began dating him in our seventh year. She didn't hate them per say, but they didn't give her much reason to like them."

"Well, what about you?"

"She didn't hate me, no. We were friends since our first year. James and Sirius picking on Snape began her dislike. The size of their ego's did not help I imagine," Lupin joked. "She was a wonderful woman, unspeakably kind and tolerant. She saw something in me, I suppose, and we became friends after many study sessions together."

Tonks was suddenly aware of the fact that Lupin's arm was touching her back as he propped himself up on the bed. She didn't know if she was just imagining things, but she swore something in Lupin's voice sounded as if maybe he had liked Lily more than a friend.

"Do you miss them?" Tonks blurted out.

"I did. Only occasionally now, when I stumble upon things like this," Lupin said, indicting the phot, but then he turned to her with a small smile. "However, I've met people along the way who can make everything brighter again."

Butterflies ran riots in her stomach as he stared into her eyes. His head moved a little closer to hers, and she moved hers as well. Their lips were millimeters away from each other's, when a loud scream broke the silence.

"MOONY! Meeting's starting," Sirius bellowed, followed by the roars of Mrs Black.

Lupin closed his eyes and gave a frustrated sighed, Tonks feeling his hot breath on her lips.

"I will end him. One day I will actually end him," Lupin grunted, his eyes still closed looking as if he was trying to gather his patience.

Tonks laughed, and Lupin opened his eyes, smiling at her.

"You need to work on how much he gets to you," Tonks remarked.

"Roughly twenty odd years and I still haven't mastered it, even with the thirteen year gap," Lupin explained, and she laughed again.

"Well," he said, standing and holding out his hand. "We should probably be on our way."

Tonks grabbed his hand and he pulled her up. She had expected him to drop it when she was standing, but to her delight, he threaded his fingers through hers, and held it all the way down to the kitchen door.

* * *

By the end of the night, Tonks knew she was doomed never to get a moment alone with Lupin ever again. Bill had ushered her away straight after the meeting, to talk about some girl he'd met and Lupin was busy talking to Moody and Kingsley about Podmore. All she got was a small wave and smile when she had to leave with Kingsley an hour or so after the meeting.

Before she'd even realised it, three weeks had passed since that evening and in all the confusion of meetings, raids, and research, October was nearly over. If it wasn't for the biting cold in the wind, she didn't think she would have noticed time was passing at all, given that she was locked away in an office all day and most nights.

Tonks thought this was the longest she'd ever gone without talking to Lupin. She and Kingsley had to miss the last few meetings because Rufus had kept them all in overdrive for weeks, which also meant no gaurd duty. Fudge was getting worse and worse now that he had such control over Hogwarts. One day, early in November, Tonks was busily writing notes for their recent raid, when Kingsley leaned over her cubicle, telling her that there was a meeting that night and no Auror duties were scheduled clashing with it.

She hurried to Grimmauld Place the moment she was finished with work, and bound down the hallway, straight into the kitchen. Laughter greeted her ears and as her eyes swept through the room, she saw Bill, Arthur, Molly, Sirius and Lupin all sitting around, glasses in hand, talking to each other.

"Dora," Sirius announced, smiling warmly at her. "Conjure yourself up a chair."

After a flick of her wand, the sat down next to Molly as everyone said their hellos. Her eyes were immediately attracted to Lupin. His face softened when she smiled at him. What then ensued could purely be described as chaos. Everyone was talking and laughing more than they had all summer.

Perhaps it was because of the noticeable absence of the children and therefore the lack of censoring, but it was slightly more rambunctious than previous times. Sirius and Lupin told stories of the marauders, which even Molly laughed at, even though she clearly disapproved of the behavior.

From what Tonks heard, the marauders were as troublesome as Lupin had described. James and Sirius seemed to have mastered troublemaking, more than Tonks ever had. Funnily enough, all the pranks seemed to revolve around Snape or something rude to stun the whole school.

"...with a flick of our wands, the floating candles in the Great Hall rearranged themselves into a word." Sirius laughed.

"What?" Tonks asked.

Sirius grinned at everyone.

"Arse."

"McGonagall seemed to take a moment to admire the sheer brilliance of it before storming at us, and Dumbledore announced he'd be perfectly happy to keep it that way," Lupin explained.

Everyone started to laugh with Sirius. Molly didn't, but she looked like she was trying hard to swallow something that was very large, no doubt her own laugh. Sirius grinned at Lupin, who was now staring at Tonks, his smile making her heart melt. Moments later Kingsley, Moody and Mundungus arrived and the meeting had to start.

* * *

The meeting had once again focused on Podmore. Suddenly their Guard Duties, which initially were just boring, now made all the Order have to stand on guard. Tonks was getting excited. She knew having to battle Death Eaters and Ministry workers at the bottom of the Ministry of Magic for her freedom was never going to happen, but imagining it right now was enough. Kinglsey had gone on a visit to Podmore out at Azkaban.

"He's doing alright, but the Dementors are getting to him. He thinks it was a set-up, because he doesn't remember being tired or falling asleep. So I think it means the Death Eaters are onto us." Kingsley said, grimly.

Two hours later the meeting had finished, with many new suggestions from Moody about how to protect themselves from any bewitching hexes. Tonks felt like she had been stuck in a Defence Against the Dark Arts theory lesson all over again. Knowing she had a big day of work the next day, Tonks had to leave early, but she still followed everyone else down to the kitchen.

She wanted more than anything to talk to Lupin, alone. She wanted to ask him something again, so she took a seat across from him at the table. Moody and Kingsley disappeared first and straight after both had walked through the door, Lupin caught Tonks's eyes.

He inclined his head towards the door before glancing at Sirius, who was busily entertaining the Weasleys. Tonks stood up, saying goodbye to everyone and then walked out the door, waiting just outside it for Lupin. Seconds later he appeared, smiling at her instantly.

"Hello," he breathed.

"Hi" she said back, as kissed him.

His arms wrapped around her, as he kissed her back.

"I can't stay," Tonks announced sadly as she let him go. "I've got work tomorrow."

Lupin smiled at her, which confused her more than was necessary.

"Well, if it wasn't for the meeting tomorrow, I would be very disappointed," he muttered. "Come on then, I'll walk you out."

Lupin took her hand and led her up the stairs and out the door. Lupin stayed on the stop step an when Tonks got to the sidewalk and she stopped instantly. She turned around and ran back up the stairs and planted a small kiss on a very confused looking Lupin, before leaving without saying another word.

* * *

Tonks walked into Grimmauld Place the following evening, bracing herself for something exciting. Something in the tone of Lupin's voice when he spoke about the next meeting seemed like it meant more than he was letting on. It had been almost impossible to concentrate in the meeting, not when Lupin kept glancing in her direction.

When it finished, Tonks had goosebumps as she watched Lupin staring at her through sideways glances. She delayed back a little as everyone filed out, until her and Lupin were the last two at the back of the line walking downstairs. Sirius walked just ahead of them, and when the pair stopped at the top of the stairs to the kitchen, she thought she heard Sirius laugh as he disappeared through the door. Tonks looked up at Lupin.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" Lupin said, smiling down at her.

Tonks felt her hair change colour against her will.

"I'll take that as a yes," said Lupin, smiling.

The pair quickly walked out of the door. Tonks felt like her and Lupin were doing something secret and hidden. It was exhilarating to say the least, and put a little skip in her step. They walked around the garden and then through one of the smaller back streets. Tonks was delighted at how comfortable it felt to be with him, even in the silence.

"So this is your big idea for a date then?" Tonks asked to him as they walked through a large park.

"It was the best I could do under the circumstances," Lupin said. "Each time I've seen you I've never known how much time we could have."

"I know, I'm sorry. Work has just been," she paused. "Actually, I'm not going to ruin tonight with work talk."

"The floor is clearly yours then," Lupin said, indicating she was to choose a topic.

Tonks thought a for a minute. She knew what she wanted to ask, she just didn't know if now was the time. It was something she'd been wondering ever since she realised how _able_ he'd been in the bedroom.

"Can I ask for your list?"

"My list?

"Ex-girlfriends, conquests, things of that nature," Tonks explained.

"Ah," he said, smiling at her. "Are we due for that discussion?"

"Perhaps," Tonks said, looking up at him sheepishly.

Tonks watched him as he stared off into the distance, very obviously deep in thought. He smiled a few times, even laughed to himself once.

"After laughing you're aware you have to tell me now," Tonks said quickly.

"My list is," he said, pausing to search for a word. "Difficult. It could be long in terms of volume, reasonable in terms of conquests, but there isn't much of substance and they're entirely fraught with disaster and on two occasions many _many_ tears."

Tonks gave him a look, quite plainly shocked at the thought of him crying over a girl.

"A girl's tears, not my own," Lupin laughed. "We may have to save my conversation for when I'm assured you won't change your opinion of me and go running for the hills."

"We haven't reached that point?"

"It would depend on how adorable you think I am and whether it's enough to forgive sins against your gender," Lupin said.

"Sins?" Tonks repeated, worrying for a minute what he was talking about.

"Nothing too terrifying, but certainly enough to form a judgment. Sirius has done far worse I assure you," Lupin said, smiling at her.

"That's comforting," Tonks laughed. "For the record though, I do find you utterly adorable. Occasionally even sexy."

Lupin chuckled to himself, and Tonks felt herself blush having revealed more than she'd intended.

"Sexy? That may be a first for me," Lupin smiled.

"You don't think so?"

"Decidedly not," Lupin said instantly. "I'm not quite sure sexy would be the correct adjective for me. Lovely, slightly attractive, perhaps even nice, but I'd call it a stretch to say sexy."

Tonks bit her lip. Lupin saying the word sexy seemed a very odd thing.

"I think you are."

Lupin grimaced at her, and she laughed at him.

"Well, if we're at this conversation we may as well push on, any monster ex-boyfriends of yours on the loose?"

She could tell by the tone in his voice that he was fishing for something.

"No, can't say I really fancy monsters. They're too hard to deal with," Tonks said dryly

Lupin turned and stared at her, using a look she assumed most of his students at Hogwarts would have received. The can-you-be-serious-for-a-moment-please look. Although there was a smile on his face, so he'd at least understood the joke.

"There's not much to know really. A couple of boys from Hogwarts and that's about it. I had absolutely no free time during the sodding Auror training," Tonks complained. "There was only one boy during training, but when I got picked and he didn't well, it was a huge dent in his ego and he ended things."

"Interesting," said Lupin.

"What's _interesting_?" Tonks repeated.

"Nothing to do with the boy. In fact I'm entirely surprised he stopped seeing you. Boys can be stupid though. I just thought that, perhaps, you may have admitted to dating Bill," Lupin said, smiling at her.

Tonks laughed.

"Oh god. He told you? Well yeah, Bill Weasley was one of the Hogwarts boys."

Lupin laughed quietly.

"How many hearts have you broken along with his?"

"He told you I broke his heart?" Tonks asked, creasing her eyebrows.

"Not in the those words," Lupin said.

"What makes you think I broke their hearts then?"

"I have can sense these things," Lupin said, a flirtatious smile on his face

"Remus, you have the – " But whatever Lupin had, he never found out.

Tonks had spotted something over his shoulder that caught her attention

"Hey! I know that building!"

"That's, er, lovely Tonks," Lupin remarked, his brow furrowed, obviously wondering why she was so captivated by it.

"No you don't understand. From the rooftop there's the greatest view," Tonks explained, still not taking her eyes from it.

"Sounds wonderful," Lupin said looking up at it.

"Come on," said Tonks grabbing Lupin's hand and running inside.

"Tonks, it's been boarded up, we shouldn't go inside." Lupin cautioned, holding his ground as she pulled his hand.

"Stop being a fun spoiler, Remus. Come on!" Tonks gave one final pull and he relented.

She bounded through the door, pushing the nailed pieces of wood off the frame. The inside was messier than Tonks remembered. She never knew what this building had been used for, but it was full of overturned desks, scraps of paper, glass and mounds of dust, so she'd always assumed it was some kind of office.

Tonks had stumbled across this place when she had been walking home from work one night last year. To this day she still didn't know what made her walk in, but something had drawn her to it. She managed to walk through tonight without any grief, as she was small and able to fit through the gaps fairly easily. She only tripped a few times, which for Tonks was remarkable.

Lupin on the other hand was struggling. His robes were getting caught on splintered pieces of wood, he was tripping over everything and he couldn't quite get through the gaps amongst the ruins. Moments later Tonks was standing on the rooftop, completely captivated by the skyline in front of her. London's lights were twinkling and the stars shone magnificently overhead.

It was breathtaking. A loud wheeze alerted Tonks that Lupin had finally reached the rooftop as well. In all her excitement as they barged their way in the building, she'd let go of Remus, who was taking too long, and she'd run ahead. Now, he was standing right beside her, both their hands limply by their sides, almost touching.

"What on earth was so important to make that whole ordeal worthwhile?" Lupin said.

He turned to look at her, no doubt waiting for a reply, but Tonks leant across and kissed him gently. As she pulled away the tiniest bit, she noticed Lupin's eyes were wider than normal, but his mouth was curling into a dazed smile. He turned to face her and looked at her for a while; Tonks watching his eyes dart all over her face.

Then slowly and carefully, he pulled her head towards his, their lips meeting passionately. His hand cupped the side of her face and his arms pulled her into him. She wrapped her arms around him, her body finding the little niche it had begun to make in him. The newly grown stubble on his chin was burning her skin.

Tonks could feel that something was coming, bridges that had never been crossed and boundaries that had never been broken, were all going to be breached. Her scalp was tingling furiously. The air around them was filled with anticipation, as the feeling of a bigger plan in motion captivated both their senses.

**To be continued…**


	22. The Activites of a Rainy Evening

**Here is a new chapter, extra long for all the delay you've all had!**

**My first try at **_**that**_** sort of writing, believe me there is more to come.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 22**

It was that point in the evening where Remus Lupin had wished he'd brought a woollen jumper, instead of the flimsy cotton one he was wearing. Like somehow, in all that had ensued, if he'd brought something to keep himself warm, everything would have been better. It was a very Remus way of thinking. But as he watched Nymphadora Tonks climbing on top of overturned desks, her figure almost hypnotising him, he struggled to wish to be anywhere else.

Her hips swaying in the very youthful, feminine way they did, made him forget that breathing was even a requirement for living. Lupin was just watching Tonks climb through a set of broken shelves when suddenly he was falling. He pushed his hands out to break his fall but landed right on his ribs, winding himself. Lupin lay on the ground for a moment, his ribs aching and breath struggling to fill him, and his mind wandered.

* * *

Prior to a few rushed minutes of conversation the night before, it had been a few weeks since he'd last seen Tonks. She'd been busy and he'd been doing guard duties almost every night and sleeping all day. Order meetings had now begun to focus on how to prevent the Ministry from discovering them, given what had happened to Podmore.

Their secret missions weren't so secret anymore. Twice Lupin had to narrowly dodge Ministry workers, who now patrolled the area, when they nearly walked right into him in his invisibility cloak. The last he'd seen of Tonks, she'd stood in his bedroom at Grimmauld Place, crying. It was not the display of emotion that surprised Lupin, but the fact that it was over him. No one he'd ever known had ever really cried over him and his transformations, except his mother. It tugged at his heart whenever he thought about the fact that Tonks worried that much.

On top of that, there was very little time spent with Sirius, the two had become ships passing at night. Having short conversations in the morning as Lupin came in for bed and Sirius had just woken. One in particular, the Saturday morning of the week the children had returned to Hogwarts, Sirius received a letter from Harry and the two had a conversation about Hogwarts culminating in Lupin spitting insults about Umbridge.

In all the fuss of Order meetings, constant research and his guard duties it had become November and the winter winds were blowing. It was worrying Lupin slightly that Sirius would soon do something reckless and stupid with all his pent up energy. One night both he and Sirius had found themselves together, strangely enough with nothing to do but listen to the Quidditch game on the Wireless.

"I'm surprised not to find you buried in a book tonight Moony," said Sirius, leaning back in his chair

"I thought a night off wouldn't do anyone any harm. Who is playing anyway?" Lupin asked casually, but the start of the commentary answered his question.

_This evening we have the Tutshill Tornados versus the Wimbourne Wasps. The Tornados still in fine form and undefeated this season. The Wasps have been having some bad luck since their captain was brutally attacked by bludgers in the first…_

"No point listening really, Tornados will flatten them. I didn't realize they'd become so good," Sirius remarked, sounding amazed.

"They got two new chasers I heard, about three years ago. They've been in the finals every year since. Any more owls from Harry?" Lupin asked, flicking his wand at the Wireless to turn down the volume.

…_And __the __quaffle __is __in __the __air.__Brevis __Birch __of __the __Tornados __gets __a __hold __of __it, __passing __it __to __Parkin, __oh __no __faking, __and __streaking __towards __the __goal__…_

"Just the one in their first week. The one about Hagrid." Sirius paused. "Umbridge isn't teaching them any spells. Fat lot of good that'll do in a Defence Against the Dark Arts class. I assumed, at the least, she'd be teaching them to kill half breeds."

"How'd you find out about her? Has Dumbledore written to you?" Lupin enquired, swallowing some anger that bubbled at the thought of Umbridge.

"Oh right, I forgot to tell you. I had a word to Harry a few weeks ago. Through the fire," Sirius added after a look from Lupin.

…_so __that's __sixty __to __thirty __in __favour __of __the __Wasps. __Maybe __now __that __Humphrey's __back at full strength__they __may __have __a __chance__…_

"She's sticking to Fudge's line, training none of them in combat, just like Kingsley said. Pathetic really," Sirius commented.

"How are they supposed to pass their exams with no practical training? She goes on spouting how beastly and dangerous I am, you have to wonder whether or not she's ever looked in a mirror herself," Lupin spat.

…_Lorcan __with __the __Quaffle, __he __passes __around __Letsby __to __Humphrey, __who __dodges __a __bludger __and __gets __a __down__field __pass __too, __oh __yes __Johnson's __got __it. __She __shoots __at __the __goal __and __SCORES! __That's __seventy__…_

"Who cares about exams, Remus. Not training kids in defensive spells is the dumbest thing I've ever heard," growled Sirius.

"Of course it is. I just assumed exams would have been a pressing issue for Fudge as well," Lupin quickly corrected.

"Maybe not. I think he's too afraid of Dumbledore to care about anything else." Sirius laughed. "You want some mead? This game may not end up being as dull as we thought. I can't believe the Tornados are losing by this much."

He nodded and Sirius conjured up two glasses and a full bottle. Lupin sat tracing his finger around the bottom of his glass as Sirius listened intently to the Wireless, occasionally yelling words of encouragement to players that would never hear him. Lupin thought about Harry at school, he couldn't see someone like Harry taking Umbridge's presence lying down.

…_Birch __is __off __with __the __Quaffle __again, __hoping __for __three __in __a __row __no __doubt. __Ohhh! __He __narrowly __missed __that __bludger __fired __by __Morgan. __He __lines __up __for __the __middle __ring __and __HE __SCORES__…_

"Kingsley and Tonks won't make the next meeting," Sirius said, his voice sounding far too casual. " Thought you'd like to know."

"Right," Lupin replied.

Sirius scoffed at him.

"It doesn't bother you? I mean it's been two weeks since we've seen Ton – them." Sirius corrected.

"Why would it bother me?" Lupin said, trying to sound aloof.

Sirius scoffed again, this time trying to stifle a laugh.

"Oh Merlin Moony, I'm not blind I can see from a mile away that–"

But whatever it was that Sirius could see, Lupin never found out, because at the exact moment the Wireless exploded with noise.

_THEY'VE BOTH SEEN THE SNITCH. This is it folks, the nail biting finish. A little bit of rough housing from Greene as he slams into Lynch, trying to push him into the stadium wall and knock him out. It's neck and neck. Lynch is now kicking Greene in the shins. They've pulled into a dive straight to the ground. If they don't pull up soon they're both going to slam into the ground. OH! Greene's slammed straight into the earth but wait a moment; it looks like, YES LYNCH HAS GOT THE SNITCH! TORNADOS WIN!_

Sirius jumped out of his chair in excitement, slamming his glass into the table and nearly smashing it. Lupin laughed at him, Quidditch made Sirius much happier these days than it ever had in the past. The rest of that night was a haze of mead and more replays from the Wireless.

* * *

A week later Lupin found himself in a meeting with Tonks. Sirius had gotten into his contagious high spirits telling a delightful story about how himself, Lupin and James had rearranged the Great Hall's floating candles, just after Tonks had arrived. It was funny how, now that the children had gone, the pre-meeting get together had become longer and much more entertaining.

It filled Lupin's heart with warmth as he watched Tonks laughing along with everyone else at the jokes and pranks the Marauders had performed back in their hey-day. Mundungus became the focus of the meeting after he told everyone some interesting information once Moody and Dumbledore had arrived.

"Well I was sitting in Hogsmeade jus' like you asked me to Dumbledore. And I says 'Blimey I think that's little Harry Potter walking in.' I mean of all the places you send me in he walks–" Mundungus was interrupted by Dumbledore

"I believe I requested you patrol Hogsmeade to watch Harry, not sit in the Hogs Head with Aberforth. But nevertheless, you coincidently chose the correct location."

"Yeah see, used some of me intuition. Anyway, Aberforth couldn't believe his eyes, 'cause in walked about twenty or so of the other buggers. One of your lot, the ones that lookalike," Mundungus said, throwing his head towards Molly and Arthur. "Ordered about twenty butterbeers and then the bushy-haired one got up, prattling on about Merlin knows what and then up came Harry. He had alot to say see, but he gets through his piece, yelling at a few of them riff-raff and then bugger me, they're creating their own Order. Somefin' about fighting that great toad Umbridge 'cause she ain't teaching 'em right and they think Harry could, cause he's never been knocked off by You-Know-Who."

Sirius laughed out loud and grinned across at everyone.

"Knew Harry wouldn't take toad-faces treatment lying down. He's just like his father. I'll have to let him know when I speak to him next. Wouldn't have expected anything less from him," Sirius said, sounding like a proud father.

When the meeting finished, Molly took Sirius aside and stressed that he had to tell Ron not to partake in any group that could get him expelled. As Dumbledore had informed them that Umbridge now enforced a rule banning all clubs. She obviously had her own people tailing Harry.

Lupin was only able to gain himself a short conversation with Tonks afterwards. Which resulted in a kiss at the doorway after he walked her out. The promise of the following evening was enough to keep him at bay. So, when the following day came and the meeting finished, the two of them walked the streets of London, alone. Lupin could feel his body buzzing with anticipation.

Just as he had embarked on a conversation that was not his greatest strength, she ran off trying to pull him inside a boarded up building and that was how he ended up having the wind knocked out of him on the dirty concrete floor. If it wasn't for the child-like enthusiasm that was spilling out of Tonks as she begged him to go inside, he may never have relented. It was that he liked about her; she made him do things he wouldn't, feel things he hadn't, and think about the world differently.

* * *

Lupin pushed himself up, wiping the dust from his robes and looking down at the splintered chair that had not only tripped him, but also ripped his already shabby robes. He saw Tonks's bright red hair whip around a corner and he moved on towards her, getting stuck while trying to climb through a bookcase that blocked the door.

He slipped on paper, tripped over broken furniture and got stuck in every tiny crevice he had to get through. When he finally got through to the stairwell, which he assumed would be empty; he discovered he had to fight his way through more rubble. Ripped, dusty, and scratched, he walked up behind Tonks, who was staring completely captivated by the view in front her.

"What on earth was so important to make that whole ordeal worthwhile?" Lupin complained.

Lupin turned to Tonks, waiting for her to say something, but instead he found her soft lips were being pressed against his. His mind, which had been full of witty comments and complaints to make about Tonks's chosen location, became strangely fuzzy. His eyes widened in shock and when she pulled away, she smiled at him.

Knowing he'd made a bad first start to the evening already, he pulled her back again. It was impossible for him not to think about how strange this situation truly was, that someone like Tonks could look at him the way she was at that moment. Her eyes were brimming with care, completely unperturbed care for him.

It was becoming too much for him to comprehend, so he gave into his mind's wishes and pulled her lips towards his, allowing them to meet softly again. Her body somehow seemed to fit with his own as he pulled her into him. He cupped the side of her face with his hand as their tongues began to dance around the others in a way that made Lupin's stomach do a back flip. A drop of water landed on his face, snapping him out of what felt like a dream, and he pulled back.

"Well – er – that was perhaps – er – worth it in the end." Lupin stuttered, as his mind refused to co-operate and form a useful sentence.

Feeling like his body was not under his control he stepped backwards and half leant and half sat on the railing behind him. Tonks jumped up onto the wall, sitting beside where he leant. Lupin finally looked at the view she had brought him to see. It was beautiful; stars met the skyline of London as it twinkled in the darkness.

As if he'd been hit by a strong gust of wind, Lupin was suddenly waking up to something. He was comfortable. For the first time, in a very long time, Lupin was completely comfortable in the presence of a woman. Tonks was a ball of energy, he hardly understood her or what was going on in her mind and he never knew what she was going to do next, but she made him comfortable, in the strangest way possible.

"Remus?" Came Tonks's voice.

"Yes," Lupin replied.

"Do you think Dumbledore really meant what he said?" Tonks asked.

"About what?"

"Him being chucked out of Hogwarts," Tonks answered.

"I assume so. I can't imagine he'd voice an opinion if he didn't believe it to be true. Fudge has him jinxed into a corner unfortunately," said Lupin, grimly.

"I just can't imagine Hogwarts without him." Tonks mused, sounding uncharacteristically down.

"No, nor can I. Hogwarts was the first place I was ever given any opportunity to do anything I wanted. It was the only place where my affliction meant nothing. That is all because of Dumbledore. To think of _her_walking those corridors now…" Lupin trailed off, not wanting to ruin the moment by spitting the words needed to describe Umbridge.

There was a pause and Lupin looked around for a moment. He felt another drop of water land on the top of his head. He looked back up and saw clouds were coming and felt a few more drops landing on him.

"So what you think of the place?" Tonks asked, her usual energy having returned.

"Its lovely. Although, I have seen many beautiful things the past few days." Lupin stared down at her smiling.

"Oh Merlin," Tonks said, rolling her eyes. "You're so corny, Remus."

"Forgive me for my honesty," Lupin remarked.

She turned away from him and looked out of the view again. He let his head fall sideways so that it was resting on the top of hers. Just as he began to feel comfortable again, light rain started falling.

"Perhaps we should go," Lupin announced, straightening up and letting her go.

"Why?" Tonks asked, frowning at him slightly

"It's starting to rain," said Lupin replied.

Tonks merely smiled at him

"It's just a little rain, Remus. Haven't you ever just stood in the rain?" Tonks said, putting out her tongue and catching some raindrops.

The rain got harder still, and Lupin looked at Tonks, hating that his clothes would soon be wet, but not wanting to leave her.

"Fine, fine, don't get your wand in a knot. We'll go," Tonks sighed.

The two exited the building and as the rain built up, they started running, Tonks laughing and trying to jump in the puddles and Lupin pulling her out of them. The rain started getting harder and Lupin could feel that his clothes were starting to get soaked through.

Lupin followed Tonks into her apartment building, as she'd led him here. He shook the rain out of his hair and he saw her do the same. He walked behind her once again feeling as if he was being hypnotised by her hips. She looked as drenched as he felt. By the time she opened her door, Lupin was very thankful she had a warm fire already going.

The warmth hit him and made him shiver. As he moved in front of her fire, he saw himself in the mirror above it. His hair was plastered to his face and water was still dripping out of it. He ran his hand threw it hoping to rid it of the water. He heard Tonks laugh in the background.

"What?" Lupin asked, spinning around.

"It's a good look for you," said Tonks, pointing at his hair and stifling a giggle.

Lupin turned at the mirror, in trying to dry his hair he'd spiked it all up at the front. He ran his hand through it again, settling it. When he turned back around, Tonks had taken a seat on her couch and two cups of tea were floating towards her.

"I made one for you," she said, passing one towards him.

"Thank you."

Lupin took the cup and sat down beside her, cringing as his cold wet clothes were pressed against his skin. He couldn't help but let his eyes wander over to her. She hadn't changed out of her wet clothes and they had become skin-tight. He vaguely noticed that her hair was completely dry somehow, but his eyes stayed on her figure.

It was difficult to look away but he knew he had to; otherwise he would start feeling like the peverted and lecherous old man Sirius called him. Out of the corner of his eye he saw how her shirt clung to her skin, and his eyes travelled from her exposed collarbone down to her breasts. He turned his head away slightly and sipped his tea allowing its warmth to fill his body.

"That's London weather for you," Lupin said, hating himself for the horrible small talk. "One minute it's perfect and then it's a disaster."

"I like the rain though," Tonks laughed. "Just not when I have someone stopping me from jumping in puddles."

"We would have gotten completely soaked to the skin if I hadn't," said Lupin defensively.

"And we're not now?" Tonks asked sarcastically. "Besides, isn't that what magic's for?"

Lupin could have smacked himself in the head, how could he have forgotten the drying charm? The amount of times he'd had to use it when Sirius and James decided to annoy the Giant Squid. He pulled his wand out of belt and flicked it at himself. Instantly it felt as if his clothes had been in front of blazing fire, both dry and very warm. He flicked his wand at her as well. Her clothes dried in the blink of an eye and, to Lupin's disappointment, they were no longer skin tight.

"Thanks," she said.

"Well, thank you for giving me somewhere to keep dry," said Lupin, standing up.

"That's why you're here?" Tonks asked, furrowing her brow and sounding slightly offended.

"I assumed we came here because it was closer," Lupin explained. "Why? Was there another reason?"

Tonks picked up her cup and walked it into the kitchen, which Lupin found strange, considering she could have used her wand. She walked out and then stood in front of the half open door that Lupin knew led to her bedroom, her hands on her hips.

"Oh, come on, Remus," she said loudly, antagonizing him.

Lupin stood up and walked around the couch.

"I can assure you, my original intentions were completely honorable," he said as he walked.

He watched her face fall a little bit. Lupin had a strange desire to laugh at how perfectly the situation had played out. He stepped toward her

"It does not mean that they still are," he finished against her lips

It took a moment for his words to sink in with her, but Lupin had already closed the gap between them when they did. She looked up at him, pulling back, and he could see a blazing look of eagerness in her eyes. Her face was alight again, looking youthful and particularly bright, even for her. He slid a hand behind her neck, carefully sliding his thumb over her cheek, and he kissed her again.

Her body softened slightly and his other arm, which was wrapped around her, felt like it had just caught her. His tongue explored her mouth, like it had before, always finding a new exciting way to make her squirm. He carefully walked her back towards her bedroom, never breaking the kiss. Thankfully the door wasn't fully shut and Lupin could just push it open. Her bed hit him in the side of his leg, and the two of them fell onto it, breaking apart in mid air.

Tonks laughed as she fell and her laugh, as infectious as always, made him laugh. They lay sprawled next to each other on the bed and Lupin turned his head to look at her. He watched with a smile as Tonks' laugh died away. She propped herself up on her elbow, facing him.

Tonks looked over him with a frighteningly honest look of care, which made goosebumps form all over Lupin's skin. She stroked his face with her fingertips, and Lupin closed his eyes, allowing the moment to swallow him whole. He felt her push his hair off his face and then after a few seconds, he felt her lips back on his.

Lupin wrapped his arms around her back and pulled her completely on top of him. Tonks then sat herself up so she was straddling his waist. Lupin responded by propping himself up, and as she wrapped her legs around his back, he kissed her again. Staring into his eyes, Tonks gently slid the thin cotton jumper he was wearing over his head.

She threw it on the floor and when she turned back, Lupin held her face in his hands, his thumb stroked her cheek and he stared at her, studying her face like he would a book. He wanted to know it back to front, to know where every freckle was placed on her nose and why.

"Is it strange that I suddenly find it unnerving that I don't know if this face is the real you?" Lupin asked, overcome with the realisation.

"No, it's normal. As long as you don't accost me for stealing your boyfriend," Tonks laughed.

Lupin arched an eyebrow, waiting for an explanation.

"Girls don't tend to trust me if they don't know me. They always demand I stay in my true form around their boyfriends. Like I would really have gone for Marcus McLennan," Tonks rolled her eyes. "This is the true me though."

"Even the hair color?"

"No," she laughed. "You've seen my natural one though. Dead boring. This is kind of the natural me. I don't often change my eyes, or the nose or anything on my face unless I'm specifically being someone else."

"So this is you then?"

"Aside from the hair yes. Why? What type would you prefer? Blonde? Brunette? Red Head?" Tonks said, her hair flicking through each color as she said it.

"I can't say I've ever really had a type per say," Lupin said, thinking on it and she looked slightly disappointed. "Why does that bother you?"

"Trust me to pick the one guy who I can't use my special skills on," Tonks said, rolling her eyes.

"Sorry to disappoint you," Lupin said, a feeble grin on his face.

"Are you sure a busty blonde wouldn't be your thing?" Tonks said, adjusting her bust size considerably, and flicking her hair blonde again.

Lupin laughed and she grinned back

"Is it terribly cliche of me to say I think you're beauitful away from the changes?"

"Possibly. Though it isn't a cliche I'm awfully familiar with, so you're off the hook," Tonks said, her chest decreasing and her hair shortening and going pink again.

Tonks kissed his lips slowly and deeply before turning her attention to his shirt. Her fingers fumbled with the buttons but gradually she undid them all and Lupin resisted the urge to laugh at her face so screwed up in concentration. He shrugged himself out of the arms of the shirt and then looked back up at her, their lips meeting with such passion one would assume they'd been denied to do so their whole lives.

Gently, Lupin rolled her over and laid her down on her bed underneath him, their lips never parting. His hands found the waistband of her jeans and started playing with the bottom of her t-shirt. He ran his hands up her stomach and over her ribs, bringing the shirt with them. He stopped just as he had the shirt under her neck and then he broke her kiss and pulled it over her head and threw it aside.

He looked back down at her and his mouth moved to her neck, kissing her soft, pale skin. His lips traced along her collarbone as his hands undid her jeans and he pulled them off, discarding them as well. His lips moved along the top of her bra, wanting more than ever to take it off but deciding not too. He kissed his way down her stomach, pausing at a small scar just below her bellybutton.

"And this is?"

"I slipped during a sleath exercise and landed on a fence pike," Tonks explained, biting her lip as she looked down at him.

Lupin kissed her navel before moving his lips back to hers. She greeted his mouth hungrily and her nails dug into the skin on his back slightly. Her legs wrapped around him, so that every part of his body was pressing into. It was difficult to ignore the feeling that was building somewhere south of his bellybutton. He couldn't stop the hand that moved to her knee and gently slid up her thigh, hooked two fingers over her underwear and pulled them down in one swift movement.

"Exactly how much practice have you had at that Remus?" Tonks said, arching her eyebrow inquisitively

"Enough to know what I'm doing," Lupin replied smiling at her.

"I'm starting to think I should have enquired more about your list," Tonks said.

"Such a shame that moment is gone. Moody would be entirely disappointed at your interrogation skills," Lupin said.

"Why on earth are you talking about Mad-Eye now?"

"For the life of me I don't know," Lupin said, laughing with her.

Tonks smiled at him and placed her hand on the side of his face and kissed him again. All thought of Moody long gone when her lips touched his again. Lupin's hand continued to make it's way up her inner thigh. Goosebumps erupted under his fingertips. The closer he got, the more he could feel warmth eminating from her and his mind could no longer work how it should have.

Then it happened, he had reached the top of her thigh and his finger entered her warmth. His thumb moved up and he knew he'd found the right spot because, with a sharp intake of breath, Tonks's body arched slightly against him and she began biting her lip again. Lupin explored deeper into her warmth and then he heard a sound that tugged at somewhere below his navel. She had moaned and it was too difficult to believe that he had caused it.

His thumb pressed the same spot and the same thing happened, her body arched and another moan escaped her lips. She grabbed his head, almost pulling his hair in desperation and wrenched him up and pulled his mouth to hers so his hand ghosting up over her hips and her ribs

Lupin continued kissing Tonks but his hand made its way back down her torso, lightly sliding over her skin and feeling Tonks squirm because of it. He pressed his finger back into her warmth, it was too inviting not to. This time, being so close to Tonks, he could actually feel her body tighten as he moved. Heat spread through his own body, from below his navel and up into his stomach.

His lips moved from her mouth down her neck and teeth lightly nibbled on the skin as he continued exploring her warmth, allowing his thumb to find that right spot every now and again. The air around him tightened again, but this time he knew why. Tonks pulled him back and started kissing him tumultously, and her fingers dug into his back. His thumb found the right spot for one last time and he felt Tonks's entire body stiffen again as she exhaled hot breath against his lips.

Lupin couldn't fight his grin at her as she looked up at him, dazed looking but smiling. Just as he was about to say something, a loud bang then echoed through her flat. He jumped slightly as he heard the second bang. Who came calling at this time of night? Tonks turned to look at him, her face very flushed, and smiled apologetically before she wrapped a sheet around herself and moved out the door.

Lupin sat up and tried to listen to who it was. He didn't recognize the voice, but it was male and it sounded like whoever it was, was in a rush. The tone of urgency and annoyance in his voice was unmistakable.

He heard Tonks's front door slam and her footsteps made their way to the bedroom. The door opened and there, bathed in light, was Tonks's looking as gorgeous as ever with just a sheet wrapped loosely around her frame. It seemed much harder to think after seeing that.

"It was just Dawlish. Apparently Scrimgeour is moving ahead with a raid at Hogsmeade now. He feels the surprise will be in our favour," Tonks said, rolling her eyes and still looking flushed.

Lupin was sitting on the edge of the bed and he smiled at her in response. She took a few steps towards him, sliding onto his lap, and wrapping her legs around him. He placed a hand on her thigh as she caught his face and kissed him tentatively.

"Now, where were we?" she breathed against his lips.

"I think, you were getting ready for the raids, and I was to be heading off," Lupin said smiling at her. "Very much past my bedtime."

He face dropped instantly.

"Are you trying to be a gentleman still?" Tonks asked.

"Would you prefer I didn't?"

"Absolutley," Tonks muttered, playing with his hair. "We've never actually covered why you are doing it, you know?"

"Being gentlemanly?" Lupin asked, and Tonks nodded. "Two reasons I suppose. Thef irst being your cousin may possibly hex parts of my body off that, over the years, I have become attached to."

Tonks laughed.

"And then, I suppose, I've never really done this before."

Tonks eyes went very wide, and he felt her recoil.

"Oh no, I've done _that_ before, I've assure you. I just never been so openly honest with someone, and I don't know if it's something I want to push. I've given you the choice, and I suppose there's an element of trust in that."

"Trust? Of course I trust you," Tonks said instantly, looking affronted.

"No, I mean, trust for me, that you would not regret it, somewhere down the line," Lupin explained. "Because of what I am."

Tonks kissed him softly.

"I could never regret it," she cooed back at him and he smiled.

"I just need to get used to the idea I suppose," Lupin added finally.

"Is this attached to the tears from the two girls?"

Lupin laughed at her.

"Yes it is," Lupin said. "And the rest of them."

"Care to explain," Tonks said.

"Not particularly," Lupin muttered. "Moody really did not train you well with extracting stories did he?"

Tonks grinned up at him, and kissed him again. He slid his hands up her back and up into her hair.

"More than that, I like you, so I'd rather not rush things as I have in the past," Lupin said simply.

"This is because of that stupid noble Gryffindor part in you isn't it?" Tonks asked frankly.

Lupin laughed softly and kissed her again.

"What would you say to dinner here next week?" she asked looking up at him.

He loved that she didn't look nervous at all, perhaps it was because she knew he would not say no, or because she was the kind of person not to care.

"I'd say it's a date," Lupin responded. "But I also think I should get going."

Tonks' shoulders sagged slightly, and wehter by accident or not, she let go of the sheet wrapped around her, closing her eyes. Lupin couldn't help but glance at the view so happily sitting on his lap.

"On the other hand, the public transport in London is awful this time of night," Lupin said smiling, his eyes slightly transfixed on her.

"You're a wizard Remus," Tonks said thickly, opening her eyes with a grin. "You can apparate."

"Would that infer that you want me to go?"

"Not at all," Tonks said, catching his lips.

* * *

Half an hour later Lupin was finally dressed and saying goodbye to Tonks at the front door, having delayed a long time with her in her bedroom. He walked back to Grimmauld Place, enjoying silence and chilly night air. How come, if he knew he'd done exactly the right thing by leaving, did he feel so horrible about the decision he'd made? He had wanted to stay more than anything, but their time, their first time, would have no interruptions.

Lupin knew how it would go, because it was how he wanted it to go. Perfect, as that was what she deserved, even if he failed on every account to be that way. Hopefully it would be sooner, rather than later, because Tonks was becoming harder and harder to resist in the way he had to.

**To be continued…**


	23. The Dog, The Owl and The Hogs Head

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******Enjoy. **

* * *

**Chapter 23.**

Nymphadora Tonks stomped towards her front door. Anger, among other things, was pulsing through her veins. Whoever the hell was at the door and disturbed what was just about to take place, better have a damn good reason. She opened the door to see John Dawlish; he looked at her and his eyes widened for a second. In all of Tonks' frustration, she'd forgotten she was answering the door in only her bed sheet. He then shook his head and proceeded to speak at her, not too her.

"Scrimgeour wants us all at the office now," he said gruffly.

"Why? Its nearly two in the morning," asked Tonks, trying not to sound as annoyed at him as she was.

"I don't know. We just have to go. Something about raids at Hogsmeade and the surprise attack being in our favor. Just get ready and get to the office," Dawlish snapped

Tonks could feel her sheet slipping and heat was still spreading through her body from the magic touch of Remus Lupin, making her face feel warm.

"All right. I'll be there."

"Great," Dawlish sighed as he turned to leave.

"How did you find out where I lived?" Tonks asked, having just realized how strange it was.

"Kingsley knew. Just get moving," Dawlish added impatiently, and turned to leave

Tonks closed the door and turned back around. On the one hand she was thankful Kingsley hadn't come himself, as he may have noticed the odd bits of clothing that belonged to Lupin that were still in the living room. His jacket and shoes for example. But then again, Dawlish was becoming a bit too big for his boots these days and he had such an attitude, so she'd have rathered the friendly interaction with Kingsley over him.

After a second or so, Tonks shook her head and quickly walked off to the bedroom, wondering why on earth she was bothering to think about that, when she had Lupin in her bedroom. She opened the door slowly and saw Lupin sitting on the edge of the bed, the moonlight bouncing of his slightly muscular chest.

"It was just Dawlish. Apparently Scrimgeour is moving ahead with a raid at Hogsmeade now. He feels the surprise will be in our favor," Tonks repeated with a roll of her eyes.

She slid onto his lap, straddling him. In a very promising move, his hands moved onto her thighs. She began to play with his hair.

"Now, where were we," she said in a soft growl.

"I think, you were getting ready for the raids, and I was to be heading off," Lupin said, smiling at her. "Very much past my bedtime."

Tonks couldn't understand how he could say that. How on earth was it time to be leaving? They were finally alone. No Sirius to stare at them weirdly, no Weasley children to laugh with, or at, and no Order business to take care of. Slowly it dawned on her that perhaps what had just happened between the two of them, what she could only describe as magical, was not what he wanted or what he wanted to continue. Perhaps he was just being his noble gentlemanly stupid self.

"Are you trying to be a gentleman still?" Tonks asked dully.

"Would you prefer I didn't?"

"Absolutely," Tonks said instantly.

He smiled at her, and then she stopped, the paranoid voice in her forcing her to ask a new question.

"We've never actually covered why you are doing it, you know?"

"Being gentlemanly?" Lupin asked, and Tonks nodded. "Two reasons I suppose. The first being your cousin may possibly hex parts of my body off that, over the years, I have become attached to. And then, I suppose, I've never really done this before."

Her eyes widened. That was impossible. She knew it was. He'd discussed past relationships and –

"Oh no, I've done _that_ before, I've assure you," he interrupted her thoughts, and Tonks gave him a guilty smile. "I just never been so openly honest with someone, and I don't know if it's something I want to push. You'd be the first girl to know what I am, before it happened. I've given you the choice, and I suppose there's an element of trust in that."

"Trust? Of course I trust you," Tonks said instantly, furrowing her brow at him

"No, I mean, trust for me, that you would not regret it, somewhere down the line," Lupin explained. "Because of what I am."

Tonks kissed him softly, wondering if this was all coming from past experiences he'd had.

"I could never regret it," she cooed back at him completely honestly

"I just need to get used to the idea I suppose," Lupin added finally.

"Is this attached to the tears from the two girls?"

Lupin laughed at her.

"Yes it is," Lupin said. "And the rest of them."

"Care to explain," Tonks said.

"Not particularly," Lupin muttered. "Moody really did not train you well with extracting stories did he?"

Tonks grinned up at him, and kissed him again. He slid his hands up her back and up into her hair.

"More than that, I like you, so I'd rather kiss you goodnight and be on my way, that rush something I quite enjoy," Lupin said simply.

"This is because of that stupid noble Gryffindor part in you isn't it?"

Lupin laughed. She'd never exactly thought about the process of slowing things down. She thought he was completely mad, as there was no one else she trusted more. Yet the more she thought about it, the more she realized that perhaps she trusted him because he had been a gentleman. He had not pushed her too far, or ever made her feel uncomfortable.

Yet, it came back to him being a werewolf. He was quite adamant it was more of a problem for her than it really was. She knew that was not a view that would shift easily, perhaps because of the past dealings he'd had with women that he was so tight lipped on. She was actually quite flattered by his behavior, and it was certainly not something she was used to. Lupin reached his hand up, stroking her cheek, and kissed her again.

"What would you say to dinner here next week?" she asked.

"I'd say it's a date," Lupin responded. "But I also think I should get going."

Tonks huffed at the thought of him leaving. She really didn't want him to leave, not when eh was beneath her, with his lips so close, and his wonderful scent filling her nose. She closed her eyes, breathing him in. He smelt like soap, books and a strange combination of the outdoors.

"On the other hand, the public transport in London is awful this time of night," she heard Lupin say

"You're a wizard Remus," Tonks said thickly, opening her eyes with a grin. "You can apparate."

"Would that infer that you want me to go?"

"Not at all," Tonks said.

She met his lips feverently; and pushed him back on the bed.

* * *

When she let him out of her house an hour or so later, Tonks leant back against the door. It was actually going to be an official date. With Lupin. Just her and Lupin again. She resisted the urge to jump up and down on the spot like a schoolgirl and instead moved off to her bathroom, grabbing some cleaner robes on the way. Just as she walked in, she noticed herself in the mirror; small red marks were visible across her neck. Her hair flushed red as she remembered how she got them.

They had no doubt been exasperated by Lupin's stubble. She smiled at them and then continued changing her clothes. When she was finally all decked out in her Auror gear, she left her flat headed for the Ministry. Closing the door on an evening she would never forget.

Tonks stood in the pouring rain outside the Hogs Head Pub. The raid had been abandoned by the time most of the Auror's had arrived, many of them yawning and muttering things under their breath.

Scrimgeour had decided upon arrival that the element of surprise had been lost. Many apparated straight back home, some crowded around Scrimgeour to hear his thoughts on the matter, and Tonks just stared at the Hogs Head. Kingsley eventually sidled up to her.

"Interesting evening if I don't say so myself," he muttered.

"What did this interrupt you from?" Tonks asked.

"My guard duty. It was only an owl," Kingsley added after Tonks looked at him in alarm. "I heard he sent some Auror's to collect others."

"Unfortunately I was one of them." Tonks laughed.

"Which victim did he pick?"

"Dawlish. Poor bloke, I don't think he'll be coming to my house ever again," said Tonks.

Kingsley laughed along with her and then stared at the Hogs Head.

"Want a drink? A pick-me-up at three in the morning could be nice," Kingsley asked. "We may as well do something whilst we're here."

"I get the feeling it may be closed." Tonks said sarcastically.

"Hogs Head isn't," Kingsley said, and Tonks turned to find that he was right.

She was stuck between wanting to have a good time with Kingsley as usual, or go home and be responsible.

"One drink," Tonks said. "I've got a guard duty tomorrow night, but I can't resist one of Aberforth's flaming Fire-Whiskey's."

"That a girl," Kingsley said, and they both walked inside.

Tonks had indeed stayed for one drink, but ended up staying for a few more. At five in the morning she finally deciding to leave. Her stomach burning from laughing with Kingsley, and her head spinning slightly. She apparated to her flat disappointed that this time Lupin wouldn't be in her bed waiting for her.

* * *

Guard Duty had been long and dull. Tonks was beginning to feel like she had been spoiled at first, as being with Lupin had been a blast. She didn't see any patrolling Ministry workers like some of the others had. Arthur's tale of a very close escape from Savage couldn't be further from the boring evening Tonks had.

Tonks was so tired from the duty and the piling up of work, she forgot all about her promise with Lupin and just remembered it as she walked into Grimmauld place for the Monday meeting. She was too exhausted to be visibly excited, but it was all there, even if she couldn't feel it. Her and Kingsley had come together, rushing from the Ministry and arriving minutes after it started.

As she sat down between him and Arthur, and did her usual quick glance across the table. She searched for the dark blue eyes, but she couldn't spot them. She furrowed her brow and looked down the table in front of her. Where was he? He'd made a promise to see her and he wasn't here. Was something wrong with him? She glanced up and noticed Sirius was staring at her through the corner of his eye.

It was a blink and you'd miss it moment, but he moved his head towards the window beside him, signaling for her. She immediately looked out of it, not knowing what she was hoping for. Would Lupin be hovering in mid air just outside it? Instead she saw something that made her stomach drop the tiniest bit. The full moon was sitting high in the sky. Breathlessly she made an 'oh' sound and then turned to Dumbledore, finally keen to listen.

"We finally have word from Hagrid. He to corroborates Olympe's story. Unfortunately the Giants could not be persuaded. He is mid way through the journey home," Dumbledore finished.

"Mid-way through? I thought they were only past Minsk. Shouldn't that only take a day or so?" Molly said and Tonks noted the concern in her voice that slightly matched her own.

"Well he cannot Apparate remember," Kingsley added.

"Yes I know, but still, Muggle transport is only a day or so from that area, right?" Molly asked.

Everyone seemed to turn to Dumbledore at the same time, as if he would have all the answers.

"I do not know what is taking so long, as he said he would explain more when there is no chance of the interception of his owls. I believe he is wanting to travel slowly and away from the watchful eye of the Death Eaters he left behind," Dumbledore explained calmly.

By the end of the meeting, mostly every left instantly, all busy with things. Dumbledore walked down into the kitchen deep in conversation with Kingsley, and the Weasleys and Moody walked out the front door together. Tonks slowly made her way down into the kitchen just in time to watch Kingsley disappear into the green flames of the fireplace. Sirius and Mundungus were at the table together, both laughing.

"Evenin' Tonks," Mundungus said, catching his breath.

"Wotcher." Tonks smiled at him "What's the joke?"

She took a seat at the table and Sirius sat beside her, with Mundungus across from them both.

"Dung here was just telling me about his latest dealings with some Cauldron sellers in Hampshire," Sirius explained.

"Yeah see, the idiots had silver self-stirring ones and so I tell em you've only got pewter ones, 'spectin them not to believe it, but the gits bought it. So they sells them to me for a steal and I promptly ran off to Diagon Alley and got meself mounds of Galleons," Mundungus said, holding back his glee.

Tonks laughed with the two men as she accepted a bottle of Butterbeer Sirius passed her.

"Nah, gotta be on me way Sirius. Got a spot of business with some blokes down in Devon," Mundungus explained after refusing the bottle Sirius held out for him.

He stood up and left Sirius and Tonks alone in the kitchen.

"You got to love Dung. No morals whatsoever, but always good for a laugh." Sirius said, leaning back in his chair and sipping his drink. "How was the Ministry today?"

"Fine. Boring as ever, but fine. Scrimgeour has it on good authority that you're in the Greek Islands at the moment," Tonks told him.

"Well I suppose he's not half wrong. I was there about a year or so ago. It was where James, myself and Remus went just after we graduated. So when I was on the run last year, that's where I went first," Sirius explained.

"I've never been over that way. I remember Binns always going on and on about the examples of magic from the Ancient Greeks. Still, he was the most boring person, well ghost, so he never made me want to go," said Tonks.

"I was way too far away from the mainland. We had a lot of fun just stuck in the Islands." Sirius paused for a moment and surveyed Tonks before speaking again. "I think Remus went up there, but not me."

"Yeah," Tonks could feel his eyes burning into her side, so she took the opportunity to change the topic. "Not a lot of people staying back after the meetings these days. I miss the dinners, they were a riot."

"They were. It's just me and Kreacher at the moment," Sirius said, with noticeable venom in his voice.

Tonks nodded in agreement, not really knowing what else to say. After a few moments silence, she spoke up again.

"When did you become an Animagus by the way?"

Sirius looked at her stunned for a second.

"I still really can't believe Remus hasn't told you the stories." Sirius sighed, with a smile creeping onto his face. "It was in our fifth year I think, could have been sixth, I can't remember anymore. You see, James, Peter, and I, wanted to prowl around the school with Remus at midnight, but obviously you can't be in the company of a werewolf as a human. So we sat down and learnt how to do it. Remus helped. And by helped I mean, did all of the research as James and I mostly talked to girls and hexed Snivelly."

"Yeah I was going to say, from what I'd heard, you and James didn't seem the type to sit in a library and study all day and night," Tonks laughed.

"Naturally," Sirius smiled.

The two took sips of their drinks again and the laughter slowly died away. Both of them seemed to sigh at the same time. Then Sirius turned to her, a wild smile on his face and mischievous glint in his eye. She had seen that look on him before, whenever he had spoken to her about Lupin that's how he looked. Tonks had thought she'd successfully kept him off the topic of Lupin, but clearly she was wrong.

"What?" Tonks asked.

Sirius just laughed and then, in the blink of an eye, transformed into a big black dog. Even as a dog she could still see the glint in his eye and the wild smile. Suddenly his face sharpened and his eyes narrowed and a strange memory from her childhood came flooding back. She knew without a shadow of doubt what he was going to do.

"Don't you dare!" Tonks threatened.

Sirius barked at her and then turned and with his big wet sloppy tongue he licked her cheek, leaving a large amount of saliva behind. Tonks screwed up her face in disgust whilst Sirius barked in triumph.

"Ha. Ha. Very funny!" Tonks said, still wiping her cheek clean.

Sirius barked again and Tonks thought for a moment she could hear his normal human laugh in it as well. Tonks put her hand out and began patting him and scratched behind his ears. She could hear his back leg hitting the chair as it shook. After lunging at her again and licking her, he transformed again. He did it so quickly that Tonks was still patting his head even when he changed back. They laughed again.

"Enjoy that did you?" Sirius asked, grinning at her.

"Obviously," Tonks replied scathingly, wiping her cheek clean again.

"Well you did once before," Sirius mused.

"I was about to ask that. I had a weird memory of something licking me as a child. It's still not as comforting to know it was only my cousin," said Tonks.

"I thought you would have known. I used to transform for you whenever your mother wasn't looking. You used to love it," Sirius explained

"Sadly, not anymore," said Tonks, glaring at him.

Sirius only laughed in response.

"On the topic of you. I got an owl from Andromeda yesterday. Apparently it's someone's birthday next week." Sirius slyly announced.

"What? Oh yeah," Tonks exclaimed. "It will be won't it? I can't believe it's going to be December second in a week. This year's gone way too fast."

"Speak for yourself," Sirius said, his retort filled with the same venom as before. "How old will you be anyway?"

"Twenty four. I think I'm starting to get old," Tonks mocked

"Oh shut up. What I wouldn't give to be in your shoes," Sirius replied with a smile. "So what's the plan? We have an Order meeting that night, but how's dinner after? I'll bet Molly wouldn't mind cooking up a feast for you. I'll tell Kingsley, Moody, Dung, Molly, Arthur, Bill and Remus to stay?"

"Sure," Tonks replied enthusiastically, ignoring the way Sirius's voice seemed to linger deliberately on Lupin's name.

"On that topic, you and Moony huh?" Sirius said, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Do you expect me to say something?"

"I thought you'd at least be more fun than your other half," Sirius huffed.

"I am, but I'm still telling you nothing," Tonks replied.

"Ah-ha!" Sirius exclaimed, beaming. "You didn't deny the other half part."

Tonks gave him a glare, but he only kept grinning smugly. She remembered the things Lupin had told her about Sirius, how close they were, and she thought she'd found the right person to express herself and hopefully get an answer she could work with, she just needed to find a sneaky way to do it.

"Say, hypothetically, you were right," Tonks said realizing this was by no means sneaky, and Moody truly would be disappointed in her stealth capabilities.

"Oh _hypothetically_, sure," Sirius added, grinning again.

"_Very_ hypothetically," Tonks muttered. "But say I want to talk to him about the whole werewolf business, is there something I can say? I don't really want to say the wrong thing."

Sirius looked at her for a moment, obviously on point of making an incredibly smug comment, or deciding to help her. To her relief, he chose the latter.

"I don't think you can do anything that's wrong in terms of it. You're there talking to him, and not running away screaming, you're already right," Sirius said, rubbing his chin.

"I get that, but he seems to be labeling under the miss-apprehension that I'm bothered by it. That it's a big deal, when it's not to me, and I don't know how to fix that."

"You can't. Well you probably could, but it's not about you really. He's always been a little, cagey, about it."

"Cagey?"

"He makes it a big deal. He thinks the rest of the world is bothered by it. Which is entirely true, but the problem is that he occasionally forgets there are people who don't. He struggles with that concept on occasion," Sirius explained, throwing Tonks for a loop by how helpful and serious he was being.

"So I just have to sit on my hands and wait for him to get over this concept with me as he has with you?"

"I'd say, hypothetically, you could found a find better of waiting, involving him," Sirius said, wriggling his eyebrows again, before huffing when Tonks didn't respond. "What makes you think he's over it with me?"

"The way he behaves with you."

"We're talking hypothetically still right?" Sirius reminded her. "So if hypothetically you were snogging him at every intersect possible, and Merlin knows what else, it's an entirely different relationship to what I have with him."

"Thank Merlin for that," Tonks laughed.

"So if he were to trust me, that's an easier task than with someone he's _hypothetically _dating, falling in love with, and generally being entirely vulnerable with a heart his on a platter," Sirius said.

Tonks felt her butterflies going mental in her stomach as he said Lupin was falling in love with her

"It's not to say he was always so easy with me and the rest. He hid it from us, and even when we knew, he still never let on how much it bothered him. I've seen him in some pretty bad states, barely able to move on a few occasions, and the way he acted to us, you'd think he'd only just been bitten by a flobberworm," Sirius said.

"So the bottom line?"

"He's got a lifetime of experiences, some I know he wont share with you," Sirius added with a devious smile, " that prove he needs to separate himself from everyone, and be the cagey little bastard he chooses to be. Hypothetically, you'd need to prove you're not like the rest."

"How on earth do I do that?"

"You already are. You're there. You're worried for him. You're asking questions about how to help him to the one person you know can help but will absolutely make your life hell for doing it," Sirius said, and Tonks swallowed hard at the thought. "He's going to resist, and he's going to pull away, as he did with us, you just have to show him that you won't do what he thinks you will."

Tonks blinked at Sirius, so caught off guard by the sudden change in his personality. This was obviously the side Lupin talked about; the one Sirius didn't show very often.

"You're scaring me slightly you know," Tonks added with a grin.

"Not as much as I'm scaring myself," he barked.

"Thank you though, for this very _hypothetical_ conversation," Tonks said, and Sirius smiled.

"Any time. It's nice to be useful for a change."

Tonks took a gulp of her drink, digesting all the things Sirius had said.

"You know, I'm not being entirely nice," Sirius said, leaning back in his chair.

"No?"

"No, I'm actually being entirely underhanded," Sirius said.

"How's that?"

"Well I'm giving you the tips and tricks so you can stay with him. Hypothetically of course. He's so much more fun when he's seeing somebody."

"So I shouldn't walk away from this thinking Sirius deep down is a really nice guy?"

"Never," Sirius said instantly, and Tonks grinned.

She took a long draught of her butterbeer, ready to change the topic.

"You make him happy," Sirius said, surveying her with narrowed eyes.

Tonks didn't say anything; she just felt the butterflies multiply by the thousand.

"But, as an elderly relative I should give you that talk about being with an older man, and how he could seduce you for his own means, in the devious little ways he does."

"Hypothetically, I may just want him to do that," Tonks said slyly.

"Hypothetically, I'd say he's a fool if he hasn't. No doubt he has you in with the idea that he's a quiet, book smart, gentleman."

When Tonks blinked at him, worried Lupin may have told him something, he grinned.

"It always is the quiet ones girls have to be careful of," Sirius laughed.

"Meaning?"

"I don't know if I could break your heart Dora. I will say, he's not as good as he may appear, rather the opposite," Sirius laughed. "He just makes sure no one can see truly how underhanded and devious he can be."

* * *

Two days later Tonks found herself in another Order meeting. Lupin had returned, looking very tired and particularly shabby but he did not have that same defeated aura that he usually had after a transformation, he seemed slightly more upbeat. Tonks could not find a moment alone with him all night.

She wanted to ask him when he was coming over for dinner, as they never decided when, but she couldn't do it with so many people around. Instead she had to leave without a word, and only an apologetic smile from him as Moody cornered him when he tried to make his way over.

She turned on the spot in the garden and appeared in her living room, disappointment weighing heavily on her heart. After realizing she had a stack of paperwork to get through, dinner to cook and a thorough cleaning of her flat ahead of her, Tonks decided to have a shower. She let the warm water cascade over her skin, feeling it wash away all the bad parts of her week.

When she walked into her kitchen, towel wrapped around her and hair a new shade of buttercup yellow; she went straight for the fridge. After grabbing a large helping of treacle tart that her mother had made for her, she set off for the table and, without warning, a loud hoot echoed through her apartment

"Merlin," Tonks cried aloud in shock, grasping her heart as it beat furiously.

She spun around to see a majestic looking tawny owl perched on her window, a piece of parchment attached to it's leg. She rolled her eyes and cursed aloud, knowing it was probably another raid notice. She unwrapped it hastily and instead of Scrimgeour's untidy scrawl, she saw neat and elegant looking writing, like none she'd ever seen before. When her eyes reached the bottom, they widened at the name signed.

_Nymphadora,_

_If the offer still stands, how is tomorrow evening for dinner?_

_Seven perhaps?_

_Sincerely,_

_Remus Lupin._

A smile spread across her face as she held the letter in both hands and reading over it again, worried that the second time around it would say something completely different. The owl hooted at her impatiently.

"Yeah, keep your hair on, I'm writing now," Tonks said to it.

She pulled out parchment and sat down, pushing her treacle tart away so she could write.

_Of course the offer still stands, you git._

_See you then,_

_Tonks._

She paused with her quill just above the paper and smiled to herself as she wrote the final line

_P.S. Call me Nymphadora again, and I'll hex you into oblivion!_

She sealed it in an envelope and watched the owl fly off into the distance. When she turned back to her treacle tart, suddenly she didn't feel as hungry as she did before.

* * *

The next day at work passed in a haze of nerves, which resulted in more accidents on Tonks' part than usual. She rushed home as early as possible and immediately started on dinner. Knowing she was not at all capable cooking with charms she decided to use her hands. She'd stopped in at Muggle shops along the way home to get ingredients and when she was presented with the many _many_ different types of food, she realized she had no idea what Lupin liked.

She settled with a Sheppard's Pie, as it seemed the easiest. Almost straight away Tonks knew it was going to be a disaster. She had to shower and cook at the same time. Her vegetables weren't chopped up properly, and she had a feeling she'd over-cooked the meat.

On top of that she'd burned her hand many times, cut her fingers and smashed two plates and a cup. Before she knew it, there was a knock at the door. She froze, feeling panic wash over.

"Just a second," Tonks yelled.

Her eyes swept the apartment, it was a complete mess. She threw things in all directions and managed to make it look somewhat cleaner. She checked herself in the mirror, changed her hair to a light turquoise color and then moved to the door. She pulled it open and saw Lupin standing there.

Her panic filtered out and was replaced by a warm fuzzy feeling that was very new to her. He was dressed better than she'd seen him before. His robes still had that distinct shabbiness to them, but less so then normal.

"Good evening," he breathed, with that hoarse voice that made Tonks' skin tingle.

He smiled as he surveyed her and then bent down and kissed her lightly on the cheek. Tonks felt her cheek burn, but she smiled back up at him, praying that her Sheppard's Pie wasn't ruined, because Lupin looked like he was here for something. And by the look in his eye, it was important.

**To be continued…**


	24. The Burning Desire

**A moment in this was actually inspiried by a fan art which I love!**

**Just a note, thier ages are as correct as possible. I've checked all kinds of sources. Tonks's birthday is made up, but it's close to Nat Tena's.**

**Next chapter will come quickly as I'm pretty sure you'll all hate me and come chasing after me with pitchforks at the end of this.**

**The reviews and the response is wonderful and always suprising, thank you so much! I always love to hear what you think.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 24.**

Remus Lupin sat at the desk in his bedroom at Grimmauld Place. Nerves were sitting in the pit of his stomach, for reason, that when he looked over his life and what he should and shouldn't be nervous about, completely baffled him. Was it the feeling that Sirius would soon do something stupid? No. Was it the enormous task that seemed to be ahead of every Order member? No. Was it the private mission that Dumbledore would soon approach him about? Never.

Lupin was in fact nervous about an owl he'd just sent to Nymphadora Tonks. He was assured she would not decline his request, but the nagging voice, the voice that had always been inside him since he was a boy, made him worry. It was that voice Tonks seemed to eliminate in him whenever they were together. She made him feel anything could be possible.

Lupin watched as some of the lights in the houses across the road turned off. He was hoping that Tonks would reply instantly, but perhaps she had gone to sleep. He'd hated watching her leave tonight, knowing he wouldn't be able to talk to her alone. So, after she had to leave, he waited a few moments and then went upstairs to send his owl. Lupin glanced at the pile of books sitting next to him. He looked over all the titles and picked up _Hogwarts,__a__History_.

The book fell open to the chapter about Godric Gryffindor, so he began to read it. When he first got to Hogwarts and was sorted into Gryffindor, he read the bits about Godric over and over. He hoped one day to emulate the man he so admired. It made him feel better when he read about him, like it was possible for him to be whatever he wanted, like he could ignore his own shortcomings because he was part of this great man.

Something high up in the distance moved and caught his attention. He could see something small coming towards him. The closer it got, he could make out that it had wings, and knew it was his reply. It flew straight in the window and landed on his desk. He untied the piece of parchment, unrolled it and read it.

_Of course the offer still stands, you git._

_See you then,_

_Tonks._

_P.s. Call me Nymphadora again, and I'll hex you into oblivion!_

Lupin laughed at her half untidy scrawl, as he could perfectly picture her threatening him for the use of her first name. The knot in his stomach loosened instantly, only to be brought back when he realized, he was going to be on a proper date with her. He had not been on a date in a very long time.

* * *

The next evening he walked to Tonks' from Grimmauld Place. He'd told Sirius he was doing a guard duty and slipped out just before seven, hoping he wouldn't notice that Lupin's robes were much cleaner than normal. He'd hoped the walk to could settle some of the nerves that still ran through him. He had the confidence to know that he would not say the wrong thing, or something inappropriate. He also knew she liked him by the way she'd behaved the last few times he'd seen her. Yet, he was still nervous.

To add to it, there was something he knew he needed to ask her soon, and it had to be sooner rather than later. With all the knowledge he had, he still had no idea how to approach her about making the Wolfsbane potion. He made his way up into her building and upstairs. He found her door and knocked.

"Just a second," he heard her voice yell, muffled by the door.

Lupin could hear things being thrown around her apartment. He laughed quietly to himself, knowing she was doing a last minute clean for him. Finally the door opened and Tonks stood there, smiling, her hair a light shade of turquoise. She was dressed somewhat differently, for Tonks anyway.

She had done away with her usual ripped jeans and Weird Sisters t-shirt. Instead, her jeans were darker and did not look as if they had ever been worn. She was wearing a strappy black top with a purple cardigan.

"Good evening," Lupin breathed, smiling back at her.

"Hi," Tonks said breathlessly, and Lupin was relieved to hear even she sounded a bit on edge as well.

"Last minute clean-up?" Lupin asked, staring past her and into her flat.

"No," Tonks muttered, very unconvincingly. "Are you coming in, or are you happy standing the doorway?"

"Have we done away with formal greetings in lieu of abrasiveness?" Lupin asked.

"I don't know if you're good enough to deserve one," Tonks said, pouting at him.

"I may have to steal one then should I?"

Tonks grinned at him, and he leant forward, and kissed her lips softly. She fell against him, and Lupin pulled back. He smiled politely at her, and she let him inside. He was hit with a delightful smell, and he turned his head to try and work out what it was, and what she was cooking for him.

"It's a Sheppard's Pie," Tonks said, reading Lupin's mind.

"Interesting."

"What's so _interesting_ about that?" Tonks asked.

"You seem to have discovered a favorite of mine," Lupin replied. "Did Sirius tell you?"

No this was a guess," Tonks said, grinning widely.

"Good guess."

"Well I thought what was the most boring meal possible, and I knew it would fit you," Tonks said.

'Well, aren't we in a chipper mood today," Lupin laughed.

Tonks laughed with him, and then moved off into the kitchen. Lupin took a seat on the sofa to warm himself by the fire. She came back with two glasses and a bottle of mead. After pouring them both a glass, Tonks sat back, and looked across at Lupin expectantly. He took a sip, hoping to Merlin that after he swallowed, he'd miraculously know something witty and perfect to say. Sadly, he did not.

"This mead is good. Where'd you get it?" Lupin asked.

"Leaky Cauldron. Tom recommended it," Tonks replied slowly.

"Do you go there a lot?" Lupin enquired, beginning to really hate himself.

"I s'pose. We used to go there on Fridays after work, but not since Fudge went all mental," Tonks said. "More often when I was training we went to Bowtruckles."

There was a collective exhaling of breath and an awkward silence descended upon them. Lupin started to panic. Talking always came so easily for the two of them. It was the one thing they seemed to be able to do with no complications. He stared at the coffee table in front of him, which was covered in a strange assortment of objects.

It had a Weird Sisters T-shirt half covering it, a two-month-old copy of Witch Weekly, wrappers from some Honeydukes chocolate, three books Lupin couldn't see the titles of, papers with scribbled notes, Rolling Wand the newest rock music magazine, a tiny sneakoscope, what looked like one of Fred and George's extendable ears and some packets of Droobles Best Blowing Gum. Lupin smiled at all the objects; collectively they seemed to him to scream Tonks

"Did Fred and George give you the Extendable Ear?" Lupin asked, indicating the table and so relieved to find something good to say.

"Yeah they did," Tonks said, picking it up. "It was just after I ate that sweet that made me throw up on everyone. They're brilliant those two of them. The Ministry doesn't even have inventions as smart as this."

"I did not wish to disagree with Molly at the time, but they are very ingenius products. Not that I'd care to be on the receiving end of one of those sweets," said Lupin, give a small smile at her.

"Were you there that day?"

"When you vomited in front of everyone?" Lupin asked, continuing on when Tonks nodded. "No I wasn't, but the story lives on in infamy."

"So, not only did I embarrass myself in front of everyone there, but also everyone they told," Tonks said, shaking her head. "Brilliant."

"Don't be mistaken Tonks, you've embarrassed yourself many times in front of us all. Need I remind you of the troll's leg? I'd say it's another incident on a growing list."

"Hey!" Tonks protested. "At least I didn't – you know – there was the time – oh Merlin! This sucks. You haven't done anything."

Lupin gave a soft chuckle at her.

"Age seems to do away with stupidity," Lupin remarked.

"Explain Fudge then," Tonks quipped.

"Touche," Lupin said, smiling as she grinned. "I should have said, occasionally age does away with it."

"Are you applying that to yourself?" Tonks asked, a devious smile forming.

"Should I not be?"

"Definatley not."

"Ouch," Lupin paused. "Yet this is coming from the girl who, as much as she told me, I recently discovered did infact morph into the girfriends of certain boys."

Tonks went flushed, and her mouth dropped.

"How did you – "

"Bill," Lupin said smugly.

Tonks surveyed him suspiciously for a moment as she sipped her mead.

"Why are you being so cruel tonight?"

"Payback for the boring insult I recieved earlier," Lupin said.

Tonks laughed.

"Clearly you're not someone to get into a war of words with."

Lupin gave her a small smile, and a nod.

"Moving to a nicer note, I heard it's your birthday next week," Lupin remarked.

"Yeah Next Tuesday. December second," explained Tonks, sounding excited.

"I miss the days when birthdays were exciting. How old will you be?" Lupin asked.

"Twenty-four," said Tonks, sounding proud.

Lupin's eyes seemed to widen slightly and he choked on his mead. He knew she was young, and he'd guessed around that age, but to hear it seemed to make his heart stop. He was suddenly very aware that he was sitting on a couch, on a date with a twenty-three year old girl. Was that okay? Was it allowable for a thirty-five year old man to do that? Did she even know his age? Tonks rolled her eyes at him.

"Oh come on, I'm not that young. How old are you?" Tonks asked, staring at him earnestly.

Lupin looked back at her, his mind having its own argument. He could lie, or he could be honest. Both choices had a good side and a down side. Would his age worry her as much as hers did for him? As he watched her for a moment, he knew he couldn't lie, but he was too worried to be honest.

"I'm a fair bit older than that," Lupin said, his voice higher than before.

"I figured. But how much older?" Tonks asked again.

Lupin picked up his glass and drank again as Tonks stared at him, waiting for a response. The longer he looked at her, the less he worried about their age gap. Perhaps it was her smile, but something made it not seem an issue. As he took the slowest sip he'd ever taken in his life, Tonks exhaled loudly.

"Fine, forget it. You know, I always thought only old women were suppose to be ashamed of their age, not male werewolves," Tonks said with a smile on her face.

Lupin stared at her, admiring her cheeky comment. She had something in her Lupin rarely came across. It was almost like a lack of fear when it came to people many years her senior. It was not rudeness, though some would make that mistake, she had a brazened attitude. Everyone was equal, and in that respect to her, everyone deserved an equal amount of ribbing and 'd noticed it with Moody, when most people seemed to stiffen in his presence, she did the opposite.

It was endearing, and was obviously the reason she could enter a group of people as old as some of those in the Order and fit in just as well as she did with Bill, and even people Ginny's age. She had no problem being herself; she had so much reassurance in who she was, she never questioned it or worried if people liked her because of it. Lupin was entirely envious, and it was something that attracted him to her that much more.

"Fine. Now that we've established you're an old lady, tell me something else," Tonks proposed, grinning at him.

Lupin furrowed his brow at her, but Tonks seemed not to have noticed. She picked her feet off the ground and sat, her legs crossed underneath her on the couch, facing him. Lupin was reminded of a young child at school waiting for story time.

"What _something __else_?" Lupin asked, feeling confused and a dash worried.

"Tell me the stories that Sirius won't. The ones that he keeps telling me he can't believe you haven't told me yet. The school ones," Tonks added, but Lupin had needed no help, he knew exactly the ones she meant.

He laughed quietly to himself.

"What?" Tonks asked, looking excited.

"Nothing. It's just – well there's a particular reason Sirius wants me to tell you those stories." Lupin explained, still smiling to himself.

"Given the look on your face, I don't think I want know the reason. But can one of you just tell me the stories?" Tonks begged, sounding slightly exasperated.

"I'll tell you," Lupin took a deep breath and placed his arm out on the top of the couch behind her.

"Brilliant. Story time," laughed Tonks picking up her drink. She uncrossed her legs and folded them out across Lupin's lap and he placed his other hand on top of them instinctively.

"Well it starts with me being a werewolf I suppose. If I came to Hogwarts, Dumbledore had to discover a way to smuggle me out of the castle once a month. Which he did. He found a place to take me to that was far enough away and he planted the Whomping Willow to protect the other students from me. Thus I was allowed to go to school."

"That's a lot of effort just to go to school. I put that much effort into trying to leave," Tonks interrupted with a laugh.

Lupin smiled at the same enthusiasm he knew from Sirius.

"Yes, well, either way, I arrived at Hogwarts and almost instantly I had three friends, James, Sirius and Peter. I didn't tell them my secret, as you know, but they found out. Rather than abandon me, they reveled in it. I think James and Sirius looked upon it as my way of breaking the rules, as I rarely chose to join them on their endeavours, though I did help on occasion," he explained, smiling to himself

"So you are a Marauder after all?"

"You can't really help but be sucked in when James and Sirius are convincing you. They certainly talked me into many things I would never have done. They're annoyingly good at it," Lupin smiled, remembering the many times he was face with pleading eyes.

"I'll bet," Tonks laughed.

"After a while they wanted to join me on my adventures, as they called them, at during the full moon. So they became Animagi by our fifth year. Every full moon when Madam Pomfrey led me out of the castle, they followed and then when I transformed they did the same and came and found me," Lupin explained.

"Wouldn't you just eat them?" Tonks asked.

"No. Surprisingly, with them as animals I was different. I was still a werewolf but I would retain my mind. I could think. I was more myself."

"Okay, so they came and hung out with you somewhere and you – what? – played exploding snap or something?" Tonks asked, frowning slightly.

Lupin laughed at the thought and the mental image.

"No, no, no. We roamed the grounds as a rat, a dog, a werewolf and a stag. We went all through Hogsmeade and through the grounds. I don't think anyone knew that place as well as we did," Lupin said.

"Wow. You guys could have done anything?" Tonks marvelled, her eyes shining with possibilities.

Lupin laughed softly again and took a sip of his wine.

"Yes, I suppose we could have," Lupin replied. "Few people knew about it. There were incidents and very close calls," Lupin said, remembering one in paticular. "It was reckless, when I think about now I just can't help imagine what could have gone wrong if –"

"No way. I think it's brilliant," Tonks interrupted, grinning broadly. "It would have been so much fun."

"But that's the story. There are, of course, many, many others you have heard snippets of. James and Sirius made things memorable to say the least." Lupin mused.

"Hang on, where did you go? How did they come and find you without being caught? Wouldn't Filch have been patrolling?" Tonks asked.

"Well first of all, I went into the Shrieking Shack to transform." Lupin said.

"The Shrieking Shack," Tonks repeated, wide-eyed, "but it's haunted!"

Lupin sighed and smiled down at her.

"No, it was never haunted. The shrieks and screams the villagers heard were from me. Transformations are exceptionally painful, especially without Wolfsbane which hadn't been invented back then." Lupin paused for a moment wondering whether this was the right time to ask.

His eyes flickered over her, she looked so engrossed in his sotry and happy that he didn't want to ruin it.

"I had to be seperated from people. To trap a werewolf is never wise. There is a vast amount of pent up energy as you would imagine. So I attacked myself instead."

"That sounds horrible," Tonks muttered.

To Lupin's surprise she did not sound revolted by it, but sympathetic, for what he had gone through. Lupin swallowed hard as the uncomfortable moment passed through him. No one had ever spoken to him that way about his condition.

"As for how they didn't get caught, well, we had two very ingenius things for that. James had himself a fantastic invisibility cloak," Lupin stopped while he watched Tonks's mouth drop a little bit and her eyes shimmered with possibility again.

No doubt she was imagining what she would have done with it at school.

"Then there was the map."

"A map?" Tonks responded, sounding the tiniest bit unimpressed

"Yes. With all our knowledge of the grounds, we created a piece of parchment that, when tapped with a wand and spoken to with the right incantation, turns into a moving map of Hogwarts. It shows where everyone is, at any moment, everywhere within Hogwarts," Lupin finished.

"How did you get that?"

"We created it," Lupin answered instantly.

"We, or you?" Tonks asked, looking at him earnestley.

"It was the brain child of mine certainly, but I could not have done it without the help of James or Sirius," Lupin explained, and Tonks narrowed her eyes on him, not quite believing him he though.

"So let me get this straight. You had a map that showed you were every teacher in the school was at that very moment," Lupin nodded. "You had an invisibility cloak," Lupin nodded. "And you only went sneaking around the school once a month?" Tonks said, sounding almost ouraged and staring at Lupin with wide eyes and an open mouth.

Lupin felt himself smile at her.

"I tended to only do it once a month, but James and Sirius used them almost daily," Lupin added.

"Oh I forgot, you were the well behaved one weren't you?" Tonks mocked.

Lupin just smiled at her again.

"As I said, not always well behaved, more often than not though, yes," Lupin smiled.

"Do I get a story of you being badly behaved?"

"Sadly, well for you at least, my stories of bad behaviour are no where near as interesting nor as entertaining as stories Sirius could tell you," Lupin laughed, and she pouted at him.

She huffed at him, crossing her arms, when he did not relent, she rolled her eyes before going on.

"So, out of all of that, what was Sirius's reasoning behind you telling me that?" Tonks asked.

"I believe – and this is his reasoning not my own – he thinks telling women about my mischievous past and all our rule breaking, would make me seem much more desirable. It would promote my own bad boy image, and of course, the one he tries to cultivate for himself," Lupin explained, reaching out for his wine and taking a gulp.

"Hmm. Nope, didn't work. Sorry," Tonks said in mock seriousness. "You'll have to tell Sirius to think up a new plan for you. You're still completely undesirable."

Lupin laughed softly

"Oh really?" Lupin enquired, raising an eyebrow.

"Yep, completely undesirable. Sorry buddy," Tonks assured him, a smile trying to break through.

"Well, that's a shame. Here I had things planned for the rest of the evening, but it looks like I will just have to go home."

"Oh you had things planned did you?" Tonks noted, her voice brightening.

"They do say never come unprepared," Lupin said, smiling slyly at her.

"That's what they say to us if we have to go and attack someone," Tonks said, frowning slightly.

"An Auror raid and a date with you could be one and the same," Lupin said.

Tonks huffed at him for a moment before returning his smile.

"By chance, was this what you had planned?" Tonks asked, her voice low.

Before Lupin knew what was going on, Tonks had lunged forwards and grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him down on top of her. Their lips met roughly, her tongue invading his mouth as he collected himself.

"Yes, that was exactly what I had planned," he mumbled against her lips.

Tonks laughed and then grabbed him again, pulling his lips back to hers. They touched again and almost immediately the kiss deepened. Lupin's body was alight again, his nerves endings on fire. Her hands had moved to his lower back and her nails were running over his skin.

It was driving him mad, but in the best possible way. He could feel that he was losing himself in her as her legs wrapped around his. Suddenly a smell filled his nostrils, something new, something that never had a good outcome wherever it came from.

"Er, Tonks," he mumbled, looking wildly around.

"Yes Remus," she said in a very playfully and flirtatious voice, opening her eyes.

I think something's burning," he said thickly.

Lupin pushed himself up slightly so he could see into the kitchen. Smoke was coming from the oven. Tonks shot up, looking around and sniffing the air.

"Mother of Merlin! It's dinner!" Tonks yelped.

She jumped out from underneath him and ran straight into the kitchen. A much stronger smell of smoke hit Lupin like a slap in the face. He stood up and moved over to the kitchen open, seeing that the oven was open. The room was filling with smoke as Tonks ran around trying to find her was, before levitating it out.

Now that Lupin was in the kitchen he could see all the mess on the countertops and the stove. There was food everywhere; Tonks had obviously gone to a lot of trouble. She dropped to her knees as the pie finally came to rest on the kitchen floor. It was charred completely black.

"Oh no! No, no, no! Dammit! Come on. Why does this always have to happen to me?" Tonks cursed, sinking lower onto the floor, staring at the charcoal in front of her that was still smoking. "Every time I try and cook I always burn things. I'm hopeless."

"You're not hopeless. I'm sure had it not been burnt it would have been the best Sheppard's pie I've ever tasted."

Tonks looked up at Lupin and grimaced.

"But you don't understand! I wanted everything to be perfect. I even set the table–"

Lupin looked back at the table and saw that it was set, very well to. Candles were even lit on it. Lupin's heart sank. He turned back to Tonks who had continued speaking even though Lupin had stopped listening. He dropped onto his knees on the ground across from her, the burnt pie between them. He noticed for the first time how battered her hands looked. They were covered in small cuts and burns, it made Lupin feel even worse that she had gone to so much trouble and had this result.

"–I'm just an idiot. I should have known I'd stuff it up. I always do. Now the nights ruined and this is just great! I just wanted tonight to be perfect," Tonks admitted, the frustration she had burning in her eyes.

Lupin reached out for her hands as she hung her head. He grabbed both of hers in his and at once, she looked up. He could feel the heat from the burnt pie underneath their hands.

"But it _is_ perfect," Lupin said sincerely.

Tonks furrowed her brow at him, and Lupin kept a hold of her hands.

"What?

"It is perfect. I don't care about the food, I mean it looks, er, lovely, and the table is set beautifully, but that's not why I came here. I came here for you. So in that regard, it is perfect. It's been perfect since the moment I set eyes on you," Lupin explained, smiling down at her genuinely, not feeling at all embarrassed at sharing his feelings with her.

"Oh," Tonks breathed in a barely audible whisper.

Her face softened with a shy smile, one Lupin had never seen on her before, and her eyes began to twinkle. Her hair instantly flushed a deep pink as did her cheeks, and Lupin took it as a good sign. Her fingers intertwined with his just as he could feel his legs starting to cramp, given how awkwardly he was sitting on the floor.

"Why don't we get back to that bottle of wine?" Lupin suggested, after what felt like an age of staring at Tonks, just smiling at each other over the burnt food.

Lupin stood up and held out a hand for her, which she refused with a grin. He'd noticed she never liked his help in the gentlemanly kind of way he always offered. It did not, however, stop him always making the offer. It was in his nature.

Lupin flicked his wand at the pie tin on the floor and it made it's way to the sink. Tonks was already filling their glasses when Lupin made it to the couch. He sat back into the same spot he had before, his arm even resting on the top of the couch, exactly like before. Tonks sat down beside him and leant back into him.

"Could I – on the table–" Lupin asked, raising his feet off the ground slightly and inclining his head towards the table.

"Oh Merlin, Remus. You did not just ask if you could put your feet on the table, did you?" Tonks scoffed, rolling her eyes

"Is that a yes?" Lupin said, feeling awkward.

"You have eyes right?" Tonks questioned, turning back around to look at him.

"Yes." Lupin replied, getting far to confused as to where this was going.

"So you've seen what a mess this place can be, right?" Tonks asked.

"Well, I wouldn't say mess – okay fine – yes," Lupin added after Tonks glared at him.

"So do you think I would mind if your shoes, that a cleaner than most peoples, were on my table?" Tonks finished, smiling at him.

Lupin gave her a look and put his feet on the table.

"Remus! What do you think you're doing?" Tonks yelled in disgust, before turning smiling at him.

Lupin sighed loudly and sipped his mead. Tonks was leaning up against him; the back of her head was in the gap between his chest and arm, resting on his shoulder. Lupin could smell her hair; it was the flowery scent that he loved. She moved her hand onto his leg, just near the inside of his thigh. It was making his body tingle, but he ignored the building urges as he couldn't help but notice how wonderful it felt to just sit together, their bodies as close as they were.

"Now that we've passed the deep conversations for the evening, how was work?" Lupin asked.

The conversation flowed freely between the two of them for another hour or so. The wine seemed to disappear just as fast as the time did. Tonks was halfway through explaining something about her parents when she stopped, mid-sentence.

"What?" Lupin asked, staring around the room wildly trying to figure out what she was staring at.

"It's snowing!" Tonks shrieked

She jumped up from their half embrace and moved toward a door Lupin hadalways assumed was a window as the other one was. She opened it and Lupin saw a very small balcony. She moved straight to the edge and leant over the railing. Lupin watched her with concern; worried if she leant any further over it she'd fall.

He stood up and walked out, watching the snowflakes outside. He came up behind Tonks and placed his hands on either side of her on the railing. His nose ran through her hair before his head finally came to rest right beside hers over her shoulder. Tonks moved her hands under his on the railing so that thier fingers intertwined again.

"I love the snow," Tonks said, absent-mindedly smiling.

"Why does that not surprise me?" Lupin remarked with a soft laugh.

She moved her head back, leaning into his shoulder and opened her mouth, attempting to catch the snowflakes on her tongue. Lupin stared down at her with a bemused expression as she fell back into him. Finally her eyes met his and after a moment, he bent down and kissed her. He couldn't believe his luck. A wonderful young woman had taken an interest in him, for a reason he didn't think he'd ever understand.

It was so late that it didn't feel like anyone else was awake to witness the first snow of this winter, like it was only for them. The two shared the unforgettable moment with their lips locked and their bodies pressing against each other's. It seemed impossible to believe that this night was still not over. Lupin couldn't wonder what on earth the universe could have in store for them this evening, when everything so far had been uncommonly perfect?

**To be continued...**


	25. The Perfect Birthday Disaster: Part One

**I split this. Too long otherwise. More fun to read though.**

**I've never been thrilled at Muggle things coming too much into HP stories, but I liked this one.**

**Reviews? I hope so. I can bribe with Remus.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 25: Part 1.**

Nymphadora Tonks stared up at Remus Lupin, who was lying on top of her and _not_ kissing her like he had been five seconds ago. Tonks was annoyed, why had he stopped something so good for something she couldn't even smell? Tonks could see that his eyes were darting around the room looking worried but she had no idea why.

Hadn't he noticed how absolutely brilliant it was snogging at that moment? She'd grabbed him at the time and yanked him down on top of her. He was kissing her just as passionately as she was to him, so that had to mean something didn't it? Her body had felt like it was on fire and her hair was struggling to sit on the one colour. Then he'd stopped. He'd pulled away and looked up at the kitchen.

"Er, Tonks I think something is burning," said Remus, sounding nervous.

_Yeah, you better feel nervous at what I'm going to do after what you just stopped, you giant prat. _

Then she stopped thinking, and sniffed into the air again, she could smell something burning now. Her mind shuffled through her thoughts. What could be burning? Suddenly it felt like a brick had slipped down her insides.

"Mother of Merlin! It's the dinner!" Tonks yelped, sitting bolt upright..

She slid out from under him and was bounding into the kitchen in a matter of seconds. Smoke was trickling out of the oven. She'd gotten so carried away listening to Lupin's stories that she'd totally forgotten about dinner. She ran all over the kitchen looking for an her wand, which she knew had to be somewhere under all the mess.

She knocked over the pots and pans that were on the table, all different liquids flying everywhere, panic urging her on, and finally she spotted her wand sitting besides the onion skins she'd peeled off only hours wrenched open the oven door and flicked her wand at what just looked like a smouldering black mess.

It seemed to come out in slow motion and when she spotted how completely ruined it was; her heart sank lower than the floor she was slowly sinking down onto. Disappointment and frustration crashed through her like a menacing wave as she sat on the floor besides a very black Sheppards Pie.

"Oh no! No, no, no!" Tonks cried, "Dammit! Come on. Why does this always have to happen to me? Every time I try and cook, I burn things. I'm hopeless."

"You're not hopeless. I'm sure had it not been burnt it would have been the best Sheppard's pie I'd ever tasted," Tonks heard Lupin say.

She looked up at him and he grimaced down at her, making her feel worse. As she looked at him she realized just how much she'd wanted everything to go smoothly, she'd wanted to prove that she could behave normally, could cook a simple meal and be the type of girl she knew he wanted.

"But you don't understand. I wanted everything to be perfect. I even set the table and look at what happened. It's not even a hard recipe either. I'm such an idiot. I should have known I'd stuff it up. I always do. Now the nights ruined and this is just great. I just wanted tonight to be perfect," Tonks admitted, staring down at the meal and resisting the urge to hex it away.

Suddenly a pair of soft hands grabbed hers. Tonks hadn't even noticed that Lupin had dropped to the floor and was now sitting across from her. She looked up at him.

"But it _is_ perfect," Lupin said, his eyes bleeding with sincerity.

Tonks looked at him wondering how on earth he could think something so stupid. Wasn't he supposed to be a professor?

"What?" was all she could say.

"It _is_perfect. I don't care about the food, I mean it looks, er, lovely, and the table is set beautifully, but that's not why I came here. I came here for you. So in that regard, it is perfect. It's been perfect since the moment I set eyes on you," Lupin explained, smiling at her warmlt

"Oh," Tonks breathed in a barely audible whisper.

She didn't know if she could look at Lupin any longer if he continued to stare at her in the way he was. It felt like he was staring deep down into her soul. Tonks smiled shyly, feeling very unlike herself and she felt her hair flush a different color and a burning in her cheeks. Lupin's eyes flicked up to her head and then back down to her. The panic she'd felt, the disappointment and the frustration all disappeared.

She had no reason to believe he was lying and it definitely didn't feel like he was. It made Tonks feel so strange that he had said the evening was perfect because of her, because they were together. Possibly because she was thinking something similar as they sat sipping mead in front of her fire moments before.

"Why don't we get back to that bottle of mead?" Lupin suggested, breaking Tonks out of her trance.

She nodded and Lupin stood. He offered out a hand, which Tonks stared at and then stood by herself. She hated when he tried to help her up. It was sweet but she was very well rehearsed at picking herself up off the floor. Tonks walked back to the couch and poured some more mead in each glass. Lupin returned to his seat. His arm placed on the top of the couch, and Tonks sat right beside him. She lay against his shoulder in the little niche between his chest, his arm and the couch.

"Could I – on the table –" Lupin asked, raising his feet off the ground slightly and inclining his head towards the table.

Tonks realized he was asking to put his feet on the table, and instantly her inner child kicked in.

"Oh Merlin, Remus. You didn't just ask if you could put your feet on the table, did you?" She scoffed.

"Is that a yes?" Lupin asked impatiently.

"You have eyes right?" Tonks questioned, turning back around to look at him.

"Yes," replied Lupin, looking confused.

"So you've seen what a mess this place can be, right?" Tonks asked.

"Well, I wouldn't say mess – okay fine – yes." Lupin added after Tonks glared at him.

"So do you think I would mind if your shoes, that a cleaner than most peoples, were on my table?" Tonks finished, smiling at him.

Lupin sighed at her joke and then placed his feet on the table.

"Remus! What do you think you're doing?" Tonks yelled in disgust, before smiling at him.

He was far too easy to annoy.

"So, now that we've passed the deep conversations for the evening, how was work?" Lupin asked.

"My day was fine, very average. Scrimgeour is off the idea of raids again," Tonks complained.

"That sounds like it bothers you. I thought you hated raids, at least the last one you did," Lupin said, sipping his mead.

"Well that raid prevented me from having myself on top of you, so naturally I would have rathered quit my job than leave," Tonks explained.

"Ah," Lupin said, his eyes twinkling. "How did that raid go?"

"Scrimgeour dropped it, so I got drunk with kingsley in the Hogs Head instead," Tonks said happily.

Lupin arched his eyebrow

"A regular occurance for an Auror raid? Here I was of the impression you arrested people and fought Dark magic," he said, his words dripping in sarcasm.

"So was I," Tonks said, rolling her eyes. "But not normal no. I felt my disappoint at what I'd left in my bedroom deserved me a drink, and Kinglsey convinced me to drink a few more."

They whiled away an hour or so of conversation, Tonks mostly talking, as Lupin had done most of his.

"Well my dad's a muggle of course," Tonks had explained, when the topic had turned to her childhood.

"Yes I know," Lupin said.

"Oh yeah. I always forget you knew them before I was born."

"You always have to say the one thing that could make me feel older than I actually am don't you?" Lupin joked.

"Of course," Tonks laughed "Anyway. That made my upbringing really different I think. I went to a muggle school, but mum and dad pulled me out after two years, when they couldn't find a muggle explanation for my special er, _gift_."

"Shall I assume you greatly enjoyed changing your appearance at will for your muggle classmates?"

"How on earth did you know?"

"Is it a Black thing? Showing off?" Lupin added after Tonks frowned at him in confusion.

"I've never thought about it. Possibly I mean I – "

But she broke off mid way through speaking. Something in the window had caught her attention, something

"What?" Lupin asked, obviously confused about her sudden stop in speech.

"It's snowing!" Tonks squeaked excitedly.

She jumped up and moved straight to the balcony, watching the little white pieces of snow fall from the dark sky. She flicked her wand at the doors and moved out onto her balcony. She leant as far out over it as possible and grinned. Winter was easily her favorite season. She felt someone come up behind her. Lupin placed his hands on either side of hers, surrounding her with his arms. It made Tonks suddenly feel much warmer, like his body radiated warmth only she could share.

"I love the snow," mumbled Tonks absent-mindedly.

"Why does that not surprise me?" Lupin whispered back.

Tonks resisted the urge to hit him, and instead threw her head back, opened her mouth wide and tried to catch the snowflakes on her tongue. She pushed her hands underneath his and linked their fingers together, under the guise of something romantic, but truly doing it to keep her hands warm. She caught Lupin's eye at one point and he was watching her with a bemused expression.

She was just about to ask what he was doing, when his lips met hers. She closed her eyes and allowed the feeling to overcome her. It felt like falling backwards and landing on something soft. So terrifying t fall but so wonderful to land. It was comfortable and familiar, yet brand new all at once. Kissing Lupin was like unraveling the world's biggest contradiction.

Lupin pulled back and stepped forwards, pulling her that little bit closer and resting his head over her shoulder. Tonks had no idea how long they were standing like this, but as if something was waking her from a dreaming sleep, Lupin's voice floated to her ears.

"Nymphadora. You're freezing!"

Tonks could sense the alarm in his voice and could feel his hands touching her arms, but she did not feel the cold, he was her warmth.

"Come on, you're coming inside before you turn into an iceicle," Lupin said gruffly, taking her hand and pulling her inside.

"Yes mother," Tonks replied cheekily and Lupin responded with a straight-faced stare.

He led her inside and closed the door.

"Okay, now you need to get under some warm blankets," Lupin told her.

"My bed?" she suggested.

"Yes, your bed," Lupin replied.

Tonks started to walk toward her bedroom but stopped and turned back to face him, a grin on her face.

"Aren't you coming with me?" she asked brazenly.

A muscle in Lupin's jaw seemed to twitch slightly and he followed after her. Tonks walked slowly and she could feel Lupin's eyes on her the whole way.

"Now, into bed," Remus told her, in a very professor like tone as they entered her bedroom, which for the record she'd forgotten to clean. "Where are your extra blankets?"

"One of the cupboards," Tonks said shrugging as she got into her bed.

He returned a moment later with two blankets.

"You have to keep warm," he said, fussing over her and placing the blanket on top of her.

"You can't help me?" Tonks asked, playing with him slightly.

"I have to get back to Sirius. I told him I was on duty and it's nearly three in the – fine. I'll stay but only until you fall asleep," Lupin added after Tonks felt her face drop a little.

Tonks grinned at him. She watched him move around to the end of the bed. He reached under the covers, and she felt his hands on her ankles.

"You really are an old woman aren't you?" Tonks asked, laughing. "First you hide your age, then you get angry because I'm standing out in the cold, and now you refuse to let me sleep with my shoes on."

"Someone has to be sensible with you," Lupin admitted, untying the first shoe.

"I've survived this far haven't I?" Tonks asked.

"I would argue with you, perhaps discuss the state of your bones from your numerous falls, but I feel there would be no merit in it," Lupin said, sounding very professor like again.

Tonks waited until he'd taken off both shoes before she spoke again.

"Would it be impolite to ask you to get the hell into bed?" Tonks asked, feigning seriousness.

"It would be. Naturally, being polite and well behaved, I will do as I'm told." Lupin replied, hiding a smile.

He walked around the bed and got into the other side, slipping his own shoes off beforehand. He moved himself to the very edge of the pillow closest to her and Tonks did the same to him. Their noses were almost touching. Tonks grinned at him before slipping her feet down to his.

"Your feet are freezing," grumbled Lupin, yet he did not move his away from hers.

"Deal with it," Tonks shot back, still grinning.

Lupin replied with a stern look followed by a smile .He closed the gap between their lips. Their arms wrapped around each other. Knees legs and feet reached out for the opposite persons to touch, never stopping until they did. The same contradiction of feelings hit Tonks.

Tonks could be sure of one thing; if kissing were a sport, they would easily be the gold medal winners. Out of all the boys she'd kissed (and yes their had been quite a few) Lupin was the best. They matched in that one tiny thing, which was even more of a contradiction considering how much they differed in every other aspect of life. What felt like centuries later, Lupin pulled back from Tonkss lips and looked at his watch.

"Five in the morning, how maddeningly annoying that is," Lupin said to his watch, before turning back to Tonks. "You have to get some sleep."

"No I don't," Tonks protested.

"Yes you do," Lupin answered firmly.

Tonks rolled her eyes and rolled over, facing away from him. She felt his body move behind hers, one arm wrapped around her stomach and the other slipped underneath her head. Tonks grabbed his hands with hers and linked their fingers together. Their breathing began to sync and she could feel his heart beat through her back.

"Remus, Can I ask you a question?" Tonks said, turning her head towards him.

"Is there any merit in me saying anything. Given that you will say it anyway,' Lupin sighed and Tonks smiled.

"Are you sure you can't stay?"

"Your cousin would not let it rest if I did," Lupin sighed, sounding as if he truly did want to stay.

His nose ran through her hair and then she felt tiredness overtaking her. She struggled to stay present as her body fought to pull her into sleep. She wanted more than anything to stay wrapped in Lupin's arms, but her mind and her body had other ideas. She drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Tonks awoke the next morning with a smile on her face. She couldn't feel Lupin's arms around her and when she rolled over, he was gone. She smiled again as parts of the prior evening came into her memory. Lupin kissing on her couch, him holding her on the balcony, telling her the stories of his life, holding her legs on his lap and finally, the real killer, telling her she had made his evening perfect.

If Tonks was a girly girl, that last one may have melted her heart, but Tonks was above such things, or so she liked to believe. What she'd loved the most about the previous night, well almost the most, was discovering this entirely new side to Lupin. Could it be that the very serious, quiet and intelligent man that was Lupin, was actually just as mischievous and disobedient as she was? Perhaps not, but he was close enough. He was a Marauder and that had to mean he dabbled in trouble fairly often as a teenager.

It was like meeting Lupin again; like she would be seeing something else behind his soft smiles and lingering blue eyes now. Something new that intrigued her, explained other things and left new questions seemingly unanswerable. The enigma of Remus Lupin was not yet explained, never-ending and never dull. She got out of bed slowly, noticing her shoes placed neatly side-by-side at the bottom of her bed, her socks folded neatly next to that. She laughed to herself and then moved into the bathroom to shower and start her day.

* * *

The next few days passed without incident. She had some hushed conversations with Kinglsey; both agreeing the Auror Department seemed delibretly quiet. It seemed to Tonks to be only the calm before the storm. Guard duties were just as dull as ever. Nothing seemed to be happening. She'd thought of Lupin almost every night when she walked into her flat, she wondered what he was doing at that exact moment. Given that she was so exhausted, she was never able to act on her thoughts.

Sirius had, according to Kingsley, become far moodier than ever before, so no doubt Lupin was attending to him. She had no idea where she stood with Lupin anymore. What were they now? There was no one to discuss it with either. Her school friends were all gone, either traveling the world or at home with husbands and children. She didn't have any friends in the Auror department she could talk about Lupin to.

Where she felt the most at home these days, was within The Order. It felt like being adopted into a family. Moody the surly uncle, Kingsley the cool cousin, Molly her surrogate mother, Sirius her brother, Mundungus the black sheep, Hestia and Diggle the weird Uncle and Aunt, Emmeline the distant grandmother, the Weasley children were all her brothers and sisters, Dumbledore the wise old grandfather and then there was Lupin. He did not feel quite like family as the rest of them did.

He was starting to feel like home, like she could crawl up with him any night of the week and feel happier and more comfortable than she ever had before. The following Tuesday after her evening with Lupin, Tonks sat excitedly in front of her fire listening to weird sisters records, after all, tomorrow was her birthday.

She awoke with a grin and after breakfast a few presents had arrived by owl, mostly from school friends and one from her parents. Her mother had asked her for dinner the following evening, as she knew Tonks had a meeting that night. Tonks replied with yes almost immediately. She ripped open all the presents to find a stack of chocolate frogs and two tickets to a Weird Sisters concert from her best friend Endora 'Eddy' Unwin, who informed Tonks that she was currently in Istanbul.

Her parents gave the usual knitted scarf in all of Tonks' favorite colors, and well as tickets to a Harpies Quidditch game. Her other presents were nowhere near as good as those two, but she was very happy to receive them. She flooed to work with a big grin her face. All her colleagues stopped her at certain times of the day to wish her a happy birthday.

Kingsley promised her that the party tonight would be just to her taste before saying something loudly about a suspected Sirius sighting. Tonks suppressed a laugh and went on with her dull paperwork. By seven 'o' clock Tonks walked out of the Ministry of Magic and straight to Grimmauld Place for the meeting.

It wasn't until Tonks got there and Snape passed her in the hallway, that she realized it must be a full meeting tonight. Molly greeted her outside the door with a huge grin followed by a hug and a whispered happy birthday. As she walked inside the dining room, most members of the Order smiled at her but as Dumbledore had also just arrived, none of them said anything.

Tonks took a seat between Molly and Bill, who also whispered happy birthday to her. She sat herself down and immediately her eyes did their usual flicker up the table for Lupin. He was sitting beside Sirius but he wasn't looking at her. Tonks didn't find this strange or upsetting, as Dumbledore was speaking, truthfully she'd have been worried if he was ignoring Dumbledore for her. The meeting was about the bringing of reports.

Kingsley reported on the Auror department and any other members of the Ministry who believed Dumbledore. Bill told everyone about unsuccessful attempts with Goblins, they were not joining in on either side it seemed. Snape told the group about Voldemort's activity which was still about stealing the prophecy although he had begun recruiting some more of his fellow death eaters, including getting Dementors back on his side which hinted at a breakout from Azkaban. It wasn't until Snape brought up the Prophecy watch that things seemed to get a little pear shaped.

"…With that in mind perhaps it is best to leave some of the more experienced members in charge of that duty," Snape said, his eyes only stopping on a few people.

"Everyone is perfectly capable at handling their duty Snivellus," Sirius growled at him.

"Sirius," Lupin warned.

Tonks was surprised to see Sirius glare across at Lupin but then speak no more. Sirius looked like he was preparing himself for a fight and one word from Lupin had settled him, when in the past it wouldn't have made the slightest difference. Tonks knew the only reason Snape had not retorted was the presence of Dumbledore. Over the last six months whenever Snape arrived without Dumbledore he would take a sick pleasure in baiting Sirius, but he always managed civility with Dumbledore present.

"Yes, we do need everyone on their full attention. It can only be a matter of time before Voldemort moves out into the open and we can expect complete chaos whenever he chooses his moment. We will need full attention," Dumbledore said, smiling politely as his eyes shifted over to a sleeping Mundungus.

"Exactly. Everyone within this room is capable," Sirius spat at Snape again.

When the meeting was adjourned, Dumbledore hurried towards the door, except for one stop along the way. He placed a hand on Tonks' shoulder and looked down at her.

"Happy Birthday Nymphadora," he said sincerely, making her feel completely self-conscious.

When he and Snape had disappeared, everyone got up and filed downstairs. Sirius caught her attention.

"How come he can get away with calling you Nymphadora?" Sirius asked.

"Because he's Dumbledore," Tonks replied giving him an incredulous look.

Sirius laughed.

"Fair point. Happy birthday cousin," he said, pulling her into a hug as she stood.

Although he seemed very happy, Tonks couldn't help but feel like maybe it was a forced happiness. The two of them walked downstairs together. Sirius pushed open the door and Tonks stared around at the room. For the first time it felt warm and very inviting. There a few balloons tied in odd places, a big feast had been placed on the table, a few presents on the table by the fire, and everyone turned to her smiling the moment the door opened. Molly rushed over and gave her a big motherly hug.

"Happy birthday dear," she cried.

Bill was next, followed by Arthur, Hestia and Mundungus, who oddly, smelt strongly of mothballs. Tonks finally managed to get herself a Butterbeer, after which Sirius called loudly for a toast.

"To Tonks, the perfect addition to the Order, entertainment and ability all in one. Happy Birthday," Sirius boomed, grinning at everyone.

"To Tonks," they all repeated in unison. "Happy Birthday"

The group raised their glasses and turned to her and she grinned with embarrassment. Tonks finally spotted Lupin standing beside Kingsley. He raised his glass and smiled directly at her, which made her feel nearly as nervous as it had when Dumbledore had spoken to her.

Everyone started at the food and Tonks took a handful of mince meat pies before noticing the huge cake and choosing to put a few back. Tonks could hear her favorite Weird Sister's record being played in the background over the sound of everyone chatting. Tonks walked up to Sirius, Kingsley and Moody.

"Happy Birthday Nymphadora," Moody growled, smiling with his horrific yet warm smile and hugging her.

"Thanks Mad-Eye. How many times do I have to ask you not to call me Nymphadora? Or will I have to start injuring you now?" Tonks asked, which made Sirius laugh.

"You put a good temper in this one Mad-Eye," Kingsley remarked, with a sly smile.

"I take no credit, or blame, for that. Been that way since I met her," growled Mad-Eye.

"You were like this as a child you know?" Sirius told her. "A little handful for your mother and father. Poor sods."

They all laughed.

"Like you can talk," Tonks said to Sirius.

The party carried on, Tonks spending most of the next hour chatting with Sirius, when it came time for Mad-Eye to leave, Tonks happily walked him out. Mundungus followed Moody asking for the millionth time if Mad-Eye could overlook a crate of what he thought was a lost shipment to Flourish and Blotts. Mad-Eye had refused all night and when Tonks closed the front door on them, he was still refusing.

Tonks made her way back down, but instead of going downstairs she managed to go down to the floor, tripping over a wrinkle in the rug. Mrs. Black's portrait flew open, drowning out Tonks's string of curse words with her screaming. She awoke all the rest of the portraits and Tonks jumped up wiping the dust from her clothes, just as Molly and Lupin appeared in the hallway.

"Sorry," Tonks yelled over the noise.

An ear ringing silence followed when Molly and Lupin had closed the curtains.

"It's fine dear," Molly said with a patient smile, before walking back to the party.

Tonks turned to Lupin who was looking tired, yet his eyes were twinkling again.

"What did you trip over this time?" Lupin asked, amusement leaking from his words.

"The sodding rug."

"Don't feel embarrassed Tonks. As I told you last night, it's just another on a long list." Lupin said, not smiling.

"You know," said Tonks, turning to face him, "I think you should leave being funny up to Sirius, you're far too dull."

Lupin looked like he was about to smile but instead he spoke proudly.

"Touché"

Tonks smiled at him. She began to walk away when his voice called out softly.

"Don't I get to say Happy Birthday?"

"Maybe," Tonks called back at him, grinning wildly and not stopping as she walked downstairs. "If you're good."

**To be continued…**


	26. The Perfect Birthday Disaster: Part Two

**This has been my favourite to write up until now, no doubt that'll change.**

**Reviews Reviews Reviews. I adore them. And you all.**

**Anyway, won't take up anymore of your time. **

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 25: Part 2.**

Nymphadora Tonks re-entered her small birthday party again. She was greeted with the jumble of noises that came from many different conversations in a small room. Tonks grabbed herself another piece of cake and sat down with Molly, who told her Ginny had sent a card for her that was in the pile.

An hour or so later, when Tonks was feeling completely full and giddy from too much Mead and Butterbeer, she sat down at the table with the last remaining guests, Bill, Sirius and Lupin. Lupin had stared at her will the frown line on his forehead very pronounced, as if contemplating a puzzle, but he was yet to come up to her since she'd left him in the hallway. Perhaps he was stuck wondering how he could. He sat across from her now, beside Sirius, but still contemplating her instead of joining the conversation.

"Did Tonks ever tell you about her brief stint as beater for Hufflepuff?" Bill asked, smiling slyly at Tonks.

"No! If you say another word, I swear, I'll hex you so badly Molly won't even recognize you!" Tonks warned, pointing her wand at him.

"Oh see Dora my dear, now we have to know. Continue Bill," urged Sirius.

"Well it was our match against Hufflepuff, in my sixth year, Tonks had filled in for their beater as she was the only one available I assume-"

"I'll have you know, they asked me first and they'd seen me fly before, and said it wasn't because I was the only one capable to fill in for Gregory at the time," Tonks interrupted, looking at Bill scornfully

"Of course Tonks," Bill said, smiling annoyingly. "Anyway, we lined up for the match and Tonks stood there with a bat in hand looking slightly nervous but determined. Within ten minutes she'd knocked her own captain unconscious while in mid air aiming for a bludger."

Sirius grinned wildly and Tonks shot a glare at Lupin, only to see him smiling as well.

"No, no it gets better. She accidently knocked the quaffle into her own goal, scoring for us," Bill continued as Sirius laughed louder, "and then she proceeded to fly over to apologize and crashed right into her own keeper, knocking him out as well."

"Was she the only player left standing by the end?" Sirius choked.

"Well not exactly. The truly disappointing end to the story, the Gryffindor team was so wrapped up in her saga we stopped paying attention and one very wise Hufflepuff player kept his distance and scored goal after goal. Even with Charlie catching the snitch we still lost," Bill finished.

"You were responsible for a Gryffindor loss to _Hufflepuff_?" Sirius said darkly. "I am no longer related to you. I completely disown you."

"Hey! Losing to Hufflepuff isn't that–"

"Why if she was so terrible was she allowed on the–" Remus attempted to ask

"Terrible is a bit harsh don't you–" Tonks interrupted.

"I hadn't even thought that perhaps you'd have played Quidditch with as much grace as when you walk," Sirius interrupted over the top of her.

"Good story huh?" Bill asked, grinning like an idiot

"Okay, very funny, yeah, everyone has gone and had a good laugh at Tonks. I think now maybe–" Tonks tried to say

"Any other stories?" Sirius asked, his face brightening

"I'm still wondering, why she was on the team in the first place?" Remus repeated, looking shocked.

Sirius and Bill laughed louder.

"Great, make the birthday girl miserable, thanks guys." Tonks said, sarcastically.

"No, nothing as good as that I'm afraid, Sirius," said Bill his voice dropping.

"Are we done?" Tonks growled.

"Really? Hufflepuff won?" Sirius asked, sounding crestfallen.

"Shut it," Tonks snarled at him.

Everyone laughed and as it slowly died away, Bill stood up.

"Well I should be off, it's an early start tomorrow, I have to give someone an English lesson," Bill said, grinning like an idiot again.

He bent down and kissed Tonks on the cheek goodbye, wishing her happy birthday again. Tonks hit him hard on the arm for telling the story but he only laughed and then carried on his way.

"I can't believe that story," said Sirius, shaking his head.

"Can't you? I find it very easy. Didn't you hear her trip in the hallway before?" Lupin asked, amusement leaking from his words again.

Sirius threw his head back and laughed. Tonks merely scoffed at the two of them. She was fighting her smile. It was a funny story, even if it was at her expense.

"Anyway, lets get some Fire-Whiskey," Sirius announced, rubbing his hands together and moving off to the cabinet near the fire.

Lupin turned his eyes back to Tonks. Smiling softly.

"See I can be funny sometimes," said Lupin.

"_Sometime_s," Tonks agreed, raising her eyebrows.

Sirius returned, pouring everyone a glass, including a _very_ generous one for himself. Twenty minutes later, he was slurring very noticeably and Lupin ordered him to bed. Which again, Tonks was not only surprised at hearing, but even more surprised that Sirius actually followed it. Even though he grunted, groaned, growled and grumbled about it for ten minutes until he left.

"Oh I see," he slurred on his way to the door, "you two will have to be alone won't you? Moony wouldn't want me spoiling his chances. Especially given how in lov –"

Lupin had stood very quickly, crossed the room, and shut the door on Sirius, drowning out his words. Then suddenly the two of them were alone. Lupin looked up at Tonks, she grinned at him.

"Was he about to say what I think he was about to?" Tonks asked

"No," Lupin responded quickly, smiling.

But Tonks saw a dull flush of color in his cheeks. He looked at the ground and then after a moment, back to her.

"Can I give you my present yet?" he asked, as if perhaps she would say no.

_Yeah, right._

Tonks nodded and grinned again. Lupin walked back towards the table that had a few gifts on it. He picked up a very thin square, wrapped in white paper with a pink and purple ribbon

"This is a two part present. The second part hasn't exactly… well it'll be coming soon, I hope," Lupin added, walking over to her, a mischevous grin on his face.

He walked right up to Tonks, who was still standing next to the kitchen table. Tonks could tell he was nervous, but it only made him seem more endearing. He glanced around the room and then bent his long legs and kissed her, allowing his lips to linger a little longer than necessary.

"Happy Birthday," he whispered.

Tonks felt her hair explode with color, but she didn't care. Her eyes were hungrily looking at the present in his hand like it was her last meal. He handed it over almost regrettably. Tonks tore at the wrapping and finally came face to face with a record. It looked old and shabby, it already reminded her of Lupin.

"The Beatles?" Tonks asked, feeling a little bit confused. "I've never heard of them before, who are they?"

"They're muggles." Lupin explained

"What's wrong with their outfits?"

Lupin smiled at her.

"This album is called the Sergeant Peppers Lonely Hearts Club. They were the biggest Muggle band in the world."

Tonks looked back at the covers, a bunch of weirdly dressed people stared back at her, not moving.

"I know it's not much, but I found it at my house last time I was there and I thought you could use some better music than the Weird Sisters. It was my fathers, he played it for me all the time, I'm sorry it's not new, but it was my favorite record as a child," said Lupin, looking defeated.

Her heart melted slightly at the story and how much it meant for him to give it to her.

"Then, I love it." Tonks said sincerely, standing on her tiptoes and kissing him.

Lupin smiled down at her again and Tonks went back to looking at the cover.

"I assume, the next time I come over, we could play this instead of that racket you call music," Lupin breathed, and Tonks shot him a playful glare.

"And you're sure they're not wizards?" Tonks asked, ignoring his comment.

Lupin laughed softly.

"Actually, there is quite a debate around them, but as far as I know, they're muggles," Lupin explained.

"Hmm," Tonks pondered. "I swear only wizards dressing as muggles wear things as riduclous as that."

"I'm sorry it's so battered. I didn't have the gold to–" Lupin attempted to say, looking defeated again.

Tonks stared at him incredulously. How could he be so thick? Surely he knew the one thing she wanted for her birthday was him, perhaps wrapped in a bow and placed on her bed, but still, just him would do. And here he was in front of her, handing her something that obviously meant a lot to him. It was better than anything she'd recieved that day.

"Oh shut your face. I love it," Tonks interrupted. "Besides–"

This time Tonks was interrupted, but not by Lupin's words, but his lips. She smiled and her hair exploded all over again. Her arms moved around his neck, one hand still holding the record and his hands gripped her waist, pulling her flat against him. Now it was exactly what she'd wanted for her birthday. After just moments of perfection Tonks started to hear footsteps and some very loud slurred yelling. Lupin groaned very loudly.

"Please excuse me while I end him," said Lupin, a forced smile on his face.

Tonks giggled.

"MOONY!" Sirius yelled from somewhere upstairs.

"You don't mean that," Tonks said, looking up at him.

"Sadly you're correct. He's annoyingly loveable, even when he ruins my evening," Lupin replied. "Kind of like a stray dog."

"MOONY!"

Lupin closed his eyes and let go of Tonks, before sighing loudly. Tonks merely laughed at him, but she felt every ounce of his disappointment as her own though. The footsteps got louder and then Sirius burst through the door, a lopsided grin on his face.

"Yes, Sirius?" Lupin said patiently.

"I was just thinking, maybe I can get to the Burrow for Christmas as Padfoot, you know?" Sirius asked, still slurring slightly and very obviously, completely oblivious to what he'd interrupted

"Probably not the best idea cousin, Molly would kill you. Anyway I should get going, big day tomorrow," Tonks said, trying to sound as bright as usual.

Her heart was sinking slowly. Lupin turned to her with a very apologetic smile. Sirius waved her goodbye and then Tonks walked towards the fireplace, which had been illegally connected to everyone's fireplaces by Kingsley as of yesterday. She stepped inside it and felt the world spinning around her, and then, she was in her flat.

She sat sadly on her coffee table. Everything about that evening was perfect, but something was missing. That wasn't how it was supposed to end. She had wanted it to end in Lupin's arms. She looked at her hands; the record was still in them. As she opened it, she found not only a disk but also a piece of parchment.

_Listen to number three.  
It makes me think of you.  
Happy Birthday.  
Remus._

Tonks stared at the record again. Number three was called Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, whatever that meant. Something reminded him of her. That had to be a good sign. Tonks stood up and pushed all of the belongings off her table onto the floor, making room for the record, the best birthday present she felt she'd ever received. It looked so perfect sitting there, even if it was shabby and old. It had character she decided. Tonks stared at it a while longer until an overwhelming urge filled her.

"Sod it!" Tonks said out loud determinedly.

Who cared about Sirius, she could lie and say she went back to get her presents and then just wait until he passed out or Lupin really did kill him. Tonks stepped back into the fireplace. Her birthday was going to end the way she wanted it to. The world spun around her again and Grimmauld place came into view. Everything stopped spinning for a moment and Tonks couldn't see anyone inside the kitchen.

"Nympha–" Tonks heard a hoarse voice start to say.

Tonks had immediately straightened up as she felt some thing brush past her.

WHACK.

She felt a blinding pain in her head. Then everything went black.

* * *

"What'd you do?" a familiar, but distant counsing voice said.

"Nothing. I was in the fire and then she appeared next to me and stood up in fright, hitting the stone shelf there," another voice said.

"Of course she did," the first voice said, laughing. "Quite common for your girlfriend's to scare themselves silly at the sight of you is it?"

"Now isn't the time," the second voice growled.

Tonks didn't know what was going on. Everything was still dark and her head felt like it had been split in two. She could hear the two voices muttering other things under their breath and her head was tingling, obviously she'd split it open and it was being repaired magically. She tried opening her eyes but it hurt too much.

"She's stirring, that's a good sign," the second voice said hopefully, sounding panicked.

"What do I look like, a healer?" the first voice said sarcastically.

Tonks felt herself groan, but it felt strangely disconnected from her own voice. She could feel nausea building in her stomach; the urge to vomit was growing. She could also feel the cold ground underneath her back and slowly she tried to open her eyes again, her head throbbing harder than ever before.

Everything was blurry and the lights, however dim they were in Grimmauld Place, were harsh and painful now. She'd had concussion a few times in her life, well more than a few, but nothing had ever felt like this. Her mind struggled with the concept of consciousness, as it seemed to create far too much pain. Her eyes started to focus the fuzzy shapes and she found Sirius and Lupin kneeling beside her, looking down on her.

"Tonks are you -" said Lupin, his hand resting on the back of her head where it had been tingling before.

He was gently stroking her hair with his thumb.

"Welcome bac to the world," Sirius interuppted, laughing, which felt like someone smashing plates inside her head. "Did you get attacked by your own beater's bat this time?"

She watched Lupin stare across at him contemptuously. Tonks wanted to laugh but she was struggling enough on keeping her eyes open. The urge to vomit grew a lot stronger and her mouth started over-salivating, which was never a good sign.

"Er, Sirius I think we may need a bucket," Lupin said, staring at Tonks with concern.

Sirius disappeared from her line of sight, and returned with a metal bucket that looked like it was full of frog spawn, but Tonks didn't care. Two pairs of hands lifted her up into a sitting position and then her stomach convulsed, sending the contents of her beautiful birthday dinner right into the bucket. Lupin rubbed her back gently and Sirius cracked jokes.

"Hey, at least we know her skin can go green as fast as her hair."

Tonks pushed the bucket away from herself, feeling less nauseous but her head still aching.

"Never do that again," Tonks groaned at Lupin.

He immediately pulled his hand off her back.

"What?"

"Scare me like that! Why else do you think I whacked my head? I've done it enough times to know it's not a great hobby!"

Sirius laughed as Lupin apologised.

"How are you feeling?" Lupin finally asked, panic still noticeable in his voice.

"Oh I feel great. Tip-top!" Tonks rolled her eyes, which hurt quite a bit. "I feel like my head has been cut in half. I'm fine, really, just sore."

"Are you sure? We can go to St Mungo's," Lupin said again, his eyes wide.

"I just hit my head Remus, I'm fine," snapped Tonks.

"You split it open," corrected Lupin.

"Well you could go, you know. No doubt they know you by name there, it'd be like a reunion of sorts," Sirius remarked and Tonks tried to smile but only groaned again. "Lets get you up."

They slowly picked her up together and lifted her into a seat at the kitchen table, making her feel dizzy. She usually hated how cold the chairs and the room in general was, but it felt like ice on her throbbing head at that moment.

"You're not going to vomit again are you?" Sirius asked cautiously, and Tonks shook her head, which hurt more. "Good. You've got skills in that area, I hope you realize."

"If I could punch you right now, I would," Tonks snarled at him.

"Okay, I think you should lie down, drink some tea and keep warm," Lupin told her.

"What are you, an eighty-year-old woman? She'll be right, she just needs a bit of a rest and maybe the ability to stay on her feet for more then five seconds," Sirius laughed

"Careful Sirius, your sensitive side is showing," Tonks groaned.

Sirius laughed.

"I'll just have a glass of water or something and then floo home," Tonks continued.

Sirius and Lupin exchanged a look.

"You honestly think we're going to let you go home? You need to be watched after concussion. Your mother would have kittens if she found out we let you leave," Sirius explained. "She'd kill the two of us in five seconds flat. And I don't really want to be on the receiving end of Andromeda's wand, do you Moony?"

"No," Lupin said, but it couldn't be plainer he had no idea what he was retorting to.

His face was etched with fear and worry, and he had not taken his eyes from her since she had opened hers. Tonks continued sitting in her seat, still in pain. She was slouching in her chair as it felt the most comfortable. She lowered her head on the table as it felt cold and her head was burning.

"Right. It's time you get to bed I think," Lupin announced, back to looking worried.

"You take that side, I got this one." Sirius directed and Tonks felt herself being raised to her feet.

She shrugged them off and walked towards the door by herself, in too much pain to scold them for thinking she wasn't capable. The dizziness hit her again and the door seemed to fall out of sight. It took a moment for Tonks to realize she was actually the one falling, not the door. Just before she hit the ground a pair of hands grabbed her.

"Nice catch, Moony," Sirius laughed.

She felt Lupin direct her to the stairs and very slowly she walked up them, her feet struggling to find each stair.

"You know I'd really love to get to my room by next year, can you hurry up Dora?" Sirius complained

"Sirius, she's just split her head open, I think you could–" Lupin said sternly.

"You really want to get punched, don't you?" Tonks interrupted, trying to glare at Sirius.

She heard him laugh from behind her.

"See Moony, that's the Black temper in her, you're going to need to watch out for that," Sirius explained.

She could feel that Lupin's hands were only the tiniest bit away from her as they walked, in case she fell again, it was starting to annoy her a little bit.

"Come on Moony, just carry her or something," Sirius suggested

"No chance. What do I look like? A– " Tonks tried to say.

But before she could even finish her sentence, a pair of arms had slipped around her and hoisted her up into the air. Lupin had picked her up into arms as easily as you would a baby. She knew he was deceptively strong, but she really had no idea. She fought the streak of pride in her, and wrapped her arms around his neck, her head resting on his shoulder.

"Aw, isn't that sweet," Sirius mocked.

Tonks didn't even bother retorting, she was in Lupin's arms and breathing in her favorite smell, him. Lupin continued to look into her eyes the whole trip up the stairs. Tonks couldn't believe he hadn't fallen over, as she would have many times if it had been here carrying someone. She could see the color in his cheeks growing and she didn't have the ability to restrain her hair so she knew it was flushing a deep color without even seeing it.

"If you two don't stop blushing, I'm going to be the next one to vomit," Sirius grunted, as he passed them on the landing.

Lupin stood out the front of his door, Tonks still in his arms and turned to Sirius.

"Which rooms are free?" Lupin asked, and even Tonks saw through the stupidity of his question.

"Don't even try it Moony. I know exactly which room she's going into and so do you," Sirius answered, walking up the final set of stairs. "Goodnight."

Lupin opened the door and then they were in his bedroom, exactly as she'd wished they were to be. Just not exactly under the correct circumstances. Lupin lowered her gently onto his bed and then stood up, surveying her.

Tonks glanced around the room; candles were lit on the nightstand and on top of his desk. She wondered if tonight was the night he had finally adjusted to the idea of them, and was going to trust himself. It angered her slightly when she realised that was probably going to be out of the question now according to him

"Are you sure you're alright?" Lupin asked again.

"Yes. I just hit my head, all right?" Tonks grumbled, his over-bearing concern adding to her annoyance.

"No, you hit your head, bled all over the kitchen floor, knocked yousrelf out and then vomited," Lupin corrected, as he moved down the end of the bed and started untying Tonks's shoes, still looking at her in the same concerned way.

The building pain in Tonks' head was making the annoyance build as well.

"Would you stop it!" Tonks snapped after a few moments.

"What?" Lupin asked, looking slightly amused, as if Tonks was going to say something about the shoes.

"Don't be thick, it doesn't suit you. I fall over all the time and I didn't always have you around to catch me before, and I did just fine," she said, trying to sit up in his bed, but failing.

Lupin let go of her shoe in mid air and took a step away from her as it fell back to the bed; he didn't have the slightest trace of amusement on his face anymore. His silence was cutting into her like a knife.

"Sorry for attempting to help," he said quietly after a long pause, his voice sharp.

"Don't give me that," Tonks snapped. "I've told you I'm fine, Sirius believed it and yet you still come in here and look at me that way. Like I'm a defenceless child."

"Well I apologize for caring about you," Lupin said far too calmly, looking bewildered.

"I don't need you to care about me. I'm an Auror for Merlin's sake. I've managed many times before. I don't even need to be here, I can just go home," Tonks said, trying to get out of the bed.

"No," ordered Lupin, making Tonks stop immediately.

It was a tone of voice she'd never heard him use before, it was stern and severe.

"You will stay in that bed."

Lupin moved quickly to her sight, looking down at her until she put her feet back on the bed.

"So what? You're just going to follow me around my whole life? You know I've risked my life before Remus and I'll do it again," Tonks told him, thinking she'd won the argument.

"Exactly," Lupin said, finally raising his voice.

He must have thought he'd said too much, because his eyes widened and he swallowed hard, before moving away. He walked back to her shoes and began untying them again, but rougher than before.

"What's _exactly_?" Tonks asked, with bite still in her voice.

"Nothing," Lupin mumbled, taking off one of the undone shoes.

"No," Tonks said, pulling her feet away from him. "What?"

"Nothing," Lupin repeated, with more frustation in his voice this time.

"No tell me. If something's got you acting like my mother all of a sudden, I want to know so I can stop it," said Tonks.

"Look, you've just fallen. You knocked yourself unconscious and here you sit telling me you're fine, forgive me for a moment of doubt and concern," explained Lupin.

"Why should I forgive you for not believing me?" Tonks spat.

"Nymphadora, you're tired, you're sick and you've just cracked your head open. I think you should rest and we can continue this discussion when you're in better shape," Lupin said with finality and his professor tone, as he took off the other shoe.

But Tonks wasn't done.

"Stop telling me what I feel or what I should do," Tonks yelled, her frustration peaking. "We've had what? One date and snogged a few times, that doesn't mean you know me, you self-righteous, know it all, holier-than-thou arse!"

The second she said it, Tonks wished she hadn't, but the anger had peaked and the words had slipped out. She was sorry the moment she stopped speaking. She didn't really mean it either, but at that point she wanted to hurt him. She didn't even know where the anger had all come from

"I apologize for helping you," Lupin said coldly.

He had never spoken to her like that before, she'd never seen him talk to anyone like that, and it chilled her to the bone. Lupin dropped her shoe and looked up at her stony-faced, not saying anything more and clenching his jaw. He turned around and walked towards the window, staring out of it, completely expressionless.

Tonks sat on the bed crossed legged and she closed her eyes, sighing out her frustration and throwing her head into her hands. He was worried and that was all, and she had behaved like a complete brat. She'd hurt him and she'd gone too far. The silence pressed in on her like it never had before. It caused more pain than the real pain in her head.

Lupin not speaking to her felt like the hardest shame she ever had to endure, it was like injuring a puppy. She couldn't even bring herself to look at him, even though his back was turned.

He was Lupin. He was the kind of guy who gave her an old family record for her birthday, because it meant something to him, who made her smile, who allowed her to fit so perfectly into his side, who wiped the tears off her face, who sat with her during the long boring guard duties, who worried when she fell over, who made her hair brighten, who took her shoes off before she went to sleep, who forgave people even though he shouldn't have, who made her laugh, who raised his eyebrows at her in a way only he could and who had a heart as big as the world. A heart she'd hurt. He was Lupin, her Lupin, the man she loved.

Tonks eyes bulged slightly as her mind processed its last thought. She shook her head, knowing it was just a mistake, but got up off the bed, a little shakily at first. She crept towards the window and stood behind Lupin as he faced away still looking stony faced with his hands in his pockets. It broke her heart.

From behind she slipped her arms up around his chest, placing her head on his back and hugging him close to her. She felt his head drop forward and then one of his hands moved up to hers and grabbed the one that was over his heart, holding it there. Tonks felt her scalp tingle.

"I'm sorry," Tonks muttered into his back. "I should never have said those things, I didn't mean them."

"No, _I'm_ sorry. You're more than capable and I was just–"

"Worried?" Tonks interrupted, finishing it for him, "and I behaved like a git."

Lupin laughed softly.

"No you didn't. I should have listened to you. I don't think you realize exactly how difficult it is to care for someone like you," Lupin said playfully shaking his head.

"But it's worth it, right?" Tonks asked, gripping him tightly

"Yes. It is," Lupin muttered, turning around finally.

He kissed her lightly and then his arms wrapped around her tightly. Tonks realized that he was clinging onto her. It wasn't a scary sign that the person she was with was too needy for her own taste, because she knew he wasn't. It was a sign that he had been afraid for her, he was afraid after what had happened, she wondered if he was afraid she would desert him as well, like Sirius had explained days ago.

He was clearly an idiot if he thought that might happen. Tonks hugged him tighter as well and his chin rested over the top of her head, she didn't mention that him doing that actually kind of hurt, it felt too good in other ways. Tonks realized she'd gotten her birthday wish; she was in Lupin's arms. Sure, she didn't get there the conventional way, the way she'd planned, but Tonks was slowly learning that nothing was ever going to go as planned with them.

**To be continued…**


	27. The Argument in Candlelight

**Argh! Amount of chapters is annoying. I keep forgetting events and they keep getting longer. Oh well.**

**Your response has literally been incredible, i'm so blown away. I got 7000 views this time around and it's just amazing! You guys are amazing and I'm just this little writer trying my hardest knowing i'm failing! Are you all humouring me?**

**Enough of this! **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 26.**

Remus Lupin stared at the fireplace Nymphadora Tonks had just disappeared through, his heart sinking at the thought of the wasted evening. He'd kept his distance from her all night for no reason, other than she seemed to be having so much fun without him.

When he'd finally got his moment, however embarrassing it had felt to give the present he'd chosen, it was ruined. He shifted his stare across to Sirius who was grinning at him, still giddy from his night of heavy drinking.

"Missing your girlfriend already?" Sirius asked.

"I think I enjoy your company better when you're brooding. You speak less," said Lupin, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.

He knew his words were harsh, but he was a little annoyed watching Tonks leave because of Sirius. Not when upstairs was planned quite perfectly. Sirius jumped up and started trying to feel around his back. He looked like a fool.

"What are you doing?" Lupin enquired his voice still with bite, furrowing his brow.

"Trying to find the knife you stuck in my back, mate," Sirius explained with a grin.

Lupin looked across the room at Tonks's presents. She must have forgotten them after having to leave so quickly. Lupin stood up and moved over to the table they sat on.

"Oh come on Moony, it's a joke," said Sirius.

"No, it's Nymphadora's presents. She left them here," Lupin replied as he reached the table.

A light of possibility exploded in his mind. He could go to her house, not that he couldn't before, but now he had a reason. He gathered them in his arms and moved over to the fire.

"Oh I see, now you've got an excuse. That's smart Moony, even for you," Sirius commended, to which Lupin glared in response. "Fine, I'm going, I'm going."

Lupin stood in front of the fire and grabbed a handful of Floo Powder as he heard Sirius leave, trying to juggle everything in his hands so nothing fell. He stopped for a moment, trying to think of what he could say, what he could do even. Eventually, armed with the knowledge he'd have to trust himself in the moment and not prepare, he walked into the fireplace. He was just about to throw his powder down, when the fireplace burned bright green around and Tonks appeared out of thin air.

"Nymphadora?"

At the sight of him she'd jumped up in fright and, with a sickening crack, her head collided with the stone roof of the fireplace. Lupin watched her eyes roll back as she fell limply, hitting her head again on the cold hard floor. Lupin dropped all the presents in his arms and ran to her.

Blood was visible in her light blue hair. Lupin's mind whirled around and made him feel dizzy; this had been exactly what he hadn't wanted, not that anybody ever did want this. His mind traveled back to the day before.

Lupin was sitting in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place alone, reading as per usual. The hard chairs from the kitchen table were making his back ache but he was sick of reading in his room. Sirius was busy either feeding Buckbeak or hunting for Kreacher to kick, so Lupin was left in the kitchen alone, which these days was fast becoming commonplace.

He'd just finished a chapter on the Goblin Wars of 1645, when the whole room flashed green. He looked over to see Dumbledore straightening himself as he stepped out of the fire. Immediately Lupin shut his book and sat up straight.

"Afternoon Remus," Dumbledore said politely.

"Afternoon Albus," Lupin replied feeling very confused, there wasn't a meeting tonight and they never even started this early.

"I'm sure you are wondering why I am here," Dumbledore said, reading Lupin's mind. "I will explain as soon as Moody and Kingsley arrive. Where would Sirius be?"

"Upstairs. I can retrieve him for you," Lupin offered, standing.

"No, no. This will be much quicker," Dumbledore said, waving his wand.

A bright white phoenix burst out of it and flew out of the room. Lupin grimaced at Dumbledore who smiled back serenely and took a seat at the table across from where Lupin had been sitting previously. His eyes glanced over the stack of books while Lupin stayed standing, holding his book open by his side.

"Oh, I remember this," Dumbledore announced, picking up something that was underneath all of Lupin's books. "The Beatles are quite fabulous, aren't they?"

"Yes, it was my favourite," said Lupin, taking his seat again and looking at the record in Dumbledore's hands.

"Muggle music can be far more soothing than our own I've found. Although they may not be muggles after all, according to popular fiction. I was not aware Sirius had a gramophone here," Dumbledore noted, his tone light and breezy.

"He doesn't. I bought it to give to someone," Lupin replied sheepishly.

It felt strange to sit across from Dumbledore and discuss a record he'd bought to give to Tonks for her birthday. He'd listened to it the day after his last transformation at his parent's house. One song kept jumping out at him, and he'd found, the longer he listened, the more it reminded her of him. He'd known from that moment he had to give it to her. He wondered if she was going to care that it was not new or flashy like some other people's presents would no doubt be. A welcome distraction arrived in the form of Sirius.

"What?" he said, pushing the door open, sounding panicked and out of breath.

"Just a new announcement that needs discussing. Alastor and Kingsley should be joining us soon."

Just as Dumbledore had finished his sentence Kingsley came through the fire, and seconds later Moody trudged through the door.

"What is it Albus?" Moody growled, taking a seat.

"I have just been informed that Lucius Malfoy plans to go abroad for his Christmas break with his family. Which does not seem a dangerous or note-worthy expedition, however I am concerned with his destination. It is very close to Nurmengard. Severus has informed us that Voldemort is looking to remove prisoners from Azkaban soon, and I fear this may be a similar task set to Lucius. We know it is not more giant recruiting as Hagrid has informed me–"

"Hagrid's returned?" Kingsley cut across him.

"Oh yes. A week or so ago. He plans to come to the first meeting in the new year; something appears to be occupying his time until then. But continuing on. I wish to send some members of the Order to follow Lucius," Dumbledore explained.

Everyone looked around at each other. Lupin was reluctant to offer his help as it meant leaving Sirius alone for Christmas. Yet, no one seemed to be forthcoming.

"I will, Albus." Lupin said.

"I think it wise to take another member, preferably another who has not been sent on a tracking mission before, one we could teach. Hestia or Nymphadora perhaps?"

It was like something inside Lupin clicked, something strange and unfamiliar although he vaguely remembered feeling something like it long before. For the first time, Lupin felt nervous and protective about another member of the Order. This could be dangerous. A million what if questions slipped into Lupin's mind about Tonks.

"I do not mind doing it alone," Lupin lied. "It would be rude to deny those who have families, Christmas with them."

Dumbledore's eyes lingered over him for a moment. Lupin kept his face impassive, not daring to glance at Sirius knowing he would give him away. He also kept his mind as far away from Tonks as possible. Lupin knew of Dumbledore's skill.

"If that is your wish, then of course you should go alone. I think it would be wise to arrive at the town near Nurmengard a week prior to school finishing. I trust I can leave you to make your own arrangements, Remus," said Dumbledore, as he stood. "I must get back to my school. Dolores will no doubt be wondering where I have gone."

Everyone else left the room gradually, leaving Lupin alone, again. He picked up a book, not out of interest but just for something for his hands to do. How had he not thought she would soon be involved in a dangerous task? How had he been stupidly thinking she was exempt from the Order's dangerous mission? She was an auror after all. Even without the Order she was risking herself

Lupin had known enough Order members who had died on missions. His life had been dotted with deaths more heartbreaking than the previous one. Mrs Weasley's boggart flashed across his mind. He saw Harry dead, Sirius dead and then Tonks, blood trickling from her head. How had he been so foolish to not see this coming? And why on earth was this suddenly an issue when it never had been before?

"Sirius!" Lupin yelped, coming back into the present again.

The nightmare was becoming real. Lupin pulled his wand out and immediately started trying to heal the wound.

"What now? I'm going just like you said – oh Merlin!"

Sirius rushed over. He pulled out his wand as well and together they started healing the cut, while Tonks lay limply on the floor, no sign of life except the pulse Lupin could thankfully see twitching in her neck.

"What'd you do?" Sirius asked.

"Nothing. I was in the fire and then she appeared next to me and stood up in fright, hitting herself on the head," Lupin said quickly, panic filling him as he looked down at her again.

"Of course she did," Sirius laughed. "Quite common for your girlfriend's to scare themselves silly at the sight of you, is it?"

"Now is not the time," Lupin growled at him.

He finished the charm and almost immediately Tonks started twitching. He rested his hand on the top of her head, stroking her hair and willing her to be all right.

"She's stirring, that's a good sign." Lupin reassured Sirius and himself.

"What do I look like, a healer?" Sirius joked,

Lupin watched Tonks carefully, his heart breaking the million miles a minute barrier. Her eyelids started flickering and her sparkling brown eyes came into view.

"Tonks are you – "

"Welcome back to the world," Sirius interrupted, grinning.

Lupin could feel his body starting to relax, she was awake and moving, she should be okay. The next few minutes passed and Lupin was unable to really function. He could hear Sirius and Tonks talking, and he was talking, but couldn't think clearly, he was too concerned. His mind was running wild in an area he was usually very good at shutting off.

What if's could destroy a human, any human and Remus was not exempt from it. Before he knew what was happening he had Tonks in his arms and he was walking up the stairs. His mind seemed to close out Sirius, even though he had tried hard to stay in. He carried Tonks up into his room, saying words that did not process through his mind.

It wasn't until he placed her down on his bed that he seemed to function normally again. He stood up, looking at the pathetic candles he'd placed out for her. He'd read enough novels and heard enough stories to know what romance was and how to go about it, but somehow he always felt his attempts fell short. He looked back over Tonks with concern; she looked away purposefully.

"Are you sure you're all right?" Lupin asked.

"Yes, I just hit my head, okay," said Tonks.

"No you hit your head, bled all over the kitchen floor, knocked yourself out and then vomited," Lupin corrected as he moved down to her shoes and started untying one.

"Would you stop it!" he heard Tonks snap.

Lupin had been expecting this; she always hated it when he untied her shoes. He looked up at her with a small smile, waiting for her joke.

"What?"

"Don't be thick, it doesn't suit you. I fall over all the time and I didn't always have you around to catch me before, and I did just fine," she said.

Lupin let go of her shoe and took a step away from her; feeling his grin instantly fall away. He stared at her for a moment wondering where this sudden outburst had come from. His insides turned cold, just as his voice did.

"Sorry for attempting to help," he said sharply and quietly.

"Don't give me that," snapped Tonks. "I've told you I'm fine, Sirius believed it and yet, you still come in here and look at me that way, like I'm a child."

"Well I apologize for caring about you," Lupin said, through gritted teeth, trying to keep his calm.

In truth, he did not feel calm. He wanted to rage as well, he wanted to tell her she was stupid for risking her life all the time, getting herself injured and not being more careful with herself. But Lupin did not rage, he was not the raging type. Instead he waited quietly for her words.

"I don't need you to care about me when I fall. I'm an Auror for Merlin's sake. I've managed many times before. I don't even need to be here, I can just go home." Tonks said, trying to get out of the bed.

"No," ordered Lupin, his voice stronger and more severe than it had been in a long time.

She was hurt, she needed to be careful. He would make her be sensible for once

"You will stay in that bed."

Lupin walked back over to her side, glaring down at her until she picked her feet back up off the floor.

"So what? You're just going to follow me around my whole life? You know I've risked my life before Remus, and I'll do it again," Tonks told him.

The exactness of her words frightened him a bit, but it hit the right nerve. The nerve he'd been hiding from her.

"Exactly!" Lupin said, finally raising his voice.

His eyes widened and he swallowed hard as he realized he'd said too much. She couldn't know what he'd done, she'd kill him. He walked back to her shoes and began untying them again, a lot rougher than before. Hoping having something physical to do would help him release his frustrations at her.

"What's _exactly_?" Tonks asked, with bite still in her voice.

"Nothing," Lupin mumbled darkly, taking off one of the undone shoes.

"No," Tonks said as she pulled her feet from his reach. "What?"

"Nothing." Lupin repeated, feeling frustration running through his body because of his behaviour.

He hated that he'd done the one thing you were never meant to do with the Order. He hated that he had somehow allowed himself to care about something so much that he did not wish to lose it. Hadn't that already proven a difficult feat in the past?

"No! Tell me. If something's got you acting like my mother all of a sudden, I wan to know so I can stop it," said Tonks.

"Look, you've just fallen. You knocked yourself unconscious and here you sit telling me you're fine. Forgive me for a moment of doubt and concern," explained Lupin with a sigh.

"Why should I forgive you for not believing me?" Tonks spat.

"Nymphadora, you're tired, you feel sick and you've just cracked your head open. I think you should rest and we can continue this discussion when you're in better shape," Lupin said with finality as he took off the last shoe.

"Stop telling me what I feel or what I should do!" Tonks yelled, making Lupin blink at her in confusion. "We've had what, one date and snogged a few times, that doesn't mean you know me, you self-righteous, know it all, holier-than-thou arse!"

Lupin's heart sank for the second time that night. This is what he'd known would happen, this was why he couldn't protect her all the time, the streak of pride and the youthful arrogance she seemed to be so full of. Lupin looked up at her, she was behaving like a child and for the first time he was not going to forgive it

"I apologize for helping you," Lupin said coldly.

He stepped away from her and walked towards the window. There was nothing interesting to stare at, but he did not want to look at Tonks. He dug his hands deep into his pockets. Yes he knew she did not understand the point of his anger, but she was behaving poorly herself.

Half of him hoped she'd just leave and the other wanted her to stay. It seemed a fitting end to an evening marked with disaster. It didn't make him feel any better that Tonks wasn't speaking either. The silence was worse than any they had ever had before. It seemed so unnatural for them. It was a silence filled with so much tension that it pressed against him and made his throat feel strangled.

He could not deny his hurt at her words. Did she truly believe he did not know her? If she was only looking at the pair of them by what they had done, perhaps it was not a lot to go by, but there was more to it, more underneath the surface, even if he felt incapable of expressing it. He heard noises from behind him, but he didn't turn around, he didn't feel he wanted to.

Without warming a pair of small arms slipped around his chest. He felt Tonks cuddle up behind him, resting her head on his back. Any thought of not forgiving her disappeared. He dropped his head forwards and closed his eyes, feeling her hands move up and down as he breathed. He lifted a hand and moved it on top of hers, holding it there

"I'm sorry," she said in a small voice so unlike her own. "I should never have said those things. I didn't mean them."

"No, _I'm_ sorry. You're more than capable and I was just–"

"Worried?" Tonks interrupted, "and I behaved like a selfish git."

Lupin laughed softly at her. He couldn't balme her for this. He'd been out of line. She wasn't his to protect, she was an adult, and perfectly at liberty to do what she wished, regardless of how much he worried.

"No, you didn't. I should have listened to you. I don't think you realize exactly how difficult it is to care for someone like you," Lupin told her.

"But it's worth it, right?" Tonks asked, smiling up at him.

"Yes. It is," Lupin muttered, pulling her into his chest.

He held her from what felt like a lifetime. He felt safe holding her, he gripped her tighter than usual as it seemed the remedy to his feelings. He knew he'd been out of line. Truthfully he knew the moment he denied her an assignment from the Order he'd been out of line, yet somehow all was forgiven. As he was always told, there were more important things, things worth dying for. Even if that was not an option he could comprehend.

"I think you may truly need some rest now" Lupin said to her.

"This may be the only time I say this to you ever, but I think you're right," Tonks muttered.

She turned around and walked towards the bed. When she sat down on top of it, Lupin walked over to the end and Tonks moved her feet out, already knowing what he was about to do. He peeled each sock off slowly and placed it beside her shoes. He walked over towards his closet, and pulled his jumper over his head, placing it on a shelf and then reached for the top button of his shirt, but a hand stopped him.

He looked across from him to see Tonks standing beside him. She was looking up at him determinedly, but biting her lip. He didn't even ask what she was doing, as it seemed foolish. She didn't speak either but stared at him until he dropped his hands by his side. Slowly she undid his buttons, never taking her eyes from his, unless a button proved difficult. She slid her hands around his waist, un-tucking his shirt gently from his pants.

Lupin couldn't stop the groan that escaped his mouth as her fingers brushed against his skin slowly and gently. She slid his shirt off his shoulders, following the rise of his arms with her fingers until it moved over his hands and onto the floor with ease. He wanted to tell her to stop, actually he didn't _want_ to, but he _needed_ to.

She allowed her hands to trace back over his skin, making his entire body explode with goosebumps. He hated her in the moment, he hated that she drove him crazy, he hated that she'd hit her head on tonight of all nights, when he'd finally begun to wrap his head around things.

"Tonks, I–" he whispered before he could stop himself, not even being able to finish a sentence that seemed so horribly wrong to say.

"I know," Tonks whispered back knowingly, her hands holding him around his ribs, her skin on his.

"Then why did you–" Lupin muttered

"Because." She interrupted and paused, as if it was enough of an explanation. "I've watched you do it before from that bed before and I wanted to do it this time."

Her fingers felt like they were burning into his skin. She stood up on her toes and her fingers landed softly on his jaw. Instantly he closed his eyes. She traced her fingers along his face, inspecting it, reviewing it almost, as if it were a long lost friend. Lupin fought the inner demons in his mind.

A very animal side of him wanted to grab her, throw her onto his bed and have his way with her, but another side fought hard against it, telling him that would not be the best activity in her condition.

"Why do you do this to me?" Lupin asked, keeping his eyes shut.

Tonks laughed softly at him.

"Do what?" She responded playfully.

"Torture me," Lupin answered.

She laughed again and Lupin finally opened his eyes, finding hers straight away.

"Fine, I'll stop," Tonks replied sighing overdramatically and walking away from him in a pretend huff.

He caught her by the elbow and pulled her back into his chest. Sure he couldn't do _that_, but that didn't stop him doing something else. His lips met hers lightly and Tonks pulled away.

"Geez Remus, do you ever do anything without tact?" Tonks asked, smiling up at him.

"I assumed it would be polite not to ravage you, considering your head was recently cut in half," Lupin explained.

"Try me," dared Tonks.

Before Lupin could move Tonks grabbed him, yanking him to her level, and met his mouth forcefully. Her tongue entered it and after a moments delay his did the same to her. He could tell, even though his eyes were shut, that she was smiling. Suddenly Tonks fell out of his grasp, ripping her mouth from his. He looked around wildly only to see her on the floor at his feet. After staring down at her in panic, he remembered their argument and changed his face to be impassive, but his insides still writhed.

"It's you're stupid shirt!" Tonks cried as Lupin kneeled beside her.

"You see Nymphadora," Lupin said, using his professor tone, "this is why I hang up my clothes."

"Just shut up and help me." Tonks growled.

"So now you want my help?" Lupin asked, smiling.

"Fine, you old git, I'll do it myself." Tonks said, her tone one of dignity, which she clearly did not have at that moment.

Lupin unraveled the shirt from around her feet anyway. He hung it up after he'd helped her up, which he was surprised she'd accepted. Perhaps her fall had knocked sense into her? She looked back up at Lupin expectantly but Lupin only smiled at her and looked over at the bed.

"One day you're going to regret always forcing me to go to sleep you know. When you're wrinkly and old, well older, you'll wish you hadn't," Tonks playfully told him as she walked to bed

"As ever, thank-you for the compliment," said Lupin, following her.

Both of them got into bed and Tonks rolled over into him, placing her head on his bare chest and her legs wrapping around his. His arms wrapped around her and just before placing it on the bedside table, he flicked his wand at the lights, turning them off. Tonks snuggled a little further into him and Lupin began lightly running his fingers up and down her arm.

"What I would regret more," he whispered to her, "would be not sleeping beside you every chance I got."

Lupin awoke the next morning, still holding Tonks the way he had been when he'd gone to sleep. He looked at her curiously for a moment. Her mouth open so wide that he was very sure he could see right down her throat did not bother him, but her hair did. It was a mousy brown color he'd only seen once before. As far as he remembered it only happened when she was bored. Her body stirred and then her eyes slowly fluttered open. At the sight of him, her hair instantly flushed a deep red.

"Morning sailor," Tonks grumbled, half yawning.

"Morning. How's your head feeling?" Lupin asked.

"What? Oh yeah, it seems pretty good. The real test is usually when you stand up anyway," Tonks explained, as if she'd done this a million times. Which Lupin believed could well be possible.

"Well, we'll have to keep you lying down then won't we?" Lupin added, looking at Tonks.

"How do you suppose we'll do that?" Tonks said, again half yawning.

Lupin could see the start of a grin on her face.

"To start with, I'll retrieve the prophet and some breakfast for the two of us, and then decide from there," he said, getting out of bed.

He shuffled over to his closet and pulled out the same shirt he'd had on last night. He walked all the way downstairs into the kitchen and was relieved to find Sirius wasn't there. He hadn't obviously woken, as the prophet was open on the table. Lupin began cooking toast and boiling the kettle. He flicked his wand at two teacups, which brought them over, and then got to work putting in sugar and teabags.

"Same clothes as last night. Good sign," a voice from behind him said.

Lupin spun around to find Sirius leaning against the armchair by the fire. He was smiling at him in an annoying way. Lupin returned to making his breakfast.

"Breakfast in bed, a better sign," Sirius noted.

Still, Lupin said nothing and started buttering toast instead. He spread on some jams and marmalade not knowing which Tonks preferred. When he finished he placed them on the table, not looking at Sirius who had sat down at it.

"Well?" Sirius asked, and Lupin could hear the expectancy in his voice.

Lupin poured milk in the cups and turned around to find a piece of his toast in Sirius' hand. He was obviously holding it at ransom.

"Come on, Moony. I'm your oldest friend," Sirius begged.

Lupin studied him for a moment and Sirius lowered the toast away from his mouth, looking shocked but happy.

"Yes, you are my oldest friend," Lupin sighed.

He picked up the prophet and placed it under his arm.

"But you are also _you_. So no," Lupin told him, snatching the toast from him before he could do anything to prevent him.

He picked up the two teacups and the plate and walked towards the door.

"You know, you used to be fun, Remus," Sirius called out to him as he walked away.

"No I didn't," Lupin said over his shoulder as he walked back up to Tonks.

There would come a time in the next few days when he could not laugh and joke, but he would have to be serious and plan things. But for now he was happy to go upstairs and join Tonks, knowing she would keep that from his mind. That side of life could be kept at bay long enough to enjoy her, whatever that may entail, as no one ever really knew with Tonks.

**To be continued...**


	28. The Christmas Visitor

**Today I greet you under wierd circumstances.**

**Firstly I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open, but i'm powering through for you guys, even though i have to get up early. You better love me! haha**

**Secondly, this is the longest chapter ever! I should split it into two but i don't want too, so you guys can suffer muhahaha. Or, just read half and then read the other half later...**

**I'm sorry about the length but so much needed to happen to Tonks so we can get it to the next Lupin chapter and I wasn't willing to write 2 more chapters for the sake of it. Believe me you'll be thankful for this at the end of the next one...just trust me. Have I ever led you astray?**

**Again, reviews are very welcome. You guys never cease to amaze me and I mean it honestly.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 27****.**

Nymphadora Tonks sat in a bedroom alone at Grimmauld Place. She hadn't wanted to tell Remus Lupin that since the moment she'd opened her eyes, her head had started throbbing in pain. He'd left her a few moments ago to get breakfast and she sat alone sitting up, staring at the wall across from her. The wallpaper was peeling off, and she hadn't quite noticed exactly how many cobwebs there were until just now. She hugged her knees a little closer to her chest and closed her eyes, hoping the pain would just go away if she asked it to. She was slowly realising exactly how serious her fall must have been, perhaps that was why Lupin had gotten so worried. There was a soft knock at the door.

"Yeah?" Tonks called out nervously, hoping it wasn't Sirius.

Lupin walked in with two plates of toast and two mugs of tea, the prophet hidden under his arm.

"Why did you knock to get into your own bedroom?" Tonks asked, laughing slightly.

Lupin ignored her insult.

"Sorry it took so long. Sirius snuck up on me in the kitchen." Lupin told her as he placed the plates and cups on the bedside table next to her.

He looked down at her smiling; she grimaced back, not wanting to worry him.

"What'd he say?" Tonks asked, mainly to divert his stare.

"Oh, not much," said Lupin. "I didn't know which you preferred so I have plain butter, marmalade and strawberry jam."

Tonks looked up at him and she accepted a cup of tea from him.

"Thanks," She said politely.

He took his own cup and walked around to his side of the bed, sitting down and unrolling the morning prophet. Tonks felt oddly grown up sitting next to a man in bed who was reading the paper. It felt like something parents did on Sunday mornings until their children came in and disturbed them, or at least that's what Tonks used to do. Lupin sipped at his tea and picked up a one of the plain buttered pieces of toast. Tonks smiled at his choice as he looked up at her.

"What?" He asked, just before he bit into it.

"I knew you were going to go for that one," she joked.

Lupin sighed at her, before returning to his paper. Tonks mulled over her choices while she drank her tea, surprised to learn Lupin had made it exactly how she liked it. She eventually picked the spread she liked best and ate that piece of toast.

"Strawberry jam, very predictable Tonks," Lupin remarked.

She glanced over to find him looking at her. He had a small smile on his lips. She rolled her eyes at him and then eyed off his paper.

"Oh sorry. Here have the other half." Lupin said, looking guilty and giving her half of the prophet.

Tonks started reading, and before she knew it, she was bored. She looked back at Lupin, who'd moved onto marmalade toast now. His concentration face was making her laugh, but she stifled it. She watched him chew his toast and a thought from the previous evening popped back into her head. Whilst her head had gone into overdrive after she'd yelled at him, her mind had said one thing; she loved him. As she watched him, she couldn't help but wonder if that was the case. She'd never really been in love before. The relationships at school never really felt like this. Everything about Lupin felt different to everything else she'd ever encountered. Perhaps because he was completely grown up in every sense of the word, or maybe because he was nothing like the people she was usually interested in. Something felt different, something felt stronger. She glanced up at him again; a big piece of marmalade had landed on his chin. She couldn't stop the laugh this time.

"What?" Lupin said, looking over at her confused.

Tonks smiled at him and reached across, wiping it off with her index finger.

"Thanks," he mumbled, before going back to reading.

She licked it off her finger and smiled as she discovered just how good it tasted. She saw movement to her left and a plate with half a piece of toast with marmalade on it came into her view. She looked at Lupin, who was still reading, but holding out the plate for her.

"It was written all over your little grin how much you liked that," Lupin told her, turning to her.

"But the marmalade one was yours," said Tonks.

"It's ours now," Lupin said as Tonks took the plate from him.

She smiled again and picked up the toast, chewing it slowly to savour the taste. It was with a whooping sensation in her stomach that a strange feeling came over her. She felt like she could do this forever. She could sit next to him in the morning while he sat reading the paper like a boring old man as they shared tea and toast. She shook her head. That mental image felt absurd, Tonks was not the housewife type, and she never would be.

"Any particular reason for the head spasm?" Lupin asked, interrupting Tonks's thoughts as he idly turned the page of his paper.

"For someone who loves reading, you surely don't put a lot of effort into reading the prophet," Tonks noted.

"Forgive me for watching you," Lupin responded, with a smile not taking his eyes from the paper.

Tonks hated when he turned her insults into compliments. She huffed loudly and turned back to her boring part of the paper. These days it was filled with updates from Umbridge about Hogwarts, she was surprised Lupin was still bothering to read it. Tonks glanced around the room again as she finished her toast, the room seemed to have brightened now that she was with Lupin. She turned back to look at him but his watch caught her attention first.

"Oh Mother of Merlin!" Tonks cried, jumping out of bed.

She immediately felt dizzy from standing up to fast, but it seemed to be exasperated by her recent head knock. It took longer than normal for the head rush to disappear and she felt herself stumble around a little bit as it did. Lupin was out of the bed and beside her faster than anything she'd ever seen.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" He asked, looking concerned and worried again.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just a head rush. I'm late for work!" Tonks said, moving away from him, and pulling on her shoes and socks.

Lupin stepped away and Tonks noticed how quickly he did. Clearly their argument last night had had a lasting impression on him. He sat down on the bed and seemed to watch as Tonks threw things around in search of her wand. When it was finally discovered she turned back around and looked at Lupin, who greeted her with a warm smile. She rushed over to him, placing her hands on his chest, and kissed him softly on the lips.

"Thanks for breakfast and thank you so much for your present," Tonks said to him.

She leant back down and kissed him lightly once more and then ran to the door as she heard Lupin say goodbye to her. She bounded down the stairs four at a time and brushed past Sirius on the second landing.

"What'd Lupin do now?" He called out to her.

"Shut-up!" Tonks shouted at him playfully as she ran past.

She sprinted down the hallway, narrowly missing the troll's leg, and was out the door in seconds flat. She turned into a secluded alley and apparated right into the Ministry. She walked out of the Apparation room and straight to the lift. She was in there alone and repeatedly jammed the number two button, shouting obscenities at it. When the grilles finally opened, Tonks threw herself out of them. She passed Sherwood, a fellow Auror, and a dazed looking Dawlish having a whispered conversation in the hall, but ran straight for her desk, not caring about them.

"Smooth, Tonks. Very smooth," Kingsley muttered as he walked by after she'd sat down and pretended not to look flustered.

* * *

The day of work seemed endless. Scrimgeour had barked orders to them all about Dumbledore and his army. She'd hoped this wouldn't involve any more raids, as she wanted Christmas to be undisturbed. She had a picture in her mind of her, Lupin and Sirius spending Christmas together in Grimmauld Place; nothing was going to take that away from her. As it got dark outside, Tonks set off for her parents. She apparated right into the town centre and, pulling her cloak tighter around her, she trudged to her old house through half melted snow, with the icy winds whirling around her. She skidded on the ice a few times, but somehow managed to get to her parents unharmed. She knocked on the door. She could hear her mothers voice growing louder until finally the door opened.

"Happy Birthday dear!" She cried, pulling Tonks into a hug.

"Thanks Mum," Tonks mumbled into her shoulder.

Andromeda led the way inside and Tonks noticed her father was in his favourite chair by the crackling fire. His round face exploded with a smile as she walked in.

"Nymphadora!" He cried, jumping up and hugging her as well. "Happy birthday, love."

"Thanks Dad," she said when he let her go. "Thanks a bunch for that present you guys. I loved it! That Harpies game is going to be brilliant."

"No problem," Ted said as he sat back down and sipped on his mead.

Andromeda disappeared into the kitchen and Tonks could smell a roast cooking.

"So how's work?" Ted asked.

"It's alright. Bit boring at the moment though, we're just doing paperwork," Tonks told him, as she sat on the couch across from him.

"That'll change no doubt, when these lousy sods finally admit what's happening right under their noses. All this Dumbledore's Army nonsense. I'm positive Dumbledore has much better things to do with his time. They're all idiots and _they _run out government," Ted said, sounding very disenchanted.

"It'll be alright in the end I think. Eventually things have to come into the open and then they'll realise what they've been doing wrong," Tonks said, wondering what had gotten him so riled up about it. He wasn't that type of man.

"I suppose you're right. I hope so anyway. I don't know how long I can put up with that Fudge moron. I mean really–"

A loud voice from the kitchen interrupted Ted as he started on a rant.

"Dinner!"

The pair of them stood up and Ted smiled at his daughter as they stomped towards the kitchen. They piled their plates with food and walked into the dining room. Tonks grinned at the room. There were balloons tied to the chairs and a big happy birthday sign attached to one of the walls.

"Aw, you guys! You didn't have to do all this just for me," Tonks gushed as she put her plate down.

"Nonsense dear! We were happy too," Andromeda dismissed.

They began eating and after the mundane conversations about gardens and neighbours, Andromeda asked something else.

"So, how's the Order?"

"Brilliant! I mean, so far it's all a bit slow, but it'll pick up. The people in it are really good. Did you ever meet the Weasleys?" Tonks asked, looking at both her parents.

"I've heard of them of course. Is it the parents of those ones you were friendly with at Hogwarts?" Ted asked

"Yeah. Bill and Charlie's parents," Tonks told him.

"I had a bit to do with Arthur Weasley. He seemed like a nice chap," said Ted, spearing a piece of roast beef on his fork.

"I've never met his wife though, what's she like?" Andromeda enquired.

"Her names Molly, she's brilliant. She's a Prewett, Kingsley said. So you'd have known her brothers," Tonks told her.

"Gideon and Fabian?" Andromeda asked and Tonks nodded. "Oh Merlin, the Weasley family didn't need anymore red hair in there."

Ted and Andromeda laughed warmly and Tonks smiled at them both.

"How's Sirius?" Andromeda asked, her voice changing slightly.

"Uh, well, he's doing all right I guess. It's hard to tell sometimes. He seems to have fun when everyone is around but I don't know much about when we aren't, you know?" Tonks mumbled.

"I never believed it was possible for him to have done what they say he did. He brought James around here before and you'd swear they were brothers. It never made sense," Andromeda explained.

"It did seem a bit of a stretch. Makes sense that the Peter one was involved. Did we ever meet him?" Ted asked Andromeda.

"No. Sirius always said he was with his own family. Sirius was at James's those summers," Andromeda told them. "I wish he could come here for our Christmas party, but I suppose bringing in a wanted murderer wouldn't be the best way to greet your family this year, Ted."

Tonks's heart sank. She'd forgotten about her parents Christmas Eve party. They held it every year and it was usually something she looked forward to. But this year, she was looking forward to Christmas with one other person.

"I don't suppose Remus could make it could he? I always got on well with him, it'd be lovely to see him again," Andromeda asked, breaking Tonks from her thoughts.

She felt her scalp tingle. Her mother could not read minds, could she?

"What? You're not still unhappy with him are you?" Andromeda asked sounding exasperated.

"The quiet bloke? How on earth could you get shirty with him? He never spoke enough to cause any problems," Ted added, looking at Tonks.

"No, no, we're fine. I'll ask him." Tonks told her parents.

Tonks spent the night in her old bedroom. The next morning she went off to work after a huge breakfast made by her mother. She sat at her desk all day ignoring her work and getting lost in her thoughts. The more she thought about it the better the idea seemed, Remus could come to the Christmas party and then they could go back to Grimmauld Place to be with Sirius. Tonks felt her scalp tingle at the thought of a whole evening with just Lupin. She spent that night on guard duty thinking about exactly how it would go and planning how to ask him. All in all, it seemed like a perfect evening would go ahead. She was starting to feel like an excitable schoolgirl again, but this time she didn't care. When she returned home her presents had been stacked neatly on the table by the fire with a note on top.

_Thought you might want these.__  
Hope work went well,  
Remus._

* * *

The next Order meeting came and went without much cause for stress. Lupin looked very tired and shabby, which obviously meant a transformation had taken place between now and when they'd last seen each other. Tonks smiled at him during the meeting, to which he grimaced back, she mouthed 'stay' and he nodded in response. Tonks spoke to Molly until almost everyone had disappeared and when Molly did as well, Lupin strode over towards her.

"Yes?" He asked.

"Thanks for the lovely greeting. The, 'hello Tonks I've missed you ever so much,'" Tonks said, smiling at him

"Hello Tonks, I've missed you ever so much. Now, any particular reason you asked me to stay?" Lupin asked.

"Well, you see, my parents have this thing every Christmas Eve and my mum asked me to invite you. So, yeah," said Tonks, feeling slightly embarrassed.

"You mother asked me did she?" Lupin asked, sarcasm dripping from his words.

"Yes you git, my mum. I didn't want you there at all, it's all for her," Tonks joked back. "She did actually ask you though, I forgot about it until she did."

"Why doesn't that surprise me? As much as I would love to Tonks, I'm afraid I won't be here over Christmas," Lupin told her.

Tonks felt her stomach drop through the floor.

"What? Why?" Tonks asked.

"Dumbledore has me on a mission tracking Malfoy abroad," Lupin explained.

"Oh right, yeah, of course, Order stuff's important," Tonks mumbled and looked downwards.

"I'm sorry Tonks," said Lupin, grabbing her hand in his as they stood facing each other. "If it were up to me, I'd love to join you."

"Yeah, course," Tonks said, still looking down at the floor.

Lupin's head suddenly appeared in her line of vision; he'd obviously bent down in front of her. He was smiling at her apologetically.

"Tonks, I'm serious. Tell you what, I'll get you a fantastic Christmas gift, all right?" Lupin told her.

Tonks grimaced at him and he continued to stare at her, watching her for a sign of acceptance. She felt stupid for believing things could go perfectly for the two of them.

"Okay, but it better be a bloody great present!" Tonks said, finally smiling at him.

"Considering we're actually alone, surprisingly, and I have to leave in the next few days," Lupin paused and leaned forwards, kissing her on the lips. "Merry Christmas."

Tonks felt her scalp tingle and then she launched at him. He nearly fell from her force but he wrapped his arms around her and they kissed again, a lot more roughly than before. After what could have been days, they finally separated.

"Merry Christmas to you as well," Tonks told him, as he straightened out his clothes. "You better come back in one piece from this mission, or I'm going to kill you."

"That made no sense whatsoever, but I'll try my hardest," Lupin promised as he closed the door behind them.

Tonks felt no need to stay for dinner as she had a pile of work waiting for her at home. She kissed him very quickly again and hugged him, gripping onto him tighter than before.

"Be safe," she told him.

Then she left without looking back, knowing she'd never let him leave if she did.

* * *

The next two weeks were probably the dullest of the year. Work was still as boring as ever; even Kingsley's normal little visits to her cubicle didn't help. She had the odd guard duty, which was completely uninteresting. There had only been one Order meeting since Lupin's departure, which Tonks had heard was going smoothly. Sirius was as withdrawn and quiet as ever. She was missing talking to Lupin. It seemed to be so insignificant at the time, but now that he was gone she realised how much she truly missed speaking with him about anything. She didn't really have to worry about him being safe, as she knew he would be. Tonks went to bed one night a week or so before Christmas, very late. She'd spent all night at the Auror office catching up on paperwork and was very thankful her time off work for the holiday season started the next day.

* * *

Tonks awoke very suddenly that morning, as if something had woken her. She lay still for a moment wondering what had happened, when a loud banging echoed through her house. She jumped up and yanked on some jeans and a jumper before moving out into her living room She looked up at the clock, it was four in the morning, what on earth was going on? The door banged again.

"Nymphadora," growled a familiar voice.

"Moody?" Tonks asked sceptically

"Yes" he said impatiently.

Tonks immediately unbolted her door to find Moody on the other side looking dishevelled but alert. His face slowly grew angry as Tonks indicated for him to come him.

"How many times have I told you? Constant Vigilance!" Moody bellowed at her.

"Save it Moody. What are you doing here?" Tonks asked, feeling worried.

"How do you know I'm not a spy here to get information about the Order from you?" Moody growled at her.

"Because only you would turn up so early with something obviously important to tell me, yet still yell at me for my lack of security. What is going on?" Tonks asked again, panic bubbled at the thought of Lupin, was he okay?

"Arthur's been attacked on duty," Moody growled.

"What! How? Where?" Tonks asked, feeling shock and terror run through her body.

"He's still alive. It was close. But Voldemort's got a serpent doing his bidding now. It ran into Arthur who tired to put up a fight but it attacked him," Moody growled.

"He's sending a snake to look for the Prophecy?" Tonks asked, feeling confused

"Looks like it," Moody growled.

"How do we know all this?" Tonks asked.

"Potter saw it a few hours ago, Dumbledore said something about a funny dream or a vision. Seems a bit strange but Dumbledore told me to alert you as we'll be taking the Weasleys to St Mungo's to visit him in a few hours," Moody informed her.

"How did he have a vision? I thought he was a parstle mouth not a Seer?"

"It doesn't matter. The main concern is safety," Moody stated.

"I just don't understand. The snake attacked Arthur in front of the door to the Department, right? So how did it get in?" Tonks asked, still confused.

"We don't know, but Dumbledore will no doubt speak to the boy and he'll unravel it himself. We have to begin planning," Moody growled.

"How are we getting them out of Hogwarts before term ends?" Tonks asked.

"They're already out. Dumbledore sent them to Grimmauld Place immediately. Now, tomorrow, we'll travel by Underground I think–"

Moody and Tonks spent the next hour or so planning how to go about taking them to St Mungo's. Tonks got as much information from Moody as possible about Arthur. The story frightened her. It could easily have been her in that position, as she had Guard Duty the next night.

* * *

Tonks and Moody walked from her flat to Grimmauld Place later that morning. She gave Ginny a quick hug when they arrived and thanked her for the card for her birthday. Molly, Moody, Ginny, Harry, Ron, Fred, George and herself all made their way across London towards St Mungo's. Tonks was happy she was to be guarding Harry, as she'd been hoping to question him.

"There isn't any Seer blood in your family is there?" She asked, sitting next to him on the tube.

"No," Harry said, sounding a little bit insulted.

"No, no, I suppose it's not really a prophecy you're doing is it?" Tonks told him, "I mean you're not seeing the future you're seeing the present…it's odd, isn't it? Useful though…"

After getting off the train and walking for a while, they stopped in front of Purge & Dowse.

"Right," Tonks called out, "everyone ready?"

Tonks knew this place very well. She leaned up against the glass and looked directly at the ugliest mannequin.

"Wotcher, we're here to see Arthur Weasley." She told it, fogging up the glass with her warm breath.

The dummy nodded and beckoned for her, like usual. Tonks grabbed Ginny and Molly and they walked through the glass together. Tonks felt the usual walking through water feeling but it didn't bother her as much as it used to. She turned to see Ginny with a worried expression on her face.

"Weird sensation isn't it?" Tonks asked her with a grin.

"Yeah," Ginny agreed.

They followed Molly to the enquiries desk and Tonks turned back to see Moody bringing everyone else in. They were all staring around in wonder, Harry more than anyone. Tonks looked at the queue ahead of her, there was a wizard performing an on the spot jump as he spoke to the disgruntled receptionist, there was a small elderly wizard who didn't look ill at all, a woman holding onto a young girl by her ankles as she flapped around her head with newly sprouted wings and then there was them. Molly spoke to the receptionist as Tonks pointed out the girl with wings to Ginny, who stifled a laugh. Molly led the way along the ward and Tonks recognised some of the Healers as they smiled or waved. They finally reached Arthur's ward and Tonks hung back for a moment.

"We'll wait outside, Molly," Tonks said, "Arthur won't want too many visitors at once…it ought to be just family first."

Molly nodded and smiled weakly as Moody growled in approval of Tonks's idea. She watched as the Weasley's all filed in except Harry, who hung back with her and Mad-Eye. Molly pushed him into the doorway.

"Don't be silly Harry, Arthur wants to thank you," Tonks heard her say to him.

Tonks smiled and then turned to Mad Eye, whose eye was spinning around very quickly.

"Can't you slow it down? It's making me feel queasy," said Tonks.

"There are a lot of people here. I'm searching for Bode," Moody growled at her.

"What do you want with that miserable old sod?" Tonks asked.

"I just do. After what happened to him, Dumbledore has kept Kingsley on the lookout," Moody told her, his eye stopping for a moment.

"What happened to him?"

"You should know. He's the one that Malfoy supposedly imperised to get the prophecy," Moody growled at Tonks, his magical eye turning back to her.

"What! When was this? No one told me," Tonks said.

"A month or so ago. He cracked though which s part of their protection; Dumbledore believes this was one of Malfoys feeble attempts to steal it himself. Voldemort–" Tonks noticed the portraits on the wall across from the twitched involuntarily, "–obviously didn't know only the two of them could touch it." Moody finished

"That's horrible," was all Tonks could say.

The Weasley's eventually filed out and Molly beckoned Tonks and Moody in. Tonks walked into the small ward, which was quite gloomy compared to the rest of the Hospital. Arthur smiled brightly at the pair and Molly sat beside him, looking worried and very tired.

"How are you feeling?" Tonks asked instantly, standing at the end of his bed.

"I'm okay now. It was a bit worrying at the time. I don't remember much, I was doing a paper for work and then I must have dozed off. Next thing I know there was this great snake rearing up at me," Arthur explained.

Molly winced slightly at his story.

"What's Dumbledore done? Bill said something about searching the Department." Arthur asked, looking between Tonks and Moody.

"He sent out a search by Kingsley, who was luckily still in the Ministry." Moody started to say, but stopped as his eye rolled back into his head.

Tonks rolled her eyes and continued for him with the information Moody had told her that morning.

"Kingsley and Dawlish searched the whole area but couldn't find the snake anywhere. It seems to have vanished after it attacked you, Arthur…but You-Know-Who can't have expected a snake to get in, can he?"

"I reckon he sent it as a lookout," growled Moody, "cause he's not had any luck so far, has he? No, I reckon he's trying to get a clearer picture of what he's facing and if Arthur hadn't been there, the beast would've had a lot more time to look around. So Potter says he saw it all happen?"

"Yes," Molly said, looking far more uneasy and anxious than Tonks had seen her today. "You know, Dumbledore seems almost to have been waiting for Harry to see something like this."

"Yeah, well, there's something funny about that Potter kid, we all know that," Moody grunted.

"Dumbledore seemed worried about Harry when I spoke to him this morning," Molly whispered.

"Course he's worried," growled Moody. "The boy's seeing things from inside You-Know-Who's snake. Obviously Potter doesn't realise what that means, but if You-Know-Who's possessing him, and Dumbledore knew, then it would make sense as to why he kept him in the dark, wouldn't it?"

"Hang on Mad-Eye, no one's said anything like that just yet. You're right, it seems a bit strange that Harry saw something like that, but Dumbledore always speaks of a connection between the two of them," Arthur said shaking his head.

"The poor boy must be feeling horrible. Sirius informed me Harry's already gone to him all worried about it," Molly told them.

"If Dumbledore had an inkling about something like that he would have let us know. Dumbledore may have expected this but it still came as a surprise. I highly doubt he's being possessed, he couldn't have gotten Harry from Hogwarts and back in time," Tonks reasoned.

"Still, we will definitely need to watch the boy," Moody growled.

On the way back to Grimmauld Place, Tonks saw Harry looked very ill. She sat next to him, as she'd been told too, and couldn't help but notice how pale he'd gone or how clammy his skin had become. Molly tried asking him questions, but he deflected them and stared out the window. Tonks also noticed the other kids kept throwing frightened glances his way. When Tonks and Moody returned them to Grimmauld Place, Molly set to work on making dinner. Tonks sat down with Sirius and the rest of the Weasley's.

"Where's Harry?" Sirius asked immediately.

"Sleeping," Ron grunted, looking as pale as Harry had.

"He didn't seem very well on the train ride, so I sent him to bed," Molly added.

For a moment Sirius looked worried, but when he glanced at Tonks he smiled again.

"I think this place might need a bit of a festive spirit now that I have company for the season," Sirius said, leaning back in his chair.

"What about Professor Lupin? I thought he'd be here," Ginny asked.

Sirius smiled across at Tonks before speaking. Ginny glanced at Tonks as well, but she looked confused.

"He's away at the moment," Sirius told Ginny.

"You know, you can say Order business and it still won't give anything away," said Ginny darkly.

Sirius merely laughed at her.

* * *

When dinner was over and the children had long since disappeared, Molly turned to Sirius.

"Any news while we were away?"

"Dumbledore spoke to me through the fire, he said to watch Harry, but he should be fine. He's dealt with Umbridge and so far the Ministry is denying anything happened, so Arthur can't be prosecuted," said Sirius.

Molly sighed in relief and then sipped her steaming mug of tea. Sirius leant back on his chair, resting his hands on the top of his head before flashing a grin towards Tonks.

"He's bringing back the members abroad as well. Lupin should be back for Christmas now. Dumbledore wants more members close-by." Sirius said, in deliberate casual voice.

Tonks suppressed a very large grin that was attempting to break on her face. She finished her tea and then left the house, apparating back to her own. Her face broke into a very big smile.

* * *

Tonks stayed at home for the next few days, receiving owls almost daily from members of the Order keeping her updated on Arthur or plans for the first meeting of the New Year. She pent two days walking around Diagon Alley searching for presents for everyone, including her parents. When she finally bought them, she gave Harry, Hermione's and the Weasley's to Sirius to give them out on Christmas Day. She popped in to Grimmauld Place occasionally for dinner, mainly in the hope the Lupin would be there, but he wasn't. She was beginning to wonder if Sirius was lying. Sirius was by far the happiest Tonks had ever seen him. He was singing carols and putting up decorations, even he and Molly were getting on well. She spent all of Christmas Eve day at her parents house, helping them get ready for the party. As the sun set, she flooed home to get ready herself.

* * *

Tonks showered and put on the dress her mother had chosen for her. It wasn't really to her taste, low cut at the back and resting just above the knee, but she didn't mind it too much, as it was bright red. A knock echoed through her flat. Instantly the panic bubbled over in her stomach. Ever since Moody had come to her door it felt like she had been keeping panic at bay. She kept waiting for someone to come to her and inform her that something had gone wrong and Lupin was gravely injured as well. She stared at her front door for a moment and felt her scalp tingle, no doubt from anxiety. Slowly she walked towards the door, her hands starting to sweat. She gripped her hand on the doorknob and froze again, before deciding there was nothing she could do if bad news arrived on her doorstep. She opened the door and nearly fell over from shock.

"Hi," said a hoarse voice Tonks had nearly forgotten was so beautiful to hear.

"Hi," Tonks said breathlessly, knowing her mouth was agape.

Lupin leaned forwards and kissed her on the cheek

"You look – ah – beautiful. How, I mean, where did you get that dress? " He stuttered awkwardly, his eyes raking her.

"My mum gave it to me," she answered, a smile the size of Australia filling her face.

"May I come in?" Lupin asked.

Tonks nodded, feeling her delight double when he walked inside. He stopped just near the fire.

"I hope I remembered the night correctly but going off how wonderfully you're dressed, I did," Lupin explained.

"I don't understand," Tonks stated.

"Your parents Christmas party, Tonks," Lupin said condescendingly.

"You git, I know that. But why are you here? I thought you couldn't make it. Sirius said you'd be back later," Tonks explained.

"Dumbledore informed me I needed to return–"

"I know – oh forget it," Tonks interuppted.

She ran over to him and wrapped her arms around his middle and he laughed before doing the same. She noticed that he had a box in his hand.

"What's that?" She asked as they pulled back.

"A present for your mother. You never turn up to a Christmas party empty handed Tonks, it's rude," he explained, smiling at her.

Tonks glared at him and then moved off into the bedroom to get her shoes. It wasn't until she got in there she actually realised how real the situation was. He was back and they were going to have the evening Tonks had long since planned and then forgotten with sadness. When she returned Lupin was still standing where she'd left him. He smiled at her again.

"Heels? That's new. I think it's the first time I've seen you without those silly converse things on your feet."

Tonks ignored his comment.

"I think we should get moving," she said, indicating towards the fire.

"After you, of course," Lupin said, smiling at her.

He was unusually cheery and Tonks didn't know why he was, but she liked it nonetheless even if it was a little bit unnerving. Tonks stepped into the fire and said her parent's address out loud. The world spun around her and then she stepped out of the fire in her parent's bedroom. She looked around, confused as to why she ended up at this fireplace and not downstairs, but then remembered her father's family were here. Displays of magic did not bother them, but her parents found it better to keep it at a minimum with them. With a flash of green, Lupin stepped out of the fire, wiping ash off himself. Tonks watched him as he looked around the room, taking it in. She could hear the noise coming from downstairs and by the sounds of it; the party was in full swing.

"Shall we join them?" Lupin asked, sounding slightly awkward when Tonks just stared at him.

"I still don't get it. Why are you here? Why are you so chirpy?" Tonks asked.

Lupin took a few steps towards her and glanced at the closed door.

"First of all, you asked me to come this evening if I'm not mistaken, and secondly, do I need a reason to be chirpy all of a sudden? Lupin asked, the grin on his face still contradicting his usual nature.

"For normal people, no. For you, yes," Tonks said.

Lupin merely laughed and looked down at her.

"I'm happy to be in your company. Is that a good enough reason?" He asked sarcastically.

"Maybe," Tonks said, looking at him through suspicious eyes.

Tonks heard footsteps getting louder and the door burst open. Andromeda clocked the two of them of standing in the room close together, but before she could pass judgement, Lupin stepped towards her.

"Hi, Andromeda, it's lovely to see you again. Thank you for inviting me," Lupin said, sounding slightly more like his old self again.

"Hi Remus," Andromeda said, sounding very surprised, "Nymphadora, I thought you said he wasn't coming."

"He wasn't," Tonks grunted and Lupin smiled at her.

"Change of plans," Lupin explained politely.

"Well, come downstairs you two," Andromeda said, eyeing them off again.

Tonks walked out first while Lupin and her mother spoke all the way down the stairs. There was the usual level of loud chattering in the living room. Tonks's family stood, each with glasses filled with their respective drink choices, gathered around talking merrily. There was a collective cheer as she walked in. Tonks turned to look at Lupin and was relieved to find he looked nervous and self-conscious. That was the Lupin she remembered. One of her father's cousins was the first to come over. He was a very round man with a bristly little toothbrush moustache.

"Nymphadora," he boomed, grabbing her and giving her a very wet sloppy kiss on the cheek.

"Hi Frank, Merry Christmas," Tonks said sounding slightly strained.

"Whose this chap," he asked, looking at Lupin who stood at Tonks's shoulder.

"Remus Lupin," Tonks told him. "Remus this is Frank."

The pair shook hands.

"Evening Sir," Remus said politely.

"Is this your boyfriend, Nymphadora," He asked, examining Lupin.

An awkward moment set upon Tonks. She hadn't even decided this herself, what on earth was she supposed to say to a cousin she didn't really like that much.

"Uh, well, it's um – er – he's a colleague," Tonks stuttered.

"Oh wonderful," he said.

Soon after he had moved off to annoy someone else, Lupin, who was still standing behind her, leaned over her shoulder and spoke into her ear quietly.

"So I'm merely a colleague am I?"

Tonks didn't turn around but looked across at his face

"What did you want me to say?"

"I don't know," he said, smiling. "I suppose colleague is reasonable. Friend may have been better or even–"

He deliberately stopped speaking and Tonks rolled her eyes.

"I'm getting a drink. Enjoy my family Remus," she said, walking off into the crowd, leaving Lupin standing there smiling at her.

Each relative took their time coming up to her and saying hello and commenting on her bright green hair. She managed to get herself a glass of what she thought was mead but turned out to be Muggle red wine, which wasn't half bad. Eventually, after an hour or so of family greetings, Tonks found her way over to her father.

"Hi Dad. Merry Christmas," she said to him as he kissed her on the cheek.

"Big turn out this year," he commented taking them all in. "So that's the Remus chap, correct?"

"Yeah, that's him."

"Looks a little different. Older I suppose," Ted said.

Tonks winked over at Lupin who looked very worried as he stood next to Great Aunt Barbra. She watched as he excused himself and made his way over.

"Good Evening Mr. Tonks," He said shaking Ted's hand as he joined them.

"Please Remus, it's Ted. You seem to be enjoying Barbra's company," Ted said grinning at him.

"Uh, yes, she's a…lovely woman," Lupin mumbled.

"You had better not be speaking about me," Andromeda said loudly as she joined the small group.

"No mum, Aunt Barbra. Did she bring _anyone_ a gift this year?"

"What do you think?" Ted asked raising his eyebrows.

"On that note. Here," Lupin said, giving Andromeda the small package he'd been holding all night. "It's a gift from Sirius and I."

"Oh Remus, you didn't have too!" Andromeda cooed, taking it from him.

Ted was called away before Andromeda could finish unwrapping it. What she pulled out was a photo frame that inside had a few people smiling and waving out of it.

"I remember this day. I can't believe he still had this. I thought it would have been thrown out or lost," Andromeda exclaimed, staring at it smiling.

"I had forgotten about it until Sirius brought it out and showed me," Lupin explained, smiling knowingly at Tonks.

"What is it?" Tonks asked.

Andromeda gave her the frame and then turned to keep talking to Lupin. Tonks stared at the people. She instantly recognised her parents and then spotted a very young, perhaps only three or four year old version of herself, her long violet hair standing out like a sore thumb. With a smile she recognised the man holding her was Sirius. He was grinning much like he had been the last few days. He looked so much fuller and brighter than she'd ever seen him. With a gasp she realised who the other man was. He stood half behind Sirius with an awkward smile and shabby robes. It was Lupin.

"You knew me as a kid?" Tonks asked, interrupting Andromeda and Lupin.

"Well I know you now, so yes," Lupin joked.

Tonks bumped into him lightly with her shoulder.

"Yes, I knew you. Well I don't exactly remember, Sirius told me about that day when he found it," Lupin explained.

"I remember Sirius, I don't remember you. Clearly you're very forgettable Remus," Tonks said, grinning at him.

"Oh thank-you," He quipped.

"Were you still just as much of a git then as you are now?" Tonks asked playfully.

"Again, thank-you," Lupin said, smiling at her. "Your insults truly are heart warming."

"I learned from the best obviously," said Tonks, indicating the picture.

"If by that you happen to mean Sirius, I must say you have been poorly misinformed. He is as good with wit as he was in transfiguration," Lupin joked again, making Tonks really wonder what had gotten into him.

"I suppose you were top of the class?" Tonks asked.

"Yes, as a matter of fact I was," Lupin said proudly.

"Funny, I would have thought your best would have been Care of magical Creatures, considering you are one," Tonks told him, grinning.

Lupin laughed.

"So, we have not only insulted my intelligence but now–"

Lupin continued on but neither had actually noticed that Andromeda was still there, eyeing the pair of them with great interest. Her eyebrows were raised as her eyes crossed between the pair. She had a small smile on her face as if she knew what the rest of that night would entail for the pair, long before they ever would.

**To be continued…**


	29. The Christmas Gift: Part One

**Another two parter. Don't I spoil you guys!**

**Well I hate to say it but this may be the parts people are looking forward too. My attempt is probably horrible and everyone probably hates me.**

**Response and reviews are always welcome and very **_**very**_** appreciated!**

**By the way, one thing i've hated in Fanfic's is when writers take freewill and create parts of the world of magic, but i really had no choice with this one. Sorry.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 28: Part One****.**

Remus Lupin walked into the kitchen of 12 Grimmauld Place. Sirius sat at the table with a big bowl of Onion soup that Molly had left for him. The second he spotted Lupin he dropped his spoon and sat bolt upright, grinning widely.

"What?" Lupin asked as he walked over to the pot of soup on the stove.

"Where have you been?" Sirius asked in such a way that Lupin knew he already knew the answer.

Lupin didn't respond but ladled soup into a bowl and took a seat a few down from Sirius.

"If you don't remember I'll be happy to refresh your memory. Kreacher just made his way in here and I was in the process of telling him to get out when he mumbled something very interesting," Sirius explained, his eyes shining with glee.

Lupin attempted to feign boredom with Sirius's theory but it didn't seem to be working well.

"According to him, the filthy half-breed and a traitor to the name of Black were together in the dining room. _Alone_," Sirius said slowly, boyish glee dripping from his words and his expression. "Do you want to know what he said they were doing?"

Lupin stared down at his soup, sighing loudly and closing his eyes. He'd known Sirius was catching on very quickly but somehow that didn't help the situation in any respect. He was worried about everyone knowing. He worried about her and the stigma she could receive and he worried about himself. What would everyone think of the pair of them? Lupin thought hard about how he could escape the kitchen without hearing the end of the story. Naturally he knew what the end was, as he'd done it. He had kissed Tonks goodbye before he left for his mission but it hadn't stayed as just a quick goodbye kiss.

"Do you Moony?" Sirius asked again.

"Not particularly," Lupin grunted, playing with his soup.

Sirius laughed and leant back in his chair, placing his feet on the table.

"I believe he described it as filth and blood traitors snogging in the Noble House of Black," Sirius told him.

Lupin glanced up at Sirius; he seemed to be beyond holding in his glee. He now had his eyebrows raised so high, Lupin worried they would soon disappear into his hair and he was he biting his lower lip, trying hold back a smile. Lupin found himself trapped, there was only one thing left to do.

"If Kreacher's lies make you this happy, I won't feel sorry to leave you alone with him in a few days," Lupin lied, using all his energy not to give himself away.

"Oh come on Moony. You've slithered out of a few tight binds with her, I'll give you that, but you can't escape this one. I never thought the foul creature would have a use but he's my evidence now," Sirius explained, his voice getting more excited.

"I don't know about you, but my evidence in any thing has never been caught snogging a pair of trousers," Lupin said, tyring to divert his attention.

"That's true. But then again, Kreacher has never been caught snogging Nymhadora has he?" Sirius asked sarcastically.

Lupin did not answer him, but ate his soup, feeling Sirius's eyes on him the whole time. He kept his face impassive as he ate.

"Well thank you for dinner, I need to continue packing," Lupin said as he stood.

"You're aware that you can't keep denying this, right?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Lupin said absolutely.

As Lupin walked towards the door he heard the scrapping of a chair and then Sirius was in front of him, blocking the door.

"Moony, you're going to tell me. I think I have a right to know what goes on in my house," Sirius said, smiling.

"With who?" Lupin asked.

"Remus." Sirius said exasperatedly. "Who do you think? Dora!"

"Nymphadora and I are friends and nothing more. But please continue with you're fantasies while I'm gone if they give you this much excitement."

With that Lupin moved passed Sirius, expecting to be stopped but he wasn't. Lupin got to the top of the stairs before he heard Sirius growl in frustration.

* * *

Four days later Lupin stood in the hallway with a rucksack over his shoulder and his briefcase in his hand. After the incident in the kitchen Lupin had stayed away from Sirius as much as possible, choosing to read books in his room about the locations he'd planned to visit. He'd stepped out briefly to get a Christmas present for Harry from Florish and Blotts. Sirius came up from the kitchen as Lupin stood, dressed in his muggle suit, waiting to leave.

"Have a good trip then." Sirius said, staring at him with a mug in his hand.

"Thank-you. Merry Christmas," Lupin told him.

Lupin moved forwards and hugged Sirius. He then turned towards the door and walked down the hallway. Just as he'd opened the door Sirius called out to him.

"If Dora comes around looking for someone to kiss, I'll send her to Kreacher. Don't worry, I'll bet she doens't even notice the difference," he laughed.

Lupin shook his head as he sighed and then walked outside into the rain.

-

Lupin arrived in Prague, were Malfoy would be staying, late that same afternoon. On Moody's warning he decided to use muggle transport the whole way. From the directions of a book he'd read, he found the wizarding community in the town. Which was very similar to entering St Mungo's. It involved walking through a very broken department store out the back to a fixed portkey, which took you to the shops that were on wide cobbled street. It was the opposite of Diagon Alley, which looked like it never had enough space for anyone. Lupin wandered through the shops; taking a lot more time in the bookstores as he came across books he'd only heard of but never read. He flicked through the odd one and was quite annoyed at the fact that he only had enough money to sustain himself the few weeks and none for anything else. He found a sweet shop along the walk and went straight inside. He came across some chocolate from Belgium and bought himself three bars as he planned too. He retreated to the hotel in the street, which had a name not even he could pronounce.

-

Days and Nights passed quite quickly as Lupin walked through the Muggle areas doing touristy things like touring castles or churches. It was strange as he noticed just how much Tonks had entered his psyche. Everything he saw he wanted to tell her or experience again with her. Castles full of paintings that fascinated him, views you couldn't fully appreciate alone and even people he was sure Tonks would enjoy mocking. He saw thing after thing that reminded him of her. He wished he'd brought her now and he wished he had been able to spend Christmas with her and Sirius. Lupin made the journey out of the country towards the island of Nurmengard a few times to check out any places he could sit when the time came to watch for activity. He had seen pictures of the place in the past and recently for his planning, but nothing could prepare anyone for the grim foreboding feeling that seemed to emulate from it. Lupin stared up at the entrance.

_For the Greater Good._

He looked at the words carved over the entrance for sometime. He couldn't help but wonder what kind of atrocities Gellert Grindelwald had committed under that phrase. He wondered how many werewolves, how many men just like him, had been slain _for the greater good_. When Lupin returned to his room after the second trip out to the prison, he had an owl waiting for him on the windowsill.

_Arthur's been attacked on duty.__  
I can't explain much for obvious reasons  
but he's fine. Harry had a vision of it,  
or something, and he got rescued in time  
and taken to St Mungo's and they fixed him.  
Dumbledore will owl you with instructions  
but he wanted me to write to you first.  
Padfoot._

Lupin read through the letter a few times, just to check he hadn't read it wrong. Panic sped through his body. All the other people attacked seemed far removed from himself, but Arthur wasn't. Who would it be next? Kingsley? Moody? Tonks? Lupin shook his head as he folded up the letter, knowing there was no way he would survive the next few weeks if he started thinking about the demise of her.

* * *

Lupin waited in his room over the next few days, desperate for news. Finally as the sun started setting on the second day an owl appeared.

"Finally!" Lupin growled as he nearly ran to the window.

The owl hooted at him indignantly and then flew off straight after he'd untied the parchment, digging its claws into him on the way.

_Remus,  
In light of recent circumstance__s I don't think it  
wise to keep you abroad much longer. I feel it  
best to keep you in close proximity to Harry at  
this time. I ask that you perhaps glimpse the  
Malfoy's so we can be sure they arrived.  
Which should be in a day or so. Moody  
hoped you could escort the Weasley's to  
St Mungo's on Christmas Day with him.  
I'm sure there will be people willing to  
welcome you to their Christmas parties now  
that you will have returned.  
Albus._

Lupin blinked at the letter a few times. How had Dumbledore known that the first thing he was thinking about was attending Tonks's parents Christmas party? It made him slightly nervous. He and Tonks were not that transparent were they? Did the whole Order know? Lupin tried to reason with himself. Dumbledore must have just meant the Weasley's Christmas lunch or even Christmas with Sirius. He wandered back out into the street outside his hotel, feeling much lighter and happier knowing he would be spending Christmas with Sirius. His skin tingled slightly as he realised that also meant Christmas with Tonks.

* * *

Lupin kept himself busy touring the city more or alone reading until he spotted the Malfoy's three days before Christmas. Instantly he recognised Lucius, still the same pale skin, white blonde hair and pointed face. He knew the young man trailing was his son, as he looked identical in almost every way. Narcissa Malfoy was there as well, walking through the Wizarding Shops with her husband. They had their noses turned up, as if the shops Lupin had grown to enjoy were beneath them. From the day he spotted them he spent every waking moment at a post watching Nurmengard. Lucius did not travel there until Christmas Eve morning. Once Lupin saw him appear on the Island and walk towards the gates, he disapparted into his hotel room and gathered his things. He took the train back again, all the while hoping he could make it back in time for the one Christmas party he had gotten an invitation too.

* * *

He arrived at Grimmauld Place late that night. The snow had started falling heavier since he'd left; it wasn't mush in the gutter now, but actual white snow covering the ground. It was unusual to find snow in London but there were so many things strange about this year that Lupin seemed not to realise it. He slipped into Grimmauld Place and was surprised to discover, by the amount of coats hanging, that the Weasley's were all there as well. Hoping not to get stuck in the house with no excuse to leave, Lupin apparated straight into his bedroom.

* * *

"MOTHER OF MERLIN!" Lupin heard someone yell the second the uncomfortableness stopped and he landed in his room.

He spun around to find Sirius picking himself off the floor with a chair turned over beside him.

"Moony! What in Merlin's name are you doing?" Sirius exclaimed, clutching his chest as he stood.

"Sorry. I didn't think anyone would be in my room. I just need to get ready," Lupin explained.

"For what?" Sirius asked.

"Uh…I have an engagement tonight. Andromeda's Christmas party," Lupin mumbled.

Instantly Sirius grinned.

"Yes Dora told me about that. Well I won't keep you. Welcome home anyway," said Sirius, hugging Lupin.

"Thank-you. How's Harry?" Lupin asked.

"He's fine. We've been decorating the house together. I wrapped his present from us by the way, and on that note," Sirius waved his wand and a present flew through the door moments later, "Give this to Andromeda."

"Is this the photograph of us you found?" Lupin asked as Sirius passed it to him.

"Yes, I'm sure she'll appreciate it. Tell her the story I told you about it if she doesn't remember." Sirius paused and Lupin could tell he was wishing he could attend the party as well. "Tell me about the trip when you get home. That is, unless you have company."

With that Sirius left the room, winking at Lupin on the way. Lupin shook his head and then walked to his wardrobe. He searched deep in the back for a suit he'd brought with for a reason he never understood, but now appreciated. For some reason he felt very cheery about being home. Perhaps it was that old theory where you truly appreciate home when your not actually there. Or perhaps it was the infectious happiness that emulated from Sirius. Whichever, or whatever, it was, he felt lighter and much less like himself. He got dressed and apparated back into the hallway. He wrapped his heavy travelling cloak around him and walked out into the snow.

* * *

He walked all the way to her house, the wind freezing his nose. He turned into her building and went to the same door as always. He knocked softly hoping she hadn't left yet. She opened the door and Lupin smiled at her. His eyes travelled down her body for a moment, she didn't look the same. She had a bright red, low cut dress on which made her look stunning in a very un-Tonks like way. Her hair was bright green and her mouth dropped slightly at the sight of him. Happiness washed through him as he set eyes on her. Everything he'd done in the last few weeks seemed worth it now, now that he could stand in front of her and smell her, touch her, breathe her in.

"Hi," he murmured, smiling at her.

"Hi," Tonks said, her mouth agape.

Lupin leaned forwards and kissed her on the cheek

"You look – ah – beautiful. How, I mean, where did you get that? " He stuttered awkwardly, his eyes raking her again.

"Mum gave it to me," she answered, a huge smile breaking onto her face.

Lupin watched her hold the door open, as she just stared at him in surprise. He smiled at her again feeling amazed that he could have this effect on someone.

"May I come in?" Lupin asked.

Tonks nodded at him in a dazed kind of way as she stepped back. He walked in and stopped just near the fire, hoping to get warm, even though his company was warming him from the inside out.

"I hope I remembered the night correctly but going off how wonderfully you're dressed, I did," Lupin explained.

"I don't understand," Tonks stated.

"Your parents Christmas party, Tonks," Lupin reminded, mocking her slightly.

"You git, I know that. But why are you here? I thought you couldn't make it. Sirius said you'd be back tomorrow," Tonks explained.

"Dumbledore informed me I needed to return–"

"I know – oh forget it," Tonks said.

She ran over to him and wrapped her arms around his middle. Lupin's whole body immediately felt warm and he chuckled softly at Tonks before wrapping his arms around her and hugging her close.

"What's that?" She asked as she let go of him.

"A present for your mother. You never turn up to a Christmas party empty handed Tonks, it's rude," he explained, smiling at her.

Tonks glared at him before walking off. Lupin would have been worried that he'd said the wrong thing, but she disappeared into the bedroom and he assumed she was continuing to get ready. She returned moments later in high heels and Lupin couldn't help but comment.

"Heels? That's new. I think it's the first time I've seen you without those silly converse things on your feet."

Tonks ignored his comment, which made him smile.

"I think we should get moving," she said, indicating towards the fire.

"After you, of course," Lupin said.

He could feel the light heartedness that he'd felt in Grimmauld Place doubling. He was not feeling like himself at all, but in the best possible way. Tonks stepped into the fireplace, which burned green, and then after a few moments he did the same.

* * *

He stepped out of the fireplace into a bedroom he didn't know. It felt very comfortable and very homey. Pictures of a different colour haired child littered the walls and the dressing table. He spotted Tonks eyeing him off suspiciously. Lupin was enjoying the effect on her so much he did not even bother to ask why she was looking at him.

"Shall we join them?" Lupin said.

"I still don't get it. Why are you here? Why are you so chirpy?" Tonks asked.

Lupin took a few steps towards her and glanced at the closed door, making sure no one was near.

"First of all, you asked me to come this evening if I'm not mistaken, and secondly, do I need a reason to be chirpy all of a sudden? Lupin asked, feeling himself smile.

"For normal people, no. For you, yes," Tonks said.

Lupin laughed softly before looking down at her.

"I'm happy to be in your company. Is that a good enough reason?" He asked sarcastically.

"Maybe," Tonks said, looking at him through suspicious eyes again.

The door of the bedroom burst open to reveal Andromeda. She looked almost the same as Lupin remembered, though slightly older. She looked at Lupin and Tonks for a moment, her eyebrows furrowing, and then Lupin stepped towards her.

"Hi, Andromeda, it's lovely to see you again. Thank you for inviting me," Lupin said, kissing her on the cheek.

"Hi Remus," Andromeda said, sounding very surprised, "Nymphadora, I thought you said he wasn't coming."

"He wasn't," Tonks grunted and Lupin smiled at the frustration in her voice.

"Change of plans," Lupin explained politely.

"Well, come downstairs you two," Andromeda said, eyeing them off again.

They walked downstairs and Lupin and Andromeda spoke until they reached the living room. There was a large group of people gathered and Lupin started to feel his old self coming back as the daunting crowd turned to face him. Most smiled and waved and some looked at him inquisitively. A very round man with a toothbrush moustache wobbled over towards Tonks and Lupin, who hid a little behind her shoulder

"Hi Frank, Merry Christmas," Tonks said loudly.

"Whose this chap?" He asked, looking at Lupin.

"Remus Lupin," Tonks told him. "Remus this is Frank."

Lupin leant across and shook his hand.

"Evening Sir," Remus said politely.

"Is this your boyfriend, Nymphadora?" He asked, examining Lupin again.

Lupin stifled a laugh as he surveyed Tonks. This would be an interesting answer.

"Uh, well, it's um – er – he's a colleague," Tonks stuttered and Lupin looked away as he tried to stifle a laugh again.

"Oh wonderful," he said, though Lupin thought Frank did not entirely believe what she'd said.

When he left, Lupin leaned over her shoulder and spoke into her ear quietly.

"So I'm merely a colleague am I?"

Tonks looked at him as she turned her head.

"What did you want me to say?"

"I don't know," he said, smiling. "I suppose colleague is reasonable. Friend may have been better or even–"

He deliberately stopped speaking and watched Tonks roll her eyes.

"I'm getting a drink. Enjoy my family Remus," she said, walking off into the crowd.

* * *

Lupin had spent a large part of the evening getting looks from Tonks's family. No doubt Frank had said things to certain people. A few of them came up and asked if he was one of Andromeda's lot but other than that they were perfectly friendly though a little abrasive and very loud. Lupin could very easily see where Tonks had gained her personality. Towards the end of the night a woman called Barbra, whose cheeks had grown steadily redder the more she drank, cornered him.

"So, I hear you're dating our Nymphadora," She said as if it were not a question.

"She is my colleague," Lupin replied for the millionth time that night.

"So you work in this magic ministry nonsense?"

"Uh," Lupin paused, realising it would be much harder to tell the truth, "yes I do."

"Lovely. See I was just telling Samantha over there how our Nymphadora needs a serious man in her life. It's a shame she hasn't met someone yet," Barbra slurred.

Lupin glanced around hoping to find someone to rescue him from the woman, as he didn't know how to just leave. His eyes found Tonks who winked at him. He excused himself from Barbra and walked over to Tonks and Ted.

"Good Evening Mr. Tonks," He said shaking Ted's hand as he joined them.

"Please Remus, it's Ted. You seem to be enjoying Barbra's company," Ted said grinning at him in a frighteningly similar way to Tonks.

"Uh, yes, she's a…lovely woman," Lupin mumbled.

"You had better not be speaking about me," Andromeda said loudly as she joined the small group.

"No mum, Aunt Barbra. Did she bring _anyone_ a gift this year?"

"What do you think?" Ted asked raising his eyebrows.

"On that note. Here," Lupin said, giving Andromeda the small package he'd been holding all night. "It's a gift from Sirius and I."

"Oh Remus, you didn't have too!" Andromeda cooed, taking it from him.

Ted was grabbed by his brother and led away, but Andromeda kept opening it until she found the photo frame. Inside was a photo of The Tonks's, Sirius and himself.

"I remember this day. I can't believe he still had this. I thought it would have been thrown out or lost," Andromeda exclaimed, staring at it smiling.

"I had forgotten about it until Sirius brought it out and showed me," Lupin explained, smiling knowingly at Tonks.

"What is it?" Tonks asked, to which Andromeda handed her the frame.

"That was a lovely day. I think it was the last time Sirius was here," Andromeda said sadly.

"Yes, he did really want to come tonight actually," Lupin explained

"It would be nice to see him sometime soon. I'm sure–"

"You knew me as a kid?" Tonks asked, interrupting Andromeda.

"Well I know you now, so yes," Lupin joked, feeling light-hearted again

Tonks bumped into him lightly with her shoulder.

"Yes, I knew you. Well I don't exactly remember, Sirius told me about that day when he found it," Lupin explained.

"I remember Sirius, but I don't remember you. Clearly you're very forgettable Remus," Tonks said, grinning at him.

"Oh thank-you," He said, feigning appreciation.

"Were you still just as much of a git then as you are now?"

"Again, thank-you," Lupin said, smiling at her. "Your insults truly are heart warming."

"I learned from the best obviously," said Tonks, indicating the picture.

"If by that you happen to mean Sirius, I must say you have been poorly misinformed. He is as good with wit as he was in transfiguration," Lupin joked.

"I suppose you were top of the class?" Tonks asked.

"Yes, as a matter of fact I was," Lupin said proudly.

"Funny, I would have thought your best would have been Care of magical Creatures, considering you are one," Tonks told him, grinning.

Lupin laughed.

"So, we have not only insulted my intelligence but now my condition. Would you like to take a stab at my mother, perhaps my father?"

"No, I think I'll keep those for later," she laughed. "Mum, what are you doing?"

Lupin turned to Andromeda who Tonks was staring at with a furrowed brow. Andromeda was merely staring at the pair with a small smile on her lips.

"Nothing dear," She said in a very casual sounding voice.

Lupin was quickly reminded of Sirius. He glanced at his watch and noticed it was nearly ten. Over the next hour he stood next to Ted, talking Quidditch, while some of the guests left. After Ted retreated into the kitchen, Tonks moved herself over to him with a smile on her face.

"So I work with you now?" She asked.

"I assumed that would be easier than saying we work in a secret organisation with a targeted elderly wizard, a mass murderer and a lying boy wizard who sees the future. Which would you rather?" Lupin said.

"The second," she replied.

"I knew you would. So, would we like to make a move on anytime soon?" Lupin asked

He felt Tonks's pinky interlink with his own as they stood side by side. He shuffled his jacket down over his hand so that no body saw. His body warmed from the inside out at her touch. It was a wonderful experience to share with her. Having come from two weeks by himself he was instantly entered into a world of family and love. Family he had never really had but Tonks had been lucky enough to be surrounded by all her life.

"Sure. We'll just have to say goodbye to the parents," Tonks told him, letting his hand go.

Lupin followed as she walked over to Ted and Andromeda. Tonks hugged her mother and Lupin approached Ted.

"Thank-you for having me tonight, Ted," Lupin said, shaking his hand.

"No problem. You're welcome at anytime," said Ted, smiling at him.

Lupin kissed Andromeda on the cheek.

"You really are welcome at any time Remus," she repeated.

"Oh thanks, just forget all about me, it's not a problem," Tonks said loudly.

Lupin smiled down at her and when he looked up Andromeda was looking at him in a way hauntingly similar to the way Sirius did lately. Tonks grabbed Lupin and led him upstairs. They walked into the same bedroom they had been in at the start of the night. Lupin closed the door behind him and immediately Tonks launched herself at him, kissing him hard on the mouth. Lupin fell back against the door as he held her, surprise eventually turning into passion.

"Sorry," Tonks muttered when she pulled back, "been wanting to do that for a while."

"No trouble at all," Lupin replied with a grin.

"Seriously! What is up with you?" Tonks asked sounding exasperated but still grinning

"Am I not allowed to make humorous remarks? Lupin laughed.

"Well–no! I mean of course you are I just–it's strange–for you," Tonks stuttered.

Lupin laughed and she glared at him. She walked away and looked at one of the photos on the wall. Lupin walked up behind her and placed his arms around her waist. He saw her close her eyes.

"I missed you," He whispered into her ear, kissing her on the cheek.

She smiled and then she turned to face him and kissed him lightly on the lips.

"Where do you want to go tonight?" Lupin asked, their foreheads resting against each other's.

"Wherever you are," Tonks muttered.

Lupin took her hand and they walked into the fire together.

"Grimmauld Place," he said aloud.

**To be continued...**


	30. The Christmas Gift: Part Two

**Very little to say here other than, this is my first attempt at anything like this! Don't kill me...**

**I really need all your lovely review's. PLEASE. Let me know where I went horribly wrong!**

**Enjoy**!

* * *

**Chapter 28: Part 2.**

Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks whirled around together until they arrived at Grimmauld Place. Lupin stepped out very quickly and surveyed the kitchen. No one was around and he breathed a sigh of relief.

"They really did decorate," Lupin noted, staring at all the Christmas decorations.

"Yeah, it looks like Santa exploded in here or something," Tonks laughed.

Lupin had no idea why he'd brought her here now that he actually thought about it. Her place would have been the smart option as no one was there. Here was full.

"Come on," Lupin said, taking her hand.

He slowly pushed open the door and made sure no one was around, which seemed entirely too strange. It was as if the entire world was working in their favour for once. Everything seemed to be going to plan. They walked up two flights of stairs meeting no one, until they stopped outside Lupin's door.

"So," Tonks announced making the whole situation awkward. "What are we doing up here?"

Lupin knew she was playing with him, baiting the awkward side of him, but it still made him uncomfortable. He pulled his wand out of his pocket and flicked it at the lamps, extinguishing them.

"Very romantic Remus," Tonks said sarcastically. "I can't see a thing."

Lupin pushed open his door and the moonlight from his window lit up the hallway in a very dim glow. Tonks looked as radiant as ever in the moonlight. Lupin could no longer suppress the idea that had been running rampant in his mind since he'd been told he could return home. Tonks was looking up at him as he stood in the doorway and she leant against the banister of the stairs. Lupin could feel her nerves, her fear and her excitement as if it was his own. It pulsated out of her just as strongly as her look of determination stared at him. His lips and his fingertips burned, as they were separate from her touch. She walked towards him from the banister and Lupin walked backwards into his room. He stopped in the centre of his room near his wardrobe and Tonks finally reached him.

She placed her hands on his chest and gently moved them up, resting them behind his neck. He stared into her eyes but did not kiss her; it didn't seem to fit the moment. She slipped her hands under his jacket and ran them along his shoulders. She brought the jacket with her hands and slowly it slipped off his arms and down onto the floor. Lupin watched her concentrate on him with such intricate detail, such care, that he couldn't stop another feeling that ripped through him, much stronger and very different to the one he'd had all week. It frightened him in a way that didn't make him want to leave. It made him want to stay and work through the fear that a strange pink-haired young woman gave him.

Tonks slowly undid his tie and the world slowed down around him. As it fell to the ground, her hands slid down his chest. She pulled his shirt out of his trousers just as she had done before and it still made his body tingle. Tonks started at his buttons, gently un-doing each very easily. Her hands ran over his chest, softly caressing his skin before pushing his shirt up off his shoulders and onto the floor. She took her eyes from his and followed her hands as they moved over his chest again. Lupin finally wrapped his arms around Tonks and found the zip on the back of her dress. He undid it slowly and felt Tonks's lips on his neck and chest. The dress fell to the floor. The moonlight caught Tonks again and this time, as she stood in her underwear. He placed his hands on her head and ran them through her hair and then bent his head down and met her lips with his, softly and passionately.

Lupin lifted her up into his arms and walked her to the bed, lowering her down slowly. He tried to stand up again but Tonks grabbed his hand and pulled him down on top of her with a laugh and then, pulled his lips to her. He rolled over, taking her with him so she ended up on top of him. Lupin watched as her hands move down to his belt and slowly took it off. She bit her lip as she started on his pants and Lupin wanted more than anything to bite her lip himself. She fumbled with his buttons and zip, until he reached down and, in one complete and clean motion, removed them himself. He could feel her hips rubbing against his and a warm sensation spread through his body, from his groin upwards, until it was nearly constricting his lungs.

His mouth ran down her neck as her fingers ran through his hair. He began kissing along her collarbone and her body seemed to tighten, every muscle of her stiffening as he moved. He reached across her and un-did the back clasp of her underwear and it fell off the bed to the floor. His hands slid up the sides of ribcage and over her newly exposed breasts. She sighed as he did so and met his mouth with her own, her legs wrapping around his, bringing their hips as close together as possible. Lupin wrapped his arms around her pulling her down onto him again, forgetting that she was small and breakable, because she seemed so large, so much bigger than what she appeared.

Lupin pulled back from her, watching her, the same feeling from before rushing through him as the moonlight caressed her naked body in a way he wished he could. She was not afraid anymore but he could tell she was still nervous. He looked up at her, discovering what the feeling was. It was fear. Fear he may lose her like he had with so many others. So many other things he loved and cared for just as much as Tonks. He wanted to leave, wanted to stop himself entering the point where any exit from the situation would cause the end of his world. But he can't, he never could, or would, she had become his as he had become hers. It was overwhelming and it made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up but she held onto him like he had never been held. Like the troubles of the world meant nothing if they could face them together. He rolled her over again, slowly, so he was finally in control of something so uncontrollable.

His hands gently traced along her frame, lightly running over her skin, and her mouth met his hungrily. He wanted to explore her whole body, to know it back to front and every which way possible, perhaps then it would not be such a mystery, but it was and it _always_ would be. He hoped naively they were built to last, to stay together, but he knew it might not be true. He moved his mouth away from hers, kissing her neck, tracing her collarbone and moving hotly across her breast. He could feel her fingers in his hair as he gently moved down her stomach, brushing her skin softly with his lips. In one swift movement he had her underwear gone, as if they never really existed. His precise fingertips traced up her legs, feeling them squirm the higher he got up her thighs. There was a pause, a moment of anticipation felt by both which does not pause nor drag but heighten every sense of pleasure.

He held it for a second longer and then pressed a finger into her. Instantly she exhaled loudly and her body tensed and loosened in a wonderful but mind-bending contradiction. He could feel her knees bending as he continued to explore her warmth and his thumb found the spot he knew she enjoyed most. Lupin heard her exhale loudly again, his name is mixed somewhere in the noise and it spurred him on. He could feel her body writhing by his touch, as he allowed his thumb to find that particular spot every now and again. He could feel Tonks' fingernails digging into him slightly, and the longer he explored her, the deeper they got. She moaned in such a way that Lupin could only marvel at how unbelievable it was that he was the cause. Finally her entire body stiffened and Lupin found the spot once more and it seemed to push her beyond an edge she hoped not to fall from. His mouth met hers tenderly and silenced it just in time. When he pulled back, her eyes were still closed and she was panting hard, but a smile was placed on her lips. He watched her in the moonlight again. An ecstasy he had caused radiated from her and he had never seen something so beautiful, something that was his in frightening way. Lupin sat up, bringing her with him. She instantly wrapped her legs around his upright torso. His arms grabbed her around the middle as she slid her hands up his back, so now she was holding him. He kissed her lightly before she ravished him with her mouth, mocking his choice to be gentle at that particular moment. His mind could no longer silence something that has been eating at him all night, the feeling he got every time he looked at her. He stopped kissing her and his eyes raked her causing her to smile at him a little awkwardly.

"Tonks–I–I love you," he breathed.

Before she could respond Lupin met her mouth again, a frantic clash of teeth and tongues. He didn't want to hear her response whatever it may be. He had a large suspicion she would agree but he didn't mind, in fact he wanted to be the only one leaving the words hanging awkwardly in the air. Tonks pushed him back on the bed and started on his scars, tracing them and kissing them in a way that could even make Lupin believe they were not grotesque reminders of his beastly condition, but a beautiful difference that was his own. She made him feel less violated and violent as she touched them. He was at her mercy now. He knew he could over power her physically with ease, but he chose not too, knowing she wouldn't stand for it. That was Tonks; she would fight and fight until she got her way. Without warning, Tonks moved, and in one burning consuming motion, he felt himself slide into her.

It was a wonderful unexplainable moment where you understand everything. You understand the meaning of life and you understand why we are all created, because this moment cannot account to any before it. Men and women were designed to fit to together this way. They were created for each other, and more than any time before it, Lupin believed it. It just couldn't be an accident that they fit together so perfectly. He searched her eyes for the sign of pain but there was none. Forgetting about letting Tonks control the situation, he rolled her over onto the bed underneath him. Their hips began moving slowly in tandem and Lupin started kissing her neck as she moaned his name again. He was careful with her, he did not want to harm her, so everything was gentle. It needed to be, he was not the kind of man to throw a girl down and have his way with her, he was as kind and tender as he was in life.

The nerve endings in his body that lately seem exclusively for Tonks are now alight. Their hips thrust faster, colliding and then falling apart over and over. Lupin could feel Tonks's fingernails sliding over him as she breathed his name, making him nearly shiver right down to the bone. She bit her lip, so he bit it for her. Lupin's mind exploded with pleasure as it tried to balance between too much of her and not enough. He could feel his body start to tighten and Tonks started moaning but he chose not to stop her with his mouth like before, enjoying it too much to think about the others in the house.

"_Remus_," she moaned.

He needed her to be his; he needed her heat, her brightness and everything about her, which was so unlike him. It completed him to the point where he believed he would not exist fully again without her. He could feel his body starting to constrict more; warmth was fast spreading through him from his groin upwards. It pulled at his body as he explored deep inside Tonks with his manhood. It reached the barrier between complete pleasure and pain, but it was a good barrier, a barrier he had not reached in some time. He could feel her fingernails clinging into his back; he knew he was going to be left with scars unlike any on his body, ones of love and passion. Her body began tightening and softening in his arms again as his stomach twitched and his muscles convulsed. The air was broken only by loud exhales or moans.

Then, he came just as she moaned his name again and her lips met his far rougher than ever before. With one last shattered and broken thrust Lupin collapsed with her, both panting and both feeling as if something inside had exploded. Lupin felt dead and alive at the same time, but part of her, like they needed each other to survive. Both bodies were humming with ecstasy so loudly you'd swear you could hear it over their panting. He tenderly wrapped himself around her. Their clammy and sweaty bodies tingling as they touched again. Her back was resting into his chest and both their heartbeats, which had been beating harder then ever, slowed down as they connected through their skin. Lupin began caressing the side of her cheek with his nose and his lips. Her eyes were closed but there was a smile on her lips, one of pleasure, of relief and of blissfulness. He didn't know if Tonks was still even awake, but he watched her as the room steadily grew a faint orangey pink colour. Eventually he pulled the linens that were balled up at the bottom of the bed over Tonks and himself, and then he finally succumbed to the tiredness that ripped through him. He fell asleep, holding Tonks, their bodies wrapped so closely together it would have been hard to distinguish one from the other.

* * *

Lupin felt himself wake very slowly. He had a dreamless sleep and woke with a complete memory of where he was, what had taken place and whom he was with. He looked down at Tonks, who was sleeping soundly on his arm as it rested on her pillow. His other arm had wrapped around her middle and she had her hands wrapped around that hand. He didn't remember any time in his life ever feeling so close to someone, literally and otherwise. Her hair had gone mousy brown again and Lupin couldn't remember her ever looking so beautiful. Noise from life outside his room, which until that moment he hadn't remembered even existed, woke his mind to something.

"Merry Christmas," Lupin whispered into Tonks's ear.

He watched her eyes flicker in the light for a moment.

"No…sleep," Tonks grumbled as she rolled over into him.

Her head was now resting just under his chin and the breath from her nose was lightly tickling his chest. She snuggled a bit further into him and Lupin responded wrapping his other arm around her and tucking her head further under his chin. He had never in his life felt like a protector, he was always the protected, but now he felt like he was protecting her. She would never have stood for it and would have cracked him on the jaw for thinking it, but it didn't stop him, she was his to protect, to care for and to hold until all the bad things in life drifted away. Sometime later, perhaps hours, fingertips lightly brushed his chest distracting him from his thoughts. Tonks had awoken. She looked up at him, her big beautiful brown eyes melting him. Lupin rolled onto his back and began running his hands through her brown hair.

"Morning," she yawned.

She placed an arm over him and he felt her snuggle very close beside him.

"Oh Merlin, is my hair brown?" Tonks asked sounding horrified.

"Yes. What's wrong with that?" Lupin replied

She turned her hair pink in the blink of an eye and Lupin smiled at her.

"Well, brown is dull and boring. Only very very boring people have brown hair," Tonks grinned.

"Thank-you," Lupin said.

Tonks laughed as she propped herself up on her elbows and looked down upon him. She smiled at him warmly.

"Merry Christmas Remus," she whispered.

She kissed him on the lips and then put her head back on his shoulder, hugging him tightly. Lupin felt himself smile at the night's events, how wondrous they had been, shocking in one way, but incredible in almost every other. He'd had women in the past but nothing felt like last night, nothing resonated with him the following morning like it was right now. He'd known there was something in Tonks and himself, but he had not expected it to transfer so spectacularly to this angle of their love. It was a closeness he'd never known and an intimacy that scared some people but he seemed to take too comfortably. He watched her, this little clumsy silly girl who had changed him in such a short space of time.

"I think we need a little breakfast," Lupin told her, smiling.

He looked down at her, to which she smiled and then cuddled him again before letting him go. He got out of bed, picked the clothes up off the floor on the way and hung them all, including her dress. She laughed at him in the process but Lupin ignored it. He dressed himself awkwardly and then left the room. As he got closer to the kitchen he could hear loud sobs and the voices of Fred and George. He walked in to see Molly holding a midnight blue knitted jumper balled in her fist, her face very red and blotchy.

"He's not worth it, mum," said Fred.

"Yeah, we're better off without him. Would you _really _want someone sitting here telling us how many times Fudge has gone to the bathroom in the last week?" George asked.

Lupin could tell they were trying to cheer her up but what they thought was helping her seemed to do more harm. She was almost wailing.

"He's just a humongous pile of rat dropping's mum," Fred said, smiling at her sympathetically.

The pair of them finally noticed Lupin leaning against the kitchen wall. They grimaced at him and Lupin nodded towards to the door, indicating for them to leave. They filed out rather gladly. Lupin took a seat next to Molly and flicked his wand at her cup, refilling it with tea.

"Molly, what happened?" Lupin asked.

"P-P-Percy sent his j-j-jumper back. It was a g-g-gift," Molly sobbed, staring up at Lupin her eyes redder then he'd ever seen.

"Oh Molly, he'll come around," Lupin said supportively.

"B-B-But what if he doesn't? What if we never get the chance? It's Christmas day and he's not here!" Molly wailed.

She grabbed Lupin and launched herself at his shoulder. Lupin awkwardly patted her on the back and she continued to sob into him, so Lupin cooed words he hoped were helping. He could not have been further removed from the emotions he'd felt upstairs, watching Molly made his heart sink. When she pulled herself together, Lupin made some tea and walked back upstairs with two cups. He walked straight in to find Tonks lying back wrapped in the sheets staring out the window.

"Sorry it took so long. Percy's just sent his jumper back to Molly. She's okay now," he said quietly as he got into bed beside her.

She smiled at him still looking tired. Tired but blissful. Lupin propped himself up against the bed head and Tonks threw her arm back over his chest. He kissed the top of her head and she gripped him tighter, her head nestling onto his shoulder. Lupin opened his copy of the Prophet and both he and Tonks read it together, page by page, commenting on stories or making jokes about headlines. When they finished it, the pair glanced at each other awkwardly. Just like he knew she would, Tonks laughed. In truth, what made it awkward was the lack of ability to do as they wished. Lupin wanted to stay in bed with her all day, do whatever they desired, whenever it seemed do-able, but duties came first, that was the way of the Order.

Tonks began sliding her fingers over the part of his chest exposed by his badly done up shirt. When he glanced down at her she was looking up at him. She kissed him lightly and his lips lingered on hers long after the kiss had stopped. He rolled in to face her, both their heads resting on the one pillow, their noses touching. They did not kiss, they didn't smile or laugh, they merely stared at each other. She brushed the hair off his face; it was a very motherly act he'd grown to appreciate, yet he didn't know why she always did it, it was not very Tonks like behavior. For hours it felt like he watched her, the two of them held each other long into the morning, talking occasionally. Finally Lupin glanced at his watch and then sighed loudly.

"What?" She mumbled looking a tiny bit worried.

"I have to take the children to St Mungo's," he explained.

"It's not so bad," Tonks said, furrowing her brow, "I did it."

"No, I don't mind taking them. I just don't want to leave here, this bed," Lupin sighed awkwardly.

"Aw, isn't that sweet," Tonks laughed.

Lupin groaned at her and then hugged her a little closer, wanting to feel apart of her again.

"You can stay here if you wish," Lupin breathed into her. "Everyone will be out and you can leave for your parents whenever you desire."

"Great. Where are you tonight?" Tonks asked, tracing his skin with her fingers again.

"I'm not sure. Perhaps I'll be able to get away to your flat this evening," Lupin said. "That is, if I'm welcome."

"No Remus. I was only using you for last night, now I'm just going to ditch you and move onto a new target, maybe a Dementor would be less of a challenge next time," Tonks laughed. "Of course you're welcome you git."

"I should get ready," Lupin said, but he didn't move straight away.

When he got out of bed, he sat on the chair by his desk to put on his shoes. Tonks watched him, grinning at him

"I'll see you later, then," said Tonks after he'd finished with his shoes.

"You will. Thank-you for last night," said Lupin.

Tonks smiled at him as Lupin kissed her on the forehead. He walked out of his bedroom far happier then he ever had before. Surely a day starting, and hopefully ending, with her could not be a bad one.

**To be continued…**


	31. The Purple and Gray Jumper

**Hello all!**

**Hasn't been too long. This chapter was alot of fun! I know you will al be expecting me to do a complete repeat of the previous but...**

**Muhaha no - i'm saving Tonks "turn" for another one that will suprise you.**

**A few things: I'm really liking linking back to things. The present Ginny gets, read the description of her room in DH to see it. Ginny's the man in this one!**

**WADA is the Wizarding Academy of Dramatic Art (it's from Tales of the Beedle Bard) **

**Again, response is incredible & you = amazing. Reviews and so nice and always helpful! Keep them coming**

**Enjoy...**

* * *

**Chapter 29**

Nymphadora Tonks watched him tie his shoelaces, the bed-sheet wrapped loosely around her naked frame as she sat up in his bed, _their_ bed. She watched the way his face twitched and moved as he looped the laces into bows. He did it the opposite way she did, he did it the way most people did. It should have been surprising, but it wasn't. He did most things the way everyone else did, except last night. _That_ was not done the way everyone else did it, at least not what Tonks had known in the past. She'd felt like an actress with the other boys, and a bad one at that, but Remus Lupin was not a boy, he was a man. His long fingered graceful hands held hers, his body moved with her, his eyes held hers and it _should_ have been awkward but it wasn't. He made her feel things she had never felt. It was beautiful and frightening at the same time. Tonks knew they had to be some kind of wondrous accident as nothing had ever fit so well, their bodies intertwined so perfectly and found the right niche to stay in. It had not been awkward or stilted as it had been in the past, but gentle, smooth and graceful, the way Lupin always moved. Tonks had never expected it to be horrible with him, but she hadn't thought it would be so brilliant. Lupin looked back up at her with a small smile as he finished with his last lace.

"I'll see you later, then," Tonks said hopefully

"You will. Thank-you for last night," Lupin said.

He crossed the room and kissed her on forehead before leaving Tonks alone in a room so full of memories it was a wonder it hadn't exploded. Tonks rolled her eyes as she threw herself back down on the pillows, of course he'd thank her. She couldn't stop the stupid grin that filled her face as she thought about the previous night again. She wanted to jump up and down on the spot but she couldn't in a house so full of people. Tonks didn't know exactly how long she lay back staring out the window or up at the ceiling, but she knew everyone had left by the time she stopped. She slowly and regretfully got out of bed before realizing she had no clothes to wear. Her eyes darted around the wardrobe where Lupin had hung her dress that morning. The most she could do was transfigure it into something, summon clothes from her flat or re-adjust some of Lupin's clothing for herself. She went with the final option, not wanting to ruin the dress or have to deal with a million muggles reporting that they'd seen a pair of jeans flying through the air. She stared into Lupin's closet. It was far too neat for a human being, everything was folded, hung or place neatly beside another of it's kind. Tonks smiled at it, it was so very Lupin in every possible way. Had it not been for the lovely shabby and scruffy quality to all this clothes and belongings, she may have been afraid. It didn't matter how hard he tried, he couldn't be completely perfect in the way he wanted to be and that was what she loved about him. It was what made him so different to the other types she'd met like him, most of the time he lacked arrogance. He was almost always completely accessible and willing to interact with anyone who would give him the time of day, young or old, big or small. He had humility by the boatload. Tonks picked out a pair of jeans and using her wand she made them a bit smaller and tighter. She chose one of his jumpers but didn't adjust it. It was a dark grey woollen one she'd sworn had ended up on her bedroom floor once before. As she pulled it over her head, her nostrils were filled with his scent and it made her scalp tingle.

After deciding to leave her hair the deep scarlet colour it had just flushed, Tonks walked out of the bedroom and down the stairs. She'd made it down one flight and was nearing the second landing when her feet got caught around each other and she went flying. She landed hard on the landing and heard a door nearby open very quickly. Sirius appeared with his wand drawn and his eyes darting around very quickly. They came to rest on Tonks and his face softened instantly before he started laughing.

"Thanks for the concern," Tonks said sarcastically, standing and rubbing her backside, which she'd landed on.

"You never cease to amaze me, Dora," Sirius laughed.

Tonks could feel a stinging sensation building in her right arm. She moved her arm to look at it and the whole underside of that sleeve of the jumper was ripped and a nasty gash on her arm was bleeding into the fabric.

"You must have gotten it caught on a splinter. Come on, I'll heal it downstairs," Sirius said walking down the steps ahead of them. Tonks followed him, trying to keep her arm upright so it wouldn't bleed everywhere.

"Nice jumper by the way," Sirius said smugly. "Remus won't be happy that you've ruined it. It was his favourite."

When they reached the kitchen, Tonks sat down and pushed the sleeve of the jumper back. It wasn't a deep cut but it was a few inches long. Blood was still coming out of it quite quickly when Sirius came at her with Dittany. He dabbed it on and the bleeding stopped and the cut started healing itself before their eyes. Sirius then looked up at her, a very triumphant smile on his face.

"Now, did something good take place last night, Dora? You seem to be glowing," Sirius fished.

Tonks didn't respond but continued to examine her arm.

"I didn't know you were even spending the night here. It's almost as if someone snuck you in late last night. I wonder, who on earth would do that?" Sirius asked feigning confusion, leaning back in his chair.

"Jut because I'm here now doesn't mean I spent the night. I could have come early this morning to see Ginny to wish her a Happy Christmas," Tonks lied.

"Yes, that could be true. I was however un-aware that Ginny had a selection of Remus's clothing," Sirius said triumphantly.

Tonks smiled at him, he was not going to win this battle.

"Who said it was his?" Tonks asked.

"It is," Sirius said straight away.

"So you're sure that this jumper is his? This normal, everyday, gray, woollen jumper is the only one of it's kind and it's in his possession. It couldn't be someone else's?" Tonks questioned, as Sirius's smile faltered.

"No," Sirius said very unconvincingly and starting to sound frustrated. "I mean…it is. I've seen him wear it. Look it doesn't matter. Either way I've caught you here, so you can stop with the lies and come clean."

"I'm not lying," Tonks lied, staring straight out at Sirius.

"Oh right, so, I'm just meant to believe that?" Sirius snorted, shaking his head. "Kreacher's caught you snogging and I've caught you leaving his room dressed in his clothes. I'm not an idiot you know."

"That's news to me," Tonks added cheekily.

Sirius glared at her and she merely smiled in response.

"So what was it last night? An early Christmas present? It's been about six months, that's enough time, even for Moony," Sirius told her.

Tonks bit her lip as she tried not to laugh. Sirius placed his hands behind his head, surveying her with a knitted brow.

"So come on then. Spill," Sirius said.

"I'm not going to tell you anything. You know that right?" Tonks told him.

Sirius just laughed softly.

"You don't have to tell me anything," Sirius said slyly with a wink. "I already know."

Tonks raised her eyebrows at him and he grinned.

"So what'd he get you then?" Sirius asked.

"Nothing. Friends don't have to get each other gifts for Christmas. What'd he get you?"

"Nothing yet. I haven't seen him, he's been busy with you obviously," said Sirius. "I should be ashamed, you know? My best friend is defiling my little baby cousin. What would your mother think of me?"

Tonks purposefully looked away to the decorated tree in the corner. It looked magnificent in the daylight. Her eye line moved to the grandfather clock next to it. Immediately she jumped up.

"Is it really midday?" Tonks exclaimed.

"Why? What's going on?" Sirius asked looking around wildly again.

"I've got to get to my parent's for lunch."

Tonks jumped up and ran towards the fire. She stopped and then ran back to Sirius who was still looking at her like a stunned mullet. She hugged him quickly.

"Happy Christmas," she said.

"Same to you. I'd get you a gift but I figure introducing you to Remus is enough," Sirius called out as she moved off to the fire.

Tonks glared at him as she threw her powder down onto the fireplace floor.

* * *

Tonks arrived at her parents a few seconds later, after flooing home to change and pick up thier presents. She'd left his jeans on and placed the jumper neatly in her own cupboard. On her way back out, she failed to notice presents stacked on her table as she was in such a rush to get into the fire. She landed in her parents living room. It was decorated the same as last night, a big tree, tinsel everywhere and lights wrapping around banisters and stuck into the walls. They had added a Santa flying on broom that flew around the tree.

"Merry Christmas!" Tonks said loudly when she spotted them.

"Same to you, Dora," Her father boomed, embracing her.

"Sorry I'm late, I got caught up at Grimmauld Place," Tonks apologised, hugging Andromeda.

"Did you stay there last night?" Andromeda asked, a eyebrow raised.

"Er– no I went this morning to see everyone before they went to Arthur," Tonks lied. "Sirius sends his wishes."

"What about Remus?" Andromeda asked, staring at Tonks strangely.

"Didn't see him," Tonks said dismissively, looking away from Andromeda who was making her feel hot under the collar. "Anyway, here are your gifts."

Andromeda was still staring at Tonks, but she'd begun smiling now.

"The new Gnomeinator! How'd you know I wanted that?" Ted asked, grinning at her.

"I had an inkling. You like yours, mum?"

"It's beautiful dear. Thank-you," Andromeda cooed, as she placed the magenta witches hat on her head.

They moved into the dining room after Tonks had gotten her presents. Which were clothes, broom polish, a talking Holyhead Harpies flag and a box of chocolate frogs. Andromeda seemed to have outdone herself this Christmas with the feast. There were huge helpings of every kind of delicious food. Turkey, mash potato, roast vegetables, pigs in blankets, ham, brussel sprouts, a large boat of gravy, fresh cranberry sauce, Christmas pudding, custard, mince pies and a brandy sauce. It was far too much food for everyone, but Tonks was going to enjoy the challenge.

"So how'd the rest of last night go," Tonks said with a mouthful of turkey.

"Pretty good. Frank had a bit too much wine in the end and had to stay. But we didn't expect any less," Ted laughed.

"He took some great photographs with that muggle camera. I still don't understand how it works Ted, why don't they move?" Andromeda asked.

"Not sure. I suppose us muggles never really worked it out," Ted replied. "Here Dora, there's one of you."

Ted passed a photo to her. Tonks glanced over it and nearly choked on her food. There, standing perfectly still, was Tonks, bright green hair and her lovely red frock. What made her choke was the other person in the photograph. Lupin stood beside her, a small smile on his lips as he looked at Tonks, who was laughing, through the corner of his eyes. He had a cheeky glint in his eye that seem very uncommon but made him that much more youthful. The way he was looking at Tonks was making her blush even now. When Tonks looked back up at the table, her mother was staring at her with a weird smile. Tonks furrowed her brow and slipped the photo into her pocket. The conversation turned back to Ted's family and his infamous Christmas lunches with them, which were always good for a laugh. When Ted went off to try out his new Gnomeinator, Tonks and Andromeda found themselves cleaning up in the kitchen.

"Where does this go, mum?" Tonks asked holing up a plate.

"Up in that cupboard," she said apprehensively. "Wait, I'll take it. You can scrape the plates in the sink."

Tonks moved off and started on the plates.

"So things have changed for you two then?" Andromeda asked coolly.

"For who?" Tonks said as she scrapped pumpkin out of a bowl.

"You and Remus, dear," said Andromeda.

There was a loud scraping noise as Tonks nearly dropped the plate she was holding and the fork she was cleaning it with hit the plate and flew out of her hand. Tonks watched it fly through the air until Andromeda's hand caught it. She changed her face from one of shock to indifference as she stared at Andromeda.

"What makes you say that?" Tonks asked quickly, trying to sound casual as she turned back to the sink.

"The way you both behaved last night," Andromeda said in such a way that Tonks knew she was smiling.

Tonks racked her brain trying to remember what she had done. Had her mother been in the bedroom?

"What do you mean?" Tonks asked feeling slightly panicked.

"I may not know Remus very well, but I know _that_ look. I've never seen him look at anyone that way and I've never seen you blush like that either," Andromeda pointed out.

"Mum!" Tonks exclaimed

"What? I may be you're mother be I'm not a fool. Don't say that's news to me either," Andromeda added glaring at Tonks who smiled at her sheepishly.

"He's just a friend mum. Besides, he's old, he wears funny clothes and he's boring," Tonks lied.

"Okay, fine. I was just wondering," Andromeda said and Tonks knew, even though they'd stopped talking about it for now, this conversation was anything but finished.

An awkward silence settled upon both of them that was only stopped minutes later when Ted walked in. Tonks glanced up to see him still holding his Christmas present and a big grin was plastered on his face. He grabbed Tonks and kissed her again.

"I love this Dora!" He cried before moving off to Andromeda.

Tonks stood very still for a moment as something in Ted's words had opened a memory Tonks couldn't believe she'd forgotten. The kitchen sink swam out of focus in her eyes. The memory flashed through her mind like a hallucination, like it was happening agian in front of her. She could feel the sweat as if it were on her own body at that exact moment . She could picture everything how it had been; she was sitting on Lupin's lap, her legs were wrapped around his upright torso as his arms were wrapped around her. She could still feel his skin on hers and his lips against hers and then, as if he was standing beside her in the kitchen his hoarse voice whispering it into her ear, she remembered what he'd said.

_Tonks I love you_

* * *

Tonks arrived back at her flat just as the sun was setting. The rest of the day had felt quite strange and distant from her own thoughts. She finally noticed the small stack of presents on her table. She opened them all in seconds. There was a bright purple knitted jumper from Molly, a box of Fred and George's sweets from them, with a cautionary note, and Ginny had given her some Drooble's Best Blowing Gum, Fizzing Whizzbees and a bar of Honeydukes Chocolate. Tonks smiled at all the presents, she finally had a Weasley Jumper and Ginny had remembered what her favourite sweets were from Honeydukes. It was at that moment Tonks realised she'd forgotten to get Lupin a present. For a second she sat wide-eyed feeling worried until an idea popped into her head. She moved into the kitchen and pulled out a slab of Honeydukes chocolate, cutting a paticular shape out of it with her wand and then wrapping it in a bow. Knowing it would be very rude not to thank the Weasleys, Tonks jumped into her fire, throwing her powder down.

"Grimmauld Place," she said loudly.

* * *

The world stopped spinning and Tonks stepped out of the fireplace.

"Oh, Hi Tonks! Happy Christmas," came Molly's voice brightly.

Tonks glanced around, Sirius was leaning back in his chair at the table and Molly was across from him, her feet up on another chair. Tonks moved over to her quickly and hugged her.

"Thanks for the jumper! I love it," Tonks told her as she put it on.

"It's not a problem. I thought you'd like the colour," Molly said, beaming at Tonks.

"Sorry I wasn't here earlier. I've been at my parents since last night," lied Tonks.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Sirius hide behind his prophet and laugh quietly.

"Oh. Sirius was just telling me you were here this morning. He said you cut yourself and that's why there was blood on the stairs," Molly explained, her brow furrowed.

Tonks glanced at Sirius again who moved the paper down a fraction and grinned at her slyly. Tonks made a mental note to hit him later.

"Oh, yeah. Well you see, I came here but no one was around– so– I, uh, left."

"Well I'm glad you came back," Molly said, though she continued to examine Tonks suspiciously for a few moments.

The jumper she was wearing was making her feel very hot right now.

"Is Ginny around? I wanted to thank–"

The kitchen door opened mid way through Tonks's sentence and in walked Lupin. Instantly she felt her scalp tingle and then remembering Molly was watching, tried to play it off as if she'd intended to do it. She could feel this strange rushing sensation running through her body as he looked over at her. It was the first time she'd seen him since she remembered what he'd said. She'd never had the feeling before and had no idea what it meant or how to make it stop.

"Oh, Good Evening Tonks. Happy Christmas," Lupin said, annoying Tonks at how casual he sounded.

"Merry Christmas to you as well Remus," Tonks muttered sounding far too formal.

Sirius snorted, and out of the corner of her eye Tonks could see Molly looking between her and Remus quickly. Lupin moved out of the doorway and Tonks saw him push Sirius's chair forward deliberately as he passed. It crashed down and Sirius looked back up at him innocently.

"What was that for?"

"You shouldn't lean back on your chair Sirius, it's dangerous," Lupin said calmly and sounding a lot like one of Tonks's teachers.

Tonks smiled widely and caught Molly's eye; who was now looking at her with her head tilted and a smile on her lips.

"But, anyway, as I was saying. Is Ginny about?" Tonks asked Molly.

"I think she's upstairs, I'll just go find her for you," Molly replied.

She walked to the door and just as she walked through it, Molly turned one last time to glance at Tonks and Lupin with a large grin. Tonks furrowed her brow and looked across at Lupin who shrugged. He was leaning on the counter behind Sirius, who was tilting back in his chair again.

"You know, I think you two should enrol in WADA, maybe get some acting classes. It'll teach you to lie better–"

Lupin pushed Sirius's chair forward again.

"Stop it!" Sirius snarled back at Lupin, who responded with a stern look.

Tonks looked at Lupin, and he smiled at her warmly before Ginny walked in a moment later.

"Tonks!" She exclaimed walking to her.

"Merry Christmas Gin," Tonks said warmly as they hugged.

"Thanks for the poster of Gwenog, it's going straight on my wall at home! And those Dungbomb are going to go to good use with Umbridge–"

Ginny stopped mid sentence and looked sheepishly at Lupin, who chuckled at her. He walked over and stood a little behind Tonks as he spoke to Ginny.

"It's all right Ginny, I am no longer your teacher. You can throw Dungbombs at whomever you wish. I would prefer if it was Dolores actually," Lupin added quietly.

Tonks laughed nervously. The thought of him as her teacher was making her feel hot under the collar again.

"Thanks for the Honeydukes sweets. I can't believe you remembered my favourites," Tonks gushed.

"Well they're mine too. Oh, look, mistletoe," Ginny noted, pointing above Tonks and Lupin.

Tonks heard Sirius laugh loudly and try to pass it off as a cough, but Ginny continued smiling expectantly. Tonks had never remembered feeling so awkward in her life. Sirius had folded his paper and was now watching the pair with unrestrained glee and smugness.

"Er, well," Tonks stuttered before feeling Lupin's lips on her cheek.

Tonks turned to see him smile politely at Ginny and she heard Sirius sigh loudly and mumble something rude. She could feel her face filling with colour. Ginny smiled at the pair before Fred and George entered.

"Tonks–" Fred said, holding something behind his back

"–Merry Christmas," George finished.

"I think we can show them George. I can't see mum about anywhere."

"Fine. If she comes in and we have to bin them too, I'm going to kill you."

"Here you guys check this out," Fred said loudly.

He pulled a hat out from behind his back. Tonks laughed as she realised it was a pink feathery one. Fred and George smiled at all of them before Fred put it on. For a split second he looked rather stupid standing there with a girly hat on and Tonks wondered if that was the effect, but then both hat and head disappeared.

All of the room gasped in amazement and then laughed

"That's brilliant," Sirius exclaimed.

Fred, now fully reappeared, passed the hat around and Lupin examined it very closely, no doubt trying to find the trick. It was such a Lupin thing to do that Tonks laughed. After they'd all had a turn, Tonks made her way over to the fire.

"Sorry everyone, gotta dash, I have more presents to give out," said Tonks, giving a meaningful look at Lupin who replied with a tiny nod that Sirius noticed.

* * *

Tonks arrived in her flat's fireplace, her stomach still sore form laughing at Lupin and Sirius without heads. Tonks sat back on her couch and waited, hoping Lupin wouldn't take too long. She was just about to put her feet on the table when she noticed the record he'd given her that she hadn't been able to listen too yet. She put it on straight away and listened to it carefully. She hadn't even reached the third song, the song she wanted to hear, when there was a knock at the door. Tonks flung the door open quickly to see Lupin looking over her.

"Hi," he breathed.

"Hi," Tonks said back, grinning at him as she opened the door wider for him to walk through.

The strange rushing feeling came back into her body and still, Tonks had no clue what it was. Lupin walked straight in and stood next to the couch and then looked at her again without saying a word.

"Uh, did you want a drink?" Tonks asked, feeling a little awkward by his odd behaviour.

"Yes, that would be great."

Tonks went into the kitchen and poured them herself, mainly to remove herself from his strange presence. Hadn't they just been joking and talking a few minutes before? What on earth had changed in such a short space of time? Was he about to brush her off because people were slowly figuring it out? When Tonks came out of the kitchen Lupin had sat himself on the couch. He took his glass from Tonks and then quickly looked away again.

"Okay, what's going on?" Tonks asked, feeling exasperated as she sat down.

"I don't know what you mean. Everything's fine," Lupin said, swallowing hard and glancing away. "Did you get any good presents?"

Tonks looked at him for a moment, something was really wrong, he didn't behave like this.

"No, Remus, what is going on?" Tonks repeated.

"Nothing," said Lupin, smiling at her nervously and looking at her in a forced way.

Tonks couldn't see the normal warmth behind his eyes. Tonks couldn't think of any reason for him to be so awkward.

"So, any good presents?"

"A few," Tonks said, deciding just to go with him and see where it led. "The usual from parents, then this jumper, sweets from Fred and George, which I will stay away from and then Ginny got me some sweets from Honeydukes which I love–"

Lupin glanced away from her almost on cue, he swallowed hard again and it was then Tonks knew exactly what was wrong and why. She smiled at him and his cuteness.

"Remus," Tonks said.

"Yes?" He replied, forcing his eye line back to her.

"You're sure nothings wrong?"

"No. Everything is fine," Lupin promised.

"You're sure it hasn't got anything to do with things that were said last night?" Tonks enquired.

Lupin swallowed hard again.

"No– It's not like that at all. Nothing's wrong, I don't even know what you're talking–"

Tonks sighed at him and his ways. She shuffled further down the couch towards him and he stopped speaking when she sat on his lap. She placed both hands on his shoulder and held him there.

"Remus, shut up," she ordered, still smiling at him. "There's something wrong and–"

"Tonks I assure you I'm fine–" he said, avoiding her eye, which must have been harder now that she was straddling on top of him.

"Remus," Tonks warned looking directly into his eyes, "shut-up you git. God for someone whose supposed to be smart, you're quite thick, aren't you?"

She could feel his body twitching with uncomfortableness and it made it that much more fun when she knew it was making him feel horrible. His eyes occasionally flicked back to hers before looking away again.

"There is nothing wrong. I think I should probably get going though, Sirius will be–" Remus mumbled, his cheeks getting redder.

Tonks moved her head to grab his eyes and then when they finally looked into hers, she spoke.

"Remus,"

He glanced away but Tonks placed a hand on his cheek and instantly his eyes found hers again.

"I love you too,"

And it was true. It had been true since her birthday but it took until now for the words to surface. The rushing feeling disappeared as well. All she'd needed to do was say that aloud for it to go. For a moment she thought Lupin was going to leave like he said he was, but then his eyes shone warmly and he closed the gap between their lips passionately. Tonks wrapped her arms around his neck as she straddled him, feeling his hands on her thighs. Warmth from complete joy exploded in her body, until she could no longer contain the laugh that interrupted their kiss.

**To be continued…**


	32. The Chocolate in a Bow

**Well don't I spoil you lot lately!**

**I have offically been writing this for a year! Isn't that scary!! Why have you all been reading this horribleness for a year!**

This one was very rushed becaused I'm way too excited for the next chapter. Been looking forward to it since I planned it actually.

**Not much new. Sirius is amazing. For me writing Lupin in this was very easy, because I think i'm starting to get my head around his thinking. I hope anyway. Something has ben brought to my attention. The collar (which u won't understand until later) wasn't meant to be kinky...just a joke (the tonks kind)...but it hasn't worked out that way. It was just supposed to be because he's a wolf...haha but take what u will from it.**

**I love all your reviews. You're still amazing! Keep them coming! Come on, some of you guys have to hate me, right?**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 30**

"It's okay boys, you can blame Remus here for making Dora leave," Sirius said loudly to Fred and George who were staring at the fireplace.

Remus Lupin felt his stomach collapse and he glared across at Sirius, fear exploding deep inside his chest.

"Why? What'd you do to her?" Fred asked, looking at Lupin smiling.

Lupin opened his mouth to speak but Sirius interrupted him.

"I was only joking. I suspect her parents need her," Sirius said quickly as Lupin continued to glare him.

"I hope she doesn't eat the present we got her before she reads the note," George worried, glancing at Fred.

"Nah, she'll be right," Fred said with a shrug. "Anyway, nice chatting to you blokes, but time is galleons."

With that the two of them left and Lupin finally spoke.

"I'd appreciate if you didn't tell everyone your suspicions," Lupin said slowly.

Sirius laughed.

"Suspicions? Moony, they're definitely not suspicions anymore, not after I caught Dora leaving your room this morning."

Lupin's mouth went dry.

"Well she just arrived– and I was– you see it's not–"

"Save it. I'm not an idiot and I still don't understand why you continue to hide things from me?" Sirius asked, sounding genuinely confused.

"You are kidding right? What you just said to the twins doesn't register in your mind as something you're not supposed to do and why I shouldn't trust you?" Lupin replied.

Sirius laughed again.

"I was just having fun," Sirius croaked.

"At _my _expense," said Lupin exasperatedly.

"You know, if you just tell me it won't be such a game anymore and I probably wont annoy you as much," Sirius said.

"Yes you will," Lupin sighed.

"Get a sense of humour Moony. The girl you love has one," Sirius laughed.

Lupin felt his mouth go dry again and his eyes widened. At the time saying I love you to Tonks felt like a reflex, it felt as natural as breathing. But now that the words hung in the air so awkwardly above them, Lupin wished he'd never opened his mouth. The feelings were true and they would never go away, but he didn't know how to behave after they'd been said. He'd never loved anyone like that; no one had ever stayed around long enough for him to work up the courage to reveal things of that nature. In truth no one had ever stayed around long enough for him to develop those kinds of feelings.

"You do love her! You told her didn't you?" Sirius asked, his face full of surprise mingled with fear.

"Sirius, shut up," Lupin threatened, no a hint of a smile on his face.

"Oh Merlin," Sirius sighed, smiling at him.

Lupin stood up abruptly and walked out of the kitchen with Sirius yelling things at him he couldn't hear. He left the house and just walked in whatever direction his feet carried him. He'd said that he loved her without wanting a reply, without wanting to hear what she thought; it was his turn to speak. Now, he wanted her response, he needed it. He felt so uncomfortable being out on a ledge by himself, being so vulnerable by his own hand. Before long he changed direction and walked to Tonks' building, faster than usual. By the time he reached it, he had a stitch in his side. He couldn't stop the voice in his head that continued to tell him she was not going to say it back, she could not love him, what was there to love anyway? He was knocking on her door before he knew it. Tonks pulled the door opened quickly and at the sight of her, uncomfortableness started pulsating through him just as fast as his heart was beating. It made his back cramp, why had he been so stupidly honest?

"Hi," he breathed.

"Hi," Tonks said back, grinning.

Lupin walked through the door and stood next to her couch. It was among the most horrible feelings he'd ever had. He could do nothing but stare at her and wait. Wait for the inevitable.

"Uh, did you want a drink?" Tonks asked, sounding slightly anxious.

"Yes, that would be great," said Lupin, looking away from her.

As she walked into the kitchen Lupin just knew what was coming. She'd deliberately gone into the kitchen to get away from him. He'd said too much. He sat on the couch for a moment with his head in his hands trying to find a way out of the situation. When he heard her footsteps again, Lupin sat up and plastered a fake smile on his face. He took the glass of mead from Tonks and then looked away, the horribleness of it all was too hard to watch.

"Okay, what's going on?" Tonks asked, sighing

"I don't know what you mean. Everything's fine," Lupin said, swallowing hard and glancing away. "Did you get any good presents?"

"No. Remus, what is going on?" Tonks repeated.

"Nothing," said Lupin.

He forced himself to look back at her, knowing it could help if he tried to behave normally.

"So, any good presents?" He said brightly.

"A few. The usual from parents, then this jumper, sweets from Fred and George, which I will stay away from and Ginny got me some sweets from Honeydukes which I love–"

Lupin glanced away from her almost on cue and swallowed hard again. Why did she have to say that one word? Was she taunting him? He knew she liked she a joke but surely that was below the belt and cruel.

"Remus," Tonks said clearly.

"Yes?" He replied, forcing his eye line back to her.

"You're sure nothings wrong?"

"No. Everything is fine," Lupin promised, feeling his back start twitching again.

"You're sure it hasn't got anything to do with things that were said last night?" Tonks enquired.

Lupin swallowed hard again. She really _was_ cruel.

"No– It's not like that at all. Nothing's wrong, I don't even know what you're talking–"

Tonks sighed loudly and then suddenly she was on top of him, straddling his previously crossed legs. Her hands were pressing down on his shoulder, holding him onto the couch.

"Remus, shut up," she ordered, smiling at him. "There's something wrong and–"

"Tonks I assure you I'm fine–" he said, trying to avoid her eye, which had gotten a lot harder now that she was on top of him.

"Remus," Tonks warned, looking directly into his eyes, "shut-up you git. God, for someone whose supposed to be smart, you're quite thick, aren't you?"

Lupin could feel a wave of awkwardness crash through him. His body convulsed at it, urging him to exit the situation. He couldn't maintain eye contact with her long enough to apologize for his words and his behavior.

"There is nothing wrong. I think I should probably get going though, Sirius will be–" Remus mumbled.

He watched as her head moved down to his level, capturing his eyes

"Remus," she interrupted, sounding like a mother giving a child a stern warning.

He glanced away again. She was obviously cruel, it would have been far more humane to let him leave and die of embarrassment in peace. He felt her hand come to rest on his cheek and her skin burned his. His eyes finally found hers and the fear drained out of him instantly. Because deep down he knew what was coming next, he should have known all along that she would never refuse him now, not when she'd had the opportunity so many times before. She was the exception to the rule and always would be.

"I love you too."

She did not look worried or embarrassed, she was glistening with determination. Even if he'd been expecting her to say them, the words still knocked the wind out of him, dug deep down into his soul and melted it. Not knowing how to respond and slightly enjoying the fact that she could now deal with having her words awkwardly sit between them, Lupin kissed her. It felt different kissing someone he loved. It by no means made the two of them easier, it was probably going to make everything that much harder, but it made happiness start to slowly build in his body. He could feel Tonks smiling as they kissed and then she was laughing.

"What?" Lupin asked, leaning back into the couch.

"Nothing," Tonks laughed. "I just can't believe that– well you know– we–"

"If you felt inclined to finish a sentence anytime soon, it could really help me understand," Lupin explained.

Tonks laughed again.

"I just can't believe we're at this point you know. We must be idiots," Tonks said, shaking her head.

"Yes, we are," Lupin whispered as he grabbed her and moved her over onto the couch, underneath him.

He heard Tonks laugh as she fell and then his lips connected with hers. It was a lighter feeling this time, there wasn't as much seriousness in their movements, it was, after all, impossible to be serious when Tonks laughed every minute or so. It was unnerving but Lupin was enjoying the light-hearted side of it, after spending all last night in the opposite. Tonks wrapped her hands around his neck and started tugging at the top of his shirt, trying to pull it off. Lupin lifted his arms and she slid it off and threw it behind her. They began kissing again and as Lupin lay on top of her, he could feel her feet stroking his leg.

_Hoot._

Lupin immediately stopped moving and his eyes moved as far sideways as possible, trying to find the cause of the noise. Tonks moved her head up over his shoulder and started laughing again.

"No need to get so tense Remus, it's just an owl."

Lupin heard the fluttering of wings and then, on the back of the couch near his head, the owl appeared. Lupin sighed loudly and dropped his head onto Tonks' chest.

"If that's from Sirius, I will be forced to kill him," Lupin groaned into her shirt.

Tonks laughed as she untied the parchment.

"Nope, work stuff," Tonks said and Lupin heard her scrunch up the letter.

He could hear her heart beat through his ear, which was resting on her chest as he looked out to the fire. Tonks started stroking his hair and he closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling. It felt like he was being cared for. He could feel his breathing slowing and his heart rate dropping as she stroked him.

"I think Sirius might be on to us," Tonks muttered.

"That is a bit of an understatement," Lupin said, as he continued staring into the fire. "He definitely knows. I'm just enjoying watching him get frustrated by the whole process though."

"Remus Lupin!" Tonks said with such astonishment that it caused Lupin to move his head and look up at her. "Are you deliberately doing something dishonest?"

Lupin sighed again as she laughed and then dropped his head back onto her chest.

"Alright, I feel we need to get up or I'm officially going to feel as old as you sitting here in front of a fire doing nothing," Tonks announced sometime later.

"Must you always comment on my age?" Lupin asked as he lifted himself up and sat where Tonks' legs had previously been.

"Always," she said, grinning.

Lupin reached for his mead and downed the rest of glass in one gulp. He could see Tonks watching him from her end of the couch.

"What?" He asked, as she smiled at him mischievously.

* * *

Lupin lay in bed with Tonks, her naked body resting beside his. Her head was on his chest and one of his arms was around her shoulders and the other was behind his head. His body felt exhausted, but his mind was far from sleep. He could still feel sweat from the evening's adventures with her. Tonks had fallen asleep with a smile on her face and it still hadn't gone, even though Lupin guessed about an hour had passed. He stared up at the ceiling, thinking, over-thinking, like he always did. He'd reached a point that he'd never been too before. He and Tonks had travelled through the areas of a relationship that Lupin knew, that he was familiar with, but now he had thrown himself headlong into the deep, dark and unknown areas. It was comforting to know Tonks was with him, but somehow he knew she wasn't. She didn't have to analyse the situation like he did. Her life could be exclusively her own and his life would always be at the mercy of others, others who allowed him to be around. Would he be the cause of her exile? Lupin watched her sleeping, the innocent girl he'd somehow fooled into loving him. Or was he the fool being led blindly towards a dark end? He looked back up at the ceiling, tracing patterns on it with his eyes, thinking, worrying, his mind turning over and over. He thought back to the werewolf in the ward Arthur had been staying in. His family had deserted him, his fiancé too, and the man was all right with it, he seemed relieved. He had told Lupin about how he intended to separate himself from humans in fear of harming anyone he loved. Was Lupin being selfish not to taking the same course? Why did he and Tonks feel so natural when at the same time they were fraught with disaster and dead ends? Had he done something unforgiveable in starting up with someone so young, so whole and so perfect?

"What are you thinking about?" Came a voice.

Lupin nearly jumped out of his skin. He turned to see Tonks's brown eyes staring up at him with curiosity.

"Nothing," he mumbled, kissing her on the forehead, "go back to sleep."

"Remus, I know your thinking, I can see it."

"No it's nothing, I promise. Come on, it's sleep time I think," Lupin mumbled, grimacing at her.

He hugged her tighter and finally, after staring at him for a while, Tonks closed her eyes again. Lupin knew where thinking would lead him, so he did his best to shut off his mind and fall asleep.

* * *

Lupin woke slowly that morning and carefully slipped out of bed and into the kitchen. He moved around cooking toast and boiling water, until he spotted something peculiar. After piling an assortment of breakfast foods on a tray, and the unusual object, Lupin walked softly back into the bedroom.

"Breakfast," Lupin called out to Tonks, who sat bolt upright straight away.

She struggled to open her eyes in the sunlight and rubbed her face with her hands, looking around for the cause of her abrupt waking.

"Could you please try to look less awake?" Tonks groaned and Lupin laughed.

He got into the bed on his side and placed the tray between them. After Tonks grabbed some toast, still grumbling and yawning, she looked back up at Lupin, who was smiling expectantly.

"What?" She uttered through a mouthful of toast.

"Can I ask what that is?" He asked, pointing at the oddly shaped piece of chocolate in a Christmas bow.

"Oh," Tonks laughed. "It's your Christmas present.

"What is it?"

"Honeydukes chocolate in the shape of a bone. I would have gotten you a proper collar, but I didn't have the time," Tonks said, picking it up and giving it to him.

She looked at him proudly and tried to fight the fit of giggles that were slowly overtaking her. Lupin watched her, admiring her cheek.

"So what would the collar have done? Tamed me?" Lupin asked sarcastically, untying the bow.

"No, of course not," Tonks replied seriously, "It would have kept you here all day, all to myself."

"Oh really?" Lupin asked, smiling at her. "That's all that can keep me here?"

Lupin reached across and placed a hand behind her neck before pulling her closer to him and kissing her passionately.

"That could do it," Lupin muttered as he pulled away from her.

Tonks' eyes narrowed and then she pounced on him, pushing him back on to the bed. Lupin heard the sound of plates and cups smashing into each other and he broke away from Tonks's mouth and as he tried to sit up, Tonks held his shoulders down.

"Leave them," she mumbled, as if she knew he was already thinking about stopping to clean them up.

"But the–"

Tonks looked at him with her eyebrows raised.

"Fine," Lupin said, to which Tonks laughed.

Lupin met her mouth again and rolled further into the bed, their bed, until neither could tell the time, the day, the year, even their own names.

* * *

Three days later Lupin left Tonks' flat. It had been by far the most comfortable and enjoyable three days he'd had in a while. Everyday he woke up to her and he was always greeted with a smile. He spent the nights reading in front of her fire, with Tonks lying across his lap listening to the music blaring from her gramophone. The other halves of the nights were spent in her room, alone, together, doing what felt natural, what came easy and comfortably. Being together so long made them do silly things. Things like making love before either had brushed their teeth in the mornings or eating anything available because neither wanted to leave the other long enough ot buy food. Their peace was disturbed a few times by owls, mainly for Tonks and one for Lupin, which came from Moody instructing him that he and Tonks were to be the guards returning the kids to school. Planning had been difficult when Tonks was keen to laugh or kiss him when he tried to be serious. Lupin spared a thought to how the owl knew where to find him, especially one from Moody. It made him feel anxious, it made him revisit the thoughts from the Christmas Day night. If he was being selfish by being with Tonks, then he did not want anyone else to know. But after all of that Lupin had make a move to his parents house. It was unfortunate to miss a New Year celebration; especially one with Sirius, Tonks and the Order at Grimmauld Place, but it wasn't something he could get out off.

* * *

So it was, sometime after the start of the new year, Lupin returned to Grimmauld Place. He felt well rested, which was a first after a transformation. He arrived late the night before school returned and was greeted by a bright looking Arthur, back from St Mungo's fully healed. Mad-Eye and Mundungus were sitting at the table together and Sirius greeted Lupin half-heartedly. Moody wanted to hear the plan he and Tonks had come up with for the following day, but that conversation ended quite quickly as there wasn't much to discuss. They were sticking to the idea Moody had suggested in the letter, the Knight Bus. Lupin kept throwing glances to Sirius, who wasn't talking to anyone but staring out with a brooding expression. Lupin waited until everyone left the kitchen until he spoke to him.

"I heard from Arthur that Severus was here today," Lupin said, preparing himself for what was to come.

"He's right isn't he?" Sirius said distractedly, not looking at Lupin.

"Who? Arthur?" Lupin asked feeling befuddled, he'd expected shouting.

"Snivellus. I am a coward," Sirius told him with the same distracted tone.

Lupin felt his body drop as he looked over at Sirius. It irked Lupin to see him looking slightly defeated.

"No your not. Sirius this isn't your fault. Severus is just–"

"Don't stand up for him Moony," Sirius spat. "I know he helped you out of a tight bind but it doesn't prevent him from being a greasy son of a–"

"What did he want?" Lupin said steadily.

"Harry's getting occlumnecy lessons from _him_," Sirius said with pronounced venom in his voice.

"From Snape? Why wouldn't Dumbledore do it?" Lupin asked quickly.

"He wouldn't say," Sirius said, sounding defeated.

"Well I suppose that's a good thing. Harry needs them. After what Moody said at St Mungo's, Dumbledore knew this would happen; he's just worried that Voldemort will now be aware," Lupin explained.

"I know that. I know Harry needs protecting. I can't imagine how Harry will be useful with the prophecy though. I don't see how Voldemort could get Harry there. He'd never leave Hogwarts. So why is Dumbledore so afraid of another vision?"

Lupin's mind travelled to Ron and Hermione. Harry would save them at any cost, Harry would save anyone, it was in his nature just like it had been with James. He hoped naively that Voldemort didn't know that

"If Dumbledore believes Snape to be the best for the job then he must be," Lupin said with finality.

"I know why you're all for Dumbledore, but I just can't help thinking that maybe he's got this wrong. Snape can do anything to Harry when he's that vulnerable…" Sirius's voice trailed away for a moment before returning with forced brightness. "So how have you been anyway?"

Lupin furrowed his brow resisting the urge to scold Sirius for his schoolboy suspicions. Instead he just glanced at Sirius who looked at him, almost begging for a subject change.

"Fine. Transformation was bearable. I will need to work on the Wolfsbane soon," Lupin said sighing.

"Well you know who to ask, and on that note, how is my little cousin? Did you have a fun few days with her?" Sirius asked, smiling for the first time.

Lupin groaned, finally realising how Moody would have known where he was.

"I'm not going to dignify that with an answer."

"Pathetic, the two of you," Sirius smiled, shaking his head.

Sometime later Sirius disappeared looking distracted and Lupin stayed in the kitchen, wondering if a night would come sometime in the future where his head didn't feel so full of things to ponder. He walked distractedly up the stairs and as he passed Sirius's room, he could hear him throwing things around and digging through draws. Lupin resolved himself to spending more time at Grimmauld Place, knowing this new sense of defeat in Sirius would soon be replaced with recklessness.

* * *

The following morning Lupin awoke earlier than normal and walked into the kitchen, to find himself alone, until a loud noise caught him off guard.

"Remus," said the voice loudly.

A blur of pink was running at him at full pelt and then it jumped up on him before he could even get his bearings. With shock and surprise, he realised it was Tonks just as her mouth collided with his and her legs wrapped around his waist. He fell backwards a few steps as her tongue explored his mouth, rearranging his world. He held her up, enjoying the sensation for as long as it could last.

"Maybe I should go away more often," Lupin said feeling dazed as they pulled apart.

She unwrapped herself from him and jumped down. Mere seconds later Arthur and Molly walked in, saying tired good mornings and not noticing the two of them standing so close. After some mundane recollections of the previous night and more stories from St Mungo's, the conversation as they all ate breakfast turned when Sirius arrived.

"Just got an owl. There's a meeting tonight with Hagrid. It's a late one so he can get away from Umbridge," Sirius announced quietly. "Dumbledore won't make it."

"I wonder why?" Tonks asked.

"He's scheduled another for the next night. I'm sure he has a lot to say after what happened to you Arthur," Sirius acknowledged.

"Yes that could be the case. But he seems rather tense about Severus's information on the Azkaban prisoners. Dumbledore told Moody that it is not a question of if they break out, but when. It's–"

Arthur was interrupted by Molly shushing him loudly when Harry and the rest walked into the kitchen. Lupin stole a glance at Tonks, who seemed to have shrunken a little in her chair, when she caught him looking she forced a smile.

* * *

As the group stayed inside for goodbyes, Lupin walked to scout out the square, which was empty. Tonks passed him with her newly changed appearance and he watched Harry stuff some thing into his jacket pocket as he followed. Tonks glanced at him and Lupin was puzzled by a nervous look in her eye.

"Come on, the quicker we get on the bus the better," she said to him.

Lupin flung his right arm out and a bright Purple bus appeared out of thin, narrowly missing a lamppost, which jumped out the way. Lupin had only taken it a few times in his life, but it was always a frightening journey. Tonks took Harry on first and when Lupin got on, last, he heard Stan Shunpike's very unique voice.

"Ere – it's Harry–!"

"If you shout his name I swear I will curse you into oblivion," Tonks muttered at him.

Lupin glanced around at all the mismatched chairs not finding enough together for all of them. Their plan was already starting to come undone.

"Looks like we'll have to split up" Tonks said briskly, looking at the chairs and then back to Lupin. "Fred, George and Ginny, if you just take those seats at the back…Remus can stay with you."

Lupin took his orders and walked to the back, sitting beside Ginny and watching Tonks. He glanced back down to find Ginny staring up at him looking bemused. Feeling slightly awkward, Lupin turned to Fred and George and asked them about their N.E.W.T.S, to which they begrudgingly replied.

* * *

After the always unpleasant trip, they finally arrived at Hogsmeade. After passing through the snowy streets, they stopped in front of the gates. Lupin and Tonks helped everyone out, and their trunks.

"You'll be safe once you're in the grounds," Tonks told them all.

Lupin glanced around; he'd hoped to be sitting with Harry on the bus so he could have a word with him. Instead he chose a different path.

"Look after yourselves," he said, shaking hands and leaving Harry until last deliberately. "And listen…" Lupin lowered his voice as everyone else turned their attention to Tonks, "Harry I know you don't like Snape, but he is a superb occlumens and we all – Sirius included – want you to protect yourself, so work hard all right?"

Lupin looked right into his green eyes, willing him to listen.

"Yeah, all right," Harry said heavily, meeting his gaze. "See you, then."

Everyone slowly marched off and Tonks turned to Lupin, relief filling her face.

"Well, that was easy," Tonks said, sounding exhausted as they walked back onto the bus.

Lupin motioned for the seats at the very back, which he'd been sitting in before. He watched them all walk up the driveway to Hogwarts, their trunks making them slip on the icy drive.

"I hope he listen's," Lupin worried.

"Harry? He's a smart boy Remus, he will," Tonks said smiling.

She reached down and took his hand in hers, knotting their fingers together. Lupin grimaced at her as the bus moved off with a bang. Her touch settled some of the unease in his stomach, but he still couldn't shake a feeling of foreboding that was filling him.

"How does lunch sound?" He asked, mainly to distract his thoughts.

"Brilliant," Tonks muttered, resting her head on his shoulder, warming Lupin's entire body.

**To be Continued****…**


	33. The Thin Golden Thread

**Suprised to hear from me so soon?**

**I told you all I was excited for the next one and I think I finished it in record time. It was really done in one night. Very scary.**

**I love this one for a few reasons that you'll discover and also because it's brimming with fore-shadowing! (see if you can find it)**

**Reviews on this would be helpful because it's my first exploration of what will be happening in HBP with her...so let me know.**

**Enjoy.**

**By the way - was watching a David Thewlis(lupin) movie yesterday, called besieged, in a scene a girl un-ties his shoes and places them neatly on the floor. It was really difficult to explain to everyone why I was laughing. I knew you guys would get it. Brilliant movie though. David Thewlis is the man.**

* * *

**Chapter 31.**

Nymphadora Tonks followed Remus Lupin down Diagon Alley. He'd requested they get off the Knight Bus at The Leaky Cauldron, promising her that he had somewhere new to take her. They navigated their way through all the busy shoppers and into a little alley that was emptier and full of sunshine. They walked into a lilac coloured cafe, which had a very wide selection of cakes in the window, making Tonks' mouth water. The interior had a warm feel to it and it smelt like a home cooked meal. Everything seemed rather worn and old but it had character and that was what made Tonks feel so comfortable. Lupin steered her towards a table, but a man with a round happy face stepped in front of them.

"Remus!" He cried with a heavy German accent, grinning madly.

"Hello, Henrich," Lupin said, gripping his outstretched hand.

"It's been so long. You never stop in to say hello anymore! Where have you been, what have you been doing and– oh–" Henrich had finally noticed Tonks standing behind Lupin.

"Ah right, Tonks this is my old boss Henrich. Henrich this is Nymphadora Tonks," Lupin told him.

"Hi," Tonks said, shaking his pudgy hand as he looked between Tonks and Lupin, smiling.

After the usual exchange of pleasantries between Lupin and Henrich, who Tonks found out was married with six children and one had a bad case of Dragon Pox, they were directed to a seat. Tonks stared across at Lupin after they'd sat down.

"Your boss?"

"Yes. I had a few odd jobs and worked here for a while before Dumbledore asked me to go to teach at Hogwarts," Lupin explained.

Tonks tried, and failed, to stifle a laugh at the thought of Lupin serving sandwiches. She eyed him cautiously, waiting for him to announce he was pulling her leg

"Is that hard to believe?" Lupin asked with an eyebrow raised, reading her expression.

"No. I mean– Sort of. It's not really academic and it's a bit weird to imagine you doing anything but that," Tonks muttered.

"I suppose, but I needed the work and he gave me the time off every month without asking questions. Lovely man, but not the brightest, he never checked the Ministry records to find out if I was a – well, that. It was a monotonous job. People are very hard to please," Lupin announced as they picked up their menus.

"Even, for such a people pleaser like you?" Tonks teased.

"Now that was below the belt, Nymphadora," Lupin said, stressing the use of her first name. "Hurry and order, I don't know if my wounded heart can take many more of your insults."

As Henrich returned to take their orders, Tonks noticed that he was looking at them both with the same look everyone seemed to give them lately, that same smile. Lunch arrived much quicker than it should, and Tonks stared around the tiny cafe before she started eating. Something didn't seem to fit, something she'd never really thought about before.

"I don't understand," Tonks muttered distractedly.

"Well it's quite simple. You use those little utensils to put the food in your mouth," Lupin smiled at his own joke and Tonks gave him a look for once asking _him_ to be serious. "What don't you understand?"

"What did you want to be? I've never thought about it before, but what job did you want?"

Lupin took a deep breath and glanced away for a moment, looking uneasy.

"Nothing," Lupin explained, meeting her eyes looking slightly defeated, as if he'd hoped they'd never discuss this. "I had dreams and aspirations, but I knew I could never make them come true. So I, along with James, Lily and Sirius, joined the Order. James supported me during that time."

Tonks could tell he did not particularly enjoy the fact that he had been living off someone else's charity.

"What did you dream then?" She asked, feeling sympathy pouring out.

"What I wanted, above any other, was to teach. Teaching was something I enjoyed, imparting wisdom on those younger and giving them something new or different to think about. Even a different way of thinking about the same thing. It's my– well it was what I enjoyed, but it was the one thing I could never do. Being around children in my condition was impossible, no one would have hired me, and they shouldn't have anyway. So I knew it was a dream never to become a reality."

Tonks watched him carefully as he glanced away, feeling uncomfortable by the outpouring of his soul no doubt. It did not make her think any less of him; it made her want to kiss the small frown off his face. She settled for reaching out for his hand, placing hers on top of his and stroking it soothingly.

"I'm glad it didn't turn out that way. I don't know what I would have done with myself if you were my teacher," Tonks said light-heartedly, trying to change the mood.

Lupin laughed.

"What do you mean?"

"I'd hate to have been the girl who had a crush on a teacher. I loathed those girls," Tonks told him unflinchingly.

Lupin laughed again.

"No, I suppose that would not have gone down very well on either side," he said, colour filling his cheeks.

* * *

Tonks sat at her desk in the office a few hours later. For the rest of their lunch, Lupin had been witty and clever. It was the side of him Tonks was just starting to get used too, as it didn't come up very often in the past, and was now around weekly. Today was her first day back from her Christmas break and she whiled away the afternoon catching up on leftover paperwork. When she felt suitably bored, Tonks glanced around for Kingsley, hoping he'd give her the sign to leave.

"Five minutes," he mumbled as he walked near her desk with Scrimgeour.

After the two of them had a private conversation in the meeting room, Kingsley nodded to Tonks and she grabbed her stuff and nearly leapt out of the office. Kingsley met up with her some way down the hallway.

"Hagrid's back for this one," Kingsley said quietly.

"Yeah I know. Stubby," said Tonks, using the new code name Kingsley and her had come up with for Sirius, "told me this morning."

"Should be interesting," Kingsley noted.

"Anything is better than the day I just had. Trust me," Tonks complained as they stepped inside the elevator.

They rode the elevator in silence, and Tonks merely let the excitement build at seeing Hagrid, as well as one other person.

"I was wondering what took you so long. I assumed you'd be in just before eleven," Kingsley said to her, watching her carefully as they walked through the atrium.

"Yeah I was…um…getting something to eat before I came in and I started having a look in some shops and lost track of time," Tonks lied.

Kingsley nodded and then they went their own separate way to their home.

* * *

Tonks arrived at Grimmauld Place that night around ten. She walked down the corridor quietly and into the kitchen. Her face broke into an extra-large grin when she saw the big scruffy beard and warm black eyes of Hagrid sitting at the kitchen table.

"Hagrid!" Tonks cried, crossing the room very quickly.

Hagrid stood up and smiled at her as well. His arms were outstretched and Tonks dove into them. She'd developed a strong bond with him during her time at Hogwarts through detentions or when he would catch her sneaking around outside. She always enjoyed going and seeing him, even if the food had been horrible. He was one of the nicest men she'd come across.

" 'lo Tonks! How hav' you been keepin'? 'Ogwarts isn't the same without yeh," Hagrid said letting her go.

"I'm an Auror now," Tonks told him proudly, as she'd told him many times that that was what she wanted to do.

"I kno' Dumbledore was tellin' me," Hagrid beamed.

"I hear you're a teacher now," Tonks said.

"Yeh, got the job a few years ago, Care of Magical Creatures," Hagrid said matter-of-factly.

Tonks smiled and dared a glance to find Lupin, who was staring up at her looking in the way a parent does to child it's proud of. After some more exchange with Hagrid, the group all meandered up to the dining hall. Tonks walked up with Bill who was very happy and Tonks thought she knew why. Clearly things with the blonde that he worked with must have been going swimmingly. They all sat down and listened to Hagrid's tale, gasping and glancing at each other nervously through out.

"So the Death Eaters got the Giants?" Kingsley asked slowly when Hagrid stopped.

"There was nuthin' we could do in the end. That ruddy Golgomath just wouldn't see us," Hagrid grumbled.

Molly, who was beside him, placed a hand on his gigantic arm and began rubbing it.

"It's not your fault Hagrid. It's just an unfortunate coincidences is all," she cooed.

"Course it's not your fault Hagrid," Sirius said, loudly, smiling at him broadly.

"You did everything you could and more," Remus echoed.

"We're just glad you're home safely," Molly told him.

After Hagrid smiled back at everyone, Moody stood up with some words from Dumbledore. When the meeting ended, and Moody shuffled out, the rest moved into the kitchen, keen to talk to Hagrid. As Molly cooked dinner, Hagrid told more detailed accounts of his trip. As they ate, they took turns catching Hagrid up on what he'd missed and afterwards, Butterbeer and fire-whiskey were passed around freely. Tonks wandered over to the group around Hagrid, which included Bill, Arthur, Sirius and Lupin.

"There was the time I caught these two," Hagrid boomed, pointing at Tonks and Bill, "havin' _alone_ time in the grounds."

Tonks grinned across at everyone and Bill tried hard to stop his ears turning bright red as he glanced nervously at his father. Lupin smiled at her, biting his lip and shaking his head as if he had expected no less.

"Dora! I'm shocked," Sirius said with faked outrage. "My own cousin canoodling within the grounds of Hogwarts."

"Yeh can't be gettin' mad at her, Sirius. The amoun' o' times I had to shoo yeh away from the Quidditch Pitch stands," Hagrid said.

"What can I say?" Sirius replied grinning and shrugging his shoulders.

"I forgot about the Quidditch stands," Lupin reminisced. "Whenever Sirius wasn't with James or myself, he'd be taking a girl for a _walk_ down there."

Sirius continued to smile proudly, the air of mischief around him growing.

"Those poor girls," Tonks laughed.

"Poor girls? Are you kidding? It was the best moment in their lives. And I don't know if you should be so quick to insult my actions not after what I know about yours," Sirius added.

Her eyes flickered to Lupin, who had gone pale; he visibly swallowed hard and turned back to Hagrid, who had his brow furrowed at Sirius.

"So what took you so long to get home?" Lupin said anxiously.

Sirius laughed softly as Hagrid told a hurried story, sounding just as nervous as Lupin had.

* * *

As people, namely Sirius and Hagrid, had had far too much to drink, Tonks left to get herself a new drink and was greeted by Lupin.

"How was work in the end?" Lupin asked, pouring himself a glass of mead.

"It was okay. With a start of the day like that, it would be impossible for it to have gone horribly wrong," Tonks explained.

She leant back against the wall and Lupin passed her a Butterbeer, before leaning on the wall next to her.

"He seems happier than I expected," Tonks remarked nodding at Sirius, who was laughing loudly with Hagrid and Bill.

"Yes, but everyone's around. He'll slip back into himself when everyone leaves," Lupin said sadly.

"I can stay if you want. Insulting the two of us always seems to lift his spirits," Tonks offered.

Lupin smiled at her warmly.

"As much as I would love to accept that offer, I feel tonight will be a little different. Snape's trip here hasn't left him quite the way I expected it too."

"So you need some _man_ time?" Tonks mocked.

"I wouldn't have phrased it that way, but yes, I suppose we do," Lupin laughed.

"What does man time entail exactly?" Tonks asked, surveying him over her drink.

"Oh, you know, women, Quidditch, drinking – the usual."

"Why do I get the feeling that the women side of the conversation would be completely held up by Sirius?" Tonks teased.

"This coming from the girl who I've recently discovered was usually caught rolling around the Hogwarts grounds with any number of boys," Lupin retorted, sipping his drink.

"Better that than nothing," Tonks said back playfully.

Lupin laughed, before shaking his head at her again.

"Just because I did not get caught, does not mean it did not happen," He said quietly, grinning at her sheepishly.

Before Tonks could respond, Lupin walked aways. She watched him, her mouth agape, laughing softly. He was always a surprise, she could say that much. She noticed Molly watching her and when Tonks glanced over, Molly was smiling at her weirdly again.

* * *

The following day was spent working and that night Tonks had dinner at her parents. The following morning felt just like any other except for the fact that she slept in much later than she should have. In all her rush to get ready, Tonks did not even bother looking at her Prophet, which had a rather shocking headline. She jumped into her fireplace and flooed into work, knowing it would be faster. The second the world stopped spinning and Tonks glanced out into the Atrium, she knew something was wrong. The air in the Ministry was tense and people were shuffling through each other nervously. Tonks glanced around cautiously, but nothing seemed any different, except that more people than normal were lining up at the Prophet stand. People in her elevator ride were muttering furiously to each other and Tonks was only catching snippets of conversations, but they all seemed worried or agitated. It wasn't until Tonks stepped out onto her floor, that she discovered the problem.

Plastered along the wall in front of her were ten moving posters. In an earth shattering, stomach dropping, heart-stopping way, one in particular caught her eye. Bellatrix Lestrange stared out menacingly over Tonks, sneering, as did her husband and eight other convicted Death Eaters. Feeling like her legs were suddenly full of lead, Tonks dragged herself away. Once she got inside the Auror office, she wished she'd stayed in the corridor. The posters were everywhere and Tonks could see Prophets strewn all over the place, all bearing the same title.

_Mass Breakout From Azkaban._

_

* * *

  
_

Her brain would not function and her body struggled to do anything more than stare forwards as she sat in the meeting room for endless hours hearing all the Auror's make plans and delegate duties. Tonks stared into the heavy lidded eyes of her aunt. Bellatrix surveyed everyone from the over-large photo now hanging on the wall in the room, she sneered out at them all busily talking. Although Tonks was sure it was just nerves, she could have sworn sometimes the dark eyes sneered directly at her. As eerie as the picture was, it had one effect on Tonks that it would not have had on anyone else. An effect that made Tonks want to be sick.

_She looks just like __mum._

The pale skin, the high cheekbones, the heavily lidded eyes, the wide mouth, all the same and all her mother's. Bellatrix made Tonks's skin crawl, her eyes drew you in, deceitful, murderous even, but beautiful. For the first time, Tonks wanted to run away from a problem. She wanted to run from the woman who had been locked so far back into Tonks' mind that she forgot she existed most of the time. The evil Aunt who so closely resembled such a warm and beautiful woman like her mother. Tonks stared up at Bellatrix in an act of defiance, she would not run, but even as she did that she realised something else, her blood ran in those veins too. The Noble blood of a Black. The woman proved what the blood that ran in Tonks's veins could do, what it had done.

Just as the meetings of the day had finally come to an end, Tonks sullenly walked out of the door, very unlike herself, and most uncommonly almost the last to leave. She was just about to grab the door handle when a hand on her shoulder pulled her back. She turned and came face-to-face with Rufus Scrimgeour, looking at her with what she assumed was his attempt at sympathy. Feeling slightly wary, she straightened at the sight of him, out of respect.

"Nymphadora, I am aware that you have personal issues tied up in all of this."

"No, sir," Tonks said, being truthful.

"Bellatrix is your aunt, is she not?" Scrimgeour asked, and Tonks knew it wasn't really a question.

"Yes, but she is not my family. I have never met her and she has never met me." Tonks said defiantly.

"Is that so?"

"Yes sir."

"Very well," He said, and with a curt nod he swept passed her into the hall.

For a moment Tonks wondered what he was really going to say, until she caught sight of the poster again. She gritted her teeth as every emotion humanly possible flooded through her body. Rage, sadness, shame, fear, worry, loss, hate, all resulting in her desire to scream in frustration. She met her aunt's eyes one last time, ignoring the sickness it gave her in the pit of her stomach. She wondered how many people's last sight on earth had been those cold eyes? The urge to be sick returned. In all the ways Bellatrix and Andromeda did resemble each other, there was one difference, it was what the eyes said. They were still black with the tiny flecks of brown just like her mother's, but Bellatrix's eyes gleemed with maniacal greed and hatred, there was no warmth and no compassion, no sense of protection, not like the other pair.

_No, nothing like mum._

_

* * *

  
_

Tonks sat with her legs drawn up to her chest in the drawing room of Grimmauld Place at a ridiculous hour that night. She couldn't shake this constant feeling of melancholy that hung over her like a cloud, something so uncommon for her. Her head hurt. An entire day of Auror meetings had been enough but a four-hour Order meeting had driven all the energy out that she thought she'd ever have. They debated, fought, reasoned, and set plans of action, but Tonks merely sat in silence, watching as if from afar. She could still hear the words echoing through her brain, like "Not if but when," and "this is not disastrous,"and even though their source was Dumbledore, it did not calm her as it should have. Sirius was out rightly angry; he detested everything to do with that side of his family and disappeared straight after the meeting had finished. Tonks had stayed behind in the kitchen with Molly, Lupin and Arthur but she didn't speak, she didn't even feel truly present. Her mind was travelling too fast and eventually she excused herself. Oddly enough she found herself sitting across from the Black family tapestry, the same hollow eyes staring out at her like they had been all day. _Toujours Por_ was written at the top of the fading tapestry, _always pure._ Was that the basis of her aunt's maniacal thinking? Her eyes traced the very thin line that connected Bellatrix to the burn mark where Andromeda should have been. That was how close they were; only a thin piece of golden thread separated her. The idea that her family was responsible for the destruction and the death she'd caused was becoming difficult to handle. The urge to be sick was reurning. A soft throat clearing noise brought Tonks back to herself, she looked around to find the source. Lupin was leaning against the doorway, two mugs in his hands, smiling sympathetically. Tonks had no idea how long he'd been there for.

"Hot chocolate?" He asked, and again Tonks knew this wasn't a question.

"Thanks," she muttered, taking one from him after he walked over and she'd moved to sit properly with her feet on the floor..

Lupin kneeled down in front of her on the ground, placing his hands on either side of her legs, holding her there, and looking up at her as she looked away. Tonks knew he didn't need her burden of her family issues. For a while he didn't say anything but watched her. Tonks stared into her mug and sipped it occasionally not, feeling it warm her like it used too.

"Are you alright?" He asked titling his head to the side.

"Not really," Tonks answered, not meaning to be so truthful.

Lupin didn't say anything, but looked up at her patiently from his kneeled position, waiting. Tonks tried to formulate words, but it was hard. It was easier to feel than speak at this point. She didn't know why he did it, perhaps it was because he never thought of himself as worthy, but she liked that he didn't bombard her with his opinion. She could have naively thought he didn't know what she was feeling, so therefore he didn't know what to say, but she knew that wasn't the case, he knew everything and this one was obvious. He, unlike so many others, waited for her to speak, to invite him in.

"She looks like my mum," Tonks finally said, glancing away from him and only meeting his eyes when she stopped speaking. "She's my aunt. She's her sister and she looks just like her! She's evil and mental and a murderer and– she looks just like my bloody mum."

Lupin didn't say anything for a moment. He moved onto the couch beside her and just listened thoughtfully, allowing his eyes to bore into Tonks, until the moment seemed right.

"There is a resemblance, but that shouldn't surprise you. You've seen pictures of her before," he said, still watching her.

"Yeah, but she was gone then. She didn't seem real. She was locked up where she should be, and now, I can come face to face with her, at any point and I – I just don't know how to deal with it. I don't know what I'm supposed to feel or do or– she looks like my mum for Merlin's sake!"

Lupin gave her a sad smile

"You'll know what to do when the situation presents itself, you'll know how to feel," Lupin promised her.

"I don't know," Tonks a said in small voice so unlike her own.

"I do," Lupin told her.

Lupin stared at her with understanding and Tonks moved closer into him and wrapped her arms around his chest, burying her head in his side. After the soft clink of his mug being put down, his arms enveloped her. Tonks felt content and miserable at the same time. Here was her shelter, the one thing that made her feel better, and out in the world were things, and people, that would be so determined to rip her away from it. They were waiting. Waiting for the inevitable it seemed. Now with this breakout the inevitable seemed much closer than ever before. Tonks couldn't help but feel like her and Lupin were in danger of disappearing entirely from each other. Feeling her melancholy peak, Tonks let go of him.

"I think I'll just– bathroom and– " Tonks muttered looking away from him.

"I know," he breathed regretfully.

Tonks walked into the bathroom two floors up. She splashed cold water onto her face and then stared at herself in the mirror. She didn't have her mother's eyes, but they had one thing in common, the brown flecks. Bellatrix's face was haunting her from the inside out so that she could see it everywhere. She slowly let her hair fade to its natural mousy brown and surveyed herself. She studied the flecks in her eyes, her flecks, her mother's flecks and Bellatrix's flecks. She had not told Lupin that tiny fact. They were similar in one way. She let her hair grow raven black and studied her own face, the face that looked out at her so nearly resembling the one that haunted her. It was a scary thought at what her genes could have made her. Her tiny bit of muggle blood didn't separate her as much as she thought anymore. She was as much a part of the monster that was Bellatrix as her mother was. She was a Black. She couldn't undo that. There was nothing that separated herself from them and their madness. She was one of them by blood.

A pair of arms slowly slipped around her waist and the reflection of Lupin appeared behind her, his cheek to her ear. He was studying her solemnly in the mirror. Their eyes met briefly but Tonks glanced away, she did not want him to see her when she thought so little of herself.

"She's not you," he whispered

"I know, but she is, she's in there," Tonks said miserably.

"She's not," Lupin persisted.

"You wouldn't understand," Tonks sighed, still not looking at him.

"I wouldn't understand?" He said softly and Tonks could hear in his voice that he was willing her to look at him.

Her eyes met his in the mirror; he was appraising her appearance with concern.

"I do understand Tonks, more than you know, but she isn't a part of you, not unless you make her. What she does has done has nothing to do with you, and that hair doesn't suit you either."

Tonks concentrated for a moment and let it return to its natural mousy brown again. Lupin gave a small smile which Tonks did not return.

"You're not any different because of her, you're different in spite of her," He whispered into her ear, waiting for her to respond to the truth in his words. When she didn't, he spoke again. "It doesn't matter what you come from but what you turn into, and you're nothing like them Tonks. You're kind and loving. She doesn't define you or what you will be."

He paused again and watched her, smiling at her softly.

"Now, I prefer the pink," he said softly.

Tonks watched him for a few moments and all he did was stare out at her patiently until her hair flicked pink, then he smiled. Without letting go of her, Lupin spun her around so she was now facing him. He kissed her softly and then allowed Tonks to burrow deep into his chest again. She felt him tuck her head under his chin and her head cleared for a moment. He was right, of course he was, but they didn't classify her and she wasn't a part of them, she was herself. Looks were only skin deep and she was certainly nothing like the rest of Bellatrix. She would not be here holding Lupin if she was. He was unbelievable in many ways; his words seemed to make such a difference now. He was home, he was safety and he loved her, just like she loved him. As long as they had faith and hope, Tonks knew not even Bellatrix herself could stand in their way.

**To be continued…**


	34. The Sleeping Discovery

**I'm going to say one very important thing. God I love Sirius, that is all. Perhaps you will after you finish.  
**

**Reviews would be really really helpful and lovely, but I won't force you too (i can't, i'm too far away...)**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 32****.**

Remus Lupin stared down at the headline of the Daily Prophet that Sirius had shunted in front of his face the moment he walked into the kitchen.

_Mass Breakout From Azkaban._

His eyes scanned through the article faster than ever before. Ten Death Eaters had escaped. The most frightening of all was Bellatrix, but the rest were not easy to deal with either. Lupin felt his body drop at the news, he had been expecting it, they all had; yet it was not easy to comprehend. It made their jobs that much harder now that Voldemort had his most faithful supporters back.

"Nice to know I've got another clipping to add to my scrapbook," Sirius said interrupting his concentration.

Lupin could tell however much sarcasm Sirius was filling his words with, he was hurt by his involvement of it all. The article claimed Sirius was a rallying point for them all.

"Good thing we have a meeting tonight I suppose," Lupin remarked.

"Fudge just has to be the biggest tosspot in the world. Dumbledore told him all this would happen, I was there and now look, Bellatrix out on the loose," Sirius growled hitting the paper with his hand.

Lupin's mind was jumping around with possibilities and plans. Sirius continued grumbling on but Lupin read the article over and over, hoping that eventually it would give him the wisdom to better understand the task ahead of them. Did this mean the Death Eaters would now sit in front of the Department of Mysteries as well? Some how this felt worse than the first time around combating the Death Eaters, they would be better prepared now and all the Order had done was track some of the existing ones and guard something. Lupin had never fully realised how much Voldemort could have been doing in this time, but now it was hitting him hard.

* * *

Lupin whiled away the day reading, but very absently, he had to re-read every sentence at least twice. Owls were fluttering in at least three times an hour, all wanting updated reports from Dumbledore, but Sirius and Lupin had none. When evening fell, Sirius and Lupin sat in the dining room; they knew this meeting would not involve pre-meals or conversations. Molly and Arthur were the first to arrive and they joined them in the dining room, already the atmosphere became tense and uncomfortable. Molly looked more anxious than Lupin had ever seen her and Arthur was not his usual jovial self. Bill, Kingsley and Moody came next, followed by Diggle, Hestia and Mundungus. Lupin's thoughts were stopped for a moment when Tonks walked in alone. It was not only the fact that she had no one with her that he found unusual, but she had an air of melancholy about her. She said some short hellos to the people beside her but didn't smile. It felt like the last thing he needed to worry about was her, but he couldn't stop himself. She looked so down and unhappy as he stared at her, waiting for her eyes to meet his, but they never did. Dumbledore, Snape and McGonagall were the last to enter and the nervous chatter stopped immediately.

"There is no need to state the obvious as to why we are all here. Kingsley if you'd be so kind as to inform me of the Auror department's response," Dumbledore said sharply.

"Scrimgeour will not be using Dementors like he did with you, Sirius. He's going to set the rest of the Auror's on them, we're going to be tracking them ourselves," Kingsley said, indicating Tonks.

She didn't respond with her usual amount of energy, just a small nod.

"Does that mean Scrimgeour is seeing the faults in Fudge's theory?" Sirius asked to Dumbledore.

"Perhaps, or the faults in Dementors, which is just as wise," Dumbledore said. "With that in mind I think it is crucial to talk about _our_ plan of action."

There was a murmur through the group.

"Tracking Death Eater movements as well as the prophecy are going to be the most important tasks from now on," Dumbledore said. "Severus, we're going to need as much information as possible from you."

Snape gave a small nod.

"How can we be sure we can trust his information?" Sirius asked bitterly.

Lupin noticed Moody sit up a little straighter, as if keen to hear this response as well.

"Should we use your information Black?" Snape replied, his lip curling.

"At least I can be sure my information wouldn't be twisted," Sirius shot back.

"You're information?" Snape asked sounding surprised. "Where would you have collected this information from? Kreacher?"

"It is not a matter of trust anymore," Dumbledore said sounding frustrated; it must have been a long day. "There has been a lack of open hostility until a few days ago and I refuse to allow it to continue. Especially after the events of yesterday evening."

Snape and Sirius glared at each other but neither made any sign of doing anything less than loathing each other.

Dumbledore continued on with plans and the rest of the Order chimed in with questions and comments. Lupin got some of his worries out of the way when Snape said that Voldemort was not keen on sending the Death Eaters to guard the prophecy. Voldemort was obviously afraid of losing his followers, which Dumbledore assured everyone was a good sign. It meant he was nervous. When the meeting finished, nearly three hours later, everyone left the room quickly as it's negative energy was quite draining.

* * *

"Sirius, would you like some dinner?" Molly asked, when the people who stayed behind moved into the kitchen.

"No," Sirius grunted.

With that he stomped off upstairs, and Lupin knew he was going to feed Buckbeak.

"Sorry about him Molly, today's not a good day," Lupin apologised.

"It's not a problem, I suspected he wouldn't be doing so well tonight," Molly said sadly.

She cast a glance at Tonks and then looked back to Lupin before sighing sadly. He didn't mind much that she had obviously understood what was happening with them, but she seemed to be thinking he should be able to cheer her up. Lupin glanced at Tonks as well, who was sitting at the table with them but staring at her hands.

"Dumbledore doesn't seem as worried as I thought he would be," Arthur said, breaking the awkward silence.

"Yeah, I expected him to be much tenser than he was," Bill noted.

Lupin nodded, still watching Tonks.

"Are the Death Eater's as easy as he says to track down?" Arthur asked Lupin.

"Some yes. Voldemort," Lupin was interrupted by Molly's wince but continued on, "has a habit of being very arrogant with his plans. As Dumbledore said he's probably not aware that we know so much."

Arthur continued speaking, but Lupin glanced across at Tonks again. She was still staring at her hands on the table, it was unnerving him.

"I'm just going to go to the bathroom," Tonks said, frightening Lupin with how small her voice sounded.

Molly smiled at her hopefully, but she didn't return it. She shuffled out of the room very quietly and both Lupin and Molly followed her out with their eyes.

"I guess it's not a good day for the Black family," Arthur said, cutting up a bit of the steak Molly had placed in front of him.

Lupin ate his dinner maintaining some small conversation, but his mind was wherever Tonks had gone. He knew she hadn't left the house, as they'd have heard the door. He also knew Sirius didn't need him and would only brood away in his own silence, but he had never seen Tonks behave the way she was. He hadn't even thought it would affect her so. When dinner had finished, Lupin started making two mugs of hot chocolate. When he turned to walk upstairs, Molly smiled at approvingly at him.

He walked out of the kitchen before anyone could question him. By chance he decide to check the drawing room and found Tonks sitting on one of the couches there, her knees drawn up and staring forwards in the same distracted way she had all night. He didn't say anything at first but watched her. He could see her mind turning and didn't want to disturb her. She looked so much smaller in her current state, so much less herself. He was used to such energy from her, that it was alarming watching her diminish in front of his eyes. He cleared his throat loudly and Tonks looked up slowly.

"Hot chocolate?" He asked and she gave a small nod before glancing away.

Lupin walked into the room and passed her a mug.

"Thanks," she mumbled.

She placed her legs down on the ground and stared into her drink. Lupin wanted to tell her all manner of things but he didn't know how to articulate them properley. Instead he bent down in front of her, placing both hands on her legs and looking up at her as she continued to glance away.

"Are you alright?" He asked, titling his head to the side.

"Not really," Tonks replied grimly, meeting his eyes for a moment.

Lupin watched her again, waiting for her to elaborate like he knew she would. It was not his issue to discuss, but his job to listen if she chose to speak to him. He could feel her thinking, but her face stayed so impassive, so inexpressive, so very un-Tonks like.

"She looks like my mum. She's my aunt. She's her sister and she looks just like her! She's evil and mental and a murderer and– she looks just like my bloody mum." Tonks finally said, meeting his eyes when she stopped speaking.

Lupin could see the emotion swimming through them. It was difficult to pinpoint exactly what was bothering her, but he knew it was not what she had said aloud. Lupin moved onto the couch beside her, and didn't speak for a few moments, he just stared at the ground thinking. Tonks was not the sugar coating kind, she was brave and she deserved the truth from him.

"There is a resemblance, but that shouldn't surprise you. You've seen pictures of her before," he said, looking up at her.

"Yeah, but she was gone then. She didn't seem real. She was locked up where she should be, and now, I can come face to face with her, at any point and I– I just don't know how to deal with it. I don't know what I'm supposed to feel or do or– she looks like my mum for Merlin's sake!"

Lupin smiled at her sadly. Still he knew this was not the real issue and it did not hurt him that she was not divulging in him, it was obviously something private.

"You'll know what to do when the situation presents itself, you'll know how to feel," Lupin promised.

"I don't know," Tonks said in small voice so unlike her own.

"I do," Lupin told her.

Lupin looked deep into her eyes, willing her to believe him, to know that he was there. Sure he didn't know the issue, and he may not have been able to solve it if he did, but he could be there. Tonks finally met his eyes and he could feel the melancholy around her intensifying. She moved closer into him and wrapped her arms around his chest, burying her head in his side. He put his mug down and enveloped her in his arms, wanting more than ever to have her issue as his own, so that she wouldn't have to feel it, but he knew that was foolish. She had to feel, that was why he liked her so much, decisions were based on emotion most of the time, something he so rarely did. He felt her pull away just like he'd expected her too.

"I think I'll just– bathroom and– " Tonks muttered, not meeting his eyes.

"I know," he said regretfully.

Lupin watched her walk away, knowing he couldn't fix it, whatever _it_ was. He picked up his hot chocolate again, sipping it slowly. His eyes moved across too the tapestry hanging on the wall opposite. Instantly he found Bellatrix, her mad eyes gleaming out at him. He glanced across at Narcissa and then to the burn mark next to her, Andromeda. Slowly Lupin thought he understood. He waited for a few minutes longer and still Tonks did not return. He stood up slowly and walked through the house searching for her. He found her two floors up in a bathroom. She was almost unrecognisable as she stared into the bathroom mirror, her hair now black, waist length and dead straight. He slowly walked up from behind; feeling like her was approaching a sleeping tiger that could finish him in seconds. He slipped his arms around her waist and placed his head beside hers, reading her gloomy expression. She met his eyes briefly but then looked away ashamed.

"She's not you," he whispered.

"I know, but she is, she's in there," Tonks said miserably.

"She's not," Lupin promised

"You wouldn't understand," she sighed.

Lupin felt his heart go out to her. Of course he knew how she felt. She felt like part of something horrible that she didn't want to associate with herself but had too. It was the same feeling he'd had everyday since his infection.

"I wouldn't understand?" He asked, willing her to look at him again as he knew how to meet them this time.

The brown met blue through the mirror and he could see her begging for him, wanting whatever wisdom he could offer.

"I do understand Tonks, more than you know, but she isn't a part of you, not unless you make her. What she does has nothing to do with you, and that hair doesn't suit you either."

Her slowly hair shrunk back into her head and turned its natural mousy brown, but still she didn't speak or acknowleged him.

"You're not any different because of her, you're different in spite of her," He whispered into her ear, telling her what he'd told himself many times. "It doesn't matter what you come from but what you turn into, and you're nothing like them Tonks. You're kind and loving. She doesn't define you or what you will be."

He stopped speaking to watch her, to make sure she was listening.

"Now, I prefer the pink," he said trying to rouse her spirit.

In the blink of an eye, her hair flicked bubblegum pink. Lupin gently spun her around and pressed his lips against hers lightly then allowed her to hide her face in his chest. He hugged her close into his chest, engulfing her body with his own. Melancholy still seemed to emit from her pores, but less than before. Lupin held onto her for a while, feeling himself grip her tighter and tighter. When he felt like perhaps suffocating her with a hug wasn't the best option, Lupin pulled back.

"Do you want to go home?" He asked.

She shook her head, still holding him.

"Would you like want to stay here?"

She nodded and then let go of him. Lupin took her hand in his and linked their fingers together. They walked out into the hallway and downstairs. Tonks was behind him, holding his hand, but she was walking so close they were nearly one person. For the first time Lupin didn't care who saw, he cared only about her and attempting to make her feel better. It was a mark of just how significant the whole situation was, when he passed Sirius near his bedroom door. Instead of joking or smirking at them as per usual, he stood back surveying them and then nodded, allowing the two to walk by, hand-in-hand, unscathed. Lupin shut his door and Tonks let go of him and nearly fell onto his bed. He took her shoes off, in what had become their usual routine.

"No complaints tonight I see?" Lupin said trying to brighten the mood as he held one shoe up in the air.

Tonks laughed softly, making Lupin feel so warm inside that he had made her laugh when it seemed like the last thing she wanted to do. She didn't bother getting under the covers, she just watched Lupin move about the room and he glanced back at her every now and again to check on her. He flicked out the lights with his wand and moved back to the bed, guided by the streetlight from his window. He cuddled up behind Tonks the second he lay down. His arm stretched over her stomach and she placed her arms around it, holding it there, keeping him there. He wanted to tell her he wasn't going anywhere, that she didn't need to worry, but it seemed useless to say something he could prove. With his last waking breath for the night, he snuggled as close to her as he could, doing exactly what he had always wanted someone to do for him in his moments of misery.

* * *

Lupin awoke the next morning to feel someone playing with his hand. He opened his eyes and found that he was still holding Tonks in his arms and she was stroking the hand that was around her body and linked with her own fingers.

"Feeling better?" He asked groggily.

Tonks rolled over at his voice and met his eyes. There was no sadness or distractedness about her anymore, but Lupin still kept his arm around her and started running his fingers gently up her back.

"Thank-you for last night," Tonks said sincerely.

"There's no need to thank me," Lupin told her.

"I know, but I wanted too."

Lupin smiled at her, it was such a very Tonks way of thinking that it was difficult not to smile. He moved his head and kissed her, to which she made a satisfied noise in response.

"Should we go down for breakfast?" Lupin asked, feeling his stomach grumble.

"Nah, I have to get to work," Tonks replied sounding annoyed.

"Why, what time is it?"

"Nine. I was supposed to be in at eight, but I wanted to wait for you to wake up," Tonks explained.

Lupin kissed her again out of thanks and then the pair got out of bed.

* * *

After he'd said a long goodbye to her at the front door, Lupin trudged down into the kitchen. Sirius sat at the table reading the prophet.

"Any new information?" Lupin asked, sitting at the table and flicking his wand at the kettle and toaster.

"No, but Moody owled this morning. Bode; the one Lucius used to try and get the prophecy, was murdered," Sirius told him.

"But he was in a ward at St Mungo's," said Lupin, feeling confused.

"Yeah, apparently a present was given to him over Christmas and it was Devil's Snare in disguise." Sirius explained.

The frankness on the topic of death was what really made Lupin feel like situations were becoming serious again, just like last time.

"How was she this morning?" Sirius asked, glancing over the top of his paper and Lupin knew he was talking about Tonks.

"Better."

With that, Sirius gave a small nod and retreated back behind his paper. Quite suddenly Lupin realized Sirius had finally tricked him into telling the truth about them. It wasn't really a trick, Sirius really did care about Tonks and even in his state last night he'd obviously noticed her just as much as Lupin had, but Lupin still couldn't help thinking one thing.

_Damn he's good._

* * *

The next few days rolled into a haze of meetings, guard duties and reading for Lupin. Dumbledore was yet to assign him a particular task for the Death Eaters, but he knew one was coming. Moody had already been sent to tail some. Sirius became particularly withdrawn and frustrated during this time. His feelings of uselessness were probably peaking with all this talk of action that he could not partake in. Lupin had not been able to talk to Tonks alone since the morning after the escape. She was so busy at work that she disappeared almost straight after every meeting. Lupin caught smiles and winks but that was it. So it was a surprise one day, as he sat on the couch in the drawing room and in walked Tonks.

"Wotcher," her voice said, making Lupin drop his book quickly, as it obscured his vision of the rest of the room.

His eyes settled on her and he smiled. She was standing in the doorway grinning at him, though he sensed she was nervous about something.

"Good afternoon," he said back as she walked into the room. "How are you?"

She sat on the end of his couch and he moved his legs for her.

"Tired, too many late nights this week. I have a question," said Tonks boldly.

Lupin watched her for a moment, she seemed far too formal and it was confusing him slightly.

"Yes," He said slowly, surveying her and attempting to figure out where this was going.

"I'm working on a case involving werewolves and I just don't understand something," Tonks said.

Lupin felt his body relax slightly knowing this was the only issue, but he sat up, his torso upright and his legs still out on the couch, ready to instruct and teach.

"Is there anyway to transform away from moonlight? A case I'm working on has reports of werewolves transformed before the full moon." Tonks explained watching him in the way students did.

"Well, yes and no. They say the child of a mother who was bitten during pregnancy can develop wolfish characteristics and physicalities, which is what many believe, happened to Greyback. They would not werewolves as such until full moon, but would look the part. But it is only a theory that might be true, and I stress _might_." Lupin said.

"Why is it a might?" Tonks asked looking confused

"The mothers and babies don't survive the attacks," Lupin said flatly.

Tonks recoiled the tiniest bit, as Lupin assumed she was picturing it.

"We're not the most pleasant of creatures are we?" said Lupin.

"They're not. You don't count," She said quickly, looking at him seriously as she said it. "So the only way to have a werewolf running around transformed without the full moon, is if he was born through a werewolf?"

"Well, there could be other ways," Lupin said slowly, biting his lip as he tried to think. "Moonlight could be re-created I suppose. There is a magic to the full moon which brings about the change and I was always under the impression that the light and that magic need to work in conjunction. But perhaps I am wrong. It may just be the light. If I can avoid direct moonlight, as I did in the shrieking shack, I will postpone transformation but I cannot prevent it by staying out of it. Re-creation of moonlight may work, I'm not sure. I can research it for you and get back to you if you wish?"

By the time he'd finished speaking Tonks was grinning at him cheekily.

"Thank you professor," she laughed.

"What?" Lupin asked knitting his brow.

"I guess I just experienced what it would have been like to have you as my professor," Tonks told him, grinning.

Lupin shook his head at her slowly, smiling.

"Don't get me wrong, it's adorable," Tonks said.

He felt himself blush slightly.

"So's that," Tonks laughed.

Tonks leant forwards and kissed him. It felt like it had been so long since he'd been light and happy with someone, that the kiss was a pleasant surprise. Without breaking it, he pulled her on top of him as he sunk down into the couch. He was kissing her passionately by the drive of something he didn't know. Tonks pulled back from him and laughed.

"No wonder you got the sack, Professor Lupin."

Lupin groaned at the inappropriateness of her joke as it had ruined all feelings he had before. Tonks noticed his body recoil and laughed again.

"You such a prude you know that? What were you reading?" Tonks asked, pointing at the book on his chest between the two of them.

"A book I picked up in Prague, rather fascinating how wizards do things differently over there," Lupin explained.

"No, it's only fascinating to you, cause you're weird like that," She teased.

"You'd be surprised," Lupin told her.

"Fine. Read it to me," Tonks dared.

Lupin picked up the book and Tonks put her head down on his chest. She faced towards the wall with the tapestry on it and Lupin saw her avert her gaze from it. His chin was nestled on top of her head and her arms wrapped around him. He started reading aloud, feeling her move up and down with his chest as he breathed.

* * *

"Moony," came a harsh voice.

Lupin felt tiredness breaking and he slowly opened his eyes to a big blur.

"Oh, so sorry to disturb," the same voice said sarcastically.

Lupin blinked a few times around the room, which was slowly becoming less blurry. Sirius was standing in the doorway and Tonks was asleep on his chest. One arm was around her and the other was on the floor with a book in his hand, which he'd obviously dropped onto the floor when he'd fallen asleep. Tonks yawned and moved her head and looked up at him blinking, she smiled slowly. Lupin's eyes darted back to Sirius who was grinning very smugly.

"Would you two like a blanket? Maybe soft music, or rose petals?" Sirius laughed.

Tonks froze as she had obviously just realized Sirius was behind her. She then smiled at Lupin.

"Out," Lupin said sternly to Sirius.

Sirius winked and with one final laugh he disappeared. Tonks dropped her head back onto his chest, exhaling loudly.

"I think we've been caught," Lupin said slowly, staring up at the ceiling.

"It's a shame, I was really enjoying that nap. You should read to me more often, it puts me to sleep very quickly," she teased.

Lupin laughed

"As always your compliments are as touching as ever," he mumbled. "However, I think it is time we finally face the music."

Tonks sighed and then sat up, allowing Lupin to do the same. As if he was walking to the gallows about to be hung, Lupin stepped into the kitchen, Tonks close behind. Sirius sat at the head of the table furthers away that faced the door. He looked up from the paper Lupin knew he was pretending to read, a very triumphant grin on his face.

"Hello," he said, clearly enjoying his moment.

Lupin sat down at the opposite end to Sirius and Tonks sat opposite. Suddenly being at the gallows seemed a far more enjoyable place to be than where he currently was. Dread and nervousness filled him to the point where he just wanted to burst.

"Nice nap?" Sirius asked very casually.

"Yes," Lupin and Tonks said in unison.

Sirius nodded and hid behind his paper again. Lupin and Tonks both glanced at each other tensely. This wasn't what he expected.

"So, are you two finally ready to tell me the truth?" Sirius asked from behind his paper. "Or has your brilliant mind figured out another way to slip out of this one, Remus?"

Lupin could tell that behind the paper Sirius was grinning beyond control. Tonks was fighting giggles so she looked away and Lupin continued staring where Sirius' head should have been but the Prophet was. There was no way out but truth. Slowly Lupin saw the paper move down until Sirius' eyes appeared just over the top. Lupin gave the smallest of small nods and there was a loud bang as Sirius slammed his paper down on the table.

"I knew it!" Sirius exclaimed punching his fist in the air.

**To be continued…**


	35. The Hanged Man

**Were you starting to get worried I'd stopped?**

**Sorry about the delay, I seem to be developing a double life, writing this and then the rest of me. The other part needed some time I think.**

**Anyway, this was a fun little chapter to write. It may not seem to go anywhere, but just wait. A very romantic day of the year is approaching and this will all be important then. We're approaching the tail end of Ootp, very scary stuff.**

**Reviews have been incredible! I wonder who will get me to 200? You guys are amazing!**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 33**

"So, I'm expecting the firstborn to be named after me. You both know that right?" Sirius announced, grinning as he sat back down.

Nymphadora Tonks laughed and looked across at Remus Lupin, who was struggling to even smile at the joke. Tonks rolled her eyes at him, after all, it had been _his _decision to nod at Sirius seconds ago when he asked if they were a couple, not hers. Sirius was still grinning.

"I never had you pegged as this kind of wizard, Moony," Sirius baited.

"What kind of wizard?" Lupin asked.

"The kind that seduces his innocent and naïve young co-worker. It's really my kind of trick," Sirius said proudly as Lupin sighed.

"Who are you calling naïve?" Tonks growled at Sirius.

"I also had you pegged as the kind of man who goes after a nice girl, not a feisty young girl with the temper of a Black," Sirius laughed.

Tonks glanced at Lupin again; all this baiting was taking its toll and he was starting to look very uncomfortable.

"Who's to say I didn't do the seducing?" Tonks asked, with her eyebrows raised. "The young girl seducing her older, and _sometimes_ wiser, superior."

Lupin groaned and placed his head in his hands.

"Because I know Remus enough to know it was his doing," Sirius explained, laughing at Lupin.

"I think that is enough," Lupin said sternly, looking at Sirius.

"It's enough when I say it is. I knew I was right. All your stupid little excuses," Sirius grinned. "So Dora if I may ask, how is my friend here as a partner? Should I be instructing him in manners, eloquence and–"

"Your idea of manners generally differ from the accepted meaning of the word," Lupin interrupted, glaring at him.

"Now Moony, interrupting someone, that's rude," Sirius informed him playfully.

Tonks laughed softly and stood up.

"Excuse me, I have to use the bathroom," Tonks told them both.

"That, Moony, is how one politely excuses themself," Sirius said mocking him again.

"Shut it," Tonks warned as she walked to the door.

* * *

When Tonks walked out of the bathroom, she tiptoed back down into the kitchen hoping not to wake Mrs Black. Just before she was about to push the door open, she heard Sirius' voice break the silence, so she stopped to listen.

"Remus," he said, his tone of voice declaring that Lupin had two seconds to tell him everything, or else.

"Yes?" She heard Lupin say steadily.

"You're sure about this?" Sirius said and Tonks was confused by his complete change in tone, he sounded concerned.

Tonks strained her ears, but Lupin gave no response.

"I'm not commenting on your choice. Dora is strangely perfect for you, in a weird opposite kind of way, but I know you, and your belief in your own shortcomings," Sirius told him

"I'm not discussing this," Lupin said steadily again.

There was a long pause and Tonks felt like her heart was going to explode out of her chest.

"You're going to blow it. I'm not going to bring this up again, but please just think. Think, before you're so quick to write it off because of you," Sirius' voice said, and it sounded as if he was begging.

Tonks knitted her brow. Why were they talking about ending the relationship when it had just begun?

"You can stare all you want, but I've watched you allow it to ruin a lot of things in your life. I'm not going to let you do that this time. I think you need her," Sirius finished.

There was another long silence and this time Tonks interrupted it, pushing open the door and sitting back in her old seat. Lupin looked tense and Sirius was looking less proud than before, but still very happy.

"Getting yourself pretty for him later?" Sirius asked Tonks.

"Very funny," Tonks said, trying not to sound as confused as she felt after what she'd just heard.

"Oh I'm sorry how silly of me to waste your time, you two probably want to get in some heavy snogging hours now that you're alone," Sirius teased.

Lupin groaned and dropped his head forward onto the table. Sirius laughed and Tonks knew Lupin was regretting telling him already.

"Nice time chatting with you two, but I have to get home and finish a report," Tonks said, standing.

"Aw so soon? Don't worry Remus, we can cuddle tonight if you get lonely," Sirius laughed.

Lupin groaned and Tonks walked around the table towards him. She bent her head down slowly towards him and she could see the panic in his eyes, as they quickly glanced at Sirius then back to her. Tonks smiled and then kissed him before he could stop it. Clearly public displays of affection were going to be kept an absolute minimum. Sirius made a disgusted noise.

"Ergh, no one wants to see that," he complained.

Tonks turned to look at him and grinned, before grabbing Lupin's shirt and pulling his lips to hers almost violently. She felt the kiss deepen for a second and then Lupin pulled back, looking uncomfortable. Sirius just laughed. Tonks made her way to the door and just as it shut she heard Sirius speak.

"You see, you need her," Sirius said earnestly.

"I know," came Lupin's horse voice, sounding conflicted.

* * *

After a late night writing down what Lupin had told her about her werewolf report and then amending the report itself, Tonks arrived at work yawning. Kinglsey gave his usual far too energetic morning greeting and Tonks grumbled at him, to which he smiled. She handed the report to Scrimgeour as he passed her, but instead of taking it and walking on, he stopped. Tonks' insides froze.

"Nymphadora, Dawlish and Sherwood are going to be visiting some suspected Death Eater gathering points, I want you there as well. You need to get your field hours up," Scrimgeour said, implying it was her fault she'd been just sitting at a desk the last few months.

"Sure," Tonks said, swallowing a less polite retort.

"Good. They're leaving in about an hour or so. You will all need to be heavily disguised, but that should not be your problem," he told her before walking away.

It was sometime after lunch when Dawlish approached her, and together Tonks and the two men, one she'd never spoken too, left the Ministry. As they walked, Tonks let her hair grow longer and turn a particular greying brown she loved. They worked towards the Magical Transportation department and Dawlish pointed out thier Portkey, which was an empty can of tomato soup, and with the usual lurch behind her navel, Tonks was flying through the air.

* * *

Tonks landed a little harder than normal, but stayed on her feet. She was in a street that looked down over a quaint little village.

"Everyone okay?" Dawlish asked and the two nodded.

He started walking off down the lane. Sherwood looked across at Tonks suspiciously and then followed. Begrudgingly Tonks started walking. They passed a sign and Tonks discovered she was in a village called_ Little Hangleton_. As they approached it, the town square seemed much busier than Tonks expected. People were selling things, yelling, laughing and passing each other, occasionally stopping to talk.

"It's a muggle village, no wands and no magic," Dawlish warned and he walked off into a pub.

Tonks followed, not caring about Sherwood. There was a large wooden sign over the door, _The Hanged Man_. She walked inside and Dawlish was sitting at a table looking at the barman caustiously.

"So what are we doing here?" Tonks finally asked when she sat down with him.

Dawlish brought his eyes back to her.

"Looking for Death Eaters. I just need to talk to the barkeep, but he's busy," Dawlish explained.

"And you think Death Eaters would come here?" Tonks asked, seeing the holes in the theory already.

"Perhaps," Dawlish mumbled, looking away.

"They'd stick out like a sore thumb though," Tonks said to him.

"Precisely. Which is why I'm going to talk to him," Dawlish said, indicating to the bartender and sounding annoyed.

Dawlish walked away leaving Tonks at the table alone. She watched him talk to the bartender who after looking at him very strangely shook his head.

"Come on," Dawlish uttered to her as he passed.

They walked back outside into the square and met Sherwood, who was obviously just keeping watch. After spending the rest of the afternoon walking around to all areas asking people question and visiting a very destroyed house that was some way away from the actual village, they decided their efforts had been unsuccessful and Sherwood and Dawlish said their goodbyes, leaving Tonks alone. In a second Tonks knew where she was going tonight now that she was free from work.

* * *

Tonks walked into the kitchen of Twelve Grimmauld Place to find Lupin standing beside the stove reading a book and Sirius reading the Evening Prophet at the table. Lupin glanced at her and then smiled.

"Oh look Moony, it's your girlfriend," Sirius said, as he noticed Tonks.

Lupin gave Sirius a stare that could have stopped a lion in its tracks. Sirius rolled his eyes and then leant back in his chair.

"Well someone's no fun. How was your day, Dora?" Sirius asked.

"Boring. I had to spend it was Sherwood and Dawlish in some village called Little Hangleton. We were– What?" Tonks asked after Sirius and Lupin glanced at each other.

"Why would he send Auror's there?" Lupin said to Sirius.

"Surely he doesn't think that where they'd go?" Sirius mused.

"Perhaps they're just double checking?" Lupin asked, frowning slightly.

"But why check there if they don't believe he's back?"

"Kingsley said he's had doubts since the breakout," Lupin told him.

"Can someone tell me what's going on?" Tonks growled, feeling the frustration of her day peaking as they spoke as if she wasn't there.

"That village _was_ where Voldemort has family. I say was because according to Dumbledore he went back and murdered them all. His mother's side of the family all got taken to Azkaban," Lupin explained, leaning back against the stove, still holding his book.

"It makes no sense for them to go there if they don't believe he's back, you see?" Sirius told her.

After a few moments, he shrugged and went back to his paper, but Lupin looked off vaguely into the distance, a crease forming on his forehead. Tonks turned her attention back to Sirius.

"Can I have a read when you're done?"

"Course you can. But it's not mine, it's your boyfriend's," Sirius said stressing the last word.

Lupin groaned quietly in the background and Sirius laughed before flinging the paper down the table to her. She picked it up and read the front-page article, which was all about the Death Eaters, as it had been since their escape.

"I just don't understand this. How can Fudge keep denying it, how can he not see all the signs?" Tonks asked feeling exasperated.

"Because it's Fudge. He couldn't see a– a– um– " Sirius stuttered.

"A good metaphor?" Lupin chimed in.

"Funny," Sirius said darkly.

"Yeah but, come on, Fudge can't be _that_ thick can he?" Tonks asked.

Sirius stopped glaring at Lupin and began surveying her with his head titled.

"You know Remus, I don't know if she is really your type anymore. You need to be with someone intelligent, someone more like–"

_WHACK_

Lupin had hit Sirius over the head with his book.

"Thanks, save's me doing that," Tonks laughed and Lupin winked at her.

"Ow! That hurt!" Sirius exclaimed, rubbing his head

"Good," Lupin told him.

He looked back up to Tonks calmly, who was still fighting giggles.

"Fudge will have to come to his senses sooner or later," he told her reassuringly.

After eating dinner just the three of them and talking about all manner of things, Lupin glanced across at Tonks and then to the door. Tonks felt her head tingle. Lupin's face softened as he saw it, and then he stood. Sirius was looking between the pair wildly.

"Oh I see. It's alone time is it? Just one question, Dora," Sirius said.

"Yes," Tonks replied suspiciously.

"Does the hair changing thing keep things interesting? You know, kinky and–"

_WHACK_

Lupin had picked up his book and hit him on the head again.

"Stop hitting me!" Sirius demanded, rubbing his head again.

"Stop giving me reasons too and I will," Lupin said sternly.

Tonks watched him walk out the door. Sirius turned back to Tonks.

"Is he as violent between the sheets as he is in real life?" Sirius asked, cowering for a moment, but when he got no punishment for his words by Lupin, he grinned.

"He's going to kill you if you keep this up," Tonks warned, smiling at him as she stood.

"I know. But that's always been the fun bit with Remus," Sirius laughed.

Tonks clapped him around the head as she walked by him, nowhere near as hard as she should have. She heard Sirius laughing as the door closed.

* * *

Tonks looked up to see Lupin standing at the top of the stairs. Tonks moved up the stairs very quickly, tripping mid way through but recovering. She reached the top and immediately grabbed Lupin and kissed him. She could tell Lupin had frozen in shock but soon his arms had moved around her after a few seconds. Something small pushed through the two of them, causing Tonks to jump.

"Mistress wouldn't be happy with this, oh no. The half-breed and blood traitor kissing in the Noble House of Black. It's a disgrace to this house it is. They won't be doing it for too long though, oh no they won't. Kreacher will be rid of them all soon," he muttered furiously as he slunk into the dining room.

Lupin and Tonks stared at each other blankly for a moment. Lupin sighed awkwardly and then led Tonks by the hand upstairs. When they entered his room, Tonks sat on the edge of his bed.

"What was that about?" Tonks asked.

"I don't know," Lupin said, frowning slightly again.

"Is Dumbledore moving headquarters or something? I've never heard Kreacher speak about us leaving."

"No we're not leaving. Kreacher has been saying it for some time I'm told, ever since he was found in the attic after Christmas," Lupin told her.

Tonks could see the unease in his body as he spoke; he had the same crease across his forehead again.

"What's the matter?" She asked cautiously, worrying it might be about the two of them, as things had not been the same of late.

"Seeing Kreacher so happy is just unnerving. Don't you agree?" Lupin asked.

"Not really. He probably found a new pair of trousers to snog. And speaking of snogging…"

Tonks got up and walked over towards him and met his lips with hers. It was sweet and tentative, but not what she'd expected or wanted. She knew something was bothering him. She pulled back and he was already looking away from her when she opened her eyes.

"What's wrong?" She asked, feeling disappointment bubble in her stomach.

"Was telling Sirius such a wise idea?" Lupin asked, not looking at her.

"I knew he'd get to you," Tonks laughed, rolling her eyes.

"It's not funny. He won't stop, it'll go on and on," Lupin said seriously, finally looking at her.

Tonks tried to stifle a laugh, but she couldn't when he looked so worried about it.

"It's not funny," he said sternly.

"Oh come on Remus, it's a joke. I don't care about Sirius," She said, trying not to laugh at him.

"You will," he said knowingly.

"Oh, been through this before, have you?" Tonks asked playfully. "Exactly how many girls has Sirius caught you with?"

Immediately his cheeks flushed a dull pink colour and Tonks grinned at him.

"That's not the point," he stuttered, sounding very embarrassed.

"I was wondering where you learnt how to use those hands of yours so well," Tonks laughed.

Lupin flushed a deeper scarlet.

"Nymphadora, it's not funny," he said, trying to be serious again, but it was impossible to take him seriously when he was blushing.

"Yes it is, Remus_._ Besides, Sirius won't tell anyone. He'd have to know by now that you would kill him if he did," Tonks told him.

Lupin sighed, his cheeks slowly returning to normal.

"He's never going to leave us alone," He said, looking defeated.

"I know," Tonks replied.

"He will _always_ make jokes."

"I know."

"He will _never_ let it rest."

"I wouldn't have expected any less."

"He will– "

"Remus, for Merlin's sake it's going to be fine! There's no need to get your wand in such a knot," Tonks said, placing her hands on his shoulders. "It's not like we had a choice in telling him either. We fell asleep on top of each other and he walked in."

"Actually I believe _you _fell asleep on me," Lupin said, one eyebrow raised. "And you kissed me."

"Yeah, well, you turned my kiss into something," Tonks shot back smiling and dropping her hands.

"That's not my fault either. It was part of your, what did you call it… seducing the older and wiser man plan I believe," Lupin teased, tilting his head, and half smiling at her.

"I said _sometimes_ wiser and I meant it. How on earth was it my fault anyway?" Tonks asked, teasing him back.

"Well, you made it very difficult for me not to kiss you, like your doing right now," Lupin added.

He moved towards her and Tonks took a step back, smiling cheekily. Lupin's eyes narrowed and he had a glint in them she'd never seen in them before, only in Sirius'. Tonks continued walking backwards until she hit the wall and Lupin followed her step-for-step. He grinned at her again in a way she'd never seen and then his lips met hers. It was definitely not sweet and tentative this time, it was needy and passionate, almost furious. His lips were pressed against hers hard and she returned his force instantly. His tongue sought hers and it nearly made her knees give out. His arms were wrapped around her waist pulling her flat against him and nearly lifting her off the ground. She had a hand in his hair and another around his neck to steady herself.

Suddenly there was a loud knock at the door and they both jumped away from each other. Both stood as straight-backed trying to look as innocent as possible. On Tonks' part it was a knee jerk reaction from being caught in such a compromising position, as it hadn't been the first time. Lupin's reaction seemed to be out of surprise and not experience like hers.

"Lupin you've got a– oh, sorry," Sirius said holding a letter and grinning madly. "Did I interrupt something?"

"Thank-you Sirius," Lupin said dutifully, reaching for the letter and ignoring what he'd said.

Sirius only laughed and pulled the letter out of his grasp

"Not so fast. I don't know if I consented to all this under my roof. I mean after all, you're my young cousin and he's my devious little friend taking advantage of you," Sirius pointed out.

Tonks saw Lupin's whole body stiffen slightly. Judging by what had been said between Tonks and Lupin privately, Sirius was really affecting him, more than Sirius even knew. Being around Sirius for so long, Tonks just assumed that Lupin knew he was just having a laugh, but perhaps they had never joked about something like this before, perhaps this was new and that was why it was so hard for Lupin to deal with?

Sirius looked between the two excitedly. Lupin was looking away from him and he was frowning again. Tonks decided to take charge.

"Out," she demanded, taking a step forward and pushing Sirius out the door.

"Are you ordering me out of my own room?" Sirius asked incredulously.

"It's _his_ room," Tonks said, pointing to Lupin when she got Sirius into the doorway.

"Yes but it's _my_ house, therefore _my_ room."

An arm appeared over Tonks' shoulder, ripping the letter from Sirius' before shutting the door in his face. Tonks spun around to see Lupin holding it shut.

"I warned you," Lupin said, looking down at her. "He will not stop."

Tonks laughed as Lupin unrolled his letter. He read it very quickly and then folded it into his pocket.

"Well after such a lovely evening I think I might go home," Tonks said, feeling disappointed again.

"Sorry. I'm sorry about tonight, I know it hasn't gone well. I think we can blame Sirius for that," Lupin apologised.

"Remus, if you're going to get so worked up about it, then of course it's going to bother you. It's all a laugh until you start getting weird about it," Tonks said seriously.

Lupin opened his mouth to say something, but must have realised it was better just to nod. Tonks turned to walk out and felt Lupin follow. She spun around at the top of the stairs to face him.

"If the evening has been such a disaster, I feel it would be the polite thing to walk you out," Lupin said calmly in response to her inquisitive stare.

The two walked to the front door, and when it opened, they saw how heavy the rain outside had gotten.

"When you're ready to behave normally, let me know will you. I miss the old Remus," Tonks said smiling.

Just as Tonks was about to move to kiss him, Lupin stopped her.

"You're walking home in this?"

"It's just a bit of rain," Tonks muttered, shrugging.

Lupin stared at her for a few moments, obviously confused and trying to stop himself from commenting like she knew he wanted to. She kissed him lightly and then turned into the rain. The second it hit her she was drenched, Tonks felt herself smile. She'd only just made it down the stairs when her feet found a crack in the sidewalk and she started falling. A pair of arms caught her and a newly wet Lupin appeared, the rain already soaking him, holding her up from the ground, saving her.

"Must you always fall over?" Lupin complained, the rain dripping from him onto her.

"Why not? You're always around to catch me," Tonks smiled.

Lupin opened his mouth to argue, but decided not to speak again. Instead he smiled back at her, lifted her up and kissed her. Tonks could feel the rain on her body, one of her favourite feelings, but she could feel Lupin's arms wrapped around her and his mouth on hers, her _absolute_ favourite feeling. Kissing him in the rain really had just topped the list.

**To be continued…**


	36. The Holding of a Towel

**You must love me now right? Seriously this has to be a record! It's been 2 days!**

**Going against all of my usual doubts etc, I'm actually kind of proud of this chapter. So I hope you like it too.**

**I said last time we're reaching the tail end and I don't believe Lupin fit of refusal of Tonks starts quickly. So I'm going to let it build and hinge on a certain person. There is a line towards the end about impoliteness, it is such a Lupin line I just laugh.**

**Thank you very much for pushing me past the 200 marks very quickly. Reviews are so kind and so helpful!**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 34**

Remus Lupin stood in the doorway of Grimmauld Place, looking out into the very heavy rain outside. He looked across at Nymphadora Tonks, who was moving towards him. He grabbed her wrist to stop her walking out in it.

"You're walking home in this?"

"It's just a bit of rain," Tonks muttered, shrugging.

Lupin furrowed his brow at her, swallowing the very parent-like urge in him to tell her she would catch a cold and should stay inside. Tonks smiled at him, obviously knowing what he was thinking. She kissed him lightly and then walked out into the rain, laughing. He watched the rain soaking her bright green hair, dripping through it and then down her entire body. Lupin's eyes were then drawn to a crack in the sidewalk and his mind told him she was going to trip. Of all the things to add to an already difficult time where Lupin was questioning his ability to keep Tonks safe, her being clumsy really was the tip of the iceberg. She still hadn't noticed it and Lupin took a few pre-cautionary steps down the stairs. The rain hit him like a wave and just when it froze him to the core, she finally got caught in the crack and started to fall. Lupin made a panicked jump down the rest of the stairs and caught her in seconds. She laughed at him as he held her inches from the flooded sidewalk.

"Must you always fall over?" Lupin complained, the rain dripping from him onto her.

"Why not? You're always around to catch me," Tonks smiled.

Lupin wanted to argue back, to tell her she needed to protect herself, but it was too hard when she looked as cute as she did sopping wet. Instead he closed his mouth and pulled her upright, wiping the wet hair off her face and kissing her. He'd never kissed anyone in the rain before and it was quite a strange experience. He could feel the rain slowly drenching him to the skin, but rather than being bothered by it like usual, it added to the pleasure of the entire situation. When he finally pulled back from her, he realized just how public his actions had been and embarrassment filled him.

"You see, that's why I love the rain," Tonks said sounding slightly dazed. "Night Remus."

"Goodnight," Lupin repeated.

* * *

He shut the door of Grimmauld Place, shaking the rain out of his hair. He pulled his wand out and dried his clothes with a charm and then leant against the wall. Her words were floating through his head, not having Tonks to distract him from them anymore.

_You're always around to catch me._

What did that mean? He was not the type to rely on and yet, here she was relying on him. Having the blind faith that he would always be there for her. It was not a question of wanting to be there for her, he wanted to be, all the time, but it was not possible. The same thought he'd been having for a few weeks returned. Had he let this progress too far?

_You're always around to catch me._

At first he had not been able to stop himself, she did something to him, made him feels things he never had before, but now, was he going to have to stop himself? She was falling in love with him, truly in love with him, he could not deny he was doing the same, but it came with a price. She was too young to understand what it meant, but he had lived with it, he knew what it was and she did not deserve it.

He moved off the wall and walked down into the kitchen, feeling his mind implode from thinking. Each step he took down the stairs seemed to make him realise how foolish he'd been to think his life could turn out happily for once. By the time he pushed open the door he was in a cold sweat and breathing rapidly.

"Sorry about disturbing– Merlin! Remus, are you feeling alright?" Sirius added after glancing at Lupin.

Lupin took a seat at the table as far away from Sirius as possible and sighed loudly. He dropped his head into his hands and rubbed his face, trying to stop himself from thinking and wiping off the water dripping onto his face from his still soaked hair.

"Moony?" Sirius asked sitting up straighter and sounding concerned.

He could hear his breath coming out heavily and no matter how deep he breathed, there never seemed to be enough oxygen.

"Remus!" Sirius yelled, trying to catch his attention.

Lupin glanced up at him, only to then glance quickly away. Nervous energy ran through his body to the point where he couldn't handle sitting down anymore, and he stood quickly. How had he not realised how stupidly foolish he'd been?

_You're always around to catch me._

Anxiety bubbled over in him, so much so that without realising it, he was pacing around the kitchen between the stove and the table, muttering words that didn't make full sentences.

"She thinks we're in this forever…werewolf…she's relying on me…she doesn't understand the shame…I can't do that to her…I won't always be there for her…what if– "

"Mate, don't make me punch you," interuptted Sirius' voice angrily.

Lupin stopped pacing instantly and turned to Sirius feeling very confused.

"Don't look at me like that. You know what you're saying is ridiculous. If you want to end what's happening because you don't want to be with her, then go right ahead. But if you're ending this because you're a werewolf, I'm going to step in."

Lupin was standing perfectly still where he'd been stopped in his tracks. For the first time Lupin wished he was not having this conversation with Sirius, but with James or Lily. They would know what he meant, they would understand.

"If you're thinking about James, he'd say exactly the same thing as me," Sirius said darkly, folding his arms.

Lupin knitted his brow at Sirius's complete translation of his thoughts.

"He would. He always did think you were a fool for how much you let it take away from you," Sirius told him. "So do I as a matter of fact."

Stunned, Lupin took a seat at the other end of the table and looked back at Sirius who was staring at the table, not him.

"Just stop being a daft prick for five seconds. She's young, she's sweet, she gives you as much ribbing as me, she's exactly what you need and she loves you."

Lupin's stomach dropped about three floors. How much did Sirius know?

"Okay I was guessing, but obviously she does love you. Don't be a git mate. It's at times like these when people start making these kind of stupid decisions, for the greater good and all that bullocks you told me about. I won't let you do the same."

Lupin dropped his head into his hands again, and started massaging his temples. Things were much harder than they should have been.

"But shouldn't she be with someone who's whole, someone she won't always have to compensate for?" Lupin asked, feeling more vulnerable than he had in years.

"So she shouldn't be with someone who's smart, kind and funny just because he's got a furry little problem?"

"It's not just a _little_ problem," Lupin growled, banging his fist on the table.

"Yes it is. You just make it something bigger. So what, once a month you go a little crazy, but that's _once_ a month. If she cared about it she wouldn't be there. Think about it. Does she seem like the type of girl to put up with something just out of politeness?"

Lupin shook his head slowly.

"Exactly. So stop this whole she deserves someone better nonsense. Maybe she does, but she picked you, in spite of everything she knows about you."

As scary as it sounded, Sirius was actually making sense. Lupin knew part of it was because he wanted to stay with her and Sirius gave him the reasons too, but he was making sense. It _was_ Tonks' decision and she'd chosen him. Maybe he would never stop the unease but he could attempt to control it. Sirius stood up and walked towards him.

"See there you go. Just stop worrying for once and have some fun."

He put a hand on Lupin's shoulder.

"It's a shame that we won't be able to pull our double act with women anymore," Sirius grinned and Lupin sighed at the mortifying memories. "Stop being a git and get on with it. Worst comes to worst, I'll always be here for you mate.

With a final clap on Lupin's shoulder he walked out of the kitchen, clearly knowing Lupin well enough to know he needed time alone with his thoughts.

* * *

Lupin awoke the next morning feeling somewhat better after what Sirius had said. It seemed so strange to be relying on Sirius, on someone else, when for so long he had only had himself. After all the friends, the family, everyone he'd lost, it would have been so easy to shut off from everyone. To understand what attachment meant in the long run, hurt, pain and yet, Lupin had not become jaded. He had the new Order, he had Dumbledore, he had Harry, he had Tonks, and he had Sirius.

* * *

January rolled on with freezing weather and even colder rain. Meetings were becoming frequent but the members turning up were diminishing. Moody and Doge were tailing Death Eaters together, coming in only weekly with reports. Kingsley and Tonks were so busy at work it was rare to see either. Snape and McGonagall were on Dumbledore's orders to leave Hogwarts as little as possible because of Umbridge. Lupin had found out she was slowly banning everything at Hogwarts and to Dumbledore's delight she banned the discussion of anything but subjects between teachers and students. When asked why this delighted him so much, Dumbledore merely said that it meant Fudge was clutching at his final straws and even he knew it. The shining light in it all, was Harry and his secret classes. It made Lupin prouder than ever to know Harry was defying Umbridge, the only person who was happier about it was Sirius, though that did not surprise anyone. It seemed Lupin was the only one without a Death-Eater specific job and it was starting to feel like he was being denied on purpose. Sirius was prone to small fits of depression but they would lift around meetings and he had taken to carrying a small mirror with him, especially on Monday nights. It was a dreary day towards the end of the month when they held their usual meeting, but this time Dumbledore appeared. When it was all over he requested time with Sirius and Lupin alone.

* * *

Lupin and Sirius glanced at each other, both with furrowed brows, as everyone filed out of the dining room.

"I do not wish to take up much of your time," Dumbledore told them both. "But I have some alarming news from Severus in regard to Harry."

Sirius sat up to say something but Dumbledore continued on.

"It seems Harry has been dreaming about the door to the Department of Mysteries for sometime. Voldemort has become aware of the connection I have been informed, and will no doubt be dangling these visions in front of Harry in the hope he will retrieve the prophecy himself. Now that he knows no one but the two can do so."

"How does that require us?" Lupin asked.

"I need Occlumency to be his first priority," Dumbledore explained.

Lupin was about to ask how they could help again, but Dumbledore kept speaking.

"He listens to you two above any other and I cannot speak to him as often as he may desire," said Dumbledore and Lupin could see the distress in his expression.

"Why?" Sirius asked.

"Because Order business restricts my time at school," Dumbledore told him, though Lupin sensed it was a lie. "I need you both to stress the importance of such lessons, regardless of the feelings towards my appointed teacher."

Dumbledore's eyes glanced towards Sirius, who took a deep breath and swallowed hard.

"If he attempts to contact you, do not neglect to do so. Voldemort would, by now, be aware of how simple it would be to bring Harry down there," Dumbledore said, standing up.

Sirius glanced across at Lupin looking very confused.

"Thank you both for your time," Dumbledore said, exiting very quickly.

* * *

"What on earth was that all about?" Sirius asked looking as confused as ever.

Lupin, who found the whole thing pretty straightforward, looked across at Sirius to find out if he was joking.

"Stop looking at me strangely and tell me what the hell is going on, in non-Dumbledore speak," Sirius demanded.

"Well Harry's been dreaming about the–"

"I'm not completely daft Remus, I got that much. What is so simple that could get Harry down to the Department?"

Again Lupin checked to see if he was joking before he spoke.

"You really don't know?" Lupin asked astounded.

"No. Get off your high hippogriff and just tell me would you?" Sirius said, getting aggravated.

"What did Harry do after he met you?" Lupin asked.

"He risked his life to protect me from the Dementors and then after that saved me again using the Time-turner and nearly got expelled," Sirius answered sounding proud.

"What did he do last year when he could have saved himself from Voldemort?"

"He saved that Diggory boy," Sirius answered again, still looking at Lupin for the answer.

Lupin stared at him, his brow knitted.

"What? Stop looking at me like that and just tell me!" Sirius exclaimed, getting angrier.

"He goes out of his way to save other people. All Voldemort has to do is hint that someone he knows is in danger and Harry would do anything to save them," Lupin explained.

Sirius went silent for a few moments and Lupin could see him thinking hard.

"Yes but, he has to know it'd be a dream or something if he saw it, wouldn't he?" Sirius said, still looking confused.

"I'd hope so, but there has been a lot of importance placed on these visions. Harry may not be able to tell the real from the fictional," Lupin said gravely.

Again silence fell on them for a few moments.

"He's smarter than you and Dumbledore give him credit for, you know," Sirius said darkly.

"Yes, I know he is smart. But what would you do if you had a dream of him being attacked, when your last dream turned out to be real?" Lupin asked as he got up and left, not keen to be around Sirius when he was in another bad mood.

* * *

It was very early February when Lupin next saw Tonks. He'd spent all that day in and around Florish and Blotts, just browsing. He returned to Grimmauld Place and walked straight up into the bathroom across from his bedroom. He turned off the taps and stepped out of the shower, shaking some of the water out of his hair. He had one hand firmly holding the towel wrapped around his waist, after sharing bathrooms with James and Sirius everyone learnt to hold their towels up with particular strength, and the other hand was drying his hair with another towel.

"_This_ is why I don't knock," came a familiar voice.

Lupin's instant reaction was to clamp down on his towel and try to hide his almost naked frame, which only resulted in him standing very awkwardly behind the sink. As he turned around, Tonks was standing in the previously closed doorway, grinning wildly with an eyebrow raised.

"Tonks!" He yelped sternly in embarrassment, reprimanding her.

She laughed as she crossed the small room towards him.

"No reason to get all jumpy Remus. I've already seen your bits."

Lupin felt himself flush and then groan, which only made her laugh harder. Why did she have to be so inappropriate?

"You're such a prude," she muttered, grinning again.

She placed her hands on either side of his torso and her touch made him finally smile.

"Hi," she said peacefully

"Hi," he repeated, feeling his body relax.

She met his lips for a moment and then turned to walk away. Like a switch had been flicked on somehwere inside him at her kiss, something in him changed. Lupin immediately dropped the towel he'd been using to dry his hair and grabbed her elbow, pulling her back into him.

"Uh-uh," he mumbled, shaking his head, not being able to speak properly.

It felt like he'd been taken over by an urge, but by and large he was allowed to express this urge now. He met her mouth hungrily, only just realising truly how long it had been since he'd done so. He let go of his towel, but it was still held up by friction, and he pulled her hips into his, holding onto them. She let her hands run through his still damp hair, making Lupin tingle all over. He pulled her as close into him as possible as they staggered around the bathroom, Lupin unable to really contain himself. They fell into the bathroom door, which shut with a loud bang that neither noticed. His hands played with the bottom of her t-shirt, itching to remove it, but knowing he couldn't. Instead he slipped his hands underneath it and slid his hands up her ribs, stopping as his thumbs hit more fabric that he desperately wanted to remove.

"Easy sailor," Tonks laughed, pulling back from him.

"Sorry," Lupin sighed, feeling slightly ashamed of his outburst and grumpy from its abrupt end.

"No, I liked it. Loved it in fact, but we have a meeting to get to," Tonks told him.

Lupin closed his eyes, willing the urges in him to settle and stay contained as they usually did.

"Later," she promised and he could feel her breath on his lips.

Lupin opened his eyes and broke away from her, taking in her plans with a small amount of unease. He sat himself on the edge of the bathtub.

"Remus I was thinking– " Tonks mumbled.

"A dangerous pass time for you. But continue," he interrupted.

She glared at him as she leant back against the sink.

"Fine I won't tell you."

Lupin swallowed hard, wondering what she may have been thinking or about to say. He had an inkling and knew he could well be correct.

"Tonks, this doesn't feel right," He said flatly.

She stared at him looking reproachful.

"No, I don't mean this. I mean the fact that– well, we have merely had lunch once and a failed attempt at dinner. It seems impolite on my behalf to carry on without much else," Lupin explained.

Tonks stood still for a moment before grinning.

"I was about to ask if you wanted to do something," she laughed. "How's Saturday?"

Lupin looked away awkwardly.

"I'm afraid I'll be caught up this weekend. Full moon," he added after she looked at him, confused. "How about the following one?"

"Next Saturday it is. That will be Saturday the– Remus Lupin!" She said loudly, making him jump. "Was that your own backwards way of asking me out for Valentines Day?"

Lupin frowned for a second, counting the days in his head, not realising.

"Well, I suppose it was," he said genuinely.

"How exactly do werewolves celebrate this holiday?"

"I wouldn't know. But this one is up to you. I planned the last one," Lupin informed her.

"Oh so that's how it works. Well I guess it can't be hard to top your last pitiful attempt," She said sarcastically.

"At least the food was edible during mine," Lupin stated with the hint of a smile.

"Oh you're going to pay for that," Tonks teased

"I hope so."

Tonks opened her mouth to speak but closed it again and then stared at him for a while with a mixture of amazement and surprise.

"What's gotten into you?" She finally asked, biting her lower lip, still smiling.

Lupin laughed and then stood up.

"Next Saturday," he nodded.

"It's a date," Tonks told him.

They stood smirking at each other for a few moments before Lupin remembered they had other commitments to attend to.

"Now, I have to get changed, and you have to get down to that meeting. I'll meet you down there."

"I don't know why you need to get changed, that outfit is pretty good to me," Tonks said, biting her lip as she surveryed him.

He kissed her roughly and then turned and walked out of the bathroom.

"Don't even think about removing this towel with your wand," Lupin called over his shoulder, as he walked across the landing.

"That's not fair! How'd you know? You weren't even looking at me," Tonks sighed regretfully.

Lupin stopped and turned to face her, wanting to laugh at her pouting in the doorway.

"I was once a teacher do remember. We sense these things. Eye's in the back of our heads."

Tonks walked out of the doorway and towards the stairs.

"How very _Mad-Eye_ of you," she laughed, before disappearing from view.

* * *

Lupin could have skipped down the stairs in happiness. He did not know why he suddenly felt lighter than air, but it was a relief after a month of heavy thinking. He turned the doorknob for the dining room and immediately wished he never had. The atmosphere in the room was very tense; it pressed on him, suffocating him. All the heads in the room turned to him gravely. The table was covered in copies of the Daily Prophet. Molly was looking at him like he was a crying child and Sirius and Tonks were staring at him far too grimly.

"What?" Lupin asked, feeling stupid.

Sirius took a deep breath and opened his mouth to speak but then closed it again, resuming his grim stare. Even though Sirius finally spoke after a few more minutes of unbearable silence, Lupin didn't really need to hear it, he already knew.

"Greyback," Sirius breathed.

With a complete realisation of the life he'd been ignoring lately, the task he's been able to quit so easily, it all came crashing down in front of him. Like a slap in the face Lupin was awake, alert and alive. He'd been passing his time with silly meetings in bathrooms; nights spent talking and laughing with Sirius and leisurely days reading books and out there was the real world, trying desperately to ruin his moments of happiness, and very suddenly, it was winning.

**To be continued…**


	37. The Good, the Bad, and the Valentine

**For those who guessed where this was going, here's time to see if you were correct!**

**This was quite a draining chapter to write but I really love it. I knew a moment like this was coming, so it's nice finally put it in.**

**I'm very excited for what's to come next. Things are really going to change now. It's up to you to guess if that's for the good or not though.**

**Reivews would be amazing because I really feel nervous about this chapter. So I want to know your thoughts.**

**Oh and it's extra long, sorry. I was going to halve it, but the point to do it would have made a very short part two.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 35**

It was the pronounced change Nymphadora Tonks saw in Remus Lupin that made her stare. He was back to his normal quiet, reserved and thoughtful self; nothing like the man she'd just kissed in the bathroom upstairs seconds prior. Then he had been witty and even talkative, but he was now withdrawn, serious and unapproachable. It was amazing how different he was around her when they were alone. It was like seeing two sides of something and each being completely different. But somehow, she enjoyed the puzzle and the contradiction; the complexities of his personality were utterly fascinating. It did not stop her staring at him grimly; waiting for a response she knew was coming. He was going to blame himself, to take this attack by one of his kind as a reflection of himself. When it could not be further from the truth.

Tonight's meeting was not without disaster; in fact it was fraught with it. The werewolf Tonks had written her report on had recently become identified, and it was none other than Greyback. Kingsley had arrived with this news and Tonks knew everyone was thinking about Lupin. The Prophet had mentioned his recent attacks but it was only in a small corner somewhere in the middle on the paper. The scariest part of all, and the part the Prophet seemed to be avoiding, came from Kingsley.

"It seems he no longer waits until full moon to attack."

Her eyes found Lupin, who was looking like he was stuck somewhere between anger and remorse. He found her eyes as well but did not smile; he clenched his jaw and looked away, swallowing in disgust. Tonks was not stupid enough to believe any of that was directed at her, but it was breaking her heart to watch him fall apart, at least that was what she assumed he was doing. She couldn't exactly understand why, but then again, she'd never understood why he thought so little of himself. The hardest part of being with Lupin was the complete greatness of him. It made her constantly feel like a silly little girl idolising someone much better. For Tonks this was difficult, as people rarely did this to her, and she fought so hard for equality everywhere else. It seemed she could never be on equal footing with this man. Not when he always had the answers, always said the right thing, never acted on a bad impulse, everything was precise and correct. He was everything she wasn't. The end of the meeting brought no conclusion, only a very solemn Lupin. They filed down into the kitchen and Molly started cooking straight away.

Hardly anyone spoke during the meal. Sirius was glancing at Lupin intermittingly after they took seats by the fire. Lupin had hidden himself behind a book, but Tonks could see that his eyes weren't moving, he wasn't reading. Tonks wanted to be there for him, to help him in the way he had helped her the few weeks before, but she couldn't. He was guarded again; his emotions and his feelings were going to be kept very close to his chest. Her best hope was to leave him with Sirius; knowing Lupin would confide in him at least. After everyone else had left the house, Tonks, Lupin and Sirius were left sitting silently by the fire. Tonks slowly stood from her armchair and walked over to Lupin. He looked up at her without speaking and co-operated as she lent down and gently kissed him goodbye. She turned around and said a silent goodbye to Sirius, before casting a worried look from him back to Lupin. He nodded, and as Tonks walked out the door, she heard the discussion begin.

* * *

The new claims of Greyback on the loose had sparked more chaos in the Auror Department, which was fast becoming where Tonks had spent all her time, and not at Grimmauld Place like she wanted. At least it had been for all of January and now by the looks of it, February was heading that way too. All except for Valentines Day, she made sure she had that day completely free. Nothing was going to prevent it from being anything short of perfection; she knew the two of them needed it after such a difficult month. At the end of an exhausting week, Tonks felt like she needed to be in the company of those who could cheer her up and made a beeline for Grimmauld Place.

"Dora!" Sirius exclaimed from his seat at the kitchen table, brightening at the sight of her.

Lupin was leaning against the stove and his face softened as he looked up at her from behind his book. Even from his smile, Tonks could sense something more going on behind his eyes, but she was too tired to get it out of him if he didn't want to share.

"Perfect timing actually. I was just saying to Moony we should get out the chessboard and some Fire-Whiskey," Sirius said.

"I'm in," Tonks promised eagerly.

Sirius stood up and clapped his hands together.

"Right. Remus, you get the drinks, I'll find the pieces."

With that he hurried out the room.

"How was work?" Lupin asked, taking the seat opposite her.

"Busy. I miss the days when we just used to sit around re-writing reports. I didn't feel like an over-tired zombie then."

He smiled at her sympathetically and he still had that same conflicted look in his eye, but she ignored it.

"Remus, I thought I told you to get the drinks. Not chat up my baby cousin," Sirius scorned when he walked back in.

Lupin sighed and stood up, going to the cupboard and getting out the Fire-Whiskey.

"Now we'll take it in turns and whoever loses has to drink," Sirius explained, when the bottle had been placed on the table.

He and Lupin were up first and Lupin won, much to the dismay of Sirius, who was still mouthing off about cheating. Lupin was a very strategic chess player, which didn't surprise Tonks at all. He never let his chess pieces too far from his side of the board; instead he drew the opposition in to him. Sirius and Tonks swapped seats and Lupin smirked at her.

"You don't think I can win, do you? " She asked, shocked by his smugness.

"I never said that."

"It's written all over your face. I'm pretty good, you know? I got taught by Bill and Charlie," Tonks told him.

"Well, we'll see."

Tonks felt her mouth drop at his arrogance. If it weren't so cute she could have been mad.

"Yeah we– "

"Can you stop the flirting and get on with it?" Sirius grunted.

Lupin gave him his very stern teacher stare and Tonks laughed.

"White goes first," he reminded her.

"I know," Tonks said indignantly.

The game lasted for nearly an hour. Tonks was determined to prove she was better than him, but he would laugh at her smugly in a very un-Lupin like way every time she made a mistake. Finally it was down to a few pieces and at very important moment Lupin made a very obvious mistake and Tonks won the game.

"How you feeling now Mr. Big Talker?" Tonks asked arrogantly.

"I guess, I have to give up the title. You beat me fair and square," Lupin sighed, making Tonks grin widely.

"It's okay Remus, you went down to a worthy foe," she added.

Lupin smiled at her again and then glanced down the table to where Sirius was passed out. The bottle of Fire-whiskey next to him was completely empty. Tonks took the opportunity to rub her victory in his face again.

"I feel the loser should be the one to drag him upstairs."

Lupin nodded, before standing Sirius up and placing his arm around his shoulders and helping him upstairs. All the while Tonks was still basking in her victory as she followed them, little did she know Lupin had actually allowed her to win on purpose. She walked into Lupin's room, not really caring that he hadn't asked her to stay, she was staying anyway. Lupin arrived a few moments later when Tonks had sat on the edge of the bed and begun taking off her shoes and socks, folding them neatly, a stupid habit she'd picked up from him.

"So do we have any plans for next Saturday yet?" Lupin asked, rooting around in his briefcase, which was on the desk.

"Yes I do, but I'm not telling you. G–G–Getting nervous are you?" Tonks said, yawning loudly mid-sentence.

"I am as nervous as you are awake. Hop into bed and get some sleep, I'll be back soon."

"Where are you going?" Tonks asked feeling worried.

"I left something downstairs and I'm going to read it there instead of carrying it all the way up here," he explained walking towards her.

He bent down and Tonks expected him to kiss her lips but he roughly kissed her forehead, leaving the room in seconds. Tonks didn't know whether to be bothered by his strange behaviour but by the time her head hit the pillow, she was asleep. During the night she was awoken as Lupin climbed into bed, he cuddled up behind her, but no-where near as close as he usually did.

* * *

The following Saturday came much faster then Tonks expected. The following week it transpired was going to include three raids, one on a house where the Carrow's were supposedly hiding, another that involved a suspected ring of Werewolves and the final had something to do with Dumbledore. Tonks was unsure whether to mention anything to Lupin about the second, not after how he'd behaved after finding out Greyback was at large again. So when Saturday morning arrived, Tonks found herself in the Auror Department, scribbling down the rest of her surveillance reports from the Carrow's hideout so she could get home and finish planning for the night ahead.

"Yes!" She exclaimed loudly when she finished her final report.

Tonks threw her quill down and started gathering her belongings together. Kingsley, no doubt hearing the disturbance, appeared over her cubicle wall.

"Finished already?"

"Yeah! I get my Saturday back," Tonks said happily.

Kingsley smiled at her for a moment as she started putting on her coat.

"Not so fast," he said and Tonks' face fell.

"What?"

"We've been given a job to do," Kingsley told her.

"But I've got– I mean, I just finished all Scrimgeour's work," Tonks explained, almost pleading.

"It's not _that_ kind of job," Kingsley said, and Tonks noticed he was wearing a travelling cloak.

He passed her over a note and Tonks immediately recognised the loopy scrawl.

_Kingsley,  
As today is a Hogsmeade visit I would prefer to  
have some guard for Harry. Mundungus has offered  
his services, but I feel it best to have a collective  
group. I would wish for yourself and Nymphadora  
to do so. Please give her my deepest apologies  
if she had plans on this very romantic holiday.  
Albus._

Tonks' heart dropped at the end. She wanted to scrunch up the letter and forget about it. She glared up at Kingsley, hating him and his smug smile.

"Just tell whichever ripped-jean pierced and tattooed looking lad you've picked for today, that he'll have to wait, I'm sure we'll be done by late afternoon," Kingsley laughed.

Tonks smiled at him. If only he knew _which_ lad she'd picked.

* * *

Hogsmeade was bustling with people, even in the rain. Most were grouped in pairs, holding hands, snogging, or blushing at each other nervously. Tonks had disguised herself as an ordinary villager with flyaway brown hair. She'd followed Harry into the teashop that he'd been dragged into by a pretty black-haired girl. It was still the most ridiculous place she'd ever set foot in. Madam Puddifoot's had been decorated for Valentines Day. Never had she gone in it while at school, she'd only laughed at those who did. There was confetti being thrown over couples, big hearts stashed everywhere, pink streamers and floating cherubs. Tonks sat at the back disgruntled and alone, receiving sympathetic smiles from Madam Puddifoot herself. She wondered how she got shafted this job, when Dung got the side of the village with The Three Broomsticks, and Kingsley got the Zonko's side. Life wasn't fair.

Harry and the girl didn't seem to be making much progress. He kept glancing nervously at the couple beside them, who Tonks was assured must have been super-glued at the lips as they were yet to take a breath. Jealousy was never one of her good traits, especially when she wanted to be behaving that way with someone else. Suddenly the girl Harry was with was crying and screaming at him. Tonks caught the word 'Hermione' a few times, but tried hard not to listen, as it would cross a line into spying on him. Harry laughed at her for a moment, and Tonks cringed, knowing that it was the exact wrong thing to do with a hysterical girl. Everyone was watching Harry, even the kissing couple had unglued themselves to watch. Harry's date stood dramatically and left, leaving him looking bewildered at what had just happened. Within minutes he stood up awkwardly, throwing down some money and left. Tonks followed him out, without him noticing, and watched him walk off towards The Three Broomsticks, knowing Dung was waiting there. She almost ran towards Zonko's and found Kingsley immediately. She sidled up next to him as he stood surveying the entrance to the store.

"He's gone to Three Broomsticks," Tonks informed him brightly.

"I thought he might. How was Puddifoot's?"

"Horrible. How'd you know he was going to go into there? It was some girl who dragged him in, not him," Tonks laughed.

"They always do," he said knowingly. "You're trying skive off early aren't you?"

"Maybe," she smirked

"Too bad. You should have gone and gotten those sweets from Fred and George. You stood a better chance then," he said, chuckling.

"I can still go and find them."

"I'd know what you were up too though, wouldn't I?"

"Yeah, but, me vomiting in the middle of the High Street would blow our cover, so you'd have to let me go."

Kingsley only chuckled again.

"_Please_ Kingsley! I promise I'll do all your Ministry travel validation forms for all of next week?" Tonks whined.

"This boy is obviously important," Kingsley remarked.

Tonks felt herself blush, her hair too, which she quickly had to change back, though some of the students around them noticed it.

"Fine, go. I'll cover for you, but you owe me."

Tonks grinned and jumped around excitedly, hugging him.

"You know I feel sorry for this bloke," Kingsley said as he let go of her. "He's going to get assaulted by Sirius and I hate to see the day you introduce him to everyone else. Is he good enough? What do we even know about him?"

Tonks laughed at the irony in his words but felt loved by the amount of protectiveness he was showing for her.

"More than you think."

She walked off before he could even ask what she was talking about.

* * *

She was walking the lane towards Hogwarts in the rain, laughing to herself about Kingsley, when a loud voice pulled her from her thoughts.

"HEADS!"

Tonks looked around to see a flash of scarlet and yellow and then a quaffle landed just near her, causing her to lose her footing and land squarely on her backside.

"Sorry," the Quidditch player said, still hovering in the rain-filled air. "It's our stupid keeper, my git of a brother. I swear he couldn't catch a cold."

Tonks put two and two together in her very well trained Auror mind. She knew who the Gryffindor Keeper this year was, so that meant–

"Ginny!" Tonks cried standing up and looking at the figure in the air.

"Yeah?" She asked, sounding confused as she got off her broomstick.

"Oh right, my hair," Tonks laughed, concentrating on her hair, turning it short and scarlet.

"Tonks!" Ginny ran forwards and hugged her. "What are you doing here?"

"Dumbledore sent me. Just some Order stuff," Tonks muttered.

"Following Harry?" She asked in a low whisper.

Tonks nodded before explaining where she'd been and asking who the girl was.

"Cho Chang, she's in Ravenclaw."

"Why aren't you in Puddifoot's with Michael, your _boyfiend_." Tonks asked, teasing her sightly

"I wouldn't be caught dead in that place," Ginny replied, aghast.

Tonks laughed.

"Cherub's not to your taste Gin?"

Ginny laughed as she picked up the Quaffle.

"What're you doing for Valentines Day anyway? You have tickets for that Holyhead Harpies match don't you?" Ginny asked excitedly.

"Going tonight. It's going to be mental," Tonks said proudly. "We'll have to go to a game together during the summer though."

"Brilliant. I gotta get back to training, have fun tonight."

Ginny hugged her quickly and got back onto her broom.

"Good luck for the Cup," Tonks yelled out to her.

"We'll need it," She sighed before zooming off out of view.

* * *

A knock at the door sent butterflies running wild in her stomach. Tonks had put on a relatively nice outfit, doing away with the usual ripped jeans and t-shirt; she'd gone for a pretty top and well pressed non-ripped jeans. Her hair was dark green in support of the Holyhead Harpies, but it matched quite well with her black top. She marched through her newly cleaned flat and opened the door to find Lupin standing awkwardly upright. He smiled at her warmly. He was dressed in his usual trousers, button up shirt and cardigan combination, but they looked very clean and she wouldn't have been surprised to learn that the jumper was actually brand new.

"Good evening," he said.

"Hi."

Tonks stepped back and allowed him inside. When she shut the door and turned back around, Lupin was surveying her flat with an odd expression on his face.

"It's clean," he noted, his tone ambiguous.

"What's wrong with that?"

He looked back up at her, looking puzzled.

"It just seems different. I guess I miss the mess," he added warmly.

"You git," she mumbled as she hugged him.

"So what's on the agenda for this evening? A home cooked meal?" He asked, nervously glancing towards the kitchen.

"Nope."

"Mead by the fire?"

"Nope."

"Then what?

"Tonight, for us, I have top level Holyhead Harpies versus the Tutshill Tornadoes tickets. Best seats in the stadium and you can't even get all high and mighty about taking charity, cause I got them as a gift. After that, well, we can come back here and_ mess_ my flat up together."

Tonks watched him, the excitement flooding through her, waiting for him to congratulate her on her brilliant plan. Instead his smile faltered slightly, it was small enough to miss it, but the change in the air around him was undeniable.

"What?"

"Quidditch?" He asked, his tone far too steady and stepping back a bit further from her.

"What's wrong with that?"

"It's quite– " He paused as though he was choosing his words very carefully. "It's quite public isn't it?"

"No one's going to attack us there Remus. We can go in disguise if you'd prefer it," she said, furrowing her brow and not quite understanding his problem.

"No, it's not that," he paused again for a long time. "Can't we just stay in?"

Tonks blinked at him a few times. He wasn't making any sense.

"I just thought you'd like to go to the game. I got the tickets for my birthday and everything. It's a top of the table match– "

"Tonks, I would love to go and use your gift and I thank you very much for thinking of me. But there are other things to consider. Safety should be a priority," Lupin interrupted, still speaking too steadily.

"I didn't realise I was suddenly dating Mad-Eye. Besides the Death Eaters would never attack us so publically. They're not ready for open warfare and _you_ know that," Tonks said, trying to fight through the haze of confusion.

"I know that. It is not about that."

Confusion was very quickly replaced with anger as she started to see the meaning behind his backward thoughts.

"Can you explain yourself please, Remus? Because I'd love to find out why you're suddenly refusing to be seen in public with me," she said darkly, holding down the anger she wanted to add.

"Stop twisting my words, Tonks."

"You haven't given me enough words to twist yet!"

"I don't feel it wise to put _us_ on show. We're going to surrounded by witches and wizards, most whom know the two of us," Lupin reasoned, but it only made Tonks angrier.

"So?" She spat.

Lupin didn't say anything. He only stared at her, breathing deeply and having that same look she'd noticed a few times behind his eyes. It angered her.

"Right, so I'm not good enough to be taken in public with, but good enough to sleep with is, that it?"

"Stop it Tonks," he ordered.

"You're ashamed of us aren't you?" Tonks asked, anger boiling in her chest.

"No," Lupin said, finally losing the steadiness in his voice.

"Then why can't we go out? Why are we still hiding from everyone?"

Lupin didn't respond. So Tonks plowed on, every worry and every insecurity she'd had about the two of them rushing to the surface.

"Was this a secret? Am I going to tarnish your reputation or something? Is that why we haven't told anyone? Don't worry Remus, no one is going to think less of Dumbledore's little pet, they'll make excuses for you. I'll just be the young dumb kid who got a bad case of hero worship and slept with someone she shouldn't have. Surely the professor isn't to blame, it must have been that young tart's fault," she yelled, mocking him.

"Tonks, you're twisting my words!"

She couldn't stop the blood pounding in her ears, her fists were balled and she was seething.

"I'm not Remus. I'm going off your actions. You can say all kinds of lovely and sweet things and maybe we're shagging now, but we're still back where we were six months ago aren't we?"

"What?" He asked, staring at her.

"There isn't even an us Remus. You have never sat down and called us a relationship, I have and I would gladly do it aloud. Why do you constantly make me feel so horrible for wanting to do that? Were we getting too close for you or something?" She spat, knowing her words we harsh but not caring.

"I told you I loved you Tonks and– "

"Three little words Remus, like that's meant to mean something. It's more than that and you know it is. If you really loved me, you wouldn't be doing this. You'd be happy to come with me, and proud too," Tonks cut him off, hurt and frustration spilling from her words.

She let her words hang in the air for a few moments as Lupin just looked bewildered and hurt, but instead of feeling for him as usual, she was satisfied by his pain. He swallowed and then steadied himself again, and Tonks knew he was stopping himself from saying the things he really wanted to say. Which only added fuel to the fire, so to speak.

"I can see we are not going to understand each other. I'm going to go," he said.

"Like hell you are," Tonks told him, moving between the door and him as he walked towards it. "You're going to stand there like an _adult_ and tell me what's going on! Or we're done."

"Are you calling me immature? If anyone is behaving like a child, it's you Tonks. You have been putting words in my mouth since I arrived," Lupin said, finally raising his voice.

"I put words in your mouth because you don't have any of your own. If you talked to me, I wouldn't have to."

"I have been talking to you," he growled, running his hand through his hair before taking a deep breath. "It is not my fault that you don't understand," he added, venom filling his words

"What is there to understand? You haven't given me a reason except for some lie about safety," Tonks yelled.

"I'm leaving."

He reached out for the doorknob, but Tonks was not done.

"You don't even have the spine to tell me what's really going on, or why you've been acting like a git lately."

He opened the door and looked back to her, his eyes narrowed malevolently.

"It is because we are _not_ equal."

The door slammed and Tonks was left staring at it, anger, confusion, hurt and shock, all vying for the top spot. The sound was reverberating in her head, making her angrier and angrier. She didn't even know where the argument had started or why it had gotten so out of control. Valentines day was not meant to be like this. How had he found her one little weakness and just zoomed in on it? Was it so obvious? It had to be. She wanted him to come back so she could yell and scream at him some more, she wanted him to yell and scream as well, but he never did. Never before had she felt so mad at him, all the times before felt insignificant by comparison. What right did he have to suddenly get all pompous about the two of them? There were two people in the relationship. It wasn't even a relationship, it had never been given that name, they had skated over that, and she had never brought it up because she knew it irked him.

Had she misjudged him? Was the self-deprecating thing really just a façade that housed a man who truly did know his potential? Who was just as arrogant as Sirius? He was leagues above her after all, how could anyone not see that? He was more talented, more composed, and far more mature. She was just this clumsy kid, how could there be any comparison.

Slowly the anger melted away, but what it became was worse. It was fear. Fear that she had pushed him too far away. Fear that what she had said was unforgiveable. Fear that she could never fix what had transpired between them. She slipped down onto the couch, looking forwards at the fire, waiting.

Fear that he may never return_._

Tonks didn't know why that bothered her the most, there were the obvious reasons, but how had he gotten himself caught so deep inside her that she did not want to be without him? She was a happy-go-lucky person, and now she felt like she needed another person just to survive. That was very backwards in the world of Tonks, but she did need it, she wanted it, she wanted him.

* * *

At first, as she sat perfectly still on the couch, she thought he would return in minutes. Burst in and explain himself, yell and go red in the face, but he didn't. He would be annoyed and they would argue again and then somehow work through it, like always. But still he didn't. He had weakened her, as she sat in complete silence, waiting, counting down the minutes till he returned. He'd played on her weakness with such ease, and such venom, she couldn't believe it had happened. It was that which disappointed her the most. Not that he had discovered her insecurity, but that he had used it to hurt her. It was so disappointing to learn he was not such a great man after all. He'd taken her to a deep part of her that she tried to hide. There were insecurities in there no one was meant to know about, let alone use to wound her. Betrayal had never felt so painful.

Still she waited, hours must have passed, but still she sat there, knowing he would return, hoping anyway. Whatever she was feeling, this fight was far from over. She fought the tiredness that threatened to pull her away, she fought the coldness from the weather outside and she fought her heart, which was telling her to curl up into a ball, and cry in a very un-Tonks like way. She desperately wanted to cry, but she was not going to dignify his ridiculous argument with her tears.

Lupin slipped back into the flat so quietly, one could have wondered if he was really there or if it was a dream. He sat beside her, near enough to be counted as close but too far to be intimate. The irony could possibly have killed someone.

"Tonks?" He said, his voice full of fear, perhaps he was worried she would hex him or devour him whole.

_Both were good options. _

Tonks did not look at him, she continued staring forwards.

"Look– I– it's not that– I mean– I don't think– I'm sorry," he finally sighed, his voice filled with guilt and too much emotion. "Only five seconds in and I'm already buggering this up."

Tonks knew she should have coerced it all out of him, like she usually did, but she didn't want to this time, the bitterness would not allow it. She finally met his eyes and she could see the ache behind them. His whole body was moving with a kind of pain filled restless energy.

"I'm sorry," he said again, now that she was looking at him.

He glanced away and stared at the floor, preparing himself. Tonks was not a spiteful person, but watching him squirm was feeding the bit of spite in her.

"We're not equal Tonks," Lupin said, still looking away.

Still Tonks didn't speak, even though she wanted to scream again.

"I don't know how to say it eloquently, but I'm not implying I am above you in any sense of the word, in fact the opposite. You are too good for me. You're perfect, and I– we're not equal."

It was blurted out so uncouthly that it made Tonks wonder whether he'd meant to say it. When she turned a little more towards him, she could see it. He was hurting, just as much as she was. It nearly made her angrier to see him in such a state over the stupidity of his own beliefs.

"That's ridiculous," she said, anger still sitting in her tone.

"I promise you it's not. Don't you know the burden I carry? The burden _you_ in turn would carry. I'm going to say plainly this so we cannot misunderstand each other. A relationship with me will only bring heartache, it will, we will, never be accepted. Look at the last meeting, the judgement that poured out of everyone onto me because of another one of my kind. I could not live with myself if I did that to you, Tonks.

"No one was judging you Remus. Everyone cared for you and worried," Tonks tried to tell him, but she knew he wasn't going to listen, which only frutrated her more.

"You just don't understand. It will never be a happy ending Tonks, it never can be. Not with all the predjudice."

"And you think I care? Do I really look like the type of girl who cares about what other people think?" Tonks said, almost losing her temper again.

"You will."

"Don't. Don't tell me what I'll feel. Because if you think I will, you don't know me well enough," she replied, trying to keep her frustration from their circular argument in check. "You're a werewolf. Big deal. I don't care and you need to accept that. _I don't care_."

"But others will," he muttered, almost the sound of promise in his voice.

"I'm not others," Tonks promised back. "Unless you are worried about yourself. What everyone will think of _you_.

"No Tonks, this is about you and– "

"Are you worried what everyone will think about a middle aged werewolf kissing such a young impressionable girl?

He didn't speak, he only glanced away, not refuting her words.

"My god you're a prat. Do you know that?" She asked, being serious.

"Yes."

"Can't you just see past all this werewolf bullocks? I have never in my life met a man so kind, so intelligent, so talented, so loyal, filled with such empathy and all those other things that make up an amazing human. Why are you still on about this werewolf thing?" Tonks said exasperatedly.

"Because," Lupin said as if it explained everything. "Just look at this week for example. Greyback– "

"You're not him," Tonks interrupted exasperatedly.

"I know I'm not. But do you know what I would do if I were responsible for him hurting you. If I hurt you…" he trailed off not wanting to finish the sentence. "But can't you see what my kind can do? I'm not fit for this Tonks, for us, however much I want it."

"Look," she said, sighing and turning further towards him. "I can't change that little backwards mind of yours, but you're nothing like those men so stop it. I can't change how little you think of yourself, and honestly, it's that quality in you that gets you out of a lot of trouble with me. But I don't know why it's changed everything with us all of a sudden. I told you I didn't care about the werewolf thing at the start, and for a while, it was perfect. It was fun and we laughed, we joked with Sirius and we didn't care. What changed? How have we gone from _that_, to this?"

"I don't know," Lupin sighed putting his head in his hands, and Tonks thought she heard Greyback somewhere in the exhale of his breath.

Tonks placed her hand on his leg and he looked up at her instantly.

"We're still the same Remus. It's still there in you somewhere, in us both. But I'm at a distance all of a sudden. I don't want to carry on like this. If it means we just become friends, I'd rather have the old you back. You just have to talk to me, tell me what's going on in that big, scary, brain of yours."

"I could never be just friends with you," he said sincerely

"Good."

Lupin leaned across quite suddenly and kissed her. It was a kiss of apology, of understanding, of affection and most of all a kiss of love. Tonks gripped onto him and he did the same. He pulled back, his breathing heavy and she could feel that his heartbeat was unsteady.

"I'm trying," he said, halfway between sounding like a plea and a truth.

He looked so vulnerable in the moment as he stared at her, more vulnerable than she ever expected to see him. It was almost frightening to watch him feel, not think. Tonks wrapped her arms around him, this time _she_ was hugging him. She held on to him tightly, trying to prove that she would never desert him; she would never leave him unless she had too and she would always love him. He would one day reach the point where he would not be a git and he would see himself the way she saw him, but maybe Tonks would have to fight much harder for that day.

"Just for the sake of our next argument– "

"We're having another now?" Tonks asked sarcastically into his chest.

"Just in case," he said, glaring at her for interrupting. "I love you."

Tonks grinned.

"Thank you," she said, deliberately messing with him.

She felt his body shrink and he sighed loudly.

"You're not going to make this easy are you?"

"Never. But you love me, so you'll deal with it," she laughed.

He sighed again, laughing softly, and then pulled her closer into him. She smiled, welcoming his warmth, hearing his heartbeat slow as they held onto each other. They were open now, they were vulnerable, every card was laid on the table, to the point where any wrong action would hurt the other beyond repair, but it was real and it was them. Tonks couldn't remember a better end to a Valentines Day.

**To be continued...**


	38. The Silent and the Sirius

**Well we all know what this will be about. Once again Sirius is amazing.**

**It took longer than usual, sorry, but the next few will be quick I hope. Unless University gets in the way. **

**Reviews are very appreciated. Keep them coming!**

**Enjoy...**

**P.S. You may hate me by the end**

* * *

**Chapter 36**

Remus Lupin pushed angrily through the couples walking hand in hand through the streets of London. His head was buzzing with thoughts, rationalizations and justifications. How could she say things like that to him? She was behaving like a child, a precocious spoilt brat to be truthful. Blood was pounding in his ears, bringing up the anger that he knew was going to be difficult to swallow, even for him. He was resisting the urge to shout at the innocent passers by, just to vent it all out. She was being ignorant and stupid if she thought they would never encounter this problem. Lupin knew he was being sensible, whatever it cost him and he was determined to prove that he was right. Every step he took, each more aggravated than the previous, allowed the frustration to build. What was he supposed to do? Ignore the lifetime of judgement and banishment because maybe, for now, she wouldn't mind it. He knew she would eventually. When her family and her friends refused to be with her because of him, she would care. He wouldn't be worth it when she had no one else but him, she would have wished she'd listened to him then.

He sighed angrily; making the couple he'd just walked past flinch. He was trying to protect her and this was what he got. He got yelled at for trying to help her, to make her see the faults in what they were doing. What was the point of helping her if she was going to behave like a child? This was right. He was right. They weren't equal by any stretch of the imagination. She was young and whole and she still had so much ahead of her. Where as he was damaged, his course had been run long ago and now he was picking up the pieces, biding time before the next tragedy that was sure to come. He was too old, too poor and too dangerous. Why was he the bad guy for trying to do her a favour? Did she think he enjoyed it? Did she think he wanted to have to be like this? She was a fool if she did. He was doing this because it was right, they could not be a couple. In his raged walk he bumped into something. He looked up and found he'd hit a kissing couple. His eyes narrowed.

"Sorry," he growled.

Part of him ached at the sight of them, he wished he was having a Valentines Day like theirs, but he wasn't and he was never going to let the part surface; so instead, he stamped off in a huff.

* * *

Lupin burst into Grimmauld Place, slamming the door harder than normal, but thankfully not waking any of the portraits. He stomped down the corridor and saw Sirius appear.

"What are you doing back so early? Did you forget– "

Lupin brushed passed him and turned down the stairs before he could even finish speaking. He sat angrily down in a chair by the fire. His mind still telling him all the reasons he used to justify what he'd said to Tonks. He determinedly stared forwards at the wall, breathing hard, every breath telling him she was being immature, knowing he was right. In all his silent brooding he hadn't noticed Sirius enter, or that he was standing opposite him, watching with a mixture of amusement and concern.

"What are you doing back here so early?" He asked again.

Lupin glared at him and then looked back at the wall. Somehow he knew if he explained everything it would all become unstitched in his mind.

"No reason," he grunted.

"It's the Valentines Day curse isn't it?"

The absurdity of what Sirius had said caught his attention and briefly snapped him out of his rage.

"What?" Lupin asked.

Sirius laughed.

"It's Valentines Day, universally the worst day for couples."

"I think you've got it wrong Sirius. It's the most romantic day of the year," Lupin growled, his anger returning at the lack of help.

"Nope. Every couple fights today. There's too much pressure."

Again the anger drained. Perhaps there was help after all.

"So, how are you supposed to get through it?"

"Don't know," Sirius shrugged.

"Well," He said, hearing the test of patience in his own voice. "What did _you _do when you fought with them?"

"Don't know," Sirius shrugged again.

Lupin's eyes narrowed on him.

"Well come on Moony, I was never with one long enough to have something to fight about," he laughed. "Merlin, I do love Tonks though."

Again Lupin shot him another glare, but this had confusion mixed in it too.

"Well she's good. I've never known anyone to ruffle your feathers, or fur at least, this much. She's got a gift. Must be the Black blood in her," he added proudly.

For at least two hours or so, neither said anything more. Sirius began reading the Prophet, and at one point got mead for Lupin and himself, but Lupin said nothing. He was back to staring forwards, frustration still eating through him. He had never had his words thrown back in his face like that before. In truth, he'd never told anyone he loved them, so the whole situation was that much uglier now that it worked on a deeper level. He didn't understand how he could love her and still be completely and utterly frustrated to the core with her. She was being stubborn. She was being a stubborn, selfish child. Maybe not selfish, she was the opposite of selfish in most ways and Lupin knew that. But still, that didn't give her the right to get uppity because he didn't wish to do certain things. She wouldn't understand the consequences of taking their relationship, or lack there of now, public.

Okay, so maybe it wasn't just that. She had been right with one thing, he did worry about what everyone else would do. What would everyone think about them? Sirius didn't judge, but Sirius wasn't exactly the yardstick to measure public tolerance or opinion on. What would Molly or Arthur think? What about Dumbledore, Minerva, Kingsley or even Moody? He would just be the older man who took advantage of the impressionable young girl in the group. All the joking about the teacher student situation had always made him uncomfortable for a reason; she was young enough for it to be the case. Surely Dumbledore would not tolerate it. It didn't matter how confident he became of himself, he had always worried so much about the rest of the world, which maybe had something to do with his initial attraction to Tonks. She definitely did not care. And now, Lupin knew it was time she did, for the sake of herself.

With a big, eye closing, dropping back into his seat, sigh, he realised his mistakes. Anger filtered out of him straight away, only to be replaced with remorse, regret and a fair share of annoyance at his own stupidity. Of course she couldn't understand if he'd never explained himself properly. He finally looked up and found the face of Sirius smiling at him expectantly, as if he knew Lupin would eventually reach this conclusion.

"I have to go back, don't I?"

"Yep," Sirius nodded.

Lupin closed his eyes again and took a deep breath, throwing his head into his hands. What he'd said, and the way he'd said it, kept playing over and over in his mind, and this time it was not spurring on anger, but tugging at his heart. He'd hurt her. The things he'd said were very harsh, so he must have wounded her. In all his effort to protect her, he'd hurt her, the very last thing he wanted. Never before had he worried more about his own actions on someone else so much. It was cutting into him like a knife, hurting him with every breath. Would he have made her cry? The image of Tonks crying almost threatened to physically harm him as it flittered into his mind. He hated himself; he hated what he'd done, even if he was right.

This was not going to be easy.

* * *

The walk to her flat was almost to the equivalence of torture. At first he had not gone straight there. He'd wandered around, thinking, wondering how to say what he wanted. A few couples were still roaming the streets, mostly teenagers, nearly eating each other's faces off. Lupin walked wherever his feet carried him, it was fitting that he ended up in front of a particular building. It was her building, where she had once taken him and showed him the skyline of London in all its glory. He'd felt cared for that night; it really was the first time he got this deluded sense of security that things could work out for them. He stared up at it, remembering how she'd kissed him as he'd complained. She'd loved him for his faults that night, which was completely peculiar, but she did it. She always laughed as he'd metaphorically dragged his feet with the two of them. Slowly it was dawning on him exactly why she was angry with him, why she'd said the things she'd said. He realised he had absolutely no reason to be mad anymore, but she did. She should have yelled at him long ago. He turned away from the building, hating how much shame and hurt it made him feel, and he started walking again, this time with purpose.

* * *

He stood outside her door for a few minutes, trying to compose himself, trying to prepare himself for the fact that she may not want him to return, that she may want to yell more or even cry. He was also preparing himself for the fact that this would be the last time he came here. He opened the door quietly and found her sitting on the couch, staring forwards, sitting so still she looked like a statue. Lupin sat down on the couch, not sitting close, as he kept expecting a refusal of his presence.

"Tonks? He asked, her silence unnerving him.

She didn't move, or speak, or do anything. This didn't feel right. But he'd come here to say his piece and he was going to do it, even if it killed him, which was highly likely by the look of her.

"Look– I– it's not that– I mean– I don't think– I'm sorry," he stuttered, the guilt and the hurt catching up again. "Only five seconds in and I'm already buggering this up."

He took it as a good sign when she glanced across sideways at him. He held her eyes as he spoke again.

"I'm sorry."

He looked away, preparing to tell her the truth even if it came at a cost.

"We're not equal Tonks," Lupin said flatly. "I don't know how to say it eloquently, but I'm not implying I am above you in any sense of the word, in fact the opposite. You are too good for me. You're perfect, and I– we're not equal."

He stared at her, waiting for a response and very suddenly something new caught up with him. This really was it. He was coming here to explain why he could no longer be with her. His heart was telling him to stop, but his mind couldn't comprehend listening to something so selfish. It hurt. It hurt more than he expected. He wanted to hold onto her until it went away, but he couldn't.

"That's ridiculous," she said darkly.

Obviously tears had not come, she was still angry.

"I promise you it's not. Don't you know the burden I carry? The burden _you_ in turn would carry. I'm going to say this plainly so we cannot misunderstand each other. A relationship with me will only bring heartache, it will– we will, never be accepted. Look at the last meeting, the judgment that poured out of everyone onto me because of another one of my kind. I could not live with myself if I did that to you, Tonks."

"No one was judging you Remus. Everyone cared for you and worried," Tonks said, and Lupin knew this was the obliviousness most people had about it all.

"You just don't understand. It will never be a happy ending Tonks, it never _can_ be. Not with all the prejudice," he said honestly.

"And you think I care? Do I really look like the type of girl who cares about what other people think?" Tonks said, scaring Lupin with how much she mirrored Sirius' words a few weeks prior.

"You will."

"Don't. Don't tell me what I'll feel. Because if you think I will, you don't know me well enough," she replied, sounding frustrated. "You're a werewolf. Big deal. I don't care and you need to accept that. _I don't care_."

"But others will."

"I'm not others," Tonks promised. "Unless you are worried about yourself. What everyone will think of _you_."

"No Tonks, this is about you and– "

"Are you worried what everyone will think about a middle aged werewolf kissing such a young impressionable girl?

He glanced away at the truth in her words. When she said them, they sounded pathetic. _He_ sounded pathetic.

"My god you're a prat. Do you know that?" She asked, being serious.

"Yes." And he did.

"Can't you just see past all this werewolf bullocks? I have never in my life met a man so kind, so intelligent, so talented, so loyal, filled with such empathy and all those other things that make up an amazing human. Why are you still on about this werewolf thing?" Tonks asked exasperatedly.

"Because," Lupin sighed, "just look at this week. Greyback– "

"You're not him," Tonks interrupted again, sounding angry again.

"I know I'm not. But do you know what I would do if I were responsible for him hurting you. If I hurt you…" he trailed off, not wanting to finish a sentence so horrible. "Can't you see what my kind can do? I'm not fit for this Tonks, for us, however much I want it."

"Look, I can't change that little backwards mind of yours, but you're nothing like those men, so stop it. I can't change how little you think of yourself, and honestly, it's that quality in you that gets you out of a lot of trouble with me. But I don't know why it's changed everything with us all of a sudden. I told you I didn't care about the werewolf thing at the start, and for a while, it was perfect. It was fun and we laughed, we joked with Sirius and we didn't care. What changed? How have we gone from _that_, to this?"

"I don't know," Lupin sighed putting his head in his hands.

He knew he'd been pulling away from her slowly. Mentally preparing himself for the point he was at now, because it was the right thing to do, but was it really? From everything she'd said, everything Sirius had said, was he really being foolish? She loved him and he loved her, was that enough? Tonks placed her hand on his leg and he looked up at her instantly.

"We're still the same Remus. It's still there in you somewhere, in us both. But I'm at a distance all of a sudden. I don't want to carry on like this. If it means we just become friends, I'd rather have the old you back. You just have to talk to me, tell me what's going on in that big, scary, brain of yours."

It was then his heart over-powered his mind. _Friends_? He couldn't do it. If being friends would make her happy maybe he could, but for some reason him being with her made her happy, just like she did for him. It wasn't friendship. Suddenly. he very selfishly wanted her to be his and only his.

"I could never be just friends with you," he said sincerely

"Good."

Lupin felt the urge and didn't even think about ignoring it. He leant across straight away and kissed her. It was the feeling deep inside of him that let him know his heart had to win. He couldn't give this up now, not when she provided this level of comfort. Tonks gripped onto him and he did the same. He was going to have to prove he was in this just as much as she was, but he couldn't find any words.

"I'm trying," he breathed.

He felt so unlike himself it was terrifying. He was completely on the table in front of her, bearing his soul and, his heart, begging for forgiveness, begging for a chance. He was feeling things that could not be rationalized by logic; he was in very unknown territory. Feeling not thinking and he had never functioned that way. It was truly frightening for him to be so open with someone, but when she wrapped her arms around him, gripping onto him, the fear melted away.

"Just for the sake of our next argument– " Lupin started to say.

"We're having another now?"

"Just in case," he said firmly, glaring at her for interrupting. "I love you."

"Thank you."

Lupin sighed at her and her ways. Of course she'd say something like that.

"You're not going to make this easy are you?"

"Never. But you love me, so you'll deal with it," she laughed.

He was going to be there for her. Like he had with Bellatrix and like she was now. She saw something in him he'd never seen before, that no one really ever saw, except maybe Lily.

"We don't have to tell everyone," Tonks said softly.

"What do you mean?"

"About us."

"Tonks, if you want too, I will," he promised, absolutely terrified of doing so, but willing to do it for her.

"No, I don't want to just yet."

"Then, it will always be up to you," he told her, kissing her forehead lightly.

He glanced at the clock on her wall, it was nearly three in the morning, but sleep was the furtherest thing from his mind. He wanted to be awake and in her presence for as long as possible. So they sat on the couch, her legs over his and her head on his shoulder, his arms around her and his lips resting on her forehead. They sat like that until the sun came up, occasionally talking, but Lupin was enjoying her grip on his frame too much not to find silence anything but blissful. If he was kidding himself he could say nothing had changed, but it had. They were actually a _them_ now, and even if that worried him slightly, he was going to push through it for her, because he loved her.

* * *

"Breakfast?" Lupin asked brightly, after hearing her stomach rumble.

"You read my mind," she said sleepily.

"No, I heard your stomach. I think the whole building did."

Tonks laughed.

"You can have a shower, or whatever you desire, and I'll get to work in the kitchen," Lupin said.

"I don't actually think there's much in there," Tonks laughed again, biting her lip.

Lupin shook his head with a smile and they both stood. He made his way in the kitchen and started going through the cupboards and fridge. She was right, there really wasn't a lot. He made do, mostly using magic, and set all the food down on her dinner table. He pulled out his wand again and said a simple charm, and a bunch of flowers came out of his wand. He placed them in a glass and then sat down with the prophet, which had been delivered while they were on the couch. Breakfast passed with some light conversation and laughs. She'd explained about the trip into Hogsmeade and Lupin felt somewhat bad knowing Harry had had a miserable Valentines Day. Lupin had a shower after breakfast and walked out into her bedroom to use some cleaning spells on his clothes from the evening before. He was just about to cast the charm when something in her cupboard caught his eye.

He moved across very quickly into her wardrobe. A very familiar looking jumper sat neatly folded on one of the shelves. A picture of Tonks and himself from thier Christmas party sat on top of that. He studied the picture, both of them looked very happy. Lupin was looking at her through the corners of his eyes as she laughed. It was obviously from one of her muggle relatives as the pair weren't moving, but it seemed to capture a perfect moment in time. They were happy and joking, this much have been the part she had said he'd been missing of late. He smiled at the photo, it made him feel warm inside to remember a time like that. It made him want more. His eyes turned back to the jumper as he put the photo down, wanting to take it but knowing he shouldn't. The jumper was his, but he had no idea where she'd gotten it from. With just a towel around his waist, he walked out in her living room, the jumper in his hands.

"Tonks?" he asked, waiting for her to appear.

She came in from her small balcony. She smirked at him and his nearly naked frame.

"Can I ask how you got this?"

She looked away from him, embarrassed. It was such a rare sight to find her embarrassed that it made him smile.

"Well I burrowed it the night after– on Christmas morning. I'm sorry I kept it so long, I just really loved it. Made me think of you," she added in a small voice.

Lupin looked back down at the jumper he'd been searching for the last few weeks. He really did love this jumper, it was always his favorite for absolutely no reason other than it was warmer than most. He looked back at Tonks who was looking at it longingly.

"You can have it back," She said sadly.

"No. You keep it."

Lupin smiled at her and she grinned. Her eyes moved to him and suddenly she was looking at him just as longingly as she was with the jumper. She took a few steps towards to him.

"Remus, are you wearing anything underneath that towel?"

She took a few more steps closer.

"Tonks, I've had a shower, of course I'm just in a towel," Lupin explained.

"So that's a no?"

Lupin's hand flew to his towel and held it with a very firm grip. She continued grinning at him and raised her eyebrows suggestively, she was about three feet away when Lupin started backing away from her.

"Tonks, no. I've just had a shower," he pleaded, trying to sound stern but it wasn't convincing when he wasn't trying to be.

She kept walking towards him and he kept walking backwards. His legs hit something, and the last thing he heard as he fell onto the bed was her laugh, and then her mouth met his, rearranging his entire world.

**To be continued…**


	39. The Quibbler

**Okay, I wanted to competely carry on from where the last chapter ended, but when I looked over my book, I had too much book stuff to do!**

**There will be a Tonks side of an _event _(it was supposed to be in this chapter) but I will save it. Birthdays are fun. (if you don't get the hidden message in that...well...just wait I guess)**

**Things have to move along very quickly in this chapter, so sorry if that's horribly un-readable, but its a plot device. Things will get slower for the two of them soon, but for now it's a rush. It's a longer chapter again, sorry!**

**Reivews are very appreciated and I love you all. Please keep them coming as they make me smile!**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 37**

The week after Valentines was far from dull. Nymphadora Tonks, who was hoping for a quiet time with Remus Lupin, was happy to have just that. Every night since the infamous Valentines itself, she had been in the presence of him. Mainly him and Sirius, and they were usually sitting around playing Chess, exploding snap or discussing the orders meetings, but it was time with him nonetheless. One interesting evening had been the Monday. Lupin had finally left her flat on the Monday morning after an _enjoyable_ Sunday together fighting to remove his towel.

"Remus told me Harry had a date?" Sirius said somewhat proudly, as they all sat in the kitchen after Lupin had cooked them dinner.

"Yeah on Saturday. It didn't go well though," Tonks told him.

"Runs in the family doesn't it? Remember James and Lily's first date, Moony?" Sirius laughed.

Tonks looked across at Lupin, whose face had broken into a small smile. He turned to Tonks.

"James made the unfortunate mistake of hexing Severus Snape during their date. He thought it was out of her eye line, but sadly, no," he chuckled.

"But why would that make it a disaster? If my date hexed Snape I'd be all over him," Tonks said.

"Advice for the future Moony," Sirius joked, leaning back in his chair.

Lupin continued talking to Tonks as if he hadn't heard Sirius at all.

"Yes but Lily and Snape had a– " he paused and titled his head, frowning slightly. "I think you could call it a friendship."

"Lily and_ Snape_?" Tonks asked, aghast.

"I never did understand it. What did she see in that greasy git Remus?"

Tonks looked between the two wondering if someone would explain why Lupin would know.

"Moony here was her study buddy. James used to call him the Lily-expert."

Lupin looked somewhat affronted by the title, but he continued on.

"She never did explain how or why they were friends, just that they lived near each other in the Muggle World. Anyway, James hexed him and she left The Three Broomsticks instantly, quite angry at herself for ever thinking he'd changed, I believe."

"I'm guessing he did eventually?" Tonks asked them both.

"No, he just stopped doing it whenever she was around," Sirius grinned.

Lupin grimaced and Tonks knew he would have felt guilty for whatever torment Snape received.

"It's funny to think of James and Lily having a rough start, when they've got this whole fairytale thing about them now."

"Well, when he grew up a bit, they were a perfect fit I suppose," Lupin mused. "He'd pursued her since they sat together in our first ever Potions lesson."

"I'm still with Tonks, she should have been more impressed with the hexing of Snape," Sirius laughed again.

Lupin grimaced for the second time and Tonks didn't join Sirius in his laughter. She'd never really thought of Snape as a person, more a vicious, heartless detention-giver, but to hear of him as a friend to someone like Lily, made him more human.

"Were they still friends even when she married James?"

"No, they stopped at some point during school," Lupin explained, looking at Sirius strangely.

"Best decision she ever made," Sirius said proudly, looking at Tonks with a grin.

Slowly his eyes moved back to Lupin and Sirius sighed at him angrily.

"Come on, it wasn't my fault he said it. I didn't force him, he had his own mind brainwashed by Avery and all that mob," Sirius growled.

Lupin looked at him as if to say, _you didn't help_, but then he took a deep breath and looked away. Tonks knew it was a sensitive topic, whatever it was, and didn't want to probe, at least not so publically.

"So, Snape hung out with Death Eaters at school?" She asked.

"Yep. The perfect greasy Slytherin git," Sirius muttered.

Lupin cleared his throat loudly, glaring at Sirius, who sighed in frustration.

"So tell me more about this date then Tonks," Sirius said sounding too bright. "Is Harry going to follow in the steps of me, or be boring?"

"I don't know, he won't have a shot with her much longer I don't think."

"Molly has high hopes for him and Ginny as far as I'm aware. She wants him to be family," Lupin noted.

"Potter boys do have a thing for red-heads," Sirius laughed.

* * *

The following Monday brought on a very big case of the Monday Blues. She'd had a fun weekend visiting her parents, hanging at Grimmauld Place and indulging in private time with Lupin. She sat at her desk reviewing notes from the Carrow's raid, which had been unsuccessful, all morning. In the late afternoon Kingsley walked by her cubicle with something in his hand.

"I think you might like this," he mumbled quietly, throwing a magazine onto her desk.

Tonks' eyes scanned the cover.

"The Quibbler? What's old Xeno found now? A talking Snarglepuff or whatever it is," Tonks laughed.

"Just read it. I promise you'll like it."

Tonks closely examined the cover again, to find a big picture of Harry on the front. She hastily flicked open to the middle. The more she read, the wider her eyes got, and the bigger the grin on her face grew.

"Fudge is going to hate this," Tonks exclaimed, feeling prouder then ever.

* * *

Tonks rushed into Grimmauld Place that night about an hour before the meeting. She found Lupin, Sirius, Bill, Arthur and Molly in the kitchen.

"Check this out guys!" Tonks yelled as she threw a few copies of the Quibbler on the table in front of them all

They all read it quickly, all grinning at her as they finished; even Lupin had a small smile on his face. Molly was close to tears as she closed the magazine.

"That's so brave of him to tell that story. It must have been horrible to relive it again," Molly choked.

Arthur rubbed her back soothingly.

"Fudge is going to hate this," Sirius laughed.

"That's exactly what I said," Tonks told him.

"He could have gotten expelled for it," Lupin said, furrowing his brow.

"Yeah, but it's bloody brilliant. Besides, he'll really be sticking it to Umbridge now. A secret group and a secret interview completely under her nose," Sirius barked. "You gotta be proud of that, Moony."

"No I'm proud, I just think it could have been foolish– " Lupin started to say.

"Blimey! Rita Skeeter wrote this? I wondered what she'd been doing lately. No one's heard from her. I thought she'd rather eat Dung than report for old Lovegood," Bill cut him off.

"Well the Prophet would never print this would they? Xeno's the only one crazy enough– sorry dear, "Arthur added after Molly glared at him. "Xeno's the only one _brave_ enough to print the truth."

Sirius, whose mood had picked up exponentially since the magazine had been given to him, laughed loudly and continued to grin at everyone.

* * *

Dumbledore arrived a little while after Tonks and walked over to the table, picking up a magazine, smiling at it fondly.

"Have you read it Albus?" Lupin asked cautiously.

"Oh yes I have. Minerva gave it to me after confiscating it from a student. She did, in turn, then give that student twenty points to Gryffindor. Quite an excellent article if you ask me. Aside from one very informative article that reported on Fudge strangling Goblins, I'd say it is the best the Quibbler has published."

The group laughed, a little quieter than normal, but still just as joyous.

"It is interesting to note the lengths at which Fudge is trying to cover this article up. An Educational Decree has already been enforced banning any student to have this magazine in their possession."

"What is that a sign of?" Arthur asked.

"That Fudge is aware people's minds are turning since the Azkaban Breakout. I have used the clutching at straws metaphor before, and it is appropriate again. He is just as aware as I am, that the tide is turning after all."

"So none of the students can read this?" Sirius said, his face dropping slightly.

"Oh no. Of all people Sirius, I thought you would be aware of the creative genius of students, and their cheek. They have bewitched it to look like other things or to become blank if anyone but the person holding it looks at it. The staff have been passing around a copy disguised to look like a review of Professor Umbridge's decrees," Dumbledore chuckled.

* * *

The meeting did not end on the same light note as it began. Dumbledore looked very gravely at Lupin as requested he follow him back to his office for a discussion. Tonks followed them out with her eyes, wondering what was so important that they could not discuss it in front of the rest of the Order. After a lively dinner, mostly revolving around the article and Harry, The Weasleys filed out, leaving Tonks and Sirius.

"Just the person I needed," Sirius muttered, topping up her glass of mead.

Tonks looked up at him nervously. What would he have to talk to her about? Was he going to tell her not to date Lupin or something? Had Lupin told him everything about their fight?

"Stop looking so nervous. I'm not going to attack you or anything," Sirius laughed. "Why do people always think I'm going to do something bad?"

"You just have that look about you."

"This coming from the girl who stares lovingly into the eyes of a werewolf."

"Yeah, a werewolf who is about as dangerous as a kitten."

Tonks and Sirius both laughed.

"Now, the reason I need you is _him_, actually. He'll never tell you this, which is why doing it makes it so much better, but it's his birthday on March tenth," Sirius explained. "So I'm going to tell everyone and make it a big deal, exactly like he wouldn't want."

"How old will he be?" Tonks asked, having never actually discovered his age.

"Well he's– wait a minute, if he hasn't told you, I'm not going too. He can drop that bomb when he see's fit."

Tonks feigned disappointment, which was only met by his laugh.

"So whatever I do, you're in?" Sirius asked.

"Of course. What do you have in mind?"

Sirius leaned back in his chair and grinned.

"Something. Something very good," he muttered, sounding like someone planning murder, not a birthday party.

"Do I get to know?"

"Not yet, my pink-headed cousin. When the time is right," Sirius said, staring off into the distance with a devious smile.

* * *

Tonks spent that night at Grimmauld Place, waiting for Lupin to return, but he never did. She returned the next night and still he hadn't come home.

"He'll be fine Tonks, don't worry," Sirius told her when she came on the second night. "I have a feeling I know what Dumbledore's asking him, but I'm sure he's just doing some research."

Tonks wanted to enquire as to what he thought, but decided against, knowing Lupin would tell her whenever he returned.

"So how did Valentines Day end up?" Sirius asked casually, putting his arms behind his head.

Tonks looked at him, hating the authority he had in his stare.

"Did he tell you _everything_?"

"Yep. You caused quite a stir, I'm proud," Sirius laughed.

Tonks stared at him darkly.

"Well he didn't tell me anything, just kept asking me about what to do when you fought with someone. It was the way he behaved that let me know what you'd done. He was squirming, sighing and snapping at me. It's a new side of him I've never seen before and I liked it. I give you full credit."

For a split second Tonks felt kind of flattered. She had obviously caused quite an emotional stir in him, it made her think that maybe he had been feeling the same things as her all along, just didn't have the capacity to express them.

"So is anyone going to tell me what it was about? Or are you both giving me permission to let my mind wander?"

"I don't even what to know what your mind would come up with," Tonks shot back at him, smiling.

"It'd be more fun than the reality I think."

Tonks laughed at him, knowing anything in his mind was bound to be better than what had actually happened.

"Just don't worry about him when he gets like that Dora. I'll always be there to stop him from being too much of a prat," he said with a smile, but somewhere inside she knew he was being serious.

It made her feel that much more reassured about her and Lupin.

* * *

Hours passed and still Tonks and Sirius sat together, talking, drinking, laughing, and just cheering the other up. It wasn't until near midnight that something interrupted them. Lupin walked in, looking paler than usual, which should have been a sign of something as the full moon was two weeks away. He helped himself to dinner and ate quite ravenously, glancing nervously at Tonks. Tonks had no idea what was wrong, but if this was the beginning to another fight she didn't know if she had the energy to deal with it.

"Sirius," Lupin asked in a small voice. "Can I have a moment alone with Tonks please?"

Tonks looked across at Sirius who shrugged at her, before moving off out the door. She turned back to Lupin, who once again looked nervous. He stood up with an exhausted sigh and moved towards the kettle.

"Tea?" He asked, turning back to her.

Tonks nodded, feeling her stomach squirm unpleasantly as she looked at him.

"Remus, if we're going to have another argument about not dating can we just get it over with? I don't have the energy to sit here and argue, when I can just call you an idiot now and be done," she said seriously.

With an enormous sense of relief, she saw him smile.

"No, it's not that," he laughed. "But it's nice to know how I would be received."

He brought the cups over to the table and sat on the seat to her left, as she was the head. He smiled up at her and then glanced away, looking troubled. She patiently waited; knowing he needed moments to prepare whatever was buzzing inside that strange head of his.

"Dumbledore has asked me to go and track Greyback."

Tonks did not greet the news with shock or surprise, as she had expected it. She just didn't understand why this required Sirius to be out of the room.

"I don't get why this involves me– " she started to say, but he cut her off.

"Because there is a chance I– that I– " he stopped speaking and looked away.

Tonks could see the trouble whatever he was trying to ask was causing him. He was frowning slightly and so was she. Where was this going?

"I'm going to need to take a large amount of Wolfsbane with me just in case and I have been told you can make it, as I don't have the apptitude to make it myself."

Tonks stared at him, still frowning, still wondering where this was going. He stared at her strangely.

"So would you be able to do it for me?" He asked nervously.

Tonks continued to stare at him, feeling very confused.

"Is that it?" she said suspiciously.

"Yes."

Really?"

"Yes," he replied glancing away, his shoulders dropping.

Suddenly she grinned, feeling relief crash over her by the boatload.

"You git!"

"What?" He asked, bringing his face back to her, looking as confused as she had felt.

"I thought you were telling me someone had died or something and all you wanted was a potion. You're such a git," she laughed.

"It is a big deal," he explained.

"No it's not," Tonks continued laughing. "It's a potion I made a hundred times in my N.E.W.T.S year. Not a big deal at all."

Lupin started to look affronted.

"According to me it is important," he said seriously. "I don't find it amusing to involve you in the dangerous part of my life. I am asking a huge favour of you, and it is not _that_ easy to brew either."

Tonks looked at him for a moment, her grin not fading.

"It's very easy to brew if you're not a git, like you. I'll brew the thing for you no problem. Now, considering I haven't seen you in days, so stop getting all grumpy and kiss me."

Lupin opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it again and smiled at her. His eyes narrowed and he grabbed her wrist, pulling her sideways onto his lap.

"Why do I deserve you?" He asked, smiling still.

"Because I have a thing for old gits."

He brought his lips to hers and kissed her, making her head tingle harder than it had in a while. She'd missed the way he tasted, the way his lips brushed hers and the way his tongue sort hers in the careful way it always did.

"Don't make me turn the hose on you two," Sirius' voice interrupted.

Tonks spun her head around and found Sirius feigning a look of disgust in the doorway. She moved her body around so she was facing the table and not Lupin, noticing that he did not ease his grip on her like usual.

"You're just jealous," she said proudly.

"Oh of course, because as you very well know, it's my dream in life to straddle Lupin and snog him to death. I've just never found the right opportunity," Sirius said sarcastically as he took a seat at the table.

There was silence for a moment.

"In that case, I may do well to lock my door at night," Lupin mused. "I'm very sorry Padfoot, you're just not my type."

Laughter filled the room.

* * *

Tonks lay in Lupin's bed a few hours later. Her naked frame was cuddled up to his; she was still sweating and still panting. He had fallen asleep almost straight after their blissful union and even though her body was exhausted, sleep was not coming soon. She didn't know how Lupin had managed to transform himself from what he was prior to Valentines Day to what he was now becoming. Suddenly he was comfortable with them, so comfortable that he did not flinch or pull away the moment Sirius had spotted them kissing. Not that she minded it, in fact she loved it, but Tonks knew it was a sign of much more. This was a sign of her importance to him that he was able to change so rapidly at her wish.

* * *

The start of March dawned with warmer weather, but freezing winds. Tonks was growing more anxious about Lupin's mission and the surprise in store for him for his birthday. She felt worried about being an accomplice in Sirius' plans, whatever they would be. Somehow she managed to get through the mountains of work that greeted her everyday. The Auror department was getting no-where with the Death Eaters. Almost daily Fudge was heard throughout the office yelling at Scrimgeour, who would then wait his turn and yell back. Tonks and Kingsley would throw cheeky glances at each other, grinning. At some point in all the work nonsense she found some time to spend with Lupin, but very little as she was left with almost no free time. Most nights involved dinner with Sirius and Lupin and then Tonks very un-ceremoniously fall asleep at the table only to be carried to bed by Lupin and she'd instantly fall asleep again. She wandered into a meeting one Sunday night only to find Dumbledore sitting at the dining table waiting for everyone.

Just as the meeting was about to start, Dumbledore having just announced Umbridge was close to firing a member of the staff, a loud bang echoed through the room. Molly Weasley squeaked, Bill and Sirius swore, Moody pulled out his wand and Tonks nearly fell off her chair. A phoenix had appeared in midair and was flying towards Dumbledore. He dropped a letter in front of him, and with another loud bang, it was gone.

"It's a warning note from Fawkes," Dumbledore told everyone as he opened it.

He read the note very quickly, his face became quite grave.

"Fighting has broken out in the Forrest again. I must go intervene."

He stood from the table and everyone was looking at him with knitted brows.

"I'm terribly sorry everyone. We shall reconvene tomorrow evening."

With the energy of someone much younger than him, he left the room.

"Right," said Lupin slowly.

* * *

The following evening Tonks arrived a little earlier than normal, hoping to see some more of Lupin as she and Kingsley had left straight after Dumbledore. She walked into his room to find him with a basket of newly cleaned robes and muggle clothes. It seemed fitting that he hung the clothes by hand and not by wand, he would want it perfect and a wand would not do that. She watched him bend down and pick up something he'd dropped, particularly enjoying her view from behind.

"Hi," she said, grinning..

He instantly straightened and spun around quickly.

"Well that's not fair, I was enjoying my view."

Lupin's eyes surveyed her with that very teacher like can-you-please-be-serious expression.

"How was work?" He asked when Tonks had sat on his bed next to the basket.

"Boring. Fudge was in yelling again. What'd you do today?"

"Reading," he told her, folding a pair of robes.

"Here I was thinking _I'd_ had a busy day," Tonks teased.

Lupin looked at her with a small smile on his face.

"Careful," he warned, sounding like a teacher again, but smiling at her like something so much more.

"Will I get a detention, Professor?"

"That depends," he said, his eyes narrowing seductively.

"On what?"

"On how well you behave."

He walked over to her and kissed her, gently pushing her back on the bed, lying on top of her.

"Oh professor," Tonks moaned, grinning.

She felt Lupin's body stiffen at the joke.

"Thank you for ruining everything," he muttered, pulling himself up so he was standing at the end of the bed between Tonks' feet.

"I was having a joke, you prude," she laughed.

"Right. Well that was– "

Tonks looked directly at him and shook her head, stopping him speaking straight away. She pulled herself up and kneeled on the bed so their heads were in line. Her fingers traced along his jaw and he closed his eyes, smiling approvingly. He drew her into a very long soft kiss, sweet and poetic in the way he always moved. Tonks however, was born with an inability to control herself. She had him back down on top of her and his shirt off in seconds. Her legs wrapped around his waist and his hands moved over her stomach bringing her shirt with it. She had her hands in his hair, messing it up. His tongue was making her feel lightheaded again, but she relished in it.

"TONKS!"

At the same time both Lupin and Tonks pulled away, their hands still in compromising positions. Lupin groaned angrily, making Tonks laugh, although secretly she wanted to tell Sirius, whose voice had echoed from the kitchen, to go and get buggered. Lupin stood himself up, holding out a hand for her, which she refused, standing on her own.

"Go on. Go see what he wants," he said grumpily.

"I feel so loved," she told him with a grin.

"You are," he whispered, moving closer to her.

His lips caught hers again and just as things started to deepen the yell came again.

"TONKS!"

Tonks pulled away, grinning at him. He looked livid.

"You need to be controlled you know? Maybe I will go out and buy that leash after all," she teased.

He kept his eyes closed and sighed sadly.

"Go. I'll join you for the meeting."

Tonks leant across and met his lips once more, pulling away before he could wrap his arms around her again. As she closed his door she laughed at him, standing there looking defeated.

* * *

"What was so important?" She asked, glaring at Sirius as he sat at the dining room table.

"Did I interrupt something?" He said, grinning as he leant back in his chair.

Tonks just glared at him again.

"Fine, fine. Moody just came through the fire, said he wanted us all down here."

"So why didn't you call him too?" Tonks asked, pointing upstairs.

Sirius opened his mouth to speak but then closed it, grinning.

"Why must you ruin everything Sirius?" Tonks half joked.

"Because I can," he added confidently.

Tonks was just about to scold him when the door hit her from behind, sending her forwards to the floor. She rolled over, groaning, expecting to hear Sirius laugh, but the atmosphere in the room was anything but humorous.A drawl of a voice met her ears.

"Nymphadora. Why am I not surprised to see you on the floor?" Snape asked from the doorway, his eyes flashing malevolently.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't insult _my_ family in _my_ house Snivellus," Sirius spat, and when Tonks stood she could see that he was Sirius giving Snape a look that could kill.

"Don't talk about your house as if it is where I desire to be."

"Well then please, explain why we have your horrid presence forced on us all this evening?" Sirius growled, his lip curling.

"Order business. Some of us have jobs to do other than hiding in a house they were once thrown out of," Snape said coldly.

Sirius instantly jumped up pulling out his wand and turning it on Snape, who'd also pulled out his wand.

"Why you miserable little– " Sirius spat.

"Sirius!" Came Lupin's voice, stopping Sirius in his tracks.

Tonks found Lupin standing in the doorway looking at Sirius sternly.

"Of course. Your little pet comes in to save you," Snape added icily.

Tonks instantly snapped her head towards Snape, her eyes narrowing on him. He had insulted the wrong person.

"Are you going to tell us why you are determined to ruin our evening Severus, because this house is slimy enough without you," Tonks shot at him.

All three men in the room blinked at her, none more so than Sirius, who then grinned at her proudly. Before anyone could respond or do anything more, Bill, Moody and Mundungus walked in, talking amongst themselves. Dumbledore was the last to arrive at what was nearly a full meeting.

"I apologise for my lateness, I have been at the Ministry all day being interrogated by Cornelius. To the relief of some I can announce that Hagrid was not dismissed by Dolores, but Sybill Trelawney. As some will know," Dumbledore's eyes slid to Snape for a few moments, "she made the original prophecy that we are guarding. So although it is a happy day for Hagrid, we must remember she is just as important as the Prophecy itself, and at risk. Having already asked Minerva at the start of the year to watch over her, I do not need anymore Order guards, but I thought it best to keep you up to date with business at Hogwarts. The centuars have also dismissed a member of their herd, some of you may know Firenze, he kindly accepted my offer to teach whichever field was left unstaffed. This means Cornelius cannot get another spy into Hogwarts, but unfortunately resulted in Firenze's banishment from his home."

He sat down, folding his hands in front of him, looking around for the next speaker. Snape stood immediately.

"I've been waiting to discuss things with you since yesterday but after the dismissal of Sybill it slipped my mind," Snape paused.

Tonks thought she heard Sirius mutter something about his mind being so greasy already, but she didn't see his lips move.

"Potter's been dreaming of the door as we are all aware, but he has gotten through. In our last Occlumency lesson, which I can say he is showing a dismal aptitude for, just as I expected," Snape added and Dumbledore looked at him disapprovingly. "But the door is open and judging from his response it was the first time it has done so. I do not know what this means for the Dark Lord and I assume I will find out for us all."

"Is that all?" Dumbledore asked sounding weary.

"No. He had another vision of Rookwood being punished, which I informed you of a few nights ago, after I was told."

Everyone was staring between the two men looking confused.

"What happened to Rookwood?" Moody growled.

Dumbledore carefully explained how Avery was in charge of passing information to Voldemort about the Department of Mysteries and he had been using his information. Now Rookwood was involved, so it meant the correct information was now being passed to Voldemort, which was very alarming according to Dumbledore.

"It means that Voldemort _knows_ only he and Harry can get it for certain. Something we have been hoping to delay."

Tonks stared around at the faces in the group in front of her. Some looked terrified, others looked worried and the rest looked eager. Tonks didn't know how to feel, but suddenly it seemed like all the bad parts of her life were piling on at once. The worried expression on Lupin's face was making her more anxious, especially about his upcoming mission. Could she survive that long without stolen kisses in his bedroom?

**To be continued…**


	40. The Smashing Potion

**Awww. This chapter makes me happy. So here is one a few chapters that have been in planning since the very beginning. I like it. **

**Once again it's a long one, sorry! I can promise one thing though, the next two chapters will live up to my M rating. There has been a lack of _that_**** and I will make up for it!**

**Reviews have been so lovely and helpful, please keep them coming! I appreciate every single one!**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 38**

Quietly, Remus Lupin walked behind Dumbledore out of a large fireplace. They'd flooed through the Grimmauld Place fire into the Hogs Head. Lupin nodded at Aberforth as they passed through his front door and out into Hogsmeade. Immediately it felt like he'd been doused with cold water, as his thin jumper was no match for the freezing winds of February, especially up here. Lupin could think of nothing to say, his mind would only focus on trying to discover the reason he had been called here, and he knew this was not the place to discuss it. So he trudged beside Dumbledore, looking around wildly, hoping to find something of value to say.

"Snow cleared away very quickly this year," Lupin muttered, cringing inwardly as his pathetic excuse for small talk.

"Oh yes. The rain helped," Dumbledore said, closing the matter.

Lupin glanced across at him. He was staring forwards quite determinedly. It seemed strange that the man who always desired to talk, especially small talk, was trying to avoid it. Lupin knew it meant whatever they were here to discuss was important. They pushed through the Entrance Doors together and walked up the staircase. When they turned onto the floor that Dumbledore's office was on, they ran into an unfortunate distraction.

"Oh! Loony Loopy Lupin is back," Peeves cackled swooping low over their heads.

"Good Evening Peeves," Lupin said politely trying to keep walking.

Peeves floated high into the air, singing at the top of his lungs.

_Loony, loopy Lupin, most think he's barking,  
but Peevsey knows he's howling.  
Cause Peevsey's only remarking  
that loony, loopy Lupin is–_

"Peeves," Dumbledore's voice boomed over the noise. "Do remember it is late in the evening, and perhaps it would be best for you to practice your fine lyrical skill in the morning, with a proper audience."

"Of course your headshipness," Peeves cackled madly, blowing a raspberry before disappearing.

"Such a pleasant man," Dumbledore chuckled.

* * *

"Take a seat Remus," Dumbledore said after taking his own behind the desk.

Lupin settled into the seat opposite him. The same seat he'd sat in when Dumbledore had first asked to join the Order. The room even had the same tense feel it did that day many years ago. Dumbledore looked up at him finally.

"There is a job I have to ask of you, one that I'm sure you will have been expecting, but we shall press onto to that momentarily. First I need to make a rather personal request of you."

He stood up and moved over to a cabinet and pulled out a shallow stone basin covered in runes, placing it just near Lupin. He knew exactly what it was, having given memories to it regarding Sirius a few years earlier. Lupin could see the memories swimming around inside, the silvery gas-like substance occasionally forming pictures in the bowl, which would drift away seconds later.

"I have dedicated most of this year to learning everything possible about Lord Voldemort," Dumbledore said, sitting back down in his seat. "I do occasionally meet stoppages and I have come across one recently, and at a personal cost to you, I hoped you would be able to assist."

Lupin nodded, having a fair idea where this was leading.

"I most desire your memories from the days surrounding James and Lily's death. If this request were too difficult for you, I would understand, but implore you to see through your own emotions, and know that it would help me to decipher through my own haze. This in turn could hold the key to defeating Voldemort."

Lupin knew Dumbledore was attempting to butter him up, as some would say, because he very much doubted his memories around those days would give away anything of importance. But he would never say no to a man who gave him so much. He raised his wand to his temple, to which Dumbledore smiled. He thought hard about those days in question and felt a light tingle where the wand was touching his skin, letting him know the memories where being pulled away. Dumbledore motioned to the basin on his desk and Lupin guided the silvery substance into it.

"Thank-you very kindly, Remus," Dumbledore said sincerely. "Now, to this Order business."

Lupin sat up straighter.

"I desire for you to go and keep tabs on the movements of Greyback. I believe his recent savage behaviour was used to catch the eye of other Werewolves, and I imagine he is using it to re-form his army. This would be by Voldemort's Orders, just as with the Giants, as I do not think Greyback would have thought of such an idea"

Dumbledore folded his hands and looked unblinkingly at Lupin.

"Of course I will go Albus," Lupin said instantly.

"Excellent. I expect Voldemort to send a few Death Eaters to watch over proceedings, now that the Auror department is tracking Greyback as well. Perhaps it best to take a supply of Wolfsbane with you just in case. I'm sure Nymphadora would not object if you request more than usual this month."

Lupin swallowed awkwardly, and nodded. It felt wrong to lie to Dumbledore, but he didn't have the spirit to tell him he was yet to ask Tonks for anything. He had been enjoying the time the two had been having since he first spoke to Dumbledore. He knew asking for something of this magnitude would have disrupted that peace. He resolved to ask the moment he saw her next, knowing then he would not _really_ be lying to the great man who sat opposite him.

"I will leave you to make your plans accordingly. I do not think it is such a pressing issue, so you will not have to leave immediately. I think it possible for you to stay long enough celebrate your birthday with Sirius before you leave," Dumbledore smiled.

"Thank-you."

He hadn't even spared a moment's thought to the fact that his birthday was fast approaching. He nodded slowly at Dumbledore, who seemed to have picked up on exactly what Lupin was thinking. After an understanding smile, Dumbledore then looked serious again.

"It should not take up much of your time to find him, as Greyback is causing a big stir in Northern Europe. Once your have confirmation on werewolf gatherings, you can return. Some information on what they are gathering for, although it is obvious, would not go amiss."

"Of course."

Both men stood up and walked to the door.

"Thank-you for your time Remus," Dumbledore said, shaking his hand. "Good luck."

Lupin nodded and then turned and walked through the door, trying not to think about the memories Dumbledore was about to be witnessing. Instead he thought of the tasks ahead of him. Mainly the next task he had with Tonks. How was he supposed to accomplish that? It seemed easy when he was sitting in front of Dumbledore, feeling very guilty, to say that he would ask Tonks straight away, but now that he had to actually do it, that task seemed immensely difficult. He hadn't wanted to ask her originally because it was to much of a request. It was inviting her into a part of his life he tried so hard to keep everyone out of. He felt as vulnerable as he had on Valentines Day. Was this what a relationship was? Just a serious of tasks designed to make him feel as vulnerable as ever?

Lupin didn't know how much more of it he was going to be able to handle. Feeling like that once a few weeks ago felt like enough. He was not jaded, but anyone in the world could walk into Dumbledore's office right now and see his devastation first hand in the Pensieve. Thankfully there were few situations left in the world to cause that kind of grief for him. Most of them were years away anyway. At least they were before. Before the Order reformed, before Voldemort returned and before war sat on the horizon mocking them all for their false sense of security. So he'd been wrong, devastation sat waiting around the corner, waiting to turn him back into what he had been. His eyes grew wide at that thought, as he walked down the Hogwarts drive. He'd been so foolish again for believing in this security he had. Something could happen to anyone at any time. He was open and vulnerable again, surely he could blame Tonks for that.

Then again, she made him feel alive and loved, for the first time in a long time. How could something make him feel the complete ends of the spectrum of human feelings? He truly was in love. He knew he had to think this through; he had to know how to approach this task correctly. So he went to his parent's house, knowing he would get thinking done in a place that offered no distraction or comfort.

* * *

Lupin apparated back into London the following evening, setting himself some way away from Grimmauld Place, knowing the walk would do him good. Every step he took seemed to remind him how delicate this matter of asking Tonks for Wolfsbane truly was. She could refuse. She would be involved with danger. She may not want to shoulder the responsibility, as it was too important, too dangerous. What if she didn't think she was good enough? Lupin laughed at the last thought, she would never think something like that. She'd laugh at the danger of the task using the boisterous confidence she'd been blessed with. Something couldn't stop him worrying about the magnitude of it all, he truly was asking a lot of someone he didn't feel comfortable taking advantage of. Not in _that_ way anyway.

As he opened the door of the kitchen he was both pleasantly surprised, and filled with dread, at the sight of Tonks. She sat at the table with Sirius, and instantly she lit up as he entered. She looked as if she was about to stand, but then, quite suddenly, she blinked up at him and furrowed her brow. Perhaps he wasn't as good at hiding his feelings as he thought. He scoffed down his dinner, nervously glancing at Tonks, trying to plan what he was going to say, and never finding the right words. Everything felt empty and hollow. He politely asked Sirius to leave, which he did straight away. Slowly, trying to avoid the discussion that second longer, he stood and walked over to the stove.

"Tea?" He asked, turning back to her.

She nodded and Lupin turned back around to the kettle.

"Remus, if we're going to have another argument about not dating can we just get it over with? I don't have the energy to sit here and argue when I can just call you an idiot now and be done," she said to his back.

"No, it's not that," he laughed. "But it's nice to know how I would be received."

Inwardly he loved the fact that she had made him laugh when his body was trying to cope with a great deal of anxiety. He brought the cups over to the table and seat on the seat to her left; trying not to be intimate in a time when they needed to be the exact opposite.

"Dumbledore has asked me to go and track Greyback."

Thankfully, she did not greet the news with shock or horror.

"I don't get why this involves me– " she started to say, but he cut her off.

"Because there is a chance I– that I– " Lupin paused, and frowned, knowing this was it. "I'm going to need to take a large amount of Wolfsbane with me just in case, and I have been told you can make it, as I don't have the aptitude to myself."

He waited for a response, but none came, not a change in facial expression or spoken words; nothing.

"So would you be able to do it for me?" He asked, the silence killing him.

"Is that it?" she said, eyeing him suspiciously.

"Yes."

"Really?"

"Yes," he replied glancing away.

He wanted to throw his head into his hands and walk away from the shame. He'd been an idiot. He should never have involved her in this. How could he have been so foolish?

"You git!" Came her voice happily.

"What?" He asked aghast, looking up straight away and greeting her grin with a furrowed brow

"I thought you were telling me someone had died or something, and all you wanted was a potion. You're such a git," she laughed.

"It is a big deal," Lupin said defensively.

"No it's not. It's a potion I made a hundred times in my N.E.W.T.S year. Not a big deal at all."

"According to me, it is important," he said seriously, getting a little annoyed by her blasé approach to something so significant. "I don't find it amusing to involve you in the dangerous part of my life. I am asking a huge favor of you, and it is not _that_ easy to brew either."

"It's very easy to brew if you're not a git, like you. I'll brew the thing for you no problem. Now, considering I haven't seen you in days, stop being all grumpy and kiss me."

Lupin opened his mouth to argue, but closed it again and smiled at her, his mind thinking about her request of him. She'd agreed, more than, and now she wanted him again. Of all the outcomes of this discussion he'd imagined at his parent's, he never thought it would end like this. It made him want to kiss her until the end of time. He reached out and grabbed her wrist and pulled her sideways into his lap, holding her head in his arm.

"Why do I deserve you?" He asked, relief exploding in his chest

"Because I have a thing for old gits."

He laughed at her, before meeting her lips, just like she so clearly desired. Her hands reached around and found the perfect niche around his neck. He was stuck somewhere between pride and happiness at this point. So proud to have her, to be hers, as she made everything easier, _sometimes_, and so happy to–

"Don't make me turn the hose on you two," Sirius' voice interrupted.

He felt Tonks break the kiss and he looked up to find Sirius standing in the doorway, grinning like an idiot. Tonks sat up in his lap and suddenly Lupin noticed something new. He was not embarrassed. At this point, having someone just walk in on a very private act, he would have been fighting the urge to leave and the shame, but now he was content to continue holding Tonks in front of anyone. To an outsider this may not have seemed like a huge or monumental moment, but to Lupin it was.

"You're just jealous," she said, a distinct note of pride in her voice, that made him want to smile.

"Oh of course, because as you very well know, it's my dream in life to straddle Lupin and snog him to death. I've just never found the right opportunity," Sirius said sarcastically as he took a seat at the table.

There was silence for a moment as Sirius' joke fell flat. Lupin smiled at the joy of knowing his friend had not gotten the laugh he wanted. It was a rare event after all.

"In that case, I may do well to lock my door at night," Lupin said to Tonks, before looking at Sirius with his head tilted. "I'm very sorry Padfoot, you're just not my type."

Sirius laughed before glancing at him darkly, he obviously hated that his joke had been stolen from him. Tonks leant back and kissed him lightly. The awkwardness set upon him quite quickly, making Sirius laugh harder. So maybe not _everything_ had changed, but he was getting there.

* * *

The next few weeks revolved around making plans. Lupin made plans for everything. Exactly how much Wolfsbane he would need. How much gold he should take with him. How many books he could read while he was there. Where he would start his journey. What he would do if he ran into Death Eaters. How he could manage listening to Greyback. Almost every possible outcome was planned or at least thought about, and that was how Lupin worked. In between these intense days locked away with endless amounts of books, came nights with Sirius, and sometimes Tonks. She had been just as busy as he had, and only appeared for Order meetings or dinners with whoever happened to be around. One such evening revolved around chess with just Sirius and Lupin and her. Tonks had been happily providing commentary, each more insulting than the next, but in her own adorably excusable way. Lupin was just about to instruct his queen to take a rook, when he noticed it had gotten unusually quiet. He glanced down the table and found Tonks, her arms folded on the table and her head resting on them, facing both he and Sirius, sound asleep.

"She almost looks innocent when she's sleeping. You wouldn't think that when she opened her eyes she could kill you in a wand movement," Sirius laughed.

Lupin made a quiet noise in agreement, and continued watching her with a small smile. She did look cute, in a very defenseless and small kind of way, nothing like the Tonks most people knew. Lupin knew a different Tonks. She was tentative and sweet with him, and perhaps she could be that way with everyone but she was yet to be given the chance. Either way, it was quite heart-warming to see her sleeping on the table, her softer side on display. She was obviously completely exhausted from her day, but decided to spend the hours she could have slept, with him.

"If you're going to continue staring at her like a love-sick puppy, I'm not going to enjoy beating you as much," Sirius said, sipping his drink.

"Queen to E5," Lupin ordered, still watching her.

There was the usual smashing sound as Sirius lost yet another piece.

"What! I didn't even see that rook," Sirius said sounding angry, looking around the board wildly.

"I can stare at Tonks all day and still beat you," Lupin told him, finally looking back

Sirius glanced up at him frustrated, but it quickly changed to a smile as he leant back in his chair, hands behind his head, the typical Sirius pose.

"So, everything's going well since Valentine's?"

"Sirius you've known me for over twenty years, you have to know, by now, I don't wish to discuss this," Lupin said as he poured over the chessboard trying to ignore him. "And since when have you been so interested in my _exploits_?"

"Always," Sirius replied, sounding almost insulted. "I'm offended that you think I care so little about who is ruffling your _fur,_ so to speak."

Lupin would have believed him, had he not grinned at the end.

"Knowing you will never relent, everything is fine with us," Lupin sighed, hoping to close the matter.

Sirius grinned wider.

"Which kind of fine?" Sirius paused to glance down at Tonks, before turning back and raising his eyebrows suggestively. "The fun kind? I imagine she'd be fiesty, the changin appearance things has to help."

With embarrassment and inappropriateness creeping up on him very quickly, Lupin jumped at the chance for a change in topic.

"She needs to sleep, so I will see you in the morning."

"Not so fast," Sirius mumbled, causing Lupin to fold his arms, waiting for the next inappropriate comment. "We have a chess game to finish."

Lupin laughed softly as he stood, walking towards Tonks.

"It doesn't matter where you move next, I will have a checkmate."

"Don't count your dragon eggs before they hatch," he said and Lupin laughed softly again, prompting Sirius to look up at him. "I don't like you when you play chess; you sound too much like me."

As Lupin walked to Tonks, he could hear Sirius loudly contemplating his next move. Lupin looked down at her, still enjoying how she looked sleeping. He pulled her chair back slowly and placed one arm under her legs and the other around her ribs, lifting her into his arms. He eyelids fluttered but she didn't wake, she placed her arms around his neck and snugged deeper into his shoulder.

"Ah ha! I've got it. Knight to D3," Sirius called to him. "You can't beat that."

Lupin spun around, still holding Tonks, and surveyed the board. With a very confident smile he turned to Sirius.

"Queen to D3. Checkmate."

The King at the white end dropped his sword onto the board, as Sirius watched with his mouth wide open, looking almost betrayed.

"Hang on. But I– There was the– oh for Merlin's sake! I hate that you're so sodding good at this game. You cheat, you have to."

"Sirius the game does not allow for cheating, that is why I enjoy it, you can only follow the rules," Lupin explained walking towards the door.

"You know what?" Lupin heard Sirius yell spitefully. "I'm glad she's asleep. That way you two can't sha–"

The door shut on him before Sirius could finish speaking. Lupin looked down at the sleeping Tonks in his arms. He smiled somewhat happily, looking forward to a night curled up around each other sleeping peacefully. She was smiling, but still asleep, and he allowed her to burrowing further into him. Some may call the night ahead of them both boring, but Lupin preferred the simplicity in it and that was exactly what he was getting.

* * *

March began with Order meetings. The first involved a brief appearance by Fawkes and the second a tense meeting with Snape. Sirius and Snape could not help themselves and immediately started at each other, but the most surprising was Tonks, who insulted Snape as well. From everything that had happened in those meetings, Lupin deduced that life at Hogwarts was not how it should have been. Teachers, namely Trelawney, were being suspended. Although he was not an acquaintance of the woman, having avoided her during all the time he was there for fear of what she may discover, being fired by Umbridge automatically put Lupin on her side. The more pressing issue now was Wolfsbane, and considering he had a transformation a few days before his birthday to test it out on, he, Tonks and Sirius agreed to brew it late one afternoon. Lupin had ventured out that day and bought all the ingredients, and Sirius had found a cauldron in the house. So together they set it all up.

"So this will all take place, where?" Sirius asked sitting down in a seat. "The actual transformation part."

"I was thinking Regulus's room, or my own," Lupin proposed, eating a piece of the Honeydukes chocolate he'd bought during the day.

"Regulus'. There's no need to ruin your room."

Lupin nodded, noting the dryness in Sirius' voice when his brother was mentioned.

"Have you seen Kreacher lately?" Lupin asked, thinking about the lack of muttering they'd all been receiving lately.

"He's in my Mother's room with Buckbeak, I've found him in there a lot lately. Merlin knows why. He's probably trying to find more things of hers to hide. Little does he know, they were the first things I chucked."

Lupin took the chance to pass some chocolate down to him. He laughed darkly.

"I don't think chocolate is going to make me feel better Remus, Fire-Whiskey and some female company of my own, maybe, but not chocolate. That's _your_ creepy vice."

Silence fell on them and Lupin began another double check of the ingredients. He was just reviewing the monkshood when Sirius spoke up again.

"I wonder where Dora is? She said she'd be here at–"

A short blue haired Tonks came rushing in through the kitchen door cutting Sirius off. She stopped in front of the table where everything had been set up.

"Good timing," Sirius remarked, nodding at her.

"What?" She asked, looking more flustered than Lupin had ever seen her.

"Nothing," Lupin muttered at her, smiling calmly. "Have a good day?"

"Lousy. I still can't get myself assigned to your case," she pointed at Sirius, "so I'm stuck on the Carrow's."

"Maybe you could cause some more trouble Sirius, perhaps then Scrimgeour would have no choice," Lupin said, walking towards her.

"Wouldn't be too hard. My troublemaking days are far from over," Sirius added with a grin.

"No point. The other Death Eaters are more important than you now, sorry," Tonks laughed, but Lupin could hear the hollowness in it.

Sirius muttered something about a caldron stand and disappeared upstairs. Lupin finished the walk towards Tonks and attempted to hug her, but she only gripped him loosely, nothing like her usual enthusiasm.

"Are you all right?" He asked, surveying her as she stared down at the table

"I'm fine," she muttered not meeting his eyes. "I need to get started anyway."

Lupin stood back allowing her to pass, but she continued staring forwards at the equipment in front of her, looking bewildered. He placed a hand on the small of her back.

"Are you sure Tonks?"

"Yes," she said, finally meeting his concerned stare. "It's just been a long day."

"We don't have to do this," Lupin said, her current state worrying him.

"Yes we do."

She flashed him a very serious stare and then reached into her bag and pulled out an old potions book. Sirius returned with the stand and then set up the cauldron for her. She started reading her textbook and Lupin walked over to the stove and started boiling some water, still watching Tonks apprehensively. Something didn't seem right.

* * *

An hour or so later and Tonks had started brewing the potion. She'd read the instructions very carefully and it amused Lupin to watch her concentrate so hard on something. She reminded him of himself. Although she had a habit of biting her lip or chewing her thumbnail whenever she reached a particularly difficult part. Sirius had broken out the mead, pouring a glass for all, and Lupin, still feeling very apprehensive, had taken to talking to Sirius but would always glance towards Tonks, trying to check on her.

"This isn't as fun as I assumed it would be," Sirius said, his legs up on the table.

"What did you expect?" Lupin asked dryly.

"What usually happens with us. Tonks is too quiet when she concentrates."

Lupin thought he heard Tonks mumble something rude, but he couldn't quite make it out. Though Sirius' words rang true, she was unnaturally quiet. Lupin got up from his chair and walked around behind her to check on the potion. It was starting to turn a silvery colour, which was a good sign. He could sense how tense she was, as he stood behind her, wanting to wrap his arms around her to calm her but deciding it would be best to leave her be.

"It's the right colour," Lupin said causally, walking back around and leaning against the stove facing Sirius.

"What's that?" Sirius asked

"Silvery blue."

"What happens next?"

"I wouldn't know. Mine usually start turning green by this point."

"You know," Sirius grinned, tilting in his chair. "I really enjoy the fact that you can't make this."

"I knew you would."

"The great Remus Lupin can't do something. It's almost like one of those universal wrongs that will bring the wrath of the Apocalypse, or something to that effect."

Lupin glared across at him, to which he only winked smugly.

"This advancement in potion making was not available to learn when I could have, and you cannot learn it from a book, it has something to do with the technique that– "

"You mean a _book_ has let you down? The world really must be ending," Sirius laughed.

Lupin sighed loudly at Sirius and had another glance at the potion, smiling at Tonks in the process, who only returned it weakly. Lupin narrowed his eyes on her, trying to discover exactly what was wrong. There was no answer he could gain by studying her; he needed her to speak. Lupin began the walk to her, but stopped in his tracks when the door burst open again, revealing Bill, Arthur and Molly, very early for the meeting tonight. Tonks nearly jumped out of her skin from the sudden noise.

"Sorry Tonks dear," Molly apologised.

"It's fine, Molly. Just gave me a fright," Tonks replied, giving her what Lupin knew was a forced smile.

Everyone sat at the table, already talking and laughing. Lupin stood against the stove, making sure he could keep the group at the table and Tonks in his field of vision.

"What colour have we got now Moony?" Sirius asked after Arthur had finished telling an amusing story about some defaulting muggle contraptions.

"Is this your Wolfsbane?" Bill asked, sipping his newly poured mead.

With the eyes of everyone in the room on him, Lupin worried they would think he was delegating a task he did not wish to do on someone else. Sirius, noticing Lupin's anxious look, spoke for him.

"Yes, Snape hasn't been able since he returned to Hogwarts," Sirius mumbled into his glass before turning to Lupin talking much louder. "So how's the colour?"

"It's the right colour blue," Lupin replied proudly.

"Well she was quite the potion's master… in the end," Bill said.

"In the _end_?" Sirius asked the hint of a smile on his face.

"Yeah, well," Bill muttered, looking nervously at Tonks who made no response, physical or otherwise, only continued staring at her potions book. "I mean, you always got everything right Tonks, but you see, Snape always took marks off for how many things she broke."

"Bastard. Although I would never agree with Snivellus, I can imagine you being quite the liability Tonks," Sirius laughed.

Lupin glanced across at Tonks, the hint of a smirk on his face, but she still did not look up, choosing to state at the potion she was stirring with far too much concentration than necessary.

"Snape has always treated his students very unfairly. I'm sure you were excellent Tonks dear," Molly cooed, glaring at Sirius and Bill.

"I don't know about this anymore Moony. Should we trust her with this one? With a track record like that, will the potion be safe enough?" Sirius asked jokingly, leaning further back in his chair sipping his mead.

"That is true. One accidental slip of her hand and you've all got yourselves a dead werewolf to explain too the– "

Everyone had been halfway through laughing at what Lupin had been saying, when a loud smash from behind them stopped it instantly. Lupin turned very slowly and found Tonks, her hands on the table shaking, looking down at the floor where she'd dropped something, her hair had miraculously grown a few inches longer since he'd last seen her so it hid her face. He froze in fear and regret, hating that he'd gotten carried away talking. His eyes, the only part of his body still moving, looked across at them all. Sirius was frozen with his glass in mid-air looking at Tonks, his mouth still open from his lost laugh. Everyone was glancing at each other, all with looks mirroring exactly what Lupin was feeling, shame, embarrassment and shock. Lupin tried to speak but all that came out was raspy breath. Molly was glaring at them all disapprovingly and Tonks continued to look down at the floor, the air around her exploding with nerves and tension and her hands still shaking.

"I'm sorry Tonks," Lupin muttered, staring at her, understanding her state, but so confused by it, as it was so un-Tonks like.

"Sorry," Bill and Sirius muttered.

Lupin could see every breath escape her body, as time seemed to stand still. He was the first to move to her. Shame so heavy it threatened to squash him forced him to slide his hand across her lower stomach, and he felt her body still shaking as he gently pulled her towards the door. He led her out of the room; dropping his hand from her waist and grabbing her hand, feeling it grip his very tightly. He turned his head around, nodding at Sirius to clean up the mess, not caring that Molly and Arthur were watching him intently.

* * *

The second the kitchen door shut, he moved Tonks to sit on the stairs, while he stood in front of her. He leant against the wall behind him and waited for her to speak, but she only hugged her knees to her chest and stared at the floor.

"I'm so sorry Tonks. I didn't mean to be so insensitive. I'm sorry," he said again, feeling hot shame prickle through him.

"You don't think I've been thinking about that?" She finally muttered in a very small voice.

"About what?"

"The fact that this potion– that if I get it wrong– that if I screw up like I always do, that you'll be dead."

Lupin wanted to crawl away and hide somewhere away from his feelings. He'd never been one for insensitivity, but it seemed all his years of not behaving like that, had finally caught up with him in one stupid joke. Of course this would affect her if she felt that way. No wonder she had seemed so flustered and nervous ever since she'd arrived. He didn't even want to think about how she'd been feeling during the days leading up to now. He bent down in front of her, putting his head in line with hers. He lifted her chin so she met his eyes and tucked a piece of blue hair behind her ear so it couldn't hide her beautiful face. She was not crying, though he hadn't expected her to be, but she was looking far more solemn than he'd ever seen.

"This is exactly why I didn't want you to do this. It's too much for you, for anyone," Lupin explained in a soft voice.

"Yeah, but I had too," Tonks said, grimacing at him before looking away.

"I know, and I'm sorry," he breathed sincerely.

He placed a hand on her cheek, tracing her jaw with his thumb until the brown eyes met blue again.

"You're not going to kill me Tonks. It takes a lot to do that with this potion, and even if it didn't, I trust you."

"That's because you know I'm better at potions than you," she said, sounding a bit like her old self again, and a very small smile forming on her face.

Lupin smiled at her warmly, happy to have Tonks back.

"That, among other things," he joked, still caressing her face. "If you don't want to continue you don't have too. I'll work something else out."

"No, I can do it," Tonks said a little grimly but somewhat more confidently.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"I know there is a lot of pressure, but I have faith in you. Don't think about the rest of it, it's just _one_ potion," Lupin added, as he slipped his hand into his pocket and gave her the last of his Honeydukes chocolate bar.

She took it and broke of a piece, eating it before nodding at him.

"Right then," he said standing up and helping her up in the process. "You ready?"

Lupin had just turned, after she nodded again, and put his hand on the doorknob, when a pair of arms encircled him from behind, gripping him hard around his ribs.

"Promise me you'll be safe," Tonks muttered into his back, the tone of worry and care in her voicing catching him off gaurd.

Lupin froze again. It seemed so unnatural to have her care about him so much. So unnatural, yet so completely heart-warming. He closed his eyes, almost trying to document this feeling exactly. Slowly he turned around and Tonks did not let him go. She burrowed her head into his chest before he'd even had the chance to reciprocate her hug.

"Do you mean during my mission?" Lupin asked, just to be sure.

She nodded, her face still hidden away.

"Tonks," He said firmly as he wrapped his arms around her small frame. "I'm going to be fine. You know that."

She moved her head and he looked at her sternly, trying to will her to believe him, but she only grimaced.

"I can't promise you anything, as we cannot promise such things at this time, but I can try Tonks."

He brought his lips to hers and kissed her lightly. He held onto her for a while, feeling her grip him tightly as she had done whenever she'd gotten the chance. It was how Lupin knew she really was worried about losing him. When he pulled back, the air around her already seemed lighter, and he smiled, still not understanding why he had such an effect on her.

"Let's get back to is," she said confidently.

He chuckled softly before letting her go and opening the door. All the eyes in the room turned straight to the pair of them. Lupin allowed Tonks to walk ahead of him.

"Sorry everyone. You know me, clumsiest person in the world," Tonks laughed nervously.

Lupin knew no one in the room believed the excuse, but they were all nodding as if they did. Molly was looking at Lupin and Tonks like she never had before and Lupin thought perhaps she was even blushing. Sirius opened his mouth to speak, but Lupin stopped him with a stern look. Sirius then grinned at him, looking from Molly and back to him in such a way, that Lupin now knew for sure that Molly understood exactly why he had been the one to comfort Tonks. Somehow he didn't really seem mind all that much.

**To be continued…**


	41. The Wonderfully Selfish Birthday Guest

**I hope you all enjoy this one because once again this is like my heart and soul in this chapter and it's attempt number two at something! So reviews are extra important!**

**Can I say accents are damn hard and I really love writing the Tonks and Lupin wit/spoken foreplay. It would totally be in Lupin's style to have it too haha**

**Reivews if possible, again really nervous and very sorry about the length, but I could have left something out at the end to make it shorter but you'd all have hated me for it**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 39**

Nymphadora Tonks sat on her bed feeling very nervous. She knew the reason behind her nerves, or at least the person, would be annoyed to learn she was feeling this way because of him, but Tonks couldn't help it. She didn't create life-threatening potions for people everyday, let alone have to sit around all night waiting to see if they worked. Remus Lupin always understated exactly how much Tonks cared for him; slowly she had noticed it was always a shock to him when she did things to prove it. Her last display, now that it was over, was completely embarrassing. She had gotten herself so worked up about making the potion that she'd lost all sense of humour and broken a jar of Monkshood because she was shaking so much. It had taken Lupin himself to calm her down, in probably one of the most intimate moments in her life. By the third smoking potion she'd made him, as they had to be done daily all week, she was very much back to her old self. Even joking along with everyone else about killing him. The funniest part of all had been watching Lupin drink it. His face of complete disgust was adorably hilarious.

Now, she had the waiting game to play, and she was not a good competitor. She had to stop herself almost hourly from yelling '_sod it'_ and storming off to Grimmauld Place. Lupin had given her strict instructions to clear off while he was transforming. Even Sirius, who Tonks had expected would allow her to stay once Lupin had left the room, forced her to leave as well. So she sat awake all night on her bed, staring out of her window. She watched the full moon rise in the sky, disrupted by skyscrapers occasionally, with a great deal of nerves.

She knew it was very unlike herself to behave this way, but she didn't care. This time last year finding a nervous Tonks would have been nearly impossible. She was an Auror, she'd be trained never to have nerves, so she could chase the bad guys down dark alleyways and still keep her wits about her. Now, worry had filtered into her system without her knowledge. It burrowed deep inside her waiting to explode out when she got the bad news it knew was coming. She had the exact opposite of her wits about her. A particularly scruffy gentleman was to blame. Somehow she could become her old self with work, and even the Order, but not with Lupin. She'd even started to worry about Sirius, who had become a mixture of the brother she never had and the type of friend she always wanted.

So she sat on her bed, contemplating to complexities of her new personality. Someone should have informed her that a grown up relationship included all these horrible traits. Bill Weasley for example, dating him had been a breeze, easier than breathing almost. It hadn't changed her; it just gave her someone new that she could poke fun at. Lupin gave her that option as well; somehow it was better to tease Lupin than it had been with Bill. Lupin was easy to embarrass, it had almost become a game between Tonks and Sirius to see who could embarrass him first. Unfortunately Sirius would usually win, as he had many years of embarrassing knowledge that Tonks didn't. But dating Lupin was not easy; it was wildly enjoyable, but not easy. There was always a complication to overcome. Yet somehow the positives by far out-weighed the negatives. Even with the new addition to her personality, nothing in her life had felt like this. No boy, well man, had ever changed her body and soul like he was. It would have almost been scary if it wasn't so much fun.

* * *

The exact second the sky turned a beautiful shade of pink flushed with orange, Tonks flooed into Grimmauld Place. She looked wildly around the room and found no one, adding to her already bubbling worry.

"Fantastic," growled Sirius' voice from somewhere Tonks couldn't see.

She took a step across and found Sirius sprawled across the ground, a smashed mug in front of him, toast butter side down nearby, and the paper on top of him. He had picked himself up far enough to inspect the front of his white bed shirt, which was covered in tea. Tonks started laughing almost immediately.

"Oh ha-ha," Sirius said bitterly as he stood, wiping his tea stained front.

"I think this is called payback. How's the floor feeling today Sirius?" She teased.

"I don't know. I have nothing to compare it too. Why don't we wait five minutes until you trip and then you can tell me," Sirius shot back.

Tonks only laughed harder.

"I think you should learn a bit of grace Dora. That way you won't scare the wits out of me next time you came barging through my fire."

"Where's the fun in that?"

Sirius paused for a second and smiled at her response.

"I think you may be the death of me one day. Me _and _Remus, but him for an entirely different reason," he added with a suggestive wink.

At the mention of his name, Tonks suddenly remembered the reason she was here, and she felt her face fall.

"Before you go dropping things again," Sirius said, obviously noticing her change in expression. "He's just fine. Your potions did the trick and unfortunately, my brother's room remains intact. He's sleeping it all off now."

Relief exploded in her, making her sigh so deeply she thought she might faint from lack of oxygen. She looked back at Sirius who was grinning at her.

"You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd say someone is in love with my furry friend."

Tonks glared at him.

"What would you know about love? From all I've heard about you it's a bit hard to fall in love with someone you only met for a night," Tonks teased.

"Ouch," Sirius laughed. "Come on, get some breakfast. Then you're going straight back home and to sleep."

He turned around and started flicking his wands at old looking appliances.

"Yes, I know you've been up all night worrying about him," he said with his back still turned.

Tonks didn't even bother asking how he knew, something inside her told her that Sirius had been doing exactly the same thing she had all night.

* * *

After a nice spread of bacon, eggs and toast was placed in front of Tonks, her good mood seemed to have gotten even better.

"So what's the plans for the birthday on Saturday?" Tonks asked with a mouth full of toast.

"Sadly nothing like what I wanted. He's leaving for his mission on the Sunday so it'll just be the usual party with the Order..."

Although she knew Lupin was to leaving after his birthday, as he'd told her that, she hadn't expected it to be _straight_ after. Worry set in again.

"…So I'm going to need you to tell Kingsley, Mad-Eye and the Weasleys. I've done the rest," Sirius finished.

"Sure. Can I find out what you had planned originally now?"

"Never," Sirius said with a grin. "I'm saving that for his next one."

Tonks rolled her eyes at him; she hated secrets being kept from her, especially when they sounded like a lot of fun.

* * *

Telling both Kingsley and Moody was a lot easier than Tonks assumed. After finishing breakfast and not being able to wait around to see Lupin because of work, she arrived on time and went straight to her cubicle. Instantly she heard the low growl of a familiar voice

"Nymphadora," Moody said as he stood in the doorway of her cubicle, nodding towards her.

"How many times do I have to tell you Mad-Eye? It's Tonks," she said, glaring at him. "Scrimgeour called you in again, did he?"

"I've become a wise voice of reason in troubling times, according to him. He seems to have forgotten that he was the first to call me completely mad years ago. He wants my help on these Death Eater missions; give them my opinion on what they're doing. Who have they assigned you too?"

"The Carrow's. Useless great lumps they are, I don't really see the point in watching them," Tonks added bitterly.

"It is always good to have an eye on your enemies, whether they be reformed, retired or in action," Moody growled, his magical eye going back into his head. "I told Scrimgeour to look within his ranks for traitors. I have long suspected Voldemort to have plants in here."

"Really?"

"He has in the past. Anyway, I need to be on my way, I have a meeting with Albus. Constant vigilance Nymphadora."

Tonks ignored the use of her first name with another roll of her eyes.

"Mad-Eye wait," she said quickly, and he turned back around. "Remus' birthday dinner is on Saturday at you know where. Padfoot wants everyone there."

He nodded at her and then left. Leaving Tonks to wonder how stupid it was that in the Ministry, her and Moody could openly talk about Death Eaters but have to code anything involving the Order. The Ministry was a very backwards place these days.

* * *

That afternoon she found Kingsley and told him about Saturday straight away.

"Stubby delegated you this duty I'm assuming?" Kingsley deep voice laughed.

"Yeah. I've got the Weasley's next. Should I go over or owl them, you think?"

"Visit. Arthur told me Molly is quite taken with you, so she'd be pleased to have the company no doubt. I'm sure a cup of tea with you could do her well, by the sounds of her level of worry lately."

"What happened?"

"Nothing. I imagine being a mother of such a large family at a time like this, especially when they're almost all involved somehow, can't be good for the nerves. I'll see you on Saturday," he added in a low whisper as Scrimgeour was coming over.

Tonks walked back from Kingsley's cubicle to her own, all the while thinking about Molly. Here Tonks was thinking about her own worry and selfishly not thinking about other people, namely Molly, who would feel a million times worse. Tonks resolved to go out and visit her the moment she finished work.

* * *

With her day's work complete, and the Weasleys address from Arthur, who had guard duty that night, but was delighted to know Tonks was visiting Molly, Tonks set off out of the Ministry. She turned down her usual alleyway once outside and apparated to _Ottery St. Catchpol__e_.

* * *

She landed in a field surrounded by large grassy hills, which looked magnificent bathed in the setting sunlight. She turned around and was in front of a very crooked looking house with many stories, no doubt held up by a supporting charm. Immediately Tonks grinned at it. It screamed Weasley to her. Each floor had probably been added as each child came into the world. Her head was slowly putting together the stories Bill and Charlie told at school about this place, it was everything they described and more. She saw a small garden filled with gnomes that were scurrying away into their holes. Mostly it was all wildly over grown with cauldron, wellington boots littered through it, as well as chickens wandering under a lopsided sign that read:

_The Burrow_.

Tonks loved it already.

* * *

She made her way through the garden and up some steps before knocking on a door. After some loud footsteps, the door opened on a nervous looking Molly. At the sight of Tonks her face softened in very motherly way.

"Tonks, what a pleasant surprise," Molly said merrily, hugging Tonks.

"I hope you don't mind. Kingsley told me to drop in."

"Not at all dear. Come on in. Sorry it's a bit of a mess," Molly added as she stood back to let Tonks in.

Tonks walked in through the door into one of the cosiest feeling kitchen's she'd ever been in, aside from her parent's. It was by no means big, Tonks even feared how they fit the entire Weasley family in here without squashing someone, but it had such a warm and welcoming vibe to it. There was a giant fireplace that had cookbooks three deep stacked on the mantelpiece, a huge clock, a very old looking owl that Tonks recognized from Hogwarts, and all the familiar dints, scraps and scratches raising a family gave to a room. The whole place was worn and tired looking, but not in a derelict way, more in the way that let the observer know how many children had been raised with love and care in the house. Molly gestured towards the table that sat in the middle of the room and Tonks sat down, still admiring the place with a half open mouth.

"Do you want some tea dear?" Molly asked, bringing Tonks back down to earth. "I was just boiling the kettle myself."

"Yeah that'd be great thanks Molly," Tonks said.

With a flick of her wand, cups, spoons and plates all came flying to the table. Another flick brought the kettle and milk, and the final brought with it some jam and cream sponge cake, which used a knife to slice itself in mid air and landed on the plate in front of Tonks. Molly poured some tea for Tonks and then started on her own.

"This place is fantastic."

"Oh, well, it's– " Molly stuttered, getting embarrassed. "It's not much."

"No, I love it."

Molly glanced away awkwardly as Tonks kept taking in her surroundings with an open mouth.

"Is that Bill's old owl?" Tonks asked nodding towards the perch by the door.

"He's our family owl. He's getting a bit old. Most of the time we have to use a sticking charm just to keep him on the perch. But he does the job well enough," Molly explained. "How did Remus' potions go in the end?"

"Good," Tonks said, quickly swallowing a piece of the most delicious cake. "Sirius told me this morning when I went to check that I hadn't killed him or something."

Tonks laughed at her joke and Molly smiled, but in such a way that it made Tonks feel like she was under investigation by a person of authority.

"Right. So how's Ginny?"

"She's fine. She loves being on the Quidditch team; it's all she talks about in her letters at that moment."

"Yeah, I almost forgot to tell you, I saw her on Valentines Day when I was there," Tonks said brightly.

"She told us in her last letter, she was really happy to see you. She said something about the Holyhead Harpies game you were going to that night. How was it?"

Having known Molly for a while now, she knew Quidditch wasn't exactly a hobby, or like, of hers, so she her Auror trained mind picked up on the fact that Molly was fishing for something. The problem was Tonks had no idea what it was. Being so uncertain about the motives made her not wish to lie like she had with everyone else who asked about it.

"I didn't end up going actually. Something, er, came up."

"So you spent Valentines at home by yourself?" Molly asked sounding to bright.

"Er, yeah," Tonks muttered slowly.

In the horribly awkward silence that set upon them both, Tonks took the chance to eat some more cake, hoping to avoid the interrogation now that she had a full mouth. Molly made no more comments, but sat there smiling at her strangely.

"Well anyway, the reason I came. Sirius is setting up a birthday party for Remus and I'm doing one half of the Order invites. So it's Saturday at Grimmauld, you Arthur and Bill are all welcome to join," Tonks finished.

"Oh that sounds lovely. With poor Remus having to go on that mission all by himself, I'll be glad to give him a happy send off," Molly mused, stirring her tea absent-mindedly.

Tonks fought a grin as she thought about how she was going to give Lupin a happy send off. When she looked back at Molly, she was inspecting her again in the same way her mother used to when she was in trouble.

"Tonks you're not dating someone are you?"

For a second Tonks feared that maybe she had some legilimency skill and immediately pushed a very private image out of her head. She bit her lip as she continued surveying Molly.

"You know don't you?" Tonks asked, slightly disappointed by her inability to hide a secret.

Molly smiled warmly, making Tonks feel like she was a five-year-old admitting a crush on a school friend.

"You and Remus?" Molly asked, and Tonks nodded. "I suspected enough."

Tonks smiled back at her sheepishly.

"You're probably going to tell me he's too old for me or something aren't you? I know he is but I– "

"Actually I think you two are quite well matched. I couldn't be happier for either of you," Molly interrupted.

Tonks looked at her for a while, her brow furrowed, and then smiled in relief. She hadn't expected this from Molly, being the protective mother she was. Inside Tonks felt happier knowing she had someone else to talk to instead of Sirius if things ever got hard again, though she knew that wouldn't happen.

"How long have you known?"

"I thought I saw something at Christmas, and I actually told Arthur that night that I thought, as strange as it seemed, you two would make a lovely couple. Then last week after your accident making his potion, I noticed how he was the first to comfort you, and I asked Sirius. He tried to lie, but, it's a mother's intuition with things like this."

Tonks blushed a little more and Molly only smiled proudly.

"I wasn't going to say anything, until you brought it up, Arthur made me promise not too. Remus needs someone like you."

Tonks smiled proudly as she sipped her tea again, it felt very real discussing it someone other than Sirius. Molly only continued cooing happy words and attempting to contain smiles for the rest of their afternoon's conversation, which _eventually_, did steer away from Lupin.

* * *

By the following afternoon Tonks was leaving the Ministry during her break to buy a present for Lupin. She'd had a long boring day of meetings about where everyone was with their respective Death Eaters, so she thought walking through Diagon Alley would be the best thing for her. Tonks was making her way through the Atrium, when she heard her name being called. She turned and found Bill waving her over with an astonishingly beautiful girl beside him.

"Tonks," he said very happily when she had made it over to him, tripping over some people in the process. "This is Fleur. Fleur this is Tonks."

Now that Tonks was up close she looked ever prettier. She was tall and willowy, with long blonde hair. She seemed to make everyone around her look uglier by the second. Instantly Tonks knew she had to be part Veela.

"Nice to meet you," Tonks said, putting out her hand.

Fleur looked at Tonks like she was infected with dragon pox.

"Eez that your natural 'air colour?" She asked, looking down her nose at Tonks.

"Er– no," Tonks said slowly.

"Tonks is a metamorphmagus. Show her Tonks."

Tonks, still staring at Fleur blankly, obliged and flicked her hair the colour purple she was envisaging in her mind. Tonks had expected Fleur to show some sign of amazement, but instead she glanced away looking bored.

"Eet doezn't seem like a useful skill," she uttered.

"Well Tonks is an Auror, so it comes in handy a lot."

"You work 'ere? Eet eez ze most depressing place I 'ave ever been to. Living with your weather is 'ard enough."

Tonks looked at Bill to check it was still him holding onto the girl saying these things. He only smiled back and shrugged.

"Anyway, we were here to get Fleur's travel documents approved so she can stay another six months," Bill announced, putting his arm around Fleur's shoulders.

Fleur stared up at him admiringly, her lovesick look nearly making Tonks gag. Quietly she thanked Merlin she had never behaved like this with Lupin.

"See you Saturday," Bill promised.

"Yeah," Tonks mumbled.

* * *

By Saturday evening Tonks found herself in Grimmauld Place amongst a very happy group of people. It was the same as her party had been, a feast on the table and everyone standing around with glasses of drink, chatting in small groups. Lupin had been pleasantly surprised by the gathering for him. Even though Tonks knew he was not supposed to know about it, there was an element of forcedness in his response when he walked into the room, that let her know it wasn't a real surprise for him. It was the first time she'd come into contact with Molly since the day at the Burrow and she kept throwing embarrassing glances Tonks' way. When Molly looked ready to walk over, Tonks took a dive towards the seat beside whoever was at the table, which happened to be Bill.

"Good spread your mum's done this time round," Tonks said quickly, watching Molly turn back to Arthur and Mad-Eye.

"Yeah it's a pretty standard Weasley celebration meal," Bill sighed, smiling at Tonks.

"So Fleur," Tonks announced with a cheeky grin.

"What about her?"

Tonks had discovered, after many years of friendship, that the most irritating thing about Bill was his inability to get embarrassed by almost anything.

"Well, she's not exactly who I saw you with. Then again you did like it best when I used to go blonde," Tonks said, grinning again.

"That's because you behaved the most normal when you went blonde," Bill teased.

"Thanks," Tonks breathed, feigning a hurt expression. "Not every girl can insult everyone and get away with it like her I'm guessing."

"You manage it," Bill laughed, sipping his mead.

"I'm glad you noticed. Still, not quite who I expected this mystery girl of yours to turn out to be though."

"And you can talk?"

Tonks furrowed her brow at him and Bill turned to her with a laugh.

"You can keep staring at me like that, but you know exactly what I'm talking about. Remus, Tonks, _really_?"

Tonks let her mouth hang agape for a moment, before sighing in disbelief as Bill smiled smugly.

"I'm going to be forced to kill your mother."

"Nah, she just couldn't hold it in with me and Dad. She kept telling us how _cute _you two were," Bill said, mocking her. "Now that's one I didn't see coming. You really wanted a change from those punk-rocker blokes didn't you?

"How _cute_ does she find you and Fleur then?"

"I haven't told them about her yet. I guess I'll have to soon but." Bill said determinedly.

"Why? It's not like your going to get married or anything," Tonks laughed.

She looked at Bill, expecting to find him laughing too, but he only shrugged.

"Merlin, you're not serious are you?" Tonks stammered nearly dropping her drink. "You haven't known her long have you? And you're already thinking about that?"

"Ah well, when you know, you know. She's a good sort, so why not?"

"You mean, she's one of the beautiful sort," Tonks grinned.

"That too," Bill said, grinning back.

* * *

Again, very much in the fashion of the two of them, Tonks and Lupin had not spoken much during the party itself. Towards the end, as mead or fire-whiskey, or both in the case of Sirius, hazes had set in for everyone, Lupin moved from the people around him towards Tonks. She'd been chatting with Kingsley and Moody, but was walking towards the drinks table when she finally locked eyes with Lupin, and it was then he walked her way. Tonks knew he was a few drinks in by now, and by no means was he drunk, but it was as if a different Lupin was walking towards her, the fun one she loved.

"Good evening," Lupin said, smiling warmly at her as he poured a drink.

"Hi," she said, looking up at him, wanting to bring his lips to hers more than ever, but knowing she couldn't.

"Enjoying yourself?"

"Yeah. It already beats my birthday."

"How so?" Lupin asked frowning slightly.

"I'm yet to have concussion," she laughed.

"I wouldn't write that off just yet. The night is still young, there are many probabilities ahead of you," he teased, sipping his elf-made wine. "Many surface's left for you to slip on I'm sure."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence. I've been having some good chats with Bill actually."

"I noticed," he said with a voyeuristic grin. "What was that all about?"

"Molly. She knows about us unfortunately."

Lupin looked over towards Molly, his face turning into an understanding smile.

"That explains a lot. I've been receiving looks from her all night, but dare I ask, why would that be unfortunate?"

Tonks bit her lip as she surveyed him standing on the other side of the table from her. He was infuriating sometimes, and if it wasn't for his stupid smile she would have done a lot more than just laugh his comment off.

"Wasn't it you wanting this all to be a secret?"

"No," he said softly. "I told you, it's up to you."

"You're evil, you know that right?"

He laughed.

"This coming from the girl who has refused to speak to me all night and only thrown glances my way, on _my_ birthday."

"I was only glancing near you, not at you," Tonks teased.

"Any particular reason we're ignoring each other?" He asked, the mischievous look back in his eye.

"To save Molly from wetting herself with excitement."

"Well, I suppose if we're being thoughtful then it's okay. I'm glad we make an impact at the least."

Tonks laughed at him, and he leaned a little closer to her over the table.

"You look beautiful by the way," he whispered into her ear.

"Are you nuts? I'm just in my work kit, I look horrid."

He shook his head, before straightening up.

"For someone who, according to Sirius, helped set up my birthday party, you seem to have forgotten one very important ritual."

"What's that?" Tonks asked looking around wildly for something that was missing. "We've got a cake, food, people, drinks, what else is there?"

"It's a very integral part to the whole birthday party concept," he grinned.

"What?" Tonks demanded, getting slightly worried.

"It start's with a happy and ends with birthday. Most people say it to the guest of honour, but perhaps your up bringing was without manners. More things I am left to instruct you on, I'm guessing."

"Or maybe, I just didn't feel the guest of honour deserved it. Did you ever think of that? By the way, is it time to get you a walking stick now old man?"

His joke had turned on him now, and he looked at her suspiciously.

"Are you attempting to hint that you know my age?"

Tonks nodded.

"That a lie," he muttered very unconvincingly.

"Sirius let it slip about an hour ago," she laughed, enjoying the power she had.

She'd expected him to withdraw into himself, or a least get embarrassed, but he seemed to only stare at her for a few moments, his forehead getting the wrinkle it did when he was thinking intensely. To Tonks' complete surprise, Lupin then smiled.

"I hope you got a gift for me accordingly then," he paused, surveying her again. "That is unless you were never taught to give gifts to the birthday boy."

"Birthday boy is a bit of a stretch. Birthday old man perhaps?" Tonks laughed as she walked around the table and stood in front of him. "I did get you a present as a matter of fact, but, I don't know if you deserve it anymore."

"Where is it?"

"Upstairs and that's all you're finding out."

She stood up on her tiptoes resting her hands on his chest, making him look at her nervously and then kissed him on the cheek, grinning as she pulled back.

"Happy Birthday Remus," she said loudly so everyone could hear and she heard Sirius snort from the corner.

Tonks didn't turn around to see Lupin's expression; she walked towards the rest of the people, none of whom, other than Sirius who winked at her, were even looking at her or Lupin.

* * *

The guests slowly filed out, and after each one left, Lupin's eyes came back to Tonks, waiting to see when she would make a move towards him. She continued talking with Bill and Mundungus, ignoring Lupin and noticing Sirius stare between them both with a satisfied smile. When Molly had announced she, Arthur and Bill, the last left in the room, were leaving, Lupin offered to walk them out. Sirius leant up against the stove, looking at Tonks, who was sitting on the drinks table on the other side of the room.

"You're brilliant. You know that right?" Sirius said with a laugh.

"Of course I do, but why this time?"

"I swear, of all the people I envisaged to annoy Remus to the ends of the earth, no one gets it as perfect as you," he explained, shaking his head in disbelief. "It's just perfect. You torture him in the best possible way."

Tonks and Sirius had both started laughing when Lupin walked in. He stopped, looking between both, before walking over and standing next to Sirius, leaning on the stove as well.

"What's so funny?" Lupin asked

"I was just commenting on how good Dora here is at teasing you."

"Ah, yes." Lupin said turning to Tonks with a wide smile. "She has it down to an art form I believe."

"Similar to you two and drinking Fire-Whiskey obviously," Tonks shot back at them.

"Well we had a lot to celebrate. I have evaded capture for near on three years, and Remus has lived for thirty-six years," Sirius explained defensively

At that Tonks grinned smugly at Lupin.

"His walking stick is getting closer and closer by the day," she laughed.

Sirius looked between the pair confused, before shrugging.

"On that note, I'll leave you two alone. Have fun, and don't break anything Tonks."

He walked out the door, leaving Lupin and Tonks staring at each other from the opposite side of the room. Tonks was determined not to leave her seat on the table and Lupin looked very comfortable where he was; a battle of wills was about to commence.

"I'm not moving," Tonks announced.

"I never asked you too."

"Yeah, but, I can see it in your eyes that you want me to. Teachers have a thing about them, they're too easy to read."

"Are we?"

Tonks nodded and Lupin began making his way over, smiling at her confidently as he did so. He reached her and stood in between her legs, which were dangling over the table. He brought his nose hers, and Tonks closed her eyes, feeling his nose gently rub against hers. It sent shivers down her spine. He then started on her lips, kissing each part slowly and tentatively, not wanting to miss a bit. She surrendered to him, melting in front of him as his hands moved to her thighs, resting them there, caressing the inside of her thighs with his thumbs. He somehow guided her mouth open and their tongues began their usual dance. Tonight, like some nights before, he tasted like chocolate, sweet and very addictive. Had she been of sound mind Tonks would have known the taste came from the chocolate cake Molly had made for him. As the kiss deepened Tonks' arms moved around his neck and her legs wrapped around his waist. Everything about his actions was so gentle and so careful that Tonks felt her entire body disappear into him. With a small noise of protest on her part, Lupin pulled back.

"So, did you see that coming?"

"No," Tonks breathed, her eyes still closed and her face breaking into a very satisfied smile. "That was definitely not readable, Professor."

Lupin laughed softly, his forehead resting on hers.

"There is extra credit homework available for you upstairs, and I strongly advise you to take it Miss Tonks," he said in his teachery voice.

Tonks was caught between shock and amusement.

"How are you not curled into a ball of embarrassment at this point? You're usually dying if I bring this up."

Lupin only smirked, raising his eyebrows making Tonks laugh, before she jumped off the table.

"Lead the way, _Professor_."

* * *

They reached Lupin's room and he led her in by the hand. He stopped dead in his tracks and Tonks ran into him from behind, not concentrating.

"Ow. Thanks Remus," Tonks growled, rubbing her nose, which had hit him squarely in the back.

Lupin turned and faced her.

"Sorry. What's that?" He asked, pointing to the bed.

On it was a wrapped package with a bow on top. Tonks turned to Lupin beaming.

"What do you think it is? It's your birthday present, you git."

Lupin smiled at her, half-surprised and half wary, before moving off towards it, Tonks following in tow. She sat down on the bed beside it as Lupin picked it up, examining very closely.

"You can't see through it, you have open it."

Lupin smiled at her as Tonks leant back on her hands on the bed. He slowly started unwrapping it and Tonks looked on nervously. The problem with giving people a joke present was the response. He unwrapped it all and held both gifts in his hand. He started shaking his head with a smile.

"A collar, Tonks, really? Somehow, I don't believe _I'm_ the one who needs controlling," Lupin teased.

"Are you insinuating that I do?"

Lupin nodded slyly. Tonks grinned at him before pulling on his shirt and dragging him to her level and kissed him. Lupin started pushing her backwards onto the bed when Tonks stopped him.

"Hang on, there's another bit to it."

Lupin stood upright and examined the collar again. Tonks grabbed the shiny red metal tag that hung off it and showed it to him. On it, with an engraving charm she'd written something.

"_If found, please return to Tonk__s_," Lupin read aloud, before flipping over to the other side of it. "_Love Tonks_."

"And I mean it," Tonks said.

His eyes found hers again and he smiled at her. He glanced over at the other thing in his hand; a small brown leather bound book.

"You gave me something from your childhood and here's mine. It's full of poems by these muggles called Blake, Coleridge, Shelley, Wordsworth, and Keats. Considering you know every book backwards I assuming they'll mean something to you, but dad used to read them to me and I thought they were pretty cool."

Tonks looked back up at him to find him frozen, mouth slightly open staring at the book. As if he'd been slapped and come back to his senses, he looked at Tonks.

"Somehow I don't believe pretty cool has ever been used against these poets before, but thank you," he added genuinely. "I cannot believe you have a book of originals. This is very rare, are you sure you want to give it to me?

"Shut up, you git. Of course I want to give it to you. You'll appreciate it more than anyone I know. I got you something else too by the way."

"Yes?" Lupin asked, looking back down at the wrapping paper on the bed.

Once again Tonks grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled his lips to hers, feeling him smile as she did so. This time she did not stop him as he gently pushed her backwards. She savoured his beautifully addictive chocolate taste, as his tongue explored her mouth. Somehow without really noticing, Lupin had moved her so her head was now on the pillows of his perfectly made bed. His strong hands held her around her ribcage, threatening to move into clothed territory and catching her shirt, exposing her bare midriff. Occasionally she felt his thumbs slide softly over her stomach as he kissed her, making her entire body erupt in goosebumps. Tonks felt herself come back into her own mind, which had previosuly been captured through pleasure, and she remembered whose birthday it was. With a cheeky grin she rolled him over, so she was on top of him, straddling his hips.

Tonks started on his shirt, slowly unbuttoning it, feeling his hands rest on the curves in her body. Just as she reached the last button and he shook the rest off, Lupin's hands moved to the nape of her neck, pulling her down so her mouth met to his. She could taste him again and it was becoming unbearable, she wanted, no she needed, things to go ahead quickly before she lost complete control with him. He always had that effect on her. She traced down his frame and heard him sigh and when she looked up, she could see how fast his chest was rising, his breathing had already become shallow and fast. Her hands reached his belt and undid it carefully, before moving to his trousers. She got them down, and Lupin kicked them off to join his shirt and linen's, which had pushed the end of the bed by both their feet. His hands came up under her shirt, and as they ran over her torso, the shirt followed, caught by his thumb. He lifted it gently off her head and Tonks felt her scalp tingle.

She looked back down at him, and found him staring up at her strangely. His hands had come to rest on hers thighs again, but he stared up at her with his head still on the pillow, a faint smile on his lips. She wanted to reach down and touch him again, but something in his stare was stopping her. His eyes raked in her in the darkness, the streetlight outside their only guide. Tonks had never felt so self-conscious but so confident at the same time, it was a strange feeling to have, but still he watched her. She wanted to laugh as she thought that this was how his books must feel when he stared at them so intently.

Breaking his eyes from her, Lupin propped himself up on his elbows and placed a hand behind her neck, gently pulling her from her sitting position so she was nearly flat on him, kissing him again. His arms crawled around her back and then, in one long precise movement, he had her underneath him. Tonks resisted the urge to comment on his sly skills, and instead she grabbed his lips with hers, catching him off guard. His long fingered graceful hands moved down her torso, sliding over skin delicately before stopping at her jeans. He peeled them away like they were a second skin and then slowly, as if she were dangerous, he had her knickers removed in a fluid motion.

As always, Tonks laughed at this action, it was always the contradicting element in him. How had a mild-mannered man learnt to do these things the way he did? How did it know how to us those hands of his that way he did? Had it been someone else, Sirius perhaps, she'd have known it would come from experience, yet with Lupin it was always a question mark, making Tonks wonder if she should be concerned, but the next moment caught her before she could voice herself. His hands moved to her bra clasp and it was gone in seconds. His mouth met hers again, roughly, as his breathing has become ragged, his lips slowly moved down her neck, making the heat from her groin slowly start to spread through her body.

He traced patterns across her shoulders and along her collarbone, before his mouth moved hotly along her newly exposed breasts, all the while his ever-present stubble burning her delicate skin wonderfully. His hands had taken to sliding up her thighs as his mouth worked its own magic. He reached her heat and his precise fingers skimmed along the folds of her flesh softly and then firmly, it sent Tonks into a dizzying high where she wanted to scream, but his mouth met hers, preventing it. His usual hesitation occurred as he held his hand away from her for that split second that could only drive someone completely mental.

Just as she was about to cry out from anticipation, he pressed one finger into her. The warmth in the pit of her stomach intensified, and as his thumb found the spot she knew even it loved, it drove her well beyond the place she was laying. Her body wanted to kick and fight something that was too pleasureable, but she was anchored by her own heat and his friction as he continued to explore her. He touched the same spot with a perfectly out-of-sync rhythm that could only allow her to think he'd learnt it, because it was too perfect. Her body squirmed at his touch, and her hands gripped things in the vain hope that if she held on tight enough, she would fall off the edge Lupin was threatening to push her from.

But she would, she knows she would, because hehad never failed to do so. His rhythm sped up and his mouth continued on her neck, leaving little red marks in its wake, causing Tonks to make noises not even she was aware of. Then, the heat that had been building and building inside her started to give out. Lupin, as if he had sensed it was coming, pressed the spot again. Ecstasy beyond ecstasy hit her in waves, making her toes curl and her head tingle. Her eyes had slammed shut and she fell back onto the bed, even though she didn't remember leaving it.

She felt Lupin fall beside her, and she could hear him panting just as hard as she was. When she felt like her breath had finally returned, she chanced a look at him. He was watching her keenly with a smile. In movement faster than she was aware of, Tonks was on top of him again. He tried to sit up, but Tonks pushed him back with a grin. She brought her mouth to his and started moving down his neck. Her lips found the distinctive mark on his shoulder, the one so unlike any of the ones on his body. The mark that made him who he was, the mark that he detested and she didn't. Without it he would have been different, he would not be the man she was in love with.

Her hands traced his scars with care, as always, kissing them to remind him of her opinion because he constantly seemed to forget that she did't care. She loved them as much as she loved him, because they're a part of him. She could see him lying back on the bed; the same small smile on his face with his eyes closed. With a grin on her face to end all grins, she took to the chance to surprise him. She moved herself and felt him slide into her.

His eyes snap open instantly, the look of surprise Tonks had expected, plastered all over his face. His arms wrapedp around her again and he brought her underneath him, letting their hips begin to move together slowly. Tonks shut her eyes, trying to memorize the feeling, the very large difference between Lupin and other boys from the past. They had been satisfying enough at the time, though awkward and stilted, but now, after Lupin, she didn't know if anything could ever feel the same again. She could not return to boys after having what is very distinctly a man. It should have been frightening, to be so open and so vulnerable with someone, but it wasn't, everything about that moment was so great and terrifying that the latter was always cancelled out.

His mouth was at her neck again, stubble burning, letting Tonks know that this was far from over. Their mouths met, and it was frantic and brutal in a clash of tongues and lips, but amazing in that way. Their hips moved in tandem, absorbing the other, making Tonks moan and sigh in response to his explorations deep inside her. The whole act could have been banal and simple, as it was something nearly every man and woman had done in history after all, yet it felt like it was made just for them, like they were inventing something comepletly thier own the longer they explored each other.

Their mouths met again, more rushed even than before, but sweet and tentative in the very Lupin-like way she was growing familiar with. The heat from her groin was ripping through her body like wildfire, making her fingers start to grip into his back as his arms wrapped around her. He started exploring the curves in her body again; somehow his hands could work around them with pleasure causing ease. Their hips collided and fell apart together, deepening with every movement and pushing her closer and closer to her edge. She can feel her body tightening and loosening in mind-bending contradictions he always delivered. His mouth found the nape of her neck, hot and soft, as he started to thrust sharply. Tonks could feel it coming, the surrender of her control, because she knew she was going to lose it and she didn't care.

The heat spread up through her body again, constricting her lungs and her throat, so all she could do was moan his name or bite her lip. Just as he would in any other situation like it, Lupin saved her the trouble, by engulfing her mouth with his own. Her hand gripped into his hair and her other was around his back, holding on so she woudln't let go, but there was no way to stop the inevitable. It came, the fall from the edge, the explosion of heat, the letting go of herself, all in a contradiction of so much pleasure it nearly borderlines on pain.

With one last thrust, the two collapsed together. Exhausted and exhilarated, as each of their bodies given an involuntary twitch, a result of their own release. For a moment she felt lost without him touching her, and then his arms engulfed her completely as she rolled into him, not caring that she was dripping with sweat, because his body is just as wet. She lets her fingernails trace along his chest, watching the skin in its trail goose bump. Heat continued tearing through her and Lupin managed to roll her over, so his arms could hold her completely and he could cuddle up behind her so they touched back to chest. Both their hearts were racing, their breathing was rapid and consciousness slowly slipped away from each, as they held each other in the afterglow of such a wonderful existence. Tonks could feel the smile on her lips as she slept, feeling like one of those selfish kids that gets a present on someone else's birthday. A wonderful, mind-blowing present at that.

**To be continued...**


	42. The Roar in the Distance

**Another long one! I'm sorry!**

**I also tried something new at the end, so let me know what you think.**

**This will be the second chapter in a row of _that_, but well, we all know whats coming, so I want these bits to be quite happy.**

**I got about 7000 views, so you guys are incredible! Reviews are lovely so please keep them coming!**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 40****.**

The roar had come up from somewhere in the distance, instantly waking the sleeping figure curled on the dirt under the still bare tree. A fire was burning below, emitting a reddish glow that bathed everything with a menacing appearance, making what should have been calm seem eerily silent. The figure immediately sat bolt upright, his eyes had snapped open and looked around warily, sniffing into the air trying to pick up a scent. If the man were a wolf, his ears would have been pricked up high into the air waiting for more noise, for the sign he'd been waiting for. He had been asleep during the roar, but was obviously very aware as to why he had been awoken so abruptly. He sat perfectly still, only his senses were his guard now. The cracking of a twig was heard somewhere nearby and the man's head shot in the direction of noise, as if he could sense what he could not see. Dust swirled in the still freezing winds, a thin veil separating the man from whatever, or whoever, was nearby. A throaty laugh sent him further up straight, if it were possible, and stiff as a board. Once again he sniffed into the air, his eyes narrowing on the area the noise had come from.

Just as the man looked ready to finally chance himself and rise from the ground, a giant figure leapt out at him, grabbing him by the throat and pushing him backwards into the tree. His head had been slammed so hard against the tree, the trunk had snapped almost in half. The giant figure stared over the man, his body more animal than human. There was a mixture of blood and dirt congealed in his hair, which grew all over his body, much more than seemed humanly possible. The first man was struggling to stay conscious, gasping for air as the hand of the large man held his throat tightly. The large man bent down and sniffed him, and with a frighteningly satisfied smile he pulled back, his amber eyes glinting with menace.

"Remus Lupin," he growled knowingly, baring his yellow pointed teeth. "What a pleasant surprise. Here to give me some more of that delicious blood of yours?"

* * *

Almost a month prior, Remus Lupin had woken in a much more peaceful place and under strikingly different terms. The arm of Nymphadora Tonks had just moved across his chest, bringing him back to his senses. With a deep breath, he opened his eyes, blinking slightly in the sunlight streaming through his windows. He saw to his delight, Tonks, asleep on his chest, the sheets loosely wrapped around her naked body. He smiled to himself, remembering the night before, remembering the best birthday he'd had in well over a decade. His body burned even from just the memories of his last act with her. Though he constantly questioned Tonks' sanity when it came to her unperturbed care for him, it did not stop the warm feeling it gave him, and this morning was among the greater of those moments. Not even the thought of the mission he would be leaving on in a few hours could dampen the feeling inside him. It was not a dangerous mission, as Lupin was only going to be there to watch, but it still meant he would be leaving the familiar and the safe.

He watched Tonks sleeping for a few moments longer, smiling at her as she slept so peacefully over his beating heart. His eyes moved to the window as he shook his head in disbelief, wondering how a girl like Tonks had managed to capture his heart. How she had managed to fall for his charms, and what backwards logic had made it all okay. Regardless of the rules, he did not mind as much as he had before, not after the displays of care he'd been shown ever since that fateful Valentines Day. He cuddled her closer into him with the arm wrapped around her body, and kissed the top of her head. Her eyes flickered and she made a satisfied groan as her mouth broke into a smile. Her brown eyes met his blue ones and her hair flicked a deep shade of scarlet.

"Morning," he breathed down at her.

Her smile intensified, but she didn't speak, she brought her lips to his softly and then put her head back onto his chest.

"What? You don't speak if you're woken early?" Lupin teased.

She glared up at him through her eyebrows and he laughed softly.

"How about I go prepare breakfast and you can come down when you're ready?"

Tonks still didn't speak, but she smiled before looking away. Lupin stared at her for a moment longer as she looked blankly out of the window, her head still on his chest. He began to sit up to get out of bed, but her uncommon strength held him down.

"Don't go," she murmured.

Lupin looked down at her, his brow knitted, waiting for the grin that should have been attached to a cheeky line insinuating what it was. Yet it never came. Slowly the real meaning dawned on him.

"You don't mean that about breakfast, do you?" Lupin asked.

She shook her head, but continued looking away.

"Tonks," he said firmly. "It's going to be fine. It won't be a dangerous mission, and I have to go, it's an Order– "

"I know that. That's not it," Tonks said.

"What is it then?"

"If you go," Tonks said, moving her head and resting her chin on his chest. "I won't have anyone to have _fun_ with, last night for example. I'm going to miss that, not you."

She grinned at him and he felt his face break into somewhat of an embarrassed smile. Though he knew this was not her real reasoning, he also understood it was best to humour her, especially if it worked for him as well.

"Well, perhaps I can give you some more _fun_ to remember me by?"

Lupin rolled over on top of her before she could even respond. Her laugh broke the silence of the house, carrying all the way down the stairs, thankfully not waking a particular portrait.

* * *

Lupin walked into the kitchen, a new spring in his step and smile on his face. Tonks was following close behind, their fingers loosely intertwined, and they dropped them once they walked inside. Sirius was reading the paper, but lowered it the second the pair had walked in. He grinned at them both.

"Have a good night then?" Sirius asked.

Lupin glared at him, pulling out a seat for Tonks, who was smiling at Sirius proudly.

"We did actually_, twice_, thank you for asking," Tonks said plainly.

Lupin stared down at her in alarm. It was very much something Sirius and James would have said, and it made his whole body tense up for a few moments. Sirius stared between Tonks and Lupin, his mouth hanging open, half smiling, half in shock, before he burst out laughing.

"God I love you Tonks. I swear Moony, if you don't marry her, I will."

Sirius and Tonks started laughing and Lupin sat at the table solemnly.

"I think that would be illegal Sirius, and besides, it is a bit early in the day for marriage proposals don't you think?"

Sirius turned from Lupin, clearly annoyed by his grumpy attitude, to Tonks.

"Ah well, we'll have some time on our hands with him gone. What do you say, Dora? I don't think it'll matter, I'm breaking enough laws already," Sirius joked.

Tonks laughed again, before scrutinizing both Lupin and Sirius whilst biting her lip.

"Sorry dear cousin, I think I'll stick with this one. He does these things with his hands that I– "

Lupin, brimming to capacity with embarrassment and alarm, loudly banged his hands on the table as he stood.

"Breakfast, I think," he said loudly, drowning out Tonks.

Sirius and Tonks started laughing as Lupin had turned his back to face the toaster and kettle.

"I was just having a laugh you git, settle down," Tonks teased.

Lupin didn't turn back around, he continued with breakfast, presenting Tonks with tea and toast like usual, before snatching the prophet from a very jovial Sirius and settling back into his chair grumpily.

"Lovers quarrel?" Sirius chimed in, and Lupin gave him a glare that could have stopped a raging dragon.

* * *

Hours later Lupin stood in the entrance hallway of Grimmauld Place, a small rucksack slung over his back, mostly full of books, and two people in front of him, waiting to say goodbye.

"Well I think that's everything," Lupin announced, clapping his hands together.

"Yeah. Right, well, be safe Remus," Sirius said glumly.

He moved forward and hugged Lupin quickly.

"Look after her," Lupin whispered as they were mid hug.

"Will do," he whispered back.

They pulled apart and he turned to Tonks, who was looking up at him very gravely. She braved a smile and then stepped forwards, wrapping her arms around his rubs and fitting into the little niche she had made in him. Lupin glanced at Sirius, who thankfully was busy pretending that something behind him had caught his attention.

"Goodbye. I'll see you soon," Lupin said.

"You better," she muttered, looking up at him.

Lupin met her lips in a sweet kiss, but Tonks moved her arms around his neck and deepened the kiss. Lupin could feel the concern in the grip she had on him and when they pulled apart he smiled down at her.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I'm not saying it back until you return," Tonks said, swallowing hard.

Lupin continued smiling as she let go. Lupin nodded at Sirius in thanks, who had stopped staring at whatever had taken his attention and turned back around. Lupin took a deep breath and grimaced at the pair as he walked towards the door. He slid his wand down it and stepped outside, before turning around to look back down the corridor. Sirius had his arm around Tonks' shoulders and was leading her away but she'd turned her heard to watch Lupin. She raised her hand in a wave and Lupin did the same, watching her until the door slammed shut on him.

* * *

A few days of travel around Northern Europe, following the signs only his kind would know, and Lupin was pretty sure he'd found the right place. At this point he assumed he was either in the very eastern points of Russia or up in Finland. He'd taken all the information he could from the reports Tonks had, and the place he stared down over matched the descriptions on her reports. He was up on a ledge with a valley in front of him full of pine trees. There was a big clearing below him, which was very visible from his newly discovered spot on the hill. Lupin was staying in the small town just down the lane, waiting for the full moon. He hated the whole place, it was cold and wet from the half melted snow and it made Lupin feel empty as he watched couples sitting in the bars and restaurants, eating together, as they laughed, enjoying each others company. Lupin had nearly broken his neck one day as he walked down the street; he'd noticed something bubblegum pink in his peripherals. It had turned out to be a poster hanging on a wall, but it hadn't stopped his heartbeat from increasing, and his neck from aching, as he'd turned it so fast in the vain hope that someone else was there. With a heavy sigh Lupin had moved on, cursing himself for his stupidity. One particular day, as Lupin was enjoying a quiet lunch in the inn's bar reading a book, when in walked a man he recognised.

"Cootes?" Lupin stuttered, staring at the man with his mouth hanging open.

The man saw Lupin and nearly jumped in fright, before shuffling away a few more feet.

"Hi Remus," he said very nervously.

The man in question was Gerard Cootes; the werewolf expert Lupin had spent time waiting for in Leaky Cauldron a few months prior. Lupin was genuinely thrilled to see him, but he did not look so happy at their chanced meeting.

"Come, join me, please," Lupin said, signalling to the seat across from him.

Gerard looked at the door he'd come through anxiously for a few seconds and then quickly walked to the table. They shook hands very briefly and when he sat down and Lupin got a closer look at him, he was alarmed at the change in him. He looked very tired and very worn and his clothes were gaping at the neck. There was a very familiar air about his unkemptness and Lupin thought he'd guess at what it was. He was most certain he was correct.

"When were you infected?"

Cootes, who was still glancing at the door occasionally, turned back to Lupin so quickly he swore he heard his neck crack. He looked fearful again.

"It was Greyback, about three years ago, while you were teaching," he mumbled, fiddling with his napkin.

"So you're here for him I assume?"

"Yes," he said, nodding very quickly, looking to the door again.

Lupin stared at him, taking in his strange behaviour, wondering what on earth was going. The last he'd seen him, just before he left for Hogwarts, he was a very friendly and intelligent man, now he was the exact opposite.

"I have to go," Cootes said, half standing.

"Is everything all right, Gerard?"

"Yeah, just fine," he said nodding very quickly again, looking anything but fine.

He turned and stalked off before Lupin could say anything more. His strange behaviour aside, Cootes arriving was a good sign; it meant Lupin was in the right place at least.

* * *

The full moon approached, and it was around the week before, that Lupin had taken to sleeping near his well-hidden spot on the ledge. So far he'd seen Greyback stalking around the town during the night, but Lupin had always kept a distance in case he picked up on his scent. It had been a hope of Lupin's that the meeting would take place very soon so he could return for the Order as soon as possible, but it seemed they were waiting for something. Lupin only had enough Wolfsbane for one transformation so if they were waiting for the second full moon he would have to return. With four days to go before the full moon, more people were visiting the clearing in the day, and even more during the night. All had the same werewolf look about them, but still Greyback didn't appear. His sleeping patterns had been horrible, as he spent most nights being awoken by the smallest sounds and the cold hard dirt was hardly a place for a good night's rest. The night before full moon had been a particularly difficult one. He'd struggled to keep his eyes open almost the minute the sun had gone down, as he watched more men that usual gather in the clearing. His eyes were getting heavy and he tried hard to fight it off, but it was a losing battle. He slumped over and curled up under the tree, asleep in seconds.

* * *

It was the roar in the distance that had woken him. Lupin sat bolt upright, using all his senses to gain as much information as possible, cursing himself for falling asleep. He could smell that someone else was nearby and with the cracking twigs to his left, he honed in on the area. He couldn't see anyone, but he could smell it was a man; blood and dirt were filling his nostrils. With a hauntingly familiar throaty laugh, a figure leapt out at him. Lupin felt his head hit the tree behind him hard with a sickening crack and then everything went black.

* * *

His eyes tried to open, but they were watering from pain and the lack of oxygen Greyback's hands were giving him. Little white dots were popping behind his eyes, and his head ached so much, that he wouldn't have been surprised to learn it had cracked open. He choked and spluttered, but Greyback only smiled at his struggles as he bent down and sniffed him.

"Remus Lupin," he growled knowingly, baring his yellow pointed teeth with a satisfied smile. "What a pleasant surprise. Here to give me some more of that delicious blood of yours?"

He let go of Lupin's throat and smiled as Lupin groaned in pain, heaving great deep breaths to fill his previously empty lungs.

"I thought it was you I could smell earlier. Now, I wonder what Dumbledore's little puppy would be doing here," Greyback smiled, obviously delighted to have caught his _prey._

Greyback noticed the small goblet beside where Lupin had been lying; he sniffed at it, his lip curling and his look darkening.

"Wolfsbane. You're pathetic Lupin. Why can't you take pleasure in what you are?"

"Because I'm not like you," Lupin growled back, trying to sit up.

Greyback laughed again, pushing him back against the snapped tree violently, causing another round of white dots to pop behind his eyes.

"I think you'll find, because of me, you're exactly like us."

Lupin glared at the man who had changed his entire life. He wanted to tear his throat out, he wanted to rage at the one who had ruined everything for him, but he didn't, he stayed held against the tree trying to keep a grip on his consciousness.

"Do you want to attack me Remus? Have you finally grown the spine to give into the rage that I know runs through those pitiful veins?"

Lupin made a noise at him that sounded almost like a growl and it only made Greyback laugh.

"It's in there, even if you ignore it," he said sadistically. "It's enough to welcome you into my ranks if you desire it. I could do with a man like you."

Lupin just continued glaring at him, every breath hurting as it came out, no doubt the result of broken ribs. Greyback laughed again.

"Weak," he spat. "Take pride in what you have become, do you? A house-trained werewolf. There's no such thing. One day the smell of their tender flesh will drive you into action."

Lupin's breathing had become shallow as he pictured Tonks so clearly in his mind being attacked; only what made it so haunting was that it was him doing it. He could feel the anger inside him that he so often held onto, exploding to an uncontainable level. Blood pounded in his ears as he tried to fight against the image, so ashamed of what he was, so angry at himself and Greyback. He growled again, before finally taking action and jumping at Greyback with a scream of rage. Greyback, though admittedly shocked, caught Lupin's wrists in mid-air, holding him there, inches from his own face. He smiled at him before throwing Lupin away like a rag doll. Lupin landed on the hard ground a few feet away; right where his ribs had already been broken. Pain ripped through him and his body withered in agony. A foot flipped him over and Greyback stared down at him, the red glow from the fire in the valley giving him a devilish shadow across his face.

"Stay and listen, if you wish. I don't care if Dumbledore hears this. You can look forward to a scratching behind the ears for this information. Pathetic."

Greyback walked away and Lupin moved with a great deal of pain, trying to find his wand.

"You will attack them one day; no amount of precautions can save you from your natural instincts. You're one of us, Lupin," Greyback's voice called out from some way away. "Join us and we can take over this world together."

It would have been a fitting moment to scream _never_, but Lupin was in too much pain to do anything of the sort.

* * *

The following morning found Lupin still hunched underneath the tree, he was in less pain, having used his wand to heal his ribs and broken collarbone. As his mind wandered over a few things in the morning light, something made him sit bolt upright, ignoring the pain that burned through his body. He frantically started patting his pockets, shoving his hand in the left one, sighing heavily in relief when his hand gripped a small metal circle inside it. He pulled out his hand and opened it, a small red metal tag resting on his palm. Fittingly the side he'd wanted to see was facing up.

_Love Tonks_

He smiled despite himself and then settled back against the tree, returning the tag that had given him some comfort over the last few weeks safely back where it belonged. His mind wandered back to his task at hand. Greyback had spent the night talking to the men below, and Lupin thought he was speaking louder than usual for his benefit. Lupin didn't know whether to be disappointed in himself, or not, for his abysmal spying skills. Yes, he did find out all the information he'd come for, but he had been discovered. His night's sleep had not helped him. It was a very disturbed one, full of drams of attacking Tonks and Sirius or waking every half hour in pain from rolling onto his ribs. He made his way down to his room at the inn that morning, and collapsed on the bed after a hastily eaten meal and Wolfsbane. He slept well into the afternoon, his sleep still broken by dreams of his own attacks on people he knew. He awoke and forced himself to walk back up the snowy mountains to his spot above the clearing.

* * *

Lupin had stayed awake all night, transformed, but able to stay with himself thanks to the Wolfsbane. It had not been a pretty thing to watch and an even harder thing to ignore and not join, as he had to keep fighting his wolfish instincts not to. The werewolves, led by Greyback, slaughtered anything that came into the clearing, including an unfortunate elderly villager. Just prior to transformation, Greyback had launched into a tirade about joining voices with Voldemort, as he would be the only one to truly understand the werewolf. Voldemort was going to give these men people to eat, free reign over tender flesh they could tear apart. Lupin was revolted by his own kind, and he shivered deep down into his spine as a great roar of celebration came up after Greyback had made this promise. It sickened him that he was a part of these men. To his relief he knew he could return to Grimmauld Place and a full day's rest, he set off on his journey home the following morning, to Sirius, to the Order, and to Tonks.

* * *

Lupin arrived in London late that afternoon; his journey had drained him of most of his energy, but the thought of the comfort and the home he was heading to brought almost all of it back. He decided to walk to Grimmauld, a small smile on his face he just couldn't get rid of. He noticed, from a muggle paper he saw on the ground, that it was April now, which shouldn't have been a surprise, but the year was slipping away too fast. He made it all the way to Grimmauld and stopped outside, thinking hard. Then it popped into view and his heart swelled, even though his mind tried to tell him something horrible may have happened while he'd been away. He slid his wand over the door, rejoicing in the sound of the clicks. He walked down the usually dingy and musty smelling hallway, but it seemed much brighter than he remembered. He paused at the top of the stairs to the kitchen. He could hear a very unfamiliar voice emitting from it over the top of loud chatter of what sounded like a group of people. Lupin knitted his brow; they didn't usually have Order meetings this early in the afternoon. He descended the stairs slowly, the voices only getting louder as he approached the door. He the tried best he could straighten himself up before he walked in. But it was really of no use, his clothes were shabbier than usual and he knew he looked quite sickly himself, which is what happened after many nights of little sleep. Thankfully most of his injuries were hidden under his clothes. He pushed open the door and was quite surprised with what he saw.

* * *

Sirius was sitting in an armchair that he'd dragged up the table so he could rest his feet on it. Bill and Mundungus were at chairs either side of him, as Sirius was at the head. There was another redheaded boy beside Mundungus and from all he'd hear Lupin assumed this was Charlie Weasley. Molly and Arthur had taken seats opposite each other, mugs in each of their hands. Hestia and Diggle were gathered near Molly and Arthur; all four of them had obviously just been talking. To Lupin's delight Tonks was also in the room, she was between Arthur and Bill. There was a wireless in the middle of the table, blaring sponsorship announcements; this had obviously been the unfamiliar voice. All chattering in the room stopped when Lupin had walked in, and for a moment an awkward silence descended upon them all. Tonks looked like she was stuck somewhere between shock and mischief, but her lips were slowly turning up into a smile

"Well bugger me," Sirius uttered, causing everyone to laugh.

They all stood up from their seats and walked over to Lupin, loudly rejoicing his return and welcoming him. Molly was the first to reach him and pulled him into a backbreaking hug. There were handshakes, back pats and short hugs and then there was Tonks. Whether it was his imagination or not, the people around her seemed to part perfectly, as she stood there, smiling, but scrutinizing him, maybe to check if he was really there or not. She took a few steps towards him and he bent down and hugged her tight, closing his eyes as he breathed in the familiar scent he'd so sorely missed. It was nearly impossible to let her go, but the eyes of everyone in the room staring at him made it possible. They all sat down, Lupin taking up the other head of the table. Everyone continued looking at him, smiling pleasantly.

"So do we have a meeting?" Lupin asked looking around at everyone.

"Nope. Dora thought it'd be a good idea for everyone to come over for the Quidditch finals. Harpies versus the Tornado's," Sirius clarified.

Lupin at with everyone for a while, telling some of the tame stories from his trip, but before long he couldn't handle just staring at Tonks. His skin seemed to be burning without her touch now that she was so close. He smiled at her before standing from his chair.

"I think I'll just go unpack," he announced quickly.

He gave a meaningful glance towards Tonks, and Sirius winked at him, before grinning smugly. The roar from the wireless let Lupin know the commentary had finally started.

_Well, I'm sure today is the day Quidditch fans throughout the United Kingdom have been waiting for, The Quidditch Cup Finals. We'd like to thank our sponsors for today, Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans, Quality Quidditch Supplies and __Kwikspell..._

Lupin headed towards the door and when it shut, he leant against the wall opposite, waiting. It was only seconds before the pink-headed girl was standing inches from him. The two made moves for each other at the same time and Lupin had her up against the door, his mouth against hers, savouring all that he had missed. His hands were moving around her body with frantic pace, as if he was searching for something he'd lost. His hands had crept under her shirt and were tracing circles along her lower back, fighting the urge to strip off her clothes completely. When Lupin heard footsteps, he pulled back from her and grabbed her hand, leading Tonks upstairs.

"My place," Tonks whispered into his ear and Lupin nodded.

They moved outside quickly, Lupin feeling very unlike himself, but not caring too much, not with the promise of Tonks' company like a shining beacon ahead of him. They crossed into the garden and disappeared in the blink of an eye.

…_The two teams are still flying through their training routines, the crowd in the stadium seems to be building to capacity. They haven't met in the finals for over one hundred years, so I'm sure we're all guaranteed a very entertaining game today…_

* * *

Lupin apparated right into Tonks' flat, only letting go of her hand when they'd landed safely. Her flat was a mess, but it only made Lupin feel more like he was home. He smiled to himself.

"What?" Tonks asked.

"I'm happy to see you haven't cleaned up for me," Lupin teased.

"Oh, bugger off. How was I supposed to know you were coming back anyway."

Lupin laughed as Tonks turned to walk to the kitchen, but he reached out and grabbed her elbow, pulling her back into his chest. She looked back up at him, clearly confused.

"I was just getting us a drink."

Lupin shook his head at her, grinning as he did so. He slid his hand over her cheek and behind her neck, pulling her mouth to meet his again, savouring the feeling, the taste and the sensation he'd somehow lasted a month without. Her eyes shone with lust and need and he knew his would have been doing the same. He was not animal enough to purely miss _that_ side of the two of them, in fact what he had missed most was her company and her laugh, but it did not stop _that_ from kidnapping his mind. Immediately the two started shuffling backwards, towards her bedroom. They pushed through the door and fell onto the bed with a laugh

…_Both teams are mounting their brooms, waiting for the referee to open the crate. The teams certainly look to be in their best form today. The quaffle is released and it looks like…yes, Jones for the Harpies has caught it…_

Tonks was on top of Lupin first, her arms wrapped under his head as she started kissing him. Lupin kicked off his shoes, feeling his world shift in whatever direction Tonks' tongue was moving, all the while, lifting her shirt over her head.

…_Mother of Merlin, it's hard to keep up,__ this game is faster than any I've ever seen, but it looks like…oh that was close. The Tornado's seeker Lynch narrowly missed one of stands as she tried to dodge that bludger…_

Tonks was rushing through Lupin's buttons, and she had his shirt completely off in seconds. Her lips came back to his as her hands moved to his belt, ripping it off him almost. If Lupin were wearing clothes he cared about, he would have feared for the state of them, as the two of them were nearly tearing them apart at the seams, desperate to get to each other. Lupin saved her the trouble and took them off himself, before pulling back to grin at her. He had her underneath him in seconds and the sound of her laugh rang in his ears.

…_The Tornadoes get their fi__rst touch of the Quaffle. Morgan is racing towards the goal, lets hope the Harpies can keep him off…_

Lupin stared down at Tonks, who was still laughing happily, as he undid her belt. Her jeans were gone in a matter of seconds and it was then Lupin began kissing her again. Her mouth tasted sweeter than he remembered, but perhaps that was what going away did to memories. He began tracing down her neck quickly, undoing her bra clasp and removing it as if it never really existed. He stopped all movement for a few seconds, just taking in the vision below him. His eyes raked her body; her milky white flawless skin that spoke only of innocence only he knew didn't really exist. He studied the way her collarbone and her hipbones jutted out perfectly, mesmerised by their symmetry. His eyes followed the rise and fall of her breasts almost hypnotically. It all seemed outrageous that he could come home to this.

_The Tornado's have exposed a weak left si__de of defence in the Harpies, Birch passes to Letsby, who feigns to get over Gwenog._

Lupin started nibbling across her shoulders and moved hotly along her breast. He glanced quickly up at Tonks, and found her already biting her lip with her eyes closed, which only made him grin before carrying on. He let his hands slide down her stomach, kissing it as goosebumps appeared. She twitched and shuddered from his touch, as if her body was revolting against what it knew he was capable of. Tension between the two was so heavy it felt like it was pressing on him.

…_It looks like a broken nose for __Birch, but he's still flying on in the wake of Jones. The Harpies have the Quaffle and the three chasers are juggling it between them all. No wait, intercept! Peakes has it for the Tornadoes and he's tearing towards goalposts…_

Lupin's hands began their ascent up Tonks' thighs, feeling her body continue to struggle against them. He removed her underwear even faster than usual, but then again, everything so far had been much faster than before. It was fast, raw, and passionate, after all they had a month to catch up on. He could feel her heat inviting him in and Tonks looked ready to kill him if he did not accept the invitation soon.

_Peakes __passed it along to Letsby and Long is in the way to take it from them but, oh that's a got shot from the Tornado's Beater, got her at the right time. Letsby has an open shot at goal and he shoots and SCORES…_

Lupin sunk a digit into her, hearing her exhale loudly as he did so. He'd missed her warmth and her heat and it wasn't until then that he'd realised just how much. He waited a few moments before moving, feeling her fingernails dig into him a little harder as he explored her.

_The Quaffle is back up and, Jones intercepts it again, she looks fiercely determined and she…oh that has to be foul play…no the referee is letting it go…Harpies are making moves towards to__ the other the goal posts for the first time in this match…_

Just as Lupin had began pressing the spot he knew she loved, Tonks had flipped him over with that uncommon strength of hers, completely changing everything. She brought her mouth to his roughly and her nails lightly raked his frame, making heat tear through his entire body, he didn't know how much longer he could bare now.

…_That'__s another blocked goal for the Harpies, Jones is looking very frustrated at this point…_

She was playfully biting his neck, almost making him laugh as she tickled him and when Tonks noticed this, she laughed. She took her usual position, straddling his hips and Lupin knew she had to be teasing him being so close, but so far away at the same time.

…_Something seems to be going wrong with the Harpies, as that's another two __goals to the Tornadoes without even fight from the goalkeeper…_

Tonks had his arms pinned back over his head as she made her way down his chest, paying particular attention to his scars like usual. It was common for Lupin to leave things to her at this point, but something in him desired a change.

…_INTERCEPT__ED BY BIANCO. She passes it along to Gwenog, Merlin I wouldn't want to be in her way right now…_

Lupin wrapped an arm around Tonks and rolled her underneath him, her look of surprise making him smile. Their mouths met, desperate and almost violent, as their tongues battled for dominance.

…_That's a goal by Bianco for the Harpies. The game is turning in the Harpies favour now. With a quick snap back into play they've swooped in and grabbed the quaffle again, streaking off to the other end of the field…_

It seemed almost unnatural for Lupin to be behaving this way, to be going with the animal instinct that called out from deep inside. It was these moments that Lupin usually controlled himself, calmed himself to behave gently and softly and used his own self-restraint for Tonks' sake. But it seemed the compounding factors of being away from her and missing her as much as he had, could not allow him to do anything short of losing control.

…_Morgan__ slides right into the way of Bianco and…oh, come on that has to be a foul this time! Tornadoes get the quaffle back, but the opposition has other ideas, that's a well timed bludger from the Harpies…_

His hands returned to her warmth again, watching Tonks bite her lips as he pressed into her. She bit down onto his shoulder the further he explored; perhaps worried she would make too much noise otherwise. Every movement he made resulted in a sharp exhale of breath from her.

…_The tornadoes are back and ready to fight for this one no matter how muc__h unfair play it's causing. Letsby steals the quaffle and is up in the air higher than any of the others…_

Lupin's self control was gone and Tonks' eyes burned with need. A want for him. A want he was very happy to oblige. His mouth crashed down onto hers and then, needing no further encouragement from her legs, which were wrapping around him, Lupin entered her.

…_GOAL! Letsby__ gets one in for Tornadoes and they shoot back down the pitch to start all over again…_

When he was finally completely buried in her warmth, Lupin exhaled a long breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. Tonks let out a low moan that was swallowed by her own gasp. He kissed her again, and she met his lips hungrily, her hands moving from where they'd been clutching his arms to his shoulders and neck.

…_Lynch is looking groggy from her crash with the stands but Dowling has no way to take advantage of this with the lack of snitch sightings so far…_

Suddenly her hands were all over him and a soft stream of barely coherent words and gasps spilled from her as they sped up. Lupin noticed the usual tugging feeling inside, that let him know the warmth was going to spread through his body very soon. Tonks had her fingers nails further into his back than he thought ever before.

…_Jones and Bianco are streaking towards the other end passing over players to each other, oh! Jones is taken down by that marvelous bludger hit by Abdul, but Bianco is still there, she lines up for the middle ring and SCORES… _

The warmth in his navel started to build as he ventured further into her arousal. Each broken thrust felt like it was bringing him closer to her than he had ever before. He could feel her body writhing already, trying to balance the pleasure the pair seemed to give each other. Only Merlin knew why they were perfectly matched, and perfectly in line, here and nowhere else.

…_Tornadoes get the quaffle. Something has gone wrong with the Harpies again. Jones is yelling at her Keeper and she's missed two quick goals from Birch. If they don't pull it together soon this game will slip away before the snitch is even sighted…_

Although it seemed impossible, their movements intensified and their pace quickened. Lupin did not know whether to classify his recent loss of control as a strength or a weakness. Had he overcome his insecurities or was he merely indulging them? Tonks mouth, hot and wet, met the side of his face, snapping him from any thought other than the current moment.

…_THEY'VE SEEN THE SNITCH! Lynch and Dowling are diving in the chase of this golden speck. Lynch is trying to knock Dowling off her broom, but she seems to be hanging on for now…_

His stubbly mouth moved down her neck, leaving the marks that never seemed to stay for longer than a day on her. The burning fire in his navel was spreading and by the look on Tonks' face, she was encountering the same problem. She let out another string of incoherent words and sighs, wrapped up in moans and groans. Lupin felt his body start to tense, coiling up in preparation for what was coming.

…_That was a spectacular pull up by both seekers. The snitch seems to have gone under the stadium but both seekers are hotly on its trail. They're back up again and it goes through the middle wring, surely they can't both fit through that, and yes it looks like, DOWLING GETS THROUGH AND CATCHES THE SNITCH! HARPIES WIN! HARPIES WIN THE QUIDDITCH CUP!_

The coil inside him, that held everything together, snapped. He knew the peak had risen in Tonks by the sound of her moan and the fact that her entire body seemed to be arching underneath him. A final thrust resulted in the pair crashing onto the bed together, panting very loudly as pleasure continued cascading down on them in waves. Lupin looked over at Tonks, she had her eyes closed again and a smile on her lips. Feeling somewhat guilty by his lack of self-control and usual gentleness, Lupin brushed his lips over her shoulder and up her neck, catching her swollen lips in a soft kiss she eagerly responded too. It was the kind of apology no one could refuse. She rolled over to face him, and their foreheads rested on each other's, her face alight with a post-coital glow. The burning desire for her still ripped through his abdomen, but holding her was enough to keep it at bay. He felt alive, he felt content, he felt loved, and most of all, he finally felt like he was home. Tonks was brushing his lips with light kisses and when he felt a noticeable absence of her, Lupin opened his eyes, only to find her staring at him with a curious smile.

"What?" He asked in a hoarser than normal whisper.

"I wonder who won the match?"

Lupin chuckled to himself as he pulled her closer. Of course she would think about Quidditch now.

"By the way, I think I owe you something now that you've returned," Tonks said, bringing her nose to touch his, as he lay on the pillow.

Lupin felt her knee slide between his and their legs began to intertwine. Lupin started caressing her feet with his own, smiling as he did so.

"What's that?"

He had his hand on her cheek, caressing it with his thumb and her eyes, big, beautiful and innocent as they were, met his with a blazing look.

"I love you," she said, grinning mischievously before kissing him again lightly.

**To be continued…**


	43. The Flaming Red Surprise

**We're getting to the last handful of ootp chapters now! Only one more event to happen before the final one :(.  
**

**Anyway this chpter was great fun to write, because it's Tonks and Lupin at thier best!**

**In case it is confusing this chapter literally starts about an hour after the last one ended.**

**Reviews are very very helpful, so please help me out! good and bad!  
**

**Enjoy. **

* * *

**Chapter 41**

Nymphadora Tonks woke with weight on her stomach, not much, but enough to know something was resting on her. She looked down and found a hand, open and palm down, over her belly button. She followed the hand with her eyes, up an arm, and to the body of Remus Lupin. He was asleep on his side, facing her, his arm outstretched over her. It was a mark of ownership perhaps, one Tonks would usually have been outraged by, as no man would ever own her, but that was before him. It was remarkable what he had done to her.

Tonks continued looking into his face. He had always looked so peaceful in his sleep; perhaps it was because it was the only time his mind wasn't continuously turning over like it did all day. It was the one time he stopped, he wasn't guarded and he wasn't self-conscious. Secretly Tonks liked the sleeping Lupin, because she knew it was how he should be. Yet, if he ever realised his true potential he wouldn't be the same man. Tonks would make that sacrifice, to lose the man she loved, if he ever discovered it, because Lupin at his true potential would be a marvellous thing to behold.

She turned back to her alarm clock and found it was only seven. She'd only slept for an hour or so and the room was completely dark now. The sun had been setting when she'd fallen into bed with Lupin about two hours before. It had been a surprising hour with him to say the least. He'd just returned from his mission and the two had come here. What was usually a gentle, sweet, and loving act between the pair, had become a fast, needy and passionate union, so unlike anything before. It was raw and animalistic, what she thought had been in him all along. His absence had obviously been a factor, as she was so keen to have him as her own again that nothing, not even clothes, were going to stand in their way. It was desperate, on both their parts, and she had clung onto him like nothing before.

The month without him was not as bad as Tonks had anticipated. She'd never been the type of girl to lose all sense of fun just because her significant other was gone, but then again Lupin was different. She'd been at work most of the time, but she made sure she was at Grimmauld Place at least three times a week. Sirius seemed very happy to have her around, and his fits of sullenness seemed to disappear whenever she, or the others, appeared. It had been a fun time, and she'd prevented herself from worrying with as much strength she had.

The hardest had been the moments just before sleep. It was then she worried and it was then she missed him. She wanted to wrap up in him, as she had done the last six months. For so long sleeping alone had been natural, it had been the most comfortable. Other people in her bed had only made her feel trapped, but with Lupin she had hardly even noticed. Without him her bed seemed far too big, there was a big Remus shaped gap that she felt every night. Now it was happily full again. She looked back over him, deciding not to waste the opportunity she'd been looking forward too for so long.

She moved closer into him, forcing the hand her had on her stomach to move over her hips and behind her back as she rolled into him. Up close, he looked exhausted and gaunt, but she had half expected it. He looked like he needed a week of motherly care, and she was very happy to oblige. She lifted her hand up and placed it on his cheek, gently running her fingers through his greying hair, pushing it off his face. Tonks smiled to herself as she heard him make a sleepy, yet satisfied sounding groan.

The arm over her back, cuddled underneath her, so it was completely around her, engulfing her in his arm. She let her fingertips lightly stroke his face, paying particular attention to the recent looking bruises and cuts, the result of his mission no doubt. A small smile formed on his lips, calm and peaceful looking, and his eyes opened. The dark blue eyes came to rest on her, and Tonks continued gently running her fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes again, smiling before moving his head further into his pillow, looking more comfortable than she'd ever seen him.

"You can't go back to sleep," Tonks breathed softly.

"Why not?" Came his voice, muffled by the pillow.

"We have to get back to Grimmauld. Sirius will want to see you and we have a meeting later."

Lupin shook his head before rolling over, facing away from Tonks and making noises in disagreement. Tonks laughed as he so clearly reminded her of a boy who did not want to get out of bed for school. She moved behind him, slipping an arm under his and down around his chest. The hand of his that had been resting under the pillow grabbed onto hers, inter-linking their fingers. He groaned in approval again, before moving his other hand onto her upper thigh, which was behind him. Tonks relished in the level of security she had at that very moment. She let her eyes scan him, stopping on a very large and scary looking bruise near his ribs.

"What happened?" She blurted out in alarm before she could stop herself.

Lupin's head moved and noticed her gaze on his ribs. He lifted the arm that blocked his vision of it and then, noticing what she had, he dropped it again, returning his head back to the pillow.

"Greyback," he muttered.

Tonks knew the lack of explanation meant something.

"Are you alright? I have dittany and– "

Lupin rolled over her to face her, cutting her off mid sentence.

"I wasn't at the time," Lupin whispered, his blue eyes unreadable. "But I am _now_."

He caught her lips in a quick kiss, before exhaling wearily and closing his eyes again.

"We can't skip the meeting," Tonks said sadly.

"I know. I just haven't slept so soundly in weeks."

"We can sleep after," Tonks said, feeling her heart melt knowing he slept better with her than without.

"Very well then," he said with finality, but still he didn't move, he just held onto her, his lips resting on her forehead.

"One thing I'd like to know."

"Yes?" Lupin said, taking a deep breath as if he was preparing himself for something.

"How did I get you so wrong?"

"What do you mean?" He said, his eyes snapping open and looking down at her in alarm.

"Well I didn't expect what came out of you before to happen. I didn't think of you as the throw a girl down and have your way with her kinda guy."

His face softened into a smile.

"They say don't judge a book by its cover for a reason, you know?"

"Fitting for you to use book metaphors," Tonks laughed, Lupin doing the same.

"I missed you," he said softly after his laugh had died away, searching her eyes for a response.

Tonks shrugged, well, as much as she could lying down, and then pouted at him.

"I s'pose I missed you a bit," she teased.

Lupin sighed at her.

"How long have we been asleep?" He asked, attempting to divert the conversation.

"About an hour."

Lupin sighed exhaustedly, dropping his head back onto the pillow.

"If we don't get back to Grimmauld, Sirius will never let it rest," Tonks said, when she saw his eyes close again.

"I think we run that risk either way. In fact, I would hardly call it a risk, it is a definite," Lupin added casually.

He took another deep breath and let go of Tonks, before the two of them stood up together. Tonks was surprised by how far their clothes had gotten. One shoe was in her wardrobe, the other under her bed, he underwear lost in the bed covers, her jeans were hanging on the door handle, which was still open, as closing the door when they came in hardly seemed important, and her shirt was hanging over the bed-side lamp. Tonks had dressed herself before Lupin, so she sat down on the bed watching him. He'd managed to get a hold of everything but his shirt, so he was stomping around the room shirtless. At one point he stopped and surveyed the room, making a small humph noise when he didn't spot it. Tonks couldn't fight the laugh that escaped her lips. Lupin looked across at her.

"I think you should just go like that," Tonks teased. "It's a good look on you."

Lupin flashed her his teacher eyes, begging her to be serious.

"What? It is. I don't mind it all."

"Yes, but the rest of the Order may," Lupin said, his mouth twitching as if he wanted to smile, but instead he went back to looking around the room.

"We can do magic, you know," Tonks said knowingly.

Lupin removed the wand from his pocket and held it in the air.

"_Accio_ Shirt."

Tonks could feel something trying to move underneath her and she shuffled across. She was sitting on his shirt. She looked up at Lupin with a sheepish grin.

"You did that on purpose, didn't you?" Lupin asked, the grin he'd been suppressing finally appearing.

He'd moved so he was standing above her, but their heads were in line, their faces inches apart.

"I didn't, I swear, I just sat down."

Lupin only smiled at her expectantly, trying to take the shirt from her, but Tonks wouldn't let it go. Very slowly he moved his head closer to hers, his lips so close she thought she could feel them touching, but she knew they weren't. His breath was hitting her lips, hot and moist. She felt her eyes slowly drift closed. She was so close to him she could taste him, that sweet chocolatey taste she'd become addicted to. Just as Tonks was about to put her arms around him, she felt the shirt ripped from her grasp and a brush of cold air on her lips. Her eyes snapped open angrily to see Lupin buttoning up his shirt in front of her smugly.

"That was just cruel," Tonks said, pouting again.

Lupin continued on his shirt, pulling his jumper on over the top when he was done. He glanced over at her unflinchingly; receiving what had to be the darkest look she had ever given. Her hand reached down for her wand and Lupin laughed.

"The amount of tricks you've played on me, and I do it once, and you want to hex me. Besides, I don't know if you attempting to curse me would be your smartest move."

"First of all, my tricks have never been that cruel," Tonks said, causing Lupin to scoff. "Secondly, hexing you would be the greatest thing I could ever do."

Lupin sighed loudly as Tonks twisted her wand in her fingers.

"Alright, you can have a free shot at me some other time, for now, we have a meeting to get too," Lupin said, holding out his hand for her to stand.

Tonks glared at him and ignored his hand, standing on her own. They walked out of her bedroom, in silence.

"Fancy walking there?" Lupin asked brightly.

Tonks nodded, still glaring at him, but he only smiled in response. They walked out of her building and down onto the street. Just as they'd turned the corner, Lupin slyly slipped his hand around hers, interlinking their fingers again. Tonks, who was still feigning anger, found it very difficult not to smile at the warm happy feeling spreading through her body from his touch

* * *

Lupin had only let go of her to open the door to Grimmauld with his wand. Once inside Tonks started her walk down towards the dining room, where she could hear everyone was, but she was jerked backwards by Lupin. She landed in-between the wall and Lupin, who was surveying her with a mixture of amusement and disbelief.

"I didn't think your silent treatment would last so long. I'm proud, but what can I do for you to forgive me?" He asked, glancing down the empty corridor.

"Well, I don't know," she said slowly, playing with him. "I s'pose what caused the silent treatment could be grounds for forg– "

Tonks was cut off by his lips, which had pressed against hers. He pressed her up against the wall, lifting her off the ground slightly and causing her to wrap her arms around his neck. Inside Tonks was burning with a bright white happiness, completely surrendering when Lupin attempted to deepen the kiss. Tonks had lost herself in him, and of all the times she needed to not do so, now was one of them.

Unnoticed by either Lupin or Tonks, Albus Dumbledore had walked up the kitchen steps and gone to open the dining room when he stopped, his attention caught by the moving figures at the end of the hallway. Tonks and Lupin were hidden mostly in the dark, but it was still possible to make out who they were and what they were doing, thanks to Tonks' bright pink hair. Dumbledore cocked his head sideways, surveying them while he held onto the doorknob. He smiled at the writhing pair knowingly, as if he'd finally got the confirmation of his suspicions. With a very quiet chuckle, and a significant look to Fawkes, who was on his shoulder, Dumbledore walked into the dining room, closing the door quietly so as not to disturb them.

"You're forgiven," Tonks said breathlessly when Lupin let her go.

Lupin nodded curtly and stood back, allowing Tonks to walk ahead of him. Somehow Tonks had lost the ability to walk, as her knees felt like they would give way at any second. She floated to the door and walked into the dining room, every head turning towards her very quickly. Tonks smiled apologetically at everyone and then took a seat beside Charlie, knitting her brow at everyone's confused looks. Just before she was about to ask what was going on, Molly did it for her.

"So, I still don't understand, why are you here Albus?"

While Molly had been speaking, Lupin had slunk in, only a few people noticing, as almost everyone was staring at Dumbledore. Tonks glanced around in search of Kingsley. She'd invited him over that afternoon for the Quidditch final, but he'd said he had business with Fudge. Annoyingly, he wouldn't tell her what it was, and she was hoping to get it out of him tonight, but he wasn't around.

"Well it seems, my presence at Hogwarts is now in violation of an Educational Decree. Number twenty-four if I am not mistaken."

"That was the no groups of more than two people, right?" Sirius asked.

"Yes. It seems I have been secretly holding meetings of an organisation called Dumbledore's Army. So secret in fact, that I did not know I was even partaking in them, let alone heading them," Dumbledore added merrily.

Molly shrunk in embarrassment, Sirius sighed in disappointment, Bill smiled and Lupin looked at Dumbledore very gravely. The rest of the groups looked dumbfounded and Tonks was fighting the disappointment at the thought of Harry and the rest finally being caught. Dumbledore caught the eyes of a few people, including Tonks, and smiled at them, before turning to the rest.

"Harry and a group of other students have secretly formed a Defence Against the Dark Arts study group, I assume to make up for Dolores's lack of practical instruction. At a certain juncture they had named this group Dumbledore Army," Dumbledore explained. "Fudge barged into my office this evening, with Kingsley and Dawlish, informing me of such things. Upon the arrival of Harry it became very clear they were going to use this to finally discredit and expel him."

"Has Harry been expelled?" Lupin asked, sounding worried.

"Oh no. As I explained, the group was clearly named Dumbledore's Army, not Potter's. It is far more useful for Harry to be at Hogwarts rather than myself."

"How did they finally discover it?" Sirius asked, still looking disappointed.

"A young girl who was part of the group went to Dolores informing her on the meeting tonight. Marietta Edgecombe, her mother works for the Ministry, which is unfortunately the downfall in the entire situation."

Dumbledore went onto to explain the rest of the story, and Tonks took particular delight when she was informed of what Hermione had done to the list of names. It involved a very clever hex and a lot of pimples, Tonks had never been prouder of her.

"But in the meantime it seems," Dumbledore said, smiling very proudly, "I am a wanted man."

Questions were hurled in all directions, the noise growing louder and louder. Eventually Dumbledore held up a hand to silence them.

"We still have a lot of security at Hogwarts, so it is in very safe hands even though I am not present. I do not believe it is a wish of Voldemort's," Dumbledore paused as Molly winced, "to take over Hogwarts. One thing I wish to press on with before I must depart, Remus, what came of your mission abroad?"

Lupin blinked a few times before swallowing hard, his focus obviously still on Dumbledore, and caught off guard by the abrupt change. He told the group of his discoveries, none of which accounted for his injuries, and by the sounds of the patchy story, it seemed to Tonks that parts were being left out. Dumbledore did not seem alarmed by the skin-crawling words of Greyback's that Lupin had repeated.

"That is what I suspected, just as with the Giants, Voldemort," Dumbledore not stopping for Molly this time, "is recruiting. For the near future, I have my own Order business to attend to, but I will return to headquarters from time to time. For now, I have a journey ahead of me tonight, so I will be on my way. Goodnight."

The flapping of wings, made Tonks spin around in fright. She saw Fawkes flying towards Dumbledore and then, in a ball of fire, the great man disappeared. Everyone seemed to be watching the spot he'd disappeared from, open mouthed and silent. Moody cleared his throat and began talking to them all, though no one truly paid attention.

-

* * *

What felt like hours later the Weasleys, Sirius, Moody, Lupin and Tonks were sitting in the kitchen mostly in silence, all picking at, but not eating, Molly's roast dinner.

"I cannot believe them," Molly said for what must have been the hundredth time. "Writing down their names! Its just out-right stupidity."

"They had to write their names down Molly dear, or the charm would never have worked," Arthur explained, trying to soothe the irate part of her.

"I'm must admit, I'm proud of Hermione. I didn't know she had it in her," Sirius said darkly.

Bill, Charlie and Tonks laughed in agreement.

"I don't know if there's much to be proud of, it's a terrible trick. That poor Edgecombe girl, I knew her mother, she's a lovely– "

"She's a traitor!" Sirius yelled loudly, standing up so fast that his chair made a horrible scraping noise on the floor. "She betrayed them all! She deserved what she got, and _worse_."

He stomped out of the kitchen, slamming the door and waking Mrs Black, who received a louder round of yelling from Sirius. Tonks stared at the door sadly, and Lupin, who was beside her, placed a hand on her leg under the table, stroking it soothingly with his thumb.

"Should someone go and talk to him?" Tonks whispered into his ear when Molly started collecting unfinished plates.

"No," Lupin said regretfully. "He needs to brood on this for a little while longer. It's too close to home for him."

Lupin smiled at her weakly and Tonks returned it. If it had been her friend, she would have gone and spoken to him, but Tonks trusted Lupin's judgement on Sirius enough not to question him. Instead she thought about Harry. She assumed he would be brooding silently alone in his room, just like his godfather. Hogwarts without Dumbledore seemed so unnatural, like Quidditch without broomsticks, even to Tonks it seemed strange and she wasn't even there.

When she came out of her thoughts, she found that everything had returned to normal. Charlie, Bill and Arthur were discussing the Quidditch final, whilst Lupin and Moody had begun a serious discussion about Lupin's mission. Tonks wiled away the hours joining the Quidditch discussion, finding it quite strange to be in the presence of so many people with Lupin's hand on her leg, although no one could else could see it. It gave her a little rush of excitement. When everyone had left, Molly forgetting her anxiety about tonight, long enough to smile bashfully at Tonks and Lupin when they announced they'd do the washing up, Tonks and Lupin were left standing at the sink, no intention of cleaning.

"To think, you wanted to skip all that," Tonks laughed as Lupin flicked his wand at the sink.

Lupin nodded slowly, folding his arms and crossing his legs as he leant against the counter with a sigh. Tonks knew Lupin's mind was many miles away from where they were currently standing, and she watched him trying to figure him out. It seemed unfair that he had just returned from his mission completely exhausted, and now he had Harry and Dumbledore to add to his worries, and no doubt his exhaustion. He stared at the floor wearily and Tonks finally moved towards him, taking his hand in her own.

"Bed," she said, when Lupin looked up confused.

"But the tea," Lupin mumbled nodding towards the kettle.

With her other hand, Tonks flicked her wand at the kettle and it took itself off the stove.

"Don't worry about it. You need to sleep."

Tonks gave his hand another tug and he relented, smiling gratefully when she turned back to look at him. They walked all the way to their bedroom, Lupin having readjusted their grip on each other halfway through the walk.

* * *

When they walked in Tonks took her usual seat on the bed, watching Lupin hang his newly removed clothes.

"Remus?" Tonks said in a determined voice.

"Yes?"

"What _really_ happened with Greyback?"

Lupin froze, halfway through hanging up his shirt. He turned very slowly, staring at Tonks, as if he'd hoped she'd never ask this. Tonks continued staring at him determinedly, letting him know, she wasn't going to drop this.

"He attacked me," Lupin explained flatly.

"Why?"

Lupin, looking crestfallen, walked over and sat on the bed beside Tonks, his shirt on the hanger still in his hand.

"Because he discovered me and knew exactly why I was there. I was obviously never fit to be an Auror," Lupin attempted to joke, but Tonks didn't find it funny. Lupin sighed before speaking again. "I'm used to it Tonks, he's never treated me with respect before and I didn't expect anything different. It was only a few broken ribs and grazes. I've had worse, trust me."

Tonks didn't doubt what he'd said last, but it still didn't stop her from feeling horribly sorry for him. Hurting Lupin was like hurting a puppy; it just seemed so cruel to attack something that only wanted to be loved.

"Has he ever given you a reason?"

"His reasoning, as far as I can gather, has something to do with me desiring a life different to his own. He takes it as a personal insult that I reject the instincts that lie in my kind. He takes joy in informing me, each time more violently than the one before, that one day I will break away from my leash."

Tonks stared up at Lupin, wondering if she had been the first person he'd ever told this to. His face was half-twisted into disgust, half into sadness.

"I used to pity him, Greyback, I thought that perhaps when he'd bitten me it had been a werewolf out of control, but that's never been the case with him."

Tonks suppressed a shudder as she remembered the stories about Greyback's victims. Tonks wrapped her hand around his and Lupin looked up into her face sadly. She leant forward and kissed him tenderly, placing her hand on his cheek as she did so. When she pulled away, she rested her forehead on his.

"That's just his opinion though, you know that right," Tonks said. "You're not like them really."

"I am. Once a month I am exactly like them. I just had the luxuries many of them didn't. Friends, family, education and Dumbledore."

"Yeah, but you're still different."

Lupin half shrugged and then grimaced, before standing up and walking back to the cupboard. Tonks knew she didn't believe him, however frustrating that was. When he'd dressed in his pyjama bottoms, he turned to Tonks carrying another button up shirt of his with him. Tonks grinned at him as he bent down removing her shoes, but he didn't return it, only handed her the shirt. Tonks began to undress herself to get into his shirt and saw him turn away to his desk, pretending something had caught his attention.

Tonks got under the covers and Lupin followed suit. He rolled onto his side, facing the wall away from her. Tonks found this all strange, but she knew this wasn't the kind of situation to be left alone, he couldn't brood like Sirius. She moved close behind him, hugging him around the stomach, wrapping her feet around his, holding him tight. Lupin's arms accepted hers gratefully and when Tonks sat up slightly to see his face, she saw him staring at the wall blankly.

"I can get you an extra strong collar, if you like? Just in case," Tonks whispered cheekily into his ear.

Lupin laughed wearily, before rolling back over to face her, his eyes finally brightening again. Satisfied with the response she got, Tonks turned on her side, ready to sleep. She felt Lupin's arms move around her completely, one underneath her head and resting across her chest and the other around her waist, pulling her against him. It was fitting for him to pull her as close as possible, and Tonks didn't mind, she wanted to be as close to him as possible now that he was back. The two drifted off very easily into a deeply satisfying sleep. The Lupin shaped gap had finally been filled.

* * *

The week leading up to the start of Tonks' Easter break from work was a very happy one. She'd spent every night with Lupin, which didn't bother her at all. She'd noticed that he seemed a lot more touchy-feely now that he was home, always holding her knee under the table or holding her hand even for walks up the stairs. On the first Saturday night of her break she was in her bedroom getting ready to head to Grimmauld Place, when a knock at her door stopped her. She threw on an old t-shirt and some jeans and walked to the door. When she opened it, what struck her first was the two heads of flaming red hair.

"Tonks!" Bill and Charlie cried in unison, assaulting her with a hug.

"Hey guys," Tonks said when they finally let her go and the breath could return to her lungs.

"We're going out," Charlie announced. "You, me Bill and Fleur."

Tonks looked at the open doorway in alarm, hoping Fleur wasn't about to barge in as well.

"Don't worry she's not coming here, we're meeting her out," Bill laughed.

The two began scrutinizing her apartment as Tonks watched, laughing to herself about the turn of events.

"This is exactly how I imagined your place to be," Charlie said, grinning at her.

"I was about to say the same thing. Weird sisters posters everywhere. You really haven't changed since Hogwarts Tonks," Bill teased.

"Why does everyone say that? Even Remus said that the first time."

"What was Remus doing here?" Charlie asked, spinning around to face her, as he'd been examining some of the photo frames on her mantelpiece.

Tonks opened her mouth to explain, but Bill cut her off.

"Ah, dear brother, Tonks here is dating him," Bill said happily.

Tonks shot a glare at him, which he only greeted with glee.

"The old guy?"

"He's not old! He's only thirty-six,"

"_Only_," Charlie said dumbfounded. "That's more than ten years older than you! What'd you do? Eat all the other boys your age alive."

"Well after your brother, I discovered boys around my age were such a disappointment."

Bill's face dropped slightly and Charlie cracked up laughing.

"Touché," Charlie choked. "Now, we're heading to the Leaky Cauldron and we're not leaving until all of us are good and proper sloshed."

"Sounds like a plan," Tonks said. "Let me get dressed."

Tonks returned into the living room to find both the boys waiting, grinning at her as she walked out.

"So why the celebration?" Tonks asked, putting her shoes.

"Well, Charlie has been in town for just over a weekm and I promised I'd take him out, and he suggested we get you, so, here we are."

Tonks grinned at them both and they all walked out, laughing, preparing themselves for a big night ahead.

* * *

When they'd got themselves a table and ordered a bottle of elf made wine, and Charlie bought a bottle of Fire-whiskey, the night began. All them of them recounted stories of their times abroad, Tonks having none, told Auror stories instead. When they'd moved onto their third bottle, Fleur arrived, giving a cold greeting to the other two and an over-zealous one to Bill. Charlie and Tonks looked away pointedly.

"So this old guy," Charlie said, turning to Tonks with a grin.

"His name is Remus Lupin, and he's not old!"

"Remus Lupin, why is that so familiar?" Charlie mused, rubbing his chin as he looked away. "Hang on! That's not the guy who taught my brothers and Ginny at Hogwarts is it?"

Tonks laughed at the alarm in his voice

"The very same."

"Tonks dating a _teacher_. That doesn't even sound right. What would the fifteen-year-old version of you say to that? Teachers are the enemy remember."

Tonks couldn't help but marvel at how much Charlie had not changed since school, she'd always liked that about him, and it was nice to see not even Romania could change him.

"I'd say she'd be alright with it, if she knew what he was capable of," Tonks laughed, winking at him as she gulped more wine.

"Of course she would," Charlie teased with a grin. "How'd you get this guy anyway? Morphed into someone else like you used to with my brother?"

"No, that trick was exclusively for him. He does really have a thing for blondes doesn't he?"

The pair turned back to Fleur and Bill who were still locked in a violent embrace, both their faces hidden by the others.

"Mum's really going to hate her," Charlie noted, smiling still.

"You can already tell?" Tonks asked, enjoying how well she had diverted the conversation.

"Well, for a start she's French, and then she's quite a confronting and abrasive girl, if she wasn't completely stunning, I'd have to have some words with my brother, I think."

Tonks laughed, shaking head at her at him.

"What? She is. Just look at her."

"I know, I said the same thing to him. Everyone has their type I s'pose," Tonks added.

"Yeah. I just never would have picked an old uptight professor for you," Charlie teased. "I mean what am I going to do? I come home and the love of my life is in love with some other bloke."

Both Tonks and Charlie burst out laughing. It had always been a joke between the two of them that Charlie was in love with her, even though both knew it was anything but true.

"I know, I'm sorry Charlie. Looks like you're doomed to wander the planet alone for the rest of your life," Tonks joked.

"I don't know how I can carry on with this broken heart," Charlie said, holding his heart and feigning a sad look.

"Who 'as got a broken 'eart?" Came the voice of Fleur, as her and Bill had obviously resurfaced.

* * *

The rest of the night passed in a haze of laughs, wine, fire-whiskey and stories. Tonks actually found herself joking with Fleur. She had a vague memory of her the Weasleys boys jumping to the stage and yelling the words to _Dance like a Hippogriff _when it came on. Before she knew it, Tonks was on her way to Grimmauld Place, hoping they'd be awake. She walked down the corridor, not remembering the ground being so bouncy or the walls spinning quite so much. She burst into the kitchen on a very unsuspecting Sirius and Lupin. Lupin had his feet on the table and a book in his hand and Sirius was playing exploding snap with himself, a half empty bottle of mead between them. They both spun around when she walked in, and Tonks grinned at them both, Sirius returning it and Lupin only scrutinizing her. She saw Sirius turn to Lupin.

"Good Lord, it's drunk," he said.

Lupin's face broke into a smile as he looked back at her, and then he and Sirius laughed loudly.

"I am not drunk," Tonks tried to say, but it seemed to come out in a mass of slurs and hiccups.

Sirius laughed harder and Lupin looked like he was trying hard not too. Tonks took a seat at the opposite end of the table to them both, wondering why the kitchen was spinning now as well.

"Not a match for the Weasley brothers then Dora?" Sirius asked, still laughing.

"Shuddup," Tonks slurred, holding her head to keep it steady. "And you should see Charlie."

"I don't think I want to. After what you've done with this one," Sirius pointed at Lupin, "I'd hate to see what you do to a boy your own age."

Lupin was smiled as he closed his book and then he looked across at Tonks with raised eyebrows.

"I didn't do anything. I'm with the professor anyway aren't I?" Tonks slurred, trying to point at Lupin, but finding it difficult because suddenly there were two of them, both very blurry.

"The _professor_?" Sirius asked, grinning across at Lupin who'd looked away, a dull pink flushing into his cheeks. "Is that your pet name for him? Merlin Remus, I didn't know you had that kind of side in you."

"Nah, but Bill and Charlie kept making fun of me for it though."

The room started to spin a bit faster, but she could make out Sirius still grinning at Lupin, who looked nothing short of mortified

"Although, there was this one time when he made me come to his room for extra-credit and–"

"Okay!" Lupin said loudly interrupting her as he stood, Sirius cackling in the background. "I think it's time for bed Tonks."

"Why? I'm having a great time, you're not my father," Tonks slurred, laughing.

"No he's not, but he is your _professor_," Sirius barked.

Lupin looked livid.

"I think this calls for some more Fire-Whiskey actually."

"No it doesn't. Tonks needs to get to bed," Lupin shot at Sirius.

"Oh have some fun Remus," Tonks slurred.

Sirius flicked his wand at the fire whiskey and small glass of it arrived in front of Tonks. After she'd drunk it all in one gulp, she realised it was definitely the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. The room spun more and everything went very fuzzy. She rested her head against the cool table and heard Sirius laugh. Before she knew it, Lupin was at her side. She felt the glass gently slide out of her hand and then she was lifted into Lupin's arms.

"The better question here is," Tonks heard Sirius say. "Is this how you behaved with all your students? I clearly should have gotten into teaching myself by the looks of it."

Tonks saw Lupin give a dark look and then, ignoring what Sirius had said, he spoke.

"Can you get the cauldron out for me. This one will need a _Pepper Up_ potion in the morning I think."

The suddenly Tonks was moving.

* * *

Lupin put her down once they'd gotten into his room and she stumbled over to the bed, lying down on it straight away. Lupin began taking off her shoes and instantly Tonks stood up.

"I can take off my own shoes," she informed him, trying to keep him in focus.

Lupin smiled at her and stood back, raising his hands to surrender, retreating to his cupboard, to get her something to wear no doubt.

Tonks lifted her foot up and started untying the shoe in mid air.

"See I'm doing it just… oomph."

Tonks was on the ground, staring up at the ceiling, laughing hard. Lupin appeared in her field of blurry vision in seconds, a bemused smile on his face.

"Up you get," he said getting her up and putting her on the bed. "I think you may be the death of me Tonks."

He took off her shoes very quickly and then helped her under the covers.

"Yeah but you love me," Tonks slurred.

Lupin let out a small laugh, before smiling at her.

"Yes, I do. Now get some sleep while I make this potion for you."

Tonks looked up at the blurry outline of him, fighting sleep, which was threatening to drag her away any second. She felt Lupin's lips press against her forehead and then Lupin was gone. Before she heard the door close, she thought she heard him mutter something about her being just as bad as Sirius, and Tonks fell asleep instantly, smiling proudly.

**To be continued…**


	44. The Storyteller in the Fire

**I'm incredibly annoyed!  
**

**I had this all lined up for the next chapter to be the Ministry battle and I flicked through the book just to double check and realised I forgot something.**

**Now I have to delay again! What I also find funny, no one seemed notice (or at least comment on) Dumbledore's discovery last chapter...**

** But moving on, fun, very book orientated chapter this time.  
**

**Reviews have been lovely, you guys are incredible! Please keep it up!**

**Enjoy. **

* * *

**Chapter 42**

Remus Lupin was woken by a loud groan, and as his eyes slowly opened, he heard another. He looked across, and instantly fought back the laugh that was threatening to escape at the sight before his eyes. Nymphadora Tonks was slowly pulling the covers over her head, her face screwed up in pain and her eyes shut very tight. It was very unlike Lupin not to have sympathy for someone, but this pain was the result of a night drinking with the Weasley brothers, and it was more amusing than anything else. He smiled at her as she continued groaning.

"Regretting that last glass of Fire-Whiskey?" Lupin whispered

Tonks groaned again, opening her very bloodshot eyes to look at Lupin.

"Stop talking so loud," Tonks croaked slowly.

Lupin laughed quietly.

"Am I dead?" Tonks asked

"Do you wish you were?"

Tonks nodded, pulling the covers over her head, causing Lupin to laugh again.

"It's not funny," Tonks groaned angrily. "What am I even doing here? Last I remember I was at the Leaky Cauldron."

"You came here at around midnight, much to the amusement of Sirius."

Tonks pulled the covers back down and looked across at Lupin.

"Brilliant, so now I have to add shame to my list of horrible feelings at the moment."

Lupin surveyed her for a moment, wondering whether he should tell her the things she said.

"No you didn't say anything embarrassing," Lupin lied, kissing her on the forehead and trying to make her feel better.

"Thank Merlin," Tonks sighed, closing her eyes.

"So have you learnt your lesson yet?"

"There was a lesson to learn?" Tonks groaned into her pillow.

"There always is."

"The only thing I've learnt, is not to come here. It's way more painful to look at your smug face, than deal with a head that feels like its got a screaming banshee running amok inside it."

Lupin laughed, and Tonks tried to smile, but it looked like it was causing a great deal of pain.

"Well, when you're ready come downstairs. There's a Pepper-Up potion waiting for you."

"What? Why?"

"Because I made it for you last night after I put you to bed," Lupin explained.

Tonks looked at Lupin, surprise etched on her face.

"You made it for _me_?"

"Somehow, I had an inkling you would need it this morning."

Tonks didn't smile; she only stared at him, her face softening.

"Thank-you," she mumbled, her hair flicking a soft pink colour.

Lupin furrowed his brow at her hair, wondering what had caused it to change. He slowly got out of bed and got dressed, and turned back to check on Tonks. She had fallen back asleep, her mouth wide-open, quiet snores filling the room. Lupin fought back another laugh, and kissed her forehead, walking out without looking back.

* * *

"Well, if it isn't the_ professor_," Sirius' voice called when Lupin entered the kitchen.

Lupin shot a glare at Sirius, though he had expected no less from him. He sat at the table and flicked his wand at the kettle, making his tea. He retrieved his stack of books from the night before, and they came gliding over eerily in mid-air.

"How is she?"

"Wanting to die," Lupin said flatly as Sirius laughed. "Of all people to feel sympathy for someone who's a step away from death's door, I feel it should be you. You've nursed some very bad Fire-Whiskey induced hangovers in your time."

"Yeah, but it doesn't cause sympathy, only amusement for the person living my pain," Sirius laughed.

Silence descended on them as Lupin's tea floated over to him. When he glanced up, he saw that Sirius had gone back to the Prophet.

"Anything new?" Lupin asked sipping his tea and ignoring the bemused look Sirius had been giving him.

"Nope. More Hogwarts updates from the new _headmistress, _but nothing of importance. I wonder how long Hagrid will last now?"

"Anyone under the suspicion of being in the Order can't last long. I suppose Severus will be the only one free of scrutiny. Dolores respects him I'm told."

Sirius' lip curled at the mention of Snape.

"I still don't approve of this Occlumency business," Sirius growled.

"Well if Harry doesn't have it, Voldemort can– "

"No Remus, I'm not a moron," Sirius muttered darkly. "I know it's important, _more_ than important, but I don't like Snape being able to root around inside his head. Why couldn't you teach him?"

"Because Dumbledore obviously didn't think I was good enough. I'm nowhere near as good as Snape," Lupin explained honestly.

"That's because you don't have to hide the fact that you're a Death Eater from everyone. Any can become a master of it with that much practice," Sirius said, his temper rising.

Lupin didn't respond to Sirius' comment, choosing to look over his books instead. He was not as good as Snape because he could not control his emotions like he could.

"Fine you can protect Snape, but I don't trust him,"

"It's not about trust Sirius, it's about protecting Harry. If Snape is the best at that, then I will rest easier knowing Harry cannot become a victim for Voldemort."

"I know that. I know that Harry needs this to prevent himself from being lured to Voldemort. I know just how important it is, but I would have preferred if Dumbledore had taught him and not Snape," Sirius said through clenched teeth.

"So would I, but Harry needs it. You know the consequences otherwise."

Lupin noticed a flicker of fear and worry go through his best friend's eyes. It was strange to see Sirius worry, it happened so rarely, but that was a sign of just how important Harry had become to him, or how serious Occlumency was. Sirius looked about ready to speak again, but the entrance of Tonks disrupted him. Sirius' face broke into a very large grin and Lupin immediately stood. She looked very unsteady on her feet, more so than normal, and unusually pale. Lupin offered her his seat and then set to work getting her the potion.

"Well, if it isn't _Professor _Lupin's favourite student," Sirius announced as Tonks sat down.

Tonks looked up at Lupin, her brow knitted nd he smiled sympathetically in response. Tonks dropped her head in her hands and groaned again, causing Sirius to laugh. Lupin shot him a glare, informing Sirius, without words, what he would do if he made fun of Tonks. Sirius raised his arms in question of the look he'd received and Lupin only shook his head quickly. He slid the potion in front of her and sat at the seat in front of him.

"So, Dora, how was your night?" Sirius asked, grinning like an idiot.

Tonks gave him a rude hand gesture, and then dropped her head back onto the table.

"That good huh? I didn't think the Weasley boy's could drink you under the table."

"They didn't," Tonks muttered, drinking part of her potion and already looking less pale. "Charlie passed out before me and Tom offered him a room, which Bill and Fleur took."

"Fleur?" Lupin and Sirius said together.

"Oh right, you don't know, Bill's girlfriend, the one he's been teaching at Gringotts."

"The Fleur from the Tri-Wizard tournament? The one Harry was up against?" Lupin asked.

"Oh yeah, I forgot that," Tonks mumbled, finishing the potion.

"Mother of Merlin. She was… well… gorgeous. How did Bill wind up with her?" Sirius said, sounding amazed

"Well he's not exactly an eyesore himself is he?" Tonks shot back.

"Your judgment is worth nothing in my eyes these day Dora," Sirius said casually.

Lupin knew what was coming, and stood up to get himself some more tea.

"Why?"

"You fancy him, and that's just completely backwards," Sirius laughed, Tonks joining in seconds after.

Lupin sat back down with a new cup of tea and slid the second one across to Tonks.

"Well, now that we've all had a good laugh at my expense, I think I might get a start on my day," Lupin announced, taking the top book from the small pile in front of him.

He saw Sirius and Tonks exchanging grins, but tried hard to put all his concentration on the book he was holding.

* * *

The Easter holidays passed without incident. Grimmauld Place was relatively quiet and Lupin spent most of locked away in the drawing room reading and planning. He was going to venture back to Greyback around the full moon, just to make sure the message didn't change if he knew Lupin wasn't there. Molly Weasley had given Lupin and Sirius a beautifully decorated egg each on Easter Sunday, and Lupin took to munching on it as he read.

* * *

The Monday after Easter found Lupin sitting in the kitchen late in the afternoon, reading Dumbledore's latest instructions, which seemed to indicate a backing off with the Prophecy guard. He was about halfway through it when a voice broke his concentration.

"Sirius?"

Lupin's head snapped up in fright and he looked wildly around the room for whoever owned the voice. A head in the fire caught his attention.

"Harry!" Lupin said, feeling quite shocked, but instantly wondering why Harry was calling on him. "What are you – What's happened, is everything alright?

"Yeah. I just wondered – I mean, I just fancied a – chat with Sirius," Harry stuttered.

Lupin looked down at Harry feeling perplexed, but got to his feet anyway.

"I'll call him, he went upstairs to look for Kreacher, he seems to be hiding in the attic again…"

Lupin turned and dashed out of the kitchen, taking the steps nearly three at a time and getting to the attic slightly out of breath.

"Sirius?" Lupin called out into the dark.

"Yeah?"

"Harry's in the kitchen," Lupin said quickly.

He's in the what?" Sirius said and a loud bang let Lupin know Sirius had stood up to quickly and whacked his head on the low ceiling.

Sirius appeared in the doorway in seconds, rubbing the top of his head.

"What do you mean he's_ in the kitchen_?"

"In the fireplace, no idea how or why, it seems urgent and he's asking for you."

Sirius gave a worried look and Lupin turned and walked down the stairs. Sirius immediately dropped to his knees in front of the fire when they arrived.

"What is it? Sirius asked, the tone of concern and urgency in his voice unmistakeable. "Are you all right? Do you need help?"

Lupin dropped in front of the fire as well, panic coursing through him.

"No," said Harry, "it's nothing like that… I just wanted to talk… about my dad."

Lupin looked across at Sirius, who was looking at him as well. Lupin felt panic slowly become surprise, Sirius' face representing the same transition.

"I saw a memory of Snape's in the Pensieve of you all at school," Harry said, unperturbed by their looks.

Harry began telling the story. His story was so exact that Lupin felt like he was reliving it again. He could see it all happening in his minds eye and cringed inwardly at himself in all the right parts. What he thought was worse was the image Harry could get of his father from one particular incident. Lupin knew exactly why this was a memory Snape could keep from Harry, but he was not sure Harry should know why. Harry finished his story and looked up at them both expectantly, but neither wanted to speak.

"I wouldn't like you to judge your father on what you saw there, Harry," Lupin said, his voice heavy with shame. "He was only fifteen– "

"I'm fifteen," said Harry heatedly.

It was this moment more than any other that reminded Lupin just how much Harry was like Lily. As ironic as it seemed, the double of James was explaining the torture of Severus Snape with the same heartfelt tones Lily would have.

"Look Harry," Sirius interrupted placatingly. "James and Snape hated each other from the moment they set eyes on each other, it was just one of those things, you can understand that, cant you? I think James was everything Snape wanted to be – he was popular, he was good at Quidditch – good at pretty much everything. And Snape was just this little oddball who was up to his eyes in the Dark Arts."

"Yeah, but he just attacked Snape for no good reason, just because– well, just because you said you were bored," Harry added, an apologetic note in his voice.

"I'm not proud of it," Lupin heard Sirius say and he instantly turned and gave a look, expecting to see Sirius smirking, but he wasn't. Perhaps it was true.

"Look, Harry, what you've got to understand is that you father and Sirius were the best in the school at whatever they did – everyone thought they were the height of cool," Lupin paused, trying to think of the best way to say what he wanted too. "If they sometimes got a bit carried away– "

"If we were sometimes arrogant little berks, you mean," Sirius added and Lupin smiled at him.

"He kept messing up his hair," Harry said in a pained voice.

Lupin and Sirius shared another look, and then laughed, remembering the windswept hair James used to always try to re-create whenever Lily was near.

"I'd forgotten he used to do that," Sirius said affectionately.

"Was he playing with the Snitch? Lupin asked eagerly, memories of James becoming clearer than ever.

"Yeah," Harry said uncomprehendingly, as Lupin felt himself grin. "Well... I thought he was a bit of an idiot."

"Of course he was a bit of an idiot!" Sirius said bracingly, before glancing at Lupin. "We were all idiots. Well – not Moony so much."

Lupin shook his head, his own shame catching up with him again.

"Did I ever tell you to lay off Snape? Did I ever have the guts to tell you I thought you were out of order?"

"Yeah, well," Sirius mumbled sounding defeated. "You made us feel ashamed of ourselves sometimes… that was something…"

"And," Harry said interrupting them. "He kept looking over at the girls by the lake, hoping they were watching him."

Lupin smiled to himself, as he immediately knew who the group of girls would have been.

"Oh, well, he always made a fool of himself whenever Lily was around. He couldn't stop himself showing off whenever he got near her," Sirius said, a faint smile on his face.

"How come she married him?" Harry asked, and Lupin could hear how miserable he sounded by this fact. "She hated him!"

"Nah, she didn't," Sirius said with a smile

"She started going out with him in seventh year," Lupin explained.

"Once James deflated his head a bit," Sirius added.

"And stopped hexing people for the fun of it," Lupin said, catching Sirius' eye.

"Even Snape?"

"Well," Lupin said slowly, trying to phrase things the best way. " Snape was a special case. I mean he never lost an opportunity to curse James, so you couldn't really expect James to take that lying down, could you?"

"And my mum was okay with that?"

"She didn't much know about it, to tell you the truth," Sirius explained. "I mean James didn't take Snape of dates with her and jinx him in front of her, did he?"

Lupin could tell Harry still wasn't convinced; he glanced across at Sirius to find him frowning too.

"Look, your father was the best friend I ever had and he was a good person," Sirius reasoned. "A lot of people are idiots at the age of fifteen. He grew out of it."

Lupin nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, okay," said Harry heavily. "I just never thought I'd feel sorry for Snape."

Lupin tilted his head at Harry, knitting his eyebrows at him.

"Now you mention it, how did Snape react when he found you'd seen all this?" He asked, knowing it could not have been a pretty sight for Harry.

"He told me he'd never teach me Occlumency again, like that's a big disappoint– "

"He WHAT?" Sirius yelled, making both Harry and Lupin flinch.

Lupin's immediate attention, after the aching pain in his knees from smacking them on the ground as he'd flinched subsided, was on Occlumency. It seemed almost ironic that after talking to Sirius about how important Occlumency was for Harry, that Harry wasn't doing the one thing to protect himself more than anything.

"Are you serious, Harry?" Lupin asked, hearing the panicked tone in his own voice. "He's stopped giving you lessons?"

"Yeah," Harry said slowly, looking between Lupin and Sirius nervously. "But it's okay, I don't care, it's a bit of a relief to tell you the– "

"I'm coming up there to have a word with Snape," Sirius said forcefully.

"If anyone's going to tell Snape it will be me," Lupin said firmly, wrenching Sirius back down as he had made to stand up. "But, Harry, first of all, you're to go back to Snape and tell him on no account is he to stop giving you lessons – when Dumbledore hears– "

"I can't tell him that, he'd kill me," Harry interrupted. "You didn't see him when we got out of the Pensieve."

Lupin knew this was exactly the reason why keeping Harry in the dark about his need for Occlumency was a problem. If he knew exactly what was happening with his dreams, and fully understood what Dumbledore had once explained to Sirius and himself, Harry would be doing everything in his power to control his mind.

"Harry, there is nothing so important as you learning Occlumency," Lupin said sternly, very much on the verge of divulging everything. "Do you understand me? Nothing!"

"Okay, okay," Harry mumbled miserably. "I'll…I'll try and say something to him… but it won't be– "

Suddenly Harry fell silent, his eyes wandering past Lupin and Sirius.

"Is that Kreacher coming downstairs?"

Both turned around, but Lupin couldn't hear any noise except the fire.

"No. It must be somebody on your end," Sirius said shrugging when he'd turned back.

Harry looked fearful now.

"I better go!" He said hastily and after a small pop, he disappeared.

* * *

"This is why Dumbledore should have told Harry the truth," Sirius growled, looking troubled as stood, dusting off his knees. "He's a smart kid and he deserves it."

Lupin stood and walked back to the table with Sirius.

"I think the more important solution would have been to have Dumbledore teach Harry himself. I wonder why he didn't"

"Well look who's suddenly changed his tune," Sirius said arrogantly.

"I assumed Severus would not allow an old grudge to sour something so vital. It was my mistake to think Dumbledore impressed upon him the importance of it all."

Sirius looked at Lupin darkly, obviously not able to find a witty retort.

"Should we tell Dumbledore?" Sirius asked, after a minute of silence.

"Harry will go to Snape," Lupin said, not feeling supremely confident about this fact, as the look on Harry's face did not give him much hope.

Sirius looked off into the distance, his face etched with that uncharacteristic worry again. Lupin couldn't help but fall into the depths of unanswerable questions as the two sat in silence.

"We've got the summer," Sirius voice croaked, breaking Lupin out of what felt like a trance.

"What do you mean?"

"We can teach him over the summer. You can."

"Of course. That is, unless Severus can do it himself," Lupin said sincerely.

"For Merlins sake Remus," Sirius spat, banging his fist on the table, making Lupin turn in alarm. "He's not going to do anything, you and I both know that. Stop protecting Snape just because of this misguided sense in you that everyone can be trusted. He's a Death Eater."

"It's not a misguided sense. Dumbledore trusts him and I trust Dumbledore," Lupin said slowly, knowing Sirius was taking his anger out on him, but not willing to accept it this time

"Dumbledore's wrong. He's been wrong about a lot lately, it just seems that I'm the only one to notice."

"I disagree," Lupin said softly.

"Yeah and you've had other thinga on your mind haven't you? You don't notice what I notice. You're off with my_ twenty-year-old _cousin, kidding yourself that it's actually going to have a happy ending. We're in a war you know," he added acidly.

"I know we're in a war."

"Then why are you trusting Snape instead of me?" Sirius yelled irrationally.

"Because if you actually listened to your theories yourself, you would notice the childish quality in all of them," Lupin said and knew the moment he'd finished speaking he had said the wrong thing.

"According to you, I've always been childish," he spat. "So why should that bother me this time."

"Sirius," Lupin said loudly and exasperatedly. "How, after what we just heard from Harry, can you not admit, that _perhaps _your judgements of Snape are based on a tumultuous history? Or a teenage grudge?"

"Because," Sirius attempted to clarify, "I know I'm right. If you want to join Snape, go ahead, get all chummy with him, I'll be the one to say _I told you so_ this time."

With that Sirius turned and left, stomping angrily up the stairs, leaving Lupin to wonder what had just happened.

* * *

The following afternoon, found Lupin in the dining room, reading _Transfiguration Monthly_ on his own. He had not spoken to Sirius since that argument. At one point during the night he thought he'd heard him outside his door, but whoever was walking around on the landing outside never came in to prove who it was. Lupin had just started reading an article on Transfiguration as a method of defence, when there was a knock at the door.

"Come in," Lupin said, not taking his eyes from the page.

He heard the door open, and looked up, expecting to see Sirius, and found instead that a short curly blonde-haired Tonks had just entered.

"Hi," she said warmly.

Lupin smiled, turning his chair around to face her. She stopped and stood in between his legs.

"What're you doing up here alone?"

"Nothing. Just reading. You're early for the meeting," Lupin noted, hearing the false cheeriness in his voice.

"Thought I'd book some quality time with you," Tonks said, but the smile died away from her face as she watched him.

She sat herself in his lap, looking up at him, her eyes brimming with care in the frightening way they did. She brushed a piece of hair from his face as she spoke.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Lupin said, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling himself from the melancholy feeling that had kidnapped him as of the day before. "Just a disagreement with Sirius."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Tonks asked cautiously.

"Not particularly," Lupin said, allowing the silence to pass through them before he spoke again. "How was your day?"

"Boring as ever. I swear Dawlish couldn't be any more incompetent if he tried. I mean, I think if he actually got any stupider he would just die or something," Tonks complained, her youthfulness making Lupin finally smile. "What?"

"Nothing."

"No, tell me," Tonks demanded light-heartedly.

"It's nothing," he said with a soft laugh, placing his hand on the outside of her thigh.

Tonks knitted her brow at him comically, before smiling at him. Slowly their lips drew together, and her arms moved around his neck. When their mouths finally met, sweet and tentative, Lupin couldn't even think, let alone remember an argument with Sirius had occurred. All his worries and troubles seemed to disappear when he was wrapped around Tonks. She had a power over him that had nothing to do with wands or magic. Just as Lupin had depended the kiss, his senses woke to a different noise.

"And if they think they can just move home after a pulling a stunt like that, they've got another thing coming. Dropping out of Hogwarts, I just can't belie– "

The voice belonged to Molly Weasley and she had barged in, followed by Sirius and Arthur. They stopped dead in the doorway at the sight before them. Lupin and Tonks pulled apart instantly, but it was very obvious it wasn't quick enough. Panic coursed through his body, freezing him to his seat. He could feel his cheeks burning and his entire body started cringing. Respectable men were not found kissing in public, especially not kissing in the way he had been. Tonks was grinning sheepishly and Lupin stood, turning to face a bewildered, yet bemused, looking Molly, her cheeks flushing as well. He tried to explain himself, or at the very least apologise, but the embarrassment of it all seemed to have stopped his mind from creating coherent words. Instead he opened his mouth and closed it a few times, before finally succumbing to the mortification and dropping back into his seat, sighing loudly. He determinedly looked at the curtains, his head in his hands, the sounds of Sirius and Tonks laughing filling his ears. He felt someone, most likely Tonks; begin to rub his back soothingly as he shook his head, unable to focus on anything but the horrid event that had just occurred. He knew one thing for sure in that moment; he was never _ever_ going to kiss Tonks again.

**To be continued…**


	45. The Stunner and the Stunned

**Well, if you know your Order of the Pheonix well enough, you know what's coming next.**

**This is the chapter I have to write because I almost missed an event, so I'm undecided on whether I like it or not. Important moments needed to be had, so they're lovely.**

**Reviews are always loved appreciated and exceptional!**

**Enjoy**.

* * *

**Chapter 43**

It was the very sweet almost chocolate-like taste she loved, and it was hers. For the brief minutes they had alone, it was _all_ hers. Nymphadora Tonks had never been an addict, but she would very proudly stand up and admit it now. Remus Lupin was her vice, and if she had Seer blood in her, she would have known what that vice would come to mean in the moments just ahead of her. She was sitting on his lap, his lips against hers, and she was kissing him back, allowing it all to overtake her senses.

"And if they think they can just move home after a pulling a stunt like that, they've got another thing coming. Dropping out of Hogwarts, I just can't believ– "

Tonks immediately pulled back from Lupin and looked over his head in the direction the noise had come from. There, standing frozen in the doorway was, Molly, Arthur and Sirius. Sirius looked like he was about to burst out laughing, Arthur was trying to hide a smile as his ears steadily grew redder and Molly's mouth was hanging open, whether from shock or the fact that she had been halfway through speaking, Tonks didn't know. She felt Lupin hastily push her onto the seat beside him, and couldn't help but giggle as he stood up quickly, his face as red as she'd ever seen it. His opened and closed his mouth like a fish and then he collapsed back into his seat, sighing loudly, colour creeping onto his neck and ears. Sirius joined in her laughter as the three of them walked in. Molly smiled sheepishly at Tonks, who had started rubbing Lupin's back, in fear he would never return from his embarrassment, but he only shook his head muttering incoherent words.

"You were saying Molly?" Sirius said in a very smug sounding voice as he sat down.

"I, well," Molly stuttered, still blushing. "I don't even remem– the twins!"

"What'd they do this time?" Tonks asked, expecting to hear that they'd blown up half the Gryffindor common room.

"They got on their broomsticks and flew out of Hogwarts yesterday," Molly growled.

"Wicked!" Tonks said, her jaw dropping in amazement.

"What?" Lupin said at the same time, clearly this was enough to pull him from a shame spiral.

"I think it's brilliant," Sirius stated proudly. "I'd never have put up with Toad face. I would have done the same thing"

"Yes but," Molly said, the pained expression on her face Tonks thought to be the result of her trying not to explode at Sirius. "They have an education to finish."

"Do they need an education for their joke shop though?" Tonks asked curiously.

This seemed to be exactly the wrong thing to say as Molly rose to her full height, giving a look to everyone that could stop a raging dragon.

"The joke shop!" She yelled, turning to Arthur. "If that is what this is about, I expect you to do something about it!"

With that she stormed out of the dining room, leaving everyone in a stunned silence.

"You're in luck Tonks," Sirius announced, causing everyone to look at her. "No one will remember walking in on you and Remus after that."

Tonks grinned and Lupin, whose face had finally returned to its normal colour, sighed loudly and dropped his head into his hand, covering his eyes and shaking his head again.

* * *

When the meeting was finished, and some members left like usual, the rest headed downstairs for dinner. Tonks was just near the door when she ran into the back of Bill. She looked ahead of her and found Molly frozen in the doorway, scowling. Sitting around the table, still in their Hogwarts robes, were Fred and George. They smiled at everyone very proudly and Tonks heard Molly make a noise somewhere between a snarl and a growl.

"Anyone want too, er, um, dining room?" Sirius said awkwardly, looking at Lupin, Tonks, Moody, Bill, Kingsley, Hestia and Mundungus.

They all nodded hastily and turned to walk up the stairs.

"No you don't Arthur," Molly said, grabbing his arm violently, causing some of them, including Tonks, to grin at his fearful expression.

* * *

When they all reached the dining room, they could hear Molly very clearly through the floor, which was an achievement as the kitchen had a stone ceiling. Tonks was trying to hide her laughter, but it was impossible, the explosions of noise, Molly's voice, were hilarious. Everyone in the dining room sat in silence, waiting for some kind of sign that dinner would soon be available. Tonks glanced across at Moody, noticing that his magical eye was looking down.

"Care to give us a running commentary Mad-Eye?" Tonks asked grinning at him.

Moody gave her a stern stare with his normal eye.

"Worth a shot," Tonks shrugged and Sirius winked at her with a smile.

Tonks chanced a glance towards Remus and found him staring at his hands on the table, looking troubled. His eyes moved up towards Tonks and upon their meeting, he looked away again with frustration. For a second Tonks wanted to laugh, was he seriously blaming it all on her?

"They're letting her get into her stride. You all don't mind waiting a year or two for dinner do you?" Bill said, with a grin.

"Does she have a rhythm?" Sirius asked, sounding amazed.

"With kids like Fred and George, what do you think?"

A few people around the table laughed before Moody stood up abruptly.

"Molly's cooking now," he growled, walking to the door.

* * *

Tonks arrived last into the kitchen and found Molly angrily stirring a pot of what smelled like onion soup by hand. The twins were beaming around at everyone, obviously the yelling had taken no effect, and Arthur looked defeated sitting on the chair across from them. Dinner was a quiet affair, Molly was glaring at everyone, more specifically the twins, but her anger seemed to have peaked to the point where any sudden movement resulted in a glare. She kept muttering things about setting a bad example for Ginny and how Ron should have stopped them. Moody and Mundungus, who wanted Mad-Eye to look over what Tonks knew was a stolen crate of Tentacular bound for the Apothecary, left just before dessert. It wasn't until after the meal, when Molly and Arthur, made to leave that the tension finally erupted again.

"You're going home?" Fred asked sounding surprised.

"Yes," Molly snapped, "and don't for a moment think you can come home with us. If you want to be adults in the real world you can live on your own. Live on the streets for all I care."

"No need mum, we've got a place to stay," George said.

"And it's nice to know how much you care for our wellbeing, dear mother," Fred finished.

Molly, looking livid, rounded on Sirius, who raised his arms in surrender. She took a snarling breath but before she could open her mouth, which Tonks assumed would result in fire, Fred stopped her.

"I don't mean here mum," Fred said happily, so unaffected by her display.

"Yeah, we've being staying at the shop," George announced proudly.

"You _what_?" Molly croaked.

"Yep, Diagon Alley," Fred said.

"You should come visit," George suggesting politely.

Molly was frozen in the doorway, looking maddened and very irritated. Her eyes swept over Sirius and Mundungus, as if she was trying to blame them.

"Fine, but don't expect me to cook your meals or do your washing," Molly spat, no doubt thinking she finally had them.

"We were going to hire someone for that, weren't we George?"

Molly's eyes narrowed on the twins and another snarl escaped her lips. Tonks thought for a second she saw the twins recoil, but then Molly turned and stomped out of the kitchen.

"WE'RE GOING ARTHUR," Molly's voice boomed from the hallway and Arthur gave an apologetic look to everyone and left just as Mrs. Black started.

"SHUT UP!" Molly yelled and then there was silence again.

* * *

"My god you lot are brave," Sirius said shaking his head. "Even _I_ would have cracked at that."

"Years of practice," Fred explained smiling proudly.

"I don't think I've ever seen mum that mad before," Bill muttered looking particularly windswept.

"Yeah, I s'pose she was a bit more miffed than usual," George said looking towards door.

Tonks couldn't help but laugh and the twins grinned.

"If you don't mind me asking, how exactly did this all happen?" Lupin asked

"Ah, the story. Well, it started with Harry I suppose," Fred started.

"He wanted time to chat to you," George said and Fred pointed at Sirius.

"So being the generous type of people we are…"

"…we decided to help out our dear friend with a distraction…"

"…and set off a _portable swamp_ in the fifth for corridor and– "

"A what?" Sirius interrupted laughing.

"A _portable swamp_, it's a new invention." George explained dismissively

"It creates a swamp if you cast the right charm on it. We thought it would be just enough to keep Toad-face occupied and some free advertising too," Fred finished

"But anyway, she stayed with us the whole time, chasing us out into the entrance hall…"

"…trying to make an example of us I think…"

"…so George and I, being the resourceful types we are, saw a gap in her thinking and took full advantage of it…"

"…called our brooms back from her office and flew off…"

"...we'd been thinking about doing it for a while…"

"…we were just waiting for the opportune moment," George finished, the two of them beaming at everyone.

There was silence for a few minutes and Tonks marvelled at the story. There had been times she'd just wanted to get on her broomstick and leave, but she never would have actually done it. Her admiration for the twins went up higher than ever before.

"You just flew off?" Sirius said in amazement, his mouth hanging open.

"Yep," the twins replied in unison.

"That's brilliant!" Sirius exclaimed, his face breaking into a very wide grin.

The twins grinned back.

"You're aware that she'll never forgive you two," Bill said, amusement leaking from his words

"She'll be right," George nodded.

"I've never seen her like that before, even when she found those ears last year," Tonks said. "How are you so sure?"

"Just are," Fred and George said confidently together.

"I still can't believe it. Even Prongs and I wouldn't have done something like that. Although, Moony, you would never have let us."

Suddenly the smiles on Fred and George's faces dropped and they stared at each other, mirroring Sirius' look of amazement from before.

"Moony," Fred said slowly to George.

"Prongs," George said slowly to Fred, their mouths twisting up into smiles.

Both Lupin and Sirius had their brows furrowed at the twins and Bill and Tonks were sitting between the older two, staring around very confused. Everyone knew their nicknames, why was this such a shock?

"The paws would make him…"

"Padfoot…" Fred finished his grin so wide Tonks wondered if his jaw would break soon.

Fred and George stopped staring at each other and looked across at Sirius and Lupin in awe.

"It's your map," Fred exclaimed.

"You're the Marauders!" George added.

Sirius and Lupin looked relieved and both smiled. Tonks found it so strange to see the two of them sitting apart. Even when Sirius had addressed Lupin before, it had not been as friendly or jovial as usual. Whatever the disagreement had been, it was obviously a serious one.

"I always wondered who nicked that map and gave it to Harry," Sirius said, his face cracking into a smile as well.

"You guys put us to shame most of the time," George laughed.

"Yeah, some of those things you did, we would never have thought of." Fred exclaimed.

"Is someone going to explain what's going on?" Bill asked.

Fred, George and Sirius began to explain the map, Lupin nodding occasionally and Tonks could see his mouth twitching as if he wanted to smile.

"That charm to turn everything in the Slytherin common room like the Gryffindor, is pure genius," George said in awe.

"That's the brain child of Remus' actually, took you a while didn't it?"

Lupin looked up at Sirius, his eyebrows raised in surprise.

"Yes it did," Lupin said quietly, grimacing.

The tension between him and Sirius was so heavy it could have been cut with a knife, though Fred and George, who only kept talking merrily, completely missed it. Tonks watched Lupin carefully, wondering what was going on inside his head and why him was so completely impossible to figure out. Eventually the conversation wound down, and Bill left in a rush to go and see Fleur. Sirius brought down some Fire-Whiskey to toast to the twins and Tonks relished in the warm burning feeling it gave her.

"I don't mean to put you boys out or anything, but I don't know if I want to be on the receiving end of what you got tonight," Sirius explained.

"Of all people, we understand those who don't wish to be on the bad side of our dear mother," George laughed.

"We're sleeping in the shop anyway, slept there last night too," Fred said.

"So you were serious?" Lupin asked sitting up straighter.

"Would we lie?" George said with a grin.

The two of them stood and said their farewells, leaving Sirius, Lupin and Tonks in a very uncomfortable silence.

"I think I'll just go to the bathr– " Tonks started to say, knowing she should leave them alone to work it out.

"No Dora it's okay. Remus isn't ready just yet, that much I can tell. I'm going to bed anyway," Sirius interrupted, and in a second he was gone.

"Thank-you," Lupin said looking up at her warmly.

"For what?"

"For trying to leave Sirius and I alone."

"Oh right, that's okay. Just trying to help."

At this Tonks stood up and walked around to Lupin. He was staring at his hands of the table again, leaving Tonks to wonder if he even noticed she'd stood up. Tonks flopped down in his lap once more, and he looked up in surprise.

"Can you tell me what happened yet?" Tonks asked, running her fingers through his hair.

Lupin looked back up at her, and she saw something shift in his eyes and then he looked away.

"It's nothing. He was very highly strung and I happened to be his target," Lupin said casually, as if it happened all the time.

"So has anyone apologised?"

"No. It's not that simple. He will in time."

"Can't you just do it?" Tonks asked and Lupin shook his head. "This doesn't seem like you."

Lupin looked up, his brow furrowed, but didn't speak. Tonks knew it was a sign to move on, even if she didn't want too.

"Fancy Molly tonight. I got my fair share of yelling's, but nothing like that," Tonks laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

"Why do I not doubt that you got yelled at all the time," Lupin said in his usual mocking tone.

"Because you know me too well," Tonks muttered, feeling his arms finally wrapping around her waist.

Tonks looked at him, a playful smile on her lips. She felt herself leaning into him and her eyes were closing instinctively.

"Do you think I'm an idiot?" Lupin asked and she could feel the breath from his words tickle her lips.

"Do you want me to answer that?"

Lupin laughed softly.

"This is _exactly_ where we were a few hours prior and if you think I'm falling for it twice you're sadly deluded."

"I _knew _you were going to blame me," Tonks exclaimed with a smile, standing up.

"Well as far as I remember, you kissed me," Lupin reasoned. "Therefore you're to blame"

"Oh that's precious. Poor little Lupin can't protect himself from a girl," Tonks laughed. "I didn't even know someone could go that red in the face by the way."

Lupin narrowed his eyes on her and colour flushed into his cheeks again, causing Tonks to laugh.

"If you want to laugh at me, you can sleep outside," Lupin said, glaring at her.

"I'd just go to Sirius," Tonks informed him happily.

Lupin stood from his seat, bowing his head in defeat.

"Come on then traitor, upstairs," he announced, holding out his hand for her.

Tonks glanced at his hand and then, with a particularly evil look, she brushed right passed him and upstairs.

"Judging our luck, it would have been Dumbledore walking in this time," Tonks said back to him.

All she heard was Lupin chucking to himself at the joke she'd made as they walked into his room.

* * *

The following morning Tonks awoke with a smile on her face. Lupin had his arm haphazardly around her and she could feel his nose resting on the back of her head. Their legs were intertwined and Tonks felt very well rested like she did every night she would spend the night with him. Not wanting to wake him, she slid out from under Lupin's arms and he only curled into a ball and stayed asleep. Tonks put on her jeans under the shirt of Lupin's she'd borrowed, and walked out into the hallway. Only half a flight of stairs down Tonks ran into her first obstacle.

"Morning dear cousin. I trust you enjoyed your night of debauchery?" Sirius asked.

"That I did," Tonks grinned as she went by him.

When she got to the bottom of the steps Tonks saw Sirius staring at the door she had walked out of.

"He's in there," Tonks said softly, reading Sirius' mind.

Before he could respond, Tonks walked away.

* * *

With tea and toast in hand, Tonks started on the ascent up the stairs and as she got to the second landing, Lupin's door only a flight of stairs away, she heard Sirius' voice.

"Oh for Merlin's sake Remus, you know I'm sorry," Sirius said loudly, sounding exasperated.

"Is that what you came here to do? I was under the impression you were attempting to insult me again," came Lupin's voice flatly.

There was a loud sigh, from whom Tonks didn't know.

"It wasn't even a big deal, what is it with you and making me apologise?"

"Because, Sirius, you have always needed to do so."

"That was why I had you back at school, wasn't it? I did all the stuff and you apologised for me," Sirius said, his voice dropping to become almost barely audible.

"I feel at our age, I shouldn't have to be your conscience anymore."

"For Merlin's sake, I have apologised twice. Why can't you forgive me this time? We've fought like this all year and it hasn't been an issue. You forgave me for nearly making you a murderer all those years ago, how in the hell is me losing my temper for five minutes suddenly a bigger deal than that?"

There was silence for a while.

"I know you're not getting chummy with Snivellus. I lost my temper that's all, and I know you and– _that's _what this is about isn't it? _Tonks_."

Tonks felt her stomach drop through the floor.

"If that's the case, I'm not apologising. You deserve anything but an apology if you get all wound up over that. In fact what you deserve is a swift kick up the– "

"What's your reasoning for that?"

Knowing this was a private conversation, even though she was mentioned, Tonks started to walk back downstairs. Killing her sense of curiosity was probably the hardest thing she'd ever done, but she knew she had too. She'd made it into the hallway and felt her feet bump into something and she felt herself falling. The two cups of tea went flying into the wall ahead and the toast landed on the carpet a few inches to her left. All the noise was followed by an extremely loud wail from Mrs. Black and then footsteps coming down the stairs. Tonks was up dusting herself off after closing the portrait, when the laughs of two people greeted her ears. She spun around and found Sirius and Lupin standing side by side on the steps, laughing.

"Tonks, for your sake, I think it's best we get rid of that umbrella stand. I mean it isn't exactly brightening the place up is it?" Sirius said after silencing his mother.

"We could, but how would we know that our dear little Tonks had arrived? Lupin mocked, smiling across at Sirius.

Tonks narrowed her eyes on both of them.

"Well I'm so glad you two have sorted out your little lovers tiff, and I'm even happier that what brings you two together is making fun of me," she turned down to the kitchen, stopping at the top of the steps. "There's your breakfast, _Remus_."

Tonks pointed at the toast on the floor and the smashed glass. She was halfway down the stairs when she heard Sirius speak.

"Looks like you're going to be the one doing the apologising this time, mate."

Which was followed by a sigh she could tell was from Lupin.

* * *

May rolled into June and O.W.L.S for students at Hogwarts had already begun, Tonks having received a letter from Ginny, which told her so. Tonks, Sirius, and Lupin spent most nights locked away inside Grimmauld, Sirius' mood lifting higher than ever before. Lupin had told Tonks it was the looming promise of a summer with Harry that had done this to him. Lupin had disappeared for a few days towards the end of May, which everyone assumed had something to do with the full moon and only discovered upon his return that he'd gone back to Greyback but sadly had nothing new to report. One particular night Tonks wandered towards Grimmauld like always and found Lupin sitting up in the drawing room alone. She watched him from the doorway. He had his feet up on the table and he was leaning back deep into his chair. He had a small crease between his eyebrows as he read, his eyes skimming over the page faster than she'd ever seen anyone's. What she found most adorable, was that the hand not holding his book was gently stroking his stomach. Tonks wondered if it was a habit of his she was yet to pick up on, surely it would have to be the last. She felt herself smile at him.

"Good evening," he muttered, finally looking up and removing his legs from the table.

"Hi," Tonks said.

She walked in, and being unable to find no other seats, she decided to sit on him. She sat on his lap and leant back against him as he wrapped an arm around her side.

"What are you doing up here away from Sirius?" She asked, looking down at him.

"He's in a bad mood," Lupin said regrettably.

"How? He's been the best I've ever seen him lately."

"Snape came by last night at the meeting you missed, he particularly enjoyed accosting Sirius by explained what little he had done. So Sirius is feeling particularly useless and angry."

"Maybe we can do something over the summer then? We can beg Dumbledore to let him out and go away somewhere. With Harry too, if Dumbledore lets him."

Lupin nodded, and then looked off into the distance absently.

"He hasn't snapped at you again has he?"

"What do you think? But this one is more forgivable and I'm giving him space, so Kreacher will receive the full force of it, that is, if we can find him."

"He's gone again?"

"Yes. Every time we find him he seems particularly happy which is unnerving in a way."

Tonks felt her mind give out as he spoke. There had been way too much going on lately and her brain felt like it was being pushed to capacity. She gave an exhausted sigh and her head fell back onto his shoulder.

"I feel the same way," Lupin said quietly.

"Can you read to me? I think I need a nap and your books always seem to do the trick," Tonks teased.

Lupin gave her a stern stare, followed by a smile and then picked up his book and began reading.

* * *

Tonks walked down the meeting that night feeling well rested, but only a few minutes in, she started to feel sleepy again. It was until the very end when Kingsley arrived looking very out of sorts did Tonks feel awake again. He burst through the door, his eyes darting everywhere, focusing on Dumbledore, who'd come for his first meeting since his dismissal. He marched right up to Dumbledore and bent low to whisper something in his ear. As Tonks watched Kingsley's mouth move she saw Dumbledore slowly turn to mirror the way Kingsley looked. His eyes were brimming with fear and worry and it was the first time she had seen Dumbledore look panicked.

"Is she alive?" Dumbledore said quickly, the fear in his voice completely unmistakeable.

"Is who– " Arthur asked, but Dumbledore held up a hand to silence him as Kingsley bent down to whisper into his ear again.

"This changes everything," Dumbledore said, staring up at Kingsley again, who nodded.

Dumbledore turned back to the group, giving them all a look of steely determination.

"I apologise, but I have to depart," Dumbledore said, standing hastily and almost running to the door.

"Albus, you can't get back into the school and she is in the Hospital Wing," Kingsley said, staring at Dumbledore with the same troubled eyes.

"No, I cannot, but my brother can. I know it is against the rules, but I must."

And with that, he was gone. Everyone else in the room had been staring between the two of them as they spoke and when Dumbledore left they all turned to Kingsley at the same time.

"Umbridge has forcibly removed Hagrid from his teaching post mere hours ago," Kingsley paused and the confused whispering broke out in seconds.

Tonks couldn't help wonder why this would worry Dumbledore so much.

"Minerva came out to help and was blasted with four stunning spells straight to the chest," Kinglsey finished loudly over the chatter.

The reaction was instantaneous. Molly and Tonks both clapped their hands to their mouths, Sirius's chair slammed into the ground as he'd been leaning back on it and everyone else looked at each other in shock.

"I've been informed that Madam Pomphrey is seeing to her but it is uncertain at this point if she will recover," Kingsley added sadly.

Finally Tonks understood Dumbledore's worry. McGonagall, the woman who seemed so dependable, so strong, and always present, was now not so. It seemed impossible to imagine her lying in a bed at Hogwarts, broken and damaged, hovering somewhere between death and life, as that is what many stunning spells would do to someone her age. Tonks glanced up at Lupin, who was beside her, and her feelings of horror and concern were mirrored in his eyes. She still had one hand over her mouth as she shook her head in disbelief, but saw Lupin reach down and grab the other one under the table. She felt him wrap her small hand in his, squeezing it reassuringly.

**To be continued…**


	46. The Forgotten Wand

**Not expecting to hear from me so soon, I bet?**

**This chapter literally fell out of me, so I may have to come back and do another edit tomorrow, so, sorry if I do.**

**Things with Tonks and Lupin in the library may seem silly, but they become really important later. One moment involving popping has been written since the very start of this fanfic, very, very, crucial (but you won't know why!).**

**Some of the comments from the last chapter literally blew me away. Thank you very much. Kepp them coming if you can!**

**So it begins...**

* * *

**Chapter 44**

Remus Lupin sunk deeper in the chair he was sitting in. The book he'd been reading had become less and less interesting the further he got into his, and this was the reason he so rarely read novels. He preferred fact, not fiction, as he did in life. Lupin stared at the tattered page, his mind leaving his bedroom almost straight away. All day he and Sirius had been tense, not at each other, but at the news they awaited. Any moment someone could walk in and inform them that Minerva was gone. Something about McGonagall being injured made things seem much more real, even though she had not been struck down in a battle. Perhaps it was the looming threat that had hung over their heads all year and this just cemented the real truth they all faced. Lupin suspected it had something to do with Minerva as the person though. She seemed indestructible, and here she was, completely not so. Kingsley had made the announcement very late last night and nothing had really been the same since.

Molly was nearly distraught, but that was because the two were very close, as any mother who had to converse with a head of house so often would be. Lupin smiled as he thought that Fred and George should be thanked for Molly and Minerva's friendship. Perhaps Sirius took the news as hard as anyone else, but it did not show. He continued in his bad mood, hiding up with Buckbeak and shouting at his mother's portrait or Kreacher. This was why Lupin was in his room reading, it seemed easier to stay out of the way than deal with him as such. There was a loud noise that broke Lupin from his thoughts and when he turned around, he saw Sirius holding the door open, looking troubled.

"Any news?" Lupin asked cautiously, feeling his body tense at the thought of anything worse that could have been happening.

"No," Sirius said looking anywhere but Lupin as he wondered over to the far side of the desk.

Sirius' eyes scanned the desk as Lupin furrowed his brow at him, trying to figure out what was going on and why he was in his room acting so strangely. Quite suddenly Sirius looked up at Lupin mirroring his look of confusion, though there was a slight smirk on his face

"Is this what I think it is Moony?" Sirius asked, smirking wider, and holding up a brown leather collar by a red tag that read: _Love Tonks_.

Lupin sighed and shut his book.

"It was a gift."

He glared at Sirius as he snatched the collar back and walked it over to put it in his briefcase. He took his same seat again and stared up at Sirius expectantly.

"What?" Sirius asked, still smirking.

"I'm waiting for the witty retort you're bound to hit me with."

Sirius laughed.

"Remus, you under-rate me too often. Clearly I do the same however, as I never imagined you to be the kind of guy who enjoyed a collar in the bedroom."

Sirius laughed at his own joke and Lupin only gave him a cold stare, before returning to his book. Lupin didn't read it; he looked at it again, this time waiting for Sirius to say something.

"I came here to apologise," he heard Sirius say meekly from behind him.

Lupin turned in his chair to face him, and saw Sirius leaning on the opposite wall, looking down at the floor, Lupin was about to say something, but Sirius, who'd started pacing, spoke over the top of him.

"I was standing in my mothers bedroom with Buckbeak and I was just thinking, what the hell has become of me? Here I am, a grown man, hiding away in a house. A house I hated. A house I spent my entire childhood trying to get away from. Now look at me, cowering away like a rat."

Lupin watching Sirius opening his heart to him, and as much as it shouldn't have, it made him feel uncomfortable.

"Sirius, you don't have to apol– "

"I do Remus, I shouldn't take this out on you. I just can't take it anymore, this isn't what I imagined my life would turn out to be."

"This is just for the time being," Lupin said, trying to stop him pacing. "Fudge will, well he probably won't, but somebody will make sense of it all eventually."

It sounded more like a plea than a promise, and Lupin didn't know why.

"It doesn't matter anymore. Snape's right, Remus," Sirius muttered, finally glancing towards Lupin. "I'm a coward."

It frightened him just how much vulnerability was shining from Sirius' eyes. He had never seen him like this, and he didn't know how to change it expect be Sirius himself.

"You're going to agree with Snape over me for the first time _now_?"

Sirius gave a heavy sounding laugh, in it perhaps the explanation of everything, but none of it made sense to Lupin. He'd stopped pacing and was leaning against the wall now, looking directly at Lupin, so much of the Sirius he'd known gone.

"It's not that simple. All I was thinking about after we spoke to Harry that day was what I used to be, and what I've become. I can't even fight my own battles anymore and I'm reduced to fighting with you and I don't even understand that logic."

"Sirius I…" Lupin started to say, but he couldn't find the right words of comfort.

"Merlin, listen to me, I've become pathetic," Sirius said, the tone of his voice brightening falsely. "The point was to apologise, not say all this. Sorry."

Before Lupin could even respond Sirius turned and stormed out the room, leaving him staring out of the doorway, waves of helplessness hitting him.

* * *

Days went by with no updates from anyone, no news on any front. Things felt tense for no reason. Sirius had regressed further into himself in the moments when it was just the two of them. Tonks was yet to appear since the night of Kingsley's announcement. Lupin had heard that she had gone to her parents and also visited Molly, just as he assumed she would have. Molly had become somewhere between a friend and mother to Tonks. It was Lupin sat in the drawing room again, holding a book but staring out into the distance as he usually did these days. A loud popping noise brought him to his feet and his hand to his wand, but as the door slowly opened, he saw Tonks. She had short bubblegum pink hair again and she was chewing what he assumed was Droobles Best Blowing Gum. She smiled at him happily and he responded in the same way as he sunk back into his armchair.

"Gave you a fright did I?" Tonks asked smirking.

"Not you, so much as what is in your mouth."

"It's just blowing gum you know?" Tonks said, as she made another bubble and it popped loudly.

"Yes, but not everyone likes that noise," Lupin explained carefully.

She popped it again, causing Lupin to sigh as he shook his head.

"Are you calling me immature?" Tonks ask, amusement leaking from her words.

"No, I'm saying your chewing gum. Take from it what you will."

Tonks made and popped another bubble as she leant against the bookcase casually. The popping noise reverberated inside Lupin's head; surely a headache was on its way.

"So, to what do I owe this _pleasure_," Lupin said, stressing the last word.

Tonks popped her gum again, making him suppress a shudder.

"Now you're implying you don't want to see me, and we both know that's a lie."

Lupin chuckled to himself.

"Awfully confident of yourself don't you think?"

"Not when I know it's true," Tonks responded playfully, popping another bubble.

"Must you do that?"

"This?" Tonks made and popped another bubble and Lupin glared across at her. "Yes I must."

"Pop that gum one more time and I will be forced to remove it from your mouth myself," he growled from his chair.

Tonks only smiled sweetly at him and leant further against the bookcase. Lupin returned to his book, and after a few moments, looked back up at Tonks. Her lips slowly lifted into a smirk.

"Don't even think about it," he warned.

He watched the blue bubble come out of her lips and then, with another loud sounding pop it was gone.

"Right," Lupin said angrily standing up and marching over towards her, hearing her giggle.

His lips met hers instantly, pushing her back against the bookshelf as his arms moved around her. Within seconds Lupin had the desired effect he wanted. She pulled back from him, retching and choking and Lupin placed his hand just under her mouth. With a final cough the piece of gum landed in his hand.

"That is why you don't chew gum, Nymphadora."

Tonks looked up at him scornfully as she was steadying herself on the bookcase, taking deep breaths. With a triumphant smile, Lupin walked back to his seat and sat down, throwing the gum away in the process. Tonks could only continue to glare at him as he pretended to ignore her by reading his book. Slowly she walked up to him, and sat on the couch next to his armchair. Lupin chanced a look in her direction and found her staring at him like never before.

"What?" He muttered, turning to her.

"I'm just trying to make sure you're not Sirius."

Lupin furrowed his brow at her.

"Well, what you just did, from what I've heard, was a very Sirius like move?"

"What, surprising them into choking on something?" Lupin asked with a small laugh.

"No it was more the boldness of it all, not the choking part, that was just cruel," Tonks teased.

"Your noises were cruel."

Tonks stared at him with steely determination, and then, knowing she had lost, she flopped back onto the couch in a huff.

"So, how was your day?" Lupin mumbled casually as he read.

"Now you're going to be nice?" Tonks asked in a patronizing voice.

"I was, and still am, always the nice one."

Tonks scoffed in disagreement and Lupin smiled to himself.

"My day was alright," Tonks finally admitted.

Lupin sighed deeply and put his book down, moving next to Tonks on her couch. She was pouting at him angrily, but he knew it was a façade. Lupin threw his arm back, so it rested on top of the couch. He watched Tonks for a moment, expecting her to relent but she didn't. Tonks was sitting bolt upright, looking directly ahead and Lupin shook his head in disbelief.

"Okay," he said playfully. "What can I do to make it up to you?"

"You mean for almost killing me?" Tonks muttered as she finally turned to face him.

"Tonks, I think that is a little bit far-fetched," Lupin said, but Tonks raised her eyebrows at him. "Alright, considering I almost _killed_ you, how can I make it up to you?"

Tonks grinned and sat back into the couch, so she was nearly under his arm.

"How about dinner tomorrow night?" Tonks suggested. "At my place."

"As long as you do not cook," Lupin added slyly.

"I promise."

Tonks leant back into the gap between his body and his arm. Lupin started to stroke her arm as he read the book; enjoying the solitude for the tiny amount of time he had it.

* * *

The following day, after a very relaxed night with Sirius and Tonks, Lupin found himself in the kitchen with Molly and Arthur. Sirius had spent all day tending for Buckbeak, who'd somehow gotten himself badly injured the night before.

"All we know for certain is that she is still in the Hospital Wing," Arthur finished.

Molly winced slightly.

"I'm sure she'll be fine Molly, if she's still at Hogwarts it means– "

Lupin stopped speaking mid way through his sentence as Sirius had just come barging in, a piece of parchment in his hand.

"Minerva's been moved," Sirius announced, brandishing the letter. "She's in a ward in St Mungo's but she's going to be fine by their reports."

Lupin exhaled in relief, and saw the Weasleys doing the same thing.

"Well that's good news," Arthur said brightly, clapping his hands together.

"I think this calls for a glass of Fire-Whiskey each,' Sirius said, smiling at everyone.

"No, no," Molly muttered. "Arthur and I have to meet Bill at The Leaky Cauldron for dinner. Apparently he has some news for us."

Lupin didn't know what the news was, but he had a sneaking suspicion it was about Fleur. Tonks had informed him that Bill was going to propose, and judging by the expression on her face, Molly wasn't in on this bit of news. After another few minutes of McGonagall based conversation, the Weasley's left.

"I s'pose I can't tempt you for some then Remus?" Sirius asked.

"I've got to get to Tonks'," Lupin mumbled.

Sirius' face dropped and Lupin could only look on, no knowledge of what the cause was.

"I better get back up to Buckbeak anyway," Sirius said, looking crestfallen as he stood.

"We'll have a drink before the meeting," Lupin promised and Sirius nodded before walking out.

* * *

After apparating in the square outside, Lupin arrived in Tonks' hallway. He knocked on her door and she opened it with a smile.

"Okay so I have a plan," she said to him.

"Does it involve not saying hello?"

She rolled her eyes at him.

"_Hello_ Remus. Now, I have a plan."

"What is it?" Lupin asked as he walked in and hung up his coat, pulling something out of his pocket in the process.

"Well you said I'm not allowed to cook, so you can," Tonks said happily.

"Let me get this straight, I come over for dinner and I have to cook it?"

"Yep," Tonks replied, grinning at him.

With a small smile Lupin walked into the kitchen, hearing Tonks follow him.

"I got you something by the way," Lupin announced as he leant back against the counter and crossed his legs.

"What is it?" Tonks said excitedly, her eyes brightening at him.

Lupin held out the palm of his hand, and what was in it caused Tonks to laugh.

"Droobles Best Blowing Gum," she said, giggling. "Did Remus Lupin just make a joke?"

"By the sounds of it, I did,"

Tonks inched a bit closer to him and took the small packet out of his hand.

"I thought you hated gum?" Tonks asked, smirking at him.

"I wanted to do what you did, and see just how much you enjoy it. After the meal perhaps," Lupin reminded her, indicating the ingredients on the table.

With a quick wink at him, Tonks turned to the table and away from him, rubbing her hands together.

* * *

Perhaps an hour, a lot of laughs, and a few glasses of elf made wine later, Tonks and Remus had dinner made. They sat at the table, side by side, a big bowl of spaghetti bolognaise between them.

"So this is your father's recipe?" Lupin asked.

"My dad's mum, but she didn't have the help of magic when she came up with it. Although, I think she made less mess than us without it," Tonks said turning back to look at the sauce covered kitchen.

Lupin stuck his fork in and took a mouthful for himself. The noodles were too long and he had to slurp them up as he swallowed it all. When Tonks glanced over at him, she immediately started laughing.

"What?" Lupin asked, his mouth still half full.

"You have sauce all over your face," Tonks laughed again.

Lupin reached for his napkin and wiped the sides of his mouth, causing Tonks to laugh harder.

"Here I'll get it," she said as she licked her thumb and started wiping it off him. "Aren't I supposed to be the child in this relationship?"

Lupin narrowed his eyes at her and she stopped wiping his face and knitted her brow at him. She opened her mouth to speak but Lupin leaned forwards and kissed her, making sure he got as much sauce on her as possible.

"There. Now you're the child again," Lupin said smugly.

"Actually by your definition, we're both children."

Lupin and Tonks both laughed at each other, before returning to the dinner they had in front of them.

* * *

Lupin's stomach felt like it could burst, and when he glanced at Tonks he knew she was feeling the same thing.

"Want to lie on the couch for a while before we go to the meeting?" Lupin asked rubbing his stomach.

Tonks nodded and they walked over to it. Lupin sat down on one side, putting his legs up on her coffee table and flicking his wand at his wine glass on the table bringing it to him. Tonks lay down beside him, resting her head on his leg. It was pleasant and exactly what he needed after the week he had. The looming threat of an entire summer of this hung over the two of them and however out of character it was, it only made Lupin smile. He had never been one to look forward to the future, but it seemed now he could. Yes, there was a war, but perhaps it was further away than he had first assumed. Now that McGonagall was safe, everything seemed strangely safe.

"So where do you want to go?" Tonks asked, breaking Lupin from his thoughts.

"For what?"

"For our trip. If Dumbledore lets Sirius come of course," Tonks added.

"I don't know," Lupin mused. "Sirius always liked the Greek Islands after spending time there with James, so there perhaps."

"I've always wanted to go there!" Tonks said excitedly, making Lupin smile.

He glanced around her flat and his watch caught his attention.

"We've got to go. I promised Sirius I'd be back early for a drink before the meeting," Lupin said quickly.

Tonks looked up at him, pouting slightly.

"It's okay, we'll pick up where we left off when we get back," Lupin said, meeting her lips for a quick kiss as a promise.

They both stood and collected their coats, heading out into the setting sun outside, holding hands.

* * *

Tonks and Lupin arrived at Grimmauld Place, hearing the sound of deep voices chattering downstairs. Upon arrival in the kitchen Lupin found Moody, Kingsley and Sirius all sitting around the table, all looking pre-occupied. The feeling in the room was strange; it was halfway between a normal pre-meeting chat and the very tense feeling everyone got after bad news. Lupin looked at Sirius, the expression on his face troubling.

"What's happened?" Lupins asked sitting next to Sirius, watching Tonks take a seat beside Moody.

"Snape just sent a patronus looking for me," Sirius explained, still looking troubled.

"And?"

"He said that Harry believes I'm in the Department of Mysteries."

"But you're not?" Lupin said stupidly.

"I know that, Remus," Sirius said with a bit of bite in his voice.

"It means Voldemort has planted the image in the boys head," Moody growled.

"Has Snape told him that?" Tonks asked, staring between all the men.

"No. He said he was waiting until Harry returns, as he'd gone into the Forrest with Umbridge," Kingsley explained.

"I need to go find him myself, he can't do anything stupid," Sirius said boldly, half standing.

"Sirius, you can't just go wandering into Hogwarts," Moody growled and Sirius threw a dark stare at him.

"He could be in trouble and I think I have the right to protect my godson."

"Snape said he'll report back after he's spoken to him, he'll be all right Sirius," Kingsley said.

Lupin stared across at Sirius, panic bubbling over inside him. Harry was not one to act rationally, especially not when he thought someone he cared for was in danger.

"So what are we going to do?" Lupin asked, looking at Moody and Kingsley.

"We wait," Kingsley said. "We wait until we hear from Snape, for all we know Harry is fine."

Sirius leant back in his chair, angrily folding his arms, so clearly against this decision. The five of them looked at each other awkwardly, just waiting for news again. Lupin nearly laughed as he thought about how he'd stupidly believed in Tonks' flat that everything would be okay.

* * *

"He hasn't returned," the voice of Snape said, causing Sirius and Tonks to jump.

There was a scramble by everyone to get to the fireplace, as that's where Snape's head was. Sirius got there first. Lupin's mouth seemed to have gone dry from the news.

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked, the fear in his voice so unmistakeable.

"I mean, he went into the Forrest and has not returned, just like I said," Snape said icily.

Sirius looked across at Lupin, he looked more worried than he ever remembered.

"We have to get to the Department of Mysteries then," Tonks said boldly.

"Obviously. Someone will have to wait for Dumbledore, as I alerted him as well."

"Sirius I think– " Moody started to say.

"No," Sirius said at once. "If Harry's in trouble I'm going."

"As touching as your sentiments may be, I don't think it will do any good for you to join them. I'm sure they can handle it without you," Snape baited.

"Why don't you go play with your chemistry set and we'll handle this," Sirius spat.

"This isn't the time for you two to start," Moody growled. "Sirius, Snape is right, we need someone here to talk to Albus."

"Kreacher can do it," Sirius said, his tone of both fear and anger.

"Sirius I– " Lupin started to say

"No! I'm not going to sit idly by again, not for this once, Remus."

"I highly recommend you stay, but following sense has never been your strong suit Sirius," Snape added and Moody cleared his throat impatiently.

"What do we know so far?" Moody growled

"I searched the grounds and found only Umbridge, so they have gone, as have the Weasleys and the other students Harry was interrogated with. By all accounts he would not be alone."

"Do you know how long ago they left?" Lupin asked quickly, panic coursing through him.

"No, I was in my office as was requested of me. Umbridge led them into the Forrest at least three hours ago that is all I know."

"Thank-you Snape," Kingsley said and with a pop, Snape was gone.

* * *

"So we go then?" Sirius said, his eyes moving around with apprehension. "We'll go to the Department and stop them before the Death Eaters get there."

"It may be a trap– " Moody stated.

"Who cares if it is? I'm going to save Harry, alone or with you all I don't care."

"If you would let me finish Black, I was going to say it might be a trap therefore we shall need to take extra care."

Sirius was too highly strung to look sheepish at being pulled up on what he'd said; he only marched straight to the door.

"We need to devise a plan Sirius," Kingsley's deep voice boomed.

"It's simple, we go in there and we find them and we save them," Sirius said turning back to face them.

"We need Kreacher," Moody growled.

"KREACHER!" Sirius roared.

With a crack Kreacher appeared, a wide smile on his face.

"Kreacher you're to stay here until Dumbledore arrives and then tell him we've gone. Got it?"

"Yes Master. Kreacher lives to serve the noble house of Black," Kreacher muttered, fighting to suppress laughter.

"Great. Lets go," Sirius said, trudging towards the door again.

This time no one stopped him, everyone followed, all walking with a quickened step. Lupin seemed to be the only one irked by Kreacher's strange behaviour, but moved out of the kitchen following everyone else. Harry was far more important after all.

* * *

They reached the hallway and Lupin could feel the unease at the situation creeping up into. Suddenly this didn't seem like a good plan.

"Sirius– " Lupin started to say, but Sirius had spun around and met his eyes.

There was a look in them lupin so rarely saw, it was somewhere between, fear, regret and complete determination. He was pleading again. Lupin wanted to tell him to stay, that he had a bad feeling, but he knew Sirius would never by it. He remembered the conversation had, had a few days prior, he didn't deserve to stay home, leaving someone else to save Harry would seem impossible for Lupin. More than that, the look he was getting from Sirius was letting him know that this was Sirius' battle to fight.

"You need your wand," Lupin finished.

He saw relief crack over Sirius' face for a second, for it to only be replaced with the anxiety again. There was a loud crack and Sirius was gone and then in another crack he returned, holding his wand heroically. All five of them walked down the corridor.

"We'll go into the square and everyone apparate right into the Atrium," Moody growled and everyone nodded.

They walked outside into the dark night air and straight into the square across the road. Once they were underneath the trees, Moody gave a second nod and Lupin twisted into blackness, the panic pressing against his chest harder than the sensation of apparation.

**To be continued…**


	47. The Department of Mysteries

**Well here is the first half.**

**Everyone got a little worried for what is not happening in this chapter, and by the end you'll know why it doesn't happen, it'll be next and I really don't fancy doing it at all! I don't wanna break Lupin's heart!**

**_Please,_ reviews are extra important becuase I want to know how I've done writing action stuff, if it was good and what was horrible (aside from everything haha) but you guys are usually magical, so I needn't ask.**

**I have read so many takes on this battle, so all the events that take place in this chapter in the book i have put a story behind. The baby headed Death Eater for example. All the names of Death Eater's involved are the one Lucius Malfoy shouts at the start of the scene in the book. So I think I have everything correct.**

**By the way - I dislocated my shoulder and even though i'm mostly done with the next chapter, if it's delayed that will be why, sorry.**

**Enjoy.**

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**Chapter 45**

It would have been a difficult moment to explain why it was so to anyone, but Nymphadora Tonks was happier than she'd ever been. She lay on her couch with her head in Remus Lupin's lap looking out the window, completely content with herself and her surroundings. Her stomach was on the point of bursting from the spaghetti they'd just eaten and tired haze was settling over her, but she was happy. She'd spent all her last remaining energy talking to Lupin about the trip they should take over the summer with Sirius, and now she wanted nothing more than to crawl up into bed with him and sleep as soundly as ever. Sadly there was an order meeting in between that, but she knew she would be allowed to do as she wished afterwards.

"We've got to go," came Lupin's voice, causing Tonks to look up at him. "I promised Sirius I'd be back early for a drink before the meeting."

The tone of regret in his voice directly mirrored the regret she was feeling. It felt like a perfect moment to leave, even if they were just sitting in silence together. Tonks half grimaced back up at him and he gave a small smile.

"It's okay, we'll pick up where we left off when we get back," Lupin said.

He leant down and met her lips for a quick kiss, causing Tonks to grin the way she always did if he kissed her when she wasn't expecting it. Knowing she had her promise for the night she wanted, Tonks stood and collected her coat, feeling Lupin slide his hand over hers as they walked out.

* * *

Above any other, this was the moment Tonks would look back on the most. It was the moment Tonks and Lupin rounded the corner and Grimmauld Place popped into view. What they were talking about Tonks couldn't even remember, but they were happy, and they were so blissfully unaware of what was waiting for them and what it would mean. Still they walked on happily, not knowing who had popped into the fire looking for Sirius for the only hour he wasn't sitting there, or that Snape's patronus had arrived. When Tonks walked in, it should have been the growling voice of Moody that let her know something was up, as he was always was never there first, but that did nothing to her, she still walked down the hallway behind Lupin, smiling.

* * *

When she walked inside, and the atmosphere of the room hit her, everything changed. The air was tense and thick, much worse than even the night Kingsley came in about McGonagall. Sirius' head snapped towards Lupin and Tonks when they walked in, the expression on his face very troubled. Instantly Tonks thought it had to be Harry, very little, other than Lupin himself, would bother Sirius that much. Tonks quickly took a seat beside Moody, to ask him what had happened in a quiet whisper, but Lupin had said her words aloud.

"What's happened?" He asked looking around at everyone.

"Snape just sent a patronus looking for me," Sirius explained, his eyes darting around the room nervously.

"And?"

"He said that Harry believes I'm in the Department of Mysteries."

"But you're not?" Lupin muttered.

"I know that, Remus," Sirius said, the tension he was dealing with so evident in his voice.

"It means Voldemort has planted the image in the boys head," Moody growled and Tonks felt her stomach drop at this news.

It had been everything they were trying to avoid and now it had happened.

"Has Snape told him that?" Tonks asked, looking hopefully at Kingsley and Sirius

"No. He said he was waiting until Harry returns, as he'd gone into the Forrest with Umbridge," Kingsley explained, and again her stomach dropped.

"I need to go find him myself, he can't do anything stupid," Sirius announced, half standing.

"Sirius, you can't just go wandering into Hogwarts," Moody growled and Sirius threw a dark stare at him.

"He could be in trouble and I think I have the right to protect my godson."

Tonks couldn't bear to watch the agony in Sirius' eyes. She understood it completely as he couldnt do anything, he was helpless. This was the only family Sirius had left, Lupin and Harry, and one of them was in trouble.

"Snape said he'll report back after he's spoken to him, he'll be all right Sirius," Kingsley said.

"So what are we going to do?" Lupin asked.

"We wait," Kingsley said. "We wait until we hear from Snape, for all we know Harry is fine."

The minutes passed like torture, everyone staring at each other with nothing to do and no comforting words to say.

* * *

"He hasn't returned," a voice boomed through the kitchen, breaking the tense silence and causing Tonks to nearly jump out of her skin in fright.

Everyone's head snapped towards the fireplace that the head of Severus Snape was in, as blank and expressionless as always. There was a mad scramble to get to the fireplace, but Sirius was the first to arrive, dropping to his knees, while the rest stood behind him.

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked, his voice full of dread.

"I mean, he went into the Forrest and has not returned, just like I said," Snape said icily.

Tonks watched Lupin and Sirius exchanged a glance, the answers to every mystery in their stare. The plan seemed simple enough; she just didn't know why no one else was suggesting it.

"We have to get to the Department of Mysteries then," she said boldly.

"Obviously," Snape said, giving Tonks a patronizing stare. "Someone will have to wait for Dumbledore, as I alerted him as well."

"Sirius I think– " Moody started to say.

"No," Sirius cried at once. "If Harry's in trouble I'm going."

"As touching as your sentiments may be, I don't think it will do any good for you to join them. I'm sure they can handle it without you," Snape said, and Tonks knew he was saying it deliberately.

"Why don't you go play with your chemistry set and we'll handle this," Sirius snarled.

"This isn't the time for you two to start," Moody growled. "Sirius, Snape is right, we need someone here to talk to Albus."

"Kreacher can do it," Sirius snapped.

"Sirius I– " Lupin started to say

"No! I'm not going to sit idly by again, not for this one, Remus."

Again Lupin and Sirius exchanged a look, but it seemed afterwards Lupin recoiled the tiniest bit from the stare he'd received.

"I highly recommend you stay, but following good sense has never been your strong suit Sirius," Snape added and Moody cleared his throat impatiently.

"What do we know so far?" Moody growled

"I searched the grounds and found only Umbridge, so they have gone, as have the Weasleys and the other students Harry was interrogated with. By all accounts he would not be alone."

"Do you know how long ago they left?" Lupin asked, the tone of his voice worrying Tonks.

"No, I was in my office as was requested of me. Umbridge led them into the Forrest at least three hours ago that is all I know."

"Thank-you Snape," Kingsley said and with a pop, Snape was gone.

* * *

The second Snape disappeared from the fire, an unspoken rise in tension occurred, though this one did not frighten Tonks. It was the familiar feeling before a raid, before she chased someone, or even before guard duty. The nerves that only spurred her on and then determination gripped her. She knew what she had to do, and she was going to do it.

"So we go then? We'll go to the Department and stop them before the Death Eaters get there," Sirius said, his plan sounding just right to Tonks.

"It may be a trap– " Moody stated.

"Who cares if it is? I'm going to save Harry, alone or with you all, I don't care."

"If you would let me finish Black, I was going to say it might be a trap therefore we shall need to take extra care."

Tonks watched Sirius march angrily towards the door. Though she understood his anger, she knew there was no point to it; he needed the rest of them. Tonks chanced a glance at Lupin and found him surveying the entire situation with an unreadable expression. Oddly enough, staring at Lupin made her nervous, not the good kind of nervous either, the bad kind. Tonks couldn't help but wonder if this was what it meant to care more about someone than yourself.

"We need to devise a plan, Sirius," Kingsley's deep voice boomed, making Tonks look away from Remus.

"It's simple, we go in there and we find them and we save them," Sirius said turning back to face them.

"We need Kreacher," Moody growled.

"KREACHER!" Sirius roared.

With a crack Kreacher appeared, the smile of his face so jarring to the tension in the rom.

"Kreacher you're to stay here until Dumbledore arrives and then tell him we've gone. Got it?"

"Yes Master. Kreacher lives to serve the noble house of Black," Kreacher muttered, fighting to suppress laughter.

"Great. Lets go," Sirius said darkly, trudging towards the door again.

Sirius was the quickest out of the room, and Tonks noticed the underlying nerves in everyone from the speed of their walk. Their first real taste of danger of ahead of them. They flew up the stairs and out into the hallway, stopping only for Sirius to get his wand.

"We'll go into the square and everyone apparate right into the Atrium," Moody growled as everyone marched down the corridor.

They walked straight outside, Kinglsey sealing the door, and everyone stood in a line hidden by the trees. Moody gave a nod, and Tonks twisted into nothingness.

* * *

When Tonks opened her eyes again, the wonder of the Atrium was in front of her, the statues in the water fountain shimmering gold and as beautiful as ever What she found most peculiar was the fact that there was no one around. It couldn't be that late and there should still have been people shuffling around at this time. She looked across at Kingsley, whose brow was furrowed, obviously thinking the same thing.

"It's quiet," Kingsley said with a mixture of apprehension and surprise.

"A little too quiet," Moody growled, his paranoia getting the better of him.

Tonks felt Lupin standing behind her, a little closer than a normal person perhaps would, but his presence was soothing, even if he was not calm himself.

"Are we all going to stand around here talking about the silence or are we going to go and get Harry?" Sirius snapped, staring at everyone with contempt.

At once everyone piled into the elevator, Sirius jabbing the down button much harder the necessary.

* * *

"Department of Mysteries," the cool female voice said, making the hair on the back of Tonks' neck stand up.

Everyone moved out of the lift quickly, and as they ran towards the corridor they'd sat in front of many times over, Tonks couldn't help but notice how different it looked this time.

"They're in the Death Chamber," Moody growled, only the white of his magical eye visible. "The Death Eaters are there."

"That's the veil room isn't it?" Kingsley said, sounding a little out of breath from the pace of their movements.

"Yes. Keep away from the Dias at all costs," Moody growled. "Get in and get Harry and the other. At all costs, keep the prophecy away from the Death Eaters."

"We know. Can we go!" Sirius barked impatiently.

They walked through the first door and into the small circular room of spinning doors. As they all lit their wands they could all see the smashed glass all over the floor, an ominous sign for what lay ahead of them no doubt. For the first moment, Tonks felt the real flicker of fear. Hermione was going to be in there, Harry as well and Snape had said both Weasleys, so that meant Ron _and_ Ginny. As the doors spun around her, Tonks could see them all dead, just as Mrs Weasley had all those months ago. What would Molly do if she heard what had happened? That they'd failed to save her youngest children. She could feel her heart beat increasing and her breath was becoming shallow. As the doors came to a stop in front of Moody's wand she felt a hand on the small of her back. She looked up into the face of a stoic looking Lupin, still visible from everyone's wand light.

"They'll still be fighting," he whispered, as if he could read her mind.

Tonks nodded, trying hard to banish all the thoughts away with a trick she'd learnt in Auror training, though still nerves sat in the pit of her stomach. They ran through one of the doors and into another room full of doors. Desks and shelves were all shattered, everyone had moved off towards another doors, when a loud crash from behind them caught their attention. There was the body of a Death Eater crashing around through desks, but the head on his shoulders was like a baby's and it was crying. Nobody raised their wands; everyone just stared, frozen in shock. Slowly the baby started to sprout facial hair and then it was growing into a full-grown man's head, it was a weirdly grotesque sight.

"It's Rabastan Lestrange! He's fallen into the time holder," Kingsley called and Tonks raised her wand immediately.

The man turned, and started at them with his arms out and just as his head started to shrink again, Tonks aimed a stunning spell at his chest.

"_Stupefy_," Tonks yelled, as did the other four.

In mid air the other jets of red light joined her spell and all hit Rabastan directly in the chest. He flew backwards in the air and landed squarely against a grandfather clock, sliding to the ground as limp as a rag doll. What had previously been fear in Tonks was now starting to turn in exhilaration. They all turned away from him and Moody pointed to a door. This was her element, fighting the bad guys, and as she gripped her wand tighter, she wanted more than ever to burst in to the room, fire spells and do her job. A scream of agony rang out from the door Moody had pointed at, making Lupin and Sirius drain completely of colour, and without a second more of hesitation, they all ran towards it. Tonks' new sense of determination had led her out in front, Lupin and Sirius close at her heels as they all sprinted, her heart rate quickening the closer she got.

* * *

The door opened and they burst out onto the top most tier of a huge room that was sunken in the middle. There were steps and stone benches that were around the whole room, descending down like an amphitheatre. An archway was in the centre of the room; a thin black veil was fluttering eerily inside it. Harry stood on the top of the Dias, with at least ten Death Eaters surrounding him; a small amount of relief swept through her knowing Harry was alive, but it flickered away as she realised the rest that were supposed to be here were no where to be seen. Tonks spotted Bellatrix with her wand pointed over someone curled on the ground. Lucius Malfoy was at the front of the dark cloaked group, his hand out-stretched and Tonks saw the prophecy she'd been guarding for well over a year within his grasp. They all turned up to where the Order was standing and before anyone else, Tonks fired a stunning spell straight at Malfoy to get him away from Harry.

The spell shot flew out of her wand and the jet of red light seemed to fly in slow motion towards Lucius. Everything was suspended as the red light flew closer and closer towards Malfoy, no sound met her ears, all she could hear was her own breath escaping her body. Tonks watched Malfoy dive out of the way after Harry had done the same and then, with the intensity of an explosion, it started. Curses came flying up at them, some red and most green, and all the Order started on the descent down, showering them with spells in return. Kingsley and Sirius were taking two steps at a time as they jumped down and Moody, though slower, was just keeping up. Tonks was at the front of them all, Lupin slightly behind her. Kingsley and Moody reached the lower levels without being stopped, while Sirius, Lupin and Tonks were met by hooded Death Eaters, who had scrambled up the steps to stopped. The last thing Tonks saw before the hooded Death Eater's curse caused her to turn her attention to him, was Sirius, his face mingled with determination and wicked pleasure, firing spells at Lucius Malfoy.

Tonks could hear the mad cackle of Bellatrix as she battled her hooded Death Eater. She shot a stunning spell at him, but it hit a stone bench behind him and it blew apart. He fired a killing curse towards her and Tonks dived under a bench, the curse exploding the one next to her. She heard Sirius laughing as he baited whomever he was battling, and from her crouched position under the bench she could see Lupin, now down on the lowest row of steps. He fired a spell at Malfoy and then took over one of the two Death Eaters Kingsley had been battling. Spells were flying every which way, and occasional grunts of pain or explosions met her ears, as it almost rained in shattered stone. The hooded Death Eater appeared over her bench, and with her quick reflexes, Tonks kicked him in the face, hearing a loud snap as she did so.

He pulled back from the bench, blood was pouring fromwhere his nose would be, and Tonks fired a stunning spell, which he narrowly avoided, though it took off his mask, revealing Rodolphus Lestrange. As he attempted to steady himself Tonks pointed her wand directly at his chest.

"_Impedimenta_," she cried, and it blasted him off his feet and into the stone wall with a sickening crack.

Tonks turned around in search of Harry and found him crouched near the Dias. She'd just made it halfway down the steps towards him, when a mad cackle made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up again and caused her to spin around. There in front of her was the woman she despised, the woman who had torn apart so many lives, her gaunt face echoing what should have been elegant and haughty good looks.

"Hello, my dear niece," said Bellatrix, as she fired a jet of green light that Tonks had to jump up a step to avoid.

Tonks fired a stunning spell in return, but Bellatrix dismissed it easily with her wand.

"I'm surprised to find you amongst the Order. I hoped you'd have learnt, after what our family did to your mother," Bellatrix cackled, firing more spells that Tonks had to jump to avoid.

Tonks could feel the hatred boiling up at the sight of her, and the tone of her voice. She sent a barrage of spells towards Bellatrix, but again she flicked them away easily. Another killing curse came her way and Tonks slid across a stone bench and the spell flew over her head, the smell of burnt hair letting Tonks know the curse had singed it. She could hear more yells and explosions, but Tonks' focus remained completely on Bellatrix. A stunning spell and a killing curse that came from nowhere, exploded the bench between the two, sending them both flying into the air. Tonks landed on a bench two steps down, and little white lights popped in front of her eyes as her head smacked so hard into the stone. Bellatrix was already up, and when Tonks looked around, she had fired two more curses that Tonks had to crawl away from as her head throbbed.

"How is my dear sister then?" Bellatrix baited. "Still married to that filthy mudblood?"

Tonks pushed herself up from the ground again, ignoring the pain in her head and turned to Bellatrix with a snarl, despising what she was saying about her mother and father. She started firing curses, _impedimenta_, stunning, body-bind and any other she could think of, but Bellatrix was too strong. She was flicking them away easily and Tonks had to keep jumping from step to bench to avoid getting hit.

"Have I angered the dirty Half-Blood?" Bellatrix asked, a sadistic smile on her face.

"You'll never get the prophecy," Tonks yelled back, firing another stunning spell that hit the wall behind Bellatrix.

"I think you will find we shall. If you haven't noticed, Order members are dropping like flies," Bellatrix laughed madly and Tonks looked down in time to see Moody fall at the wand of Dolohov.

Tonks didn't know if he was alive or dead, and she felt the sadness rip through her at the thought of the latter. She spun back around to Bella just in time to see a curse headed her way. Tonks instinctively threw up a shield charm, but whatever the curse was, it was only half stopped by the shield. It hit her and she felt like a white-hot knife had slashed all across her left side. Trying not to lose sight of her opponent, Tonks half crumpled as she held her ribs and then, with a growl of fury that hurt all over, Tonks jumped up the two benches to become level with Bellatrix. She fired as many stunning spells as she could, but somehow Bellatrix avoided them all, still laughing. It was infuriating, but still Tonks kept trying.

"Does the wittle baby of the gwoup need a wesson in hitting your opponent?" Bellatrix said in a mock-baby voice.

Tonks fired another few spells that only exploded the benches around Bellatrix as she'd already moved.

"You need to learn to play nice, we are family after all," Bellatrix baited, the wicked smile returning to her face.

She fired more spells and again Tonks narrowly missed them, as she was still clutching her ribs, feeling her blood seep out. The echo of a conversation she had with Lupin rang out in her ears as she remembered it.

"You are not a part of me, or my family," Tonks snarled, finally understanding the truth in that statement.

Tonks held onto her wand with all her might, her face screwed up with complete determination, and fired more curses back.

"Determined, aren't you? I think we could use one like you," Bellatrix yelled over the noise, holding her wand out threateningly.

"Not in a millions years would I join you," Tonks seethed

"Your choice. _Crucio_," Bellatrix cried and a menacing red light flew straight towards Tonks.

Tonks jumped to the left just in time and the curse landed exactly where she had been standing. Bellatrix laughed and then her eyes narrowed on Tonks maliciously. Just as Tonks was about to jump to avoid an onslaught of curses, another shower of exploded stone came and as she dodged that, the yells of Bellatrix met her ears.

"Here's your first lesson," she cried madly with a smile.

Tonks saw two jets of red light flying right at her chest, but she wasn't able to react fast enough. They hit her directly over her heart, pushing her off her feet and completely knocking the all the breath from her. She felt her head collide with something very hard, and this time, instead of just white lights in front of her eyes, she fell into complete darkness, the mad laughter of Bellatrix the very last sound she heard.

**To be continued…**


	48. The Veil

**I don't know if this needs an introduction, other than this was impossible, mostly becuase of what I was writing, but a little because of my shouder. I think with a disloacted shoulder this can count as a record yeah?**

**There is so much more of Lupin's grief to express in the next few chapters, but for now, this is the moment we have all NOT been waiting for.**

**Reviews are very very very appreicated.**

**I'd say enjoy, but it doesn't seem right to do so.**

* * *

**Chapter 46**

It was the scream that did it. The scream that echoed through the entire Time Room from the door Moody had told them Harry was. It seemed to go right through Remus Lupin's body, shattering him to the very core. It brought on the fear he'd been trying so hard not to let surface. Lupin didn't know who it came from, whether it was even one of their own or a Death Eater, but it was that type of scream that almost made someone physically ill. It let you know the screamer was in such pain it was beyond words and whoever heard it felt some part of their agony too. Lupin looked across at Sirius, the same amount of fear in his eyes, and he watched the colour drain from his face. Without another second to spare, everyone turned and ran to the door at the same time, leaving the collapsed body of Rabastan Lestrange where it had fallen. Tonks was just ahead of Lupin and Sirius, her bubblegum pink hair leading them all. They burst through the door and into the Death Chamber.

In the very centre of the sunken room, standing on top of the raised Dias to Lupin's complete relief, was Harry, though he was not safe. Surrounding him were ten, or so, Death Eaters, all with their wands pointed directly at him. Lucius Malfoy had broken from the pack and was reaching out to grab the prophecy that was outstretched in Harry's hand. Lupin couldn't see any of the others that were supposed to be here, no Ron or Hermione, and at that thought, some of the fear returned. Tonks was the first to raise her wand, and a jet of red light shot from it. Lupin followed it with his eyes and saw both Harry, who still had the prophecy, and Lucius dive out the way. The rest of the Order raised their wands, and as they started on the descent down the stairs, they showered the Death Eaters in spells. Lupin saw his stunning spell connect with a masked Death Eater, who keeled over on the step he was standing on. Tonks again was in front and Lupin was close behind her, but three masked Death Eaters appeared, stopping them in their tracks

Lupin slid out of the way of a killing curse and fired a stunning spell at one of the masked men, who jumped to avoid it.

"Get to Harry," Lupin heard Sirius scream at him as he battled someone.

Lupin turned his head down to see Lucius stalking towards Harry and with a quick impedimenta jinx at his masked Death Eater, Lupin jumped down the next few steps and into the sunken centre. He ran through the showering stone and dodged the curses that came towards him, reaching Lucius just as he was turned. Lupin fired a stunning spell, which he blocked and it rebounded back. Lupin had to slide across the ground to avoid his own curse and just as he stood, the voice of Sirius caught his ears again.

"What's wrong Malfoy? Not brave enough to fight adults?" Sirius yelled and Lupin turned to see him running towards them both firing curses.

His jets of red light showered Lucius, who somehow blocked them all. He snarled back at Sirius before firing a stunning spell that Lupin, who'd taken up a post beside Sirius, blocked. Lucius made for a quick escape, trying to move behind the duelling figures of Moody and Dolohov, and Sirius had to take up battling a masked Death Eater who'd run at him.

"Time for the old trick, Moony,' Sirius called out to him, grinning.

"_Impedimenta_," Lupin said and Malfoy ducked behind another Death Eater whose shield took the brunt of the spell.

This Death Eater made movements for him and Lucius moved off out of view. Lupin fired a stunning spell directly at his chest, which only just missed, taking with it the mask. It was Jugson. He fired back a killing curse, which exploded the bench behind Lupin's head. Lupin flicked his wand at the Death Eater and instantly blood poured from his nose and he crumpled to the ground holding it. In that same moment a great yell had gone up, and Sirius and Lupin, who had been battling nearly side-by-side, both looked up.

They saw the body of Moody fall and then crumple on the ground near the Dias. It took a moment for Lupin to fully understand what had happened, but before he knew it, Moody's attacker, Dolohov, was running towards two other people. As Kingsley ducked out of the way, Lupin finally got a glimpse of what Dolohov was running at. Harry was on the ground with Neville Longbottom, and Dolohov had his wand raised over the two of them.

"Sirius! Harry," Lupin yelled, unable to get to him as his bleeding Death Eater had stood up again.

Lupin fired a stunning spell at his chest and he crumpled again. Sirius ran full pelt past Lupin and rammed right into Dolohov, sending him flying. A shout from Kingsley caught Lupin's attention and he saw that he was battling two Death Eaters and only just managing. Lupin jumped the two steps up to him and picked up a fight with a newly unmasked Crabbe. Rookwood, Kingsley's other Death Eater, turned tail to run at Harry but Kingsley kept on him, catching up to him with a tripping jinx. Lupin fired a stunning spell, which Crabbe dismissed easily. He fired a killing curse right at Lupin, who jumped up a bench and watched the one he'd been on explode.

Crabbe's face twisted in frustration and he heard the mad cackles of Bellatrix echo through the hall above any other noise. He knew only one thing would cause her to laugh in such a way, and hoped whoever she was battling was only unconscious, and not dead. Over Crabbe's shoulder Lupin could see Sirius in the far corner protecting Harry, both of them fighting Dolohov, and he knew he needed to get down to jumped up a bench to avoid Crabbe's poorly fired stunning curse, and turned to him, just about to laugh at such a poor attempt, when he saw Crabbe's wand pointed at him again.

"_Crucio_," Crabbe yelled.

Lupin had a split second to react, and dropped down to the floor, the curse rippling past his shoulder and leaving a tear in the fabric. Once again, Crabbe looked anything but pleased with himself. In the distance Lupin could see another masked Death Eater scrambling up the stairs towards him, and he knew he had to distract Crabbe if he had any chance of ending thier fight fast enough.

"Not with you're other useless half tonight, Crabbe," Lupin yelled, avoiding a piece of stone that had come flying at him from nowhere.

As he came back up from his crouched position, Lupin suddenly had an idea and he knew it was going to work. He stood, narrowly missing a jet of green light that singed his robes.

"Trying to make up for deserting Voldemort all those years ago, are you? What are you going to do when he gets here himself?" Lupin asked loudly over the noise, channelling his inner-Sirius.

He saw the flicker of fear that he wanted, and instantly flicked his wand at the piece of stone he'd ducked under before. It went flying at Crabbe, who couldn't react in time, and hit in directly in the face. He flew through the air and landed on a bench with a sickening crack. Lupin jumped down to the lowest tier of benches ready to meet the masked Death Eater he'd seen before. Instantly, a green jet of light was fired directly at Lupin, which he dodged, and then used a shield charm to protect the onslaught of spells the Death Eater fired. Lupin responded with a quick succession of stunning spells, but none made contact with his opponent. He heard the gleeful, almost boasting yells from Sirius, countered only by the growls from Bellatrix. Lupin turned to check if they were battling, but was blasted off his feet. He landed on a bench across the room, which took all the wind out of him, but somehow he managed to keep his head from hitting anything. He stood slowly and saw the Death Eater he'd been battling laughing. Lupin fired a stunning spell at him and it got him directly in the chest. Breathing hard, Lupin could feel the pain in his own body. More than likely he'd broken his ribs again, but he ignored it, choosing to run back into the fray.

Lupin went to aim his wand at Bellatrix when he felt a white-hot knife slice his cheek. Instantly his hand went to his cheek, and as he turned around to see who had done it, he saw Malfoy bearing down on Harry. Lupin fired a curse at an unmasked Avery, who'd been the one to slice open his cheek, and then ran over to Harry. Lucius was blasted backwards into the Dias and then he raised his wand at Harry again, sending fear rippling through Lupin. Lupin dived between the two, throwing up a shield charm and turning to Harry, who had Neville and the prophecy in his hands.

"Harry round up the others and GO!" Lupin yelled, turning back to Lucius with vengeance.

Lupin didn't check if Harry had done as he asked, instead he fired as many stunning spells as he could. One connected with Malfoy's shoulder, throwing him back against the Dias again. Lupin's newly produced shield charm took the brunt of Malfoy's attack back, but it shattered under the killing curse he fired. Lupin slid across the floor to avoid it, and heard it land on the benches behind him with a loud explosion. Stone showered them again and Malfoy looked livid at another failure. He fired another bombardment of curses, but Lupin had been expecting it, and dismissed them all with his wand. Lupin had just fired a curse at Lucius when a great yell went up in the hall.

"Retreat!"

Fear was all that looked back at him from the face of Malfoy, and Lupin took a quick glance over his shoulder, to see Dumbledore framed in the doorway on the top tier. His face was white and furious and instantly he sped down the steps. Relief swept through Lupin at once; with Dumbledore they were saved. He turned back to Malfoy, who was still caught in fear.

"_Stupefy_," Lupin yelled and it blasted Malfoy right off his feet.

Lupin moved off towards the steps, near where Dumbledore was rounding up Macnair who had tried to scramble away.

"Come on. You can do better than that," he heard the gleeful voice of Sirius echo through the room, sounding so like the Sirius he remembered.

Lupin looked up at Dumbledore again, and he felt himself frown at Dumbledore's shocked look. It was very like Sirius to bait whoever he was fighting, Dumbledore knew that, so his surprised look must have meant something else. Slowly, Lupin turned, following Dumbledore's eye line towards the Dias. Every breath in his body stopped as he watched Sirius fall backwards into the flittering veil. Time had completely slowed, and everything around Lupin seemed to blur except the body of Sirius, falling gracefully into the arch, his eyes wide in shock. Lupin felt his mouth slowly open, but he seemed to be disconnected from his own body. Once again he stood staring helplessly at a doorway Sirius had disappeared through.

* * *

Lupin's hands fell limply by his side, and everything but the ground he was standing on disappeared around him, swallowed up in disbelief. Pain ripped through him, a pain he was familiar with, but in a way he couldn't remember it ever feeling so horrible. He ached, and it ripped through him like wildfire as he stared at the arch, his breath coming in painful stabs. A loud yell broke Lupin from falling into the deep dark depths of despair.

"SIRIUS!"

Lupin turned to see Harry streaking towards the arch, and knowing what was going to happen, because a part of him foolishly desired to go and retrieve him too, Lupin grabbed Harry around the chest.

"There's nothing you can do Harry– "

"Get him, save him, he's only just gone through!" Harry interrupted, each of his hopeful words cutting into Lupin like a knife, solidifying exactly what had happened.

" – it's too late," Lupin finished, struggling to hold Harry as he tried to get away to save what was un-saveable.

"We can still reach him– " Harry yelled

"There's nothing you can do, Harry…nothing…he's gone." Lupin said, his voice struggling not to crack as he fought off the grief trying to descend upon him.

"He hasn't gone," Harry screamed angrily.

Lupin's eyes were frozen on the veil, as he held the writhing body of Harry tighter, trying to keep himself in the present and not the sadness his brain was trying to pull him into. His ribs were burning from their recent break, but it didn't affect Lupin at all, his emotional pain far out-weighed the physical.

"SIRIUS!" Harry bellowed, a sear of pain ripping through Lupin's chest at the name. "SIRIUS!"

The movement, the spells flying past them both, and continuing explosions, was all meaningless. Kingsley had gone forward and picked up the battle with Bellatrix, but Lupin had no reason to care for anything, the burning feeling in the back of his throat intensifying as he stood.

"He can't come back, Harry," Lupin said, his voice breaking as his eyes began to burn. "He can't come back because he's d–

"HE – IS – NOT – DEAD!" Harry roared angrily, still fighting Lupin. "SIRIUS!"

With strength he didn't know he had left, Lupin dragged Harry backwards, away from the veil he was going to run through, as he so clearly didn't understand what it was. Lupin shut his eyes, but all he could see was that same slow graceful fall. Harry's struggling stopped and his body fell limp. With another amount of pain that ripped through Lupin, he wished more than ever that Harry did not have to feel, not this, not after what he'd already gone through. Lupin saw Neville crawl over, his legs moving uncontrollably, and he started to talk to Harry, but Lupin couldn't hear anything. He furiously blinked away the burning sensation in his eyes and tried hard to compose himself, but it was_ too_ difficult.

"Here," Lupin said quietly, swallowing hard and pointing his wand at Neville's flailing legs. "_Finite_."

A glance at Harry let him know that he was still transfixed by the arch, and the agony in his eyes almost too much to bare for Lupin.

"Lets – lets find the others." Lupin said, trying to stop the pain from cracking his voice again. Each word seemed to take away from him what little he had left. "Where are they all, Neville?"

There was a very real and unescapable weight pressing on his chest, stopping him from doing anything but concentrating on the arch he had just turned his back on. It made him drop his hold of Harry from his chest to his arm, numb disbelief not allowing him to grip anything tightly. It had been that easy, one moment Sirius was alive and then the next he was dead; in the very second it took to blink. The thought caused Lupin to ache body and soul. Neville spoke but still Lupin couldn't concentrate, it took too much from him to do so.

There was a loud bang which made Lupin's head snap towards the Dias, and he saw Kingsley fall to the ground in pain at the wand of Bellatrix. Hate, revulsion and grief boiled up inside him at the sight of her and as she ran, she deflected a curse from Dumbledore. Lupin felt him rip from his own slackened grip.

"Harry– no!" He cried, his hand dropping limply to his side.

"SHE KILLED SIRIUS!" Harry bellowed as he scrambled towards up the benches. "SHE KILLED HIM – I'LL KILL HER!"

Then he was gone, flying through the door Dumbledore had come through. Lupin was alone, completely alone, that thought winding him completely. Dumbledore placed a hand over Lupin's shoulder and Lupin turned around to face him. Almost immediately he wished he hadn't, his electric blue eyes staring at Lupin with such sorrow, that only seemed to make it worse.

"I'll help," Lupin croaked, his hand trembling as he looked away.

Lupin tried to hold onto his wand tightly, but he couldn't muster the strength to do so. Every movement,_ every single moment_, seemed to hurt as the realisation of what had taken place hit him. Never again would he hear the bark of a laugh, the witty retorts and he'd never again be able to sit across from Sirius contently at the dinner table, laughing together as they had so many times. Time had so viciously stood in the way of what should have been a friendship like no other. Thirteen years had been so selfishly ripped away by Azkaban and now, just as they had begun to rebuild their friendship, it had disintegrated again. Time was cruel and it was not fair. At once, a loud exhale of breath made everyone turn. Some of the Death Eaters that were grouped together, bound by an invisible hex, grabbed their forearms in pain. At once Dumbledore disappeared up the steps and Lupin's heart was again stretched to breaking point knowing Harry was in trouble. Lupin collapsed onto the stone bench, the insults and jeering from the Death Eaters not even registering. He looked up at Neville, his nose broken, dried blood covering his face, and still he had his wand pointed bravely at the Death Eaters, ready to fight again if it was called for.

"I'll mend it for you," Lupin said heavily, finally standing.

Neville nodded appreicatively.

"_Episkey_," Lupin muttered and Neville's nose went back to normal.

He closed his eyes again, still seeing the graceful fall, and when he opened them, he wished he hadn't. In the arms of Moody was Tonks, blood dripping from her head as it lolled about over his shoulder

_Not her_, Lupin thought, his mind unable to cope. _Not her as well_.

The burning feeling behind his eyes was back, and the ever-constant weight on his chest pressed harder. More than ever he wished Neville would look away.

"She's alright," came Moody's growling voice in what sounded like a sympathetic tone. "Unconscious, but she's still alive."

Not even the relief could help him. He heard Kingsley mutter something about getting the others, but once again Lupin was transfixed by the arch, which in the silence seemed to be whispering to him, calling for him. It seemed so easy to walk through it, because that's all it would take to end his suffering, as quick and easy as it had been for Sirius. There was nothing left of who he'd loved. No James, Lily, or Sirius, not even his parents. Finally, he felt a hot tear slide down his cheek, and as he closed his eyes again, he could not hold them back. His throat burned and his chest heaved. He did not care about Neville or even that the captured Death Eater's were watching, it was unstoppable and unescapable grief that poured from him. Moments with Sirius flashed before his eyes. The young boy he'd met at his very first Hogwarts feast, laughing even then with his bark, right up until the man who fell, the last gleeful smile still on his face. The thought of never speaking to Sirius again nearly made him want to laugh, because it just seemed so completely ridiculous.

"Where's Sirius?" Came a voice from behind him, constricting his heart and lungs again.

Lupin spun around and saw Kingsley returning with those who had helped Harry, a limp and unconscious Hermione in his arms. It had been Ginny who spoke, and Lupin looked away from them all as he replied.

"He's gone through the veil," he said heavily, trying hard to stop his voice from cracking as another sear of pain went through him. "He's gone."

He heard Kingsley mutter something and then the noise of shock came from her. There was another loud bang and at the top most tier, a group of Auror's appeared, wands out. They raced down towards everyone and Lupin had expected them to come at the Order, but they ran straight to the Death Eaters.

"I demand to be unhanded from this– "

"Save it Malfoy. You're going straight to Azkaban," said one of the Auror's.

For a second shock over took Lupin's feelings, and Kingsley said exactly what he was thinking.

"I don't understand."

"You-Know-Who was spotted in the Atrium by Fudge himself. Dumbledore told us you had the Death Eater's tied up down here," explained a different Auror.

Lupin was beyond caring about how good this news was. He knew what it meant, and that their fight had not been in vain, but it seemed to come just that little bit to late to be classified as _good_ news.

"We should get up to Dumbledore," Moody growled from behind them all and Kingsley nodded.

The two of them, as well as Ginny, Ron and Luna Lovegood, who Lupin had once taught, turned and left. Lupin did not want to follow. He did not want to leave, as that would solidify what truly had happened. A thought Lupin struggled to comprehend. He wanted to stay suspended between his two worlds, one with Sirius and one without, because the thought of the latter was too difficult to understand.

"Remus?" Came Ginny's voice, the same tone of care Tonks' sometimes had. "We have to go."

With a very heavy heart, and the burning feeling returning to his eyes, Lupin turned away from the arch, having one last look at what had taken what felt like the other half of his own soul.

* * *

They stood in the elevators going up to the Atrium, Lupin trapped within his own mind. Tonks' head was hanging limply over Moody's arm, looking so very helpless and so very unlike the real Tonks. Ron looked far more solemn than Lupin had ever seen him, and Ginny didn't have the same playful air about her as usual. Moody seemed to be struggling holding Tonks and Lupin stepped forwards.

"Do you want me to take her Mad-Eye?" He asked in a quiet voice, wanting something to do so he wouldn't have to think.

"No I got it. I'm taking her straight to St Mungo's anyway," Moody growled, and even Lupin could sense the protective nature in Mad-Eye over her.

Lupin leant back against the wall, his head falling back with a sigh. It felt like they had left a man behind. Like Lupin could return back to the Death Chamber and find Sirius standing there with his wand out, ready to fight. With a pang of sadness that threatened to cripple him, Lupin knew this wasn't the case, he would never again see his face. He knew this was part of being in the Order, and even part of being human, but Lupin didn't want to do it anymore, he didn't want to suffer, he didn't want to be human if this was what it meant. The lift came to a stop and the cool voice announced their arrival. The Atrium was completely destroyed and there was a crowd of Ministry workers, but Dumbledore dismissed them all, even Fudge, and hurried over to the Order.

"Is everyone all right?" Dumbledore asked, sounding ever so slightly worried as he looked at Hermione and Tonks unconscious in the arms of Kingsley and Moody.

His eyes lingered over Lupin in the same they had looked over the injured, as if he too was physically hurt. It certainly felt like he had.

"Hermione has lost a lot of blood," Kingsley murmured.

"Dora will need to go to St Mungo's," Moody growled.

"Kingsley take the students to Hogwarts. Wake Poppy and tell her what has transgressed. Alastor, after Nymphadora is in the hands of the Healers, return straight to Grimmauld Place, as should you Kingsley,"

There was a small moment where everyone glanced across at Lupin, and then Dumbledore turned to him.

"Remus," his blue eyes twinkling magnificently from the reflection in the water fountain. "You go straight to Grimmauld Place and we will all meet there."

Lupin gave a curt nod and they all moved off again. Lupin watched everyone crawl into the fireplaces and the closer his turn came, the more he did not want to go. He knew, there was no point clinging onto a past that didn't let him choose, but he still wanted to stay in his suspended disbelief. With complete regret, Lupin stepped into the fireplace, and hearing his own voice crack, he spoke.

"Grimmauld Place."

* * *

Lupin stepped out into the kitchen, everything exactly how it had been when they'd left hours before. The silence was unbearable. He walked around aimlessly, trying not to think, trying to escape from his own feelings as they threatened to destroy him. Everything reminded him of Sirius, more especially, the un-opened bottle of Fire-whiskey they were supposed to share before tonight's meeting. It was still full, still waiting to be drunk by the man who would never return to do so. His eyes welled up with tears again and he collapsed into the armchair, burying his head into his hands, his mind screaming in agony. There was a wicked sounding laugh, and for a moment Lupin jumped to attention, thinking Bellatrix was back. Kreacher appeared from behind the door, grinning madly.

"So has the Potter boy died as _they_ wished?" Kreacher ask gleefully.

Lupin stared at him, so confused by what he meant.

"No, he hasn't," Lupin croaked.

"What about my master? Did Bellatrix do to him as she so desired?" Kreacher asked hopefully and Lupin did not respond, he only looked away into the fireplace.

Kreacher's laugh broke the tormented silence, and revulsion unlike any Lupin had ever known boiled to the surface. His hand flew to his wand quickly; pulling it out and making a great upward slash that sent Kreacher flying back towards the wall with a squeal. Lupin sunk back into his chair, feeling the guilt from his actions add onto the never-ending list of feelings he already had. He heaved great deep breaths, but nothing seemed to fill this unbearable hollow inside him. He didn't want to be alone in this great silent space anymore; he did not want to have to feel the great dark hole inside him where Sirius had been. Thinking of Sirius in the past tense seemed so wrong already. Lupin got up out of his chair and marched angrily towards the door, before stopping dead. There was nowhere to go anymore. He didn't have a home left, and as he stood in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place in silence, he realised this more than anything. This was not his house without Sirius; it was empty, hollow and was missing something. It was missing the best friend he'd ever had and so was he. Just as Lupin had come to the decision of where he could go, Moody burst through the kitchen door. He stomped to a seat at the kitchen table and sat down. Not even a second later, Kingsley appeared, and sat next to Moody in silence.

"How is she?" Lupin asked, hoping one less worry could relieve him of his suffering.

"Fine," Moody growled. "They got her round just after I dropped her off. They're going to rest her."

Lupin nodded curtly and turned to Kingsley, and didn't even have to speak.

"Poppy's got them all under control. Blood replenishing potions and bone mending spells, nothing too grim. Dumbledore sorted out Ron in the Brain Room, so he's just getting the welts fixed. She fixed up where Bellatrix got me after I picked up when S– "

He broke off with a look to Lupin, and the end of his unfinished sentence was obvious and painful. Lupin looked at the door again, not knowing what he was hoping for this time. Nothing that walked through it could do anything to help at this point.

"Molly and Arthur are on their way. Dumbledore sent a patronus to them," Moody growled in the uncomfortable silence.

No sooner than a minute later, Arthur and Molly came tumbling through the door. Arthur's face was very pale and he collapsed down in a seat next to Kinglsey. Molly's eyes snapped straight to Lupin, they were red and puffy, and tears were still oozing out of them. She walked straight over to Lupin and wrapped her arms around him, embracing him tightly. It was a hug he so keenly remembered receiving only from his mother, the kind that made you feel safe when it seemed impossible to feel so. Everything fell upon him as she held him, the howl of misery inside trying so hard to get out. She let go of him and looked at him tenderly, to which he only gave a feeble grimace in return.

"He would have done anything to save Harry. You as well," Molly said, her words almost knocking the breath from Lupin as he struggled to contain himself.

"He was a great man," Arthur piped up and everyone nodded.

"Braver than anyone," Moody growled.

They all looked to Lupin, who only nodded, unable to speak. He was still standing against the kitchen counter, fighting the hollowness inside him. Now that he was not alone, he wished he were again. Kingsley and Moody began to tell the story of what had taken place, and Lupin stood in silence, knowing Molly was watching him. When they reached the particular part Lupin knew was coming, he excused himself.

"I'm going to go to Tonks," he mumbled, fighting to hold himself together.

"Of course dear," Molly cooed.

"I was thinking we should have a word to Harry's Aunt and Uncle when they all return from school," Arthur said quickly, and Lupin nodded as he walked out, not looking at any of them.

The last thing he saw was the blood of Kreacher's that had spilled out onto the floor from Lupin's spell, though he was no where to be seen

* * *

By the time Lupin had reached the hallway, the weight of it all hit him. He had no choice but to feel the big, gaping hollow inside him and finally let his mind examine it. It was a different kind of hurt to the one in his ribs, it ripped at him, body and soul, and as hard as he tried, he couldn't stop it. Maddening questions burned through his mind. Could he have done something? Would there have been away to prevent it all? All he knew for sure, was too heartbreaking to even say inside his head. He turned and walked out of the house he now hated, the house that reminded him so much of what he had lost.

* * *

The walk towards St Mungo's was the longest Lupin remembered. The sun had finally begun to come up, beautiful in all its glory, but all of it lost on the lone figure of Lupin walking, his head bowed and hands in his pockets. People around were starting their day, some muggles jogging in strange outfits, so oblivious to the fact the Sirius Black was no longer breathing, that he had fallen in battle and no longer existed in this world. The sun mocked him, everything bright and sunny about the summer that stretched ahead of him seem so wrong, so unbalanced, so heartbreaking without Sirius to share it with. He was alone, completely alone.

* * *

"Emergency spell damage is on the fourth floor," the disgruntled welcomewitch at the counter in St Mungo's said, looking at Lupin's injuries.

"No. I'm here to see someone. Nymphadora Tonks, she arrived an hour ago," Lupin explained quietly.

The welcomewitch finally looked up into his face, and he knew from her expression he must not be a pretty sight, as it had instantly changed into one of remorse.

"She's on the fourth floor, Ward D," she said in a sweet voice. "I saw her come in. But she'll be okay, sir."

Lupin forced a very small smile at her and then walked through the double doors to the left. Perhaps she thought her promise was enough to stop the torment inside him, _if only_. He walked the way he had when he'd done when he'd escorted everyone to Arthur; the memory feeling like it was from another world, another era, in which Sirius had existed. He stopped outside Arthur's old ward and noticed the werewolf he'd met last time was still there. An idea formed in his mind at the sight of the man who'd so un-selfishly cut himself off from everyone he loved.

* * *

Lupin arrived on the fourth floor and as he tried to enter, a burly female healer with long dark hair stepped in front of him.

"What are you doing here? This is a closed ward to all visitors until midday," She said in a severe tone.

Lupin didn't have the energy left to argue, he merely said exactly what his mind was thinking.

"She's all I have left," he breathed without realising what he was saying, and holding onto his ribs as they had begun to ache of their own accord now.

At once her face became sympathetic, just as the welcomewitch's had. Perhaps she had noticed the drained feeling that had just swept through him. She looked around nervously and then turned to Lupin.

"Go ahead dear," she said in a motherly tone.

Lupin walked by her and straight into a set of doors that had _Ward D_ above them. There were only three beds filled, and Tonks was the one closest to the window. He nearly floated through the room, his grief causing him to feel numb, still suspended in complete disbelief. As he arrived at the end of her bed, his breath got caught in his throat. She lay there looking so small and so defeated, completely unconscious. He made slow movements towards her head and as he reached her, he began to stroke her hair softly, feeling tears slide down his face again. There were deep cuts on her face, but other than that she merely looked asleep, somewhere Lupin knew he would not reach in a while, just like after James and Lily. Rage boiled at whoever had done this to her as he brought a chair over with his wand and he collapsed into it. Throwing his head into his hands, unable to bare another second of what he was feeling. He thought of Harry, wherever he was, struggling just as much as Lupin was, perhaps more so, though currently it didn't feel like there was anything worse than what he was feeling. Everything had been ripped from him but a boy who was miles away and the girl in front of him, who he knew after all he had been through, should not be dragged down into the murky depths with him.

**To be continued…**


	49. The Dawning of Dora

**Just in time for Halloween.**

**Sorry about the huge delay with this one. My shoulder really held me back, because I had University work to deal with at the same time.**

**So yeah. Here comes the storm is really all that I can say here.**

**Reviews as always are very appreciated! I like knowing what you like/hate or find wierd/boring. Whatever you want to say.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 47**

This had to be death. _Surely_ after losing a fight to Bellatrix, the fact that she could only see black meant she had to be dead. Slowly blackness turned into a very blurry burning white light and Nymphadora Tonks knew she was right. Everyone had always spoken of a white light. She closed her eyes again; the light too hard to bear, and then the pain hit her. Her head ached, as if it had been cracked open, and her breath was coming in painful stabs due to what she assumed was broken ribs. Her whole body ached, and the spot on the front of her chest where she had been hit by Bellatrix's stunning spell felt like it had caved in. Pain didn't seem right if she was dead, there had to be another explanation. Groaning in agony, Tonks tried to open her eyes again. The bright white light hit her again and she had to look away as she squinted, because everything was blinding.

Slowly, as her eyes adjusted to the light around her, the face of Remus Lupin came into view. His eyes were closed, his face covered in dirt, or maybe dried blood, and there was a deep cut on his left cheek. As the seconds passed, more and more of her surroundings became clearer. She was very clearly in a hospital, St Mungo's most likely and Lupin was asleep on a chair beside her bed. He looked completely exhausted, but it made Tonks smile as she thought about the fact that he had come and sat by her bed, for however long she had been in here. Given that the window was showing a setting sun, Tonks knew one day had to have passed at the very least. She felt her consciousness fading again, and as she looked across at her bedside table she saw a Sleeping Draught that was obviously still trying to work in her system.

She closed her eyes again, feeling the pain subside as she drifted away and then, with an earth-shattering realisation, Tonks remembered something. A distinct memory of being brought into St Mungo's came back. The Healers had brought her around and everything was blurry, but Mad-Eye had told her something just before she was put to sleep. Something that struck deep down in her abdomen as she struggled to grip consciousness even then. She was fighting against it, trying to stay in her current state of mind because she wanted to, no; she needed to find out if it was true. She could hear herself groaning in pain as she made movement, but exhaustion was creeping upon her the more she moved. She fell against the pillow, her eyes closing against her will, a small tear sliding down her cheek as she was pulled into a sleep.

* * *

"…She's been groaning a bit more in her sleep over the last hour or so, is that normal?" A hoarse voice that she was very familiar with asked.

"It can be. Head injuries work differently with every witch and wizard. How are you, sir? Do you need any of those cleaned again, they seem to be bleeding," a sweet female voice said.

Tonks consciousness was breaking again as she lay listening to these voices. She could feel herself fighting against it the minute she knew she was awake. She needed to know. Again a tear slid down her cheek.

"No, I'm fine, a cup of tea would be nice, but I'll go get it myself," Lupin said.

Tonks felt her heart drop at this; she really didn't want to be without him, not when she had to figure this all out. Her consciousness sat over her like a suffocating blanket, and she knew it was because she shouldn't be fighting it, but she had too.

"No, I'll get it for you," the sweet voice said very sympathetically. "You can stay with your wife."

Tonks heard the woman walk away just as she managed to begin to feel her body move. She groaned loudly; as moving hurt everywhere, but there were more important things to do than complain.

"Remus," she groaned.

The blurry whiteness was back as she tried to open her eyes, but immediately a black shape intruded on it.

"Tonks," Lupin said, his voice sounding worried and desperate.

She felt a hand come to rest gently on her head.

"Remus, I– "

The shapes were becoming clearer now and she could even make out Lupin's piercing blue stare, so alight with worry.

"I'll get the Healer, just wait," Lupin said turning away.

Tonks reached out for him but she didn't have the strength to even lift it up.

"No. I need to know if– " she tried to say groggily, but her voice got caught again.

"What?" Lupin asked, as he started stroking her hair.

He came into full view now, he was standing over her, and it was dark outside the window behind him. The look of concern in his eyes was almost frightening, but something about him was different. It was the warmth behind his eyes he was lacking and all of it seemed to be adding up very badly in Tonks' mind.

"Mad-Eye said that… he said that Sirius was… Please Remus, tell me it's not true," she begged, feeling herself hurt all over, whether emotionally or physically she didn't know.

It couldn't be true, but still she felt another few tears slide down her cheeks. Instantly Lupin stopped stroking her hair and he looked away, a pained expression on his face. Now she could see the tear tracks down his cheeks, interrupting the grime and dirt smeared all over him. She knew, without him even speaking, she knew. All hope was lost, and never had anything hit her harder. It started in her stomach, a deep hollow sear ripped through her, and eventually it reached her lungs, constricting her breathing. She shook her head as she felt the tears build and a numb sense of disbelief took her over.

"It can't be… Remus _please_," Tonks begged again.

Still Lupin didn't look at her and this time he even closed his eyes. Tonks wanted to curl into a ball and cry away the pain coursing through her body, but she could hardly move. Tears fell down her cheeks, the burning feeling constricting her throat as she rolled to face away from Lupin. She gripped her pillow hard as she heard the echo of Sirius' bark like laugh through her ears. It tore at her knowing never again would she hear it. Never again would she converse with him, or laugh with him, or even hug him. Suddenly everything felt too heavy, her pillows and her blankets were suffocating her as she was strangled by grief.

The tears continued rolling, and she heaved great deep breaths that threatened to break the bandages around her ribs. She didn't want this to be real; he was too good a man, too brave, too bold, and too wonderful to just die. Just when she thought it could get no worse, that surely this would kill her, she felt someone slide into the bed behind her. Instantly, Tonks rolled over into Lupin, gripping the front of his still battle-ravaged shirt, as her tears poured out on his chest. His arms wrapped around her as she shook and she felt his chin rest on the top of her head, pulling her closer into him than she felt like she had ever been.

However soothing Lupin may have been, nothing soothed her enough. There was a gap in her, a big Sirius shaped gap, which would never, and could never, be filled again. She felt like she had lost a brother. Tonks had felt pain before, she'd been blasted through walls, stunned, knocked out, broken limbs, fractured a hip and even once landed on a fence spike, but nothing had ever felt like this. It ripped through her body and soul, beyond anything, and it was never ending. There was no potion or anything to help; it was just there, tearing her apart from the inside out.

She could tell Lupin was trying to behave stoically as he held her, but eventually she knew he had broken by the sharp and small intakes of breath he had that so matched hers. It hurt to even think of how much Lupin was suffering. Here was a man who'd lost his best friend, his only surviving friend from school. He'd been so cruelly ripped away just as the two were becoming brothers again, and it was true, they were practically brothers. Tonks didn't even bother trying to hold in the tears when she thought of Harry. Harry who had lost everyone, and now, the closest thing he'd known to a father had been snatched from his grasp. It wasn't fair. The two held each other as the night wore on, neither knowing who exactly was doing the comforting, as both were in such dire need of it

* * *

Tonks awoke the next morning and for a brief moment she forgot why she was there, and then it all came rushing back, almost knocking the breath out of her. The arms she was sleeping in, and the shoulder her head was against, were living proof that the previous night had actually transpired. That what Lupin had said was true, that Sirius was no longer living, that she would not return to Grimmauld Place with a barrage of jokes at her expense waiting for her. It wasn't fair. She felt the stinging sensation behind her eyes again, and as the tears fell, she burrowed her head deeper into Lupin's chest.

"How're you feeling this morning?" Came his voice, sounding much hoarser than normal.

"I want it to be a dream," she croaked into him, wiping her face on his shirt.

"So do I," he muttered, his voice sounding like it was about to crack.

Tonks felt his hand come to rest on the back of her head so he was holding her to his chest. For a while they sat there, Tonks blinking away tears, not knowing what Lupin was thinking or doing, they just lay together in silence, the situation washing over them.

"I should get out of your bed," Lupin muttered after some time.

"No, don't please," Tonks said, her watery eyes finally meeting his.

"I have to get back to headquarters, I'll come back," Lupin promised.

A question arose in Tonks, and she was too emotionally exhausted to stop it, even though she knew it would cause pain.

"How did it happen?"

Lupin looked down away from her, breaking their stare.

"Bellatrix," Lupin muttered regretfully, and instantly Tonks felt a surge of hatred rise in her body. "She stunned you and went straight for Harry but Sirius stepped in."

Instantly hatred turned into guilt. She had been the last fighting Bellatrix, and had she held off her long enough, maybe–

"Tonks," came Lupin's voice sternly. "It is not your fault."

"But if I'd just– "

"There are a million what if's, and it does not help to dwell on them," Lupin interrupted, something in his speech seeming oddly rehearsed. "It isn't your fault. The fault lies purely within Bellatrix."

Tonks gripped him harder, furiously blinking away the tears that were starting to form again. Before she could completely pull herself together, Lupin slipped out from underneath her.

"Get some more rest," he said, grimacing slightly, his teachery voice now in use.

With a quick kiss to her forehead, Lupin was gone. Normally, Tonks may have wondered what was up with him, but her own grief was back, choking her up again, so she rolled over, pulling her blankets around her, hiding from the real world, from the truth.

* * *

"Is you're husband going to be returning anytime soon?" said the healer with the very sweet voice as she dropped off Tonks' dinner.

She was nothing like what Tonks had pictured when she'd heard the voice the first time. She was very thin, almost horse-like in the face, and she had stringy red hair. She was smiling at Tonks hopefully, but Tonks only looked across at her blankly.

"What husband?"

It felt like it had taken all her energy just to look across at the woman. It seemed along with Sirius, Tonks had lost her usual sense of curiosity, even her playful nature. There didn't seem like much point, in fact Tonks had spent all her waking hours staring off into the distance, wading through the waves of misery that seemed to be her only company.

"Your husband, the one whose been here since you arrived," the woman said looking worried.

"Oh," Tonks muttered in a small voice. "He's not my husband."

"Boyfriend then?" She asked, and Tonks gave a small nod.

She looked up at the woman again, who gave her a small hopeful smile, but Tonks merely turned away. Happiness felt like it was miles away.

"If you don't mind me asking, what happened exactly?" The woman asked, as if she could no longer hold back her curiosity.

Tonks swallowed hard, trying not to crash with the wave that was building inside her. She looked down at the Daily Prophet on her bedside table, and the Healer followed her eyes.

"So you're a member of the Order of the Phoenix then," she said, eyes wide at the report from the Department of Mysteries.

Tonks went to nod again, but tears filled up in her eyes, so she looked away. It was the first time she had actually thought about the fact that the Order of the Phoenix was still around, it still existed without one of her favourite members. It was such a peculiar sense of grief, she had lost grandparents and even her favourite uncle, but nothing had ever sat on her like this. She hadn't even known Sirius for a year, yet he felt like part of her. Tonks felt a hand enclose over her own, which was lying limply beside her on her bed. Tonks' head spun around and found the Healer looking at her very sympathetically.

"Did you lose someone?"

Tonks nodded.

"It seems difficult now dear, but eventually it gets easier. You don't have to go through it alone, and you shouldn't either," she said, indicating Lupin's empty chair. "It's times like these when you need someone the most. More especially now that You-Know-Who is back."

Tonks wanted to feel happy about so many news that Voldemort was now at large, and that everyone believed them all, should have been some kind of relief, but it seemed like a waste now. Tonks had been warned, on her very first meeting with Dumbledore for the Order, that losing members was inevitable but somehow it hadn't felt real. It didn't seem like it was going to happen. The nurse gave another sympathetic smile and gave her hand a squeeze and then left.

* * *

The next few days passed in a haze of sleep and visitors. Molly and Arthur came as did Bill and Fleur, even Tonks' parents, but she didn't see Lupin. Moody and Kingsley came to fill her in on Order and Auror movements, more specifically that if she was fit and able, she would come to King's Cross to greet Harry and talk to his relatives. Dumbledore, and no doubt Lupin, wanted Harry to feel like there were still people for him in the world, and Tonks was completely on board. They talked at length about what to say, and then were shooed out by Margret, a burly healer who Tonks had discovered was very strict.

Andromeda was the one who made Tonks feel better about Sirius. Perhaps it was because she had known him longer or that she was a mother and could say things that seemed to make everything better. By that final night of her stay, Tonks was no longer crying herself to sleep. She knew that Sirius would not want to be remembered that way, he would want to be celebrated, not mourned, he would laugh at her for crying and tell her to start drinking in his memory instead. Even though her eyes still burned when she thought of never speaking to him again and even with the hollow inside her that still seemed to tear her apart, she was able to see herself moving on.

* * *

On the morning of the twenty-seventh of June, Tonks was finally given the all clear by her doctors to leave. She was just finishing her glass of pumpkin juice, when in walked a healer Tonks didn't know, and Lupin. Instantly Tonks smiled at him, more out of habit than actually feeling happy, but he didn't smile back. Instead he shooks hands with the Healer and watched him leave. He turned back to Tonks and walked closer to her. When he got up close Tonks could see everything he'd been feeling in his face. He looked completely and utterly exhausted and he was missing the little bit of warmth she always saw in him. Though she was not surprised to see this, it did trouble her slightly. He placed a set of her clothes on her nightstand.

"I was told you're able to join us this morning," Lupin remarked looking down at her, without the slightest trace of anything but solemnity.

Tonks furrowed her brow at him for a second.

"Yeah I am," she said back slowly.

"Mad-Eye will meet us there," Lupin said blankly.

Again Tonks furrowed her brow. She completely understood why he was feeling the way he was, but she didn't understand why that meant he had to be short with her.

"Remus, are you okay?"

"I'm fine. We have to get moving though. Do you need help out of bed?"

Tonks scrutinized him again, waiting for some kind of answer to her problems, but none came. So instead she got out of bed slowly, though Lupin rushed forwards to give her his arm to lean on. Once she was up standing, he very noticeably withdrew his arm.

"Are you okay?" He asked, looking down at her cautiously.

Tonks closed her eyes, trying to steady herself with a deep breath, as her ribs were hurting a bit.

"I'm fine," she croaked. "Can you hand me my jeans though?"

Lupin moved forwards quickly and handed her clothes over, before walking away and trying to shut the curtains with him outside them.

"What are you doing?" Tonks asked curiously.

"Allowing you to get changed in private," Lupin muttered.

"I got that, I just don't see why you're standing on the outside. I need your help."

Lupin looked somewhat affronted, but followed the orders given to him anyway. He closed the curtains around them, and Tonks noticed him trying to look away as he helped her out of her clothes.

"Remus, I don't think modesty is exactly an issue. Especially with us," Tonks attempted to joke, but it didn't lighten the mood as she hoped.

* * *

When they were all dressed and Lupin had signed her out, the pair of them headed towards Kings Cross. They had to go by train as Tonks was to weak, but that was not the strangest part of the whole journey. Lupin was acting stranger than he had in a long time. Even when Tonks attempted to ask what was wrong, he quickly dismissed it. At this point, she didn't know if it was even Sirius related anymore, this didn't seem like grief, though he was much more withdrawn than usual. They walked up to the platform, and even in the distance Tonks could make out the flaming red hair of the Weasley clan. When they finally arrived, Molly was the first to greet Tonks with a big hug.

"How are you feeling dear?" Molly asked, eyeing her up and down.

"Pretty good today. Ribs are still aching quite a bit, but I got the all clear from the Healer," Tonks explained, grimacing slightly.

Moody, in his ridiculous bowler hat, nodded at her and Arthur gave her a small hug. The twins, wearing lurid acid green jackets beamed across at her when she let go of him.

"Love the jackets guys," Tonks said moving over to them.

"Thanks," George muttered, as everyone said hello to Lupin.

"How's business?"

"Booming," Fred said, a cheshire grin on his face

"I'll have to come and check it out soon then. Do I get a discount?"

Fred and George looked at each other.

"I think for a one time tester…" Fred said.

"…We'll bend the rules a bit." George finished.

The three laughed, but were quickly interrupted by Moody.

"Here they come," he growled.

Tonks turned back around and found herself standing beside Lupin, their hands almost touching, causing her scalp to tingle.

"Ron, Ginny!" Molly called, running forward to hug them tightly and then Harry.

Harry was kept up with Molly, but Ron and Ginny came straight to the twins and Tonks.

"Wotcher, Gin!" Tonks said, giving her a hug.

"How are you?" Ginny asked with some concern in her voice.

"I'm fine. I heard all about you lot, your mum was having kittens about it all when she came to see me. How's the ankle?"

"Madam Pomphrey mended it in a second."

As Ginny turned to greet Fred and George, Tonks glanced towards Lupin, very happy to see at least a slight smile on his face as he spoke to Harry. Moody's growling voice broke her concentration.

"Well – shall we do it then?"

Tonks followed Moody's eye line to three very muggle looking people. Two of them were rounder than a beach ball and the woman was very thin, a horse like quality in her face. Tonks could hardly believe she was the one related to Lily Potter. Even though she'd only seen a photo, Lily seemed to ooze warmth and tenderness, this woman seemed to be the exact opposite. As Tonks thought of Lily, a small stab of grief hit her about Sirius. It was difficult to believe he only existed in photographs now, just like Lily and James. Her eyes swept over Lupin and Harry, the two of them seemed to be much more withdrawn than usual, even to the point that both were nearly hunched.

"We thought we'd have a few words with you about Harry," Arthur said, smiling at the Dursleys though it was very forced looking.

"Yeah, about how he's treated when he's at your place," Moody growled.

Mr Dursley seemed to turn a deep shade of puce, and glared at the group assembled in front of him, offended by their presence more than what they had to say.

"I'm not aware that it is any of your business what goes on in my house," Mr Dursley said, his moustache bristling indignantly.

The woman's eyes flicked to Tonks in revulsion, no doubt from her hair. Tonks turned it a brighter shade of pink in spite of her, grinning in the process.

"I expect what you're not aware of would fill several books Dursley," Moody growled, his hand moving to where Tonks knew his wand was.

"Anyway, that's not the point." Tonks interjected, giving Moody time to calm himself as Mrs Dursley tried to ignore her hair, reminding Tonks of one of her Aunts. "The point is, if we find out you've been horrible to Harry– "

" – And make no mistake, we'll hear about it," Lupin's voice added pleasantly from just behind her.

"Yes," Arthur said, sounding confident. "Even if you won't let Harry use the fellytone– "

Tonks bit her tongue to stop herself from laughing as Hermione corrected him.

"Yeah, if we get any hint that Potter's been mistreated in any way, you'll have us to answer too," Moody finished.

Mr Dursley seemed outraged beyond words. He was swelling ominously, like a toad about to spit poison.

"Are you threatening me sir?" He said loudly, trying to attract the attention of passers by.

"Yes I am," Moody growled, sounding pleased as took a step towards him.

"And do I looked like the kind of man who can be intimidated?" Dursley barked back, stepping toward Moody, as his wife and son took a step closer to each other in his wake.

"Well," Moody said, pushing back his bowler hat and revealing his eye. "Yes I'd have to say you do, Dursley."

Mr Dursley jumped backwards in fright and collided with the luggage trolley. On that note, Moody turned back to Harry.

"So Potter… give us a shout if you need us. If we don't hear from you for three days in a row we'll send someone along."

Once again Tonks had to bite her tongue to stop from laughing, as Mrs Dursley has just whimpered piteously. Everyone said their goodbyes to Harry and he only stared up at them all in shock and thanks, before awkwardly waving with a bemused smile, and walking off.

"Well that went better than expected," Arthur said, smiling slightly.

"I don't understand why Dumbledore couldn't just let him stay with us. I hate the thought of him with those despicable people," Molly muttered.

"Dumbledore has his reasons," Lupin said quietly, still watching Harry walk away.

"I'll go report to him now actually, tell him it all went well," Moody said as he turned away.

"Did he say Harry could come over as soon as possible?" Ron asked hopefully to his mother.

"Yes, though not if your room is left in the same state it was when you left, mister," Molly shot at Ron, who went red behind the ears. "And you two are welcome for dinner tonight, as long as you don't wear those ridiculous jackets."

"Finest Dragonskin mum," Fred said defensively.

"And you didn't mind too much when we bought you the Dragon hide oven mitt, did you?" George asked.

Molly looked at them darkly, but Arthur interrupted before she could speak.

"Right, well, we'll see everyone at our place tomorrow then?" Arthur asked and they nodded.

"For what?" Tonks asked, looking at everyone confused.

"I'll explain later," Lupin added quietly and Tonks nodded.

After another round of goodbyes, the Weasley's walked away, leaving Lupin and Tonks standing awkwardly.

"So what's happening?" Tonks asked curiously.

Lupin glanced around the train station cautiously.

"I'll tell you when we're inside."

With that, he indicated for her to walk, and the two set off for an unknown location. Though, with another stab of painful grief, Tonks thought she knew where.

* * *

Staring up at Grimmauld Place as Lupin opened the front door, Tonks couldn't help but feel a terrible feeling of foreboding. It seemed very easy in hospital to think the worst part of her grief was over. But now, faced with everything she had ever known as Sirius, a heavy weight seemed press against her chest. She didn't look up at Lupin as she passed him walking over the threshold, in fear of what seeing the pain in his face would do. When they stopped at the staircase, she finally got a glimpse of his face, and to her surprise, he looked completely normal.

"I have to finish sorting my room, so I can explain everything to you there," he said, still sounding as distant as he had in the morning.

Tonks walked the steps slowly, just waiting for a certain laugh, or a flicker of dark hair, but there was none. The house was eerily quiet. She walked into Lupin's room; happy to finally be away from what was so distinctly Sirius. She leant up against Lupin's desk as he shut the door.

"The Order has moved to The Weasley's house for the meantime. Dumbledore is unaware of who will take ownership of this house, so we have a meeting there tomorrow night," Lupin said, not meeting her eyes.

"Right," Tonks said, feeling very awkward. "Anything else I've missed?"

"Not that I am aware," Lupin answered quickly, taking a few shirts over to his bed and suitcase

"Are you leaving here?" Tonks asked, furrowing her brow.

"There is no point in staying. Dumbledore has asked I merely double check for any Order related things and wait until we can safely extract Buckbeak," he explained, still sounding distant.

"When will that be?"

"Hagrid is making arrangements so within the next week hopefully," Lupin said blankly.

Tonks watched Lupin for a moment, wondering what on earth was happening. If this was his way of dealing with grief, she could not question it. Everyone dealt with things in their own way, but he seemed to be shutting down right in front of her very eyes. There was not sadness in his eyes as she'd expected, there was nothing. They were cold, not to the level of Snape's perhaps, but still cold. Tonks crossed the room and as he was bent over his bed trying to undo his suitcase, Tonks placed a hand on the back of his shoulder. Instantly he stood up straight and turned to her.

"Are you okay Remus?" Tonks asked, genuinely concerned.

For a second he stood frozen, the shirts still in his hands and then, with a big sigh, he dropped them to the floor. Tonks braced herself, ready perhaps to hug him if he needed a shoulder to cry on, ready to be there for him at any cost. He met her eyes again, though once more they were not sad, they were still distant, cold and blank.

"Dora, we have to talk," he said, swallowing hard.

"_Dora?_" Tonks asked, very confused.

He took a few steps back from her and looked up at her seriously.

"I can't do this anymore," he said and Tonks moved forwards to him.

"I know you can't Remus, but it will get better I promise. In time you'll be able to move on, just like– "

"No," Lupin said flatly. "I mean this. You and I. I'm not fit for this. We both knew it was never going to have a happy ending and I think it's best we just, well, let it go."

Tonks stared at him blankly for a few moments, blinking more than normal. What was he talking about? _Let it go?_

"You think it's best?" She said, trying to keep her tone away from the anger that was so evidently building in her. "Remus, are you s– "

Her mouth hesitated on the word _serious_; not wanting to bring up the name it sounded so like and trying to swallow her own grief in the process. Not knowing if perhaps it was too soon for Lupin, or even her. Unfortunately her hesitation was not unnoticed and the same quiet withdrawn sounding voice she was so unfamiliar with answered in return.

"Yes Dora, I am _serious_."

**To be continued…**


	50. The Cracked Open Memory

**And I'm back with the quick(er) updates.**

**Well this one is very very feeling based, for reasons i'm sure you'll all understand.**

**Don't think we've heard the last of Tonks either. She's Tonks, she'll come back with vengenace, trust me (of course you should I'm writing it haha)**

**So if this drags or something, god i hope not, but if it does, it has too, you have to understand where Lupin's coming from. You need to be sympathetic at the very least.**

**Reviews always well appreciated!**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 48**

Slowly, as he walked up the stairs, Remus Lupin knew, with a heavy heart – though now days his heart always felt heavy – exactly what he had to do. It was not easy, and he knew Nymphadora Tonks would not go down without a fight, but it was right. Perhaps she could see that, though she must, at the very least, understand it. It wasn't like he had much left to turn to in any case, there was truly nothing left for him. Nothing but a mission he would soon approach Dumbledore about. This past year had been ridiculous, completely ridiculous. It felt like a waste and he felt the way he used to when he would talk to James and Sirius instead of paying attention in class. He had spent the last twelve months laughing and joking with Tonks and Sirius, and now, there was nothing to laugh at anymore. Tonks was the first to reach his room, and she walked inside without any hesitation, leaving Lupin to follow quietly. He shut the door carefully, feeling like he was closing the door to a chapter on himself.

When he turned back around from the desk, he found Tonks, her bubblegum pink hair a striking contrast to how he felt, leaning against his desk. As he watched her for a moment, he couldn't bring himself to do it. Her sparkling brown eyes connected with his, and more out of needing something for his hands to do than necessity, Lupin walked to his wardrobe. He decided on the short journey to keep packing, however useless it was.

"The Order has moved to The Weasley's house for the meantime. Dumbledore is unaware of who will take ownership of this house, so we have a meeting there tomorrow night," Lupin explained, not meeting her eyes

"Right. Anything else I've missed?" She asked slowly.

"Not that I am aware," Lupin answered quickly, picking out a few shirts and turning back to his bed.

He knew he sounded rude, but he didn't feel capable of anything else. How was he supposed to make someone else feel better, when he was nowhere near that himself?

"Are you leaving here?" Tonks asked.

"There is no point in staying. Dumbledore has asked I merely double check for any Order related things and wait until we can safely extract Buckbeak."

He could feel the wave coming back. It always threatened to take him with it whenever the Order came up. It was the one time his numb feeling disappeared, but it was the one time he wished for it more than any other.

"When will that be?" Her sweet voice asked

"Hagrid is making arrangements so within the next week hopefully," Lupin sighed, trying to keep his voice normal.

Again, more from a desire to have something to keep him occupied, Lupin bent down and opened his suitcase on the bed. It was stupid and pointless, because as he'd just said, he had more than a week to go, but the tension in the room was beyond painful. He felt a small soft hand land on his back and his entire body tingled. It was the first time he'd been truly touched in days, but it felt detached from his own body, like he did not deserve this, because he knew he did not. Perhaps from fear, or maybe even surprise at himself being cared for, Lupin snapped upright and spun towards Tonks. She was staring up at him with a frightening look of care, a look he knew he did not deserve.

"Are you okay Remus?" Tonks asked.

It was enough to almost wind him. He stood frozen, just holding onto his shirts, fighting the voice inside him that told him not to do what he was going to. For a second he thought the voice might win. It had an odd bark like quality to it, like perhaps he had heard this voice somewhere before, in a distant memory, what felt like a different life. The voice_ could_ win, but his mind would win. With a heavy sounding sigh, Lupin finally dropped the shirts and turned to face her. Her brown eyes stared up at him, and for the first time they did not look like hers, she did not look like Tonks anymore. Something about Tonks was attached to the time in the past, the ridiculous time, the time he should have been working diligently, not cavorting with a twenty-something year old girl.

"Dora, we have to talk," he said, dropping the shirts and swallowing hard.

"Dora_?_" Tonks asked.

He took a few steps back from her and looked up at her seriously. There was one more reason to call her Dora, but it was related to a man he would not think about right now

"I can't do this anymore," he breathed, looking at the ground, preparing himself for what he knew was coming.

"I know you can't Remus, but it will get better I promise. In time you'll be able to move on, just like– "

"No," Lupin said flatly, just understanding where she was going and finally meeting her eyes. "I mean this. You and I. I'm not fit for this. We both knew it was never going to have a happy ending and I think it's best we just, well, let it go."

He watched the confusion set in, and then she blinked at him a few more time than necessary.

"You think it's best?" She said slowly as if she was trying to grasp the concept. "Remus, are you s– "

Her eyes went wide for a second and she stopped speaking immediately. It couldn't have been more obvious what she was trying to say, and it hit Lupin with a dull thud. He was _serious_. He was completely and utterly serious. He was not Sirius. Perhaps if he were, this would be different. In fact, if he were anyone else this would be different.

"Yes Dora, I am _serious_."

* * *

It had all started a few days ago, when Lupin had been left in Grimmauld Place alone for the first time. It was the first time he was finally able to stop, and it was the last thing in the world he wanted to do. Moody, Kingsley, Molly, Arthur and Dumbledore had just left, and the plan to talk to Harry's Aunt and Uncle was firmly in place. The silence pressed in upon him and he could feel his breath becoming shallow. The urge to leave, something that had become very familiar over the last few days, was back.

It was easy to put Sirius in the back of his mind when there was a task to accomplish, and it was the way he had skated over so many feelings that were to be buried and never revisited. He was not going to return to the place he was fifteen years ago. He was going to handle this one differently, but as he sat alone in a kitchen that was so cold and so bare, and so completely empty, he could feel himself falling into it all again. Lupin stood quickly, like someone had just given him a fright.

Once he was standing it seemed useless, as there was nowhere he could go. His eyes scanned the room, stopping on the still unopened bottle of Fire-Whiskey that he had stared at for the last few had taunted him, it wanted him to believe that he still enjoy this with someone, the person he was supposed to anyway. He could feel it coming, the depths of depression creeping up on him, pulling him to where he belonged.

He wanted, no he needed, something to do, but everyone seemed so content to leave him be. His shoulder was still burning from where Dumbledore had touched it minute's prior, informing him that his door was always open, if ever Lupin needed it. He could still see the sorrowful stare of Molly, but none of it provided comfort. What he needed was distraction, and before he could stop himself, he was moving towards the bottle of Fire-Whiskey.

He pulled it off the shelf, not bothering with a wand, and held it in his hands. It didn't look any different to any other Fire-Whiskey bottle he had ever seen, but it was. Knowing he would regret it and just not caring, Lupin cracked it open, already feeling a sear of pain through his heart as he did so. He picked a grimy glass up off the table and sank into an armchair. He placed the bottle on the table beside him and poured it slowly into the glass. When it was about halfway full he stopped and brought the glass to his lips, taking a mouthful. The peculiar sensation it usually gave did not come.

This one seemed to burn in an almost painful way, though perhaps he was just imagining it. He stared angrily at the rest of the room, annoyed that his plan had failed. Lupin didn't exactly know what he was hoping for, that maybe drinking this would bring him back, that was foolish, or maybe it would make him feel better, even more foolish. He chose to blame this house, like he had done with everything of late.

He was waiting to see Kreacher again for the same reason, but he had not returned since that fateful day. Dumbledore had explained everything about that night to him, and it hurt. It hurt more knowing Sirius' family had ultimately been his undoing. Lupin feared what he may do should Mrs. Black's portrait go off. Dumbledore had carefully reminded them all that there was no guilt to be had in remembering Sirius. That if blame should be given to anyone, it should have been him, but Lupin could never do that.

The blame rested on Voldemort once more. Lupin stupidly blamed himself for letting Sirius go to the Ministry in the first place, but there would have been nothing to stop him, not when someone he loved was in trouble. Lupin would have vowed anyone to have looked in Sirius' eyes that day and deny him the chance to save Harry. He took another mouthful, not caring that it still burned in a painful way, just wanting something to take him away. It was a very Sirius like thing to drink alone in semi-darkness, but with a small smile, his first in days, he knew Sirius would have drunk straight out of the bottle.

The memory burned inside him as it settled, reminding him so much of what was gone. From his own experience, and he had a lot of it with this, happy memories were not the key so soon. Late a night when he slept, or at least lay in bed for hours, he swore he could hear Sirius shuffling around the house and even on occasion he swore he saw him out of the corner of his eye. Quite suddenly Lupin stood, so aware that this house was full of the memories he didn't want. Christmas lunch, his birthday, late night drunken reminiscing, and more that hurt to even remember, all that took place right here. Lupin stormed out, glass still in hand, straight outside, slamming the door behind him. He dropped against it, his chest heaving, trying as hard as ever to hold it together and then he twisted into thin air.

* * *

He landed against the hard ground, the darkness around him that seemed so thick back in London was now broken by the spectacular moon in the sky, so close to being full. It hung like a giant white orb, shining over Stonehenge. He moved to the stone slab that sat in the middle of all the others, stepping over the rope that kept the tourists out. He collapsed onto it, thankful that he had finally found something that could not remind him of Sirius, as he had never brought him here.

When he finally looked up, the glass in his hand was caught by the moonlight, and with a twinge of regret, he sighed, remembering that he'd broken open_ that_ bottle. Wanting no more regretful memories, he placed the glass down, away from his field of vision. As he looked down at the grass, memories of the last time he was here flooded through him. _Tonks_. He thought of her holed up in St Mungo's, hopefully all right, as Lupin had not gone back to check like he said he would. He couldn't bring himself too. She was too far engrossed in a time he was trying to forget.

As he stared around Stonehenge, not even bothering to stop the guilt he had from not going to see her, he knew his future, and he knew what it entailed from now on. It was not pretty and it was certainly not happy. Perhaps Tonks expected otherwise, but Lupin was far beyond the point of compromise. Her future was always going to be different to his, because she deserved the life he never had.

He belonged where he was, as the world had shown him exactly what happened when he loved, the result had always been the same. It was the reason he was alone. He could not offer her protection, a home, a child, a happy life, a full life, and more especially the life she deserved, all he could offer was himself, and that was not nearly enough. He knew, even then, exactly what stretched ahead of him. It was cold, dark and lonely, exactly how he felt sitting at Stonehenge.

He thought back to that night with Tonks, he had felt that way then too, but she had been there, she had offered him her arms, her comfort and herself, but there was no one to give that as he sat there in that moment. He would succumb to his only remaining function, a spy, a spy for Dumbledore, the job he had been given long ago. With a deep sigh, Lupin hated himself. He hated himself for starting something with Tonks he knew he had to finish. It seemed cruel to do it to her, even more so to him, but it had to be done. He was a werewolf; nothing could allow him to forget that anymore, especially not when the first person that had made him feel otherwise was gone.

It was a cold hard truth, but he should have seen it coming, he should have trusted his brain and not his heart during all those times they battled over Tonks. It seemed now, as he looked out over Stonehenge, feeling more alone than he had before, that this was where following your heart led you. He would not follow his heart; he would listen to his mind at all costs. It knew, it had always known, that she deserved someone young, whole, rich and _better_. A small voice in his head he did not want to listen too, spoke the _real_ truth; he did not want to be hurt anymore, not when he felt like he was balancing on a very dangerous edge.

* * *

"I don't understand," Tonks said, still looking up at him confused. "Why on earth would this be best?"

Lupin closed his eyes and sighed again, she had that tone she usually got when they argued. This was not an argument, this wasn't even a discussion, as he preferred to call them, this was an explanation.

"Dora, I– "

"Stop calling me Dora, its Tonks and you know that," she snapped, the anger he'd seen in her, finally surfacing.

"This is for the best, it's for you," Lupin tried to explain slowly.

"How is you leaving me for the best. I just don't understand _that_ bit," she said tensely.

"Tonks I'm a werewolf, you deserve something so much better than– "

Tonks gave a loud angry sigh as she turned away from him.

"We're back to this now are we?" She interrupted, her voice heavy with bite.

"We're not back to it as such, it never left," Lupin said trying to keep the conversation calm.

"Remus, I don't care. I told you the other million times we had this argument that I don't care, and it hasn't changed. Nothing is going to change that. If we end, it will not be because of that, it will be because of your and that stupid little mind of yours."

"You should care," Lupin added.

"Well, I've never been good at what I should do. I love you, that's all that matters to me. I know things seem difficult right now, I know they do Remus, but it will get better, don't throw it all away because of how you feel right now," Tonks said, her voice almost begging.

"It's not how I feel right now, it's how I should have felt all year. I won't do this to you."

"What? You won't make me happy?"

He tried to keep himself staring at her with purpose, but with the tone of voice she used, it was difficult to ignore the building urge to comfort her.

"You're going to be happier without me. You know that, deep down you know that," Lupin said blankly, looking away.

"Then you don't know me as well as I thought you did Remus," Tonks said, taking a few steps away.

There was silence for a long time, but Lupin refused to break it, knowing it was up to her.

"So this meant nothing to you then," she finally muttered.

"Stop it Dora," Lupin sighed, knowing the angle she was going for, and feeling the tiniest bit frustrated because of it. "Of course it meant something."

"I'm Dora again now am I? Is that the problem? _Him_."

Her voice had bite in it, bite he didn't want to receive but knew he deserved if she didn't understand.

"No it's not– "

"You can't hurt me Remus, Not in the way you think you can. I won't leave you like that," Tonks said her eyes going wide with fear after she'd spoken.

"He didn't leave," Lupin said darkly, turning to look out the window.

"No, that's not what I meant," Tonks backtracked. "Just stay Remus. Just forget everything, stop thinking for once and just stay. Even I know you want too."

"It is not a question of want anymore and it's not fair. It's not fair on you. I'm too old, too poor and too dangerous," Lupin repeated, finally meeting her eyes, barely able to stomach the look of pain he was receiving from her.

"No you're not," Tonks said defensively.

"Yes I am," Lupin said with finality. "I am a werewolf Dora. Once a month I am completely and utterly dangerous. You haven't seen what I've seen and you're not aware of what we're capable of."

At the same moment the words of Greyback echoed through his mind._ A house-trained werewolf_.

"I may not, but I know what _you're_ capable of Remus, and it's nothing like them. You're not like them." Tonks said, taking a slow step towards him.

Lupin took a step away, avoiding her hands, which were coming to comfort him.

"I think you'll find," he said darkly again. "Once a month, we are exactly the same. They have just not had the privileges I have. We are still exactly the same underneath."

Tonks looked like she was stuck somewhere between anger and disbelief.

"You said it to me about Bellatrix. She was as much a part of me as I made her. The same applies to you."

"It does not Dora," Lupin said, shaking his head, unaware as to how this had gotten so out of hand.

"It does."

"It is not that simple anymore," Lupin tried to reason, but Tonks wouldn't have it.

"For Merlin's sake Remus, it is simple. If you want to be with me, then be with me, if not, then don't blame something that's so small and insignificant it shouldn't be mentioned."

"It is not insignificant and you're behaving like a child."

"The only child in the room is you," Tonks spat. "When you're ready to behave like an adult please let me know."

"You think I want to do this?" Lupin said, the anger in his voice stopping her on the way to the door.

"Yes I do," she said unflinchingly, making him angrier than before.

"Then you need to grow up," Lupin spat.

Tonks' eyes narrowed on him completely, and for a second he swore he saw her hand move to her wand. She made no movements towards him; she only stared at him, in a way that seemed to burn the flesh from his skeleton. Then, after one last frightening glare, she spun around and stormed off out of his bedroom, slamming the door loudly. The sound reverberated in his ears as he sank onto his bed. That was not what he had expected.

* * *

Another night passed with very little sleep. He tossed and turned all night thinking about Tonks. Lupin wondered how it had gotten so out of hand. As he got himself dressed, he got his reflection in the mirror and he knew everything was taking its toll on him. He looked shabbier than he remembered, and there hadn't even been a full moon to blame it on. He had dark circles under his eyes, his skin looked waxy and his hair was beyond control. Lupin grabbed a towel and headed for the shower, crossing the landing in this very silent eerie house.

* * *

The warm water ran down his entire body and he closed his eyes as he felt like it was cleansing him of the last few days. As he stood in the shower, feeling the water wash over him, he could think clearly. He was almost happy to have Tonks to worry about, because it kept him away from what was really troubling him. It was strange to realize that talking to her had made him feel more alive than he had in days. His life up until then had consisted of sitting in the kitchen, or sitting in his bedroom, waiting for sleep that just would not come. At the very least he had Order work to contend with, yet even then people seemed to be giving him little involvement. Moody, Hestia and Emmeline were already out searching for Death Eaters hiding spots or recruitment meetings. Bill Weasley was busy contacting old friends from Egypt who he thought would be keen to help and Charlie was doing the same in Romania. All in all, it seemed Lupin's only job was to stay inside this house and after that he didn't know where to go. The grief started to take him away again, but he fought it back, doing what he'd done for the last week or so. He would not allow it to break the surface ever again. He turned the water off and stepped out of the shower.

He toweled himself off and then looked in the mirror, which was half obscured by fog. He still looked off color; all that had changed was his hair, which no longer looked like a birds nest. With a deep sigh, Lupin turned away, hoping that today could at least go in his favor, but the numb feeling he was now used too, begged to differ.

* * *

By that evening Lupin was at the Burrow, sitting around the kitchen table, staring down at the glass of mead in his hand.

"They've got Karkaroff," Moody growled flatly. "They found him dead this morning."

"We knew it was a matter of time though after what he did. Was it You-Know-Who himself?" Arthur asked.

"I doubt it. At least that means we're one member down, but he's interested in the latest Hogwarts graduates as well from what I head," Moody finished and Molly gave a quiet whimper.

"But they're so young," she said aghast.

"That is how Voldemort will want them," Lupin added.

"That way he can train them up himself," Kinglsey finished.

"Any other news?" Moody asked looking around.

"Plans are in progress for Fudge's dismissal," Kingsley said and there was a collective rolling of the eyes by some of the table.

"Took them long enough," Moody growled.

"Dumbledore will be pleased, won't he?" Tonks asked.

"It depends on who replaces him," Kingsley answered. "Most people are saying Scrimgeour."

"On that note, where are we on all these Dementors that have been swarming some of the towns out in the countryside? Is anyone able to get rid of them? I hear it's on the muggle news as well," Arthur said, and the excitement in his voice as he mentioned something about muggles was unmistakable.

"Some of the Auror's are attacking by night, but it is difficult to keep the patronus' hidden," Kingsley said.

At the mention of Dementors, Lupin felt his stomach drop slightly and as much as he tried to stay involved, he couldn't stop the building feeling somewhere inside him, that so resembled the ones Dementors gave. So instead he spoke up, pushing his thoughts away.

"What about the Giants? Were they Giants in the end?" Lupin asked, already knowing the answer, but just wanting something to say.

"Yes. Dumbledore sent Hagrid out into the West Country to be sure," Moody growled. "It's the tribe that refused Hagrid last year as well."

Lupin sank back into his seat, happy to be rid of his mind for the moment. He caught an apprehensive glance from Arthur, which puzzled him slightly, but the minute Arthur spoke he understood it.

"They've cleared Sirius completely," he muttered apprehensively.

Lupin took to examining the wall ahead of him, as he knew everyone was going to glance his way.

"I heard about it today. The Death Eaters at Azkaban made statements, none more so than Malfoy. Obviously he thought that would get him freed."

"I don't assume he has to wait long, without anything but Auror's to protect it, they'll be out in no time."

Lupin heard Tonks' words as if from the end of a long tunnel, but still he maintained an impartial face, he did not want the rest to know he was still struggling.

* * *

Lupin didn't stay for dinner, and he brushed by Fred and George as they greeted him enthusiastically, but didn't say a word. He went straight home and picked up whatever book was left in the kitchen. He was reading the words, but not actually concentrating on them hard enough for them to form sentences in his mind. After a half hour or so of trying, Lupin gave up and grabbed some food and headed straight for Buckbeak's room.

* * *

When he was done feeding and petting Buckbeak, who had only just become used to Lupin feeding him, he made his way to his bedroom. To his surprise, and perhaps his misfortune, he opened his door and found Tonks leaning against the desk, her hair a deep shade of scarlet. He gave a sigh and shut the door. Lupin didn't want to face anything like this, not when today had been as hard as it had.

"Are you okay?" Tonks asked, her tone of voice somewhere between concern and indifference.

"Yes," Lupin lied, walking towards his bed.

"That's a lie," Tonks said quickly. "Anyone with eyes can see that's a lie."

Lupin wanted to say something smart in return, but all he did was sigh again and drop to his bed. He sat on the edge, his hands grasped together rest on his knees and his head down, staring at the floor. All he could gather was that everyone was now talking about him.

"If you're here about yesterday, my mind hasn't changed," Lupin said exasperatedly.

"Do I get a reason at the very least?" Tonks asked tensely.

"I've told you Tonks," Lupin said, finally looking up at her. "We can't. It's a different situation now, there are things out there, real things, that will endanger everything and I won't do that to you, not when I'm one of those things."

"Do I even get a say in this at all?" Tonks said in a small but strong voice.

"It's for the best," Lupin tried to reassure her.

"Stop saying that," Tonks bit back.

There was silence again, as Lupin was too exhausted to actually have a retort. He hoped in vain she would just give up, just leave him here on his own as he so desired.

"Just stop behaving like a git for five minutes and actually think. You're doing this for the stupidest reasons I have ever heard."

"They're not stupid!" Lupin said losing control of his voice, the ignorance in her finally lighting a fire inside him that got him on his feet. "Maybe in your world they are Tonks, but they are very real and they have consequences in the real world."

"We've grown up in the same world Remus," Tonks said icily.

"No we haven't. I grew up in a world of hatred and judgment and I will not be the one to put you in it too. Someone like you could never understand that."

"Someone like me? And what's that supposed to mean?" She snarled at him.

Lupin caught himself before he spoke, knowing what he had to say should not be spoken aloud. Instead he dropped his head into his hands and sighed as he shook his head.

"I'm not going to fight with you Tonks, I can't," Lupin said slowly as he felt the wave coming back, but he was too far beyond the edge to pull himself back this time. "I love you, but I just can't. Please accept that."

There was another long silence as Lupin stood there, feeling his body drain, feeling everything he'd held onto so tightly for the last week slowly come undone. He closed his eyes, willing the pain to leave him, but it was too much this time. He dropped back onto the bed, keeping his head in his hands

"This would be so much easier to believe if you were of sound mind Remus. Look at yourself. You won't even allow yourself to feel what you're going through. You haven't even let yourself cry since _that_ night," Tonks said, and it cut through him like a knife.

It was true, since the night in the hospital, Lupin had not cried. He had not wanted to start, not when he feared he may never stop, but something in her words broke him. He felt it approaching like a sneeze. It built and built somewhere in his chest until it could be held in no longer, until his eyes burned in an almost unbearable way and his throat constricted well beyond anything before.

"What do you want from me Tonks?" Lupin said, his voice finally breaking and tears welling up in his eyes. "I can't give you anything, I can't help anyone, I can't save anyone, I can't… I just can't. Not anymore."

With that, all strength left his body, and with nothing left to hold him up, he slid from the bed onto his knees, holding his head in his hands. He stared at her for a second, watching her blur as tears filled his eyes and her look of anger immediately turned into concern. The last thing he saw as he closed his eyes was Tonks rushing from the other side of the room. The wave he had fought against finally crashed over him. His body shook as he sobbed openly, hurting like he only had once before in his life. He felt a pair of arms wrap around him, and he grabbed Tonks by the middle, sobbing into her shirt, uncontrollably weeping. Every breath caused pain, like a sharp knife wound that threatened to push him to the brink of death but never let the beautiful release it would bring occur. Existing hurt. He wanted to let Tonks go, because now he knew what it meant to love someone. It meant hurt. It meant complete body, heart and soul ache. It meant what he was feeling now. How on earth could he ever manage this again? Not when he felt like he was hanging on by nothing at that moment.

He gripped her tightly, knowing he was hurting her but not caring, he needed something solid to keep him there. Why did this happen to him? What had he done to incur this much suffering? Still he cried, he wept, drenching her shirt with his tears, allowing all the pain, the grief he'd held for nearly two weeks to pour out of him with her help. She was rubbing his back and gripping him just as tightly, trying to prove that she was still there. It didn't go unnoticed, but they were beyond repair. Slowly Lupin realised there had been so much he had never said. So much he'd wanted to do, and it was gone. It was all gone in the blink of an eye.

Somehow she managed to get him up and into bed. He curled up into the foetal position instantly, his eyes still leaking what felt like an endless amount of tears. He only opened his body up one last time to accept hers. From now on he would stay closed, but tonight was different, he had no choice tonight. She wrapped her arms around him again and he placed his head on her chest, just over her heart. He pulled her as close into him as he could, wanting someone to be there for him as he slowly fell into complete despair, desperately alone in a pit of empty blackness. The world stretched out before him, terrifying in its existence. One world had Sirius and one did not. It felt like he was being forced to exist in the wrong world. He was completely alone. He had no body left to turn to; and what he had, he must not hold onto, because she deserved much better than him. He had to do what the werewolf in St Mungo's had done, because it was the right thing to do.

**To be conti****nued…**


	51. The Shadow of a Wolf

**Right, the end is drawing near my dear friends.**

**I have some ideas coming up soon that have been down since the start and also a new way of writing this for the chapter after next.**

**As for this, well we're seeing some true colours (excuse the pun) come out. Yes Lupin repeats himself, but he has to!**

**Reviews are amazing, I love you all, please keep them coming.**

**Enjoy. **

* * *

**Chapter 49**

Nymphadora Tonks watched him excuse himself, and even though she wanted to be mad at the ridiculous things he'd said, it was too difficult to ignore the wave of pity that swept through her at the sight of Remus Lupin. Molly wouldn't let him go so quickly, she kept trying to offer him food and even to stay the night, but he politely refused and left, ignoring Fred and George on the way. When Tonks finally looked back, she saw Molly staring at her. It was a stare she was not familiar with, especially in regards to Lupin, Molly expected her to go and help, the problem was, Tonks didn't know how.

"So, Lupin's not himself yet then?" Fred asked, with a mouthful of roast potatoes.

"Don't talk with your mouth full," Molly snapped. "But no, he is not the same yet."

"He was his best friend. He just needs some time I think," Kingsley added.

"He doesn't seem to be doing anything. I haven't seen him upset at all, all he's done is focus so completely on the Order," Molly said, her worried motherly tones sounding like they were in over-drive.

"Molly, everyone grieves in their own way," Arthur said, patting her hand on the table.

"I know that. I just haven't seen him grieving at all," Molly finished with a worried expression as she looked out of the door Lupin had disappeared through.

"So he hasn't spoken to anyone or said anything to you lot?" Tonks asked, not knowing whether to feel sad or confused.

Everyone around the table looked at each other and then shook their heads. Tonks furrowed her brow and looked away. This was completely mental. The only way she felt better about the whole situation was because she had spoken about it to everyone. She had let her feelings out and she assumed in her absence he had done the same. She'd thought his new stoic behaviour was because he had no feelings left, not because he hadn't let them out. Ron and Ginny came bursting into the room after that, and all discussion on Lupin finished with their arrival.

* * *

"Moody?" Tonks asked as she found him alone staring at the Weasley's clock after dinner..

"I've always wondered how this thing works. It could be a tracking charm but I just don't understand it. What if it got in the hands of– "

"Moody, what was he like last time? Remus, when James and Lily died," Tonks interrupted, knowing he was about to start a rant.

"I wouldn't know. I didn't see him. No body did, except Albus. I heard he was at the Potter's burial with the Order members who went, but he hardly said word to anyone and left straight after."

Tonks bit her lip and looked away.

"People grieve in their own way Nymphadora, just like Arthur said," Moody growled. "Leave him be."

"But he's suffering," Tonks pleaded, her own feelings causing her to ignore the use of her first name.

"This is part of the Order. It's the risk you take in joining and Remus, more than anyone, understood that. Just give him some time," Moody growled. "On another note, when do you go back to work?"

* * *

Tonks left the Burrow and apparated into the safe point in her building, but as she reached her door, Tonks had a new idea. She turned on her heel and walked out of her building and half ran all the way to Grimmauld Place. Upon entering, she found that Lupin wasn't in the kitchen, the drawing room or even the dining room; so knowing he would go there eventually, Tonks went straight to his bedroom.

* * *

Tonks could hear him coming as she leant against his desk, the exact place she'd been yesterday when they're had that first disagreement. Resentment still boiled in her chest at the thought of that, but her visit today wasn't about that, at least not yet. The door opened and Lupin walked in. Instantly he spotted her and froze. He opened his mouth to say something, but gave a sigh instead and closed the door. He started on the walk towards his bed, not even acknowledging her presence.

"Are you okay?" Tonks asked boldly.

"Yes," he mumbled, still walking and still not looking at her.

For a second Tonks forgot why she even cared, not when he was going to behave like this. She knew she should be delicate with someone who was suffering, but this truly had gone too far.

"That's a lie. Anyone with eyes can see that's a lie," Tonks shot at him.

She wanted a response from him, but all he did was sigh and drop onto his bed. It was exactly what she didn't want. She wanted a fight. There was silence for a long time. It seemed strange that so much could travel between the pair as they sat, Lupin looking at the ground his head in his hands and Tonks staring at him, waiting for a sign.

"If you're here about yesterday, my mind hasn't changed," Lupin said exasperatedly, still not looking at her.

"Do I even get a say in this at all?" Tonks asked, hearing the test of patience in her own voice.

"It's for the best," Lupin said shortly.

It was the same line he'd used yesterday. It was stupid and pathetic, and it only fed the monster inside Tonks that was itching to get out and roar.

"Stop saying that," Tonks said with the tiniest bit of aggression.

There was silence as Tonks waited for a response that deep down she knew she was never going to get.

"Just stop behaving like a git for five minutes and actually think. You're doing this for the stupidest reasons I have ever heard," Tonks continued on.

"They're not stupid!" Lupin said, finally on his feet and finally Tonks could see the fire in his eyes. "Maybe in your world they are Tonks, but they are very real and they have consequences in the _real_ world."

"We've grown up in the same world Remus," Tonks said icily.

"No we haven't. I grew up in a world of hatred and judgment and I will not be the one to put you in it too. Someone like you could never understand that."

It was like she had just been hit in the face, and it stung. How had she gotten this man so wrong? The Lupin she knew would never say things like that.

"Someone like me? And what's that supposed to mean?" Tonks snarled at him.

Once again he looked like he was about to speak, but he stopped himself, she hated when he did that.

"I'm not going to fight with you Tonks, I can't. I love you, but I just can't. Please accept that."

Tonks looked at him, feeling stunned and angry. She didn't understand how he could be so completely infuriating. She knew as she had before, that she had to be delicate, but for the life of her she couldn't muster up enough to feel sorry for him in that moment. He was behaving like a prat and she knew it may be her own insecurities, but it seemed he was using this all as an escape from her.

"This would be so much easier to believe if you were of sound mind Remus. Look at yourself. You won't even allow yourself to feel what you're going through. You haven't even let yourself cry since _that_ night," Tonks said trying to hold back the venom in her voice, but knowing she failed.

"What do you want from me Tonks?" Lupin said, his voice finally breaking and tears welling up in his eyes. "I can't give you anything, I can't help anyone, I can't save anyone, I can't… I just can't. Not anymore."

She watched him break in front of her. Piece by piece he fell apart. His soul was crushed, his heart was shattered and his body was falling away. His shoulders were the first to go and they started sagging as he slid onto his knees. He was completely broken, everything had been torn from his grasp, just as he was getting used to holding it again. It wasn't fair, not for a man like him. She crossed the room instantly and wrapped her arms around his shoulders as he sat and his head burrowed into her stomach as if it had been waiting for the chance the whole time. He was gripping onto her, hard, and weeping into her shirt, sobbing and crying, taking great heaving breaths that allowed her to know his pain was suffocating him, threatening to kidnap him and take him to the deep dark places of despair.

She half picked him up and guided him towards the bed where he instantly crumpled again, taking her with him. He gripped her, painfully, and she stayed there, feeling tears silently slide down her cheeks, for the man she'd lost and for the other man who was still here in front of her, the one she was _going_ to lose and she knew it.

* * *

Tonks awoke the next morning and it was in the few moments she usually had before she opened her eyes that she remembered what had taken place the night before. She slowly moved her arm across the bed, and she met no opposition on the way. Instantly her eyes snapped open and she looked around in alarm. She was alone. Just as the world was about to crash done around her, the bedroom door opened, and in came Lupin, tea and toast in hand. He still didn't look particularly good, in fact he looked just as exhausted and shabby as ever, but he was there, and that was what mattered.

"You thought I'd gone," Lupin noted, the tiniest bit of amusement in his voice as he placed down her mug of tea.

"I can't say it didn't cross my mind," Tonks said, not quite meeting his eye.

"Nor mine, but it seemed rude after what you did for me last night," Lupin said as he sat on the end of the bed just below her feet.

There was a long awkward pause and Tonks knew Lupin was formulating a way to say something. One of those heartfelt deep feeling kind of things he sometimes struggled with. She gazed at him whilst she sipped her tea, and he did not return her look.

"Thank you for that," Lupin said earnestly, meeting her eyes in a heart melting way.

Tonks knew he meant last night, and it didn't bother her too much that he couldn't say it. Everything felt normal again and she couldn't believe all it took was him finally being honest to himself about Sirius. Tonks ripped the crusts of her toast and gave them to Lupin as always, who ate them for her.

"You can sit next to me you know. I don't bite, you do, but I don't," Tonks laughed.

Lupin looked away, his face going from impassive to worried.

"I don't think that's appropriate."

Tonks felt her stomach drop. They were back to this? Her eyes narrowed on him.

"I'm very grateful for what you did for me Dora, but it doesn't change anything," Lupin said.

"Stop calling me Dora," Tonks snapped at him.

There was a silence as Lupin took a breath.

"I've told you my reasons, and you need to respect them," Lupin explained in a quiet voice.

"I'd respect them if they were even the tiniest bit right. And I've told you that I don't care. You're being an idiot."

"Maybe in your mind Tonks. But you need to look beyond your feelings and think about logic," Lupin said, almost begging her.

Tonks nearly wanted to laugh.

"How can you honestly say something like that about this? You can't use your brain Remus, not for _this_."

Lupin stood up and took a few steps away before he turned back around to look at her.

"It is the perfect time to do so, as should you. Think about what is going to come of you, what people will think of you. I can't do this, Dora. I'm sorry," he said, and he was pleading again.

This was about as much as she could take of him. She dropped her mug of tea onto the nightstand, knocking it over, but Lupin quickly repaired it with his wand like it was a habit. She flung the covers off her self and got out bed.

"Well you know what, I can't do _this_ anymore, Remus," she snapped, rushing out the door and slamming it behind her.

She stomped down the stairs in a huff. What right did he have? After everything she'd done for him in the past, even after last night, and he still came at her with 'we should be friend's' bullocks. He was going the right way for a duel, that much she knew for certain. Tonks reached the bottom floor and was on her way up the hallway when her feet collided with the trolls leg she'd forgotten about.

* * *

Tonks hit the floor hard, knocking all the breath from her. She closed her eyes and gave a great sigh. All this time she'd been angry with Lupin, she hadn't actually let herself feel hurt by what he was doing. And now, as she lay on the ground, physically hurting, she let the other kind of hurt catch up. How was what they had so easy for him to dismiss? What had she done that made him want to give up on them? She felt her hair fall limp and she felt it tingle as the hurt started to set in. Just like almost exactly a year before, a pair of soft hands wove their way around her and lifted her up.

"Are you all right?" Lupin's hoarse voice whispered as he helped her.

"No," Tonks said flatly, as she shrugged him off, flicking her hair to a new colour.

She spun around to him and met his eyes fiercely, enjoying the fact that he seemed to recoil slightly.

"Of course I'm not all right," she snapped at him.

Lupin swallowed hard and then met her eyes miserably.

"It's for the best. One day you'll thank me," he said.

Tonks didn't know whether to hex him or kick him.

"I'll thank you for hurting me?"

"I still love you and I'm happy to be your friend, I just– we can't do this anymore, it's not fair. I'm too old, too– "

"Remus if you finish that sentence for the millionth time I will hex you into the middle of next week."

Lupin sighed slightly, resigning himself over to what he was about to receive Tonks thought, because she knew he wasn't going to stop. He was never going to relent, but part of her still wanted to fight.

"I have to go to work, but we're not done. And I mean that in every sense of the word. Come to my place tonight."

Tonks turned and left him without waiting for a response. She knew Lupin well enough know he would come, he was that kind of guy after all, he always held up his end of a bargain.

* * *

Tonks day at work was going to be strange, she knew that as she had the shadow of her evening with Lupin hanging over her, but it seemed to be stranger than she'd imagined. For the first time, Tonks was actually being taken seriously. It all came down to the battle in the Department of Mysteries, she knew that much. Auror's she'd never met were nodding at her approvingly, some even stopping to talk to her about what had happened. Even Scrimgeour seemed to be impressed, at one point, he had referred to her as Tonks during their morning meeting, something that had never happened before. As the day wore on, and Tonks handed in a new stack of new notes on Death Eaters, she found Kingsley leaning against the wall of his cubicle smiling. As she approached him, the first thing she noticed were the walls of his cubicle. They were completely bare and by her knowledge it was the first time she had ever seen them so. There was no Sirius smiling back at her anymore, and it took her a moment to get beyond that thought. Kingsley seemed to have noticed exactly where she was going.

"He's assigned me to a new case," Kingsley said, the smile on his face faltering slightly. "It was by his instruction that I took them down."

There was another silence, as Tonks blinked a few more times than seemed necessary.

"I kept some," Kingsley said, opening a draw at his desk.

There on top was a picture Tonks had seen before, but never had it made her feel so happy. Sirius was standing beside James and Lily at their wedding and he looked happier and younger than Tonks had ever seen him. It made her feel warm inside as she stared at it, it even caused her to smile at just how happy he looked. After a while Tonks finally looked up to Kingsley, who pulled the picture out of the draw and passed it to her.

"It's yours," Kinglsey promised and Tonks smiled back at him as she took it. "So I hear you're dealing with fame now?"

"I wouldn't call it fame, more like, recognition of just how great I am," Tonks laughed and Kingsley did the same.

"Modest too," Kingsley added with a wink.

"What's your new assignment anyway?"

"Protecting the Prime Minister. I'm on my way to Harrods right now actually. I don't think Wizarding robes will go down to well for my job interview tonight," he said. "Want to come for a drink at Leaky afterwards with Mad-Eye?"

"Nah I can't, I'm seeing Remus tonight," Tonks said without really thinking.

Kingsley arched his eyebrow at her for a moment and opened his mouth before shutting it again; clearly deciding not to say whatever he was going to. His mouth was twitching as if he was trying to hold back and smile and he cleared his throat before he spoke again.

"There's a special assignment coming for you. So don't let all this congratulations go to your head," Kingsley said, the smile finally breaking through.

"I won't sir," Tonks responded playfully. "What kind of assignment?"

"You'll find out in time," Kingsley said cruelly.

"That's not fair! You can't just say that and then not tell me," Tonks said faking outrage.

Kingsley only smiled, and Tonks took it as a sign to leave.

"Oh and Tonks," Kingsley called as she turned to leave, before dropping his voice to a low whisper. "I suspect those poor tattooed rocker boys are very disappointed with your choice."

Kinglsey smiled again and Tonks turned away with a roll of her eyes, grinning all the way back to her cubicle. It wasn't until she finally sat down that she remembered just exactly what state her and Lupin were currently in. All the happiness she felt disappeared just as quickly as the smile left her face.

* * *

There had been no specified time for Lupin to come over, but Tonks knew him as the kind not to be late, so she'd assumed around seven. At about half past seven, a flash of green light filled her apartment, causing Tonks to spill ink all over the piece of parchment she was writing on. When she looked up, Lupin was wiping ash from his robes. He looked just as exhausted and shabbier as ever, more so then he had after a transformation.

"Hi," Lupin muttered.

"How are you feeling?" Tonks asked, feeling oddly distant, and not just because they were on separate sides of her room with a couch between them.

"Fine," he said and Tonks rolled her eyes at his lie. "I'm better, does that make you happy?"

"No," Tonks said instantly. "I want you to be fine, I just know your not."

"I think fine would be a bit of stretch for anyone in my position."

There was a silence as Lupin's words hung in the air between them awkwardly, like they do when someone talks about their feelings.

"You cleaned up," Lupin noted, obviously to break the silence.

Tonks wasn't going to help him anymore than she had to, so she only nodded. He gave a small sigh and looked away from her again. Tonks put her quill away and used her wand to clear up the ink and then stood and walked into the kitchen.

"Do you want a drink?" Tonks asked.

"No, I'm fin– " Lupin stopped speaking as Tonks glared at him, "I'm all right thank-you."

It seemed odd to exchange pleasantries with a man she was soon she would soon be yelling at, but Tonks knew Lupin to be the kind of man to go through the niceties first.

"You wanted your say," Lupin said, obviously thinking he had to remind her.

Tonks examined him for a moment through her eyebrows as she opened her bottle of Butterbeer. He was still standing in exactly the same spot, between the couch and the fireplace. He was yet to budge from exactly where he'd been standing since his arrival, the irony was almost suffocating.

"Have you changed your mind about anything?" Tonks asked inquisitively.

"No," Lupin said slowly.

"Then I want you to tell me why," Tonks said, half curiously and half angrily.

"You know why," Lupin said staring across at her.

Tonks moved out of the kitchen and leant against the wall near the door, facing him.

"Tell me again then."

Lupin studied her for a second and then took a deep breath.

"Because, of every reason I've told you. I'm too old– "

"What's your reasoning there?" Tonks asked blankly, metaphorically trapping him without his knowledge.

"I'm nearly twelve years older than you. You deserve someone your own age."

"Look at that Flamel bloke, his wife is nearly thirty years younger than him," Tonks said somewhat smugly, it was a point she'd been thinking about all day.

Lupin nearly smiled.

"Yes, but he's six-hundred and something, that's different."

"So if we can live forever it won't matter then? I'll go out right now and find that ingredients for elixir of life if you want. Don't you see how ridiculous your argument is?"

Lupin hung his head for a moment before he spoke again.

"It's a different situation Dora. You deserve much more than I can offer you, I can't even afford new robes, let alone supporting someone else. I'm too dangerous and I– "

"For the, I think its the billionth time by now, I don't care about you and your werewolf thing. You are about as dangerous as a puppy!"

"Perhaps I am right now, but transformed or even when the rest of the pack comes for me I am not."

"So what, then maybe one night a month you're a little bit dangerous, but we've got the potion for that. We've got so many ways around it, that it's not an issue," Tonks said, half reciting the things she'd thought up in her head all day.

"What about the rest of them then? The pack. You don't understand these men Dora, they'll come for me and they'll come for you. Greyback won't rest until there's chaos. We're not human. There is a reason so many people ostracize us."

"Remus, you're not one of them, you know that as well as I do. Stop using that as an excuse," Tonks said exasperatedly.

Lupin looked at her again, but this time there was trepidation in his eyes.

"You think this is just an excuse for me to leave?"

The tone of his voice stopped Tonks from snapping at him, he seemed to be questioning the audacity of her words, even her thoughts.

"Yes I do," Tonks muttered in a small voice, looking at the floor.

Lupin instantly crossed the room and he was in front of her in seconds. He placed both hands on the side of her arms, as they were folded.

"Don't Tonks, don't think that's what this is, because it's not. I'm trying to protect you. I'm trying to show you that this isn't right. It was never going to be what you deserve," Lupin said soothingly, as he stared into her eyes.

It was difficult to stay mad, not when he was being the way he was, but his words seemed to be speaking louder than his actions.

"I've proven every one of your reasons wrong, why are you so determined to leave me?"

"I apologise, I didn't realise we were keeping score," Lupin said, taking a step back instantly.

"We're not. And stop trying to change the subject."

"There's no subject to change, and there's nothing left to discuss. I've told you my reasons. I'm sorry."

With that he turned on his heel and headed towards the door.

"Remus," Tonks said in a caring tone she didn't know she still had for him, stopping him when he had his hand outstretched. "You're doing this because you're afraid. You're afraid that I'm going to hurt you, that you're going to feel this way again. And I hope to god this has nothing to do with that argument we had on Valentines Day."

It took a few moments before he spun around, and the second before she saw his face; Tonks thought maybe she finally had him.

"There's no future here Tonks. There's nothing I can give you. You deserve so much more than this, than me. Look at what we've done with the short amount of time we had with each other. We fought and we struggled and it shouldn't have to be like that for you," Lupin explained as he walked back towards her.

Tonks furrowed her brow at him, not knowing whether she was more baffled than she was frustrated.

"Maybe that's how it works for us, maybe it should. We'll fight over and over and things will be really hard, but we'll do it Remus, because we care about each other. We care about each other enough for that stuff not to matter anymore. Why do you think I'm fighting for this so hard?"

Lupin hung his head for a moment, only adding to Tonks' frustration.

"Tonks, I just can't, you don't understand," Lupin sighed.

Frustration finally won the top spot.

"Stop saying that!" Tonks yelled, making Lupin flinch.

Tonks could feel the toll all this was taking. She felt like she was lying on the floor of the hallway in Grimmauld Place again. The hurt was back. Working its way into her heart like a shard of glass.

"But you wouldn't. No one can unless they've dealt with this."

"With what?" Tonks asked, her voice so full of contempt.

"You know very well what," Lupin snapped, well as close to snapping as Lupin could get.

"No I don't. I know this complete idiot of a guy who keeps me at a distance because of this stupid idea he has that he's dangerous. He's got some concept about how a werewolf should behave, even though it's complete bollocks!"

Tonks could hear the blood pounding in her ears, but she didn't care about being nice or sparing his feelings, when he truly did not deserve it. Hurt had pushed her beyond that boundary.

"Stop it. It's not stupid and I won't stand here being berated for trying to help someone," Lupin shot back, pausing only for a moment before speaking again. "I'm leaving."

He had only just turned away from her when Tonks spoke again.

"Naturally," she said maliciously, glaring at his back.

"Just cut it out!" Lupin yelled, turning back to her with rage.

It was scary to see him so worked up, and she thought for a second she could see the shadow of the wolf somewhere in his face.

"I want to stay, and even though that ridiculous and childish little ego of yours won't allow it, you know it's right for me," Lupin continued, his voice raised far beyond anything she'd ever heard from him.

"No it's– "

"I'm not finished," Lupin interrupted, half snarling. "Stop making me feel so guilty for something I can't help. You have no right to talk to me like I want to walk out on everything I know because I don't want to get attached. You don't know me well enough Dora."

"No I don't," Tonks snapped back, her voice finally catching up to her after the shock of Lupin yelling. "The man I loved would never do this."

The two glared at each other, both baring the signs of two people so clearly worked up.

"I'm leaving," Lupin said in a low growl.

"Good," Tonks spat childishly.

For a second Tonks thought she saw the shadow of the wolf go through his eyes, but with a final exhale, Lupin turned with menace and stomped out the door, promptly shutting it after him.

* * *

It almost made her laugh when he didn't slam the door; it was such a Lupin thing to do that she nearly couldn't help herself. It took a few seconds for the argument she'd just had to settle in on her. She dropped to the couch as her knees gave way. She couldn't help but think that maybe she had pushed him too far, that maybe this time he wasn't going to come back.

**To be continued…**


	52. The Never Ending Darkness

**Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry!**

**I've been super busy, a screenplay I wrote got an offer, so that's been intense. But here we go!**

**I'm really excited for the next chapter as well. I'm trying something different for it, so look out for that very soon (and I mean VERY soon hopefully)**

**There are some little things in here that seem stupid, but it will become important in the future.**

**Reviews as always are very appreciated and always lovely!**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 50.**

Remus Lupin was pacing. he did not pace, yet he was pacing. It seemed the longer he thought on it, the more he realised just how much he'd had the desire to pace over the last year, and it's cause came down to Nymphadora Tonks. He'd stomped out of her front door mere hours ago, and with no desire to go back to Grimmauld Place, he ended up at his parent's house, a day earlier than the moon called for. How strange it seemed that the place he detested beyond any other, now seemed better than Grimmauld. Still he paced through his father's study, up and down in front of the bookshelves, stopping only to sigh furiously and change direction, lashing out at thin air as if it were the culprit. She was foolish. She was young and foolish and completely ignorant to the truth, that was Lupin's final assessment of it all. Why should he have to argue his point, he hated arguing. It was just like pacing, Remus Lupin did not argue.

Yet here he was, doing both so frequently. Sometimes, as he angrily walked around the room, he wondered whether Tonks had put him under some kind of spell. It seemed impossible to enjoy the company of someone so much one-minute and be completely and utterly frustrated with them the next. Lupin knew he couldn't expect much of the first option anymore, not after what he had to do. Never again would he be able to crawl into bed with Tonks, kiss her, or even hold her the way he used to. The thought stopped him in his tracks. He had never thought about what he was losing; only what she would gain. He knew as much as she protested, she would be fine, she didn't need him, but did he need her? Was she the final pin holding him together now?

Midnight struck through the house with loud chimes from the still standing grandfather clock in the hall. Lupin finally stopped pacing and collapsed into the chair behind the desk. He threw his head into his hands and sighed, but this was not from anger, this was from exhaustion. Slowly he let it all wash over him. Things seemed infinitely harder these days. The Order was calling for him, and the war truly was beginning. All which seemed manageable before, was now decidedly not so. He knew the request from Dumbledore would come soon enough and then at the least he would have things to occupy himself, but for now, he had to deal with Tonks, however much he didn't want to do that. Lupin stalked off to his bed without any conviction for his thoughts. He had a whole sleepless night ahead of him to think about it anyway.

* * *

The following day, the first Lupin had really felt the dawning of summer, revolved around reading. He spent his day locked away in his father's study and as the sun set and the moon began to rise, Lupin was on his bedroom floor again. This transformation had a new feeling about it. For the first time, Lupin was going to be glad to be away from his mind for an entire evening, and afterwards he would finally sleep. What was not new, and what he was dreading the most, was the feeling beforehand. The guilt, the pain, the anger and this time, the pangs of sadness, all came rushing to him as he sat waiting. Lupin could only imagine this was how it felt to be waiting for a Dementor's kiss. The weight of the world descended upon his shoulders and more than ever the face of Tonks swum in his mind. His feelings were much more exasperated by his current state, but he knew, even without exaggeration, this was the very reason she needed to be away from him. As Lupin logically tried to think of a way to inform her of this, he missed the rising moon in the background, and catching him completely off guard was pain beyond any other. It felt like he was being torn apart, limb from limb and his blood was on fire. Just when he thought he was surely going to die, everything went black.

* * *

Darkness surrounded him. But it wasn't the same kind of darkness he was used too; it felt heavier and thicker than normal night-time. For a second Lupin thought he had come into his own mind during his transformation, but when he glanced downwards, he was standing on what looked like a stone floor and he was in his body, not a wolves. Confusion hit Lupin instantly. Where was he? Had he broken out again and woken up somewhere? He didn't have any bruises or grazes, so he had not transformed. The darkness seemed too unnatural to be night, yet it made no sense. He could hear a strange rustling sound, but it didn't quite sound like rustling, it sounded more like a whispering voice. Lupin couldn't understand what it was saying, and it was unnerving him slightly. He reached down for his wand but it wasn't there. The whispering sounded so familiar but Lupin couldn't work out where he'd heard it before. He could feel the wolfish senses in him picking up, and he sniffed into the air, but he couldn't smell anything but himself. Lupin took a step and the sound of his footstep echoed loudly. Lupin could only deduce that wherever he was, it was very big, almost church like. The whispering wasn't getting louder and the darkness wasn't lifting, but for some reason he thought he could see something moving just a few metres away. It looked like people, at least three. Something about their presence wasn't making Lupin feel scared, in fact he felt secure and comfortable, even though he had absolutely no idea where he was and he was completely defenceless.

"Hello?" Lupin whispered into the darkness, but he got no reply.

He took another step towards the three figures, but still, he could hardly make them out. The darkness seemed to be following him around wherever he walked.

"Is there anyone there?" Lupin asked, but again, no reply.

He took another step, and the darkness followed him. the three figures were still hidden, but Lupin was sure they were people. He knew if his eyes could adjust to the darkness he'd be able to see, but it was just too dark.

"_Lumos_," Lupin whispered, hoping maybe his wand was around him.

Far in the distance a light appeared and as Lupin looked around trying to find it, he could just make out the three figures. All he could see were the kindest green eyes, a small pair of glasses and longish hair with a causally flicked elegance.

* * *

Lupin woke with a start. His vision was blurry and everything was white, but he jumped to his feet, stumbling around hitting things blindly, trying to grab the three figures, because he knew who they were now. He ignored the pain in his body, as his heart began to race. Lupin felt his head connect with something very hard and then everything went black again.

* * *

Lupin could hear himself groaning before he even woke up. His head was aching as if it had been split in half, but he slowly opened his eyes. The sky was a beautiful shade of pink streaked with orange. His whole body ached, but Lupin picked himself up from his bedroom floor and walked through the magically unlocked door. Everything hurt as he walked, but he somehow found his parents bed, and collapsed into it, hoping to fall straight asleep. Yet sleep did not come. Instead he was allowed another sleepless night, except this time, along with his thoughts, he had complete body ache to keep him company. He took a chance, at what he assumed was about midnight, to look at himself in the mirror. He didn't have any new scars on his body, but he had one on his head. It was aching, in fact it was making his head throb as he touched it. It wasn't like the usual injuries he got when he was transformed and all he could think was that he had hit his head, during his sleep, but he had no memory of anything of the sort.

There was a loud hoot behind him, and more from surprise than fear, Lupin spun around, wand out. He found himself aiming at a tiny owl that had once followed him around the house. He instantly stored his wand away and walked over to it. It greeted him with a low happy sounding hoot and Lupin began to stroke its head. Knowing where it would lead him, Lupin tried hard not think about who had originally sent him this owl in the first place. It seemed stupid but he realised he'd never even asked Sirius where he'd gotten the owl in the first place. In an instant, as if it was a sign he'd not noticed, Lupin knew what to do. He had been debating for days about whether to do it, and this was the sign.

He shuffled to his father's office and pulled out some parchment and a quill.

_Dear Albus,  
I was wondering what would be an  
appropriate time to come and see you?  
Remus._

He folded it up and walked back into the bedroom. The owl hooted affectionately as he walked in, and Remus bent down so they were level.

"Do you think you can take this to Dumbledore?" He asked, and the owl responded with an eager hoot.

Lupin tied the letter to it and then watched it disappear into the darkness.

* * *

Lupin was awoken the next day by a loud hoot and instantly sat up to find the owl on his bed head. He untied the letter quickly and then ripped it open.

_Dear Remus,  
For you, the door of my office is always  
open, night and day. I look forward to  
__speaking to you soon, no doubt.  
Albus._

Lupin folded the letter into his pocket and then got out of bed. He left his parents house about an hour or so later, having fed the owl and himself. He felt more worn out and more exhausted than he had in a long time, as he hadn't got the few days of sleep afterwards like he used too. He rested his head on the cool pane of glass in his train carriage, which he had all to himself all the way back into London. The air in the city was muggy and hot, much different to out in the country, and Lupin could feel the heat robbing him of the small amount of energy he had left.

* * *

When Lupin swung the door open to Grimmauld Place, the first thing he noticed was that something didn't seem right. Nothing was moved, nothing was gone, but something didn't seem right. He heard a familiar low grumbling voice and relaxed instantly, knowing Moody was present. He followed the voice down into the kitchen and when he opened the door he found Kingsley, Moody and Tonks looking up at him.

"Remus," Moody said, greeting him as he stored his wand away.

An assortment of objects were piled up on the table, including Sirius' potion making kit. They were obviously doing a clean up, though Lupin had already done so. He nodded at Kingsley and connected eyes for a split second with Tonks, though neither smiled at each other. Her hair was a beautiful shade of calm sky blue. He had never felt so awkward in front of her before, and for a second he just wanted to forget everything and welcome her loving embrace, but he knew he mustn't.

"I can't find the rest of those Ministry plans," Moody growled angrily as he slammed the pantry door shut.

"They're upstairs. In Regulus' room," Lupin informed him, dropping into the seat the other end of the table to Tonks, who was deliberately not looking at him now.

Moody stomped off upstairs and Kingsley picked up a big stack of papers and moved towards the fireplace. He started the fire with a flick of his wand and slowly started burning the documents one by one. Lupin could feel himself drifting away into his mind, his aching body taking over and his tiredness making everything seem fuzzy.

"How was the transformation Remus?" Kingsley asked curiously. "We didn't expect you back so soon."

Lupin took we to mean Tonks as well, even though she was still purposefully staring away from him.

"It was fine. I just didn't get the usual amount of sleep afterwards," Lupin explained.

"Can't say I've been getting much myself lately either. I don't think anyone has been. Weren't you just saying you've been missing sleep Tonks?"

Lupin watched her eyes move to Kingsley and then she shook her head slowly. Kinglsey furrowed his eyebrows and looked between Tonks and Lupin a few times, obviously noticing what was going on. The amount of tension between them, and Lupin thought it was rightly so, was just that little bit too much for him. Lupin closed his eyes and sighed exhaustedly.

"I think I'll just go and help Alastor," Kingsley said apprehensively.

He backed out of the room and Lupin finally opened his eyes, watching him disappear out the door. When he looked back, Tonks still hadn't looked at him.

"Now we're causing people to run from rooms," Lupin attempted to joke, but Tonks made no response, causing him to wonder if she'd even heard him.

He wanted to be friends with her. He'd said that. He'd also said that he still loved her. So why couldn't she look him in the face? Didn't she know that more than ever he wanted to wrap up in her and never leave? Stay hidden until all the bad parts of life were gone. How he wished for that, but he knew it was not to be, it was not fair and it was not right. He closed his eyes again, for how long he didn't know, but when he opened them, Tonks' eyes were finally on him. They were sparkling in the way that made him feel warm inside, but in them was a sadness he had never seen before. It was not the obvious kind of sadness, but the kind you only understood if you knew someone well enough. Tonks broke the eye contact soon after it had started, and she stood, walking around towards the cauldron.

"How are you feeling?" Tonks asked in a very un-Tonks like voice and not meeting his eyes again.

"I'm fi–" Lupin started to say, but a glare from Tonks let him know lying would not be tolerated. "I'm exhausted, in about every possible way."

It felt good to tell her this, he always told her things like that and having his burden held up partly by her had always felt strangely good. Yet as he stared at her as she fiddled around with the cauldron, he knew he'd have to learn to live with out that feeling. It felt like starting to walk again when there was no one around to lean on. Tonks lit a fire under the cauldron and started pouring things in.

"What are you doing?" Lupin asked, furrowing his brow at her.

"Making you a potion," Tonks said, as if she needed no further explanation.

For a second Lupin thought she was about to poison him, and given how he'd behaved to her, he could understand why.

"What kind of potion?" He mumbled apprehensively.

"Pepper-Up."

Lupin was taken back by her still unperturbed care for him, even through everything that had happened.

"Tonks you don't have to do– "

"Shut up Remus," Tonks interrupted, silencing him more with her glare than her words.

Lupin did as he was told and did not retort her, or refuse what she was doing for him. In fact he was completely grateful, she was good enough to know it was exactly what he needed. The awkward silence that settled over them seemed so tense it was almost making Lupin's spine shiver. He'd never really upset Tonks for long enough to know this kind of treatment. Perhaps one day, when she understood the bigger picture, she could forgive him. Just as Lupin was about to get trapped in his own very melancholy thoughts, a goblet of Pepper-Up potion was placed in front of him. He looked up at Tonks, who was standing beside him, and smiled very thankfully. The potion was gone in a matter of seconds and instantly Lupin could feel it warming him up from the inside out. The exhaustion seemed to lift as well; even his eyelids didn't feel as heavy anymore.

"Thank you," Lupin said, marvelling at just how much better it made him feel.

"No problem," Tonks said as she took the goblet from him and flicked her wand to clean everything up.

The cauldron gave a feeble wobble in the air and then dropped back down to the stand. Tonks huffed loudly.

"I suck at these cleaning spells. Honestly I don't think anyone could be any worse," Tonks complained.

Lupin gave a slight smile and stood, flicking his wand at the table. Everything floated into mid air and moved to the sink, some cleaning themselves on the way and others filling themselves with water and soap. He flicked his wand at the scrubbing brush and it got to work on the cauldron.

"You just need practice," Lupin said, moving around the table to stand next to Tonks in front of the sink.

Tonks flicked her wand at one of the mugs that was yet to start cleaning itself. It gave another feeble wobble and then dropped back down to the tabletop. Lupin thought he heard Tonks growl in frustration.

"And patience," he added, smiling at her. "Here I'll show you."

Lupin placed his hand over hers and he directed her wand.

"Close your eyes," Lupin paused as Tonks rolled her eyes at his order, but she finally did it after a stern look from him. "Now, think about what you want to do, and say the incantation in your head."

Lupin waited a few seconds and then made the correct motion with her hand. Instantly the mug moved towards the water and then began to clean itself. He tried hard to ignore the fact he was standing directly behind Tonks, and that his entire body was buzzing because of it.

"Open your eyes," Lupin whispered into her ear.

"I did it!" Tonks exclaimed.

"You did," Lupin smiled.

Tonks turned around, clearly very excited, and wrapped her arms around Lupin's neck. The delight at her finally conquering a cleaning spell quickly flittered out and was replaced by the sudden realisation that Tonks was wrapped around him. At the same time he thought he felt Tonks tense up, perhaps she had come to the same realisation. Slowly they pulled apart, until the two of them were left staring at each other, Tonks' hands still hanging limply around his neck. Lupin could feel every muscle in his body tense up as the awkwardness of the situation he'd gotten himself into set in. The two of them were staring into each other eyes and Lupin knew exactly where this would go. He could see it in his mind, he knew exactly how things would progress if he closed the small gap between their lips, but he didn't. Instead, he glanced away, turning his head slightly. He felt Tonks hands drop from around his neck almost straight away. She took a few steps back.

"Sorry," Lupin muttered, not knowing exactly why he was saying it.

"There's nothing to be sorry for," Tonks said indignantly.

"There is. I shouldn't have done that," Lupin mumbled, still looking away.

He nervously brought his eyes back to Tonks and she was leaning up against the sink, her arms folded and a contemptuous look on her face.

"You shouldn't have helped a friend?"

Lupin looked at her, asking her to be serious for just a second. The silent order was not taken well.

"Well you set the friend rule, and in my mind, that was a friendly interaction," Tonks explained.

For a second Lupin was about to question her and the types of relationships she had with her friends, but he knew she was doing this to stray the point of their conversation.

"I've told you. This isn't going to work out the way you deserve Tonks. I can't do what you want me to do anymore. It's too hard and I just can't," Lupin explained, feeling his exhaustion creep back up on him as he spoke.

"No, you _won't_. And that makes all the difference in my mind," Tonks muttered spitefully.

For a second Lupin thought he saw hurt and pain flash through her eyes, he recognised it instantly because it was what looked back at him whenever he looked into a mirror, but almost instantly what was staring back at him was anger.

"No, I _can't_. It's not about that. I would. I would if I could, but I can't."

"Won't," Tonks retorted.

"Can't," Lupin said

"Won't," Tonks snapped, sounding more and more like a vindictive teenager.

"Can't," Lupin stressed, exhaustion and frustration really hitting him hard.

"Won't," Tonks spat, the hint of a smile on her face, as if she could possibly be enjoying this.

"Stop it," Lupin finally said, raising his voice slightly. "It's not as easy as that anymore. Do you really think I want this?"

"Yes I do," Tonks said unflinchingly and this time Lupin definitely saw hurt flash through her eyes.

"Tonks," Lupin said dropping his voice, and finding it hard to resist the urge to comfort her physically. "You deserve so much more than me. Someone richer, someone younger – just someone better. I can't be that, and you're too wonderful for anything less."

Tonks looked up at him as he pleaded, and he watched the anger filter out of her eyes. It was replaced by the look of unperturbed care that irked him so much. She took a few steps towards him and slid her hands under the lapels of his jacket, stopping to rest on his chest, one hand so perfectly sitting over his beating heart.

"But what if I don't want someone better, or richer, or younger? What if I just want you, however you come," Tonks asked, tears welling up in her eyes, threatening to break the barrier she had them behind.

Lupin had never really known Tonks to cry, he had seen it before, but nothing had ever broken his heart quite like this had. He wanted to make it stop and he hated that he was the cause of it, but he had to, just like a mission with the Order. He couldn't let his heart win when his mind was right. Tonks brought her chin to his chest, so her forehead was resting against his lips. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders.

"I'm sorry Tonks, but I just can't," Lupin whispered.

Tonks broke away from and was out the door before Lupin's arms had even dropped. Just as the door closed, he thought he heard her give one last sob, and it tore him apart, reverberating through his body, shattering his heart.

* * *

The walk upstairs felt like he was floating. He didn't hear the voices of Kingsley or Moody, even though they were calling out to him, he just ventured straight to the room of the person he wanted to see the most. He looked up at the little engraved plaque on the wall the read Sirius' name, and carefully opened the door.

* * *

It was exactly as it had been during the time Sirius lived here. The bed even looked like it was waiting for its usual occupant to return. In fact the whole room had an air about it that made it seem like the previous inhabitant was just going to come striding through the door any second. How Lupin wished for that. Sirius would have had the answer for Tonks so she didn't get hurt. He moved to the bed and sat down on the end of it, admiring all the posters on the wall. He'd always loved Sirius' cheek, and it was so fitting that his bedroom in his family home be completely covered in muggle posters. It had made him smile every time he'd walked into this room over the last year, but now it just made him feel hollow and empty. It made the feelings he buried come rushing back. His eyes caught something on the wall beside the bed that he had never seen before. Instantly it brought him up to his feet, and he moved over the wall faster than he had in days. There was Lupin, arms linked with Peter, James and Sirius. He remembered that day, and even knew it had been Mary who had taken the photo, much against Lily's wishes. Lily hated James then, though in one or two years after this photo was taken that was going to change.

What had alarmed him so much was not the photo, as he had a copy himself, but more or less that here were the two people he wanted to see more than anyone, and it was a really knee weakening pain inside him when he remembered that he couldn't. He collapsed down onto Sirius's bed, still staring at the picture on the wall. The waves of sadness he thought he was well shot of, hit him slowly, and as much as he tried to fight them, they were slowly pulling him under. Everything around him reminded him so much of something he needed to forget, something he needed to be away from just to get beyond it. As he got up, wrenching the door open and rushing outside, the one inescapable truth hit him, as it had a few days before with Tonks. He was alone. He, the one who had needed the others more than he thought they needed him, was now alone. Grief turned into anger faster than the blink of an eye. He was angry at the cards he'd been dealt, the raw deal he always seemed to receive and he was angry with James and Sirius for leaving him. He was angry that he always had to be the one picking up the pieces, that he always had to hurt and always had to suffer.

His forehead hit the tapestry-covered wall across form Sirius' door and he banged his fist against it, letting the other kind of anger come out. Anger at himself. He should have done something. He should have been the one to take up the fight with Bellatrix. He should have been the secret keeper for James and Lily, or suspected Peter at the very least. If he had, well, things would have been different. Anger filtered out of him as the full weight of everything fell onto him and his eyes stung with tears. Slowly he felt them cascade down his cheeks and onto the carpet below. In an instant he knew where to go and he knew his other decision was made. He didn't care how late it was, because the letter had promised that his door would always be open.

* * *

Lupin knocked on the heavy wooden door and heard the order to enter. He opened the door to Dumbledore's office and found the old man smiling peacefully back at him. Lupin couldn't help but notice that Dumbledore looked slightly weary, for the first time he actually looked his age.

"Remus. I wasn't expecting you so late," Dumbledore said serenely.

Lupin took a few steps forwards, the beauty and marvel of Dumbledore's office lost on him. When he glanced up at Dumbledore again, he wasn't smiling serenely anymore; in fact he suddenly looked quite concerned as he stared into Lupin's face.

"But it is no trouble," Dumbledore added. "Please, sit."

Lupin followed the request, and collapsed into the chair, after everything that had happened, his exhaustion and his body ache was back, somehow magnified by the argument.

"What is it you would like to discuss Remus?"

Lupin sat on the chair silently and Dumbledore surveyed him. He wondered how many people had sat in Dumbledore's presence after a tragedy. How many had sat in this chair feeling just as wounded as he did in that moment?

"My mission, Albus. I've been thinking that now is the opportune moment for the Order to have a spy in the werewolf camp," Lupin said, half lying about his reasoning.

Dumbledore stared at him in the way that made Lupin want to tell the truth immediately, but he thought of Tonks, he thought of Sirius and he thought of just how much he needed to be away, for the good of everyone. Suddenly lying did not seem a bad thing to do.

"You are correct, this is very much the perfect time for that," Dumbledore said.

It was not a question, it was more of a statement, but Dumbledore was contemplating Lupin, as if he was supposed to say something more. Lupin tried hard not to get lost in the thoughts of Sirius he'd had in that bedroom. The very fresh wounds had once again tore their stitches, but this time he was assured he had no Tonks to hold him together, he had to push through the burning feeling behind his eyes. He was with Dumbledore. At the very least, he still had Dumbledore, a man he trusted and admired higher than any other. Lupin didn't speak, he waited for Dumbledore to speak, more because he was afraid that his voice would break if he did.

"So this is your choice?" Dumbledore finally asked.

"Yes," Lupin replied, his voice starting to crack.

There was another pause as Dumbledore surveyed Lupin from behind his desk, his hands knitted together in front of him. Lupin was amazed at how put together the man truly was, especially for his age. It would have been a stark contrast to how Lupin looked, though he rarely even looked in mirrors anymore.

"Then I will of course stand by your wishes," Dumbledore said, but Lupin knew he wasn't done. "I just desire to know your reasoning. The obvious aside of course."

Lupin looked up at him, he was back to smiling pleasantly, but there was no way he could continue to lie to him. Something about Dumbledore made it impossible. He could feel the stinging behind his eyes intensifying as he thought about his real reasons.

"I just need to leave Albus. I can't stay here anymore, not after– I think we've reached a point where… the Order… is better of without me," Lupin paused, trying to fight the wave in him.

He looked up at Dumbledore again through his tear-blurred vision.

"Please?" Lupin pleaded.

Dumbledore immediately stood and came around the table, placing a comforting hand on Lupin's shoulder. It burned through him, like a warm happy glow, but it couldn't quite battle the darkness inside him. Lupin did not look up at Dumbledore; he stared down into his lap, fighting the tears. He would not cry anymore, he would not allow it.

"I will do as you wish, and allow you to go to them. You can leave as soon as you desire to. But I think it is imperative that you understand Remus, you are not without love just because Sirius is gone," Dumbledore said calmly.

Lupin finally looked up and his eyes instantly found Dumbledore's electric blue ones. There was sadness in them unlike Tonks'; one that Lupin assumed came from experience. Though it had never been discussed, he was sure a man like Dumbledore had encountered a fair amount of loses, in fact Lupin knew of some for certain. Yet sadly the suffering of another man did not help. He didn't even have the heart to believe what Dumbledore had told him, he couldn't understand it at that moment. Lupin continued staring up at him, wishing more in that moment that love was enough; that he didn't have to make a decision based on past experience or fairness, but he did.

* * *

By the following evening Lupin was completely alone in Grimmauld Place. Hagrid had come and together the two of them had shared a drink and then proceeded to get Buckbeak out. Hagrid had offered kind words about Sirius and informed Lupin that, just like Dumbledore, his door was always open to him. Yet now Lupin sat in his bedroom. He didn't know exactly why he was still here, but he chose to spend his final night in this house, perhaps because he may never be able to come back. He was sitting up right in his chair, reading, something he wouldn't be able to do very often in the future. There was a quiet knock on the door and Lupin rose to answer it. When he pulled open the door, he saw Tonks, her hair a very fiery red, an indication perhaps of what was to come. She pushed by him and straight into his room without a word. Lupin closed the door and slowly turned around, ready to face what was coming. Tonks was never going to go down without a fight. Her hands were on her hips and her hair seemed to be growing redder and redder as time went by.

"You're leaving?" Tonks said, a mixture of rage and disbelief in her voice.

Lupin didn't say anything. He knew this was it, not just because he was leaving for good the next day, but because of how it felt between the two of them. This was the end.

**To be continued… **


	53. The Dawning of a New Era

**I don't think I have ever spent so long working on a chapter before!**

**I willed myself to write this slowly because I wanted/needed it to be perfect - so I hope I achieved that!**

**Here it is, leaving me feeling completely drained but I hope you enjoy it.**

**In case you miss it, after each line break the point of view of the story shifts.**

**Reviews for this would be lovely, good bad or indifferent, I love reading them, so thank you all!**

**Enjoy...**

* * *

**Chapter 51**

"You're leaving?"

It was really the audacity of it all that got to Nymphadora Tonks. He was just going to leave and by the looks of the packed bag on his bed, Remus Lupin was going to leave without saying goodbye.

"Yes," Lupin said, looking at Tonks as if she was supposed to be all right with this.

"Were you even going to say goodbye?"

"I thought it would be easier for us if– "

"If the end of that sentence is what I think it is Remus, then you should be very careful with your words," Tonks threatened. "Because I will have no hesitation in hexing you into oblivion."

There was a very long and strained silence as Lupin stared at Tonks. It was so obvious that he truly was just going to leave, and have her find out through other means, like she had tonight through Moody. Suddenly anger filled the pit of her stomach. Was that how little he thought of her now?

"So now you have to leave the country just to get away from me." Tonks said sarcastically. "Surely I'm not that horrible am I?"

"I'm doing this for Dumbledore," he said, and Tonks glared at him, waiting for him to tell the truth. "And I'm doing this to protect you."

"Protect me from what?" Tonks asked, furrowing her brow.

"From me."

Tonks took a step back, fighting the building level of annoyance in her.

"You're being absolutely ridiculous you know that right? Everything about what your saying is completely ridiculous," Tonks said, her voice raising slightly.

"And you've been behaving like an absolute child!" Lupin said defensively, uncharacteristically raising his voice.

His eyes seemed bulge slightly after he'd yelled, as if even he had not expected his own outburst. He turned away from Tonks, running his hands through his hair a little manically.

"That shouldn't bother you. It'll be more evidence to your me being too young theory," Tonks added spitefully.

"Tonks," he said, using his teachery voice now.

It was the voice she used to love, the one that always made her want to giggle at the very thought of him as a teacher, the one she liked to tease him with. But now, well, now it made her angry. It made her want to hit him or hex him, whichever came first. How could he be so stubborn? How could he possibly believe it was the right thing to do? And how on earth could he possibly rationalise the two of them?

"I've told you, it's not just me. It's them. You know as well as I do what these men are– "

"Remus they're not men. They're dangerous, inhumane, cruel and even savage beasts. But– "

"They're men just like I am," Lupin interrupted in a steely tone of voice that echoed hurt and disrespect.

Tonks wanted to rage at him again; she knew if she took a step towards him she really would hit him this time. So she stayed rooted to the spot, seething inside. Was he really that daft? Didn't he understand how amazing he was?

"No they're not Remus," Tonks stated plainly. "You're not like them"

Lupin looked away from her. In the blink of an eye his age seemed to catch up with him. It was as if the light had left his eyes. The playful air about him and the distinctly Remus like spark had completely vanished, lost in the tapestry that hung in the Department of Mysteries. So much of Tonks' life had fallen through that tapestry, in that long graceful fall. She would have given anything to have it back. She would have sacrificed the two of them, to have the old Lupin back, but there was nothing she could do. All she had was the shell of Lupin, and the hope that someday the old Lupin would return.

"I'll think you'll find once a month I am exactly like them Dora. I don't condone was Greyback has the pack doing, but I am one of them. I merely had the opportunities they did not."

His tone was cold, and Tonks knew she'd taken that step too far and insulted him. She also didn't miss the renewed use of her first name. He always failed to understand how the werewolf aspect of him was a tiny portion of something so great and spectacular. She had never, and would never, see him in her mind as a werewolf. He was merely a man with an almost manageable problem. It was the message she had been trying to get through to him ever since he'd started with the whole breaking up nonsense. Tonks took a deep breath and dropped to the bed, trying to think of what to say.

* * *

Remus Lupin stood, and watched Tonks drop down onto the bed, knowing, in his own mind, that things weren't going well at all. Why, whenever he tried to do the right thing, did it always come back to bite him? He should have known she would ruin it. That she would find some absurd way to make this harder than it already was. Even as she sat there, gathering herself together Lupin assumed, she still seemed bright and so unlike the many things Lupin could never be. Because he had never been allowed the chance. What he wanted to do was stop talking. He wanted to stop arguing and wrap himself up in her until they couldn't remember their own names or that this beautifully wonderful thing that was once them, now belonged in the past. And of course that it was his fault, if she could forget that, things would be marginally easier.

"I didn't mean it that way, but they are like that Remus, even outside the full moon and you're not," Tonks muttered in a very small voice that half frightened him, even more so when she finally looked up at him. "You're human Remus. You're smart and wickedly funny and sneaky and kind and just about a million other things that I adore in you. You're not like them, that's what I meant. You're more of a man than any of them could ever hope to be."

Lupin couldn't help but feel flattered, even if it made no difference to his decision or what he was going to do. He knew she didn't say it just to flatter him, she was being honest and serious, and she was never serious. He didn't think Tonks had been serious for more than a day in her whole life. When he thought about it, that was what he liked about her most of the time, and that, among other things was what he would miss. The wisecracks, the laugh that warmed him up from the inside out, and the smile. The smile he seemed to be wiping from her face as the minutes progressed between them. She was still staring at him, her chin tilted up like the fighter he knew she was. For a fleeting second, Lupin hoped to Merlin he'd survive this battle long enough just to walk away in one piece.

"Tonks," Lupin sighed, breaking their stare, as he couldn't bear to look into her sparkling eyes for a second longer. "I think it's just best if we let this go."

"What the hell does that even mean? Let it go?"

"Just that I," Lupin paused, not knowing what he even meant at that point. "I can't do this to you anymore, it's not fair to you."

"Why can't I decide what's fair for me?" Tonks shot at him, her eyes alight with fire again, and her hair growing obscenely red.

"Because it's not up to you, not for this," Lupin said, seeing the holes in his reasoning already.

"Well that sounds fair doesn't it?" Tonks asked, sarcasm leaking from her words. "Are you going to be honest at any point and tell me what this is really about, or are we going to dance around this duty and loyalty thing for the next few hours? Not that I mind, I just want to know so I can get some Butterbeer or something."

Lupin stared at her blankly. He didn't know any other reason. She gave him a twisted smile from her seat on the bed.

"You can stare all you want, but I know what's going on. This is about the same thing as Valentines Day. You're ashamed of me. You don't have to lie Remus, just be honest maybe."

Lupin could feel the shock rippling through his body.

"No," was all he could utter.

How could she possibly think that? Didn't she know what he thought of her? Had she gotten everything completely the wrong way around in her mind?

"It's not about that. It's never been about that and you should know better than that," Lupin said, dropping his voice with his pity.

"_You _should know better," Tonks uttered in a very angry small voice.

Her voice frightened him again. Once again it was small, but for the first time it sounded controlled and nothing about Tonks was ever controlled.

This was not going well at all.

* * *

It was absolutely and completely absurd and Tonks knew it was taking everyone ounce of her strength not to hit him. How could he say things about fairness and knowing better? What in the hell did logic and reason have to do with love? There couldn't be anything less involved than that. Tonks knew that, she assumed everyone in the world did, but somehow, Remus _sodding_ Lupin didn't. How could he rationalize something that had made the two of them stay up until sunrise, just lying in each others arms, or wipe pasta sauce on each others faces for the fun of it, or yell at each other and hate each other in the way the you only could with someone you wanted to be with forever.

"Look Tonks, this is for the best. You know it is, even if you won't admit it," Lupin said.

"Stop talking about me like I'm a child," Tonks spat, almost questioning why she was begging someone to stay with her when he said things like that.

"You do know Tonks," Lupin said, this time he was begging. "You deserve someone– "

"Someone I don't want?" Tonks interrupted, her anger getting her back up on her feet.

"Someone better," Lupin sighed, looking away to avoid her.

Tonks took a few steps towards him.

"But I don't want someone better. I don't care; I'd take you however you came; Centaur, Dragon, Ghost, Vampire, whatever it was. I'd do it Remus, because I love you and I don't care about anything else."

Lupin seemed to stare at her for a lifetime, or perhaps that was because Tonks had laid everything, including her heart, on the table, so the seconds stretched out to lifetimes of torture that decided her fate. No matter what, Tonks didn't think she'd walk out unscathed. She had extended every limb, grasping for him in the dark, and she didn't know if she had grabbed him yet. There seemed to be so much pain and so much anguish in his eyes, that Tonks forgot how mad she was, and got lost with him. She was getting angrier, but only with herself. She knew, however ridiculous his argument was, part of her was seeing the truth in it, and she had to fight hard against that little voice inside her. He looked away for a split second, and when their eyes connected again, she knew this was it.

"But you should, that's what I've been trying to tell you. Dora, don't think about now; think about the future. Think about what would be ahead of you. You would be an outcast, you could never have children in fear of what they may become, and you would lose everything. You would not get the life I know you deserve," Lupin explained, his voice shaking with the effort it took to control it. "Please Dora, _please_ just understand."

His last words echoed through her ears. She finally did understand and it almost knocked the wind out of her. It was such an un-selfish thing for him to be doing. She couldn't yell at that. She couldn't tell him he was an idiot because of his reasoning, though it was stupid. It was the opposite of the reason for her anger, this was not about him at all, it was about her, just like he'd been saying all along. It was completely un-selfish in every possible way. She nearly needed to grab onto something to steady herself. She dropped onto his bed, what had been theirs moments before, but was now so distinctly not. The ice beneath them, the ice that had been steadily getting thinner as they spoke and argued, had finally broken. There was nothing left to do and nothing she could even say to fix it, she was going to drown in the freezing waters below. She felt her scalp tingle. He was never going to relent and he was always going to leave, she couldn't stop it. She'd lost him, she'd lost him the night in the Ministry, she just hadn't wanted to admit it. She felt her hair grow a few inches without her commanding it to do so, and her entire body seemed to grow cold in a second. The atmosphere within the room had changed so drastically, that it could only be associated with a freeze.

* * *

Lupin watched her fall to the bed again, but this time, he knew the fight had left her. Her hair reverted to the mousy brown he'd seen some mornings and it fell limp, surrendering just like Tonks had. She looked so small and so defeated, so different to the Tonks he knew and it was starting to make him hurt. Pain was searing through his chest just at the sight of her. He knew it shouldn't do it, he shouldn't be her source of hurt _and_ comfort, but he couldn't help himself, not when she looked the way she did. Her hair had flicked mousy brown, but the sadness in that was no match to the look on her face. She seemed to shrivel the tiniest bit, as if her body was conceding defeat as well. He assumed this was how he'd looked that night he had finally let everything out to her; it hurt him more to think she was hurting like that. So it was with that thought that he had to do it, he had to help her like she had helped him. He knew he shouldn't have been pulling her up off the bed and he shouldn't have been wrapping his arms around her, finding the niche that felt so comfortable and right. He knew he shouldn't, but he was and Merlin did it feel right.

"No," Tonks mumbled, her voice cracking as she struggled to pull away from him.

It worried Lupin slightly to hear just how different her voice had gotten within the few seconds he hadn't heard it. There wasn't the same amount of feistiness in it. She sounded as if she truly had given up.

"No, you can't do this," Tonks said again, still struggling to pull away.

Lupin didn't know if she meant him leaving or him holding her, but it didn't matter, it applied to both. For the first time, at least since the Department of Mysteries, Lupin didn't listen to his head. He let his heart win, for what seemed like the last time it ever would. He threaded his hands through her mousy brown hair and lifted her chin up, so her face met his. Before he'd even had the chance to think about the consequences, Lupin's lips met hers. He'd expected her to fight him off again, but she almost fell into him. Just like the million times before, Lupin felt his entire world rearrange with her kiss.

Images flashed through his head, each one more detrimental than the last. The Christmas party with her parents, her asleep on the table as he'd played chess, reading to her in the library, holding her in front of the bathroom mirror after Bellatrix had escaped, flying above London together, the bubblegum that had irked him so much, her uniquely wonderful way of infuriating him to the very core but making it better with just a kiss, the night under the same invisibility cloak outside the Department of Mysterious, dancing together, laughing with her during their secret rendezvous at Order gatherings, the disaster that was her cooking and catching her that very first time she had fallen over the troll's leg. Lately, that had all felt like part of another world he was no longer attached to, that was until their lips had touched. It had all come rushing back the second their lips had met, as if there was no more separation between the worlds, and she was the key.

He remembered very vividly their very first kiss. It had been a few floors below where they were now. Often he wondered if back then he'd known what he was getting into when he'd done it. She was this cute little pink-headed thing that he'd taken a liking to, and he had just had to kiss her. She had captivated him; like she was something foreign that he desperately needed to understand. He remembered the feeling he'd had when those lips had first touched his, it was the feeling he had right at the very moment as well. It was almost like some kind a pulse had been running through him. It had matched the novels Lily had made him read, those terrible muggle romance novels, but when he kissed Tonks, everything felt right, just as those books had described.

More than her kiss, he thought about _her_. Her unwavering kindness and compassion, the way she made him feel things he deemed impossible and the way she brought out a side to him he never understood. Tonks made him feel different, she made him feel alive and she made him love. Her arms slid up his back, so that she was holding him there, preventing his escape. How could she not understand that he didn't want to do this? That in spite of the completely rational argument he'd put forward to convince her, and in essence himself, that the thought of walking out of the room and no longer being part of _them_, actually made Lupin feel slightly sick. That the thought of her with another man made him want to scream. Though he never would.

The other man, who ever he happened to be, would give her what she deserved; he would be everything Lupin wasn't. He wouldn't burden her, he would protect her and he would be the luckiest man in the world. Lupin hoped that man would understand just how lucky he would be. Without a shadow of a doubt Lupin knew one day he would have to face Tonks, smiling, laughing, and holding hands with another man, see the life he could have had, but never imagined until her, and he would smile at them. He would have to smile while part of him broke apart, because he loved her enough to want what was best for her; he loved her enough to lose her to that.

It was that thought, the thought of her with her boyfriend, and then eventually her husband, the thought of everything he would miss and what this new man would gain, that caused Lupin to pull her silly little Weird Sisters T-shirt over her head, lower her down onto his bed and not think about the consequences.

* * *

Tonks could feel her head swirling around, as confusion seemed to grip her completely. Never had she felt so conflicted in all her life. Lupin was lowering her down onto his bed and part of her wanted to slap him and walk out, but another part, the part that had melted when his lips had touched hers, could think of nothing more than that was happening, and what was going to take place. It was frustrating and distracting, but nothing could truly take her away from the lips that had begun their descent down her neck. It all felt fresh and new again, like they were going to be inventing this act again for each other for the first time, though Tonks knew this was not a first, this was a last. Before that though could truly take a hold of her, and break the thread she felt like she was dangling from, a pair of strong hands slid up her ribcage, making a beeline for her bra clasp.

He was holding her so perhaps she would not escape, one hand around her waist and the other round her neck. It seemed strange for him to be holding her so tight, to be so worried of her escape, when that should have been her job. But perhaps that was it, he was afraid of her escape in this moment when he needed her, even more than she needed him. Her skin goose-bumped under his touch, and Tonks had to bite her lip to stop the sound from escaping her mouth as Lupin's lips traced her collarbone. How she had underestimated Lupin's hands, right from the start. In fact she had underestimated him completely. Never had she expected that a man like him would be able to do what he did to her. He pushed her well beyond the barriers she had made for herself with previous partners. It added to the mysterious quality in him, the part she had questioned so often after their first night together. Where had he learnt to use his hands the way he had? But tonight she did not question anything.

His mouth came back to hers, and like a choreographed movement, Tonks's hands moved to his shirt. In the absolute moment ruining capacity it had, her fingers refused to cooperate with his buttons. They fumbled over each one, wasting precious time, as it was counting down for the two of them. She managed to get one undone before she gave up entirely and reached for the bottom of his shirt, lifting it over his head instead. For a second she thought she saw Lupin give the smallest of mocking smiles at her, and usually Tonks would have stopped and annoyed him because of it, maybe even laugh with him, but not now. This time she didn't think she'd be able to stop for anything.

Their eyes met as Lupin brought his face back to her, hovering above her for a second. She could feel her eyes begging him not to leave, that she wouldn't survive without him, and she didn't want him to go, but it only hung between them, awkward and unwanted, but present. Tonks opened and closed her mouth, wanting more than she ever had before, for the right words to just pour out of her and stop what she knew he was going to do in the morning. But they don't. Again and again she searched for the right words, but it only made her heart stop and her blood run cold as the realisation of what was to take place later really started to hit home. Lupin issued a soft soothing sound as he placed his hand around the nape of her neck and slowly brought her mouth back to his.

Instantly the understanding that bad things in the world even existed floated away. Lupin had always had that effect on her. How ironic that in the moment she would need to forget the bad, he was not only the cause but also the withdrawer of comfort. Her fingers moved slowly down his marred frame and found his belt, removing it in record time. She undid his trousers, before he removed them himself, and then he moved onto hers, peeling them off her and kicking them away to join his own the floor. His mouth moved to her neck, warm and soft, and as he moved down to her breast, his stubble burning delightfully, Tonks had to bite her lip again.

His long fingered graceful hands moved down her torso, sliding down her ribs and tickling her stomach, bringing back the goosebumps. Lupin stopped in front of her hips, his hands hesitating over her underwear. Very slowly, as if perhaps she was now dangerous, and maybe she was, Lupin removed her knickers with two fingers in one smooth motion. They fell together and joined the rest of their clothes on the floor. It was a beautiful mismatch of the subtle tones of Lupin's and the bright and loud of Tonks', a match that would not fit the mould, but somehow seemed perfect to those who mattered.

The palm of Lupin's hand came to rest between Tonks' legs, pressing against her softly and then firmly. Still, even a year later, he always managed to surprise her with something new. Something that made her head spin and pushed her boundaries further. By now Tonks even wondered if she had boundaries anymore, maybe she just had signposts of the places they'd travelled the last time. Just as Tonks was about to press back with her hips, his hand moved away. She felt him tracing the topmost parts of her inner thighs. His mouth moved down her stomach, fueling the epic sense of warmth that was building in her groin, threatening to explode and take her with it.

There was a pause, a long drawn out moment of no movement that seemed to heighten all sense of anticipation, and coupled with a loud exhale from Tonks, Lupin pressed one finger into her. The warm sensation did not explode, but it spread. It spread high up into her lungs as Lupin moved inside her. Tonks' eyes were shut, but she could feel something different. His mouth was moving near his hand, pushing her beyond all recognition. Instantly Tonks stopped thinking, hearing and she couldn't see. She could only feel and what she could feel was somewhere between the most intense pleasure mingled with some kind of pain, because that level of pleasure hurts so much to hold onto, because eventually it had to stop.

Tonks let out some kind of noise, something in between a moan, a sigh and whimper, and in doing so she let in a small intake of breath. Somewhere in all that had transgressed she'd simply forgotten to breathe. The point of no control was looming, the barrier of pleasure and pain was blurring and the tipping point of too much and not enough was just too close for Tonks to bear.

"Remus," Tonks moaned, resigning herself to him completely, forgetting about barriers and vulnerability, none of that mattered anymore.

* * *

It was amazing to Lupin that he could actually have her make these sounds. Each time was an effort to convince him he was actually able, and each time he felt like he waited for the sign that he had failed, yet it never came. She moaned his name and it almost sent shivers up his spine. Her body twitched and reacted to him like a puppet that only he could control. He knew how to make her move a certain way if he touched one spot at a particular time. He moved his mouth back up and began moving across her breast again and he could feel her hands interlink through his hair, pulling it that little bit too hard when he touched the right spot on alternating breaths of hers. It was almost scary that he knew how to drive her over the edge when she seemed like such a mystery to him in every other way. As he moved his fingers inside her, he couldn't help but memorize the warm pressure.

But she is Tonks, and she was never content and never kept still long enough. With one last cry, Tonks had moved out from underneath him and pinned him down onto the bed. She met his stare only for a moment and then she kissed him again, long, deep and passionate, the kind of kiss you only hear about but never actually seem to have in your own life. She, this small funny little creature, was overpowering him completely, keeping his arms by his side with her kiss and her uncommon strength. Like all the other times, he could easily have over-powered her and done things his own way, but he was never selfish, and when her mouth moved to his neck, he had no thought in the world of stopping her.

She moved to his chest, using her hands as well. Then came the strangely familiar pattern she traced, the one she always seemed to touch, the one she seemed to enjoy, but he could never have wished for anything less. His scars, the things she traced, were horrible. They were grotesque reminders of what he was, how close to the surface his curse was and why this beautiful thing that was Tonks and himself could no longer continue, yet she showed compassion for them. The very first time they lay together as the sun slowly rose outside, steadily turning the room a picturesque pinky orange, she'd traced them, she'd kissed them and she'd studied them, perhaps to better understand him, he'd never asked why. At first he was shocked by her care for them, he had never seen them the way she did. They were not a part of him he liked, he felt violated and vulnerable, but she made them seem beautiful. She made sure to kiss the bite mark on his shoulder each time, applying loving affection to what made him, _him_.

As her fingers moved between each scar, occasionally making his body twitch if she got to close to the sensitive areas on his body, he closed his eyes peacefully. Peace had not been something he'd had lately, but Tonks brought it to him in that moment. She continued on her silent, though that was strange enough for her, protest that he should not be ashamed of what he was and that these lines made him unique. She did not think of them of reminders of the creature she was with, but believed them to be beautiful. If it were just she and him, he would believe it; she would make him believe it. But it wasn't; there was an entire world that proved her wrong. Though, in that moment, Lupin did believe it.

He hated himself for not wanting to stop. Everything about her felt different, better, though Lupin had never supposed it were possible for anything to be better, it had seemed perfect already. Her delicate pale skin seemed softer, her kiss seemed sweeter and they both seemed to melt into each other like they were never going to be able to break apart, like they were two parts of one whole. Then it happened, the one burning consuming motion, that was almost too good it made Lupin that little bit fearful. She had surprised him again and taken him inside her when he'd barely been concentrating. So very Tonks-like.

* * *

It couldn't just be an accident, Tonks had always known that. It just couldn't be an accident that they felt so right and fit together so perfectly. She shut her eyes as she lowered her hips again, memorizing exactly how it felt with him inside of her. Her tipping point was back, though it seemed much larger this time. How was it possible for him to do this to her? There never seemed to be enough and at the same it seemed like far too much. Contradiction seemed to have ruled the two of them, so it was fitting that it ruled them now. How could he possibly want to leave this? There was nothing like it in the world. Everything she had shared with Lupin was unlike any in her life. It was frightening and wonderful, great but damning. His hands held onto hers, and his eyes had hers and with anyone else it would have been awkward, but with Lupin it was magic.

She brought her lips to his, and near millimeters away from his mouth, his eyes snapped open. His big dark blue eyes, gateways to this remarkable man's soul, stared deep down into hers in the disarming way they always did. She didn't know what they were looking for. Forgiveness perhaps? She knew she could never forgive him, and when their mouths finally met, a frantic clash and teeth and tongues, she couldn't believe it more. Their hips moved in tandem, causing Tonks to slam her eyes shut. Again her other senses fell away and her sense of touch heightened. She could feel each piece of her like it was ice slowly being thawed by the fire building inside her. Each piece melted, until she was nothing but a million individual pools of liquid with no hope of ever again coalescing into anything resembling her. She moved to bite her lip, and then Lupin did it for her.

They were something beautiful together, and Tonks knew that nothing could pull them apart but their own fear. Suddenly she couldn't think at all, Lupin had her at the small of her neck and her lower back and then, he rolled her over onto the bed.

* * *

Again Lupin wanted to speak, but he didn't. He let his thoughts seep into her skin, to be carried away to her, in the vain hope she would understand them, that she would not hate him. He wanted to tell her he knew he wouldn't survive without her, but he didn't and he couldn't. He couldn't hurt her anymore. He can't make her promise never to stop fighting for them, because he never wants her to stop, though his head would make him believe he did. Tonks let out a small sound and Lupin could see the muscles in her body beginning to twitch. As their hips begin to thrust sharply, Lupin could feel the nerve endings in his body that he never thought existed were now alight. His skin felt like it was burning as he followed the curves of her body with his hands.

Lupin could feel her body shivering and tightening around him; he could visibly see the muscles in her neck working as she issued sounds that struck deep into the core of him.

"Remus," she whispered.

His mouth moved back to hers, silencing it with a kiss, desperate in it's inception, but passionate by the end. He moved, biting her neck and all along her shoulders, leaving tiny pink, some even blue, marks in his wake. They were silent reminders of him, so that she couldn't forget him as quickly as she should. It was spiteful and even cruel, but Lupin couldn't help it. Once, he was himself, alone, whole, independent and determined, but now, there had been too much tragedy, and too many losses that he didn't know if he could even stand up without her. Either he couldn't remember how, or perhaps he just wouldn't be able to anymore. They were two parts of a great and wondrous whole and he was sure survival as a half would not work.

He could feel the pulling from deep down in his navel, and there was the uncontrolled spreading of warmth within him. He was stuck somewhere inside this wonderful contradiction that was the two of them. His muscles began to curl and the fire inside him intensified and he could feel it in her as well. Together they made sounds that only float up into the ceiling and twist into the darkness that had been creeping up on them the moment he'd told her of his intentions. She said his name again, and it pushed Lupin further past the point he thought he'd reached. With one final broken thrust he came, as did she. His muscles curled and released, his body felt sensitive, dependent and happy, because it was still part of her. Her mouth found his instantly, hot and soft, and then they collapsed together.

Her hands managed to find him again, and they moved along his sweat glistened skin in the most calming and peaceful way. He couldn't remember feeling like this and without truly thinking, Lupin wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into his chest, so his nose could rest in the back of her hair, smelling the wonderfully flowery scent that was almost intoxicating. She held onto his hands that were around her stomach tightly and were it anyone else; desperation would have flagged up inside his mind. But it wasn't. He knew that she did not_ need _him. Somehow that made leaving more difficult.

There was a beautiful stillness that settled over them, and in it, Lupin found his truth. He couldn't drag her down with him, not when what had just happened was such a display of how much she had left. He'd had his chance with the world, though never given a proper start, and he had only seen hardship and heartbreak, and he would not do that to her. He swallowed hard, fighting the sadness inside him that threatened to break. There was no promise of victory with him, only the belief in the fight.

* * *

Tonks could feel it, long before she thought even he had. She knew what had happened hadn't been an effort to convince him to stay; she would never had slept with him if she'd thought of it that way. She wasn't that type of girl. No, she was fully aware that this was actually some kind of goodbye. She wasn't delusional or sappy enough to believe otherwise. That still didn't mean she wanted him to leave, but she could feel him thinking. His mind was always ticking over, and even though she wasn't facing him, thus unable to see the crease he usually got between his eyebrows, she knew he was thinking. She could feel it in the way he held her. He was thinking about how to leave and it made Tonks's heart sink. Perhaps he assumed leaving after she fell asleep would be best, she knew that to him it would probably seem kind, though it would be malicious and beyond painful for her. Suddenly Tonks didn't feel like being kind to the man who would do this to her.

"Just go," Tonks said without really thinking before she spoke.

There was a degree of harshness in her voice that she hadn't quite expected.

"Just go if you're going to."

She felt Lupin's body tense up behind her, and the arm around her froze. He made no effort to move or leave, he'd obviously been waiting for her to be asleep.

"I'm not going to make this easy for you. If you want to leave like nothing happened you're not just going to sneak out while I'm asleep. Obviously this all meant nothing to you anyway," Tonks added spitefully.

"Don't," Lupin uttered in a small voice, letting her go and sitting up.

She could tell exactly what the 'don't' inferred just by his eyes so she looked away. They were trying to make her believe that she_ did _mean the world to him, part of her knew that, but part of her, the very bitter upset part, couldn't. It was the part that made her snort in response to what he'd said, however cruel it was. She wanted to see him hurt like she was; she wanted to see him limp out the door, just as wounded as she would be. There was a long tense silence as Tonks didn't turn to face him.

"Fine. Whatever. Go then," Tonks mumbled, trying to stop her voice from cracking as she fought the swirl of misery that was forming in her chest.

She felt him leave the bed and as he moved over towards the side she was facing, she watched him put on his own trousers. Then he turned back to her and their eyes met for a second, but she looked away. He looked confused and hurt, and his eyes were burning, but staring at him made her want to cry, and she was not going to dignify his actions with that.

"I'm glad you're taking it so well then," Lupin said slowly and in a steely tone of voice.

In a second the anger left her chest completely, deflating her like a balloon. It was then she felt the hurt and the pain, it seared across her stomach like a knife.

"Remus," she whispered.

She wanted to tell him to stay, she wanted to tell him how she didn't think she'd survive without him by her side anymore, but she couldn't, the words seemed to clot in her throat and get lost in all that was happening inside her. She desperately tried to hold it together, but she could feel her scalp tingling and the burning sensation behind her eyes was getting worse and worse. She sat up, wrapping the sheet around her naked frame.

"Remus," she said again, much quieter than before, but far more desperate.

She didn't care about not trying to look desperate, or that fact that she was in a completely vulnerable position, she just wanted him back, she didn't care about saving face anymore. He turned around and their eyes met. She saw it again, the unchangeable truth buried deep within his stare, he was leaving, and instantly she felt her heart shatter.

"Tonks I– "

She pulled her legs up to her chest and looked away, not able to bear what was coming her way this time. Defeat had never been her friend, and she felt like she was losing herself in this battle, as well as him. He stopped speaking and then she felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her. They both fell back down into the bed together and their mouths met, hot, wet, and needy. They breathed together, both wondering whether they'd truly will be able to do so again without each other

* * *

It felt like he was bracing himself for something. Like he should have been gritting his teeth or something to that effect. All Lupin could do, was shut his eyes as he pulled away from Tonks, who'd long been asleep in his arms. Perhaps he thought if he didn't see it, it wouldn't have happened, but maybe it was because he didn't want to see the after effect of what he'd done. He turned back to see her, only because he was a glutton for punishment, and she seemed so small wrapped up in the bed linens. It was easy to forget with Tonks just how small she was, that she was indeed breakable as she was so big, and so large a person, that it never translated.

So he continued to stare down at her small frame, and it seemed wither in the darkness though he was sure he had to have imagined it. Lupin didn't know why he was still there, he should just leave now that he had the chance, but he couldn't. His eyes dared to look at her as long as they could, because within the walls of this room, _they_ still existed, the moment he closed that door, he closed it on them. The empty hollow feeling he'd begun to associate with Sirius was back, and his heart seemed to beat faster the more he looked over her, following the curves of her body with his eyes.

He wanted to say something to her, to whisper something in the darkness, but what? _I love you_.He couldn't say that, he wanted to, because it was true, but he couldn't. It felt like too much for her to deal with and it was too much for him to say it out loud anymore. He wanted to tell her to forget him entirely, that she'd be fine and he'd hate her for it, but he didn't. He looked down for his shirt, and found it interwoven with Tonks's. Even his clothes seemed to love her, they seemed to love the floor they were all on and by comparison seemed that much duller as he picked them up. Perhaps the whole world would feel duller now.

When he was dressed, he looked back over her once more, though this time his hand was on the door handle. He was poised and ready, but leaving felt impossible. He wanted to whisper goodbye, but he didn't want to wake her, his head, now that he'd finally started listening to it again, told him what he'd just done with her was stupid enough, making her watch him leave would just be torture. His heart said something else entirely, but Lupin wouldn't allow himself to listen.

He slowly opened the door, and took a step away, feel his breathing go shallow. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, only allowing himself one last glance at the beauty of her and the loss of the part of him she found and brought out so wonderfully. He'd been cold, hungry, tried, sick and lost, but nothing felt close to the pain of losing Tonks and Sirius. Then he turned walking out the door, noting that she did not cry, though not at least until after he closed the door.

* * *

The two were separate, living, breathing and facing life alone, though one would not fully understand that until she woke. Perhaps it wasn't something that was meant to stand the length of time; perhaps their destinies only intertwined for a small amount of time and then carried on alone. But one thing neither could deny was the feeling. The feeling that this was much more than it could have been, that they were leaving something unfinished. For one brief moment they were happy. Nothing in the world could have touched them in the bubble they'd created with secret meetings and stolen kisses. However, it had been done, it had now burst.

The death of Sirius played on both their minds, one more than the other, but the danger of the missions ahead stood in the way of them. Tears had come and gone, just as the winter had passed and summer approached them. Perhaps they weren't the type of couple that people wrote stories about. Time and books would long have forgotten them, but they loved just as any before them and any after. It was a great love, a true love, a first love and a last love. A brief period of perfection before the world allowed it no more.

Somewhere miles away, so far removed from what was happening in the bedroom, there was the dawning of another era. Scrimgeour not Fudge, and now Tonks without Lupin, both seemed right and one seemed completely wrong. The night would push up day, the sun would rise, and what would come was the new era, the burst bubble and the struggle. There would only be two halves left, Lupin without Tonks, and the feeling that never again would either be completely whole.

**To be continued…**


	54. The Mother and the Molly

**Again another one I had to spend time on.**

**So this is the mousy Tonks. How'd I do? I'm just as worried about this chapter as the last. Did I get her right? The amount of crying worries me, but information from the books seems to point her crying at the drop of a hat, so I worked that in and I figure it's a raw wound right now.**

**Reviews are amazing. Please keep them coming if you're able. I adore you!**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 52**

"She's dead. They found her this morning," Moody said bluntly

Molly dropped her head as did a few other around the table, but no one could have felt worse than Nymphadora Tonks. It was not the death of Amelia Bones, though it was shocking and quite a loss for the wizarding world, it was Remus Lupin, or at least the lack of him. It was the empty chair that taunted her.

"Has anyone said who– " Arthur started to ask.

"No. I have a hunch it was Voldemort," Mad Eye interrupted, ignoring the wincing Molly. "Only because the Cruciatus Curse was in full use. He wanted to get something out of her that's for sure. The only troubling thing is that we do not know what it is."

There was a tense silence and Tonks looked away, unaware that the eyes of at least three people were on her, all with different expressions, but all worried in their own ways. She'd told herself the Order would pull her out of her woe's but walking into the room full of these people and not seeing him, was easily among the hardest thing she'd ever had to do. Just at the thought of the prior morning, Tonks' eyes began to burn. She bit her lip and closed her eyes wanting more than ever to disappear into the world and never return, but the memories of that morning just continued to hit her. Like wave after wave they crashed over, making her heart stop and her blood run cold.

* * *

Tonks had awoken, two mornings earlier, with bed linens wrapped all around her and for a shining moment, one that made her feel sick when she thought back to it, she mistook the sheets for him. But she was not lying in his arms. She never would. It had started then, a great hollow in her chest seemed to build, a distinctly Remus shaped hole that sat beside the Sirius shaped one. Her eyelids fluttered open slowly, taking in all her surroundings, trying to find the sign that it had not been a dream, that he really had existed. Then it came, the hurt. It hurt more than Tonks thought it would. She'd never expected his absence to have this effect on her. It made her want to curl up into a ball and never leave. It made her want to cry until she had no tears left. It made her want to give up and never before had Tonks given up.

Tears slid down her cheeks one by one, swallowed up by the bed that they had once shared. She sat up, the sheet wrapped loosely around her still naked frame, in the desperate hope that maybe that would shake her feelings, but it only did the opposite. Her eyes were drawn to the bare closet, the empty desk and the missing suitcase. Was it all a dream? The bare and empty room seemed to echo how Tonks felt. She'd been stripped of everything. Her anger had long since disintegrated, something she blamed on Lupin's lips, but it was not replaced with anything more comforting. There was fear. Fear that what had transpired could never be fixed, fear that she would always feel this way, fear that he was never coming back and fear of how she was supposed to continue standing, if he had always been around to catch her.

There was the heartache in it all, insecurity was involved, grief mingled somewhere in the middle, helplessness, numbness and disbelief, all in a sick melting pot that was her. Though not even that combination could have been a match for what came after. It was deep, thick, black, choking despair. The gap for Lupin seemed to take everything from her and she fell back into the bed, drawing her legs up to her chest, in an effort to just feel something around her again. Tonks felt alone, completely and unwaveringly lonely. If she had not felt so numb, it would have come as a shock for her to discover just truly how much he had become a part of her. He felt like part of her soul, and she hadn't even realised it until he'd gone. With him he'd taken everything, her heart, her soul, her spirit, even the breath from her lungs. All that she had were the tears that were falling thick and fast down her cheeks, and the knowledge that she had lost him and he was never returning.

* * *

It had taken her until late that afternoon to finally pull herself from the bed, and she hadn't even bothered to owl work to notify them of her absence. She stood in the corner of Lupin's room, though it was not his anymore, her hand on the door handle, wondering just how easy had it been for him to leave her sleeping there in the night. Leaving this room felt impossible for her, part of it still smelt like him, that intoxicating combination of the outdoors, soap, old books and something Tonks had never quite figured out, and as much as she knew she was torturing herself by continuing to stand there, she didn't want to leave. Part of him still existed in this room while she stood in it, and the minute she left it would not. Grimmauld Place would swallow him up, because no one would ever return here. Her heart had seared as she'd dressed herself, remembering the way her clothes had looked wrapped around Lupin's the night before. They seemed deflated without them. She felt deflated without him.

Her hair was a new trouble. She'd never in her life had a problem morphing, but she couldn't get it to be anything but mousy brown. In terms of all her problem, this was the most insignificant, in fact she didn't mind the brown, she didn't have the strength to see colour anywhere. Her eyes started to burn as she thought about leaving the room, because she knew she had too. Like a band-aid, Tonks knew it had to be fast; otherwise she was sure she would bleed to death. She opened the door, feeling the cool air from the corridor clashing with the warm air in the room. Grimmauld Place felt unmanageable, it felt like too much, and from its very walls memories of him were seeping out. Across the hall was the bathroom, where they had shared some tender moments. From her point atop the stairs she could see into the drawing from below, and in there she had napped with him, held him, allowed him to comfort her, he'd made her nearly choke to death on one memorable occasion. Then there was the stairs themselves, where some nights they had been unable to contain themselves walking up to his room, and started kissing right then and there.

Her eyes stung at the memories and in the hope they'd stop if she did it, Tonks stepped out and slammed the bedroom door behind her. Instantly she regretted it. She had not stopped to take one last look, to preserve what had been their final moments. Most would have, Tonks included, laughed at someone who'd been so pathetically sentimental, but that was the old Tonks. Within hours it felt like there had been a complete personality change. How she hated him for that. With a deep, soul-crushing sigh, Tonks began her descent down the stairs, trying hard to look only at the stairs and not around her. Her heart was screaming at her, wanting to make her indulge in more memories, to still be apart of him, but everything else made her look only to where she would be leaving.

She hit the bottom landing and instantly the Trolls leg caught her eye. Clearer than ever before she remembered it. The first time he had ever caught her, the first time she had ever laid eyes on him and the first time he had been there for her. She could feel his skin on her hand as if it was happening in that moment. The surprisingly soft skin that had made her eyes fly open in shock. With a whopping sensation in her stomach, she remembered how he'd lifted her slowly and how captivating his eyes had seemed. They had burrowed deep down into her soul, made her feel self conscious but completely secure at the same time and beyond anything they were kind and forgiving. How she missed those eyes. Images from the evening before flashed through her mind as well; flashes of Lupin holding her, his eyes holding her, his hands holding her hands, all telling her that he wanted to be there, but had he ever truly wanted to be there?

Tonks' eyes began to burn again and she finally looked away from the Trolls leg, though it had blurred through her teary vision. There had been a million times where she had suspected they were not on equal footing, that he was so much better than her, and most of the time she wondered what he was even doing with her. Though continuously he had reassured her she was better than him. Was it a lie? Was this just an easy escape from a horrible relationship for him? She forced herself to walk down the corridor, concentrating on putting each foot in front of the other, just so she could turn her back on the thoughts that hurt her so much. She wrenched open the front door and paused in the doorway, sparing one look back before closing the door on Grimmauld entirely. Or perhaps, and much more significantly, on her old self.

* * *

Tonks did not want to be alone, she did not want to go home, and she did not want to face anyone. There were two people she thought she could go to, Molly and her mother. Tonks turned on the spot and disappearing into nothingness, exactly like she wanted too.

* * *

"Dora!"

Her mother's tone was bright and happy, and then suddenly it dropped very significantly.

"What's wrong?"

Tonks launched herself into her mother's arms. Though it was slightly delayed, Andromeda's arms wrapped around Tonks very tightly. The swirl of misery in Tonks' chest intensified as she stood in the doorway hugging her mother.

"He's gone mum," Tonks croaked between tears.

Her voice was muffled, and it was highly likely that Andromeda had not heard her, but still her mother held onto her tightly. Andromeda was the type of mother who would gladly have taken Tonks' pain as her own, she would have done anything to protect her daughter from hurt, but this was battle she knew Tonks had to fight, however difficult it was to watch her.

"Come inside dear," Andromeda cooed, rubbing Tonks' back when they pulled apart.

Andromeda led the way, and never once did Tonks leave her mothers side, she stayed under her arm holding her hand, not daring to stand alone in the world. Tonks was led all the way to her bedroom door.

"Why don't you go upstairs and I'll get you some tea," Andromeda said, hugging Tonks once more before she left.

Tonks stumbled into her room, feeling deflated again as she was alone. By comparison, her old bedroom felt large, dark and never-ending, like it could swallow her whole. She moved straight to the bed, slipping off her shoes and getting under the sheets. In record time Andromeda was back, steaming mug of tea in her hand. She placed it on Tonks' nightstand and then she pushed some of the hair off Tonks' face, bent down and kissed her forehead. Then Tonks was alone again, the places she'd been touched were burning red hot, as if it was wrong for her to be touched again. Tonks rolled over and faced the wall, trying desperately not to think about him, but she just couldn't. She couldn't help blame herself for what had transpired. What if she'd done things differently would he still be there? Would he be sleeping beside her right now if she'd never yelled at him?

Everything about her life had become about him and it seemed so strange for a girl like her, a girl who had prided herself on being fiercely independent. Now she was only half of a whole, and never had that stung more. Everything seemed drained, even her room seemed dull. Colour didn't really exist, just shades of grey. She was a fighter, through and through, and she'd been defeated, in a soul-crushing defeat. Tonks felt stuck. Stuck in limbo, somewhere between light and darkness, so far away from what was her. The black choking despair returned, threatening to drag her down to the freezing cold depths. There was no stopping it. Sleep was not coming and the energy to run had long left, so all she could do was stay still as the waves crashed over her. He was never coming back. He'd left her. He'd used her. He'd lied to her. He was no longer there. He didn't love her. He was _gone_.

* * *

The following night found Tonks in the Order meeting. She'd managed to get to the burrow and was sitting at the table without speaking to anyone. Everyone seemed to double take around her, checking that it was maybe even her, though she didn't feel like herself. At the start of the meeting, Molly had been trying hard to catch her eye and smile, but Tonks had only continued to stare at the table. It was only when the subject of Amelia Bones arose, that Molly stopped concentrating Tonks. The tense silence started to break as Kinglsey began explaining things about his assignment with the Prime Minister. Apparently Fudge had let it slip that Kingsley was a wizard and the Prime Minister had been acting strangely ever since, but Tonks ignored it all. Her eyes found the empty chair next to Bill and instantly pain seared through her chest. She felt she was long past tears, but still her eyes burned as she pictured his sorry-for-himself smile coming from the chair. His prematurely grey streaked hair hanging over his face in a way that made Tonks want to push it off and kiss him and those eyes, those beautifully kind dark blue eyes. Tonks could only wonder if the memories of him would ever stop.

When Tonks finally tuned back in, the meeting had finished, and everyone was standing from their seats.

"Kingsley dear, will you be staying for dinner?" Molly asked brightly.

"Can't, sorry Molly, I have to get back into the office. The Prime Minister is having a right amount of trouble with these Dementors, or fog as he likes to call them."

Moody and Bill filed into the living room after Kingsley left, leaving Tonks and Molly alone. There was a moment of uncomfortable silence, but Molly stayed staring at Tonks patiently, her eyes brimming with unconditional care. Tonks was stuck between wanting to spill everything, and not wanting to say a word in fear she'd never stop.

"He left," Tonks mumbled.

Molly walked around the other side of the table so she was only standing a few feet away.

"I know dear. But I'm sure he'll come back and you two can– "

Tonks shook her head, stopping Molly in an instant.

"No, he's gone. He said we couldn't be together and then he left on this mission," Tonks blurted out, feeling the tears build.

Molly moved forward, wrapping Tonks in her second motherly hug in the last two days. She could feel the tear oozing out of the side of her eyes, and they were caught by Molly's shoulder. She didn't want to cry, she was fighting it harder than she thought she ever had, but she couldn't hold this at bay, and the tears just kept falling as Tonks heaved great breaths trying to fill the void in her heart. Molly didn't say a word, she just held her, and Tonks was eternally grateful for it, just like she had been for her mother, who'd done the same thing.

"Come on dear, help me with the dinner and then we'll have a chat afterwards," Molly said, pulling back slightly after a hug that felt like it had lasted an eternity, rubbing Tonks' cheek soothingly.

Tonks gave a watery nod.

* * *

Molly was perfectly fine with the fact that Tonks had only sat at the table, and hadn't really helped at all. Molly kept a steady stream of conversation as she flicked her wand at things and checked pots, sometimes about Lupin, but she didn't seem to want to pry, she let Tonks talk about it if she wanted to. After an hour or so, the rest of the family and some of the Order came into the kitchen.

"Tonks!" Came a happy and very excited sounding voice from her left.

Tonks turned her head slowly to see Ginny come at her, but she seemed to slow slightly when their eyes met. She gave Tonks a hug and sat beside her, her eyebrows furrowed.

"Are you alright?" Ginny asked under her breath.

Tonks attempted to smile, but it didn't quite turn out the way it should have.

"Just Order things," Tonks lied, her voice sounding hoarse.

"Sirius?"

"Something like that," Tonks mumbled, looking away.

Ginny didn't speak until after the meal had finished and Tonks could sense the amount of awkwardness that was protruding from her, and she wanted to say something to make it better, to make Ginny feel comfortable or make her laugh, but Tonks just didn't have the desire to do much of anything. What had made the meal that much more unbearable was Fleur and Bill. They'd spent most of it kissing or laughing with each other, and it was like someone was slowly pushing a shard of glass in Tonks' heart.

"Do you still want to head to that Quidditch game these holidays?" Ginny asked hesitantly when dessert was over.

Tonks turned to her for a moment, taking in the hopeful stare, the mannerisms and the tone of voice, and it broke her heart. Only two days ago she had been the same way, she'd been young, and now, it felt like a million years ago since she'd even smiled.

"I'm sorry Gin, I think I'm going to be busy with the Order now that it's all starting again," Tonks said in a low tone. "I'm really sorry."

Ginny blinked a few times before smiling.

"Yeah I thought that'd be the case. Oh well, maybe next time," Ginny said with a smile before leaving.

"I thought you had ze pink 'air, Tonks," came Fleur's voice just after Ginny had left.

There was a moment of silence and then the screeching of a chair as Molly stood up quickly, dismissing the question as she picked up the dishes.

"Eet waz only a question. I jus thought eet waz better the other way," Fleur said as Tonks finally looked over at them.

"Drinks in the living room," Molly said loudly as Tonks felt her heart sink.

Fleur looked affronted as she walked off, but Bill had her by the small of the back, and was whispering things into her ear that eventually made her giggle. How she hated the two of them smiling. Again Tonks found herself alone with Molly, but she didn't mind at all. Molly turned back around and brought two cups of tea down onto the table with her wand.

"I'm sorry about that," Molly said, staring angrily at the door Fleur had left through. "I can't believe he's engaged to her. They hardly know each other!"

Tonks shrugged and sipped her tea.

"Are you all right dear?" Molly asked, half frowning at Tonks.

"I don't know," Tonks sighed exasperatedly. "I just can't believe he's gone."

The numb feeling of disbelief was back, but Tonks kept focused on Molly, hoping that she could pull her out of this.

"Did he tell you he was leaving?"

"He kept telling me his reasons, and I kept telling him he was stupid, and part of me knew he'd leave but I just…well…I didn't think it'd feel like this."

Tonks dropped her head slightly and Molly reached across and put her hand on top of Tonks' on the table.

"He said it was because of the werewolf thing," Tonks continued, still looking down. "But I don't understand. I don't care about it, so why should it bother him?"

There was a long pause, and Tonks lifted her head to find Molly looking at her with a furrowed brow and a worried expression.

"I think with Remus he's had prejudice his whole life, so when he comes across people who do not hold any grudge against him, his assumption is that they do," Molly said, soothingly rubbing Tonks hand as she spoke. "I think you have to prove you will still be there."

Tonks closed her eyes for a moment, wishing that Molly had said something else. There was no way she could possibly have tried harder with him, and the real reasons behind him leaving were slowly beginning to hit Tonks.

"I tried Molly. I told him a hundred times that I loved him and it didn't matter to me, but he left anyway. I can't help but think he left because he didn't– " Tonk said, so aware that even she spoke in the past tense.

"No Tonks. Sirius said it to me; he'd never seen Remus happier. Don't think he didn't care for you, I could tell from the way he looked at you that he did," Molly interrupted, a degree of sternness in her voice.

Tonks hung her head, fighting the burning behind her eyes, the lonely wave of misery swept her up and lifted her away to the point where she forget where she was, who she was and what she was doing.

"Then why did he leave?" Tonks said half begging, her voice cracking as the tears began to slide down her cheeks.

In a matter of seconds, Molly had wrapped her arms around Tonks again. The tightness of the arms around her did nothing to suppress the howl of sadness, the pang of loneliness and the pain of heartbreak, so all Tonks could do was try as hard as ever to pull herself together. But that was harder than it sounded. For perhaps days Tonks stayed locked in Molly's hug, tears silently sliding down her cheeks. When they finally broke apart, Molly lifted Tonks' chin and wiped the tears from her cheeks in the beautiful motherly way she was so capable of. Often Tonks had wondered if Molly had just been born a mother, she seemed so good at it.

"Our door is always open for you dear, any time, day or night," Molly said.

She looked deep into Tonks' eyes, making Tonks feel secure again, at least for that second.

"Thanks Molly," Tonks croaked. "I think I have to go."

Molly gave her a sympathetic smile and one last hug, before Tonks made her way outside.

* * *

"Do you think it means they'll get Harry soon?" Tonks heard a voice whisper as she walked towards the front door.

"I don't know. These aren't good extendable ears; they're just the prototypes. I'm sure dad wasn't talking about Dragon Dung during the meeting," a second voice said, and Tonks knew it to be Ginny's.

"Well maybe he was, how do you know what the Order's doing? Could be some new defence thing or whatever," the first voice said.

"Honestly Ron, do you listen to yourself speak?" A third voice asked.

"What?" The first one said again.

Tonks rounded the corner and found Ginny, Ron and Hermione all standing near a door, hold an extendable ear.

"Tonks," they all said, sounding slightly startled

Like everyone else, they all seemed to double take slightly at the sight of her.

"How'd the meeting go?" Ron asked, looking nervous.

"It was good. There's no point with the extendable's, they're not continuing the meeting in the sitting room," Tonks explained.

"Told you," Ginny said, hitting Ron on the arm.

Ginny turned back to Tonks, perhaps searching for a smile, but it was never going to come.

"I'll see you around," Tonks muttered turning to leaving.

The three of them exchanged a look that let Tonks know the second she left they were immediately going to discuss her.

"Why aren't you staying?" Ginny asked, with the same worried tone her mother had.

Tonks could only shrug. It felt strange to be in the presence of three people she had always had an incredible amount of fun with in the past, more especially Ginny, but something in her had given up, and she just didn't feel up to anything.

"Have fun," Tonks said trying to sound upbeat, but failing miserably.

She turned on her heel and walked off, leaving the three with very confused looks.

* * *

Tonks opened her front door and trudged straight inside the feelings of numb disbelief trickling through her, making her walk straight through her living room and miss the little owl sitting on the windowsill, parchment tied to it's leg. She went straight for the bathroom and stopped in front of the mirror, caught by her own reflection. There it was, the mousy brown hair she hated. She closed her eyes, wishing for something, anything else and when she opened them, nothing had changed, it was still brown. She felt her body give way and she grabbed onto either side of the sink to support her. Tears fell from her eyes again, for reasons that even baffled Tonks. She'd become use to be a human hosepipe over the last two days, even if she hated it. Again she tried to pull herself together, all to no avail. How much she hated him for this. How she hated him for what he'd turned her into. Worst, among anything else, she hated how much she still loved him, when all she wanted to do was hate him.

Tonks finally braved another glance at the mirror as she tried to change her hair again, and once again, like with Ginny, she didn't have the energy. It was then something caught her eye. A soft red mark barely visible just under the collar of her t-shirt. She pulled the shirt down and stared at it. In the mirror she followed her hand with her eyes as it moved up and touched it, tracing it with her fingers. Here it was, the proof it wasn't a dream. Images flashed through her head from that night and Tonks slammed her eyes shut, willing them away only because they hurt too much. She tried to stop herself feeling his lips on her collarbone, his hands following the curves of her body and his arms around her, holding her in place, the only place she was ever supposed to be. Why was it so hard for him to see that? She could feel tears burning her eyes the more she thought, so she gave up. She gave up on her hair, on the little red mark, and on herself.

* * *

The following morning, Monday, found Tonks walking down the corridor to her office. The numbness still had not lifted. It had ingrained itself so deep inside her, that Tonks wondered if it would ever lift. Though at least pain could be kept at bay. She turned the corner and found Mad-Eye standing at her desk.

"Morning Nymphadora," Moody said, not looking angry, impatient or paranoid, instead he looked concerned.

Something was wrong, Tonks had never seen him looking at her that way. Perhaps in the past she would have speculated and driven herself crazy with curiosity, but today, with her new persona, Tonks didn't have the desire to do anything but sit at her desk and drift away. She didn't even care that he'd used her first name.

"Hi," Tonks said in a small voice as she sat down.

"Molly told me to give you this," Moody said slightly awkwardly, whilst handing her so parchment.

"Thanks," Tonks muttered, taking it from him.

She expected him to leave straight after, but he stood still for a second, looking slightly uncomfortable. Restless awkward energy was pulsating through him so badly it was almost visible. His eyes wandered up to her hair and he gave it a grave look. Tonks looked away from him.

"Nymphadora, are–" There was a long pause. "Are you all right?"

Tonks avoided the desire to furrow her brow at him and even through the numbness of her own state of mind; she felt her heart melt a little as Moody's desire to help her. If only he knew how far beyond help she was. This was the side of Moody Tonks had found, the side he rarely showed anyone, and it usually worked on her, but not today.

"I'm fine Mad-Eye, just some personal problems," Tonks half lied, attempting to smile, but failing.

He seemed confused by her answer, probably because Tonks had never had personal problems, she usually told everyone everything.

"Well, if you need someone to talk to…" Moody said, trailing off uncomfortably to indicate he meant himself. "Constant vigilance."

With a final glance at her hair and around the room, Moody stomped off. In an effort to avoid the black cloud of melancholy, Tonks picked up the piece of parchment from Molly. Upon opening it, she found that it was blank. The desire to smile at Moody came instantly, only he would use something like that so he could talk to her, but it was quickly swallowed by the cloud.

* * *

"Sherwood, that'll mean you too," Scrimgeour growled during their daily meeting. "He wants nearly half the department."

Now that he was Minister of Magic, Tonks had thought he'd leave his post in the Auror Department, but she was wrong. He seemed content to do both for the meantime. For now they were discussing the added security to be added to Hogwarts, but just like everything else in her day, Tonks was hardly there. She only returned to the room when she heard her name.

"And Nymphadora, you as well. Dumbledore's asked for you specifically," Scrimgeour said, his voice sounding sour, as if perhaps he had wanted to keep her.

Tonks nodded and felt the eyes of everyone linger over her a little longer than necessary. She was entirely thankful when Scrimgeour wrapped up the meeting only seconds later. She was keen to find Kingsley and went straight to his cubicle.

"He wants _me _specifically? Why?" Tonks said, leaning against his cubicle wall as Kingsley looked up.

"Dumbledore you mean?" Kingsley asked, giving her a welcoming smile that Tonks couldn't quite return as she nodded. "He wants members of the Order as close as possible, he told me. I have the Prime Minister's job, otherwise we'd be in it together."

Tonks took the news in. She didn't know how she felt about being at Hogwarts for a whole year. It had an upside; she could run away from everything that reminded her of him. A painful sear came through her chest as memories flooded her again, these concerning her own apartment than anything else. The night of the first snow revisited her clearer than anytime before. His hands on her hands. Kingsley seemed to have picked up on it.

"I can't imagine you'd be doing anything strenuous, Dumbledore's not thrilled with Scrimgeour."

"What happened?" Tonks asked more out of politeness than her own curiosity, as she had none.

"He wants Harry to be a poster boy for the Ministry," Kingsley explained.

For the first time, Tonks had the desire to laugh, but not from happiness, from spite. Though she didn't.

"After everything they did to him last year, do they honestly expect him to do this?"

"Scrimgeour wants a word with him but Dumbledore won't allow it. That's why they're arguing. He thinks he can convince Harry. He hasn't got a chance in hell if I know Harry right though," Kingsley said, smiling.

Tonks looked away and again Kingsley seemed to pick up on it. His smile faded away as he examined her, and from the corner of her eye, Tonks could see him looking at her hair. She hadn't realised what a change it was going to make on everyone. He opened his mouth to speak, and hoping to avoid something heartbreaking, Tonks spoke over the top of him.

"When is Scrimgeour going to give in and take up his new post anyway?" Tonks asked.

"Soon I hope," Kingsley said.

There was something in his eyes that made Tonks believe he knew more than he was letting on, not about Scrimgeour, but about her. She remembered only days ago walking out of his cubicle having finally told him about her and Lupin. Tonks closed her eyes, swallowing hard. A warm hand touched her shoulder, which felt dramatically cool against her skin by comparison. Perhaps a broken heart didn't pump blood as well.

"Tonks," Kingsley said, in a very low but caring tone. "If you ever need a word, my door's always open."

"That's what Mad-Eye said," Tonks uttered not quite meeting his eyes in fear of him seeing that hers had welled up.

"That's the funny thing about friends, we're always so keen to help," Kingsley said with a slight chuckle.

He gave Tonks' shoulder a reassuring rub and then let her leave. Slowly, a reason for Tonks' sadness started to dawn on her as she sat down at her desk, trying to fight the wave again. She was angry, but surprisingly enough, not at him, at herself. She was angry at what she had become. That somewhere within Lupin she had lost herself, that she had become one of those whiney girls she used to go to school with who couldn't survive five minutes without a boyfriend. She'd completely lost herself in the two of them. She'd stopped being the feisty independent girl she'd always been and started crying at the drop of a hat. She'd spent hours lying in the darkness or wishing she were doing so. She'd become what she hated. More than anything, more than what had happened to her, she was angry at the fact that she would do it again. She would go back to him and put herself through it all. She'd be happy to lose herself entirely again, because she loved him. She was willing to sacrifice it all because that tiny fact.

**To be continued…**


	55. The Forced Walk

**Right well, my first attempt at the Lupin chapters. Very VERY difficult!**

**First off all, most of the rest of his won't be this long, I just had so much to set up. Second of all, I'm undecided on this chapter, but it's necessary.**

**You will find out the point of the owl. Think of it like the bubblegum...it will mean things later.**

**Reviews are brilliant and I love you all - but you should already know that.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 53**

Remus Lupin forced himself to keep walking. Every part of his body ached and his mind was completely hazy with exhaustion, misery and emptiness. He'd been walking, tracking, trying to find what he'd left everything for, but they pack was not were they should have been or they were moving too often. His one run in with them had left him bruised, bloodied and hurt, more than just physically to. On the horizon, Lupin could just see more of the Scottish Moors. It had been all he'd seen for the past few days. The weather didn't agree with him, in fact everything had disagreed him. Ever since he'd left Grimmauld Place, something he would not allow himself to think about, nothing had gone in his favour, as if something was now wrong with him.

_Karma perhaps?_

Lupin struggled on, feeling his legs starting to give out from underneath him. He took a deep breath but he felt a searing pain through his chest. Broken ribs had become the bane of his existence, almost as common for him as sleeping or eating, though admittedly those things had become rare occurrences. Lupin felt the splattering of raindrops on his face and he closed his eyes, wanting to give up but knowing he couldn't. He felt something under his foot give way and he slipped down the mossy rock, banging his head. He didn't have the energy to groan in pain, but the pain in his body from the fall made him want to. He could feel blood trickling from the top of his head, but he had no means to fix it, more than likely he couldn't muster the energy to do so. Lupin stopped attempting to see through his blurry vision and sighed, though it was painful to do so. He dropped his head back onto the rock; the weight of the world fell upon him, leaving him to wonder how he'd gotten where he was.

* * *

Lupin walked out of Grimmauld Place just as the sun was rising, his heart felt heavy and he didn't know if he could shake the cloud that seemed to hang over him. Why, if leaving Tonks was the right thing to do, did he feel so despondent because of it? Sure he was leaving someone he, dare he think it, loved, but if it was for the right reasons, it should have been easy. But that was the problem, he did love her. He had not stopped loving her just because he had to do this. It would have been easy if he hadn't loved her, if he had never spoken to her that day deep inside the Ministry, and if he had never desired to be anything more than her friend. But nothing could have stopped him.

He felt blank and empty as he walked through the streets of London. It was as if the world was racing around him and he was hardly moving. The world had forgotten him, as it should have. Everyone should forget him, it was his most recent mantra, but the way he felt was not. This never-ending cloud of loneliness didn't feel like it was ever lift. He had to deal with the consequences of his actions and they were going to be the burden of his melancholy. He had one last job to do, and he knew it would be a painful one.

* * *

Lupin apparated to his parents and then into a hallway that seemed comparatively dull. Never before had it seemed so very beige. In fact he had never even realised that the carpet was grey and covered in stains. Every time he'd walked through it, it had always been decidedly _colourful_. Lupin flicked his wand at the door, aware that the sun was finally rising and he may not have a lot of time, though he knew the person who owned this house well enough to know she'd sleep very late as she always did. The lock clicked and the door swung open.

The beautiful flowery scent filled his nostrils, intoxicating him like it always did, but with a shake of his head Lupin walked into the room. His eyes scanned the room painfully, it was in its usual messy state, but it didn't feel like anyone had been in there for days. It had an unkempt air about it. The bright colours of the room seemed to mock him slightly, but it was a reminder of the life Tonks still had, it was a reassurance for what he'd just done.

Lupin crossed the room, hearing the familiar floorboard creaks he would never hear again. They reverberated through his body, painful to handle, but he moved through them with a solemn expression. He reached the windowsill and pulled a very tiny owl out of pocket, his owl, the owl that had once been sent to him and still occasionally visited him at his parents. He placed the owl, which hooted happily as he tied parchment to it, down between a photo of Tonks and some girls he assumed were her school friends and a stack of books.

On top of the books was something that made Lupin's heart ache. It was a record. The record he had given her for her birthday. Lupin vaguely remembered how he had felt that day, and even now it still warmed him up slightly, but it felt like part of a distant memory, of another life. He turned away, his eyes sweeping over the room one last time. It didn't seem anywhere near as bright as it had before.

It was almost as if her light had gone from it in that very second, or maybe it was because he knew that he'd hurt her, or even that this was the last time he would step foot in here as part of them, though technically it wasn't exactly like that now either. Memories flooded through him as he stood by the windowsill, not quite ready to leave. He wanted to hang onto the memory of them for as long as possible, even if it would make it harder to leave. He nearly smiled as he thought about the disaster that was her once cooking him dinner. His words to her that night echoed through his mind, and he closed his eyes, letting them wash over himself.

_I came here for you. So in that regard, it is perfect. It's been perfect since the moment I set eyes on you, because I was with you._

He swallowed hard, hating himself for remembering anything, perhaps hating himself for ever having said it. He meant it, but would it have been easier if he'd never said things to her, would this now be easier? No, that was the easier option but not the right one. He did love her, he still did, contrary to what she may believe, but it was better that way. Harder for him, but better for her, exactly how it should be. An empty hollow feeling encapsulated him, one he was certain was Sirius related, as that had been the same feeling he got whenever Sirius was mentioned. Strange that he'd gotten it without thinking about Sirius.

"Promise me you'll stay for her," Lupin said, turning back to the owl.

The owl only hooted happily in response, nipping at his finger affectionately. Its happiness was so jarring against Lupin's stiff-upper lip approach. There seemed to be so much happiness in her life, the photo frames around his owl were an example of that, and he would be the black spot in her life. It was proof he was doing the right thing. So why did he have to keep reminding himself? A photo of Tonks caught his eye. In it she was surrounded by a group of girls and boys all in Hogwarts robes. Tonks was making them all laugh repeatedly, and for the first time in weeks, he felt himself smile at it.

In fact, the more he stared around the room, the more he found little trinkets and objects that reflected the little nuances of her personality he so adored. There were the Quidditch posters, the Hufflepuff banners, records splashed all over the floor, the items from people of her past she'd cared about, more than any were things from the Weasleys. It was a testament to her and for a moment it made Lupin forget what he had to do.

As he stood holding the photograph of her and her friends, he was sucked into her and the way she made him feel. Doing the right thing never felt more horrible. The Tonks in the photo winked at him, and his smile faded slowly as sadness filled the pit of his stomach. His burden was back, but he hoped she could get beyond him; she deserved to very soon, but thought of being responsible for making her upset was almost unbearable for him. Lupin looked back to the owl.

"Take care of her for me," Lupin said sadly, thinking about the millions of ways Tonks would fall without him there to catch her.

The owl titled its head at him, but Lupin turned away before it could make a noise again. He crossed the room quickly this time, and had opened the door in seconds. He turned back for one last look at what was Tonks, and then shut the door promptly, turning on the spot and disappearing from everything.

* * *

Lupin apparated to the safe point in the small town he'd spent time trying to listen to Greyback. He figured this could be the best place to start. This time he needed to find the pack to join them, not just over hear them. Lupin didn't even bother to check himself into the hotel he'd stayed in last time, instead he just went straight to his cliff-top spot. As he made his way up there Lupin couldn't help but notice how different the village looked.

When he had been there a few weeks prior it seemed almost picturesquely beautiful. Now, Lupin noticed rats and dilapidated buildings, in fact the whole place seemed grungy, nothing like what it was like the first time. Did it have anything to do with the circumstances he was coming in this time or the fact he had nothing waiting for him at home anymore, Lupin couldn't say, he tried not to even think about it. He was blank and he felt like he was walking through a hazy existence, like this was it for the rest of his life.

Lupin finally made it to his spot over looking the valley and found to his surprise that the clearing Greyback and the other werewolves had once stood in, was now much larger. It was also full of construction workers and half built houses, at least the foundations of houses anyway. Lupin gave an exhausted sigh and shut his eyes, hunching slightly. He'd pinned some much of his hopes on this without realising it, that it almost hurt when it didn't turn out to be true.

When he finally looked down, Lupin noticed the tree his head had broken the last time he was here. Instinctively he rubbed the back of his head, and for that moment, he thought he could still feel the lump. It was these moments were injuries taught a lesson, made someone learn from their own mistakes, but it only seemed to validate Lupin's. He had a duty to do and there were sacrifices to be made.

In an instant Lupin remembered somewhere Greyback had once spoken of, somewhere he was sure he could be. He turned on his heel and with a loud crack; Lupin was gone in the blink of an eye.

* * *

The first thing Lupin noticed standing on a high cliff, was just how cold and windy it was, even though it was summer. The salty air filled his nostrils as he finally opened his eyes. He was standing on the edge of a cliff, at the most southern point of Ireland. Once he had heard Greyback talking about meeting somewhere near Carrigaline, which was just north of where Lupin was standing. He turned his back on the sea and looked up at the great grass covered hills ahead of him. Considering the sun was setting Lupin didn't fancy his chances at making the town before dark and the Irish countryside was very dangerous once the sun had gone down, so he set up the hill in search of a rocky outcrop to sleep under.

* * *

It took an hour or so, but eventually Lupin found himself some shelter and set to work on making a fire. Lupin had always wondered how muggles survived out here; it would have been impossible to start a fire without a drying charm for all the damp grass and wood. He managed just fine with the help of his wand, but was unable to get any food. It wasn't of much concern, as Lupin didn't feel like eating. He hadn't felt like anything, he just kept forcing himself to walk on, and it was a conscious effort because part of Lupin just wanted to give up. _On everythin_g. It wasn't until Lupin lay down to sleep that the realisation of where he was this time nearly twenty-four hours ago hit him. He couldn't stop the flashes of Tonks now that he had finally stopped running.

He could perfectly picture the way her skin had goose-bumped under his lips as he'd moved down her stomach, he could feel her feet running up and down his legs and her body arched against his as he'd held her so tightly. Then there was her hair; her beautifully soft hair that he'd loved no matter how she had it, he even thought she looked beautiful when it was natural. Even as he sat tucked under a rock, freezing cold and exhausted, he could still smell her.

The flowery scent filled his nostrils, transporting him back to simpler times, times he no longer belonged in. As he stared at his own hands, he didn't see his fingers anymore; he merely saw the gaps where hers should have been. Lupin tried to blink away the memories, they were harder to deal with than he assumed. He'd thought it would have been just like with Sirius, he'd feel blank and hollow about the whole situation, but eventually he'd move past it, but he didn't feel that way. He needed to deliberately stop himself thinking about her, in an effort just to survive.

* * *

The following days found Lupin constantly on the move, just searching for sign as he walked around the Irish countryside in its harsh and unforgiving weather. It wasn't until almost a week later Lupin found something. Markings and scratches on trees. Markings he knew could only belong to one animal, a werewolf. Curiosity, perhaps even excitement, didn't flood through him like it would have in the past. Instead it seemed to add to the dark cloud hanging over him, as he thought of what he would have to endure at the hands of these men. At nightfall Lupin spotted an orangey glow just over the hill, and he knew, because of his instincts, that this was it.

* * *

He made his way up the steep hill, tripping over mossy rocks and ripping his clothes more than they already were. He reached the top and heard Greyback's voice echoing loudly over the sound of chatter. Lupin approached the large group that were half surrounding the fire. Just by looking at them in the half darkness Lupin could tell they were werewolves, he could see it in the way they stood, they way they conversed, in their hand gestures, even their appearance. No one seemed to have noticed him, as they were absorbed in themselves, some eating, some talking, others sleeping. There was a gap that seemed to surround Greyback and the other man he was talking to. Lupin stayed behind everyone, knowing he would easily be recognised otherwise. After a few more moments of idle conversation, Greyback eventually spoke very loudly, addressing everyone.

"I come here with a promise," he shouted. "A promise of delicious throats of whatever takes your fancy, free reign to do as we wish and an overhaul of Ministry decrees to suit our needs."

A cry went up with the crowd. Greyback obviously knew how to reach his audience.

"So, if this promise sounds as good for you as it does for me, then join me. Join Voldemort, the only man who has promised to help the werewolf, not hunt them."

There was another cry of celebration, but only by half the people, the other half seemed to mutter nervously. This was Lupin's angle. The other half who weren't so keen, because he knew the mention of Voldemort had caused the nervous ripple through the crowd.

"Our first job is to recruit numbers," Greyback's face faltered the tiniest bit before he spoke again. "To make sure we present a united front to Voldemort."

Lupin knew it had been a lie. Voldemort wanted to make an army out of them; in fact Greyback had said it when he'd had the last gathering of werewolves. Obviously Voldemort had instructed him to lie. The nervous chatter amongst the gathering seemed to intensify.

"That's not to say Voldemort will control us," Greyback said, his deep husky voice sounding slightly nervous now. "We do not need him like he needs us."

Lupin could see the faces across from him in the circle twisting into devious smiles. Lupin didn't know if this was a believable truth on Greyback's part. It was difficult to decipher whether he believed that or he was saying it to rouse spirit. He'd always known Greyback to have an unhealthy idea of where the werewolf should sit in the world; at least it was unhealthy to Lupin.

"I will not track down or punish who ever refuses me," Greyback yelled, and Lupin didn't like the mad glint in his eye as he said it. "Those who are left will be welcomed into the packed, _eventually_."

Again the mad glint in his eye returned. It wasn't altogether shocking to know Greyback would torture anyone who wished to join the pack. It wasn't torture in terms of beatings, but more tests. Lupin may have been the only one who found them torturous, only because of what Greyback had once tried to force him to do. For a split second Lupin thought he saw Greyback's eyes flash towards exactly where he was standing, but Lupin knew he had to be so hidden away it was impossible for him to be seen.

* * *

The gathering broke up quickly after Greyback stopped speaking. Many went different ways, most in small groups. Lupin slunk away, hoping to find somewhere he could write all he'd heard down. He'd made his way down the hill, realising he was the other one going in his chosen direction. Lupin had just noticed he was completely alone, when something hard hit him over the back of his head, slamming him forwards into the ground with the weight of another body on top of him.

* * *

"Well, well, well," a husky voice whispered into his ear.

Even if he wasn't able to recognise who it was through the voice, Lupin would have known by the smell. Blood and dirt congealed together only made him think of one person. Lupin could feel claws digging into his back and blood trickling down his cheek.

"Remus Lupin, how unusual to see you here," Greyback growled, still not getting off him.

Rocks were digging into him, and the dew covered ground was soaking him through slowly. Lupin didn't respond.

"I wondered when I'd see you again. I heard about your little friend. Voldemort was very happy to be rid of both Black's. Order members seem to be dropping like flies. Are you sure you've picked the right side after all?"

Lupin's top lip quivered as he tried to suppress a very visceral snarl, he knew Greyback was baiting him, but it took every ounce of the strength he had left to ignore it. Anger and revulsion was burning in the pit of his stomach, but he had a job to do.

"Maybe I have changed my mind," Lupin snarled.

"Perhaps if you'd said that like you'd meant it, I would have believed it," Greyback laughed, finally getting off him.

Greyback deliberately stepped on his ribs as he stood, and Lupin heard a sickening crack that caused pain to rip through his body. Lupin stood, ignoring the building pain. The darkness seemed to have thickened in the time Lupin had been on the ground as Greyback was hardly visible, only his yellowing teeth could be seen. It was a haunting image.

"I'm ready to join you, to join the werewolves," Lupin grunted.

"Dumbledore kicked his puppy out of the house did he?" Greyback taunted.

"No, it's a choice," Lupin lied.

Greyback narrowed his malicious yellow eyes on Lupin. Already he could see the distrust circling behind them, but to his surprise Greyback smiled.

"And you think you can just waltz into the pack because of our _dealings_ in the past?" Greyback said, enjoying the power he had over Lupin, as his mouth seemed to handle each word with particular delight.

Lupin went to open his mouth, but closed it again, knowing Greyback was only going to continue playing with him no matter what was said.

"Have you ever told anyone about that particular evening? Did your precious Potter and his boyfriend Black ever find out what you'd done?"

Lupin swallowed hard, trying to suppress a memory. Greyback laughed darkly.

"I've always wondered why everyone was so willing to accept you back. Lupin the coward. It rolls of the tongue now doesn't it."

Lupin had to suppress another growl, but this time Greyback noticed. The two were nearly squaring off as they stared at each other, only a few feet separating them.

"What do you want from me Greyback? If you won't accept me I'll leave," Lupin said trying to keep his voice calm.

"Whoever said I wouldn't want you Remus? I told you last time we met I'd gladly take you, but I don't believe your hearts truly in it," Greyback said, smiling devilishly.

"My opinion's changed," Lupin lied, letting out a loud angry exhale.

"Really?" Greyback asked, smiling again.

Lupin nodded stiffly, anger still burning a hole through his stomach. How he hated this man.

"Well, join us then," Greyback said happily. "Are you ready to rip out delicious throats Lupin? Pray on the weak?"

Greyback twisted his head as if he contemplating something. Then he smiled wickedly.

"Are you ready to turn the innocent, and most importantly children."

Lupin made an involuntary movement to attack Greyback as memories of his own childhood surfaced.

"That was almost too easy," Greyback laughed. "Poor Lupin, looks like you'll have to go back to Dumbledore with your tail between your legs."

Greyback turned to leave, and a whole barrage of emotion seemed to hit Lupin.

"I don't belong anywhere else," Lupin revealed in a small voice, hating himself for it.

Without a shadow of a doubt, Lupin knew Greyback heard him. He turned round, his pointy teeth on full show in a complete wide smile.

"My my, have you worn out your welcome? Have they finally realised what a pitiful animal you are?"

Lupin didn't say anything in response. He was still disappointed in himself for telling Greyback what he had.

"Or are you finally ready to except the blood thirsty urges in you? Has a throat caught your fancy?" Greyback said, unaware of the nerve he'd touched in Lupin.

Within a split second Lupin had launched himself at Greyback, picturing himself attacking Tonks and taking out his rage on him. Greyback batted him away like he would a fly and Lupin landed some distance away. He could hear the slow laugh of Greyback.

"The rage has surfaced, perhaps you will be useful," Greyback noted.

Lupin stood slowly, dusting himself off and wincing in pain.

"The choice is your Lupin. You can join us, but you will be subjected like the others. That is if you're ready to accept what I made you," Greyback said turning away again.

"I'll never accept it," Lupin said before he could stop himself.

Greyback laughed.

"If you can find us, you can join us," he said walking away. "But don't think I don't know what you're really here for."

Lupin was just thinking how he'd managed to get this far with Greyback so easily, when something hard connected with the side of his face. Lupin was thrown from the ground and landed hard against a rock, knocking himself unconscious. The laugh of Greyback was the last thing to fill his

* * *

Days seemed to fold into weeks; they stretched out in front of him, endless and painful. He'd gone from Ireland to Scotland, forcing himself to keep walking, to keep tracking and that was how he found himself slipping down the mossy rock and wanting to give up. Lupin picked himself up, feeling his head spin from lack of nutrients and tiredness. He kept on walking. He knew it had to be Scotland and at the very least he knew werewolves were always found in the Moors. It was again nightfall that gave him his answers. In the distance he spotted a fire in a cave. Lupin approached carefully and to his relief it didn't seem to be Greyback, but a small pack of werewolves.

"I can smell something," a hoarse voice from the cave said, stopping Lupin in his tracks.

The outline of five men appeared at the front of the cave. Their eyes instantly connected with Lupin, one of them sniffed into the air and muttered something to the rest. They all turned away, leaving Lupin frozen. Thought admittedly confused, Lupin went to the mouth of the cave. The five men were sitting around the fire. Though they were all quite large and stocky, their faces were gaunt as if they had not eaten properly for weeks. Little bones, perhaps ones of rats, littered the floor. That had obviously been dinner.

"Are you with Greyback?" The biggest of the men asked.

"Yes," Lupin said, alarmed at how faint his voice sounded.

"Then you can stay," the bigger man said.

"I need to speak with you–"

"You're scent is quite weak," one of the other men interrupted, his eyes surveying Lupin suspiciously. "What's your name?"

"Lupin. Remus Lupin," Lupin muttered.

"Why does that sound familiar?" The man sitting in the middle of the five asked.

One of the other men's faces grew into a realisation and then he almost growled as he spoke.

"Cootes told us – this is Dumbledore's one."

Five pair's of eyes turned to Lupin all full of anger and hatred. Four of them moved, as if ready to attack him, but the biggest man threw an arm out to stop them.

"Let him speak. Go on," he said to Lupin, though he had a glint in his eye very reminiscent of Greyback.

Lupin stared into the faces of five very hungry and very angry looking werewolves, realising for the first time just how difficult his mission would be and at the very least, just how painful.

"I want to give you another option. One not involving the plans Greyback has for us," Lupin said, knowing his use of the word us would do wonders.

The bigger man dropped his arm slowly, looking confused. Obviously of all the things Lupin could have said, this man hadn't expected this.

"You expect us to listen to a werewolf whose been house trained?" The shortest of the men said, much to delight of everyone but the biggest man, who only continued staring at Lupin, the strange gleam still in his eye.

Lupin knew, even then, this was going to be much harder than he'd ever anticipated.

**To be continued…**


	56. The Wolfish Guard

**Sorry for the delay, been up at the beach for Christmas, and I've struggled to find the time to write with so many people around!**

**I hope you all had a nice Christmas anyway, well Christmas or whichever holiday you celebrated.**

**I'm already halfway through Lupin's next one so expect some updates with speed soon enough. Sorry about my slackness lately. Also expect some Dumbledore/Tonks conflict soon...going to be interesting. I'm currently creating the moments Ron, Ginny and Hermione tell Harry about at the start of HBP.**

**Reviews as always were lovely. Please keep them coming if it's possble.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 54**

"How are you?" Molly finally asked, a sympathetic smile on her face.

Nymphadora Tonks sat across from her at the table in the Burrow's kitchen. She was running her finger over the rim of her mug, feeling the warmth from the tea in the other hand, which was cupping it. It was the third time this week that Tonks had been over at the burrow late, all at Molly's request, but Tonks had been more than willing. She relied on these moments, with Molly or her mother, more than she realised. Tonks only shook her head, unable to verbally express the torment that seemed to be her daily life.

"It'll get better dear. I know that seems impossible, but it will. You'll be able to find someone else and– "

"But I don't want anyone else," Tonks said exasperatedly, though still in a weak sounding voice.

"I know you say that now but that'll change Tonks, if you want it to."

Tonks looked up from her mug to Molly.

"I just don't think I do want anyone else. I've never felt like this, with anyone. I'd almost go running to him and beg and I'm not the begging kind," Tonks explained. "I'm just bloody pathetic."

Molly reached across and grabbed her hand, looking her right in the eye.

"You're not. If anything ever happened to Arthur and I, I'd be exactly the same way. There are people who do that to us, soul mates."

"And you really think that was Remus and I?" Tonks asked hopefully, or at least with the tiniest amount of hope she was capable of these days.

"I can't say I know enough, but I trust what Sirius said about it."

Tonks took in Molly's words, trying hard not to focus on the heartbreaking part of it all. Though it was harder than she though.

"Then why did he leave?" Tonks mumbled, trying to keep her voice steady.

It was all she could focus on. From all she'd heard, the time Lupin was with Tonks, everyone noticed a change in him and all it did was baffle her further. It hurt more to.

"I have no doubt in my mind that he loves you Tonks. I just don't think he'll let himself hurt you," Molly said after a long silence.

"But he won't, why can't he understand that?"

"Because he wants the best for you. He loves you enough to think letting you go is better for you."

Once again Tonks allowed Molly's words to wash over her. Lupin had actually said that her, perhaps not in those words, but something very similar. Was he dense? Did no one actually understand how stupid it was?

"That's stupid though, right?" Tonks asked, wondering if she was off base and not everyone else.

Molly's face curved into a nervous expression.

"It's _not_? But what if I don't mind? What if I'm all right with it all?"

"Sometimes, especially with someone like Remus, we think we know what's best. Sometimes we're right and sometimes we're wrong," Molly said slowly, her face full of worry.

"I just wish he knew he was wrong," Tonks sighed, sipping her now lukewarm tea.

"I know dear," Molly said, giving a reassuring smile. "I do to."

Just as Tonks was about to respond and say the one thing she'd kept thinking over and over, there was a knock at the door. Arthur walked in after a few moments of deliberation at the door with Molly.

"Evening Tonks," he said, giving her the kind of smile she'd been receiving from everyone, half pity, half concern. Though from a man like Arthur it did not feel condescending at all, only loving.

"Hi Arthur," Tonks mumbled back as he sat down and Molly got to work fixing his dinner.

"What a night tonight. Six raids and not a single arrest. How's the Auror department going?"

"It's picking up. Dementors control goes underway soon and Scrimgeour should be out of the office by next week," Tonks said mechanically.

"I often wonder how the Muggles must cope with Dementors. Perkins said something about them going to Theraplasts. Sounds awfully fascinating."

"Therapists dear," Molly chimed in as she brought Arthur a plate of roast lamb.

"How are you Tonks?" Arthur asked, his voice heavy with fatherly concern.

"I'm getting there. No one's heard from him have they?" Tonks asked, trying to mask the tiny bit of hope in her voice.

"No. I can't imagine he'd be writing. Where he is, it'd be a struggle to find a minute to even– "

Out of the corner of her eye, Tonks saw Molly shake her head furiously and Arthur fell silent. After another hour of conversation, mainly held up by Arthur as Tonks hardly had the energy for much, she left with a promise to stay behind at the next meeting.

* * *

After another night of disturbed sleep, Tonks decided at three in the morning, just to give up and go into work. She arrived in the Atrium just over an hour later, and set out straight for the Auror Department. As she passed the reflective tiles on the wall, Tonks didn't spare a glance towards herself. It was too depressing to see herself, to see what she had become. How had one girl who strived so hard against the norm suddenly become plain and mousy brown? No matter how hard she seemed to try, the colour would not return to her hair, it was as if the light had left her life. Her soul has one half of a whole, and nothing could bring her to shake the heart-shattering truth that was Lupin's absence.

Tonks stood in the elevator, allowing the cool female voice to make the hair on the back of her neck stand up like always. She sat in her office catching up on the menial tasks she always seemed to have at work. If she had nothing else, the idea of throwing herself into her work seemed the best option. Hours passed in the blink of an eye. The world raced around her, as she felt like she was disappearing into nothingness, and eventually the office was full, without her even noticing. Some people said hello, most avoided her, as if misery was contagious. Everyone, at nine o' clock, moved into the meeting room. Kinglsey and Scrimgeour arrived together last, and Kingsley gave her a smile when he spotted her, but Tonks only grimaced in response.

"Our first order of business today, for those not on immediate Death Eater missions, is Dementors. They've run, well, flown, rampant throughout the United Kingdom as you'd well know and now they're breeding. We need to keep them under control. By the cover of nightfall I want you all to assemble in Bath, as there is an unnaturally large grouping there."

Scrimgeour stopped pacing, as he'd been doing it the more he spoke. Tonks thought perhaps the workload was getting to him, but she didn't say anything, she only continued staring at him with a vacant expression, letting his words wash by her.

"Those of you who I've placed of Death Eater missions need to step up your attacks. We've gotten no-where in almost a month. Amelia Bones was enough of a loss, but now Emmeline Vance. It's too disastrous for words. I'll be speaking to the Muggle Prime Minister tonight, otherwise I'd be joining you with the Dementors."

Tonks looked at Kingsley who had his head bowed slightly, his earring glinting from the artificial light. Emmeline had been murdered a few days prior, and her and Kingsley had always been close. Everything seemed to be going wrong for everyone, and the war that they'd all discussed last year, seemed to be snowballing out of control. Already everybody, even the Order, was so far behind Voldemort and his plans.

"That's all. Dawlish I need to see you privately," Scrimgeour finished.

* * *

It was a truly terrifying thing for Tonks to lose hope, but it had happened. Perhaps she had imagined he would return, or that he would write, but nothing happened and it was then, after almost a month, that Tonks realised she had never truly expected it. She'd known all along he would never go against his word, but it had taken a day and a moment to completely destroy her hope. It had been the day of the Auror meeting with Scrimgeour. She'd walked home like usual, through the unusual mists from the breeding Dementors. They had absolutely no affect on her, perhaps because she was living in the deepest depth of misery that she was almost invisible to them. In she walked to her home, and collapsed onto her couch.

It was a rare occurrence for Tonks to be home and sitting on her couch. She tended to come home and walk with tunnel vision straight to her bed and lie there wasting away the hours. Tonight felt different, she didn't feel any better about her situation, she felt like her usual numb self, but she didn't want to lie in bed. Instead Tonks sat staring forwards at the fireplace, allowing painful memories of happier times wash over her.

It wasn't until a small high pitched hoot woke her up, that she realised once again she'd lost herself in her misery. It was a familiar sounding hoot, but Tonks had had no memory of ever hearing it before. She slowly turned around and spotted an owl sitting on the windowsill. Tonks looked around her flat; all the windows were closed, so how had this owl got in? She moved over to the window, looking down at the tiny, overly excited owl. It seemed to be so happy that Tonks had finally found him, though she was unaware of just how long he'd been there. He fluttered around her, and it was then she noticed the tiny bit of parchment attached to his leg. Tonks untied it slowly and opened it up. Instantly as her eyes set upon the page, she dropped back against the windowsill, her knees giving out because of the name signed at the bottom.

_If you ever get too lonely,  
Remus__._

The fact that she was touching where Lupin's hand had moved across the page made her eyes well up. Slowly the tear fell down her cheeks, landing on the parchment and seeping into it. Tonks slid down the wall, trying to let the misery pass through her like pain would. Misery swirled deep inside her chest and thoughts pounded through her head, bringing more and more unescapable torment. How could he do this? Why had he left her? What was so wrong with her that made him leave? She knew his gift was supposed to help her, to be there for her, but all it did was remind her of what she'd lost. This wonderful man who, no matter what had passed through them and what had been said, still cared, still wanted to make sure that Tonks was okay. It was impossible to escape from her loss, and no matter how numb she had felt from it all, there were days it caught up.

Tears streamed down her cheeks as she clutched the letter, with the owl buzzing around her head. He wanted her to write to him if things got bad. Did he enjoy watching her trip and stumble? Suddenly as fast as she had fallen apart, she was angry. He was a complete prat, and he wanted her to be this way. He was happy to see her suffer. Tonks scrunched up the letter and threw it away as she stood up. How dare he. As Tonks turned around to let the owl out of the window, she caught sight of the record Lupin had once given her. She reached out for it, tearing it from its sleeve and threw it onto the floor, watching it smash into a million pieces. For the tiniest of moments, Tonks felt regret, but then, ignoring the sane part of herself, she stomped off into her bedroom, irrationally angry and still fuming at what a silly little girl he'd turned her into.

* * *

By ten that night, Tonks had to get out of bed and meet the rest of the Auror Department for the Dementor job. She'd lost her anger long ago, and now the dark clouds hung over her as she fell into her own misery. She'd given the owl water and food, and as much as she wanted to write to him and tell him he was a fool, part of her stopped it. The part that couldn't handle any more heartbreak. So she trudged sadly out her room, stopping at the smashed record. She stared down at it, regret filling her to the brim. A tear slid down her cheek and knowing she would be late otherwise, Tonks had to walk out the door. She apparated straight into the safe point in Bath and from her first look around she knew she was late, as everyone was standing around listening to Dawlish speak.

Tonks made the walk up and stood behind Proudfoot and Sherwood, hoping to stay hidden. Everyone had been ordered to dress in muggle attire, which was very common for missions, but it had always made Tonks laugh to see those who still couldn't quite get the hang of it. But this time, not even Merrythought and his scuba gear could produce so much as a smile.

" – it's a simple task really. So just remove them and do not get seen," Dawlish said. "We'll be in pairs, so whoever's next to you is it."

From the corner of her eye Tonks saw Sherwood turn to face her, so Tonks did the same thing. The rest of the crowd started to disperse and Sherwood looked keen to join them, though slightly nervous at having Tonks as a partner. Everyone seemed to look that way in Tonks' presence these days

"I saw a lot over near the church," Sherwood mumbled, pulling her wand from the pocket of her men's slacks.

Tonks nodded and they set off in silence. Bath was a beautiful place, but in the dark, especially with Dementors, it seemed very eerie. From the corner of her eye, Tonks saw Sherwood shiver from the unnatural cold, but she didn't feel any of it herself. Her new personality clearly had one upside, which was Dementor defence. They crossed through a kissing gate and when they rounded the corner Tonks could see the Dementors, loads of them, more than she'd ever seen grouped together at once.

"You ready?" Sherwood asked.

Tonks nodded slowly, feeling nerves break in the pit of her stomach. This had been the part she'd been slightly worried about. She didn't think she'd have the capacity to make a Patronus and the thought of discovering she was deficient in one more area of her life was going to kill her. She'd been dreading this moment. From the end of Sherwood's wand burst a bright white eagle that swooped low over the Dementors, grouping them together but not able to banish them on it's own. Sherwood looked across and Tonk, who was standing still, unable to cat the charm.

"Tonks come on!" Sherwood yelled.

Tonks took a deep breath and pulled out her wand. She had a happy memory, but it was poisoned with sadness. The more she thought about Lupin the more she saw herself not with him. Wispy white smoke came out of the end of her wand, but it flickered and then died away instantly. She couldn't see him, Lupin was there firmly in her mind, and so was she, but he was fading away.

"Tonks, what are you doing?" Sherwood yelled again, a note of annoyance in her voice this time.

Tonks gritted her teeth and squeezed her eyes tighter shut. She had to keep focusing. She had to dig deep down into the area she'd shut off to protect herself from hurt. Then it happened and it was like the opening of a flood gate. Images crashed through her mind, each one more pleasing than the last. She could see it now, hell, she could even feel him. His surprisingly muscular arms snaking around her waist and his hands tracing along her entire body. His smell, the beautiful combination of the outdoors, and soap, completely filled her nostrils, almost making her head spin. He was there and he'd never left. The look on his face told her he had never wanted to leave and he never would again.

"Expecto Patronum," Tonks said, louder than she should have.

The images left as soon as they came and she was just about to fall miserably back into her old self, when something else surprised her. Instead of the usual small white shape, a much larger animal seemed to emerge from her wand. Only when it was out of her wand and bounding towards the Dementors did Tonks notice what it was. It was like a crash landing, bringing her to earth far quicker than she should have. A wolf. Her patronus had transformed into a wolf. She gripped onto her wand tightly as she felt a sear of pain in her chest that almost made her double over. Her hands began to shake the tighter she gripped her wand, and the look of shock on her face was causing Sherwood to take a few steps away. He was everywhere and all it did was remind her that he was gone.

Tonks dropped her wand and her head, feeling her eyes burn. Furiously she tried to blink away the tears, but it was no use. All this did was prove how much he'd become a part of her and show her how much was missing of herself. Her heart ached for him, it longed for his comforting words, his warm embrace and his kiss. There was nothing that could be done. She'd driven him away; it had to be her fault. She was never good enough for him and she was never what he wanted. She knew that now, because otherwise he never would have left.

* * *

Hours later, Tonks sat in her bedroom, the darkness heavy and thick. Sadness pressed on her chest just as much as the dark did. She slowly picked up her wand, examining it and she felt like some kind of addict, but she knew she had to do it. She pictured him firmly in her mind, the way he moved, the way he spoke.

"Expecto Patronum," Tonks whispered in a small voice.

The wolf burst from her wand tip. It landed on the ground lightly and then turned to face her. He looked magnificent. Regal, and beautiful, just like any other wolf she'd ever seen, but he made her feel warm and safe, if only for a moment. The wolf began moving around Tonks, circling her on the bed. She wanted to touch him, to curl up with him, because he seemed so familiar, so much like the other wolf she knew. The longer he circled her the more she felt protected, more than she ever had by a patronus. He turned himself back to face her, over looking her majestically.

"Stay," she whispered to him, but it made no recognition it had heard her.

Tonks moved under her bed covers, the wolf still standing guard beside her bed. Slowly Tonks drifted off to sleep, her first night of full sleep. All the while the wolf stood guard, watching her, hoping to rid her of the darkness only he could see.

* * *

"I will be retrieving Harry," Dumbledore announced towards the end of the Order meeting.

"Wouldn't it be safer to use another guard?" Moody growled.

"No. I think Harry will be perfectly safe in my hands," Dumbledore said. "Has there be any success finding where the Death Eaters are based?"

"No Dumbledore," Kingsley's deep voice boomed. "I think they are constantly on the move. Bellatrix has enjoyed leaving her mark with her murders like a breadcrumb trail."

Molly shuddered slightly, but only Tonks seemed to notice.

"What is the Ministry's understanding?" Dumbledore asked, looking between Tonks and Kingsley.

"They're fighting the problems, but not the cause," Kingsley said.

"We were fighting the Dementors last night," Tonks added sadly.

Dumbledore's eyes landed on her and immediately she felt strange under his gaze. There was too much understanding in them.

"I don't understand, why the prisoners aren't free yet? Lucius Malfoy for example," Hestia asked.

"I think Voldemort is keen to punish them for the time being. Though without Dementors it is hardly a dark place, just a fortress," Dumbledore said, folding his hands on the table.

Tonks nearly jumped back in fright. His hand was blackened and burned looking, the result of a bad curse. Everyone else seemed to have noticed, and Dumbledore quickly dropped his hands again.

"Albus, what happened to your hand?" Molly asked looking aghast.

"I foolishly put on a cursed ring, and without the help of Severus I would not be here to speak to you all today," Dumbledore said, his voice light and playful as if he were discussing Quidditch results, not his own death. "Back to the matter at hand however. Nymphadora, I hope you are not bothered by my request of your presence at Hogwarts."

"No Albus," Tonks muttered, avoiding his eye again.

"Excellent. I will need Order members on call, as I will be spending as much time away from Hogwarts as is necessary. Members abroad will need to be called back occasionally. Even with the full co-operation of the Auror department, I would feel more at ease with your presence," Dumbledore explained, indicating the people around the table.

Everyone nodded and Tonks only stared down at the table. The small warm feeling her patronus had given her had long since evaporated and she felt pathetic having done it. Though technically she felt pathetic all the time, she just didn't have the means to stop doing the things that made her feel so.

"What are we to do to stop the Death Eaters? We can't have a repeat of the Brockdale Bridge," Arthur said, looking at Moody and Dumbledore.

"We need to step up our capture missions," Moody shot back instantly, but Dumbledore didn't look convinced.

"I do not see that capturing the Death Eaters now to be a reasonable course of action," Dumbledore said, much to the surprise of some.

"What do we do then?" Molly said, looking slightly panic-stricken.

"We must accept that, although we were ahead of them, they are now steps ahead of us. We must attempt to discover their plans to block them, but I do not see us having the ability to capture them until they are ready to engage in open warfare," Dumbledore explained. "Which considering they have not done, means they are afraid, or they are wanting to something to take place first."

Dumbledore looked away pointedly and Tonks knew he was not explaining half of what he knew.

"So what do we do?" Mundungus asked, sounding slightly afraid.

"We continue to survey them, to try and block their plans, but we have gone beyond the point of capture. We must attempt, with all our efforts, to protect everyone, the muggles included. We can rely on the Auror's, though I doubt they will get far, as they attempt to capture them."

Everyone seemed to look at each other, determination and confusion in their eyes. This would be a complete change of Order tact.

"We have parties in all the camps that Voldemort will dip into for supporters, so we should have information enough to continue, but we will journey deeper into the depths of mystery soon. Things will only begin to get more difficult," Dumbledore said gravely.

Molly seemed to whimper slightly, but she gave a brave look back to Dumbledore. Slowly, one-by-one everyone nodded at him, even Mundungus. Tonks felt lost, more lost than she had before. The graveness of everything didn't seem as magnified as it should have. Her brush with death, with Bellatrix, had only let her confused. For the rest of her life she didn't think she'd ever understand why Bellatrix never finished her off back in the Department of Mysteries. It was very unlike her to leave her prey alive or un-tortured. Perhaps, had she known what would have been coming, she would have welcomed death.

"I must return to Hogwarts, but I will see you when I return with Harry next week Molly. I have an errand to run with him, so we may be slightly late," Dumbledore added politely and then promptly disappeared through the door.

* * *

The Order stood, some talking to each other in small groups, other's disappearing on their own. Tonks took her time getting up, things had been moving slowly all day. Before she knew it, the voice of Ginny could be heard.

"Well I said to him, if he wanted to play keeper I'd– Tonks!" she cried.

Tonks looked up and found Ginny smiling at her.

"Hi," Tonks mumbled.

"Are you staying for dinner Tonks dear?" Molly asked loudly as Ron and Hermione walked in.

Tonks flicked her eyes to Molly, who was looking at her with the small smile everyone seemed to give her lately. Tonks was just about to say yes, when the high-pictched giggle of Fleur could be heard. Tonks turned to see Bill and Fleur walking in, arm in arm, kissing each other and cooing words affectionately. It hurt, more than she thought it would, but seeing two people together, who seemed to have surpassed the problem Lupin and Tonks had not, only made it that much harder. Tonks closed her eyes for a second, taking a deep breath, and then looked back at Molly.

"No, I think I'll go home." Tonks said to Molly who glared at Bill.

"Are you sure? There's more than enough food and plenty of company."

Tonks saw Ginny follow her eye line back to Bill and Fleur for a second; they'd now taken a seat at the dinner table and were holding hands.

"No, I have work to catch up on, sorry Molly," Tonks mumbled walking towards the door. "See you Gin."

The last thing Tonks saw was Ginny raising her hand in a small wave, looking crestfallen and confused.

* * *

Tonks had twisted into nothingness, completely unaware of where she was actually going, she was just thinking. Thinking about Lupin. Thinking about what a mess she'd made of everything. Cursing herself for being so stupid and pathetic. Wondering how in the name of Merlin she was meant to survive this, when it felt like her heart had been ripped out and crushed. When she felt her feet land on the ground, Tonks opened her eyes. Stonehenge lay in front of her, beautiful in all it's spectacle but haunted with the ghosts she'd been trying to fight. Instead of running as the misery became unbearable Tonks collapsed onto the stone Lupin had once sat upon. Being here felt warm, it felt familiar, like she was supposed to be there at that moment, but as soon as the feeling came, it had gone. She looked around realising exactly how alone she was.

No one was around for miles. The silence almost seemed suffocating as it pressed down onto her. The moon was half full, a big beautiful reminder of something so heart breaking. She pulled out her wand, looking at it longingly, knowing what she wanted to do was pitiable, but she felt like she needed it. The bright white patronus burst from her wand, bounding around Tonks. Instantly she felt guilty, but she didn't care, she needed to be with him, and even this would do. Tears slid down her cheeks, dropping into the green grass. The wolf stood in front of her like a guard, and all Tonks could do was drop her head into her hands as the tears continued to pour. Images of Bill and Fleur mingled with her ones of her, mousy brown haired and completely alone flew through her mind.

Tonks thought about the owl in her flat and the desire to write Lupin a letter was quickly dismissed with the thought of never receiving a reply, of knowing he really wanted nothing to do with her, though she felt she knew that anyway. How could he have just left her? Was it because she wasn't like Fleur? Would that have made the difference? She wanted to her mum or Molly. She needed someone to pull her from the never-ending darkness that had nothing to do with the actual dark surrounding her.

**To be continued…**


	57. The Two Traitors

**Happy New Year all!**

**This chapter was actually slightly fun to write and I also answer the question as to where Lupin was between seeing Dumbledore and the final night with Tonks. I've had it planned this way for a while.  
**

**I apologise for a cliffhanger type ending, but it will be worth it. Especially after I tell you that what Greyback has in store may involve Tonks and Lupin being together again, for a little while at least. Hate me more? **

**To clear up, the concept of time in Lupin's chapters is very fluid. He can be months ahead of Tonks right now.**

**Reviews etc are lovely - and in response to alot of things, yes Tonks miserable sucks, but i'm not doing AU, sorry guys, so she had to be this way. But it doesn't mean they wont see each other until the hospital scene. Believe me, it doesn't.**

**Enjoy. **

* * *

**Chapter 55**

_What was it going to take?_ That was the question Remus Lupin continued to ask himself as the days rolled into weeks and the weeks fell into months. He'd had no success with the last three werewolf packs he'd come across. In fact, most waited for him to stop speaking and then attacked him, jealous and angry at what he'd had that they hadn't. He was sporting more scratches, bruises and broken bones then he remembered ever having at one time. This was the price he paid, and Lupin took it without complaint, because he deserved it. When he'd happen to wander into a town and look at a newspaper, he found that life in his other world was falling apart as well. Dementors, or mist as the muggles called it, were everywhere and Death Eaters had torn up the West Country. The Brockdale Bridge had collapsed and strange murders were happening almost weekly. The war had begun just like Lupin knew it would.

His other life, or his old life as it was most commonly referred to as, was never far from his mind. Tonks never seemed to stray too far from his consciousness. In fact, idle moments never passed without a thought of her. He was yet to receive a letter, and, although it made him feel lonely and ever so slightly heartbroken, he knew it was the right thing for her to do. He was proud of her. That was the hardest part of it all, he suffered for her, knowing that soon she would be laughing and smiling with another man, one who deserved her. To add to his suffering was Sirius and James. Never had he thought of the two so often and Lily too. Each night he stared up at the stars wishing for one more moment with them. He wanted something to come home to in the way he used to with them. They had been his family. The kind of family he'd never really had. Now he seemed to be wandering the world, battered and alone, having to throw himself headlong into danger.

Lupin rolled over on the hard dirt of the cave he was currently sleeping in. He was going to attempt with a few more werewolf packs before he went back to Greyback, partly because he wanted to try his luck and mostly because he didn't want to have face Greyback, not when he knew was waiting for him. Greyback knew things about Lupin, things he had spent years hiding from everyone. When Lupin opened his eyes, he found the three other werewolves he was with looking at him. They were all wearing the same look Lupin received from every other werewolf he'd spoken to. It was that same mixture of jealousy, resentment and longing.

"You taught at Hogwarts, didn't you?" One of the werewolves called Finn asked, his voice barely understandable under the heavy Irish accent.

"Yes," Lupin said, sitting up slowly, as it hurt.

"No one asked questions?" Finn asked, this time not bothering to mask the accusing tone in his voice or the bitterness.

"No, not to begin with. Albus Dumbledore vouched for me," Lupin replied, deciding to be honest.

One of the other men gave a snort in disagreement, but Lupin stayed looking at Finn.

"And you say he'll help our kind?" Finn asked, though it sounded more like a statement for Lupin to prove to be correct.

"Yes. The Ministry is not under Voldemort's control," Lupin said and they all flinched. "He can't help you in the way Dumbledore can. Dumbledore helped me more than any man ever has."

"From what I've heard the Ministry is far from Dumbledore's grip as well. In fact, I heard the old codger is losing it ever since his battle with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named," the man who'd snorted said loudly.

Lupin swallowed hard, remembering that particular night and all that had taken place far too clearly.

"Who's to say You-Know-Who won't control the Ministry eventually?" The man who snorted continued.

"I don't know. All I know is that Dumbledore can protect us now and he won't use us in the way You-Know-Who will. Dumbledore wants the best for our kind," Lupin explained, wondering why it sounded like he was pleading.

He didn't know why he would plead. There was really nothing left to plead for. Perhaps he was pleading for his desire to avoid another beating. The other two men looked sold on their opinions but Finn, the biggest of the lot, looked closer to taking Lupin's side than anyone had to date. Although that wasn't really much.

"The best for our kind is what Voldemort offers," the man who snorted shot back. "Throats and freedom. What else could we want?"

Lupin kept looking at Finn, begging and pleading now, but he could see the desire in Finn's eyes to listen to the other man. Finn finally locked eyes with the other man and Lupin dropped his head with a heavy sigh.

"Dumbledore offers us collars and restrictions, Voldemort promises us the world, and Greyback, well he gives us control, even over Voldemort," the man who snorted said, his voice rising with pride.

"Do you believe Greyback has any control over Voldemort?" Lupin asked, looking away from Finn and looking to this man.

"Yes," he said instantly.

"You think a man as strong and powerful as Voldemort will be stopped by Greyback? The man he hasn't bothered to even grant the same privileges or skills as a Death Eater?"

The man's face faltered and Lupin thought for a second he'd verbally backed him into a corner, but then he smiled.

"This comes from the man who was too weak to even be a part of Greyback's pack, who ran, tail between his legs, back to Dumbledore?" He asked maliciously.

Finn looked back at him, his brows knitted. The riddle that was Lupin's life was not well understood or published, but this man obviously knew.

"I can't deny what happened, nor say I am proud of my decision, but you do not have to go through what I did. Dumbledore offers us all more, without trials and tribulations. He doesn't make us choose," Lupin said, pushing away more memories that threatened to cripple him as he spoke.

"Dumbledore could forgive a little slip because of Werewolf instincts?" The man asked, the taunting smile back on his face.

Lupin opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it again. He didn't have a good response, only because he didn't know if Dumbledore would forgive something like that, as he'd never done it.

"This isn't the only way of life for us," Lupin said more to Finn and the other man, ignoring the man who was still smiling.

The smiling man broke out in a hearty laugh.

"You see, no one truly accepts us, we're expected to be trained, like this dog. Do you even know what happens to a real werewolf at the hands of the world?"

"Yes, I have experienced the same prejudice's as you all," Lupin said indignantly.

"No you haven't," the other man beside Finn said, and the smiling man looked slightly taken aback to have been interrupted. "You had Dumbledore. I know you did. You taught me. You've known nothing like I have."

Lupin finally looked at him, he was by far younger than the other two. It almost seemed odd to him that he hadn't noticed. Obviously he'd been bitten after school, and it tugged at Lupin's heartstrings to think of him knowing a life without this aliment, and then suddenly having to deal with it.

"He can do the same with you all. He forgives, and he trusts, and he's fighting the good fight. Greyback can promise you things, but only with a price," Lupin said.

The young boy looked back at him, his eyes alight with defiance. He looked angrier than even the smiling man had. Lupin stared at him, fighting the battle of wills he knew he had on his hands. He couldn't let this boy go, Lupin knew there was good in him, hidden deep within the bitter resentment.

"You're a traitor," the young boy finally said. "You're a traitor to your own kind."

Lupin closed his eyes for a moment, accepting the defeat.

"Don't you think we couldn't smell it on you? Everyone can. We respect what we've become and we respect what Greyback wants for us. Why would anyone want to turn into you?" The smiling man growled back at him. "Isn't that right Montague?"

The young boy nodded proudly, even if his eyes disagreed with it. Lupin turned to Finn, the only one he had left.

"There's more than this. There's a good fight to be fought and we're not on the right side. Dumbledore can promise us more in the long run," Lupin begged.

Finn stared between the two sets of people. When he finally turned back to Lupin, he knew there wasn't even a point in arguing anymore, his mind was made up.

"I'm not like you. I'm not a traitor and I have no place for Dumbledore's new Snape here with us," Finn said in a steely tone of voice.

Before Lupin could even respond, though he wouldn't have really bothered anyway, something knocked him off his feet and he flew out of the cave, hitting something hard. When the bright white lights finally stopped popping behind his eyes, Lupin stood, realising he'd hit a tree trunk with his head. It was a relief to only be ejected by a wand this time, and not by their own hands like usual, but still, the bumps and bruises were accumulating far too quickly. Lupin could only ponder on the last thing he'd been called. The new Severus Snape.

He'd known about Snape's mission from being in the Order, but he didn't know it was public knowledge, though perhaps those men had been thinking Dumbledore was being betrayed. Either way, the joke of Snape being Dumbledore's toy had been something Lupin heard a lot about lately. Was Dumbledore playing with him now? Lupin shook the through from his mind like he would to get water from his ears. Dumbledore wouldn't use him. In fact, it had been Lupin's idea to leave. All of it couldn't help but allow Lupin think about the last time he'd seen Snape.

* * *

It had been right after he'd asked to be sent on his mission. It had been the last amount of compassion he'd encountered until Tonks. What he'd been holding in from his conversation with Dumbledore sat on the surface, bubbling over and Lupin tried, almost impossibly, to hold it in. The night had long caught up with him, and tiredness sat over him like some never-ending and smothering blanket. He didn't even let the thought of what he had ahead of him enter his frame of mind, as it would only cripple him. He'd decided their fate long ago, but the conversation he'd just had with Dumbledore sealed _his_ fate.

He had told him he'd go on the werewolf mission and he knew it was the best thing to do. It was the right choice. Now he had Tonks to deal with. But it would be more humane to slip out without her finding out and that was what he told himself, he was doing it to be kind, but part of him knew otherwise. He didn't want the fight and he didn't want the tears, he couldn't have handled them.

The niggling thought of leaving without a word added to the melting pot that was his feelings, and it pushed him beyond recognition. The now common, and very familiar, burning sensation behind his eyes arrived, and he struggled to find something to grip a hold of as his feelings threatened to pull him away. He placed both hands on the banister atop Dumbledore's moving staircase and hung his head.

Sirius flashed through his mind and Lupin pushed it away, begging it to leave him alone, if only for a moment. He fought away the guilt with the knowledge he was doing the right thing. Feelings would have to take a backseat, and, as unaware of how much feeling would enter his mind frame the moment he saw Tonks next, Lupin naively made the plan to take the stiff upper lip approach.

As he struggled with himself, one single tear broke from his barrier. It pushed through the wall he'd been building without his knowledge and landed on the plush carpet beneath his feet. With a sigh, Lupin hung his head completely, knowing he couldn't fight this wave. He turned back to the Dumbledore's door, his hand already on the door handle, wanting someone to pull him free, or at least fight it with him, but then he stopped.

He rested his head against the cold hard wood, pulling himself together. Dumbledore had seen enough of him, everyone had. After a few more moments, Lupin heard a small cough from his left. He turned and found the face of Snape staring back at him with the usual sneer. Lupin tired to draw himself to full height, but his body wouldn't quite allow it and he seemed to slump slightly with another sigh. He'd never known pain to cripple him in the way it had been of late. Lupin didn't bother to wipe his face, there was truly no point as Snape had seen what had taken place.

Snape met his eyes, and even Lupin could feel himself trying to fight the urge to need him, to need anyone. It had been the tiniest of moment's, the ones where one assumes if they'd blinked they would have missed it, but Snape's face seemed to soften in sympathy at the sight of Lupin as broken as he was. But then, as if Snape had remembered who he was, his face returned to the same impassive sneer Lupin had been greeted with. Still Snape didn't look away, and Lupin could have been mistaken, but his eyes seemed almost kind. The two men stood on the tiny landing, just staring at each other, both feeling things they were unaware the other had felt just as hard, and in the one case, about the same person.

"I'm sorry about…" Snape muttered, his eyes opening in surprise that perhaps he had spoken what he'd been thinking, and then his words trailed off.

The sentence did not need to be finished for Lupin to understand what he'd meant. Sirius. Silence descended upon them, thick and heavy with awkwardness, but Lupin was entirely grateful for the words, however they had been said and even if they may not have been meant. It was the first time Lupin had really noticed how similar the two were. Men who'd lost everything. The two stared at each other once more, and then, in a response Lupin felt capable of, he nodded curtly, as did Snape. Snape then swept passed Lupin, his long dark cloak billowing because of the sudden movement and change in air, and Lupin moved off into the unknown, so unaware of what was to take place with Tonks and how much harder things were about to get.

* * *

The memory of Snape was vivid as ever, and it had solidified what Dumbledore had always said about him. There was good in him, somewhere deep beneath the sneer and the snide remarks. Lupin picked up himself up from the ground, still rubbing the back of his head where a lump had formed. The night was cold, and Lupin hugged his arms closer to himself in the hope of warmth. But it didn't come. After weeks of staggering around, food coming in rare occasions, Lupin was thinner than he'd been in a while and after months and months of living with Molly's cooking, it was not as easy as it had once been to survive on nothing.

Still he pushed on, trying hard to not care, but finding it too hard. That was his problem. Lupin cared. He'd always cared and it always seemed to find him in trouble. There was fire in a cave further up the mountains, so Lupin trudged towards it. He found, as he'd suspected, a group of men cramped in the tiny crevice. They jumped up in a flash at the sight of him, and one of them, neither the biggest nor the smallest, stepped forwards.

"Are you one of us?" He asked, his voice sharp and demanding.

"Yes," Lupin said, not really knowing for sure, but assuming that he meant werewolves.

One of them men in background titled his head in a contemplating way and although Lupin picked it up, he was too exhausted and sore to worry. The man who'd titled his head, who looked familiar when his face came into the light, leaned forwards and said something Lupin couldn't hear to the man at the front. The man out the front nodded and then turned to Lupin, a look in his eye that was unsettling.

"Are you for Greyback?" He asked, his voice sounding too controlled

"Yes," Lupin mumbled without hesitation as the desire for comfort, for protection and for company was far higher than his pride or his mission.

"Then you are welcome," he said far too quickly, falling back to join the others.

Lupin sat in front of the fire, his head hazy from tiredness, and eventually he curled up on the ground and fell asleep the second his eyes closed.

* * *

Something poked Lupin hard in the ribs, and he batted it away, knowing it was just Tonks trying to wake him so she could confront him with some devious plan fro their day. Even though he would never have told her, he knew he would enjoy whatever plan she had, purely because she was there. He could hold her to himself all day. The next poke was harder and Lupin found it strange, as Tonks rarely got that rough unless something had happened. Lupin wanted to open his eyes, but they were heavy and as he lifted one eyelid slowly, his delusion of Tonks flickered away in a second. What greeted him instead, was Greyback, smiling maliciously.

"Hello friend," he said, sounding far too happy and stressing the word _friend_. "Don't I have plans for you."

Lupin's eyelids crashed closed again, exhaustion taking over. He didn't care anymore. He couldn't care, there was nothing left in him to care. What could you possibly take from a man who had nothing left to give?

**To be continued…**


	58. The Crossing of the Line

**I'm currently aware you all may hate me, but I'm sorry! I have not forgotten about this and I won't until it's finished, I've just been out of range of internet.**

**It's summer here, so I'm on holiday. I'd like to point out that after writing this one, I've decided that Snape has a bit of fun to be had in some chapters ahead. He's so good to write!**

**Anyway, I came home yesterday and have been writing ever since. I've even made this an extra long chapter to make up for my slackness!! Forgive me?**

**Lots of things happening right now! A few you may disagree with, more you will understand after next chapter, and some that may excite you.**

**Reviews are always loved and always appreciated!**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 56**

The ceiling was just too plain. In a way it reflected everything that it's onlooker felt. It was an off beige colour, not quite plain, but not quite colourful enough to be classified as anything else. Just like Nymphadora Tonks, the ceiling was stuck between what it should have been, what it was, and what it wanted to be. Tonks had been staring at the ceiling for hours, lying flat on her back in her bed. Sleep was her enemy, but more than ever, she wished for it to be her friend. She wanted the ability to sleep for an entire night back. She hadn't lost so much sleep since her N.E.W.T.S. Still; she stared at the ceiling, waiting for whatever was sure to hit her soon.

It would be either Lupin, her complete lack of personality, Sirius, her inability to maintain any kind of conversation, her failure to transform even her hair, or her falling performance at work, but one of them was going to get her soon, and it would take her over. It was the same battle she fought every night. More often that not, Lupin won. He overtook her mind, body and soul, and every night she swore to herself that every single one of her problems could be traced back to him. No matter how hard she tried hard to shoulder the blame, not complain, and carry on as normal, it seemed to be getting harder without so much as a word from him.

It escaped her mind more than ever that he had allowed her to write to him. That he'd left a little owl that supposably knew where to find him. The owl would flutter around on her windowsill, but rarely did Tonks notice it. In fact she hardly noticed anything. She rolled over onto her side, staring out of her big bedroom window. The moon had long since gone, and she was just waiting for the pinky-orange of the sunrise to fill her room so she knew she could get out of bed. In all its painstaking glory, it had been a full moon that night. It meant a month had passed.

A whole month since she had last been with him, held him, kissed him, and even worse, spoken to him. She missed that the most. She missed her friend. The sun rose as Tonks stared blankly back at her ceiling, letting thoughts fall in and out of her head. Part of her craved for the torment to be over, she wanted to curl up into a ball and just give up, but another part, the part Tonks hated, needed to feel the way she did. It was the only part of him she had to hold onto, the only memory that he truly had existed.

* * *

Work went on without incident, as almost everything did at the moment. Until Tonks finally got to start her mission at Hogwarts, there was very little of importance happening. It was all about planning, and Tonks hated to plan. She wanted to sink her teeth into some work, and block out the way she felt, but it wasn't happening. They had Auror meetings with Dumbledore, during which Tonks avoided private moments with him after, though it was very obvious he wanted to speak to her alone. Kinglsey had even said so. Tonks didn't want to be alone with him, for reasons she couldn't quite understand, and she also couldn't stand to have his eyes staring right through her. It made her feel raw and naked whenever his eyes swept by her, like he could see deep down into her soul in a way no one else could.

She knew that he knew more about Lupin and her than had ever been explained, she could see it in his stare, in the way he spoke and the way he moved. It seemed to seep out of his pores that he cared, but Tonks couldn't face it. Something about him made her not want his pity or his advice, which was a first. In fact, the longer he looked at her, the more she seemed to be angry, with no idea why.

"Are you ready for your mission?" Kingsley asked, as he walked by her cubicle late in the afternoon.

"I think so," Tonks replied meekly, trying to avoid his gaze.

Kingsley had been worrying about her, as had Moody, but she never wanted the pity, she wanted help, but she had no idea how to ask for it.

"I'm sure you'll enjoy being out on the job after the year re-typing files," Kingsley said with a smile.

Tonks gave a hollow laugh, which Kinglsey picked up on.

"If you need to pull out, you know that's okay, don't you?" Kinglsey asked, dropping down on bended knee to be on her level.

"It won't be a problem. I'll be fine," Tonks mumbled.

Kingsley gave her the same condescending look she always got, and then, changing tack, he smiled at her.

"Molly wanted me to pass on a message," said Kingsley in a low voice. "She received your owl, and said it's fine for you to visit her tonight. She also said you're more than welcome for dinner with everyone at the usual time."

"Thanks," Tonks said with a forced smile, and then, with a big goodbye, Kingsley was gone, leaving Tonks to herself.

* * *

Tonks waited until the sun had gone down, and then, apparated over to the Burrow. Today had felt impossible, and it seemed to come in waves for her. She blamed herself, and part of her thanked Merlin she had Molly to see tonight. She crossed the yard, marvelling at how familiar this place had become to her of late. She knocked on the back door, and after loud footsteps and the usual checking of who was at the door, the bright happy face of Molly greeted her. She was wearing her usual green dressing gown and she looked just as content to see Tonks as ever, but as usual, there was the same amount of worry hidden deep within her eyes. Ever since Arthur's promotion she seemed to be getting more and more frightened by the day.

"Tonks," Molly said warmly as she pulled her into a big hug. "How are you dear?"

"Oh, I've been better," Tonks mumbled as they walked inside.

Molly gave her half a smile and then turned to the stove as Tonks sat at the table, throwing her cloak over the chair.

"Have you heard anything from him?" Tonks asked Molly, like she had many times, always trying to mask the hope in her voice.

Molly shook her head and then turned back to the tea for a moment.

"I don't think he has the time to write, dear. Have things gotten any better?" she asked, sounding hopeful herself.

Tonks shook her head slowly as she grabbed the floating teacup near her and took a sip.

"I just can't help but blame myself," Tonks mumbled.

"Why's that?"

"Well maybe if I was different, if I wasn't the way I am, he wouldn't have left. Maybe if I'd never lost that battle with Bellatrix things would have– "

"Tonks," Molly said, cutting across her and sounding almost stern. "Nothing is your fault, especially what took place that night. This is about Remus, not you; it's not your fault. You're a wonderful, beautiful woman dear, and you should know that."

Tonks looked away from Molly, almost afraid of the determination in her face. Instead, she stared down into her teacup, letting what had been said wash over her.

"I don't. Not anymore," Tonks said regretfully.

Molly seemed to stare at her for a second; she looked almost gob-smacked at what she'd just heard.

"Tonks," Molly announced, sounding very serious. "I shouldn't need to tell you how wonderful you are, you should be able to see it. Look at my own family; they adore you, and the entire Order as well. Ginny was just yesterday begging me to kick Fleur out and make you marry Bill. You're a special witch Tonks, gifted and lovely, and Remus doesn't change that, in fact he saw it, everyone did, and still does. You're a wonderful person Tonks."

Tonks looked up at Molly, almost hauntingly reminded of her own mother, who'd told her very similar things only days before. The same question always popped up in her mind when people said things about her being so great, if it was true, then why did he leave? This time, she swallowed it, not wanting to pity herself any longer.

"I'm sorry," Tonks muttered.

For what?" Molly asked, knitting her brow as she took a sip of tea.

"For always coming over and taking up all your time with my whinging," Tonks said with a sigh.

"Dear, I said you were always welcome, and I meant it. And as for your whinging, I haven't heard you whinge once, what you're going through is completely understandable, and I'm happy to be here for you."

Tonks looked at Molly, taking in the look of care shining out of her eyes. It was almost breath taking to know she cared so much about her.

"Thank you," Tonks said, meeting her hard gaze, and Molly smiled. "How's everyone doing?"

"Everyone's fine, or at least they would be if we could get rid of _someone_ in particular. Ginny's been asking about you, she's worried, and Ron is delighted Harry's coming tomorrow, and as for the twins, well…"

Molly continued speaking about her family, and Tonks listened, but then, after an hour or so, a silence settled upon them. In the silence Tonks was reminded of why she was there, though it was hard to truly forget anyway. Even without the deep sigh Tonks made, she knew Molly had caught up to where she was.

"It will be okay dear, you know that, don't you?" Molly asked.

Tonks shrugged. In truth, she didn't have an answer. She'd never felt the way she did. She'd never really loved someone, and Lupin had made all her previous relationships seem childish. She had no idea if she was ever going to be the way she was, because never in her life, had she ever wished to be anyone but herself. Silence settled over them, and this time Tonks took a deep sip of her tea, before hanging her head.

"I should have known, I mean, I should have listened to him when he said he was leaving. I just didn't think it would happen."

"I don't think anyone did dear," Molly said earnestly.

"I did. I had an inkling. I could see it coming, and I just ignored it, because I was too happy, and I thought it'd go away. I stupidly thought he loved me," Tonks added miserably, staring into her now empty mug.

"He does. From everything you've told me, I couldn't believe it more. There's just a fair bit going on and– "

There was a faint noise outside, and instantly Molly stopped speaking and her eyes darted at the wonderful clock she owned, before turning fearfully back to the door. The noises only got louder, until finally there was a knocking at the door. Molly looked almost beyond worry, and Tonks had only noticed just how late it was.

"Who's there?" Molly said, her voice exploding with nerves. "Declare yourself!"

Tonks saw Molly reach blindly across the table for her wand as she kept her eyes on the door. Just as Molly grabbed hers, Tonks slipped her hand into the pocket of her jeans and put her hand around her wand, just in case.

"It is I," a voice said, and instantly it made Tonks' stomach tense up, as she knew who it was. "Dumbledore, bringing Harry."

Molly pulled the door open and from over the top of her head, Tonks could see the long silver hair of Dumbledore.

"Harry, dear!" Molly exclaimed happily. "Good gracious Albus, you gave me a fright, you said not to expect you before morning."

"We were lucky," Dumbledore said as he ushered Harry over the threshold. "Slughorn proved much more persuadable than I expected. Harry's doing of course."

Dumbledore smiled proudly at Harry and Molly and Tonks removed her hand from her pocket. She grasped her hands back around her mug, wondering if it would be impolite to leave now. She was pleased to see Harry, and by extension, Dumbledore, but there was little she could offer and memories from the first time she'd ever met Harry were piling up inside. Molly seemed to deflate slightly, knowing Harry was safe at the Burrow, though Tonks had forgotten he was coming tonight.

Harry looked more grown up than ever. He hadn't turned around, but the effect of his height seemed to radiate how old he was now. He seemed lighter than she had expected him too, especially after what had happened only a month or so ago, but then again, he had already coped with more than most people do in a lifetime. By comparison, it made Tonks feel foolish and child-like for behaving the way she was.

"Ah, hello, Nymphadora!" Dumbledore added after finally spotting her when Harry moved completely inside.

Harry's head instantly turned and his bright green eyes seemed to pierce her own. He smiled at her and Tonks shifted her eyes away.

"Hello, Professor," Tonks mumbled, before looking back at Harry with very forced cheeriness. "Wotcher Harry."

"Hi, Tonks," Harry said brightly.

In his eyes, Tonks could see the confusion, and she could feel Dumbledore watching her, and it was bringing on the urge to cry, so Tonks stood quickly. Harry was staring between all the adults in the room, obviously confused.

"I better be off, Tonks said quickly, before grabbing her cloak and looking to Molly. "Thanks for the tea and sympathy, Molly."

She found Dumbledore's eyes again, but avoided them, pretending she was trying to do a once over of the room in case she'd forgotten something.

"Please, don't leave on my account," Dumbledore said courteously. "I cannot stay, I have urgent matters to discuss with Rufus Scrimgeour."

"No, no, I need to get going," Tonks said, trying to sound forceful, but not meeting his eyes again. "Night– "

"Dear, why not come to dinner at the weekend?" Molly interrupted, looking hopeful. "Remus and Mad-Eye are coming– "

"No, really, Molly…thanks anyway," Tonks said politely, trying to get out before the burning feeling behind her eyes intensified. "Goodnight everyone."

Tonks hurried past everyone without looking at them, and then turned on the spot once she was in the yard.

* * *

She landed right in her living room. Instantly she put her head in her hands, trying desperately to stop the tears that were forming. She didn't know why she was crying, but she'd long given up trying to understand what was wrong with her. Eventually, after she'd calmed herself down, another feeling took her over. Frustration, at herself, Dumbledore and Lupin. Her eyes darted around the flat, taking in everything that was there. Of course she'd never match up to someone like Lupin. What did she have to offer? She was just a child, a silly pathetic little child. It was almost surprising he'd been with her in the first place. What kind of adult still had posters of their favourite Quidditch team on their walls? Or pictures of her and her friends pulling stupid faces? She even had posters of rock bands littered around the place.

Tonks crossed the room and ripped down one of her Weird Sisters posters, tearing it in two accidently. She scrunched it up and threw it away in anger. Tonks moved around the entire room, tearing things down or throwing them away. By the time she was finished the entire apartment was completely empty, just like she was, and there she stood in the middle, her chest heaving from lack of breath and her mind giving away from the anger it had been pumping. The longer she looked around at her completely bare walls, the more her legs gave out. Until all she could do was fall onto the couch, tears sliding down her cheeks and wonder when on earth things were ever going to get better.

* * *

Weeks seemed to pass in a haze, and before she knew it July was at an end. With Harry at the burrow, Tonks didn't go there as often as she'd have liked, she usually only managed some time just after meetings. Molly continued extending invitations for dinners, but with the thought of Harry and Fleur, Tonks struggled to even want to accept. With the disappearance of Florean Fortescue, the Auror department had been kicked into overdrive. It wasn't until the thirtieth that Tonks was sent on a mission, and thankfully this one involved Kingsley. Igor Karkaroff had been found dead in a cabin up north, in Scotland, so Kingsley, Tonks and a few others apparated right near the house once they'd been given the all clear.

Instantly upon arrival, Tonks' Auror instincts kicked in, however surprising it was that she still had them. Together they all scouted out the perimeter, but there was no chance he was alive, the dark mark was shining high over the cabin. The green light emanating from it was almost blinding in the darkness. Kingsley got rid of it with a flick of his wand, and they all walked through the doorway, stepping carefully over the broken down door. With Tonks and Kingsley were two members of the Magical Reversal department, who immediately got to work checking for any signs of magic. Tonks found Igor in the very back room; obviously he'd tried to run when he heard them, as the back door was unlocked and his wand was in his hand.

"No sign of anyone else here," Kingsley said, as he stepped into the back laundry to join Tonks. "Perry's given the bedrooms the all clear as well."

"I can't believe he lasted a year," Tonks mumbled staring down at Karkoff's lifeless body.

"Nor can I. After he deserted the Death Eaters I expected him dead within days," Kingsley added.

"So, do we leave him or move him?" Tonks asked, looking up at Kinglsey.

'It's up the Reversal boys, we just get to do the usual Dark Arts check," Kinglsey said with a bit of a smile, as obviously the stupidity of checking for signs of the Dark Arts wasn't lost on him either.

Tonks and Kingsley set to work on the house, finding any signs of Death Eaters, or plans, but as they'd both expected, the house was completely clean. As the other men set to work setting it up to look like a muggle murder, Kinglsey and Tonks were left on their own and had taken up a spot sitting outside. Tonks was staring up at the stars; admiring how beautiful they were once you were outside London.

"Are you coming tomorrow?" Kingsley asked finally after a few minutes of peaceful silence.

"For Harry's birthday dinner?"

"Yes," Kingsley asked, his voice sounding calm and soothing as always.

"No, I've got to start preparing for Hogwarts according to Scrimgeour. We only get there a week before the students go back, it's unbelievable. Do they seriously think we can get it all done by then? Proudfoot won't even tell me the plans, apparently it's a security risk," Tonks complained, rolling her eyes.

"So, it has nothing to do with who Molly told me was coming?" Kinglsey asked, looking at Tonks with a concerned expression.

Tonks knitted her brow in confusion. She hadn't heard of anyone other than some of the Order and the Weasleys.

"Who's coming?"

Kinglsey stared at her for a moment, obviously checking to see if she was kidding or not. After a while he seemed to make up his mind, as he looked away before speaking again.

"No one. I meant Bill and Fleur. She's a handful for almost anyone," Kinglsey lied, badly.

* * *

After another week or so of preparations, the day of Tonks' arrival at Hogwarts had finally come. The morning was spent double-checking the Hogsmeade train station, followed by raids on every shop still open in Hogsmeade. Tonks had never seen the place look so miserable. Zonko's had gone, Honeydukes was on restrictions, and posters filled the windows of the shops about Death Eaters or Safety precautions in case of Death Eaters. The whole day was exhausting, and the only thing to make the bad day worse, was the knowledge she had to meet with Dumbledore and some of the staff the very next day.

* * *

Tonks awoke the next morning upstairs in The Three Broomsticks, the place she would call home for whichever week she was nominated to be on guard. She made her way up to the castle with Sherwood and Proudfoot and a few of the others. They went straight to Dumbledore's office, and were greeted by the man himself, as well as Snape, McGonagall, Sprout, who gave Tonks a very enthusiastic greeting, and Flitwick.

"The object of today's meeting, is for all parties to be on par with the new safety measures Hogwarts will be enforcing in light of recent circumstance," Dumbledore announced, when everyone had finished greeting each other. "In saying that, I hand over to the Auror's to walk us all through their plans."

Tonks slunk into the back of their small group, not keen to say much, and left it all up to Proudfoot, who was always going to take charge anyway. By the time he'd finished explaining the plan for nighttime patrols, constant guard in Hogsmeade and the desire to have Sneakoscopes in most rooms of the castle, Dumbledore was smiling politely.

"Well, thank-you very much Proudfoot, Your additions to our security will help us no end. You may all leave us for now, except for Nymphadora. I daresay, being the youngest, she could use some extra tuition," Dumbledore said, winking at Tonks.

The rest of the Auror's stared around at her and then each other, so obviously confused as to why anyone would want to talk to Tonks instead of them.

"Albus, I think it's best if I stay to hear what you– " Proudfoot started to say, looking affronted.

"No, Proudfoot, I think Miss Tonks here is quite capable of hearing what someone has to say without a more senior Auror to translate it for her," Dumbledore said politely and Proudfoot stood there looking bewildered.

Tonks nearly laughed at just how peculiar the scene was, with Dumbledore looking obliviously happy, staring off into the distance with a complacent smile, and Proudfoot almost livid by his abrupt dismissal. After a few more minutes of stunned silence, Proudfoot and the other Auror's left. At first Tonks was silently happy to be without them, and keen to discuss what the Order was going to be doing, but when Dumbledore's eyes rested upon her again, her mind changed entirely. She felt quite deflated and lonely without the others, as she had no one to hide behind.

"It is, of course, rather obvious as to why I have kept you, and you only, Nymphadora," Dumbledore said.

He ushered Tonks towards a seat near McGonagall and Tonks quickly obliged.

"Aside from the Ministry's desires for this school, I have taken it upon myself to upgrade my own securities," Dumbledore said.

"Naturally," McGonagall added, with the hint of a smile on her face.

"I will request co-operation from you all, as my absences from this school will be frequent, just as they have been in the last few months," Dumbledore explained, looking mainly at the staff. "Am I accurate in assuming I have your assistance?"

"Of course," Flitwick squeaked.

"Always," Sprout said.

Tonks looked across at the rest of the group she was with as McGonagall gave her declaration of support, and she found the cold black eyes of Snape looking back at her. He was staring at her in a way she'd never seen before. Somewhere deep in his black eyes, was curiosity. Snape, after a few moments of staring at Tonks like she was some kind of peculiar object, looked back at Dumbledore and nodded curtly. Tonks continued looking at him, her brow arching with confusion. Snape had never struck her as curious; he'd always seemed too arrogant to ever admit there was something he didn't know, so she had no idea what had caused the sudden change. Tonks turned back to Dumbledore, just noticing he had been speaking all the time she'd been concentrating on Snape, and that he was talking to her as well.

"So the Order will be on stand by to help you, more especially in the event of my absence. I need not teach you how to perform a talking patronus do I?"

"No sir, you taught me last year," Tonks mumbled, not quite meeting his gaze.

"Excellent. Well the people to contact will be Moody, Kingsley, Remus…"

Instantly, it was like the world had flipped, and her stomach had joined it. For a brief second she looked down, away from everyone. From the corner of her eye she saw Snape's head turn towards her, and in an act of defiance against him, she lifted her eyes again to face Dumbledore.

"Is that all understandable Nymphadora?" Dumbledore asked, and Tonks nodded. "If it is at all possible, reports every now and again from you, will be very well received."

Dumbledore smiled and Tonks forced herself to do the same as she nodded, not liking the pitying look in his eye.

"Well, if no one has anything more to share, I feel it is time to move on and continue our own individual preparations for this Sunday," Dumbledore announced, sounding far more upbeat than he had in the last few minutes.

Everyone stood up from their chairs, and knowing that the kind of looks she'd just received from Snape, usually resulted in a conversation, Tonks moved fastest towards the door.

"Nymphadora," came Dumbledore's voice and she stopped instantly, dropping her hand from the doorknob. "A word?"

The rest of the group walked by her, all smiles and full of happy goodbyes, except Snape, and then Tonks turned back to face Dumbledore.

"Please, sit," he said when the door had finally been shut.

Tonks walked up and took McGonagall's now empty seat, as it was the one directly in front of Dumbledore's desk.

"Are you settling in at Hogsmeade?" Dumbledore asked, in such a way that she knew this was not the reason she'd been called back, but a polite formality.

"Yes, sir," Tonks replied in a small voice.

Tonks took a moment to look around his office, noting that she'd hardly done so during the course of their meeting. She'd been in this position before, many times in fact with school, Dumbledore staring down at her, waiting for her to admit some kind of reason for her behaviour or wrong-doing, and every time he always chuckled to himself whenever she gave her explanation, and it never resulted in punishment. This time felt entirely different. Dumbledore was waiting for a truth, she could tell, but it wasn't one she wanted to give. He would not chuckle this one off like usual and there would be no need for punishment, as she was living with it every day. She avoided his eyes, worried that perhaps she would tell him everything, or worse, she would let the strange burning feeling in her chest escape. This feeling wasn't the one she was used to, this one made her want to yell at Dumbledore.

"Nymphadora is there a particular reason as to why I'm beginning to feel you are angry with me?" Dumbledore asked, folding his hands in front of him, his blackened hand on complete show.

Tonks paused, swallowing hard. Could the man read minds now?

"No, sir," Tonks lied, knowing she'd crack, like all those times before, if she looked him directly in the eye.

"It would not have anything to do with Remus and his Order mission would it? Perhaps you blame me for what transpired?"

Tonks' jaw could have dropped to the floor. First of all, he had hit the nail directly on the head, but to top it off, he knew about Tonks and Lupin, just like she had long suspected. It was unbelievable. Tonks took a second to recover from the shock and then, pulling herself together and swallowing the burning feeling behind her eyes, Tonks spoke again.

"No, sir," she said, meeting his gaze defiantly and trying to blink away the tears that were forming.

Dumbledore stared over her for a few more seconds, not looking entirely pleased with the response, but he then quickly rearranged his face into the same pitying smile she received from everyone. It seemed to make the burning feeling explode in her chest.

"If that's the case then– "

"You know he'd go," Tonks muttered, her voice cold as she broke their gaze and looked away.

"Pardon?" Dumbledore said in a light tone.

"You can't do this," Tonks said, gaining her voice back slightly.

"What is it I've done? Forgive me, I'm a fraction lost."

"You knew he'd go, even if you gave him the option to say no. He's going to get hurt, and you knew he'd go anyway, because he's always just been there, and he thinks he owes the world to you," Tonks said, holding back the part of her that wanted to yell what she'd just said at him.

"Are you accusing me of manipulating him?" Dumbledore asked, not sounding angry or harsh, but raising his eyebrows at her sudden outburst.

"Maybe," Tonks said, dropping her voice as she realised how grave an insult that could sound.

"Have not, perhaps, thought that your close relationship with the man is clouding your judgement?" Dumbledore questioned, as calmly as ever.

Tonks opened her mouth to speak, but then closed it again. She didn't have a response to something that was so blatantly true. She stared at him like he was an idiot for even asking it and for a second she thought she saw Dumbledore smile. Though she did not know it, he rather liked receiving that look. It had been a long time since anyone had looked at him in that way, and to him, it was rather refreshing to have someone be that honest.

"I am aware that Remus, however much he wishes to disagree, is as human as the next man, but he is still impeded by Lycanthropy and no body else in the Order can do what I asked him to," Dumbledore continued.

"So it doesn't matter what happens to the rest of us after you forced him to leave?"

Dumbledore blinked a few times, opened his mouth, and then closed it again. When he finally spoke, his voice sounded different, as if he'd just changed tact.

"I have not deliberately sort out to hurt anybody Nymphadora," he explained calmly again.

"But you knew he'd go," Tonks said, fighting the tears that were coming to the surface. "You knew he'd do it and you don't even care what you're going to do to him. He's lost everything, why make him lose anything else?"

Tonks looked away, trying to keep her tears at bay, but she felt one slide down her cheek. Like a traitor, it landed on Dumbledore's carpet, showing everything she had felt, though Dumbledore had already seen it in her eyes. Her chest was heaving from toll it had taken to try and keep her voice steady throughout all of this.

"While I appreciate any kind of criticism of my ideas," Dumbledore said coolly, as Tonks looked away, furiously blinking. "Remus is the best man for the job, and there is no other way to gain insight into that world without using him."

Tonks wanted to yell at Dumbledore more; she wanted to yell, scream and blame him, because for a moment it allowed her to believe he had run off because of Dumbledore and not because of her. On a certain level she knew Dumbledore understood it, which is why it made yelling at him seem reasonable. It made acts of insanity understandable, and logical, but love was never logical and it was not truly Dumbledore's fault.

Dumbledore had not wanted to say it had been Lupin's idea to leave, he knew enough to know that it was keeping her going to blame him. So he let her live the lie, hoping it would help her, but knowing, if she loved Lupin as much as she seemed to, Tonks was a long way of being better and blaming Dumbledore would not help as much as he wanted it to. Not wanting to say anything more, as now, even though she wanted to scream at him more, and by extension at herself, she felt foolish. So Tonks turned on her heel and left, waiting until she got into her room at The Three Broomsticks, before she really started crying.

* * *

Thankfully the entirety of Tonks' work around Hogwarts for the week leading up to the beginning of the semester, didn't involve Dumbledore, or any of the staff for that matter. She couldn't face him. Not after what she'd said. She had a new layer of hurt to add to her massively growing ball of it. As much as she tried, and tried, to blame Dumbledore, she just couldn't. It was her fault, she'd driven him away, and no matter how much her mother, or Molly, tried to tell her otherwise, that was what she believed. Sprout and McGonagall both made their way down on individual occasions and visited her. McGonagall had a message about an Order meeting the following week, but then stayed for tea. She'd wanted to see Hagrid but was unable to. By the Friday Tonks was given the all clear to return home for a night and collect the things she'd need, and without hesitation, Tonks was gone.

* * *

She landed in her flat, and looked around at the bare empty walls she'd become accustomed with. Tonks was about to sit down when a loud hoot startled her. She saw a very old looking owl sitting on her windowsill, Errol to be exact. She crossed the room and untied the letter, before bringing a bowl of water over with her wand for the owl. She then moved to the couch and opened up the letter.

_Dearest Tonks,  
I hope__ your Auror mission was enjoyable.  
I know things have been getting busy in the  
last few weeks, and are only bound to get  
worse, so I was hoping you'd join us all for  
dinner sometime soon. The children leave  
on Sunday, so we were going to be having  
dinner on Saturday, if you wished to join.  
Molly._

Tonks looked up at the clock. The Weasley's always ate around seven, which meant Tonks would get there just in time. She was just grabbing her travelling cloak when something stopped her. Lupin could be there, in fact she'd found out later Lupin had been at Harry's birthday dinner, which hurt more than anything. He hadn't even checked to see if she was all right and he hadn't even bothered to see her. All thought of anything escaped Tonks' mind very quickly, after a huge crash could be heard in the hallway outside. She grabbed her wand and slowly approached the door. There was a loud knock of her door, though sounded more like someone falling against it than an actual knock. She slowly opened the door, and her eyes nearly popped out of her head at the sight before her. She couldn't believe it; standing outside her door was –

"Remus!" Tonks exclaimed, taking in all his wounds and the fact he was swaying on his feet.

He took one look at Tonks and then his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he collapsed right on top of her. Tonks grabbed him and kept him up, getting smeared with blood, dirt or whatever else was all over him. All thought of how angry she was with him, how upset she was, how she felt, were extinguished by the state of him. He looked worse than anyone she ever seen. He was covered in bruises, gashes and by looks of it he had dislocated shoulders and broken bones. His shirt had basically been so tattered that it had become a vest and his pants were completely torn and ripped. He looked thinner and greyer than she had ever remembered. All in all, he looked like he was in agony. Tonks dragged him over to the couch and threw him down.

"Remus," Tonks cried, trying to wake him, but he didn't move. "Remus. Remus!"

Nothing seemed to rouse him, even Tonks pushing him and hitting him. Starting to feel slightly panicked, Tonks ran to the cupboard above her stove. She pulled out dittany and a got herself a bowl of warm water and a cloth. She moved quickly back to him, and instantly started on the gashes, mending some with Dittany, and others with her wand. When she had done as much as she possibly could with his injuries, she started cleaning him up with the cloth and water. Only at this point did feelings return, and her mind became clear enough to actually think. He was here. He was lying right in front of her, going against everything he had promised. He was relying on her to take care of him, he'd come to her, and that had to mean something.

Tonks began moping up his face, taking in all the features she'd worried sometimes she'd just imagined, because they seemed so wonderful. She held his face in her hands, remembering that the last time she had held him so tenderly, which felt like a lifetime ago, they'd kissed. Her hand moved to his lips and her forefinger began tracing over them, taking them in again. It was like riding a broomstick, no matter how long you'd been away from one, you never forgot how to do it, and somehow it was always just exhilarating. Tonks was sitting on the couch, in the gap made between his ribs and shoulder, completely lost in the moment, in what it had the potential to mean. She threaded a hand through his hair, feeling how soft it still was, even with all the grey. Snapping herself from her daze, Tonks began cleaning his face again, but this time, Lupin's arm moved up and caught her wrist

"Tonks," he said breathlessly, not opening his eyes. "I need you. I need Tonks."

"I'm here," was all Tonks could say.

Lupin's hand wove through hers, and then his head fell limp again. For a second Tonks was worried, until she saw he was still breathing. She resumed mopping up his face, all along keeping a firm grip on his hand, reassuring him that she was there and she was never going anywhere.

**To be continued…**


	59. The Punishment

**So there was quite a reaction to the last chapter. Did NOT expect that. I was so sure you'd hate it.**

**Anyway, this is Lupin's way of getting to the last moment in the previous chapter. Also note, Molly will start getting angry at Lupin a little bit later on, she was just a bit shocked at how he looked to really do anything. In fact both Arthur and Molly will put in thier two cents.**

**Reviews would be very helpful! But as always, whatever you can do is fine, I won't push anyone for anything.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 57**

Running. That was what Remus Lupin knew, and that's what he was doing. Running from Greyback, running from the werewolves, running from the world, running from his memories, and running from himself.

* * *

Lupin felt himself being dragged up to stand by Greyback, and he was too exhausted to fight against it. Being ambushed inside a cave by him was not the best way for the run ins to start. All he'd wanted was somewhere to sleep, and the men who'd offered obviously had other plans. Lupin forced his eyes open, and the first thing he saw was that man who'd first questioned him when he'd walked in, and beside him the man who'd looked oddly familiar.

"So do you want to hear my plans, Lupin?" Greyback breathed into his ear, his breath warm against Lupin's neck.

There was no strength left in him to reply, but he finally started fighting away from Greyback's grip.

"I'll take that as yes," Greyback laughed. "Now, I've been wondering about you'd gotten to lately. Then I got a message from Bailey over there, informing me just were you had turned up."

Greyback let go of Lupin, and before Lupin could even back away, ropes from the wand of a man he coudln't see, bound Lupin up, and he had to stand and watch Greyback.

"Why do you think I was so keen to come and see you, my wolfish friend?"

Lupin didn't speak, so aware that Greyback was baiting him.

"I can imagine you would. Care to answer? Or has the cowardice finally caught up and stopped you from speaking?"

Still Lupin didn't respond.

"Fine. I'll tell you myself."

Greyback moved around Lupin, circling his prey.

"See, after I left you weeks ago, I was struck with a thought. What if I needed you?" Greyback posed hypothetically. "I don't have another werewolf like you. No one as smart, and no one so able to blend in with the wizarding world."

Lupin could feel himself growing tense as Greyback circled him; there was something about being surrounded by this man that just made nerves escalate.

"So I've been trying to figure out where you may have gone, and part of me worried that maybe you'd left, and done your old trick, but I was pleasantly surprised to discover you hadn't. In fact, you'd stayed on your mission, a first from you," Greyback baited, smiling fiendishly. "Now I suppose I could be angry at you for trying to publically humiliate me, by talking about me behind my back. But all it really did was show me that perhaps I'd sold you down the river to early. Perhaps the great Remus Lupin has become just as sneaky, just as sly, and just as manipulative as a werewolf should be. Perhaps, I wondered, had Remus Lupin finally grown the spine of a man."

As he continued circling Lupin, his dirty fingernail was tracing around Lupin, slicing open his shirt and then eventually his flesh. Lupin was resisting the strong and building urge to howl in pain as his nail got deeper.

"So, here's you chance Remus. Here's your shot with me again. Here's the moment to prove me wrong from all those years ago, and pick the right choice this time," Greyback finished.

Lupin saw some movement in the small group of werewolves behind Greyback, and then everything seemed to happen in a split second. Lupin saw a flash as someone pulled a wand out, and then he stood ready to receive some punishment.

"_Stupefy_" a husky, yet, familiar voice called out.

Lupin's eyes followed the spell, which, instead of coming at him as he'd expected, went straight for Greyback. It hit him directly in the chest and he flew in the air, landing against the opposite cave wall with a sickening crack.

"_Relashio_" the same voice cried, and it took Lupin a second to notice he was free.

The other men turned around to the man who Lupin had first thought looked familiar when he'd entered the cave earlier than night.

"Run," the man yelled as the others closed in on him, drawing out the wands as Greyback began stirring.

Lupin was frozen to the spot from indecision. Part of him wanted to help the man who'd helped him, and the other part wanted to run, but before he could make up his mind, the decision was made for him.

"_Impedimenta_," the familiar voice shouted.

The spell hit Lupin in the chest, and he flew off his feet and straight out of the cave, hitting the ground and sliding across the gravel. The last thing he could hear before he blacked out, were the screams of a man who sounded miles away.

* * *

Lupin's entire body was aching, especially his chest, and his head was swimming. Slowly he opened his eyes, and everything was blurry. Lupin sat up, pushing through the pain, and began brushing himself off. He had no idea where he was, and realised he must have flown further in the air than he thought. He stood up, which made his head spin, and he nearly blacked out again. He staggered for a few seconds, and then, pulling himself together, he tried to walk back to the cave.

"RUN," a voice yelled again as screams of pain filled the air.

Lupin stopped, still stuck with wanting to run and wanting to help, but this time he took the advice. He ran, and ran, until he came across a town. Lupin sat on the outskirts of the small town, checking to see if it would be possible to enter the way he was. He looked down to discover that his clothes were torn and he was covered in cuts, bruises and dirt. Within seconds he patched up his clothes with his wand and attempted to wash himself. By the time he'd walked into the town he was cleaner, but still shabby. He found himself a bed in an inn, and had a disturbed nights sleep, threaded with dreams about Greyback.

* * *

By morning Lupin awoke to some very loud rain on the roof. He spent the day reading some books that were in his room, but he was distracted enough that he was hardly taking in any of the words. He was thinking about the man who'd helped him, what Greyback wanted, what he was supposed to do now, and how everyone else was. By lunchtime he'd resolved to go home for a while to recuperate. First he'd give all his information to the Order, and then go to Dumbledore for advice. He sent an owl to Kinglsey asking when the next meeting was, and got a reply almost instantly saying it was that night. Just as Lupin was about to leave his room, another owl swooped into the window, and flew straight into the lamp, knocking it off the nightstand. Lupin's quick reflex's allowed him to catch the lamp in mid air with his wand as the owl bounced off the bed.

"Errol," Lupin said, shaking his head and almost smiling for the first time in months.

Errol, once he'd stood up, stuck his leg out and Lupin untied the parchment.

_Remus,  
Kingsley told me you'd be back for the meeting  
tonight, so I wanted to invite you to dinner for  
Harry's birthday. It should just be members of  
the Order and Harry, but nonetheless, I'm sure  
Harry would appreciate your presence.  
Everyone is arriving at about seven, so if that  
suits you, please come. Hope your doing well.  
Molly Weasley._

Lupin looked down at the letter with a building sense of warmth in his stomach. The very idea of having one of Molly's meals and seeing Harry almost seemed to go to be true after what he had endured. He quickly scribbled a reply informing Molly he would most definitely be there and then tied it to Errol. After watching Errol disappear Lupin made his way out as well. As he checked out, the man behind the counter made comments about the owls that seemed to be flying around in the daytime, but thought nothing of it. Lupin hurried out with a quick goodbye and then, on his rush to leave, he bumped into someone.

"I'm sorry," Lupin said immediately, but his jaw almost dropped when he saw whom he'd hit. "Ludo, is that you?"

The man looked directly up at Lupin, his face torn between fear and curiosity.

"I'm sorry I don't know anyone by that name," the man said, trying to shuffle off.

"Ludo, it's Remus Lupin, James Potter's friend."

The man stopped in his tracks and looked up at Lupin, then suddenly a smile broke over his face.

"Remus!" he cried. "What are you doing up here?"

"Some work for Dumbledore," Lupin explained.

"I was sorry to hear about Sirius," Bagman said, placing a hand on Lupin's shoulder. "I only found out a week or so ago, but I felt terrible about it."

"Yes, it was a difficult time," Lupin said dismissively.

"I always liked you three. The amount of time I spent chasing James for the Wasps, heavens knows I became a common fixture with you lot," Bagman laughed.

Lupin half smiled at him, which felt strange to do, and then Bagman suggested they find somewhere to have a drink. Bagman led Lupin towards the edge of the town into a small decrepit bar, which turned out to be a wizard's bar.

"Two glasses of your finest mead," Bagman said to the bartender before turning back to Lupin. "So how is everything in London?"

"I would not know of late, but things were changing when I left," Lupin said, accepting his drink from the burly looking barman.

"Why? How long have you been here?"

"A few months I believe," Lupin explained.

"That's a pretty good effort. Still, it's very strange. I imagined that Dumbledore would have wanted to keep you all quite close these days," Bagman said, his bright blue eyes looking worried.

"I imagine he does, but he has some others."

"Yes, I heard the Order of the Phoenix was back. I'm surprised he didn't pick you again though."

Lupin didn't say anything; he just stared at his glass.

"Unless he did and you're on a mission."

Lupin still didn't say a word, knowing discussing Order business was strictly forbidden.

"But anyway, I suppose the more people we've got working for the good the better. Did you hear about Karkaroff?"

* * *

One of the first things Lupin learnt upon his arrival to the Burrow that night, was that Fleur was now living with the Weasley's, much to the displeasure of Molly. Lupin was quick to shake hands with Harry and wish him a happy birthday and he was very quickly taken aside by Molly and told just how gaunt he looked. By the time dinner was called, Lupin had only just said hello to everyone.

"Why aren't Moody and Kingsley here?" Lupin asked Arthur after he sat down beside him.

"Kingsley's working with the Prime Minister at the moment and can't get alot of time off," Bill said as Fleur took his hand in her own.

"And Moody's got business with Albus he told me. I don't know where anybody else is," Arthur finished handing a glass of mead to Lupin.

"I heard something about Tonks already being at her new postings for work. Though I can't say she'd be up for much anyway. Not with the way she's been lately," Bill added.

Lupin's mouth went dry at the mention of her, and when Arthur looked sideways at him, he tried to pretend that the word Tonks had not affected him. He was going to casually ask what had happened to her, when Molly placed a heaped pile of food in front of him and everyone began eating.

* * *

Conversation wove in and out of the serious and the humorous, but generally things seemed to stay on the lighter side of life. Lupin was happy to learn that Harry was doing so well, especially after having just lost Sirius. It was almost strange to discover that Harry was coping so well, when he was not. But then again, Lupin had always known Harry to be much stronger than his age would allow him to be. It wasn't until the cake was cut, that Lupin was finally asked about any news he'd heard, and he was happy to explain what he'd been told by Bagman.

"There have been another couple of Dementor attacks," Lupin said, as Molly passed him some cake. "And they've found Igor Karkaroff's body in a shack up north. The Dark Mark had been set over it – well, frankly, I'm surprised he stayed alive for even a year after deserting the Death Eaters; Sirius's brother Regulus only managed a few days as far I can remember."

"Yes, well," Molly muttered, frowning at the chosen topic. "Perhaps we should talk about something diff– "

"Did you hear about Florean Fortescue, Remus?" Bill asked as Fleur re-filled his glass of mead. "The man who ran– "

"The ice-cream place in Diagon alley?" Harry interrupted, looking deflated. "He used to give me free ice creams. What's happened to him?"

"Dragged off, by the look of his place," Bill explained.

"Why?" Ron asked.

Lupin looked up after taking a mouthful of cake and found Molly staring darkly at Bill, before shooting a glare at Lupin himself.

"Who knows? He must've upset them somehow. He was a good man Florean," Bill finished, ignoring Molly, who'd been glaring so much her eyes now seemed to be popping out of her head.

"Talking of Diagon Alley," Arthur said, as the uncomfortableness of the moment settled on everyone. "Looks like Ollivander's gone too."

Lupin's head snapped towards him so fast that he could have snapped his neck in two.

"The wand maker?" Ginny asked, holding a fork full of cake in mid air as she'd obviously been about to take a bite.

"That's the one," Arthur said, and Molly sat down in a huff, clearly giving up on her mission to keep things light and happy. "Shop's empty. No sign of a struggle. No one knows whether he left voluntarily, or was kidnapped."

Lupin let the unsettling news wash over him. Sure there were ways around Ollivander's work, but he was a very gifted man. It wasn't until Hermione spoke up that his thoughts were broken.

"But wands – what'll people do for wands?"

"They'll make do with other makers. But Ollivander was the best, and if the other side have got him, it's not so good for us," Lupin explained, and the gloom that sat around them because of Florean seemed to intensify with the newer news.

"Did you hear about everyone's O.W.L.S Remus?" Molly said brightly after a few moments of silence.

* * *

Late in the evening, just after the kids were shuffled off to bed, Bill, Arthur and Molly all seemed to turn to Lupin at the same time. They all had the same look in their eye and Lupin knew exactly what that meant.

"So, how is everything?" Arthur asked as Molly sat down with mugs of tea for everyone.

"Its difficult, much more difficult than I had imagined. The rest of the werewolves are too interested in Greyback's ideas. He knows how to make it sound appealing and he's deluded enough to believe he can overtake Voldemort eventually," Lupin explained with a heavy sigh. "What have I missed?"

"Just disappearances and strange murders. Exactly how it was last time," Arthur said, and Molly gave an odd expression.

"What about the Order? Anymore recruitments?"

"No. Though Dumbledore seems all right with that for now," Bill said.

"The rest of the Order seems to be doing well though. Everyone has their own missions and the rest of us are coming back with reports of what's going on for Dumbledore," Arthur explained.

There was silence as Lupin thought over a few things.

"Remus, things aren't too difficult are they? You look like you've been – " Molly started.

"It hasn't been easy," Lupin interrupted. "The other men are punishing me for my way of life. But that, at least, was what I expected."

Molly gave a grimace but said no more.

"Are you going to see Dumbledore while you're here?" Bill asked.

"Yes."

* * *

The following night found Lupin in Dumbledore's office.

"It's harder Albus, much harder than I ever anticipated," Lupin explained, feeling like he was letting him down in admitting it.

Dumbledore didn't say anything; he just stared from behind his desk. Having known Dumbledore for as long as he had, Lupin knew something more was coming, Dumbledore just wanted to take time.

"How are you coping?" Dumbledore asked after a few more moments of silence.

"It's draining and exhausting, but I'm not complaining. I requested this job," Lupin said. "I'm just unsure as to how I can go about this. Greyback has most of the men on his side through fear or temptations that we cannot compete with. He desires me to join him, and I do not know if it's the correct thing to do."

Dumbledore sat in silence again, surveying Lupin in the way that made him swear he could see right through him.

"How have you been in terms of Sirius?" Dumbledore asked, confusing Lupin as to why he was ignoring the real issue.

"It's becoming easier, but I don't understand what that has to do with– "

"Remus, you are a very special person. After everything you have been through you still love and that is a very unique gift. You still try and find avenues to do so, even after all you have encountered. From the very first moment I met you, I knew there was something special about you and even now I do not doubt it one iota," Dumbledore said unflinchingly.

There was a long pause and Dumbledore stared at Lupin again, making him feel completely transparent. It was a strange thing to say, and it sounded more like it was something people said on thier death bed, but he knew Dumbledore was not dying, or at least he hoped. It made him feel more guilty that Dumbledore's belief in him was, in fact, a lie. Tonks was an example of that.

"You know the answer. You would not return if you did not, you would have stayed until you knew. If the answer is perhaps not to your taste, that does not surprise me, I never expected Greyback's desires to be. But if you have come to ask me what you must do, whether it be sacrifice yourself or your principals, I cannot help you, though I desire to. It is, how they say, your battle," Dumbledore finished with a smile.

* * *

Days later, Lupin found himself back in the Scottish Moors. Dumbledore's words were still floating through his mind, echoing more truth than even before. This time Lupin knew what to do, even if he didn't like it. He immediately set off walking, taking long strides and being resolute with his plans. Nothing would hold him back this time, not when Dumbledore was counting on him.

* * *

Lupin didn't know how many days had passed, just that he'd been walking, and apparating and checking almost every cave and small space in the Irish and Scottish Countryside. It was as if he'd never spent days sleeping at the Burrow, or eaten third helpings of Molly's food, because he was thin, grey, and completely exhausted. He was struggling to keep on his feet, and the fact that the full moon was going to appear tonight only made everything harder. Lupin finally collapsed by a fire he'd stumbled across. He knew it was a sign that either people were returning, or they'd just left, and it was possibly the most dangerous thing he could do, but he did not care. He needed rest and warmth.

* * *

Rough hands shook him awake, but Lupin's mind was still hazy from sleep, and he didn't know exactly what was happening.

"Roll him over," a harsh sounding voice said.

Lupin felt himself being pushed over and when he finally opened his eyes, all he could see was the ignited tips of wands.

"Well, look what we found," the same harsh sounding voice said.

Before Lupin knew what was happening, he was being picked up. He didn't have the strength to fight back, or even say anything; he just let himself be pushed on his feet to wherever they were leading him. Before long, Lupin was stopped and pushed down behind something, as the rest of the men stood out in the open. Lupin opened his eyes, as difficult as it was, and saw all the men smiling, and instantly his heart sank when he spotted the full moon behind some trees. He was protected from it by the rack he was behind, but they weren't, and that meant one thing. He started, using all the strength he could muster, moving backwards.

"No you don't," said one of the men, and instantly invisible binds tied Lupin up. "We're going to enjoy this."

"Who are you?" Lupin croaked.

"Don't you remember?" the harsh sounding man said, his smile widening.

"Perhaps he only remembers Hoult. Though, he's not entirely recognisable these days," another man said and they all laughed.

"How's your chest feeling after being blasted out of that cave?" the harsh sounding man asked. "See, Greyback gave us the job of finding you, but he didn't say we couldn't have a little fun with you first."

Instantly it fell into place who they were, but before he could say anything, the moon peaked out behind the clouds. The sight was grotesque enough, but the screams of the men as the men transformed felt like they would haunt Lupin forever. They sounded worse than his own. The four werewolves turned on Lupin, and as terrified as he was, he was yet to realise he could move now that the spell had broken. Fear had frozen him. The werewolves came at him, two of them began clawing at his skin and another pulled at limbs and the last one was scrambling at whatever part of flesh he could get a hold of. The moon moved behind clouds as Lupin's torment continued, pain so reminiscent of his first encounter with Greyback all those years ago hit him. His blood was on fire, his flesh was being pulled away like wet paper and his bones were snapped like twigs, then the moon appeared.

The transformation was nothing compared to the torture of the werewolves. With so many around him, he was able to stay in his own mind, which was a blessing and curse. It meant he could feel everything, but he could also attempt to fight them away. Lupin managed to get one off, and batted away the second, but as he reached for the third werewolf; the fourth one threw his head back and howled. The sound sent chills down Lupins spine, and instantly he tried to get up and run away, but his leg gave out, and he heard the snap of a broken bone. When he landed he felt two heavy bodies land on top of him. More and more werewolves kept attacking him, they kept coming, it was relentless. Anger swept over him, renewing his energy, and in a burst of rage, Lupin pushed up through them all. He fought through them all, kicking, being kicked, scratching, clawing, doing anything he could to fight against the tide. Some werewolves went flying, other just disappeared, but after all the fight he could give, he had to succumb to his injuries, and then more came at him. So he ran. Ignoring the pain, he just ran.

He was chased for what felt like hours, and days. Even after he'd transformed back, they followed. It was until the next night, just after the sun had gone down that he was cornered. Wands flew out instantly, but there were four of them, the original four, and only one of Lupin. Again the fight resumed, the punishment, the payback. Spells came at him, as did fists and feet. A force knocked him back against the cave wall and in mid air, as he felt his consciousness fading, Lupin twisted, thinking about one thing, thinking about one person and knowing that if he failed and stayed where he was, at least he'd have had one last happy thought before he was killed.

* * *

There was silence. Eerie ear ringing silence, and Lupin slumped against a door. His vision was hazy, and his breath was coming in painful stabs, but his mind was thinking one thing. Tonks. He could hear himself mumbling, but he had no idea what he was saying. A door opened somewhere near by and light flooded the corridor, a ray of hope. Lupin couldn't even make out who it was, or what it was, but something was there, a dark figure blocking the light. This figure felt warm and comforting, some about the aura surrounding it seemed to draw Lupin in, as if it was a beacon calling him home. Then he heard it, a beautiful voice that was almost like music to his ears. Instantly it made his injuries die away and it made him feel safe as it washed over his body.

"Remus," it said.

It was heavenly, and it allowed Lupin to finally give in, to stop fighting and stop running, because he was home. There was nowhere else to run. Everything went black, his last remaining thought; Tonks.

* * *

It was pain that woke him, his ribs to be exact. Before he'd even opened his eyes, he could feel a soft hand interlinked with his own. It was warm and caring, nothing like what he kenw. When he slowly looked around, he spotted Tonks; asleep against the couch he was lying on. She had bandages in one hand and her wand in the other. He didn't have the ability to think about how wrong a decision it was to come here, that would come later, he could only be thankful to what she had done. Every part of his body ached, but she was soothing him, the pain seemed to disappear the longer he felt her there. He never wanted to let her go.

* * *

Lupin awoke again, perhaps days later, he couldn't tell, but there was no Tonks near him anymore. He sat himself up, fighting the pain in his arm, shoulder, ribs and leg, which were all bandaged.

"You shouldn't sit up," came a small voice behind him.

Lupin spun around to find Tonks in the kitchen making her own breakfast. It didn't look as if she'd spoken the words he'd just heard, he even checked to see if anyone else was in the room with him. Tonks stared down a her copy of the Prophet, so obviously trying to act as if he wasn't there. Hours passed without another word, and Lupin spent his day on the couch, trying to recover, and ignoring the urge to speak, as it was so clear that Tonks had moved on, that she didn't like him anymore. It was strange to discover that what he'd wished for her, now suddenly made him feel hollow. In between his moments of sleep, Lupin's mind ran faster than it had in days. Why couldn't they just be friends? Isn't that what he'd asked for? Sure, she had the decency to give him a place to stay, and she'd taken care of his wounds, but this was more painful than that.

Being in the same room as Tonks, felt strangely unbearable. It made Lupin feel almost suffocated by a feeling he couldn't explain. It was late one afternoon, on the first day he had stayed awake for longer than a few hours at a time, that this all finally became unbearable and he had to do something.

"So you're not talking to me?" Lupin asked, turning his head slightly so he could see her.

She'd been busily making a cup of tea, once again not letting her eyes even look towards where Lupin had been. Her hands stopped moving the second he'd started speaking. She stood frozen for a few moments. Then her eyes flashed towards him, and instantly he felt himself shrink from the blazing spirit behind them.

"You set the rules Remus. You told me what I can and can't do," Tonks said, her voice sounding so different to anytime he'd heard it before.

Her words were like a slap in the face, cruel and so unusual. It was clear she meant his request back in Grimmauld Place, and it was clearer that her wounds had not healed as quickly as the ones on his body had.

"I didn't mean it like that Dora," Lupin said, trying not to let the pain he was in affect his words, though it was difficult. "Stop being childish."

"I'm not the child here," Tonks yelled.

She'd dropped her tea and moved around towards the couch, standing behind it, her arms folded and her face less Tonks like than Lupin had ever noticed. There was no sparkle in her eye, no light in her face, and her hair – words couldn't describe the difference it made to the girl who had once been the brightness in his dark world. It angered him, more than he realised.

"Fine! You tell me then. You tell me what I'm supposed to do," Lupin said, getting to his feet, his anger allowing his body to ignore the pain it caused. "I tried reasoning with you, I tried telling you the truth – I tried everything, and I just can't do this Tonks. I won't be the one to do this to you. You've never lived with what I lived with, you wouldn't understand."

Tonks marched around to his side of the couch so they were face to face.

"Then tell me," Tonks said heatedly. "Explain this horrible feeling you've had all your life Remus. Because from where I'm standing it's been just the same, if not better, than some peoples. Don't start me on that too old and poor bullocks either."

Lupin opened his mouth to argue, but the longer he stood staring into her defiant eyes, the more he realised the uselessness in it all.

"You wouldn't understand," Lupin muttered, looking away from her.

"Fine. Get out," Tonks spat.

Lupin stared up at her. Of all the things he had expected her to say to him, he didn't expect this. He knew he deserved it, but he hadn't expected it. Tonks had hardened in his absence, and for the life of him, he did not know if it was a good thing or not, or if it was even his fault.

"What?" Was all he could say.

"You heard me. Get out." Tonks growled, looking more and more like an angry teenager by the second. "If were going to have the same stupid pointless argument I'm going to save myself the trouble. When you get past this stupid little complexity of yours, or get over Sirius, or whatever it is you have to do, then come back."

Lupin was almost stunned by the maturity of her argument, though it was completely juxtaposed by the way she held her self and the true Tonks he knew, or at least hoped was still buried underneath.

"What?" Lupin repeated stupidly, so confused by the turn of events.

"Remus, I can't do this," Tonks said, changing tact completely, her voice cracking slightly as she fell onto the couch, hiding her head in her hands.

Lupin stood awkwardly watching Tonks pull herself together. She dropped her hands so they covered her mouth and then her eyes searched for Lupins. The second they met, Lupin felt at ease again, as he knew Tonks was back, his Tonks, though he could hardly call her that anymore. The difference between this Tonks and the one he knew before, was the hurt behind her eyes, and the feeling that something was missing from her. Her eyes began to fill with tears, and Lupin's heart was immediately in his mouth.

"I cant fight with you, I can't see you and I can't– I can't– " Tonks put her whole head back into her hands again, and her voice was shaking. "I can't keep loving someone who's so opposed to being in it with me."

Even at the time Lupin knew he shouldn't have done it, but he could never have helped himself, especially when she was crying because of him. Lupin dropped down onto the couch and placed an arm around her. Instantly Tonks cuddled into him, finding the niche she so perfectly fit into.

"I'm sorry," Lupin mumbled to the top of her head. "I care for you too much to see what would happen to you if I stayed."

Tonks tightened her grip on him, and Lupin felt more tears of hers land on his chest. For hours, days, months or maybe even years, the two of them sat like that, holding each other as if nothing else mattered.

* * *

Eventually, Lupin felt Tonks loosen her grip as the steady rhythm of his heartbeat had put her to sleep. In her sleep, she looked peaceful and it made Lupin's heart warm to see her in such a state. Lupin slid out from underneath her and then lifted her into his arms. He carried her all the way to her bed, wincing occasionally from the pain in his newly repaired bones. When he'd placed her down, he checked the clock beside her bed, and found it was nearly midnight. His eyes shifted back to Tonks and he found her looking much smaller than he remembered, she seemed almost deflated, and the same feeling that something was missing from her filled Lupin. He moved down to her feet, slowly untying each shoe and then removing it before covering her in blankets.

His eyes swept over her room. The grey jumper she had stolen from him was lying on the other side of the bed, looking crumpled and dirty. A picture of her Sirius and himself was on her bedside table and the record he had given her was resting against the wall near the door. She had barricaded herself in her room with memories of him. It wasn't difficult to figure out why she seemed so different, but Lupin knew he had to help her. He had to remove himself entirely, so she could forget he ever existed. The image of the Tonks smiling happily with a faceless man, a new man, came back, and it hurt, but he banished away. He flicked his wand at the picture on the nightstand, and the miniature version of himself walked out of the frame. He folded the jumper and put it away and stashed the record away. When he was done, he turned back to Tonks, he watched her for a while, sleeping soundly, and he smiled. His first real smile in months.

He reached down and ran his fingers through her mousy brown her. He noticed her mouth twitch, and then she gave a small mile. For a second Lupin thought he had woken her, but she didn't move, she only smiled. Lupin stood watching her, knowing he should leave, but not quite able to bring himself to actually do it. Her skin burned his fingertips, and with a heavy heart, Lupin leaned forwards and kissed her forehead. Her smell intoxicated him like it always had, and then he left, knowing if he looked back he'd never leave, and hoping she'd listen to him because he couldn't bear seeing her the way she was. He crossed the threshold of her apartment and instantly a chill ran over him. Foreboding hung over him like a cloud, he had his demons to face, and strangely they all centred on Greyback.

**To be continued…**


	60. The Not So Trusted Advisor

**And I'm back.**

**Forgive the break - small crisis that had to be fixed. This was a very fun chapter in a way I didn't think it would be, though you'll understand by the end.**

**We're drawing closer to the end of mopey Tonks - or at least constantly mopey Tonks. Christmas, I feel, may bring a change haha. I'd like to point out, Snape is so much fun to write. Almost as much as Sirius was. So i hope you're liking him a little bit too.**

**For those who keep saying its going in circles, yes it is, but it has to as I'm following the books. So Remus isn't going to appear mid-way thrpugh the next chapter and marry her - though dammit I wish he would.**

**Anyway, Reviews are as specacular as always, keep them coming because they make my day.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 58**

All day she stared at her bed. She waited and waited, she missed work, she skipped an Order meeting and she refused to get ready for her mission the following day. Nymphadora Tonks just stared. She wanted to leave, she wanted to stand up from her windowsill, she wanted to stop feeling, she wanted to stop hurting, and she just wanted to stop staring. Everything that had accumulated between her and Lupin came back to the bed, it had started there, and sure enough, it had ended there. It had ended without her knowledge to be truthful, and now, as the sunset began filling her room with beautiful pinks and oranges, Tonks knew she had to pick up her packed bags and leave. And somehow that seemed like the hardest thing she'd have to do.

Leaving the nest she'd created seemed impossible, but with the feel of a single tear sliding down her cheek, Tonks forced herself to stand and pick up her bags. She walked to her bedroom door and turned back to her bed for one last glance. Silently, another tear slid down her cheek, taking with it everything that Tonks felt like she had left. She didn't know if it was her imagination, or that fact that these wounds were fresher, but having him leave the second time seemed to hurt more. Tonks snapped herself from the bed and then closed the door, taking only a moment to remember exactly what had happened.

* * *

Tonks had spent hours cleaning him, watching him, praying for him, just trying to get him to wake up, and eventually, after Lupin seemed only to be capable of sleep, Tonks fell asleep as well. Her dreams had been terrifying. Greyback had been chasing her, telling her that Lupin had been killed and it was her fault. Tonks awoke with a start, staring around her now sun lit living room. Her hand was clasped in Lupin's and she was sweating. She stared down at him, remembering just how it had felt to hold part of him again. How she ached for him, her very skin ached for the burning feeling his gave.

He had come to her, that had to mean something. She knew that. But somehow, as she stared at him, she knew when he woke up; he'd be the same Lupin he'd been back in Grimmauld place months ago. He'd still tell her they couldn't be together, and he'd leave, _again_. So Tonks took the initiative, and she left this time. She let go of his hand and walked to her bedroom and climbed into bed, knowing she wouldn't sleep, how could she? Lupin, after all, was only feet from her. Her mind was having it's own screaming match. Part of it was telling her that he still loved her, that she should say something because his presence solidified that belief. But the other part told her not to give in, not to look at him, not to speak to him, because he was going to leave again and she needed to protect herself.

The hours passed, and the screaming went on inside. She was torn. Tonks stood after a while to get herself some tea, hoping when she got out there her mind would be made up. And it was. The second she walked into the kitchen, the part of her brain telling her to protect herself won. Tonks couldn't handle another heartbreak; she literally believed she would fall apart if anything more happened to her. She was fragile and vulnerable in a way she'd never been before, and Lupin was not going to protect her anymore, she had to do it herself. She resolved not to speak to him unless she had to, and certainly not to look at him.

Tonks accepted the copy of the prophet from the owl and then began to make her tea. She saw movement somewhere in the distance and her eyes flicked up to see Lupin trying to sit up. She'd already broken her rule, but he looked like he was in a lot more pain than he could bear.

"You shouldn't sit up," Tonks said, though the words felt oddly disconnected from herself, like they were mechanical and robotic.

Instantly her eyes fell back to the prophet, cursing herself for breaking every single rule she'd made. She wanted, and needed, to be strong, so at the very least, like her Auror training had taught her, she had to fake it. She pretended like he wasn't there, like she hadn't said a word, and that she hadn't looked at him. In the very distance she could see Lupin looking around, so perhaps it had worked. After she'd finished with her food, Tonks retreated back into her bedroom, knowing there was nowhere else she could go and all she could do in her bedroom was think.

She left only for food, and was always surprised to find that Lupin was still there. Hours seemed to pass in a haze of thought. She jumped from emotion to emotion. One second, she wanted to leave the room and run into his arms, and in another, she wanted to tear him to pieces because of what he had done to her. Their was a weight pressing against her chest, because of a feeling she could not explain, but it made her fingertips burn as she thought of Lupin. Anger sat over her one afternoon, more than it had before. She was angry at how selfish he was, at why she had to rot away in her room, at how things had turned out and how strange it was that Lupin had picked this moment to speak. Tonks had gone out into the kitchen, swallowing the usual suffocating feeling she got as she deliberately ignored his presence. She began making her cup of tea, and stared fixatedly down at it, not letting her eyes dare look over at him.

"So you're not talking to me?" came Lupin's voice.

Tonks froze, letting his words wash over her. For a second she felt like a silly little girl, but then with a swooping sensation in her stomach, the anger returned. Her eyes moved up to him, and she saw him recoil the tiniest amount. She had never truly been mad at Lupin the way she was right now, she didn't think she was even strong enough to be angry with him, but even she could surprise herself at times.

"You set the rules, Remus," Tonks said, stressing his name and speaking in an icy tone. "You told me what I can and can't do."

Tonks stared at him, right into his eyes, driving her point further. It was a battle of wills, and Lupin was already losing.

"I didn't mean it like that Dora. Stop being so childish," Lupin uttered, annoyance spreading quickly over his face.

If Tonks had needed any more encouragement, Lupin had given it to her. What right did he have to speak to her like that? Tonks dropped her tea and crossed the room towards him, folding her arms and standing behind the couch.

"I'm not the child here," Tonks spat.

Lupin jumped his feet and threw his arms in the air, meeting Tonks' glare.

"Fine! You tell me then. You tell me what I'm supposed to do. I tried reasoning with you; I tried telling you the truth… I tried everything, and I just can't do this Tonks. I won't be the one to do this to you. You've never lived with what I lived with, you wouldn't understand," Lupin yelled.

Anger forced her to put each foot in front of the other so that her and Lupin were face to face on his side of the couch. She wanted no barrier for this.

"Then tell me," Tonks said heatedly. "Explain this horrible feeling you've had all your life Remus. Because from where I'm standing, it's been just the same, if not better, than most peoples. Don't start me on that too old and poor bullocks either."

Lupin opened his mouth to say something, and Tonks knew by the look in his eyes that whatever it was, it was important. But then he closed it again. He looked off into the distance, swallowing his words, and hung his head.

"You wouldn't understand," Lupin said.

Tonks felt herself swell slightly, as once again he'd made her feel like a child, exactly the way she did not need to feel going up against him.

"Fine. Get out," Tonks said acidly.

Lupin instantly looked back up, his mouth opening slightly in shock.

"What?" he stuttered stupidly.

"You heard me. Get out." Tonks yelled. "If were going to have the same stupid pointless argument I'm going to save myself the trouble. When you get past this stupid little complexity of yours, or get over Sirius, or whatever it is you have to do, then come back."

It was then she felt herself break. The anger disappeared, even though she tried hard to meet him with a glare. She was reminded of everything, and it all came flooding back in one giant wave that crashed over her. She furiously tried to banish it from her thoughts, but she couldn't. The magnitude of who she was arguing with, and why, just seemed to knock the wind from her sails. Her argument with Dumbledore came back to her, this was _her_ fault, but now she wanted to blame Lupin. She was a child, a lost little child in the big bad world. Everything suddenly felt suffocating again, but she couldn't fight it anymore, she couldn't be brave and angry, she just had to give in.

"Remus, I can't do this," Tonks muttered, dropping to the couch and putting her head into her hands.

She felt tears land on her palms, and then she knew she needed the reassurance of him. She dropped her hands slightly and searched for his eyes. They met, and she searched for the comfort she was used to, the comfort he always gave, and it was there, but not in the way it used to be.

"I can't fight with you, I can't see you and I can't– I can't– I can't keep loving someone who's so opposed to being in it with me."

The words bubbled out of Tonks without her even trying, though her voice was shaking. They were honest, raw, and in them was everything Tonks had. She meant them more than she had meant anything she'd ever said. Every single part of her was in front of him, completely vulnerable. Tonks had never been a fan of her own vulnerability, but with Lupin she had no choice, he held too much of her for Tonks to own all of herself again. She felt tears slide down her cheeks, each one giving away another part of herself, each one ruining the last few months she'd spent trying to hold herself together.

If her kind of hurt could have been measureable in cuts and bruises, she would have looked worse than Lupin ever had. She felt weight on her side and then an arm enveloped her. Tonks cuddled into Lupin's chest, gripping the front of his shirt and letting her tears fall onto him. Her nostrils were filled with his scent, and her entire body suddenly felt comfortable in a way it hadn't for a while. Still, she wept.

"I'm sorry," Tonks heard Lupin mumble in a different kind of voice. "I care for you too much to see what would happen to you if I stayed."

His words sliced through her like a knife. Tears oozed out of her eyes knowing he was not hers, and he could never be. She tightened her grip on him, holding him until it stopped being unbearable, but the moment never came. She loved him, and she didn't understand why that had to be so hard. Exhaustion from months of no sleep seemed to hit her all at once. After hours, maybe even days, she felt herself disappear into sleep, finally feeling secure enough to do so.

She awoke the next morning, alone, and strangely enough, in her own bed. Although she had expected as much, it still hurt. It made her shrivel into a ball and cry, for perhaps hours. She finally pulled herself out of bed, with as much strength as she had, and then walked to the shower. She let the water rush over her skin, hoping it would do something, but it didn't. The water cascaded down her skin, as did her tears. She wanted to wash her feelings away in the same way the dirt on her feet would. It was then she returned to her room, sat on her windowsill and stared, feeling empty, hollow, and completely drained of everything she had.

* * *

Tonks arrived at Hogwarts late in the afternoon. She was greeted by Proudfoot, Savage and Dawlish, all of whom looked at her strangely for a few minutes. Clearly the ordeal she'd just been through was showing up on her face. She hadn't bothered to check herself in the mirror, she already hated what she saw, and she imagined now wouldn't change that. Everyone present was given another once over the new security arrangements, as if they'd perhaps forgotten in the few days they'd been away.

"Nymphadora," Proudfoot said in his usual condescending manner, after assigning the rest their duties. "You'll be patrolling the station. You heard Robards, the main aim is to keep watch of Harry, so remember that."

With that everyone went their separate ways. Tonks made her way through the Hogwarts grounds, taking in everything about them as the sun slowly set. She'd missed them in her few days without them, in fact more than anytime before she'd missed Hogwarts in general. She missed her friends, she missed the classes and she missed feeling the way she did during those times. Tonks arrived at Hogsmeade station an hour before the train was scheduled to. She immediately set to work checking the area for anything suspicious. By the time she was done, she could hear the train coming, so she cast a disillusionment charm over her, just as she'd be ordered to, and faded into the background.

* * *

Children of all ages began flooding the station the second the train stopped. She saw Ginny holding hands with a very tall dark skinned boy, and assumed this must be Dean, the boy she'd spoken about over the summer. Hermione and Ron were together herding students in certain directions. She saw the children of co-workers and some that looked like people she knew, but she never saw Harry. As the crowd thinned, instincts told her he was not in that crowd. As if it couldn't be a bigger sign, she saw the Malfoy boy jump from the train and run to catch up with the others.

Tonks turned back to the train, staring down it. One of the windows had its blinds closed. Tonks furrowed her brow, and instantly took off towards it with her wand out. She removed the Disillusionment charm and boarded the train. She scanned the corridors, keeping her wand in front of her. All the blinds of the particular compartment were closed, including those over the door. Something suspicious was going on, Tonks could feel it, and she knew it had something to do with Harry. She wondered if he'd been hiding, as she'd known last year how sick he was of the attention he got.

"_Homenum __revelio_," Tonks whispered.

Instantly she felt her wand grow warm and she could see something very faint coming from behind the compartment with the blinds down. The train gave a lurch and Tonks quickened her pace as she felt the train begin to start. She opened the door of the compartment slowly, expecting to see Harry, but instead she saw nothing. It was then she saw the same faint sparkle from her spell, coming from underneath one of the seats. At the same moment a memory, something connected to Sirius she thought, reminded her of the Invisibility cloak. Tonks bent down, and felt her hand grab something solid and she pulled it away. There, lying in a very odd shape on the floor, was Harry.

"Wotcher Harry," Tonks said as he appeared.

She flicked her wand at him and after a flash of red; Harry sat himself up, finally noticing Tonks. His face was covered in blood, which he hastily began to wipe off, though he really only spread it around. Tonks looked out the window, and saw that it had become hazy with smoke, which could only mean one thing.

"We'd better get out of here, quickly," Tonks said, looking down at Harry. "Come on, we'll jump."

Tonks led the way out in the corridor, and opened the train door. She saw the platform sliding underneath them, but leapt onto it without so much as a second thought. She turned back to find that Harry had followed, and after a slight stumble with his landing, he seemed fine. After both watching the train disappear, the two met eyes again. Instantly Harry looked away, and Tonks could sense how embarrassed he felt. More to have something to distract herself from what she knew was an explosion of thoughts, Tonks handed him back the Invisibility Cloak, which she hadn't, until that moment, realized she was still holding.

"Who did it?" Tonks asked just to end the silence.

"Draco Malfoy," Harry replied, the bitterness in his voice hard to mask. "Thanks for… well – "

"No problem," Tonks interrupted.

Tonks glanced back at Harry, so aware of how she'd felt the last time she'd seen him. She wanted to smile, she wanted to laugh and poke fun at the blood all over his face, and the very Dumbledore like quality to his nose now, but she didn't, she couldn't. Something was holding her back.

"I can fix your nose if you stand still," Tonks muttered.

Harry froze for second, almost looking afraid, but then he closed his eyes, and Tonks took it as a sign. She raised her wand closer to him.

"_Episkey_," she said.

Tonks watched Harry feel his nose nervously and then he gushed in thanks.

"You'd better put that Cloak back on, and we can walk up to the school," Tonks said robotically.

She felt the fabric brush over her shoulder as he threw it over himself. Tonks realized then what she'd have to do, and swallowed hard. She said the right incantation in her head and perfectly pictured Hagrid before another image had to come into her head, one she was dreading slightly. Lupin, his arms wrapped around her. Tonks felt her body grow warm and then she flicked her wand. A bright white animal came out of her wand, and again it had changed, now instead of a wolf it seemed to look more like werewolf. Tonks felt her body fall slightly as she sighed and just as she could sense the burning feeling behind her eyes, Harry's voice broke her thoughts.

"Was that a Patronus?"

"Yes, I'm sending word to the castle that I've got you, or they'll worry. Come on, we'd better not dawdle," Tonks muttered.

The two turned and set off down the lane towards the school.

"How did you find me?" Harry asked, sounding both thankful and still embarrassed.

"I noticed you hadn't left the train and I knew you had that cloak. I thought you might be hiding for some reason. When I saw the blinds were drawn down on that compartment I thought I'd check," Tonks explained, trying to stay away from the swirl building in her chest.

"But what are you doing here, anyway?" Harry asked.

"I'm stationed at Hogsmeade now, to give the school extra protection."

"Is it just you who's stationed up here, or– "

"No, Proudfoot, Savage and Dawlish are here too," Tonks interrupted as they walked.

"Dawlish, that Auror Dumbledore attacked last year?" Harry asked.

"That's right," Tonks said with a small voice.

Silence descended upon them. All that could be heard was their footsteps, and the noise Tonks' cloak was making as it ran over the leaves. Tonks was reminded of the night Dumbledore had been attacked by Dawlish so clearly; it was as if it was happening all over again. It had been the night Lupin had returned from his first Greyback mission, the night of the Quidditch final, and a night they spent in bed, sleeping, laughing and being together. She couldn't believe that it had happened less than six months ago. It felt like part of a different lifetime.

Tonks could see Harry staring at her through sideways glances, and again she wanted to speak to him, but she couldn't think of anything to say. His presence was more of a reminder of Lupin's absence than any person before. She thought about asking Harry about Sirius, but the very mention of his name made Tonks' chest feel hollow. She imagined Harry would dislike speaking about him as much as she would. After what seemed like a tortuously long silence, Tonks and Harry finally approached the gates, which were locked. Tonks stopped and stared around for Hagrid's light, hoping he'd got the message, and as she stared, Harry walked forwards and tried to push open the gates.

"_Alohomora,_" Harry said, sounding confident as he tapped the lock with his wand.

"That won't work on these," Tonks muttered "Dumbledore bewitched them himself."

"I could climb a wall," Harry suggested, looking up at the very high wall.

"No you couldn't," Tonks said flatly. "Anti-intruder jinxes on all of them. Security's been tightened a hundredfold this summer."

"Well then," Harry sighed, sounding annoyed. "I suppose I'll just have to sleep out here and wait for morning."

As Harry spoke, a light moving in the distance beyond the gates caught Tonks' eye.

"Someone's coming down for you," Tonks pointed out. "Look."

Slowly the bobbing light got closer, until the face of its holder became distinguishable. Tonks' stomach tightened at the sight of Snape, something it had always done since she was at school. His nose looked that much bigger in the darkness.

"Well, well, well," Snape said, giving a smile that let Tonks know he was enjoying every second of it. "Nice of you to turn up Potter, although you have evidently decided that the wearing of school robes would detract from your appearance."

Snape tapped the lock and the chains snake away before the gates opened with an eerie creak.

"I couldn't change I didn't have any – "

"There is no need to wait, Nymphadora. Potter is quite – ah – safe in my hands," Snape cut across Harry, staring Tonks up and down with his usual look of disdain.

"I meant Hagrid to get the message," Tonks said, frowning.

"Hagrid was late for the start-of-term feast, just like Potter here, so I took it instead. And Incidentally," Snape said with a devilish smile at Tonks, as Harry passed through the gates. " I was interested to see your new Patronus."

Snape shut that gates with a loud clang, and tapped the chains so that they slithered and clinked back into place.

"I think you were better off with the old one," Snape continued. "The new one looks weak."

Instantly it was as if her veins had turned into ice. She didn't know if she was angrier at him for what he'd said, or shocked at how callous he was.

"Goodnight," Tonks heard Harry say. "Thanks for … everything."

"See you, Harry," Tonks said, fighting the burning feeling behind her eyes.

She couldn't believe Snape had said what he'd said. She had always known him to be cruel, but never _that_ cruel. Of course he knew what was really going on, he always knew what was going on, and it explained the way he was looking at her the last time they'd met, but it didn't stop the hurt. It didn't stop Tonks from realizing just how right Snape was. She was weak, everything about her was weak, and she hated herself because of it.

* * *

Weeks seemed to slip by as Hogwarts had not been the distraction Tonks had been hoping for. The work was easy, the people weren't friendly and Tonks had never felt so lonely in all her life. Her thoughts rested on Lupin. She tried and tried to understand him, to figure it out, to see what she had missed while they'd been dating. How could she have gotten him so wrong? The moon waxed and waned, and Tonks watched it, feeling herself shiver every time it had been full. She did not allow herself to think about his mission and the pain he would be enduring, but every night, in her constantly disturbed sleep, Tonks saw it in her dreams. Greyback, attacking him and Tonks would call out to help him, but Lupin would just run from her.

Everyday was a constant battle against tiredness, and it didn't matter who she saw, whether it be Sherwood, Proudfoot, or even Dumbledore, who she'd still avoided being alone with since their argument, she constantly felt alone. It was almost suffocating. She couldn't be herself, she couldn't smile and she still struggled with her hair. In other words, Tonks was ready to give up. A few weeks into her mission, she was given her few days off and was called in for an Order meeting that very night. She'd arrived and was instantly greeted by Kingsley and Moody, both of whom gave her the same condescending smile she got from everyone. As always, when the Order sat down, Tonks became mesmerized by the amount of empty chairs. There was however, one empty chair that stumped her this week.

"Where's Mundungus?" Tonks blurted out while Moody was talking.

"Probably half way to Albania," Moody growled.

The group turned to him, looking perplexed.

"I enter Grimmauld Place yesterday on Dumbledore's Orders, and found Mundungus ransacking it, stealing all of Sirius' possessions," Moody explained, his magical eye disappearing into his head.

"But they're Harry's," Molly said indignantly.

"Yes, I informed him of that, among other things. I intend to track him down, but I wouldn't expect to see him around here for a while," Moody growled, and Tonks was instantly thankful she had never been on Moody's bad side. "But back to more important business. The Ministry's gone after Stan Shunpike."

"The bloke who drives the Knight Bus?" Bill asked, looking dumbfounded.

"Yes. He was overheard talking about Death Eater plans in a pub called the Hanged Man up North," Moody replied.

Arthur let out a small laugh.

"Stan Shunpike, a Death Eater? What is the Ministry playing at?" Arthur asked, shaking his head.

"I imagine they're trying to look proactive. But poor Stan, I knew his mother," Molly added.

"Perhaps he is a Death Eater, you can never be sure. You should never let your guard down for even a moment," Moody growled back.

"I was at school with Stan. He's about as a much a Death Eater as I am," Bill said.

"It is easy to become complacent with friends, but we must remember that you can be deceived into believing your greatest enemy is your greatest friend," Moody grumbled, and Bill rolled his eyes, turning to Tonks with a smile, who didn't return it.

"On the topic of that," Kingsley said, wisely trying to divert the topic of conversation. "Scrimgeour has sent Dawlish to start tailing Dumbledore."

"The genius of Scrimgeour never ceases to amaze me," Arthur chuckled. "Does he really believe Dawlish will be able to figure out what he's up to?"

"I did try to persuade him otherwise, but Rufus insisted. It's safe to say that whatever Dumbledore has been up to, no one but whoever he desires to tell will ever find out. Especially not Dawlish," Kingsley said wisely.

"I wonder how many times Dumbledore can rack up stunning him this time," Bill laughed.

The laugh died away, and silence descended upon them.

"There is other news," Arthur said heavily and everyone turned to him. "I found out this morning that Marjorie Abbot was found murdered this morning."

Tonks had never known the Abbott's, thought she had heard of them of course. They were a very family of wizards that dated back further than most. There was a distinct pause as everyone took in the news. At first, hearing about death all the time was something Tonks had struggled with. It was not a fear, nor was she scared for her own mortality, it was more the constant news of people she'd heard of being killed. Now, months into this, death was becoming like an annoying friend, always crowding around at the most inconvenient times. Yet no matter how desensitized she was, her chest always tightened until she found out it was no one she knew. She always worried that one day another one of those chairs would become permanently empty, like Sirius' had. Even more so, she worried that it would be someone she loved, and it felt like everyday she was just waiting to hear that news.

* * *

The Order meeting had finished soon after and Tonks had left, not wanting to join Molly for tea afterwards. Tonks had a lot on her mind, and sharing it would have been ideal, but telling someone about Lupin's visit, and his quick departure, felt like it would break her heart again. So she kept it in, she let it eat her away as it festered. Tonks arrived back in Hogsmeade in October. Proudfoot, as he left informed her of a Hogsmeade weekend that was fast approaching and that Tonks would be on the main street for her patrol. It was the Saturday morning of the trip that Tonks awoke, again from a disturbed nights sleep, only to find it was sleeting outside. She gave a heavy sigh and got into her warmer clothes.

When Tonks left and walked outside, she was greeted with a bitter wind that she had to struggle against. Tonks meandered through he crowds of students, again as always, spotting people she knew or had heard about or just recognized from previous sightings. She saw Ginny walking hand in hand with Dean, but Tonks found no need to interrupt, so she carried on. With a pang deep within her stomach, Tonks spotted the shrieking Shack as she made her way down the main street. She was just about to curse herself for behaving like a pathetic git, when she heard some yells coming from the other end of the main street. Tonks ran towards the noise, and slowed only when she saw Harry and, strangely enough, Mundungus had caused the noise.

"What did you do? Go back the night he died and strip the place?" Tonks heard Harry snarling and instantly she knew what it was about.

As she approached, she saw that Harry had Mundungus pinned to a wall and all the stuff that Moody had told her he'd stolen was spilling out of an ancient looking suitcase Tonks had once seen in Lupin's room. There was a bang and Harry was thrown off Mundungus, and then he disappeared with a crack.

"COME BACK YOU THIEVING –!" Harry yelled, spinning around on the spot trying to find him.

"There's no point Harry," Tonks said in a small voice.

Instantly Ron, Hermione, and Harry spun around. Hermione smiled politely, Ron looked awkward and Harry was still seething.

"Mundungus will probably be in London by now. There's no point yelling," Tonks advised.

"He's nicked Sirius' stuff! Nicked it!" Harry yelled, his face screwed up in anger.

"Yes, but still," Tonks said, trying not to picture the suitcase she'd seen so many times in Lupin's closet. "You should get out of the cold."

Tonks watched to make sure they'd gone inside and then set about patrolling the street again, all the while thinking about the stupid suitcase.

* * *

The owl had arrived late in the afternoon, and instantly Tonks streaked up to the castle. On the way she ran into Savage and Sherwood, the other Auror's stationed at Hogsmeade that day.

"Professor McGonagall. How is she?" Tonks asked instantly as they walked into her office.

"She's in the hospital wing, and things were looking grave, but Severus seemed to be able to contain the effects of whatever was in the necklace," McGonagall said, and Tonks could see how much this event was troubling her.

"And where is Dumbledore. Why can't we speak to him?" Savage asked, his tone one Tonks knew McGonagall would not receive well.

"He is out," she said sharply, glaring at Savage. "If all your questions are going to concern Albus' whereabouts, and not the fact that a girl could have died earlier this afternoon, then please, by all means, depart my office now."

Savage's face quickly turned sour, but he did not leave, instead he stayed and listened about Katie Bell. After all had been said and the Auror's were leaving, McGonagall took Tonks aside and informed her that Dumbledore hoped to see her in his office when he returned on Monday night.

* * *

Late Monday night, Tonks made her way up to the castle. She took the usual way that had always allowed her to get to Dumbledore's office without running into anyone else. Tonight she ran into Filch, who after only wheezing a few insults left her alone. When Tonks knocked on Dumbledore's door she could hear that there was a heated argument taking place on the other side. When she walked in, she was surprised to discover that Snape was there. Instantly she felt her veins grow cold at the sight of him.

"Nymphadora, welcome," Dumbledore said, a graver than usual look on his face.

He ushered for her to sit down with his blackened hand, and Tonks obliged. She sat beside Snape, once again, from the corner of her eye she could see him glancing towards her as Dumbledore spoke, the same curious look on his face.

"How is Katie?" Tonks asked.

"She is in St Mungo's and from all reports should recover, though it will be a slow process. Her parents, naturally, are very relieved. I wondered whether you saw anything peculiar on your patrol of the area?" Dumbledore asked.

"No, sir," Tonks replied. "The only thing I came across was Mundungus being accosted by Harry."

Dumbledore leaned back in his chair, his eyes drifting upwards in thought.

"Professor, do they know what was in the necklace?" Tonks asked, unnerved by the silence and Snape's eyes.

"No. They are researching, but they have come across no answer. They seemed to have arrived at a Dark Curse of some kind, isn't that correct Severus?"

Snape's head snapped up, and he looked for a second as if he had not been listening, but then he nodded. After a brief discussion on the incident, Dumbledore stood and walked over to one of his cupboards.

"Mead, Nymphadora? I find it always helps when I am feeling out of spirits," Dumbledore offered, as he poured himself a glass

"No, thank you," Tonks said, feeling more and more uncomfortable by the minute. "I will go and inform the Order if you want me to Albus?"

"Oh yes, that would be wonderful. I believe they're having a meeting at the Burrow as we speak," Dumbledore told her.

"Very well then," Tonks said, and again she saw Snape's head turn towards her.

"Good night and safe travels," Dumbledore said, and Tonks turned her back on them both and walked away. "Severus, are you going too?"

Tonks turned around and found that Snape had taken a few steps in her direction. He gave Dumbledore a stiff nod over his shoulder.

"Then goodnight to you both," Dumbledore said, holding up his glass.

* * *

Once out of Dumbledore's office, Tonks made her way straight to the stairs trying to evade Snape, but he had caught up with her to quickly.

"What were you talking to Dumbledore about?" Tonks asked, purely to avoid the real conversation she had a feeling they were about to have.

"None of your business," he said coolly, his tone icy as always.

Silence descended upon them as they made their way down Dumbledore's stairs. When they reached the final landing, Tonks could stand it no longer.

"What did you mean when you called my Patronus weak?"

Snape turned to her with a satisfied smile, as if he had won the battle.

"All of our Patronus's are weak. They come from our greatest weakness," Snape said. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have– "

"No I won't," Tonks muttered, stepping in front of him so he couldn't move. "What do you mean our greatest weakness? If you've bothered to listen you'd know they're our greatest strength."

"They are born from love, from what lies in our hearts. Essentially, what makes us weak. You, no doubt, would understand that by now."

"You talk like a Death Eater," Tonks said darkly, meeting his eyes.

"And you talk like a silly little girl," Snape shot back, his eyes narrowing on her.

Anger boiled up in her chest almost as fast as misery seemed to lately.

"Haven't you been listening to Dumbledore? Love is Voldemort's greatest weakness; it's all we have. Just because you may be incapable of human emotion, doesn't– "

"Do not think you are above me Nymphadora just because you have the time to mope around while some of us have lives to get on with. I have known such feelings, and rarely do I find that it works out for the better."

Tonks felt herself snort at his words. Snape raised his eyebrows slowly, and his face became that much more sour. For the first time, Tonks started to feel that much more like her old self, which seemed completely peculiar, given that it was in presence of Snape.

"You don't trust me, do you?" Snape asked acidly.

"You've given me no reason to. All I have is Dumbledore's word," Tonks said back defiantly.

Snape twisted his head, as if he was contemplating her before he spoke again.

"You believe Dumbledore the type of man to be easily fooled then?" Snape said slowly.

Tonks stared at him, still with a burning defiance in her eye, but she didn't say a word.

"You're still the same silly attention-seeking little girl I had in my classes. Only this time, you've gotten yourself mixed in the big wolf's game," Snape said, his lip curling into a sinister smile.

Tonks felt her stomach drop three floors through the ground.

"At least I try," Tonks muttered back darkly, her voice half caught in her throat. "At least I don't hide behind books and potions because I'm too afraid."

"No," Snape said back, his voice controlled but a smile on his lips. "You just neglect to do anything to better yourself. You expect to receive what you desire because you've moped for it. Forgive me for involving myself in the things that will actually stay with me."

Tonks's hand reached out instantly, and she heard the sound from the slap she'd given him reverberate off the stonewalls. Snape turned back to her, a slight smirk on his thin lips as her hand burned from the contact it had made. His back eyes met hers again, completely unreadable as always, but for a second Tonks thought she'd seen pity sweep through them, as if he understood exactly what she was going through. Though that was impossible.

"Don't," Tonks shot back at him. "My patronus is not weak, and you have no right to put your abnormally large nose in my business."

Snape tilted his head at her, unnerving her again like it had in Dumbledore's office.

"It's a shame," he muttered, his mouth twisting upwards. "You used to be smart."

With that, Snape turned on his heel and marched down the corridor, his black cloak billowing behind him. She could feel the hurt coming, she could feel the empty hollow returning, and on top of that, after the conversation she'd just had, it felt like she'd been punched in the stomach. She moved as fast as could, not stopping until she reached her room. Tonks slammed the door shut, and finally, as she stood still, she couldn't stop the hurt. It crippled her, and she fell back against the door, sliding down it until she was on the ground. She brought her knees up against her chest, fighting the tears, fighting the suffocating feeling and fighting the strong desire to walk back to the castle and punch Snape in the face. He was right, and never had she hated him more because of it.

* * *

An hour later, Tonks arrived at the burrow, having finally pulled herself together and locked more things away inside her. She told the group all about Katie Bell, and everything Dumbledore had said. The meeting finished straight after she'd stopped speaking, and Arthur kept her back to ask her something about Amulets, and before she knew it, Tonks was alone with Molly, the last thing she truly desired.

"Tonks dear, would you like a cup of tea?" Molly asked sweetly, meeting Tonks' gaze with a smile.

"No, I – uh – I have to be on my way," Tonks muttered glancing away from her.

Tonks made movements towards the door, but Molly took a step to the side, blocking her path.

"Tonks, I'm aware that something is wrong and you know you can tell me dear," Molly said, her eyes shining with motherly affection.

Tonks stared unblinkingly at Molly for a few seconds, feeling everything bubble over in her chest again.

"No, I'm fine, really," Tonks lied.

Molly didn't speak, she only stared. The stare that all mother's seem to own, where instantly a child should know they know the truth, no matter how hard you've been hiding it. Tonks knew she would crack if she couldn't leave, she could feel it coming, just as she had in the halls of Hogwarts mere hours before. She moved forwards, and Molly accepted her into her arms instantly. Tonks tightened her grip, burying her head into Molly's shoulder as the tears erupted and came cascading down her cheeks. She wanted to scream and yell at everything that seemed unfair, but all she seemed to be able to muster were tears. She felt her chest heaving as she took deep breaths, trying to steady herself, but more and more kept coming, all the things she locked away over the last month, because Snape had been right. She used to be smart, and she used to know when she should stop, but now, she'd picked the one thing that would never stay.

**To be continued…**


	61. The Unwanted Christmas Guest

**And I'm back.**

**If you'd known the crazy few weeks I'd had, you would possibly not be angry, if you are.**

**So you have an extra long chapter that includes moments that were only destined for the next chapter. I was going to stop at the opening of a paticular door.**

**I said Christmas would bring a change, now it's time to see if you hate me for cutting it off so soon haha **

**Sorry for mass amount of Weasleys, but god damn Lupin speaks alot! And the Weasleys are too much fun haha**

**Reviews please!!**

**Enjoy...**

* * *

**Chapter 59**

Somehow, even after weeks of sleet and rain, it was still a surprise when Remus Lupin awoke one morning to snow. It made sense as to why he was shivering, but when he stood from his spot on the ground, and looked out over the mountainous valley ahead of him, he couldn't help but be in awe of the beauty it beheld covered in snow. It was breath taking. The only slight darkness surrounding such a beautiful view, was what time of year it meant it was. This meant December was fast approaching. Which meant Christmas, and it meant Tonks' birthday. Both events were bound to make him lonelier than he had already felt, which seemed like an achievement.

Nothing had gone right since his trip back home, and most importantly, since he'd last seen Tonks. Before, he had no worries about her, he knew she'd be all right, but now, after seeing her the way she was, all he could was worry. Even though he tried desperately to make himself stop. On top of that werewolves seemed to be turning him down on the spot, before they'd even heard him out, and he constantly had to watch for the group of men he had escaped from. Occasionally, some nights, mostly before full moons, Lupin caught snippets of Greyback's speeches.

"We deserve blood," Greyback said loudly, and most of the werewolves had cheered along after.

Lupin had been slouched behind a bigger men, though even that was hard as he was quite tall himself, but he knew he could not be spotted. Somehow being wanted by Greyback felt worse than being despised by him, more because Lupin did not know what Greyback wanted from him.

"As a group, we can revenge ourselves against the wizards and the muggles. Together we can do it. Voldemort is opening the door a crack for us and we can barge the whole thing down," Greyback said dramatically, and the crowd had cheered loudly.

Lupin had left soon after that, and found a safe place for himself to transform. All in all, the mission now was worse than before, and to top it off, this time he struggled to find shelter, and even food. Werewolves were seeing through him far to fast. He bore the unmistakeable signs of a werewolf who'd tried to live in normal society. Steadily, the days after that, had gotten colder and wetter, all of which finally brought him to that morning, the morning of the first snow. In vain he struggled against his memories of the first snow last year. It was infused and poisoned by memories of Sirius, but it was happy, at least the Tonks part was happy. He could appreciate it from this distance, though he couldn't say it did not fill him with sadness and longing.

A week after the first snow Lupin had done very little. It was too dangerous to venture out into the snow and keep searching because it became dark very quickly and he would get lost as he didn't know the area. So he stayed in his cave, with a fire lit by magic and very little else to keep him company, having lost his rucksack long ago. It, therefore, came as a shock when a large tawny owl came flying into his cave late one particularly snowy afternoon.

_Remus,_

_I hope this letter fi__nds you in good health.  
I wanted to extend an invitation for Christmas  
at the Burrow. Harry and Hermione should be  
here, as well as some of the Order and my own  
family. I'm sure Harry would be delighted to  
see you, as would we all. The children will be  
arriving early Saturday morning, so  
whenever is best for you, we'd love to have  
you. See you next week hopefully._

_Molly Weasley.  
_  
Lupin whole body seemed to warm slightly as he read the letter. He had not really thought about Christmas, but knowing he had a Molly Weasley meal waiting for him in just under a week couldn't help but lift his spirits. He wrote back announcing he would be delighted to come and would arrive sometime on Saturday as well, most likely in the evening.

* * *

Saturday had approached slowly and Lupin had waited as late as possible just so he could not miss anything, Greyback for instance. But when he did not come and no signs of another group meeting showed up, Lupin removed any sign that he had been staying in the cave, and then apparated straight to the Burrow. When he arrived it was pitch black, but in the distance he could see the twinkling of the Burrow's lights. He started the long walk towards it, as the protective bubble around it had prevented a direct apparition into the front yard. He knocked on the door and instantly the low level of noise inside went quiet and then a voice spoke.

"Who's there?"

"It is I, Remus Lupin," Lupin said clearly.

After a loud click, the door opened and Molly Weasley stood at the door, smiling brightly, though her eyes raked his frame worryingly. She pulled him into a tight hug and when she let go, Lupin could finally see who else was in the room. Harry, Ron and Ginny were standing around the table busily helping Molly cook. They all looked up, and although their smiles faltered slight as they took his appearance any, their greeting still warmed him. Fleur was sitting in the corner looking slightly disgruntled, perhaps because she'd be delegated the task of cutting onions, and even with a wand they still seemed to make her eyes weep.

"Lupin," Harry said warmly as he walked towards him.

Lupin had assumed for the two to shake hands as always, but quickly realised he was going to be hugged and happily obliged. Something about Harry felt different, he felt older, more responsible, and somehow, just that much more mature. Lupin was quite suddenly filled with a sense of pride and at the same time, shame. He knew Harry would have been missing his usual correspondent, Sirius, and Lupin had been hoping to keep that up, but had failed miserably. Unlike ever before, Harry was what Lupin had left, and he had to protect him in the way James would have wanted it to be. Ron and Ginny were quick to greet him warmly as well, and before he could ask where Hermione was, Molly had bustled him off upstairs to put his non-existent things away

* * *

Dinner, though filling, very talkative and mostly happy, was largely uneventful. Stories from Hogwarts were recounted, as were stories from what had been going on out in the real world. The twins were by far the most entertaining, and were quick to tell Lupin all about their shop.

"Well, I'll have to come by some time," Lupin said with a hearty laugh.

"Definitely. We've got a new line of defence products you should have a look at," Fred said.

"Yeah. We got the idea from Harry when he taught us Shield Charms last year," George said, and Lupin instantly felt another surge on fatherly pride. "The Ministry has already ordered us completely out."

"Sounds like I need to get in quickly then. Other wise you boys will be out of stock," Lupin said, smiling at them both.

"Yeah, probably. The whole Order has nearly been round. We've been trying to get Tonks in, but she doesn't seem up for it of late," Fred muttered, furrowing his brow in confusion.

"We were hoping you'd be able to talk her around. We've got some great products to show her, I think she'd really love the new puking pastilles," George added, grinning widely.

Behind Fred and George, Molly had stopped dead and turned to look at Lupin.

"I can't say I'd be much help boys," Lupin muttered, particularly aware that Molly was watching him.

"Why?" George asked.

"I thought you two got on alright. I'd imagine she'd need you after what happened with – well, at the Ministry," Fred finished.

Lupin's eyes flicked up and they met Molly's. He quickly looked back at Fred and George, who were both looking at him eagerly.

"Yes, well, I – I'll be sure to make it into the shop sometime early in the New Year," he said dismissively.

Lupin turned away slightly and took a mouthful of mead. Thankfully, soon after the conversation, the table was cleared and Arthur and Bill arrived home. Both were equally happy to see Lupin and just as eager to have a drink with him as welcome him, but Bill was sidetracked by an extremely happy Fleur. After the dishes had been cleared, Molly told everyone to go to the sitting room, though the twins and Ginny were designated to help clean the dishes. Bill, Arthur, Fleur, Harry and Ron, all went straight to the living room, but Lupin decided to stay and help, though Molly didn't allow it. Instead he sat at the table, finishing his mead. Fred and George flicked their wands at their stack of plates, while Ginny was stuck doing it without magic.

"Come on, can't you just do mine," Ginny complained.

"But you have to learn to appreciate it Gin," Fred said, mocking her.

"What would dear old Dean do if you couldn't wash his plates for him?" George added, an evil grin on his face.

"Dean? Who's Dean?" Molly said, snapping her neck straight towards Ginny.

Ginny turned to her mother, looking slightly speechless and immediately went back to the dishes, glaring at the twins with such hate Lupin was surprised they didn't recoil.

"No one mother dearest," George said in a sweet voice.

"It was a joke. I wouldn't think our dear Ginny even knows what a boy is," Fred added seriously.

"Let alone has a boyfriend," George said, a mischievous glint in his eye.

"Or more than one for that matter," Fred said, winking at Ginny.

When Molly, satisfied with the answer, turned her back, Ginny turned and whacked both of them over the head before giving them a rude hand gesture.

"Careful," Lupin heard Fred whisper.

"We'll freeze it that way," George finished.

Lupin stifled his laugh by taking another sip. Molly had begun putting away the cutlery, and they were flying through the air towards the draw.

"One thing I did wonder when I collected you lot this morning, was why Hermione wasn't with them? Ron said she would be when we asked a few weeks ago." Molly said, turning back to Ginny.

It was obvious Molly's want to know the reason why was not as casual as her delivery of the question had been.

"They're having a row at the moment," Ginny said, sounding almost bored as she turned to face her mother. "A big one too."

"Something Ron did I suspect?" George asked, a small grin on his face.

"How'd you know?" Ginny asked sarcastically.

"Don't talk about your brother like that," Molly said, going slightly red.

"Can't they just get it over with a snog already?" Fred asked in a voice that sounded oddly like he was complaining.

"I'm getting sick of all the bickering," Ginny mumbled.

"Imagine their poor children," Fred said, feigning a grief stricken voice.

"Scarred for life I'd imagine," George finished.

Both Fred and George smiled at Lupin, though Ginny didn't look half as happy. Perhaps the novelty of Ron and Hermione's constant fights came back when you had not been around them as much.

"Be quiet you three," Molly shot at them, a stern look in her eye. "I think it's cute."

Molly's face softened quite a bit as she said the last words.

"I imagine you'll understand one day Ginny," Molly added, her eyes drifting over to the living room.

Lupin couldn't help but travel back to he conversation with Molly almost a year ago in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place where she expressed her wish for Ginny to be with Harry. Lupin looked up in time to see Ginny putting her fingers in her mouth and pretending to gag as her mother's back was turned. He tried to suppress a laugh, though Molly looked in his direction almost instantly.

* * *

An hour or so later, Lupin found himself in the living room with Bill, Arthur and Molly, Fred and George having gone off to their shop and the children in bed.

"I haven't heard anything lately. Has anything happened?" Lupin asked, looking between the three of them.

"A girl was cursed by a necklace at Hogwarts. She's still recovering in St Mungos," Arthur said, glancing at Molly, who shifted nervously in her seat.

"What? How?" Lupin asked, panic slowly filling him at the thought of Hogwarts being unsafe.

"No body knows really. Dumbledore has his suspicions, but we've rarely seen him so we don't know very much else. Ron and Harry explained what happened, and all Snape said was that he didn't think the girl wasn't the intended target," Arthur explained.

"Who could it be?" Lupin said, having an idea of who it could be himself.

"Dumbledore I think," Bill announced loudly.

Molly looked around at him sharply, as if he had spoken ill of a bereaved family member.

"What? I do. Who has You-Know-Who always been afraid of?" Bill asked, as he looked around searching for some to agree. "Dumbledore. And doesn't Moody always say it seems like they're waiting for something when he comes back from Death Eater missions?"

"I doubt it's that. You-Know-Who is probably wanting to build his numbers first," Molly said dismissively, but there was an element of fear she couldn't hide in her voice.

"Well why not? Why can't that be what he's waiting for. And maybe he's given the necklace to this girl to give to Dumbledore," Bill said, looking more and more focused as he spoke.

"But that's preposterous, first of all, You-Know-Who wouldn't plan something like that, especially when so many things could go wrong. And second of all, Dumbledore is the strongest and most powerful wizard out there, most likely ever. You-Know-Who has never defeated him and he's not about to start, not with our Albus," Molly explained.

"That may not be true," Arthur said in a sigh.

"How do you mean? Lupin asked, intrigued by Arthur's objection.

"Dumbledore's age seems to have caught up with him of late. I mean, he seems a little bit slower, and that hand doesn't seem to be doing him any favours. If I were You-Know-Who, I think this would be the perfect time to strike," Arthur mumbled, look uneasy.

"But you can't think he planned the necklace do you Arthur?" Molly asked.

"No, I don't," Arthur said, looking resolute on his belief. "I agree with you, he wouldn't put a plan into action unless it seemed foolproof. The necklace had a very childish energy about it, so I would not be surprised if it were a student."

Molly shifted uncomfortably in her seat again, and from the look on her face, Lupin could tell that the thought of students attacking each other was just as bad as the thought of Voldemort doing something.

* * *

By Christmas Eve, Lupin had a full stomach, which after the last few months he'd endured, seemed like a much larger accomplishment than it should have been. After a few glasses of mead, Molly had insisted they sit in the living room listening to Celestina Warbeck, so everyone had happily obliged, except Fleur, who was complaining loudly. Lupin drifted off into his own thoughts as a female voice screeched from the Wireless. The last few days at the Burrow had made him feel better than he had in a long while. He felt safe, comfortable, warm and well fed and more than ever he was loving his company. For a few moments each day he forgot just how grave the situation was outside in the real world, and he cherished those moments more than others.

His eyes came to rest of the fire as he drifted through his memories. The flicking colours in the fire were mesmerising him. He felt happy. That was what was strange. It was like the light was back in himself that he'd been missing, and the only dark cloud left on the horizon was that he had to return there. Most nights had involved conversations with Molly that he knew were about something else, Tonks, yet she never said a name or overtly signalled to the situation she meant. The uncomfortableness of those moments made his stomach twist awkwardly even as he stared into the fire now.

Slowly overtime, Lupin dropped out of his thoughts and began to concentrate more on where he was. He heard Harry talking to Arthur and immediately the conversation topic caught his attention. Harry was recounting to Arthur a conversation he'd overheard. Instantly Lupin's heard turned towards Harry, hoping to hear everything clearly over the ever-growing loudness of Celestina.

"Has it occurred to you Harry, that Snape was simply pretending– " Arthur started.

"Pretending to offer help so that he could find out what Malfoy's up to?" Harry interrupted, a note of impatience in his voice. "Yeah I thought you'd say that. But how do we know?"

"But it's our business to know," Lupin said before he could stop himself and turning towards them.

Both Harry and Arthur turned to him as well. Harry looked both shocked and affronted, whilst Arthur looked ever so slightly relieved.

"It's Dumbledore's business," Lupin continued. "Dumbledore trusts Severus, and that ought to be good enough for all of us."

"But," Harry said. "Just say – just say Dumbledore's wrong about Snape– "

"People have said it, _many_ times. It comes down to whether or not you trust Dumbledore. I do; therefore, I trust Severus," Lupin announced.

It had a been a beliefs of Lupin's for some time, but now, after the moment he'd had with Snape outside Dumbledore's office after Sirius' death, the opinion had strengthened.

"But Dumbledore can make mistakes. He says it himself. And you," Harry muttered, looking Lupin straight in the eye, "do you honestly like Snape?"

Lupin's quick answer was yes, but a particularly refined and haughty looking man came into his minds eyes, his long hair shaken out of his eyes with a casual elegance. It almost made Lupin smile to think of Sirius cursing him for what he was about to say, so he changed his tact.

"I neither like or dislike Severus," Lupin explained, and Harry furrowed his brow with a sceptical expression. "No, Harry, I am speaking the truth. "We shall never be bosom buddies, perhaps, after all that happened between James and Sirius and Severus, there is too much bitterness there. But I do not forget that during the year I taught at Hogwarts, Severus made the Wolfsbane potion for me every month, made it perfectly, so that I did not have to suffer as I usually do at the full moon."

"But he _accidently_ let it slip that you're a werewolf, so you had to leave," Harry shot back angrily.

"The news would have leaked out anyway," Lupin shrugged. "We both know he wanted my job, but he could have wreaked much worse damage on me by tampering with the Potion. He kept me healthy. I must be grateful."

Lupin could see that his rational argument was getting under Harry's skin.

"Maybe he didn't dare mess with the Potion with Dumbledore watching him!" Harry snapped.

Lupin was so reminded of James what he couldn't stop the faint smile that formed on his face.

"You are determined to hate him, Harry. And I understand, with James as your father; with Sirius as your godfather you have inherited an old prejudice," Lupin explained, but Harry didn't look convinced or happy with the response he'd gotten. "By all means tell Dumbledore what you told Arthur and me, but do not expect him to chare your view of the matter, do not even expect him to be surprised by what you tell him. It might have been on Dumbledore's orders that Severus questioned Draco."

Harry opened his mouth to say something else, but was quickly silenced by a loud screeching noise from the Wireless, followed by Mrs Weasley's applause. Celestina had obviously finished.

"Eez eet over?" Fleur asked, her face screwed up in disgust. "Thank goodness, what an 'orrible – "

"Shall we have a nightcap then?" Who wants egg-nog?" Arthur interrupted, after glancing at Molly, who had turned to Fleur with a very malicious looking glare.

Lupin could only smile to himself.

"So what have you been up to lately?" Harry asked, as Arthur moved off to get drinks.

"Oh, I've been underground. Almost literally. That's why I haven't been able to write Harry," Lupin confessed. "Sending letters to you would have been something of a give-away."

"What do you mean?"

"I've been living among my fellows, my equals. Werewolves," Lupin added as Harry furrowed his brow at him. "Nearly all of them are on Voldemort's side. Dumbledore wanted a spy and here I was…ready-made."

As he spoke, Lupin couldn't help but picture all the punishment he had endured for this mission and noticed he had sounded a little bitter. Instantly, Lupin smiled at Harry, keen for him not to think anything else.

"I'm not complaining; it is necessary work and who can do it better than I?" However, it has been difficult gaining their trust. I bear the unmistakeable signs of having tried to live among wizards, you see, whereas they have shunned normal society and live on margins, stealing – and sometimes killing – to eat."

"How come they like Voldemort?" Harry asked, his green eyes reminding Lupin strikingly of Lily in the moment.

"They think that, under his rule, they will have a better life. And it's hard to argue with Greyback out there…"

"Who's Greyback?"

Lupin turned to Harry, almost surprised. It was always difficult to remember that Harry knew very little about the world he was in, because he fit in it so well. Lupin went on to explain about Greyback, even explaining that Greyback had bitten him.

"Greyback's insistence is that we werewolves deserve blood, that we ought to revenge ourselves on normal people," Lupin finished to a very shocked looking Harry.

"But you are normal," he said fiercely. "You've just got a – a problem– "

At this Lupin couldn't help but laugh. In the last few minutes Harry had gone from being Lily, to be being more like his father than ever before.

"Sometimes you remind me a lot of James. He called it my 'furry little problem' in company. Many people were under the impression that I owned a badly behaved rabbit. Thank-you," Lupin added, accepting egg-nog from him.

There was a few moments of silence as Lupin enjoyed his drink, but then Harry spoke again.

"Have you ever heard of someone called the Half-Blood prince?"

"The Half-Blood what?" Lupin stuttered.

"Prince," Harry corrected.

"There are no wizarding Princes," Lupin said, unable to stop the smile at what he was going to say next. "Is this a title you're thinking of adopting? I should have thought being titled the 'Chosen One' would be enough."

"It's nothing to do with me," Harry said indignantly, causing Lupin to give a small laugh. "The Half-Blood Prince is someone who used to do to Hogwarts. I've got his old Potions books. He wrote spells all over it, spells he invented. On of them was _Levicorpus–_ "

"Oh, that one had a great vogue during my time at Hogwarts. There were months in my fifth year when you couldn't move for being hoisted into the air by your ankle," Lupin said, his eyes shifting over the rest of the group in the sitting room as he so clearly remembered being held up in his bedroom by James when he wouldn't spill what Lily had said about him.

Fred and George were still playing Exploding Snap with Ginny, who seemed to be winning. Molly had finally gotten a very embarrassed Arthur up dancing and Bill and Fleur were busily snuggling in the corner, with Ron trying to secretly glance at them for reasons Lupin didn't know, but could guess.

"My dad used it," Harry said, interrupting his thoughts. "I saw him in the Pensieve."

Harry had attempted to sound casual, but there was a look in his eye that Lupin couldn't miss. Harry was clinging to a memory, and it was heart-warming to know that.

"Yes," Lupin said, smiling at Harry, "but he wasn't the only one. As I say it was very popular… you know how these spells come and go… "

"But it sounds like it was invented while you were at school," Harry persisted.

"Not necessarily. Jinxes go in and out of fashion like everything else," Lupin explained.

He watched Harry's face fall. Instantly he felt guilty for having crushed Harry's dream that he had another piece of his father's property, another piece of what he so longed for. Lupin came close to telling him that he didn't need anything more to remind him of his parents, because he was them, but he didn't.

"James was a pureblood, Harry, and I promise you, he never asked us to call him 'Prince,'" he said instead.

"And it wasn't Sirius? Or you?"

"Definitely not," Lupin assured him.

Harry turned away from him, and stared into the fire.

"Oh," he said, sounding defeated " I just thought – well he's helped me out a lot in Potions classes, the Prince has."

The urge to tell Harry his beliefs came back, especially now that he looked so crushed. He wanted to tell Harry that in his darkest moments, the thought of Harry had kept him going, the knowledge that part of his two best friends still existed made him keep walking in the moments when it had seemed impossible. But he didn't. He couldn't. So he thought of another way to help.

"How old is this book, Harry?"

"I dunno, I've never checked," Harry mumbled, turning back towards him.

"Well perhaps that will give you some clue as to when the Prince was at Hogwarts," Lupin added with a smile.

* * *

Lupin found himself in Bill's room as he had the last few nights, but he did not fall asleep as he usually had. Instead he had time to stare around the room. His conversation with Harry had left his mind running with memories from school; memories that made him smile and made him incredibly gloomy at the same time. Lupin had just begun folding his clothes away when a picture on Bill's desk caught his attention. It was the bubblegum pink that had caught his eye. The smile had warmed his chest and the twinkling eyes had stopped his heart. Tonks.

He grabbed the picture instantly and sat down on the bed. She looked so happy as she laughed at Bill and a girl he didn't know, her arms around both of them. Instantly Lupin was transported to a year ago. Tonks had looked like that then. It had been the night of her parents Christmas Party, and he had watched her that night, laughing and joking with all her family. With a heavy sigh, Lupin was reminded of Tonks the last time he'd seen her. He felt guilty for how happy he'd felt over the last few days and he hoped she was having a good time at her parents right now.

The Tonks in the picture winked out at him, and Lupin smiled, reminded so clearly of the quirky and funny woman he'd loved, continued to love.

* * *

The following morning found Lupin at the Weasley's table with a huge feast in front of him. Everyone, including himself, was wearing a new Molly Weasley jumper, that is, except for Fleur. The Christmas Lunch seemed to be going very well, everyone was happily chattering, that was until Ron knocked over the gravy boat.

"You're as bad as zat Tonks," Fleur said to Ron after she pried her lips away from Bill. "She is always knocking– "

Instantly Lupin stopped chewing. He had felt the elephant in the room every single time he was alone with Arthur and Molly. There was a topic he knew they wanted to discuss and each and every time he had avoided it. Even though he hoped otherwise, he knew he couldn't avoid it forever.

"I invited dear Tonks to come along today," Molly mumbled glaring at Fleur before turning her eyes to Lupin. "But she wouldn't come. Have you spoken to her lately, Remus?"

Lupin turned his eyes back to his plate.

"No, I haven't been in contact with anybody very much. But Tonks has her own family to go to, hasn't she?" Lupin asked casually, even though he knew the answer.

"Hmmm," Molly mused, her eyes surveying Lupin intently. "Maybe. I got the impression she was planning to spend Christmas alone, actually."

Lupin looked up just in time to receive an annoyed look from her before she moved on. Lupin closed his eyes for the briefest of seconds, banishing away the feeling that nearly made his heart break. He then picked up his fork and began eat turkey.

"Tonks's Patronus has changed its form. Snape said so, anyway. I didn't know that could happen. Why would your Patronus change?" Harry asked innocently.

Lupin could feel the eyes of everyone who knew more staring at him, so he took his time chewing on his turkey. Unlike the rest, Molly was making no secret of the fact that she was staring at Lupin.

"Sometimes… a great shock… an emotional upheaval… "

"It looked big, and it had four legs," Harry said, and then his voice changed as if he'd been struck by a new idea. "Hey … it couldn't be– "

"Arthur!" Molly interrupted, and Lupin was eternally thankful.

She's moved to the widow, with her hand over her heart.

"Arthur – it's Percy!"

There was the sound of scrapping chairs and dropped cutlery as everyone tried to get a view. Lupin had taught Percy, and hadn't seen him since, but sure enough, strolling through the garden was Percy Weasley, someone else by his side.

"Arthur he's– he's with the Minister," Molly squeaked.

Lupin's insides went cold as he to recognised the man waking in Percy's wake. He still had his very distinctive limp and the mane of greying hair. Before anyone had even moved, the back door opened and Percy stood on the threshold, Scrimgeour hidden behind him.

"Merry Christmas, Mother," Percy said stiffly.

"Oh Percy!" Molly cried, throwing herself in his arms.

All eyes then turned to Scrimgeour and Lupin felt his insides go cold.

"You must forgive this intrusion. Percy and I were in the vicinity – working, you know – and he couldn't resist dropping in and seeing you all," Scrimgeour said.

Percy merely stared over the heads of everyone at the table. Lupin glanced at Fred and George, never before had he see them look so stony-faced; he had only know them to smile, and the same for Arthur. Scrimgeour refused food and instead said he would go for a walk with whoever had finished their meal. The fact that Ginny, Fleur and George had also finished their meal seemed to be lost of Scrimgeour, who picked Harry instead. The ulterior motive was lost on no one. The atmosphere at the table sharpened that much more.

"Yeah, all right," Harry said in the tense silence, much to the shock of everyone.

Lupin knew Harry to be an intelligent boy, but he didn't see this coming. Red flags were popping up all through his mind, screaming at him not to let Harry be alone with Scrimgeour. Instantly Lupin began standing in his chair, ready to announce that he would join them, but Harry cut him off.

"It's fine," he muttered to Lupin and he walked by him.

When the two had left, everyone looked back at Percy, but Lupin continued to glance out at Harry.

"So, how have you been Perce?" Molly asked, her eyes still slightly watery.

"Fine. Busy," Percy said shortly.

"Too busy for us, hey, dear old Perce?" Fred asked, glaring up at him.

"Fred," Molly said in a threatening tone of voice.

"We're so glad you're here Percy," Molly squeaked and Lupin distinctly heard a few people around the table snort.

Percy's eyes swept the room and landed on his father, who only continued to stare at him stony faced.

"I heard about your promotion, Father," Percy said stiffly.

"Funny. We never got your congratulations card," George snapped.

"George," Molly snapped back at him.

"Why should we be polite mum?" Where was he last year when dad nearly died?" George explained, glaring at Percy still.

"Where was he when everything else was going wrong and you were worried out of your mind?" Fred finished.

"I apologise for my presence then," Percy said, glaring between Fred and George.

"So you should," Ginny replied, and all three of them looked at her.

Lupin was slightly taken aback, he had never seen Fred and George behave in the way they were. Ginny he had known, long before the rest, to have the kind of temper she was displaying, but still even she surprised him.

"Do you want some lunch Percy?" Molly asked sweetly, ignoring the glaring family members.

"No mother, I don't have the time. The minister only wanted a quick– I mean, he would not wish to be held up," Percy quickly backtracked.

"I'll put some in a container for you then," Molly told him.

"No, mother, really it's – " Percy started to say, but Molly had already disappeared to do so.

After a few minutes of very heavy and tense silence, Molly came back with a container filled with mashed Parsnips and was just about to place in some turkey with her wand. Lupin's head snapped towards the window and saw Harry trudging back through the thick snow towards the house. He heard Fred say something spiteful to Percy, and then Percy turned back to his mother.

"Goodbye Mother," Percy said stiffly again and turned on his heel.

"Hey Perce?" Fred said, a grin on his face.

"Yes?" Percy said, turning back, disdain all over his face.

"You forgot your lunch," George said, the same grin on his face.

Perhaps they had only desired to throw a little bit of food with their wands, but Ginny flicked hers at the same time and a rather large amount, perhaps a handful, of mashed parsnips flew through the hairs, landing right on his glasses. Percy froze for moment, glared at them all and then stormed off out of the kitchen taking off his glasses and wiping them. Fred and George grinned at each other, until they caught sight of Molly and instantly their grins faded away.

* * *

Much later that evening, just after most of the house had gone to bed sleepy from full stomachs, Lupin was in the kitchen by himself, cleaning dishes.

"Oh Remus, you didn't have to do that, I was going to tackle them in the morning," Molly said, walking in from the living room, her eyes still puffy from crying.

"No it's fine," Lupin muttered, smiling at her. "No trouble at all."

He flicked his wand at some plates and they made their way over to the sink where h had chosen to hand wash them. Arthur strolled in soon after, and Molly set to work fetching him some tea. Instantly the awkwardness set down upon Lupin, he could feel them both looking at him, having silent conversations about him. The unspoken conversation hung in this room much more than it had anytime before. It was heavier and darker than before to, but this time, Lupin couldn't escape it.

"Remus," Molly announced, and Lupin felt himself sigh, so happy he was facing away from them. "Don't you think it's time you reconsider all of this?"

Even without mentioning whom, Lupin knew exactly what Molly meant. He turned back around, his face passive.

"Molly, I don't wish to be rude, after I'm so grateful for you having taken me in this Christmas, but I do not desire to talk about this," Lupin said calmly, he looked across at Arthur for some support, but didn't find it.

"You're taking a ridiculous line with this," Arthur said, staring him straight in the eye. "Ridiculous is perhaps too strong a word, but you understand my meaning."

"She loves you," Molly said frankly, placing a mug of steaming tea on front of Arthur and standing behind him, her hands resting on his shoulder. "She's completely miserable without you. You only have to look at her. And you heard about her Patronus, how can you deny it?"

"I know," Lupin said heavily, turning back away to face the dishes.

"Look at the display from my own son today," Arthur said, meaning the continuous kissing and cuddling from Bill and Fleur all night. "You can hardly say young love is easily forgotten, nor is it easily dismissed."

"Exactly!" Lupin cried, placing the plate in his hand down with much more force than was necessary and turning back to face them. "She's young, she's whole and she is everything I am not. She should be with someone good enough to deserve her, all of her. I would ruin her, and I would ruin the great life that I know is ahead of her."

"Remus, that is not true, you know its not. She doesn't care, she just wants you, and we advocate it completely," Molly said, smiling at him.

"But she should care! That's what I've been trying to tell her," Lupin said exasperatedly. "Why would anyone want to voluntarily put themselves through what I _have_ to go through everyday?"

"Because she loves you," Arthur said.

Lupin stared straight across at him, but he only blinked back unflinchingly. With a very heavy sigh, Lupin knew he was right. He knew he had to do something about it and he had to see her, but he had no idea how, so he just went back to washing dishes.

* * *

Hours later, Lupin stared out of his bedroom window, looking out across the snow-covered roofs of the other houses nearby. The thought of Tonks alone on Christmas had hoodwinked his mind. He thought of what a warm and loving day he'd had, and instantly it tore at his heart. He walked downstairs, hoping tea or hot chocolate would help. He set to work finding mugs, and in the corner of his eye all he could was watch the door. There was his way there, no one else was awake, and slipping out would be so easy. Lupin shook his head, banishing the idea of seeing her straight away, as he remembered that the door was magically locked every night by Arthur, and impossible to open without him.

The water was boiling, and Lupin's heart was beating fast, images of Tonks alone flashing through his mind. He closed his eyes and shook his head again, but they wouldn't leave this time. So he did it, he tried it anyway. His hand connected with the doorknob and he twisted it, surprised to find that it was not locked, an ominous sign perhaps. Lupin grabbed his travelling cloak and trudged out through the snow, knowing he would regret what he was about to do, but knowing he could not live with himself if he did not.

* * *

Lupin landed in the plain looking hallway and unaware that it was easily past midnight, he knocked on her door. He heard the footsteps and found that he was growing more and more nervous, even though he knew what he would say. The door flew open and instantly his blue eyes found her brown ones. Her hair was still mousy brown, though it looked worse than before. She was paler than he remembered, and she was much thinner. She had bags under her eyes, and she looked like she'd had just as little sleep as he had over the last few months. Her mouth had formed a surprised shape, and she blinked at him a few times, before turning on her heel and walking back to the couch, a bunch of papers sitting next to her that she went back to reading

Lupin's eyes scanned the room, vaguely remembering the last time he'd been here. Her apartment was so much plainer than it had been before; there were no bright colours, no mess and certainly no tables full of smiling happy photographs. He didn't like it. Every inch of it was missing the . Lupin swallowed awkwardly. His eyes travelled to the little owl on her windowsill, and it hooted happily at him. Tonks glared at it, like it had just betrayed her.

"You never wrote," Lupin said, trying to sound upbeat.

"You never would have written back," Tonks said, her voice low and so icy that it almost made him shiver.

Lupin opened his mouth to object, but Tonks glared up at him in such a way that he knew lies would not be tolerated, and would most definitely not assist his position. He hung in the doorway, so aware of how uncomfortable he felt.

"You re-decorated," Lupin said, hating his small talk.

Tonks didn't say anything.

"I miss your old place," he said, and Tonks only met him with a glare. "Where's all the blowing gum?"

Lupin had hoped the memory of something happy would help, but sadly it didn't.

"There's alot of things I don't do anymore. What do you want Remus?"

Her words struck him like a slap, they were harsh and direct, nothing like the Tonks he knew, and in that moment, he knew the battle he had on his hands.

"You don't look good Dora," Lupin said, not bothering to mask the worried tone.

"Oh, gee, thanks Remus," Tonks said sarcastically.

"I do not mean it in that way. They're not working you too hard are they?"

"No, I just haven't slept well since, well, you know," Tonks added.

"Since Sirius. It is okay to say his name," Lupin said.

Tonks stared up at him, a confused look spread over her face, and then suddenly she looked irritated.

"No, you git, since you left," Tonks snapped. "I haven't slept a full night since you left."

Lupin allowed the heavy silence to rest upon them, not desiring to break it until he knew exactly what he was going to say, as Tonks had a habit of undoing his words.

"Look, Dora, if this is how you desire it to be, for the two of us not be around each other, though I will not enjoy it, I will respect your wishes. In the future inform me where you will be and I will be sure not attend. I don't want to remove you from your friends, I owe you that much," Lupin explained carefully.

Tonks' eyes shot up at him.

"What in the name of Merlin are you talking about?"

"You avoided Christmas with the Weasleys. As I said, if it makes it easier for you, I won't go where you are," Lupin repeated. "Is that better?"

"No," Tonks said straight away, and Lupin could only stare at her, his mouth half open. "It doesn't make it better. Because, in none of your plan, am I with you."

Lupin and Tonks were left staring at each other. Lupin could only feel awkward again in the way Tonks always made him feel when she was completely honest. Just like Arthur had been.

"Tonks you can't just – I mean, It's not as simple as – I can't come here and – " Lupin stuttered, before sighing loudly and looking up at her as he ran his hand through his hair. "What would you do? What on earth would you do if you were in my position?"

"Well," Tonks started after a pause. "For starters, I never would have gotten myself bitten by Greyback."

The absurdity of what she'd said hit Lupin quickly. He couldn't stop the laugh that escaped his mouth, and he could only shake his head with a smile as he heard Tonks laugh as well. For a second, Lupin couldn't think of anyone but Sirius. It was so like him to make a joke in the most inappropriate moment possible. More than ever, he realised just how alike they actually were, Tonks and Sirius. Obviously the Black connections ran deeper than he knew. The laughter died away, and instantly the same tense air was back. Lupin gave a heavy sigh and turned back to Tonks and her smile died away quickly.

"I don't know what else to do, but I know what I won't do, and that's because I– "

"You're too old, too poor and too dangerous," Tonks finished for him; bite in her voice as she rolled her eyes. "Trust me, I got that. Even though it's a complete load of bullocks."

"If you understood, you wouldn't say that," Lupin added.

"Right back at you," Tonks mumbled darkly, folding her arms staring back at the fire.

The wordplay in her argument caught him off-guard, and, just like he'd thought, she was tearing his logical chain of thought apart.

"Why won't you believe me? Why can't you just see that this is for the best, for everyone?" Lupin asked, feeling exasperated.

"Because you're an idiot," Tonks snapped back.

Lupin couldn't help but shift his weight nervously, he hated when she snapped, it always meant she was hurting, as he knew there was not a mean bone in her body.

"That aside Dora, this isn't good behaviour. I know you, I know what you're capable of and you have to stop– "

"Stop telling me how to behave!" Tonks yelled. "I'm so sick of people telling me what to do. If I don't get it from you, I get it from everyone telling me how to get over you, or from everyone at work telling me how to be a better me. I'm sick and tired of being told I'm not good enough."

This time, Lupin could actually see the hurt exploding from her eyes when she looked at him. All he wanted to do was go over there and shake her until she made sense. Lupin was about to open his mouth, but Tonks continued on.

"I got hurt. Why won't anyone let me feel bad about it for a while?"

"Because I'm not worth it," Lupin said plainly. "You shouldn't worry about someone like me?"

"Am I going to have to tell you a million and _one _times that I don't care? I don't care about your age, I don't care how much money you've got and I don't care that you're a werewolf. I. Don't. Care." Tonks growled.

"And I'm here to tell you that you should. That you need to listen to me," Lupin begged.

"Who do you think you are?" Tonks asked, her chest heaving from anger. "My mother?"

"If that's what will work with you, then yes," Lupin said, regretting it almost immediately.

It all seemed to happen in a few seconds, Tonks was on her feet, risen to her full height looking like she was in a fury.

"Don't you dare speak to me like that! What are you even doing here? I thought you were never coming back, I thought you were all to happy leaving me in the mess you made," Tonks shouted.

"_I_ made?" Lupin shot back.

"Yes, _you_ made. If it weren't for you, none of this would ever have happened to me. I wouldn't be this mopey pathetic little girl," Tonks yelled at him.

"That's not my fault. I tried, Tonks, I tried to tell you all along that this would never have a happy ending. But you wouldn't listen," Lupin explained, his voice heated.

"Well then, forgive me for being slightly taken with you. Were you saying it this time last year? Christmas Eve? No, as far as my memory stretches, I don't think you were saying much of anything."

There was a long silence as the regret of his previous actions flowed through him. He'd been selfish with her over the last year and this was what was he'd caused. He'd hurt someone, the one thing he tried never to do, and he'd done by the boatload with her.

"I hate that this happened. I hate that you're still with me every single place I go, and most of all, I hate that I don't hate you!" Tonks yelled.

"That's a good thing Dora," Lupin tried to reason.

"No, it's not," Tonks shot back, and Lupin gave a heavy sigh. "And for Merlins sake would you stop sighing. It's hard enough yelling at you, I don't want to feel sorry for you."

Lupin closed his mouth and straightened up, running a shaky hand through his hair as he tried to think of something more to say.

"You know, I used to think I was whole and complete person. I used to walk around thinking I was normal and I had everything, a job, friends, everything I could ever want. Then I met you. And you changed everything Remus," Tonks said in a heavy sounding voice. "And then you left. You gave me something and you took it away. I want to hate you for that, but at the same stupid time I love you in spite of it. Do you have any idea how infuriating that is?"

Lupin didn't say a word, he just let her keep building.

"I hate you for what you've done, I hate you for what I've become and I hate me for ever having allowing it to happen. Yet I can't. All I want to do is hate you. I want to, but I just– I just– "

Lupin could only do one thing. He felt his legs give out and he dropped onto the sofa, so exhausted by the round-a-bout style of the argument. He could feel her seething, feel her hate, and it crushed him.

"Please Dora, please don't hate me," he begged, looking down at his hands, his mind unable to process something that seemed so fair on her part.

There was a long silence

"I have to," Tonks muttered in very small voice that frightened him. "Otherwise I'll never get over you."

The words had an effect he didn't think she had intended. Suddenly he couldn't think of anything else but her being without him. He couldn't remember that he needed to stay away from her; he just knew he needed her, like he knew she needed him. Images of Tonks flashed through his mind, her tangled in his sheets back in Grimmauld place, the morning sunlight bouncing of her beautiful pale skin with a tired smile forming over her perfect pink lips, and the way she had giggled every time his fingers brushed the sides of her torso.

He couldn't stop thinking about her bubbly beautiful personality, the way she made him smile when it was the last thing he'd ever wanted to do. He couldn't stop the urge that told him to do something about it, to change everything, because, in the most un-Remus like way, he just did not care. Lupin stood, his eyes focused, and his movements determined.

"What are you doing?" Tonks asked, looking half afraid and half confused.

His hand slipped behind her head, remembering just how it felt to hold her face in his hands, memorizing just how natural it felt. He couldn't bring himself to finish what he'd started; all he could do was stare at her. He was so angry with himself for what she'd become, considering he knew what a force she was at her highest potential. He stared into her brown eyes, which, for the first time, were twinkling at him again. He didn't understand how he had survived so long without her, without her smell, without feeling her heartbeat increase the second they touched.

Every single second dripped with anticipation, and together time slowed as the air around them thickened. His thumb traced patterns across her cheek, remembering how soft her skin felt and then Tonks moved. Her lips met his, and his accepted them almost instantly, and together the two fell, not caring what they were going to land on, just finally connected, and finally able to breathe again.


	62. The Lost Laugh

**Feel free to string me up to kill me!**

**Been ages, but i've been in court supporting a loved one for two weeks, so i have a reason i think!! haha Either way you should all be thankful if you like where this chapter goes, because it only came from the boredom of sitting in courtrooms all day.**

**Though, it also resulted in the chapter being extra long, so sorry if you don't like that, and it's great if you do!**

**Yes its slightly out of character, but every sad part of a story needs a happy bit in there as well.**

**Reviews would be fantastic if possible! **

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 60**

Snow was falling thick and fast outside, and through the window was the picturesque little village of Hogsmeade, each shop looking like a gingerbread house. It had never looked so beautiful. And never before had such a view been so lost on Nymphadora Tonks. She had her body facing away from the window, concentrating on the papers in front of her, trying to keep her mind away from the fact that it was Christmas Eve. Yet every time she stopped, every _single_ time she gave herself a moment to breath, she couldn't stop picturing last Christmas Eve. Lupin's lips on hers, then on her neck, then her on her breast. His arms threaded through hers, and their sweat soaked bodies moving with each other's as if invisible threads connected them. She could feel it as if it was happening in that very moment.

She could remember the words he'd spoken, the ones he'd whispered into her ear, and how they'd made her shiver down her entire spine. How his long fingered and graceful hands had moved down her body, goosebumps exploding in their wake. And most of all, she could remember waking up in his arms and how at peace and secure she felt. That was the most soul crushing part of it all, because she knew that was not destined to be her Christmas this year, nor ever again in the future. Tonks turned back to her report, trying to concentrate on _it_, and not the tears forming in her eyes. She tried to write the daily Hogsmeade report, but found herself disappearing again.

She didn't think she could remember what his voice sounded like anymore. It had been so long since his horse whisper had sent butterflies wild in her stomach. She didn't know if she could exactly remember the way his lips seemed to grab hers, rearranging her entire world in one moment. She didn't know if she could remember what it felt like to be in his arms. She couldn't remember exactly what that level of security and happiness felt like anymore. It was gone. All she had left was the cold, and she didn't know whether that had anything to do with winter or not.

* * *

"Tonks dear," Madam Rosmerta said, popping up from behind the bar. "Have some turkey."

"Nah thanks Rosmerta. Not hungry," Tonks mumbled, looking into her Butterbeer.

"You've said that every day you've been here. It's Christmas, and if you won't go home to your family tonight, I'm going to make you have a good time," Rosmerta said brightly.

Tonks gave a weak smile and allowed the plate of turkey to be placed in front of her. She only picked at it, barely eating anything. She'd felt better, well better than before, in the last few passing weeks, but somehow Christmas had brought her back to where she'd been in June. She avoided her parents Christmas Party, worried that the memories of the year before would cripple her, and she avoided lunch with everyone today by requesting for duty at Hogsmeade. She didn't know why she was so keen to be away from the rest of the world, but Hogsmeade allowed her to disappear, and that was what she wanted. Rosmerta had been some company all the time she'd been here, but only of late had she seemed more like herself, not that Tonks minded her when she was acting strange, as she hardly talked.

"So it's a boy then?" Rosmerta asked after a few minutes of silence.

"What?" Tonks muttered, furrowing her brow.

"I've seen a lot of people, and things to, and I know boy trouble when I see it," Rosmerta said, cleaning out a glass she'd just taken from the only other patron sitting at the actual bar.

"Is it really that obvious?" Tonks asked, running a hand through her dank hair.

"'Fraid so," Rosmerta replied with a sad smile. "Want to tell me about it?'

"Well, I had a boy, or a man at least, and I don't anymore. Pretty simple," Tonks sighed.

"Why?"

Tonks stared into her glass of Butterbeer, watching the bubbles come rising the surface and then just disappearing into nothingness. For a second, she was jealous of them.

"Because he doesn't want to be with me anymore," Tonks mumbled into her drink.

"Oh, dear. I'm sorry," Rosmerta said, squeezing Tonks' hand on the table.

Just as Rosmerta was about to speak again, a customer walked up and ordered a drink she had to pour, and Tonks was quietly thankful.

"So why aren't you at home then?" Rosmerta asked, after the man took his drink and walked away.

"I had to be here," Tonks said, with a shrug.

"But Dumbledore would have let you out off to see your family today I'm sure," Rosmerta said, cleaning more glasses.

Tonks replied with a shrug.

"What about friends?"

"They're off travelling. Another family asked me to join them, but I didn't think I'd be good company. Work's easier than seeing everyone," Tonks explained.

"Yes, I'm sure that's true, but I think it would have been better for you to be with them dear, even if you don't think so," Rosmerta said, looking at Tonks with same pitying look everyone else did. "What about another person? Another lad? There's plenty around here usually."

Tonks shrugged. She had had a few run ins with other men, one boy, a particularly attractive one, who Tonks was sure was in the grade above her and was in Ravenclaw when they were at school. He has seemed like a great guy, hazel eyes, black hair, funny, and even that little bit of quirkiness Tonks loved. He even dressed the part, everything Tonks was interested in, and his hair was floppy in the way Tonks always used to love. But that was problem, it was everything Tonks _used _to love, and all she could think as she stared into his cute babyish face was: _he's just not Remus._

"No, I don't really– I mean I'm not quite– It's still– " Tonks stuttered.

"It's okay dear," Rosmerta said, cupping Tonks' hand again. "One day. One day you'll forget all about this other one and find someone else to make you truly happy."

Tonks looked up at Rosmerta, her outline slowly becoming blurred as her eyes filled with tears. She glanced away, and stared into her glass, watching a single tear land in it. She was terrified of that, terrified of never meeting anyone who matched up to him, because she just didn't believe it were possible, and she hated him for that.

"I think I'm going to head off Rosmerta," Tonks mumbled, ready to be away from company again.

"Okay dear. I'm always here if you need a chat remember," Rosmerta said, giving her the same pitying smile again.

With that Tonks grabbed her bag and apparated right into her own living room back in London.

* * *

Before Tonks had even opened her eyes, she could hear carollers in the streets, singing Muggle Christmas songs. She loved the Muggle songs; Christmas was the one time of year that at least some of the muggle population believed in magic. Santa Claus to be precise. For once, Wizards and muggles were united over a single belief, and Tonks has always loved it. This year was different. She kept her eyes closed, and sighed loudly, before a piercing hoot awoke her from her sadness. She turned around to find that the tiny owl was back, and obviously happy to see her. As Tonks sat on her couch, the owl flew over and perched on the arm of the seat. She stroked the top of his head as she pulled her notebook from her bag.

Tonks settled into a night distracting herself with work related stuff, trying to ignore the pressing thought that, she was alone and it was Christmas. She kept trying to concentrate on her weekly notes, and work reports of Death Eater sightings, but it was harder than she'd imagined. Still she kept at it, diligently working, but loneliness sat in her stomach like a sickness. Eventually, she had her wish, and disappeared into the report of the inquiry into Amelia Bones's death. Sometime, perhaps hours later, Tonks' concentration was interrupted by a knock. The second she was awoken back to her thoughts, the dark cloud hung back over her head, and she nearly had a brush away a tear as her heart jumped at the thought of it being Lupin coming visit her, as she knew it would never come to fruition.

She stomped to the door, knowing it would be Kingsley or someone from the Department to tell her about some new piece of information, as it always was this late at night. The door swung open, and for a second Tonks thought she had to be hallucinating. She blinked a few times, cursing herself for such a pathetic hallucination, but he didn't turn into a Ministry employee, or Kinglsey, or anyone she knew. He stayed as Remus Lupin. Her heart seemed to speed up and slow down all at once, and any inclination to speak was ruined by the fact that her voice was slowly disappearing in her throat. She stood frozen, trying to figure out, or at the very least understand, why he was standing at her door.

He looked fuller than she remembered, he looked better, though admittedly, the last time she'd seen him he had just been torn to pieces. His face did not look as gaunt, and his eyes seemed slightly brighter. Tonks thought seeing Lupin looking somewhat healthier would be a good thing, but it made her feel annoyed. Annoyed that he was coming together and she was still falling apart. He continued staring at her, a barely noticeable smile on his lips, and Tonks couldn't stand much of it anymore. She turned on her heel, not caring about rudeness, just wanting to distance herself from him, and made her way back to the couch. She picked up the document she'd been taking notes for, and pretended to do some work.

"You never wrote," Lupin's hoarse voice interrupted after a long and painful silence.

Tonks closed her eyes, allowing his voice to travel through her ears, as she savoured it for a second. She looked back up, and found he was staring at the little owl he'd given her. Suddenly she didn't feel like being nice.

"You never would have written back," Tonks muttered darkly.

Lupin opened his mouth, and she knew whatever was to come out of it would have been a lie to protect her feelings, so she glared at him, almost begging him to give her a reason to curse him to bits. The awkward silence that hung between them was torture, but Tonks sought for no words to fill it. He'd come to her, and she was not going to help someone who had failed in every way to help her.

"You've redecorated," Lupin said awkwardly.

Still, Tonks sought for no words.

"I liked the old place," Lupin continued on hesitantly. "Where's all the blowing gum?"

"There's a lot of thing I don't do anymore, Remus," Tonks said icily, staring him right in the eye, the message behind her words blatantly clear.

There was another long silence, and Tonks went back to her work as Lupin pulled himself together.

"You don't look good Dora," his voice interrupted again.

Tonks glanced up at him, her brow furrowed.

"Oh gee, thanks Remus," she said sarcastically.

"No, I do not mean it that way," Lupin replied, sounding slightly exasperated. "They're not working you too hard are they?"

"No. I just haven't slept well since, well," Tonks paused, not wanting to announce out loud just how pathetic she had become. "You know."

Lupin gave a small sigh.

"Since Sirius. It's okay, you can say his name."

Tonks looked back up at him, her eyebrows creased, and then the realisation dawned on her. Irritation quickly heated her chest.

"No you git, since you left. I haven't slept a full night since you left," she snapped, not caring how it sounded.

For a while Tonks glared at him, and she saw the apologies forming behind his eyes, but when they never came out of his mouth, Tonks huffed angrily and returned to her work.

"Look," Lupin finally said after sometime. "Dora, if this is how you desire it to be, for the two of us not be around each other, though I will not enjoy it, I will respect your wishes. In the future inform me where you will be and I will be sure not attend. I don't want to remove you from your friends, I owe you that much."

Again Tonks felt confused.

"What in the name of Merlin are you talking about?" Tonks snapped at him.

"You avoided Christmas with the Weasleys," Lupin explained, as if this answered everything. "As I said, if it makes it easier for you, I won't go where you are."

They met eyes for a second, and Tonks did understand his point, but it was stupid and ever so slightly conceited of him to assume her absence was because of him. She also couldn't believe they were now down to constructing schedules to avoid each other, so she just continued to stare at her page, not wanting to look up into his beautiful blue eyes again.

"Is that better?" Lupin asked after a while.

"No," Tonks said instantly.

She met his eyes, and they had the same effect as always. She felt her heart melt as they raked her, though this time they were searching for why she could possibly refute such a request.

"It doesn't make it better. Because, in none of your plan, am I with you," Tonks finished, meeting his stare with completely honesty.

"Tonks you can't just – I mean, It's not as simple as – I can't come here and – " Lupin spluttered.

Tonks only watched him as he sighed loudly and ran a shaky hand through his prematurely graying hair. Where before he had looked calm and controlled, though admittedly nervous, now he looked disheveled, as if he had not expected her to pull his argument apart that way.

"What would you do? What on earth would you do if you were in my position?" Lupin asked, his voice failing to mask the desperation for an answer.

"Well, for starters, I never would have gotten myself bitten by Greyback," Tonks said without thinking.

Her eyes met Lupin's and the two of them both smiled, before laughter rang throughout the room. Tonks couldn't believe the muscles in her face actually allowed her to smile still, as it had been so long since one had formed on her face. The laughter slowly died away and the tense, almost suffocating realization on why Lupin was here settled over them very quickly. Lupin gave another heavy sigh before speaking.

"I don't know what else to do, but I know what I won't do and that's because– "

"You're too old, too poor and too dangerous," Tonks finished for him, fixing him with an angry glare and an icy voice. "Trust me, I got that. Even though it's a complete load of bullocks."

"If you understood, you wouldn't say that," Lupin added with his annoying 'I'm smarter than you therefore I'm correct' voice.

"Right back at you," Tonks mumbled darkly, tearing her eyes from him back to the fire and folding her arms.

There was silence once more and Tonks fought the urge to fill it with a plea to come back to her.

"Why won't you believe me? Why can't you just see that this is for the best? For everyone," he added, dropped his voice to make it sound like he cared, though Tonks disagreed.

"Because you're an idiot," she shot back at him seriously.

Lupin took a few moments again to steady himself, and she was surprised to find he didn't sigh.

"That aside Dora," Lupin said, closing his eyes for a second. "This isn't good behavior for you. I know you, and I know what you're capable of, and you have to stop– "

It was like Lupin had known exactly what words would cripple her most, and it felt like a fire had been lit in the pit of her stomach.

"Stop telling me how to behave!" Tonks yelled. "I'm so sick of people telling me what to do. If I don't get it from you, I get it from everyone telling me how to get over you, or from everyone at work telling me how to be a better me. I'm sick and tired of being told I'm not good enough."

Tonks stared back at the flickering flames for a few seconds before speaking again.

"I got hurt. Why won't anyone let me feel bad about it for a while?"

"Because I'm not worth it," Lupin said straight away. "You shouldn't worry about someone like me."

Tonks had to resist the urge to stand and curse the living daylights out of him. She rolled her eyes instead.

"Am I going to have to tell you a million and _one _times that I don't care? I don't care about your age, I don't care how much money you've got and I don't care that you're a werewolf. I. Don't. Care," she growled, digging her nails into the arm of the sofa.

"And I'm here to tell you that you should. That you need to listen to me," Lupin begged, sounding like a teacher.

"And who do you think you are?" Tonks asked, every inch of the teenager she used to be in her voice. "My mother?"

"If that's what will work with you, then yes," Lupin muttered, staring at Tonks.

It took mere seconds for Tonks to be on her feet. He had crossed the invisible line in the sand, and given how much she had been holding back, her fury had finally hit an absolute peak. Every little thing she disliked, about him, about herself, about anything, was going to land on him.

"Don't you dare speak to me like that! What are you even doing here? I thought you were never coming back, I thought you were all too happy leaving me in the mess you made," Tonks shouted narrowing her eyes on him.

"_I_ made?" Lupin repeated.

"Yes, _you_ made. If it weren't for _you_, none of this would ever have happened to _me_. I wouldn't be this mopey pathetic little girl," Tonks continued yelling, feeling a release she hadn't felt in a while.

"That's not my fault. I tried, Tonks, I tried to tell you all along that this would never have a happy ending," Lupin explained, attempting to defend himself But you wouldn't listen.

"Well then, forgive me for being slightly taken with you. Were you saying it this time last year? Christmas Eve? No, as far as my memory stretches, I don't think you were saying much of anything," Tonks shouted, feigning confusion.

Silence descended upon them, and Tonks tried hard to avoid Lupin's eyes, as they were suddenly looking sorrowful, and she did not want to pity him. She felt her chest heaving, and she held onto the anger for as long as possible, because she knew what was bound to come after.

"I hate that this happened," Tonks spat. "I hate that you're with me everywhere I go, and most of all, I hate that I don't hate you."

"That's a good thing Dora," Lupin said, brightening slightly and taking a step towards her as he tried to grab her hands.

"No it's not," Tonks shot back, stepping away as Lupin sighed. "And for Merlin's sake would you stop sighing! It's hard enough yelling at you, I don't want to feel sorry for you."

Tonks glanced away, and in the corner of her eye she saw Lupin run a shaking hand through his hair. Just like she hadn't wanted, she felt slightly sorry for him. She hated him for that now to. When he didn't say anything, Tonks couldn't stop the words that fell out.

"You know, I used to think I was whole and complete person. I used to walk around thinking I was normal and I had everything, a job, friends, everything I could ever want. Then I met you. And you changed everything Remus," Tonks paused. "And then you left. You gave me something and you took it away. I want to hate you for that, but at the same stupid time I love you in spite of it. Do you have any idea how infuriating that is?"

She looked back up at him, but he didn't do anything, so she continued, ready to finally make the point which had been the cause of so much turmoil over the last few weeks.

"I hate you for what you've done, I hate you for what I've become and I hate me for ever having allowing it to happen. Yet I can't. All I want to do is hate you. I want to, but I just– I just– can't."

Tonks watched Lupin fall to the couch, and as much as she wanted to comfort him, to be there, part of her kept screaming that he had not be there for her. That she had struggled alone, and he should now suffer.

"Please Dora, please don't hate me," Lupin begged, looking at his hands, not her.

His voice had dropped and as a man, he looked far more broken than when she had seen him of late. Her heart went out to him, but she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She had to protect herself; she had to stay on the path she'd been on before he came. She turned away from him; in the hope that if she stared at the fire she wouldn't feel the way she did when she looked at him. But even with her back turned she could still feel him hurting, even if she thought she didn't care.

"I have to," Tonks finally muttered in a small voice. "Otherwise, I'll never get over you."

She hated herself for the honesty, and hated that she'd let herself get vulnerable with him. There was just too much hate and a tiny tear rolled down her cheek. The sound of springs and the rustle of fabric let her know that Lupin had stood up. She spun around, ready to accept his farewell, but instead she was greeted with something else. He was staring at her, intensely, _too_ intensely.

"What are you doing?" Tonks asked, her voice heavy with forced anger and confusion.

She watched Lupin swallow awkwardly, but still his eyes stayed on her, and they were completely unreadable in a way she had never remembered them being so. In the quickest of seconds Lupin's hand seemed to be near her face, then time stood still. His hand moved across her skin, it traced across her cheek and seemed to stop when his thumb came into contact with her lips. She tried, she struggled, and she fought hard against the urge to melt into him as he touched her. It was powerful and completely overbearing as his scent filled her nostrils. He smelt of soap and the odd combination of the outdoors and an old book, and it was making the urge to kiss him that much harder to ignore.

His eyes were locked into hers, not allowing her to even dream of breaking the stare. Tension that earlier had fuelled her body to yell at him, was now pushing her to do something more, as he delicately traced her skin with his thumb. Tonks felt her body rise and fall with every breath she took, as the moment seemed to hold on the blade of a knife, threatening to tip in the wrong direction. She took a step towards him, unable to stop herself, unable to fight the desire any longer, and met his lips with hers. Instantly he kissed back hungrily, and then, like some kind of beautiful release, she felt complete again.

Her heart stopped and raced at the same time, her head and her stomach did a black flip and her skin goosebumped as Lupin hands snaked around her. It felt like she was falling through space, descending all the walls and blockades she'd put up in the last year, until she realised she actually was falling. She landed on the floor, roughly perhaps, but she hardly noticed, her mind, or the little of it left that could think clearly, was somewhere else, somewhere that involved what Lupin's tongue was doing to hers. It was breath-taking, mind-bending, earth shattering, and it was the feeling she had missed, without even knowing it.

The crackling of the fire, the carollers and the sound of Tonks' work papers hitting the ground, were all part of a distant world that neither of them belonged to anymore. Lupin's hands were tugging on the bottom of her shirt in seconds, and it was over her head in a matter of moments. His long graceful fingers danced up her back, skimming along her skin before undoing the clasp of her bra and letting it fall, before he threw it away. His mouth moved down her neck, enveloping random bits of skin with his lips, leaving perfect red marks in his wake. Tonks' hands instantly found their way into Lupin's hair, scrunching it slightly as his lips got closer to her breasts.

Her legs wrapped around his as their bodies began pressing into each other's, Tonks' arching up against him. He pulled back from her and yanked his jumper over his head, throwing it away to join her clothes. His lips crashed back onto hers as his hands began furiously working on the buttons of his shirt, he'd gotten almost every button done except the last, when Tonks grabbed his hands, stopping him instantly. He looked back at her, a quizzical arch in his eyebrow. Slowly, very slowly, trying to make every single second last, Tonks planted a kiss on his collarbone. She let her hands slide down his skin gently, before reaching the final button herself.

She stopped at it, and stared, knowing what undoing this button could potentially do, knowing and wanting the consequences. Tonks flicked the button and let the shirt gape for a few moments as Lupin only stared down at her. Her hands moved back up his chest. She froze again when her hands had reached his shoulders. Obviously being slightly baffled by the sudden change of pace, Lupin leaned forwards to kiss her, but Tonks pulled further back, letting him kiss the air.

She felt herself smile at him, but he only responded with the same quizzical stare. She let her hands run to the top of his shoulders and then, down his arms, taking his shirt with them. She slid her fingers over his shoulders, feeling his skin disappear under her fingertips. She followed every rise and fall of his muscles, right down to his wrist, where she could feel his pulse, beating harder than her own.

The shirt, now completely off his arms, fell limply to the floor, leaving Lupin without another layer, thought this one far more physical than the last she'd stripped from him. Her eyes flicked back to his, and she found them waiting, though for what she didn't know. Tonks's hands had found their way to his hips, and as he stared intently, her hands drifted up the side of his torso, feeling his goosebumps as she did so.

Within seconds, Lupin had moved and slid his hand behind Tonks' head and was kissing her again. As his body lay back down into hers, Tonks couldn't stop the smile that was spreading over her face. All she could think about was the old Lupin, the man who wanted to slow things down, and make everything mean something, and here he was, ignoring his own rules, disregarding everything that was essentially him. The prude had essentially become not a prude. The irony was too hard to miss, and as he tried to deepen the kiss, her only response was a laugh.

She turned away from him, feeling the laugh come from her stomach. Her eyes shut tight as her laugh steadily grew harder. Pain seared through her stomach, as muscles she hadn't used in months suddenly began stretching and pulling. Tonks heard Lupin join her, though nowhere near as loud as her.

"You know it's poor form to laugh at a man whilst he's in such a vulnerable position," Lupin mumbled, as his laugh died away.

Tonks opened her eyes, her stomach in pain, her cheeks burning as she smiled, and looked up at him. He was grinning as well, as he held himself over her on the living room floor. Still giggling occasionally, Tonks pulled herself up, but Lupin kept both arms resting on the ground on either side of her as she sat in front of him.

"You shouldn't have made it so easy for me to laugh at you then," Tonks shot back.

"If I may ask, why exactly were you? Or, were we both for that matter," Lupin asked, a playful glint in his eye.

"It had something to do with the complexities of your infuriating personality," Tonks explained, grinning at him.

"Well, I'm glad I can entertain you then," Lupin added, looking at her in a sideways glance. "What exactly did it this time?"

"Nothing, in particular. I wouldn't let it trouble you," Tonks added, still unable to stop her face smiling.

Lupin pulled his hands up from the ground and sat across from her. They were between the couch and the coffee table. Instantly Tonks missed the feeling of having him touching her.

"Funny thing though, it is. I mean if it is something about me, I feel I have a right to know. Especially since I know what goes on in that little mind of yours. It's never a– "

His words were stopped mid sentence, not for any reason, other than the fact that Tonks had moved across and met his lips in a kiss, to shut him up. Though admittedly surprised at first, Lupin eventually found his rhythm again, much to Tonks' delight. One hand held her in the middle of the back, and he gently lowered her back to the floor. She could feel herself smiling, even as she kissed him, and she didn't care, she hadn't felt so happy in a long time.

"You know you're making this increasingly difficult," Lupin mumbled, his breath tickling her lips, as he was barely an inch from them, his eyes still closed.

Tonks laughed, unable to stop herself in order to save the moment.

"It's your fault," Tonks argued back.

"Right," Lupin said, opening his eyes and furrowing his brow.

For a second Tonks wondered what he was thinking, and prayed that he wasn't going to stop.

"I suppose I should find away to stop you laughing then," Lupin said, a smile very reminiscent of Sirius' on his face.

"You could but somehow I doubt you can – oh," Tonks squeaked out of shock.

Whilst she'd been speaking, Lupin had reached down undone her jeans and removed them in an instant. It was such a un-Lupin like thing to do; it had caught her words in her throat, as shock rippled through her body.

"You were saying?" Lupin asked, the Sirius-like smile disappearing into his eyes.

Tonks only replied with a sheepish smile.

"And as for that smile," Lupin added.

His lips moved to hers, meeting her lower one, and taking the time to appreciate it, even nibbling on it. Having never had him do it to her, the experience was one Tonks fought hard not to forget, and when he moved to her ear lobe, it took all the energy she could muster not to melt into a pool right then and there. Eventually, and it was long enough for Tonks to believe perhaps he was torturing her, Lupin moved to her neck, trailing down it. He kissed her collarbone where it dipped and as he moved down her breast, his stubble burnt across it beautifully. Tonks let out a moan as his mouth moved hotly across her breast, before sure to tease her, obviously for payback.

The effect of his tongue and occasionally even his teeth, sent ripples of pleasure coursing through her body, finally stopping between her legs, in a pool of fiery liquid begging to be let out. She didn't know if it was because it had been _that _long or not, but everything seemed heightened this time, and it caused her eyes to widen in shock. She swallowed hard, trying to picture things un-related to what was happening to her right then and there. Her hands dove into his hair, just like before, and then, he moved away, his lips moving down her stomach.

She unconsciously sucked her stomach in, trying to move away from his lips and the tortuous pleasure they seemed to be bringing, but he didn't move away, he kept going, and Tonks swore she heard him give a soft laugh. Her eyes slammed shut as her breathing became heavy. The further he got down her navel, the more nervous she became, and in the same breath, the more she began to get impassioned, the fiery pool almost at an exploding point. Just as his lips should have come in contact with something that felt more sensitive than ever before, they were gone. Tonks eyes snapped opened, and found Lupin kneeling near her feet.

She almost glared at him for stopping, but his hands seemed to be working some new magic. They moved down her calf, stopping at her sock, and very slowly peeling it off. It was in that moment Tonks became very aware that she was only wearing a pair of underwear, and not even her good ones. He removed the next sock, and once again left Tonks thinking about how exposed she was, but as soon as his lips touched her calf, she stopped thinking about anything. Gently, his lips moved down her leg, the other one content with Lupin's magical fingers. He moved over her knee, and his speed slowed measurably as he reached her inner thigh.

He stayed on the one leg all the way, and it took every ounce of strength for her not to yell at him to keep going faster. Her heart was pounding in her chest and her hands were either balled up, or frustratingly running through her hair. She knew Lupin was enjoying the power he had, and the fact that his pants were the only thing stopping her from taking control. She cursed herself for not doing something about them earlier.

Spurred on by every kiss, Tonks was eager, beyond eager, and as he reached the top of her thigh, she held her breath in anticipation. In the most infuriatingly moment ruining capacity it had, she felt his lips connect with the top of her other thigh and begin to move away from her heat. She let out a loud groan, though she had meant it to be a growl in frustration, it just hadn't come out that way.

Just as she had resided herself over to the cruellest joke he'd ever played, she felt his hand slide up the outside of her leg and under her underwear. They came down slowly, his hand paying particular attention to the sensitive spots around. That alone felt like a release she was sure she would not last. The building fire inside her lower abdomen was intensifying, more so than she thought ever before.

Suddenly he'd learnt to become a tease, and she hated him for that now as well. She closed her eyes, and almost as if this was the sign he'd been waiting for, she felt Lupin's hands at her warmth. Her breath got caught in her throat, and her heart rate increased again. He ran his finger along the folds of flesh, making all her breath leave her body in a deep moan.

She was twitching in anticipation, trying to urge him on, but he stayed with his infuriating slow pace. It was then she wished he'd be the man from earlier, ripping at clothes and having his way with her at any cost. Her body was threatening to melt away, to disappear into the very floorboards they were lying on, and he had hardly even touched her. She felt a digit, which turned out to be his thumb, sink into her warmth, and as it connected with the one sensitive bundle of nerves that was there, her eyes were forced opened.

He began tracing it in lazy circles, unaware that the fire inside her threatened to explode at any moment. Had she looked up she'd have found that Lupin was not watching what he was doing, but he was watching her. Watching every twitch, every smile, every flicker of her eyelids as he pressed the small bundles of nerves harder, he knew very well what he was doing, and he was enjoying every second of it, even if none of it was about himself.

Tonks was holding onto all kinds muscles, trying to keep herself together and not fall victim to his trap. This was not going to be where the night ended because she could not hold herself together. Every time she made movements to get up and attack his trousers, he made a sudden movement on her warmth, that left her feeling somewhat paralysed with pleasure.

She had to build up the strength to fight against the game he was playing, and the game she was enjoying so much. With a deep breath she did it, she sat up, feeling his thumb remove itself. She met him with a forced glare, and he only smiled. For a moment they stared at each other, and then, as if some kind of sign had gone off, the two lunged at each other with perfect timing. Lupin, being male, had slightly more force, and they fell Tonks' way.

This time he did not wait and he did not play a game to Tonks's relief, one hand stayed behind her head, and the other went straight for his trousers. Their tongues were furiously battling each other's; fighting for dominance they both knew they would not win. She could feel Lupin struggling with his own clothes and pulled away from him to help. He lifted his body slightly and her hands flew to the belt. His mouth found her collarbone and began furiously kissing it, which made concentrating on his belt that much harder.

She had it gone and then set to work on the zipper and button before ripping his pants down to his knees and looking to the underwear he had on, which, unless it was made so, seemed to have a bulge in it. Before she could attack them, Lupin pulled her hands back up so they wrapped around his neck. He recommenced kissing her, his tongue and his taste, making her head spin.

She'd hardly paid enough attention to know that Lupin had removed his pants and his underwear; she was too engrossed in the feel of her body against his. His sex pressed so intimately against hers. Tonks had never been one for patience in her actual life, and this made no exception. She could not withstand the games, the teasing, or the deliberately slower pace this. Now that he was pant-less, he was at her mercy, whether he knew it or not. She wrapped her legs around his hips, and with her all might, she pulled him towards her. His length entered her, inciting a groan from both of them. She hardly remembered what it had used to feel like with the two of them, but with Lupin at that moment, Tonks felt like they we re-inventing themselves.

She felt herself stretch to accommodate him, and she relished in just how close she felt to him. There was no more wishing, no more wanting, everything she'd desired for the past few months was here, in front of her, on top of her and inside her. But there was no time to think about it, with a pace fitting to how things had been earlier, Lupin started to move. She could feel her body breaking apart, smashing into a million tiny pieces, reminiscent of the girl that was Tonks. Lupin's speed increased and her hands grabbed at his back, but found she kept slipping as a result of their sweat. His mouth, hot, wet and needy met hers again; he switched between kissing her neck and kissing her mouth, both igniting fires all around.

Their friction was creating heat below her navel again, and the deeper her moved inside her, the closer it felt like he was getting to breach the fiery pool residing there. His speed increased further, faster than she'd remembered it ever having been, and lost within the cries, the groans, and the sound of skin on skin, was Lupin's name, being moaned by Tonks. She tried desperately to grip onto the table and the couch for support, to keep herself from floating away, but found her hands unable to cooperate. Instead she went back to gripping him, as his mouth met hers furiously again. She was disappearing, she could feel it in the way her muscles were tightening around his length, she just hoped he was going to be with her.

"Tonks," he cried out in desperation.

Then she felt herself break. She shattered into a million pieces as the fiery pool broke its barrier, causing her body to tingle and shudder in the most pleasing way. Lupin gave a final thrust and collapsed next to her, sweat dripped from his body. He turned to Tonks, his panting matching her own, and he smiled, meeting her lips in a kiss as he did so.

* * *

For minutes they stared at each other, until Tonks could finally feel the cold from the time of year they were in creeping up on her, strange that it happened as she came to realisation that was related to Lupin. He seemed to have sensed this and reached for the blanket on her couch, tossing it over them both. He hugged her from behind, kissing her shoulder blade every now and again. There was a long pause after a kiss and Tonks turned to lie on her back, Lupin's arm still over her.

"Aren't you happy?" Lupin asked, his warm breath tickling her ear.

"What do you mean?"

She watched his eyes move up towards her hair, and instantly she understood.

"That won't change," Tonks said, with a sigh.

"Why not?"

The question brought into her head every possible option ahead of her, but Lupin leaving was what struck her. It was that thought, and that thought alone, that made her sit up against the couch, hugging her knees to her chest.

"Because," Tonks said resolutely, and Lupin's glare urged her on. "Because I know you're not staying. I know that even after everything that just happened, and everything that has ever happened, you'll still leave. And I'll still be here, telling you its all bullocks. So that's why it won't change."

There was a long silence. Surprisingly, Tonks did not feel depressed, or even angry that she was losing him again, in fact she seemed to be used to it, she was just so glad to have him there in that moment, that she didn't care what was said or what was going to take place.

"Why won't you give up on me?" Lupin asked, a slight smile on his lips as he sat leaning against the couch next to her.

"I don't know," Tonks shrugged.

"You should, you know," Lupin muttered, looking at the fire. "You should give up on me."

Tonks didn't even need to think about what to say next, the words were on the tip of her tongue as if the conversation had been scripted.

"Give me a reason to," Tonks uttered. "Give me a reason to and I will."

She turned to face him, and expected him to list off the reasons he always gave, but instead he smiled, and completely beyond feeling embarrassed, she leant into him and kissed him softly.

"What was that for?" Lupin muttered against her lips.

"I don't know, goodbye, I guess."

Lupin's face instantly changed from its post-shag glow.

"Tonks I'm not going to leave you in the middle of the night, not after, well, _that_. Which I do take the blame for, in case you're wondering," Lupin added, a sheepish smile on his face and hands raised in surrender.

"Well, so you should, it was your fault," Tonks said, a smile on her face as well.

She felt Lupin's hand snake around her waist and her head flopped onto his shoulder. She felt safe again; she forgot that they were in the beginning stages of a war, that she had people to fight at work everyday, she forgot about everything except what had taken place in that room tonight.

"Come on then," Lupin said, standing and causing Tonks to ignore the urge to laugh at his nakedness. "Bed."

"Why can't we stay here?" Tonks asked, not wanting to leave the space they'd created, and the security it brought.

"No, my back will need a bed," Lupin explained, looking down at her.

Tonks grinned evilly.

"What?" Lupin asked, furrowing his brow.

"Nothing," Tonks mumbled, clearly thinking that he was right about the too old part at least.

"Are you coming?" Lupin asked, after glancing towards her a few times.

Tonks shook her head a few times, feeling like a toddler as she did so. Without warning, Lupin reached down and hoisted her up into his arms.

"Hey!" Tonks said in outrage. "That's not fair!"

"Life's not fair," Lupin told her, smiling.

Lupin continued walking, ignoring the insults she eventually threw at him. They entered the bedroom, and Lupin gently lowered her onto the bed. Tonks took up her usual spot, curled up on the side of the bed facing the window, and found it so strange to feel Lupin sliding towards her. His arms wrapped around her, giving her the niche she'd sorely missed, and as she linked her fingers with his, she felt herself grow tired, she felt like she could_ finally_ sleep. Which is exactly what she did.

* * *

Tonks awoke to sunlight, something that had not happened in months. She blinked furiously, trying to adjust to the brightness and then her stomach dropped through the floor. She was nearly going to grab her wand, as she felt someone sleeping behind her. Fear coursed through her body, until images from the night before came crashing down upon her.

"I don't remember the twitchiness," Lupin grumbled, his voice husky.

"What?" Tonks asked, rolling over to face him.

"From you, you were never this twitchy in the morning," he explained.

"Sorry, I forgot you were here and got a little scared that a stranger was sleeping with me," Tonks replied sheepishly.

"Good to know where I stand," he said, a hint of a smile on his lips.

Lupin gave a yawn and rolled away from Tonks, grabbing a pillow and trying to go back to sleep. Tonks moved onto her back, and stared up at the ceiling, thinking. She couldn't escape the weird sensation that was growing on her. It felt strange to be talking a joking with someone who was about to leave and break her heart again. In fact everything from the moment they had kissed the previous evening felt odd. How could it be that everything had changed? How could she still be happy knowing he would never be hers? Knowing that she was about to be thrown back were she was just after Sirius had died. So much of it was unanswered, and most of it was ridiculous.

What was he doing to her? How was the man that had been so moral and so finite with his reasoning, broken down _so_ badly that he'd spent the night with her? She had no answers, only questions. Their conversations flittered in and out of her mind; leaving her to the last point they had rested on, she didn't have a reason to give up on him, though he had provided her with many. As if she'd been thinking on it all night, an answer came to her and she rolled over behind Lupin instantly, letting her hand rest on his thigh. She knew, after the events of last night, the answer to her question could only be in the good, in fact everything he'd done up until now dictated that his answer could only be favourable.

"Yes?" Lupin grumbled, responding to her touch.

"I have a reason why I shouldn't give up," Tonks muttered.

She rested her chin on his arm, which was lying atop his body as he slept on his side. His eyes opened and he looked around the room.

"Which is?" Lupin asked hesitantly, no sound of tiredness in voice.

"Tell me you don't love me and I'll give up," Tonks said flatly, staring down at him to watch his response.

There was a long and strained silence as he stared at the wall ahead of him, and then closed his eyes, giving a heavy sounding sigh before he responded.

"I can't do that," he breathed.

**To be continued…**


	63. The Silence of Stars

**I think I should maybe hire some kind of protection because ur all probably ready to kill me!**

**I've been super busy! I'm in a play and we open next week, so it's been crazy! But I stayed up extra late last night to finish this for you!**

**Now, the end may seem very odd, but Lupin has to be broken and I mean completely broken to pull himself together in the right way.**

**And again, I'm following the books guys, they dont get back together properly until after dumbledore dies, I'm sorry, but I'm going cannon!**

**Review would be extra lovely, because I love you****!**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 61**

"Tell me you don't love me and I'll give up," her soft voice whispered.

It was not a very simple request, but, admittedly there was a very simple answer, but Remus Lupin just couldn't do it. He couldn't give Nymphadora Tonks the answer he knew she should have had, the one that would have made everything easier, the simple answer. His eyes raked her wall; hoping the right words would appear there. He wanted to lie, in fact he needed to lie, but how could he bring himself to lie to her after the night they'd shared. He loved her, he knew that hadn't changed, but he hoped that after the amount of time they'd been apart, that she wouldn't love him. From the second he'd walked in to her house last night, the second her eyes had finally met his, he knew she still did. There was a longing in her gaze, a longing for him, for his warmth, for his company, that gave her away immediately.

He could feel Tonks' warm hand resting on his cool leg, willing him for an answer, but not forcing it from him. In the cool light of day, everything felt different; being near Tonks felt different, being himself felt different, and worst of all, being together felt different. It was not to say he regretted the prior evening, he had needed her comfort just as much as she had needed his. And she had made him happier than he had felt in a long time, and yet, that made his body sag slightly. It made sadness form deep inside his chest. She shouldn't have needed him and she shouldn't have wanted him to be in her bed. She_ should_ have hated him.

Yet in all that, there was a single truth that made Tonks's very simple question very difficult to answer. Of course he loved her. He would be lying if he said otherwise, and he couldn't. There was something in the strange power she had over him that made it impossible to lie. She was what he had left, and however much easier it would make life for her, he just couldn't lie. He continued staring intensely at the wall, begging it for an answer this time. When it gave none, Lupin closed his eyes and sighed, so tired from his own battle. Already he hated himself for what he was going to say.

"I can't do that," he breathed.

Shame prickled through his body the moment the words left his mouth. For a while, perhaps ten or so minutes, Tonks didn't say a word, and Lupin only stared at the wall longer. She didn't drop her hand from his leg, and she didn't stop staring at him. It seemed she was shocked by his answer. Finally when she did speak, her voice was low and hesitant, as if she hadn't actually wanted to say the words she was speaking, like they had forced themselves out.

"So, what does that mean?"

"That against my better judgement, I do," Lupin said, knowing how rude it sounded.

"Okay, so, what does it change?" Tonks asked, her voice still hesitant.

Finally Lupin broke his stare from the wall. He rolled over onto his back so he could face her as he spoke. Though admittedly looking confused, Tonks sat up slightly, one hand still resting on his stomach. One of her bed sheets was loosely wrapped around her, and in the soft morning sunlight, she had never looked so beautiful, especially with some kind of glow coming from her cheeks. She was as infectious as ever. Her hair was still the same mousy brown colour, but it suited her now, and with the small smile that seemed like it would never her lips, her hair no longer looked sad. The warm happy glow emitting from her made everything seem pink and happy, and it made Lupin more determined to keep it this way for her.

Lupin's eyes stared at the hand resting on his stomach, and he watched it rise and fall as he breathed, then his eyes moved up her small frame until they met her stare. She gave a small smile, the glow around her intensifying. Lupin could only believe that if she truly knew how amazing she was, she would never be in a bed with him. He hardly deserved to share a conversation with her. Her brown eyes sparkled at him, and with another sigh, Lupin glanced away.

"Nothing," Lupin explained heavily.

"That makes no sense," Tonks shot back, not masking the accusatory tone in her voice.

The smile was fading, and on instinct Lupin sat himself up. His back was resting against the bed head, and he could feel her legs touching his. He moved his hand out and found the spot under her ear. He held her head in his hand and she nuzzled into it.

"You know how it is. You know what I have to do, you always have," Lupin breathed.

His fingers moved slowly across her skin, savouring the way it made his fingertips burn. They sat that way for a while, just staring at each other, her head resting in his palm, they're bodies so close, but their minds so far away. She finally dropped her eye line from his, and her head even dropped slightly. Lupin didn't withdraw his hand; he kept it there, and slowly he lifted her head.

"Tonks," he started to say, but her voice interrupted him.

"I know what you're going to say," she muttered softly.

"Then why the disappointment?" Lupin asked, furrowing his brow.

"Because," Tonks sighed, speaking again only after a long pause. "Because, I guess I hoped otherwise. I hoped you wouldn't have to say it. Last night I didn't, but this morning, I guess, I hoped it'd all be enough."

Lupin slowly let his brow unstitch as he watched her. It was almost unbelievable that she could think something so strange.

"Tonks," he muttered strongly, still holding her. "You know if I could, I'd be here, you have to know that. If hope was enough, I'd be here all day."

For a second that contained an eternity, they stared at each other again. Lupin could only drive his honesty with his eyes, and after few seconds, she smiled. Slowly the smile built to a laugh, and then she turned back to him.

"Oh Merlin, you're so cheesy Remus," she laughed.

Before he could notice what was going on, Tonks had dived at him, pushing at his chest until he was on his back on the bed again, and then she curled up next to him. She hugged him close, and Lupin let his arm fall around her. His eyes moved to the ceiling and he lay there with her, just thinking.

* * *

Boxing Day dawned upon them when they finally left Tonks' bedroom long after midday. It had been beyond blissful. But all Lupin could concentrate on was what was next. Perhaps that was his biggest downfall, he was hardly the man to go with the moment. He was the man who always tried to think two steps ahead. Being a werewolf did that. Now, he had to think ahead, and what sat on the horizon wasn't good. Tonks was almost skipping around the living room, and even though she said she understood, something told Lupin that there was still hope in her. He was suddenly far more aware of how foolish he'd been to come here in the first place. It was so selfish of him to expect her to be okay with it all. Tonks had skipped to the door and turned back to him expectantly.

"So when will I see you again?" Tonks asked, a very wide smile on her face.

Lupin stared at her and gave a heavy sigh. Within her stare was the same child-like enthusiasm he'd seen so often at Hogwarts, it was what he loved, and now he had to break it.

"Tonks," Lupin began, and instantly he saw her smile start to fade. "This doesn't change things."

She glanced away for a second, and Lupin braced himself for the worst. Perhaps she would yell, and he knew he deserved that. Instead, when she glanced back up, she suddenly had a suggestive look on her face.

"Right, you said that before, and then you came here last night," she laughed, causing Lupin to crease his brow.

Her hands flew around Lupin's neck and it was when she started bringing her lips closer to his that his mind finally stepped in.

"Dora," Lupin said, turning his face away. "I don't think this is appropriate."

Tonks' eyes flew open and she took a step back.

"What?" She asked.

"I don't think its appropriate for us to do that," Lupin explained with a heavy sounding voice.

"What are you talking about? Haven't we been doing inappropriate things all night?" Tonks laughed, the very suggestive smile back on her face.

She leant back into Lupin, quickly bringing her lips to his before he could stop it. He broke the kiss almost instantly, though his heart, his stomach and his lips all disagreed with his action. He took a step away from her, feeling her hands slowly slide down his chest as he did so. Her eyes snapped open, and instantly met Lupin's, though he glanced down and he ran a shaky hand through his hair. Her smile faded away quickly, left to a very passive look. Lupin didn't know why he was nervous, perhaps because he knew how his response would be greeted.

"Tonks, I'm sorry, I just can't– " Lupin said, deciding to finally be a man and look her in the eye.

"It's fine," Tonks interrupted, turning away.

Something about her voice sounded heavy, as if perhaps she were about to cry. Lupin took a step forward, gripping her hand. She hastily withdrew it.

"Tonks, please, don't– "

"I think you're right Lupin," Tonks said, turning back to him, looking too calm. "I think you should go."

Lupin didn't miss the use of his last name. He didn't think she'd ever called him that, even when she'd been mad at him.

"Tonks, you said you understood this, you told me yourself," Lupin said, almost pleading, and hating how upset he knew he'd made her. "I'm sorry."

Tonks looked away and mumbled something under her breath; sounding oddly like 'I shouldn't even be surprised anymore.'

"What?" Lupin asked.

Tonks' eyes snapped back to Lupin again, she turned completely to him.

"You're right," She said, back to sounding too calm, and this time slightly authoritative as she opened the door. "You should go."

She indicated towards the door with her head, leaving Lupin feeling incredibly uncomfortable standing by the coat rack. He knew she wasn't okay, he knew she was hurting and that she didn't understand anything, but she was looking at him in such a way that he knew he couldn't comfort her anymore.

"Okay," he said slowly, creasing his brow and walking past her.

He stood out in the hallway, and turned back around to her.

"Goodbye Dora," he said genuinely.

"Bye Lupin," Tonks said harshly, before slamming the door in his face.

Lupin stood at the door for a second, his hand flew to the doorknob as he heard sobs coming from the apartment. Every bone in his body wanted to comfort her, to hold her until the pain went away, but then he remembered he was the pain. He was right, he couldn't comfort her, he wasn't able too, it wasn't his place anymore and even though his stomach was sinking and his heart was aching listening to it, he had to turn away, he had to leave.

* * *

The sleet was coming across almost horizontally, the snow had hardened and was a struggle to move through, and even with coats, scarves, gloves and everything else Molly had given him, Lupin still couldn't keep warm. The mountains of his mission had become harsher in his absence. His feet were wet, his hands were frozen and no matter how hard he tried, the sound of Tonks crying wouldn't leave his head. It reverberated through his mind, and had done so since he'd gotten back to the Weasley's. Molly hadn't made his return quiet or easy. Her stare pierced through him, and even as he only pictured it now, shame still bubbled in the pit of his stomach. How had he possibly been so foolish? How had he done this to her?

* * *

Lupin had, eventually, managed to find cover, and stay out of the sleet, but as weeks passed, his deterioration began again. With no food, no warmth and nothing dry, he began to slip into the old him, and it only seemed appropriate for what greeted him one night, months after he'd left Tonks. The night had been like any other, except for the fact that the full moon would be arriving within hours. The snow had cleared, but the rain hadn't, and Lupin had trudged out through the mud in search of dry wood. He'd managed to lose his position and had been wandering up and down the same muddy stretch for what felt like hours. All throughout his journey Lupin had felt like he was being watched, and his sense, more keen than most, kept picking up noises and smells that he knew were very foreign to the area.

He'd just gone by the same tree stump for the fifth time, when Lupin finally decided to just give up. He collapsed on top of it, closing his eyes and throwing his head into his hands. Suddenly there was the sound of a snapping twig and instantly Lupin sat up straight, his head flicking around and his eyes darting all over the space. Behind him were some trees, some still frozen, but he couldn't see anything, as it was dark. Lupin spent a few minutes trying to decide what to do and keeping his ears listening for the sign that he had to run. Just as he'd decided to stand and keep searching for his cave, he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. It only took seconds for Lupin to understand why, as a low hoarse laugh greeted his ears straight away.

He spun around to find Greyback stepping out into the clearing, his yellow eyes giving him away instantly.

"Remus Lupin," his husky voice growled, his mouth twisting into a smile.

"Fenrir," Lupin said rigidly, his eyes analysing the space to see how best to escape.

"Trying to find a way out?"

"Perhaps," Lupin muttered.

"Think again," Greyback growled back, his mouth turning up into the same vicious smile.

Without seeing them coming, two other men appeared by Lupin's side, binding him with their wands. All Lupin could do was stare at the face of Greyback, his insides churning with hate.

"Aren't you tiring of this?" Lupin said, still staring Greyback directly in the eye.

"With you," Greyback paused. "Never."

He continued grinning at Lupin, reminding him of an animal so proud of its' latest kill. It was in the moment that Lupin stopped caring, he deserved what was ever to come his way, not because of what he'd done to Greyback in the past, but because of his Christmas escapades, this was his karma.

"Now you can either chose to follow me, or these two will drag you" Greyback explained. "Your choice."

"I'll follow," Lupin grunted.

"There's a good boy," Greyback said, patting Lupin on the head.

Lupin furiously shook his head, and continued glaring at him, but Greyback only laughed and then turned and walked. The journey was long, and Lupin knew the full moon was at most only an hour away, but he still marched. They journeyed up a steep hill, and much to the amusement of the others Lupin slipped every now and again. Finally Greyback stopped and as Lupin's eyes adjusted to the darkness, he found he was looking down over a small town.

"Now, I'm sure by now you've realised just how useless you're effort to recruit other werewolves is. So I'm going to extend my generosity one last time, and offer you a place with us, not against us," Greyback said. "You offer me the type of man I've never had within my ranks. Alone you stand no chance, but together, you could help me achieve the world we werewolves deserve."

Greyback stepped aside and down below the hill Lupin could see a man, a woman and a child, illuminated by a streetlight. A family he assumed, and a very young one at that. Instantly Lupin's stomach dropped, he knew what Greyback had in store, because Greyback had done this all before.

"Well doesn't this look familiar?" Greyback remarked, his teeth now showing through his grin.

Lupin swallowed hard. He wasn't going to recognise his fear, even though his heart was racing and he could feel beads of sweat forming even in the freezing winds. He heard some rustling behind him and turned to see a few more men gather around him. Greyback welcomed them all with a sinister smile. He took a few steps towards Lupin, and instantly the smell of dirt and blood congealed fill his nostrils.

"You have a choice Lupin," Greyback whispered into his ear, pointing somewhere in the distance. "Them, or us?"

Lupin looked between Greyback and the small family playing together on the grassy knoll below, despite the cold. He didn't know if they were muggle or wizard, but they were happy. Hauntingly he thought of Harry, James and Lily. Having never known what had truly happened that fateful night, he'd imagined the three of them all together, laughing and joyful, as he had always known them. Then Voldemort would have come and James, as Lupin knew, raced forward to give Lily time to hide. Lupin fought the burning feeling in his throat as he pictured it. He would not be like Voldemort; he would not hurt the innocent, more especially just to save himself from punishment. A punishment he so deserved. He turned to Greyback with a steely look in his eye.

"You," he said, knowing what was coming his way the second the moon rose from behind the hill, and accepting it.

As if it was on some twisted timer, the first light of the moon became visibly as the clouds moved away from the horizon. Greyback smiled at Lupin as the moon shone down on them all. All Lupin could remember, the bone breaking pain aside, was the laugh of the men as they transformed and came towards him.

* * *

Everything was dark. A thick impenetrable darkness. Lupin could feel himself standing, but he had no idea why. Somewhere in the distance he could hear a faint whispering sound, like voices that were trapped. He knew he couldn't still be alive; otherwise he'd have been in pain. He had to be dead.

"Hello?" Lupin said hesitantly

His voice echoed all around whatever space he was in. It sounded large, and concrete. Panic began to fill him slowly, as he had no idea where he was or why.

"Hello?" Lupin asked, again a bit more authority in his voice.

There was no response. Lupin took a step, and found that the ground did extend further. The whispering continued, but the darkness seemed to lift, or at least he adjusted to it. He could just make out shapes, and found that there were three things in front of him. Roughly his height, and they seemed like people. Instead of recoiling in panic like he assumed he would, whatever was in front of him was calming him. It was spreading, like a warm liquid, through his chest and down his arms.

"Who are you?" Lupin called out.

He could make out a set of glasses, as they seem to stand out more than the rest, but still, whatever was in front of him, were just the silhouettes of people. It felt vaguely familiar, and Lupin struggled to remember why. The longer he stared, the more the realisation dawned him. It couldn't be? Could it? He took another step, desperate to reach them, to see, to know the truth. The more steps he took, the further away they went.

"No," Lupin cried.

He started running after them, hearing the sound of every step echo through the room. He kept running into the darkness, not able to see far enough ahead of him to know what was there. His foot caught on something and it sent him straight to the ground. Straight away Lupin stood, his eyes desperately searching the semi darkness. He'd lost them. Again. He turned back around to see what had tripped him, but he couldn't see. Instead he reached out. His hands connected with very cold stone and the whispering had gotten far louder. This time it drew him in. He wanted to join them, to be a part of them, because wherever they were was calm and peaceful. He could hear something fluttering, like fabric, but it was lighter than fabric, like it was almost air, but not quite. The darkness started coming back, thick darkness and he started running, trying to our run it.

"No," Lupin cried again. "You can't do this again."

* * *

The first thing that came to Lupin's mind as his eyes flickered open was pain. He couldn't move his arms, he could hardly breathe and total body pain aside, his soul ached. He could feel blood sliding down his cheek, from what he assumed was a cut, as there was a stinging pain above his eyebrow. Lupin heard himself let out an involuntary groan as he tried to move. He could hardly keep his eyes open long enough to know where he was, if it wasn't for the biting cold and the feel of the frozen grass, he wouldn't have had the faintest clue that he was outside. He gritted his teeth and tried to move, but felt an enormous painful sear through his ribs and stomach as he did so. He gave half a cry and half a yelp, which echoed through the mountains that surrounded him. He had no memory of what had happened, all he could think on was his dream.

The dream. All of them, just standing in front of him, none of them stepping out of the darkness to help him. Time crept by him, as he lay shrivelled up in the cold, trying to re-cooperate, trying to stand, trying to move, but he was frozen from pain and trapped by injury. He felt lost, scared and the desire to give up seemed to be mounting by the second. Images flashed before his eyes, from the family Greyback had wanted him to maim, to Tonks. He couldn't stop himself from thinking about her eyes, and the last very hurt stare they had given him. He could never do anything right. Even when he tried to do the right thing, it seemed to be the wrong thing. Arthur and Molly had told him that. Frustration burned through his veins, but the weakness of his body could only let it pent up in rage.

With great effort, and excruciating pain, Lupin got to his feet. Immediately he staggered a few steps. He stared up at the still almost full, but now waning, moon, feeling an unnatural shiver wash over him. He couldn't stop the lonely feeling that came with it. There was no Tonks to hold the little pieces left of him together. There was no Dumbledore nearby to offer wise words of comfort. There was no Molly to cook him a nice warm meal. No one to heal his injuries. No one. He was alone. In every single avenue of his life he was alone. His mission was a failure and his body was only a tally board for the amount of times he'd tried and failed. As Lupin stood, half hunched over, out in a field of grass, he couldn't help but feel abandoned. He just did not recognise how he had done it to himself.

His head swam with memories and conscious, and he swayed on his unsteady legs. Drained and exhausted, he thought about giving up. It was easier that way. There were _so_ many things that would be easier if he was gone. Lupin didn't know if he wanted to yell, or cry, but something deep inside him needed to be set free. He couldn't help but drown in the mess that had become his life. He was lost, all he'd done for months was wander through the countryside trying to recruit people who either had no intention of listening and those who had listened were too afraid to follow him. Instantly Lupin let out a sigh and dropped his head. Clear as day a memory flew into his head.

The kitchen of Grimmauld Place swam in front of his eyes. He remembered how terrified he'd been that night. It was the time the danger of he and Tonks had hit him hardest and he'd turned to Sirius. His shoulder burned with warmth as he remembered the hand that was placed there that night by his best friend. His words of comfort had truly worked at the time, but now, as he heard them as if the voice that spoke them was speaking them again, they sunk the knife deeper into his already fresh wounds.

"_Worst comes to worst, I'll always be here for you mate."_

Grimmauld Place disappeared, and the haunting sight of the Irish countryside bathed in moonlight greeted him again. Finally, he was ready to blame. James, Lily, and Sirius, they had all left him. They left the one who needed them the most. Frustration peaked again. How could they have done this to him? Lupin fell to his knees, dropping his head into his hands. A wave encapsulated him, pushing him further towards the brink. Emotions from the Department of Mysteries incident, emotions he'd spent months burying underneath missions and werewolves were trying to escape. What was he expected to do? Who was there left for him to turn to? Every single lifeline he'd ever made had been ripped from him, leaving him as an empty shell of a man. Rage burned through his veins again. He was not going to blame himself. He was going to blame everyone else, because he was sick of carrying the burden, and sick of relying on himself. His head snapped up at the sky, searching for the faces of the people he wanted to yell at.

"You said you'd always be here for me," Lupin yelled.

The echo traveled for miles and the freezing wind whipped around Lupin's face. He dropped his head back into his hands, knowing they would never speak, they would never face him, they would never take the blame, and that they were forever, to him, as silent as the stars.

**To be continued…**


	64. The Hearts Deepest Desire

**Bet you didn't expect it this soon?**

**Well another chapter that has a moment that's been written from the very beginning. Infact the next three Tonks chapter will have moments like that.**

**I don't think there is really that long until we go into Dumbledore's death now. Another 4 or 5 chapters and we're there I think.**

**Anyway, reveiws have been amazing, keep them coming. I'm also loving hearing from the people who've just started too!**

**Enjoy,**

* * *

**Chapter 62**

The fire crackled, issuing a warmth that seemed to warm everything but the lone figure on the couch. Nymphadora Tonks sat, her knees drawn up to her chest, staring forwards with her mind battling thoughts that caused her eyes to well up each minute. So far, a tear had not broken her barrier, she didn't feel they should, they were to stay in. She would not cry over him again. He was not worth it, she tried to lie to herself, but deep down, Tonks knew she disagreed with that sentence wholeheartedly. She despised herself because of it, but she couldn't truly lie to herself with this, and she couldn't believe the state she was in all because of _one_ man. The old Tonks would have laughed herself silly because of it. She missed that Tonks. Her living room echoed with the sound of nothing. There was nothing left in this flat. Her eye line finally moved, and it dropped to the floor. Their footsteps were almost burned into the wood, facing each other like pieces on a chessboard. She could recount each movement he had made, each retreat, each advance, and finally her own capture.

She had known Lupin to be quite the chess player, but never had she thought he was good enough to play this game as he had. It was her fault, she had left her King unprotected, and she'd long since sacrificed every other piece she owned for him. His markings were all over her, signs of her defeat, little red marks on her collarbone. Seeing them for the first time had been enough to almost cripple her. They were reminders of exactly what she had lost, and they were on her skin, the very thing that let her to know she wasn't strong enough to protect herself. She needed him, and it didn't matter how hard to she tried to tell herself otherwise, she did, and that was the most painful truth. She needed what would never be hers, she could spend her entire life reaching out into the dark, but she knew she would never grasp anything; he was never going to be hers to grasp.

She thought about what he could be doing right now. He was possibly back at the Weasley's, ready to spend New Years with them possibly. She had been offered to join them all, but had refused, the same response she'd given to invitations from her friends. Her mother had refused for her to be alone, she had instructed Tonks to ring in the New Year at home. The thought of that was sad enough. She'd been reduced to ringing in the New Years with her parents. Her hand came to her lips, remembering the way his had brushed by them so many times. She could nearly taste them again, but the numbness had set back in. It guarded her from the hurt, though she would welcome it, because at least then she could feel again. For now, she could only stare, she could only follow the footprints that followed his to the door as he left with her eyes. She could only try her hardest to stop herself from breaking, but it was useless, the single tear was already sliding down her cheek.

* * *

Tonks arrived at her parents sometime after eight on New Years Eve. It was snowing heavier than it had on Christmas, but Tonks hardly noticed. She crossed her parents yard, wrapping her cloak around her tighter, and knocked on the door. Moments later her mother's bright face greeted her, pulled her into a hug, kissed her on the cheek and scorned her for looking so thin. She crossed the threshold, and instantly the warmth of her old home hit her.

"Head into the living room dear, your father's in there, I'll bring some mead out for you," Andromeda said as she hung Tonks' coat up and quickly disappeared into the kitchen.

Tonks shuffled down the hallway and turned into her living room. Her parents tree was still up, basking the glow in a green and red glow, the fire was crackling loudly and Ted Tonks was sitting on the sofa, his feet on the coffee table, listening intently to a replay of the Quidditch match from the day before. He was on his feet and pulling her into a hug in seconds when he spotted her.

"Don't tell me who wins," Ted mumbled quickly, retreating back to the post Tonks had first seen him in.

She took up a seat on the sofa across from him, and began staring despondently into the fire, mesmerised by the flicking colours, perhaps even jealous of them.

"Oh, cheer up misery guts," her father warm voice said.

Tonks looked up and found him smiling at her. She weakly smiled back, but it didn't make his eyes look any less concerned.

"What'd mum tell you?" Tonks asked in a small voice.

"That you'd been hurt by a boy you'd been dating," Ted said, still smiling at her.

Tonks scoffed out loud before she could stop herself.

"Okay, my apologies, a man," Ted backtracked.

For a second Tonks nearly laughed at the fact he thought she'd scoffed at the fact he'd called Lupin a boy. Little did he know, she'd scoffed at the way he said hurt like it was only small.

"Oh god, she told you who it was too?" Tonks asked sounding almost embarrassed.

Ted gave a soft chuckle as Tonks sighed and shook her head.

"You can't get mad at her love, I was worried and she told me. We care, that's all," Ted added, winking at her.

Tonks couldn't stop her mind jumping to her parents' relationship. It was as complicated as ever. He'd been a muggle and Andromeda had been part of one the biggest pureblood mania families left. And yet, they stayed together, they pushed on through and Tonks knew it was because Andromeda had made it very clear to Ted that she cared more for him than anything her family had to say. It was so difficult to realise that Lupin had heard something similar and still left, because he didn't love her enough like Ted had. She felt her eyes burn.

"Nymph," Ted sighed at her, and Tonks wiped away the tears before they dropped down her cheeks. "I know it's not easy, and I know when you're young it feels like the end of world, but I promise you it gets better. Plus, you've always got your dear old dad right here."

He smiled at her, and opened his arms. Tonks stood, walked over and dove into them, feeling herself being surrounded by the care, security and comfort she'd so missed. After a few moments, and a few unseen tears, Ted let her go.

"Now, I think you should tell me all about your Christmas. Where were you? You missed another great night from Aunt Barbra," Ted laughed.

Tonks slid down onto the cushion next to her father, and listened as recounted stories from the annual Christmas party. He spent his time telling jokes, and trying to make Tonks smile, which she did, on occasion. She had no idea the lengths he was going to in order to make her smile, or just how much his heart had broken to see his daughter cry. She had missed the moment in which Andromeda had first told Ted about it all, and that he had had to be restrained because he wanted to hurt Lupin for what he'd done to his little girl. She didn't understand just how much she filled his heart with love, purely by existing. After another half-hour Andromeda poked her head around the corner, calling them both in for dinner.

* * *

"So how is Hogwarts dear?" Andromeda asked as she cut up her roast lamb.

"It's good. I mean it's dotted with a few weird incidents, but things seem to better there than out in the real world," Tonks muttered and Andromeda and Ted exchanged a worried look. "What?"

"It's just that we worry about you sometimes out fighting. As you said, it's dangerous out there," Andromeda said, looking straight at Tonks.

"Believe me mum, after what I've been through, nothing out there can really hurt me much," Tonks tried to joke, but Andromeda didn't look satisfied.

"We're allowed to worry love, it's a parents job," Ted added with a small chuckle. "Back to my earlier question, how was your Christmas?"

Tonks looked across at her mother, who had averted her gaze and was trying to hide the fact she was wiping her eyes. She had never given much thought to how much the current events would make her parents worry.

"My Christmas was," Tonks paused, not knowing if she should be honest.

Would honesty make them feel better? Should she lie and insinuate that it had been joyful? It had been, though admittedly, the end had not been.

"Great. I spent it at Hogsmeade with Rosmerta She cooked a feast for all of us Aurors," Tonks finished, giving them a very forced smile.

"Well that was nice of her," Andromeda said, looking slightly less worried.

There was something in Ted's eyes that let Tonks know he knew it was a lie, but he seemed grateful for it, for his wife's sake.

* * *

After dinner and beautiful dessert of bread and butter pudding, Ted went off to continue listening to his Quidditch replay, and Tonks followed Andromeda into the kitchen, carrying only the cups, which was all Andromeda seemed to trust her with. She placed them down into the sink.

"Any word from him?" Andromeda asked, trying to sound casual, but failing completely.

Tonks stared at the glasses in the sink, trying to figure out if she should lie again.

"Yes," she sighed, "at Christmas."

"And?" Andromeda said, freezing her plate in mid air as she was moving it to the cupboard.

"The same. Always the same," Tonks said.

Before Tonks knew it, Andromeda was beside her. She thread her arms around her and pulled her onto her chest.

"I trust you're sick of hearing this Nymph," Andromeda cooed. "But it's him, not you. It's his problem and not a reflection on you. You're a beautiful, funny and amazing woman; this doesn't make you any less so. Okay?"

Tonks gave a small nod. She wanted her mother to think she believed every word, but she didn't buy it. Tonks knew it had to be her, she just wasn't enough, and that was what made it so much more difficult. She turned her head back to the glasses and flicked her wand, which made them start cleaning themselves.

"Nymphadora Tonks! When did you learn to do cleaning charms?" Andromeda asked looking amazed

"I, uh, I don't actually remember," Tonks mumbled, creasing her brow.

She immediately delved into her memories. She had no idea where she had learnt to do cleaning spells. She knew about a year ago she couldn't do them and then suddenly she could. For a second Tonks feared she'd grown up far too much, but then, as Andromeda enclosed her hand over Tonks's to properly show her how to clean the forks, it all came tumbling back. He'd walked up behind her, and grabbed her hand and slowly shown her what to do. His lips had been centimetres from her ear, whispering in his hoarse voice and with her eyes closed she'd almost drifted into him. It made her heart stop as she stood with her mother. It had progressed so far she could hardly even remember the moments she'd been happy with him.

"Nymph?" Andromeda's voice said, breaking her from her thoughts.

"Yeah?" Tonks mumbled distractedly.

"Where were you? Thought we'd lost you for a moment there," she laughed.

"No where, I was just, thinking about the, um, cleaning spells," Tonks lied poorly.

"And?"

"I think it was Molly Weasley," Tonks said quickly, feeling like the world was crashing down around her. "Mum I think I have to – I mean there's a – I think dad's calling me."

Tonks shuffled out of the kitchen before Andromeda could respond. She walked quickly through the living room, ignoring her father's questions and moving straight to her room.

* * *

She slammed her bedroom door and leant back up against it, her chest heaving, her heart pounding and her mind jumping into overdrive. Tonks didn't understand why on earth this was screwing her up so badly. It was just a memory, and yet, here it was, crippling her all over again. Damn him. She felt the tears she'd almost been holding in all night falling down her cheeks, but she was trying with all her might to fight them off. She slid down the door, sitting on the floor and bringing her knees up to her chest. The year had mere hours to go and somehow it had been one of the best and one of the worst she'd ever had. She had gained so much and she had lost so much. Her eyes flicked up and scanned the room. It was stuck in the time when she'd been happy. Weird sisters posters, Hufflepuff banners, a dresser covered in photo-frames, World-Cup memorabilia, an exploding cupboard full of bright coloured t-shirts and more things she hadn't even dreamed of looking at lately.

She missed it, but she couldn't face it. She moved towards her bed, crawling under the covers. Breathe. That's all she had to do, just breathe. Slowly the wave subsided, and the tears finally stopped. She glanced up at her bedside clock, but instead found the gaunt tired face, the dark blue eyes and sorry for himself smile of Lupin looking back at her. He was glancing down at the laughing figure of her self, his eyes were filled with contentment, something Tonks hadn't seen in a long time. The picture was from the previous Christmas, taken by her muggle uncle, so it didn't move. They were forever captured looking perfectly happy and content. The Tonks in the photo had no idea what was to come. Angry at it, but not quite ready to destroy it, Tonks rolled over away from it, and faced her wall, staring into nothingness.

* * *

Perhaps it had been hours, perhaps minutes, but Tonks was awoken from her thoughts by the noise of her door opening.

"Nymph?" Andromeda's voice whispered.

"Yeah?" Tonks whispered.

There was the sound of walking and then Tonks felt her mother's weight beside her. A hand began running through her hair, patting her head soothingly.

"Are you feeling all right?"

Tonks shook her head slowly, still staring at the wall.

"Oh Nymph, it will be all right, I promise you," Andromeda cooed as she continued stroking Tonks' hair.

Tonks bit her lip, not daring to turn and look into her mother's concerned face, as she knew it would break her again. The two of them sat in silence for a while, Andromeda just being there for her daughter, and Tonks so happy to have her mother.

"We're both downstairs, just chatting, if you feel up to it," Andromeda finally said.

She leant down and kissed Tonks on the temple and then left her alone. Tonks rolled over after she heard her door close. She just wanted to disappear into sleep and forget this stupid holiday ever existed. But it was pointless, sleep was never coming, she just couldn't sleep without him it seemed, however pathetic that made her feel.

* * *

Two days later, Tonks arrived in Hogsmeade again.

"Morning Tonks. How was your break?" Rosmerta asked as she walked out of the fire.

"You were right, family was what I needed," Tonks said, giving a weak smile.

"Good to hear! Dawlish was looking for you. Dumbledore wants a meeting before the students come back tomorrow," Rosmerta said, turning back to the shelves Tonks had disrupted her from searching through.

"Thanks. Do you know when?" Tonks asked, picking up her bag.

Rosmerta gave a shrug and Tonks made the walk upstairs to her room. She found Dawlish in the hallway.

"Nymphadora, there you are! Cutting it a bit fine don't you think?" Dawlish said, staring at his watch.

"I'm an hour early," Tonks said, trying to keep the contempt out of her voice.

"Yes, of course, very well. Dumbledore wants you all in his office at seven tonight," Dawlish finished, looking down his nose at her.

Tonks rolled her eyes and kept walking. How she hated that he had been put in charge of this mission. Everyone knew why as well. Scrimgeour wanted him to keep an eye on Dumbledore. He'd even been sent to tail him, which always resulted in Dumbledore stunning him of course. Tonks was starting to believe it had become a pass time of Dumbledore's given the amount of times it'd happened. She walked into her room and closed the door, dumping her bags and sitting on her bed with a lonely exhale.

* * *

At seven that evening Tonks followed the rest of the Aurors up to the castle, walking beside Sherwood, who was the only other female Auror in the mission.

"So, how was your Christmas?" Sherwood asked sounding almost nervous.

"It was okay. Spent New Years with my parents," Tonks mumbled.

"Oh," Sherwood said.

"What?"

"Nothing, I just, I guess I assumed you'd have had party with your friends or something," Sherwood backtracked.

"Yeah, so did I," Tonks sighed.

They spent the rest of the walk in silence, Sherwood looking in the complete opposite direction the whole rest of the trip, feeling so awkward it almost came out of her pores. They passed the great hall and the noise coming from it led Tonks to believe the staff was having dinner in there. Before long they were at Dumbledore's door, and with the absence of Dawlish, Proudfoot said the password and let them all up.

"Good evening all," Dumbledore said from behind his desk. "Hope you all had a very merry Christmas and the happiest of New Years."

His eyes seemed to glance across at Tonks as he uttered his last words, but she did not smile, nor wink, she just stared forwards, looking as blank as she felt.

"This evening I wished to discuss a change in your patrol tactics. I feel now it is appropriate to commence patrols within the school," Dumbledore continued. "There will be moments of my own absence, and in that case, I will also bring another guard, just as precaution."

"Who?" Proudfoot asked, his brow knitted. "Surely the Auror department is enough Albus?"

"I would agree with you Proudfoot, if it were not for the many blunders the department seems to be having of late," Dumbledore said, folding his hands on his desk.

Proudfoot opened his mouth, but quickly decided it was best not to reply, perhaps because he knew how inefficient the department had become.

"That is my only request, so thank you all for the journey up here, and I wish you all goodnight," Dumbledore said with a smile. "Although I wish to keep Nymphadora for a moment."

The rest of the Aurors filed out and Tonks stayed in her seat.

"Of course you will know who my other protection is to be," Dumbledore said after his door had closed.

"No sir," Tonks mumbled, furrowing her brow.

Dumbledore smiled at her warmly and it transported her back to her trips here as a child. Her very first had been because she'd filled Willy Johnston's bed with frogs. Tonks stood by her claim that she was teaching him a lesson for stealing her homemade fudge, and Dumbledore had merely smiled at the 11-year-old version of her as she protested her detention, just as he was now.

"The Order of course," Dumbledore explained. "Any of the members I can persuade to have here will be here to join you. "

"Thank-you sir," Tonks said robotically, knowing never in a million years would that involve the Order member she wanted to see the most.

Dumbledore's eyes delved deep into her, and as she remembered his own abilities, Tonks pointedly stared away, but not before the image of Lupin's head moving towards her in front of the fire at Christmas swam in front of her eyes. Dumbledore glanced at his hands for a moment, and then back up, the smile now suddenly filled with pity.

"Goodnight Albus," Tonks said, quickly standing and walking out the door.

* * *

By the time Tonks' first patrol through the halls of Hogwarts came, almost a week passed. A week of border patrols, floo-network double checks and trunk inspections. Dawlish told her what to do, and at seven in the evening Tonks was walking through the Entrance Hall. Students were still walking around, as their curfew was not for another hour. Tonks went against Dawlish's advice, and began from the middle, not the dungeons. It was like going through a time-warp. Every corner she turned there was a memory, a prank and even a fall. She passed the staircase that Bill had first kissed her on. She turned by the suit of armour she'd gotten her first concussion from and she found the corner near the kitchens where she'd first felt like a real witch just after she'd been sorted.

Yet, in all of that, in a place they'd never been together, he was there. He was everywhere she looked. The absence of him was everywhere and it was almost suffocating. Her eyes burned as she passed through the third floor corridor. In the distance she could hear the laugh of students, and it pushed her closer to the edge. She had once been there, she had once been happy and laughing, and nothing could have touched her, and then he came. How was it fair? Why was there suddenly such a distinction between the rest of the world and her? Her feet had been carrying her as she thought, the students had long since been in curfew, though she could still hear them, and the second her foot touched the floor of the dungeon, an unnatural cold washed over her.

She moved through the cobwebs and by all the dusty suits of armour. She knew the entrance to the Slytherin common room was nearby, and was surprised to not find some of them sneaking around like those from other houses. She walked down the corridor towards the potions labs and was in the process of turning around when suddenly her feet gave out from underneath her.

"Nymphadora," a smooth sounding voice said. "Why am I not surprised to find you on the ground?"

Tonks glanced up, her head throbbing, to find Snape looking down at her, a smug smile on his face.

"Shut it Snape," Tonks barked back at him.

Tonks stood herself up, brushing herself off, and returning her glare back to Snape. His coal black eyes were even more unnerving down here, so dark that there seemed to be no sign of life or light behind them.

"I see there's been no change here," Snape responded, his eyes darting to her hair and back.

"I could say the same about you. Still hiding out in your dank little corner playing with your chemistry set," Tonks bit back, the memory of their last encounter crashing over her

"And here I thought all your cousins pitiful insults died with him," Snape said, the smile returning.

"No, I'll be perfectly happy to shoulder his responsibilities," Tonks replied.

His eyes narrowed on her, and then he made a small noise that sounded like a laugh.

"What a pity you can't keep _all_ of his responsibilities," Snape added before turning and walking back into his office.

Tonks stood there, her mouth half open in anger; glaring at the door he'd just disappeared through. It took a large amount of strength for her not to wrench it open and curse him to bits. Instead she spun around and marched out of the dungeons. Her mind was fuming, and she just kept walking, so lost in her thoughts that she had no idea where she was heading. Before she knew what was happening, she was on the seventh floor. Anger was still coursing through her, and all she could do was pace. She was walking up and back in front of a blank stretch of wall, thinking about Snape, thinking about why he was so keen to hurt her when she had never done anything to hurt him, when suddenly the blank stretch of wall was not so blank. Tonks stopped instantly. She could have sworn there was not a door there moments ago.

She pulled her wand out and surveyed it for a few moments, before deciding to go for it. Carefully she pushed the huge ornate wooden door open. Wand first, she entered, her Auror training in complete overdrive. A quick survey found that she was in a room with high ceilings and about half the size of the great hall. It was made of stone and barely decorated unlike most of the other open spaces in the castle. Tonks had thought she'd explored all of Hogwarts in her time, she didn't think there was a part of it she'd never seen, until now. At the other end of the room was a mirror, and Tonks had the strangest feeling like it had been placed there for her. Slowly she took steps towards it, her wand still outstretched.

Nothing stopped her, no death Eater jumped out and no Moody came climbing out from behind the mirror to scold her for where her curiosity could have landed her. If Tonks didn't know better, she'd have sworn that this mirror was the only thing in the room, and it was waiting for something. It was at least twice the size of her and had a huge ornate golden frame, with two clawed feet. It wasn't until she got right up close and could read the inscription across the top that Tonks realised what this mirror was. _Erised stra ehry oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi_. The Mirror of Erised. Tonks took a deep breath and straightened herself up

She looked up into the mirror, knowing its power. She stared into it waiting for the change, but her mind suddenly felt hazy from weeks of despair, the anger at Snape had long since disappeared. . She saw the familiar hair and heart shaped face of her mother appear, putting her hand on Tonks' left shoulder. The laughing face of her father appeared on her right, touching her other shoulder. A large group of redheaded people appeared behind them, the smiling faces of the Weasley's all around her. Moody walked up from the distance, as did a haughty looking handsome man with a casual elegance. He stood behind her, laughing with a bark as he had done so much in his life. Sirius. They all joined this picture perfect happiness that she felt so far distant from. It made her eyes well up as she stared at them all, especially Sirius, looking far younger and far happier than she'd ever seen him. Slowly they all disappeared and Tonks looked around wildly, wondering why even the Mirror Erised wanted her to be alone.

A lone figure in the background walked up, not quite visible as his face was still blurry, but she thought she recognised the walk, the lanky frame and sorrowful air. He stood behind her and placed his arms around her waist, forcing his head over her shoulder. It had the same dark blue eyes, the same greying brown hair, the same shabby robes and the same patient feel about him, and _it_ was Lupin. It was a stupid reaction, but Tonks looked across to where his face should have been. She'd foolishly been expecting him to be there, standing besides just like in the mirror. She knew how the mirror worked, she'd read about it long ago, but it still didn't extinguish the hope in her, especially when she thought she could feel his arms around her. She looked back at the couple in the mirror; the Lupin in it winked out at her and smiled brightly. Her hair in the mirror had flicked a particularly bright shade of bubblegum pink, and Lupin happily smiled at the choice.

She noticed that in the mirror she was holding something, a small bundle of cloth, a baby. The Lupin in the mirror looked down at it, shining with pride, he took another look at the real Tonks as if inviting her to come and join his warmth. She made another foolish decision and put her hand out onto the mirror, again stupidly expecting something, but it was only cold glass. Lupin stretched his hand out and touched, from behind the glass, where her hand was. It was almost like touching him again. Her head fell limply as she sighed at the patheticness of it all. The Lupin in the mirror only titled his and looked at her inquisitively, frowning slightly. Perhaps he was wondering why the real Tonks had mousy brown hair and looked so depressed, so unlike the bright Tonks that shone out of the mirror holding their child. The Lupin in the mirror world obviously had no issues, it was quite content to hold onto Tonks and never let her go. She could only think if only the real Lupin was like that.

**To be continued…**


	65. The Wise Man and the Fool

**Long Hiatus I know! I'm deeply deeply sorry! So much has been going on, and this chapter is full of so much foreshadowing it's ridiculous so i took it really slowly.**

**It may just seem like a conversation with Dumbledore and boring, but this conversation will change sooo much of what's coming!**

**Just be ready for an epic Tonks chapter, she will accidently fall into something in the same way Harry did. Foreshadowed in this chapter as well!**

**Reviews would be lovely, but no doubt you all hate me because of my poor posting record, so I will not press,**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 63**

Remus Lupin sat on the grass, staring up at the stars. He had no idea how long he'd been sitting in the same spot just staring up at the sky, minutes, maybe even hours, but he couldn't bring himself to move. Lupin felt like he had finally lost everything, which he knew was foolish, because he'd lost it all a long time ago, but he couldn't help but feel that yelling at nothing but silent stars, he'd given up everything he had left. Unknowingly, he'd been holding onto the idea that they were still with him, somewhere, and the sudden realisation that they truly weren't, had hit him harder than anything he remembered. Lupin couldn't quite figure out how he'd reached such a foolish conclusion, how he'd been sucked into believing they were with him and that he could call on them when he needed them.

He knew what Dumbledore would say, but he couldn't believe anything but how alone he was. He didn't care anymore if the werewolves found him, he'd welcome they pain they'd bring, because what did he have left? What could you take from a man who had absolutely nothing left to give? So Lupin kept sitting, kept thinking, and kept feeling the chill of being alone almost as badly as the chill from the freezing wind. Lupin had finally reached his crossroad, and as they deemed it, he had no idea which way to go. He could give up entirely, tail between his legs, and slink back home, or he could stay and fight for something he knew was impossible to achieve. The werewolves were just too far out of his reach.

Lupin could no longer see the point. The waning moon shone down on him like a beacon of despair. Within it was everything that had led Lupin to where he was. How he despised it, yet it gripped him, he was fascinated by it. He had thinking to do; he knew that, he had to think about his mission and where he was going to end up. But his mind continued to deviate. It continued to rest on Sirius, James and Lily. He stopped himself from thinking about Tonks. That was too much. It only made his body tingle if even a fraction of the once pink-headed witch came into his mind. Time passed again in a haze of thoughts, and the moon had made its way behind the mountains, leaving Lupin to stare at the now orange streaked sky.

He didn't feel ready to leave his spot. He'd expected some kind of resolution, at least by morning. But none had come. Nothing had come to him, nothing ever would. Lupin finally stood up, hanging his head, and walking aimlessly back up the small hill he had collapsed on. He succeeded in finding his way back to his belongings, which was only a jumper Molly had lent him. He gathered it up and stared out over his surroundings one last time. The rain had begun, and the entire landscape seemed to be cleansing itself, and Lupin turned on the spot, disappearing into nothingness with a loud crack.

* * *

Lupin opened his eyes and stared up at his parent's house. He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked inside, heading straight for the study. He breathed in the beautiful smell of old books, so happy to finally be at some kind of home, even if it was his least favourite place. He stared uselessly down at his father's desk, wondering why he'd even come in here in the first place. He wanted to write to Dumbledore, but Lupin couldn't bring himself to admit to such a man that he'd failed.

He stood up and walked the halls for a minute before collapsing in his bed. His body and his mind were completely exhausted and he had no idea what time of year it was anymore. He knew it had to at least be past February because he remembered two transformations. What sat on his mind, what seemed to be stopping him from sleeping, was the pressing thought that he had failed his mission. He kept turning the thought over and over, of how disappointed Dumbledore would be. How much he had let down the Order, and just how much he'd turned his life upside down for a mission he didn't even complete. Lupin stared up at the ceiling, his exhausted body screaming for sleep, but his mind wouldn't allow anything like it. With a loud sigh, Lupin relented to the painful night he had ahead of him

* * *

Lupin had watched his bedroom steadily become brighter and finally got out of bed after less than an hour's sleep all night. He was just peering into the kitchen cabinet searching for food, when he saw a small dark figure approaching the window in the sky. After a few minutes, a large majestic owl flew in through the window. Lupin took a few steps back so it didn't hit him, and immediately untied the note, his nerves peaking at the thought of another Order member dead.

_Dear Remus,  
I hope this finds you in good health.  
I write this letter to request a  
conversation with you as soon as  
possible. If you can, the Tuesday  
of next week would be ideal, as I  
will return to school that evening.  
I look forward to seeing you,  
Albus Dumbledore.  
P.S. I enjoy Cockroach Clusters._

Lupin almost sprinted back to the office, scribbling a reply before tying it back to the watched it fly away, before a wave of dread hit him. Did Albus know already? Lupin put on a big coat and shuffled out of the house and into the town centre. He managed to find a muggle newspaper to discover the date, and bought a few morsels of food with the change he'd found around the house. He managed to find himself some mead and sat on the half destroyed veranda watching the sunset. He sipped his drink, staring gloomily out at the horizon. Part of him now desired to go back, wanted to keep trying, but another voice told him he would fail, like he had so many times before.

* * *

On Tuesday evening Lupin apparated right into Hogsmeade and started the usual walk through the castle. He was stopped by an Auror, who upon finding out his name, immediately let him through, knowing he was here at Dumbledore's request.

"Remus?" a voice called out cautiously as Lupin rounded on corridor before Dumbledore's office.

He spun around to find McGonagall in her tartan dressing gown. She took a few steps up to him, and when she was closer, her eyes bulged slightly. Instantly Lupin knew it was from his own injuries.

"Hello Minerva," Lupin said, smiling at her weakly.

"What are you doing here?" McGonagall asked, her eyes now brushing over him with concern.

"Dumbledore called for me," Lupin replied.

"Oh, very well. How have you been?"

"Better than ever," Lupin replied sarcastically.

McGonagall looked as if she couldn't quite decide whether to laugh at his joke or scold him for being in such a state. She merely creased her brow and then made a movement that hinted she would walk with Lupin the rest of the way.

"How has Hogwarts been?" Lupin asked after they'd both begun the walk.

"Eventful. I'm sure you heard about Katie Bell?" McGonagall said, looking over her own shoulders to see if anyone was around after Lupin nodded. "How has your task been?"

"Difficult. Far more difficult than I imagined, but, Albus called me here tonight, and I percieve it is to do with it," Lupin asked, feeling anxiety bubble over at the thought of telling Dumbledore he'd failed.

"I imagine so. Happy to see you are still alive then, good night Remus," McGonagall muttered before she turned off, leaving Lupin at Dumbledore's gargoyle.

"Cockroach Clutters," Lupin mumbled distractedly.

He couldn't help but think how strange the sentence McGonagall had uttered was. She was happy he was still alive. Did that mean others were not? Whilst he'd been lost in thought the Gargoyle had already jumped and the staircase had begun its accent. Lupin hastily jumped onto it, and continued to be lost in his own mind right until he reached the heavy wooden door.

"Come in," Dumbledore's voice floated calmly through the door Lupin had just knocked on.

Lupin opened the door and found Dumbledore standing up and petting Fawkes.

"Evening Remus," Dumbledore said serenely.

Lupin's eyes fell straight to his blackened hand, which seemed to look worse than he remembered.

"Albus, what happen– "

"It's a curse. Nothing to deserve your attention," Dumbledore said dismissively. "Please Remus, take a seat."

Dumbledore indicated towards the seat opposite his desk and then moved to the chair behind his.

"You are of course wondering why I called you here this evening," Dumbledore said, his serene smile back.

Lupin gave a nod.

"I feel now is the perfect time to reassess your mission," Dumbledore explained.

Lupin paused for a second, wondering if Dumbledore had applied some kind of legimency on him.

"Of course," Lupin stuttered nervously.

"How has the progress been?" Dumbledore asked, leaning slightly forward.

"Ah… Well there has been…" Lupin paused, and looked down at his hands.

"Remus, please do not expect me to be disappointed in you. I was aware, when I first asked you to undertake this duty, that it would be difficult. Especially for a man such as yourself," Dumbledore said.

"I've made no progress," Lupin admitted, sighing.

"And you expected me to be disappointed?"

Lupin creased his brow at Dumbledore for a moment.

"Yes, Albus, I did."

Dumbledore gave a sigh, and wearily ran a hand over his eyebrow.

"Remus," he said slowly. "I was not expecting a result of mass action from this mission. You requested to undertake it with such rash actions, for reasons you shared and some you did not. Please do not think I would look upon you any differently because you have walked away from such a difficult journey with, in your mind, a less than desirable result."

"So what would you like me to do now?" Lupin asked, still feeling confused.

"Well, I imagine, even if you do not have an entire pack of werewolves behind you, there were things you may have discovered," Dumbledore stated.

"Well, the obvious is that Voldemort wants the werewolves behind him, but that is not new. Greyback has been given the task of recruiting, but he believes Voldemort is just a start for them. He's telling them all that together werewolves can overpower Voldemort. Which is all basic knowledge I either knew or assumed. I haven't found anything out about Voldemort's plans for them, as Greyback does not trust me enough to divulge any more information. He's warned all other werewolves of me, so it has become increasingly difficult to not only track them, but speak to them as well," Lupin explained, feel slightly breathless when he'd finished.

Dumbledore furrowed his brow for a moment and looked away. Lupin followed his eye line to the Pensieve, which had two small vials of memories sitting on the basin.

"Has Greyback informed you of how to gain his trust?"

"Yes, but, it is not something I feel is in my range of abilities," Lupin said, looking away.

"He desires you to kill?" Dumbledore asked, though Lupin knew he wasn't asking, so much as, stating fact.

"Yes," Lupin uttered, a wave of shame crashing over him at the thought of how horrific his kind were.

Dumbledore leant back into his chair, his eyes moving upward, lost in thought and Lupin sat feeling like an overgrown schoolboy.

"I feel there is no harm in saying you do not have to follow them as you have been, but you have always known, however useful it is, I did not request you to go to the lengths you have, and that your return is perfectly timed for new requests of the Order," Dumbledore finally said after a long silence.

Lupin continued looking at Dumbledore, aware that he was not finished speaking.

"I cannot be at Hogwarts as much as I deem safe for my students. I have requested that the Aurors patrol corridors in the evening, but to give an old man some peace of mind, I would prefer to have some of the Order here as well. Having a wizard of your calibre here would certainly calm my nervous spirit."

There was a pause as Lupin waited to find out if Dumbledore had anything more to say.

"Of course I will be here," Lupin spluttered.

"Excellent. I will be contacting by owl of course. Is there anything else you wish to discuss?" Dumbledore said, smiling serenely again.

"What has happened in my absence? Minerva partly filled me in on my journey up here, but I don't think it is wrong for me to assume you would have a clearer picture," Lupin said.

"Naturally, the Order is coming against many of the blocks we predicted it would. Voldemort is moving in the shadows. Many Ministry members have disappeared, but so far Order members have avoided injury, though narrowly. The Carrow's have rejoined Voldemort, and Alastor was cornered by both brother and sister. If it weren't for his own exceptional skills, I fear we may have lost him," Dumbledore said gravely.

Lupin nodded, letting the news wash over him. He wanted to ask about the other people in the Order, or at least one person, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Dumbledore seemed to have far too much knowledge of Lupin's exploits than he liked. So instead, he settled to ask about another person he cared about.

"And Harry?"

"Harry is having a rather enjoyable term. He is Quidditch Captain, which I'm positive James would have been very proud of. I'm giving him some private lessons this year," Dumbledore finished.

"Occlumency?" Lupin asked straight away.

"No. Harry does not need it. Voldemort fears that connection far too much to use it anymore. Not after what happened in the Atrium last year. I am instead giving him more information in relation to Voldemort. Information I feel he is mature enough to now hear," Dumbledore said.

Lupin knew, without even asking, that Dumbledore would not tell Lupin what he was instructing Harry on.

"Is there any new additions to the Order?" Lupin asked instead.

"Not yet. But recruitment hasn't been high upon our list of action at this precise moment. Kingsley is now working for the Prime Minister, so he has been absent for most of the year. The Weasleys are still working and supplying information from within the Ministry itself. The rest are working quite avidly, finding information on Death Eaters, and have stopped attacks. Dedalus and Alastor were only minutes away from the Abbot residence that fateful evening. Mundungus, of course, is doing his_ best_ to co-operate, I was told by Nymphadora that he was spotted by Harry trying to sell Black family heirlooms," Dumbledore gave a small laugh, and Lupin felt his body tingle strangely.

Something in his face must have shown his strange reaction to the name, because Dumbledore titled his head, and Lupin swore he saw him smile again before he spoke.

"Nymphadora has been doing quite well here as well, we have a large quantity of Auror information because of her," he said casually, after a small pause. "I must say, of the few meetings I have attended, you do seem to be sorely missed. Molly continues to worry herself with what state you must be in."

"Yes," Lupin said swallowing awkwardly. "Is there anything you wish for me to do now that I am here?"

"Visiting the Order would not be unfounded, and, though I am perfectly happy with your decision to abandon your mission, I feel you will not," Dumbledore added, and Lupin furrowed his brow at Dumbledore's absolute correct identification of his thoughts. "There is obviously no point in trying to recruit any of these men for our uses, but I don't think trying to discover as much of Greyback's plan would do any harm."

"Of course," Lupin said.

There was a long pause as Dumbledore surveyed Lupin.

"Has anything else been troubling you?" Dumbledore asked again, as he had done every time Lupin had sat in this chair.

Lupin stopped for a second, wondering if spilling everything he had felt over the last few days, and most especially his outburst towards his dead best friends, would be the right thing to do.

"Nothing I believe can be fixed Albus," Lupin admitted.

"I have large amounts of faith you in Remus, and forgive me for however conceited this may sound, I do not do this unwisely, as I am quite a wise man. Whatever you chose to do, those who you have loved, those who are gone, will always be proud," Dumbledore finished.

Lupin furrowed his brow again, and Dumbledore gave a small smile.

"I did not think such a loss, as the one you, and we all, experienced last year at the Ministry, would leave you in a sound state. They would be immensely proud of you Remus, just as I am," Dumbledore finished.

Lupin let out an involuntary bitter laugh that sounded more like a sigh. He regretted it immediately, but the bitter part inside him knew they were gone, and wherever they were, proud or not, James, Lily and Sirius could not help him.

"You disagree?" Dumbledore asked, his voice casual, his stare intensifying.

"It does not matter whether they are proud Albus. They're not here. I am, they are not," Lupin said, trying to keep the bitterness from his voice.

"Naturally, but the ones we love never truly leave us," Dumbledore said, sounding rehearsed in his statement.

Lupin could not comprehend where the anger had suddenly appeared from, but the smiling face of Dumbledore was not calming his as normal. He suddenly wanted to rage and scream again, as he had on the mountain that night. He wanted the world to apologise for the raw deal he had been handed.

"It would be nice," Lupin said slowly, "to have something fair."

"Life is not fair and you will be waiting a lifetime if you wish for it to be," Dumbledore said at once, striking Lupin with the raw and completely uncomforting nature of his words.

"You are not alone Remus. Especially not because only those who you had deemed deserving enough to shoulder your burden have departed this life," Dumbledore continued. "There are many left who appreciate you for who you may be, regardless of your affliction."

Lupin started at Dumbledore for a moment, his mouth slightly hanging open. He quickly closed it, but did not stop staring at him, the twinkling blue eyes boring into his own. For once, he thought Dumbledore was wrong.

"Deserving?" Lupin asked, a small amount of bite in his voice.

Infuriatingly, Dumbledore only nodded. Lupin felt his brow furrow, and immediately a small amount of anger sat in the pit of his stomach. Dumbledore had always understood him. Dumbledore had always known how much of a burden he was as a friend, a partner, even a colleague, and he had always accepted that. Why was it suddenly as if he felt he was talking to Molly and Arthur, who understood nothing of his condition but merely desired to fix him up with someone?

"You believe it is wrong of me to protect those from myself?"

"Not at all," Dumbledore said quickly, infuriating Lupin, who for once could not see any logic in his words.

"I don't understand," Lupin said quietly.

"There are many burdens to be carried, and as difficult as I know it may be for a man like you to understand, some are worse than your own. Do not shy away from your own responsibilities because you feel you are not due for it."

"I still don't understand," Lupin repeated.

Dumbledore stood in a flourish and moved over towards the cabinet where Lupin knew the Pensieve was kept. The doors opened and the blue light played across Dumbledore's eyes, though he looked at peaceful as ever, there was something worrying in his stance and mannerisms. He stared down over the bowl, and Lupin could see the face of Slughorn reflecting up from the basin.

"There will be a situation in the future where you must step into the shoes you may have deemed to big for yourself Remus, and I have completely faith that you will do so with as much skill and greatness as those who have come before you," Dumbledore finally said, turning back to Lupin with an appraising look.

The flattery in his words sent waves of uncomfortableness surging through him, but there was a dark cloud behind his words that Lupin thought he could spot.

"Why? What is happening Albus?" Lupin asked, trying to keep the panic rising in his body out of his voice.

Dumbledore was sounding as he was speaking of his own demise. Lupin knew it was impossible, or at least he hoped. Then another thought popped up in his head. Her small heart shaped face swam in his thoughts. Was Dumbledore meaning Tonks? Was she the person Lupin should be burdening? He shook his head dismissively, banishing the thought of once again of ruining her precious life. He looked back up at Dumbledore, who was smiling down knowingly at him.

"I feel on that note, unless you have something more to add, we must depart," Dumbledore said, approaching Lupin and holding out his uninjured hand.

Lupin stood instantly and shook his hand, biding him goodbye.

* * *

Lupin stood on the other side of Dumbledore's door for a long time trying to figure out what he had just been told. As cryptic as Dumbledore could be, Lupin knew there was a message in there for him to unlock, to understand, that would hold the answer to everything. He descended the stairs, his mind entirely pre-occupied and turned, walking down to the entrance hall, un-aware that if he had waited mere minutes the woman who had been swimming in his thoughts would've rounded the corner he had just turned on her own guard duty, she thinking of him as well.

**To be continued…**


	66. The Haze of Memories

**Hello Hello!**

**God it's good to be back! You would not believe the last few months. But i'm back. I think I have 3 chapters left of Half Blood Prince.**

**I accept all hate you must be offering me, but I hope this extra extra long chapter makes up for it. It seems like nothing, but its got to do with Tonks coming to a realisation. Plus exploring Lupin is**_** oh**_**so fun for me!**

**So I'm back, with internet, and my laptop is back. So writing ahoy!**

**Enjoy.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 64**

The world had passed in a haze of days and weeks spent living out of the Three Broomsticks, patrolling Hogwarts, checking in at the Ministry or spending hours in her bed at home. Nymphadora Tonks' once exciting world, filled with raids, Order meetings, and highly entertaining meals at Grimmauld Place had evaporated entirely. The rainy wet month of February had not helped at all. Everywhere she went, the gloom that sat inside her every single day, the unescapable weight of grief that sat upon her chest, was mirrored by the weather she walked in and around daily. Tonks was caught in a place she had never understood; depression, and it was deep, dark and never ending. Valentines Day had passed in a haze, she'd refused to even acknowledge its existence, worried of what how painful it would be if she did. She worried her mind would slip into the memories of her last one. However turbulent it had been, she'd still had him. Instead, she threw herself headlong into her work.

* * *

One weekend had called for almost the entire Auror squadron to be patrolling the grounds, as parts of the enchantments were being lifted for the sixth years to have their apparition lessons. Rodbards, no doubt being pressured by Scrimgeour, was almost one hundred percent certain Voldemort would swoop in and kill Harry the minute the enchantments were lifted. As February drew to a close, Tonks headed for The Burrow, ready for another Order meeting, all about who had died and how very little they were able to do to stop it. There was just a new emptiness in her life. Where before things were enjoyable, fun and fancy free, suddenly she saw no joy.

"Evening Tonks," Molly cooed after Tonks walked in. "You're a bit early love."

"Didn't have much else to do. Figured I could help with the cooking," Tonks said, shrugging off her jacket and hanging it up.

"Well thank you. Why don't you just have a seat at the table and I'll fetch you some tea," Molly said smiling brightly.

Tonks took a seat at the worn and haggard looking wooden table. And in a few moments, had a steaming mug of tea in front of her. She placed her hands on either side of it, warming them.

"Any good news?" Tonks asked when Molly sat down, trying not to sound bitter.

"Well, it's Ron's birthday tomorrow," Molly said with a weak smile.

Tonks had meant news relating to the Order, but was happy enough for the distraction.

"What'd you get him?" Tonks replied, faking cheeriness.

"Well, it's his coming of age, so we decided to keep to the tradition of a watch," Molly explained.

"I'll go up and see him if you want," Tonks suggested and Molly nodded.

A silence fell upon them, awkward and very unusual. Tonks could feel that Molly wanted to ask something.

"And how've you been? How was your Christmas in the end?" Molly asked, her tone now motherly.

"It was," Tonks paused remembering just how horrible it had been for a few seconds, before deciding to lie. "Average. Was just at home."

For a second there seemed to be an understanding look in Molly's eye that let Tonks know she'd been caught out lying, but Molly said nothing other than a simple,

"Well that's nice dear."

Just as Tonks was finally about to brave a question on Lupin, there was a knock at the door, Moody and Hestia Jones had arrived. Moody bought tales of daring escapes thanks to over preparation, while Hestia had news of Death Eaters plans. Before long the rest of the group had joined and the meeting began. All in all, each member seemed to be on a mission that was finally going well, leaving Tonks to feel even more dejected.

* * *

The first weekend of March rolled around and Tonks spent the day cleaning her already pristine flat. Late that evening she apparated into the safe spot in Hogsmeade and walked into the Three Broomsticks.

"Oh Tonks, you finally made it!" Rosmerta cried the second Tonks removed her coat.

"Was I meant to be here earlier?" Tonks asked, sensing urgency in Rosmerta's voice and becoming confused by it.

"No it's just the Weasley's were hoping you'd come earlier," she explained.

"Why?"

"Well after what happened to one of their boys, I think they were hoping for a friendly face," Rosmerta said, her eyebrows creasing.

"What happened?" Tonks said taking the last steps towards the bar quicker than she should have.

"The boy got poisoned."

"Who? Ron? How?" Tonks spluttered.

"Ron, yeah, that's the one. Not sure how, Molly and Arthur didn't stay for long. Molly did mumble something about Horace Slughorn. Seemed serious though, could've died they said."

It was like a brick slid down into her stomach. Ron had nearly died. What?

"Savage is in Dumbledore's office now with the others. I think he– "

Before Rosmerta could even finish her sentence Tonks had jumped up, admittedly it took her a bit longer than usual as she'd gotten her feet caught up in the chair somehow and nearly fell, but then was out the door, running towards the huge illuminated castle.

Tonks reached the gargoyle outside Dumbledore's office in record timing, but the minute she stopped, the huge stitch in her side gave a painful stab, and she instantly bent over double taking in huge gulps of air on the staircase as it rose towards his door. When it finally stopped moving Tonks moved quickly to the door and burst inside.

"Dumbledore," Tonks said, still sounding, and feeling, breathless from the run. "I just heard. Is Ron okay?"

Dumbledore was perched behind his desk, his blackened hand on show, as it was folded with the other hand. The serene half of the room held up by Dumbledore was harshly juxtaposed by Savage, Proudfoot and Sherwood's half, as they were all glaring at him angrily. Clearly he was doing something they were very unhappy with.

"Oh sorry," Tonks said, faking an apology to the other Aurors in the room.

"No, not a problem," Dumbledore said, smiling at her. "Thomas was just voicing his opinion on my security methods, or lack there of, in his words."

Tonks could nearly have laughed. Dumbledore's way of making fun of people was very subtle, but she knew it was a dig at Savage.

"But Mr Weasley is fine. Poppy has assured me that he will make a full recovery, but will need a few days of rest," Dumbledore explained.

"What happened?" Tonks said quickly.

Her panic had disappeared, but suddenly there was confusion. She remembered what Rosmerta had said about Slughorn, but she had no idea what he had to do with it, nor why anyone would want to poison Ron. Instantly she thought they were maybe trying to get to the Order of the Phoenix, but there were smarter ways, Voldemort would never do something so juvenile.

"It is a rather amazing turn of events, and had it transpired as the culprit wished it, it would be myself in the hospital wing and not poor Mr Weasley. He happened to accept a glass of mead from Horace, and Horace was meant to have delivered it to me, as it was gift. Horace perhaps thought he had found something more important to toast to than I would have," Dumbledore explained joyfully, his happy tone of voice unchanged by what he was saying. "Ron was the first to drink, and when the effects of whatever poisoned him began to show, Harry dashed to the cupboard and retrieved a bezoar for him, evidently saving his life."

"And Molly and– "

"Look, Dumbledore enough of this, it's imperative that we tour the school and– " Savage interrupted.

All the panic of the moment came to a head and suddenly angered burned in her stomach. She turned to Savage, a vicious stare in her eyes. Instantly he stopped speaking.

"Excuse me. I'm not done," Tonks snarled.

Savage looked at Dumbledore, who only raised his eyebrows at him. Savage glanced between Tonks and Proudfoot a few times, then shuffled slightly back into the group of Aurors. Dumbledore winked at Tonks when they weren't looking.

"My apologies," he muttered darkly.

Tonks gave one last dark look to be sure he knew his place, and then turned back to Dumbledore, breathing deeply and ridding herself of most of her anger.

"As I was saying, Molly and Arthur were here?" Tonks asked.

"Oh yes. They were sent an owl and arrived within the hour. Mr Weasley now has Miss Granger to care for him, along with Poppy. Though I imagine he prefers the former," Dumbledore said, a small smile forming.

Tonks knew nothing got past Dumbledore, even high school crushes.

"So everything is okay now?" Tonks said slowly, feeling relief spread through her.

"Very much so," Dumbledore said happily, smiling at her.

There was a long pause, in which Tonks and Dumbledore merely looked at each other. As panic disappeared, the same hazy cloud reformed above her.

"You can talk now," Tonks muttered at Savage.

"Thank you Nymphadora," he muttered through gritted teeth, giving her a withering look that informed her she would be punished in some form for this. "As I was saying; Albus, the time is right for a tour of the school now and an upping of interior security. Although you have made your point on my idea very clear in the past, it is blindingly obvious that you need to allow Aurors further abilities within the school itself and– "

"What is clear Thomas, is that you have not been listening to me and my staff's views. I will not allow your Aurors to intrude anymore on my school, it has not turned out well for this school in the past, or have you forgotten what transpired last year with your Senior Undersecretary?" Dumbledore said calmly, with a very fierce undertone Tonks had heard him use only once or twice. "I will, however, consent to your tour, as I see no harm in touring this fine establishment."

He smiled at the Aurors, and then at Tonks. They all got up to leave, but touring the school was something Tonks was not feeling up to.

"Dumbledore, if it's all the same, would you mind if I didn't join you?" Tonks asked, expecting Savage to belittle her in response to what she'd done earlier.

"Of course my dear, I'm sure you'll find some company within the walls," Dumbledore said with a smile, lifting his arm to indicate the portraits on the wall.

Savage gave her a glare and then they all filed out, Dumbledore winking at her as he closed the door. Suddenly the room was filled with heavy silence. Tonks scanned through the portraits on the wall; it seemed almost odd for one of them not to comment on her appearance. At Grimmauld place she received comments in every room, and at the Ministry, it was every hallway, corridor, bathroom, office, almost everywhere that had enough wall to put a painting.

Her hair got comments everywhere, as it ruffled the feathers. Bright pink, purple, orange and green hair tended to do that. But here, there was nothing, no comments, but they were all staring at her. Then, with a stomach-dropping realisation, she remembered why there was no comment. She didn't have the hair to comment on anymore. She barely had anything.

A mirror glinted on Dumbledore's desk and Tonks stomped over from the fireplace she'd been standing next to. She picked up the mirror and looked into it. She barely recognised what looked back at her. Dank mousy brown hair, empty brown eyes and sickly pale white skin. She looked aged; nowhere near as youthful as she should, lines seemed to have appeared over-night. Tonks held the mirror higher so her hair was totally in view. She looked across as Fawkes who was sleeping soundly on his perch and then closed her eyes, concentrating completely on the red colour of his feathers.

She squeezed her eyes tighter and tighter trying desperately for the tingling sensation to happen. But it didn't. She kept opening her eyes checking, but nothing was changing. Frustratation was burning through her chest the more and more times she opened her eyes and nothing was different. Finally it peaked and in a fit of rage she threw it to her left. She put her hands on the desk to steady herself as breath escaped her quickly, pushing out all her anger. She looked across and saw the mirror on the floor, the glass all smashed. Bad Luck, yes, that was exactly she needed. She pulled out her wand, her rage quickly being replaced by remorse and moved over to the mirror and bent down.

"_Reparo_" she muttered.

The mirror began to repair itself. As she stood up, there was pain on the back of her head and she fell back down. With her head aching, Tonks looked up and found what she'd thought was just a stretch of wall, was in fact a cupboard that she'd hit her head on. There was a blue shimmering light all over the walls from the gap in the cupboard door. Tonks stood up and looked around, all of the portraits were asleep, she checked again on the sleeping Fawkes, there was no around to catch her. Tonks opened the door slowly, her body tensing up at the thought of being caught.

There was a soft creak and then, the door was fully open, revealing a shallow stone basin. There was a strange substance inside. Suddenly Snape's face appeared clear as ever in the bowl. Tonks took a few steps back in fright, her wand outstretched. When Snape didn't appear in front of her, Tonks went back to the bowl, very slowly. Her heart was still pounding in her chest from the fright she'd gotten. Snape's head was no longer floating in the bowl. Instead it was the same white liquidy stuff from before Snape's face had appeared. It was floating around like clouds, and the desire to touch one rose very quickly in Tonks.

She ran her finger across the top of it, expecting something to cling to her, but instead it felt like water. Instantly she retracted her finger, remembering just how foolish she'd been to touch something that she had no idea what it was. She thought of Lupin, such a sensible man, he would have gone crazy knowing she'd done something so foolish. He was always far too easy to annoy. A smile nearly crept onto her lips, before she remembered the state of her relationship with him. Her stomach plummeted again, and she stared at the back of the cupboard for a few moments.

When she looked back down, suddenly the liquid had disappeared and it now looked like glass. Tonks had expected to see the bottom of the basin, but instead, it looked like she was staring into the bedroom of small boy. It was then, and she nearly could have hit herself for not remembering sooner, that the memory of a conversation with Sirius about Dumbledore's Pensieve popped into her head. This must be it. A curiosity Tonks hadn't known for months filled her. This was going to be Dumbledore's memories. She looked around the office, and when she saw no one again, she leaned forward over the bowl to get a better look. She felt her feet leave the office floor and suddenly she was falling.

She landed hard on the floor of a bland looking bedroom. She could see a small boy asleep in a very plain looking bedroom, his light brown hair seeming oddly familiar. Tonks heard footsteps approaching the door; she quickly slunk back into the dark of the room, her heart beating quickly again. A tall woman opened the door, Tonks couldn't get a good look at her, but before Tonks knew it, the woman was walking right towards her. This woman was going to see her and would probably scream. Tonks backed into the wall and felt a freezing cold breez on her backside from an open window. The woman was barely 2 feet away and Tonks couldn't understand why she wasn't screaming.

The woman reached out and the most peculiar sight and sensation went through her. The woman had her hands through Tonks, like she was a ghost, and it tickled. She closed the window behind Tonks and then stood for a minute. Tonks didn't know why she couldn't be seen, obviously part of Pensieve. The woman was beautiful. Long blonde hair softly curled, high cheekbones and brilliantly blue eyes that seemed so familiar, even in the dark. Mascara had run down her cheeks and her eyes were puffy and red. This woman had very clearly been upset by something. She turned away from Tonks and marched towards the bed, nearly collapsing onto the small boy. She wrapped her arms around him, and began sobbing. Tonks saw the boy open his eyes, but quickly close them again, as if he didn't want her to know he was awake.

"I'm sorry Remus," she whispered, tears streaming down her cheeks silently. "I'm so sorry."

Tonks felt her stomach drop through the floor. This was Lupin as a boy. The more she looked at him, the more she could see it. The small nose, the light brown hair, the tiny freckles on the bridge of his nose, they were all there. Tonks looked around the room, this time with much more interest. The shelves were crammed with books that were tattered and old. The furniture was the same, some had huge grooves taken out and it had the look of a room that been pieced together from a charity shop. Lupin had a teddy under his arm that was missing an eye and an ear. He had a Hogwarts crest above his bed, but Tonks knew he was nowhere near old enough to have gone there. The woman continued to sob into him, and Tonks watched Lupin pretend to sleep. Suddenly the image reformed and she was outside in the setting sun.

She stood there for a moment as her surroundings were plunged into darkness, looking over this beautiful countryside estate, she turned back and there was a dilapidated house just by her. She could see movement in the distance, but paid little attention. The moon was bathing everything in an eerie glow. It was then she realised what she was about to witness. The figure approaching her was running, and there was something bigger behind it running even quicker.

Tonks wanted to run inside and shout for somebody, but the boy Lupin was shouting enough. The bigger figure had finally got a hold of him and Tonks wants so badly to look away, but she couldn't. Tears were forming in her eyes. She turned back to the house. A man, and the woman from the previous memory, were standing on the deck. She was sobbing into the mans arms, who was watching the whole thing, his face pale and set, frozen in shock.

"Do something," Tonks shouted at them.

But they didn't hear her. Lupin was tossed into the air and there was sickening crack as he landed. The werewolf then jumped at his shoulder and Tonks saw him clamp his mouth down on Lupin's shoulder. That was the bite, Tonks knew it. Then the werewolf was gone and the night air punctured with screams of agony, despair and outrage. Blood was pouring out of Lupin as his father picked him up, his mother sobbing and screaming. And then suddenly the image reformed, she was in the Great Hall of Hogwarts. Everything looked exactly as it had been a few weeks before on her guard duty. Students stared at her, and Tonks looked down and saw she was standing next to the sorting hat. Professor McGonagall was on her other side.

"Black, Sirius" she shouted.

Tonks looked on in delight. Sirius almost fell forwards, as a skinny black haired boy pushed him forwards and then mouthed 'good luck'. His hair was much shorter, and the only strange thing was that he looked a little gloomy. He sat on the chair and the hat was put on him. The sorting hat seemed to take its time. It was nearly five minutes before the tear opened and it screamed:

"GRYFFINDOR!"

The Gryffindor table clapped and cheered as usual, before McGonagall called another name. As the girl sat on the chair, Tonks looked amongst the group of terrified first years. Her eyes found the boy who'd pushed Sirius, he had a mischievous but confident look about him, and Tonks knew exactly why he looked familiar. It was James Potter. She continued scanning and found a sour faced hook nosed little boy who she knew had to be Snape.

He was standing next to a beautiful little red headed girl, each time his eyes flicked back to her, he seemed to light up slightly. As Tonks kept moving she finally spotted him, standing 4 people away from the red headed girl. He looked diminished, and terrified, he was keeping his distance from the rest of them. Tonks wondered spitefully if he was distancing himself from them too.

"Evans, Lily" McGonagall shouted waking Tonks from what felt like a trance.

The red headed girl skipped forwards, leaving Snape looking hopeful. The hat didn't deliberate for long and sent her off to Gryffindor. Tonks watched her go, as she took a seat next to Sirius who smiled at her. Her eyes found Snape, who strangely looked miserable. After two students were put in Hufflepuff and another in Ravenclaw, McGonagall called Lupin's name. Nervously, he made his way up to the stool.

He was pale, very pale, and the older he had grown, the more Tonks could see his mother in him. She couldn't help but wonder if she was alive or dead. He flopped onto the stool, and watched the sorting hat get lowered onto his head. It deliberated for much longer than Sirius's and young Lupin looked more and more nervous the longer it took.

"GRYFFINDOR" the hat shouted.

Lupin looked like he was about to pass out. He meekly took the hat off and passed it to McGonagall, thanking her, and made his way to the table, where Sirius patted him on the back and Lily smiled at him, which caused Lupin to knock over his empty goblet.

The scene dissolved, and reformed in the Gryffindor dorms. Many years had passed, Tonks knew it instantly from the boys appearances. She spotted Peter Pettigrew, sitting on the end of his bed, his blonde hair reminiscent of a bowl cut and his girth hanging over his trousers as he sat, far too eagerly, watching Sirius and James. The two were bouncing from bed to bed having a duel of some description. They seemed to only be aiming for the objects around their opponent. James turned Sirius' bedside lamp into a chicken, to which Peter cheered, and the Sirius responded by hitting James's trunk with a spell that made it shrink to no bigger than a knut.

Tonks looked at the bed that seemed the least ruffled and found Lupin sitting crossed legged against the headboard, a book open in his lap, a small smile on his lips as he read. He looked exactly like the real Lupin did as he read today, as if every word was fascinating enough to drink it in wholeheartedly. His tongue even occasionally brushed over his lips. It was a strange vision to see him of school age. He was a man who she envisaged could only envisage as an adult, even when she had pictured him at school, but there was a child-like air about him, even a mischievous quality that had almost totally been extinguished.

"So then, she told me to stop making fun of Snivelly," James's voice interrupted, causing Tonks to realise she'd been staring at Lupin and had paid no attention to what was happening. "To which I then pointed out she hasn't been talking to him either."

"And she got mad?" Sirius asked, jumping across a bed to avoid a spell from James's wand.

"Yeah. I don't get her sometimes," James finished, stopping for a brief moment and looking perplexed, before ducking under the spell Sirius sent, that turned his blanket into a tea cosy.

"Maybe it was the very stalker-like quality in yourself that you showed to her," Lupin's voice suggested.

Tonks shot a look back at him; he was still reading his book. His voice stopped James in his tracks again, though Sirius continued, with Peter clapping loudly.

"What do you mean?" James said, jumping off the bed and walking towards Lupin.

Lupin looked over his book as he saw James approaching.

"Well you pointed out that you watch her enough to notice when she stops speaking to someone. Not every girl wishes to be stalked," Lupin said with a smile at his joke, though none of the other boys got it.

"But it's because I like her. She should be happy," James said defensively.

"She should be, but it is an invasion of her privacy. Plus, the events surrounding her complete stop of contact with Snape aren't exactly polite and nice," Lupin finished.

"So, it's got nothing to do with me then?" James asked, starting to look happy with himself.

"No, that's not what I– " Lupin tried to say, but Tonks saw the delight on James's face as he turned away and began bouncing on beds again.

"She's just all worked up over her own problems she's not actually mad at me," James said, thinking aloud.

"No, I didn't– "

James had already bounced to Peter's bed on the other side of the room. Lupin gave a deep sigh, which seemed very familiar to Tonks, and shook his head as went back to reading. James soon began showing off to Peter, but Sirius siddeled up to Lupin.

"I think the phrase blissfully ignorant applies here Moony," Sirius said with a wry grin.

"Yes, I figured," Lupin said irritably.

The two kept talking, but Tonks blocked out what they were saying. She sat on Lupin's bed and stared. She missed him. Part of her was aching at the sight of him. He looked so happy to be surrounded by his friends, and it was a happiness Tonks had never really seen. His eyes were alight and his smile was wide, everything about him seemed so alive as he watched his friends bounce around the room.

The scene changed again, but Tonks was so lost in her own thoughts she barely noticed what they were saying. It was his Hogwarts graduation, the boys stood together with Lily, Sirius bunny earring Peter while he had his arm around Lupin. The picture would have been beautiful, and Tonks had a vague recollection of seeing it before. She looked at Lupin's face, shining with happiness again. All she could think was if he had ever been that happy with her? She brushed some tears away just as her surroundings reformed.

She was outside a church. It was a dreary grey day with misting rain. Lupin was beside her, sitting on a bench staring up at the church, in a muggle suit with an umbrella over his head. He looked more scared, and his hair had greyed more since the last memory, but a few years had past judging by his youthful skin. He looked very solemn as he stared up at the church. Folded in his hand was a paper booklet, but Tonks couldn't make out the name. There was a familiar looking blonde woman on the cover, and it took a few moments to remember where Tonks had seen her.

It was the woman from the memory of him being bitten. It was his mother. Slowly it dawned on Tonks why he was in a suit and at a church, and she placed a hand on his shoulder, though it swiped straight through. The bells of the church rang, and Lupin clenched his jaw. His eyes were full of emotion, and he seemed torn. He stared right at Tonks for a few moments and then he stood, blinking a few more times than he should have.

They walked up the long driveway and at the door stood Lupin's father. He was balding now, and much thinner. He didn't meet eyes with Lupin, and Tonks saw Lupin clench his fists. His father reminded her of Mundungus, and Tonks had a feeling if she could smell, he would smell exactly like him as well. Whatever had happened in Lupin's home life had left Mr Lupin dishevelled and very unkempt looking. He didn't have Lupin's brilliant blue eyes, his one were cold and dark, and looked as if whatever was behind them was just wasting away. Lupin walked through the aisles of the church and Tonks didn't even stop to admire the beauty of the high ceilings or huge stained glass windows. She kept her eyes on him at all times.

He politely said hello to people, and thanked them for their condolences, all of which Tonks had expected of him. Even in his darkest hours, manners were always important to him. Then he sat in the front row, staring at his mothers coffin, which had a photo of her with her husband, who looked much cleaner, holding a very young Lupin, his light brown hair un-greyed and his skin scar free. She grabbed his hand, or tried to, as he stared forwards, his eyes showing that his mind was miles away from everyone else's near him, and a single tear slid down his cheek. Everything changed again.

Suddenly it was darker, and she had no real idea where she was. It was a dark street; the only sound was a few night-time bugs chirping. She stood for a minute, the hairs on the back of her neck standing up slightly. There was a loud crack somewhere in the distance, which caused Tonks to jump, and then she heard the sound of shuffling feet. Instinctively she jumped behind the wall, before remembering no one could see her. A man in a long overcoat rounded the corner and carefully approached a door. The moonlight broke through the clouds and reflected on his hair, which had small strands of grey coming through. Instantly Tonks jumped out from behind her hiding place and tore after him, knowing it was Lupin.

She whipped in the door behind him and followed him down a long corridor. The place had the same unkempt creepy feel that Grimmauld Place had, and goose bumps formed all over her arms the further she walked in. Lupin opened a door at the end of the corridor; revealing a brightly painted kitchen, with clean surfaces, and a beautiful mahogany table with people seated all around it.

"Moony!" a voice cried, and Tonks turned to see Lupin give a small smile at someone before proceeding to sit next to whoever it was, as they weren't visible through the door.

As Lupin disappeared, Tonks walked forwards to the doorway. The voice was Sirius's, and Lupin had sat between him and Lily, who he was greeting with a kiss on the cheek. Tonks felt her heart drop slightly at the sight of the adult Sirius, who looked so much younger and happier. Lily was beaming, and Tonks was distracted by a small sparkle on her finger, and apparently so was Lupin. He caught a glimpse of her hand and looked straight to James.

"The boy did it," Sirius boomed, grinning ear to ear and leaning over Lily to ruffle James's already unkempt hair.

"I don't know what to say," Lupin gawked. "Congratulations!"

The two of them laughed and pulled Lupin into a hug that was very quickly interrupted by the noise of someone clearing their throat. Tonks looked up and nearly fell over. There standing at the head of the table was a man, who bore a striking resemblance to Mad Eye Moody, but he wasn't missing an eye, or a chunk of his nose, or a leg, and he seemed to look almost happy. Tonks had never known Moody to seem happy unless he'd just captured a Death Eater, and even that bordered on scary.

"Welcome to the first meeting of the Order of the Phoenix," Moody said, and Tonks saw Sirius snigger and whisper something to James who then laughed as well. "You have all been chosen by Dumbledore himself, as you have all expressed to him, or someone else in this group, a desire to fight the Death Eaters and Voldemort."

A shiver ran through the group, all except for Sirius, who smiled and nudged James and Lupin.

"You do so at your own risk. We cannot offer you safety or protection, only the idea that one day we will rid the world of this evil," Moody said.

Tonks was distracted by a whimpering. She looked to Sirius's other side and her stomach dropped again. There sitting happily amongst everyone was Peter Pettigrew. She wanted to yell at James not to trust him, but she knew it would change nothing. She carried on listening to Moody, who got darker and darker the longer he talked. As the meeting drew to a close, Tonks lagged back and kept close to Lupin, even though she wanted to follow Moody and Dumbledore who had gone off talking.

"He said he needs to see us," Lily said to Lupin, with a nervous glance at the room."Dumbledore."

"I'm sure it's nothing to worry about," he assured her, but it was lacking sincerity that Lupin was always full of.

"James says the same thing. I just can't help but not be," Lily confessed, wringing her hands.

Lupin looked across to James, who was busily entertaining Sirius and Peter with some story. He then placed a hand on Lily's.

"You will be okay Lily. I promise."

His blue eyes connected with his green ones, as he willed her to believe him. Tonks felt her stomach drop again. She watched Lupin's hands touch Lily's, and felt them as if they were on her own. How she wished they could be. He stared at Lily like he used to stare at her. Had Lily and Lupin ever had something? It was always a question Tonks had asked in her own mind, but never had she voiced, more because she knew if it were true Lupin would never say it aloud.

The scene dissolved and then Tonks was out in the countryside in the dusk. A flash of green shot over her head and instantly severed the peacefulness of the area. Tonks ducked on instinct. She spun around to find Lupin, shielding a cowering Pettigrew and a woman and two children, as he fought the Death Eater that had been firing killing curses. The scene dissolved to another battle, this time, with Moody, who had his fake eye now, and two people who seemed familiar. Their opponents were shrouded in mist, but jets of green light were coming thick and fast.

"Frank! Duck!" the woman screamed, as a jet of light flew near them.

"Back in the formation, they're re-grouping," Moody yelled.

Tonks saw Lupin grip his wand tighter, the whites of his knuckles appearing.

"Fools," a voice hissed.

The voice made Tonks's hair on her neck stand on end, and instantly she knew who was talking. Voldemort.

"You think you can kill the greatest sorcerer of all time? You cannot kill me."

Voldemort stepped forward through the mist, his red eyes glaring at the couple Tonks didn't know.

"I merely wish for the Longbottoms, it is the only reasons why I came here," he continued.

Tonks could feel her heart pounding, and her anxiety was peaking. Even if she knew it was nothing that could hurt her, the idea of standing metres from Voldemort was something else. He had his wand down by his side, but none of the Order were daring to do so, all of them had theirs raised. They stood in silence, all glaring at each other. Bellatrix almost slithered out of the mist, as did Goyle and Rabastian, but their wands were raised, and looked no-where near as calm as their master. In the stillness, it was Moody who moved, he dove across the ground firing spells at Voldemort, who casually flicked them away, though one hit Goyle directly in the face knocking him off his feet. Voldemort suddenly vanished and reappeared behind Frank Longbottom.

"Run!" Lupin screamed, as he fired spells at Voldemort.

Bellatrix tore after her master, knocking Rabastian over in the process. Frank ducked and weaved through the onslaught of spells as more Death Eaters seemed to appear out of thin air. All the spells were causing the mist to grow, and Voldemort seemed to lose sight of his targets. Frank walked straight into a tall skinny man with a long black goatee and fell backwards, cracking his head on the ground and becoming lifeless. Voldemort finally caught sight of him again. He casually deflected the barrage of spells coming at him and tore after Frank. Tonks spun around to find Lupin and yelled at him to notice Frank, but he already had.

Lupin stunned the two men he was fighting, and slid across the grass to grab Alice. He then disappeared with her, and reappeared next to Frank. Alice was screaming, but Lupin grabbed Frank and twisted into thin air. Tonks was transported instantly to where ever Lupin was going. The noises suddenly stopped, and Tonks looked around. They were at Stone Henge, and the peacefulness was broken by a scream.

"Frank! Frank!" Alice screamed, grabbing her husband and shaking him.

"Alice, he's fine he's just knocked out," Lupin tried to reassure her, flicking his hair out of his eyes.

"Frank!"

Lupin reached out and grabbed her hands, stopping her movement.

"Alice. He's going to be okay, please breathe," Lupin said a little forcefully.

Alice looked paralysed by fear, then suddenly she started crying, and burrowed into Lupin's shoulder. Tonks nearly laughed at his awkwardness, as he patted her once or twice on the shoulder and she murmured things about Voldemort.

"Look," Lupin muttered pointing at Frank.

He had slowly starting stirring, and after a few moments blinking, he sat up, only to barraged by Alice with a hug.

"What happened?" Frank asked scratching his head.

"You were knocked out by Karkaroff," Lupin explained a sympathetic tone.

"And Remus apparated and grabbed me, and then you, as Voldemort came after you," Alice said smiling through her tears.

"Why does he want us?" Frank asked, looking at Lupin.

"I don't know. Dumbledore will want to see you, I think he–"

"He already has," Alice interrupted.

"What?" Lupin asked, looking dumbfounded. "What did he say?"

"That there may come a time when Voldemort would be after us. That we must go into hiding. Frank told him no, and I stand by tha–"

"No!" Lupin said instantly. "You must. You have too. Whatever he says. He is all we have now. If he thinks you're in danger you must."

There was a long pause, and Frank's eyes softened as he stared at Lupin.

"How long since you've seen them?" he asked.

Tonks didn't understand, but Lupin had turned away and was looking up at the half moon.

"Months," Lupin responded.

Alice put a hand on his shoulder.

"Have you heard from them?" She asked softly, her voiced sounding so caring and motherly.

"They write letters, but none of us can visit. Sirius was the only one able to see their wedding," Lupin said.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I know you must miss them."

Lupin turned back to face them, his expression was strong, but his eyes told another story.

"But you must go. Please. Whatever he tells you. We can't lose anyone. You saw Voldemort tonight. He's too good for us," Lupin said desperately.

The scene disappeared and then reformed into a dingy little shack that seemed familiar for some reason. Lupin sat in a room that was covered in scratches, marks and holes, with destroyed furniture litering the floor. The door was bolted with muggle locks Lupin was on the floor, leaning against a bed, a piece of paper in his hands. Tonks sat on the bed behind him, reading over his shoulder.

_Dearest Remus,_

_Thank you so much for Harry's present. I fear that James ate more of the chocolate frogs than Harry did, but he enjoyed them immensely. Sirius's toy broomstick has kept James and I ever so busy, and I'm eternally glad you didn't get anything like that for him. Life here is fairly dull, but our neighbours have kept us company. Mrs Bagshot has been telling more stories, ones even more ludicrous than the ones I told you about in our last letter. Harry seems to be growing more and more by the day. I wish you could see him again, I wish you could all come around in fact. James isn't doing so well, and I must confess, neither am I. Peter hasn't written back to any of our letters, so I hoped you could check on him and make sure he's all right, I worry about him every night. Dumbledore assures us we have to utmost safety here, so I don't worry for us, only for you, Sirius and Peter. Sirius wrote to us about your save of the Longbottom's. You're finally becoming the hero I always told you that you were. Halloween is approaching, so I hope you, Sirius, and Peter manage to do something for it. Dumbledore said the rest of the Order had a meeting that night, so maybe he will entertain you all with the live bats from Hogwarts. That is all I really have to say, very little is happening, so I hope to hear about the adventures you're having. I miss you very much, as does James._

_Love__,_

_Lily__._

The scene reformed again. This time atop a snow covered mountain. Lupin looked battered and bruised, as he untied an owl. He scanned the letter and scrunched it before Tonks could move to read it. The two of them were suddenly transported into a room that Tonks recognised as the room of the first Order meeting. She finally got a view of Lupin, and he looked wired. His eyes were wide, his skin had lost all of its color and he was clutching at his hair, which semed to have gotten greyer. Dumbledore sat at the table his hands folded in front of him. The look on his face did not bode well.

"I'm sorry Remus," Dumbledore said, staring directly at him, his eyes brimming with tears.

"No," Lupin said, shaking his head.

"I'm sorry. There was nothing to be done. They were betrayed by whomever they trusted," Dumbledore explained.

Whatever was left of the colour in Lupin's skin drained. He stared at Dumbledore perhaps wishing for it not to be true, but Tonks knew what had happened without anyone telling her. She knew what had been in that letter.

"No. They can't. It was Sirius, he wouldn't. He can't have," Lupin mumbled, his eyes still boring into Dumbledore.

"I'm sorry Remus," Dumbledore repeated. "Truly, I am."

Lupin collapsed into a chair covering his face with his hands. He looked as if all fight in him had been extinguished. Dumbledore stood instantly, and came over to him, placing a hand on Lupin's shoulder.

The image reformed again. Tonks was back in the dingy room that had the bolted door, this time however it was open, and Lupin sat there, his head still in his hands. Tonks could see tears dripping from his nose. In the distance she could see sparks rising in the air, and the Daily Prophet on the floor had a huge headline about the demise of Voldemort.

Tonks had remembered this night in her own life. She'd been at a party with her neighbours; they were shooting sparks into the air and celebrating. It was one of her first memories of ever seeing magic. Everyone had been so happy and joyful except her parents. Her had been mother crying insde, and now she was finally putting the pieces together as to why.

She turned back to Lupin, suddenly feeling so guilty for ever feeling happy on this night years ago, even though she had not truly understood it then. He didn't move, he just cried into his hands. Tonks sat beside him, tears welling up in her own eyes. Sirius was about to be captured, and Peter would be killed, or at least Lupin would believe so. How much more could this man take. What was left for him? Tonks tried to place a hand on him, but it went straight through him, so she let it hover on where his shoulder would be.

The image reformed to the same room, and Lupin was sitting in the same place, his face now overgrown with stubble and his hair much longer. He looked far worse than he had in any memory so far. He had unbounded wounds that were leaking, and his clothes were completely ripped and torn. The pile of Prophets on the floor was huge, and it was clear he'd been here for weeks, maybe months. Tonks bent down over the papers to see the date of the bottom one.

_1__st__ of November 1981._

Tonks stared down at him, as he stared forward at the wall ahead of him. His wand lay discarded on the floor and he looked like the shell of human being. There was nothing she could see behind his eyes, just emptiness. Tonks stared at him, she couldn't help it. His parents were gone and his best friends, anything he'd ever known as faily. Even Tonks, who knew none of them really, was finding it difficult not to cry at the thought.

She sat next to him, feeling as if the life had been knocked out of her. This is what he meant about suffering. Was this why he would not be with her? Because he did not want to put this on her. If that was true, she understood, he looked to be in more pain than any injury she had ever received. Yet still, she believed him to be foolish. Tonks looked over to him, and rested her hand over his knee.

"I'm going to be there. So you never have to go through anything again. I will be there with you," she whispered, trying not to feel like a bit of an idiot whispering to someone who couldn't actually hear her.

Lupin dropped his head back into his hands, and over time tears slid down his cheeks again. Tonks leant her head on his shoulder, trying to remember what it felt like to really do this. Her head was buzzing with things to say to Lupin, but she wanted to make it stop, she wanted to sit here with him and just be silent. She closed her eyes, and finally, after she stopped her head going a million miles a minute, a voice interrupted.

"Enjoying yourself?"

Tonks's eyes snapped open. Dumbledore stood in front of the door. He looked far more solid than the crying Lupin beside her. She waited to see if Lupin reacted, just to check if Dumbledore was in the memory or real.

"It is the real me," Dumbledore said, a smile on his face. "I never appeared here for him"

"Oh," Tonks said awkwardly. "Why not?"

Suddenly she felt slightly mad at Dumbledore for not looking after him after all of this. Especially when he had been so loyal, and told everyone to follow the rules. Dumbledore had left him out in the depths of misery and never bothered to save him.

"I did not know where he was. No body did I'm afraid," Dumbledore said, gazing down on Lupin with an odd expression on his face.

"But you chose not to look?" Tonks said, trying to fight the bite in her voice.

"Alas no. I felt I had far more important thing to do and my main concern was Harry. From when I received these memories and viewed them, I have felt quite dreadful for forgetting Remus, but I felt my mind was needed elsewhere in such a turbulent point of our history," Dumbledore explained, looking at Tonks.

Tonks suddenly felt quite awkward for accusing Dumbledore of being horrible.

"May I ask why you are here?" Dumbledore said, his tone no longer dark, but lighter.

"I was - well - I'm not entirely sure. I saw the Pensieve and I was curious," Tonks said, looking back to Lupin, her mouth twitching into a frown.

Dumbledore chuckled to himself and then surveyed her, before turning to Lupin.

"He became better soon I assure you."

Tonks didn't say anything, she only nodded, for she knew he'd never truly gotten better. Something in him was always missing and only now did she understand it.

"I feel it is time for us to leave Nymphadora. These are of course Remus's memories, and I do not wish to intrude on them any longer," Dumbledore said, though Tonks knew he meant that she should not intrude on memories that are not hers.

Tonks nodded, before casting a final look to Lupin, who was still buried in his hands, tear drops falling, and then she looked around the room. How the hell do would she get out of here? Dumbledore chuckled again, before answering the look on her face.

"It's a very simple process. Please Nymphadora if you would, place you hand on my forearm."

Tonks did as she was told, and suddenly it felt like she was falling, then she landed on Dumbeldore's office floor.

* * *

The lights were somewhat dimmer than when she left. Tonks quite suddenly felt very awkward standing here after being caught in Lupin's memories.

"Do you have anymore questions?" Dumbledore asked politely, after he finished storing the Pensieve away.

"What did he want with the Longbottoms?" Tonks said quickly.

"Alas, it is to do with prophecy he heard, so none of us will truly know his intentions," Dumbledore said, with a smile.

"What happened to Remus?" Tonks asked, not commenting on the answer she'd been given previously, but pressing on.

"I do not know. I began contact with him a year or so after Lily and James were murdered," Dumbledore explained.

Tonks could tell there was more to the story, but Dumbledore was being evasive and she knew he would not tell her anything out rightly unless she asked the right question. She gave a deep sigh, and Dumbledore smiled at her. There was a level of frankness Tonks could feel coming, but somehow she did not feel embarrassed about Dumbledore knowing. Something felt like he'd known all along.

"Am I an idiot Albus?"

Dumbledore surveyed at her for a moment, the twinkle in his eye returning.

"I have found in my time, that people are foolish enough to retreat from what is the greatest thing for them," Dumbledore said, which did not lift Tonks's spirits at all.

She let out another sigh. A cold swept over her as she remembered how far away Lupin truly was, as being in his memories had him feel closer.

"But," Dumbledore said with emphasis and Tonks looked up at him. "What I have also found is that if what is right for them maintains, they will discover the error in their ways."

There was a long silence as Tonks digested his words. Was Dumbledore telling her to stick with Lupin? Did he want her to be with him? Of all people, did she have Dumbledore's blessing?

"Though I'm sure it is foolish of me to remind you of this, I feel it is prudent to not discuss what you saw in my Pensieve with anyone else," Dumbledore said after a long time.

Tonks gave a little nod and then walked out of Dumbledore's office. As she shut his door, it felt like the weight of the world returned. She slunk of, feeling her heavy burden of sadness weigh her down. For a brief shining moment in Dumbledore's office the hope of gaining Lupin seemed as simple as waiting for him, but Tonks could not wait, she was not patient. And Dumbledore had forgotten that Lupin's mind was resolute. She felt a tear slide down her cheek, but continued walking through Hogwarts, determined at least to finish her job at least.

**To be continued…**


	67. The Serious Ghost

**Why Hello!**

**Bet you didn't expect this now did you? I figured Pottermore and a new chapter would be pretty decent.**

**Fun little chapter that kind of fell out of me but was meant to go in a totally different direction, until I remembered I needed this to happen so Tonks is right for the next chapter. I say right, i certainly don't mean it. Half-Blood Prince nearly done...  
**

**I love hearing your reviews again! Feels so lovely. I truly love you guys and the writng you put up with haha**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 65**

"Remus!" came a voice as Remus Lupin apparated into the confines of The Burrow.

Molly Weasley had obviously been outside when Lupin had appeared. Her eyes were wide, whether in shock or concern Lupin couldn't tell. He began to walk over her, and saw that she had food scraps in her hand for the chickens, which were trying to jump up to get them as she'd frozen in the act of giving it to them. Finally she dropped them and straightened up.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, still looking astonished.

"I've returned," Lupin said, receiving a gentle hug from Molly.

"But look at you," Molly stammered as she let go of him.

"A little worse for wear," Lupin mumbled, trying to smile, but a chicken had just pecked his foot."But here."

"Get away you stupid bird," Molly exclaimed, shooing them with her hands. "Come inside dear, you look like you could do with a nice supper."

* * *

Lupin took his usual post at the kitchen table, with Molly busily creating some kind of a magnificent smelling meal. It warmed him up from the inside. The Burrow was fast becoming a place he felt at home in. Molly placed a bowl of pumpkin soup in front of him, and a plate of crusty homemade bread. Lupin immediately took a spoonful, and instantly it made his mouth salivate.

"It's delicious Molly, thank you," Lupin mumbled between mouthfuls.

He looked up at her, only to find her staring at him very apprehensively. She looked away when they met eyes. Lupin knew his appearance must be worrying her.

"I am okay Molly," he said, putting his spoon down.

"Oh yes, I know," she muttered dismissively as she turned around searching for something to clean.

"Truly I am," Lupin said again.

There was a long silence before Molly turned around again, although this time she had tears in her eyes.

"I know. It's just everything is going wrong, everyone is getting injured, look at you, and my family… t-t-they're all getting h-h-hurt and and and… Ron and …" Molly tried to say, before dissolving into sobs.

Lupin jumped up to talk some sense into Molly, but as he moved towards her launched at him, gripping onto him, and sobbed into his chest. Lupin put his arm around her.

"I know it must be hard Molly, with your whole family involved," Lupin said after a moment.

He wanted to add a 'but' somewhere, yet there wasn't one. He couldn't promise her everything would be okay. He couldn't promise that every member of her family would be safe. He could only hold her as she sobbed.9

"It's just after Ron, it's so hard to hold myself together," Molly mumbled, looking up at Lupin and loosening her grip on his cloak slightly.

"What about Ron?" Lupin asked.

"His poisoning," Molly said dismissively.

"His what?" Lupin exclaimed.

Molly completely let go of Lupin and dabbed at her eyes with tissue.

"He was poisoned at school a few weeks ago. On his birthday. Didn't you hear?" Molly said, her voice still cracking slightly.

"No," Lupin said quickly, feeling stunned. "Is he okay? Who did it?"

"We don't know, but he's fine. Horace Slughorn," Molly gave a glare at mentioning his name as if he was nearby, "offered Ron and Harry a glass of mead. Ron drank it first and then, well, he– "

Molly trailed off, some tears falling down her cheeks again.

"But he's fine?" Lupin asked slowly.

Molly nodded, dabbing at her eyes again.

"The mead was poisoned," Molly muttered.

Lupin nodded. His head going a million miles an hour with possibilities as to why Slughorn would be wanting to poison Ron. Especially given that Slughorn, who adored Lily and had a reputation for having favourites, would surely adore Harry.

"And the bottle was for Dumbledore," Molly continued, with a sniff.

"Somebody wanted to poison Dumbledore?" Lupin said, feeling much more alarmed.

Molly shrugged, dabbing here eyes again and then there was a loud knock to the door.

"Who is it?" Molly said in a shaky voice.

"Alastor Moody. Former Auror and Dark wizard catcher," said a growling voice from the door

Molly immediately moved to the door and began unbolting it.

"Molly. You have to ask the safety question. I could be anyone," Moody growled angrily.

"It doesn't matter, I know you're you," Molly snapped back, clearly this was something that happened often.

"You must not forget an elementary safety measure. I could be Voldemort himself with polyjuice potion," Moody snapped back.

"What did your mother give you on your fifth birthday?" Molly asked exasperatedly, rolling her eyes.

"A snowy white eagle owl from her cousin in Minsk," Moody's voice growled. "Now your question. Did –"

But Molly had already un-bolted the door. Moody stood on the stoop spluttering at her about safety, but Molly was not to be messed with.

"Either come inside or I will lock you out for the meeting," Molly snapped, her emotions obviously running high.

Moody walked through the door mumbling things under his breath, stopping only when he saw Lupin.

"Remus," Moody growled, extending a hand to him.

Lupin shook his hand.

"How have you been?" Moody asked instantly.

"As well as I can be, considering," Lupin said, sitting back down at the table.

"Dumbledore told me of your mission. How has that progressed?"

"Not well I'm afraid. The werewolves are too easily swayed by Fenrir's promises of fresh meat. And he has sent a warning to any of the others who are not swayed, about me, and what he will do to them if they are fraternizing with me," Lupin explained, feeling no where near as much shame as he had telling Dumbledore weeks prior.

Lupin had spent a long time away since his discussion with Dumbledore. His mind had not been made up about whether or not to return for one last chance with the werewolves. What he had discovered is that Dumbledore had been right. The mission had been very daring, and success was a tiny percentage. It had been taken with rash action, and convincing werewolves to leave a group that could promise bodies, and live flesh would never have been possible. Especially not the sort Greyback kept in toe.

"So you are not returning to them?" Molly asked quickly, the delight in her voice at the thought barely hidden.

"I am unsure. Dumbledore has left it up to me," Lupin replied.

Moody looked like he was about to say something, but there was another knock at the door. After more growing's from Moody about safety, and the exchange of questions, Hestia Jones walked in. Quickly followed by Kingsley. Both were delighted to see Lupin. Bill and Arthur arrived together.

"Remus," Arthur cried, moving straight towards him and grasping his hand.

Bill had a similar reaction, and patted him on the back.

"Good to see you back," Arthur said, smiling at Lupin.

"Thank-you," Lupin said. " I promise you I am better than I appear."

The two men shared a brief laugh; admittedly Arthur's slightly more hesitant than Lupin's, before Moody called the meeting Order.

"As custom, any members returning who have news from a mission, please share your information," Moody announced.

All eyes looked to Lupin, who cleared his throat.

"I was instructed by Dumbledore, as some of you may or may not know, to hunt down the werewolves and convince as many as I could to join us. I was unsuccessful at doing so. Voldemort can offer them far more than we can. I was also, in part, a spy for Dumbledore," Lupin explained, ignoring those who flinched at 'Voldemort'. "He plans to use them to bully people into joining him. Just as he did last time. He does not intend to use them in battle, unless they are especially skilled wizards. So, by all accounts, they are no more a threat than any other Death Eater."

A few people smiled at the joke in Lupin's last few words, though he hadn't intended it to be funny.

"Thank you Remus. I have been out in Northern England and I am sad to report that Death Eaters have killed a young family out there. They seem to be targeting families of Aurors. There must be a plant in the department. I have informed Robards, but he refuses to acknowledge it. In any case, any Auror's who are listening to me have allowed us to instill some security to their homes. Andromeda Tonks was of course the first to abide," Moody said, looking at those who knew Andromeda, including Lupin.

"Do we know why it's Auror's familes all of a sudden?" Hesita asked.

"We are guessing, but I imagine that Aurors would not be afraid of risking thmesleves. If you put whomever they love in danger, it may cause them to fold," Kingsley's deep booming voice explained.

"That would explain the Bones's, Abbotts and Derwetts," Arthur added.

"There is nothing that can be done to prevent it?" Molly asked timidly.

"We can only offer protection. But it will always come at the cost of the first victim. We aren't finding out Voldemorts next groups of victims, until he starts on them. Having a spy in his ranks isn't plausible, as Dumbledore says, he keeps his plans to himself more often than not," Moody growled.

"So?" Bill said out of confusion.

"We continue to do as we are instructed," Moody said.

"And if that doesn't work?" Bill asked.

"We approach that as it comes. For now we are making headway. Kingsley, you stopped that Death Eater attacking Podmore's brother didn't you?" Moody asked

Kingsley nodded.

"It isn't foolproof. But I imagine it's all we have for now," Lupin interjected.

The table nodded. Soon the topic changed and then everyone left, leaving Lupin with the Weasleys.

* * *

It had been an interesting meeting. Lupin had been left feeling dismayed. The Order was slowly unravelling. A year ago they were ahead of the Death Eaters, now, they were miles behind. It had left Lupin with a resolution he had been thinking he wouldn't have to do.

"I think I have to return to Greyback," Lupin announced as Arthur, Molly, Bill and himself had tea after the meeting.

"Remus, no," Molly objected instantly.

"I had a feeling you would say that," Arthur said gravely.

Lupin sipped his tea slowly, letting it warm him up again.

"It's very difficult to sit here and hear how much the Order is struggling and not take it upon myself to do more," Lupin explained.

"But I thought you said it was futile?" Molly asked, sounding almost desperate.

"Getting them to our side is futile, but finding out more of Voldemort's plans may not be," Lupin said.

There was silence for a moment or two, and Lupin stared down into his mug of tea. He knew Molly was slightly upset, as she just sank into a chair and look lifeless. Lupin had almost become a child to her he felt, she always worried about where he was, or what he was doing, and wanted him nearby. Lupin was completely flattered by, though felt un-deserving.

* * *

Lupin had only just made it back to his house that night, and awoke the next morning after very little sleep to an owl on his windowsill. It was incredibly impatient, and bit him twice as he tried to untie the letter. The writing was neat, but instantly Lupin knew who it was

_Urgent meeting tonight at 7pm __  
Moody.  
_  
Lupin whiled away the day preparing for his transformation, which was only a few days away

* * *

Despite having had all day to do nothing, Lupin arrived at the Burrow just on time. The rain was coming down hard, so he ran and barged through the back door, after Moody questioned him right down to his scar placement. He took a seat at the table beside Arthur, who patted him on the back, before shaking the rain out his hair. Molly offered him a mug of tea which he accepted gladly as he was freezing. Lupin scanned the table as Moody cleared his throat, he nodded at Hestia, Kingsley and Bill, who all acknowledged him in return.

"I have some very troubling news, though ultimately not surprising for those of us who knew him. Mundungus has been sent to Azkaban," Moody said gravely.

Lupin's head snapped back to Moody, as his eyes had only just began to trail down to Molly to thank her for the tea.

"He what?" Lupin said instantly

"What does this mean? Was it Order related or something to do with his dealings?" Arthur asked.

"He was caught in the midst of a robbery. Dumbledore alerted me by owl but said nothing more. It could be the beginning of the Ministry's attempt to bring in order members if they've been infiltrated. Fudge was keeping tabs on suspected members last year," Moody growled. "So they do have a list."

"It could very easily be an arrest for his burglary as well Moody," Bill said, his tone obviously treading lightly around Moody's paranoia.

"And I highly doubt Mundungus would be the type of person suspected to be in the Order," Hestia added.

"That's true. You your self said you couldn't understand why Dumbledore had let him join, as he was hardly Order material," Arthur chimed in as Moody was beginning to look mutinous.

"It does not stop the issue being that he is an Order member who is now surrounded by Death Eaters. He has never been a for-runner, but some may have known of him if Pettigrew had told them so," Moody growled in a frustrated tone.

Lupin ignored the tiny ripple of goose-bumps that ran over his body at the mention of his old class mate. As much as Moody was being paranoid, Lupin could see his point, perhaps it was because

"Serves him right," Molly barked from the other end of the table.

"It's not that simp– " Lupin froze mid sentence.

As his eyes had travelled down the table to meet Molly's they had stumbled upon a small meek looking brown haired woman. At first go, anyone would have looked over her as she did not seem important, but to Lupin she was. It was Nymphadora Tonks, and he had not seen her in months. Her eyes were locked on him, her beautiful big brown eyes. His mouth was half hanging open as he stared at her, and after a few seconds, he quickly shook his head, after realising everyone was staring at him.

"It's not … ah … that simple," Lupin finished.

"Precisely," Moody growled in agreement.

Lupin dared a glance back at Tonks, but quickly looked away as she was staring at him still. Lupin had a funny feeling she had been staring at him ever since he'd walked in, given that she still had a faint look of shock on her face.

"Do we know anymore about how he was caught?" Kingsley asked.

"Mid robbery was all I was told. But he had a stroke of genius as he was getting captured, as he pretended to be an Inferius," Moody said, rolling his good eye, while the other one darted around at members of the Order.

"That'd be Dung," Bill said with a laugh.

Lupin swallowed hard. The last time he had seen her, she'd unceremoniously chuck him out of her apartment. He had done all he could to distance himself from her. To get her to begin a life without him, and he had expected her to be back to normal by now and part of him was angry with her for still being the way she was. Lupin attempted with all might to pull himself out of thoughts and back into the conversation.

"So with all of that, what do we do?" Arthur asked.

"All of those here who work in the Ministry should try with all their might and courage to get into the records and see what is known about the arrest. Arthur if you can attempt through you department to see what was known about the robbery he was out, as I'm sure it would have involved dark artefacts in the Ministry intercepted. As for the rest of you, you must be careful, and for Merlins sake stay within the law. We do not need another Podmore because of a lack in your personal security. We will meet back same time tomorrow with all the relevant information," Moody added.

The group slowly begin to stand up. Some like Hestia and Kingsley instantly began a hushed conversation, whilst Molly began cooking dinner for her husband and son.

"Staying for dinner Remus?" Molly asked with her back turned to the stove.

Lupin had been trying so hard to avoid looking at Tonks that he nearly missed what had been said to him.

"I … ah … um– " Lupin stammered

Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw the mousy brown head of Tonks walk out the door alone.

"No. Thank-you very much though Molly," Lupin said politely before bidding goodbye to people and trying to leave without anyone noticing who he was leaving after.

* * *

Once the door of the Weasley's had closed, Lupin was hit with the brutal weather. The rain was now bucketing down, but he could see Tonks making her way near Arthur's garage.

"Dora!" Lupin yelled, but she didn't hear.

Lupins looked back at the door of the Burrow and then back out into the rain. He very quickly made his choice. He wrapped his cloak around himself a little tighter and stepped out into the rain. The second the rain hit him, he felt soaking wet. It was obscuring his vision, but he blundered on, still calling out for Tonks, and picking up the pace of his walk as he did so, feeling mud splash up him as he hit puddles. Finally he was near enough and he yelled loud over the rain.

"TONKS!"

She spun around, and Lupin took the last few steps toward her. Her eyes were red, but Lupin couldn't tell if she was crying or not, given that the rain was spilling all over her face.

"Tonks, what are you doing?" Lupin asked loudly over the rain.

"Going home," she said in a hollow voice. "What does it look like?"

"No. Why are you still like this?" Lupin barked at her.

"Like what?"

"Why are you still brown?" Lupin said stupidly.

"Why do you think Remus? What have you done in the last year that could possibly make me not like this?" Tonks yelled.

"Because you shouldn't be like this over me," Lupin yelled, though the rain had just gotten even harder, which hardly felt like that was possible given how Lupin was soaked through to the bone.

"What?" Tonks yelled back.

Lupin looked up, in the haze of the rain, he saw Arthur's garage again. He looked down at Tonks and then to garage. The two of them then moved towards it.

"Alohomora," Lupin said, pulling his wand from his jacket and pointing it at the lock.

It unlocked instantly and the two stepped inside. Lupin shook the water out of his hair and then wiped some of his body down, before Tonks rounded on him. It was only slightly quieter in here, as the rain was bashing down on garage roof.

"What did you say?" She snapped at him, her eyes no longer looking empty, but fierce.

"You shouldn't be behaving this way anymore," Lupin said, trying hard to hold his nerve as her eyes stared through him.

"And why not?"

"Because I'm trying to let you live a normal life. I'm trying to un-burden you from everything I will bring you," Lupin explained calmly.

"And what will you bring me? Aside from happiness and love," Tonks snapped back.

"No. You don't understand. You don't get a happy ending with this Dora," Lupin said. "I've told you that. And I want you to move on. To live a happy life, and that can only happen without me. You can't keep behaving like this."

"Why not?"

"Because you deserve more than this," Lupin said exasperatedly. "I'm too old, too poor, and too dangerous. I can't give you the life you deserve."

"You can't sit there and tell me how to behave. You tried it already. It's you're fault I'm like this, remember?" Tonks spat at him.

"My fault?" Lupin asked, feeling stunned.

"Yes you're fault. You left me. You made me fall in love with you. You've made me this ridiculous thing because suddenly I can't live without you. So yeah, it's your fault," Tonks growled, the very tips of her hair changing into a slightly lighter shade of brown the more she yelled.

"It is not my fault. I warned you. I told you what would happen. I told you to move on, to find someone else," Lupin said, trying to explain his way out of something that was getting hazier by the second.

"Oh yeah, that's fantastic. Make me fall in love with you and let tell me to move on. Real easy there Remus," Tonks said sarcastically.

"You think this is easy for me? You think I want to see you like this?" Lupin said, getting angry like he had when he first locked eyes with her during the meeting.

"Yes I do," Tonks shot back at him, glaring at him.

"You're behaving like a child," Lupin said dismissively.

"And doesn't that just play into your too old theory," Tonks snapped at him. "Poor little Lupin is all upset because of a girl."

"For Merlins sake Dora, could you just be serious," Lupin snapped at her.

It happened in the blink of an eye and every inch of Lupin stopped as it did. Standing directly in front of him, despite the height and some facial features, was Sirius Black. Lupin took a few steps back and hit a table. Tonks switched back, looking angry still, but admittedly pleased with herself, perhaps because her powers had returned for a brief second.

"I'm sorry," she said, not sounding sorry at all. "I was thinking it. I didn't think it would happen."

Lupin was still staring at her, his breathing incredibly shallow and the ghosts of a million memories flying through his head.

"I'm sorry," Tonks said again, sounding sincere this time.

Lupin ran a shaky hand through his hair without realising he was doing it. And Tonks crossed the invisible line of the war and came to comfort him. He felt her hand on his shoulder.

"I didn't know it would work. It hasn't in ages. I'm sorry," Tonks said again.

Lupin shook his head. His breathing slowly coming back to normal, but a wave that had not risen since the previous year was slowly building.

"How have things been with that?" Tonks asked tentatively.

Lupin wanted to spit an angry retort about it being fine until she had made him re-appear from the dead. But he never could. Instead he was honest. More honest than he had ever been with anyone, expect perhaps Dumbledore.

"I nearly laugh," Lupin said slowly, his voice feeling disconnected, his eyes still glued to where Sirius had appeared.

"You what?" Tonks asked

"Everytime I realise I'll never speak to him again, I nearly laugh, because it just seems like the most ridiculous thing," Lupin said, keeping his wave at bay.

Finally Lupin began to gain some feeling in his body. His first thing was to step away from Tonks, and her arm that had been on his shoulder, dropped donw by her side. He saw the fierceness build in her eyes again.

"And that's why you have to do more for yourself than me. I'm not the person who will give you everything you deserve. I cannot."

Lupin glanced up at Tonks, she was looking slightly shocked, and then she started shaking her head.

"No. No you can't just do that. I don't want all those things, I just want you," Tonks pleaded.

The anger boiled back in his stomach, pulling the wave apart instantly.

"This is not a discussion," Lupin uttered, keeping the bite from his voice.

"Yes it is. You don't just get the say here Remus. I'm in this too. And I'm here telling you that I love you. That I will do everything to be with you and be there for you. Because I don't care. I don't want a big house. I don't want someone young, I don't want safety, I want you. It's that easy. And you've told me that you love me, so I know you want me too. So you can't turn your back on this like you've done with other people before," Tonks said fiercely, grabbing the sides of his face as she spoke so he would listen.

Lupin stared at her for a second. He finally knew what he had to do. He knew what could help her eventually. He remembered the conversation that had involved it. He just hated himself for having to do it, because he knew exactly what it would do to her, and the thought alone made him feel slightly sick.

"I don't love you," Lupin said plainly, looking her in the eye and he felt her hands fall.

A rumble of thunder and a crack of lightning was heard, and before Lupin could see the look on her face that he knew would kill him, he turned on heel and he left the garage. The rain hit him instantly, but he walked through it, knowing he deserved whatever punishment nature would give him. Once outside the confines of the burrow, Lupin stopped and twisted into nothingness, hoping the invisible tube feeling could squeeze every bit of shame out of him.

**To be continued…**


	68. The Snide Gargoyle

**Slight delay. My apologies.**

**This delay is caused by none other than a questioning of my skills. I became very aware that I might not be very good at this anymore. **

**Anyway, here it is. Long, but hitting the good parts next chapter! SO excited. Especialy after the fail I call DH2. Rickman = incredible. Kloves = FAIL! Hated the departures from the book in this movie more than any other, no idea why. Was great sure, but what was wrong with the way the book delievered the final fight? The book ending kicked arse! The movie ending = massive anti-climax. Rant over. Sorry.**

**Reviews would be lovely to tell me if I really am as bad as I am now that I've returned!**

**Enjoy,**

* * *

**Chapter 66**

It was like a ghost. A somehow solid, and not forgetting wet, looking ghost. How had he just wandered so casually? Had he forgotten she had existed? That perhaps his presence would not be pleasant when forced upon her so quickly? It was not a lack of appreciation of his presence, but Nymphadora Tonks could not handle seeing him so suddenly when she felt so un-prepared for it.

Remus Lupin shook his hair, and she watched the rain droplets fall out of his hair as if she was a niffler and they were gold. Her mind had gone oddly fuzzy. Even though she registered that Moody was talking about a member of the Order, Dung, being captured, her mind could focus on nothing but the werewolf sitting down the table from her. She was utterly transfixed in the most heartbreaking way. Then came the low horse voice she hadn't heard in weeks. It drifted through her ears, fogging her mind even further.

Slowly his eyes came her way. Time stood still. They were as deep as she remembered, and expanding slightly at the sight of her. Then the light in them extinguished and they flicked away. He choked on his own words, perhaps having a similar reaction to her presence that she had had about his. His eyes flicked back to her only for a brief second and then they never returned. He was resolutely not looking at her, and she was resolutely staring at him.

He looked just as grey, lined and tired as ever, and though part of her burned with anger at the sight of him, given all he had caused her, another part just ached. There was a brief moment that Tonks had felt the stare of someone else, and she turned to see Moody's magical eye upon her. He knew. She had assumed it for a while and yet, he had not spoken to her about her, all he seemed to do was stare at her with sympathy. Or perhaps pity, Tonks couldn't tell the difference anymore.

People were rising out of their seats before Tonks had realised the meeting was over. She stood slowly, noticing the Lupin had disappeared. She was about to turn to the door, when she felt someone sidle up to her.

"How is the mission Dora?" Moody growled.

"Fine," Tonks mumbled, not quite meeting his eye.

"That's good. Is Dumbledore there this evening?" Moody asked.

Tonks finally met his non magical eye. It was a lie. Tonks knew Moody would know if he was. The man had obviously wanted to check up on her, or perhaps he wished to say something but didn't quite know how.

"I'm not too sure. He comes and goes," she replied, attempting to smile but giving a pained looking grimace instead.

"Right. Yes," Moody growled awkwardly.

Tonks felt a hand land on her shoulder. She looked up and saw that it was Moody's, he had a strange look on his face, half awkward and half pitying. He tapped her a few times, and then turned away. Tonks took a deep breath and glanced around. No one seemed to be looking at her, and her heart was clenched at the thought of Lupin appearing in front of her, so she took the moment to duck outside unseen.

* * *

The rain was still coming down hard. If anything Tonks thought it had gotten harder since she'd arrived. She braved a step into it and found herself soaked through the second she stepped into it. She continued the walk up the driveway, and though she thought she heard someone yelling, she kept walking, knowing it was probably the wind and she shouldn't get her hopes up that someone had come running after her. No one came for her anymore. Her eyes burned with the thought, but she refused to let her tears spill down her cheeks. She had just gotten near the garage, struggling as she walked, when a loud noise stopped her.

"TONKS!"

She spun around, and her eyes nearly fell out of her head. Lupin was standing in front of her, half obscured by the rain, his cloak wrapped tightly around him, but he was soaked as well.

"Tonks, what are you doing?" He yelled at her over the rain.

Tonks creased her brow at him. Was he really that daft?

"Going home. What does it look like?" Tonks muttered, trying to sound offhand.

Her heart was clenched again. Here he was, right in front of her. He'd followed her. Did he enjoy watching the pain he caused?

"No. Why are you behaving like this?" Lupin yelled back over the rain.

"Like what?" Tonks spat back at him.

Suddenly the sadness was being engulfed with anger. How dare he comment on her lifestyle like this. Especially when he was the cause of it all. He suddenly looked slightly awkward, as if he was aware where the anger had come from.

"Why are you still… brown?" Lupin asked stupidly.

Tonks stopped for a second and stared at him. Her eyebrow creased even further. He really was daft.

"Why do you think Remus?" Tonks spat at him again. "What do you think has happened in the last year the could possibly make me like this?"

The rain had gotten heavier and she had yelled the last part of her finely crafted retort at him even louder than before. She saw Lupins lips move, but only heard a few words.

"What?" Tonks yelled back.

Lupin opened his mouth once more and then closed it. Tonks watched him look towards Arthur's garage, and was instantly relieved to see it. They marched towards it, Lupin unlocking it, and stepped inside. The noise dimmed slightly, but the sound of the rain on the roof was still loud enough that Tonks knew she'd have to shout slightly still.

"What did you say?"

"You shouldn't be behaving this way anymore," Lupin stuttered, almost shying away from her stare.

"Why not?" Tonks shot back, keeping all the contempt in her voice as she could.

Something told her that the angrier she got, the less hurt she would appear. Foolish or not, it was what she was attempting to do. Her heart told her to stop yelling, stop the contempt and grip onto him for dear life, but she'd stopped listening to it a long time ago.

"Because you deserve more than this," Lupin replied with a sigh. "I'm too old, too poor, and too dangerous. I can't give you the life you deserve."

There had been a time when Tonks had heard this, and it had melted her heart. It had been the night he had left her before his mission began. Now, it only made something burn in the pit of her stomach.

"You can't stand there and tell me how to behave. You've tried that already. It's your fault I'm like this remember."

"My fault?" Lupin said sounding stunned.

"Yes. You're fault. You left me. You made me fall in love with you. You've made me this ridiculous thing because suddenly I can't live without you. So yeah, it's your fault," Tonks growled back at him

She had expected him to shy away from the fight again as she stared him down, but for the first time he didn't. He fought back.

"It is not my fault," Lupin said slowly, giving Tonks the sense it was building somewhere important. "I warned you. I told you to move on, to find someone else."

"Oh yeah, that's fantastic. Let me fall in love with you and then tell me to move on. Real easy, Remus," Tonks spat, trying hard to fight the hurt that was escaping in her voice.

Again she expected him to shy away as he always did when her hurt came to the surface, but he stood his ground again, causing Tonks to wonder exactly what was going on. Or at least, she would have wondered that if she hadn't been so furious at him for his feeble excuses.

"You think it's easy for me? You think I want to see you like this?" Lupin snapped, anger entering his tone of voice for the first time.

"Yes I do," Tonks snapped back, meeting his glare.

They stared at each other for what felt like days.

"You're behaving like a child," Lupin finally uttered dismissively, looking away.

Tonks felt like the fire in her stomach burn. She felt the urge to hex him, to the point where her hand actually twitched beside the pocket her wand was in.

"And doesn't that just play right into your too old theory," Tonks muttered icily at him.

Her tone didn't go unnoticed. He looked back up at her, his mouth open as if he was going to respond, but then he shut, obviously deciding the grown up thing to do was to not respond. Tonks couldn't help herself anymore, weeks and months of frustration were peaking, she wanted, or she needed, to keep going, even if it was petty.

"Poor little Lupin is upset because of a girl," Tonks mocked, feeling very unlike herself, and more like another woman she despised, one who happened to be family. Lupin looked up, his features sharp.

"For Merlins sake Dora, could you just be serious?" Lupin half snapped at her.

It had happened in an instant. She felt the tingle down her body, the tingle she had been so unable to experience for months. Her feelings had been so strong at that moment, so hurt, so angry, that only person who had enter her mind was Sirius Black. Lupin's whole body seemed to freeze, and his eyes brimmed with fear. She glanced at the car and saw Sirius Black half reflected back at her. Her heart clenched once more, and all the feeling of anger evaporated instantly, as did her recent appearance change. Lupin was looking like he'd seen a ghost, which admittedly was true. He looked more like the Lupin she had seen in Dumbedore's pensieve grieving for Lily and James. Guilt filled her, horrible burning guilt.

"I'm sorry," was all she could mutter at him, trying to fight her own emotions. "I was thinking it, I didn't think it would happen. I'm sorry."

The guilt was burning in her stomach as Lupin stared at her. Through his eyes were still frozen, she could see memories cascading down upon him. Without a care or barely even a thought, she moved across and placed a hand upon him. Hoping comfort would stop his horrible look, and stop her emotion. Instantly upon touching him, her mind hazed over. She felt her mouth move and utter a question, but she was strangely detached from her own body. His voice as he responded issued a calm over her that she had not had in months. In a snap it vanished, as Lupin stepped away from her. Her anger smashed back down upon her as she gazed at him, once again distancing himself.

"And that's why you have to do more for yourself than me," Lupin explained, not quite meeting her eyes. "I'm not the person who can give you everything you deserve. I cannot."

Tonks stared at him as his words crashed over her. How could he just not get it? Why was he still spouting all of this stuff? Didn't he understand? Tonks began shaking her head, the only reaction she could make as a cloud of such confusion settled over her.

"No," Tonks said aloud. "No you can't just do that. I don't want all those things. I just want you."

Embarrassing, revealing, whatever someone would name it, it was still true to Tonks. She'd live in a cave with him, she didn't care, as long as he was there. His eyes found her again, suddenly there was determination in them, something she hadn't seen for a long time.

"This is not a discussion," Lupin said curtly.

"Yes it is," Tonks protested, as she grabbed the sides of his face, physically forcing him to listen. "You don't just get the say here Remus. I'm in this too. And I'm here telling you that I love you, that I will do everything to be with you and will always be there for you. Because I don't care. I don't want a big house. I don't want someone young, I don't want safety, I want you. It's that easy. And you've told me that you love me, so I know you want me too. You can't turn your back on this like you've done with other people before."

Tonks held him for a second or two more, and then let him go. She stared at him, deep into his eyes. Praying, wishing, hoping, doing everything she could to make him listen to her this time. She could barely stand the thought of him leaving her again. They were right for each other. Tonks knew that. It was just about convincing him, like Dumbledore had said. Lupin's eyes searched her face, but she didn't know what for. He glanced away for a moment, and Tonks felt like he was composing himself. As he glanced back, Tonks was reminded very sharply of Snape, behind Lupin's eyes was nothing.

"I don't love you," Lupin said, his eyes boring into hers.

Before Tonks could even take a breath, before she could move, Lupin was turning away. It all seemed to happen in slow motion. Pain burned fiercely in her chest, as she watched him slowly walk out of the garage, and more appropriately, walk away from her. Thunder cracked overhead, but again Tonks felt completely detached from herself. It was as if she was watching Lupin leave from a long way away. She wanted to cry out, to stop him, but she felt like she'd just be pierced by something and it's poison was working through her veins.

The pain had started in her heart, but it was searing down through her stomach, even making her eyes burn ferociously. She heard the door snap shut, and then, like a tap, tears spilled down her cheeks. She put a hand out on Arthur's workbench to steady herself. She felt like she was falling through time. Somehow she had adjusted herself to the idea that things were getting better for the two of them, but she was wrong. She felt more wrong than she ever had in her entire life.

* * *

Tonks didn't remember leaving the Burrow that night, nor how she got home, she vaguely remembered coming home, going to her bedroom, and curling into a ball on her bed fully clothed. She did not sleep a wink that night. She had stared at the wall, facing away from her window. She didn't even remember breathing. All she could really remember, was trying to find away to pick up the pieces of herself again. She tried to re-build the barrier. To disconnect from herself. To try as hard as she possibly could to just survive again. It took numerous goes to get out of bed in the subsequent days. Every time the words came back to her. Quick, sharp, falsely tender and brutally fatal.

_I don't love you_

And every time she heard them, she fell to pieces again. It was a miracle, Tonks thought, that those words hadn't stopped her heart on the spot. They were painful enough. Every time they reverberated through her head she had to spend the next few moments just trying to gather herself together. Tonks gave a loud sigh as she lay on her bed, two weeks later, life was impossible again.

* * *

Tonks had no idea how much time had passed, or how many shifts she'd done at Hogwarts, or office hours at the ministry, all she knew, was that she was existing. It came as a complete shock that upon returning home one night that she was greeted by a patronus, Kingsley's, warning her of an Order meeting that night. She walked into her bedroom, removing her work robes, and throwing on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Her eyes brushed over her usual bright, loud shirts, but that was all they received. She hadn't worn them for months and she wasn't anywhere near able to start. It felt like that part of her was long gone. She slammed the draw of her wardrobe shut and had to fight very hard to stop the wave of sadness engulfing her. It was like a reality had smacked her hard in the face with those simple words

_I don't love you._

Tonks had to steady herself again. She was so angry, at herself, at Lupin, and at the part of her that just kept hoping, no matter how hard she tried to let go. Tonks brushed the tears off her cheeks, and walked out of her flat. She moved off into the safe spot, and apparated into the space just off the entrance to the Burrow.

* * *

Once the suffocating was over, Tonks opened her eyes. The Burrow stood like a shining beacon just ahead of her, but her eyes slid to its left, to the garage. She had a new place that hurt just upon seeing it. It would be a lie to say Tonks had not thought about the implications of seeing Lupin tonight. She wondered if it would wound her just enough to deal the final blow. But after days of sadness, of grief, of maddening loneliness, Tonks had learnt to lock that thought in the back of her mind. The haze that seemed to follow her was a great assistance, but still, Lupin's dark blue eyes staring at her felt like something she woulnd't be able to block out forever. She finally dragged her eyes back from the garage and began to walk to the Burrow, stopping only to kick a gnome that had stolen one of the chicken's eggs and was running through the field excitedly; with it held over his head. She knocked on the door, answered her usual questions, and was greeted by a smiling Molly.

"Tonks dear," Molly said, greeting her with a swift hug.

"Hi," Tonks grimaced.

A quick glance behind Molly, told Tonks she was slightly late, as the group was already settled into seats with mugs in front of them. Tonks scanned the group, with a half relieved and half oddly disappointed feelings, she found no dark blue eyes staring back at her. She dropped into her seat, and gave a quiet sigh as the group began speaking. Had she been hoping her was there? No. That was the truthful answer, but this absence meant more. He always disappeared and that was easily the most frustrating part about him. Whenever something happened, something big, between the two of them, he always left. As if he sensed he had retribution coming.

"… Remus has sent in a disturbing report from Greyback," Moody's voice said, the name breaking Tonks from a daze that had her staring at the table and play with her cuticles.

"Greyback has stepped up to a new level. He has now bitten children to attack their parents," Moody said gravely.

Molly made a noise of fear, whilst many people around the table suppressed a shudder. It was entirely fearful and completely disgusting at the same time.

"Was their mention of whether he'd been used?" Molly asked nervously.

"No. The assumption, from the way it was written, is that he was with them. Dumbledore had told me that Lupin's lack of success comes from his want to not get involved with them, so I'm unsure of what this news means," Moody explained.

Tonks swallowed the sickening feeling she was having. She knew Lupin, at least she thought she knew him, but he was not capable of what Greyback did. He had always protested he was just as much a monster of them, but he would not do this. He was not cruel, or vicious, she knew that, or did she? Lupin had been cruel to her. Tonks glanced up and found Molly's eyes were upon her, looking troubled, mirroring exactly how she felt.

"He wouldn't have done anything like that dear," Molly cooed as she made tea for Tonks after the meeting had wrapped.

Tonks merely shrugged.

"He can be cruel when he wants to be," Tonks muttered.

"I would say he just found out through rumor," Molly said, sounding as though she was saying it out loud to reassure herself. "That poor family. That poor little boy."

Tonks didn't say anything. She wasn't quite sure why Lupin joining the werewolves and following their ways was suddenly a cause for concern, perhaps in previous meetings she had missed something.

"Are you okay dear?" Molly asked.

Tonks glanced up at her and she was smiling hopefully back. Tonks quickly looked back down to her mug of tea.

"I'm as okay as I will ever be," Tonks sighed.

"Did you two get a chance to talk at the last meeting?" Molly asked, the same nervous tone she had used to ask Moody about Lupin earlier.

The words reverberated in her ears again.

_I don't love you._

Her eyes instantly welled up, but she blinked it away. It was like a wound that would not heal. All along she had believed he still loved her, that he was just doing this because he was stupid, that one day he would see the error in his ways, but his tone had changed that. The way he had spoken to her, the way he had spat words at her seemed so unlike the man she had loved, that she had even wondered over the last few weeks whether the monster inside had gotten a better hold of him. Her one light on a newly dark horizon had extinguished with four words.

* * *

Another shift at Hogwarts loomed high above her. Strangely she looked forward to it. She could escape from her life and exist in a different world at Hogwarts. As much as it did not stop her thinking about him, at least she had purpose for a day. She arrived very early on the Sunday morning, greeted by a lovely spring day that almost seemed to make fun of her current state.

"Mornin' Tonks," came a happy voice.

Tonks spun around and spotted Hagrid, a Thestral over his shoulder.

"Hi Hagrid," Tonks said, no hint of smile as per usual.

Hagrid creased his brow at her for a moment before continuing.

"What yeh doing 'ere?" Hagrid asked.

"Duty. For the aurors," she explained. "What happened?"

Hagrid was looking at her so carefully it took him a minute to realize she meant the dead Thestral in his arm.

"Oh, tha, well not sure. Musta died. Bit old this one. Was goin' to take it up to tha caves for me broth– " Hagrid stopped speaking mid-word and went quiet for a moment, wiping his forehead with his great sized hands. "How yeh been anyway?"

Tonks turned away from him, and saw the Three Broomsticks.

"I've been okay," Tonks lied.

Hagrid gave her another scrutinizing look that let her know he was trying to suss out why on earth she was so different. It was the same look she got from everyone. It was the hair. People expected her to be something and suddenly she wasn't.

"I better go Hagrid. See you soon, hopefully," Tonks said, trying to smile at him to stop the look, but failing.

She walked slowly towards the Three Broomsticks, dragging her feet across the cobblestones. She was nearly at the entrance of the pub before she heard Hagrid finally walking away.

Tonks entered, aiming to go to her room, but ran into Proudfoot and Sherwood on her way. Today involved far more Aurors than usual, as the sixth years had Appartion lessons.

"We're over-staffed Nymphadora. Dawlish is here as well," Proudfoot said stopping beside her.

"Couldn't find Dumbledore again?" Tonks said smartly.

Proudfoot glared at her before continuing on.

"As I was saying. We won't need you today at Hogsmeade. So you're designated to Hogwarts by yourself," Proudfoot finished, turning to leave before Tonks could even protest.

* * *

The words, the four simple words seemed to bounce off all the walls as she strolled through the corridors. Student passed her occasionally, none of them really acknowledged she was there, which suited her fine. How she wished she was a student here again. Running carefree through the corridors, dropping dungbombs, laughing with friends, watching Quidditch, even in classes. The Castle was filled to the brim with memories, happy ones, compared to the memories that filled her mine.

_I don't love you_

Tonks winced as she heard it again. It was like a well-aimed jinx that seemed to cripple her everytime she remembered it. Snape had been right. She was weak and pathetic. She was desperately in love with a man who did not love her. It didn't matter what anyone else said, no one could make her believe anything else. She stopped dead still as she passed a statue, an idea had come to her mind. Dumbledore. She could speak to him. He had made her feel better the last time; perhaps he could do something to lift her own haze of depression again. Another brighter idea popped into her brain, Dumbledore would know if Lupin had been involved. Dumbledore kept in contact with him regularly.

* * *

Tonks made it to the Gargoyle without any interference, except her own clumsiness as she'd tripped over her own laces twice.

"I need to see Dumbledore," Tonks said to the Gargoyle.

"He's out," it replied in it's own high-pitched voice.

"When's he back?" Tonks asked, but the statue did not respond.

The sadness began to creep in again, as the determination flitted out like a light inside her. Tonks looked across at the stone-wall and sighed loudly. She began to walk, not caring where she would go. It wasn't until she realized where she was that part of her thought it wasn't a bad place to be. She'd made her way up to the seventh floor, as if her feet had carried her there. Perhaps she could find the room that housed the Mirror of Erised again. She was like a glutton for punishment at this point, especially when punishment would allow her to see something she missed. She turned the corridor into the hallway it was on, and began a walk towards it when a voice stopped her.

"OUCH!"

Tonks looked up ahead and saw Harry appear out of no-where, clutching his right foot in the air, half balancing.

"Harry?" she asked quietly.

Harry spun around very quickly, and instantly toppled over. Tonks didn't even have the urge to laugh at his pirouette looking fall, which didn't surprise her; she merely kept walking towards him.

"What are you doing here?" Harry asked quickly, trying to hide the embarrassment as he scrambled to his feet.

"I came to see Dumbledore," Tonks explained.

There was a brief silence. Tonks felt Harry's eyes scanning her before he spoke.

"His office isn't here. It's round the other side of the castle, behind the gargoyle– "

"I know," Tonks mumbled, glancing away, trying to fight an strange feeling bubbling up inside her. "He's not there. Apparently he's gone away again."

"Has he?" Harry asked as he placed his foot on the ground with a painful wince. "Hey – you don't know where he goes, I suppose?"

"No," Tonks said flatly, still glancing away and fighting the strange feeling she was having.

"What did you want to see him about?" Harry asked hesitantly.

"Nothing in paticular," Tonks mumbled, trying to divert her attention from anything but the thoughts in her brain of Lupin attacking people. "I just thought he might know what's going on… I've heard rumors … people getting hurt."

Tonks tried to fight the images that burned into her mind as she stood talking to Harry, but it was proving to be a losing battle, especially considering Harry was talking about the one event that kept bringing Lupin to the forefront of her mind.

"Yeah, I know, it's all been in the papers. That little kid trying to kill his– "

"The prophet's often behind the times," Tonks muttered dismissively as she blocked out what he saying.

It was then her eyes snapped back to Harry. An idea popped back. Harry may keep in contact with them. Lupin had always said he liked Harry. Was there harm in trying?

"You haven't heard from anyone in the Order recently?" Tonks asked.

"No one from the Order writes to me … "

She didn't even hear the rest of the sentence. The mention of the Order had sparked it again.

_I don't love you_

Instantly she felt her eyes well up. She didn't understand him anymore. She was so wounded and just so tired that everything was painful now. Even Harry reminded her of him. Tonks glanced back, unaware that Harry was still talking. She half disappeared from herself and Harry seemed to have noticed as he'd stopped talking.

"What?" she croaked, very quickly desiring to disappear from view as the burning pain was increasing in her stomach. "Well… I'll see you round Harry."

* * *

It was only when Tonks noticed how few rainy days there had been that she realized just how much time had passed since her encounter with Harry. Her days were kept by Hogwarts patrols, Auror meetings at the Ministry and Order meetings at the Burrow. In the last few weeks, she had heard little of Lupin nor seen him. She struggled on each day. No one had failed to notice her strange behavior, but most did not attempt to acknowledge it. All except for Molly. After each order meeting she had made sure to keep Tonks back for tea and attempt to find out why she was so down, and most times Tonks had been able to refuse without adding guilt to her long list of feelings. It had been the latest meeting where Tonks was finally unable to avoid it.

"Tonks, please," Molly said in a completely motherly tone that let Tonks know she could not escape without feeling something. "Please tell me what is troubling you so much."

Tonks stared at her from her seat at the table. She glanced at the pots scrubbing themselves behind Molly, the wonderful clock, and the numerous artifacts that cluttered the already cramped kitchen. All of these things showed a life, a love between two people and a family. Something that was so beyond Tonks. Something she couldn't have, because she only wanted one man, she only loved one man, and he did not love her. He did not want the life that was reflected back to her in the Weasley's kitchen.

"It's Remus," Tonks muttered finally, as she could not contain the heartbreak any longer.

Her eyes welled up, and tears slid down her cheeks just at the mention of his name. Molly slid her hand across the table and grabbed Tonks' hand, squeezing it hard.

"What did he do?"

It may have been an odd question, especially when Tonks had been in this state for so long, but perhaps, as she feared, her latest state was even worse than she had been previously. Perhaps she finally bore new wounds.

"After his final meeting before he left, he caught me outside, and he told me that we… that i… that he didn't… "

Tonks couldn't carry on, but Molly did not attempt to push her, or even speak, she just squeezed her hand. Tonks couldn't believe just how difficult it was to say it aloud.

"He said he didn't love me," Tonks admitted after a long pause with more tears sliding down her cheeks.

It was like hearing it come from his lips again. She had always known, always relied on the fact that no matter how bad it got, he still loved her. Even he had said so. But now, she had no safety net, nothing to comfort her or reassure her. Tonks glanced up at Molly through watery eyes. Molly was biting her lip, as if she wanted to say something but could not.

"I don't know if it's the right thing to tell you dear, I really don't. Part of me wants you to be happy, and another fears that he will never come around so moving on is best, but I can't help myself." There was long pause. "I do not see that man as doing anything but being in love with you," Molly said cautiously.

Tonks blinked a few times then looked up at Molly.

"But he said it Molly. He said it right to my face," she muttered back.

Molly squeezed her hands again as Tonks' eyes tried to slip away.

"Tonks he cares for you, deeply. That is obvious. What remains is whether he will tell you," Molly said, half a smile on her face.

"But he did tell me. He said he didn't love me," Tonks said, her voice getting the tiniest tinge of bite as Molly shook her head.

"Tonks dear, he cares for you, he sat by your bed last year at St Mungo's instead of mourning his friend. He waited to see if you were well before he could move on. His entire time, with everyone in his life is about making sure they are better than he," Molly explained carefully, losing the smile. "Don't you see? He cares for you above any other. I can see it in the way he looks at you. Even Arthur has said so."

Tonks blinked up at Molly again. Was it possible?

"So you think he said it so I would move on?" Tonks asked slowly

"I cannot say for sure, but I'd bet our last galleon on it," Molly smiled, "and that's saying something."

Tonks nearly felt herself smile at the joke. What if she was right? What if Lupin had said it to distance himself? So that she would finally move on under the misconception that he didn't love her anymore. It made sense. Well, it would have made sense in the backwards mind of Lupin. Molly squeezed her hand again, causing Tonks to look back at her. Again she looked nervous.

"I just think, even saying all of that, that, well, I'm not too sure how to say this, but maybe dear, you should start to move on," Molly said cautiously.

"What so you mean? Tonks asked, furrowing her brow. "You don't think he'll come around?"

"I don't know what he's thinking Tonks dear, but perhaps keeping your life on hold for that moment may not be the best idea. Maybe it's time to start to get back to being you," Molly said softly.

Tonks could tell she was doing everything in her power to tread lightly around the issue. She attempted a smile at Molly, but judging from the response it looked more like a painful grimace.

"Come here dear," Molly said, smiling warmly at Tonks.

She pulled her into a big hug, and then, after a big thank you for allowing a miserable version of herself to mope around, Tonks was on her way.

* * *

Time was still passing its haze. Tonks now measured time in the number of Hogwarts patrols she had. 5 patrols meant a fortnight had passed. So her time seemed to dwindle, but all along, Tonks had not forgotten what Molly had said. Her absolute depression had lifted, Molly had set her straight on that one thing, Lupin did love her. Still, the cloud lingered, it was like it would not lift until something was solved, and she had no idea what it was, she just knew something was missing from her. She used to associate the absence with Lupin, but now she wondered if it were more. Was Lupin the solution? Should he be the solution?

As much as it all made sense to her that he wasn't the be all and end all, part of her, the part she viewed as petulant child crossing it's arm and stamping it's feet, screamed that it was only him. So the cloud would not leave no matter how much fun she had. The Apparation test in Hogsmeade that gave her a glimpse of Ron and Hermione in beautiful vision of awkward teenage flirtation and the two oafs who looked exactly like their Death Eater fathers, would have been her idea of a great time a year ago, as all the aurors were together, which meant Kingsley, but she had been her quiet self.

She had asked Kingsley about Lupin,.They had been sitting on a fence on the outskirts of Hogsmeade, as Kingsley had rigged it for the two of them to be together on that particular duty. She had suspected the amount of time Kingsley had been spending with her to be the work of Molly. He had his earring in that day, which meant he was off his Prime Minister duty.

His deep voice was as reassuring sounding as ever, but nothing really seemed to soothe Tonks. Still, he had heard nothing from Lupin. There was no answer to her questions about him, or whether the overwhelming amount of werewolf attacks had involved him. The knowing look in his eye when she asked of Lupin had faded months ago, as it had with a lot of people, as they all knew now. Tonks had been absent-mindedly skimming rocks with her wand as she had spoken to him, her mousy brown hair covering her face and covering the tears.

Her hair reminded her of Lupin. It was the one thing that gave the petulant child in her proof that Lupin was what was missing. When he had been around, it had changed. Of course it had changed to Sirius, and she would never forget the look on Lupin's face that day, nor how guilty she still felt. He did something to her. Something, that as much as she wanted to listen to Molly, stopped her doing so. As hard as she tried, as hard as she fought and battled with herself, she could not be who she was, because she did not know how to be her anymore. As twisted as it was, she didn't know how to be herself without him.

* * *

"Tonks," a voice screeched.

Tonks slowly opened her eyes. An extremely difficult day had lead to a nap, and surprisingly enough she had actually slept, but it felt like nowhere near enough. Her eyelids were still heavy and began to close again, forgetting why they had opened in the first place

"Nymphadora Tonks," the voice screeched again.

Tonks recognized the voice this time as Savage. She took a deep breath, swallowing the hate she had for the man. Her eyes opened and she stood up, feeling groggy from tiredness. She passed her window to see the fully illuminated castle of Hogwarts. It was dark now, and she had fallen asleep in the daylight. Her hand touched the cold door handle and she opened the door. Savage looked as grumpy and impatient as always. He gave her the once over with his eyes, barely hiding the indifference from his face.

"You're needed at the castle. Dumbledore's office. You're on patrol by yourself on his orders," Savage growled. "Sherwood and I are going back to the Ministry. We got an owl."

He turned and left without even giving her time to respond. Tonks turned back to her bed, looking at it longingly, but moved to her beside table and grabbed her wand, placing it in the backside pocket of her jeans. Dumbledore tended to put her on duty by herself when he was leaving the castle, so there had been no second thought as Tonks walked through the chilly night air on her way to Hogwarts. Her day had not been the greatest. Another report of a werewolf attack on a young family had popped up in the _Prophet. _Those days, the days they were mentioned, were difficult. She would see him everywhere. The petulant child began stamping its feet again, crying out for him, and not even a delicious lunch from Rosmerta could silence it.

* * *

Tonks stood at gargoyle for a moment and gave a big yawn.

"I can see into your stomach with a mouth that big," the gargoyle said in a snide tone.

"I'm tired," Tonks spat back. "Acid Pops."

It moved aside and Tonks marched up the stairs, her brain absent from tiredness. As Tonks reached the top of the stairs and put her hand up to knock on the door, she froze. She could hear voices. Familiar ones. She pushed open the door without knocking.

"Ah, Nymphadora, perfect timing," Dumbledore's voice said after a moment.

Tonks looked around the room. She spotted Bill, but she'd known he was there, as it had been his voice she had recognized. She could feel that somebody was staring at her to her left, and her eyes snapped in the direction. Her insides clenched and her heart leapt into her mouth. Dark blue eyes stared hungrily at her. Remus Lupin's dark blue eyes.

**To be continued...**


	69. The Phoenix's Last Song

**So much writing!**

**This chapter is huge! My deepest apologies! I underestimated how much writing the book stuff would be, so the start is longer than it should have been! I hope you enjoy!**

**This was really difficult to write, mainly because the Hospital wing is such a Tonks moment! And Lupin is only really mortified. I'm sorry if you dislike the ending, but I see them getting together another way. The next chapter may fix discontent!**

**Reviews are seriously amazing! And I had 10,000 views the other day, truly terrifying! You people amaze me!**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 67  
**

Weeks had passed. Weeks of rain, of cold, and of course of excruciating pain. Greyback had been ruthless. Almost upon appearing back in the mountains, Greyback had found Remus Lupin. The attack on him was brutal. Greyback's thirst for blood was even more insatiable than Lupin had remembered. Greyback had said it was punishment and then attacked. Lupin had been counting on one thing, that the offer to join Greyback's ranks was still on offer. He had always told Lupin a man of his rank would do well, he hoped he still believed it, especially given all the defiance Lupin had shown him. He travelled for days trying to find them, finding instead a different colony, who, upon telling them of his return and want to join Greyback, accepted him and fed him. He sat hunched on a rocky wall, alone, writing on a piece of tattered scroll.

"I know you," a voice grunted from his left.

Lupin looked up, the man seemed oddly familiar in a way he couldn't quite figure out.

"We met at St Mungo's. After my infection," the man said.

"Oh yes, we did," Lupin said. "How have you been?"

"Better now that we're with Greyback. How are you finding things with him?"

Lupin looked at the man as he sat beside him. He had gained a slightly hunched back, but Lupin remembered he had only seen him in a bed. His hair had turned darker, and he had a very tired looking demeanour about him, though all werewolves in human form did. Lupin wondered how this man's appearance had changed. Lupin had never experienced it, only his hair seemed to grey, and the scars, but they were his doing.

"He is not so accepting of me. We have had dealings in the past. However I am hoping they can be forgiven," Lupin said, ignoring the resentment that began as he said the words.

"He will accept everyone who is our kind. His plans for us are monumental. A whole society of werewolves, not to be judged, or tormented, it will be a haven. My own parents have disowned me now," the man growled, the anger in his voice unmistakeable.

"I thought you had disowned them?" Lupin asked.

"Yes I had. Told them I wished for them to move on without me. My mother has been ostracized from her social groups, and friends, so I have been informed she admits that I am no son to her after what I have become."

Lupin felt sorry for the man. He had done the right thing, but to know those he had loved did not love him was heartbreaking, and no matter the anger the man said the words with, hurt was clearly an undertone in his voice. A stab of guilt reminded him of Tonks. He thought how horrid it would feel to not have her love for him. It had been a comfort on some of the hardest nights of the year. It was then he had remembered what he had told her, and realised this man and he were in the same boat.

"Over the last two years I have found people to be more accepting. I had hopes for people then. I feel not all is lost," Lupin said slowly, very clearly thinking of the night he had told Tonks of the affliction, the tears of hers he had wiped away. She had called him a better man. Few people had called him that.

"I have found nothing but hatred and disgust," the man said back. "Until I met Greyback. I do not enjoy doing he bidding for Voldemort, but it is necessary."

"What have you done?"

"On the last full moon I was taken to a house by Greyback and made to attack the youngest boy of a family. As it was my first human attack, I found out the following morning I had gone too far. Regrettable, but I have the trust ofGreyback now," the man said.

Lupin swallowed as the images came to him. How this man could speak of such an atrocity without flinching disgusted him. He wanted to gain the confidence of Greyback to hear plans, to do his bit, but he would not be able to kill or maim. It was not in his nature. Or at least, his human nature.

"Do the ends justify the means?" Lupin said slowly, and quiet enough no to be overheard.

"You mean does killing a boy seem right to join a group of werewolves?"

"Killing boy and destroying a family," Lupin said, trying to coax some regret form him.

"I take it in the same vein as that Grindelward guy. It's all for the greated good isn't it? To better ourselves," the man said shrugging.

"Are we the good?" Lupin asked without thinking.

"I thought you said you wished to join Greyback?"

"I do," Lupin said without hesitation.

"Then you should be familiar with killing and infecting the rest of them. Aren't you sick of the treatment we receive for something we cannot help? Or do you agree with how we should be rounded up and hidden away?" He asked, his voice filled with disdain.

"No I'm not I… " but Lupin could not finish.

He was struck with a strange thought. He wanted all that Greyback dispised. He had always hidden himself away. He thought werewolves should not live among civilised society, as he himself detested what he was. He did not find any thing he had done as wise. Look at Tonks. Had he not distanced himself from her because of what he was? Didn't that indicate that he thought werewolves were to be hidden away, not just the others, but himself? He hated himself, he hated the others, but he placed the rest humanity on a pedestal that he would not taint with himself.

"I don't know what I believe," Lupin said with a sigh.

The man gave Lupin a rough pat on the back.

"Greyback will change that," he said with a grin, perhaps he thought Greyback would warp his mind for the better like had been done to him.

* * *

Lupin spent some days venturing into towns. Depending which community he ventured into, muggle or wizard, the same response was given but for different reasons. People avoided him on the streets, looked at him with disdain and occasionally refused to serve him. In muggle communities he assumed it was because of his outward appearance, as he was dirty, ripped, torn, and looking like he had suffered a vicious beating, which was true. In wizarding communities it was because they knew the derelict appearance meant a werewolf as they had obviously dealt with them being there, as they camped nearby.

The treatment was not new. He had experienced most of the times he'd been underground, unless he'd been able to fix his appearance, but it brought his belief into new light. He had never been struck by the belief as he had by talking to the werewolf from St Mungo's. He felt slightly lost now understanding his own thoughts on himself. Was he incorrect? Was Greyback wrong? Could there really be a house-trained werewolf? Lupin certainly was better at assimilating than most. He wrote to the Order constantly about reports he'd heard of werewolves attacking at Voldemort's order.

He had yet to run into Greyback. The man had stopped using groups of werwolves, and making grand speeches in the open, instead preferring to pick men at random to do Voldemort's bidding. Perhaps to muddy a trail he may be leaving, though obscurity was never in Greyback's character. So now Lupin had to decide if he was to leave again, knowing he had gotten some information, or sacrifice his ideals to find out more, if there was more to find out.

Two transformations later, and Lupin was on the trail of Greyback. He had not resolved the question plaguing him. So he was tracking Greyback in the hope that in the moment he would make the right choice. He was a few days post the full moon and had finally found where Greyback was lying low. It was cave about sixty metres from where he was. He had finally managed to stay in a cave alone. It was the night he had decided to approach Greyback, when he had been stopped. What had stopped him had made him entirely thankful he had stayed in a cave alone. A bright white light had approached in the air, and landed in his cave. It was a patronus, and a phoenix at that.

"Remus," the voice of Dumbledore rang out in his cave. "I request your presence at my office as soon as you receive this."

The phoenix disappeared, leaving a bright white light burnt into Lupin's eyes, which disappeared the more he blinked.

"What was that?" Lupin heard a loud voice growl.

"It sounded like Dumbledore," another said.

Lupin searched for his wand which we had left on he ground near where he sat before the patronus arrived.

"I think that means there is a paticular pet around here," the delighted sounding voice of Greyback said.

Lupin grabbed his wand, and just as he threw his cloak over himself, four men appeared at the cave entrance. Greyback smiling very wide. As Lupin twisted into nothing-ness, he saw them launch at him. Sadly their own size was their downfall. They all tried to come at once, and hit eachother, before they all disappeared into darkness.

* * *

Hogsmeade appeared out of the black suffocating feeling, and Lupin nearly smiled. He had been mere seconds away from being captured. Sure his trip back there had been somewhat of a waste, but he had discovered some things, and was sure Dumbledore was about to give him more direction to help him more, so not all hope was lost. Lupin set off for the castle. The sun was just beginning to set, but given that summer was fast approaching, Lupin assumed it was late enough for the curfew to be in place and he would not run into many students. His assumption was correct, though aided slightly by shortcuts he knew, he ran into no students, not wishing to explain his sudden appearance as a discovered werewolf and an ex-professor. He gave the last password he knew of, and was allowed up to Dumbledore's office. He knocked on the door, and was allowed to enter.

"Remus," Dumbledore said with a smile, standing behind his desk.

Lupins eyes flicked around the room, he was was surprised to find Kingsley, Moody, Bill, Diggle, Doge, Arthur and McGonagall. He greeted them all, shaking hands with some, before turning to Dumbledore, expecting him to begin speaking, as this was obviously some form of Order meeting, but he did not. Lupin looked around for a minute, but Dumbledore seemed to read his mind.

"We are waiting for just one more person," Dumbledore said. "I am glad to find you in one piece Remus. Your information was most useful."

Lupin had just nodded at Dumbledore when he heard the door open. His eyes flicked to the door, and his heart stopped. Tonks was standing there, looking slightly alarmed at the sight of so many people. Dumbledore spoke to her, but Lupin's eyes followed her, staring at her. For some reason, when Dumbledore had announced another member was arriving, his mind did not jump to her. Perhaps because some much of his last year had not lived up to expectation that he made none anymore. His heart swelled slightly at the sight of her. But the next emotion to fill him was disappointed. She looked no better than she had when he'd last spoken to her. Far from helping her, his words may have damaged her more, but the realisation is slightly too painful to bear, so Lupin pushed it from his mind, just as her eyes flicked to his. He brown eyes were not bright and happy, and her eyebrows creased at the sight of him.

"I have called you here to discuss plans to guard the school this evening. I have to depart for the evening on some errands," Dumbledore said.

Lupin snapped his head towards him, and found he had finally sat down at his chair.

"I am assured some of you have commitments you have excused to be here, but would not be able to excuse yourself from much longer in order to stay and that is perfectly allowable. I merely wish discover who can, and speak my mind before I depart," Dumbledore explained.

There was a long silence, as Dumbledore just looked at everyone, his eyes twinkling behind his half moon glasses. He had both hands folded on the table in front of him, the sleeve of his robes mostly covering the injured hand. Lupin finally realised he was wanting people to nominate themselves to guard the school.

"I have no commitments," Lupin said. "I will be able to help guard the school."

"I will gladly help," Bill added.

"It's my assigned duty at the moment," Tonks muttered, her voice timid and so unlike herself.

"Excellent. Minerva, with the help of some of the other staff we spoke to earlier, would you feel more comfortable with this extra assistance?" Dumbledore asked

"Oh yes, very much," McGonagall said happily.

"I don't understand Albus. Why involve further guarding? Where are you going?" Moody growled, a question Lupin wanted to ask as well.

"I wish to opt for further guard, as I desire for some of my own protection, not just that supplied by the Ministry. Naturally Nymphadora I consider you to be the former," Dumbledore added, smiling at her. "As for my destination. It is something I will share only with Harry. I do add, it has something to do with Voldemort, but not the man himself."

There was silence again as this news was processed by the group. Dumbledore was being far too vague, and it was slightly unnerving.

"Is there anything we can be told? Will you be able to inform us of the success of failure of whatever you are doing?" Kingsley asked, his deep voice not sounding as calm as usual.

"No I do not believe I can. It is between Harry and myself. I do not believe he will divulge the information either. For those who are staying, I do not suspect there to be too much trouble. Minerva will devise a plan for you. As for the rest of you, there is something I have come to know over the past year, something I think you all need to understand. Trust Harry. He has the power, the skill, and the only method to destroy Voldemort."

Lupin creased his brow. It sounded to him like Dumbledore was giving him a final piece of advice. A final piece meant one thing, there would be no more, and a great man like Dumbledore only gave a final piece of advice if he dying.

"I don't understand Albus. Why are you telling us this? What is happening at Hogwarts tonight?" Kingsley said, for the first time Lupin thought he heard Kingsley's voice waver slightly away from calm and into fear, and the last part seem to demand an answer from Dumbledore, like Scrimgeour and Fudge had so many times before.

"I cannot divuldge that information I'm afraid," Dumbledore said very calmly.

Lupin felt like a lost child, and that feeling seemed to be mirrored back in all the faces around the room.

"Surely, if it is about destorying You-Know-Who, the Order must know," Arthur said.

Dumbledore held up his hand to silence him, even though he had stopped speaking. He'd used his burned hand, and his sleeve had slipped back, though no one was as shocked by it, as by Dumbledore's words.

"I have told you my reasons, they are enough for you to continue with. Those who have opted to stay behind Minerva, take them with you, as for the rest of you, I think you for journeying all this way– "

"Albus, what have we journeyed this way for?" Moody said, confusion turning into the tiniest amount of frustration.

"I do not understand Albus, why are you saying final pieces of advice? Are you dying?" Mcgonagall said, her voice encapsulate the right amount of confusion and fear that Lupin was feeling.

"We are all dying Minerva. From the moment we are born, we are beginning the process of death," Dumbledore said, attempting to create a light atmosphere with his usual joking manner, but it fell completely flat.

"Albus, there is a time for this kind of behaviour, for last words, and surely you are not meaning that this is that moment," McGonagall said, stepping forward slightly. "Where are you going?"

There was a tense silence. Dumbledore did nothing but fold his hands in front of him. He looked weary, something Lupin had noticed all year, but now more so than ever was it apparent.

"I will not answer these questions. I request that whoever is able, to patrol the school grounds tonight while I depart the school for a period of time," Dumbledore said for the first time sounding rather tired.

Lupin had never heard McGonagall, Arthur, Kingsley or Moody ever talk to Dumbledore like this. Perhaps, in his absence, there had been a tiny amount of a power struggle. It was clearly in relation to the amount Dumbledore had been keeping from them. Lupin had never questioned it, he trusted Dumbledore wholly and completely. Though he wished to know what Dumbledore was doing, why he was talking as if he was on his death bed, he could not address Dumbledore the way the others were. He owed the man too much. He adored the man too much.

"So before you all depart, I wish to say again what I said earlier. Harry is the best hope we have. Trust him," Dumbledore said, stressing his final words.

He looked around at everyone in the room, and Lupin felt his eyes pierce him, right down to his soul. It felt like he was saying goodbye to him and there was this strange feeling of foreboding that Lupin ignored, not being the superstitious type of person. There was a silence, though no-where near as tense as the earlier one, it was broken only by McGonagall's voice.

"Well, Bill, Remus and Tonks, if you would like follow me, I can bring you to where the other teachers have agreed you would be best required."

She sounded slightly awkward, but turned around and began trudging out the door.

"I too must go. The Prime-Minister believes I've gone to pick my cat up from the Vet I believe he called it," Kingsley said.

Lupin didn't move to follow McGonagall just yet, and he had a sneaking suspicion Tonks hadn't moved either. Lupin was staring between Dumbledore and Moody, aware that Moody had not moved, or even attempted to move. He waited. Something told him to stay, to find out what was going on. Reasonable rational people didn't just say things about who to trust now, if something more serious was not going on. His feeling of foreboding grew. He wanted to say something. He wanted to Dumbledore not to go wherever he was going. He felt like a child begging his parents not to go away for the night and leave him alone. He was just about to open his mouth, when a small soft hand enclosed over his wrist. His eyes snapped to his right. Tonks stood there, looking sympathetic. She had not moved either, but she had not been fascinated by Dumbledore, but by him, she'd been staring at him.

"Come on," she muttered to him, pulling his wrist.

Lupin turned and walked to the door, where Bill and McGonagall stood, he took a glance back at Moody behind him, the only Order member who was not in process of leaving, and found Dumbledore smiling serenely at a nearly scowling Moody, and then the door swung shut.

* * *

They all walked in silence, and Lupin thought he could feel everyone's thoughts pressing in upon him.

"Do you know, Professor? Where he goes?" Bill asked from up ahead, as he was walking next McGonagall.

"We are a long way from calling me a Professor, Bill," McGongall said. "But no, I do not. He does not divulge any information."

Silence descended again. They turned a corner and Lupin saw the marble staircase approaching. It was only then that Lupin really became aware of Tonks. He'd noticed her at the start, but the strangeness of Dumbledore had pushed her from his mind. Now, what he'd said last time hung between awkwardly. His insides clenched each time he saw her make a movement out of the corner of his eye, fearing she would round on him and begin to yell. Now was not the place for her to do that, and he hoped and prayed, that she was as mature about it as he was. They were, after all, on duty.

"Just in here," McGonagall said, snapping Lupin from his thoughts.

Lupin recognised the gargoyle immediately, and before long they were ushered into the staff room. He was greeted by the smiling face of Flitwick.

"Good evening all. To what do we owe the pleasure? Is that you Nymphadora?"

Flitwick's face was wide in a smile, but it quickly disappeared when McGonagall looked at him. Her conversation with Dumbledore had obviously had some kind of lingering effect.

"Filius, these are those who will be assisting us this time," McGonagall said, sounding slightly shaken still.

"Oh excellen," he said, putting aside him his Charms Monthly magazine and moving closer to them.

"Remus, I'm relying on your knowledge of the school's secret passages. Dumbledore explained that the passages are a weak spot that he has told Aurors to patrol. Without actually telling them what they are." McGonagall added straight away.

It was a few moments before he realised he was supposed to speak. Lupin still felt slightly lost by what had happened in the last hour or so.

"Well, most of the passages lead to destinations in and around Hogsmeade. The entrance point is near the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom," Lupin explained, feeling strange to have the eyes of Bill, Flitwick, Tonks and McGonagall looking at him so intently for something he found out by breaking many rules.

"Excellent. Well we can have the Aurors in Hogsmeade patrolling the exit points. Are there anymore?"

"Many. Few that would still be in working order. At least two collapsed. There is in one on the fourth floor behind a mirror near the Muggle Studies office. There is another up on the sixth floor in the Gregory the Smarmy statue. How are these relevant? I don't understand. Who does Dumbledore think will be entering the castle?"

"It is general policy in his absence," McGonagall said almost mechanically.

"The whole year?"

"Since two weeks before school began last year," came Tonks' voice. "I've been performing these patrols fortnightly, or on specific occasions Dumbledore has been leaving. The rest of the Aurors have been demanding more and more of Dumbledore's whereabouts. He is using them less and less I've found."

"That would explain why he needs us then," Bill said, nodding, finally seeming to understand.

There was a brief moment in which relief spread through Lupin. It wasn't about Albus fearing for security, or bracing for an attack, it was a simple security measure using his own army, not those supplied to him. But as the relief began to spread, he remembered the strangeness of Dumbledore's words about Harry, and then that McGonagll was also worried. If this were standard practice, she would be informed, that Lupin was sure of.

"Well, the plan is quite clear, we go to the secret passages and patrol the surroundings areas," McGonagall said, clapping her hands together now that she had a plan. Bill, you take the third floor passage, I will take the fourth floor and Remus you take Gregory the Smarmy and Tonks you've got the seventh floor, near where Harry's forbidden group was discovered. Just in case. Filius, you should go to entrance Hall."

Lupin nodded. They were together. Of course they were.

"Bill, you and I will go together, which leaves you and Remus," McGonagall said first to Bill and then to Tonks.

"Any sign of trouble, what do we do?" Bill asked.

"You all know how to send the talking Patronus?" McGonagall asked, and they nodded. "Then that will be it. Good luck."

* * *

Lupin and Tonks had been walking for what felt like a few minutes, and still neither had said anything. They wound around hallways and through passageways, receiving comments form paintings, and even walking past the skulking ghost of the Bloody Baron. Lupin could feel the incredible tension between them, but he dared not speak. He was on a mission, his personal issues needed to be pushed aside. It was just a blessing in disguise that his problems were walking beside him and he could hide behind business. They were approaching the fifth floor, near the North Tower now, still not a word, barely even a sound. It irked him slightly. Tonks was never one for silence. Lupin chanced a glance across at her. She was looking forward, her focus completely ahead of her.

They finally stepped onto the sixth floor, and Lupin felt a tiny amount of relief knowing he was not going to have to face his demons with her just yet. He had just turned left into the corridor, when he heard a noise behind him that sounded like someone had fallen. He spun around and knew it had been Tonks, as he couldn't see her climbing the steps. He took some quick steps over to the staircase he'd just depart from, and smiled despite himself. Tonks was stuck in the trick step. She turned her head backwards, and a scowl quickly swept over her face.

"Would you stop grinning like a git and help me," Tonks snapped at him.

Lupin wiped the smile from his face very quickly, and immediately moved up the stairs. He grabbed her underneath her arms and lifted her up in a quick movement. She was far lighter than he remembered, but she was a lot thinner than she had been. Tonks started wiping herself down, and Lupin's urge to laugh returned, except this time he couldn't stop it.

"I'm sorry," he said between laughs as he tried to catch his breath.

Tonks glared at him, but he saw the corners of her mouth twitching. Lupin's laugh died away, and very quickly the awkwardness returned.

"Well," Lupin said, wanting to say more, but having no idea what was polite in this circumstance.

He turned around and walked down a few steps before he heard a loud sigh behind him. He turned back, and found Tonks sitting on the step, the one above the trick one, her head in her hands. For a moment Lupin wondered whether she was crying, but she looked up soon after and he found no trace of tears.

"So, we just won't talk anymore?" Tonks asked.

Lupin took a deep breathe. Here it was. The moment he'd been dreading since he'd seen her in Dumbledore's office, but the moment he'd known was coming.

"Not unless that is what you want," Lupin said.

"And even if I do, you don't talk to me properly. You give me these stand offish diplomatic responses," Tonks said looking up at him.

Lupin looked at her, she was high enough up the stairs that they were nearly at the same height with her sitting. With her knees drawn up slightly she reminded him very much of a school-girl. She looked vulnerable, but with that incredible toughness only a teenager could fake.

"You tell me you don't love me, you leave me, and then you won't speak to me like you do everyone else. Aren't you done punishing me?" Tonks asked.

Lupin wanted to ask her why she thought this was only punishment for her. Didn't she understand? Then he remembered what he had told her. Of course she thought this didn't hurt him.

"Dora," he said. "It's not about any of that and you know that. I want to give you a better life."

"And that means you're rude to me, or you don't even look at me?" Tonks asked, her frankness slicing into him.

"I'm sorry," Lupin muttered sincerely. "Don't you think now may not be the best time to discuss all this?"

"Well it's the only time I've seen you. It's been months you realise," Tonks said.

Lupin looked into her eyes, watching hurt surface in them. Tonks bit her lip and then looked away. She was timid and Tonks was never timid. Brazen, scrappy or ruthless, they were the words he would have used to describe her. Now, that just wasn't her anymore, and Lupin couldn't help but feel an incredible amount of guilt for that. They stood for a while, not saying anything. He wanted to see her be what he knew she could be, but he was now out of ideas of how to do that.

"We need to patrol like we were ordered too," Lupin said after a long silence. "We can go together if you wish?"

He was attempting to be civil, to give her the friendship he owed her, but he hoped she would not take it as a sign of more. She nodded at him and he extended his hand, which she used it to raise herself from the ground. Her soft skin almost melted into his, which felt like sand paper by comparison. They descended the stairs, silence still upon them, but it was not so tense nor did Lupin fear hearing her voice as much. They walked the entire of the sixth floor, Lupin admiring some of the statues and paintings he had not seen for many years. They walked the hallway a few times. Lupin wished to have a conversation, but he was stuck at what to say. They stopped outside the hidden passageway a few times.

"How have the duties around here been?" Lupin asked, searching his brain for ways to end the silence, which was starting to get uncomfortable.

"Fine," Tonks said, ending the conversation.

Lupin creased his brow. He was glad she was not yelling at him, crying, or doing anything of that nature, but she was shutting down any conversation attempt he made. He had never had a problem talking to her in the past. So again, he began searching and searching for another conversation topic. Before they had really known it, an hour had passed. Lupin suggested they move to the seventh floor, and they began the walk back to the staircase. They were about to turn int the corridor leading to a staircase up to the seventh floor when Tonks stopped walking. Lupin had walked a few steps ahead before noticing she'd stopped. He turned back and found her looking at him, her eyes almost glassy, but transfixed.

"Why did you say it?"

Lupin's stomach dropped and instantly he ran his hand through his hair as he searched for an answer. He didn't want to see her in tears again, but he couldn't sugar coat this if it was said to achieve certain means. It was logic in the middle of emotion, something Lupin hoped he could strive in.

"It wasn't meant to hurt you," Lupin said.

"Well it did," Tonks said, her eyes narrowing slightly on him.

"I'm sorry, but if it helps you remove me from your life, I'm not going to regret it," Lupin muttered.

Her eyes narrowed more, and she took a step closer. Lupin could hear some noise in the distance, but he wrote it off as students out of bed, his attention remaining on Tonks.

"This is more of the being too good for you bullocks isn't it? I told you its pathetic Remus, and I can't believe you would do something so foolish, so stupid and something, so hurtful," Tonks snapped at him.

Lupin didn't quite understand how they had gone from being civil, to this, but he searched for the right words, something he never usually failed, but always managed to whenever she was near him.

"It's not about that. I'm trying to do what is right by you Tonks. It's not about not having feelings for you, or even not– "

Instantly Lupin stopped speaking, and his head looked up to the ceiling above. The noises he had written off moments before, were louder and sounded like yells. He looked across at Tonks, and found she was looking up as well.

"I'll alert the others," she said, her voice suddenly alert and on edge.

The two of them began running down he corridor. Tonks flourished her wand and a white shape burst form the end. It landed on the ground, and ran ahead. Lupin clocked exactly what her patronus was. Far from feeling some kind of flattery, it worried him more. They bounded up the stairs, Lupin yanking Tonks off her path towards the same trick step. Just as they hit the halfway landing, Lupin heard the voices getting closer and closer. He pulled his wand from his cloak and looked across at Tonks, she looked completely prepared.

Tonks met his eyes, a steely determined stare in them, and they nodded at each other. Without words they both crept up the stairs. Footsteps could be heard slamming into the floor nearby. Within seconds three people came skidding onto the top landing that Tonks and Lupin were approaching. Lupin had his wand at them, his heart rate increasing.

"Ron! Ginny! Neville!" Tonks cried. "What are you doing?"

"Death Eaters," Ron panted. "Death Eaters in the school."

"What?" Lupin demanded. "Where did they go? Why didn't you follow them?"

"We came to get help," Ginny said indignantly, also panting.

"We lost them in the darkness," Neville wheezed, clutching his side.

"Darkness?" Tonks said, sounding confused.

"They're near the Astronomy Tower," Ron yelled, pointing to the open Marauders map he was clutching in his hands.

"Send a new patronus," Lupin said to Tonks, his heart rate increasing.

A bright white wolf burst out of Tonks' wand, and then she looked back at Lupin. Instantly he wished she were not here. Death Eaters meant danger, and he couldn't stand the thought of her being injured or hurt.

"Lets go," he said.

All of them sprinted down the steps. They crossed through the sixth floor, passing the other staircase the Death Eaters must have used. They continued through the hallway, sprinting. They turned a corner, but Lupin was moving so quickly, he wasn't aware were they were. He looked down at Ron who had the map, and was leading the charge.

"They're just around the corner," he yelled.

Lupin put on some speed, and so did Tonks. They skidded around the corner, brandishing their wands as they did so.

"It's the Order," a voice yelled out.

Lupin made out a group of people just ahead. They were all skidding to a halt as well. Instantly there was a barrage of curses.

"Get back," Lupin yelled at on and the others, as he fired curses.

But Ginny had already broken free and was firing curses beside Tonks.

"Death Eaters!" screamed a different voice.

Lupin saw a few more fighters join their side, he it was figured Bill and McGonagall and was unaware who he third was. The Death Eaters weren't outnumbered, but their was fear in their faces. Obviously they had not expected to meet Order members.

"Run," a huge Death Eater yelled.

As they turned, Lupin noticed a smaller male with them.

"They have a student!" McGonagall's voice screamed in fear.

"He's with them," Ron yelled back angirly.

Still firing spells, everyone chased after the Death Eaters.

"Snape," McGonagall yelled. "Filius, get Severus."

The Death Eaters stopped at a dead end, which was the door up to the Astronomy Tower. Lupin dived under a curse, firing a few at the biggest of the hooded figures. It pushed the hood off their face, and Lupin found Amycus Carrow staring back at him. Bit of the walls were exploding as the Death Eaters fired spells that kept missing. The hallway was incredibly dark, but the spell light was keeping the hallway alight in flashes. Fear dropped into Lupin's stomach as he saw green flashes. They were duelling to kill.

"Stupefy!" Lupin yelled

It hit Amycus and she doubled over. Lupin turned just in time to see one of the Death Eaters break ranks and go through the door to the Astonomy Tower. At the same time Amycus fired a new barrage of spells straight to where Neville was standing.

The curse got him straight in the stomach. He flew backwards and smashed into the wall by the archway they had entered through. The fight was becoming less and less of a two flanked battle, Bill had moved closer to the Death Eaters, and Tonks was battle another Death Eater in the middle. Ron and Ginny had taken up a fight with Alecto Carrow, whose hood was missing, and McGonagall was battling a hunched figure. Amycus was up again, and firing spells down on Lupin. He skidded under them, his vision obscured by his constant movement so he was unable to fire spells back.

"It's done," yelled a voice near Lupin.

He saw a figure dart in front of him, right in the path of Amycus. The jet of green light Lupin was in process of dodging, hit the figure squarely in the chest and he fell limp like a puppet with its strings cut. Lupin prayed the figure was not their own. He dashed forwards, but was stopped by a sickening yell. Something had got someone. He heard a loud crash as a body hit the floor. Lupin's head snapped back, fearing he'd see Tonks on the ground.

"Go Malfoy!" screamed one of the Carrows.

Lupin darted forwards, picking up a fight with Alecto, who laughed.

"Greyback! We got one of yours here," she cried.

Lupn's stomach dropped. Greyback was here. Lupin fired spell after spell at Alecto, but she danced past each one, an achievement given her body mass. Lupin moved as he saw Amycus and Alecto both aiming at him. He sprinted out of the way, but he foot slipped on something and he knocked into a column. With white lights popping in front of his eyes, Lupin turned back, feeling dizzy, and looked down. He'd slipped in blood. He looked over and found Bill lying face down in a pool of blood. Lupin gripped his wand and launched at where he knew the Carrows were.

"Neville! No!" Lupin heard a voice scream.

Lupin saw Neville streak forwards at the Astronomy Tower door. Lupin thought he'd gotten through and was ready to follow, but Neville was lifted into the air and thrown backwards, hitting the same wall he'd hit earlier.

Alecto was firing curses everywhere, with both McGonagall and Tonks battling her. Lupin couldn't get good enough aim to fire anything at her in fear he would hit someone else. Ginny had rushed forwards to Bill and Ron was fighting Greyback, his face screwed up in concentration. There was a loud bang, and then a scream.

"He's taking too long. Let's go," it screamed.

As if they'd apparated, the Death Eaters disappeared through the door. The dust from the explosions began to settle and Lupin's heart was pumping at its maximum capacity. He wanted the dust to stay. It was like the Ministry last year all over again. He couldn't bear to find out who had died. He didn't want to face the death of Tonks. He couldn't stand it, but thankfully didn't have to wait long to find out.

"Where have they gone?" Tonks's voice asked.

"Through the door," McGonagall screamed, finally coming into Lupin's vision.

"Is everyone okay?" Lupin yelled. "Ron, Neville, Ginny?"

"We're fine," Ginny said, her voice hollow.

Lupin moved forwards to the Astronomy tower doors.

"You got thrown back didn't you Neville?" Lupin asked quickly.

Neville stood up, clutching his stomach.

"Yeah," he said, wincing.

Lupin ran forwards, inspecting it, his wand still out.

"They might come back," Tonks said, appearing beside him.

There were thundering footsteps approaching them from behind where Neville was. All of them rounded on the archway, where they had first entered. Snape appeared in the darkness.

"Severus, Thank Merlin. Death Eaters. They've gone up through this door," McGonagall said, her voice sounding somewhat relieved.

Snape ran forwards to the door, as if he hadn't even heard anyone address him, though he looked at them all as he passed them.

"No! There's some kind of protectio– "

Tonks stopped halfway through speaking, as Snape disappeared through the door as all the Death Eaters had. Lupin instantly started at run at the door, thinking maybe the curse, or whatever had prevented Neville, must not have lifted. He was directly in front of the door, when something lifted him into the air, and threw him backwards, like something smashing him in the chest. He landed on the hard stone floor, white lights popping before his eyes again.

"Remus!" Tonks yelled.

He felt her at his side before he opened his eyes. She grabbed his arm and helped him sit up. He put his hand to head and felt blood.

"What do we do?" Tonks asked.

"We wait. Snape's up there. He knows what he's doing," Lupin said, looking around for Bill and found Ginny by his side. "Is he alive?"

"There's a pulse," she said, her voice still hollow, but he was surprised to find she was not crying or looking upset, in fact she looked determined as she glanced at the door the Death Eaters and Snape had gone through. Lupin got to his feet, smearing blood across his face as he wiped it from his eyes. He glanced to his left, and saw whom the Killing Curse that missed him had hit. It was Gibbon's, a Death Eater. There was the sound of thundering footsteps again, this time from behind the Astronomy Tower door.

"They're coming," Ron yelled, though he needn't, as everyone was ready.

The door swung open with a loud bang, and then an even louder bang as the floor shook.

"The ceiling," came a loud scream.

Lupin looked up and found bits of stone flying at him. He dove out of the way, feeling Tonks jump the other way. Lupin looked up and found one of the Death Eaters with their wand pointing at the ceiling, obviously having just sent a hex at it. As the dust settled, Lupin realised the door was now open.

"The door!" he screamed. "Come on!"

He felt people moving with him, but as they got close to the door, they were met with two figures.

"Snape! What happened?" McGonagall cried.

Everyone moved away from the doorway to let him through. He was pushing Draco forward by the back of his neck. Snape must have saved the boy from whatever had happened. Before anyone could say anything, or point a wand, the rest of the Death Eaters appeared, and Snape set off at a run. Greyback smiled at Lupin, but before he could fire spells at him, the huge death Eater who'd collapsed the ceiling turned on him. McGonagall was battling another Death Eater beside him, and over the screams of spells, Lupin could make out Snape's voice screaming but he didn't know what. Lupin saw another figure sprinting from the Astronomy Tower.

"Harry?" Lupin tried to scream, but he had to move to avoid the huge Death Eater who'd begun firing Crucio spells.

The Death Eater kept looking over his shoulder and then moved away from Lupin, but Tonks slid into the way, and instantly began duelling him. Lupin saw Greyback frozen against the floor, and skidded under a killing curse to take up a battle with Ron and a Death Eater.

"Stupefy," Lupin yelled, the jet of red light narrowly missing the Death Eater.

This Death Eater was also looking over their shoulder as well. Then he broke free of the duel and ran off through the archway. Suddenly there was quiet.

"They're gone," Tonks said.

"Harry went after them," Ginny cried.

"What do we do?"

Lupin stared down the corridor that was lined with bloody footprints. He knew what he wanted to do, and that was to chase them and help Harry and Snape.

"We have to get everyone to the Hospital wing," McGonagall said, sounding more like a teacher than she had at any point that evening.

Lupin's head snapped towards her, his wand still out and ready.

"Snape's there," she said reassuringly.

Lupin glanced at the corridor again.

"Now,' McGonagall said firmly to him, looking fearfully at Bill.

Lupin waved his wand and conjured a stretcher. They used wands to lift him on it, and then Lupin got his first look at him. His face was completely slashed and torn. There was blood all over him. Lupin knew, without asking, who had attacked him.

"Someone needs to contact Molly and Arthur," Tonks said, looking at Bill.

There was a bright white light that burst from McGonagall's wand and then it disappeared down the corridor lined with bloody footprints. Ron was near Neville who was unconscious, slumped against a wall. Lupin conjured another stretcher and they put Neville on it. They all walked slowly towards the Hospital wing.

"Albus must have known," McGonagall said as they walked.

Lupin had forgotten all about the meeting with Dumbledore. It made sense for him to know. Why else would he had called them all in. They would have their answers from him soon enough. Lupin struggled with the idea that this was only a year after Sirius. There was only the lingering thankfulness that this time they had avoided death. They arrived at the Hospital Wing to find a blonde girl who Lupin recognised as Luna Lovegood, and Hermione. Instantly Hermione clasped her hands over her mouth as she saw Bill and Neville. Madam Pomfrey appeared in her doorway.

"What is going– Minerva! What happened?"

"Death Eaters in the castle," McGonagall explained.

Hermione gasped and looked at Ron, who grimaced. Poppy had Neville and Bill in beds, and then began pouring over Bill's face.

"Professor Flitwick was knocked out," Hermione said, when McGonagall looked at her. "He's perfectly okay."

"I will have to go and see if the students are okay and what happened with Severus. Ginny, would you mind collecting Harry if you can find him and brining him straight here," McGonagall said.

Lupin moved over by the windows, trying to see what happened, if the Death Eaters had run out of the castle. His heart was still beating fast and he could feel his palms were sweating. Harry was still out there. He knew Snape was there, but there was only so much one man could do. Lupin stood at the window for what felt like hours. He was just thinking. Tonight had come out of nowhere. His mind was still struggling to process it. How had the Death Eaters gotten into the school to start with? Before Lupin could think anymore, he heard the doors of the Hospital Wing open. Lupin let out a sigh and ran his hands through his hair, before moving forwards. Harry had walked through the doors, only to be hugged instantly by Hermione.

"Are you all right Harry?" Lupin asked instantly, feeling relief spread though him.

" I'm fine… How's Bill?"

Lupin looked back over the eldest Wealsey. It didn't look any better, even though Madam Pomphrey had been attending to him with dittany, but Lupin hadn't expected it to.

"But he wasn't bitten at the full moon Greyback hadn't transformed, so surely Bill won't be a – a real –"

Ron met Lupin's eyes, looking nervous and afraid at the same time. Lupin turned back to stand at Bill's bedside.

"No I don't think Bill will be a true werewolf," Lupin explained, remembering a report he'd read with Tonks once about Greyback attacking a man outside his transformation. "But that does not mean there won't be some contamination. Those are cursed wounds. They are unlikely to ever heal, and – Bill might have some wolfish characteristics from now on."

"Dumbledore might know something that'd work though," Ron said, looking at Lupin hopefully. "Where is he? Bill fought those maniacs on Dumbledore's orders, Dumbledore owes him, he can't leave him in this state–

Lupin was about to interrupt that Dumbledore would be able to do nothing, but he heard Ginny speak instead.

"Ron – Dumbledore's dead."

Lupin instantly looked to Ginny, feeling his eyes widen.

"No!" Lupin said without thinking.

He looked straight to Harry hoping for something to contradict her. That maybe she had heard wrong. His mind was begging Harry to shake his head, but he didn't. Lupin felt his eyes beginning to burn and his head began to spin. He collapsed into the chair beside him and hid his head in his hands. It was in that moment Lupin lost hope. Everything until then had seemed fightable. That somehow in all the madness that had ever occurred there had always been Dumbledore, like a shining beacon of hope. Dumbledore had meant home, security, and sense in all that had progressed. He felt hopeless, he felt lost and he felt for the first time that they were fighting a losing battle. He felt the anguish wash over him, and the tears he had kept at bay since last year, finally broke through. Dumbledore was dead. It seemed ludicrous, laughable almost. The man who had given so much and opened so many doors for Lupin was gone.

"How did he die?" Lupin heard Tonks ask.

"Snape killed him," Harry said, sending cold chills through Lupin. "I was there. I saw it. We arrived back on the Astronomy Tower because that's where the Mark was… Dumbledore was ill, he was weak, but I think he realised it was trap when we heard footsteps running up the stairs He immobilised me, I couldn't do anything. I was under the Invisibility Cloak – and then Malfoy came through the door and Disarmed him and more Death Eaters arrived – and then Snape - and Snape did it. The Avada Kedarva."

Harry's voice stopped, and Lupin digested all the information, still hidden in his hands. Snape. Everyone had been wrong, but right at the same time. Revulsion fired into Lupin's stomach, only to disappear immediately by a beautiful sound that floated through the room. Lupin looked up from his hands. He didn't know where the noise was coming from, though it sounded familiar. It seemed to cheer him up, to give him the kind of hope he used to have. He attached the noise to Dumbledore, and it made his chest swell.

"Molly and Arthur are on their way," came McGonagall's voice.

Lupin had not noticed her enter, but she stood nearest to Harry.

"Harry, what happened? According to Hagrid you were with Professor Dumbledore when he… " There was a pause and McGonagall looked away for a moment before continuing. "When it happened. He says professor Snape was involved in some– "

"Snape killed Dumbledore," Harry interrupted, his voice harsh.

Lupin felt a fire ignite somewhere in him. Snape. Snape had been behind everything. Lupin felt Madam Pomfrey push past him, as she conjured a chair and slid it under McGonagall, who collapsed into it as she spoke.

"Snape. We all wondered… but he trusted … always … Snape… I can't believe it," McGongall muttered.

McGongall's words seemed to tie in with Lupin's thought pattern. He couldn't quite put the logic together. All he knew was the he couldn't believe he had defended the man. Anger burned inside him at just how deceitful and conniving a man he was. Sirius and James had always been right. How had Dumbledore falling prey to it? Dumbledore, the wise man that he was, fooled by Snape? It was taking all his might not to rage and storm to release what he was feeling.

"Snape was a highly accomplished Occlumens," Lupin said, trying to swallow all his anger as he said it. "We always knew that"

Lupin's eyes were burning still, but he couldn't let them water again. He'd lost too much, that now he feared they wouldn't stop.

"But Dumbledore swore he was on our side!" Tonks whispered, looking at Lupin. "I always thought Dumbledore must know something about Snape that we didn't."

Lupin looked into her eyes, there were tear tracks down her face, and cut and grazes from the battle. It had been difficult to battle beside her again. She was something he worried about now. He flung himself in duels, and battles, but he couldn't bear the thought of her doing that. She was what he had left to lose. He shook his head as she continued looking at him, as if he had the answers about Snape.

"He always hinted that he had an iron-clad reason for thrusting Snape. I mean… with Snapes history… of course people were bound to wonder… but Dumbledore told me explicitly that Snape's repentance was absolutely genuine… wouldn't hear a word against him!" McGonagall muttered, talking almost to herself, and Lupin saw her dabbing her eyes with a tartan handkerchief.

"I'd love to know what Snape told him to convince him," Tonks said, her voice alight with malice.

"I know," came Harry's voice.

Lupin, along with everyone else, spun to look at him instantly.

"Snape passed Voldemort the information that made Voldemort hunt down my mum and dad. Then Snape told Dumbledore he hadn't realised what he was doing, he was really sorry he'd done it, sorry they were dead," Harry said bitterly.

"And Dumbledore believed that?" Lupin said incredulously. "Dumbledore believed Snape was sorry James was dead? Snape hated James…"

Lupin balled his fists up at his sides. It all came to Snape. Snape had killed Dumbledore, and Snape had lead Voldemort to James and Lily. Lupin looked away as tears slipped down his cheeks.

"This is all my fault," McGonagall said suddenly, and Lupin brought his attention back to the cirle of people around Bill's bed. " My fault. I sent Filius to fetch Snape tonight, I actually sent for him to come and help us! If I hadn't alerted Snape to what was going on, he might never have joined forces with the Death Eaters. I don't think he knew they were there before Filius told him, I don't think he knew they were coming."

Lupin swallowed hard as he looked down on her, she looked slightly disorientated after what she'd said. Instantly Lupin took pity on her. She had always been the closest to Dumbledore.

"It isn't your fault Minerva. We all wanted more help, we were glad to think Snape was on his way," Lupin said firmly, hating himself for the truth of it.

It was then Harry asked for what had happened. McGonagall explained everything up until how the Death Eaters had entered, which when she mentioned it, was a question mark for Lupin as well. Security was tenfold.

"Malfoy found a vanishing cabinet, the one Montague was locked in by Fred and George last year. He knew it lead to Borgin and Burkes. But they were damaged, and the passageway was broken. That was what Malfoy was doing all year. He obviously completed it tonight. So they got in through the Room of Requirement," Harry explained.

Ron and Hermione began to explain further details to Harry about what they had been doing. Lupin listened intently, trying to keep a horrible feeling he couldn't describe, that clenched at his insides, at bay.

"Luckily, Ron, Ginny and Neville ran into us almost instantly and told us what had happened."

Lupin continued to explain what had happened, about Gibbon dying, the fight, everything he could remember, in the vain hope telling the story would stop this feeling. Hermione carefully explained how she had been waiting for Snape. Lupin was impressed slightly at the extent to which Harry had placed his friends as a guard. Dumbledore had at least been right about him.

"Snape must have stupefied Flitwick, but we didn't realise Harry, we didn't realise, we just let Snape go," Hermione croaked, tears spilling down her cheeks.

"It's not your fault," Lupin said firmly again, just as he had to McGonagall.. "Hermione, had you not obeyed Snape and got out of the way, he would probably have killed you and Luna.

The explanations continued, until finally they reached the end. Lupin had a picture in his mind of what Snape had done. The image was sickening. It made Lupin's skin crawl, his stomach turn, and his eyes burn. Rage was like a fire in his stomach at the thought of Snape. The eerie sourceless music returned, and Lupin relished in the Dumbledore like comfort it brought. Lupin didn't know how long they all stood again, absorbed in the almost silence, all just thinking, but there was a loud bang that nearly made him leap from his skin. Molly, Arthur and Fleur were striding into the Hospital wing, Fleur looking terrified.

"Molly – Arthur – " McGonagall said instantly, jumping to her feet. "I'm so sorry."

"Bill," Lupin heard Molly's strained voice utter.

She moved past McGonagall and caught sight of her son.

"Oh Bill!" Molly croaked.

Lupin instantly jumped up from his spot beside Bill at the window as did Tonks who was on the other side. Molly and Fleur took a spot on the side of his bed, Molly at his head. Fleur had grabbed his hand and was staring at him, tears falling down her beautiful face. Instantly, any feeling he had toward her changed to sympathy. She looked so worried and helpless. Lupin stood at the end of Bill's bed, behind the group, noticing that Tonks was beside him.

"You said Greyback attacked him? But he hadn't transformed. So what does that mean? What will happen to Bill?" Arthur asked McGonagall distractedly.

"We don't know yet," McGonagall said, looking at Lupin rather helplessly.

"There will probably be some contamination, Arthur," Lupin said, adding disgust of his kind to his long list of feelings at that moment. "It is an odd case, possibly unique… we don't know what his behaviour might be like when he wakes up… "

Silence descended as they all watch Molly begin to dab at Bill with the Wolfsbane potion Madam Pomfrey was using.

"And Dumbledore… " Arthur muttered, not sound as distracted this time. "Minerva, is it true… is he really?"

McGonagall nodded and Arthur put his hand to her forehead, looking bewildered.

"Dumbledore gone…" Arthur muttered shaking his head.

Molly had finally started to sob, Lupin flicked his eyes from Arthur to her, watching her huge tears falling on Bill's mutilated face. He was strikingly reminded of his own transformation, and his mother's tears. At the same moment he felt Tonks move beside him.

"Of course it doesn't matter how her looks… it's not r – really important … but he was a very handsome little b – boy … always very handsome… and he was g – going to be married!" Molly blubbered.

"And what do you mean by zat?" Fleur said suddenly and loudly. "What do you mean, 'e was _going_ to be married?"

Lupin was slightly startled by the sudden change in atmosphere.

"well – only that – "

"You theenk, because of these bites, 'e will not love me?"

"No, that's not what I– "

"Because 'e will! It would take more zan a werewolf to stop Bill loving me!" Fleur snapped back, throwing back her hair and standing to her full height, which was a fair bit higher than Molly.

Lupin felt Tonks move again, he glanced down and found her looking at him. "Well, yes, I'm sure," Molly stuttered, "but I thought perhaps – given how – how he –"

"You thought I would not weesh to marry him? Or per'aps you 'oped? What do I care how 'e looks? I am good looking enough for the both of us, I theenk. All these scars show is zat my husband is brave! And I shall do zat," Fleur snapped again, snatching the ointment from Molly and pushing her aside.

Everyone seemed to draw breath and Lupin felt Tonks bump into him once more. He looked back at the scene ahead of him, suddenly her movements, her stares, started to make sense. Lupin froze, hoping she would not dare say anything in front of everyone, his palms began to sweat at the thought. His attention fell back to the two women. No body pushed Molly Weasley around. Lupin had heard the twins always refer to it as poking a sleeping dragon. Molly took a breath, and Lupin was ready to flinch.

"Our Great Auntie Muriel has a very beautiful tiara – goblin made – which I am sure I could persuade her to lend you for the wedding. She is very fond of Bill, you know, and it would look lovely with you hair," Molly said sheepishly.

"Thank you," Fleur said stiffly, her eyes flicking from Bill to Molly. "I'm sure that will be lovely."

Within seconds the two were hugging and crying. Lupin's eyes slid to Tonks, who was staring at him. He knew what was approaching, and shook his head the tiniest bit trying to communicate without words. Everything around him suddenly felt tense and horrible with her eyes boring into the side of his face. Suddenly Lupin felt quite hot. The room was closing in on him slightly.

"You see!" she said in a strained voice. "She still wants to marry him, even though he's been bitten! She doesn't care!"

"It's different," Lupin tried to mumble at her to stop, as eyes were turning towards them. "Bill will not be a full werewolf. There cases are completely– "

Before Lupin could even finish his sentence, and attempt to digest just how mortified he felt that she was bringing this up in front of everyone, including the children, he felt Tonks grab the front of his robes and pull him close to her. He refused to meet her eyes, still trying to dismiss the situation. More than that, he didn't want to see the pain in her eyes again.

"But I don't care either, I don't care!" Tonks yelled at him, shaking him slightly. "I've told you a million times…"

"And I've told _you_ a million times that I am to old for you, too poor… too dangerous," lupin said back, staring at the floor still feeling absolutley mortified.

Everyone else would understand this by now. Molly and Arthur would finally see after having their own son damaged, what a danger Lupin was.

"I've said all along you're taking a ridiculous line on this, Remus," Lupin heard Molly say.

Lupin took a deep breath, as Tonks let him go.

"I am not being ridiculius," he said, trying to sound reasonable and rational. "Tonks deserves somebody young and whole."

From the corner of his eye he saw Tonks shrink slightly.

"But she wants you," Arthur said, and Lupin looked straight to him, noticing a small smile on his face. "And after all, Remus, young and whole men do not necessarily remain so."

He gestured down at Bill, but Lupin could only focus on himself, and attempting to ignore the eyes of everyone in the room, which were still upon him. Why could no body see the danger? His cheeks were beginning to flush, and Tonks had resumed glaring at the side of his face as he refused to meet her eyes.

"This is… not the moment to discuss it. Dumbledore is dead… " Lupin said distractedly, trying to change the topic and stop the focus on himself and something he regarded as horrible.

"Dumbledore would have bee happier than anybody to think that there was a little more love in the word," McGonagall said, completely taking the wind from Lupin.

She knew. The whole room knew. This was terrible. How would they judge him for what he'd done? The distraction came in the form of Hagrid, who admitted in tears that he'd moved Dumbledore's body. McGonagall took Harry away to talk, something Lupin had expected. The only sound for a while was the sound of Fleur dabbing the foul smelling liquid on Bill. Lupin's heart-rate was still through the roof and he was sweating more than he shoudl. He wished more than ever for the ground to swallow him whole, to be able to hide from everyone in the room. Then his eyes flicked to Tonks, she was still looking at him, and he felt completely ashamed of himself. He had caused so much damage to her, so much pain, and it was exactly what he had been trying to prevent.

"What's going to happen?" Ginny asked after a long, painful, silence.

"About what dear?" Arthur asked.

"Without Dumbledore."

"They will no doubt close the school. Possibly what Minerva is discussing right now," Lupin said, trying to find a way to stop the guilt he was feeling.

"What happens to us?" Ron asked.

"They'll re-open next year," Arthur replied.

There was a long pause again and Lupin found Tonks' stare to be unbearable. He shut his eyes, but snapped them open instantly, the image of Snape and Dumbledore still there.

"I will need to go and see Kingsley," Lupin said, at last finding an excuse to leave. "again Molly, Arthur, Fleur, my deepest apologies."

"Thank you dear," Molly said.

Lupin moved forwards, nodding at Ron, Hermione and Ginny, before pushing open the doors and leaving the room

* * *

Lupin stopped once outside the doors, and exhaled loudly. Dumbledore was dead. Now that he was away from Tonks and the tension there, he felt lost and hollow again. He felt like he had just been beginning to get over Sirius, and now he'd lost Dumbledore. The one thing he had left. The only person he had that would always understand him, accept him, and be there for him. And he was gone. Gone just as easily as Sirius had. Lupin began his walk, feeling like each step was draining energy from him that he didn't have. He heard the hospital door creak, and turned to find Tonks walking out. Lupin closed his eyes briefly and lent back against the archway behind him, preparing himself for the battle he knew would rob him of his remaining energy. He knew she wouldn't go down without a fight. It was in her very nature. He'd worried he'd pushed it out of her, given how she had been behaving, but obviously the adrenaline of battle had brought back the Tonks he remembered. His eyes flicked open again and found her in front of him.

"Are you okay?" Tonks said as she approached him.

Lupin took a deep breath, ready to speak, but found his voice caught, so shook his head instead.

"I don't understand you," Tonks said after a long silence.

"I know," Lupin responded immediately.

She never would understand what was going on.

"You could explain," Tonks said firmly, narrowing her eyes on him.

"It's just not as simple as that," Lupin said, indicating the hospital with his hands. "He's not a werewolf. He wouldn't transform. There's a whole range of differences between those two and us."

"But I don't care," Tonks protested, raising her voice. "How many times do I have to tell you that I don't care what you are? What is it going to take?"

"It's not about your desires. You would care. Eventually you would regret the choices you had made, the new life you would have to be a part of," Lupin said, trying to sound reasonable.

"Don't I get to decide what I want? Don't I get a say in my life?" Tonks replied, the bite in her voice unmistakeable.

"No, because I know the right choice for you," Lupin muttered.

"No you don't," Tonks spat indignantly.

"I don't mean that I should make choices for you. I just meant there is feeling and emotion that are going to cloud reason and judgement."

Tonks paused for a moment, eyeing him off.

"Yes there's feeling. I love you Remus. I love you and there's nothing you can do or say to try and stop that. And believe me, you've tried just about the worst things you can and still, I love you," Tonks said firmly.

"No," Lupin said shaking his head. "I won't do this to you. You have to listen to–"

"No! You have to listen," Tonks half yelled. "We're no different to Bill and Fleur. And you heard everyone in that room. You are being ridiculous. You love me, why must you make it so difficult for me to do the same? I want to be with you and no amount of transformations, scars, or bruises are going to stop that. It's about time you grew up."

Lupin blinked at her. He needed to grow up? The sensible, reasonable, and rational one was being told to grow up?

"I am not behaving like a child and I am not being ridiculous. This is to benefit you. Your life will forever ever be complicated. You would not wish to be with someone as old, poor and dangerous as me!"

"Yes I do!"

"No you won't!"

"Stop it! Don't you think over a year maybe I would have worked that out? That maybe I would have decided if you were right for me? I wouldn't go through all the pain I went through for nothing. It's not simple anymore, you're right, but it shouldn't be. What about anything we've done has been simple?" Tonks yelled, her eyes brimming with tears. "I love you. Stop being such a prat and just tell me you love me. Tell me you're sorry that you've ruined every other man on this planet because of how you are, sorry for hurting me, sorry for being a complete moron and just tell me that you want to be with me."

Lupin stared down at her. One of the tears slipped down her cheeks, but Tonks ignored it, choosing to glare at Lupin until he answered. He felt horrible. No body understood him. Everybody was continuing this idea in her mind that the two of them should be together. He wouldn't drag her down to darkness that consumed his life. He felt incredibly sorry for everything he had done to her, that was true and he wished more than ever that he could say those things to her, but he couldn't. She needed to understand him.

"Nymphadora I– "

Tonks eyes narrowed further as she interrupted him.

"You're already in my bad books sunshine. Don't add to it with that name," Tonks snapped.

Lupin couldn't help but smile slightly despite himself. Her saw Tonks give a brief smile as well, but it quickly disappeared, as did Lupin's.

"Remus, I don't care. You have to accept that."

"No, I don't. This isn't something you can just ignore!" Lupin said, finally getting angry at her continual dismissal. "We can't just pretend it's not there, like it doesn't exist. This affects every single facet of my life! I would never forgive myself for forcing that on you."

"But I don't care! Let me make the choice for myself, not you. Let me!"

Tonks had grabbed the front of his robes again as she spoke, and was almost pleading with him. Her eyes were brimming with tears, something he was nearly used to with her, but it still tore at his heart. He wanted to let her in, he wanted to hold her, to kiss her, to never have to let her go, but he couldn't do that to her.

"I'm sorry Dora," Lupin said. "I can't be what you deserve. I never will be. I'm sorry."

Tonks dropped her hands and took a step back, shaking her head at him. Instantly she shrunk a little bit in his eyes.

"No, you won't, and that makes all the difference," Tonks said turning away from him, though he glimpsed a tear slipping down her cheek.

"Dora," Lupin said as she walked away.

She kept walking

"Dora," he cried again, but still nothing stopped her.

Lupin stared at the wall ahead of him, falling back against it. The events of the evening began crashing down on him. Everything was wrong. Dumbledore was gone. The one man who provided everything, had done everything, was gone, just like that. Lupin felt his eyes burn. James, Lily, Sirius and now Dumbledore. What more could he handle? Who would be next? Tonks? He wanted to leave. He couldn't stand to stand there surrounded by everything that reminded him of the great man that gave him a life. He pushed off the wall and began walking out of the castle at speed. He felt the hollow he'd had inside him since last year expand astronomically. The wave was rearing its ugly head again, threatening to engulf, but this time he had no Tonks to hold him, and that was entirely his fault. Never again would he talk to Dumbledore, never again would he see him, and never again would he be cared for by something so great as that. Lupin pushed through the doors onto the lawn, and felt the cold air hitting him in the face, just as two tears escaped down his cheeks.

**To be continued…**


	70. The Order Duty

**This was written over three days, but I have spent so many days re-reading, editing, changing bits and freaking out over things I've added that I'm worried you'll hate, or if it seems out of character, damn self doubt!**

**I dislike that most of this is Tonks stuff, then the end, is such a thing best described through Lupin, happened in the last chapter too!**

**Nonetheless I LOVE REVIEWS! I love your reviews. All of them. You make me feel amazing, as does the amount of hits I have. Blows me away. You guys make me smile. Please review, especially with this, as self doubt nearly made me shackle one of you reviewers in to judge for me.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

"Where have they gone?" Nymphadora Tonks yelled through the dust filled, dark, and haunting corridor.

Tonks felt exhilarated. Slightly worried as to why Death Eaters were in Hogwarts, but still, she was finally back in her element. She felt more like her old self than she ever had. Something about the anxiety, the adrenaline, and the fear that just seemed to awaken her senses.

"Through the door," McGonagall screamed.

"Is everyone okay?" Tonks heard Lupin's hoarse voice say, and relief spread through her like wildfire. "Ron, Neville, Ginny?"

"We're fine," Ginny said, her voice hollow.

Tonks could make out her shape by Bill, who Tonks knew had been attacked by Greyback.

"Is he alive Gin?" Tonks asked her quietly.

"I think so," Ginny replied, still sounding Hollow.

Tonks looked up and found the dust had cleared, and that Lupin was making his way to the door, which Neville had failed to get through.

"They might come back," Tonks said, lighting her wand and inspecting it.

There were thundering footsteps approaching them from behind. All of them rounded on the archway, where they had first entered. Snape appeared in the darkness, his wand lit underneath his face. Relief spread through Tonks at the sight of another Order member, and one as powerful as Snape.

"Severus, Thank Merlin. Death Eaters. They've gone up through the door," McGonagall said, her voice sounding so relieved.

Snape ran straight past Tonks. She wondered if maybe he'd even recognized that they were there at all.

No!" Tonks yelled at Snape. "There's some kind of protectio– "

But her words died before she'd even finished saying them. Snape ran straight at the doors, but instead of being thrown back like everyone else had, Snape disappeared into them like the Death Eaters had. From the corner of her eye, Tonks saw Lupins print at the door as well. Tonks was just about to run herself, thinking that the protection had fallen, when Lupin stopped. He was picked up into the air, and slammed back into the floor with a loud sickening crack.

"Remus!" Tonks yelled, fear flooding through her.

She was on the ground beside him before he'd even opened his eyes. As his eyes flicked open, Tonks grabbed his arm, and then slowly helped him to sit up. She felt lost again, just as she had done earlier with Dumbledore. There was no way to get to them. The door was still sealed, but how had Snape gotten through? She looked across at Lupin. He always had answers.

"What do we do?" Tonks asked.

"We wait. Snape is up there. He knows what he's doing," Lupin said not sounding as sure of himself as Tonks had hoped for.

Tonks got to her feet as Lupin did. She was just about to ask if they should attempt to find another way inside, when she heard loud footsteps.

"They're coming," Tonks heard Ron yelled.

Tonks held her wand out in front of her, preparing for the next onslaught. There was a split second in which Tonks saw the doors open, Snape was standing with a tall young man, and then there was a loud explosion. Tonks glanced up and saw parts of the ceiling falling. She dove out of the way instantly, grazing her forearms on the rubble from the previous battle.

"The door!" Tonks heard Lupin roar. "Come on!"

Tonks got to her feet again, and found Snape pushing the boy forward, who on closer look was Draco Malfoy. Lupin and Tonks both pointed their wands behind, preparing for the enemies she knew would be chasing Snape.

"Snape! What happened?" McGonagall cried at him.

Snape didn't respond he just continued pushing Draco forwards at a run. Tonks didn't have time to wonder why he hadn't bothered to respond, because instantly the rest of the Death Eaters arrived. Lupin began dueling. There was a giant Death Eater, who was firing spells everywhere, hitting walls, statues, paintings, and she was narrowly missing people. Tonks leapt towards the Death Eater, firing her own barrage of spells.

She could hear Snape's voice screaming something, but she didn't know what. She hoped he wasn't in trouble. The Death Eater fired more and more spells at Tonks and she had to duck and dive through the rubble on the ground just to avoid them. Green flashes were going past her, as well, meaning this Death Eater was trying to kill her. Then without her knowledge, something hit Tonks and she tripped backwards, smacking her head into the wall.

Tonks opened her eyes. Everything was blurry and dizzying. She groaned, but quickly stood, snatching up her wand which had fallen from her hand. She instantly felt light headed as she experienced an enormous head rush. She held her wand out, though she could barely see, expecting to be hit by a curse, but nothing happened. She saw someone firing a curse at the huge Death Eater, and then it sprinted off in the wrong direction. Tonks looked around, her vision now fully restored, ready to pick up fight with another Death Eater, but found none around. They were all gone.

"They're gone," Tonks said loudly.

"Harry went after them," Ginny cried.

"What do we do?" Tonks asked, looking at McGonagall and Lupin.

"We have to get everyone to the Hospital wing," McGonagall said firmly. "Snape is there."

Tonks glanced at Lupin and found him looking down the corridor they'd entered through. An ominious sign being the bloody footprints that now ran all down it.

"Now,' McGonagall said steadfastly to Lupin.

Eventually, Lupin conjured up a stretcher and lifted Bill onto it. Bill was still unconscious His face was entirely ripped apart and there was blood all over him.

"Someone needs to contact Molly and Arthur," Tonks said, looking down at Bill, knowing they would need to find out.

McGonagall took charge, and a bright white cat burst from her wand tip and fled the scene instantly. They found Neville slumped against a wall, also unconscious. Lupin conjured another stretcher, and placed him upon it.

* * *

"What is going– Minerva! What happened?" Madam Pomfrey exclaimed as they came into view.

Hermione and a thin, dreamy looking blonde girl were standing beside Madam Pomfrey. Hermione instantly clasped her hand over her mouth as she spotted them.

"Death Eaters in the castle," McGonagall explained.

Within seconds Poppy had Neville and Bill in a bed each, and then began studying Bill's face

"Professor Flitwick was knocked out," Hermione continued, when McGonagall looked at her. "He's fine."

"I will have to go and see if the students are okay, and discover what happened with Severus. Ginny, would you mind collecting Harry if you can find him and bringing him straight here," McGonagall said.

Tonks watched Madam Pomfrey search and search for something, and finally she returned with a small bottle. As she unscrewed the lid, a foul smell filled the air. She began dropping little droplets of it over Bill's wounds, but they weren't closing up. Tonks looked up, she was standing right beside Bill's bedside, Poppy working beside her. Lupin was across from her, nervously tapping his foot and staring out the window. Tonks knew what he was waiting for, and she'd have been lying if she said there wasn't any anxiety within her knowing Harry was not here yet. She heard the doors of the Hospital Wing open and as she saw who walked in, she heard Lupin let out a huge sigh, along with Hermione and Ron. Harry had walked through the doors, only to be hugged instantly by Hermione.

"Are you all right Harry?" Lupin asked, but Tonks noticed he still looked nervous.

"I'm fine… How's Bill?" Harry said.

Harry's green eyes found Tonks, and then slid down to Bill.

"But he wasn't bitten at the full moon Greyback hadn't transformed, so surely Bill won't be a – a real –"

Ron, who'd been speaking, looked up to Lupin.

"No I don't think Bill will be a true werewolf," Lupin explained slowly. "But that does not mean there won't be some contamination. Those are cursed wounds. They are unlikely to ever heal, and – Bill might have some wolfish characteristics from now on."

"Dumbledore might know something that'd work though," Ron said, looking at Lupin hopefully. "Where is he? Bill fought those maniacs on Dumbledore's orders, Dumbledore owes him, he can't leave him in this state–

"Ron – Dumbledore's dead."

Tonks felt her heart rate increase within seconds. Her head snapped between each of the people in the room. No one refuted Ginny.

"No!" Tonks heard Lupin cry, then collapse into a chair.

A searing pain started in her stomach. Her eyes were burning, and tears slipped down her cheeks quickly. He couldn't be dead. Dumbledore could not be dead. How would any of them survive without him? He was their backbone, without him, they were all lost.

"How did he die?" Tonks heard herself say, hoping maybe the 'how' would help.

"Snape killed him. I was there. I saw it. We arrived back on the Astronomy Tower because that's where the Mark was… Dumbledore was ill, he was weak, but I think he realised it was trap when we heard footsteps running up the stairs He immobilised me, I couldn't do anything. I was under the Invisibility Cloak" Harry said quickly, sounding like he was trying to prove to everyone and himself that he couldn't have done anything. "And then Malfoy came through the door and disarmed him and more Death Eaters arrived – and then Snape - and Snape did it. The Avada Kedarva."

The sadness within her was instantly replaced by a white-hot burning hatred. Snape. The greasy git! Dumbledore had trusted him. Sirius and Lupin had always fought over him, everyone had. Yet, it had been him to deliver the final blow. McGonagall slipped back into the room, and stood nearest to Harry.

"Molly and Arthur are on their way," came McGonagall's voice. "Harry, what happened? According to Hagrid you were with Professor Dumbledore when he…" There was a pause and McGonagall looked away for a moment before continuing. "When it happened. He says professor Snape was involved in some– "

"Snape killed Dumbledore," Harry interrupted, his voice empty and hollow.

McGonagall seemed to tettering on her own feet, and Madam Pomfrey was quick to conjure a chair a slide it beneath her just as she dropped into it.

"Snape. We all wondered… but he trusted … always … Snape… I can't believe it," McGongall muttered.

"Snape was a highly accomplished Occlumens," Lupin said his voice extremely harsh. "We always knew that."

Tonks glanced up and found Lupin staring down at Bill, his eyes brimming with tears, but his face pale as anything. He looked so angry, and Tonks felt the same amount within herself.

"But Dumbledore swore he was on our side!" Tonks whispered at him. "I always thought Dumbledore must know something about Snape that we didn't."

It was more of a question. She always used to ask Lupin question about things like this. After all, he had lived with most of these people, he knew them far better than she had. His dark blue eyes met hers again. For the briefest of seconds they seemed to soften.

"He always hinted that he had an iron-clad reason for thrusting Snape. I mean… with Snapes history… of course people were bound to wonder… but Dumbledore told me explicitly that Snape's repentance was absolutely genuine… wouldn't hear a word against him!" McGonagall muttered, talking almost to herself, and dabbing her eyes with a tartan handkerchief.

Tonks stopped for moment. Snapes repentance. She had always wondered that. How had the greatest man alive been hoodwinked by him? She detested him.

"I'd love to know what Snape told him to convince him," Tonks growled.

"I know," came Harry's voice. "Snape passed Voldemort the information that made Voldemort hunt down my mum and dad. Then Snape told Dumbledore he hadn't realised what he was doing, he was really sorry he'd done it, sorry they were dead."

"And Dumbledore believed that?" Lupin said incredulously. "Dumbledore believed Snape was sorry James was dead? Snape hated James…"

Tonks was almost angry with Dumbledore. How had he been so foolish? How had he believed those lies? Her thought patterns was interrupted

"This is all my fault," McGonagall said suddenly. "My fault. I sent Filius to fetch Snape tonight, I actually sent for him to come and help us! If I hadn't alerted Snape to what was going on, he might never have joined forces with the Death Eaters. I don't think he knew they were there before Filius told him, I don't think he knew they were coming."

"It isn't your fault Minerva. We all wanted more help, we were glad to think Snape was on his way," Lupin said firmly.

And it was true. Tonks felt sick for even worrying about him as she had. Everyone began to explain away the evening details. Tonks and Lupin filled in the gaps they could. Hermione, Ron and Ginny did the same. Harry had explained the way malfoy had brought the Deaht Eaters in. It was genius. Like nothing she ever would have thought of. It was only as they reached the end that Tonks heard it. It was beautiful. It made Tonks feel sad, but not in the never-ending tunnel of darkness way she had been feeling. It was like hope was making music. It was as if nothing had gone wrong, like Dumbledore was still there and this was his music. She had tuned out everyone around her as she listened hungrily, longing for the feeling to stay. There was an extremely loud bang that awoke Tonks, and she saw Molly, Arthur, and Fleur enter the Hospital Wing, all looking terrified in their own way.

"Molly – Arthur – " McGonagall said instantly, jumping to her feet. "I'm so sorry."

"Bill," Molly uttered weakly

She moved past McGonagall and caught sight of her son.

"Oh Bill!" Molly croaked.

Tonks jumped up from her spot, allowing Fleur and Molly to take it. The same questions were directed at Lupin as earlier. Silence descended as they all watched Molly begin to dab at Bill with the horrible smelling potion Madam Pomfrey was using.

"And Dumbledore… " Arthur muttered, not sound as distracted this time. "Minerva, is it true… is he really?"

McGonagall nodded and Arthur put his hand to his forehead, looking bewildered.

"Dumbledore gone…" Arthur muttered shaking his head.

Tonks watched Fleur pouring over Bill. Her eyes glanced to Lupin, who she'd only just realized she was standing beside. Tonks had always found the similarities between both couples annoying, as one was completely without complication. Now, she knew that would be different. She almost wanted to stop Fleur before she entered Tonks' world.

"Of course it doesn't matter how her looks… it's not r – really important … but he was a very handsome little b – boy … always very handsome… and he was g – going to be married!" Molly blubbered.

"And what do you mean by zat?" Fleur said suddenly and loudly. "What do you mean, 'e was _going_ to be married?"

Tonks shuffled her weight, feeing awkward. The atmosphere intensified.

"Well – only that – "

"You theenk, because of these bites, 'e will not love me?"

"No, that's not what I– "

"Because 'e will! It would take more zan a werewolf to stop Bill loving me!" Fleur snapped back.

Tonks couldn't believe what was happening in front of her. She bumped into Lupin, hoping to remind him of something. She was struggling to contain the urge to yell at him. Fleur didn't care either, and that made everything okay for them.

"Well, yes, I'm sure," Molly stuttered, "but I thought perhaps – given how – how he –"

"You thought I would not weesh to marry him? Or per'aps you 'oped? What do I care how 'e looks? I am good looking enough for the both of us, I theenk. All these scars show is zat my husband is brave! And I shall do zat," Fleur snapped again, snatching the ointment from Molly and pushing her aside.

Tonks was struggling to contain her urges. It was too perfect, in the most infuriating way. She echoed everything Fleur was saying. She didn't care. She loved him, and she had always thought him brave. Why couldn't he see this? Why was it so unbelievable for him? She loved him, just like fleur, and if that was okay for her, it should be okay for Tonks. It was Fleur's choice to carry the burden; she was making her choice to stay no matter what.

"Our Great Auntie Muriel has a very beautiful tiara – goblin made – which I am sure I could persuade her to lend you for the wedding. She is very fond of Bill, you know, and it would look lovely with you hair," Molly said sheepishly.

"Thank you," Fleur said stiffly, her eyes flicking from Bill to Molly. "I'm sure that will be lovely."

Tonks turned all her attention to Lupin. She glared at the side of his face, and was almost glad to see his eyes flick to her nervously. She could hear Fleur and Molly sobbing, but she didn't care. She was going to make her point whether he liked it or not, she didn't even register the other people standing there anymore; it was about the two of them and everything they had just witnessed.

"You see!" Tonks said, as she could contain it no longer. "She wants to marry him, even though he's been bitten. She doesn't care!"

"It's different," Lupin muttered out of the side of his mouth, looking mortified. "Bill will not be a full werewolf. The cases are completely– "

In a swift movement Tonks had him by the front of his robes. She wanted to shake sense to him, or hit him, she wasn't sure. But she needed him to understand. She needed him to see everything the way she did.

"But I don't care either, I don't care!" Tonks yelled at him, shaking him slightly. "I've told you a million times…"

"And I've told _you_ a million times that I am to old for you, too poor… too dangerous," Lupin said back, slightly more forcefully, but still refusing to meet her eyes.

"I've said all along you're taking a ridiculous line on this, Remus," Molly interrupted.

Tonks felt her eyes begin to burn again. After everything they'd seen, he still could not see. She dropped her hands.

"I am not being ridiculous," he said, taking a deep breath. "Tonks deserves somebody young and whole."

"But she wants you," Arthur retorted. "And after all, Remus, young and whole men do not necessarily remain so."

Her hope lifted at all their words. They were right. She was right. She turned back to Lupin, glaring at him again.

"This is… not the moment to discuss it. Dumbledore is dead… " Lupin said trying to divert attention from himself.

"Dumbledore would have bee happier than anybody to think that there was a little more love in the word," McGonagall said and Tonks nearly wanted to hug her.

Before Tonks could speak again, Hagrid arrived. Soon after Harry and McGonagall left, and then, before Tonks could get her hands on him again, Lupin left.

"You have to go dear," Molly said.

"I don't know if there is a point," Tonks sighed.

"If you love 'im, there iz alwayz point," Fleur said, meeting Tonks' eyes.

Molly looked on approvingly, before turning back to Bill, and with that, Tonks left.

* * *

Tonks spotted Lupin in the corridor ahead, leaning against the archway looking completely exhausted.

"Are you okay?" Tonks asked, trying not to sound as worried as she did.

He shook his head.

"I don't understand you," Tonks said after a long silence.

"I know," Lupin responded immediately.

"You could explain," Tonks said firmly, narrowing her eyes on him.

"It's just not as simple as that," Lupin said, indicating the hospital with his hands. "He's not a werewolf. He wouldn't transform. There's a whole range of differences between those two and us."

"But I don't care," Tonks protested, raising her voice. "How many times do I have to tell you that I don't care what you are? What is it going to take?"

"It's not about your desires. You would care. Eventually you would regret the choices you had made, the new life you would have to be a part of," Lupin said, trying to sound reasonable.

"Don't I get to decide what I want? Don't I get a say in my life?" Tonks replied angrily.

"No, because I know the right choice for you," Lupin muttered.

"No you don't," Tonks spat indignantly.

"I don't mean that I should make choices for you. I just meant there is feeling and emotion that are going to cloud your reason and judgment."

Tonks paused for a moment, eyeing him off. He was so against feeling. He was fighting it so hard, and she never understood why. Sure it was terrifying. She felt completely terrified about being in love with him, but she liked it, because he was there too.

"Yes there's feeling. I love you Remus. I love you and there's nothing you can do or say to try and stop that. And believe me, you've tried just about the worst things you can and still, I love you," Tonks said firmly.

"No," Lupin said shaking his head. "I won't do this to you. You have to listen to–"

"No! You have to listen," Tonks half yelled. "We're no different to Bill and Fleur. And you heard everyone in that room. You are being ridiculous. You love me, why must you make it so difficult for me to do the same? I want to be with you and no amount of transformations, scars, or bruises are going to stop that. It's about time you grew up."

"I am not behaving like a child and I am not being ridiculous. This is to benefit you. Your life will forever ever be complicated. You would not wish to be with someone as old, poor and dangerous as me!"

"Yes I do!"

"No you won't!"

"Stop it! Don't you think over a year maybe I would have worked that out? That maybe I would have decided if you were right for me? I wouldn't go through all the pain I went through for nothing. It's not simple anymore, you're right, but it shouldn't be. What about anything we've done has been simple?" Tonks yelled, feeling her eyes burn. "I love you. Stop being such a prat and just tell me you love me. Tell me you're sorry that you've ruined every other man on this planet because of how you are, sorry for hurting me, sorry for being a complete moron and just tell me that you want to be with me."

There was a long pause in which the two kept their eyes locked.

"Nymphadora I– "

Tonks eyes narrowed further as she interrupted him.

"You're already in my bad books sunshine. Don't add to it with that name," she snapped.

Lupin smiled and as much as she didn't want too Tonks did as well. For a moment, it felt good. The smile died away, and then Tonks realized he was going to say no again.

"Remus, I don't care. You have to accept that."

"No, I don't. This isn't something you can just ignore!" Lupin said, finally getting angry at her continual dismissal. "We can't just pretend it's not there, like it doesn't exist. This affects every single facet of my life! I would never forgive myself for forcing that on you."

Tonks lunged forwards and grabbed his robes again, she was pleading now, she aad nothing left.

"But I don't care! Let me make the choice for myself, not you. Let me!"

"I'm sorry Dora," Lupin said, looking away. "I can't be what you deserve. I never will be. I'm sorry."

Tonks dropped her hands and took a step back, shaking her head at him. They were all wrong. She would never be with him. He would never allow him

"No, you won't, and that makes all the difference," Tonks said turning away from him as tears slipped down her cheeks again.

"Dora," Lupin said as she walked away.

Tonks kept walking, tears streaming now; she didn't want to look at him again.

"Dora," he yelled again, but nothing would stop her.

* * *

Tonks arrived back in her flat, after gathering her things from Hogsmeade, and having to break the news to Rosmerta, who burst into tears, before running straight to the Hogs Head. Tonks had barely paid much attention, but wondered why she had gone to drink at a different pub and not her own. She walked straight to her bedroom and fell onto her body, completely gripped with exhaustion. She pulled herself up into a ball and curled over her pillow nearly, so desperate to protect herself from the onslaught of feelings inside her. Dumbledore gone. Lupin gone again as well, no doubt. Tonks reached down and grabbed her wand from her jeans.

"Expecto Patronum," she whispered, thinking of Dumbledore smiling wide, and of Lupin's warm embrace.

The wolf flew from her wand tip and then began its usual circle around the bed. Tears dripped from her nose onto the pillow as the bright white wolf looked on.

* * *

The following morning, after a very early owl, Tonks arrived at Grimmauld Place as she'd been ordered to. The building was already there before she thought of the adress, which baffled Tonks for a moment, until she remembered that the secret keeper was dead. She entered the building, feeling a shiver as she crossed the threshold. This place had a terrible sense of foreboding, but Tonks wondered if that was because of what had happened the last time she had been here. Dust had accumulated again, cobwebs too and the gas lamps took longer than she remembered to flicker on. She could hear the distant mumble of voices, and journeyed towards them. She arrived downstairs in the kitchen and found Moody, Kingsley and Lupin looking at her, their conversation stopping the minute she arrived. Moody came at her quickly.

"What was the first piece of advice you were ever given by myself?" he asked, looking threatening.

Tonks barely had time to think, she spat out the first thing that came to her mind.

"Constant vigilance?"

Moody stared at her longer, until Kingsley interrupted.

"Sit down Mad-Eye, it's her. Morning Tonks," Kingsley boomed, looking solemn.

"Hi," Tonks muttered taking a seat at the table, avoiding Lupin's gaze.

"Arthur wanted me to inform everyone that Bill is fine, and apologize for his absence, he's staying at the Burrow with Molly to calm her down while Bill is in hospital," Kingsley explained. "We were just discussing the fate of the Order, what we should do, and how we approach the next meeting."

"The first order of business is to double check here. Make sure nothing has been left behind," Moody growled.

"Why?" Tonks asked quickly, wondering what was wrong with this place.

"Because Snape," Tonks felt a fire ignite in her at the mention of the name, "is a secret keeper now, as we all are. The charm is broken. So, we must completely vacate."

Tonks nodded.

"As for Dumbledore," Moody said, his voice sounded heavy. "They are holding his funeral at the school on Friday."

Tonks felt the atmosphere in the room sag at the mention of this. Saying goodbye to Dumbledore seemed like a ridiculous thing to be doing. She still struggled to believe he was dead.

"As for the Order, just like the Fidelius charm, we are all in charge now. The power balance has shifted. We here, who are experienced, need to be ready to take the reins in the places Albus would have," Moody growled.

There was a silence as the news was digested. Days ago, Tonks would have not have thought of herself as a leader of anything.

"The first duty, as said, is this house. Kingsley I'm aware you will have to get back to Prime Minister, Remus, you have volunteered, which leaves you Nymphadora. Are you able to assist Remus?"

Tonks didn't care look at him. The two of them trapped together in this house. That surely would end spectacularly well. She was so caught up in it, she didn't even correct Moody.

"Sure," Tonks said, feeling like she was being put on the spot.

"I shall report back occasionally today as I can manage. I have a meeting with Aberforth," Moody growled. "We will be having a full Order meeting on Friday evening. I cannot press the issue enough, but we have entered a new area of danger now, constant vigilance."

Within a few seconds, Kignsley and Moody had both vacted the room. Tonks wondered, as she sat in a silence a few seats from Lupin if fate had a sense of humor.

"We should get to work," Lupin said, not meeting her eyes. "I suggest we move from the top floor, down."

* * *

Tonks and Lupin steadily worked down the rooms from the top down. She managed to be in charge of Sirius's room, and cracked a wide grin at the sight of his room. His parents must have hated him. She carefully searched through each draw, and cupboard of every room. Doxy's were rife again, as were cockroaches. By the time they reached the dining room, Tonks had found nothing that needed to be taken. They still had the drawing room to go, and Tonks was fiddling around with draw that wouldn't open, when she felt something brush past her leg. Before she could even look, something grabbed her and was drawing her backwards. It was the drapes, the same ones that had strangled Ron all those years ago. Tonks began fighting them, trying to stop them from wrapping around her throat. She wasn't able to reach her wand and the fabric was tightening around her. She heard the door creak open, and then something smashed.

"Finite," Lupin bellowed.

The drapes instantly stopped suffocating her. They hung limp, and Tonks fell to the floor, drawing huge breaths. Why was she always the one to get in these situations? Why did Lupin always have to rescue her?

"Are you okay?" Lupin said, dropping to her side and looking worried.

"Fine," Tonks croaked, massaging her ribs where the drapes had been holding her the tightest.

"Would you like me to look at them?" Lupin asked, placing his hand on her ribs.

Tonks nodded and half lifted her shirt. She could already see some bruising, and fabric burns.

"Did Molly leave any dittany?" Tonks asked, looking up at Lupin, who was still scrutinizing her injuries.

"I will go check."

Lupin returned moments later with a small bottle. Tonks had expected him to hand her the bottle, but instead he indicated to a chair in the corner, and helped her over to it.

"You're going to have to lift your shirt again," Lupin said, sounding embarrassed.

Tonks obliged. This time, instead of just looking at them, his hands met her skin. They were rough as always, but they moved across her skin extremely gently. He kept throwing glances up to her, worrying he was crossing some lines by being this close to her, or touching her so tenderly.

"How do they feel?" Lupin said, still crouched in front.

"Better," Tonks said, meeting Lupin's eyes. "Thank you"

"My pleasure," Lupin replied.

There was the briefest of moments, and if you had not been in the two involved you may not have noticed, but there was a moment. Unspoken words seemed to fall between them, things that should not have been said and things that could not have been said. He still had a grip on her bare skin under her shirt. Lupin's head inched forwards, and Tonks felt her heart rate triple. Then he stopped and pulled his head back.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, his face flushing with color.

Tonks felt like her insides had gone cold.

"Of course you are," Tonks said coldly.

"Please, don't start," Lupin begged, standing up and not looking her in the eye.

"Don't start what? Telling you what a prat you are? Telling you that you're a moron?"

"Yes," Lupin sighed.

Tonks stood up from the chair, readying herself.

"For Merlin's sake Remus, just stay. Just accept that everyone is right and you are wrong. There's nothing you can do to drive me away anymore. I'm going to be here until the bitter end," Tonks spat at him.

"No! There's hope for you still. I won't take that from you."

"Remus I– "

"Stop," Lupin said, meeting her gaze for the briefest of seconds. "We've talked about this. It's not negotiable."

If anything could have angered Tonks more, it was this. What right did he have to tell her she couldn't discuss something if she wanted to?

"I get a say," Tonks said in a low dark voice.

Lupin gave a great sigh.

"I have told you. I cannot do this," Lupin said, using his professor voice.

"No you won't. How many times have I had to say that? It's not that you can't, it's that you wont. You have this stupid idea that I deserve better and– "

"You do!" Lupin interrupted instantly, sounding tense. "I have nothing to offer you. I have no money; I don't have a job, or any prospects to get one. I am far too old for you; I would nearly be old enough to be your father. You must see this how it is, not how you wish it be. Being around me is dangerous. You would be an outcast just as I am."

Tonks instantly dropped her town, fighting the little girl inside her that was jumping up and down on the spot demanding to get its way. She tired a different tact, something she thought could work.

"Stop using your head Remus," Tonks said, stepping towards him and placing her hand on his chest, over his heart. "Listen to that. What does it tell you?"

Lupin's eyes met Tonks's, he looked slightly worried, possibly because of how close she was, but then he closed his eyes.

"Of course I want to be with you, and that's exactly what every element of my being tells me," Lupin said meeting her eyes a tender expression in his face. "But I have to think of more than my own wants. I can't offer you what you deserve. I'm too old, too– "

"The standard Remus response isn't it? Too old, too poor and too dangerous. Let's review that shall we," Tonks snapped retracting her hand from him and holding up three fingers.

"Dora– " Lupin started.

"No, lets do it. Too poor you say? When have I ever seemed the type of girl," Tonks paused, wrong word to try and prove she was a grown up. "The type of woman to whom money matters?"

"No. But it's– "

"Exactly. And I'm an auror, I don't exactly live in poverty. So that one's gone," Tonks took a step toward him, and dropped one finger. "Too old was next, correct?"

"That's not something you can argue away," Lupin mumbled.

"Yes I can, I just need a minute," Tonks snapped.

"By all means. I am only getting older," Lupin shot back.

Tonks glared at him.

"With a response like that, it seem perfectly clear that whilst your body might be older, your mind can be just as childish as mine, or even those younger." She dropped another finger, leaving one up, not the one she'd wished to be giving him however. "And too dangerous. Well let's see, I'm a qualified Auror. I have placed myself in numerous life threatening situations and will continue to do so. Plus, Voldemort is back and people are dropping like flies, so I'm not exactly safe without you either, so that point is completely voided."

Tonks dropped the final finger, and looked at Remus.

"You cannot just change things to suit your will. This isn't a game Tonks. This is life. And this is what happens, things change," Lupin said, finally losing his control that tiniest bit. "There is nothing you can say that will convince me otherwise."

There was silence as Tonks digested his words. She wanted to grab him and shake him. The room they stood in was filled with memories, beautiful memories, which were so jarring to think of at a moment like this.

"I'm sorry but– "

"You've said that so often it's lost all meaning," Tonks shot back darkly.

"Well, what do you want? I implore you Tonks to please, just see reason. Understand what I come with. You must not only think of the present, you must think of the future. You would lose your friends, your family and you would become an outcast as I have. There is so much ahead of you that I would ruin, so much you could not do. A stroll under the moonlight would be completely out of order," Lupin added, perhaps trying to lighten the mood.

"I have never been one for romantic clichés," Tonks shot back, and Lupin sighed.

"I'm sorry. This isn't a discussion. I told you last year, we cannot be together and I stand by that," Lupin said, dropping his voice. "I would never forgive myself for the devastation I would cause for you. I care for you too much to do that."

He turned away, as if he was going to leave.

"No. You don't get to leave me again," Tonks spat at him.

He turned back, looking decidedly nervous.

"You can't do this! I've proved every one of your reasons wrong! You can't still not want to be here," Tonks continued, fighting the sadness building inside her, because he wasn't backing down, he wasn't accepting her like he should and that was becoming obvious after this many arguments.

"I can, and I must," Lupin added.

Tonks took steps forwards and grabbed the front of his robes.

"No! Maybe I am young, but I'm old enough to know that I want this. Just like Fleur said about Bill. And maybe you are dangerous, but only one night a month," Tonks yelled at him, her eyes brimming with tears as she tried desperately to fight the fear that she couldn't win this. "Maybe all of what you say is true. And still, I don't care, because I love you. This isn't the kind of love that comes by everyday. I know that because if I had to see your face every day I would never tire of it, never desire anyone else, and I will be in love with you for the rest of my life. So, who cares about the reasons? Who really cares about the reasons not to? If I'm here telling you they don't matter, and if your reasons are truly for my sake, then there's no problem. Just love me Remus, be the wonderful man that I know you can be, and love me."

Tonks felt tears falling down her cheeks. Lupin looked slightly stunned, and their eyes stayed on eachother's for want felt like decades. Tonks had hope again. She felt like finally she may have gotten through to him, as he stayed staring at her. Her heart was banging against her rib cage. Then he looked away, and Tonks felt her stomach sink deeper than it felt possible.

"I'm sorry Nymphadora," Lupin muttered, his head hanging, and his eyes closed. "I won't do this to you."

Tonks didn't let him go at first, but slowly her grip loosened. She felt a million different emotions fly through her at once. Sadness, fear, remorse, anger, grief, regret, and embarrassment, just to name a few. When she finally let him go completely, Lupin looked up, his eyes filled with fear and sadness. In an instant an emotion took hold of her, sitting the pit of her stomach, burning. Lupin's blue eyes were locked onto her. She did it, before she'd even realized, and the sound of her slap reverberated through the room. She felt the tears in her eyes give way, and she let out an involuntary sob that nearly brought her to her knees, and instantly she stormed out of the room, her hand still burning.

* * *

Tonks felt drained as she approached Grimmauld Place the following morning. She had not slept, she had not eaten, she had lay in her bed all night sobbing. It was truly done. Tonks could not return from the platform she had spent the last year on by herself. Out on a limb. She'd lost so much of herself the battle with him. Yet still, as hard as she had tried to stop it, she loved him. She hated herself for it, but she did. She had come back here for reasons that baffled her. She assumed that Lupin would have finished the job they'd both been assigned; it was in his nature after all. He would have done it for her. Hoping he could find little ways to make up for the giant darkness he'd left inside her.

As she moved inside, it instantly seemed like the wrong choice. She paused on the steps staring up through the banisters. Up there lay the room where everything had progressed. Where she had totally and completely lost herself, never to be able to retrieve the tiny pieces of her heart that he had shattered. She didn't care about the house being filled with Order information; she struggled to care about a war that's first real causality had been from the top of the Astronomy Tower days previously. She didn't care because she had been her own causality.

Tonks slowly dropped onto the steps as tears slipped down her cheeks, falling so quickly and so easily as though time had taught them exactly what to do. Tonks thought she heard noises, but ignored them, as she fell deeper into her own misery. She heard footsteps, but far from her usual reaction, Tonks stayed stuck to where she'd sat down in the steps leading up to the dining room.

She stared at the wall ahead of her, the umbrella stand in her vision. Tears continued falling, but she had not found a way to stop them, nor had she found the energy. The footsteps got louder. Tonks was thankful that the hair she had been unable for to change over the past year was long enough to hide her eyes. She assumed Moody perhaps would be there, but a different pair of legs invaded her line of sight. She knew those brown, scuffed and tattered shoes. He was back. She felt her heart sink again and even more tears dripped off the end of her nose. She hung her head, feeling completely and utterly worthless.

"What are you doing here? Haven't you done enough?" Tonks croaked.

She expected Lupin to leave, as he always did, but his legs didn't move. Tonks shut her eyes for a moment, feeling two more tears escape. She heard a cracking noise, and opened her eyes to find Lupin kneeled in front of her. His hand stretched out and lifted her chin up, before tucking the hair hiding her face behind her ears. His eyes searched and searched through hers, and all they did was pierce her heart. Those beautiful blue eyes, so damaged, but so whole in a way he would just never understand. Tears slipped down her cheeks again, but Lupin wiped them away as he held the side of her face in his hand.

Still his eyes searched and searched, staring deep within her. She wanted to scream at him, to beg him, but she didn't say anything, she just stared into his eyes, wondering if this would be the last time she could. Would he leave her again? Would she never feel the warmth of his love? Her heart felt like it was shattering into smaller pieces even now. And then, her heart stopped. Lupin gently, ever so gently, moved forwards, bringing his lips to hers. He pulled back after a few moments and gave a small, heart-breaking, smile and without knowing it, Tonks smiled back.

Confusion quickly was replaced with a burning fire deep within her. She met him again with enthusiasm, kissing him hard. Her arms wrapped around his neck, and with more strength than she had expected Lupin had a hand at her back, and lifted her to her feet. The two of them were pressed right against each other. The world seemed to disappear around them. There were no Death Eaters, no murders, no nothing. Their mouths fought at each other's, desperate for as much as possible. Tonks felt Lupin's tongue slip past her own, and goose bumps erupted all over her. Her hands were through as she clung onto him. She didn't know if it was her heart she could feel beating, or his. Without knowing it, they began the ascent up the stairs, not letting go. Tonks didn't care where they were going; it was enough to know Lupin was taking her there.

She felt herself hit a bed, but Lupin's tongue had shifted its position, shifting her world in the process. She'd been here with him before, after saying words to him, the two would do what their bodies were crying out for, so this was not surprising. What was surprising was how he had behaved. It was unlike him to kiss her; she had always kissed him, or at least instigated it in some way. Tonks had no hopes that she could incorrectly raise anymore, but she thought if she had, now would have been the time to get her hopes up.

Hands were quite suddenly everywhere at once. Yet, within all the lust, the frustration, and the speed, Lupin had found a way to slow things down. He pulled himself back ever so slightly, and looked down upon her. His eyes locked onto hers, and she noticed that he had not stopped searching for something. Her shirt was removed with a smooth motion, and his kisses trailed down her neck.

His mouth found her breasts, after freeing them from their supports. His stubble, his constant ever growing stubble that Tonks had always adored, was burning her delicate skin, as his mouth moved hotly across her breast. Her hands plunged into his hair, pulling at it ever so gently as his tongue flicked across a nipple. She couldn't bare him there much longer, fire was spreading deep within her. Tingles shot up and down her spine, connecting with the fire, pushing it towards it boundaries.

His mouth moved back towards her lips, but he was gentle this time, and Tonks was trying all she could to coast the fiery lustful side out of him, but he seemed to want to savor her. The backs of his index fingers ran up her stomach. Tonks arched her back into the bed, trying to move them away from her, but Lupin persisted, following the contours of her body. It was torture, beautiful and sensual sure, but torture nonetheless. He kissed her bottom lip and slid his hands down her ribs. She threw her head back, pushing her body against him. Lupin kissed her collarbone, leaving little red marks, signs of him. She was living in far too much satisfaction to open her eyes.

After a moment, she felt his rough hands slid under her back, and he lifted her slightly. His skin was bare, as he'd obviously just taken off his shirt, and their skin touching made her burn all over. She couldn't handle the pace, she was ravenous, and ready to rip at him until he gave her wanted she needed. She opened her eyes as Lupin lowered himself down with her, and she felt him pressing into her, though jeans and trousers stopped what she ached for. Tonks childishly hated him for his constant need to wear pants. Her hands moved for them, but Lupin caught them, and Tonks responded to his gesture with a pout. Lupin stared through her, his eyes burning as if they could melt steel. He barely cracked a smile, though it was obvious.

"This is not about me," Lupin whispered in her ear, his warm breath sending a shiver down her spine.

Tonks could contain herself; she gripped at the bed linens beneath her, attempting to hold on to something, as she had lost all control elsewhere it seemed. His hands sliding down her ribs again, and his mouth met hers, hot and wet. Her jeans seemed to melt away at his touch, there was no awkward fumbling, but with those hands, there had been. The fire had been spreading inside her at a simmering rate, with the thought of a tiny amount of cotton between her and him, intensified. She moved her hips purely in anticipation; she couldn't help herself, not with the fire burning at her. Every part of her body was calling for him, desperate for him, after so many months apart.

Remus' hand's descended down her frame, as he reached her hips, he stopped, pulling his hands away. Tonks was about to cry out in protest when she felt two hands slide up her legs, his fingertips barely an inch from her warmth. Tonks threw her head back again, loudly exhaling, as her body began to writhe in anticipation. She bit down on her lip, as Lupin gently hooked fingers from each hand on to her underwear. His fingers slid along her skin as he pulled them down. She was raw, exposed and vulnerable now, but she didn't care, she was aching for him. He had what no one could give her, and she didn't even know what it was. As his fingers reached her feet, and her underwear was gone, Tonks felt his lips connect with her legs. He moved his way up her legs, kissing each crevice, and Tonks knew each of her scars, coffee tables be damned, she'd have run into a thousand more if he paid that kind of attention to the marks they left.

As he reached the pinnacle, Tonks bit down on her lip even harder as expectation flooded through her veins. Just as she thought he was going to evade her again, to torture her further, she felt his touch at her warmth. It was gentle again, as he ran his finger over the folds of skin. It was painfully tantalizing, but she knew Lupin knew that. She let out a frustrated moan and snapped her eyes open. Lupin had a very content look on his face. As she tried to sit up, Lupin slipped his hand up her stomach and held her down. His thumb entered the folds of flesh, and he found her spot, causing Tonks' eyes to crash closed again. Delicately he traced the sensitive piece of flesh that felt almost to the point of explosion. Then his body was on top of hers, Tonks grabbed Lupin's neck, forcing his mouth to hers. Each movement of his thumb caused her body to twitch.

She met his mouth hungrily, feeling his tongue trace her own. It felt like she was a world away from her problems, from Dumbledore, from everything. She was in her own world, and only they could be a part of it. Lupin's speed increased, and Tonks felt sweat drip down her back as she arched it again, pushing herself against his hand. The hot pool inside her was thrashing against the barriers. She couldn't keep a coherent mind; she could barely concentrate enough to truly feel what was happening. Her world was about to implode and she couldn't have cared. It happened without knowledge, and took her completely by the surprise. The dam burst and Tonks could do nothing but break the kiss to exhale against his lips, to release some of the pressure that was bursting out of her.

Tonks hadn't even realized she had been holding her breath. She flicked her eyes open, still breathing raggedly against Lupin. He met her with a kiss, but she broke it again, still trying to catch her breath. Every part of her body screamed from exhaustion and sensitivity, she twitched as Lupin removed his hand. Her limbs felt heavy, but she moved them towards his pants. He had completely wet her appetite, but she knew there was a main course. His belt fell to her hands inability to move, given the feeling her body was attempting to get over. She had the belt gone, and the trousers were pulled down faster. There was a quivering buldge awaiting her, and she was just as zealous as it was.

Before Tonks could attempt anything, Lupin grabbed her around the shoulders and hoisted her back to his level. His mouth met hers, hot, wet and needy. She could feel him pressed against her stomach, and she hated how he was making her wait. The pool was growing, and how she longed for it to burst again. She had her arms around his neck, their mouths locked in their own fiery dance. She could feel his breath coming onto her face in tattered bursts. His sex was at her entrance, teasing her, as he had down all this time, but she would not stand for this.

In a movment, slightly less fluid than she would have liked, she was on top of him, pinning him down. He resisted, but she had him pinned. She raised her hips high enough that he was able to test the waters, but not dive just yet. His eyes met hers, and his hands moved to her hips, pushing them down, but she fought it; after all it was not his call. This was a battle for dominance, and he would not win. His eyes begged and pleaded, but Tonks continued to move over him, teasing him, making him taste his own medicine, until she could no longer bare it either. She moved down onto him quicker than she had expected too.

A noise arose from each of them as they exhaled, their names had been called out, but it disappeared as soon as it arose. They were together again. Their fit was too perfect. His eyes were boring into hers, still searching. Perhaps for permission, but he did not need it, or even forgiveness, though he already had that. He rose and his mouth met hers as he sat up. His arms wrapped around her, moving her on himself. His body was already moist with sweat, as was hers, and they were bound together by his arms. They were only to be pulled apart again by their own doing, Tonks knew that, and nothing physical could tear them away at this moment.

She hadn't realized that he'd moved her underneath him, until she was there. Her hips moved up, allowing him deeper inside her, and he broke the kiss exhale loudly in gratitude.

"Tonks," he moaned desperately.

The hairs on the back of her neck arose at her name coming in a raspy exhale from his lips. She caught them again, and they hit in the frantic clash of teeth and tongues, as each thrust threatened to unhinge her. What more could she lose to him that she hadn't already done so. The world just melted away, and as his speed increased, so did she. She melted into a thousand different pieces as fire spread through her. The barriers were full to bursting, she could feel her muscles contracting and she gripped into Lupin's hair.

"Remus," she exhaled through both their moans and groans.

At least what held them together broke. Both let out a loud cry, and then began panting as they gathered themselves together. Lupin crashed beside her, looking back toward her as they lay next to each other. For a while they lay looking at each other, carefully scrutinizing the other. Lupin opened his mouth and Tonks waited for words that would crush her again.

"I… love… you," he panted breathlessly.

Tonks creased her eyebrows at him, but he said nothing more for a moment, he stared back at the ceiling, catching breath.

"I can't promise you that I will ever stop thinking you are too good for me, I can't promise that," Lupin muttered, looking back at her.

Tonks could see his eyes looking fearful, but her heart was leaping inside her chest.

"It's the truth and I won't hear anything else, nor ever believe it," Lupin whispered. "And I know you believe what I did was stupid."

"Really stupid," Tonks said, a smile on her face.

"Really stupid," Lupin added, "But I– "

"Really _really_ stupid."

"Really _really _stupid_," _Lupin added in again_, _"but I – "

"Monumentally stupid."

"Fine, Monumentally stupid," Lupin added testily.

"I'm mean words can't describe how stupid– "

"I get it Dora," Lupin said firmly.

"Sorry," Tonks said, a sheepish smile on her face.

"As I was saying. I know to you it seemed stupid, but you must understand, I believed it better to ruin your day, that ruin your life."

Tonks lay for a moment, looking at the ceiling, following the cracks with her eyes, they reminded her of him. There was a peaceful stillness surrounding them, but Tonks was quite unsure now as to whether Lupin was readying her for another departure, so she spoke, turning to face him again, and found him staring at her still.

"You know you can't though," Tonks said.

"Can't what?" He asked.

"You can't ruin it with your presence. You can only, and will always, make it better," Tonks finished.

"I'm not going to deny this any longer. As they say, life is too short" Lupin said, continuing on as if he hadn't heard her. "I know I have done foolish things, and said horrible words, and perhaps, after this long, I truly have lost this chance, but– "

"You think I would have allowed all that if you'd lost your chance," Tonks laughed.

She stared at Lupin for a while, her heart still pounding. Did she finally have him?

"Tell me you love me again," Tonks muttered.

"I love you," he said, his voice ringing in her ears, and a smile spreading over her face. "I'm going to wait, every single day, until you can accept my apology for– "

"How much of a git you are?" Tonks laughed, feeling happier than she ever had. "You're an idiot Remus."

"That is very true. Can I ask why?" Lupin muttered, a small smile spreading over his face.

"Because there's not going to be anymore waiting," Tonks announced.

She rolled across to him, stretching an arm over his ribs, and cuddling into him. She felt his arm wrap around her, and for the first time in months, she felt completely content, and completely secure.

"But don't think that means you're out of the doghouse just yet, or, should it be wolf house?" Tonks added, grinning into his chest.

"Oh ha-ha," Lupin muttered.

**To be continued…**


	71. The Black Haired Man

**Oh hurrah! We're about to enter the final book.**

**Okay, this is such a sweet chapter, i'm surprised I don't have diabetes nor have my teeth fallen out given how sickly sweet it is. So much fluff! ****Well deserved and completely to character fluff of course, but fluff nonetheless**

**Yes I am hinting about Snape in the chapter a lot. Conveniently Lupin happened to be out.**

**Sorry for the delay I have been pottermore-ing. Can't wait to read notes on Lupin. There better be some or JK is getting some hate mail!**

**Reviews are changing my world, please keep them coming, all of you are just incredible.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 69**

Remus Lupin stood for a moment, staring at the open doorway, the side of his face burning. He blinked a few times, before turning to his left and continuing to work through the draws of the dining room, almost as if nothing had happened. He didn't want to think about what had transpired, he just continued to work through each nook and cranny of the house methodically. Yet, within every desk drawer, every cupboard, every shiny surface, he saw Tonks. He saw her tears, he saw the pain he'd caused and he saw every horrible word he'd uttered in her presence towards her. Lupin had never come across such guilt for doing the right thing. And he was doing the right thing, but he just didn't remember it ever feeling so horrible.

He made his way into the kitchen; looking in every cupboard for any piece of paper they may have stashed away somewhere. The kitchen looked as if it had already had someone go through it. The china cabinet was completely empty, and Lupin knew it was Mundungus after what he'd been told by Moody. He knelt before the cupboard under the sink, opening it carefully. Inside, amongst some buckets and sponges, he found a small pile of broken cups and plates. A grin spread across his face at the idea of this being Tonks' hidden stash of broken items she wanted no one to find.

Very suddenly his throat became constricted, and he felt his eyes starting to burn. The grief for Dumbledore was very different to what he had experienced with Sirius. He felt so lost without Dumbledore. He had no one to look to in times of trouble, no one to guide him or protect him. He was sad, there was absolutely no doubt about that, but he was disoriented. This man had given him everything. He'd given hope to a boy who had been completely hopeless.

Lupin closed the door on the broken china and stood up. He looked at the kitchen table and was reminded of Sirius. Why, after so long had the hollowness associated with Sirius not disappeared? His thoughts switched to Tonks, as again, he saw the look on her face when he had told her no for what he hoped was the final time. Did she believe he wished to tell her things like that? Didn't she understand that more than ever he wanted to be with her? And that was the problem, he did love her, he loved her enough to want her to be truly happy and that was something he just could not give her.

Molly, McGonagall and Arthur just did not understand, nor did she. This wasn't about his stubbornness. It was about her and she would thank him for it in the future. It had taken all of his willpower not to give in to her as she was screaming at him that she loved him. Lupin sat himself at the end of the table. He felt completely exhausted, and closed his eyes with a sigh, dropping his head into his hands. He had not slept; given the extreme unease he was feeling knowing that Dumbledore was gone, it didn't seem likely that he would in the near future. Every time he had attempted to sleep, horrible memories played out in front of his eyes. Memories Lupin thought he had repressed. The longer he had attempted to sleep, the more he had wished for Tonks. He wanted her soft hands on his skin, enveloping him in security and care.

"What would you have me do?" Lupin said a loud.

In his mind, he knew exactly whom he was speaking to; it was just foolish, as he was not there anymore. He had not been there for a year now, and yet; this was the first time Lupin believed Sirius would have had the right answer. It was then, for the first time, he heard an answer, or at least he remembered one, from long ago. He had forgotten about the conversation, as it had been buried with every other memory Sirius. He had forgotten about them in order to survive, but now as he finally opened his eyes and looked down at the end of the empty table where he had always at, he remembered them.

_It's at times like these when people start making these kind of stupid decisions, for the greater good, and all that bullocks you told me about. I won't let you do the same…So what, once a month you go a little crazy, but that's __once__ a month_…_Stop this whole she deserves someone better nonsense. Maybe she does, but she picked you, in spite of everything she knows about you._

The words pummelled him all at once. Was Sirius the man to trust? The obvious answer was no. Sirius would have evaded all common sense, all rules, all logic and all reason for a woman. Even then, that did not explain McGonagall or the Weasley's. Those all seemed to agree with Tonks. It was mad. Perhaps they did not understand the true stigma of a werewolf, what she would gain.

Sirius' words floated in and out of his mind for a long time as he sat at the table. One minute he would listen to the rest of the people around him, in another he would listen to himself. Hours could have passed as he sat there. There were no window nearby to tell him the state of the light outside. He did not feel hungry, as grief seemed to be his only meal.

She loved him. He loved her. Did the rest matter? No, it had to matter. He loved her, he couldn't do this to her. What if Sirius was right? What if the truth was that she was willing to go through it? She had said it to him enough after all. But she was just listening to feelings, and not logic. Lupin sighed as the battle raged inside him. For the first time, he didn't have the answers. He had no one to consult to find them, and no book to turn to. So he sat at the table of Grimmauld Place, and thought, long into the night and early into the morning.

* * *

The following morning Lupin was still at the table. Slumped over it, asleep for the first time in days. He had not come to a resolution, and Lupin was sure he never would. Sometime in the night he'd decided to finish of the kitchen, and only found a few pieces of paper with old notes, that he set fire to with is wand. After an hour of two of sleep, Lupin jerked awake. He sat himself up, stretching out his back, which was incredibly sore thanks to the awkward sleeping angle.

Like a switch had been flicked, all his problems came tumbling back, and instead of thinking, Lupin thought it was time for action. He wasn't aware of what action, but took a theory he adopted during O.W.L.S, walking away from the problem always brought a fresh opinion.

* * *

Lupin walked through London, down the cobble stoned streets, past the couples sitting down for breakfast, and through the busy looking businessman on their way to the tube. He felt disconnected from all those around him. A large chunk of himself was still wrapped up in the battle at Hogwarts. Dumbledore was gone, Bill was gravely injured, and he was the last man standing once again. He was finally ready to step into the position of leadership, but the thought terrified him. He had never been comfortable to lead, as he'd never thought himself worthy. He had only ever lead when he had to, not because it was his position.

He sat in Regent's Park, watching a boy play with his dog. Dutifully it followed him wherever he went, daring never to let the boy from its line of vision. Lupin was reminded of the patronus he saw come from Tonks' wand. She could have anyone, why would she pick him? His mind tormented him over and over.

There were a thousand other ripped jeaned boys who would chase her across the entire world. A few several hundred boys who were too straight laced that she would be a breath of fresh air that they couldn't live without. Yet, she wanted him, a man with no money, no prospects for a job, far older than her previous conquests (at least as far as he knew), relatively friendless now, and to top it off, a werewolf. There was zero logic in that.

He thought of phrases from the great works of literature he had read. Most underlining the fact that the heart wanted what the heart wanted, and for a moment was surprised she had never used that line on him. Though perhaps in a different way she had said exactly that. To her it did not matter what he was, what he did, or how he came to be, she just wanted all that was him. Was he wrong?

Still the questions plagued him. They would not stop. He would never think his way out of this one. He was too involved to ever see his way out. The sun shined through the trees, warming him and basking him in a beautiful glow. It was a strange comparison, after the loss he had sustained with Sirius, beautiful days such as these seemed to mock him, but this day seemed to like a gift, as if it was to remember the great man he had lost a few days prior.

He thought about those whom he had lost. None of them were here to assist, and it was then a new idea formed in his head. These people were gone, most in the primes of their lives, and here sat Lupin ready to turn his back upon a life he had yearned for. Sirius and James had always been very vocal that Lupin robbed himself of too much because of his condition. Was now the time to listen to his friends? His friends who proved that life was far too short, and opportunities were there to be taken, and not a cause for regret.

Lupin watched the boy and his dog for a while longer, before thinking it was time to leave. He wondered if perhaps journeying to Tonks' flat, to see her, would be wise, but then he remembered the way she had departed his company the night before, and thought better of it. She perhaps would not want to see him, so he journeyed home, still thinking, his mind continuing the same battle, swapping sides, and jumping ships. He was walking on stilts on the very edge of his mind.

* * *

Lupin entered Grimmauld Place, ready to collect a few books he had discovered whilst emptying the house, and head back to his old house. As he walked in, and his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he saw a pair of shoes peeking out from behind the wall. Someone was sitting on the steps and given the type of shoes, he had an inkling who it was. His heart began to beat very quickly again. Was she ready for another round?

He slowly walked the corridor. This close to her, he started to feel clammy, and his mind was roaring into over drive. She was back, she still wanted him after all he had done. Was that foolish? Should she not have been there? She finally came into his view. She was seated upon the steps, he arms on her knees, staring forwards, looking drained and exhausted. Lupin stood in front of her, but she did not acknowledge him at all, she stayed staring forwards.

He stared down at her and in an instant, it was as if finding the answers did not matter. Life was too short, and she was in love with him for whatever logic she wanted to use. She filled the dark hollow inside him that he had always assumed was related to Sirius, James and Lily. What if it was her? He was a fool. He was beyond a fool. Why would he give up something, when there were things he had been made to give up without his control?

"What are you doing here? Haven't you done enough?" Tonks uttered, in a very meek voice.

Lupin bent down, ready to talk to her, ready to apologise. He noticed that her hair was covering her eyes, and she was looking away pointedly, but there were tear tracks down her cheeks. He loved her. He had loved her almost the minute he had met her. Sirius had been very quick to tell him she made him a better person, and now, as he remembered that year, he saw it.

He saw everything she had changed in him. The way she had made him feel so much. How much she had lightened his world with a smile, or a joke. How for the first time she made him feel like there wasn't something missing in his life.

He pushed the hair from out of her eyes, desperate to see her brown eyes, but they still would not meet his. He left her head, and finally the brown met blue. He stared into them, waiting for something to tell him that he was still a part of her, that she would not slap him, nor fight him, but accept him.

With nerves building exponentially as time passed, Lupin could not find the sign he wanted. He would have to take it. He slowly, ever so slowly, inched his head forwards, waiting on a knifes edge for acceptance or refusal. His lips touched hers. They were warm and soft, exactly as he remembered them to be. His breathing had stopped, and he slowly pulled back from her, unable to stop the small smile that crept onto his face, as she had not refused.

In a heart-warming moment, Tonks smiled at him, as they stared at each other. Armed suddenly with the words he would say, as she had given him the strength to say them, Lupin opened his mouth, but was greeted by Tonks, very enthusiastically bringing her lips back to his.

Fire swelled deep inside Lupin, and with strength he was unaware he had left, he had her up on her feet and deepening the kiss. Stumbling upstairs, the two wound around each other, their tongues following suit. Lupin pressed Tonks up against his old bedroom door, elation quickly being replaced by pure desire.

He managed to concentrate long enough to open it, and then kicked it shut as they cross the threshold. Lupin directed her over to the bed, and they crashed into it, accepting the pure bliss it would bring to have her beneath him again.

* * *

Lupin lay beside Tonks, panting and feeling his body burning all over with sensitivity.

"I…love… you…" he panted, ready to say it before she could ever doubt him again.

He stared up at the ceiling, following all the cracks with his eyes. Downstairs, as she had sat on the steps, the words had formed in his mind perfectly, now, his mind was befuddled by the beauty beside him, the joy he had because of her, and the complete wonder that he was allowed to do what he had just done with something that was so perfect.

After such raw expressions of love, was a time for honesty, something she had long been due for. He turned to her, her heart shaped face looking luminescent, and her lips, red and swollen, turned up into a blissful smile, but her eyes were piercing through him, and Lupin knew they were searching to see if he would leave. He could not blame her for that.

"I can't promise you that I will ever stop thinking you are too good for me, I can't promise that," Lupin said, slightly unnerved by how honest he was going to have to be. "It's the truth, and I won't hear anything else, nor ever believe it."

Tonks blinked, but she made no movement, or comment to let Lupin know she was going to agree, so he pushed on.

"And I know you believe what I did was stupid– "

"Really stupid," Tonks said, a smile on her face.

"Really stupid," Lupin added, smiling as well, "But I– "

"Really _really_ stupid."

"Really _really _stupid_," _Lupin added in again_, _"but I – "

"Monumentally stupid."

"Fine, Monumentally stupid," Lupin added the humor very quickly disappearing.

She, of all people, would understand the difficulty here, and she thought it wise to mock him?

"I'm mean words can't describe how stupid– "

"I get it Dora," Lupin finally interrupted, raising his eyebrows at her and pursing his lips.

"Sorry," Tonks said, a sheepish smile on her face.

"As I was saying. I know to you it seemed stupid, but you must understand, I believed it better to ruin your day, than ruin your life," Lupin explained, looking at her hopefully.

Tonks turned her head, and began to rake the ceiling as he had when searching for words. There was every possibility she was searching for the words to dismiss him, as he had done to her, but he waited patiently, watching her with baited breath, expecting the worst, but silently hoping for the best. The very Remus Lupin like methodology.

"You know you can't right," Tonks said to the ceiling.

"Can't what?" Lupin said, as her head turned towards him.

"You can't ruin it with your presence. You can only, and will always, make it better."

Lupin wasn't quite ready to hear what she was saying, it was too blissful, he needed her to know he was staying, that whatever power she held over him was going to keep him.

"I'm not going to deny this any longer. As they say, life is too short. I know I have done foolish things, and said horrible words, and perhaps, after this long, I truly have lost this chance, but– "

"You think I would have allowed all that if you'd lost your chance," Tonks interuppted, a smile breaking over her face.

Lupin gave a small laugh, and two stared at each other again. She looked so content again, so peaceful and more beautiful than he had ever remembered.

"Tell me you love me again," Tonks said airily.

"I love you," Lupin repeated instantly. "And I'm going to wait every single day, until you can accept my apology for– "

"How much of a git you are? You're an idiot Remus," Tonks said, and Lupin felt his heart lift as she used his name, just as he had when she'd called out it mere moments ago in the throws of passion.

"That is true. Can I ask why?"

"Because there's not going to be anymore waiting," Tonks said.

She broke the barrier that had been between them since they was fallen from eachother. She rolled over and cuddled up into him. He felt mostly complete again, and he forgot the dangers that sat directly on their horizon, or the man they would have to give a final goodbye to.

"But don't think that means you're out of the doghouse just yet, or, should it be wolf house?" Came Tonks' voice.

"Oh ha-ha," Lupin said, grinning.

Peace sat between them, and an entire year's worth of exhaustion seemed to break over him. He had not felt so at peace, and so willing to sleep in a very long timw. He glanced down at Tonks ready to say something, and found Tonks fast asleep on his shoulder, and smiling once more, he closed his eyes, drifting off almost instantly.

* * *

Lupin blinked in the harsh sunlight, as he slowly opened his eyes. In the blur he could make out a small head of mousy brown hair beside him. Instantly he felt a warm glow spread through him. Tonks was curled up on his shoulder still, her hand placed over where his heart was beating slowly below. She looked so peaceful, and no longer anywhere near as diminished, although she was far skinnier than before.

If Lupin had been honest, he feared this moment greatly. He was terrified waiting for the moment his mind would turn over and tell him it was best to leave her again. Terrified he would listen, and leave her all over again. Yet strangely, as the thoughts came, he was not as affected as he imagined. He had not made up his mind, but he was thankful to have her sleeping him upon him, happy to wake up to her again, and for now, he deemed that enough, because he loved her enough for it to be.

He pressed a kiss into her forehead, hoping to rouse her from her sleep. Slowly she began stirring. She blinked a few times, stretching slightly, and then she found him. For a moment she looked worried as well, and he did not blame her, they had been in this position before.

"Good morning," he said, smiling at her.

"Morning," Tonks said airily, smiling back.

Lupin was unsure of the right gesture to prove something to her, and instead answered the need inside him to have those lips upon his again. As he opened his eyes, he found Tonks looking at him, completely wide eyed, fearful. It took him a moment to notice what was wrong, but, by then, she was already grabbing the bed sheet, haphazardly throwing it around her body, and jumping from the bed toward the mirror. She fell from the bed, tangled up in the bed clothes, but she scrambled up from the floor towards the mirror, not caring about her fall.

"Remus!" she cried, turning around, her mouth agape, her hand in her hair.

Lupin smiled at her, feeling proud in a way he could not describe.

"I have always said pink was a far better choice," he told her, sitting up against the headboard of the bed.

Tonks turned back to the mirror, her hair a bright bubble-gum pink again, and Lupin could see her face cracking into a huge smile.

"I'm me again," Tonks muttered.

"I daresay you have always been you. However much people may have wished otherwise," Lupin added

Tonks turned around, her hair flushing a deep red.

"Ah, now I can notice your moods again. Most excellent," Lupin joked.

Still Tonks did not speak; she only mock glared at him.

"Being cheeky will not get you anywhere in life Remus," she growled at him, launching herself across the room and meeting his mouth in a furious kiss.

Before long, a laugh rang out from the pair, disappearing deep within the house.

* * *

Upon finally resurfacing from each other, Lupin and Tonks began gathering their things.

"Can I offer you company on the walk to work?" Lupin asked, slipping his jumper over himself.

"Oh god, work," Tonks sighed loudly, slapping her hand to her forehead.

"Did you happen to forget?" Lupin asked, smiling over at her.

"Yeah, I guess I got slightly carried away."

After they managed to dress themselves, Lupin and Tonks left Grimmauld Place. They walked together, making small talk. Lupin could not say his mind was truly in the moment he was in. In truth he'd trailed off wondering what on earth he was going to do with his time. He was in a strange limbo, he didn't have any Order responsibilites as yet, and wouldn't until tomorrow nights meeting. He was responding to Tonks, who was happily chatting, with the correct nods and disagreements, but even she seemed to have noticed. Lupin felt her hand land on his lower back.

"You look troubled again," Tonks said warily

Lupin looked down at her as they turned the corner.

"I have nowhere to go," Lupin muttered.

Relief seemed to spread through her face. Perhaps, he thought, she had wondered if he was worried about the two of them.

"I can't give you something to do today, but you can always spend time at my flat," Tonks offered.

Lupin nodded, and smiled his thanks and they kept walking. Upon arrival at the designated entry point, Lupin gave Tonks a kiss; perhaps a little more passionate than he ordinarily would have, but the occasion was a nice one, and underneath the shame of public displays of affection, he felt it was warranted.

* * *

After breakfast at a Muggle café, enduring the stares of the waiters and customers for his shabby attire, he journeyed back to Grimmauld Place. Upon opening the door, Lupin already felt something was wrong. He pulled his wand out and was greeted by Moody at the end of the corridor, who also had his wand out. Lupin froze and did not lower his wand.

"What did I leave for you as the next Defence against the Dark Arts teacher?" Lupin shot at Moody.

"A Boggart in a desk draw and a letter. What job did I set for you in this house?"

"To clean it of all Order related material left behind," Lupin replied instantly.

There was a pause as they both held their wands, and then they lowered them.

"You were certainly thorough," Moody growled. "Struggled to make my way through most of the rooms."

Lupin furrowed his brow. It seemed a strange comment to make, but he ignored it.

"I just need to go upstairs and gather the things I left behind," Lupin explained, turning to walk up the stairs

"No. No need, I gathered them already. They're in the kitchen. Be quick, I'm setting up some enchantments."

Lupin made his way to the kitchen, and found it to be a complete wreck. Nothing like it had been when he'd been in there. Cups and plates were smashed on the floor just outside cupboards that had obviously been emptied in a rush. The empty cutlery draws were left hanging open, and pots and pans were left sprawled out over every surface. Lupin saw his stuff on the kitchen table, and got out before he smashed anything more than Moody clearly already had.

* * *

"Got it all?" Moody growled as Lupin appeared on the landing.

Lupin nodded.

"Good. Well I will see you tomorrow night. I don't know if I will attend the service," Moody said, glancing upstairs.

For a moment Lupin wondered if Moody was able to face the funeral, Lupin himself found it difficult to stomach the thought of attending. He said farewell to Moody and disappeared out the door, holding a few books and his travelling cloak.

* * *

Lupin sat in front of Tonks' fire, his feet on the coffee table and a book he'd found in Grimmauld Place in his lap. He was just about halfway through, and had found the book that had started as a defensive magic textbook to now be slipping towards a Dark Arts enthusiast novel. Still he read on, never being one to close a book without finishing.

He had a half empty cup of tea beside him, and turned to check the time, noting it was far later then when Tonks used to come home, when he heard stomping coming from outside. Tonks appeared in the doorway a moment later, looking to epitome of stressed and exhausted.

"So Scrimgeour is back trying to be the Minster and the head of the Auror Department. Robards yelled at him today," Tonks said as she hung up her cloak. "And they're wanting to interview Harry."

Tonks flung herself onto the couch leaning against Lupin and sighing in frustration.

"What did you say?"

"I told them, and I quote, 'fat chance'"

Lupin chuckled to himself, closing his book.

"How did they take that?"

Tonks moved her head onto his lap.

"I'd say quite well. I got demoted to raid intelligence," Tonks said, rolling her eyes.

Lupin smiled down at her, and began stroking her flame red hair.

"Tea?"

"Oh that would be so good," Tonks replied closing her eyes and massaging her temples. "I've had a headache since my first meeting this morning. Feels like I have a banshee in there."

Lupin pulled his wand from his pocket, and flicked it towards the kitchen. In seconds a fresh cup of tea came floating towards him, and he handed it to her.

"You and your kitchen spells," Tonks said with a smile.

She took a sip, and then lay back on his lap.

"It felt great knowing I got to come home to you though," Tonks said after a long silence.

She looked up at him, and disarmed him with a stare so genuine.

* * *

After a night curled up beside each other, their bodies interwoven, Tonks and Lupin arose the following day with far less enthusiasm than the previous. They kissed good morning, but dressed in silence. Lupin, the first dressed, walked out into the kitchen, flicking his wand at the toaster and the kettle. He made two cups of tea, and four pieces of toast, grabbing one of both and leaning back into the counter. He had a terrible apprehensive feeling in his stomach, he could not quite believe what he was to be doing that day. It was still utterly inconceivable that he would never again talk to Dumbledore, and to now be saying goodbye just seemed ridiculous.

He thought of the first meeting he had ever had with Dumbledore. He'd been so nervous that he'd barely slept, just like the night he'd just had. His parents had told him this new Headmaster was not like the others. That he would not yell at him, curse him, or throw things at him like some people had when he was young.

He remembered how he'd nearly been sick from nerves as he walked into Hogwarts during that summer before he turned eleven, but Dumbledore, the minute he met him, clasped his hand on bended knee, coming to his level. His eyes searched for Lupin's as he averted them, but when they met, Dumbledore had smiled. He would never forget that moment. For the first time, he felt someone truly treat him as a boy, and not a werewolf.

"Remus? Did you hear me?" Tonks interrupted.

Lupin glanced up at her, shaking out his own thoughts.

"Sorry?"

"I said we should probably be going," Tonks said, looking at him. "Are you all right?"

Lupin looked away from a moment, sipping on his tea. Those eyes, those electric blue eyes would never survey him. He felt his eyes burning, but he blinked it away, and sipped his tea. He was aware that Tonks was watching him, but he didn't know if he was quite ready to share. He shut his eyes, waiting for the questions he knew she would ask. Instead, after some footsteps, her hand slipped into his and squeezed it.

"It's okay. Just don't let go," Tonks cooed.

Lupin looked across at her and kissed her forehead. It still amazed him that someone as wonderful as Tonks was standing beside him.

* * *

Tonks and Lupin appeared in Hogsmeade. The day was beautifully sunny, and Lupin nearly smiled at how perfect a day it actually was. There was barely any wind, and the grounds of Hogwarts in the distance looked like a mirage of perfection. Tonks and Lupin made their way up to the road with a group of people, and out into the grounds. Lupin could see white chairs gathered in front, and crowds of assorted looking people assembled nearby. Lupin stopped walking as the enormity of what he was walking towards started to sink in. Tonks kept walking for a few steps, before stopping and walking back to him.

"Come on," she said in a warm voice, grabbing his hand once more.

Lupin followed her as she guided him along, gripping her hand harder than he realised, and as they approached, Lupin put a brave face on. The first to greet them were Molly and Arthur. Molly took one look at the two of them holding hands, and instantly flung her arms around him, crying and smiling at the same time.

"Sorry," Arthur said awkwardly, shaking hands with Lupin once Molly detached herself.

Lupin found the Moody and Kingsley had both come, and he shook hands with each. Tonks began to speak to the two of them about work, and Lupin turned to find Bill and Fleur walking down from the castle. For a moment as Lupin veiwed the castle, a burning hatred filled him at the thought of Snape, but he dismissed it. Today was a day to remember Dumbledore, and not allow it to be clouded by the betrayal of man Lupin had known for over twenty years.

"Good afternoon Fleur. Bill," Lupin said as they approached, Bill held up by Fleur. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," Bill said wincing as he spoke.

"I theenk he will adjust to my cooking better now," Fleur said, smiling at Tonks and Lupin.

"I don't know if Molly will like that," Tonks joked, and surprisingly, Fleur laughed as well.

The twins arrived, wearing shiny black dragonskin jackets. They glanced at Lupin and Tonks, who were still holding hands, with confused looks, but then shrugged, greeting them. Lupin felt like the world was spinning around him so quickly that he couldn't keep up. Meeting all the people, and seeing everyone seemed to drive it from his mind, and then he would remember where they were or see the marble table between the two aisles. Scrimgeour gave them a very displeased appraisal, and Tonks rolled her eyes towards Lupin, who knew something more sinister was happening inside the mans mind.

Rosmerta hugged Lupin, already sobbing, and then people began to take their seats. With fury igniting deep inside him, Lupin spotted a small woman with a black velvet bow in her hair and black robes. Umbridge. He gripped onto to Tonks' hand, who looked around confused, then up at Lupin, who shook his head. All people of importance were here, and then some who were important only to Dumbledore.

"Lupin," Aberforth said, approaching him from behind.

"My condolences Aberforth," Lupin said, shaking his hand. "This is Nymphadora Tonks. A member of the Order."

Aberforth nodded at Tonks, but he looked distracted, and Lupin couldn't blame him. He didn't look as grim as the rest, but he didn't look like he'd had much sleep either. Though with Aberforth it was hard to tell, he never really looked good. Lupin took a seat nearest to the edge away from the lake, beside all the Wealseys and behind Kingsley and Moody and the rest of the Order. The staff and Ministy officals were a few rows ahead of them.

Lupin squinted in the sun, looking out over the Forbidden Forest and Hagrids cabin, his hand still firmly grasped by Tonks. There was noise and Lupin knew it was the students arriving, he turned back to see them all filling the rows on the other side. He made no attempt to spot Harry or the others, as there were too many.

"This feels weird," Tonks mumbled at him.

"It will be okay," Lupin said, squeezing her hand. "I was unprepared at my mother's funeral, but I've found however you wish to feel today is perfectly acceptable."

Tonks cuddled up into his arm.

"You're so wise Remus," Tonks said, smiling at him.

All the staff were seated, McGongall the last to take her spot in the front row. A strange screeching sound filled the air, and Lupin recognised it at once. It seemed to make the feeling of despair in his chest intensify. He turned to the lake to see them. Tonks was looking around wildly, and Lupin turned to her.

"The lake. It's the merpeople," Lupin told her.

Her head snapped towards it

"Wow. I thought they were just scary stores that Myrtle told the young girls," Tonks muttered.

There was a very quiet sob and Lupin turned toward the noise. His heart seemed to skip a beat, and for a second he couldn't quite look at it, like it was bright light that was just too unbearable to stare at. Hagrid was walking down the aisle, tears streaming down his cheeks, and a figure, Dumbledore's body, wrapped in purple velvet, with golden stars attached to it. Tonks squeezed his hand, and Lupin glanced across to find tears already falling into her lap.

Lupin watched as Hagrid placed the body down, and like a freezing cold breeze, he was swept with the final and inescapable truth that Dumbledore was gone. It was presented here in front of him as a lifeless body, draped in material, no longer drawing breath, no longer possessing a beating heart, and no longer there to help Lupin in his deepest darkest hours of need. He could feel a pain building at the back of his throat, as a small man got to his feet and stood in front of Dumbledores body.

"We are here today to lay to rest a great man. A man who has touched the lives of each and every witch, wizard, even Muggle, with whom had the pleasure of encountering him. To speak of Albus Dumbledore is to speak of a great nobility of spirit. A humble man, a man who gave tirelessly to the wizarding community, not only with his immeasurable intellectual contribution, but also with the astonishing greatness of his heart. We remember him as a man who had always said teaching young minds was amongst the greatest work a person could do," the man said.

Lupin sat and watched under the hot sun, and Tonks had fallen into him, his arm around her, as she cried into his shoulder. He stopped listening to the preist. He thought again of his first meeting, those magical, mystical eyes that saw right into Lupin's soul. That continued to do that right up until their final moment together in his office. He thought of all those before him who had died just as Dumbledore had. He was for all intents and purposes facing a journey alone. Part of him knew there was Tonks, but his family, his other family, they were all gone without him. He envied the dead. The line up of people upon whom fate had robbed of their chances.

It was at these times Lupin wished perhaps he could be part of that, but it was always very quickly dismissed. Lupin admired those who could re-build, those who came back. He was a battler, but not by choice. Lupin felt his eyes burn again, though he did not cry. He felt strangely beyond it. The path ahead of him was not going to change because he had cried at this juncture, however much the despair in his chest, or the burning in his throat wished for him to. Lupin looked back up at the small wizard again who was still talking.

"… From those humble beginnings to being described as the most sought after, respected, and most gifted wizard of time. I am sure he has touched the lives of each and every one of you here, that he has taught you and instructed you about things you did not know could be taught. We remember Albus Dumbledore, a kind man, a loving man, man who prided himself on his ability to forge bonds and breaks boundaries in every field he set his mind upon. Our lives will always be that little bit darker without the light of his soul, and humour in his heart, and the compassion in his eyes. We remember Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore."

There was a moment of stillness after the priest had sat down. Lupin had expected more speeches and waited for another speaker. Instead, with a small jump, Lupin watched as bright white flames erupted all around the table that Dumbledore's body lay on. The flames grew higher and higher until it obscured the body completely and the smoke above curled and spiralled high into the air. In a second it vanished, and before them all was a sealed marble tomb, the final resting place of Dumbledore. Lupin was saved from the horrible feeling that was threatening to encapsulate him, by the shower of arrows, and as turned to the direction they came from, he saw the centaurs turning back into the forest.

With a splash, the merpeople were gone, and Lupin looked down at Tonks, who was still underneath his arm, and tears still sliding down her face. He glanced around and did not see a dry eye amongst the Order, Molly was not containing herself well at all, as she gripped on to Arthur who looked stony faced. He looked back at the tomb. As he stared at it, he believed it, but the thought of being without Dumbledore seemed too ludicrous that Lupin wondered if he would still believe it when he walked away. Whether he would still think that he could visit the man, before remember the grim truth.

"Do you want to go home?" Tonks croaked, her voice cracking and breathless.

"Whatever you wish," Lupin said with a large amount of effort, dragging himself from the depths of his mind.

Lupin saw that some of the people had begun to walk away, but his eye was caught by Scrimgeour, who was headed to towards a black headed school boy that Lupin was sure was Harry.

"What would he want?" Moody growled behind him.

"Possibly something to do with that night. They finally learnt that Harry was up there with him," Kingsley said.

They all seemed to be watching Harry. Before Lupin could make movement to separate them, Scrimgeour limped away, and Ron and Hermione hurried toward him. Lupin saw the three of them share a laugh. Moody, Kingsley and all looked away, knowing whatever it had been, it was not bad enough to warrant disturbing the three of them now. Lupin turned to Molly, who gave him a watery smile.

"You're welcome at ours for dinner before the meeting," Molly croaked. "The both of you."

"Thank you," Lupin said, and was caught in another hug by Molly before he could move.

"Moody said you were quite thorough with your search," Arthur interrupted as Molly hugged Tonks and the two women shed more tears.

"Yes, a little less so than him," Lupin responded. "He went for a different approach I think."

Arthur furrowed his brow at him, but then got dragged into the conversation with Tonks from Molly. Lupin turned just in time to see Harry, Hermione and Ron finally approaching the Order members.

"How are you Harry?" Lupin asked, extending his hand and grasping Harry's.

Harry met eyes with Lupin and again he was swept by a peculiar feeling. Harry seemed to grow into an adult in seconds. Lupin, having always had tremendous respect for the boy, suddenly realised he was in fact now staring at a man. A man who had suffered far more than a man double his age should have. He had the air of a man shouldering responsibility in the way Lupin had seen both his parents had.

Harry shook his hand, his bright green eyes flicked between Tonks and Lupin before he spoke, as had Rom and Hermione. Though, true to her personality, Hermione had stopped, looking away quickly, and Ron, true to his character, was gawking at the two standing so close. Lupin almost questioned it, until remembering the scene Ron had last witnessed between himself and Tonks.

"I'm fine," Harry said, lying very obviously.

"Hello Hermione," Lupin said, and she stepped forwards to hug him, slightly awkwardly, but the sentiment was there.

Lupin extended a hand to Ron, and he shook it.

"Harry dear, if you wish it you can come straight the burrow. I'm sure your Aunt and Uncle would not mind," Molly said, sneering as she mentioned his guardians.

"No," Harry said firmly. "I will go back. There's things I– "

Lupin was still looking at Harry when Tonks slipped her hands back into his.

"You look like a proud father," Tonks whispered into his hear.

Lupin turned to her, smiling, ignoring the stares of Ron, which were starting to make him feel uncomfortable.

"I suppose I feel like one," Lupin said.

Lupin caught sight of the marble tomb, and felt his heart sink slightly. His eyes came back to Tonks, settling on her beautifully pink hair, and he felt himself suddenly warm up inside again.

"How would you feel about a walk through the grounds?" Lupin asked, squeezing her hand.

**To be continued…**


	72. The Second Guess

**Okay, quick, and back to under 15 pages. Yay!**

**But I will say this - oh so fun to write!**

**Reviews dropped off a bit, keep them coming. I like knowing what you guys hate etc. It also make me feel happy.**

**There isn't much to say but awwww, you'll understand.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 70**

Nymphadora Tonks stared out over the Hogwarts grounds. The sunlight was perfectly reflected over the glassy lake. The breeze was light enough to only cause the smallest of ripples over the large expanse of water. The trees were blooming, and boundless green hills seemed to stretch out as far as the eye could see. She carried the cloak of her dress robes in her arm, feeling the sun warm her soft pale skin as she walked, her other hand wound around Remus Lupin's.

They had not spoken much as they walked around the lake. The silence was not awkward or tainted, but a beautiful reminder that they needed no words to communicate. She felt him there beside her in every step, and knew he would not leave her side that day. She had her back on the Marble Tomb that was a dazzling reminder of Dumbledore. She did not feel the want to stare at it any longer than she had to; it was indeed an unsettling and upsetting idea to be without the man.

They were twisting their way toward the Whomping Willow, though still far enough away to easily be out of range of the branches. Tonks turned to Lupin, and found him overlooking the lake, his brow slightly creased. Desperate to stop the cogs of his mind sending him far away from her, Tonks leant into him. It roused him from his thoughts, and he looked over at her.

"Welcome back," Tonks muttered, grinning at him.

Lupin smiled, before looking back to the lake. Tonks felt unease again after he returned back to his thoughts. It was not because of what he may have been thinking about, she had mostly gotten over her fear that he would leave again. It was more that when Lupin was pensive, there was usually a very good reason for it. Having come from the funeral of the unofficial leader of the only rebel wizarding group, Tonks had a very good idea where the unease was coming from, and exactly what Lupin was thinking on.

"It feels weird doesn't it?" Tonks said, the silence starting to make her anxious.

"What does?" Lupin said, looking across at her.

"Being here, after burying him. I never really thought of him as mortal."

"No," Lupin said, sounding surprised. "I don't imagine anyone did, to be honest."

Tonks looked at him, her nerves building. It was foolish what she wanted to say, but she couldn't help it. It had been building since the night Dumbledore had been killed, but she had just failed to ever acknowledge it, given everything that had kept her mind from it. The wind was just beginning to pick up around them, ruffling both their hair, and whipping their coats around them.

"I don't know if this is the right thing to say, but I'm scared Remus," Tonks said cautiously.

Lupin looked down at her in the caring way she imagined he would have given to a student.

"I would say you would be foolish if you were not afraid Dora," Lupin said genuinely.

"Are you?"

Lupin glanced away again, a troubled look on his face, he did not return his eyes to her.

"Yes. I'd say I am," he muttered in a very calculated manner.

She followed suite and looked out over the lake as well, digesting the idea of fear.

"Shall we make movements to depart?" Lupin asked a few seconds later.

"I should probably go see my parents today, before the meeting," Tonks added as they began walking towards Hogsmeade. "It's been a while."

She hadn't been in a few weeks. In truth, seeing her parents in the state she had been in, always made her feel worse. Suddenly she felt like she was inflicting herself on them, depressing them. She owled them constantly, trying to lie and say she was far happier than she was. Now, she was happy. She wanted to scream it out loud, but, she felt the need to not push Lupin's conservative nature. Holding hands in front of everyone seemed like a big enough stretch for him, and she very was content with it.

* * *

They snaked back around the lake, the white marble tomb like a beacon of apprehension shining ahead of them. Tonks averted her eyes from it. In the distance she could see the people walking toward Hogsmeade. Beside them, thestral draw carriages ferrying students to the station, and by the looks it, some Ministry officials to Hogsmeade. As they made their way there, Tonks and Lupin saw the group of people gathered inside The Three Broomsticks, an unofficial wake by the looks of it.

"All this merriment," Moody's voice growled from somewhere behind. "You'd think these people had forgotten all about You-Know-Who. Fools, the lot of them."

The pair turned the find Moody limping up to join them.

"I think we can allow them all a moment to send off a man in a way they see fitting," Lupin said looking over at him.

"I think Dumbledore would have found a fitting send off to be anything involving Fizzing Whizzbee's or Weasley joke products," Tonks said with a smile, to which only Lupin returned.

"I don't care how he wished to be sent off. A group of magical folk gathered together this large and they all carry on without a care. This would be a prime target for Death Eaters, and we have half the Ministry officials in there," Moody grumbled.

"It will fall soon enough," Lupin said grimly. "An attack would be more foolish than them celebrating."

Tonks head snapped towards him, expecting him to be joking, but there was no smile upon his face, or any trace of humour.

"Yes, Dumbledore was always very vocal on when, not if, the ministry falls," Moody growled. "I still would like more restraint from people at a time like this."

Tonks felt even more anxiety build in her stomach. The two were talking from experience, as if the ministry was destined to fall. She hadn't always had faith in the Ministry, at times she even hated it to the very core, but it seemed odd to imagine it under the control of Death Eaters, almost as odd as it seemed to have Hogwarts without Dumbledore. Tonks managed to tune back into the conversation happening around her just at the right time.

"Kingsley, Arthur and myself are headed down to the Ministry now, the two of you would add extra security," Moody said, hinting that they join.

"I have little else to do. We will need to work on extracting Harry from Privet Drive tonight, he opted to go there instead of the Burrow like Molly suggested," Lupin explained when both Moody's eyes turned to him.

"Albus said he would go back," Moody growled.

There was a moment of silence, as Tonks looked between the men, then they both turned to her, and there was a slight delay as she realised they wanted an answer.

"Oh, oh no. I have to get to my parents," Tonks said apologetically.

She hugged Moody quickly, still feeling her insides squirming over the Ministry comments, and kissed Lupin quickly without thinking. She turned to find Moody's eyebrows knitted slightly, one eye on her and his magical eye disappearing into the back of his head, pointing towards the Three Broomsticks. Her scalp tingled with the embarrassment, she wasn't quite used to it all again.

"Bye," Tonks said to Lupin, who smiled politely.

* * *

Tonks apparated into the safe area of her parents front yard. She could still feel her scalp tingling, but figured maybe a rainbow hairstyle wouldn't be to bad for her parents to see. Tonks knocked on the door. She felt nervous still. What would he parents say when she told them about Lupin? Her mum came to the door, opening it, but her head turned backwards.

"No get it out of the oven! And not with your wand you'll – oh," Andromeda said, her mouth forming a very comical 'o' as she spotted Tonks.

"Hi mum," Tonks said brightly.

"Nymph?"

Tonks grinned, and very slowly her mothers mouth broke into a wide smile. She fell forwards almost, so eager to hug Tonks

"Merlin, you'd have sworn I was dead or something," Tonks joked as they pulled apart.

Andromeda set upon Tonks, kissing her on both cheeks, before holding her face in her hands.

"I'm so happy for you," Andromeda said her eyes nearly brimming with tears. "You got yourself back together."

"With a little help," Tonks muttered, feeling her cheeks, and her hair, blush.

Andromeda grabbed her hand, dragging her inside, and screaming out for her father.

* * *

Tonks, still being lead by her mother, was dragged into the kitchen. Ted was holding a very hot oven tray with sunflower covered oven mits on, but he was only just balancing it, as he stood in a very strange pose, like he was straddling a wide broomstick.

"Ted," Andromeda yelped happily.

He looked up, his eyes taking a moment to find his daughter, and then he froze, his mouth half open in disbelief. Tonks saw the next moment happen in slow motion. As Ted stared at Tonks longer, his hands seemed to fall slightly, sending the entire tray, and what looked like a very intricate quiche, tumbling down to the floor, the tin making a loud rattling noise, following by a resounding splat. The noise broke Ted from his stare, and he looked down at the mess, still frozen with his legs set in their odd wide stance. Very quickly his face flushed, and he gave his wife a sheepish grin.

"Oh Merlin Ted! If it's not Nymph here breaking everything, it's you! I don't know how I still have a full cupboard of china," she grumbled, leaving Tonks and walking over to inspect the mess.

"I'm sorry dear, it just happened," Ted guffed, awkwardly scratching his head.

"Look at this mess! Oh it's all over the stove! How did you get it up there? And stop trying to pick it up, we have wands remember!"

"Oh yeah," Ted said, smiling to himself.

Tonks stood in the doorway of the kitchen, laughing at her parents. It was a world away from where she had just been and the fears she had just had to process. She shook her head at them, laughing as they began to clean the kitchen, Ted forgetting the tray was hot, and burning himself in the process.

"Instead of just standing in the corner, you could help you know?" Ted said, smiling at her.

Tonks walked to the highest cupboard above the fridge and pulled out a very large bottle of Dittany, which was nearly empty, and walked it over to her father.

* * *

Once Ted was covered in dittany, and Andromeda, had made some tea, Tonks followed them into the sitting room, still giggling as they continued bickering.

"So are you going to tell us what happened?" Andromeda said, her voice still slightly snappish.

"Well, he came back," Tonks admitted, accepting a cup of tea from Ted.

"He just came back?" Andromeda said, creasing her brow.

"Not as simple as that, but he came back yes. We're back together," Tonks muttered, smiling.

She'd expected her parents to be thrilled, but there was a strange feeling in the air. Tonks felt her smile slowly faded as she looked at each of them. Andromeda looked the happier of the two, but still, something about the smile was forced. Ted on the other hand was showing no hint of happiness and had leant back into his chair, stroking his chin, studying Tonks.

"But he left," Ted said slowly.

"I know that dad, _believe_ me I know that," Tonks added raising her eyebrows. "But he came back."

Ted took a deep breath and let it all out of his nose.

"I'm very happy for you dear," Andromeda added genuinely, touching her knee.

"Thanks mum," Tonks said, placing a hand over hers, but Tonks' eyes slid back to her dad.

Ted was still looking at her in that very concerned parent way. Tonks was sure they all learnt once presented with their first newborn. It almost looked pitying.

"Dad, it's okay. I promise. We spoke about it and everything is fine," Tonks said, aware that she nearly sounded like she was pleading.

She was not used to having her dad look at her in that way. He was always proud of her, and his love and support had never ever faltered.

"Nymph, I'm your father, I'm allowed to be apprehensive with a boy who broke your heart once," Ted said.

"Yeah but there's nothing to worry about anymore. It's different this time. I promise."

Ted scrunched his mouth to one side, still eyeing Tonks off.

"I'm delighted you're happy, and I hope I'm wrong, but I just can't get past what he did to you. No one hurts my little girl and gets to walk back into this family like nothing happened," Ted announced looking at both his wife and daughter for support, however they both rolled their eyes.

"Gees dad, he's not entering the family, we're just seeing each other again," Tonks laughed.

Andromeda smiled, but Ted did not at first, only doing so after he caught Tonks' eye, again in the same forced way his wide was.

* * *

Tonks felt like she could have run from her parents straight to the Burrow that night. She was so excited to get back to Lupin, even if seeing her parents had not gone smoothly at all. She went to apparate into her usual spot outside the garden, but found herself unable to do so. She re-appeared in her parent's front yard, and thankfully was not splinched. For a moment Tonks was worried that perhaps another one of her abilities was fading She tried again, but the same thing happened.

Tonks stood for a moment wondering what on earth she should do. She decided to set out from a further distance and see if that work. She closed her eyes, and found herself, after the horrible feeling, land on solid earth. She opened her eyes again, and saw the Burrow in the distance. Her worries were instantly dismissed and she happily walked towards it, wondering what on earth had happened.

Tonks could see people gathered in the kitchen, and she could hear that the twins were there, conducting the group like an orchestra with their jokes. A tall, beautiful red hair girl opened the door.

"Wotcher Gin!" Tonks called, her face splitting into a wide grin.

"Tonks!"

They hugged each other. Tonks had not spoken to Ginny at Dumbledore's funeral. They had a very brief hello, but she seemed very pre-occupied with something, and then Lupin had taken her away for a walk. Ginny seemed far happier now, but her smile seemed to face quite quickly. Tonks had decided, given how much a bad friend she had been to Ginny during the last summer, she would make an effort this summer. Molly came rushing over once Tonks was visible, and hugged her as well.

"Hi all," Tonks said.

There were various forms of greetings shouted back at her. Her eyes found each person, but only one seemed to make her feel slightly hot under the collar. His dark blue eyes flicked over to her, and she smiled at him instantly. He returned her greeting, but Tonks noticed there was something very strange about it, something forced, just like her parents had been earlier. Tonks took the seat across the table form him, but Lupin continued his conversation with Bill, who looked in high spirits.

Tonks creased her brow at Lupin, he was behaving quite strangely. This what she had received from him the year before, as he'd been attempting to break it off. Tonks decided to test him. She stretched her leg out under table, and wound her foot around his ankle, sliding it up his calf. His eyes flicked across to her, and she winked at him, and she saw his cheeks flush a dull red, and the corners of his mouth twitched. Her worries now over, Tonks turned to Ginny, who took a seat beside her, a mug in her hands.

"So how was the term? I heard about the Quidditch win. Congratulations," Tonks said.

"Yeah it was good, such a fun game. Had to play seeker. And Ron was no help," Ginny grumbled, and Tonks looked across at Ron, who was sitting between Fred and George being teased.

"How were the O.W.L.S?"

"A nightmare! My patronus wouldn't work. Which is stupid considering the amount of times I cast that in Dumbledore's Army, so I'm really worried about my defence score. It was the one thing I was certain I'd get an outstanding in," Ginny said, looking disappointed.

"Screwing up is okay. When I did my exams once, I was meant to stop a Jelly Legs curse, but thanks to nerves, I made the wrong wand movement and the dummy ended up with roller-skates on and skated right into Jocelyn Taylor, who to this day still blames me for the feathers that sprouted up on her when she fell," Tonks explained, and Ginny giggled. "Either way, I still got an outstanding, and that was N.E.W.T level."

"Cool," Ginny said, and the conversation died away.

Ginny glanced away, and Tonks thought for a moment she recognised the strange look on her face. Something about it seemed familiar.

"Gin," Tonks said quietly, and her head snapped back toward her. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, of course," Ginny said with bravado and the same forced smile she kept seeing everything.

Ginny glanced away, and Tonks narrowed her eyes. She had an inkling, she just hoped she was wrong.

"You want to talk?"

Ginny looked back at Tonks for moment, and then across at Lupin, before settling back on Tonks. She bit her lip and then nodded.

"We'll be right back," Tonks said to Molly when the pair stood up to leave the table.

* * *

Ginny pushed open the door to her room. Instantly Tonks found the Gwenog Jones poster she'd given Ginny at Christmas years before had taken pride of place above the bed, and it made her smile. Tonks was also delighted to find that the room was already messy.

"Okay, so spill," Tonks said turning around as soon as she shut the door.

"I was dating Harry," Ginny said, no trace of embarrassment or girlish giggle, which only made Tonks love her more.

"Molly must be thrilled," Tonks joked.

"Mum doesn't know. It wasn't for long, since that quidditch final actually. Anyway, he broke up with me yesterday," Ginny explained with a sigh as she sat on her bed.

Tonks creased her brow. Dumping someone during a funeral was a new one.

"And you're upset?"

"No. I mean, yeah I am. I actually don't know really. I am upset, but at the same time I'm not. I really dont get it," Ginny said looking up at Tonks pleadingly.

Tonks knew she was telling Tonks because she knew what had happened to her over the last year.

"I suppose it would be really hypocritical of me to say just forget about it wouldn't it?" Tonks said, and Ginny laughed. "What did he say?"

"That he had to find Voldemort, and that if Voldemort found out about us, he'd use me to get to Harry. He's trying to protect me," Ginny explained rolling her eyes.

Tonks suddenly felt immensely sorry for her. She'd been in that exact same position. Strangely, the younger of the two seemed to have taken it in the best and most mature way.

"It's just really confusing and really annoying, and I know I shouldn't feel hurt by it, but I do… Merlin. It's so odd," Ginny said, throwing herself back onto the bed sighing again.

"From the sounds of it, he didn't do because he didn't like you anymore," Tonks said. "That's always a plus. There isn't much you can really do to stop how you feel though, so as best as you can, try to carry on like normal. Trust me when I say it helps. He likes you Gin, but my only advice, don't wait around for a guy like I did."

Ginny didn't sit up straight away, only after a long silence.

"So Lupin huh?" Ginny said, grinning at Tonks.

"I wondered when we'd get there," Tonks muttered.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Well I wasn't exactly in much of a state to talk," Tonks explained.

"I noticed. We all thought it was Bill mum was trying to set you up with. I won't lie, I would love to have you to about to be my sister-in-law," Ginny admitted.

Tonks smiled at her.

"Fleur isn't that bad. Honest," Tonks added when Ginny gave her a sceptical look.

"So are you two going to get married?"

"Me and Remus?" Tonks asked, and Ginny nodded. "Wow I don't know. I haven't actually thought about it."

"I can't imagine you married to someone," Ginny said, smiling.

"Oh wow, thanks Gin," Tonks said in mock hurt. "Or perhaps I should say Mrs Potter? Ginny Potter has a nice ring to it."

The pair laughed, before hearing Molly scream out for them to come to dinner.

"So have Ron and Hermione… you know?" Tonks asked, remembering how they were at Dumbledore's funeral.

"No. He's such a prat," Ginny said as they walked out of her room. "Spent half the year glued to thus stupid girl, and made Hermione cry like a billion times. I swear if he doesn't get it together and do something during the wedding, I'm just going to force their heads together."

* * *

Dinner had passed with much amusement from Fred and George, who were explaining to Tonks some of their new products, and begging her to come and see the shop, which she resolved to do the following Monday. The only strange thing was the lack of contact, both verbal and physical with Lupin. Admittedly they were still sitting on the opposite to each other of the table, but he made no movements under the table, nor did he tend to look at her much. Whenever their eye would meet, he tended to look away instantly. Tonks knew this behaviour, and she knew what it meant, she just hoped she was wrong.

"The first order of business," Moody said, rising from his chair as the meeting began, "is to induct a new member. Fleur Delacour is officially joining."

There were a few nods of the head from people towards Fleur, and Bill moved just enough to hold her hand, as she smiled at everyone.

"Next we have the issue of Harry which Remus brought to my attention earlier today. I want all of you to come up with some ideas for safety and security in terms of his house in Privet Drive. We know guards don't always work," Moody added, glaring at Mundungus, who was at his first meeting since being arrested.

"Would someone just apparate to get him?" Arthur asked Moody.

"It seems like the smartest idea," Moody replied.

"Well we can't use anything that is traceable to here. Not after all those security measures Moody and I put up here today," Lupin said, explaining the reason Tonks couldn't apparate straight here.

"What about Portkeys?" Tonks said.

"Difficult to set up. I don't want to run the risk of Harry doing magic," Moody growled.

"We wait until he doesn't have the Trace anymore then," Bill suggested.

"Dumbeldore explained that Harry has protection at that house until he turns seventeen. I think we get him before that day, otherwise he becomes a sitting chimera," Arthur explained.

"So I'm assuming with all the precautions, and fears of the Ministry's corruption, we wouldn't use the Floo Network?" Molly asked.

"Certainly not. Too many holes," Moody growled.

"One of us should just take him on a side along apparation," Tonks said.

The table seemed to agree.

"Well, by the next meeting we should all begin to think of a solution to Harry's security and transport."

* * *

The meeting faded away to possible scenarios, but very little became official. Moody had said they would not know the full extent of the Albus's death for a few days, but he did not expect the outcome to be favourable in any way, and told them it was time to prepare for the worst. As a few members left, to Molly's delight, one was Mundungus, some stayed back for tea. Lupin was already seated at the table, having collected his tea from Molly. Tonks, ready to figure out what was bothering him, grabbed her cup, thanking Molly, and took the spare seat beside him. He sat up a little straighter as Tonks took her seat, and glanced away.

"What did you do this afternoon?" Tonks asked, looking back at him.

"I went to the Ministry with Moody," Lupin muttered, glancing at her before looking away quickly.

There was a silence again, and Tonks furrowed her brow. Surely he wasn't already second-guessing this? After everything he had done and all she had been saying to her parents, he got his doubts_ now_.

"Remus, are you – "

"I'm fine," Lupin said very quickly.

He gave Tonks a very nervous looking smile, and then quickly looked away, down to his hands, the smile fading away very fast. Tonks reached over and touched his hand, which was incredibly sweaty.

"Remus I – "

"Remus, sorry Tonks, I wanted to talk to you about Wolfsbane," Bill said, taking his attention.

He pulled his hand away from hers instantly, and turned completely towards Bill. Tonks huffed. What was going on?

* * *

Hours seemed to pass as Tonks sat at the Weasley's table, confused out of her mind, and angry as well. He had the gall to do this again! She could feel her head tingling the more she thought, and each time, somebody would look up, indicating that her hair had changed colour. A few Weasley's had disappeared, including Fred and George, and Moody had gone a while ago. Molly was making light conversation between Tonks, Fleur and herself, until Lupin leant over.

"Should we go?" he asked, not keeping is eyes on Tonks for longer than a glance.

Tonks nearly wanted to pull out her wand and curse him then and there. Instead she said goodbye to everyone, and calmed her mind by saying she would wait at least until they were out of view to corner him.

"Sure," she muttered through gritted teeth.

She said goodbye to everyone, and the pair left out the back door, and walked out into the garden. They not didn't speak, hold hands, and didn't Lupin even look at her, he just played with his hands nervously. Tonks shook her head as they walked. They stopped a fair distance outside the gate and both twisted into nothingness.

* * *

They arrived in a street outside Tonks' building, but still had a walk to get inside, as Moody had told her to find a new safe spot. Her new place was in the gated garden that she knew no one ever went in. Tonks magically unlocked the gate, and they both walked through. As they walked down the street, Tonks looked up at Lupin, who was a few paces in front of her again. Distance was already there, so she could hardly understand the point of carrying on. She stopped walking, and sighed, completely fed up with him.

"Would you just do it already," Tonks snape, shaking her head at her own stupidity that they would actually work out.

"I'm sorry?" Lupin said, turning around to face her.

"Would you just leave me now and save us all the trouble? I mean you're going to do it anyway, you're hardly even looking at me."

Lupin looked dumbstruck. Tonks wondered if he thought he was great at hiding his feelings, as he always seemed shocked when anyone picked up on them.

"Dora, I don't know what you– "

"Yes you do. All night, you've avoided me, you've barely touched me, barely said a word and I know you're having second thoughts. So just go now and save me the heartache of watching you leave my flat, again," Tonks explained with another sigh.

She spent a moment looking at her feet, before looking up at his face, expecting to see the guilty look she had become accustomed to him having, but instead found that he was smiling slightly. Perhaps he had a malicious side now.

"I don't think you understand," Lupin said slowly.

"No I do, you want to leave me."

"Dora, it's not– "

"I'm not going to yell at you, I just don't understand it, but– "

"Marry me," Lupin said

"… It's fine, I won't stop you. Wait. what?"

Tonks head shot up at him, fiercely inspecting his face, waiting for him to be kidding, or ready for him to turn and keep walking.

"Marry me," Lupin repeated, his face breaking into a wide smile.

"You're kidding?" Tonks said, numb shock spreading through her body.

Lupin laughed and Tonks could feel unused nerves in her body coming alight.

"I do remember this girl once telling me that I should not joke," Lupin said, still grinning.

Tonks still couldn't move she seemed rooted to the spot. This couldn't be happening.

"I don't wish to leave you. I've been nervous for this reason. I realised today that I want you to marry me. If you wish, I'm not saying you have to, I am asking you. Despite the rather blunt delivery," Lupin back tracked nervously, before taking a moment to calm himself. "Dora, you love me when I least deserve it, and it is always when I need it most. Will you marry me?"

Tonks could feel each breath as it escaped her. She could not believe what she was hearing. She very slowly felt a smile form, on her face, and her eyes narrowed on him. Tonks saw Lupin suddenly look quite apprehensive, a plan formed in her mind. She ran at him, jumping at him, and wrapping her legs firmly around his waist, kissing every square inch of his face she could, culminating by attaching herself to his lips, squeezing onto him as tonight as she could. Lupin was laughing, and then Tonks was laughing.

"I'll take that as a yes," Lupin said, as Tonks finally pulled back.

"No," Tonks said sarcastically as she hopped off him. "When I refuse a proposal I always straddle the guy and kiss them after. Of course it's a yes."

"Well I daresay, it was slightly terrifying seeing you launch yourself at me like that. So it would not surprise me," Lupin said, beaming at her.

Tonks looked up at him, and just as light droplets of rain began to fall around them, he brought his lips back to hers.

**To be continued…**


	73. The Mahogany Door

**This chapter has had so many issues it's ridiculous!**

**First, my research essay to write for honors at university, so that was the big delay. Then I had to re-write it all and change it after re-reading Deathly Hallows and remembering timing of certain things. And then I couldn't edit it for the last 5 days on my laptop becuase doesn't work on it all of a sudden, and i've had to use another laptop. So my greatest apologies! Not only for the lateness, but perhaps that after some very crazy chapters this one is a bit quiet..**.

**I added some fun for the pair which I quite enjoyed writing. I hope you enjoy reading. And I re-wrote the Remus stuff in the Ministry so many times I hope it hasn't lost meaning. At first he made the realisation very early, then later, and its kept going. I hope you like it. Argh must stop!**

**Reviews are as lovely as ever, I truly appreciate them all! I love hearing what you think, what you pcitured etc, it makes my day.**

**Enjoy. **

* * *

**Chapter 71**

Remus Lupin stared up at the sky; his eyes screwed up as he tried to digest the awkwardness, and he shifted his weight uncomfortably. He could feel Moody's eyes boring into him, including the magical one. He pretended to watch the trees as if something interesting was happening near them. He knew what would come out of Alastor's mouth, he had expected it from Molly, and no doubt would receive it soon enough, but he had forgotten about Moody. His eyes dropped down to the disappearing figure of Nymphadora Tonks, nearly completely obscured by the crowds in Hogsmeade. Lupin was sharply reminded of the feeling he'd had once before, meeting the brother of a girl he had once liked. This felt infinitely worse, given that Moody was someone he respected and worked with. He wondered what the man could possibly say to him? Would he judge him for just how young Tonks was? Would he be angry with him for what he was inflicting on her? Still Moody stared, and Lupin averted his eyes, until finally, he could bare the apprehension no longer.

"Alastor I– "

"She's happy?" Moody interrupted, looking at Lupin in a way he never had before.

Lupin had his mouth open ready to answer, but closed it. It was the manner in which he had said his words. It was a question. He had not observed whether or not Tonks was happy with him, he was asking Lupin.

"I – er – I don't know. I believe so, yes," Lupin muttered, glancing across at Moody like he was a puppy discovered doing wrong.

"She is headstrong, and like all young witches, she believes herself to be invincible. Perhaps more so than others" Moody said quickly. "It's easy to forget she's vulnerable and needs protection."

For a moment Lupin felt like Moody was handing Tonks over to him, like she was bride at the altar. Yet still, Lupin could sense that the man was withholding his judgement. He knew Moody adored Tonks more than he would ever admit, and had mentored her, so perhaps he felt like she was the daughter he'd never had. In truth, he had never thought of Moody in such a way. He had only ever seen the man fighting in a battle, growling at people, or yelling about his paranoia. Lupin had been so surprised to be let off so easily by Tonks, that he had not thought about the people who had cared for her while he had gone. They would have their opinion of him.

"We should go," Moody said looking at the big crowd again.

Lupin nodded, and they set off on their way.

* * *

They arrived at the Ministry's safe point, and walked onward to the atrium. Lupin had a feeling of dread as he walked toward the elevators. He had not returned to this building since that day two years ago. It very quiet, only a few people were walking around, and Lupin stepped into the elevator with Moody, some memos and another man in dress robes. Lupin stood at the back, with Moody upfront near the buttons and the other man opposite him.

"Alastor," the man exclaimed just as the elevator began moving backwards.

"Dirk," Moody growled nodding at him.

"I didn't expect to see you. I assumed you'd have stayed after Albus' funeral," Dirk said.

"No, Remus and I have business with an Auror, Shacklebolt," Moody said looking back at Lupin.

"Oh where are my manners. Dirk Creswell," Dirk said, extending a hand.

"Remus Lupin," he said, shaking it.

Lupin saw the reaction before Dirk had even had it. His eyes widened slightly and he glanced down at their clasped hands, pulling his away quicker than a normal person would have. He turned his attention back to Moody and they began talking. Lupin leant back on the handrail behind him, feeling horrible self conscious and contaminated. He had spent far too long in the company of those that accepted him; he almost forgot how the real world treated him. He realised Moody was exiting, and as Lupin ewent to do the same he saw Dirk shrink from the doorway.

"Daft prick," Moody mumbled to Lupin as they walked the hallway.

Lupin nodded, still digesting the horrible feeling inside him.

* * *

Moments later they rounded on the Auror department. Like the rest of the Ministry, it was basically empty. Lupin could only see the tall dark figure of Kingsley standing up in the back cubicle reaching for something in the shelves behind. Moody walked towards him, and Lupin followed.

"Where's Arthur?" Moody asked as they approached Kingsley.

"He only just left. There was an emergency in his department," Kingsley explained.

"Do we know where the forms are?"

"In his office," Kingsley said to Moody.

Lupin stood between the two, knowing it was part of the Order not to ask the questions, but wait until somebody would explain. Moody moved off down to the other end of the office, and disappeared out of view.

"Mundungus' release forms. He wants him out before tonight and Robard's has the forms in his office, but won't process them. Moody is getting some things and then we're going to get him out ourselves," Kingsley explained.

"So we wait?"

Kingsley nodded carefully, then turned back to his shelf, searching for something.

Lupin glanced around. There were posters of Death Eaters that plastered the walls, and Lupin could see pictures of Snape on people's desks. Lupin leant far over a cubicle wall, and found a very familiar face looking back at him, his own. He walked around and stepped inside. Instantly he knew whose cubicle it was. Pictures of Tonks and her family, Tonks and people he didn't know, the picture of the Order Moody had insisted they take, and then, a muggle photograph of himself and Tonks from her parents Christmas party years before. He'd expected her desk to be cluttered with posters, chocolate wrappers, pages upon ages of her messy, though strangely endearing, handing writing, and all the kinds of things she adored, but instead it was very clinical looking, and clean. The only brightness on the desk was her hair, which he assumed had only recently changed to that.

"It wasn't always so clean," Kingsley's voice said smiling. "It used to be the bane of Proudfoot's existence."

Lupin kept looking at the desk, knowing where the source of her change was. When he spotted the photo of the pair again, he couldn't help but smile to himself as he remembered that night. He remembered the beautiful red dress she had worn that. She'd looked more beautiful than he'd ever seen her, but nothing compared to her the morning after, as she lay curled up beside him, wrapped up in only the bed linens. Lupin suddenly became aware that Kingsley was watching him. He glanced across, and found Kingsley giving him a similar look to that which Moody had given him earlier.

Kingsley would feel just as attached to Tonks as Moody did. Perhaps even viewed her like a sister after all they had been through, and here stood the man who had broken her heart. Just as he opened his mouth the say something, Moody started walking up the hallway again, and stood right next to Lupin. He looked across at Kingsley again, who just nodded, but gave him a meaningful look.

"I got them, " Moody said, holding invisibility cloaks in his hand.

"Excellent," Kingsley boomed.

"Remus, Kingsley is going to retrieve Mundungus," Moody explained. "I'm tailing Kingsley for precaution. We need you to go in and find the papers and fill them out. You have the steadiest hand, and you can copy his hand-writing."

Moody handed Lupin an invisibility cloak.

"Use this. I want to make sure no one comes in and discovers what we are doing. I want his release to be kept secret until the latest possible moment. Constant vigilance."

"Of course," Remus said. "Good luck."

The two men grasped hands with Lupin, and then turned and left. Lupin threw the cloak around him, and decided to sit in Tonks' cubicle for a while, just to make sure the coast was completely clear before he broke into the head of the Auror department's desk. The minute the other men had left him, Lupin had fastened the invisibility cloak over himself. His eyes flew over the pictures again, and as he did so, his heart rate, which had been steadily rising since arriving, began to slow. A calm washed over him as the Tonks in the muggle picture looked over him. He stood from his chair, making sure the cloak didn't slip off him, and moved off through a hallway he had never been down.

He turned right at the end of it, and found another hallway, with dark oak doors evenly spaced all down it. Each door had ornate silver writing in the centre, just below his eye level, and Lupin continued reading them, feeling a jolt as he came across familiar sounding ones, including two students from his own year at Hogwarts. He finally found the correct door at the very end, it was different looking, and Lupin thought it must have been made of a deep mahogany. The etchings across the door were in a gold that seemed to gleam more than any gold he'd ever seen. It read:

_Gaiwan Robards  
Head of the Auror Department_

Lupin pulled his wand out from under his robes, and without even checking if it was locked but knowing it would be, flicked his wand at the door, thinking about the spell he was trying to cast. He heard the lock click, and then quietly opened the door. The first thing Lupin noticed was the incredibly messy desk, which looked out of place with the rest of them room, that was so clean and ordered. The walls were decorated with three very elaborate gold frames, each with a moving wizard inside them, one who looked extremely familiar but Lupin could not figure out why. There was a low bookcase behind the desk, where some personal memorabilia stood on top. Lupin took a few steps toward the desk, waiting for sneakoscopes to erupt with noise, or devices to detect him and alert someone, but nothing happened.

Perhaps Auror's trusted the security of the Ministry to protect their offices. Lupin descended on the desk, carefully scanning pieces of paper. He saw arrest warrants, documents about wild Dementors, background checks on a range of people he knew, including himself, daily reports from Aurors, mission statements, newspaper articles, memos both open and unopened, plans for some kind of ministerial inquest, but nothing that even hinted slightly at release papers. Lupin sat on the chair behind the desk. He stared at the desk, where the papers looked even more dishevelled after he'd gone through them.

He creased his brow as he stared at the desk longer. Where could it be? Lupin glanced across the room absentmindedly as he continued to search his mind for a possible location. He was staring at his answer long before he even realised. Atop a shelf above some filing cabinets Lupin had not noticed upon his entry was a box. Lupin stood up, and as he got closer, he saw the box had the Azkaban symbol branded upon the front. He used his wand to remove it from the shelf, and then balanced it precariously on the stack of papers on the desk.

The box, which had no lid, was filled with small rolled scrolls of parchment, each with a ministry seal holding it together. Lupin knew he would never be able to hide his trespass if he opened each scroll to check, so he summoned the correct one with his wand. To his relief, one of them flew straight out of the box and into his hand. Lupin slid his wand under it, and cracked the seal, and after scanning it, saw that it was all in perfect order. He glanced down at the desk, searching for Robard's handwriting. He found it on an unfolded ministry memo, and double-checked it with a few papers around him. Lupin pulled a quill from his robes, and dipped it in the open ink pot sitting on the corner of the desk

He filled in the form in the right places, placing a name, a reason for release and date. He attempted the signature a few times on a piece of parchment, which he then folded up and put in his pocket, before signing the form. He rolled the scroll back up and slipped it inside his robes, before lifting the box back into place with his wand. He turned back to the desk and carefully double-checked to make sure it did not look like it had been tampered with. Then carefully backtracked through the hallway, and back to the cubicles.

* * *

He arrived back at Kingsley's cubicle, and found himself face to face with Sirius. The wanted poster hung in the corner of his cubicle and strangely, Lupin did not feel his stomach drop or his heart stop as per usual, he instead remembered something Sirius had once said about his wanted poster being his most prized possession. For the first time, Lupin properly smiled as he remembered his best friend. He sat in Kingsley's chair, glancing at the poster every now and again.

Tacked under a few other notices was a picture of the flying motorbike. Lupin reached forward and pulled the photo out. It wasn't the exact one, but nearly a perfect replica. All that was missing was a few buttons on the handles and the thin red line Sirius had traced over it in paint. Lupin wondered what had even happened to it. It was his prized possession, the first thing he bought when he left home, and the thing that always woke Lupin when he and Sirius had lived together. It usually signified that James was over, or that Sirius was taking a girl out.

The idea to return to Tonks' cubicle arose but Lupin dismissed it. He felt like he was intruding on a part of her life he needed to be invited into. He didn't know what she had in desk, nor if she would be annoyed that he had been there. So he stayed at Kingsley's. There was a photo of Kingsley with what he assumed was his mother and father, as he was the spitting image of his woman but as tall as the man. Lupin realised, for the first time, while he knew Kingsley quite well, he did not know anything about the man's personal life. He did not know if he had a partner, or children, or how many siblings he had. Their relationship had never allowed them to discuss it.

Lupin heard a noise in the distance. He felt his entire body stiffen and his ears pricked up. He slowly raised himself from his chair in complete silence. In the door way stood Moody and Kingsley. Lupin didn't take off the clock, but felt a tingling sensation go through his body. Moody or Kinglsey had cast a spell to detect a presence. Lupin slipped his hand into his pocket and onto his wand.

"I am Alastor Moody, ex Auror, I asked you and Nymphadora Tonks to be here as we stood in front of the Three Broomsticks earlier today," Moody said.

Lupin slowly took off his invisibility cloak, and after a few moments of staring at each other, they all relaxed slightly, and the two men walked towards him.

"It was all fine," Kinglsey said after Lupin asked.

"Here's the papers," Lupin said, handing them to Moody.

"No trouble?" Moody growled.

Lupin shook his head and a silence fell over them all. Lupin again flicked his eyes between the two men who framed him. Lupin didn't know if it was because he was thinking about it, but an uncomfortableness settled between them again. Lupin was unaware that the new role Kinglsey and Moody had realised they were now stepping into was on their minds. Lupin shifted his weight again. The same feeling passed through him, and he though strangely about being a groom standing at the altar, framed by a father and brother, under their watchful gaze.

"Did you put his office back together?" Moody asked.

Again Lupin nodded, and Moody then unrolled the scroll and examined it

"Where is he?" Lupin asked Kingsley.

"At Moody's, with some protection. He wasn't awfully keen to stay," Kingsley said, a small smile on his lips.

There was silence again.

"I'm going to hand this in. I will see you both this evening," Moody growled, jamming the scroll in his robes and pulling out a vile of what looked like polyjuice potion.

Lupin looked across at Kinglsey. He knew it was a signal to leave, so with a quick goodbye he did just that.

* * *

Having found no-where he would be needed, Lupin left the Ministry through the visitor's entrance, hoping to make it all less suspicious. He walked through the streets, once again, realising he didn't have anywhere to go. He reached the same park he had sat in the day after Dumbledore had died. He had been stuck thinking about Tonks then, and he was doing the same thing again. The image of Moody and Kingsley judging him had not left him.

Moody had made him think long about marrying Tonks, but it stopped at a thought. He did not imagine for a moment that he was the marrying kind. He had never looked at Tonks and thought of marrying her. It was something he thought not to be on the cards for him. He laughed off the idea, knowing he wouldn't have to cross the bridge that he knew, had Sirius been alive, would have him endlessly teased.

Lupin entered the Burrow hours later to the smiling, but watery face of Molly.

"I'm sorry," Molly croaked as she let him out of a backbreaking hug. "I was just thinking about Dumbledore and then P-P-Percy and I couldn't– "

Molly dissolved into tears and her words became undistinguishable. Lupin saw Ron looking extremely uncomfortable. Arthur gave an awkward nod, and Lupin saw Ginny go over to her mother, and utter bad words about Percy, which didn't seem to help at all, but the pair left the room.

"Hi Remus," Bill said.

Fleur was under his arm on the chair beside him. For some reason his eyes were drawn to the ring on her left hand. Arthur asked about Mundungus, and after an hour or so, Molly returned, apologising profusely, and making tea for everyone. Lupin had been casually talking to Bill when Tonks had arrived, and as his eyes found her, he instantly felt his whole body grow warm.

"Hi all," she said loudly, grinning.

She was like a breath of fresh air; like suddenly the whole room exploded with colour with him even realising it had been black and white. And then, with the realisation of his thought pattern, his day, his feelings, he couldn't quite look at her. He wanted to have something he had never had before; something he had never imagined would be his. His heart rate increased, his palms became sweaty, and he even didn't know if he was still talking or supposed to be listening. It was entirely overwhelming.

"Remus," came a voice from beside him.

He looked to his left, and found Bill staring at him expectantly.

"Robards office?" Bill reminded him, but still Lupin stared blankly back at him, still feeling dazed. "You were telling me about today."

Lupin blinked a few times, trying to shake the feeling, and trying not to look at Tonks, knowing that would make it all harder. However much he had dismissed it earlier, felt awkward by the idea, and laughed about it, looking at her now just made it blindingly clear. He couldn't help but fidget, he stroked his chin with a sweaty hand, brushed his hair from his face, folded and unfolded his hands, but nothing seemed to stop the panic coursing through him.

"I broke into the office," Lupin said absent-mindedly.

"Yeah, you said that," Bill said, creasing his eyebrows at Lupin.

Lupin cleared his throat, trying to shake the fear from his body that was unhinging him, when he felt a foot connect with his leg. It wrapped around his ankle and slide up his calf suggestively. His eyes shot up and found the pink-headed Tonks winking back at him. He could not stop the burning in his cheeks as she did it. Lupin averted his eyes again, picking up the conversation with Bill, instead asking him a question, and taking the attention of himself. The enormity of it all, the perfection of her, everything just seemed to weigh in on him. He wanted to marry her.

* * *

Lupin sat through dinner, keeping a steady stream of Order related conversation to distract his brain from its terrifying realisation. How did you ask someone? Was he right to do so? Why on earth was this making him so nervous? The meeting provided the great distraction, but as it drew to a close, the worries came flying back. He still hadn't been able to meet her eye. He couldn't explain why he didn't want to, but when he did find her in his gaze, things got worse.

The same hot under the collar feeling would rush through his body, and he would have to glance away. It was a big realisation to make in a few seconds. Before he was ready to figure it all out himself, the girl in question was in the chair beside him, a mug of tea in her hands. Lupin sat himself up straight, trying not to show her that her presence was having a very stressful affect on him. He felt like he was in way over his head all of a sudden.

"What did you do this afternoon?" Tonks asked sweetly.

Lupin glanced quickly across at her, but it only made his heart beat quicker. Was this insanity? Could she cause insanity?

"I went to the Ministry with Moody," Lupin muttered.

"Remus, are you – "

"I'm fine," Lupin said very quickly, trying not to stay near her as the feeling intensified.

She went to speak again, but was quickly interrupted by Bill. Lupin nearly breathed a sigh of relief. Sirius would kill him, or laugh at him. Sirius was not the supporter of marriage. He did with James and Lily, but they were his only exception, he'd even told them that. Marrying his cousin, well, Sirius would possibly be furious with his friend. Lupin was going to wait as long as he possibly could to be alone with Tonks, even attempt to find a reason to spend the night away from her, but he found Molly giving him a look that he knew meant she wished to talk. Between the two women, one option seemed less terrifying, and surprisingly, it was Tonks. As he walked out of the burrow alone with her, he didn't even realize he was nervously wringing his hands again.

* * *

They apparated in the new safe spot Moody had outlined for her flat, which had been discussed in the meeting. In a silence that pressed upon him they walked, his mind fighting itself, yelling at him, begging him, doing everything it could to figure out what he could do and why this made him so nervous. Would he just ask one day like it was no problem? Set something up? Candles? Flowers? Was that all required?

"Would you just do it already," Lupin heard Tonks snap at him.

He stopped, realizing she wasn't walking beside him anymore, and turned to face her.

"I'm sorry?"

"Would you just leave me now and save us all the trouble? I mean you're going to do it anyway, you're hardly even looking at me," Tonks said.

Lupin felt his jaw almost drop. She thought he was going to leave her again.

"Dora, I don't know what you– "

"Yes you do. All night, you've avoided me, you've barely touched me, barely said a word, and I know you're having second thoughts. So just go now and save me the heartache of watching you leave my flat, again," Tonks explained exasperatedly.

She looked down at her feet and every ounce of fear, dread, and nerves, just filtered out of him. How could anyone be afraid of this when the image of perfection, everything he wanted, was in front of him. What was there to be afraid of? He nearly wanted to laugh at her misconception.

"I don't think you understand," Lupin said slowly.

"No I do. You want to leave me."

"Dora, it's not– " he tried to say, trying to stop his smile, but she cut him off.

"I'm not going to yell at you, I just don't understand it, but– "

"Marry me," Lupin said far more bluntly than he had expected himself to.

"… It's fine, I won't stop you. Wait. what?"

Her eyes locked onto him like he was a target. They scrutinized him in every way, but he stood, not embarrassed, and certainly not afraid, just trying to hide the bright light building inside his chest.

"Marry me," Lupin repeated, his smile widening.

"You're kidding?"

Finally the laugh escaped him. She'd been wrong about him before, but this certainly was the worst.

"I do remember this girl once telling me that I should not joke."

There was another pause as she stared at him, her mouth agape.

"I don't wish to leave you. I've been nervous for this reason. I realized today that I want you to marry me. If you wish, I'm not saying you have to, I am asking you. Despite the rather blunt delivery."

Lupin felt his words running away from him, so he stopped again, taking a breath, and he said something that arrived in his mind like an epiphany.

"Dora, you love me when I least deserve it, and it is always when I need it most. Will you marry me?"

Lupin waited, watching her every movement, suddenly worried about the response. He had not thought about that as much as he should have. Then, she smiled, and Lupin could not help but do the same. She seemed to be steadying herself, and Lupin knew what was coming just before she moved. She launched herself at him, wrapping him up, and kissing every bit of his face.

"I'll take that as a yes," Lupin said, as Tonks finally pulled back.

* * *

"I assume we should tell everyone," Lupin said, his hands interlinking with Tonks's above him as he lay on his back on her bed beside her, both of them minus clothing.

The hug outside her building had lead to a race upstairs, a fight to open the door and a stripping of their clothes as they struggled to keep their hands from each other. After, they lay there, their bodies glistening with sweat, and Lupin felt more at ease than he had that whole afternoon.

"Don't sound so excited Remus," Tonks mocked.

She rolled over to him, and he turned on his side to face her.

"And we'll certainly need a ring," Lupin muttered, as he brushed her now deep red hair from her face.

Her skin with glistening with post-coital glow, and she looked disarmingly beautiful.

"Yeah, for someone as pedantic as you, you certainly weren't organized this time."

"Well you did put me on the spot," Lupin explained and she grinned. "I had barely come to terms with it myself. I can only assume if it was not for your need to push the question from me, I would've done things in the proper order."

"To be fair, I didn't know that was the question," she laughed. "We can go see my parents tomorrow if you want?"

Lupin creased his brow as his stomach did some sort of flip.

"What?" Tonks asked instantly.

"I just, well, I forgot there was this process of it all," Lupin muttered distractedly.

Lupin was starting to feel nervous again. Facing Moody, Molly and Kingsley had been difficult, but he had not spared a thought to her parents.

"We don't have to," Tonks said carefully.

"No, we do," Lupin said, smiling at her, trying not to allow his worry concern her.

"So, am I right to be freaked out that I'm going to be Mrs Lupin?" Tonks asked, grinning at him.

"Well, I would say it would depend on how freaked out you were," Lupin replied, feeling his body warm as she called herself Mrs Lupin.

There was a silence, and Tonks burrowed herself into him. For a moment it was peaceful, far away from the world they had discussed in their meeting.

"We will have to sort out your nickname however," he muttered.

"What do you mean?"

Tonks pulled back from him, and looked up at him in alarm.

"Well people can't call you Tonks any longer, as it won't be part of your name," Lupin, almost laughing at the look of distress in her eyes as she realized it as well. "People may actually have to call you Nym– "

"Say it and I'm taking back my yes," Tonks shot at him, glaring at him.

Lupin laughed.

"Maybe they will just have to call me Lupin?"

"Well, yes, they could, but that would be stealing my name," Lupin said.

"Hardly anyone calls you Lupin," Tonks said defensively.

"Yes, but I am referred to by it. I'm sorry, but it looks like Nympha–"

"You know, my wand is beside me, and future husband or not, I'll have no hesitation hexing you" Tonks interrupted, a devious smile on her face.

Lupin laughed again as she returned her head to his chest.

"What about Dora?" he suggested.

"No," came her muffled voice.

"Why?"

She looked up at him.

"Because you call me that. I hated it at first, but now, well it reminds me of things, and I like it," she said, and then there was a silence again. "Why did you start calling me that?"

There was a pause.

"I don't know," Lupin lied.

Tonks looked up at him, inspecting him, and then after a few moments, she settled back into the nook in his chest. He did have an answer, he had just never expressed it. She wasn't Tonks, though occasionally it slipped his tongue, he did not view her that way anymore. Tonks was attached to memories involving Sirius, like it was from another time and place that they refused to speak of. It was not that she changed, but he had. To him, she was not Tonks, she different, though completely the same, and it was entirely wrapped up in Sirius.

"I'll try out Lupin I think," she mumbled, interrupting his thoughts.

"That would be counted as theft," Lupin said, smiling again.

"Well maybe I'll bring it up at the next meeting and see what everyone says," Tonks said.

Lupin ignored the strange feeling he had as she mentioned telling everyone at the meeting. They lay in silence again, arms around each other, Lupin closing his eyes, attempting sleep.

"Can I ask about the actual wedding or is it too soon?" Tonks asked

"You can ask whatever you wish," Lupin said opening his eyes, and looking down at her.

"When do you want to have it?"

"I think, given that you began this topic, you should tell me," Lupin said calculatedly.

"As soon as possible," Tonks said grinning. "I want to be yours forever as soon as I can."

Again the strange feeling popped up in his mind as she spoke of forever, and being his, but again he ignored them. They were normal he assumed.

"Then as soon as possible it will be," Lupin said kissing her. "Now, given that the sun is due to rise at any moment, we should possibly sleep."

"Yeah, I forgot old men needed their sleep."

Lupin froze, his mouth ajar.

"I have given you until very early in the morning, and you still call me old? This is not the time old men go to sleep, I feel I may have earned a different title," Lupin said and Tonks laughed.

"Nope. Old man fits, so it sticks."

"If I were you, I'd be careful," Lupin warned.

"Oh a stern warning, how befitting of your title," Tonks added, grinning mischievously.

"Right," Lupin said. "That's it. Over you go."

Lupin rolled Tonks over, and moved himself on top of her. She was grinning at him, and he raised an eyebrow.

"I feel you are labeling under the misunderstanding that you are in for a fun experience," Lupin said nonplussed.

"Am I wrong?" Tonks laughed.

"Completely," Lupin replied, unable to stop the smirk on his face coming through.

Tonks giggled, as Lupin moved his lips to her collarbone.

* * *

Bleary eyed and sore all over, for reasons that would make him blush if he thought about it too much, Lupin awoke a few hours later. He yawned and carefully stretched his limbs, trying not to wake the sleeping Tonks on the pillow beside him. He glanced at the clock beside him and found that it was nearly midday. Remembering, with a jolt, that they were to go to see her parents, Lupin swiftly moved back to Tonks, kissing her.

"Good morning," he said hoarsely as she blinked up at him.

"Hi," Tonks muttered breathlessly, smiling sweetly.

"We should perhaps head to your parents," Lupin said her.

"Do you have to ruin everything? I was enjoying waking up this way," Tonks said playfully. "Then you go and talk about my parents."

"You said we should," Lupin reminded her.

Tonks wrapped herself in her blankets and rolled away from him.

"No," Tonks said, her voice muffled by the layers she was in. "No. No. No."

Lupin laughed at Tonks, who very clearly reminded him of child not wishing to go to school.

"How about this. I'll make some breakfast and you can come out of hiding when you see fit," Lupin suggested.

"I could do that," came Tonks' muffled voice

Lupin found himself his pajama bottoms, which were in the box of things he'd collected from Grimmauld Place, and after putting them on walked into the kitchen. He instantly flicked his wand at the toaster, and two slices of bread moved from the counter to inside it. He hovered the kettle to the sink, filling it with water by hand, before walking it to the stove, lighting it with his wand, and then placing it on there. Once everything was cooking, Lupin was just about to relax and wait, when he heard the sound of an owl arriving. He poked his head from the kitchen nook, and found the Daily Prophet in the beak of an elderly looking barn owl. He grabbed some coins from the table and put them in its pouch.

Lupin unrolled the paper as he walked back to the counter, and leaned up against it, taking in the front page. Huge headlines about Dumbledore's funeral stared back at him. He skimmed the articles, feeling a strange sensation in his stomach each time he saw Dumbledore's name. The bottom of the front page was full of testimonials from other wizards about current events, most seemed to agree with a woman named Florence, who was packing her family up and leaving the country now that Dumbledore was dead. She believed the wizarding world, and the muggle world as well, was about to plunge into chaos without him, and a small part of Lupin worried she may be correct. The kettle began to whistle, and Lupin absent-mindedly made tea as he read the prophet on the counter beside him.

He'd just read through another account of the night Dumbledore had died, this one having a strange slant on Snape, when he heard footsteps. Tonks appeared in the kitchen, still half dressing herself, a lazy smile on her face. Lupin glanced across at her as he bit into a piece of toast. He took in her undone jeans, messy hair, unbuttoned shirt, and single sock on one foot.

"You can lower those eyebrows mister," Tonks said, her smile turning into a cheeky grin.

"I was always of the impression that adults could dress themselves," Lupin muttered at her.

Tonks sidled up to him, yanking the toast from his hand. She turned back and walked out of kitchen, toward the living room.

"Funny thing is, I thought you'd be more than thrilled to find me so easily undress-able" Tonks said once she was out of view.

Lupin froze just as he was about to bite a new piece of toast. A voice in the back of his mind woke up, suggesting things that made warmth spread through his body. He dropped the toast, his mind running away with itself. Very slowly, and extremely calculatedly, he walked out of the kitchen. He turned toward the living room and found Tonks leaning up against the coach, still with a very cheeky grin across her face as she looked up at him. With her clothes half hanging off her, her pants not even done up yet, the warmth within him strengthened ten-fold.

"I thought that would get your attention," Tonks said huskily.

Lupin didn't move yet. He wasn't a fool; this had to be a trap. He took slow steps toward her, which made Tonks laugh. He reached her, still examining her shrewdly, waiting for something to stop him. His palms landed on her bare hips, his long fingers closing carefully on the other side of her back and the smile on her face disappeared as his nose grazed her cheek.

"We were supposed to go to your parents," Lupin breathed on her cheek, his hands now creeping up her back very slowly.

"Well," Tonks said, reaching for her pocket. "By all means, we can."

She whipped out her wand and flicked it at her front door, which flew wide open.

"Your choice," Tonks said, her smile back.

Lupin's eyes flicked to the door, back to her, and saw her cheeky grin return. He moved his lips slowly to hers, and felt his body press against her. Her hands snaked up into his hair, and with more enthusiasm than he thought he had, Lupin lifted her up onto back of the couch. He felt her legs wrap around his waist, and before he could deepen the kiss, Tonks pulled back.

"If this is what it's like being your future wife, I don't know why we didn't do this earlier," she smiled.

Lupin smiled back at her, but his concentration was too much on her to think on what she was actually saying. He brought his lips back to hers, and was met with her youthful eagerness. He felt her tongue slide past his as he continued pulling her legs against him. Lupin could feel himself getting more and more heated, until a noise made his entire body go cold. A loud clearing of the throat interrupted the low rumble of traffic that until seconds' prior, had been all to disturb them.

"I suppose I must get used to this now," a deep voice said.

Lupin and Tonks pulled back from each other, and feeling like he would very much appreciate the world swallowing him whole, Lupin turned to see Kingsley standing in the door way. He was not looking anywhere near as awkward as Lupin felt, quite the contrary he looked bemused. Lupin very slowly moved himself away from Tonks, unhooking her limbs from his waist, and trying not to feel embarrassed as after all, she was nearly his wife, but he felt his cheeks burn.

"Sorry Kingsley," Tonks laughed after a long pause

"Forgive my intrusion, but we have a problem," Kingsley said, looking slightly graver.

Lupin felt the silliness filter out of him immediately, and he met Kingsley's stare.

"Charity Burbage has gone missing. Moody's security enchantments alerted us to a break in at her house. He wants us there immediately," Kingsley explained quickly.

"Right," Lupin said, looking at Tonks, who was quickly shuffling all her clothes together, and doing her jeans up very non-discreetly.

They followed Kingsley out of the flat, and Tonks passed under his arm through the doorway, before stopping to look up at him.

"Parents tomorrow then?" she asked.

Lupin nodded at her, shutting the door behind them all, and sealing it with a flick of his wand.

**To be continued…**


	74. The Father of the Bride

**Back with a vengeance!**

**Okay, I know things may seem pointless, but dont get angry. I'm enjoying stretching out the happiness. You naturally all know why.**

**This chapter has been in the works for a while. I love Ted and I adore how much he loves his daughter. So thats where this chapter is born from, and that's why it was so quick. Lupin needs this, for more reason that to add up to later book storylines. Someone has to call him a prat.**

**I noticed a huge lack of reviews, not complaining, just hoping it doesn't mean hate toward my story!**

**Now I must get back to it, after all, it's wedding season!**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 72**

Nymphadora Tonks slipped under the doorway and stood face to face with the man who would soon be her husband. The thought alone made goose bumps erupt all over her. They were to be married. She was actually going marry Remus Lupin. Never in her wildest dreams last year had she ever imagined that they would actually get back together, and have it quickly followed by a proposal.

"Parents tomorrow then?" Tonks asked him.

Lupin nodded at her, winking as well. It was entirely unlike him, but Tonks was starting to think she didn't know everything about him anymore. The old Lupin wouldn't have done what he'd just done to her in her living room only moments ago. Had Kingsley not walked in Tonks knew exactly where it was heading. Lupin had never been so open about it all. If she didn't enjoy it so much, Tonks knew she would have stopped him to ask what the bloody hell was going on. Tonks grinned at him, and began following Kingsley.

She heard her door magically look and then Lupin was at her side. Tonks was still in her own happy smiley world, and she had expected Lupin to be the same, which was exactly why, upon looking at him, she nearly stopped dead in surprise. He looked concerned, and completely serious. Tonks creased her brow as they walked out of her building. She knew where they were headed was not going to be a great place to be, and she felt sorry for Professor Burbage, but she didn't know it was as worrying as Lupin looked.

* * *

Tonks landed in a very pristine alleyway after apparating. She was hit instantly with the smell of freshly mown grass, flowers, and all things summer. Obviously Charity lived out away from the city. She saw Lupin and Kingsley draw their wands, so did the same. They cautiously made their way out of the alley, which was actually the gap between two houses. Tonks saw endless hills of perfectly green grass, old wooden fences keeping in sheep and horses, and a plethora of freshly bloomed pink, yellow and purple flowers flanking the grassy knolls. For the briefest of moments, Tonks forgot she was here on some grim business.

"This way," Kingsley said to them, climbing over a fence and bringing her back to reality very quickly.

Tonks looked up and saw a very small brick cottage. There was a cat sitting on the window frame licking its paws in the dazzling sunlight, and she wondered if it knew its owner had disappeared.

"There's magic here," Lupin's said in a voice that made the hair on the back of her neck stand up.

Tonks was not one to be fearful, but something about the way Lupin spoke made her anxious. Without Dumbledore, with no one but those she was near, Tonks was taking on something she did not understand anymore, she was slightly beyond Auror territory. They had taken her safety net in taking the headmaster, and it was not until that moment, Tonks had really noticed it. She gripped her wand tighter.

"I know," Kingsley said, nodding at Lupin.

Tonks looked around, trying to hone her senses to find what the two men beside her were feeling. Was the anxiety what they were feeling? Was that known magic?

"Tonks, you take the front door, Remus, you and I will take the back," Kingsley said quietly, as they stood together in front of the house, with Tonks between them.

Tonks nodded, as did Lupin, though unbeknownst to Tonks he cast a worried glance towards her. She approached the door; Lupin went around the left side of the house and Kingsley around the right. Tonks gripped her wand so tight that the whites of her knuckles were visible. Steely determination flew over her, eradicating the fear, but as she reached for the door handle she heard a noise, that made her pull her hand back as if the handle had burned her.

"Over here, now," came Kingsley's deep voice, sounding urgent.

Tonks nearly ran towards him, and upon rounding the corner, instantly knew why she was called. The whole wall of the cottage had been blown apart. You could see right into what Tonks assumed used to be the living room. It was full of burnt furniture, smashed glass, there were scorch marks all over the walls, and bookcases that had been blown apart, leaving pages strewn across the room. Lupin placed a hand on his forehead and let out an angry sigh.

"There's no doubt the cause then," Tonks said, looking up at Kingsley.

"None at all," he paused. "She's the muggle studies professor. I can only imagine what they've done with her," Kingsley finished, looking almost disgusted and entirely unlike himself.

Tonks was very quickly burdened with the image of Bellatrix playing with Charity as if she were her food. She swallowed the revulsion rising in her throat.

"We should fix it, before any muggle's stumble across it," Lupin said.

Tonks drew her arm up, which had been hanging limply by her side in devastation. The three swished their wands through the air, repairing the wall that was strewn both inside and out. Once they finished it, both Lupin and Kingsley turned and walked off. Tonks stared at the newly put up wall, not quite sure what was happening.

"Tonks?" Lupin said, stopping upon realising she wasn't with him

Kingsley stopped as well, and Tonks looked at them both. They were flanked by the green rolling hills, but there beauty had been sapped by the circumstance.

"I don't understand. We can't do anything?" she asked, feeling like she was just leaving someone to die.

"There's nothing that can be done Dora," Lupin said

"Tonks you've been through this it's– "

"I know," Tonks said, almost angry at Kingsley. "I know we've done this in the Order, but do we really just walk away?"

"Where can we go? We don't know where she is, we have no chance to stumble upon where she is, we cannot do anything to assist her," Lupin said, taking some steps towards her.

Tonks thought he almost looked exasperated by her, annoyed even.

"I know that. But I thought this was to help people. I thought we were going to save people, like Auror's do," Tonks added, staring at Lupin, almost begging him to do something.

"It is Tonks. But we cannot save every person we come across. We have no ability to help her when we do not know where the Death Eaters are," Kingsley explained firmly.

"So, we just give up?" Tonks asked looking at the two of them.

They both gave a sigh.

"We have to," Lupin said in a defeated voice.

He was nearly beside Tonks at that point, and she felt him place a hand on her lower back. She looked up at both of them, and their looks extinguished any fight left in her. They couldn't have said it plainer. It was a lost cause. She had to turn her back on someone who needed help, to fight something bigger and save more people. Tonks had never really been faced with the problem, but she was with two people who obviously had. She felt Lupin push her forwards, and begrudgingly she walked, stopping only when she heard voices. She threw an arm out to stop Kingsley, as Lupin had already stopped.

"I told him, I said, if he wanted them to graze on the border of the properties he had to pay extra, but the mongrel didn't even listen. Just went ahead and did it anyway," a voice said.

"Someone needs to tell him to just sod off. Right out of the county. Done nothing but cause grief since he arrived last November. We'd all be a whole lot better if he just packed his wife up and left," a different voice said.

The three glanced at each other, and slowly walked on. Training had taught Tonks not to trust someone even if they spoke and acted like a muggle until she was certain they actually were muggles. In these trying times, she wondered if she'd have to put that idea back in place. Kinglsey gave a nod, which Tonks took to mean he would handle it.

"Afternoon sirs," Kingsley said.

Tonks got a glimpse of them. They were looked well past their younger years, as did there clothes. Kingsley seemed to have startled them.

"Evening," the one with darker hair said.

"Friends of Charity's?' the other asked.

"Oh yes, we came to say hello but found a note about her just leaving for her holiday."

"Holiday?" the darker haired man said.

"That's a bit strange. I wonder if Howard knew she was going away?" the other man asked him.

"He didn't say anything when he picked up groceries this morning," the darker haired man said, looking back to Kingsley with a furrowed brow.

"I thought she said she was staying to help with the preparations."

"Preparations?" Tonks asked, her curiosity taking over

"For the wedding. I thought you said you were her friends?"

"They certainly dress like her," the darker haired man muttered to the other and they both laughed.

"She was getting married?" Tonks said feeling even worse than before.

"Saturday. Are you sure you know her?"

"We work with her," Lupin said.

"At the boarding school?"

"Er – yes," Tonks said quickly, suddenly giving new thought to the teachers of Hogwarts and their personal lives.

"Does Howard work with her?" Kingsley asked.

"No he works at his property on the other side of town," the darker haired man said.

"I think it's about time you lot left actually," the other man said standing up straighter.

"Of course," Lupin said quickly.

"One more thing," the darker haired man said, pointing at Kingsley. "Where do I know you from? You seem very familiar."

"I have no idea sir. Sorry to waste your time, we'll be going," Kingsley said very politely.

They quickly walked back to the alleyway, hoping the men didn't follow them.

"I'll report to Moody," Kingsley said quickly.

"I'm going home," Tonks said, her stomach still sinking thinking about this woman and her never to be wedding.

Tonks looked up at Lupin to say that he could do whatever he wished, but he had already grabbed her hand. Kingsley waved them goodbye, and disappeared with a crack. Lupin and Tonks turned on the spot and disappeared into the blackness.

* * *

They landed in the garden, and did the usual walk up to the flat. What could have been a happy joyful moment, wasn't. Tonks didn't feel like talking, and Lupin seemed absorbed in his thoughts as per usual. She couldn't shake the horrible sadness as she thought about the news awaiting Charity's husband. Tonks didn't say a word as they walked into her living room and Lupin offered to make tea; she instead went straight to her bed, flopping onto it.

She lay there for a moment, sprawled out on the bed staring at the ceiling, and as her thoughts over took her, she rolled onto her side staring out her window. She couldn't understand why all of a sudden she was emotional about things she could usually distance herself from. She couldn't believe Kingsley and Lupin could walk away so easily. Was it wrong to judge Lupin for that? How could these two men she'd known for so long, and known to be the most caring of the lot, just walk away without a fight?

It was almost hurting her to know they just walked away and didn't even attempt a single thing. Tonks knew this was going to happen. She knew it was the way of the Order, Dumbledore and Moody had always expressed it. It was the reason the Order rarely accepted those who were young. They needed to understand the bigger fight, the bigger reasons for things and Tonks knew it meant letting go. Yet somehow, she was stuck on Charity. She didn't even know her.

The door of her bedroom creaked, and Tonks didn't even bother to check, she knew it was Lupin. She kept staring out the window, looking into the building across from her. Before long, Lupin's legs were in front of her, and then he bent down in front of her. His hand reached out and brushed the hair out of her face, and then he continued stroking it. He tilted his head as he examined her. Tonks looked up at him, and found a serious look on his face, but he gave a small warm smile at her.

"It would be foolish of me to ask how you were," he said.

Tonks nodded. She almost felt ridiculous for being so troubled over nothing.

"Now, there were any number of things in our mission today that may have troubled you, so if you would like to assist me that would be very appreciated," Lupin said, smiling warmly again.

Tonks felt her scalp tingle as she looked at him, bent in front of her, caring about her, and stroking her hair.

"I know we're meant to be okay with everything, like the bigger stuff being more important than the little stuff, but I just I feel so horrible for– "

"Dora," Lupin interrupted, softly but still enough to make her listen intently. "There's nothing that says you should be okay with anything– "

"But Dumbledore said– " Tonks interrupted

"He said we have to accept that at times things are out of our control. That we will have to make sacrifices, and we will never have all our questions answered. None of that addresses that you should always feel okay with what we're doing."

His eyes were boring into hers, begging her to listen to him. But he didn't have to beg, he could make her listen to jibberish, because she trusted him.

"The fact you feel those things, that you feel for people who you have never met, _that_ is what separates you from the Death Eaters. That's what makes you stronger than every other witch or wizard," he finished, smiling warmly again.

"But you guys didn't care," Tonks said finally.

Lupin glanced down for a moment.

"I did. I do. I can carry on because we fight to make that never happen again," Lupin explained.

Tonks spent a long time looking at Lupin as he stroked her hair soothingly. He only looked back, giving his small smile and trying to translate through his eyes that he cared for and understood her.

"She had a cat, and a fiancée, and a house, and she was a person. They're all going to be people, and we just have to walk away?" Tonks asked, feeling her eyes burn.

"Yes," Lupin said bluntly and then he paused for a while. "The way to think about it: we may not help every little situation, but if we have to sacrifice them to solve the bigger issue, we can make it so it will never happen again because of Voldemort."

Tonks nodded, and glanced away, though Lupin kept his eyes upon her.

"She was going to be married. Can you imagine what that man is going to go through? Can you imagine going out to work and coming home to find everything you knew had disappeared, with no explanation?" Tonks asked.

Lupin looked at her for a while, and then nodded genuinely. Tonks had forgotten his life and what he had been through for the moment.

"What will make you feel better?" Lupin asked.

Tonks searched deep into her mind. She had no idea where the new burst of emotion was coming from, and she hated how down it made her. She kept searching. Nothing she thought of seemed to make her feel any better. She thought about Charity, and about Howard. She wondered if Charity was still alive. She hoped whatever happened. it had been quick and painless. Then she found her answer as she remembered the worst part of today.

"Lets get married," Tonks said.

Lupin creased his brow.

"We are," he said, smiling at her. "Do you not remember last night?"

"No, I mean lets do it as soon as possible. Tomorrow," Tonks replied, sitting up and facing him.

"Tomorrow?" Lupin repeated, his eyes darting around the room as he swallowed.

"Remus, I never want to go through what that man is going to go through. I want to be with you forever," Tonks said, grabbing his hands. "Who cares about the formalities, who cares about anything? Let's just do it."

Lupin looked at her for what felt like years. Tonks was so wrapped up in the romance of what she was saying, she didn't even worry about what he'd say, because she was so sure he would never object. He loved her after all. Finally he smiled again, and squeezed her hands.

"Of course," he said.

Tonks grinned, feeling her morose mood lifting. He leant forward and kissed her deeply.

"Tomorrow huh?" Lupin asked and Tonks nodded. "Then we have to go to your parents today."

* * *

Tonks and Lupin stood outside her parents home, having apparted there an hour or so after Lupin saying they would have to. Tonks was excited. She gripped on to Lupin's now sweaty hand and felt a bright light burning through her chest. She was about to announce to her parents that not only was she engaged to the love of her life, but she was marrying him, tomorrow.

"Are you ready?" Tonks asked, trying not to, but smiling widely.

Lupin gave a nervous smile back, and took a deep breath. She had no idea why he was so nervous, but could hazard a guess and would probably be correct. They walked forwards, Lupin still gripping onto her. She knocked on the door and they waited, Tonks still smiling. She heard the noises of an approaching person, and the door opened to her father. He saw Tonks first and he grinned at her, but once his eyes slipped to Lupin, it faltered.

"Dad!" Tonks said, hugging him.

He gave her a halfhearted hug in response

"You remember Remus," Tonks said as she pulled back.

Ted creased his brow, his smile completely gone.

"Good afternoon sir," Lupin said extending his hand toward Ted.

Tonks looked at her dad, waiting for him to shake his hand and make fun of him for the formal use of his name, but Ted didn't say anything.

"Dad," Tonks said firmly.

He gripped Lupn's hand, but didn't say a word, and then shuffled aside, letting them inside. Lupin indicated for Tonks to go first, and she did so. She walked straight into the kitchen, aware that the two men were following. Her mother was sitting at the kitchen table, a book in front of her, and twiddling her wand through her fingers.

"Nymph!" Andromeda said happily.

She dashed forward and hugged Tonks.

"I was just saying to Ted that we hadn't– "

Her voice trailed away as Lupin walked in behind Tonks. Andromeda's smile faltered just like Teds had, but unlike her husband, she quickly replaced it with another one.

"Remus. What a surprise," she said genuinely.

Lupin came to stand near Tonks, and she could sense his nervous energy instantly.

"Good afternoon Andromeda," Lupin said politely.

She gave a slightly nervous looking smile at him.

"Would you both like a drink?" Andromeda asked, glancing at Tonks and Lupin before glancing away quickly again.

"Yeah, that' be great mum. We actually came here to talk to you both," Tonks said, ready to get this awkwardness over.

"Of course. Ah, in the sitting room?" Andromeda suggested, still casting glances away, which Tonks realised were actually at her father.

Tonks looked across at Lupin, he looked completely alarmed. She could see tony drops of sweat on his forehead that had nothing to do with the temperature. Part of her wanted to laugh at the image. Only an hour ago he'd been on her bed issuing the most insightful, intelligent, and comforting words to her, and now, he looked ready to run for the hills, unable to say a single word. She slipped her hand in his and he looked down at her, giving a weak smile. Tonks lead him off into the sitting room.

* * *

They sat down on one of the couches, side by side. As soon as they sat Tonks could hear her parents having a furious whispered conversation. She couldn't make out words, but she knew this would not go down as easily as she'd first thought. Part of her just hoped the two of them wouldn't embarrass her. They did know Lupin after all, and her mum had known him longer than she had technically. The whispering came to a halt, and Tonks found Lupin's hand was even wetter than before.

"If you don't want to, we can go," Tonks said, her heart sinking.

"No," Lupin said in a soft but defiant voice, as if he was preparing himself for something painful.

Tonks smiled at him, but he only returned it with another weak one. She gave his hand an extra hard squeeze. Ted appeared in the doorway, holding a drink, and he walked over to his armchair that sat by the unlit fire. He was giving Lupin a scrutinizing look, which very clearly portrayed his dislike for the situation.

"Dad," Tonks started, bite in her voice.

"Dora," Lupin said quickly, interrupting her.

He shook his head. Ted raised his eyebrow at it. Tonks wanted to hit him. Her father was not like this. He was never rude, nor did he glare at people. Didn't he understand how happy she was? Her thoughts were interrupted by her mother, who'd arrived with a tray of drinks. Tonks took a pumpkin juice, and Lupin the same, and after Andromeda sat down, there was a particularly tense silence.

"It's wonderful to have you back here Remus," Andromeda said, sounding ever so slightly forced, but polite nonetheless.

Tonks heard her father make a noise of disagreement.

"Dad, stop it. You– "

"Dora," Lupin interrupted again. "It's fine."

"No it's not. He's not like this. Why are you being such a prat?"

"Dora!" both Lupin and Andromeda said.

"I'm sorry, but he is. You are dad."

Ted seemed to bristle in his seat. He opened his mouth to speak, but after glancing across at Andromeda, he closed his mouth, and resumed his stare at Lupin.

"You had something to tell us," Andromeda said through a sickly sweet smile.

"Yeah. I–"

"No I can't do this. I'm sorry Andromeda but I can't. Are we all forgetting something here?" Ted asked, his voice harsh and so unlike him.

Tonks felt Lupin's breathing become shallow.

"If it's just me then fine, but I haven't forgotten what you did to my daughter," Ted snapped at Lupin.

Tonks felt Lupin's breathing stop this time, and his hand twitched in hers.

"Whatever cock-and-bull story you've fed her might be enough to please her, but I haven't heard a single explanation that makes me think it's okay for you to be in my house, or with my daughter," Ted finished, looking expectantly at Lupin.

Tonks was so shocked at the outburst of anger from such a peaceful man, that she couldn't speak. Her dad barely ever raised his voice. If it hadn't been embarrassing and completely unnecessary Tonks nearly would have been flattered.

"I understand completely," Lupin said carefully, speaking in the tactful was he usually did. "Believe me when I say, after all that had transgressed, I did not expect to find myself in this situation, with Nymphadora by my side. However, I assure you, this is truly where I want to be."

Tonks gave his hand a squeeze.

"That's all well and good, but that doesn't give any explanation for what I had to see. Do you know how much you hurt my daughter?"

"Yes," Lupin said, letting Tonks go and running the shaky hand through his hair. "I do. And I am doing all within my abilities to make up for that."

Ted glared at Lupin longer, and Tonks watched the two of them stare at each other, regarding one another.

"And the explanation then?" Ted shot at him, his eyebrow rising again.

"I felt that she would be better off without me and all I bring. It was all for her well-being," Lupin finished, squeezing Tonks' hand. "I assure you, both of you, it was not done lightly, and it was not aimed at hurting Dora in any way."

"And now you've decided you can inflict all those things on her?"

"Ted!" Androameda said quickly, looking sternly at her husband, who, for the first time, looked slightly ashamed by his words.

"I'm sorry, I'm just not comfortable with this. You hurt _my_ daughter, immeasurably, more than I have seen before. So forgive me for not being on board with this as much as my wife. I'm pleased you're happy Nymph, but I can't forgive someone so quickly who did those things to you," Ted explained.

Tonks saw Lupin sigh.

"I mean, what stops you from just getting up and leaving again, because you feel she's– "

"Dad, we're in engaged," Tonks interrupted very bluntly, and Lupin whipped his head round at her, his eyes wide.

Ted's mouth hung open as his words died away, and Tonks saw her mother clap her hands to her mouth.

"I'm sorry, but he wouldn't have shut-up otherwise," Tonks muttered to Lupin.

"Dora, he's correct," Lupin said, and Ted turned to look at him. "I did hurt you, and your father is completely within his rights to be angry at me because of it and even to object."

"You're engaged?" Andromeda asked, smiling broadly.

Tonks nodded at her mother, smiling just as much as her.

"I did wish to come and speak to you both about it, but Dora extracted the question from me before I could do so," Lupin explained looking between both her parents.

"Congratulations!" Andromed said, jumping to her feet and pulling Tonks into a hug.

Her mother then rounded on Lupin, who stood for the same embrace. Tonks saw her father staring at his wife, looking very puzzled, he had not moved. She knew his dilemma. On the one hand he was still unsure about Lupin, but on the other hand, he was happy, which was evident in the corner of his mouth, which was twitching.

"Oh sod it," he finally said, and he rose to his feet and hug his daughter. "Congratulations."

Andromeda instantly began talking to Tonks about the wedding, but Tonks' eyes stayed on her father, who, took Lupin's hand in his own and shook it. They locked eyes again, and as he muttered congratulations, and Lupin thanked him, she knew her dad was resigning his judgement for now.

"I suppose in all this madness it would be crazy to plan a wedding," Ted laughed as Andromeda had just returned from the kitchen with a bottle of mead and four glasses.

They toasted to Tonks and Lupin, and then Tonks turned to her parents, looking very serious.

"One other thing," Tonks said, and both her parents seemed to glance down to her stomach looking panic stricken. "Oh Merlin, not that." And they laughed. "Because of all that trouble, we wanted to get this all over with quickly and quietly."

"What do you mean?" Andromeda asked.

"We don't wish to put strain on anyone in such troubling times. Dora and I wanted to have a quiet ceremony," Lupin explained.

"Of course," Andromeda said.

"Tomorrow," Tonks added.

Ted and Andromeda looked at each other. Tonks glanced from each of them. They couldn't really object. Well, they could, but Tonks felt like this was a mature decision that her and Lupin had made in the hour between him comforting her and arriving here. They had discussed who should come and why. Tonks had never put much thought into her wedding, having never been that girly girl type, and she did not mind much about the ceremony itself when it came to Lupin. She only cared about being with him after it, and they life they would lead. Tonks explained all this to her parents, aided by Lupin.

"How about you have it here then?" Ted suggested, after they'd finished explaining.

Tonks could only smile at her father. In all her haste, she had not thought about a place, or anything really, and now that she did, her parents house could not be more perfect.

"That would be excellent," Lupin said, after looking to check with Tonks.

Andromeda finally dissolved into the tears that had been threatening to engulf her since the announcement, and Tonks laughed along with Ted and Lupin. She patted her mum on the back and hugged her. All of them rejoicing in the happiness, knowing perhaps, they may not be able to feel so happy like this for a long while.

"What are we going to do about a dress?" Andromeda said suddenly, looking panicked again

**To be continued…**


	75. The Wedding

**Oh God this chapter terrified me. Really. More than any other chapter. I have a feeling the next one will be worse. Oh god after editing it I'm even more scared. Never been a bride, certainly never been a groom, and I have no idea what they feel. Be kind.**

**I've read a million different wedding fanfics, I can't say I liked the way they went. So this is my go at it, aided by Bill and Fleurs.**

**One last thing, I just want to make mention of a few people, one in paticular who hopefully knows who she is, Sophia I believe is the name, who absolutley made my week this week on tumblr. I was on google trying to access my story, and stumbled across some posts about this story. It was a very surreal experience to find people discussing this on the internet away from this site. Scary thought for me. So thank you for making my day and my week. I'm on tumblr by the way, I post pictures and what not. Ideas and maps of moments in this story for people who ask for it. Check my profile for the address. **

**Reivews, all of them, millions please, and I'll love you forever. You can all marry a Lupin of your own! I nervously await your judgement.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 73.**

Remus Lupin sat on the train, journeying out to his parents house. This time he was not depressed nor angry about doing so, in fact he was happy. Tomorrow afternoon he would be marrying the girl he loved. It was a sentence that was enough to make his head spin, but he was happy.

The train passed through the Lake District, as the sun was setting, bathing the area in a bright orange glow. For one of the few times on this journey he could actually appreciate the beauty, which was enhanced from his own happiness.

He got off the train after another hour, and made his way to the long dusty driveway the belonged to his parents. He walked inside the house and stood in his parents doorway, resting for a moment. He was here for her. Nymphadora Tonks. He was going to do what he would have done had she not bullied the question from him. He was going to find his mother's ring.

He'd kept her jewellery safe when his father had fallen into poverty, because Lupin knew he'd try and sell it all. It had taken a lot to hide something from a wizard. In the end he went for muggle contraptions. Lupin pushed the bed aside, and then lowered himself to the floor.

He found the piece of floorboard that was jutting out the tiniest bit from the rest. He pulled it out and slid his hand underneath, retrieving a small steel box. He dragged it across the floor and then placed it on the bed. The box was made out of simple black steel, with a combination lock, the only muggle lock unable to be opened by magic.

He put in the correct four digits, his mother's birth date, and it sprang open. Amongst some pictures of his parents, one of their wedding, Lupin found the two rings he was searching for. There was a solid gold band and then the engagement ring. Lupin held it up, admiring it. The gold band was slightly scratched, but on top stood an octagonal cut sapphire with two small diamonds flanking it.

He was flooded with memories as he stared at it. He'd never known how she'd gotten such a spectacular piece of jewellery, as his father was not wealthy enough to ever have afforded it, but it was his mother's prized possession. Now, he would pass it onto to the woman he cared for more then any other. He pocketed the two rings and turned back to the box.

He found the wedding picture of his parents and stared at it for a moment. His father was thin in this, his dark brown hair as clean and neat as Lupin had ever seen it and he was wearing black tuxedo with a green tartan kilt. His mother had her arm threaded through John's, a smile lighting up her beautiful face. Her hair blonde and curly, and her dress close fitting but elegant, as she always was to him. The two were waving up at their son, happier than he'd ever known them to look.

He put the picture back into the box and returned it to its hiding place. After double checking to be sure no one had been here, he turned on the spot, appearing in the garden near Tonks' flat. Lupin carefully inspecting the area making sure no one was watching him, and then walked inside.

* * *

He found the little owl he had sent to Tonks long ago fluttering excitedly on her windowsill, which gave him an idea. He sat down pulling out a piece of parchment, and drafted a note to Kingsley asking about Moody's take on Charity Burbage. It was unnerving Lupin how little news seemed to be coming to him. He'd expected an Order meeting, but was surprised not to find one. His job he'd given up on, and he would now have to sit on his hands and wait until he could be useful again.

It was as if the world was on pause for he and Tonks, and that worried him far more than it should have. He stomach gave a nasty lurch, and grumbled loudly. Lupin got up from his seat, and entered the kitchen, perusing her cupboards. He settled upon pasta, a tin of tomatoes, finding all the herbs and other ingredients he could. He set to work chopping things and boiling water. After a while, he heard noises outside and then a fresh faced, but red haired, Tonks appeared in the doorway.

"Merlin, you wouldn't believe what my mother tried to put me in," Tonks huffed walking to the kitchen. "Are you cooking?"

"Good evening to you too," Lupin said, smiling at her. "And yes."

"Sorry. Hello," Tonks said hastily, kissing him. "It was hideous."

Lupin had left the Tonks' to visit his parents, obviously not quite telling her what he was going to retrieve. The whole experience at her parents had been terrifying, especially when Ted had said what he had long expected someone to. Thankfully it was done. And though he did not seem pleased, Lupin found him to be at least allowing it to go ahead.

"I'm sure it wasn't."

"No it had this long trail and it was puffy. It looked just like that Princess Diana's one. And we all know how that one turned out," Tonks laughed. "Do you want a hand?"

"Well I would, but I'm not awfully sure I trust yours," Lupin added.

"Harsh," Tonks said, jumping up and sitting on part of the counter beside him.

"True," Lupin corrected.

Tonks pouted at him, but she gave up eventually and smiled at his joke.

"So you made the dress suitable to your taste I imagine?" Lupin asked, an eyebrow raised as he stirred the sauce on the stove top.

"Meaning?"

"Rips, bright colours, and a band slogan or two," Lupin joked.

"I'm appalled you can pigeon hole me like that," Tonks said feigning deepest hurt at his comment.

"So it doesn't have a single tear?" Lupin added.

"You'll just have to wait and see, wont you," Tonks added raising her eyebrows suggestively.

"Taste," Lupin said, offering a spoonful of his cooking to her.

She slurped off the spoon, and sat there for a moment, her eyes upwards, contemplating.

"Given what usually comes out of this kitchen I'd say that's pretty bloody good," Tonks said, as Lupin dipped his finger in and tasted it himself.

He placed the saucepan aside, and started on the pasta, cracking a large amount after heating the water with his wand.

"So what did your mother say?"

"Oh she was distraught when I told her I hated it. I tried to tell her it's just one day, it doesn't mean that much, but that may have made it worse. It's hardly about the dress," Tonks explained.

"Yes I assume so. Though I hear the best part of a wedding dress is ripping it off afterwards," Lupin added, turning from the pot and giving her a suggestive stare.

Tonks took a moment staring at him, and then her face contorted into a look of shock, though a smile was hiding at the corner of her lips.

"Remus I'm shocked."

"Now why are you always shocked when I say things of that nature?"

"Because it's _you_ saying them," Tonks laughed.

"Well deep down I am a man like any other," Lupin explained, turning back to the stove as Tonks gave him a devilish grin.

"Oh believe me, I know that. You do however have this prim and proper quality to you. It may be the teacher thing."

"Teachers are devoid of a sex life? You'd surprised to find out about many of your ex-Professors have one. Minerva had a– "

"Don't!" Tonks said quickly, suppressing a shudder. "I know they can. I just don't like to think about it. It's not just the teacher thing for you, that's only a part. It's also the blushing thing."

"Blushing?" Lupin asked, creasing his brow.

"You blush when things like this usually come up. It's the embarrassment quality for you that makes it shocking when you are so blatant about it," Tonks explained.

Lupin lost his desire to cook, and stomped over in front of where she sat, a sceptical look on his face.

'You don't believe me?" she asked.

"Well no. I have thoughts, and wants, and _ideas_," he said carefully.

"Ideas huh? I like the sound of that," Tonks trailed off, smiling at him.

"I thought you might," Lupin said his voice low and almost at a growl.

"But none of that answered whether you think you get embarrassed," Tonks said before Lupin could act upon his ideas.

"I don't believe I do, anymore."

Tonks mouth fell open.

"You're kidding?"

Lupin shook his head.

"Fine," Tonks said determinedly. "I'll prove it."

"Try me," Lupin said, taking a breath, interlocking his hands and placing them behind his head.

As if she needed no invitation, Tonks reached forwards, grabbing the buckle of his belt and yanked him towards her. Her legs wrapped around him and she looked up at him, her best seductive stare. Biting her lip.

"I feel no need to blush yet," Lupin said, feeling smug.

Both of her hand hands slid up his chest, holding his face, and her lips pressed against his. Her mouth tasted like the sauce, and he delighted in how soft her lips were against his. He still found no blush creeping up, and was about to retreat from her mouth and inform her of this, when she changed tact.

Her hands moved down his body, under his waistband and she got a hold of something so suddenly that the surprise got him. His eyes widended and he couldn't help but shift back from her, not far enough that her hand couldn't leave what it happened to have. She did not allow his reaction for long, using her other hand to pull him back. Her lips met his rougher this time and she placed a few kisses on his neck, before sliding her lips up to his ear.

"I win," Tonks purred, her voice husky.

Lupin felt his body tingle, an effect he knew she would feel in more ways than one. She brought her lips back to his. Now the kiss was urgent, and Lupin felt his lower half react specifically to it. His lips left her mouth, despite her moan of protest, and he moved to her neck, following it's curve, and allowing the tip of his tongue to land precariously on a spot he knew she loved.

"That wasn't entirely fair," he murmured between kisses.

"Oh bite me," Tonks retorted, but Lupin did precisely that.

Tonks laughed but it was swallowed by another moan as he got to her earlobe, nibbling on the very edge. He shifted her hair aside, and kissed back down her neck, pulling her t-shirt aside to reveal the milky white skin of her collarbone. Her hand let go of him, and both shot up to his head, threading through his hair and tugging on it ever so slightly.

He moved back to her lips, and was met with renewed fervour. Her tongue slid over his, exploring the recesses of his mouth that he was sure would sure be boring, but she brought new life everywhere. His hands were on her legs, that were firmly wrapped around him, firmly pressed against what she had been holding. He trailed the tips of his fingers up her inner thigh, tracing lazy circles, and she made a noise of appreciation in his mouth.

Very suddenly Tonks pulled back, and Lupin opened his eyes, wondering what had caused the abrupt stop. She had her eyes pointed upwards, a very confused look on her face. Her leg was sliding over his pocket repeatedly, pressing something hard into his leg, that thanks to her and her tongue, he'd forgotten completely about.

"Yes?" Lupin asked trying to coax the question out.

"What on a earth is in your pocket? I can't ask that forever clichéd, are you just happy to see me, question because I already know the answer," Tonks asked, still looking confused.

"Ah, you found my secret," Lupin said, barely inches from her face.

Her brown eyes looked into his, and Lupin reached into his pocket feeling around for the correct ring. He pulled it out, holding it between his thumb and forefinger.

"This is what I went to my house for. It was once my mothers. The night before is a better late than never moment," Lupin said, smiling at her.

Tonks' eyes had gone wide, and she looked speechless.

"It might be too big, or too small, but we can solve that."

He retrieved her left hand from around his neck, and slid the ring very carefully along her ring finger. The electric blue sapphire shone magnificently against her skin.

"Now it's yours," Lupin said to her.

Tonks continued to look at, her mouth agape still, and Lupin watched her hair turn from Weasley red to a deep purple. She looked from the ring to him, and then back to the ring.

"Its beautiful," she muttered as if her brain was trying to grasp that it could speak.

Lupin smiled at her as she blinked a few more times than seemed necessary. He still had his hands on her legs, and he moved his head closer, grazing her cheek with his nose. This seemed to awaken her from her thoughts, and her eyes met his fiercely. They were sparkling again.

"I love it," she said, and he felt her hot breath on his lips.

"Mmm," he murmured, mesmorised by her lips being so close to his own.

He caught them with his, and she responded sweetly, before pulling away.

"We do have serious things to discuss," Tonks said matter-of-factly.

"How strange," he muttered against her neck, which he'd moved to kissing when she'd moved her lips.

"What?"

"That you would break this up to be serious. I thought I was the serious one. The easily embarrassed one," Lupin explained, and he found a spot above her collarbone that caused her to make a very satisfied noise in the back of her throat. "Remember?"

For a moment, she seemed to fall lifeless, her head dropping onto his shoulder as he kissed her, quite unaware what had come over him, but not caring enough to think on it. She was giving into him whether she liked it or not, and he very much knew she liked it.

"No," Tonks said forcefully, when he'd moved his kisses beyond her collarbone and down towards her chest.

Lupin stood up, giving her a smug smile.

"Cut it out, we actually need to be serious," she said, though she had the air of disappointment at stopping him.

"Okay, okay," he said, holding his hands up in surrender. "What's to be said?"

"We need a witness, as wizarding law states it cant be parents and neither you nor I have siblings," Tonks said, as if she was a reciting something she'd been told.

Lupin leant back on the counter, on the other side of the corner to her. He picked up one of her feet and steadily massaged it, working from the heel upwards.

"Who do you think?"

"I was thinking Mad-Eye," Tonks said closing her eyes as he moved his thumb deeper into her foot.

"Moody is fine with me," Lupin said, spreading each toe apart as he moved to the balls of her feet and it caused her to exhale loudly with a contented smile.

"Have you told him?" he asked after a while of her sitting there with her eyes closed.

"No, I wanted to check with you."

"How very diplomatic of you," Lupin said changing feet. "Do you want me to ask him?"

"No," Tonks said quickly. "I want to. I'm going to go in the morning."

"What about Molly?" Lupin asked, working circles through the inner arch of her foot.

"I thought about her, but I feel if we were to keep it quiet, it would be too difficult to have her. I know she'd want to make a big deal out of it."

Lupin agreed, but he had a worry.

"You don't think she'd be offended?"

"I think that's a very real possibility, but she is definitely the person I'm going to tell first, Mad-Eye excluded of course," Tonks smiled, though he could see some worry in her eyes.

"If you want to turn this into something else you can. I'm at your liberty. If a big ceremony is what you wish then– "

"Remus," Tonks said sternly, catching his eye, and causing him to stop massaging her foot. "If I wanted that I would ask for it. I'm doing this because I want to, not just because it's easier for you."

"I just want to be sure," Lupin said.

"I'm not the kind of girl with big dreams of a weddings," Tonks said, reading his mind. "And it's adorable that you care so much about me."

He was just beginning to think about whether he was robbing her of a ceremony she may have wanted, but was sacrificing to please him. An unsettling feeling filled the pit of his stomach, but he ignored it, choosing to focus again upon her lips.

"So is that all?" Lupin asked tentatively.

"I think so. Mum and dad are sorting the Warlock of the Peace for tomorrow, and it should all kick off late in the afternoon," Tonks finished and Lupin smiled approvingly.

"Can I now return to doing unspeakable things to you?"

"Abso-bloody-lutely," Tonks responded enthusiastically, yanking him back between her legs, and greeting his lips hungrily.

"One problem," she said, pulling back for a moment.

"Yes," Lupin breathed, not opening his eyes, nor moving away as he was too involved in what seemed to be giving him the most comfort.

"You seem to have forgotten about dinner," Tonks reminded him.

Lupin finally opened his eyes, glancing across at the stove where the water had all evaporated and the pasta was effectively ruined. Tonks had her hands under his shirt, and she was tickling the skin on his lower back. He turned back to her slowly, bringing himself back, so their faces were just barely apart.

"I think I've found something far more appetising," Lupin said, and Tonks let out a laugh.

* * *

Lupin awoke the next morning in Tonks' bed, alone. For a moment he panicked, especially when he found a piece of parchment on the pillow beside him.

_Remus,_

_Been called into work. Didn't want to_  
_wake you. I'll go see Moody today, and_  
_meet you at mum and dad's around 3ish._

_Tonks xx_

His panic subsiding, he moved out in the kitchen, and found another note for him. This one tied to the leg of the small owl, which hooted a morning greeting. He ripped it open hastily, knowing it was from Kingsley.

_Remus,_

_No, so far nothing has happened. It is_  
_most unnerving, I know. We have a late_  
_meeting tonight, at the Burrow. Moody_  
_has plans and I'm sure everything will_  
_be clearer then. Hope you're well._

_Kingsley_

Lupin flicked his wand at various kitchen appliances, his mind re-reading the letter even though he'd folded it up. Lupin had expected Voldemort to move into the open far quicker now that Dumbledore was gone. The fact he had not was far worse than the oppisite. Lupin felt like it would all come crashing down at once, rather than in small doses as per usual.

He finished making breakfast, and made his way to the prophet. Finding an article from Rita Skeeter about Dumbledore. She was writing a book. Lupin felt a white hot rage flood through his veins as he read the interview, but nothing compared to the next thing he saw. The Headline read:

_Dolores __Umbridge __promoted __to __a __top __Ministerial __Committee. __Heading __her __own __enquiry __board._

He threw the paper away, finishing his tea as he attempted to rid himself of his anger. He ended up back in the bedroom moments later, no less angry, but trying to find something physical to take his mind off it. He chose to dig through the box from Grimmauld Place for his dress robes. They were his prized possession and evidently, the only thing he owned that was in the best condition.

He pulled out the light navy set of robes, the cream undershirt, and cream slacks. It was slightly patched, and was older looking, as Sirius and James had bought them for him many years ago. He had been very quick to implore them not to spend money on him, but they had insisted, dragging him to Madam Milkins. Lupin could remember the trip like it was yesterday.

* * *

"You're going Moony," James said, smiling at him as they arrived outside the Leaky Cauldron, having walked from Sirius' flat.

"You're truly going to force me?" Lupin said, looking at them both.

"I know what this calls for Prongs," Sirius said, looking at James.

Lupin's two best friends shared a look, and then, at the same time, they each grabbed him above the elbow and forced him forwards.

"No. Stop," Lupin said, as James and Sirius saluted Tom the Barmen.

But they didn't. They only let go as they stood infront of the brick wall.

"Stop!" Lupin yelped. "I'll tell Lily!"

Sirius and James let him go instantly and Sirius gave him a look of deepest mock outrage.

"You wouldn't dare," Sirius said, adopting a fake scared sounding voice.

"I would," Lupin said threateningly, but his friends only laughed.

"It's just dress robes mate," James said.

"There's no point. I can't afford anything half decent. Why do you think my current ones are so terrible?"

Sirius and James shared a glance, rolling their eyes.

"Does he really think that excuse will work?" Sirius said as James tapped the bricks and the wall slowly disappeared.

"I think he does," James said.

"Stop talking about me like I'm not here!" Lupin snapped, and Sirius and James' grins faded.

James stepped towards him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I know you can't afford any, but I can, or my family can, so it's not a problem," James said with a shrug.

"No," Lupin said quickly, feeling indignation rise. "James I can't ask you to pay for– "

"You didn't ask," Sirius interrupted infuriatingly.

"No, I didn't, but still you can't– "

"By all accounts it is his money. He can do with it what he wishes," Sirius reminded him in a sing-song voice.

"But I could never repay you. It's not exactly like I can find work," Lupin tried to say, but they weren't listening, Sirius and James were looking at each other.

"Again?" James asked.

"Again," Sirius repeated.

In a swift movement they grabbed him again, pushing him through Diagon Alley. Lupin tried everything to make them stop, but all to no avail. People shopping were staring at them, so James and Sirius were apologising with an explanation that Lupin was on a day release from St Mungos. They fronted up to the shop, and James and Sirius pushed him inside.

"Your finest dress robes Madam," James said, grinning smoothly.

She almost pounced on Lupin, dragging him to a fitting room. Minutes later, Lupin was in a light navy set of robes, with a cream shirt, and cream slacks. Madam Milkin was pinning them while James and Sirius watched, laughing.

"I think navy will go best with your eyes. It should make them stand out," Madam Milkin was saying.

"Oh yes. Make them sparkle. You'll look simply spiffing," Sirius said turning to James.

"Oh yes he looks a right marvellous fellow, absolutely," James repeated in the same mock voice.

When she had finished, James and Sirius looked at Lupin.

"Was it that hard?"

"The hardest bit comes when I have to refuse because I can't afford them," Lupin said through gritted teeth.

"I thought we'd sorted that?" James asked, clapping him on the shoulder.

"No really James, I can't ask you to do this for me," Lupin said seriously.

"You think this is for you?" Sirius said looking at him dumbly.

"Well obviously."

Sirius let out a low laugh, before placing his arm over Lupin's shoulder.

"No no. This is for me. Now that Prongs is all but married," Sirius explained, and James beamed as he said it. "You and me are taking on the world. How am I supposed to pick up girls when you look like a shabby little werewolf?"

"I am a shabby werewolf," Lupin explained thickly.

"Deception is key," Sirius added with a wink.

"That would explain why so many girls give up their time for you," Lupin retorted and James laughed.

"However you wish to see it, either way, you're doing us a favour," Sirius said.

Lupin knew it was a lie. Everyone knew it was a lie. Very begrudgingly he allowed them to buy them for him, before James then sponsored a meal and many, many, drinks at the Leaky Cauldron. Making Lupin feel worse about not contributing.

* * *

He stood in Tonks' bathroom; the dress robes on, smiling as he remembered the day. Lily had loved them when James insisted he put them on to show her when they arrived home. She'd been so complimentary, he'd blushed, which most unfortunately Sirius caught sight of and made fun of him for.

Now he stood alone, inspecting himself. Straightening his collar, wetting his hair, and combing it back off his face, in a side part. Once he seemed ready, he stared at himself. Part of him wished his best friends to be here. To offer words of advice or encouragement. He thought with a pang of guilt of Harry. How he wished he could have been there today.

He was nervous in a way he way he never imagined he would be. He wanted what was about to happen. He had an apprehensive feeling, but he had constantly dismissed it as normal, and continued to do so now. He loved her, he truly loved her, and he knew she felt the same.

He was nervous in the way normal people were. Would he be a good husband? Would he make her happy? Those thoughts. The normal ones, and he couldn't believe that suddenly he was just like any other man. He gave a shaky smile to the mirror, seeing his friends, knowing they were with him, in the robes they'd begged him to buy.

* * *

Lupin knocked on the door of Tonks' parents house. His hands were sweaty all of a sudden. Ted came to the door.

"Remus," Ted said gruffly, shaking his hand.

He let Lupin inside. And the pair awkwardly made their way back into the living room. Ted stopped him in front of the dining room door.

"I want a word," Ted said, pointing Lupin into the dining room.

Lupin entered. It was a small room, but it had an elaborate looking wooden table, and had the distinctive smell of a room rarely used by people.

"About yesterday," Ted said after taking a deep breath. "I'm aware, well, Andromeda is aware, I may have been rude."

Lupin was acutely aware that Ted did not believe what he was saying. He did not think he was rude at all. Lupin had not thought him rude, but rather honest.

"No problem sir," Lupin said quickly once he was aware Ted was going to say no more.

"It's Ted, Remus," he said shortly and Lupin nodded.

They stood there for a moment, sizing each other up, before Ted sagged slightly with a loud exhale and averted his eyes. Lupin didn't know if this was the whole conversation or not, so he made movements to leave. Ted grabbed his wrist, and Lupin turned back to him as he let go very quickly.

"I want to be wrong about you," Ted said genuinely, meeting his eyes.

Lupin looked at him.

"I do remember you as the good one that brought over. The one that could be trusted. Andromeda reminded me how highly I used to speak of you," Ted said as if his wife was still forcing him to speak.

There was a silence and Lupin nervously smiled.

"I know what it's like to marry someone who you believe should be with someone else. Someone who should be with those of their level, or their class," Ted said. "And to be with someone who seems to overlook the very reasons for your being inferior."

Lupin looked at Ted in a new way. Ted had been a muggle-born marrying into the longest surviving pure-blood family. He'd never quite realised the difficulties Tonks' parents must have faced.

"What did you do?" Lupin said, his mouth only just moistening enough to speak after going dry the minute Ted had asked him in here.

"I realised that if she did not care, I had no reason to. I knew I was enough and that she loved me. All the problems were from the opinions of people who did not matter."

Lupin nodded at him. Drinking in his words of advice.

"Now. I think we need to go out there," Ted said, indicating the door.

Lupin arrived in the living room, and found Moody on the sofa in his dress robes, a glass of Fire-Whiskey in his hand.

"Remus," he growled, getting to his feet.

They grasped hands.

"I suppose a congratulations is in order," Moody said, giving a rare smile at Lupin. "Very unexpected."

"I'll say," Ted said at Moody with a small smile at Lupin.

* * *

An hour later Lupin stood in the garden. A tall thin balding man was in front of him in dark long robes, the Warlock of the Peace. Lupin had never been into the Tonks' backyard so he could not judge what had been placed specifically for this occasion. He stood under an archway made of English bluebells.

The garden was small, but immaculate. There was a pond in the far corner. Full of lilypads and a single king orchard in its once a year seasonal bloom. There were fairies hovering in each bush, obviously put there for when the sun set.

Three white outdoor wire framed garden chairs were placed in front of the archway. Moody was in one and he was talking to the Warlock, Lupin noted he was interrogating him in case he had connections to Death Eaters. Moody had set up security enchantments for the evening.

There was a noise behind them and Lupin turned around to see Andromeda walking out of the door into the house. She had a tissue and was dabbing at her eyes. She gave a watery smile to Lupin and made her way to the seat beside Moody. Lupin adjusted his robes slightly, straightening himself up.

He felt his heart rate increase. His palms became sweaty and he felt like his robes, which had previously been of a perfect size on him, were entirely too tight. This was it. She would walk through that door and it would be the end of him. He thought about what Ted had said, about love being enough, and he hoped it was true.

He thought about James and Sirius, and was, for the first time, entirely thankful they had dragged him to Madam Milkins that day. He felt them there with him again. The door opened, and Lupin felt his breathe catch in his throat, his heart threatening to burst out of his chest. Nervous would not cover his feelings anymore. Terrified would not have covered it. Absolutely bone shaking-ly petrified may have done it half justice.

Ted stepped out first, and stood beside the door, holding his hand out ready to guide an unseen person down the few stairs. Lupin was only vaguely aware other people were there when he heard Andromeda sob. Then the rest of the world seemed to melt away.

Tonks stepped out into the doorway and was led down the steps by Ted. Lupin felt his heart stop and he gulped loudly as his breathing became shallow. The first thing Lupin noticed was her hair. It was in his favourite shade of bubblegum pink, but short, as it had been the first time they met.

All sensations in his body seemed to stop and time froze. She gave him a wide nervous looking grin. He did not remember ever seeing her nervous, but it calmed him. It gave him a warm comforting feeling that he had not felt all day. Her gown was a soft white silk littered with lace trimmings, but in true Tonks style it differed from the norm. Wrapped around her waist was a black band of lace and crystals, tied in a bow at the back.

The dress clung to her body spectacularly. It was strapless, showing all her décolletage, pale and unmarked by age. She was completely radiant, elegant and graceful as she walked towards him. He felt his mouth go dry again, as he stared at her, trying to calm himself and his heart with a shaky exhale. She was like the sun, so startling that it almost hurt to look at, but so striking that he could not tear his eyes away.

She gave him a wink; her arm in her fathers and Lupin felt himself smile at her. She was only a foot from him, when Ted turned to her, kissed her on the cheek and whispered something he could not hear. He turned to Lupin with an outstretched hand. Lupin vaguely felt himself grasp hands with him, his eyes caught on Tonks. It was overwhelmingly real.

"She's a handful," Ted said to him, grinning like his daughter did.

Tonks smiled at her dad, who took a seat beside his wife, and placed an arm around her as she sobbed.

"You look beautiful," Lupin breathed at her.

"You look quite handsome yourself," Tonks shot back at him.

They both turned to face the man in front of them. Lupin felt Tonks reach for his hand, and he grasped hers tightly.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we are here today to celebrate the union of Remus John Lupin and Nymphadora Eirian Tonks," the Warlock said.

Lupin vaguely registered her middle name, but he was either too happy or too nervous, he could not tell anymore, to have a reaction. His eyes glanced over Tonks, she was smiling as he'd never seen her smile before. Her eyes found his every so often, and each time he felt the warm feeling in his chest spread further. He could not believe the difference in her. She was stunning, and elegant, and things one would not associate with Tonks on a normal day.

"Do you Remus John take Nymphadora Eirian –"

"It's Tonks," she said to Warlock with a glare, and Lupin couldn't help but let out a small laugh as she did.

"Er – right," he said, looking worried. "Do you Remus John take er – Tonks, as your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I do," Lupin said, smiling at Tonks.

"And do you Tonks, take Remus John as your lawfully wedded husband?"

"Of course," Tonks said instantly, winking at Lupin again.

"I call forth Alastor to oversee the exchanging of rings and the bond for life," the Warlock called, and Moody stood up, standing between, but slightly behind them.

Moody removed from his pocket two gold rings. One for Tonks which was his mothers, that Lupin had given him as they'd entered the garden earlier, and a thicker gold band he'd never seen before, obviously for him.

Lupin picked up his mother's ring as the Warlock directed him to do so. He slid it onto Tonks' finger nudging it against the engagement ring. Tonks did the same to him, and he smiled broadly at her as she did it.

"Now, Alastor if you please," the Warlock said. "If you two would please grasp hands."

They lifted their already grasped hands to waist high. Moody had his wand out and he and the Warlock tapped both their hands before Moody took his seat again. The Warlock then raised his wand in the air.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife," he announced. "You may kiss the bride."

Lupin placed a hand gently on the nape of her neck, as she wrapped her arms around him, one of her hands coming to rest on his cheek. He closed his eyes as the silver stars from the Warlock's wand descended around them, and his lips touched hers, lightly but tentatively.

He caught her bottom lip, then her top lip, and after what felt like a lifetime of bliss, he felt her smile against his lips and he pulled back. She was grinning up at him, and he kissed her lightly once more.

"I love you," he said quietly.

He knew it was cliché and perhaps she would make fun of him, but he wanted to say it because he felt it.

"I love you too," Tonks said back.

They turned to the small applauding group behind them. Andromeda had dissolved into tears, held up by her husband. The ring on his hand felt different, and new, but he was sure everything in front of them would be different and new. Yet, in all of it, as he grasped hands with his bride, his lover, his friend, and his partner, he could not have felt happier.

"Champagne," Ted called loudly, grinning from ear to ear.

**To be continued…**


	76. The Cliffside Castle

**Merry Christmas all! (Well I suppose to be pc is should be Happy Holidays)**

**I come offering gifts, hopefully ones you enjoy. It's a nice long one, my apologies... I just got carried away.**

**If you would like to give a gift also... a review is a wonderful gift! No pressure or anything haha.**

The delay is on account of a re-edit of the early chapters. Filled in a lot of conversations, changed some small things, have a read if you like. 

**Now back to my Christmas Eve tradition of watching Love Actually.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 74**

Nymphadora Tonks stood in front of a small cottage in Hertfordshire. She'd been here so many times she knew exactly how to move through the mine field of jinxes, hexes, and curses that awaited any uninformed visitor. This time, given the business she was here on, Tonks took the polite approach, a first for her. She raised her wand thought about what was to take place this evening, thought of the message she was sending, and muttered the correct incantation, seeing a silvery bright white wolf explode from her wand and dash inside the cottage.

She could follow it through the light appearing behind the curtained windows, and after a few moments she saw the front door open. Moody stood in the doorway looking sceptical. He waved his wand over the front yard, before beckoning Tonks in. She walked through the small kissing gate, and down the narrow pathway, avoiding the gnome that usually would fire an Impedimenta curse. She came to the doorstep and Moody looked at her.

"Wotcher," she said brightly.

"What were the first words of my Auror training speech?"

"Being an auror is not to be entered into lightly. If you've come here to prove anything to anyone leave right now," Tonks repeated, grinning despite herself.

She went to walk in, but Moody stopped her.

"You have to ask the question," Moody growled.

"Oh Merlin," Tonks said, rolling her eyes. "I know its you Moody."

"It's protocol."

"Fine. What did you say to me when I graduated?"

"That I had known from the beginning you would be the only one to make it," Moody finished.

"Happy?" Tonks asked.

Moody gave her a stare that clearly said he'd never been happy and never would be. She laughed, and followed him inside. He walked her into the sitting room, which had very bare walls, a brick fireplace and two old flowery sofas. It was the only room in the house not full of dark detectors, or wizarding objects, as it was the only one visible to passing muggles outside.

"Your patronus said you needed to talk to me," Moody said, flicking his wand at a decanter of fire-whiskey.

"Remus and I are getting married this afternoon," Tonks said, deciding on spot to just come out and say it.

Moody's magical eye had disappeared into his head as soon as they'd sat down, but the moment she said this, it spun right back onto her. He didn't give much away, but she thought he seemed shocked as he poured two glasses of Fire-Whiskey.

"Congratulations," he growled.

"Thanks," Tonks said, smiling despite herself again.

There was a beat of silence, and Tonks could feel Moody inspecting her.

"I know it's sudden," Tonks muttered, reading Moody's mind. "But we do er – love each other."

Tonks suddenly felt quite awkward discussing this with Moody, especially given that he wasn't speaking. He passed her glass that she sipped instantly.

"I know," Moody said, unnerving Tonks even more.

"You do?"

"Yes. I spoke to Remus," Moody said abruptly.

"Right," Tonks mumbled, feeling uncomfortable at this thought. "Either way, its this afternoon."

Moody nodded, and gave her a look that seemed to ask why she was telling him.

"And we were wanting, well I wanted it, and Remus agreed, for you to be a our witness. To be there today, if you're free."

Moody looked at her for a moment, with both eyes.

"I'm busy," Moody growled.

"Oh," Tonks said, feeling her chest deflate and her head drop.

"But I will get out of it of course. For this."

Tonks looked up straight away, grinning at him, and he smiled back. It wasn't an entirely pretty sight to see Moody smile, in fact Tonks had been terrified the first time she ever saw it, but this time, it was heart-warming.

"Thanks Mad-Eye," Tonks said, jumping up and hugging him.

It was a few moments before Moody got to his feet and hugged her himself. She couldn't tell if she wanted to laugh or cry, but she didn't really mind.

"It seems a bit of an odd choice for you," Moody growled after she'd settled down and resumed her seat.

"You're telling me," Tonks laughed.

* * *

Tonks arrived at her parent's house at about midday, after going through the time and location with Moody, who very kindly offered to set up some security enchantments for the house. She swallowed the sick feeling in her stomach that had been following her around since she'd woken up. She had dismissed it as nerves, everything though she hadn't felt nervous at all. She met her father at the door, and who smiled at her, kissing her on the cheek.

"Big day," he said.

"Really? I hadn't noticed."

She shot a wink at her father.

"She's upstairs and she's having a fit," Ted said, as they entered the living room.

"What? Why?" Tonks said, confused.

"Something about her daughter finally getting married, not having any input and then it kind of dissolves into inaudible moaning," Ted laughed.

Tonks let out a heavy sigh.

"But I – "

"I know," Ted said sympathetically. "You have to remember you're the only child. She just upset about losing you I think."

Tonks rolled her eyes. It was sweet, but she wasn't losing Tonks. She'd always need her mother. Her father lightly pushed her forwards up the stairs, which she began climbing.

"And what are you doing to help the situation?" Tonks shot back at her father.

"The best thing I can," Ted said, a sly grin on his face. "Staying as far away as possible."

Tonks followed the noises to her bedroom door, which was closed. She opened it carefully, and found her mother sitting at a chair at the desk, photo albums in front of her.

"Oh Merlin mum," Tonks said quietly.

This was beyond humiliating. Her mother spun around quickly, tears dripping down her face.

"Oh Nymphy," she howled, pouncing on her.

Tonks, knowing how much this was upsetting her, just patted her as she cried on her shoulder. Given the outrage she'd taken at the wedding dress, Tonks knew this was so much more than it seemed on face value. After about ten or so minutes, Tonks finally thought it wise to end it.

"Mum, mum, mum, it's okay."

"B-b-but you're going to be – to be," Andromeda said, her last words drowned in cries.

"Married?" Tonks offered, and Andromeda gave a shaky nod, her hands covering her face. "Mum why does that make you so sad?"

"It's just all so sudden," Andromeda said, straightening up and wiping her face on a handkerchief Tonks had produced with her wand.

"And?" Tonks said, pushing her mum to say the rest.

"There's so much happening and I'm just worried about you," Andromeda sniffed.

"Mum that's the reason we're doing this, because everything is a mess. We want to enjoy this," Tonks explained, stroking Andromeda's arm, and discreetly shutting her baby picture album.

There were a few moments of silence, as Andromeda pulled herself back together. Though Tonks had a feeling she hadn't seen the last of the tears.

"Do you want to see the dress?"

"Totally," Tonks said excitedly.

Her mother disappeared into the cupboard, and pulled out the dress she'd shown her last night, only now it looked completely different. She'd taken away the long puffy sleeves so now it was strapless and had been brought in at the waist. Andromeda had also added a thin black piece of lace ribbon around the waist that tied in a small bow at the back, and trailed down the back of the dress.

It was a very Tonks-like touch that she couldn't help but grin at. Tonks had never set much in store by dresses, or really girly things, but as she stared at her wedding dress, which felt like the weirdest thing to think, she nearly felt herself tear up. It was beautiful. Right down to the lace bodice, and the diamonds in the black lace ribbon,

"Mum it's – " Tonks said, not able to finish her sentence.

"Beautiful?" suggested Andromeda.

Tonks smiled at her mum.

"Lets see how it looks on you."

Moments later Tonks was in her dress. Andromeda was on the verge of tears, her hands covering her mouth, but she was smiling widely.

"How does it look?" Tonks asked.

Andromeda flicked her wand at the cupboard, which sprang open revealing a full-length mirror on the other side of the door. Tonks eyes raked her frame. She looked gorgeous. The dress clung to her shape, showing off all the good bits and perfectly hiding the bits Tonks hated.

"Wow."

Tonks didn't think she even looked like herself. She looked like a woman. She felt like a woman. She had curves, and shape, Merlin she even had cleavage. Tonks heard some sobs, and immediately turned to her mum. She wanted to tell her to stop crying, but instead found that she was welling up instead.

"Well now that that's out of the way," Tonks said, wiping her eyes on her arm after a few minutes. "Lets get ready."

* * *

Two hours later Tonks stood in her old bedroom again, this time she properly putting on the dress, having showered and put on her make up. Andromeda was fussing over the dress and Tonks finally had a few moments to think. She was surprisingly nervous now that times was ticking away. She didn't know what she was nervous about though. She was flicking her hair different colours and lengths, before settling on the perfect choice.

She wondered vaguely if she was worried he wouldn't show, but that didn't seem to be it. She just knew he would. The thought of being married seemed so grown up and scary before she met Lupin, but now, it just seemed like the next progression. She wanted to do it. There was a knock at the door after Tonks had disappeared into her thoughts. She turned around and found her dad in the doorway

"Everything's ready outside," Ted announced, his eyes softening at his daughter. "Nymph you look beautiful."

"Thanks dad," Tonks laughed.

"You ready?"

"Yeah course," Tonks replied enthusiastically.

Her mother gave a dry sob, before flinging herself at Tonks once last time.

"Please don't tell me you bailed up Remus again," Tonks asked, patting her mother.

"I wont tell you then," Ted replied curtly, a wry grin.

"Dad," Tonks whined.

"Nothing bad, I promise," Ted said, holding his hand up to swear it.

Tonks fixed her dad with a glare as she took his arm, and he led her out of the room, Andromeda still fussing over the dress.

Tonks looked at her open back door that Andromeda had disappeared through, and gave a shaky exhale.

"You're alright," Ted reassured her. "You look beautiful love."

Tonks swallowed, not quite able to find her voice. Panic was setting in. She was going to be married. She started walking with her father but when he let go and disappeared out the door, Tonks took a deep breath and stepped out in the garden.

Her heart seemed to stop as her eyes started to take in her surroundings. Moody was sitting at one of the three chairs in front of an altar made of bluebells. There were fairies all through the garden lighting it up spectacularly. None of this was important as her eyes were searching for only one thing.

Lupin was standing at the altar, in light navy robes and cream slacks, looking as delicious as she'd ever seen him. The minute their eyes met, Tonks felt her heart explode in her chest, and she grinned at him, as he did the same to her.

She threaded her arm back through her dad's and they walked towards the altar. Tonks smiled at Moody who smiled back, his eyes shining nearly as proudly as Ted's were. They stopped at the altar, and Tonks looked across at her father. This was it. The moment she stopped being a Tonks and started being a Lupin.

"I love you Nymphadora," Ted said, kissing her on the cheek.

"Dad this is already far too soppy for our taste," Tonks laughed, and her father winked at her.

Tonks felt Lupin at her side before she saw him. He shook Ted's hand, and the two shared a look. Tonks thought for a moment that everything seemed to be great between them again, until she remember it was probably a front for Tonks' sake. She found Lupin's eyes, and he gave her a small smile.

"You look beautiful," Lupin said, his voice sounding shaky.

"You look quite handsome yourself," Tonks shot back, grinning at him.

Her nerves seemed to drain away as everything about Lupin was so warm and comforting. Tonks felt like she was in a dream, she was saying things, and smiling at Lupin. All she was sure of was that there was a hand tightly holding hers that she never wanted to let go of, and being that she was about to marry the owner of said hand, it seemed to fit rather perfectly.

She registered Moody standing by her side at one point, and then Lupin had her hand. He slid a ring onto her finger, nudging against her engagement ring. Then the Warlock and Mad-Eye tapped their hands, and that was it. She was his, and he was hers, forever.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife," the Warlock announced. "You may kiss the bride."

Tonks looked up at Lupin, this was the bit she had not been nervous about. They'd done this enough times that she couldn't screw it up. Tonks felt his hand slide up her back and then his lips met hers, gently and sweetly. He tasted like Fire-whiskey and chocolate, and then she couldn't help the grin. She was married to Remus John Lupin.

"Champagne," Ted called, as the three members of the congregation applauded.

Ted dashed inside and Tonks felt Lupin squeezing her hand.

"Well I'm officially a Lupin," Tonks muttered up at him.

"How does it feel?" he breathed at her.

"Wonderful."

Lupin let out a laugh, and smiled at her as Ted returned. He handed a glass to everyone, including the Warlock, and they all raised it.

"To Nymphadora and Remus," Ted called, and everyone but those named repeated.

Lupin lifted her chin and kissed her again, before they both sipped from their glasses. Tonks could now appreciate all the beauty of her garden. The setting sun had allowed the fairy lights to come alive, and it was bathing the garden in a summery glow.

There was still confetti falling from the arch that the Warlock had set off, but now Tonks realized they were flower petals, not confetti. Andromeda had mostly pulled herself back together, and Moody was giving Tonks a small smile.

The Warlock hurried over with the sheet of parchment and a quill. Tonks had completely forgotten about the formal part of the service. Lupin conjured up a table with his wand, and the Warlock placed the Ministry Marriage Declaration in front of them.

The Warlock handed the quill to Tonks, who bent down and signed her name with a flourish above where it said declaration of the bride, and passed the quill to Lupin, who signed above declaration of groom. They then stood aside so Moody could witness it, and then the Warlock could fill in the rest.

All the while Ted and Andromeda were chatting happily in the corner. Ted had not wiped the grin from his face, and Andromeda had finally stopped her tears. The Warlock rolled up the parchment, slipped it in his robes, and turned to Lupin and Tonks.

"I wish you the very best of luck, and many happy years together," he said, with a bow and then he was gone.

"Congratulations Nymphadora," Moody growled, turning to her after the Warlock had left.

He did something he had never done before, and he kissed her on the cheek. Tonks was far too happy to even chastise him for using her first name as she had the Warlock.

"Thank you," Tonks said, as he pulled back, feeling almost teary, but certainly not going overboard enough to actually do it.

"Remus," he said, shaking hands with him. "Congratulations to you as well."

Lupin smiled at him.

"I'm sorry, but I do have to go. I wish you both the best, and will see you tonight," Moody said, dropping his voice at the end so the Warlock could not hear.

Tonks creased her brows at Lupin. What was tonight?

"We have a meeting at the Burrow," Lupin whispered through the side of his mouth as Moody turned to say goodbye to her parents. "A late one."

"I think we'd have to get there earlier," Tonks muttered, and Lupin frowned at her. "For Molly."

Lupin made a noise of understanding. He was still standing beside her as they surveyed her parents and Moody. He placed his arm around her waist.

"Mum and dad," Tonks said after the sound of Moody's clunking leg died away. "We won't be able to stay long, if that's okay. We have an Order meeting."

"That's fine dear," Andromeda said warmly. "We thought you might."

Tonks smiled at her mother, who leant forward and hugged her briefly, as Ted clapped Lupin on the back.

"Welcome to the family," Ted cried.

Tonks looked across at Lupin, who smiled down at her. She felt like there was shining bright light in her chest that had just exploded at his glance.

"Ted, we need to go and get the uh, thing," Tonks heard Andromeda mumble.

"Get the what? Oh – OH. The thing," Ted said, and Tonks looked back at her dad, who was still looking confused

The two bustled out and Lupin turned to face his wife.

"I have a feeling that was a strategically planned exit," Lupin muttered, as he kissed her nose.

"Good old dad, always slow on the uptake," Tonks laughed shaking her head.

"Now I feel it's not really a wedding without a dance. So, my darling wife, would you like to dance?" Lupin asked, holding his hand out for her.

Tonks looked at him.

"You don't remember the last time this happened?"

"Oh yes, it's why I'm wearing metal capped shoes, so my toes won't ever have to endure that pain again," Lupin said smirking, and Tonks playfully pushed him, before accepting his hand.

He twirled her around instantly, bringing her into his chest. Her hand landed on his shoulder, and he held her up as her feet tripped ever so slightly. Lupin pretended like it had never happened, and kept moving her around. Tonks was surprised at the amount of the dance she remembered. She was beaming up at Lupin, who kissed her, before she leant against his chest, and he tucked her head under his chin.

She couldn't help but marvel at the perfection of the moment and slowly her mind drifted back to that very first dance they had shared. Looking back on it now, it was easy to say she had liked him the minute she'd set eyes on him, and had fallen in love when he'd held her close and danced with her but Tonks had always known the past could be sentimentalized. She smiled against his chest, so happy and blissful.

"It's been a strange journey to get us here hasn't it," Lupin mumbled, Tonks feeling the vibrations through his body as he spoke.

"I was thinking the exact same thing," she said, pulling back and looking at him. "If someone had told me that first day I was about to meet my future husband I think would have laughed them out of the room."

"I'll take that as some form of back handed compliment."

"You wouldn't have been shocked?"

"Well, I'm still shocked that you're here truth be told," Lupin said, smiling down at her. "But I can't say shocked would have been my first feeling had I been told then. Surprised perhaps, but a very happy one. It's not every day an old werewolf like me would find out the young beautiful witch he's about to meet will do unspeakable things to him in the bedrooms above, and eventually, put up with him enough to marry him."

Tonks raised her eyebrows at him, and he responded by twirling her out and bringing her back in as the frogs in the pond began to croak softly and crickets chirped dimly.

"You tried really hard to make a mess of it at the start," Tonks said.

"_I_ tried?"

"Yeah all that grumpiness, the awkwardness, all that stuff. You really tried your hardest those first few weeks," Tonks said, with a wry smile.

"Dora I don't think you're quite aware of the affect you had on me," Lupin explained, cocking his head one side as they moved in a lazy circle clung onto each other. "You made me think things and want to do things I didn't think an man of my age should be thinking about with a girl so young, and certainly not doing them."

Tonks laughed softly, and Lupin did the same.

"So, I bewitched you?"

"In every sense of the word," Lupin breathed, kissing her gently.

Tonks moved back in closer to his chest, closing her eyes to soak in the moment. A smile slowly spread across her face. She was married to Remus Lupin. Actually married. There was nothing to keep them apart, nothing to cause any more misery, just the two of them, together.

"I could stay like this forever," Tonks breathed after a long silence with Lupin moving her.

"That would be if you didn't manage to fall over first," Lupin's voice cooed.

Tonks pulled back giving him a glare for ruining her perfect moment, but he only raised an eyebrow.

"I suppose we have to get going," Tonks sighed feeling her heart sink.

Lupin looked at her for moment, still dancing with her. He let go of her hand and looked at his watched, and then smiled at her.

"I think we can spare a few more minutes," Lupin suggested, grabbing her hand again.

Tonks, who felt like her cheeks were aching at this point, smiled again. Lupin spun her under his arm, bringing her back and kissing her. Tonks had never felt this way. Never felt so at peace, and never moved so gracefully in the arms of another person. So they danced for a few minutes longer, savoring everything the day had given them.

* * *

Lupin and Tonks stood at the gate of the Burrow, Lupin in his usual jumper and shirt combination, and Tonks in jeans and t-shirt, which felt very dim by comparison to what she had been wearing. They had their hands grasped firmly together as they surveyed the house.

"Now or never," Tonks muttered, feeling nervous.

Lupin issued her forwards with a nod, not letting her hand go. They knocked on the door, and after the security routine, were let through. Molly, Bill, Fleur, Arthur and were seated at the kitchen table, and Tonks could hear the distant noise of the Wealsey children in their respective bedrooms. They all had mugs in front of them, and seemed to be in a comfortable silence. They all smiled and said hello.

"We have an announcement," Lupin said firmly.

Lupin gave her hand a squeeze, and Tonks took it as a sign. Her eyes searched for Molly's more than anyone else.

"We got married," Tonks said, fighting the biggest smile that was threatening to appear.

There was second of stunned silence, before the four of them rose to their feet.

"Well blimey," Bill said, grinning at them.

"I am so 'appy for you," Fleur cried.

Arthur made it to Lupin before anyone else, and was hugging him, but Tonks sought Molly, who gave her a very watery smile as she moved over.

"Oh Merlin, no tears Molly," Tonks laughed. "My mother has been a human hosepipe all day."

"I'm just so – so – so happy for you both," she hiccoughed.

She pulled Tonks into a very tight hug.

"I knew you would, I just knew it," Molly whispered into her ear.

She let go and launched herself at Lupin, as Arthur, Fleur, and Bill each hugged Tonks.

"We're sorry you all couldn't be there. It was a spur of the moment choice, very sudden," Lupin explained.

"Just at my parents. We really would have loved for you to come, but we literally only set it up today," Tonks said, her eyes darting to Molly most often, wanting her to know this was the truth.

Molly gave a small nod, still smiling happily at Tonks.

"Makes sense. Only mad people would plan a full wedding at this time," Bill said, winking at Fleur.

Molly and Arthur laughed, but Tonks was slightly too taken with her husband, who was tracing lazy circles with his fingertips along her lower back where no one could see.

"Can't believe my first girlfriend is married. Way to steal our thunder," Bill joked and Molly gave a watery chuckle.

Fleur was admiring the rings on Tonks' hand and Molly was struggling to stop beaming at everyone, as was Tonks.

"There's just one more person I want –" Tonks started to say, but she was cut off.

"Ginny!" Bill, Molly and Arthur all called at once.

Moments later the red hair daughter of the Wealsey family appeared at the bottom of the stairs.

"What have I done now?" Ginny said, looking disgruntled before realizing who was here. "Oh, Hi Tonks and Remus. What's going on? Why do you all look so weird?"

Tonks grinned at her.

"Remus and I got married," Tonks said excitedly, holding up her hand with the ring on it.

You what?" Ginny exclaimed.

"We got married," Lupin said warmly.

"That's – I mean – Wow. Congratulations," Ginny stammered, hugging Tonks and Lupin together.

"I know Dora would have loved for you to be there," Lupin explained as she let him go.

"I can't believe you're married!"

The adults all laughed. There was a stomping noise from the stairs, and Ron came into the kitchen.

"What's going on?"

"Tonks and Lupin got married," Ginny said happily.

Ron frowned at his sister, before looking to Lupin, who nodded.

"Bloody hell," Ron said, his eyes wide in alarm. "Congratulations."

He shook Lupin's hand, and stood awkwardly in front of Tonks for a few moments, before hugging her very briefly, with a guilty look at Lupin. Fleur asked about her dress, and they whiled away the time before the meeting talking about the ceremony.

As each member arrived, Molly was too quick for either Lupin or Tonks, and announced it before they could. Tonks felt like Molly was her own mother excitedly delivering the news. Each person was very quick to offer congratulations, albeit slight surprise. When Moody arrived the meeting was quick to start.

There were reports from certain people about Death Eaters, but nothing seemed to be happening just yet, except Dementor attacks. Kingsley gave ideas into the take over of the Ministry which Tonks had realized wasn't happening, it _had_ happened.

"So this puts our retrieval of Harry in even more dire straits," Kingsley explained. "Arthur and I have already seen Harry, and told him about Moody's side-along apparation."

"I want a change of plan," Moody growled, and everyone shot him looks of confusion.

"But Mad-Eye it's foolproof," Tonks said.

"No it's not. I don't want to risk doing magic anywhere near him. And the Minsitry already suspects the original plan, I heard it being spoken about when I was with the Carrows. We can fake a trail with that plan and come up with something new," Moody said.

"Something non magical?" Bill asked.

"Muggle transport?" Hestia suggested.

"No, I think you could safely bet the Death Eaters would have watch on all of that," Arthur said.

"Portkey?"

"We shot that down last time. Too much interference."

There was silence as they all thought.

"Brooms?" Molly suggested.

There was a pause again and Tonks could only wonder why it had taken this long for that suggestion to even surface.

"Everyone agree?" Lupin said, and there was a murmur of concession.

"Now the only issue is when," Kingsley sighed.

"Well Voldemort," Moody growled, and Molly winced, "will be thinking we'd move him when the Trace breaks, as we discussed last meeting."

"That makes sense though," Bill put forward.

"If we move him before the Trace the Ministry will track us every step of the way if any of us use magic," Arthur said.

"Would you rather deal with Minsitry officials or Death Eaters?" Hestia replied.

"Aren't they one and the same now?" Kingsley asked and there were a few laughs around the table.

Tonks looked across at Lupin who was beside her. He looked completely different to how he did only hours before in her parents garden. He was ashen faced, and staring around the group at each idea like it was a tennis match. Tonks knew to some the entire group of resistance forces against Voldemort discussing the fate of a sixteen-year-old boy may have seemed silly or even foolish, but Dumbledore had placed all their hopes with him.

"We move earlier," Lupin said clearly. "As we always planned."

"So we jus' 'ave a few of us on a broom come by and pick 'im up?" Mungdungus grunted looking almost disappointed.

"Yes," Moody growled at him.

"I can keep up the fake trial in the Ministry for us to be moving him on his birthday," Kingsley suggested and everyone nodded.

"Excellent," Moody said. "I'm tracking two of the Death Eaters up into the counties, so I'll be gone for two days, so we have a meeting the following evening and consolidate the plan. I shouldn't have to stress that this stays completely within this room. Not a word, even amoongst each other."

At this Moody said his farewells as did Hestia, Diggle and Emmeline. Tonks felt like a lifetime had passed since the afternoon and it came as a surprise when Molly mentioned it twenty or so minutes after the meeting.

"Where are you off to for the honeymoon?"

"The what?" Tonks asked, blinking a few times, her mind sliding back into place after feeling like it had been buzzing around within the meeting. "Oh, the honeymoon. Well, er, we hadn't thought about it."

Tonks looked across at Lupin. They had never discussed it. She'd never even thought about it. Lupin seemed to giving her the same blank look she was giving him.

"We'll probably just go back to our flat and that'll be it," Tonks shrugged.

Whilst Tonks was not fazed, Molly looked downright appalled. Surprisingly, Arthur looked shocked as well.

"But you should," he said.

"Should what?" Tonks asked, noticing that Bill and Fleur had stopped talking to Mundungus and started listening.

"Go for a honeymoon," Molly said warmly, smiling at Lupin and Tonks.

Lupin's hand was resting on her leg under the table, as it had been since the meeting had finished. Tonks laughed softly at the suggestion.

"Honestly, it's fine. We don't need one really," Tonks muttered, glancing at Lupin, who smiled at her, his eyes twinkling in a way she didn't understand.

Molly and Arthur shared a look.

"Trust me when I say, that night, tonight for you, is a night you look back upon and cherish. You owe it to yourselves to do something for it," Arthur explained.

Tonks frowned. She hadn't thought it was a big deal, but the pained look on Molly and Arthur's faces were making her second guess herself.

"But it's a war Arthur, it's far too much trouble– " Lupin said and Tonks could tell he was trying to end the conversation.

"We were married in the beginning of the last war, exactly as you two were," Molly reminded them.

Tonks glanced across at Lupin again, and he looked at her.

"We'll er, think about it," Tonks said cautiously as she looked away from him.

The hand on her leg tightened for a second before letting go.

"I'm off into the Peak District. Got a guy who owled me saying to meet 'im in a pub up there for some business," Mundungus said after a long awkward silence.

"We should probably get going as well," Lupin whispered to Tonks and she nodded.

"We'll be off too then," Lupin said to everyone, standing as Mundungus exited the room.

"Oh," Molly said, looking crestfallen.

The all stood for another round of hugs and congratulations, that didn't stop until they were out the front door.

* * *

The door closed with a loud snap, and a warm summer breeze blew through Tonks' hair. Lupin slipped his hand into hers.

"Should we do something?" Tonks asked, biting her lip.

"I had not thought it. Today seemed enough trouble, I had not extended my mind further yet," Lupin said.

They began to walk.

"Maybe we should," Tonks said, thinking about a night away with him.

"Do you want to, or have you been scared by Molly and Arthur as I have," Lupin said, giving a soft chuckle.

"I'd be lying if I said I hadn't, but maybe they're right," Tonks explained as they passed through the gate.

"I will do whatever pleases you," Lupin smiled at her.

"Well do you know anywhere?"

"I can show you if you'd like," Lupin said, holding out his arm for her.

* * *

Tonks landed on the ground after the uncomfortableness of apparation. She was instantly hit with a cold salty smelling sea breeze. The half moon hung in the air, bathing the area in a soft glow. She seemed to be standing on the edge of a cliff-face looking out onto the open ocean. Tonks could hear the low rumble of waves crashing against the rocks many feet below her. She turned around and saw rolling grass hills and the tiniest little building just off in the distance.

"Where are we?"

"Droyden Castle," Lupin said, and Tonks gave him a look to say that this explained nothing. "It's on the coast of Cornwall."

"It's beautiful," Tonks breathed.

"Yes it is," Lupin said, taking her hand again.

They walked toward the tiny building on a dirt path flagged with white stones. As they approached Tonks found a problem in her mind she could not see a solution to.

"Um, Remus, we don't have a booking or anything," Tonks said.

"Not a problem."

Tonks creased her brown, but he only drew his wand. They were now close enough that Tonks could make out the building. There were two levels of windows, and the longer Tonks looked, the more it seemed to resemble a small square castle turret. The brick was sea-worn and green looking in the moonlight.

The windows were church-like and white, both levels had the curtains drawn and there was only a light in the far bottom corner window. Lupin knocked on the door. A short squat man with white hair and a five-day growth on his face opened the door. He squinted out at them for a few moments.

"Remus Lupin?" he croaked, and Tonks was hit with a strong whiff of tobacco.

"Yes," Lupin replied.

"Oh thank god. I was nearly about to give up on ye," he said.

Tonks had no idea what was going on, but followed when Lupin tugged her hand inside.

"I said we may be late," Lupin said, giving an apologetic smile to him.

"No problem. Here are ye keys," he said, thrusting an old golden key in his hand. "The television's out and we have managed to get electricity up here yet."

"Not a problem," Lupin said, smiling again.

"Well I'll show ye up to ye room," he said. "Then I have to get back into town. Me wife will be losing her marbles."

Tonks was still creasing her brow. How did this guy know Lupin? She looked across at him, and he only smiled as they followed the old man up the stairs. When they got to the top of the stairs, he led them through a door and Tonks' eyes were drawn straight to the huge bay window that looked out over the cliff onto the ocean, which the moonlight was bouncing off.

"This is amazing," Tonks breathed.

"We get tha' a lot," the old man said. "I'll leave ye two to it. I'll pack up downstairs and be back tomorrow evening."

Tonks heard him leave, but she hadn't taken her eyes from the window. It was spectacular. She felt Lupin behind her, his hands snaking around her waist, and his nose moving through her hair. She'd forgotten her confusion upon seeing the view, but his touch brought it back.

"How did you do this? What's going on?" Tonks said, spinning around the face him, and pushing him away slightly.

Lupin grinned, exhaling with a laugh.

"Did you expect me to be unprepared?"

Now that she thought about it, Lupin was never unprepared, well not usually anyway.

"But we never talked about it. You said at the Burrow that – "

"Well that was just a perfect addition to the surprise," Lupin muttered, still grinning.

"I can't believe you could keep this a secret," Tonks said amazed.

"Yes, I was half expecting you to get it out of me at some point," Lupin breathed.

"So you planned this?"

"Of course. Did you really expect me to allow us to spend our wedding night in your flat?"

"You sneaky little – "

Lupin had taken a stride towards her, threaded his arms around her, and kissed her before she could finish the sentence. Tonks only just registered the huge four-poster bed with deep blue drapes all around it, before she closed her eyes, sinking into Lupin's kiss. She grinned against his lips and then moved her hands through his hair, using him for leverage.

Lupin swept her up in his arms, walking her back toward the bed. He lowered her down gently, then stood up, surveying her as he extinguished the candle on the bedside table with his wand. The room was plunged into semi-darkness, as the magnificently bright moon was keeping it from complete blackness.

Lupin only stared at her, not moving, and Tonks was beginning to feel self-conscious. He smiled at her tenderly, and she attempted to do the same back, though her body didn't seem very keen to co-operate. He lowered a knee onto the bed, beside where she was lying. He was making this painfully slow on purpose.

He was lying beside her soon, his head propped up on his elbow, as he continued surveying her. He was giving her a look that made her feel like he was content staring at her, as if the rest of the stuff didn't matter by comparison, that this was enough for him. Perhaps it was. Tonks however, was not so content. She longed for him. She felt like she'd always been longing for him and everything had been at his pace. Boy did she love his pace though.

His free hand was sliding up and down her leg, giving her goose bumps and giggles that she was fighting furiously. He knew he was having this affect and seemed to relish in it. She desperately wanted to move forward, but she also loved the moment. Almost taking her by surprise, his lips sought hers, his freehand moving up to cup her head.

Her hands instinctively crept around him, gripping into his back, but then he had her t-shirt in his hand. She lifted herself up slightly, and he had it removed. His lips moved back to hers, still sweet and tentative. He tasted like tea and salt. Even with one hand he managed to remove her jeans with out trouble and Tonks kicked off her shoes.

His fingers skirted along her bright pink knickers but his tongue was moving through her mouth with far too much precision for this time of a night in this kind of situation. His fingers teased and tormented and she clutched at his jumper, unaware, or at least not caring, that she could remove his clothes.

"That's the – "

Lupin, who had moved to her neck, came back to her lips so fast it was as if her speaking had reminded him that he wasn't kissing them. Tonks was aching for more. Aching for his weight upon her, his skin on hers. It had been less than a day since it had been last like that, but it was torment for it not to be. His fingers danced across her hips, and he moved back to her neck with his lips.

"These are new," Lupin remarked, and Tonks opened her eyes.

"What?" Tonks asked, looking down and finding him at her underwear. "Oh yeah. They are. You didn't expect me to keep the normal ones on my wedding day did you?"

"I don't mind either pair, but it seems a shame to remove these," Lupin said, winking up at her.

"But you're going to," Tonks said, trying to make it not sound like an order, though she knew it was.

He gave her a grin, holding her stare as he slowly removed them. She felt her body tingle at this. His fingers danced along her inner thigh, and then his lips were upon hers again. She sighed in frustration, and felt him smile against her lips. This was her way, and she loved it, but the frustration that built could never be erased. Especially when the frustration was what made it so much better.

She could feel her jumper against her breasts, and she tugged at it. His body was pressing against hers, leaving very little to the imagination as to what she would find within his trousers. She lifted both jumper and shirt over his head in seconds, throwing it somewhere she cared very little about.

His skin lowered onto hers, sending butterflies wild in her stomach. Sure they'd done this before, but this one was slightly more important and she was nervous. Lupin moved his lips across every inch of hers, before deepening his kiss, and making her light headed. She couldn't handle the waiting, the teasing or anything, she needed him and she needed him now.

She went to move him over, but he stopped her.

"No, this is – "

"Don't even finish that Remus," Tonks shot at him, as she'd been waiting for this sentence.

"What?" Lupin said, pulling back and looking at her furrowing his brow.

"It's time to do it my way," Tonks said.

"There's a different way?" Lupin laughed.

"No, I mean, another way than your old way," Tonks explained.

"I'd suggest not starting it by calling me old, but as you've already done that, I don't know where we go," he said, though he did not look as annoyed as the words would have suggested, rather he was still smiling.

He moved to her collarbone. Kissing it delicately, which was annoyingly good at making her lose her train of thought.

"Well old fashioned then. You really need to be less sensitive about your age you know," Tonks complained.

"Forgive me," Lupin breathed against her neck, sending tingles down her spine.

He nibbled at her ear lobe, making all logical thought end. Like an_ imperius_ curse, she had to try hard to fight this.

"No," she gasped, and Lupin gave her a mischievous look as he pulled back. "We always do it your way."

"I hadn't noticed," Lupin said, cocking his head to the side.

In one swift movement, she was on top of him, straddling his thighs. She didn't wait for shock, surprise, or confirmation for what she was doing, or what she was going to do. She moved to his belt, undoing it and sliding it through each belt loop. His trousers were unbuttoned and removed, as was his underwear. She glanced back up at him, and found that he was giving her a shrewd look

She grinned at him, loving that he had gone from in control, to suspicious and fearful. Her lips met his stomach and then, she was holding him, in a way she didn't awfully often. She was doing things to him she also hadn't done to him awfully often. She could feel his hands on her shoulders, lightly trying to get her to stop, perhaps he was embarrassed, or he just wasn't used to her attention being so completely on him, but then he stopped trying to move her at all, and she felt his hands disappear completely. Moments passed, and with a shuddering halt, he broke, and a satisfied smile lazily spread across his face. He placed his hand back on her pulling her up to his level beside him, meeting her lips in a hungry kiss.

"I rather like your way," Lupin breathed against her, giving her a bashful schoolboy like smile.

"Yeah I thought you might," Tonks laughed.

He brought his lips back to hers, before rolling her underneath him. Her desire for him jumped tenfold, and through the keenness of his movements, she knew it was the same for him. She opened her eyes, and found he was watching her, and then, as he swiftly moved on top of her, he pressed his body into hers. She let out a small exhale as he did, though it was quickly muffled by his kiss, a deep, slow soft kiss as he moved ever so slightly, being sure, as he always was, to be careful.

He let out a gasp in what sounded like relief against her neck before moving back to kiss her. She let him fill up her sensations, stopping only to take a steadying breath against his lips to attempt to cling to herself. She clutched at his hips, pull him closer to her, deeper. He moved his mouth to her neck, and she fought against the shiver it elicited through her as his teeth grazed her neck.

He moved quicker, and Tonk couldn't help by feel silently thrilled as Lupin made noises against her. It spurred her movements, it let her roll on top of him, until she could feel every part of him inside her, completely. He followed her up, wrapping his arms around her upright torso, their sweaty skin against the others completely. His mouth connected with hers, but neither could maintain a kiss, her breath heavy and his ragged.

She felt herself let go, and she arched her back over the hand that was holding her there, and his mouth connected with her chest frantically, a mess of teeth and tongue. Tonks wrapped her legs around his hips. She had her hands threaded through his hair, pulling him with her as she felt she would disappear with the feeling building in her navel. As he quickened, it got bigger and bigger, threatening to overthrow her senses, which she was ready to surrender to.

Frantically she met his lips again, struggling to manage to keep it together long enough. She couldn't fathom anything other than her arms moving around his neck, her nails digging into his shoulders. There had only been a day between them doing this, but it was always, new, exciting and magical, in a way she could never explain. Tonks moved herself quicker on top of him, his arms sliding up her back, holding her against him.

She gasped against his mouth, feeling her body burn with its own heat, pulling her sensations in every direction. Then he gave a heavy sounding groan, which reverberated through her body as well, pushing her beyond where she already was. She gave a quivering exhale, smiling in the way Lupin had, and then let her head flop onto his shoulder.

Lupin moved his hand to the nape of her neck, moving her head towards him, and met her lips tentatively, and as he pulled back at her, he smiled, his eyes shining at her. She could feel sweat dripping down her back, and the amount on him, but she still held him, after all, he was her husband.

**To be continued...**


	77. The Drunkard's Plan

******I offer so many apologies. I can give a million list of reasons, but the truth is, I spent my summer in Europe, and I didn't bring a copy of Deathly Hallows and I need it to double check things. **

**So here we are. Long breaks be gone! I know this ends abruptly, but the next part needs to be Tonks. Coming up with Remus' past is so fun, and very much thanks to tumblr and those RP things.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 75**

"Remus?" came a soft voice, breaking him from his own thoughts, which were in itself were rather blissful but fuzzy.

"Yes?" Remus Lupin replied, looking down at his wife, who was on his arm, curled up beside him.

Lupin had been labelling under the idea she was in fact asleep, after all, his body had been pulling him toward sleep for some time since they had consummated their union. It has been his mind keeping him from it, as it was wide-awake. He did not quite remember feeling as happy as he did now. Perhaps at school, amongst his friends he had, but it was, of course, not the same. He had married Nymphadora Tonks, never had he imagined he were to marry, and most especially not a girl as wonderful as she.

"Can I have your list now?"

"My list?" Lupin asked, looking back down at her, one eyebrow quirked in confusion.

"Of all your relationships. You told me I'd have to wait until you were sure I wouldn't run away. I'm pretty sure, given that I just married you, this should qualify as a binding contract for me not running away," Tonks said, looking up at him with a wry grin.

"Have you been storing this all since ah, well…" Lupin trailed off, thinking for a moment. "I can't even remember when we had that conversation."

"That night you asked me to go for a walk with you," Tonks said instantly, as if she was reading it somewhere. "We went into that building."

Lupin surveyed her, a look of mild surprise on his face. He found it entirely endearing that she remembered everything, and he smiled warmly at her before tilting his head back toward the ceiling and thinking.

"Okay, I suppose, if you married me, you deserve to hear my story," Lupin sighed, looking across at her.

"Good," Tonks said quickly. "I at least deserve one good thing from picking you."

Lupin gave her a mock glare, and she only grinned at him again.

"Thank you," he said, raising his eyebrows.

He rolled onto his side, resting his arm on his elbow and using it to prop his head up, the sheet shifting down, exposing his bare torso

"Okay, but this isn't a great story. You have to promise not to judge me," Lupin asked, already feeling anxious.

"I promise," Tonks said, sliding her hands over his bare chest and tickling his back lightly.

Lupin took this as a good sign.

"My first ah, I guess you could call her a crush, was a muggle girl from where I grew up. She kissed me once, squealed and ran away," Lupin said, waiting for the laugh that usually came when he told that story.

Tonks did just that. Before giving him a pitying look.

"Yes, I know, very cute. Anyway, it was enough to scar me for life, and I kept away from girls. We then move onto Hogwarts. James and Sirius were always nagging me about girls, everyone was. Those two, but mostly Sirius, set me up with numerous girls, all of which were total failures, because before anything could happen, I would usually wreck it myself as I worried too much about the werewolf thing," Lupin said, looking at her cautiously.

"So even the teenage version of you had issues?"

"Absolutely. Worse so even," Lupin said. "I fell into the category of being cautious when I should have been rash, and rash when I should have been cautious. For the latter I blame Sirius whole heartedly."

Tonks let out a laugh, shaking her head with an eye roll too.

"Anyway," Lupin muttered, not enjoying his pity party. "Lily was – " but he stopped here, thinking about Lily, and swallowing hard and looking away.

"Did you like her?" Tonks asked simply, as if it weren't as big a deal as it was.

He looked down at her, not saying anything.

"Sorry, I just, well… when you talk about her sometimes I just get this feeling that you might have liked her," Tonks shrugged pulling her hand away from him as if he would scorn her for picking up on something quite true.

He regarded her for another moment, blinking more times than seemed required.

"Yes, I did," Lupin said with a exhale, which was fitting enough, as it felt like a relief to admit this to someone, as he never had before. "Only in our first few years. Though it was never something I acted upon, at any stage, ever."

He didn't want the last few words to sound like a justification, but they were. He always justified to himself that it was not a bad thing that he had liked Lily, because he had never acted on it, but truthfully, even having the feelings made him feel guilty, like he had been betraying James.

"I believe you Remus," Tonks said, a slight smile on her face as her hands connected with him again.

"So, after that," he said swallowing awkwardly. "My love life was put in the hands of Sirius."

Tonks gave a laugh, letting him know this was the worst thing she could have thought of.

"Yes I know, but at the time, I was a teenage boy, so I didn't think about it too much, because I was interested in what he could provide. Needless to say the next few girls were a disaster. One involved being caught cavorting in a broom closet by Professor Flitwick, another slapped me the following morning after our first date. Apparently Sirius had spoken to her about my _special needs_," Lupin said, watching her laugh. "Sirius was always intrigued to know if being a werewolf_ changed_ my bedroom manner. Safe to say I hadn't even gotten anywhere near that with said girl and she thought I'd lied to everyone."

Lupin cringed slightly at the memory of her in tears.

"We then move onto possibly the only other girlfriend I have ever had. Mary MacDonald. She was a Gryffindor girl in my year."

He smiled as he remembered her. Her long blonde hair, her pale face, her bright smile and those beautiful blue eyes.

"She was the first girl I'd found without Sirius' help," Lupin laughed. "She was my friend, for a long time, and of course, racked with self doubt and my own issues I never did a thing. One day, in our sixth year, I just kind of blurted it out. She responded in kind and informed me she also fancied me and that was that," he finished, smiling at her.

"Somehow I think you're better off without Sirius' help," Tonks said with a laugh, as she ran hers hand along his chest, still listening intently.

"So it would seem. We dated for a very long time, right until the end of school. She went abroad afterward and I stayed for the Order," Lupin said his face falling slightly as he thought about it.

"I'm sorry," Tonks said after a long silence, looking at him and biting her lip.

"She was a healer before the Order, a fantastic one too, especially since she had no idea she was so nurturing, though I did. I never heard from her again after we broke up. I searched for her after the war ended, as we all did for everyone, but there was no record of her." He looked away again, remembering how he'd felt that day discovering all this. Knowing she was probably long dead.

He felt Tonks brush her hand across his face, and he brought his eyes back to hers. She was giving him the look of care that disarmed him again, and after a moment, she kissed him lightly.

"I hate that you've lived this horrible life and that there's nothing I can do about it," Tonks said, her voice sounding defeated.

"Well you are here, that is doing something," he added, smiling at her warmly.

There was moment of them staring at each other again, some unsaid things passing between them, before Tonks grinned at him.

"I thought this story was supposed to frighten me, all it's done so far is made me want to jump on top of you and snog you until you're happy again."

"Well up until now it is a nice story, not many tears, no mugs thrown at my head, it gets slightly worse quite quickly," Lupin said, half a smile at her. "Though I may have skated over a few things," he mumbled at the end.

She gave him a look that very clearly said she wanted him to proceed.

"Well, after Mary left to go abroad, everyone was rather sad, none more so than me, and after some time, Sirius took it upon himself to look after me. He introduced me to an ex of his, Olivia, who was – " he stopped for a second. "How can I put this politely? Rather _forward_."

"I wouldn't have expected anything less from him," Tonks laughed.

"Yes, he does seem the type. Nevertheless, she gave me more scars than I already had, and one evening, a very drunk Sirius posed a similar question about my bedroom manner, to which she said I was rather boring, and Sirius made some comment about knowing I was quite the animal," Lupin explained, and Tonks creased her brow. "Something tells me your thoughts have gone the same as hers. She thought Sirius and I had something going on, and rather than tell her the truth, I let her believe it, and feeling far too nervous about her suspicions of my condition, dumped her," he grimaced at the memory.

"That doesn't sound too bad," Tonks said instantly, her brow still creased.

"Well no, it doesn't. Until I tell you I broke up with her in the middle of a Quidditch match that we were all at the Leaky Cauldron listening to, and she burst into tears, screaming that she wasn't woman enough for me and begged me to take her back," Lupin said, feeling a sweat form just talking about it.

Tonks had broken into fits of giggles at this point.

"So would that mean I am woman enough for you?" she asked in a husky voice, and Lupin only glared.

"If you wish for the rest of the story you will have to behave," he said, raising an eyebrow.

She fell into line quite quickly.

"It gets slightly worse. I'd met a girl at the start of that evening, who had seemed rather taken with me, until I mentioned something about my girlfriend, and after her outburst, and the whole pub knowing I was single, the girl who was very taken with me, re-appeared, and by the hour, latched onto me, kissing me. It was horrible, all I can remember is the taste of tobacco and the sound of Sirius laughing," Lupin grimaced. "So then my Olivia punched me, breaking my nose, and stormed off, quite rightly. I looked up in time to see a mug of butterbeer being launched at my head, which I ducked away from, leaving the girl who'd tried to kiss me annoyed, so she slapped me given that her throw had missed. Needless to say I was confused and Sirius was thoroughly entertained."

Tonks had burst out laughed, and Lupin just sighed sadly. This was always the reaction

"Worse still when, an hour later, Olivia returned and attempted to hit on Sirius, who humiliated her even further, by saying if she wasn't woman enough for me, she'd come no where near him. And despite my better nature urging me to defend her, my nose was throbbing and bleeding, so I did nothing. She looked at me in horror, and burst into tears again."

Lupin swallowed uncomfortably, looking at Tonks nervously, continuing to speak when the nerves became too much waiting for her reaction.

"So yes, that's our first set of tears and slaps, and the infamous mug thrown at my head. The next are from a girl called, Greta, who thankfully had nothing to do with Sirius. I met her in Flourish and Blotts one day. She was very meek and nice. Everyone seemed to like her. Months into our relationship we happened to be in Gringotts together, and this was at the height of werewolf segregation where you had present cards everywhere so no one could be in the dark, and upon seeing it, she was quite rightly outraged that I hadn't told her. I told her I wasn't, for some ridiculous reason, not quite ready to see the end of the relationship for that reason, and in the end broke up with her by telling her that I had met someone else. She practically flooded the floor of Gringotts with tears."

"Remus, you're – " Tonks began incredulously

"I know," Lupin gulped, interrupting. "For the record, that night, Lily and another friend of ours Marlene McKinnon chased me around Mr and Mrs Potter's library, bashing me with books. So I didn't get off easily."

Tonks still had her eyes narrowed on him. Lupin was about to keep going, but he paused, the nerves winning him over.

"Is this really the right type of conversation to be had on our wedding night?"

"You're just trying to get out of this," Tonks said, a wary look in her eye.

"Of course I am. It's just, well, the stories do not get better," Lupin said with a nervous sigh. "Are you sure we can't just postpone them? They really are mortifying to have lived through once, let alone tell."

Tonks narrowed her eyes on him further, biting her lip.

"Okay, you can get a pass for now, but I will hear the rest of this," Tonks said still glaring at him.

"Deal," Lupin said happily, sinking back into his pillows.

"I can't believe you didn't defend the poor girl," Tonks said, a serious look on her face and she rested her chin on his chest.

Lupin felt his body go cold. She was mad at him. He'd been foolish to tell the story truthfully.

"No, but I – I mean – I wanted to I just –" Lupin spluttered.

"Remus, I'm kidding," Tonks said, laughing to herself, and Lupin shook his giving, giving her an incredulous look. "She broke your nose, she can't have expected you to help her."

"I rather think I should have. I was just young and foolish," Lupin said, guilt burning at his insides.

"Compared to very un-foolish you are now?" Tonks asked, her voice heavy with sarcasm.

"Yes I suppose marrying you would class me back into a foolish category," Lupin said slyly, causing Tonks to swatting on the arm. "Of course, hitting me. What a pattern you girls have."

Lupin laughed, and he could tell however angry she was trying to look, there was a smile hiding in the corner of her twitching mouth.

"I'm going to do more than hit you," Tonks said, narrowing her eyes on him, before he found himself underneath her, her lips crashing down on his.

* * *

Lupin sat within the confines of the kitchen in The Burrow, surrounded by the members of the Order, within a mood that was such a stark contrast to what he had experience that morning, and the evening prior, it was almost depressing. They had stayed in that bed talking, kissing, doing _whatever _they pleased, right up until sunrise, which was a breath-taking view, before falling asleep in each others arms.

It had been beyond perfect, but now, it felt like the real world had quite rudely ripped them from a daydream. Now they were discussing ways in which they could retrieve Harry without the Death Eaters knowing, and without Voldemort appearing either. None of them seemed to have a plan that was going to tweak it enough for safety.

Lupin had been staring at the table for half an hour, his foot tapping subconsciously. It was one of the quietest meetings they'd ever had. All were thinking. Hestia, Bill and Fleur were looking in their laps, where as Arthur seemed to be very interested in his mug of tea.

Moody looked almost angry at his lack of ideas, and Molly was looking around expectantly, the ever-present worry etched into her eyes. Kingsley and Tonks were together at one end, Kingsley his hand atop his baldhead, and Tonks, absent-mindedly turning the new ring on her left hand, _his_ ring. All of them wore the same looks of deepest concentration, but they were stuck, the silence only breaking when one had an idea, which always ended up to be easily unstuck by someone else.

It seemed lost until some time later when Mundungus walked in, later than ever.

"Sorry," he said after Molly let him in. "Woke up this mornin' in a pub I've never had the good fortune of goin' to before. Bit weird innit?"

Moody sat up straight, already looking like he was ready to give a lecture on security, but Dung held up a hand.

"I know what ya goin' t' say Moody, but I got a plan you see," Mundungus said moving toward the table.

Lupin's always-observant nature couldn't help but notice that Mundungus seemed a little unsteady of his feet, especially when he bumped into the chair he was trying to sit in, not once, but twice. If it were anyone else, Lupin may have thought something more sinister was going on, that perhaps the Death Eaters had gotten to him, but the most likely option, especially given his excuse, was that alcohol was clearly still in his system.

"Well I been thinkin' I have, just like you asked Mad-Eye," Dung said sitting down, with everyone's eyes fixed upon him, except for Molly, who seemed to find the thought of Mundungus thinking eye roll worthy. "And I know we been havin' issues getting the boy from his hidey hole to ours, because we know them Death Eaters will be out there just waitin' right?"

Mundugus paused, waiting for confirmation, which Moody gave him with a curt nod, even though he had a disgruntled look upon his face too.

"Well we have all them other safe houses set up, But I kept thinkin', once we get that boy out and start headin' somewhere they're gunno know which one it is aren't they?" Dung asked rhetorically. "So why not be sending them Harry Potters to every house?"

Lupin let his eyes wander off from Mundungus for a moment, thinking about suggestion. It would be like a diversion. There was just one problem, voiced thankfully by Kingsley.

"How do we get more Harry Potter's?"

"Polyjuice Potion," both Mungdungus and Moody said, though in entirely different tones. One smug, the other heavy with realisation.

The plan formed together in Lupin's head. He was surprised at just how brilliant it was. Maybe Mundungus should get himself lost in pubs more often.

"How many safe houses do we have?" Lupin asked, looking between Tonks, Kingsley Arthur and Moody.

"My parents offered," Tonks said quickly. "Which you all know."

"We have this house and I'm sure we could persuade Muriel," Molly said, looking across at Arthur who nodded.

"Mine house is of course on offer," Kingsley said in his deep booming voice.

That left only a few Harry's, and Lupin wanted more.

"I own my family home out past the Lake District, it's far away, but certainly useable," he offered.

Moody nodded, raising a finger each time someone offered. There were six standing, which obviously meant Moody was counting his own.

"Well I can offer me own too," Mundungus said.

At seven Moody seemed more satisfied.

"So we have six people to take polyjuice potion, plus the real Harry, and then we take each Harry to a real house," Tonks said, nodding slightly as she repeated the plan.

"The real Harry will need a guard," Molly said instantly. "He shouldn't fly around by himself, especially if we know You-Know-Who will have people patrolling.

"But that will give 'im away," Fleur responded instantly.

"Each Harry is paired up with a guard then." Bill suggested.

Lupin's eyes darted to Moody, who was scanning the small group at the table, obviously seeing the same problem as him. They didn't have the number for this.

"Molly," Moody said gruffly, a little more softness in his voice than usual.

She already looked panicked.

"Would you consent, if any of your children were to offer, to allow them to join us? To become Harry's?"

All the colour left in her face drained, and Lupin saw her arm move toward Arthur and he knew she'd probably gripped onto his hand. He saw her eyes well up, but she blinked it away. She gave a careful nod after looking toward Arthur.

"Then tomorrow we will have to invite each of the children here and ask them," Moody growled.

"Hermione should be here tomorrow," Arthur said blankly, not quite as colourless as Molly, but close. "That's another."

"Do we involve the Ministry?" Tonks asked, looking around.

"It would certainly add to the diversion if each house is under ministry protection," Lupin explained.

"We add our own enchantments though?" Bill questioned hastily, meeting Lupin's gaze.

"Naturally," he said.

"And we still have the fake trail, so the sheer amount of people should confuse the Death Eaters if they are patrolling," Kingsley chimed in, looking toward Moody who was nodding as he took in each comment.

"This is going to need planning," Moody growled, pulling out a piece of parchment.

And so they planned, very late into the night, everyone heaping praise upon Mundungus when he bid his farewells at the end.

* * *

Lupin and Tonks arrived in the garden outside her flat at some time easily past three in the morning. Lupin gave a weak smile at his wife, feeling exhausted. No body had asked them about their night, but he imagined they had forgotten, and did not blame them after that meeting.

"That's possibly the most intense meeting we've ever had, and that includes planning for guard duties,' Tonks sighed as they entered her flat.

"Yes quite a deflating note to return home on," Lupin said in a very distracted voice, his thought resting on Harry and the enormity of what they were about to undertake.

Lupin was unaware just how phased out he was until Tonks slipped her hand into his, looking up at him. Using his free hand he rubbed his face.

"Sorry," he muttered. "This is just – " but he had no way to describe what he was feeling.

"I know," she said simply, squeezing his hand and giving him a sad smile. "But I have faith."

Lupin let out a soft laugh, before smiling. He truly adored her conviction; it was enough to give him some. He lent across, kissing her forehead.

"Considering I'm work in the morning, it's time for bed I think," Tonks said, pulling him by the hand.

He followed, and once they arrived into her bedroom, which Lupin had to remind himself was now _their_ bedroom, they both wordlessly undressed themselves. He took care to pick up, and hang, each piece of clothing she slipped out of and chucked onto the floor, giving her the same little shake of his head coupled with a condescending smile each time. Noticing this, Tonks only shrugged, giving him an innocent grin. She crawled into bed, rolling onto her side and facing the window, as Lupin hung up his shirt. Once done, Lupin carefully slid into bed behind her, propping his head up on arm, looking down over her.

"Somewhat of a difference from the evening before," Lupin said, smiling.

"Only slightly," Tonks muttered sarcastically, taking her gaze from the window and looking up at him.

"Does it still feel as marvellous to be Mrs Lupin?"

"Always will," she replied, leaning up to kiss him gently.

He was not surprised, nor hurt, when she pulled away quickly. Truthfully, far from doing anything, all he wished for was sleep. The last three days seemed longer than any he'd ever had. He slid the arm supporting his head underneath her and placed the other around her middle, pulling her against him. Given all he had to worry about, falling asleep wrapped around the woman you loved had to be something, and that was exactly what he did.

* * *

Lupin woke up the following warm, content, and comfortable, with the sleeping form of Tonks still in his arms, close against his body. He glanced across at his wristwatch, which was on the bedside table. It was later than it should be, and though Tonks looked so peaceful in her sleep, Lupin knew he'd have to disturb it.

He leant over her, as he back was against him, and kissed her on the cheek. It was a moment before her eyelids begun to flutter. She let out a groan, before rolling over and burying herself in his chest.

"Five more minutes," she grumbled in a croaky voice, looking every bit the child trying to avoid school.

Lupin let out a soft chuckle.

"Dora, you're already late," he cooed, kissing her again.

Her eyes fluttered open again, this time tracing up to his face, and he gave her a sad smile.

"I'm sorry to wake you so rudely."

"I can think of worse ways to be woken," she muttered after a big yawn, grinning at him.

Her eyes narrowed on him, her lips twisting up into a very suggestive smirk. Instantly he knew where this was headed, before she even leaned toward him.

"No Dora," he said with the same soft chuckle. "You're already late."

Tonks huffed, pouting at him.

"Do you have to be responsible _all_ the time?" she whined.

"Yes. Now, You get yourself into the shower and I'll get some breakfast for you."

Lupin had tea and toast waiting, which Tonks accepted gladly, swallowing it all in almost one go, before kissing Lupin quickly and disappearing. He looked around her flat, having to remind himself that it was his too. That was a new one. There wasn't much to do, so he looked through each of her kitchen draws until he found some parchment and ink. Pulling out his quill from the cloak that was hung up, he set to work detailing their plan, thinking up new ideas, and whiling away the hours planning, something he was entirely gifted at. Years of pranks with James, Sirius and Peter had created quite the original problem solver in him.

* * *

Lupin arrived at the burrow early, greeted by a nervous looking Molly, before being set upon by Hermione before he'd even reached the table.

"Congratulations Remus," she said, coming toward him and beaming.

"Thank you," he said as she hugged him, wondering if everyone had been sitting around talking about his recent union. Were they judging him?

After a quick conversation, reminding her that Dora would happily provide all the details that only a woman could describe as eloquently, Lupin moved off to Mad-Eye, who was seated at the head of the table. He unrolled he parchment from earlier in the day and set to explaining new ideas he'd had. Some of which Moody seemed genuinely interested, especially the idea to enchant six extra houses at random to really throw the Death Eaters off.

After barely twenty minutes, in came Tonks, laughing with Fred and George, who flanked her.

"Congratulations Remus old chum," Fred said, leaning across the table to shake his hand.

Lupin stood quickly, accepting his hand, before George thrust his too, which he accepted with another gracious smile.

"Quick and quiet. That's how all weddings should be," George added, with a cheeky glance up to his mother, who glared at him. "It's how mine will be, whatever the complaints may be."

Tonks at this point had made her way beside him, sitting down and kissing him quickly.

"How was work?" Lupin asked, as Moody began talking to the newly arrived Arthur.

"Kingsley will explain I think. It was hectic," Tonks sighed, sliding her chair closer to his and leaning against his shoulder.

He placed a hand on her leg soothingly, watching the madness ensue all around him as Fred and George begun telling tales. It wasn't until Bill arrived that Moody cleared his throat, interrupting a very intimate greeting between Bill and Fleur.

"Now," Moody growled, looking down toward Fred, George, Ron, and Hermione, with Ginny loitering in the doorway. "We've called you here to ask each of you if you'd be willing to join the – "

"That Order? I knew they'd be begging for us Fred," George exclaimed, clapping his twin on the back.

"Not at all," Molly snapped. "And with an attitude like that it's abundantly clear you never will be."

Molly glared through her twin sons, but Moody just held up a hand.

"We are asking you to join us on an Order mission. What you have to understand is that it's going to be very dangerous, there's every chance we'll be facing Death Eaters, and even You-Know-who."

Lupin could see each of their faces lighting up, and he knew that weren't listening to any of the warnings, except for Hermione maybe.

"So, by raising your hands, who of you would be interested?" Moody asked, and in the blink of an eye every single one of them raised their hands. Molly made a sort of whimpering noise.

"What's the plan?" Fred said, a delighted look upon his face as he rubbed his hands together, nudging his twin.

"We plan to use you all to retrieve Harry from Privet Drive," Kingsley's deep voice boomed.

"Each of you will be taken along with one of us, on a broomstick, and we'll be using you all to distract the Death Eaters so that Harry can hopefully not be targeted instantly," Lupin explained.

The children all seemed pleased, except for Hermione, who looked confused, and Lupin knew why. She could see the big plot hole they had not yet told them about.

"Now," Arthur said seriously. "What we will tell you next, despite however much you were interested before, may change everything. So if you want to back out afterwards you still can. We shouldn't have to stress that it does not leave your mouth's at any point either."

Fred and George nudged each other, laughing.

"Take it seriously boys," Molly snapped, her voice shaky, clearly overwhelmed by the whole situation.

"Now, the plan, thanks to Mundungus who couldn't be here, is to give each of you a drop of Poly-juice potion once we arrive at Privet Drive, and then we'll have a large number of Harry's flying through the sky that night. All flying to different houses belonging to the Order."

Hermione nodded, finally looking pleased like the rest of them, albeit slightly nervous.

"So what that in mind," Lupin said, interrupting their whispers. "How many of you would still be interested, taking in my mind what you would be doing, and how much you would be targeted."

Instantly all their hands shot up, and just as the Order began to nod there was a loud interruption.

"I want to do it," Ginny announced, glaring at her mother and father.

"No," Molly and Arthur both said instantly.

"They get to do it. I'm better than Ron at flying and at hexing people," Ginny protested.

"Hey!" Ron shot back.

"Well I am."

"Ginny you're too young," Molly snapped again.

"Your mother is right," Arthur said in a much softer tone.

Ginny stamped her foot on the ground, folding her arms.

"But it's not fair. I'm just as good as – "

"Your parents are right Gin," came a voice Lupin didn't expect to hear.

It was Tonks' and Ginny snapped her head toward her, looking bewildered, almost hurt. Lupin knew Tonks and Ginny were close, almost like sisters, and never in a million years had he expected her to be a voice of reason, or scolding, and now it seemed, she had grown up remarkably during his absence.

"I'm sorry," Tonks said hastily. "But it's going to be dangerous, very dangerous, and we all know you could handle that," which wasn't entirely true, "but you still have your Trace. And we're going to need somebody here in case something goes wrong."

Lupin glanced across at his wife, feeling her words wash through him. It was going to be dangerous. Each of them would be a target if there were Death Eaters. He didn't think he could handle it if anything happened to her. He focused his attention on the centre of the table, gripping onto Tonks' knee a little harder as he heard Molly give another whimper. This was their plan, it seemed foolproof, but they always did, and without Dumbledore, everything seemed that much more open to unravel.

**To be continued…**


End file.
